Irreversible Icks.. Ft. Ashby || Reddit Stories || Two Hot Takes Podcast

Do you know what's funny? I looked up a. list of vocabulary for this. I'm. actually [laughter] not even kidding. I. want to sound smarter and so I went like. 6:00 6:00 in the morning, I looked up. like vocab to add to your vocab to be. smarter. What's your favorite word that. you learned? Discern. And. and my thing is I can only probably. remember like two words I will just use. them to death. And everyone's like, "You. learned a new word, didn't you?" That's. me. And I did. [snorts] And then I'll. like try to learn a new word and then I. forget how to pronounce it and then I. just sound even more dumb. Like, "Do you know what that means?".

>> No, no I don't. Like I used infamous. wrong for like my whole life. And I. would like my mom would bring a. co-worker over and I'm like, "Ah, the. infamous Kelly." And she's like, "What. the did I do?" I was like, "No, like I hear about you a lot.". I literally just saw cuz I was looking. for. an update from someone's post and I was. going through all their post history and. they're really involved in this like. r/englishreading. and like an English speaking subreddit.

that are trying to learn English and it. was like, "What's one English word that. you've been like pronouncing wrong the. whole time?" And it was epitome. Epitome. they were saying epitome and I'm like, "Fuck, I think I've done that too." I'm. not even kidding, that's a story of my. like senior English class in high. school. It was like vocab of the week or. whatever and everyone in the class. thought it was epitome and I was the. only one that knew it was epitome. And I. was like, "Am I wrong?" No, you're. right. I just learned. b l a n t a n t.

>> Blatantly? Yeah, I said blatant. You're kidding. >> [laughter]. >> Actually, you're not that bad after all. It's great. It's really bad over here. Where are you from? Minnesota. Yeah, you want to go get on the boat and. get a hot dish and maybe a a Coke. Wait. Yeah. Why isn't she with us anymore? She. got bleed. Right. Can't even say big. It's bag. Can I get a bag? >> Gone.

>> Oh, Morgan can't come to the phone right. now. She's dead. >> She's dead. You killed her. >> Oh, that's sad. Uh, but okay, here we. go. I'm so excited to have you today. Welcome back to another episode of Two. Hot Takes, you guys. I'm your host. Morgan, and I've got Ashby in the house. Ashby Florence. >> You have such an iconic one name. You're. just a one namer now. Ashby. >> People say I look like Zendaya. >> I can see that. >> Like a couple people have said that. >> I just Who was it the other day that was. like, "Blah blah blah is the white.

version of blah blah blah." And it was a. like black actor, and I was like, I so. see it. >> Zara Larsson as Beyoncé. Well, they. don't look alike, but like she is like. white Beyoncé. That's what I was saying. >> Cuz her vocals are crazy. >> I just saw like a Britney Broski clip, too, and she was like, "Matt Damon and. Josh Gad look alike." And I'm like, >> [laughter]. >> They have the same face. >> do. >> merged it, and it went in and out in. opacity, I was like, Oh, no. >> Oh, it's opacity. Can you just come tutor me? I. think you should [laughter] be my new. language tutor. >> leading the blind, great idea.

>> No, you said discern properly. >> Thank you. >> You did a great job. Everyone's going to. be like, "God, Morgan, of course you. bring this up on this episode because. you're giving me the ick." And that's. our vibe today. Irreversible icks. Like, someone just icked you out so bad, and. it's not an ick that can be temporary. and you move along from. Um, it's it's. permanent. It is so locked in and. ingrained that that's forever how you're. going to see that person. Has your Has your partner ever done. anything ick-worthy? >> [sighs]. >> Unfortunately, he's just the cutest.

thing ever. >> Oh, you got to be kidding. >> And so, even like, cuz I know there's. like a list of icks of like him standing. waiting for like the shower to warm up. Like, that is the cutest thing that he. could do. Like, what do you mean he's. butt naked waiting for it to get warm? That's so cute. >> a boy walking around butt naked. >> Okay, well, hold on now. >> Okay, well, that's not what I was. saying. >> [laughter]. >> Let's get into that. >> I don't know. I just like when just like. kind of like awkwardly strutting. >> Little pitter-patter, right? >> Yeah, pitter-patter with their big feet, yeah. >> Okay. >> Yeah, there's something about it. >> Okay, well, that is one thing I don't.

like thudding, like thudding around, cuz. I was a quiet walker as a kid, and I. think that has to do with something, but. I was like a tiptoer, you know? >> Yeah, yeah. >> Can't be too loud on the creek. Um, but he's a thudder, and I can hear. him coming from about three doors down. >> Oh, do you got um house shoes for him? >> Oh, no, we're we're white. We wear our. outdoor shoes inside. I'm full New Balance Nike. high-top Converse in my bed. Yeah.

>> Just a little bit of my culture. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Cuz what? Cuz what? And that's the. thing, too, it's like, what? Oh, my feet. are going to touch feet I don't even. care. I really don't care. >> You are walking on so many poop. particles all day. >> And but so what? I'm not licking my. floors, right? It's like the same thing, it's like, whatever touches my butt is none of my. problem. Like, that's that's I can't. >> Okay. >> butt touches someone else's butt, that's. my butt's issue. I like I'm not going to. go kiss my butt.

>> Yeah, no. >> It may be an issue for my partner, but. I'm not saying [laughter] like I can't. It's not it's. >> Okay. >> Out of sight, out of mind. >> Okay, well, um we're all just going to. move along past that. I know a lot of us. are probably equally disturbed at home, in your car, at the gym, wherever. Um. so, let's get into other people's ex. before we. >> Right. >> ourselves ex you out. Yeah. This is great. This is so great, and I. just already know your energy is just. going to. >> Oh, I'm glad. >> Chef's kiss. Okay, let's dive in.

>> [music]. >> This first one for us, coming from. r/relationships. boyfriend of 1 month keeps telling me he. wuvs me. 20 male, 20 female. Okay, short and simple. And I will say. now that I've told him a few times that. I don't like it. He first said it one.

night, "Wuv you." Heart. And I. immediately asked what that means in. case he's throwing love out 4 goddamn. weeks in. He said, "Quote, it means I. wuv you." Heart. He's never used baby talk in the 6. months I knew him before we started. dating and never seemed this dot dot dot. silly? Question mark. Hm. I told him baby talk makes me. uncomfortable and the reference to love.

makes me uncomfortable this early on. >> Mhm. >> He said he understood. He keeps saying. it when I go to bed though. He'll text. me, "Wuv you.". Heart. And says it when he hugs me when. we leave after we've hung out somewhere. Every time I tell him to please stop. with the baby talk and the wuv, I've. told him probably six times now. I've. said it makes me uncomfortable. Is there a better way to explain this or. is this a lost cause? It's very early on.

so I'm aware it's better to break up now. than put up with it if he refuses to. stop, but I'm wondering from an outside. perspective if telling him I'm. uncomfortable with baby talk may not be. clear enough {slash} easy enough to. understand. Maybe he doesn't think it's. baby talk in this context? Question. mark. I'm mostly just concerned if I've. not actually made it clear to him, someone who considers this talk to be. normal, that I haven't actually given him fair. warning or a chance to change before I. dump him.

What should I do? >> Okay. First, I don't know. Okay, I love baby talk. >> You're into it. >> Right. But well, I'm not like into it, you know what I mean? But like I'll do. it. [laughter] All right. But my thing. is like I don't I can't I don't. subscribe to like the traditional baby. talk, like the love and the the like. Well, I'm not going to do it, but you. know you know what I mean? And. so like like me and my partner we have. our own version of that where it's like. playful tones and it like lightens the.

situation, whatever. This is a little. cringey in that like it's early on and. you're using. love instead of love, which is like its. own thing cuz she's uncomfortable that. that's being said early on. Um and then like it being layered with. it being baby talk that she also doesn't. like. I've looked back in my texts with my. boyfriend like months into dating and we. said baby in every single sentence. It's. like, "Okay, love you, baby. Have a. great breakfast, baby." And it was And I. was like, "Ugh, disgusting." So, do I. think this is breakup-worthy? No, but I.

think it could. be a red flag of like, "Are you not. respecting my wishes?" It's a bigger. theme. >> Yeah. It also just an easy mismatch. Yeah, you. were friends and you knew him for 6. months before you started dating. officially a month ago. Yeah, things are changing. I mean, it's. a month in of dating. I think like pet. names, like, "Hey, boo. Like, have a. good night, boo." But I think it is kind. of weird a month in to be like, "Love.

you.". >> Yeah, that's like a little cuz then it's. like it almost diminishes another big. word off my list. I think it then like. diminishes the meaning of love when you. do get around to saying it for real for. the first time. This is tricky. I think it's more it. more boils down to like, "Is he. respecting what you want, what you like. and dislike?". >> And clearly not. If you've said multiple. times now it's made you uncomfortable, it shouldn't take that many times. >> Right. >> Once, twice, maybe. But OP here says, "I've.

told him probably six times now.". >> Yeah. >> That's getting excessive. >> is to. >> Mhm. show or verbalize your affection. and it's not coming across that way, you're. it's not worth it to you. There's no. >> I think they're just a mismatch. Like, this would be someone else's yum and not. an ick for them. Like, me and my. husband, we our baby talk version is. like hillbilly. I'm like, "Hey Hey big. dog, get over here, big dog. [laughter].

What you doing, little doggy?" Like, >> What do you call little doggy? That's. great. >> joke. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm big dog. Got. it. I'm a big dog doing big dog. Have you heard that audio? >> I have, a couple years ago, actually. >> Still stuck in my stupid head. >> Right. >> [laughter]. >> Still in there. >> Great. >> Um but I just think like, you're not. This ain't your person, especially the. fact he's not respecting what you're. saying. >> Yeah. I would maybe give it like one. more go in terms of like blatantly. saying like, "I don't like when you say. love.".

Because she mentioned in there like, "I. don't know if it's not like if he thinks. this doesn't count when I say I don't. like baby talk.". And then even like, if that's still not. respected, then I would I would move on, but. >> I I think that's Yeah. How would you lay. the hammer down? Just flat out? >> Yeah, I would be like, "Look, you keep. doing this and it's weird, dude. And I. think. it it boils more down to like, are you. respecting what I like and dislike?". >> Mhm. >> And then he'd probably say, "I'm sawy.". >> I'm [laughter] sawy.

>> And you're like, "No.". >> Yeah, he loves those soft W's. >> My boyfriend and I have been together. for 9 years and we started dating when I. was 16. He was 17. >> Wow. >> Yeah. We're like elementary school. We've been to the same school our whole. life. >> That's so cute. >> Yeah, it's really cute, but also I. loved him my whole life. I had a. huge crush on him growing up. And so, when we like officially started dating, I was so desperate to get to like the. love stage cuz I had already loved him. And it was maybe like. a month in, similar to this, and I was.

like laying in his room and I was like. "Huh.". >> [sighs and gasps]. >> And he's like, "What?" I'm like, "I. don't know. I just. I really want to say something, but I. don't want to be the one to say it. first.". >> [laughter]. >> And he was like, "Do you want me to say that I love you?". And I was like, >> [gasps]. >> "Do you?". So, I like fully force his hand. And of. course, like he meant it, but it was. like. I can't hate on this couple too much cuz. it's like I was worse. Like I'm the.

problem. >> That's actually a good point though. Because they have known each other for 6. months at least. Yeah, I think that. could be a real feeling and it's just he. doesn't know how to communicate it in. the way that he wants to. >> a positive outlook on this? >> Yeah, well. >> That's beautiful. >> Thank you. That's what people are. saying, so. Um. >> Top comment, they don't have that much. grace for it. >> Right. >> They say, "The baby talk annoys the. ever-living out of me as well. If. he doesn't listen, then dump him.".

