Painful Truths? Ft. Joshua Taylor Bassett || Reddit Stories || Two Hot Takes Podcast

Here we go. >> Let's do it. >> We're locked in. >> Hell yeah, baby. >> We're all in. My paper cuts, it's. clotting. We're good. >> Your cut you're doing better now? >> My god, I'm like crashing out. Uh, I'm so excited to have you on. >> to be here. Thanks for having me. >> Joshua Taylor Bassett. I love the the. Taylor. >> Thank you. >> I love that you're bringing that. bringing that in. >> Thank you. I I actually originally. wanted that to be my name when I first. came to LA when I was 16. I wanted my. name to be Joshua Taylor. >> Yeah. >> And my team was like, "No, you can't do. that." And I was like, "That's dumb, why?" And they just wouldn't let me do.

it. And then I kept trying to change it. My record label would be like, "No, it'll ruin the algorithm." And I'm like, "Just let me do what I want to do." So I. finally got my team to to agree. And. yeah, so. >> with your book coming out, I feel like. it's a good time to like you can kind of. transition. You're like, "Well, now that. I'm an author.". >> chapter, exactly. And by the way, I. didn't tell you this I just found this. out 10 minutes ago, but I'm a New York. Times best-selling author. >> Congratulations. >> Like that's in my top three life goals. of all time. So that's pretty nuts. >> That's unreal. [clears throat] Do you. get an award when you make that list? >> Uh, maybe. I think it's just personal.

Maybe, I'm sure. There's got to be. something. But I literally found that. out on the way here. So crazy. >> You're having a good day. >> Yeah, I'm having a pretty good day. >> to be a good day. I love that. We have. like a weird. and you're not going to remember him at. all because it was such probably a blip. for you, but you've worked with my. husband before. in music. He recorded your vocals for a. High School Musical track. >> your husband? >> His name's Justin Thunstrom. He's like a. duo. You It was literally it's a blip in. your timeline. >> it or did he just record it? >> He just recorded it. They produced it. out after because he was signed with.

Disney. >> Got you. >> But it's just like I feel like the. universe is so weird in that way where. the world is so small. It's like that. invisible string. >> theory almost in a sense. >> Yeah, yeah. >> But. >> a lot smaller than people think, you. know. Same with New York. It's like. yeah, once you know a few people you. kind of know everyone. >> Yeah. No, I love that. But I've been. loving your book. I have so many pages. dog-eared here. And I feel like for me. and someone who's like been dealing with. a lot of burnout. >> Yeah. >> and just like mental health is just.

always so ever present. It's. almost like a brain chemistry shifting. like moment for me this week like. reading it. Like there's so many little. things I've like. I've bookmarked and I'm like I have I'm. very excited to hear your takes cuz. >> Yes. >> you're just. for being 25, it just feels like you've. you've had so many insane experiences. and. >> Yeah. >> it's just like it feels very profound in. a lot of ways. >> Wow, thank you. That's that's awesome. >> It's a big word for me. >> Well, that's a yeah, a huge word. But I. mean I think that's like, you know,

there's probably 17,000 notes in my. phone right now. And I have a different iCloud for my. iPad that has another 7,000 notes. >> Oh my gosh. >> So I I'm always just like writing. nuggets down and I think the more you. you look for them, the more they present. themselves and you know, even on the way. here like I'll take a note or a voice. memo or last night I was eating food. with my friend outside of my car and I. didn't have my phone. I grabbed her. phone and just hit record and I was like. I had this a theory about this thing and. you know, the more you just like. document it and start looking for it and. pulling that thread, the more I think. things kind of show up and you know,

I've been always just like a very. curious person and that got me in a lot. of trouble when I was a kid because. >> I feel that. >> you know, we'd be at [laughter] a. theater that my sisters were doing a. show at and I'd like be like there's got. to be a way to get on the roof. Like. there has to be and I would like find my. way onto the roof or like into the. basement or I get myself into all kinds. of trouble because I was just very. curious how things worked, you know, how. to get into things and um that curiosity. though it was um definitely a big. setback when I was younger I think has. been one of my greatest strengths I. think in my adult life is just always. being curious about the universe and how. it works and why it works and maybe to a.

fault. Uh sometimes I could just chill a. little bit and like not care so much. But um yeah, and I also write in the. book that uh wisdom comes from life. experience and in my short now 25 years. I've lived about 10 lifetimes. And so I. think that because I've had so many. experiences in my life like you just. learn so much more. Um you know, I moved. out when I was 16 and. >> believe that. Like moving to LA by. yourself at 16 and you you talk about it. in the book. You're like, I was living. in my car and showering at the gym. And. it's like, for a 16-year-old to do that. >> Yeah. >> is insane. Like, absolutely insane.

Where I'm like, do you you realize that, right? >> But, at the time, I was so ready. Like, it's insane. Like, I don't know. I mean, my parents were. very strict, and um I was. home-schooled, I say in quotes, but I. was really no-schooled. And I, you know, they wouldn't really allow me to do. anything. Um and then, overnight, it was like, okay, well, now this LA. thing's happening, and you kind of just. got to go for it. And so, I I went from. being actually very reckless and. rebellious when I was around my parents.

to being given full independence and. growing up really quickly. And so, it's. interesting how I feel like I was. when I finally had that freedom and. independence, I didn't abuse it. I was. very much like, you know, I'd be at a a. party, and they'd be doing cocaine in. the bathroom, and I'd be like, I have to. leave. Like, I can't be part of this. Like, you know, I was so militant and. like. >> Almost living up to that standard they. had set. But, now that you weren't under. their roof, you're like, >> Right. >> There's almost like um Have you ever. heard of like oppositional defiance. disorder? >> Mhm, but I can guess. But, tell me. >> So, that was kind of me. Like, I relate.

to in like the sense where like high. school, my parents were so strict. And. so, I would like try to really push. against that. Found my ways on a roof, was driving across the country at 16. Like, I was just trying to be so. independent. >> Right. >> But, then once I had it, I was like, okay, wait. Let's Let's roll it back a. little bit. >> 100%. Yeah, it's such an interesting. irony. It's like, I think that each. human has a uh. a sense of independence and free will. And um while parents are obviously it's. essential that they guide their kids and. that they restrict certain things. And.

you know, you don't let your little kids. around the candy jar because they aren't. they aren't able to write. But, at a. certain age, they do have a choice. And. instead of trying to control their. choices, I think it's trying to teach. them how to make the right choice, right? And uh yeah, I totally agree that. there's a weird phenomenon that happens. when you get to the independence, but. yeah. >> it's crazy. >> Yeah. >> I'm trying to find a line here because I. think all of your experiences are really. going to lend some interesting, really. cool takes today. But there's a line I. bookmarked and it was. >> Also, didn't put an index in the.

beginning of the book, so. >> I know. Yeah, you're doing me dirty. right now as I try to flip here. >> I just earlier I was on a. webinar and I spent like 7 minutes. trying to look for a chapter and I. couldn't find it, so I just [laughter]. gave up. >> I know. I was like, I need posted notes. so I can see it from the top. But you. say here, "Better to hear a painful. truth than a comfortable lie.". >> Yeah. >> And we're going to put that to the test. today of like, should these people have. been so honest? Could it have derailed them? Or like, do. you have to be vulnerable and say how. you're feeling and be honest? And we've.

got some crazy stories I think you're. going to be into. >> Let's get it. >> Okay, let's dive in. >> [music]. >> This episode is presented by State Farm. After 5 years of this podcast, we can. say one thing for certain. A smart move. can change everything. Going from cheesy. TV roles to brooding blockbuster main.

characters, smart move. Another smart. move? Getting help from one of State. Farm's 19,000 local agents when you. choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, just another way to save with. the personal price plan. Like a good. neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices. vary based on ratings, plans that vary. by state. Coverage options are selected. by the customer. Availability, amount of. discounts and savings, and eligibility. vary by state. >> I don't know why I'm drinking sparkling. water right now cuz um. >> It makes you burp. >> Yeah, forgive me if I burp. >> No, [clears throat] we cut that. >> [laughter]. >> I say boosted. I just did an E! News.

interview today and I farted twice. during the interview. I was like, it was. so loud. I was just like, I farted. >> [laughter]. >> I was like, I farted. There's no no way. around this. I I got to own it. I. farted. >> Did you hear it. >> I did. >> yeah. I mean, I think they're going to. cut it out, but it was just like. >> [laughter]. >> in the Thank god it wasn't live. I was. just chilling there and I thought I. could sneak one out. And it just it made. a noise and I was like, "Look, I. farted." And I'm the I'm the first. person to own it. >> I'm like already crying. I'm like Oh my. god. >> to be honest, you know. If I fart, I I. will announce it because I'd much rather.

me announce it and you go, "Oh, gross.". And then deal with it than someone be. like, "Oh god, did somebody fart?" And. you have to be like, "That was me." You. know what I'm saying? >> who call out a fart though, like just. stop. No. Everyone farts. You want them. to call it out? >> You got to get ahead of it, yeah. >> No. >> You got to own it. That's the only way. out. >> This is crazy. I. >> do your best to not fart, but like. >> it happens. >> It happens, you know. >> So, this has been like a long-standing. running joke on the podcast now, but it. took me until like maybe 6 months ago to.

finally like fart in front of my. husband. And we've been together now for. like 8 years this fall. And so, it's like just recently. took 6 years. >> Oh my gosh. Wow, that's huge. I'm like. first date. Like I'm not afraid. >> I know. >> got to get over it, you know? I think. you got to be goofy. You can't take life. too seriously. It's like we all fart and. it's just air. >> Mhm. You know, mine are like. they're they're not silent and they're. they're loud and deadly. So, it's like I.

get just the double whammy. >> think about how much stress you've been. under for the last 6 years trying to. >> No stress. I just walk out of the room, shut the door. >> Well, good for you. >> Like I'm not. Like he knows what I go. out and do. Like and he still lies. Like. I'm like, "You've heard me fart now.". And he goes, "Mhm, no." And I'm like. >> Does he fart in front of you though? >> No, he doesn't fart. >> Yeah, right. >> He's literally broken and he like. doesn't fart. >> think he's broken. I think we're broken. >> [laughter]. >> Uh, [sighs]. okay, this first one. coming from AITA is titled, "Am I the. [ __ ] for thinking about breaking my.

