Imperfect People! Ft. Miles Bonsignore || Reddit Stories || Two Hot Takes Podcast

You feeling comfy over there? >> I'm so comfy. Honestly, I'm more comfy. than I've ever been. Do I have. headphones? >> No. I'm just checking. Okay, cool. No, I. don't have the sound effects like you. do. No, >> I don't need them. >> No, everyone is going to be so excited. though. I'm going to have to like put a. fart sound in here just for you. >> That's I'm be I'm glad I'm becoming. known as the guy who does the fart. sound. >> I was losing my mind. And then everyone. was commenting on our episode. and. they're like Morgan's face when the. farts hit and I was [laughter] like I. was like I just you're not expecting it. and like even though I listened to.

episodes and I was prepared like when. you hear it in your own headphones. >> it's fearful. >> It is a powerful. >> in the teeth. >> It really does. [laughter] It really. does. I was like okay I'm ready. I'm. buckled up and I had so much fun over on. your show. >> Oh thank you. That's so nice. >> It was so good. So, if you guys get done. with this episode or if you're like, I. don't even want to listen to this. I'm. going to head over there. Go over to. Miles's podcast, Perfect Person, and. check out our episode because it is so.

good. It'll be linked in the. description, too. So, really easy to. find. >> You are a lovely guest. >> Thank you. But I'm so excited to have. you today. >> Ah, thank you for having me. This is so. nice to get cozy on this iconic seat. >> Miles, for those that aren't familiar. with your game, your lore, >> what's your elevator pitch to the. people? Um, I host a podcast called. Perfect Person where we take live. callers and we solve their problems in a. well-meaning but usually ridiculous way. and it's so fun. That's sort of like the.

ethos of it. But I think that sometimes. the advice is good even though we're. dumb while we give it. Like people call. in about all sorts of things. It's. usually very light. But I would say like. even though we might goof around at. first, towards the end I always give a. sentence that is like a little piece of. actual genuine advice. >> No, it's beautiful. And you have very. complex crazy dilemmas. >> Yeah. Oh my gosh. And because we can. talk to them on the phone, like we get. so much followup. It's. >> you're getting so much detail. >> It's gorgeous. Yeah. People are really. like people have shared so many intimate.

details about their lives. I'm always. shocked that they're willing to share. I'm I'm honored. >> It really does show how safe a space you. create that they're willing to share. that much. >> Well, I think it's also because like the. people who call in have they share a. sensibility because they listen to the. show. Mhm. >> So they know that we're not they're not. going to like be. >> made fun of. Like we might laugh along. with them at their story, but like my. goal is never like if somebody called in. and they had a bad experience, I would. like be devastated. I would be so upset. if they were like, "Man, I wish I didn't.

call in." Like I would that would hurt. my feelings. Oh, >> so I think that that but that I think. like that insecurity of mine protects. the callers from like the idea that. they'll call in and share and I'll like. tease them or something. >> or like [ __ ] on them or make fun of them. like you're. >> People call in and I sometimes am like I. don't know you might be in the wrong. here but I do it in a way that you would. tell a friend that they're in the wrong. which is like I pat it with the nice. [clears throat] things or I sandwich it. >> Soft you're the [ __ ] not just you're. the [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It'd be like,

"Am I the culprit?" Because even [ __ ]. might even be. I would never. >> necessarily be like, "How often do you. think what's the ratio on the people on. this show?" Uh, whether they're the. [ __ ] or not. >> I honestly really wonder. I have a. Google sheet going where we track all of. our stories and everything. >> Yeah, someone's got to have the stats on. that. >> I am going to make that a thing now. where my I don't know how to work Excel, but I have an amazing helper that does. And I'm gonna be like, "Wait, can we. look?" Because everything's tracked.

Like literally my. >> This is an incredible Excel sheet. Oh my. god. >> Status of OP's post, where deleted, removed, updates. >> This is so cool. >> So we track a bunch of stuff. I'm not. seeing us tracking [ __ ] or not the. [ __ ] So. >> wa. >> we're going to have to add that and do. some some stats, but I feel like it's. honestly mostly not the [ __ ] Yeah, I. think that's probably how the like the. Reddit trends anyway cuz inherently. people are writing it in. But I think. it'd be nice to for you to have a.

forecast be like this month we are down. [ __ ] are 25% down. >> This month we're actually trending up. guys. In the summer months we actually. have more [ __ ] than usual. >> Where are you from originally? >> North Carolina. >> You got kids? >> I got two kids. Two kids. Yeah, two. kids. I have a three-year-old and a. 11month-old. >> Okay. So, you're very qualified to give. advice on a lot of things. >> Thank you very much. >> Yeah. You got some tools in your belt. I. have I feel like I come off [laughter] I. don't know if this is true but I feel. like I come off as somebody who has. lived no life experience.

>> No, you give the opposite. >> Really? Oh, that's very nice. >> Yeah. >> I just I guess I think that like. specifically me having uh two young. children and like I think that I because. I present obviously very goofy. I'm like. an incredibly goofy person. But I think. then it's like oh no, I do have like. children and I kind I do kind of have it. more together than I maybe give off in. the first sense. >> No, you give together. You also give. like you give so much fun energy. Like I. get camp counselor. I get like. >> that's so nice. >> like works at a home store like a Lowe's.

and like just knows how to fix. everything or like hey you need a miter. jig here you go like you just give you. give such knowledge just here. >> That is so so nice of you to say and I. do like tools. My father like built my. house growing up in the woods. >> You probably picked up a thing. >> and I did pick up a thing or two. I know. how to use like an, you know, belt. sander or whatever. I know how to like. do like basic carpentry that not extreme. cuz like there are people out there. I. think that that's like one of the. things, by the way, that I think is uh.

underappreciated is people that are good. carpenters, good plumbers, good like. anyone that is good with their hands. like that. I think that's like the most. interesting skill. >> The trades, >> the trades are truly undervalued. >> I want to go shadow an electrician so. bad. >> Oh, it's so electrician. It's so cool. >> I'm like, are you scared of getting. shocked every day? because I would be. I'd be on edge. >> I would be terrified. By the way, you. give to me as somebody who grew up. knowing how to use tools. Is that not. true? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. See, I mean, you said miter miter. jig. >> Yeah. I'm like, well, I'm like, do you. have a pocket jig? Cuz like that's on my.

tool purchase list. >> What What kind of drill do you have? What's the brand? >> I'm a Milwaukee household, >> by the way. Same. [laughter]. >> Yeah. >> Impact driver and drill, baby. Brushless. >> Oh, no. We got it all. I just got a. little um a little jigsaw. >> Oh, that's awesome. That's great. I'm. like, I'm really going to start cutting. diverse shapes. I want to get a band. saw. Like I really want to go like big. >> Yeah. See, growing up, like obviously in. LA, like there's less space for me to. have like an entire workshed. I don't. have like a garage that I can convert. But growing up, my dad had we had two. buildings on our property. We grew up in. the woods. Yeah.