>> Oh, I'm like an optimist. I'm like a. realist optimist. So, I think like give. it another shot. If it doesn't go well, then then pull the trigger, but. >> Yeah, I'm with you. I'm fully with you. One more last-ditch effort. I mean, it's. only been a month in. You're, you know, transitioning that dynamic of friends. for 6 months, dating for a month. >> Right. >> It could be tricky. >> Totally. >> OP does respond to that. "It makes me. feel sick and makes my skin crawl. I'm. not a baby or a dog. It feels so skeevy.

and immature, like a 14-year-old in his. first relationship. I told him it makes. me uncomfortable and I wish he'd. listen.". >> Oh, okay, so that means it like. definitely happened again after she. posted that cuz she's [laughter] mad. pissed now. Like something happened in. between where she is like. she big mad. >> Right. Okay, well, then maybe, you know. what? I would just end it cuz I feel. like then you're going to start getting. feelings of like. resentment, resentment, yeah, and all. the bad all the bad stuff. So, you know.

what? Maybe on to the next. >> Someone does kind of give her a script. here. Be crystal clear and direct. Quote, "Honey, don't use the word love. or any other childish or baby talk. I. don't like it. It makes me. uncomfortable. Sometimes people. {parentheses} guys need very specific. pointers.". And OP responds, "I've literally said. that almost word for word, but with more. explanation. My text to him last night. was, 'Babe, for like the hundredth time,

stop saying you love me. I told you baby. talk is uncomfortable to me, especially. the word love since it's baby talk for. love and this is too early on. Stop.'". "He then apologized and said good night. on good terms. I did so, too. However, he said love again today when I said I. was going out for a while and won't be. able to chat. And because it was by. text, I didn't reply as I was A busy and. B getting so sick of it, I decided to. come ask Reddit for help now." "But.

yeah, I need to ask him to explain why. he keeps doing something he knows makes. me uncomfortable. Beyond the triviality. of baby talk, ignoring my request and. willingly making me uncomfortable feels. like a red flag.". >> Oh. >> Yeah, we got props over there. >> [laughter]. >> Wait, that's crazy. >> Yeah. >> There you go. >> I think at that point. >> Yeah, I mean that's. >> you're kind of done. >> That's I think maybe he likes defying. her in a weird way. Like I I don't.

Yeah, that that just gives like more. emotional immaturity, you know? Because. I think. I read something. I saw a video. I didn't read anything, god damn it. >> What Tik Tok did you see? >> I wrote a dissertation on emotional. maturity and how. you can tell someone's emotionally. mature if they accept that everyone will. have a different definition of. something. So, if says, "Oh, this feels. immature or this feels too soon." If. your partner is able to see like, "Okay, I don't feel this way. I wouldn't define.

this as immature or too soon, but I. respect that they have a different. definition that that's emotional. maturity." And so, I think that this is. just someone that even when their. partner over and over like time and time. again is like, "I don't like this. This. This doesn't feel right to me.". They They can't because they're so hard. on their reality, they can't switch it. over to say that like, "I could be wrong. in this." Or they have a different. perspective on that, you know? >> I could totally see it being that. And I. think that emotional immaturity is like. his inability to take her serious. It's.

like, "Is this him trying to push. boundaries and see how much he can egg. her on?" Maybe, but maybe he is just so. emotionally immature that this isn't. serious for him. So, he's like, "I'm. going to keep doing it. Whatever.". >> Intent versus. effect is huge here. Like, if he If his. intent is to be lovey or lovey, whatever. the hell, but his effect is the opposite of that, then the intent doesn't matter. You know. what I mean? So. >> Yeah. >> Rip. >> We do get a little bit of an edit from.

OP. I forgot to add. >> rip I didn't know I'd go through the. story. >> Oh, yeah. >> I've never done this before. I'm I'm. like Reddit. Well, I Well, yes, of. course I look up my name every day, but. I you know, it's just to see what's. going [laughter] on. So, I'm not I'm not keen to like that. they can edit stories and do that stuff. >> you can edit. Sometimes we get an. update. Not sure on this one, but edit. I forgot to add, and it might be. important. It isn't always just when we. say goodbyes. If we're watching a movie. or hanging out, he'll play games a lot, and I just sort of chill on his bed.

He'll turn around and mumble {slash}. cottonmouth a love you, and maybe cuddle. me. It's not just a thing he uses to end. conversations, but it primarily happens. when we're saying goodbye. Doesn't really change anything for me. >> Yeah, not really. I think this is more. her talking it out and giving herself. herself more reasons to to end it. You. know what I mean? So. >> Yeah. There's a lot of comments from OP. If I. tried to get in all of them, we would be. here all day. I think people kind of do. go off the rails and they they start.

like calling his inability to listen to. her like abusive and she's like it's not. abusive. OP then starts kind of like. defending her like life a bit on the. comments, but we do end up getting an. update. I know it's been 24 hours, but. people felt quite strongly about this, so I figured I'd write it out tonight. First, thanks for all the replies. Many. helped me really affirm that I was. correct to hate the behavior and be. upset, but some also helped me work out. why he may be doing it. I will mention.

my use of heart and stuff like good. nights is not exclusive to us. We use it. with others as well as ourselves. However, he could still be. misinterpreting that, so I took it into. account that maybe I wasn't totally. clear and maybe he was getting mixed. signals. I was due to meet him today and. did so intending to ask him to explain. why he kept doing it. Not word for word, obviously, but his words were pretty. shocking and I remember it very well, luckily. Part of why I wanted to post it. tonight was so it's still fresh in my. noggin. Here's how it went. Me, quote,

"Why do you keep using the word and the. baby talk when I've asked you not to? You know it makes me uncomfortable and. you've apologized, so surely you know. it's inappropriate and you should stop. Were the apologies fake?". He looked very offended at the. suggestion and I think I baited him too. much. I regret it since he got angry. Him, "What the hell? No. I apologized. for making you uncomfortable." Me, "Then. why do you keep doing the things that. make me uncomfortable?" Him, "Maybe I. should be more obvious. I'm apologizing. for the fact that you interpret my.

affections that way. I'm sorry you feel. that way, but I'm not sorry for the baby. talk. You just have to get used to it.". >> [laughter]. >> Me, "So you don't care that it makes me. uncomfortable. Him, I do, but you just. need to stop being uncomfortable with a. normal cute thing. You're being a. about it now, honestly, and it's hurting. my feelings. What if I say I'm. uncomfortable when you don't use baby. talk with me? Would you change? Me, those are two different things. You're. deflecting. Him, no, I have every right to talk to.

you how I want. You're being a. hypocrite. Me, I wouldn't want you to. suffer with the burden of dating a. hypocrite then. Goodbye. Don't ever. contact me again. So, they broke up. >> Kill him, right? I [laughter] don't. know. I don't know. I guess I would kill. him. Wait, that's crazy. >> But, so I was right. It was It was like. truly emotional immaturity and. defensiveness, which I think are just. really hard. kinks to get out of someone cuz it's. It's like the go-to. It's like the.

knee-jerk reaction. >> Yeah, and he I mean, he's 20. Like, they're 20. Lot of growing up to do. >> Like, yeah, but when I was 20, I was. like pretty cooked. You know what I. mean? Like, I was like pretty well done. I was in the oven for long enough. Like, I was I was good. >> Yeah. >> But, I feel like I guess men have it a. little. different in that they're a couple years. behind developmentally. >> I feel like I genuinely like. I'm 32 now. I don't feel like I knew who. I was until I was like 28 even. >> Yeah, but I knew how to act with.

someone. >> That's just basic respect. Yeah. >> Um, the the comment of like, you just need. to be okay with it. Like, I'm. apologizing for. the effect, not the intent, like I was. talking about. I think that's the. biggest issue. And obviously, calling. someone a is crazy. >> That [laughter] to jump to that, >> it's just defensive. It's like, you you. will never be able to break through. >> Yeah. >> always fighting for themselves. >> Well, he keeps popping off, right? Like, OP ends up going on to say, I was. fuming. I walked out, but like proud of.

myself for how quick I reacted and. walked off. And then, when OP he back to. their car, they go on to say, "He texted me. generic, you're overreacting stuff, and. when I ignored it, he demanded the gifts. back that he had given me. Dude spent a. lot of money on me, and I never asked. for it. I told him the gifts are legally. mine once given to me and declared as. gifts. I told him I never asked for the. gifts and it was his choice to buy them. Live with that choice." "Finished by. saying again, do not contact me. I've. blocked him on all social media. The.

gifts were a little too much, something. I also mentioned once, but he gifted. again after. Since he only did it once. after I said not to, I wasn't going to. pull it up on him unless in like this. situation he kept doing it.". >> Mhm. >> "I did try to refuse the gifts and he. got upset until I accepted them. In. hindsight, the gifts were starting to do. the same thing as the baby talk. I was. an idiot for not seeing the red flag. sooner. I don't want the gifts and. they're somewhat expensive, all still. with tags on them. Teddy bears, clothes, shoes, and jewelry, all bought for me in. a month. Now going to a charity shop.

after Xmas to hopefully make a bit of. decent money back for a better cause. than some dude who loves me so much. He just has to shower me with gifts and. ignore my comfort and boundaries. You. guys helped open my eyes and make me. stop feeling like the bad guy for taking. issue with it. I really wanted to. understand and explain to him, but I. guess his true colors came out. Surprising how I didn't ever see or hear. about this side of him for 6 months when. we were friends. Thank you all again for your advice and.

help in the last thread.". >> That's what I mean, that's that's just. it. It's like people are so different, you know, in relationships and I think. that's even why like. I mean, I've been with my partner for 9. years and we're still learning about. each other. Like the different dynamics, what you go through in life brings out a. different side of you. So, I don't think. you ever stop changing, um, and I think. relationship dynamic would change, you. know, of course, comparing to a friend. relationship, but. it sounds like love bombing. It sounds. like all those gifts were very much like. the gifts, which aren't always. negative, but paired like coupled with.

you know, defensiveness and blaming and. stuff, it's it just gives not ready for. a relationship. >> No, and just like so hot and heavy from. the jump. And it's like okay, yeah, again, you knew him for 6 months, but. you were friends. >> Right, right. >> I think LP definitely must have like, oh. no, this is like only a friend. >> Yeah. >> And now this month they've been together. really in her mind, it's like, okay, no, no, no, we're starting square one truly. dating now. >> right. >> Different. >> Yeah. >> And so to get love and presents, it's.

just like, yeah, you are too much. This. is too hot and heavy and like playing. house before. >> Yeah, and like, yeah, getting swept. >> say it and do it when you mean it. Like. this feels performative. >> Yeah. >> Love bombing. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, cuz I'm like. >> [sighs and gasps]. >> I love a gift, but I can imagine how it. would feel just like. too much. >> It Yeah, and I think that's just it, too. Like I have like gift guilt where. like I never want anyone to spend money. on me. >> Mhm. >> I mean, I'll take it, right? But it.

doesn't feel good. >> No. >> when I receive it. >> I prefer to give gifts. >> Me, too. >> love a gift. >> I love a surprise. I think that's just. what I I chase the thrill of a surprise. And then I feel really bad. I feel. really guilty. I say sorry, and they. >> What? >> Well, yeah, that's just I guess who I. am. And then I take it home and I enjoy. it, of course. >> Yeah. >> But I think that would make me. uncomfortable because it would feel like. they're trying to supplement something. or compensate for something or Yeah, I. don't know. I'm glad she she was able to. successfully end it and feel good about.

it. >> Broken up, right call for them. >> 100%. >> Not a match. >> Mhm. >> And uh we'll see what you think about. this next one. >> Uh. >> Yeah. >> All right. >> Yeah. This is coming from Am I the. Titled Am I the for. ruining my girlfriend's birthday party. by taking a party game too seriously? >> [laughter]. >> Okay. >> I, 27 male, have been dating my. girlfriend, 30 female, for 3 years. I'm. pretty shy and it's caused some friction.

because I usually keep to myself around. her friends. For her 30th birthday, she asked me to. make a real effort. Talk to everyone, play games, be social. I agreed. One of the games was where everyone. anonymously writes down a secret and the. group guesses who it belongs to. >> [laughter]. >> This is like every. like movie ever and it always ends. wrong. Like, don't do that. >> I've never played this game before. I. didn't really go out in university, so I.

figured the point was to write your. biggest, most shocking secret to win. But, everyone else wrote things like, quote, "I'm allergic to mango." Or, "My. mom is 1/8 Greek.". Then, >> [laughter]. >> my turn came and mine was, quote, "I've. broken up two of my friends'. relationships by anonymously sending. fake screenshots.". >> How big was that little post-it? I feel. like that's a mouthful for like a little.

paper in a hat. >> The room went dead silent. My girlfriend ended the party early and. went to stay at her friend's place. She. says I made everyone uncomfortable and. embarrassed her. I honestly don't understand. Like, I get. the secret was a lot, but she wanted me. to participate, be vulnerable, and. actually engage with her friends. I did. exactly that. The secret was from high. school, so it's not like I did that this. year. Am I the.