engagement because my fiance got a. matching tattoo with his girl best. friend?". >> [ __ ]. >> My fiance has a girl best friend that. he's known since middle school. They've. been friends for ages, and I believe him. when he tells me that there's no romance. there at all. They're simply very good. friends. That being said, from the start. of our relationship, I couldn't help. noticing that his friendship with his. girl best friend had something of an. emotionally intimate feel to it. I.

brought it up before and he reacted. defensively, saying that I'm getting. something wrong and that he could never. betray me in that way. I have to admit, after trying for a while, I accepted the. fact and tried not to mention it again. Over time, he tried to be more mindful. with boundaries and things were okay. Then, not too long ago, my best friend, who is a woman, and I got matching. permanent anklets. They are welded. jewelry that you can't take off unless. you cut it. We've done it together and I. told him about it and he thought it was.

cute. Apparently, shortly after that, he. and his girl best friend agreed to do. something that they had talked about. before, which is get matching tattoos. >> Uh-huh. >> He never mentioned anything like that to. me, not even in a joking way. When he. showed me his new tattoo, I started. crying and asked him why he would do. something like that with her. For me, getting matching tattoos seems more. intimate and permanent than getting. matching jewelry. >> Mhm. >> But to this, he honestly said that I did.

pretty much the same thing with my best. friend and asked me what makes me cry. over this. For me, it just seems. incredibly inappropriate because, one, this matching tattoo is with another. girl, regardless of how he sees her or. she sees him. If it was a family member, then yeah, okay, but not with her. Two, even if I had a male best friend, I. would definitely never do such a thing. while being engaged to someone else. And. right now, I'm seriously considering.

giving him back the engagement ring. because I know that every time I see. that tattoo, I will feel like [ __ ] and I. will resent him for it. I do not really. believe that he wants to cheat on me. with his best friend because I believe. that if something was ever going to. happen between them, it would have. happened a long time ago. But I feel. very terrible about that. While he. believes that I'm overreacting, my. friends think I'm being valid with my. feelings and that they are both way out. of line to do something like that. So, if I break up with him, would I be the.

[ __ ]. >> Damn. Okay, this is going to get a lot. of thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, if nothing's happened. between the guy and the girl in the. past, like. it's interesting because like sexuality. is such a spectrum, you know, and. especially like people nowadays where. there's a lot of people who are. bisexual. And so, the question is like, what where's the limit for who you can. get a matching tattoo with, right? Because but I understand that if he's. heterosexual and the girl that he got. the matching tattoo with is also. heterosexual, why there could be a. little bit of a thing there, but I'm.

like again, that she can get a matching. She's a matching jewelry or something. like that. >> Yeah, permanent jewelry It's not. necessarily like on your body though, but I see where he might have been like. >> Yeah. >> But it's still You're calling it. permanent jewelry. >> Right, right. Well, my question is like, did he intentionally keep it a secret. from his fiance? Like that's when it. gets a little bit dicey. Do you think. that. I don't know. I mean again, like. it feels like it's just deeper than the. matching tattoo. It feels like the. matching tattoo is a physical. manifestation of maybe this deeper thing.

where she's had these weird feelings. about him having a lady best friend. But. I personally Yeah, I grew up with five. sisters and I have a lot of women who. are my dearest friends and there is zero. percent anything there. And so, I'm like. I don't know, the matching tattoo thing. is tough, but I'm also like I don't know. if that's a deal breaker for me because. I have so many great friendships with. women or and any kind of people I guess. that like there's no question of like is.

there anything weird here? So I don't. know, that's a complicated one, but I I. I think she has the right to be upset, but I don't know that I'd go so far as. to say like, "Oh, this means marriage. over." You know what I'm saying? >> Yeah. I know, I'm really torn. >> Unless there is something else going on. between him and that girl, then that's. another like that's another story. because the tattoo in my opinion is that. I don't really think the tattoo matters, but if it's representative of something. else going on, then yes, it does matter. >> And I think that's kind of what feels. like it's going on here cuz I you know, there's always those tropes of like,

"Oh, it ended up being the girl that he. told me not to worry about.". >> Uh-huh. >> And so I'm like, "Is that where you're. at? Where you're like. oh, I trust him and I feel like if. something would have happened, it it. probably would have happened by now, but. deep down where you're like still. struggling with that. >> Yeah. >> and his lack of boundaries cuz I mean, he OP our writer even said it felt too. emotionally intimate. >> Mhm. >> There were issues with boundaries over. time. He tried to be more mindful with. boundaries. Like what were the issues.

with the boundaries? Her touching him. while they went out and you kind of. standing there watching? Like what. what's the context here? >> Yeah, it's tough, man. I mean, people. are really good at living double lives. It's actually insane to me. >> Blows my mind. >> Like when I hear about people who like. for years and years and years like well, even I I've been in that situation where. like somebody makes me cut off all of my. friends and then I found out they're. cheating on me and I'm like bro, like. what? Or like I had a friend who like. her boyfriend was always like so like.

literally with me. I mean, I I won't say. who it was, but. my my friend had a boyfriend who like. [ __ ] hated me, bro. And I never did. anything wrong. Like the only thing like. I paid for them both in a situation. where I was paying for other people as. well and he like resented me and was. like "Never ever [ __ ] pay for my girl. in front of me ever again. Like this is. ridiculous." And I was like, "All right, dude. Like calm the [ __ ] down. This is. not that deep. You get the next one. I'm. not trying to make a move whatever. Anyway, my point is he was constantly. upset and like always thought there were. ulterior motives. Turns out he's been. cheating on her for over a year, bro.

Had a whole other relationship, a whole. other life with this other woman. And. what's funny is when like we had one. time had a conversation, he was like, "My one priority is taking care of so. and so." He kept talking about how like. protective he was over her and how like. she's his main priority and like he's. just doing this out of protection for. her. Meanwhile, he's the one cheating on. her for over a year. I'm like, "How do. you live cuz it It was in another. state." So anytime he went to this other. state, he had another girlfriend. I just. don't understand how people do it, bro. Yeah, exactly. >> they try to keep that person so close, so under their control. So it's Oh god,

it's so insane how people can do that. >> Yes, it's it's upsetting and confusing. and I just don't understand how people. can have whole other lives. Like one, what's the thrill of that? And two, like. how do you have the energy and like. how do you not think this is going to. blow up in your face at some point, you. know? >> I don't understand. And people can get. away with it for years. They have other. families and literally whole kids. And. it's just like, "What?" And so with this. one like I don't know if anything's. going on here, but like I think if this.

were me. and my. fiancé or husband, like if my husband. went out and got a matching tattoo with. one of his girlfriends or or any friend. for that matter without talking to me, I'd be like, "Oh. Like. why is it a surprise to me versus like. I'm getting a tattoo with. Cleo? Like why are you telling me?" And. it's just like it feels like there's. such a like. lack of respect for our relationship. almost. Where it's like, "Hey, would. have been nice to know and talk about.

it." Even though it's like, "Well, okay, it's his body, his tattoo.". >> Right. But it's just kind of it feels. weird. I agree. It's it's tricky and. nuanced, but I don't know. I. Again, I think it it In my opinion, personally, in a relationship, the only. time I'd have like a real problem with. that is if it was actually something. else going on that I found out. So, that's the whole thing with this where. I'm like, I don't know, but I agree it's. weird he didn't say anything. >> [sighs]. >> I'm not bored, I swear. I'm just saying. >> Keep drinking that coffee over there.

>> [laughter]. >> Well, the top comment on this one, "Matching tattoos with another woman. while engaged is going to feel weird to. most people. Doesn't mean it's cheating, but it does mean your feelings aren't. crazy either.". >> Right. Agreed. >> Next one, "Not the [ __ ] Let him go. unless you enjoy being the third wheel. in their relationship. He's not ready. for monogamy and commitment to you.". >> Maybe. >> And someone comments, "What makes you. say he's not ready for monogamy? Because. he has a close friend that is a woman?

Can someone not have a close friend that. is a woman and also be monogamous?". >> Right. >> And someone replied to that person goes, "It's disrespectful.". And it's so it's like. >> Maybe. >> I just think it's it's overall just a. lack of communication. Like it seems. like something's missing in their. relationship. >> Well, again, it's like it is. case-by-case. Like. she's valid to be upset, but also like. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? >> A lot of people start asking, "Info, what was the tattoo of?". >> Yeah, that was my question.

>> Because that could like make or break. it, too. >> Yeah, right, right. >> Like do they have two hearts that. complete when they line their hands up? OP does respond. >> Uh-huh. >> It's a simple design of an alien holding. a beer bottle and raising it up to do. cheers. >> I think that's gas. >> [laughter]. >> I think that's fire. >> mean? >> It's good. >> Okay. >> What does gas mean? What do you mean? >> Okay, well, you're Gen Z. >> I think Sure. What's Gen Z? Two What. year? >> Uh I don't know. What year were you? >> 2000.

>> I think you're Gen Z, right? >> go for probably. >> I think so. Yeah. >> Do you know what fire means? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> I'm not that old. >> No, that's uh I I that's awesome. I. think a little If my Uh it's hard to. say, but if my partner. had a matching tattoo with somebody that. could potentially be attracted to them, but they were their best friends since. middle school, you said? Like I don't know, bro. I don't think. it's that deep. Maybe I'm just like more secure in the. sense that I'm not like overthinking. everything. >> Uh-huh. >> And that's not to say I don't have uh.

jealous tendencies where I can't be like. Well, like for example, I was dating. this girl once who like was super super. super super super jealous. I mean, unbelievably jealous. Like anything I. couldn't anything again she made. >> talk to You couldn't even say thank you. to someone else. >> Correct. She She made me cut off all my. friendships essentially with anyone who. could there could ever be a potential. romantic connection to, and I did that. out of respect to her and I I was doing. my best to make the relationship work. >> Yeah. >> But then she would like go and like sit. in someone's like sit in a guy's lap and.