>> And uh my dad built our house and uh. like with just him. Him him and his like. friend built it. That's so cool. >> And then uh they built a workshop. So he. had like, you know, a table saw, you. know, a circular saw, all the stuff. And. I was like, man, it'd be so nice to have. some of these tools, but I don't know. where to put them. I want a router. really bad. >> Mhm. >> It would be nice. >> I know. >> Yeah. >> But, okay, I've got a bunch of really, really fun stories for you today. >> Perfect. >> They're all about imperfect people. >> These people are just a little. outrageous. They might not be, you know,

imperfect, but maybe their actions were. We're going to we're going to feel them. out today and see. >> see what kind of crazies we're we're. dealing with. >> Love it. All right. >> Okay, let's dive in. >> [music]. >> This episode of Two Hot Takes is. presented by Credit Karma. You're on. your phone constantly. Shouldn't those.

bills count towards your credit? With. Credit Spark by Inuit Credit Karma, they. do. Build credit history using payments. like phone bills or utilities. No debt, totally free, and missed payments aren't. recorded. Not all lenders use TransUnion. credit reports or scores impacted by. Credit Spark. But if you're at or below. 660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the. credit you deserve. This is coming from. r/ami wrong. It's about a month old now.

Titled, "Am I wrong for telling my. parents they can't take my toddler to. their off-grid cabin anymore?". Oh my god. >> My parents, late 50s, bought this. off-grid cabin in the middle of nowhere. about 3 years ago. It is their pride and. joy. But to be honest, it's a death trap. for a small child. >> There's no cell service. The water comes. from a well that hasn't been tested in. years. The stairs have no railings, and. they heat the place with an old wood.

burning stove that gets scorching hot to. the touch. I have a 3-year-old son and. every time they take him there, I am a. nervous wreck. I've tried to be the. chill parent, but the breaking point was. 2 weeks ago. They took him for a. weekend, and when I went to pick him up, my mom casually mentioned that he. wandered off for about 10 minutes while. they were unloading groceries. They. found him near a steep ravine [gasps]. about 200 y from the cabin. She laughed.

it off and said, "That's just how we. grew up. He's learning his boundaries.". >> Uh-uh. >> I lost it. I told them that until they. install proper fencing, baby proof the. stove, and get a satellite phone for. emergencies, my son is not going back. there without me. >> Totally fair. >> My dad called me a snowflake. [laughter]. >> Yeah, that'll get her. >> And said, "I'm raising my son to be soft. and afraid of the world." He says, "I'm.

robbing my kid of a real childhood and. that I'm being disrespectful to their. lifestyle choices. [sighs] Now they are. giving me the silent treatment and. telling the rest of my family that I'm. using my son as a weapon to control. them. My sister thinks I should just. compromise and let them take him for day. trips, but there is still no way to call. for help if something happens. M. >> I feel like I'm protecting my child's. life, but my entire family is acting.

like I'm an overbearing neurotic mess. Am I wrong here? >> No, absolutely not wrong. That is crazy. By the way, this is like, okay, you're. simulating the environment of like. colonial America. You can't call. [laughter] for help. There's no fences. It's like, and you know who died a lot. in colonial America? Everybody. [laughter] It was like I mean like. mortality rates over as time has gone on. have gone lower and lower because we. have things like safety or well testing.

or fences or like you know any sort of. standard of uh trying to protect people. especially if you're his three. three-year-old. >> three. >> you know. Uhuh. >> Like still a baby. >> Yeah. That's and I have a three-y old. and my three-year-old would be diving. off of a ravine if he could find it. >> I can I'm actually shocked that they. admitted that he was like near a ravine. 200 yard away. Haha. 200 yards. Like, so. two football fields. I'm like. envisioning myself at like the high.

school track looking across the football. field. Like I can't see at the other end. basically. And I've got contacts with. 2020 vision. So he's two of those away. Little person near steep edge. >> You're clearly incapable of monitoring. him in the way he should be. >> It's also like does he have to go alone? Like if they want him to go out there, if the assumption is that they want him. to see the cabin, that's fine. But then. a parent has to go be like, "Well, he.

can come, but I'm gonna come with. We'll. all do a day trip together.". >> I think that it doesn't have to be like, "We'll never go." But I think that it's. crazy to expect that, well, you get to. have full supervision in a place that I. think is totally unsafe. >> and I can't go with you. It does sound. like a cool rustic experience that. actually probably would be great for a. kid, but if they're not gonna, you know, they don't remember also what it was. like to have young kids because it was. probably 30 years ago, you know, 40. years ago. I think that that's like a. interesting thing about uh like my.

parents are really wonderful and my. wife's parents are really wonderful but. there are some things that they forget. because when they had babies that was 30. years ago. >> so it's like of course there would be. like oh yeah we forgot how we did this. cuz it was a long ass time ago. I have a. friend who's going through the exact. same thing and new baby, mom came to. stay and basically just had to be like, "You're not being helpful. Everything. you're doing is like giving me more. anxiety." And it's like the baby has.

collic and the baby won't stop crying. And mom is like, "Well, isn't that fun? Isn't that so fun? I dealt with that. with you." And it's like, >> "Thanks. Great. Okay, what am I supposed. to do? Like, I'm going crazy and you're. just not being helpful." And I think. that is a part of it. They forget it's. just been so long. And it's different. It's different when it's not your kid, especially your first kid. >> Totally. >> So, yeah, if they're going to be. negligent, >> no, you're not wrong. And hey, at the. end of the day, you're protecting your.

kid. If people are going to be mad at. you for that, then bye. >> Also, yeah, 100%. And also the idea that. the child's being robbed of like a. childhood, how they used to grow up. When the child's five, they can go back. Three is a crazy like my son in between. ages when he turned three and how old he. is now, which is like, you know, uh, three and a halfish. That jump was so. significant. It is a totally different. child. Like he is so much more capable.

I'm never worried about him like falling. or tripping on that stuff like that much. anymore. But when he was ex three, it. was like he just learned to walk like. >> Yeah. I mean, even three, I'm like there. probably depends on how early you. started, but like just about to be potty. trained fully. >> Sure. Exactly. >> Can talk but like not truly express. themselves in a way. And it's like. there's no emergency phone. >> What if his little appendix burst and he. can't communicate that? >> And by the way, he didn't just learn to. walk, but I mean like he's still getting.