>> Okay. >> [laughter]. >> Um. >> [sighs]. >> I feel like if this was a story that she. also knew about, it would be less. jarring. >> Yeah. >> Like, if you already knew her take on. it, and you already explained to her, like, "Oh, this was like a while ago. I regret it. Hopefully, >> [laughter]. >> um I won't do it again, maybe. And then to bring it up with friends, if the friends were then like, "Hey, that was weird." Like, you have someone. in your corner being like, "Oh, like no,

it was a while ago." So, but her finding. out with everyone else, I think is a big. part of the problem here. >> Mhm. >> I don't know why he did that. I don't. know why you would do that at all, but I. think I I see his point in that like. he thought the game was to really just. kind of lay it all on the table. >> I'm going to be honest, I wouldn't have. written down a secret as lame as like, "My mom is 1/8 Greek.". >> Cuz, everyone's mom is 1/8 Greek, by the way. That's no secret. >> [laughter]. >> Um, like I would have expected a real.

secret, but like his secret is kind of. on another level of like terror. >> right, the spectrum. I think like. if I did if I have never played a game. before, right, like that, I wouldn't Like, I don't go into poker. and I start taking my shirt off cuz I. think it's strip poker. You know what I. mean? Like, I assess the situation. I. let someone do it first. You know what I. mean? >> Or like ask, be like, "How crazy do we get with these?". >> Right. Like, what are you writing down? And then she's like, "I'm allergic to. mango." And then I would go, "Okay, well, maybe it's not my deepest, darkest.

secret." Um, so. I think he may be crazy, but I don't think that's the biggest. problem. I think it's more like. I don't keep like my partner and I, we. don't have secrets that we don't know. about each other. So, I think the in. group setting in front of her friends. sharing a secret is like what would. upset me the most. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? >> I know, cuz it's like there's. kind of two problems here. The one he's. asking might not be the appropriate. question even, cuz it's like, "Am I the. for ruining my girlfriend's.

birthday party by taking a party game. too seriously?". I mean, you diabolically almost like. trauma dumped your terror on your. girlfriend during her 30th birthday. and all of her friends. Like, >> you kind of just admitted that you're. not a good person. Like to break up not. one of your friends' relationships, but. two. >> fake. >> by. creating fake screenshots, that is a. diabolical level of cruelty, meanness,

and. I don't know, deranged behavior. >> malicious intent. Yeah. >> Yeah. Like very very malicious. So. Uh. yeah, I mean you did like you shut down. the birthday. >> It ended after this. >> So yeah, you are the for. ruining the birthday, not sharing this horrible secret. beforehand and dropping it on her, >> Right. >> and also doing this. This is crazy. >> It is wild. >> And for him to be like, "The secret was. from high school. It's not like I did it.

last year." It's like, "Okay.". >> I just that's so crazy to me. Like I. hate when people say that. Um especially. like when you're I think he said 27. Like I know you didn't do it last year, but like you did it, you know? So. I I have no idea what to think about. that. I feel like it is more. kind of like what you were saying. It's. like you. you made it about yourself, and you also. chose something that you knew your. partner didn't know. And I think that's. the problem. On her birthday, too. >> Well, and you should have picked a. secret that only she knew about you.

Like. at least so then one person could guess. that it's you. But I mean it's very very. clearly going to be you based on what. you just shared. But I do yeah, it's just. I don't know. It's also the fact that. he's just brushing it off. Like he. doesn't really seem to acknowledge. >> Again, it's it's like the effect. I know. your intent, maybe you were confused, maybe like let's benefit of the doubt. Let's say he realizes that those moments. were wrong, he was immature and young. Um he should be able to.

admit that it was not the right time to. bring it up, and the effects was not. what he intended. >> Yeah. >> But I think here he's like, "I don't get. it. I don't think it's that big of a. deal." Even after seeing how it affected. her. I think that's the the biggest. problem. >> Yeah. It's so crazy. The The top comment on. this one has actually been removed by a. moderator because it it failed to remain. civil. So, um I think they had some strong. words for them. Someone does reply and. says, "A tad harsh calling someone a.

sociopath because they did something. naughty at a high school and misread the. room at a party." And someone then. responds, "Naughty? Going through the. time and effort to make fake screenshots. multiple times to sabotage multiple. relationships? I think you're. downplaying how weird and worrying this. behavior was.". I'm very curious what the top comment. specifically said, but we understand. >> Yeah. Yes. >> I think sociopath is a little intense. Um but I think like especially, you. know, sometimes I flirt with the idea.

that I may be, you know, placed on the. spectrum. Um. if not the funny one. I think there have. been social situations where. my partner is like, "Hey, like they. don't know you that well." that type of. joke. Or "Hey, this other weather like. um. where I'm like, "What? Like I thought. that was funny." Or what? Like I thought. they'd be cool with me sharing that. Or. where I genuinely am not on the same. page. Where I'm like, "Oh, how I don't. understand how that could be taken.". That I'm like, "Oh, wow. Maybe there are. just different. >> Uh-huh.

>> types of reception out there. So, I I. get him in that regard and I have. sympathy in that, you know, department. of like maybe he really doesn't get why. this is wrong. to mention. But again, like you see the effect of. it. And like that's clear as day. Like. who doesn't understand someone saying. like that was inappropriate. >> Yeah. There's another comment here. Big red. box. Lot of awards. Guess you won't need screenshots to end. this relationship. You're the. >> Wow, that was great. Honestly, award.

>> It's like some slam poetry. >> them an award. >> [laughter]. >> Do I have any awards to give? Oh, I do. I'm going to give them one, too. I'm going to give them one, too. That's going to be great. >> I will hope I wish someone would give me. an award. >> I'll give you one. You just You drop me. the link to your. >> no idea what my account is. >> Well, you got to go on. You figure it. out. >> Oh, okay. >> And then I'll come find you. >> Okay. >> Okay, award has been given. >> Yay. >> The next comment that I want to share is.

the game was to have a laugh, not. confess to being horrible. Suspect you. will soon be single again. >> Ooh. >> OP does respond to that and says, "I. don't know how I'm allergic to mango is. funny in any way.". >> Okay, that I do understand. Have you. played Quiplash? >> No. >> It's basically a game where you're. either like the most boring person in. the room or you like make a 9/11 joke.

and everyone thinks you're weird. It's. like digital, so it's on it's on the. screen. And you use your phone. It's kind of. like um. >> Kahootz? >> It's kind of like Kahoot. Uh. and it'll give you a prompt like. something you say to grandma before she. goes to bed. And someone will put in the. room like, "Good night. Love you." And. then someone's like, "Make sure that ass. is ready for me." Right? And it'll show. up on screen at the same time. And in. that moment you realize like, "Oh, you're. you're in a more like PG group.".

>> Uh-huh. >> And that's like the joke online is like. you you kind of get outed. So, I get. that where it's like I also would not. find the being allergic to mango funny. I'm always going to go for a joke. Would. I have it be a. like a very morally gray story about. myself? No. I don't have any of those. But I I do get that it's like. that wasn't funny. >> Yeah. >> But that doesn't allow you to then. make it about yourself and be morally. >> Completely agree. >> Yeah. >> I am with you. I wouldn't find the.

mangoes a hee hee ha ha moment. >> I wonder if in that moment he was. hearing them being read out and he was. like. okay. >> Let me just grab this. >> Yes, if I could just my long slip of. paper. >> Yeah. No, no, don't read that as you see. someone unfolding it. Yeah, because. >> I'm allergic to mango. I don't know who. put the other one down there. >> Yeah, who is is that? Play dumb. >> Yeah. Just I'm Greek. I am 1% Greek, you. guys. >> That person's crazy. Um but I think the big problem is and. someone does highlight it here in.

another comment. You're the. Bro, forget the game. It's not about the. game. Her friends aren't thinking, oh he. played this game wrong. What a dummy. They're thinking, oh no, he's capable of. something creepy and vindictive. I'm now. worried for my friend who's dating him. >> Mhm. >> And that is. >> that's the moral of a lot of these. stories. >> Uh-huh. >> It's not about the game. It's never. about the game. It's about like the. holistic view on how you approach. situations. You know what I mean? Criticism. >> Holistic. >> Yeah, that's another one. Another big.

word for you. >> Okay. >> Thank you. >> That is cuz it is. It's just all. encompassing. All these different, you. know, contexts and nuances. >> And I always I try not to like play into. like the men always do this or men. always do that. And I feel like they. focus on like. the drop in the bucket. We focus on the. bucket and like it's almost full and it. happens a lot and this is something that. I keep talking about and they kind of go. into the nitty-gritty of like that one. drop and like how it's different or how. it's not applicable. But it's like, no, this is the bucket's full. You do this a.

lot. You know what I mean? So I think. they view things in a very small scale, which isn't wrong, but I think women. view it in in more of like. a pattern. >> We are pattern. >> pattern people and I think. um. I think it's hard to argue pattern. against someone that wants to focus on. like that one instance. >> That is such an insane point and. analogy. I'm just going to sit with it. and. I'm literally like I'm I'm going to need.

to roll the tapes and just be like man, look at the drop in the bucket of women. more so look at the bucket and it it is. the best way I've heard that kind of. looked at where it's like it's not. really about. the confession. It's about what the confession means, its implications, and how it then. relates to our relationship and are you. going to fake screenshots with me? What. does it mean? Do you feel sorry? Doesn't. feel like you do. And it is more about. that. Mhm. Holistic view. Yes, ma'am. That's good. That's good.

Okay. Let's get on to this next one. This episode is brought to you by State. Farm. Okay, so this podcast is literally. about choices. Wild, messy, wait, you. did what? Choices. But for the choices. that are actually straightforward, State. Farm's got over 19,000 local agents, real humans, ready to help you. Like. helping you save when you choose to. bundle home and auto with the personal. price plan. Bundling, just another way. to save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is.

there. Prices are based on ratings plans. that vary by state. Coverage options are. selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings, and. eligibility vary by state. Number three for us here, coming from. r/relationshipadvice, girlfriend repeatedly made comments. about my height and size, then spent a. month walking it back. She wants to. continue the relationship. How do I. handle this? I'm a 28 male, was married for 6 years,

divorced a year ago, no kids. Took a break from dating and 3 months. ago I met a girl 4 years younger. She's. 24 female. I was really into her. At. first glance, she seemed exactly my type. and personality. For context, my style. with women has always been old school. gentleman, opening doors, taking it. slow, and It's chivalrous. >> [laughter]. [gasps]. >> She was pleasantly surprised at first. and she didn't expect that from a guy my. age. Then the drama cascade started. Around.

the fifth or sixth date, I planned a. double date to introduce her to my best. friend and his wife. Everything had been. near perfect until that day. On the way. there, she suddenly got upset that her. heels made her taller than me, which is. absurd. I'm 178 cm and she's 160 cm. For those that don't know centimeters at. home, like us sitting here, it is 5'8". for him, 5'2"-ish for her. >> Fine. >> No heel closes that gap and even if it.

did, so what? My ex-wife was exactly my. height and it was never an issue in 6. years. I tried to diffuse it with humor, but she kept making it a serious thing. It honestly felt like she wanted to. emasculate me for some reason. That same evening at dinner, my friend's. wife joked that me and my friend are so. close we're probably a secret gay. couple. My girlfriend turns to my friend and. says, "If you were a gay couple, you'd. be the top and he'd be the bottom.".