I'd be like, "Hey, like". >> [laughter]. >> I'd be like, "Hey, I didn't really love. that." I would try to be as like gentle. as possible with it and she'd be like, "Oh, come on. Like he's bi." And I'm. like, "Yeah, bi. That means that part of. that is. being attracted to women.". >> Well, also like didn't they kind of. realize the like hypocrisy of it? >> hope that. You would hope that. No, over there and. I again it was even me bringing it up. that was like, "Oh, come on. You're. overreacting.". >> And And you're just trying to articulate. your feelings. >> Yes. And I was like I just didn't love. how that felt and it feels a little bit.

weird. So like that's the kind of stuff. that I don't like when it's like. sitting on a lap and doing that stuff. I. think there's a clear. difference between like playful like. banter for example versus like. >> when it's starting to cross the line. like that. Um and I think in her. justification she was like, "No, there's. clearly nothing here, so it's not a big. deal." But uh it was definitely. hypocritical and uh. that was a lot of the relationship, but. um regardless, male-female relationships. or again any kind of relationship where. there's potential for like romance or. whatever, I think it's so nuanced and.

tough. So that's why I'm saying it's not. an absolute [clears throat] rule and I. can't specifically say how I'd feel in. that situation, but personally if I were. to picture it right now, I would probably be pretty chill with. that. >> Yeah, and I think it is interesting. where she's like one if this was. with a family member I wouldn't see an. issue. Like what if he does look at her. like a sister, like a cousin. Like my. husband wanted to get matching tattoos. with his female cousin. Like I'm not. going to have an issue with that if he. decided to do that. >> Right. >> And so it's kind of that same concept of. like. I think you're coming from a place where.

you are feeling insecure about the. relationship or he's not communicating. well. >> think this is about the tattoo. I think. it's about deeper than that. Yeah, you. have. >> That's a bigger issue. >> 100%. >> And so at the end of the day, if I break. up with him, would I be the [ __ ]. I don't think so because like you're. entitled to your feelings. >> Yeah. >> And if you're going to resent him. forever because of the tattoo, then. >> you're doing him a favor by by breaking. up with him. I think you have the right. to break up with him, but I don't. necessarily feel like. it's fair and if I was the guy, I don't.

know. I don't know. It's a tough one. >> Do you think they can work through it? >> Absolutely. >> Okay. >> 100%. >> Maybe a little therapy? >> Yeah, maybe some some couples therapy. could help. >> Okay. >> Some premarital counseling. >> There you go. >> It sounds like maybe this is revealing. that they do need to work through some. stuff before they get married. I think. if anything there's a they're they're. engaged, right? >> Engaged. Yeah, so. >> Maybe there's a postponing. >> I like that. >> But I don't know, man. I think part of. me again is like I don't think it's that. big of a deal, but then I also know like. how common it is that people cheat and.

like have whole double lives. So I don't. blame her for being upset about it and. or like being insecure or or paranoid. >> I know. I'm trying not to be like too. pessimistic and paranoid about it. >> Yeah. >> Cuz like I feel like. I do from reading so many of these. stories, I'm like oh, he's cheating. And. it's like. >> Yeah. >> But it could be innocent. Like. >> But there's also plenty of times where. you think that they aren't cheating and. then they are. >> And then they are. And it just like is. like what? But I mean an alien. holding a beer, I'm like they just sound. like two weirdos, just two friends. Like. an alien. >> Yeah, the alien beer thing definitely.

put was the nail in the coffin for me. and all right, but what do I know? >> It's so wild. We don't have an update on. this one yet. >> No need. >> No need? I want the update. >> We wish you the best. We'll we'll check. in for part two. >> Yeah, that's what I want. I'm like, where's the part two? Um OP, if you're. out there listening, please let me know. I mean, it's 10 months old at this. point. >> They had to have gotten either married. or not, but we're wishing you the best, OP. Is OP a original poster? >> Yeah. >> Nice. Look at that. >> Look at you. >> Context clues. >> You're getting You're catching on quick.

Yeah. It kind of flew under the radar. before it was removed, so. maybe maybe we'll get an update. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Moving on to this next one. This is coming from one of my favorite. Redditors. >> Okay. >> His name is direct caterpillar. >> Okay. >> And they just like find the best stories. on Reddit. And so this is coming from. one of theirs. >> Great. >> It's titled, "My 23 female boyfriend, 23. male, thinks he is talented, but he is.

not.". >> [ __ ]. >> This sounds awful, I know. We've been. dating for a year and a half, and I love. him so much. We are best friends and get. on great. I've always known that he was. into writing music, but he never got. around to singing or performing to me, which I assumed was out of shyness. Last night, me, him, and about four of. our friends went to a bar to drink. There was an open mic, and a guy was. singing with an acoustic guitar. We were. sitting drinking, and he started.

laughing at him. The guy was very. off-key, so we all quietly giggled for. like 2 seconds, but obviously made sure. the singer didn't see us, because that's. rude. >> Right. >> But, he loudly laughed at him, and. didn't applaud when he finished. I. thought this was extremely out of. character, >> raise this now, or what is the point. here? Big red flag. >> [gasps]. >> I thought this was extremely out of. character, as he is usually very polite. and kind to everyone. We were about two. rounds in at this point, so I thought. maybe he was just a bit tipsy. They then.

asked if anyone wanted to sing, and he. enthusiastically. volunteered. >> The previous guy, poor kid, politely. offered his guitar if my boyfriend. wanted it, to which he laughed in a. really patronizing way and declined. What happened next is going to be hard. to type out because I'm still cringing. He proceeded to a cappella sort of. chant/moan. and sing a song that weaved a tale of.

him doing ayahuasca and cutting his. hair, then digging up a grave and. setting up a tent. There was a brief interval where he. went, "Yes, yes, ooh." It was like a. comedy skit. >> And I honestly thought he was joking. until I heard the ayahuasca part and. remembered that he had showed me a poem. with that line in it. >> Oh god. Now I'm I'm cringing cuz I did. ayahuasca and I talk about it in my. book, too. [laughter]. So, I I fear that man is me. >> No.

I don't know how you can be out of tune. when it's a cappella, but he managed it. He was so out of tune with himself, with. the air. When he was done, after like 5. whole minutes, there was applause. Two. guys in the bar looked like they were in. tears from laughing. And my boyfriend sat back down and said, quote, "Yeah, that's how it's done.". >> Ugh. Get rid of this guy. >> And smiled. Since then, he asked me if I. enjoyed the performance. I said, "Yeah, but it was so different from what I.

expected." He smiled and said, "Yeah, it's the only thing I'm good at.". I'm honestly. >> so confused. This seems so out of. character. I see him kind of in a. different light now. >> Yeah. >> But he's perfect in every other way. But. he was so cocky and almost delusional. I feel like if I tell him he was bad, he'd just say that I didn't understand. his vision or something. What should I. do? I think he's planning on doing it. again at some point soon, and I honestly.

don't think I could handle that. I don't. want him to feel bad, but I also don't. want to lie to him. >> Mhm. Well, first of all, I think everyone has. their blind spots, okay? >> Okay. [laughter]. >> But, you know, you don't have to be. talented at everything. But, to be arrogant, which is arrogance. is so ugly. In my opinion, all kinds of. arrogance [clears throat] are is just. ugly. Uh to be so arrogant and also be so. unaware of how not good you are. To to.

mock someone else and then go up there. and make a mess of yourself and. embarrass. other people. >> Yeah. >> know. It's like it's a huge red flag. He. You said in every other area he's like. good, but. >> Perfect. >> know. To me, that just like. I don't know. Like I don't really like. mean people, and I don't like uh like I. said, arrogant people. I'm not to say I haven't been both of. those things, but you know, I think that. that that's just such an ick for me. Like. I always talk about the difference. between an ick and an irreversible ick. >> Okay. >> Cuz like him being a bad singer can be.

an ick, but that doesn't mean it's like. a a deal breaker. But, to me, if he's like mocking the guy. before, doing terribly, and then talking. about how great he was, and like. bragging about it, that to me is an. irreversible ick where I'm like, I don't. know if we can bounce back from this. one. But, I don't know. What do you. think? >> Yeah, no, I agree. And having that kind. of laid out like ick versus irreversible. ick, like when it's beyond just like a a. goofy hobby that like I don't. understand, where no, no, no, this is. actually like a personality flaw. Like. you kind of lack character.

>> [laughter]. >> Because you're you're just genuinely an. [ __ ]. >> Uh-huh. >> And it's like. no, I I honestly think his bad. performance aside, I think just how. shitty he was to the other people, it like that's just like a enough. >> Yeah, yeah. >> that's one thing, you know, but like. like you said, him being like rude about. it and like even the guitarist trying to. help him after that and him be like, "Nah, bro, I don't need your help." Like. I don't know, that just it sounds like.

he's. >> someone was just trying to be so nice. >> It sounds like he's been doing a good. job of hiding and suppressing that side. of him and you kind of saw a glimpse of. it and. when people show you who they are, believe them. You know, sometimes people. don't see that side of people until like. well well well into their relationship. with them and people are good at hiding. those parts of themselves, but like you. just saw like a sneak peek, I think of. maybe a deeper issue, which is like a. like a mean a mean spirit that I don't I. don't [ __ ] with at all. But look, maybe.

he was just had too much to drink. Not to say that that excuses anything. I'm just saying like people aren't their. best selves when they do that. So. there's a little bit of grace there. In. my opinion, I think if every other area. of your relationship with this guy is. great, then maybe take this as like. flag it. Maybe he's on probation right. now. Maybe it's a little bit like. [laughter]. we're going to see see how it goes. I. don't know if this is a deal breaker, but it's definitely not a good look and. it's not a good sign. So what do I know? >> I I'm with you. I think it would be.

really hard though. given and it's so hard when. you're with someone and like they're an. artist or their you know, whatever their. niche hobby is or passion and it's like. it's so subjective. >> Mhm. >> but like you're not a fan of it. >> Yeah. >> and it's like how do you then go through. life with this person if they did stay. together and he's like, "Come to my open. mic night." and you're just like Oh. >> It sounds like he's not really taking. this super seriously. It's more just. like a no? >> I mean. >> I don't know.