>> steady. Exactly. Steady. can run and. like kick a ball and balance on the. other foot. >> Yeah. Whoa. And that's a pretty cool. skill. >> That's a pretty good skill. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't get there until a little. later. >> The new satphone is ridiculous. >> That's so silly. I never would have. thought to test the well, but that is. also crazy that like they just bought. this and like. >> I don't know. I guess I'd be curious if. there's like a bunch of lead or. something in my water. >> Yeah, totally. It depends. It's like. it's like how old the well is also like. >> you know. >> again there's a reason why people die.

less now than they used to die. >> I want to test my well. >> Wells I think it I mean if your well is. not that old and it's been like. maintained it's probably not too bad but. also I don't know. I have no idea. >> The water tastes good but. >> Oh man. Well water tastes so much better. than city water. >> It's so like it's in northern Minnesota. too. So it's just like. >> I bet it's good. Yeah. My parents grew. up. We had a well growing up and it's. like when I go back there and I drink. that I'm like, "Oh, this is nice. >> This is good water." I know. Doesn't. have a lot of iron in it. Some wells do,

but this is just. >> crispy. Top comment on this one. No. excuses, no explanations. Kids safety is. first and a priority. >> Yeah. >> And then, yeah. Nah, your parents need. to get their priorities straight. A. three-year-old near a ravine with no. phone coverage, that's not building. character, that's just dangerous. M also. them calling you a snowflake for basic. child safety shows that they are more. interested in being right than keeping. your kid alive. >> 100%. Also there's an interesting thing. with kids like you uh they say to.

whatever there's also all sorts of. different parenting theories etc. Like. if people have different ones than me. that's totally okay. Um [laughter]. because I know people are very. particular about their internet uh. parenting theories. But they say for. young kids, you kind of want to treat. them like, let's say you're a primate. and you have a, you know, baby gorilla. or whatever it is, you want that baby. gorilla to learn by doing. So if the. gorilla is like, you know, on the couch. at three, at age three or whatever,

they're playing on the couch and they. fall and they stub their toe, that's. okay. And it's actually good because. they'll learn like, oh, if I fall in. that certain way, I stub my toe. I don't. want to do that anymore. So I'm going to. take it a little bit more careful. It's. like there are some ways that you want. them to play safely. Now, what you don't. want them to do is play in that way near. a predator like a lion or something. So, I think that about that all the time. It's like I do let him balance on a. thing that's like a couple feet up and. and try to learn it cuz if he falls and.

he skins his knee like that's okay and. he'll actually learn, okay, I don't want. to do that. But if he's going up five. feet, if he fell and he got a. concussion, it would be really bad. So, I don't want him to take that big of a. risk. And kids taking calculated risks. is actually really good because it. builds their confidence, helps them. learn. But this is like a, you know, boiling hot stove, a ravine, stairs. without a banister. That's you're near a. lion and you're deciding to play near. that. It's just not worth it. >> It's not worth it. And that's what a lot. of the other comments pick up on, too.

>> Someone says, "Not wrong. Your parents. are not safe. They are not respecting. your safety expectations for your child. Let them call you soft. At least you. won't be mourning the loss of a child to. a preventable death. People will want. you to change your boundaries for their. comfort. I would have reacted the exact. same way. This would be different if the. kid was 10, not three. [laughter]. >> And OP responds and is like, "Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I'd much. rather deal with their drama than a. tragedy.". >> Totally. Oh my gosh. Cuz how like.

horrible would it feel if it's like, "Oh. yeah, he fell off the stairs thing and. he like broke his arm." And it's it. wouldn't matter to be like, "Oh, yeah, your parents wanted to spend that day.". It's like I don't you know, >> no, but it is like the calculated risk. of it all as you said. >> Yeah. >> Kids are going to fall. They're going to. >> get stitches. They're going to break. stuff. Ideally, not. But hey, it happens. sometimes, even in the best scenarios. >> In the best scenarios. So, why create a. horrible scenario where you're upping. the percentage of risk? You're at a.

point where it's just too great of a. risk. >> Yeah. Completely. What's the point? >> It doesn't build character to fall off a. ravine. [laughter]. >> That's how like I'm just like I just. envision it. I'm like, "No, >> it's terrible.". >> No, no, no. >> How do you feel about a prank? >> Oh, pranks are tough to get right cuz I. feel like it's like a razor's edge on. this is mean/c cruel. >> Uhhuh. >> I like a prank where there's almost no. um like somebody gets startled suddenly. That's a good prank to me. Getting.

covered in sauce, less of a fun prank. [laughter]. Okay. Well, this one is coming from r/am. I overreacting couple days old. Am I. overreacting for breaking up with my. girlfriend over a toilet plunger prank? [laughter]. >> Incredible. >> Okay, this just happened 2 hours ago and. I'm still fuming. Apparently on Tik Tok, the toilet plunger prank has been. trending. It's where you ask your. partner to help with a clogged toilet. and instead you actually put Nutella.

water and fart spray on a plunger and. fling it on your partner. >> Oh my god. Still springing flinging fart. spray though. >> Horrible. >> Still pretty disgusting. >> My girlfriend decided to do that prank. on me and normally I can take a joke. After she flung the toilet plunger. contents on me, including in my mouth, I. obviously died and went to hell. But she. showed me the video she was making, and. I was like, "Okay, it's just a prank.

Fine, whatever." But then I asked her if. she bought a new toilet plunger to do. this prank or if she at least washed it. But no, she took the regular [ __ ]. toilet plunger we had to do this prank. Y'all, I'm so [ __ ] mad right now. She. told me she's sorry and everything. She. forgot to buy a new plunger for the. prank. But what the [ __ ] That means I. actually got [ __ ] feces in my effing.

mouth. I'm so unbelievably angry. I told. her I'm done with her and now she's. pissed at me. Am I overreacting? We live. together, so it's not going to be easy. to just break up. Plus, telling all of. our friends and family we broke up. because of a toilet plunger prank feels. so childish, but I feel so disrespected. [sighs]. >> This is tough because it's like, do I. don't think it's necessarily breakup. worthy. That's such a big deal. They.

live together. >> That is like it's going to be a lot to. untangle them. >> Yeah. Although, I also think that if. this is the thing that's going to break. you guys up, you are already going to. break up. like [laughter] you should. break up. You know what I mean? Like. >> it's the this is the canary in the coal. mine of the poop spray getting in your. mouth. It it it will lead to other. things. >> I've So when I found this story, I went. and watched the prank and I did giggle. I hate pranks, too. Like I.

[clears throat] genuinely am not a a. prank lover, >> but like this was one where I'm like, "Okay, this is funny." It did not cross. my mind though about people buying fresh. plungers. >> Well, yeah. We're washing the pl you got. to wash the plunger. You know what I. mean? Like I guess but it's still a. poop. >> It's [laughter]. Yeah, >> it's pretty. If this happened to me, if. I I'm going to put myself in this. person's shoes. >> Okay. >> If this happened to me, >> I would be like, "Oh my gosh." This is. something that my wife would do, by the. way. Um not would not put her in her at.

all. She'd be like, "Oh, isn't that. funny?" And I'd be like, "Did you watch. Blender?" be like, "Oh, I've. >> That's what I'm saying. It' just be like. it would slip your mind.". >> She I think it's It doesn't seem like it. was like she was trying to get poop in. his mouth. Like, she probably was just. like, "Oh, man." I think that's the. thing. What What her reaction is to. this. If she's like, "Oh my god, you're. totally right. That is disgusting. I'm. really really sorry. I thought it'd be. fun. I didn't even think about it." Then. it's like, well, people make mistake. Like, I don't know. That's It's gross. Definitely. I'd be like, "Yuck, yuck, yuck. I want to vomit." But I think that.

to me this is a she thought that she. would do a fun thing that he would laugh. about afterwards and she got poop. particles in his mouth. That moment when. we've all been there. >> honestly. Haven't you seen the thing if. you flush your toilet with the seat open. and your toothbrushes out there's poop. particles on your toothbrush? >> Yeah. I. >> It's pretty disturbing. >> Okay. I do I hear that that's. disturbing. I I can't possibly be. expected to worry about that. [laughter]. >> I know. I've I am a hypochondric a.