>> [laughter]. >> That's crazy. >> My friend asked why and she said, "You're more masculine and manly.". Awkward silence. They left soon after. When I got upset, she explained that in. gay standards, I have more aesthetic and. refined look. >> Oh my god. >> is more rugged. >> Not the gay standard. >> [laughter]. >> That's crazy. >> [gasps]. >> Drama two. A few days later, she somehow circled.

back to the height topic. "You know, you're not very tall, right?". I asked, "Why are we even talking about. >> [laughter]. >> Why are we even talking about this? If something bothers you, walk away.". She said, "No, your height is tolerable. for me. I wouldn't be embarrassed to be. seen with you anywhere." I told her. that's not a compliment. 37° C heat is tolerable, not a person's. proportions. She apologized, said she. has poor vocabulary, and was just. stating a fact. My take, you don't state.

facts about things that don't matter to. you. Drama three. A few days later, we had. sex for the first time. I was exhausted, hadn't slept, and jokingly warned her in. advance that this wouldn't be my best. performance. Sex was more or less fine. Afterwards, she asked, quote, "You're. healthy, right? You don't smoke or. drink?". I said, "Correct." She goes, quote, "My. ex was a user. He smoked, drank, did.

drugs, but he could stay hard for an. hour.". I laughed it off and said, "Call him. then. Have him come finish.". She apologized again, quote, "Just. stating a fact, didn't mean to hurt. you.". I let it slide. Drama four. >> [laughter]. >> A few days later, successful sex in between, for the. record, we're watching a show where a. character has a comically exaggerated. penis, like 40 to 50 cm.

>> show is that? >> [laughter]. >> It's giving. that like 360 that everyone was like. >> Yeah, but what show is that? I I. never [laughter] heard I'm just at for I. would like I would like the name of that. show. Thank you. Just for research. >> [laughter]. >> 15 in. >> Sorry, I know I'm getting hung up on. this, literally hung. I'm wondering if. So, do they show it in the show? >> It could be. Game [laughter] of Thrones, Night of the. Seven Kingdoms.

>> No. >> I'll show you the scene. >> No, I remember. >> The old guy goes outside to pee, and. it's just. >> Oh, right. Oh, it could be that. Wow, that did it for Okay. >> We both joked about it and then she. says, "Length isn't what matters, girth. is." Work. "I'm slightly above average. around 14 to 15 cm in length, 13 and 1/2. girth, not small." We're cuddling. romantically and I playfully. [clears throat] ask, "Do you like mine?". She says, "It's acceptable, but I've.

seen better.". >> [laughter]. >> I can't stand her. I took it as playful teasing at first, but about 2 minutes later, still in a. playful/sexual. tone, I threaten her like, "Oh, you've. seen better? Let me show you better right now." And. she suddenly gets serious. "Well, yeah, I've seen much bigger.". Then she immediately realized what she. said and pivoted to, "Bigger doesn't. mean better.". Obviously, I lost all desire, stopped.

the foreplay. She snapped at me, "Why. are you acting like an insecure man? Do. you need to be the best at everything?". I emotionally distanced myself after. that. A couple of days later, she says, "Yours is completely sufficient for me.". Oh my god. >> [laughter]. >> That's crazy. Sufficient. >> That's crazy. >> I asked her honestly, "Have you ever. wished it was bigger?" She said, "No, but who wouldn't want that? Anyone who. says otherwise is lying.". That told me everything.

Then came the month-long campaign from. her. Week one started with, "I can't believe. how insecure you've become over this.". That didn't work. Week two, "You should. see a therapist." Ignored me for a week. "This is not a normal reaction." Didn't. work. Week three, she then backpedaled. and apologized. "I said something. stupid, but it shouldn't have hurt you. You can't be the best at everything. You. have other qualities.". >> [laughter]. >> That made it worse and so I told her,

"So, should I stay in a relationship. knowing you feel something's missing and. compensate with money, status, and. treating you well?". Then week four, she took on a new. approach. What do you think the. difference even is between you and him? 1 to 2 cm max. And you're making a drama. out of this? So, in 4 weeks, it shrank. from much bigger to only 1 to 2 cm. 2 days ago, we had a final conversation. She says, "You're the best man for me. Drop these bad thoughts. If penises made.

women happy, every woman would be. walking around happy.". >> Wait, what? That doesn't make any sense, by the way. [laughter]. >> I told her she wouldn't have said any of. it if it didn't matter to her. You never. once commented on my shoe size being 43. instead of 46 because you don't care. about that. Then she asked, "If you. could design me as a character, wouldn't. you change anything about me?" I said, "Sure, maybe round out a toenail." She. goes, "See what I mean? If I were.

designing you, I would just add 3 to 4. cm to your penis.". >> I I can't believe this. >> So, I kicked her out of my apartment at. 3:00 a.m. Now, she's in full drama mode. insisting she fell in love with me. She. only said these things because she was. upset. She's never been with a good man. before and doesn't know how to adjust to. it. And she doesn't want to lose me and. this relationship. Any advice is. welcome. >> Okay, I think. like psychologically, I think she.

doesn't know how to appropriately. express. how she feels. I think she does it in a. very mean, offensive way and then gets. defensive when called out for it. There's a word for it like in psychology. um and I can't remember what it in my. one semester I took of it in college. But it is seen in relationships where. someone. doesn't like something about their. partner and they have to verbalize it. And like that's the problem. They don't. care. It's It's just an internal frustration.

that they they feel this need to like. verbalize. And like my thing is my mom. would always say if someone can't change. it in 5 minutes, don't say it. >> I love that saying. >> like why like he can't change it. >> No. >> Also, you're one to talk down there. >> She won't find success I think in any. relationship because she's oh, of course. there's always going to be something you. would change about your partner. But. to have it be so. like emasculating like he was saying and. so rude and so persistent is like she's. crazy. >> I always find it I think one of my.

biggest or a big red flag I see with. people is. when their partner. or like one of the two in the. relationship tries to bring the other. down in front of other people. >> Yeah. >> Like where it's like why are you trying. to humble me in front of my friends? Like this the whole thing like from. drama one, two, three, and four. Like. every single one was bad, but why are. you bringing me down in front of my. friends who you're just meeting for the. first time? You're saying, "Oh, if we. would be gay, he'd be the top, I'd be. the bottom.".

>> Right. >> Then you're like implying all this other. stuff like gay standards like I'm more. aesthetic which are you calling me like. then feminine? Like And again, OP did. get that vibe of like I felt totally. emasculated. >> Yeah. >> It's just not a good feeling and. >> Mhm. >> you shouldn't be with someone like that. Like you've been dating for what? A. month total? Month and a half? >> by the way, that's like honeymoon phase. The fact that she's bullying you this. early on is crazy. It's insane. >> It feels like negging. >> Yeah. >> Where.

>> Like she's really trying to be negative. and like humble him, bring him down so. that he like kind of competes for that. validation from her. >> Yeah, again, I think it's she doesn't. know how to appropriately. verbalize her preferences and like there. are certain things I don't think you. should ever. one care about and then two mention to. someone like height or penis size. because they can't change that, but I. think she just doesn't have a good. way of saying like let's say your your. partner has more weight on them than. you'd prefer. I feel like that type of.

person would be like, "Oh, look at this. photo of. Chris Hemsworth. Like doesn't he look so. good? Like I wish you had that." Like. that's an inappropriate way of bringing. up a preference or something that you, you know, if you want your partner to be. like more athletic or whatever. Um. >> Yeah. >> I don't know the best way to bring it. up, but it's certainly not to. compare, which I think is this person's. like knee-jerk reaction. And no one wants that. Like if he was. doing that to you, uh you know, pointing. out like Megan Fox or, you know, like. Zendaya, you know, her height and how.

gorgeous and hot she's so hot. Um. Excuse [laughter] me, I got a little. distracted there. Um you wouldn't like. that. >> No, imagine like I think like innie. versus outie vaginas, too. And like. labia differences. It's like would you. like that? Like, "Ooh, I've never been. with someone who's such an outie.". >> Right. >> No. >> that person probably never thought about. that. Like and now they are thinking. about it. And. um I don't know. Again, >> It's. gross. >> It's weird. >> It's weird. Also, hey, you got to test.

drive the car before you bought it. >> Right. >> You're not a match, move on. I don't. know why people have such a hard time. admitting that to themselves. >> I think it is though part like she wants. him to admit it or to agree with her. I. think that's part of it where it's like, "You know you're short, right?" And I. think she desperately wants him to agree. to that for whatever reason. Cuz I I. think a lot of people out there know. that there are certain things people. can't change, but they at least want. them to know that that's something. Like. you have I need you to know that you're.

short. I need you to know that I've had. bigger. partners in the past. Uh for some. reason, it's. >> It is interesting. I wonder what that. is. I wonder if that's just like, "Hey, maybe she's not understanding social. cues. Maybe she's just not she's one of. those people that can never be wrong or. just like wants like, "Oh, this is fact. Like admit it.". >> Yeah. >> There's something there. >> There's something there. And and I would. never again like use the word. sociopathic, but I think there. >> No. >> is a level of emotional numbness or lack. of awareness when it comes to being.

like, "Hey, you're hurting my feelings.". And then her backpedaling, and even the. backpedaling is insensitive. Like, "No, I'm not I mean he was like 2 cm more. than you." It's like even that's not. okay. So, you clearly don't know how to. appropriately. um and maturely. even apologize. >> I There are. >> classes. Like, if you want to go. practice and like learn social cues and. social norms, like there are classes at. community centers all over that do that. There's occupational therapists that.

actually teach that as well. So, there's. ways to work on that and like I would. take this for her like as a lesson of. like, "I need to be more tactful and. compassionate, and I don't need to. verbalize everything as hard as it is. And if you feel like you need to get it. out, then go write it down in a private. diary.". >> Right. No, I think that's huge cuz I. think like therapy's expensive. And it's. not accessible to everybody, but I think. if it is accessible to her, I would. highly recommend it because it's not I. would never bash someone for not. understanding certain social cues. because that's it's so nuanced. But this.

is one of those that time and time. again, it's not effective and it's. actually negative for your partner. And. that's not just with that partner, that's. pretty tried and true. Everyone wants to. hear that. >> now, too. Like This is This is done. >> Yeah. >> Like this is This guy's not going to. continue. >> Right. But so like to sit down with a. professional and genuinely say like, "Why isn't this working? Why do I feel. the need to verbalize this, and why does. it frustrate me when. he doesn't accept it or he doesn't like. it? Like, why do I feel that that itch?

You know what I mean?" So, I think. there's great work to be. done there. I wouldn't just say like, "Oh, she's a terrible person." I just. think there's a lack of. awareness there. >> And like, hey, find someone you don't. have to verbalize that with. >> Right. >> Find someone you like more. >> Right. >> that you feel is a better match. >> Mhm. >> That's That's cool. >> Totally. >> You don't have to make it work with. everyone. It's not it's not even how it. it's not possible. >> Right. Right. >> The comments. Top comment, "Dude, you. barely know this woman and she's been. toxic as hell since day one. Block her.

on everything and move on.". Next comment, "Literally, like what is. bro doing?". Someone goes, "She must be really. hot.". >> Right. >> Which, hey, plausible. >> Hey. >> Plausible. Someone says, "Your problem is that you. were unhappy by the fifth date, but you. decided to keep dating.". So accurate. Reading this, I was like, "Wait, why does it say girlfriend if she. started this on the fifth or sixth. date?". >> Mhm. >> And probably because she was hot enough. to keep OP interested, but toxicity.

kills sex appeal over time. So, a lot of people speculating about. looks, appearances. >> Right. >> But I think, you know, you're coming off. being married for 6 years, first. relationship. And also she's okay. I. am fine with age gaps. There is a lot of like unacceptable age. gaps, of course. Like I I think even. like. anytime I hear. uh even like this 28 and 24, that's an age gap where I would then. question the maturity of of both people.

because when I was 24 last year, >> [laughter]. >> I'm so young. Um if I, you know, look back 4 years, that's a. huge difference in maturity and I'm sure. at 28 I'm going to view the same as when. I was 24, especially when it's the man. that's older. I don't know. It's It's. one of those things where it's like if. she's acting like this at 24. to a 28-year-old, yeah, I think he's. going to have that comparison especially. after coming out of a 6-year marriage, you know? >> Yeah. Probably different level of.

maturity for sure. Married for 6 years, 24, dating, very different. >> Mhm. >> I don't mind their age gap so much. especially since they're meeting now. Like they're both probably pretty. >> Pretty. Like I think for me the age gap issues. come with like when there's also power. imbalances. >> Yeah. >> But clearly, emotionally, mentally, you're not connecting, physically, you're not connecting. What reason do you have to stay? >> Yeah. >> I find none. So, it's okay to move on. and keep going. >> Yeah. >> Cool.