>> For him to say. "This is the one thing I'm good at.". >> That's embarrassing, bro. >> I'm like and then it's like but our like. >> [snorts]. >> I don't know, maybe we aren't his target. audience. Maybe we're not understanding. it, but it does genuinely sound. terrible. >> Yeah, no. I I I think I think dump this. loser. Go find someone who will get. matching tattoos with their bestie. >> [laughter]. >> Alien tattoos. I think that sounds like. that guy is a lot cooler than this guy, in my opinion. >> Would you be honest with him and be. like, "You're not very good"? >> Uh [ __ ] it's hard to say that because.

when it's uninvited or unwelcomed, it's. hard to know. what where it's your place. Like, if he. were to ask, I would be like, "I think. cuz here's the thing, like I was just. talking about this earlier, but like Ed. Sheeran, when he first started out, was. like absolutely terrible. Like, if you. hear his demo from like when he was like. 15, it's like the worst singing I've. ever heard. Like, horrific. And now he. sells out stadiums and is like a. world-class artist. So, it's hard to say. kind of that he can't get better. And. so, like, there's there's probably a. constructive way to tell him like, >> Okay. >> "I think there could be worked on on.

this. Um and if it's something you're. passionate about, there there are ways. to get better, but um I think there's a. way to tell someone the truth that. doesn't crush their spirit, you know?". >> Yeah. >> But maybe he needs to be crushed, and he. needs to be humbled. [laughter]. >> You're like a [ __ ] Sour Patch Kid. You're like, "First they're sour, then. but then you're like the flip." You're. like, you're so sweet, and then all of a. sudden you're like, "Buddy, [ __ ]. suck.". >> [laughter]. >> There's room. There's room for all of. it. >> It's It's so interesting. Music is one. of those careers, too, cuz like as a. musician, I'm sure you get this a lot,

whether it's songs you've written and. they're like you send a demo to someone, but like seeing my husband in music, it's like there's such these amazing. songs that will never see the light of. day because like someone else just. doesn't see the value in it. It's like. It's like. uh but so. >> Yeah, we were just talking about that. today or yesterday, me and my friend. I. was showing her a bunch of my old stuff. She was like, "These are amazing." And I. was like, hearing it again, I was like, "Yeah, you know, these are good." Like, someone on my team or whatever like. didn't like it, and so it just never got. to see the light of day. It is so. subjective, but um there's also such.

thing as I think objectively bad things. I mean, if someone is like off pitch, that's that's pretty objective, you. know? There's no. uh taste thing. But then there's also. artists that I think their voice is not. very good and people really like it. So. and and vice versa, so. >> I know. I don't think the average person. realizes cuz like I sure didn't before. being with someone who's like in that. world, there's so much technology that. like. can make an artist that doesn't have the. strongest vocals sound amazing. Like. Melodyne.

>> Yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> And like stuff like that where I'm just. like it literally if they're off key or. like sing the note wrong, it will just. like it can put them there. >> Yeah. >> And if they're super bad, like then it. starts to sound too fakey. >> Yeah. >> But it's just crazy to me. >> Yeah, there's like a certain amount. where they can be off tune that like. you can hear the auto-tune, you know. what I'm saying? But so that's like if. they're within like 30% accurate of the. note, then you can make it get away with. it pretty well. But um yeah, I mean. ultimately like some artists, their. recorded music is what they're known for. and some artists, their live music. Some.

both are great. >> Yeah. >> I like Ciena Sparrow, I don't know if. you know her. She's up-and-coming. She's. one of the greatest voices I've ever. heard in my life and like hearing her. live is one of the best things I've ever. experienced. But then there's other. artists I won't mention who like their. recording sounds really great and then I. seen them live and I'm like, "Oof, it's. not really there." But also there's a. lot of artists that even when they are. live, they're still using auto-tune and. stuff like that. >> Yeah. >> they're pretending to sing and so. there's a lot of faking that happens. with it, so you can get away with a lot. In the day and age of AI, although I. don't endorse using AI at all in music.

and stuff. >> It's insane. >> Yeah, I mean dude, there was one artist. I fell for recently. >> Is it the stick figure song? >> I don't know. I don't think stick figure. is there one you're. >> Okay, so you tell your story. >> Well, no. Basically. there was this one song that I thought. was really [ __ ] great. I Shazam'd it, added it to my playlist, and then I saw. TikTok where someone was like, "This. artist is completely AI." And I was. like, "No way." And there was another. time I was in an Uber and they were. playing this music and I specifically. was like, "Man, there's so much soul in. this artist." Like. [ __ ] there's so much soul. I got to.

find them and I couldn't find them. anywhere And I asked the guy for a. YouTube video, and it was like AI. renditions of like old classics or or. whatever. And it was completely fake. voices, and I I was like actually so. deeply disturbed. Now I think I'm better. at spotting the AI stuff, but what what. was your story? >> So, there's a song that just went super. viral on Tik Tok, and people were like. this is the best song I've ever heard. >> Stick figures? >> Stick figures. And I saved the actual. song,

and they stole every single lyric, but. just did like a dance version of it. And. Stick Figures came across it, and he's. like they didn't reach out, they didn't. credit me. From a lawsuit standpoint, like with. copyright and publishing rights and all. this stuff, like insane. >> Oh, yeah. >> But like it's just someone prompting an. AI thing, and like they then stole this. song. It's just like. Uh, but I think now like. because he found it, they've worked it out where. >> Yeah. >> Like it's either like give me credit and.

give me rights to the song, otherwise. like you're done. >> Totally. >> So, but it's still it's just like it's. messed up. >> There was somebody that made a video. about this that artist I was mentioning. earlier, and she was like it's really. frustrating as somebody who makes music. like like when it feels like they're. stealing all this like attention and and. um getting all these accolades for music. that's not even real. And one of the. comments was. I'd rather listen to their good AI music. than your shitty real music. So, I'm. going to stick to listening to them. And. I was like, oh god, we're cooked, bro. We're cooked. >> [laughter]. >> But.

it's it's just such a weird time. It's. so it's so unprecedented, you know? Um. it's I'm curious. to see where it goes. I I have a feeling. we're going to start to swing as a. society toward. uh you know, I think we we had the boom. of technology, and we're still in that. boom of technology, but I think we're. going to start to see a swing into a lot. more real, like people getting flip. phones again, and people doing more. real-world activities. And I think that. I'm hoping that we start to step away. from this where technology is a great. tool and a servant, but it's it's we. realize that we're missing our real. lives.

>> Yeah. I know that's not what we were. talking about at all, but No, no, no, but I think that that human connection. is it definitely like needs to come. back. Like the village is something we. always talk about on the show where it's. like we need the village again. >> Absolutely. >> Back to this one though, the top comment. is, "I think at the very least you. should tell him that he was being a jerk. towards the guitar player. If he's going. to make a habit of going to open mics, then he's going to need to learn to make. nice with the other musicians.". >> Duh. >> Someone responds, "Speaking as a. musician, if you don't think you suck, you probably suck.".

>> That's bars. >> Someone else says, "He's not right in. the head.". >> you like it's like I'm just kidding. >> [laughter]. >> You might you might have to keep going. I need like a a Gen Z um. >> Oh, please. I like Am I Gen Z? >> Yeah. I think millennials ended 1996. >> it? Is Gen Z next? Then yeah, I'm Gen Z. >> Yeah, you're not Alpha. >> Um as long as I'm not Alpha. No, all. respect to Alpha. Alpha's the future. >> I Like Are you a silent screamer? >> What the hell does that mean? >> Okay, good. What is apparently it's a.

Gen Z thing, so I figured you'd know. >> Silent screamer? >> Yeah, my friend Lauren, she's firmly a. millennial, but like it's like it's this. Gen Z thing where it's like you get. excited, but you don't say anything. You. just go. >> Ah, ew. >> and silent scream. [clears throat]. >> Ew. No. >> That was my reaction. It scared me. >> No, yeah, I don't [ __ ] with that at all. >> I was like, "Are you okay?" I didn't. know what was happening when she did it. >> Nah. [snorts]. >> There's another comment here that said, "He's not right in the head. There's no. way to stand in front of a crowd and. perform and get the vibe 100% wrong.

Also, please record landscape, please, and post. Pretty please. I'll pay $15. for this.". >> I'd pay more than that. >> I would literally I'd probably pay 100. bucks. >> [laughter]. >> Maybe two to see this. >> Yeah. Good The funny thing is that I. find that the most successful and most. talented people are the most supportive. of other artists and the most kind. Not. all the time, but a lot of the time. >> No, a lot of times. >> Yeah, it's just funny that like, who are. you to be [ __ ] on this guy when you. can't even hold a tune, you know?

>> Yeah, no, that's one thing I do love. about like going to Nashville and going. to the writers' rounds. >> Yeah. >> And like hearing where these stories. >> and stuff, yeah. >> Like the music scene there is so. supportive. It's very different to the. LA music scene and I'm not even a music, but I I get all the tea and I'm just. like, "Ugh.". But okay, moving on to this next one. This episode is brought to you by Prime. If chaotic relationship stories and. messy love triangles are your thing, Prime Originals is delivering exactly.

that this summer. Think steamy romances, addictive love stories, and those. book-to-screen adaptations everyone's. already obsessed with, like Off-Campus, L, and The Love Hypothesis, and more. It's all slow burns, second chances, and. chemistry you can literally feel through. the screen. If the group chat needs a. new shared obsession, this is it. Obsession is in session. Watch only on. Prime. This is coming from a subreddit called.

r/marriage. >> Okay. >> And it's titled, "My husband told me he. was writing a poem for me. It wasn't a. poem.". I accidentally read something my husband. wrote about me and now I don't know how. to feel. Last year he told me he was. writing a poem for me. He writes a lot. in Notion and recently I saw a page with. my name on it. I genuinely thought it. would finally be the poem he once. mentioned. I know I shouldn't have opened it and I. already feel guilty about invading his.

privacy, but I did it. What I found was. not a poem. >> Nervous. >> There were pages of negative things. about me and our marriage. He called me names like [ __ ] and even. compared me to a Mahale Key Aunty who. just gossips. He wrote down every small. thing I've ever said or done that upset. him, even harmless discussions that I. thought were normal between partners. For example, I once made a neutral.