little bit and I'm so sorry for everyone. out there listening like I bring up. stuff like. >> I see one study about arsenic in nerds. and then I like I cause everyone to. crash out and I'm like but I saw this. study like I did see it so I'm with you. I'm like okay I need I need to like. worry less and be less annoying but I'm. kind of in the same boat of like. >> it's a bad prank. Um, I think your. feelings are valid. I would feel. disrespected, too. It's something that.

probably didn't cross her mind and she's. maybe dumb, >> but do you want to be [laughter] with. her or not? Like you saying, >> yeah, >> like if you were going to break up over. this, you were kind of looking for a. reason or whatever you said. I like, >> yeah, that kind of fits. >> I think that Yeah. If if this is the if. a prank gone wrong is the thing that you. know is going to make you break up, you. kind of wanted to break up with this. person. Like if it was you were like if. it was true love, you'd probably be. like, "Oh. >> yeah, let's uh like work it out or like.

I'm really mad and she's not really. forgiving me. Like what should I do?". But being like, "I'm going to break up. with you because you did this." is like, "Okay, guy." Like you [laughter]. clearly you had this kind of in your. back pocket anyway. >> I know. Well, and there's no mention of. how long they've been together either. >> Yeah, that's interesting. >> Let me see if I can find any comments. from OP. The top comment on the post is. just I hate pranks. >> Yeah, >> that's it. >> They're brutal. >> They're just They don't typically go.

well. I would say like more often than. not, they don't go well. >> Have you ever done a prank? >> No. >> No. Never know ones. >> No. Not like a mean one. The only thing. I wouldn't even call it a prank. I I. liked a surprise. Like I like popping. out. Like so I flew home one time for. Mother's Day and my mom didn't know I. was coming and I like popped out. So I. love a surprise but not a prank. >> Yeah, prank I think assumes like mal. intent. [laughter]. >> Like you want to pop out and harm. somebody. I I don't really do I don't do.

pranks like that anymore. But when I was. a kid, I was certainly like taping the. squirt nozzle on the sink on April. Fool's Day or [laughter] whatever. So my. dad would turn it on. It would go and I. would like be waiting upstairs and I. would hear like damn it, Miles. >> [laughter]. >> See, that's lighthearted enough where. I'm down for it. >> Yeah. >> Did you see the Nutella poop kid prank? >> What is that? >> People would be in the bathroom and. they're like, "Can you bring me toilet. paper?" Or like, "I need help." And. their kids are like, I'd say 8 to 3 or.

4. And when they go to hand them the. toilet paper roll or go to help them, they'll smear Nutella on them. So the. kids think, "Oh my god, my parent just. got poop on me.". >> Ew. >> The kids lose their minds. >> I That is not right. I don't think you. should be pranking your kids. My son Oh. god, he would be so upset. Like Yeah. Just I remember one time like Yeah. I. was like like I have young kids so it. was like I was using a wet wipe to wipe. his face and it's the same wet wipe we.

used to like wipe his bottom or whatever. and he was like is there poop on the. wipe? It's like no it's just the same. type of wipe. But I was like, the idea. of forcing that reaction, it would be. Yeah, I would never. >> Well, and that's the thing, too. It's. like, you don't know how your kids's. going to react. And if they genuinely. get upset and are hurt or scared or. whatever, then it's like you just. enjoyed terrorizing your child. >> That's true. You know what's funny is. like this type of thing is so uh it's so. common on the internet for people to. like develop outrage of like this is an.

immor. And it's like also like I don't. want to be pur purity testing the ways. that people do funny little things. I. mean it's like ultimately are we all. okay? Yeah, we're probably okay. >> I'm not seeing any comments from OP. >> Oh wow. >> Um did post this in a couple different. places. Am I overreacting and AITA. relationships? >> Is that common where somebody will kind. of rock a post across the board? >> I've seen it. Yeah. Not that often, but.

typically or if it gets removed from r/. relationships and they're like, "Okay, fine. Let me go try another sub.". >> Cuz a lot of the subs will pull based on. automods. So if like if you don't have. paragraph breaks pulled, >> like there's a lot of rules when you're. posting. Like even my sub like I'll get. >> messages and they'll be like, "My post. got removed. Why?" And it's like silly. stuff like that. >> Yeah. Character limit or whatever. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> So I'm not seeing anything else. There's.

a post from them that came after this. >> in r/ askreddit. Why are women who watch. lesbian porn not considered gay but men. who watch gay porn are considered gay? >> So. >> this is the same guy. >> This is the same guy. So he's out there. asking the big questions. >> Huh? Why are what was the question? >> Why are women who watch lesbian porn not. considered gay but men who watch gay. porn are considered gay? I guess I don't.

know. Yeah, there's there's no fluidity. being sort of mentioned there. >> Uhuh. >> I don't know. >> I don't know that I would consider I. guess. >> Who are you talking to your porn. preferences about? >> Yeah. Who are you being like Yeah, that's a really good point. [laughter]. >> Like who are you? >> Keep that private thing. That's a really. good point. It's just like keep it. private. By the way, everyone can do. whatever they want. I'm kind of team. just like you don't have to like, you. know, decide on a label. One day you. want to watch whatever you want to. watch. Follow your heart, kids.

>> I'm just like also even if you're. watching straight porn, you're still. seeing dick. Like. >> Yeah. Right. Like it's all. >> it's all out there. >> It's all out there. You know what I. mean? It's it's all body parts getting. wild. >> People are so weird. >> People, I think, also like to like. specify a box like this is, you know, >> this is Yeah. gay porn for gay people. this is lesbian porn for lesbians. It's. kind of just like I don't know. Everyone. has a little bit of fluidity to them. >> Yeah, I know. I was talking to um Nadine. Baba when she came on about this and.

she's like I hate a label. And I do I. see her point where it's like it does. feel nice to be able to be like okay. well I have ADHD and I'm autistic so. like I I understand myself a little. better because of that label. But I. think if you're just putting people in. boxes and that's the only box then I. think that's where it's like. >> no we don't love a label. Well, it's. it's interesting like putting yourself. in a box, I think for some people feels. good, feels like empowering if they. haven't found the right box, but it's. can feel uh complicated when you're. like, well, I fit in this box, so.

therefore other people need to fit in. this box. And then it's like, oh, well, no, now you shouldn't do that cuz then. like you're popping other people maybe. where they don't necessarily want to be. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, no other comments from OP on. this one. Wow. >> Only other comment I see that I kind of. like is someone that says, "Pranks. should confuse, don't abuse.". >> Yeah, that's fair. It's like you want. somebody to be like, "Huh?" But you. don't want them to feel sad. >> Exactly. [laughter]. No, >> the poop. Yeah. This is so something my.

wife would do and it is really funny cuz. I just like I think that she has done. something in this world where she was. like, "Miles, I can't do this because I. like Yeah. What did she do?" It was some. viral prank and I smelled it. immediately. It was not I was like I was. literally like I know that you're trying. to like catch me on [laughter] camera. for some like Tik Tok or something and. she was like okay fine. Like you know. >> was it the flower prank? >> What's that? >> So the one I've seen that I also kind of. like and everyone's going to be like you. hate pranks Morgan. I'm like I know.