>> Yeah, I agree. >> Let's find out if he does that though, because we do get an update. >> this is like a ongoing thing. >> We get an update and I haven't read it. and I'm really scared. >> She asked to meet yesterday for 15. minutes. She said she had something to. tell me. So, I agreed. She came and asked, "After all this. time, did you never develop feelings for. me?". I told her, "Yes, I did, but I love. myself more than I love anyone else. Maybe one day my child will be the. exception, but you are not my child.".

Then she asked what loving myself has to. do with not loving her, too. She said she loves me very much, deeply. She regrets everything she said. She. called herself stupid, said that she. lacks tact. I replied that it's one thing when. something slips out, you apologize, and. you stop. That happens, people are. human. But it's another thing entirely. when you tell me there exists some man, let's call him Jason, whose dick I can. never match. Jason needs no additions or.

changes. But if it were possible that. you would add 3 to 4 cm to me. That's where you locked me into a. permanent comparison. If you had just. said, "I'd give everyone a few extra. centimeters, Jason included, you. included, I would just keep increasing. it indefinitely.". Fine, there's a preference, but you said. he needs nothing added and I do. So, I can't live with a person who first. hurt me and then instead of expressing. regret and stopping, spent weeks. reinforcing the belief that I will never.

be a sufficient man for her. She said, "But you are sufficient." But. imagine you purchased the Porsche. When. you add a few horsepower if the. manufacturer offered it to you? >> [snorts]. >> I laughed so much about it. >> going to add a horsepower to my car. >> [laughter]. >> Thought she was trying to backhand again. and replied, "But there's a second. Porsche in your garage that needs no. addition. That's the problem.". I advised her to go work on herself, get.

into a psychoanalytic therapy, invest in. general education and culture, and I. wish her the best. >> How? I'm going to use that. I If anyone. is ever mean to me, I'm just going to. say, "You need to invest in general. education.". >> [laughter]. >> Um that is a That's crazy. That's a. That's. >> have your GED? >> I dig. >> [laughter]. >> Ooh. [gasps]. Ooh. >> Yeah, I think um I think he's absolutely. right. I think it's good that he is. putting himself first in this scenario. because.

he he won't be first to her, and that's. very clear. It gets hairy when it comes. down to preferences, and I think that's. always going to be a thing. But I think. when you're in the dating world, you. have that option. If you see someone and. you know that height will always be a. problem, that's respectable that you don't pursue. people that don't satisfy that for you. It's when you and that person who. doesn't meet that preference get into a. relationship willingly. and you continue to make it a problem. You kind of sign that contract to be.

like, "Okay, I'm willingly getting into. this relationship with someone who has. different preferences. or doesn't match my preferences. perfectly, but that's you. being willing to not have that be a. topic of conversation. So, yeah, I think she just needs a lot of. work on herself. [clears throat]. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> The car analogy, I'm like, again, it's like you're you're. like band-aid over a bullet hole. You're. making it worse. I don't think it's. your your even your analogies are. hurtful. It's like, "No.". Also, what does a car have to do with my.

dick? >> Right, and it's like using a port it's. like what are you what are we doing. here? >> Also, it's not easy to add a couple horsepower. like. >> yeah, add a couple horsepower to my. Honda. >> Yeah. It doesn't work. >> It doesn't work. >> You know what? What are you adding? Nitrous? Are you like upgrading to a. turbocharge? Like what what are we. doing? But it's also like again, this is. my body. >> Right. >> Like you could throw all these. hypothetical bad analogies out that you. want. I can't change my body. >> not normal to say that to someone. Like.

that that is again preferences aside. you can't say that to someone. And if it. is that important to you you should. You should leave. You know, do that. person a service and and take yourself. out of it. So. >> I know. >> That's crazy. >> I know. It's really I'm just beyond baffled with. this one and also this next one. >> There's some crazy people out there. Like I'm a little kooky, right? But like. ooh, I don't Reddit scary. There's some. crazy people. >> Yeah, how do you feel about body fluids?

>> Me? >> Yeah, are you like do you get grossed. out with fluids? >> Well. who where did they come from? >> Hm. >> Yeah, cuz me I'm like I'm chilling. Um I guess this isn't about mine. So. yeah, go ahead. >> No. This is coming from. r/relationshipadvice. Am I 30 female rude as hell and mean for. calling my husband disgusting. after he came into a blanket and let me. put it on unknowingly?

>> Ew, in a blanket? I [laughter] don't. know. Okay, go ahead. >> I'll start off by saying my husband 35. male and I have had some really rough. patches in the past year. We both really. want to make it work, but lately I've. had to set some hard boundaries. The. main one being I don't feel like I'm. given the same respect that he gives. everyone else. We had a really stupid argument and I'm. legit losing my mind over it. I feel. insane and I truly need to know if I'm. overreacting or off base somehow. We.

both had a really long week and today my. husband took the day off and has been in. a funk all day. I had yet another really. long day at work and since I got home, I. was giving him his space. We were. interacting in little friendly blips. like to see how the garden progress was. going and to take the dog for a walk. Well, this evening my dog had a tiny. accident on the bedding. She has medical. complications and I had to wash the. bedding. Unfortunately, by the time my.

husband and I were ready for bed, the. bedding was still not even close to. being done because I started it so late. in the evening. So, we planned to sleep in the guest. room where he has been hanging out all. day. He has his gaming systems and TV in. there. I go to put a blanket on and I feel. something very wet in the darkness of. the room. >> [laughter]. >> Why is it wet?

>> [laughter]. >> Why is it wet? Him. Oh, because I came on it earlier. He says this like this is the most. normal thing ever. What the Why didn't you put it. with the other bedding being washed? That's disgusting. Him. That's so rude. There's no need to. be mean about it. Obviously, some of the words might have. been different because this was a few. hours ago at this point, but you got the. gist. This conversation proceeds to accelerate. to an argument really quickly because.

apparently, I have always known that he. came in blankets. >> [laughter]. >> It's fine. Just sleep [snorts] on the. other side and that as his wife, I. should be okay with it. It's just his. and quote, "It's sterile.". I'm not joking. These were his. arguments. >> Sterile? It's What do you mean? Okay.

>> I would argue back that it's wild that. he's getting so defensive over me saying. something that is obviously true, that. it's disgusting to in blankets and. just leave it. And how I knew he liked. the feel of a blanket, but not the. result looking like this, and how his. other arguments are just up to. say. >> I have so many questions. >> We did hear that right. I knew he liked. the feel of a blanket. >> I'm just confused. Okay. Is it like one time per blanket? Cuz I. feel like I would get like the. optimization of it being like.

10 sessions per blanky. Right? Cuz then it's like, okay, here's. my thing. I don't in blankets, me personally. But I think if I were if I were a guy, I. would maybe choose a sock, right? I. think that's pretty standard, you know? Um maybe like a hand towel. But like a full blanket seems just. wasteful, space-wise. And like washing a. blanket is a pain in the ass. I think the problem here though. is more you saw your partner dawn the. blanket, right? And I want to know.

if there was urgency of like, "Oh, don't. put that on. I've in it." Or. or if it was like, "You should be cool. with this." That's That's I think my. That's where the problem would lie. >> Yeah, well like it you determine whether. it's normal for you to do, not for my. reaction. >> Don't Don't make it my problem. Don't. Stop please. >> [laughter]. >> That's what I would say. >> OP goes. >> again, didn't you? >> Again? >> He comes out of the game room. Oh my.

god. >> Again? >> [laughter]. >> OP does go on to say. he then proceeded to fly off the handle. and yell about how I'm always. criticizing and I need to shut up. This is one of the things I recently. told him to stop saying to me, the shut. up. And it's honestly wild to me that I. have to even ask my husband to stop. saying something like that to me, and. he's flying off the handle at me saying. that leaving in a blanket is gross. But whatever, I guess.

I left the room and I'm trying to sleep. on the tiny couch. Honestly, I don't. know. Like I said earlier, I feel. insane. Is this some wild normal thing. that I somehow missed the memo on? If. not, why the can't my husband take. my disgust as a valid response to. something like this? How the did he. justify it in his brain that as his. wife, I should be okay with something. like that? Question mark. Question mark. Question mark. >> Again, I'm so uncomfortable in this.

blanket now, by the way. I'm like. thinking about it. Um. >> No, that is. You just got in your dirty That is. clean. [laughter]. >> I It's again, it's the theme where it's. how do you react to me communicating. that I don't like something. >> Yeah. >> That is where. the true problem lies. Look, you can in as many. places as you want. Well, okay. There's a limit there, but. >> [laughter]. >> you you can you can do what you want.

>> of our own home. >> Right, within the confines of your your. your game room. >> There's options there. >> there. Yeah, there's options. >> Um. I feel like it's when I communicate that. I don't like it or it's making more. laundry work for me or I think it's. gross or it it irks me a little bit, your reaction to that is where. I think I would look for like the. problem. Like, are you going to tell me. to shut up? Are you going to say that I. should be okay with it? So I again, it's like it's bigger. picture. It's not so much. why do you keep coming in weird places? >> Yeah. >> You know?

>> It's just gross. I did act it out. I. like. >> Sorry, what? >> like trying to see what the sensation. might be if to use a blanket as your. your method. >> your penis in it? >> It would be. unique. >> How did you act it out? >> to just like you give yourself a little. arm job with the blanky. >> Oh my god, what are you talking ABOUT? >> I JUST WANTED TO SEE what he was. experiencing. >> Right, right. >> know. I just I didn't understand the blanket. I was really trying to understand right. what he. >> [laughter]. >> I just.

Right. know you guys. I'm a and a. curious gal, whatever. >> Right, right, right. >> But again, like it's not really about. the blanket here. I really don't under. >> Well, now see, I guess I it's more. >> This blanket's really soft. >> Oh, I would totally come in that, for. sure. >> Exactly. >> Um. >> Thank you. >> But if you said, "Ashby, stop. Please. God, stop coming in my my blanket." I'd. be like, "Okay, that's fair.". >> Or just like, "Hey, I'll find my own. little blanket.". >> to do it on the blanket or use the. blanket as your.

pocket blanky, like at least just wash. it. What if he left it on the bed, let. it dry, what if a guest comes over and. sleeps in that bed? >> to it? Well, and I'm just asking questions. I. feel like what if and what if the dog. got to it? >> why the dog has tummy problems. >> god, can you imagine? >> Disgusting. It feels like it's it's. definitely an ick. This would ick me. out. You wash your blanket or like, "Hey, let's get you a little like tiny. one that's easy to wash." Like you wash. your.

You better. >> You Yeah, you better wash it. Yeah. >> You can just. >> [laughter]. >> I'm known for my quotes. >> Yeah, you're really. >> Thank you. >> You're going to have to serve some. clips, for sure. >> [laughter]. >> For sure. >> Yeah, I think it's like it's your mess, clean it up. >> Would you get divorced over this? Cuz. married. married. I wouldn't get married over. this. So. >> I mean, that was one quote that I was. curious about. >> She said she's known that he likes to. come in blankets. >> Yeah. Can I also ask the question.

I knew he liked to come in it. >> Like. do it and then. switch to about a fuzzy sock? What about. like a really fuzzy sock? >> I think maybe Okay, here's my theory. I think maybe he makes it into a shape, like the blanket. You know what I mean? Like a. >> Oh, like the towel animals? >> Yeah, yeah. What? >> That's not good. >> I agreed without knowing what the hell. you're talking about. >> when like the. the. the hotel cleaning people will come in.

and like make animal shapes with towels. on your bed for sex? You've never. experienced. I don't think it's for sex reasons. >> That's for sex reasons. I just saw a. photo. That is 100%. >> They're really cute. Look at this. There's a stingray, a swan, an elephant, monkey. >> When I see When I saw that for the first. time, I wanted to it. That's. [laughter]. That's 100% a kink thing. >> For sure. >> That's Men are wild creatures, and they. see that and they Anyway, I think he's. making it into a shape. Similar, yes, to.

the stingray or whatever. >> I think he's like rolling it up. So, I. don't think it's like. can be replicated with a fuzzy sock is. my theory. But, if he is insistent on this, do the blanket and then put the sock. inside of the. >> Or just put the blanket aside and. I'm being too accommodating. >> [laughter]. >> Or. >> Breaking news, use your wife. >> Don't use your wife. Oh my god. Ask, of. course, before you [laughter] do that.