comment about his friends during a. healthy discussion and he wrote about. that too as proof that I'm negative. He also wrote about how much he is. struggling in the marriage, how I don't. appreciate him, and included criticism. about my family, too. I think what hurts most is not that he's. unhappy sometimes. I know marriages are. hard, but that he seems to see me as. this stupid, negative, annoying person. I never wanted my partner to secretly. view me with contempt. >> Mhm. >> Now, I don't know how to act around him.

because I've seen thoughts I probably. never was supposed to see. I feel. embarrassed, hurt, and honestly, heartbroken. A part of me wants to. confront him and a part of me feels like. I can never unsee this and will never. feel the same around him again. Has anyone ever gone through something. similar? Were these just private venting. thoughts or should I take this as how he. truly sees me? >> [sighs and gasps]. >> It's tough. It's tough. I mean, I think. I think it can be healthy to like vent.

in like a journal or whatnot and like. sometimes you'll have feelings towards. someone that are like temporary or that. are. I don't know, like someone will be. annoyed by somebody and I'll just like. get it all out and then after you get it. out, I'm like, okay, I just was like. frustrated about this other thing and. they happen to be the the victim of my. frustration in that moment, but it's not. like an active thing. Um so, I think. that there's definitely room and space. for that. She shouldn't have read his. journal or his private stuff. But, I think again, if that becomes. chronic, if that's like how he always.

feels about her, then. why would they be together? >> I know, that's my like. my question where I'm like, has there. never been an inkling? Because I think. like this is obviously a marriage, but I. think this happens with friendships, too, where you find out a friend said. something about you, and it's like, how. do you come back from that? Like, I. think, you know, you being in the public. sphere, like, people are going to talk. And it's really hard when then you come. across that negative stuff, and it's. like, it's not meant for you to come across.

Like, was it their venting in that. moment, or like, whatever it is, but. it's still it's still hurtful. >> Yeah, of course. >> And so, it's like, how [clears throat]. do you deal with it when you do find it? Even if those were his like journal. thoughts, >> Right. >> but like, is there still a truth to it? Like, just like, I'm all over the place. I'm like, how do you go from here? >> Yeah, I know, I hear you. And you can't. also unsee it, you know? And then it's. like, in the back of your head when. you're. >> This would shatter me. >> Words can Yeah, I think it might be. over. I don't know, man. I think, like I. said, even though it is temporary, maybe. the feelings that he has,

um once that Yeah, once the worms are. out of the jar, is that what they say? Can? >> Yes. >> Once the worms are out of the can, you. know, you can't really put them back in, and uh. I'm big analogy guy over here. Uh but. >> Oh, you just you fit in so well here, cuz I I botch every saying. I forget the. >> Oh god, I was doing a show a thing at. the Huntington Beach Barnes & Noble. yesterday for my book, and. >> Oh my gosh. >> finished this like really emotional song. about like um suicide and and not not. taking your life and stuff. And I said,

don't underestimate. I I'm I'm going to butcher it again, but. I I said, don't underestimate. the absence your hole would leave, which is not the right way to say it. It's meaning like, don't un- under-. underestimate the hole your absence. would leave. >> I think you said it right, though. >> your hole would leave. It didn't It. didn't work. Just It was so. >> the absence your hole your hole would. leave. Your hole, yeah. >> It sounds really [laughter] really. wrong. >> But I totally understand it. >> 600 people.

And I was like, oh my god, bro. This was. supposed to be in like an emotional. moment, and now I've just made it. incredibly awkward. So, I'm looking. forward to that being on my for you. page. But, um. anyways, uh we were saying worms. Oh. yeah, once that stuff's like it's really. hard to bounce back from that, I think, and you know, again, he can say it was. just temporary, but I I don't know, if I. was her, I'd be I'd be pretty upset. >> I know, I would, too. Like, it would. crush [snorts] me to hear this from my. partner, where it's like, I wish you. just would have like talked to me about. this. And like, I've gone through.

something similar with a friend, where. she like ignored me for a couple months, and like wouldn't tell me what was. wrong, and I was I was like very. blindsided by like the fact there was. even an issue. And she was like, I just need space, like, you know, form my thoughts, whatever. And to me, that felt like even more of a. punishment, and I I took it as a. punishment, right? Cuz I'm like, I don't. even understand what the issue is. >> Oh. >> And when we ended up. reconnecting, she was like, you know, I. just feel like a lot of times, like, you're just you're constantly negative. And I'm like, well, I feel like we I.

thought we had a friendship where we. would we would vent to each other. Like, you know, you vent to me about work all. the time, and. >> Right. >> if that's not, you know, the the space. that we are creating for each other, that's fine. I'll reserve my venting, where I'm negative, for other people, but like, I wish you just would have. communicated with me that there was an. issue. >> Yeah. >> And so, I It was a tough one. It's so. tough, and now imagine like, your. partner, like, someone you literally. committed to being with. >> Yeah. Well, cuz that that's the thing,

like, there's some people where like, I. have opinions or thoughts or whatever, and it's just like, it doesn't feel. appropriate to like bring it up, you. know? >> Mhm. >> But, then, yeah, like you said, when. it's your partner, especially like. you're married, like, it's tough, but then it's also like, I. don't know, if I was the guy, like, it's hard to like tell someone you think. these things about them, you know? Like, but the question isn't should he have. brought them up, my question is, if he. really thinks all these things, should. they even stay together? >> That's. >> so, I don't know, it's tough, because. you don't want to hurt their feelings. and stuff, cuz some of this is like.

subjective stuff. It's one thing when. it's like, hey, I don't like when you. don't do the dishes or I don't like when. this happens or the way you talk to me. in this way. That's different. That's. worth a discussion. But if you're just. like this person's an idiot and they're. so [ __ ] stupid and like why are you. with them if that's what you feel about. them? You know what I'm saying? And like. you're allowed to have feelings and. frustrations and I think when you get in. any kind of long-term. partnership with anybody and of any. kind, um there's going to be naturally. ways in which you guys get on each. other's nerves and there's like things. you get upset about or annoyed by. Like. that's totally natural. But it sounds.

like this guy might never be satisfied. I don't know. >> It is interesting. The The top moment. really picks on like what you're saying, too. Look, everyone deserves a safe. space to vent and air out their. feelings, emotions, and frustrations, but not once in my 17 years of marriage. have I ever, even privately, belittled. my wife with names like [ __ ] Just. putting that out there. >> Yeah, absolutely agree. I have also never belittled my wife with. words like [ __ ]. I don't have a wife, but yes. >> No, but like it's like even like your.

friends where it's just like I think. sometimes like you you wake up and. you're like God, I'm I'm friends with my. biggest hater. >> Yeah. >> And it's just like I can't even imagine. saying oh my God, my friend is such a. [ __ ] [ __ ] Like. >> Like. no. Like it's just so disrespectful and. it's like that that doesn't feel like. love. >> 100%. >> So. >> I I fully agree. Again, I get being. frustrated though cuz I have been. frustrated with my friends, but it's. very temporary, you know what I'm. saying? Like you work through it and.

then you move on versus like if you're. constantly feeling that way. But I mean. there's a lot of people who are like. secretly in their heart very very evil. and mean and and unkind. And they can. hide it for a while, but eventually it. kind of comes out like in this scenario. where she's now finding this like stuff. on his computer. It's so wild to me how. different people can be in their heart. versus what they perform and what they. present. And like, you know, again, some. people are really good at performing and. keeping it hidden, but then, you know, they say like if you squeeze a lemon, you're going to get lemon juice, right?

Like. you're not going to get apple juice if. you squeeze a lemon. And ultimately, the. point is that whatever is on the inside. is what comes out when someone gets. squeezed. And so, if this person has hatred in their. heart, then this person squeezing them, that's what's going to come out, you. know what I'm saying? So, like you can. hide it, but like ultimately, you can't. fake who you are forever, is basically. what I'm saying. Um and a lot of people. who don't have love in their heart are. really not great people. >> I literally just like. yes. I need to roll the tapes and like I.

need I'm going to listen to it again. when Jenna sends me the edit, but like. whatever you squeeze is what you're. going to get I'm like. >> The well well well. >> Okay, Confucius. >> Yeah, I think I said I don't know how I. said it, but yeah. >> It was perfect. No, it it just like it. makes total sense cuz it's like you can. hide so much under a mask, but like when. it comes down to it, like when you boil. it all out, like. >> Yeah. >> who is that person at their core and. how ugly are they or how kind are they. or whatever. Yeah, no, it made total. sense. >> And it's also malleable. I think that, you know, if people can change. I mean,

that one of the things I talk about in. Rookie is that the heart work is the. hard work. And it's a lot like. gardening, right? You have to constantly. be tending to, you know, uprooting the. weeds and planting the right seeds and. stuff. And and the more you dwell on. negative thoughts, like. like this guy, it seems like he's. dwelling on a lot of negative things, the more it kind of darkens your heart, and then the more bitter and sour and. resentful you are. >> Yeah. >> if you practice more, again, venting's. one thing, but if in general, you.

practice more kind, considerate, loving, forgiving thoughts, then eventually that. kind of conditions your heart into maybe. a a more kind heart, you know? It comes. down to like you have a choice until you. don't. And if you continue to dwell on. negative things and continue to look at. all the bad things in people and all the. things you hate about them, like. eventually, you you help but hate. people. But if you continue to choose. like kind and considerate loving. thoughts toward people it softens your. heart and then it becomes a lot easier.

to to be loving towards people, but um I. don't really know the point of what I'm. saying right now. >> No, I I really appreciate it. I think it. is an important kind of thing to. remember cuz like our brains. everything's so connected and it's like. if you continue to think a certain. thought like you're. Yeah, it's like I always say like your. brain is like a muscle and everyone's. like your brain's not a muscle. I was. like. Okay, yeah, duh, I know that, but it is. in the sense where it's like your brain. is constantly pruning and if you don't. use it, it'll prune it away. If you use.

it, it strengthens that neural pathway. and so if you think bad thoughts about. yourself or if you're, you know, in a. bad head space, you're like confirming. that in your brain that like this is. normal, this is where I should be. That. becomes stronger. >> Absolutely and I was in Little Shop of. Horrors in New York. >> Yeah. >> And you know, it's like 90 pages of. script to memorize and all that stuff. You know, in rehearsals you like get a. note and they'll be like, oh, this line. is not what you thought it was. And so. the way to remember that line is to go. back and correct that line in your head.

and over and over and over again until. it sticks and then you show up at. rehearsal and you just open your mouth. and it comes out naturally. Like you. don't even have to think about it. Your. subconscious just just knows, right? Because your brain you've wired that. pathway in your brain so many times that. uh naturally it comes out. And so it's. interesting cuz learning those lines. taught me so much about my brain in that. the the things I repeat and continue to. to really implement into my brain become. the automatic script that that runs my. thoughts in my life.