[laughter] I talk so much [ __ ] about a. prank. This one was um couples would put a bowl. on the counter. >> and they'd put like flour in it. >> and she'd be like, "Oh, I can't pick. this up. It's so heavy." Like, "Babe, can you help me?" And she'd be like, "And then he'd come and be like, "What?". And he'd pick it up really fast and the. flower would like hit him. >> Yeah, it's funny. >> And I'm like, "Okay, that's just. flowers. >> It's fun. It's not a big deal." Although. I again I think it's like if you're in a. relationship, you want to leave, you'd.

be like, "Come on, I have work after. this." like you'd take it so personally. that you would break up cuz you want to. leave the relationship. >> If I had like just gotten a fresh. blowout and they knew it or if I I did. my makeup and we're going to dinner and. that's when that got pulled on me. No, I'd crash the [ __ ] out. [laughter]. 100% I would. >> That's true cuz you're like ruining that. person's positive vibe. Like. >> I'm feeling so good about myself. Boom. Like [laughter] that would be that would. be brutal. >> I' I'd get sent. Oh man. So, I don't.

know if you guys have any other good. examples of pranks, like happy, healthyish pranks, [laughter]. please drop them in the comments. But. moving on to this next one. This episode. is brought to you by Credit Karma. Breathe in. [snorts]. Now, breathe out. You feel that? That's. the calm of having into it Credit Karma. in your corner. If you're trying to get. your life together in this crazy world, Credit Karma is a great place to start. with the money stuff. Your credit score. isn't just a number. It can unlock. better rates, more options, and real.

savings. So whether you're moving, leasing a car, or upgrading your cards, it feels good knowing your credit is. working for you. When you start to feel. like there's too much on your plate, you. can count on Credit Karma for less. craziness and more credit. Thanks to. Credit Karma, I realized I missed some. student loan payments. Thanks, Credit. Karma. This next one, >> this is a juicy one. >> Buckle [laughter] up. >> Buckle in. >> Buckle up. Story number three for us here. Also.

coming from Am I overreacting? It's a. couple hours old when I found it. >> Oh, fresh. >> I'm scared to refresh just in case it. disappears. It's titled, "Am I. overreacting for being upset that my. fiance proposed with his late wife's. engagement ring?". >> Oh, that's so interesting. >> I'm 30 female and my fianceé is 33 male. We've been together for about 4 years. He was married before me and has an. 8-year-old daughter from that marriage.

For some background, he and his late. wife were basically childhood. sweethearts. They grew up together. Their families were close. They went to. the same college, got married young, and. were together for several years before. she unfortunately passed away while. giving birth to their daughter. It was. obviously devastating for everyone. involved. And he ended up raising his. daughter on his own until we met. I met. him when his daughter was around four. and since then we've built a life. together. Overall, things have been.

good. I've always tried to respect the. fact that he was widowed. I've never. asked him to get rid of pictures, stop. talking about her, or pretend like she. didn't exist. She was an important part. of his life and is an important part of. his daughter's life. And I understand. that. Last week, he proposed. I was. honestly excited. We've been together. for years, so I knew it was coming. eventually. The proposal itself was. sweet and the ring was beautiful. I said. yes. We took pictures and posted them.

online. I posted a few on Facebook and. he posted some on Instagram. A day. later, his former sister-in-law, who is. his daughter's aunt, messaged me and. asked if the ring I was wearing was her. sister's engagement ring. >> Oh my god, that's so uncomfortable. I. told her I didn't think so. Honestly, it. hadn't even crossed my mind. I figured. there was no way he would propose to me.

with the same ring he had given his late. wife. A couple of days later, she got. back to me after comparing old photos. Same setting, same diamond, same band, same everything. It was the exact same. ring. >> No. >> At first, I thought maybe she was. mistaken. So, I asked my fianceé. directly. He admitted it. He told me. that yes, it was the same ring, but he. didn't see what the big deal was. He. said it was a beautiful ring. It had.

sentimental value, and it didn't make. sense to buy another ring when he. already had one. I told him that wasn't. really the point. I explained that I. wasn't upset because I wanted a more. expensive ring or some giant diamond. Honestly, if money was the issue, I. would have been perfectly happy with a. cheaper ring. What bothered me was that. he gave me the exact same ring he. proposed to his late wife with and never. told me. >> I told him that if he wanted to reuse. the diamond and have it reset into a.

different ring, I probably wouldn't have. cared nearly as much. But handing me the. exact same ring felt strange. Maybe this. sounds irrational, but it made me feel. like I was stepping into someone else's. place instead of starting my own future. with him. His response was that I was. creating a problem where there wasn't. one. At one point, I asked him if he. planned on giving me her wedding ring, too. His response was, "Probably, maybe.". That honestly made me feel worse. I.

asked him why he never told me it was. her ring before proposing. He said he. didn't tell me because he knew I would. react like this. To me, that made the. situation even worse because it felt. like he knew this might bother me and. chose not to tell me anyways. We ended. up arguing and I left the ring behind. and went to stay with my mom for a few. days. Since then, this has somehow. turned into a family discussion. involving my side of the family and his. side of the family and even some of his.

late wife's family. My mom and sisters. think my reaction is understandable. They all said the issue isn't the ring. itself. The issue is that he reused such. a personal item without discussing it. with me first. His family feels. differently. Some think I'm overreacting. and being disrespectful to his late. wife's memory. Others have said people. pass jewelry down all the time and that. a ring is just a ring. My fianceé keeps. saying that he loves me and isn't trying. to replace anyone and that I'm just.

reading way too much into it. >> The thing is, I don't feel jealous of. his late wife. I never have. What. bothers me is that an engagement ring is. supposed to represent our relationship. Instead, it feels like I'm wearing a. symbol of theirs. I genuinely don't know. if I'm making this into a bigger issue. than it needs to be. So, am I. overreacting? >> Oh, man. That's there's so much there. It's so juicy. I like I don't even know. where to begin. >> Oh, yeah. Where do you unpack this one?