Of course. But, you have. the real blanky at home. Do that. >> at home. >> She was at home. >> She was at home. She was in the other. room. I'm literally bopping around. >> Put the sock like Put the blanket away. >> [laughter]. >> Again, it's it's not so much about the blanket. It really is like his total disrespect. >> Right. It's the reaction to her. pleasure. >> up. You're being mean. And I am curious why he didn't stop her, but it it's It's sounding like, "Oh, it. was a dark room, and he couldn't see.".

And then she went for it. >> done that. >> But again, Oh babe, oh we're going to. sleep in the guest room cuz our sheets. aren't clean. Okay, um yeah, let me go. change that bed real [laughter] fast. I. did a little deed in there. >> in the blanket again. >> Yeah. It's It's disgusting. >> They also just need more blankets. I. think if they're only rocking with two. and you have a serial blanket comer, you. must have more blankets. Like a backup. he doesn't like hide one blanket from. >> No, and there's some good blanket deals. HomeGoods, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Target.

>> But like keep one that only you know. about as the backup blanket. Cuz if he. finds a blanket, and I don't know the. guy, he's coming in it. >> It's not safe. No, absolutely not. >> Right. [snorts]. >> Comments. How is he 35? This is. disgusting. The fact he takes zero accountability is. such a red flag. I wouldn't be able to. get over this. OP responds, I would throw out phases. like, how old are you? And this is. teenage But nothing would get. through to him. I honestly don't.

understand how he rationalize this in. his head. He is not an irrational guy. >> Mhm. >> I think it is a. maybe a little bit of a a thing for him. now. Like he needs the blanky. >> I Yeah, I think Yeah, it could be like a. mommy thing or whatever. It could be. like a thing. Like a developmental. thing. >> Someone sent me a crazy diaper video the. other day. >> What? >> this grown man. >> What? >> It's a thing. Yeah, it's a It's a new. very up and coming big baby big baby. kink.

>> Oh, big baby's been thing. >> Yeah, since 1964 I believe. >> What? >> First documented case of big baby. fetish. >> What? Trust me, I'm going down the. rabbit hole. >> Wow, okay. And so how does that relate. to this? >> [laughter]. >> Well, maybe he is he is he needs his. blanky. >> Yeah, maybe he is a big baby. I think he. is Pavlov-ing himself into like maybe he. can I also want to know the frequency. Like if he's doing this every single. day, yeah, that's like a sexual problem. >> I think you might be on it with the. Pavlov because I Oh my god, this is like. throwing me way back. Uh, we had this.

one story. early to our takes days and this guy had. Pavlov'd himself that every time he came. he needed to poop. And so he's going to this girl's. [laughter] house and hooks up with her. and ends up coming. and shits on her floor. He was so embarrassed by it he just ran. out. He's like sphincter's all loose and. stuff from it. He just DROPPED A LOG. >> WOW. >> YEAH, so I could see that with the. blanky. Clear you know, the comments. everyone is kind of ew, not normal.

You're not rude as hell. That is either. some nasty teenage stuff or some bizarre. territory marking. >> Wait, is he the dog? Is this like a a. little switcheroo? He's the dog in the. story. >> No. OP does again say no, this is real it's. husband. Someone shares here girl, he. has no respect for you. Not only is this. vile behavior, but telling you to shut. up regularly is not on. He sounds like a.

petulant teenager, not a life partner. OP says, I keep thinking he will change. He keeps telling me he will. I honestly. want to send him this post. I have no. idea what it would do though. >> Yeah, again it's it's it's how your. partner reacts to you communicating with. them. Yeah. So it's like. Yeah, I think that's the main issue and. yeah, again telling them to shut up is. crazy. >> This is only 5 days old. >> Uh. He probably just came into blanket as we.

were talking about this. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> A lot of people link another Reddit post. I've read. It's coming from 2X. chromosomes and it's titled he knows he. doesn't care. And they just kind of go. on to this spiel of like he understands. what he's doing is wrong. He knows what. he's doing is wrong. He just doesn't. care. >> Yeah. >> And basically being like, ma'am this is. you. This is your life. This is your. scenario. >> Yeah. He doesn't care. >> Mhm. >> Because like I think it's clear that. it's not his problem. >> Right. >> Like it's her problem. >> Totally. >> Yeah. But again, 5 days old, no update.

yet, but looking at OP's account. history, couple other posts, this one is on US. military significant other. I'm in a. male male marriage and I think we need a. divorce, but we work together. Um we're both in the Air Force. >> Yeah. >> Male male male male? >> Male male marriage, so they're both in. the military. >> Oh, got it. Oh, got it. Okay. >> Not male dependent. >> Got Yes, okay, got it. Yes, they're both. in the force. Okay.

>> Yeah. Both in Air Force, no kids, only a. couple years left, and my husband has a. couple more after me. Um the goal was to. stagger getting out. Blah blah blah blah. blah. Here's the thing, our relationship. is not going well, and while I still. love him, I can't shake the feeling that. I'm running out of time to get out of. this relationship to find someone who. actually treats me with respect and. doesn't act like I'm asking for the moon. when I ask them to stop telling me to. shut up an argument and to communicate. about drinking alcohol before he starts. doing it and allow for a two-way. conversation about it. >> Yeah. >> Lot of other details. Just kind of going.

on like. she doesn't really have any friends, no. support system by the sounds of it. And. then there is another post coming from. r/Spokane. >> Okay. >> therapist recommendations. >> Interesting. You're in Washington. Right? >> Yeah. >> You're good with geography, too. Thank. you so much. >> Wow. Yeah, so like couples therapist, I. to be honest, selfishly wish that would have said. divorce lawyer recommendations.

>> Right. >> [laughter]. >> But I think where her head is kind of at. seemingly by these updates, like. very conflicted. Like one post, I think. we need a divorce. The next asking for a. couples therapist, so. she'll figure it out. >> Yeah, I think. >> She's there. She's close. >> I think the while the in the. blanket is. very enticing and seems like the biggest. problem. It Clearly they've been having. issues and I think this is just the. byproduct of not respecting your. partner. >> Yeah.

>> And I think that'll happen with. you know, buying groceries she said she doesn't. like or making the bed the way she. doesn't like or you know, what time you. wake up. Like it'll it'll become so. trivial. if there's no. foundation of respect there. So yes, this like seems like a big issue and. while it may be, I think it just follows. the same. theme of not respecting your partner's. wishes. So. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's messed up. Maybe. that's the biggest ick of it all. >> Truly. That's the theme I'm telling you. every single one of these stories is.

someone not respecting their partner. after they say, "Hey, I don't like this, please don't do it again.". >> Okay, I'm going to give you this next. one. because this is like a spur of the. moment. >> Okay. >> chance encounter. >> Oh. >> So this one is coming from r/AITA. titled Am I the for considering. breaking up with my fiance because he. ran away when we were being attacked? My. fiance, 24 male, and I, 24 female, have. been dating for 6 years. He proposed to.

me a few months ago, which was the. happiest moment of my life. >> Mhm. >> We set our wedding date for this. December. However, after what happened. last night, I'm seriously considering. breaking up with my fiance and I'm. unsure if I'm an. >> Mhm. >> My fiance, my brother, and I were all. walking back to our car from dinner at a. nice restaurant. The car was parked. pretty far away as the place was packed. So we had to walk quite some distance.

It was late at night and as we are. walking, a person on a bike came to the. side of us and stopped us and demanded. we give everything we had. My fiance. panicked and just ran away. But my brother, after talking to the man. for a couple of minutes, just attacked. the man. And long story short, my. brother beat him up. The man had no weapon. It was just a. fake gun. I called my fiance after that and told. him everything was fine and that we. would pick him up.

My fiance still seemed a bit shaken. >> after that is so embarrassing. >> But I did explain him that everything. was all right. And my fiance thanked my. brother a lot. However, I just felt. extremely weird and sort of disappointed. that my fiance just ran away. I. understand it was his natural instinct, but to see my brother take the attacker. down and in comparison to my fiance just. running away, I just felt like I lost a. lot of love for my fiance after last. night. I spoke with my brother this.

morning to get his opinion and he said I. should still give my fiance a chance and. that my fiance loves me. And what. happened last night is not a normal. occurrence. However, I told him I just got a massive. ick and I don't know if this ick will. ever go. Am I the. >> Ah, [sighs and gasps] that's tricky. because it is. a knee-jerk reaction. It's an instinct. And I feel like I would equally be. Like I've never had this happen to me.

before, but I feel like if my partner. took the risk of attacking. that person, which is like statistically. what you shouldn't do. Obviously, it's. nuanced. I feel like I would also be mad. at my partner, being like, you put. yourself at risk. It's not worth it. Just give him the wallet, throw the. wallet, right? Whatever they say is more. effective. So, I feel like. there's no great way to handle it. because you're dealing with an. a unpredictable situation. So, there's. no great way to go about it. I feel like.

I could see myself doing what I'm. assuming she's doing, which is. evaluating like what what like how much. does he love me? If he runs and he. didn't check on me, or if he didn't take. me with him, or I think that's dangerous. game to play because it it really, like. her brother said, isn't a natural. occurrence. It's not going to be a. continuous thing. And I feel like it may. be a little unfair to attribute feelings. and but I see how visually it looks like. that. It's tricky. >> I know. It is really tough cuz my head. would do that same thing, too. Like, what if it was me and our kid and he.

left me and our kid? Because I think my. first reaction was like, "Well, he just. ran away, but like, did he attempt to. grab your hand, or was he like solely. only concerned about himself in that. moment, and there was no regard for. you?". And I get we cannot predict how we're. going to act in these situations. It is. scary, 100%. But like, I wasn't even a thought. >> Right. I understand the ick. I think the. ick is like very reasonable given all of.

this. Is it an. a normal occurrence? No. This isn't. hopefully going to happen that often, but like, the way it did is still not. great. But, on the flip hand, I have had. another story in the past where. this guy was writing in. because there was a girl that was like. getting mugged or something outside of a. bar, and he stepped in, got his ass. kicked, and his girlfriend was watching. the whole thing, and she got the ick.

from him helping and getting his ass. kicked. >> Okay, that's so crazy. >> So, I'm like, it's a maybe a catch-22 of. a situation. Like, you're icked if you don't and icked if. you do, and. this is scary. I don't know, but for me, I think the fact you're comparing your. boyfriend. to how your brother reacted, which again. isn't maybe the recommended method, like, it you're kind of putting yourself. down a slippery slope of like,

you're going to. kerfuffle yourself or just like. yourself up with this. >> Yeah. Yeah, that's that is tricky. I feel like if it was a like a physical. attack, I think she would be more not that she. isn't here but more justified in saying. like you. let me be at risk and you didn't try to. stop an interaction or something like. that. But since it was more of like a mugging. like a threatening thing, there's again no right way to go about. it. other than like if he came at her with.

like a knife. Like I've seen a video I. don't know if you've seen it. It's like. CCTV footage of this guy with a knife. trying to stab this guy's girlfriend. He. doesn't do it successfully. They're like. backpacking or whatever and he runs away. and she's like fighting him off and. everything. That is a that is a problem. Like that that I think is more of a. testament. But. >> Well, I will say here. the line the man had no weapon. It was. just a fake gun. >> Right. >> I bet he was bolstering. >> Right. >> a weapon. >> Exactly. >> And so in this guy's head as he's.

running away he's like this guy's got a. gun. We all just need to run. >> Right. That's what I my my assumption. there is that he thought everyone would. do the same thing. cuz I think I you always assume that how. you react is how everyone is going to. react and how you should react. Unfortunately, I've been like spooked by. my cat in my house and I've made the. worst sound scream ever and I'm like. wow, that's really how I would react to. an intruder. Like that sucks. Like. that's so embarrassing. I hate that. That's what I do. I'm a big scared the DoorDash guy scared.

me today. No. I walked out the door as he was walking. to the door didn't see him. Yeah, it's. and it's getting you don't have control. over that. So I think maybe it was just. him assuming everyone was going to do. the same thing. And I think. and I think him being very apologetic. and also very. thanking to the brother of like thank. you so much for doing that. I think that. is like hindsight in in his position. being like maybe I didn't react. perfectly but I'm glad you did what you. did. I think the fake gun thing, like. yeah, hind in hindsight it was a fake.

gun, but I think in that moment you. can't discern whether or not it's a fake. gun, and I think again, there's so many. things you could do in that situation, and I think running is one of them. It's. fight or flight, and I think again, it's. apples and oranges. It's not the same. >> No, like no one's at fault here, but I'm. really glad you do bring that point up. because a lot of the comments do pick up. on that, basically being like OP, like. you should actually talk to your. brother, too, because this guy had a toy. gun. Like. again, there's no way to discern, and. you could have been down one brother if. it had been a real one.