>> Yeah. >> And so um I I didn't mean to be getting. this deep on two hot takes. >> No, well, now I'm going to I like had a. story I was going to read, but I. actually think this one I had like it. was a few tabs down, but I think where. we're at right now, I actually think. this train of thought would really lend. itself to this story and it it is a. little bit of a a deeper one. It's It's. coming from r/trueoffmychest, but I think you're like really, especially knowing what you've written. in this book, going to have some good. takes on it. So, this next one, true off my chest,

titled, "I keep mourning the person I. could have been.". I've spent a significant portion of my. life feeling emotionally insecure in the. presence of others. Even when someone. shows kindness towards me, a part of me. anticipates the moment that they will. change, abandon, replace, humiliate, or. cease to care for me. Consequently, I tend to overanalyze. every interaction. Minor exchanges. linger in my thoughts for years. A. fleeting glance, a compliment, an act of.

rejection, being overlooked, or someone. opting for another person over me, my. mind assigns profound emotional. significance to events that others would. likely swiftly forget. I find myself in. constant comparison with other women, not just occasionally, but incessantly. I scrutinize their appearance, personality, relationships, the. attention they receive, their. popularity, how loved they appear, and. their innate confidence. I evaluate. myself against all these factors, and I.

nearly always feel inadequate. For years, I've held the belief that if. I were more attractive, more lovable, more engaging, less emotional, or less. damaged, then people would ultimately. choose to stay. Even when someone expresses care for me, I find it challenging to fully accept. it, because deep down, I anticipate. rejection more than acceptance. I often. presume that people secretly dislike me, tolerate my presence, feel pity for me,

or will eventually leave once they truly. understand who I am. I obsessively replay painful memories, feelings of embarrassment, bullying, rejection, awkward encounters, exclusion, and a sense of being. unwanted. My mind revisits these. experiences repeatedly as if they are. occurring in the present moment. I form. deep emotional attachments even when. little has transpired between myself and. the other individual. Sometimes the attachment is not solely.

about the person themselves, but rather. what they symbolize for me, emotionally. validation, being chosen, being. acknowledged, and feeling sufficient. When I observe someone that they have. selected in place of me, or someone who. possesses qualities I perceive as. lacking in myself, it can evoke intense. feelings of jealousy, sadness, and. comparison. I long for deep love, reassurance, safety, consistency, and emotional. intimacy. Yet, I find it hard to fully.

trust it when it does come my way. This likely leaves me feeling. emotionally drained as my mind is. constantly on the lookout for signs of. rejection, abandonment, or comparison. I don't believe I hate myself because I. was born with that feeling. I think I. developed it over time through ongoing. emotional pain, comparison, rejection, loneliness, bullying, and feeling. invisible. Eventually, those experiences. shifted from being events that happened. to me to becoming evidence of my.

identity. >> Mhm. Wow. Yeah, no, I think that's huge. and I can definitely relate to a lot of. what she said and I think that um. damn. You know, I think. it's interesting because it's not to say. that you can't still point to other. people and um blame people for certain. things, but I found that um. I. have just as much as I'm worried about. people scrutinizing me, I'm scrutinizing. myself. Or I'm beating up myself, or I'm. not showing myself compassion. >> Mhm. >> And when that started to shift for me, um when I started to show myself.

compassion and grace and be kinder to. myself, then I stopped needing it so. much from from people. It's so. interesting with our identities, you. know, when we place them in the fickle, fleeting opinions of others. Like, for. example, if your worth is in how you. look, then good luck because you you. change every day, you know? And there's. some days you're going to feel better, some days you're not going to feel as. good. And you cannot be at the mercy of. the the abs and flows of of how you. look, right? And. you can you can obviously seek and yearn. for acceptance and friendship and. connection, but you also cannot need it.

in a way that when you don't get it, it. it's the end of the world and you take. it personally, you know? And I think. being somebody who has dealt with a lot. of public opinions that shift so. frequently, I I've learned that I can't. need the approval of others to feel. approved. I can't need the adoration of. others to feel loved or, you know what. I'm saying? And and so, it's easier said. than done and it's quite a process, but. I think it starts with you and it starts. with how you treat yourself. And when I. feel like I love myself and I have at.

least a couple friends that also love. me, then I don't need a a billion people. to love me because I already I feel. loved. When I don't believe that I'm. lovable, when I don't even love myself, then I'm constantly trying to find. others to overcorrect that. And the. reality is I'm actually maybe a good. thing that she's not getting this like. approval and adoration that she wants. because it's teaching her that she can't. rely on it, you know what I'm saying? >> I know. >> That's maybe backwards and that sounds. maybe [ __ ] up, but. >> No, and I I do think that like, I mean, there's so many like moments in your. book that I've dog-eared that kind of.

fit this story, but I I agree where it's. like you can't rely on others. Like you. do need to be self-sufficient in your. self-love. because people can be fickle or, you. know, you just you need that in a drive. and it's hard to get there. Everyone. deals with insecurity. Everyone deals. with comparison and. feeling like crap. No one feels great. about themselves 100% of the time. >> Yeah. >> And so for this person, I'm like, I think you should 100% go to therapy. >> Mhm. >> and start [clears throat].

looking more within and like building. upon yourself because you do deserve. happiness. You do deserve love and. everything you know they're saying and. in this but I think also opening up to. someone else can be so healing and. let you get to that point of self-love. to then where you're you're practicing. gratitude for what you do have and how. you look and how you're able to move. your body and what talents you have. because just practicing gratitude alone. and again that muscle memory can be so. life-changing and like you have here.

vulnerability is almost almost always. met with vulnerability and it's so true. like this person has all these thoughts. but like doesn't mention you know. opening up they're more they're more. like if anyone knew me. they would they would run away. But for me one of my best friends were. friends because literally the first. night I met her I opened up and just. shared about how like messed up my. family is and like where I came from and.

she was like I'd never had anyone be so. real and like everyone's always trying. to put on this perfect front and. you know make themselves look better and. it's like no no no you you were so. vulnerable and she used that word. vulnerable and it's like. open up like you never know who is going. to meet you and how much better you. could be for it. >> Totally and you know I think being able. to be vulnerable and talking through. that stuff and like her feelings are so. valid and. I think that a lot of the issue we have.

today is a hyper obsession with. ourselves. So it's all about is this. person liking me? Does this person think. I'm cool? Do they approve of me? And. it's so funny because my friend was. calling me the other day she was going. on a first date and she was like I don't. know all these thoughts are coming up. like what if he doesn't like me? What if. this? I'm like what if you don't like. him? >> Yeah. >> Like what if instead of looking at it. like am I going to do well in this. audition you're going into it being like. do I even like this person and being. curious about them and less about you. and if both parties are curious about. the other person, that's beautiful and.

that's where relationship can start. >> Mhm. >> But if you're going into it trying to. prove that you're worthy of love or. trying to whatever, you're I think. you're focused on the wrong thing. And. that's not to say we shouldn't again. take care of ourselves and that's not to. say we shouldn't look after ourselves. and that we're not important. I I think. that we. uh we sometimes get too carried away. with ourselves and when we're constantly. looking at ourselves, that's when we're. so depressed and anxious. But like go. give a sandwich to a homeless person and. and help remember what life's really. about. Life's not about being liked by. everybody or feeling cool or popular or.

included or special. Like yes, we're each individually. special and and also there's 8 billion. people that are special. >> Yeah. >> And when you go and you do things that. aren't about you and you serve and you. you just reframe what's important in. life. And I think the the cure to a lot. of our anxiety is um community and. service and and remembering that we are. a part of a a larger whole and it's it's. both very deep and also not that deep. >> Yeah, no, I I 100% agree with you and. like there was a video I saw recently.

and they were talking about like. insecurity and they're like insecurity. is essentially like thinking too much of. yourself. >> Mhm. >> And it's [clears throat] very like. selfish and almost like narcissistic in. a way cuz it's like no one's thinking. about you that much. >> Yeah. >> Like no one. >> way. >> Like literally it's like no one. >> liberating way. >> No one cares that much. So it's like. you're your own worst critic. You're. your own worst enemy in a lot of sense. and it's just like stop being so hard on. yourself. Like. >> And and a lot of and a lot of times. people are judging themselves not based.

on what other people are thinking but. what they think other people are. thinking. >> Yeah. >> And so they're punishing themselves with. these thoughts with presuming that other. people are thinking it when so often. they're not. I mean obviously it's. different when if you like read a. comment online about yourself or. whatever, like that's that's maybe. different, but most of the time the. things we torture ourselves with aren't. even accurate to what people are really. thinking. >> I know and there's multiple studies that. show that. >> Yeah. >> There's so many studies. There's like. two studies that come to mind where it's. like our ability to predict what other. people are thinking about ourselves is. so wrong. You're so off base in actually.

being able to predict what people are. thinking about you. >> Right. >> And then there's another study. It's. called like the liking gap. >> Okay. >> And it's like if someone were to ask you. like "Hey Josh, like how much do you. think Morgan likes you?". >> Mhm. >> And you'd be like, "I don't know, like. 20%. She doesn't like me that much.". >> Uh-huh. >> And they would ask me like, "How much do. you like Josh?" You'd be like, "90%. He's so cool.". >> What the hell? What's the 10% about? What did I do? >> I don't know. Like. >> Do I smell? >> No. [laughter]. >> Was it cuz I farted earlier? >> It was. You tried to I didn't hear it. though. You didn't mention it.