>> The first thing that my mind goes to is. that he didn't tell her that it was the. ring. And that is weird because it. clearly meant so much to him. I almost. feel like it should have been two. separate events. The proposal, he gets. down on one knee and he just holds her. hand, no ring. >> Okay. >> Says, "Will you marry me?" Right? She. goes like, "Oh my gosh, yes, absolutely." You know, and then they. have this warm moment. They would do. whatever. And then he's like, "So, I.

wanted to ask you, you know, I have this. ring. It's obviously from my late wife. You know, would you accept it? I know. it's very beautiful and maybe how do you. feel about that. >> and then she could have had that. conversation? It's it's weird that he. didn't think it would be a big deal at. all or do you think that he did think it. and was trying to sneak it in? >> I think that I don't know. His excuse is. so weird where it's like I already have. the ring. Why would I get another one? It's like that ring was a symbol of your. love for her. >> Yeah. >> And I I think OP honestly sounds like.

the dream stepmom. Like we have stepmom. horror story after horror story on the. show. >> and this woman sounds like she's so in. tune and self-aware and healthy and. >> don't take pictures down. Talk about her. as much as you want. >> Yeah. >> Like I get along with her family even. like. >> this is ideal. And so for you to just. not care enough or respect her and your. relationship enough to get her her own. ring. I I'm kind of on her side where.

it's like, yeah, it does feel like you. don't even see me, but you like the. shoes I fill. >> Yeah, that's so interesting. I almost. feel like they clearly want to get. married. It's just is about the ring. that is used, right? Cuz I, you know, like the shoes that fill like I have, you know, had lots of tragedy in my. life. And I kind of think that when. there's tragedy, I've always wondered. about this situation like wait what. happens if you meet I have a couple. friends who are like their loved one uh.

you know their partner passes away and. then they go on to date other people but. >> it is sort of like that person always. will be with them. >> Absolutely. >> You know and and so it's it's a it. definitely an awkward situation cuz like. he did have this whole life with this. other woman and they they had a kid. together and all this stuff and like. what a tragedy. In some ways, you have. to kind of have that be a part of your. relationship because it is too big of. his identity to not, you know, and you.

have to be comfortable with that. Like. that's who he is, you know, if if you. have a tragedy like that, it just is. ingrained in you so much. Now, that. doesn't mean that he can't communicate, hey, like I have this ring and whatever. and be you on his side. I feel like. she's been super understanding. He has. to now be understanding. >> Absolutely. I don't think it's rel. he's going to die on.

>> Why. >> then, you know, and I'm like, okay, you. know, he's in pain. This is probably a. big step for him. There's a lot to. unpack there, but at the same time, you're the one that proposed. >> Kind of signaling you're ready for it. >> She's not into the ring. Okay. Get her a. ring she's into and move forward. Be on. the same page. >> Correct. I think it's like what what. they both need to do is have a. conversation where they're like, "Look, I know this whole things has kind of. gotten out of hand. I don't know why her. family is chiming in. That feels way too.

much. Like the late wife, >> the late wife's family. >> I feel like I get that they might be. sensitive about it, but I also am kind. of like this is not their thing, >> their arena." I wonder in what way. they're jumping in because my first. thought when I read this. >> and I'm really weird about heirloom. items. Oh yeah. Like I. >> will go to bat for people getting their. heirlooms and like this is what's. important because in my head I was I was.

kind of like it's it's inappropriate to. give her the ring that should actually. go to the daughter. >> That's also what I was thinking. I think. that they should save that and then the. daughter can inherit that and it's like. >> a beautiful piece of her mom. >> Yeah. that feels way more appropriate. >> And then I was like pissed. I'm like, "Change the setting. Melt it down." I'm. like, "You better [ __ ] not." I'm. like, "That again, like it was. inappropriate for him to even use that. ring when you have a daughter. >> Even if you had a son, you give it to. your son, propose with this ring. This. is a piece of your mom." Like,

>> it's not necessarily. That's like where I was just like, "Oh, I'm so mad. And I'm just like, [laughter] so if they're coming in and. they're like, you know, that should go. to, you know, your daughter, that should. go to Lisa. Then I'm like, okay, I get. why they're coming in trying to be. Lisa's advocate. She's only eight. She's. probably not even thinking about her. engagement ring. But they might be. They're adults. They understand the full. scope of this. But I am curious. I'll. see if there's any comments from OP on. that. >> Yeah. No, you're totally right, though. Yeah. It's like, yes, she they might be. chiming in just to be like the ring. should go to uh the daughter, cuz that.

makes a ton of sense. Yeah, >> but I also think this is solved by maybe. both of them taking a deep breath. This. is solved like most arguments should be. solved where you take a deep breath and. you say, "Hey, I love you. I want to get. married. Let's just find a new ring.". >> And then that's kind of it. I don't. think it needs to end the relationship. That feels like a waste, but I don't. know. >> We don't have any comments from OP. >> No updates. >> The only one. proving that this is a real person. >> is there's an auto moderator on Am I.

overreacting? And it says, "In order to. prevent spam and bot post, this. subreddit temporarily removes post until. OP proves they're human. Please reply to. this comment and answer the question. If. you could have any superpower, what. would you choose?" OP responds and said, "I would choose to teleport." That is. all we have. >> They would teleport. And that's all we. know. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. I think this is uh I guess maybe. just a doofy. like.

the guy is being doofy if he really is. that unaware. I there are people like. this that are just totally like well I. had a ring so I don't know like that I. guess it's yeah it's just jewelry like. maybe he's really that unscentimental. You have to be pretty thick to not. really realize that but maybe he is you. know like. >> he could be. And that is a problem, but. it's not the problem that she thinks is. happening. >> No. And otherwise, relationship seems. great. Like there's no mention of like. there being other straws,

>> right? >> So, if he can get on board like and kind. of see and just move past this and not. let his ego and pride and whatever else. get in the way, >> then I think, you know, you'll be good. moving forward. But in this moment, I. don't think you're overreacting. >> Yeah. You know what's interesting? This. reminds me of uh you know Patton Oswalt. the comedian. >> Yes. His wife Michelle McNamera. >> Exactly. So Michelle McNamera like. literally solved the Golden State. >> Yes. Murders. >> Exactly. And then she passed away very.

like unexpectedly and Pat Oswald had a. daughter. >> and Patel remarried to this woman and. they made this post and it was basically. about and I think he talked about on the. podcast where he was like and she talked. about it how she was like you know. Michelle will always be a part of our. family like like I you being like like. we have found love in this but it's like. it was a really big consideration to be. like like I know that you lost your wife. and she's the mother to your And like I.

am in no way replacing that. I am like. here to support that as well cuz how. could you not like how could it's like. it would be too painful to try to wipe. it away and be like all right we're a. new happy family and not talk about this. person celebrate this person know that. you're stepping into a family that has. this tragedy as a part of it. You know. >> it's insane that a lot of people can't. do that. >> Yeah. What's a hard It's almost like the. what do you say right key wrong hole. That's like in order to step into a. family like that, >> you have to be the right person that's.

ready to accept it, which is a big It's. a big thing to accept. >> It is. It is. And it like it isn't. I. >> Yeah, it's true. >> I'm actually shocked and I feel like OP. putting this in there is because of how. often this comes up on Reddit and people. being threatened and jealous of a. deceased partner. >> Oh, that happens a lot. >> All the time. >> Yeah. Interesting. >> I have a guy who wrote in a while ago on. an app and he basically was like, "My. new fiance threw away all of our old.

home videos. of my my late wife.". >> Oh, that's so. >> destroying every memory for their kid. It's just like. >> you got to be done. Like who would be. threatened by a ghost? But yet people. are. >> And it's but that is like it's. insecurity. It's just someone feeling. not confident in theirel cuz if you're. cuz realistically it's like what are you. jealous of that your partner had found. love before you and that's like but. that's everybody like even you know life.