>> Right. >> Like your brother doing that isn't. necessarily a good response, either. >> That's why I'm like I feel like I would. be mad at my partner if he and I've. talked I'm like the one person that if I. honk at someone and they pull up to me. next to a red light, I duck cuz I'm I'm. like I'm going to get shot. They hate. me. >> I worry about that constantly in our. lives. >> Constantly. Like I don't flash if. someone's lights are off and stuff cuz. it was like a gang initiation thing in. like 2008 or something. >> The moms are still talking about that on. Facebook. >> mom was all about that. >> Yeah. >> And so I I've had discussions with my.

partner where I'm like if it comes down. to it, if someone, you know, cuz we. lived in New York for like a year, just drop the wallet, throw the phone. I. don't care. I don't want you to be, you. know, you know, >> So, this is honestly like a good. conversation to have. Like. >> it's great and have a plan in place. >> I'm a worrier, and of course, you know, knock on wood, hopefully it'll never. happen, but if it does, it's actually. good to have those those communications. prior to it happening. Um. >> We need to add this to like the We're. putting together a list of like. questions you should ask your partner. >> Yeah, it's like how would you react?

>> Yeah, like what's our plan going to be. for if we ever get mugged? >> Mhm. >> And we even like. >> We have a safe word that. >> word with my family now, too. >> It's if for the AI calls. >> 100% and it's like if we use just like a. random name of as like someone None of. our friends have this name. It's not. common. And if I ever text it or if I. ever say it on the phone, it means to. immediately check my location and send. 911 to that location. So like that's we. have failsafes, right? >> This is so good. >> it's it's. partly.

dumb cuz it's my anxiety, but in these. instances, it's important to know how. your partner wants you to react. If both. of you are game to put yourself at risk. during a mugging with a suspected. weapon, that's a choice that you both make, but. if one person goes for it and the other. person doesn't, that choice is being made for them. And. I think that's important where like I. don't know if the brother did the right. thing in this in this, you know, scenario. >> I'm with you. >> And like statistically, like if. someone's like brandishing a weapon, more often than not if they wanted to.

shoot you, they would, and that's like a. whole thing. If they're showing it, they. they won't do it, whatever. But I think. it's important to not make a decision. for a group like that. >> But then also it's like. >> you don't have time to discuss that. So. again, it's I think. you you do the best you can with what. you know. I wouldn't blame people for. how they react. >> Well, there's a comment here, too, that. basically says, "I can't blame her. I. also can't blame him, but no one wants a. person they can't rely on.". And I think that's like true. Like where.

your core feelings coming from right. now? Like is it you felt like he didn't. care about you in that moment? Or yeah, you're nervous to depend on him going. forward. And can you sort that out? And. if you can't, like yeah, you might not be able to. proceed forward with this person. But. it's a really This is just a really. >> I think it's about the communication. that happens after, >> I agree. >> again, and how they react to that. Like. if if he is, you know, saying, "I'm so glad you're okay. I'm sorry.

This is how I reacted." Or if he's like, "I thought we were all running." Or I. think it would be smart next time if we. ran. Um you know, doubling down on his. position. I think it's. the intent behind that that kind of. matters because. hopefully this doesn't happen again, but. you have to be on the same page with. your partner if it assumes risk for both. of you. >> Well, and a lot of people were asking, they're like, "Did he call 911? Like, did he go look for help?". >> Right. Did he look back at all like to. check, you know, I think that's. important.

>> OP did say like, "I called him after and. I said we can come pick him up.". Did he just Where was he? >> Did he just keep running? >> not walking distance. >> Like, where did he go because your first. thought again, okay, fight or flight, you flight. >> Right. >> Flighted. >> Right. >> You're gone. >> Yeah. What? >> Fled. >> Fled. >> Thank you. >> And [laughter] so it's like, okay, you're away, there's some space, now. where's your head at? Are you still. Kool-Aid Man running down the street? Or. it's like, "Oh, Oh my god, I left.

them there. I should look for help. I. should call cops. I should" Like, then. depending on what his next steps were, that would be probably a deal breaker. for me. >> Yeah, cuz then I think again, knee-jerk. reaction. more often than not is going to be out. of your control. >> Mhm. >> But the moments after I think are. telling of like, did you glance over. your shoulder? Did you go into an alley. and call 911? Did you shout at them? Or. did you like, there. that I think is where I'm like, am I. even on your mind, you know, in this. moment?

Um, I think that's I don't know if they gave. any clarity there, but I think that's. like the more telling part that if you. wanted to dissect this and attribute it. to his feelings toward you, uh, I think. that would the after would be. the more appropriate moment rather than. the actual action. >> Yeah, OP gets a lot of advice. I mean, top comment on the original post has 15K. upvotes, and they basically say whether. the change in your feelings by your. fiance makes you an or not, "you. would not be doing either of you any. favors by staying with him out of guilt.

You feel what you feel.". >> Mhm. >> And again, like a lot of people are. like, "Awesome. 15K upvotes. Reasonable answer. here.". >> Right. >> And then, we do get an update. Update comes 1 day after the original. post. I have broken up with my fiance. >> No. >> I did it this quick. >> in blankets. Can you imagine it's the. same girl? We're like, "Oh my god, he's. back. He's back.". >> [laughter]. >> I did it this quick because it was not.

fair to him or to me to keep this. relationship just stringing along. >> Aw. >> Yes, I loved him a lot and will always. cherish the memories I had with him, but. after the incident last night, I just. don't have that same love for him. anymore and I don't think I ever will. To be clear, I don't blame him for what. he did in running away. It was his. natural instinct and I completely. understand that, but when my brother. instinctively stepped in front of me to. shield me from the attacker in. comparison to my fiance just running. away scared, it pretty much evaporated.

most, if not all of my feelings for my. fiance. >> Mhm. >> I've just learned about myself that one. of my love languages is safety and. security. I let my fiance know and I apologized. and I told him I don't blame him at all. for what happened the previous night. My. fiance was devastated and he did cry a. lot, but after some time, he said he. understood my decision. I still feel. guilty about it because my fiance is a. really kind and sweet man, but it also.

wouldn't be fair to him if my heart. wasn't in it. He deserves to be in a. relationship with someone who loves him. for who he is and I deserve to find. someone who I wholly love. >> Yeah, that's that's tricky. I think it's. good that she did a lot of like. introspection, I hope, in that like she. wouldn't want to drag him along if her. feelings were gone. I think I would then. question. how grounded were those feelings, I. think, prior to this.

I It's It's one of the things I've never. been in that scenario and I'm sure the. shock of it and like the dissecting of. it. could have me questioning the dynamic of. my relationship, but it's a shame that. it's it was something out of his control. and so I think it's like it's. two-pronged where it's like I'm glad she. isn't stringing him along in that. I. don't think it's a testament to their. relationship enough to like too. >> Yeah, like just. a total flip. >> Right, which I think.

I would have loved for like her to get. a therapy consult to like really cuz it. is a traumatic event. That is something. that you both went through. And maybe. they would have some wise words on like. what that actually means, you know? >> I think you bringing that up too is a. really good point because this is again. very traumatic and someone has a comment. here on the update. Trauma is a very. divisive experience. People either. become much closer or they break up. You. did the right thing. No here. And that is.

No here. You got the ick. It. was irreversible. you're both moving on and will find your. people. >> Yeah, I would honestly go so far to say. it's like not an ick cuz I think even. that word I feel like it's been. weaponized against. >> Okay. >> men and. >> [laughter]. >> I'm their advocate. No. Um but I think. it is like in relationships like I don't. get the ick from my partner because I. love him in everything he does even if I. don't like if if I find something he.

does cringey, it's just that cuz I'm. sure I do things. >> think ick is like. really how do you define ick? >> I think specifically women I think tend. to attribute um something they don't. like or that they wouldn't choose their. partner to do as an emotionally altering. moment and I don't think that's fair. I. think we can dislike something our. partner does or like let's say they use. baby talk and we don't like that. I. think it's just a dislike and I think.

we feel that emotion of like oof I don't. like that you did that." and we almost. attribute it to like attraction or "Ooh, that's gross." or this makes you a. different person where I think maybe. maybe that is appropriate, but I think. there is a different word for it um. rather than like. "Wow, that made me not like you as. much." or this is, you know, cringey or. gross or you're less of a man or. whatever. >> ick for me equals cringe. >> Mhm. >> And. then you have irreversible icks which.

we're getting into today which are kind. of like right. >> an ick. >> Right. >> But I do think like a great example of. like an ick is like when you see someone. kicking their feet underwater. >> Like that's so cute to me. >> You are just an angel. >> No, I think but again, I think. I and I know that feeling. Like I've. I've had I guess what you could label an. ick where it you feel almost like. embarrassed. >> that okay. >> And you feel that for the other person. and I think it's a very uncomfortable. feeling and I think that uncom like that.

discomfort. has us then feeling. resentment, anger, or disgust. >> Ooh, yes, I I like to call it secondhand. embarrassment. Other people just say. empathy. >> the thing. I think secondhand. embarrassment specifically with. >> [laughter]. >> with women when we view it on men, I. think we then have I think the feeling. we get with secondhand embarrassment. is then triggering of. we want to. have it for some reason be like.

malicious or bad or that's weird and. they shouldn't do it again. when it was just I think that's. secondhand embarrassment. >> Yeah. >> And I could be wrong. I could be like. ignorant to it and I'm just like, you. know. >> your way of explaining it. >> partner, but I have felt that feeling. before. and I catch myself feeling like if my my. partner um did this. thing in the movies the other day during. a trailer in a 70 mm showing of The. Odyssey. And so there are like real film. people there, right? And we're like in a. great We're like right in the middle.

And him and I have been joking about. that movie and how it's so stupid. No. one else around us knows that we think. that movie is stupid. And after the. trailer. ends, [snorts] before the Odyssey, he. goes, >> [laughter]. >> And of course it was a joke between us, but I felt that pang of second-hand. embarrassment because no one here knows. that we think it's a stupid movie. They. think that he is so damn excited to. watch this movie. And I felt. that and I I feel like someone could. label that as an ick. When I assess that. I had that emotion, I then was angry.

because I was uncomfortable with that. emotion that I felt and I didn't want it. to happen again. And so I was like, that's weird. And I put a label on it. When it's something that I felt, it's. not necessarily his fault that I it. caused me to feel that way. It was just. something he did. >> I would say it's it gets more on the. icker. >> that. >> [laughter]. >> Right. I think that's the problem is we. put it on. >> Yeah. I've got a good example, too. So, the. other day, I'm sitting here. I was in. this chair. My dad and my husband had.

just gotten done recording my dad's. podcast. And my dad was like, "Okay, I'm. going to go to the bathroom and then I'm. going to leave.". And Justin goes, "Oh, does Jerry need to. make a poopy?". Ick. Ick ick ick. No, and he said it in. a baby voice. And I I'm not a baby. talker, you know? >> Right. Right. >> Whatever floats your boat, but uh me, my. boat has a lot of holes. >> Is your baby talker? >> I'm sinking. And just "Jerry needs to. make a poopy?" or whatever he said. I'm.

like, "Make. a poopy.". Ick. That was an ick for me. >> I think it's like the response you have. when you feel an ick. And I think I. think that's kind of what was happening. with that girl who had a preference of. height and penis size. And she felt. those and she needed to verbalize it and. I think it becomes malicious if you. Again, you feel an uncomfortable feeling. of embarrassment or um dissatisfaction. and you need that person to know and. sometimes it just comes across of like. like standing outside of shower or. kicking your feet in water. I think to. put a negative connotation on.