But it's just like an example where it's. just like we're we're so off in how much. we value ourselves and. >> Right. People's opinions are so. fluctuating. Like you cannot be at the. mercy of how people feel in any given. moment to to your worth, you know? Like. your worth can't be dependent on that. And obviously easier said than done, but. I've actually been thankful for. being at the center of a lot of like. hatred and or. uh people disliking me so much, whether. that's they dislike my art or they.

dislike me. Um even though they don't know me, they. they dislike the idea of me. >> Yeah. >> Um because it's forced me to have no. other option but to not identify with. people's opinions of me. And obviously. everyone wants to have community and. like basic friendship. And those things. are crucial, but um sometimes in the. rejection you learn that you don't need. their um acceptance in order to feel. valuable. >> Yeah. No, I think, you know, you you. said like there's 8 billion people out. there. Like you can find your people.

You can find the ones that will see you. and won't run at your your insecurities. And. >> Right. >> If there's people out there that talk. ill of you or whatever or don't know. you, it's like they don't matter. And. you talk about it in your book. And. you're like, "I went from like having. the worst week of my life to then like, you were in the hospital basically being. told you had like 12 hours to live. And. it's like, what was happening online? It's just like, that was so irrelevant. when your life literally ended up being. on the line.

>> 100%. >> It's like, it just proves how fickle and. stupid. >> Yes. >> some of the noise can be. And like, now. this is what really is important. >> Absolutely. And And you know, it's. interesting, too, because. years before that I I you know, I was in. San Diego and there was this like rumor. being spread around me that wasn't true. And it was really upsetting and. like, my friends like didn't believe me. The rumor wasn't of anything immoral. It. was more embarrassing. But it still. wasn't true. And so, I remember there. was this time where like, for a month. like every day I would see the friend.

and be like, "So, I heard a rumor." And. I'd be like, "It's not true." And they'd. be like, "Be honest." And I'd be like, "Dude, like whatever." And so, so no one. believed me. And then I had one friend. left that I was like, "If she. I I As long as I have her, then I'm. fine." And then she called me that night. and said, "Hey, I heard this rumor about you." And. I was like, "It's not true." And she. didn't believe me. And I remember crying. myself to sleep being like, >> No one believes. >> "I guess I don't have any friends that. like really believe me or see me or. whatever." So, I cried myself to sleep. and then I woke up to a phone call from. my manager saying, um "Hey, you have to. move to LA today." And so, I my whole. life changed and I moved to LA and I.

like I found a bunch more friends and. then some of them betrayed me and some. of them I couldn't trust and I felt. like, "Oh man, maybe I can't trust. anyone." And over time, you know, I've I. now have like these incredible lifetime. friends that that maybe took a little. bit more time to to find and to. establish connection with. But, um you. know, I've gone through cycles of like. feeling like I can't trust anyone, feeling like I have no friends, being. being alone, living in my car, being. completely isolated. And um you know, I. think that that sometimes that's the. natural cycle in life. But like I said, it made me get to a point where I no.

longer needed the acceptance of others. in order to feel acceptable in order to. feel loved. And so, I'm in a much. healthier place now. But if anyone's. going through a time where they feel. like no one gets them or they feel like. they're alone, uh you're not alone and. there are people out there that you're. going to love and make so many memories. with and um though this season might be. difficult, it's not forever. It's just a. season. >> Absolutely. >> Or whatever. >> Mic drop. No, mic drop. Absolutely. You mentioned something that I want to. move on to with this next story which. you have an organization that you.

started with a friend. >> Yes. >> Sammy's. >> Sammy Sundays. >> Sammy Sundays. >> Yeah. >> Which can you tell everyone what your. organization is about? >> Yeah, so Sammy Sundays. started with me and my friend Rita um. both feeling like we wanted to help the. homeless community specifically in LA. and uh you know, the main thing we hear. from the unhoused is that the hardest. part about being homeless is not hunger, it's being ignored. It's being treated. like they don't exist. It's a lack of. belonging and so we kind of looked at. sandwiches and care packages uh though.

they are vital for survival, they're a. vehicle for connection. And so we. started giving out 300 sandwiches and. 100 care packages to the unhoused in LA. every week and um that was a a way for. us to build community and there be. people there who said the last time they. ate was a week ago and we gave them a. sandwich and they have no friends. The. only people they talk to is us. Um one. person said, "The only friends I have. are you, Rita and Jesus." Um and this. guy also called us at like 3:00 in the. morning. He had like a meth relapse. So.

it's beyond just like seeing them once a. week on Sundays. It's like we're now. like doing life with these people and. like again, they'll call us in a moment. of crisis and maybe we're the the last. person they the only person they have to. reach out to. And so yeah, we started. that. Right now we're pivoting and we're. trying to figure out how to um. to grow it on mass scale, but um you. know, for. like over 150 weeks, we were every. single week essentially. So yeah. >> It's remarkable and so needed and. >> Thanks. >> It's a really important organization, one that like when you pivot or whatever.

you're going to do, I'd love to come. >> Yeah. >> join you because it's it's just it's. amazing. But you know a thing or two. about organizations and volunteers and. I'm curious what your take on this next. one is. >> Okay, great. >> So, this is coming from Am I the. [ __ ]. It's titled, "Am I the [ __ ] for. telling a volunteer that they can either. serve LGBTQ children or leave the. organization?". This is a throwaway, so it doesn't get. traced back to our organization and make. drama in our community. I run a summer.

camp for kids with a specific medical. disorder. I'm the camp director. Because. of genetics, many of our community have. familial relationships. The organization. is completely run by volunteers, including myself. I don't have the medical needs of the. camp, but over the years of working in. it, I've been accepted by the community. This past year, one of our long-time. campers, teenager, came out as bisexual. One of our other volunteer cabin. counselors, who has been with the.

organization since before I started. working with the camp, has said that. they don't feel comfortable with that. and has asked that this child not be. placed in their cabin. I told the volunteer that their job. >> Tell the volunteer to [ __ ] off. >> for, and support the kids. If the. child's bisexuality got in the way of. it, then I wouldn't be needing them as a. volunteer at the camp at all. I told them that they didn't need to. agree with every life decision the kids. made or even openly support the team.

about their sexuality. If they wanted. to, they could just not say anything. about it. They're a volunteer and I. can't police their beliefs, but not only. was it not reasonable for the counselor. to make that request, but it also made. me question if they were suited to take. care of and support any kids at all. I need cabin counselors who love the. campers unconditionally. As a side note, our camp is so small in numbers that. even if this person weren't the child's. cabin counselor, they would interact. with that child.

Other people in the organization told me. that we need the volunteers and I was. too harsh. It wasn't that big of a deal. to just deal and just put the counselor. with a different cabin. Yeah, we always. need volunteers, but we need the right volunteers and. this makes me think they aren't the. right volunteer. >> Correct. >> Some parents and former campers got wind. of it, probably from the volunteer, and. they have told me that this volunteer. has been a part of the camp family for a. long time, longer than me and I.

overstepped my authority. Did I overreact? >> Nope. >> Am I on a power trip? >> Mhm. >> Now that I've heard the feedback, I'm. wondering if maybe it was too much. They've been a good counselor in the. past. I think I might be the [ __ ]. because I was kind of giving an. ultimatum that could be unreasonable. >> No, you're not the [ __ ] Um I don't. care how much time you serve, I don't care if you bend over backwards. and break your back to help people. If. you don't have love in your heart, then.

I don't I don't want your help, to be. honest. I would There's plenty of people. who can help and I think that you're. doing more damage than you are good and. I think that we live in this weird age. where people think that being right is. more important than being loving and I. say right in quotation marks. >> Mhm. >> because in her mind she's like doing the. right thing is by not accepting this. child. And I'm like, okay. So, I'm. assuming that they maybe have this. belief based on some religious um. uh who knows why they have this belief, but do you really think that it you.

know, I mean we don't have to get into. this. It's a whole thing, but. I I just can't believe that people will. like kick out their kids for being gay. because they think it's the loving thing. to do. >> Mhm. >> I'm like it it's just it it blows my. mind and it makes me so deeply upset. And I think that uh. that camp counselor has every right to. kick out that that person for. for not loving their child. No questions. asked for me. >> I completely agree. I I think they said.

it best where it's this line, but it. made me question if they were suited to. take care of and support any of the kids. at all. >> Right. >> I I completely agree. It's like insert X. and insert Y. It's like if that is. going to dictate whether you help that. child or support them or not, you're not. right for the camp. And I think. something that you've you've really kind. of openly talked about because you're. very open about, you know, faith and. finding faith and. I listened to your episode with um Zach.

Sang. >> Yeah. >> And you're just like. like that hatred or that inability to be. open and loving is like not what Jesus. would want. >> Correct. >> And so I think it's just like it's very. interesting in the way that like. especially in today's times, people will. just weaponize their beliefs and it's. like. do you. like do you really think that's what the. higher power would would want? >> Yeah, they're judgmental and they're. hateful in the name of love. To claim to. know and serve a god of love and then.

turn around and be hateful and. judgmental is almost worse off, you. know, that's what I believe it says. don't take the the Lord's name in vain. and sort of try to bear the name of God. or say that you belong to God or that. you love and serve God. It says you. cannot. claim to love God and then hate his. children, right? And and it just does. not. >> No. >> add up, you know, and I think that I'd. much rather somebody have no faith at. all and be loving, kind, considerate, compassionate, patient, caring than have somebody who claims to.

know the right beliefs, quote unquote, and yet has no love in their heart at. all. >> I know. >> And and again, it's a shame because I. think this person thinks they're doing. the right thing. >> Yeah. >> And uh I wish I could shake them and. just say you're missing the whole point. You're missing the whole point. >> It's like the lemon really did get. squeezed a little bit here. Like the. moment of being uncomfortable and then. it's like. the the nastiness like really came out. and it's like "You've been at this camp. for how long?". >> Right. >> Like, do you do you really think none of. the kids you've ever worked with don't. identify? >> why they haven't come out.