that's life like everyone contains. multitudes it's you can't control your. past. >> no that retroactive jealousy of it all. and you know it's a big thing that I. don't know I've seen it come up a lot. >> but at the same time then know that. about yourself Mhm. >> and find someone who doesn't have that. history. >> Yeah, for sure. >> There you go. >> It's also like I guess a lot of people. cuz jealousy was such a bigger part of. my life when I was a really young person. >> and then it's like, you know, uh yeah, I.

met my wife and it's like, oh yeah, this. is just the the person that like I'm. supposed to be with and therefore, >> oh yeah, whatever. And me and my wife. like definitely dated around with lots. of different people before we met each. other. But there's something about it. that's like, oh well that's why I met. her cuz we were out dating and. >> it led me here. >> It led me here. >> Yeah. Like I think that that it there's. such a security in that that I think a. lot of people don't feel which uh you. know is a bummer. [laughter]. >> I know. >> Top comment also picks up on the he.

should have saved his deceased wife's. ring for their daughter. Next comment. down exactly this. It clearly bothers. his late wife's sister or she would not. have said anything. Not overreacting. This is weird and would make me. uncomfortable. His actions feel. disrespectful of his late wife, not. yours. >> Yeah, I think that's true. Yeah. It's. like by just passing the ring, it's not. only disrespecting the new woman, it's. disrespecting the deceased wife cuz. Yeah. It's like the memory of her and. it's like, "Oh, wow. You just gave my. ring to somebody else.".

>> I know. And I think it just puts things. down the road maybe in an awkward. position of like the daughter has to go. and ask and be like, "Can I have my. mom's ring?". >> Yeah. It like pits the daughter against. Yeah. It puts a replacement thing. >> Yeah. And some people wouldn't care. You. know, maybe the daughter doesn't want. that ring. Maybe she won't like that. style. Whatever. But at least give her. the option. >> Yeah, definitely. >> But versus like changing it or melting. it down or Oh, I would just be. heartbroken. And that's like my mom's a.

big jewelry person, so like all of her. jewelry is going to me. >> Oh, wow. Nice. >> So, I'm just like this. I'd be. devastated. >> Yeah. Cuz there's such a history in in. jewelry. I Yeah. My my youngest uh son, my parents found like it was like some. pinky ring from my greatgrandfather. And. I was like, "Oh my god, this is so. cool." Like Yeah. What a unique piece of. jewelry that like, you know, I'm not. that big of a jewelry person, but I. thought it was so cool. >> Yeah. I'm I'm so sentimental about.

jewelry and just any heirlooms. Like. heirlooms should be passed down. >> a certain way. >> And that's kind of what some other. comments pick up on too. Jewelry is. handed down within a family, but if it. was her ring and you are not her family, it should go to her daughter when she. comes of age. I think your feelings are. understandable, period. But the fact he. knew you would have feelings about it. and didn't tell you is the biggest. issue. >> Yeah. >> And that is true. Him being like, "I. knew you'd have a problem about it.". Then why did you still choose to do it?

>> Oh, is that what he said? I Yeah, that's. crazy. >> I kind of like forgot that for a second. >> I totally forgot that. That's such a. problem to be like, "Yeah, I figured. you'd be annoyed about it." It's such a. weird, okay, well, if you had that. premonition, then why did you do it? >> Yeah, there's a lot of people in the. comments also sharing, "My mom died and. I got her ring. I would be very upset if. this happened instead." Same. My mom. passed when I was grown, but I am now. wearing her ring. And if my dad had. moved on and proposed to someone else. with it, I would be very unhappy.

>> Kind of feels like he just didn't think. like I do think this is giving that he. didn't think about it at all or thought. about it and was like, "Well, whatever. It's not a big deal. I just don't want. to have to get another ring and I'll. we'll just do it and it'll be fine and. then clearly wasn't cuz he should have. thought about it more.". >> Seriously. And it's like. >> it is a big gesture. >> Yeah. It's a big sentimental thing and. now your whole proposal is soured. because of this. >> That sucks to have it be all wrapped up. in this. You think it's going to be a.

big piece of your story and now it's. just this awkward thing that every time. you mention it, it is about this fight. >> Mhm. >> Yeah, it sucks, >> dude. Uh, I need an update on this one. We don't have one yet. Upon refresh, it. is now a day old. So, I'm going to. follow. I'll make sure I keep my eyes. peeled on OP's account. I'll send her a. message. I'll do it all, guys. Don't. worry. >> But that's all we got right now.

>> That is wild. Yeah. What a juicy little. thing. Do you have an iconic proposal. story? >> Um, mine was pretty good. >> Yeah. Um, [laughter]. he proposed in my hometown in Duth and I. kind of knew it was coming because. everyone was acting super weird and like. everyone was lying to me and then I just. like started feeling crazy. But. >> you were gas lit. >> I It was so bad. I was like literally. balling about it. I was like, "Why is. everyone lying to me?". >> No way. >> Yeah. But he proposed at the place I.

agreed to be his girlfriend. and it's. this beautiful hotel in Duth that. overlooks the water. And so he brought. me out on this like balcony with flowers. and candles and all this stuff. And I. didn't know it, but all of our family. and friends were behind us on a higher. balcony that overlooked it. >> Oh, that's so cute. >> So he proposed, I said yes, and then. everyone started screaming. I was like, what? >> Oh, that's amazing. >> It was really cool. And so then we went. and like celebrated after and got dinner.

with everyone. But the week before we. were in Paris [gasps] and we were out at. Versailles, just the two of us, like we. I don't know how I think they missed us. on their security sweep or something. [laughter]. Literally the only two people on the. grounds of Versailles. >> Yeah. >> And like we set up a camera and like. walked out and that's when I thought it. was going to happen. >> Yeah. Right. >> And cuz everyone was messaging me. They're like, "You're in Paris. Is he. going to propose?" Like and I'm like, "Here it comes. >> Here it comes. >> Here it comes." And then just a regular.

photo. >> Just regular photo. I'm like, [ __ ] But. I'm like, it was still it was beautiful. >> Yeah, that's that's awesome. To everyone. there is so great. >> How about you? >> We were uh it was December 2021. So uh. Oh, no. December 2020 and then I got. married in 2021. So, it was like we were. uh living together and um but it was. like sort of COVID like pandemic coming. and going and stuff and we uh I got the. ring. Me and my wife and her best friend. all live together and uh she's her best.

friend is like my sister at this point, you know, we got extremely close and are. still very close. >> And uh it was Christmas, so it was just. us in the house. And I was like, we. should get dressed up for a a Christmas. photo shoot, which doesn't exist. [laughter] And she was like, "Okay, whatever." So, I got all dressed up and. then I had uh her friend text her and be. like, "Hey, there's a bunch of packages. on my porch. Can you go get them off the.

porch cuz they're like technology or. whatever?" And she was like, "Okay, I. guess." She's all in her dressed up. She. leaves and actually cut to from this. that morning she was opening all our. presents and she thought I was going to. like give her a ring and she was like a. little bit grumpy that morning. >> No. >> So, she was like No, it's just like it's. fine. Like nothing's wrong. Like But she. was grumpy. >> How long had you been together at that. point? >> Oh, uh, we've been together for probably. 3 years. >> Okay. >> 2018. >> Mhm. >> So then anyway, so like, yeah, she was. like a little grumpy that morning. Whatever. She went to go cuz she's like,

"Well, where's the [ __ ] ring? It's. about time." I thought, "It's about. time. Come on.". >> And um yeah, me and her best friend had. picked the ring out and stuff. And uh so. she went to go do that. And while she. did that, I like put up string lights. all over our house. And then like it got. it got dark just as it came back. And. then uh I was like down our long. hallway. I had like put string lights so. it was all like illuminating and. whatever. And she came into our bedroom. and we filmed it and I was like I it's. too vulnerable to I tried to watch one. point. I'm like too vulnerable. I cannot. watch this. This is like way too. >> you're just cring yourself.