sometimes feminine traits that men have, which I think that goes down the rabbit. hole of like. >> I don't like that. >> what I mean? It's like oh, when he's. like too nice to his mom. I'm like okay, we can't have it both ways. We can't. want more feminine qualities in men and. more soft and more gentle and caring and. then also shame when that happens. >> Yeah, no, that I hate. >> So again, it's like. >> No. >> And I don't want to be too much of a. male apologist, but I think there is. with the ick, I've always had. my my thoughts about it cuz I feel like.

it's putting negativity on something. that. >> Just like anything, it can go too far or. be taken the wrong way. >> Girl, I do the weird Oh my god, I do the. weirdest You've seen me. >> [laughter]. >> We all. do. >> I am a walking ick. I'm I'm corny on the. cob. Like I'm I'm there. >> though. You're a little sketch, dressing. up as Hamilton or. The Odyssey, [snorts] like it gives me. life, but no, I think when people twist. it and like I just saw another post. where it's probably going to be read, I. think on our Patreon, but this woman is. basically being like my mother-in-law.

won't stop like harassing my husband and. basically implying that he's gay because. he'll do crafts with me. >> Oh. >> And it's just like when you take it like. for someone that could be an ick, like. oh, he likes crafts, ick. That's just. >> That's awful. >> Don't be mean. Saying oh, does Jerry. need to make a poopy? That that's. understandable, I think, right everyone? Like. >> I could I could I could see that. >> Yeah, I think the word has been. >> twisted to the point where like now when. it's used, I'm like how real is how.

valid is putting that word on it? You. know what. >> that. Let's get into that. Yeah. I've. got one last one for you. We'll see what. you think about this one. It's coming from Am I the titled. Am I the for spending all day on. the lake. Throwaway, my girlfriend knows my main. account. I, 26 male, have been with my. girlfriend, 25 female, for about 2. years. Last week, I invited her to come. camping with me near a lake. It's a. really nice lake, and I've been wanting.

to take the canoe out on it for a while. My girlfriend can't swim and doesn't. like the water. But, I figured she could spend the day. at the site and relax with her book. The first morning, I asked her if she. wanted to come out on the water, and she. said no. And I said, "Okay, your loss.". And I started loading up the boat by. myself. She asked how long I'd be gone, and I. just said, "Not sure. Depends how it. feels out there." Which, I thought was. the end of it. I ended up being out there for around 5.

hours. >> [laughter]. >> It was genuinely so nice out there, super quiet, and the weather was. fantastic. I paddled around to this little inlet on. the far side of the lake, and I just sat. there for a while, enjoying the scenery. and reading a bit, and I just lost track. of time completely. When I got back, she was sitting on the. dock, and she looked upset. She said. she'd been alone all day in the middle. of nowhere with no cell service and no. way to reach me. I told her, "That's.

exactly why I go out there on the water. >> I brought you out here, babe. >> [laughter]. >> To actually disconnect for once. And. that if she wanted company, she could. have just worn a life jacket and been. perfectly safe. It's not like the lake. is even that deep near the shore.". The rest of the trip was really weird. after that, and it felt like I wasn't. allowed to go out on the lake anymore, which was one of my big reasons for. going camping in the first place. She says that she was worried that. something had happened to me. I suppose.

I could have come back sooner, but I. probably would have just gone out soon. after. She does know that I've gone. canoeing before, so I feel like she. should have trusted that I was fine. Am. I the. >> Communication. Like that's it it's if. you. wanted to go out on the lake for a long. time, >> Mhm. >> it's just communicating with your. partner. Cuz then it's like, do you want. to be out here for 5 hours? Um if you. did know you were going to be 5 hours, you could say, "Hey, like.

if I want to be out longer, I'll come. back. I'll let you know. We can then. decide, you know, what you want to do, if you want to go back, if you want to. join me this time." But like do a little. check-in. I think it's really just like. stranding your partner against their. will. >> No cell service. >> She can't swim. So, then blaming her. discomfort is not fair, either. >> Um no, if she does not know how to swim, it's honestly it's not safe for her to. go canoeing across a lake. >> Right. And then I I always I always hate. the thing of um. putting it on the partner of like, "Well, you could have done this and then.

you would have If you wanted something. to do, you could should have just done. it.". >> Yeah. >> That's not a solution. That's you again. putting it on them. So, yeah, I think. communication, checking back in. >> Or like choosing an activity that you. both can enjoy equally. >> That go camping with somebody. >> Yeah. >> Like maybe this wasn't your activity, or. hey, like let's go camping. This would. be a great time for me to teach you how. to swim. You just said it's shallow near. the shore. >> Right. >> Let's start learning doggy paddle, how. to float, treading water, like. teach her how to swim. You've been.

together for 2 years. If camping, canoeing, and being around water is a. big priority for you, seeming like it is, 100%. Teach her how. to swim. If she's truly not interested, doesn't. want to learn how to swim, cool. Camp. with friends. >> Right. Yeah. >> Join a club. >> [laughter]. >> Big on joining the club, please. I also. feel like the. the whole argument of like, "I'm. obviously safe. I've done this before.". That will never calm the mind of someone. that loves and cares about you, because. everyone who's ever accidentally died on.

a canoe has said that they knew what. they were doing and that they would be. safe. Like that's how it happens, right? Um. so, I don't I think it's a bunch of non. ungrounded. uh rebuttals to to her argument. I don't. think they stick. They're not. appropriate. >> This would This would really bug me if I. was her. And I think. he lack of consideration. And I think. it's it is kind of going back. Like, is. it an ick or an overall lack of respect? >> Yeah, and that's I think where it's.

appropriate to I think sometimes the. word ick could. be an overreaction. Sometimes it could. be an under-reaction. I think that is. more than I think what people would say. is an ick. I think that's like a a trait. or an attribute to that person of like, do you respect your partner? Is the. first thing in your mind when you're out. there for 4 hours? Like, are you. thinking about her? You're like, what is. she doing right now? It's empathetic. Is. she tired? Is she worried? And if aren't. if those aren't thoughts that are coming. across, I think that's more than an ick. That's I think immature or like a.

an issue that needs to be addressed. >> You just kind of blew my mind a little. bit. Did I? Yeah, because I think that. is such a great way to say it, too, where it could be an under-reaction. >> Yeah. And I think that's the best way to. put it because a lot of times we get. into these problems, these situations, and it's like, I'm overreacting or your. partner makes you feel like you're. overreacting based on their reaction. And you're like, well, I just kind of I got the ick. And it's. like, it's this feeling of like. >> telling you to shut up. And you're like, oh, that's such an ick. It's like, no, that's actually That's actually really. >> That's a genuine issue. >> Right. An ick could be an.

under-reaction. >> diminish, I think. And so I think it's. like a vice. >> No. >> people because I I don't think they're. I think it's just for lack of a better. term for a lot of people. And they don't. know or they don't want to say like, hey, my partner may be verbally abusive. They don't want to say that, so they say. like, oh, the way he talks to me is an. ick. So, I think it's it's dangerous in. both regards. I think it was fun when it. was coined, and it was a way for mainly. women and sometimes men to say like, oh, this is something my partner does that.

gives me embarrassment or it was more. playful from the start. Like I think it. started with like oh, thinking about my. my partner sitting in the car waiting. for it to warm up or whatever. Like it's. cute, it's playful, it's nothing, you. know, it's nothing to to take into serious. consideration. But then I think it. started treading into oh, hey, he says. these things and it really hurts my. feelings. That's such an ick or oh, he. does crafts with me. That's such an ick. So I think it kind of. blew itself out of. >> the pendulum is swinging from two. different sides and honestly, I think.

you need to do a PSA about icks. >> I know. I think I do. >> like it really needs to be broken down. because like I think again, what you. said of like an ick could be an under. reaction and that is just like really. clicking with me. >> Yeah. >> Because it is such a human thing to do. to like give people the benefit of the. doubt or like kind of like be the. devil's advocate for them and it's like. no, no, no, he does love me. It's not. that bad or. >> Yeah. >> this or that, but it's like uh, he just. told me to shut up. I just I got the ick. and it's like no, no, no, no, no. Like. >> Mhm. Mhm. >> Your spidey senses are tingling. Glasses. are coming off. It's not an ick. Like.

no, it's it's genuine. >> Right. >> have to change the title. It's going to. be interesting. We're going to change. the world. Everyone's going to get to. the end of the episode and they're going. to be like. you started off with something totally. different, but then we arrived here. >> I think that's the point. I think it's. good to it's amazing to have that that. journey of that. >> Absolutely amazing. >> could be I could be ignorant on like the. true meaning of it and I could be. >> Chime in, guys. This is why you chime. in. We have the whole thing in the. >> I I think it's. it's risky to put a definitive. definition on something with such. nuanced situations. >> And everyone has a. >> like relationships. I have a very.

different relationship than I know a lot. of people do. We've known each other for. a very long time. So for me to speak on. new relationships or, you know, especially like the digital world of. like online dating or age gap dating or. queer dating. Like I am taking my. specific nuanced situation and putting. it on that. >> Yeah. >> So even everything I say here is a grain. of salt and always, always. >> Always. >> thing. It's like that's why I think the. term ick is is tricky cuz it's putting. such a defined label on such nuanced.

situations. >> really I really appreciate this and. again, I'm not sure what the title's. going to be now. >> [laughter]. >> Ick or under reaction? I'm not sure. >> I know. You do need to do a PSA. >> Just say Ash becomes in blankets. I'm. cool with that. >> Okay. Main main description first line. No, actually no description, just that. I'll give you a crazy thumbnail. >> And I'll. Oh, we're we're going to get there. So, overall vote on this one. >> wrap us all up, overall vote was. >> I I think just needs work.

>> You're [laughter] giving needs work? Okay. >> needs work. I I don't I think. >> Soft you're the. >> So, uh. Yeah, soft. You should have known. better. >> Okay. Reddit [laughter]. has branded him. >> Right. Yeah, Reddit does that. >> Top comment, with only 634 up votes. right now, you're the You left. her alone for 5 hours with no way of. contacting you or anyone else. You told. her it was her loss for not going on a.

canoe when you know that she cannot swim. and does not like the water. Wearing a. life jacket doesn't magically make a. person suddenly able to swim. Do you. even like your girlfriend? >> Mhm. >> Next comment down, I'd like to add a. canoe is not the way you convince. someone who can't swim to go out on the. water either. >> a very shaky vessel. >> Uh-huh. They go on, you can't even place a foot. in one without it feeling like it's. going to tip. And they do tip. >> They do tip. And then you're underneath. them and it just goes over. >> them for fun. That's like part of the.

sport. Just to be flipping around in. white water. I'm like, what are we. doing? >> They [laughter] splash each other with. their little paddles. >> I don't understand it. >> Yeah. Lot of you're the. Um You're the The okay, your. loss is very manipulative and snarky. >> Mhm. Mhm. >> Agreed. That's all she wrote. Ah. Wow, this is great. I. need to go on Reddit more, but I need to. not look at my name. >> Stop looking at your name. >> have a sub subreddit or whatever, like a.

r/ashbya. Um. >> You can make it. >> want to make it. That's the thing. It's. like I like seeking myself out, you. know, when organically I'm talked about, but I don't ever want to invite the. internet to be like, "What do you guys. think?". That's my biggest fear. Tell me a little bit about me. >> [laughter]. >> No, you've been an absolute pleasure to. have. I'm like, "I didn't know you were. so. like healed and healthy and just like. >> Yeah, I mean I. >> like you're tapped in. >> Thank you. I've been in therapy for a. quite some time at a very young age. Um.

but a part of that is like it's never. done. The work's never done. >> Never done. Never done. No. I absolutely. loved having you. I'd love to have you. back. >> Maybe. Oh, please, anytime. >> Where can people find you though? >> @ashby, a s h b y, on Instagram, on TikTok, on YouTube, and on Twitch, and on Snapchat. >> Everywhere. >> And on Threads. Kill me with a spoon on Threads. >> [laughter]. >> All of Ashby's links will be in the. description. Really easy to find. Go.

follow, subscribe, watch the content. Again, the Odyssey. stuff is like I'm just I'm cackling. Like it's so funny. >> So funny, but that's all I got. So, until next time, friends. Bye. >> Bye.