>> And it's just like it's just like, "Come. on." It's like OP here, who is the like. director, isn't even saying like, "You're done.". OP gave them a choice and is like, "If. you can't. have that in your heart and work with. this kid, like. >> Right. >> then I don't know if it's a good fit.". OP's not even being like, "No, you're. done." That's messed up. >> Yeah. >> And so it's like this person is making. their own choice. >> Yeah. OP, you're not an [ __ ] You're. you're my hero. >> Yeah, not the [ __ ]. >> up for what's right. >> And that was the overall vote on the.

post, not the [ __ ] "Your instincts. were right on this one," says the top. comment. "Health is part of. intersectionality. If even one person in a position of. power within your small medical. community is going to leverage another. facet of someone's identity to treat. them as other, you will have a culture. problem, and quickly. Your board is not. going to remove you. Good on you for. checking. Is it possible for you to. leverage the camp's external comms. resources to express solidarity during.

Pride Month, or to do something. otherwise signal your intentions to. accept all? It may help mitigate a. volunteer who wants to burn your. reputation.". Cuz that's the other side of this, too. There's all these other volunteers now. being like, "You reacted too harshly.". >> They got to go. >> It's just like. >> [laughter]. >> I know a girl who runs these uh she. built these tiny homes in Visalia, and. it's like world-changing stuff, and she. um. you know, deals with a lot of donors who. are hyper-religious, and.

she wears a a pride flag pin um to show. anyone that wants to come stay there. that they're safe. >> Yeah. >> And I think it's awesome. She's not. herself. She doesn't identify as queer, but she. wears that to to make people feel. welcome and safe. >> It's appreciated. >> And um and she'll have donors withhold. like tens of millions of dollars because. of that and she will say, "I don't want. your money. I'll find someone else with. money because. it's not about that, you know what I'm.

saying? I'm not going to. lower the bar or I'm not going to. abandon my morals. just to get your money and to appease. you." And again, it's like I I would. rather not have your money and find it. elsewhere than have money that comes. with hate, division, and ignorance, you. know? So, I think it's really admirable. what she does and she really sticks up. for what's right um at no matter the. cost and I think that it really just. signals to the other people that are. part of the community that she cares and. she she's not going to go back on what. she believes um for a couple extra.

pennies. Although, hundreds [snorts] of. millions of dollars are not pennies, but. >> Also, yeah, I know that's insane. It's. absolutely incredible. >> Yeah, it's so funny people will We're. talking about helping the homeless here, right? This is it's insane to me how if. she's too Christian, they won't donate. And then if she's not Christian enough, they won't donate. And they have all. these stupid beliefs about what she. needs to believe and I'm like, "What. We're missing the point here. This is a. humanitarian crisis. This is not about. faith, you know what I'm saying? This. isn't about your beliefs. It's about. making sure people are fed, making sure.

they're taken care of." And it blows me. away the amount of people with money who. don't give it away because somebody. doesn't believe what they believe um or. they will only give away money under. conditions or like certain homeless. organizations will say, "You can only. stay here if you memorize these Bible. verses or if you pledge XYZ thing." Like. what the [ __ ] are we talking about here? Like they think they're doing God a. favor. Like oh my god, sorry. I get I. get so [ __ ] riled up about. >> in it. I mean, you're so in it with your. organization and it's clearly.

a passion project for you and it it's. absurd to me. It's just like look at the. organization. Is it a cause you believe. in helping homeless people? Yeah, okay, cool. Is it being run ethically? Yeah? Okay. That's it. Bottom line. >> Totally. >> Like. >> 100%. >> Yeah, yeah. I agree. >> It's just like it's silly and. I hope people wake up. >> Yeah. It makes me actually upset. Like. last night I was going on a whole rant. with my friend in the car about how we. have all the resources. And now this is. a detour, but [ __ ] it. We have the. resources to end homelessness, to end.

hunger. There are certain people who. could sneeze out money that they would. never even know was gone that could. literally solve like majority of the. crises in the. >> that's. unreal. >> it just it makes me so upset and. >> Like billionaires and trillionaires, I'm. like what's what do you need it for? >> And the thing is they'll tell you. they'll justify and go, "Well, I earned. my money fairly." or whatever. I'm like, "Okay, fairly that's arguable, but still. maybe you did earn your money fairly.". >> Yeah. >> Great. You're technically right. But. we're not talking about a matter of of. did you technically earn money? This is.

a humanitarian issue. This is an. emotional issue. Like how do you sleep. at night and not hear the cries of the. oppressed and those who are dying. of hunger or who are dying in war zone. or whatever? Like how does that not keep. you up at night? Do you know what I'm. saying? Like. >> my brain is fried. Like I'm so. overwhelmed with everything going on. >> And and I have to also like take. personal responsibility for like how can. I do it better, right? I have to make. sure I don't point the finger too much. and remember that I have my own work to. do and that's kind of what birth Sammy. Sundays is. We kind of were looking. around being like, "When are people. going to start helping this issue?" And.

we were like, "Well, if they're not. going to do it, we're going to do it.". And hopefully it inspires more people to. do it. And so it took me and Rita just. deciding like, "Fuck it. Let's do it.". And all of our volunteers have said at. one point or another, "I've always. wanted to do this. I just never knew. when or how." And it took me and Rita. making a decision. And so part of me. shakes my fist at those in power that. can do something about it that don't. And then I also remember that I also. have privilege and I also have power and. I have to find out how to utilize that. So leave some in the comments anyways in. which um. >> Yeah. >> be working together to help. >> No, I I just it's so important. And like. I I heard somewhere like you're like,

"I'm a Mom Donny super fan." And I'm. like it's just a great example of like. you can like do these grassroots. initiatives that turn out to be so big. and like I don't think people realize. like what he did to help taxi drivers. and their medallions and it's just like. I went down a rabbit hole. >> Filling potholes. >> I mean, the pothole thing is like how. many potholes he's already filled up? >> every pothole in New York in one day or. whatever. >> It's just insane. So, I think there is. hope and it's just like how can we all. come together to like really show up and.

make a difference and it can feel so. paralyzing where you're like. everything's [ __ ]. >> Yeah. >> But starting small, starting like an. organization or going and volunteering. with one that exists, it's. >> Yeah, and also. >> start. >> Yes, agreed. And and and finding what. your unique gift is, right? Like some. people are really gifted speakers. Some. people are really gifted bakers. Some. people are really good at, you know, there you. there's a whole spectrum, obviously, of. things that people are good at. And it's. like, okay, how can you use your gift? How can your purpose and your passion.

align? How can you do And again, we. we're not saying about like. necessarily like give away your whole. life just for like helping others, although that would be awesome. Like, you know, what about even like 70/30. where you work 70% and then 30% of it is. like making the world a better pace. place. And I I just got my first tattoo. It's a spark. >> Oh, cute. >> The idea is that one spark can start a. forest fire. One person can change the. world. >> Yeah. >> And um I I did the math and if every. single person in the world donated two.

cents, it would raise $182. million dollars instantly. But if every. single person in the world donated $2, it would raise over $16 billion. instantly. Now, think about $20, right? You know, you just keep going from. there. Everyone thinks like what what. what change can I make? I'm just one. person. But if everyone has a mentality, then no one makes a difference. And if. you look in history, it's just a couple. of people, very few people who had the courage and. had the willingness to say, "I'm going. to do something if no one else is." But. if everyone were to have that mentality, we live in a day and age of connection.

where we can. uh. in ways that we've never been able to. collaborate before. And we see it, there's so many awesome people like. Jimmy Darts who will find a homeless. person and will start a GoFundMe, and. you know, uh 100,000 people will donate. a dollar, and that person gets $100,000. >> Yeah, I know, they get a house, and. yeah. >> Exactly. Each person has a small thing. to do. I mean, maybe people with more. money have more to do. >> Yeah, let's just tax the billionaires, right? >> Yeah, exactly, right? Heaven forbid they. pay their fair share. But anyways, um. yeah, again, I think uh the more the. sooner we understand that we can each do.

um even a small thing to make the world. a better place, and never. underestimating your ability to change. someone's life. >> Yeah. No, I'm I'm with you, and. just get involved. And I think like to. your point of like just what is your. passion, what's your talent, and like. how could you use that? Like even. baking, someone being like, well, I'm. just a baker, how can I help? I don't. think people realize that like at food. shelves, birthday cakes. >> Mhm. >> are like so needed and wanted. It's like. if you're a baker, bake a cake and donate it to the food. shelf because when someone is in such a. dire place,

a birthday cake is like the last thing. they're going to prioritize, but it's so special and so important. still. So, there are ways for everyone. to find their passion, their niche, and. make a difference. >> Absolutely, I agree. >> Okay, I have one last one that's like. super short just to end us on, >> Okay. >> and it's just kind of a reset cuz a lot. of these were super heavy. This last one. is coming from true off my chest. It's. titled, "Something I saw today reminded. me there are still good people out. there.". "I was standing in line at a grocery.

store today, and in front of me, there. was a woman with a small child. When it. was her turn to pay, her card didn't go. through, and you could see that she was. getting embarrassed cuz people were. waiting behind her. She quietly started. putting back some of the groceries on. the counter. Then the guy behind her told the. cashier, 'Add the rest of her items to. his bill,' and paid for them like it was. nothing. He didn't wait for a thank you, and just. walked away. The woman looked like she. was about to cry, and that small moment. honestly stayed in my mind the whole day. because it reminded me that kindness.

still exists. >> Yes, amen. It made me think of when I was working. at Legoland when I was uh. like 16, yeah. >> Oh my gosh. >> Um some guy tipped 50 bucks and that was. like like. life altering for me and I thought about. it for 2 weeks straight. It was less. about having 50 extra bucks and more. about how he could be so casually. generous expecting nothing in return and. it wasn't even a second thought to him. like she said and that one act of.

generosity radically changed my life in. the way that I look at generosity and. the ripple effect of that went so far. beyond what I've ever seen. Obviously, you don't need to be giving people $50. like not everyone has $50 to give away. but little acts like that have such a. profound ripple effect on the world and. so um I I try to remember that too that. those little acts of kindness like they. really do go a long way. Um and so yeah, I love that. I think that's awesome. >> Good note to end on. Josh, thank you so. much for being here. >> Thank you. >> Everyone, check out the book Rookie but. anything else you want to uh you want to.

share with people? >> No, I just think again it goes back to. what I said of never underestimate your. ability to change someone's life for. better or worse. um and we we all have a part to play in. making the world a better place. So. >> Absolutely. >> Thank you so much. >> All of Josh's links will be in the. description. Until next time, guys. Bye. >> Mwah. >> [music].