>> Yeah. But her and we're both like you. know whatever crying being like here's. this. But her best friend watched it and. was like yeah she's the only person. who's seen it. >> It it'll be amazing to have for your. kids. Like they'll want to see it. I um I fully posted mine online. I'm. just boring. [laughter]. And then I'm like, "Fuck you guys." Cuz. like everyone up there had been lying to. me all day. So yeah, >> but this is the like sort of the thing. is imagine like these beautiful stories. and then you're like and then right. after we got into a worldending fight.

about a deceased It's like so sad. >> It is. Yeah, >> it is. And it's just like it could have. easily been avoided. >> I know. Brutal. >> Absolutely brutal. So is this next one. >> Here we go. >> This is coming from r/ relationship. advice titled, "How can I, 25 female, get my boyfriend, 23 male, to stop. suffering maxing?". >> Suffering maxing. >> Suffering maxing. >> That is insane. >> How can I get my boyfriend to stop.

suffering maxing? >> Huh? Okay. >> Hi everyone. I know the title is a. little weird, but hear me out. My. boyfriend, 23, male, really hates. spending money on himself and then. complains about it. It makes no sense. He earns six figures, has no debt or. loans, and virtually no cost of living. He lives in a flat his parents bought. him. Here's a few examples to explain. what I mean. He often complains about. how his colleagues are so well-dressed.

and polished, but he still wears the. clothes his mom got him when he was 16. that are mostly too small or have holes. >> He refuses to go shopping for new stuff. because he doesn't know what to get and. then gets completely enraged when I. point out nice outfits that would suit. him well or offer to buy him clothes. He. uses his dad's tossed out perfume and. complains about how it smells, but also. refuses to buy himself one that he. actually likes. Same goes for food. He.

only eats fruits and vegetables when I. buy them and says how much he loves it, but when he's alone, he lives off of dry. noodles, plain yogurt, and bread. He. even eats moldy and expired food just so. it doesn't get thrown out. Mm-m. >> When I dispose of expired stuff, he. throws a fit. He once fed me five month. old eggs without my knowledge, >> resulting in a trip to the ER. He.

complains about his haircut not suiting. him, but refuses to go get a better. barber because it's $10 more. He. complains about his acne, but won't get. the prescription his derm prescribed. him. He complains about being skinny, but now that he's built a bit of muscle, he's whining about how he doesn't want. his shoulders to get broader because. then he'd have to get new clothes. He. complains about having to take cold. showers, but literally nobody but. himself is holding him back from letting. it warm up a little bit before hopping. in. His suffering maxing is so bad, it.

kind of started to imprint on me. >> I feel bad for replacing my shoes when. they have holes. I feel guilty for. showering with warm water and having a. smoothie every morning instead of stale. bread with nothing. It's really starting to piss me off and. I really need help understanding what. causes this and how I can gently. encourage him to get things he likes, live a little, and embrace growth. Are.

there any men here who have been like. this and have successfully overcome it? >> Oh my god. Okay, so break up. >> [laughter]. >> I feel like this is the a bad. relationship. All of the things that. this person wrote out are a nightmarish. And it feels like it's also the thing of. like if you loved this person, you would. find some of these charming. And they. all sound horrible. >> I don't think I would find any of these. charming, no matter how much I loved.

this person. I'm like, how have you not. gotten the ick yet? >> I mean, yeah. No, that's what I'm. saying. Like it feels like if you're. this lasered in on all the things you. find annoying about your partner, you. should not be with them. >> What is keeping you there? >> Yeah. What's keep There's no redeeming. [laughter] qualities. >> What's keeping you there? >> Suffering maxing. This person is a dud. This person is bad. And like I am very. empathetic to the idea that like people. can be in a rut. But I think that if you. are like lasered in being like they. complain about their hair, they complain.

about the food, they eat moldy food, they put somebody to the ER. If you're. listing it all out like that, you're not. in a position to help them with any of. it. Sort of like cuz even if you're just. writing into Reddit about all of it, it's like you've already illuminated. that this relationship is not going to. be the one that like pulls him out of. the rut. Now, that being said, I feel. like all of these things are because. this person is unhappy. with themsel. Yes. It's like complaining.

can be very addictive and getting into. this habit of like uh I don't want to do. this. I don't want to better my life. Whatever. I've definitely been in. positions never this bad, but I've been. in positions where I'm like, okay, like. I'm just sort of unhappy with my life. I. need to change something. I don't really. know how. >> I'm totally empathetic to that, but I. kind of think that this person is maybe. not the right person to do it with them. >> Yeah. >> You know, >> I agree. I mean, he's 23, still pretty. young. I think maybe some therapy could help.

Buttally, it's interesting because I. think a lot of. >> people struggle with like being overly. frugal or, you know, finances are really. tough for a lot of people right now. >> But it doesn't sound like he's come from. that background of like, >> oh, I have this scarcity mindset because. my family really struggled or whatever. So, it also just like doesn't really. make that much sense considering his. parents purchased his flat for him. >> Yeah. So he doesn't really have. expenses. Like what are we saving all this money.

for? Like you can afford to not eat. stale food. It's better for you. Like. why are you putting yourself through. this? Like what is going on? >> Wait. So I actually didn't get at all. that this was because entirely because. of frugality. Is this all like I got the. clothing and stuff like that, but the. food too. I guess the idea is that he. doesn't want to spend money on food. >> That's kind of what I'm getting. I Yeah, I that's I think maybe what the OP is. getting at too. I just sort of missed it. because I'm like if that's the issue, you actually don't need to spend a ton.

of money to get food that is good for. you. >> That's exactly what I'm saying. Like. there's people that there's this one. content creator, I'm forgetting her. name, but she literally goes to like the. Dollar Tree and makes. >> incredible content creator. >> Oh my god. What is her name? And she. does like Thanksgiving dinner for $20. >> Yeah, she's an angel. She's like. basically will do uh Yeah. Thanksgiving. dinner for at the dollar store for $15. And she buys things then is able to. like, you know, buy bread and then use. it as breadcrumbs and create a dough out. of it and make like a little dessert.

thing. It's like truly incredible. >> Yeah, she's amazing. >> Literally the Dollar Tree dinner. Is. that the YouTube Dollar Tree dinners? >> Yeah, maybe it is. I'm not sure. Yeah. No. Yeah, you can definitely do that. But even like he has he it seems like he. has a good job. Like he makes six. figures, whatever. I think that he also. just he needs a code. He needs a life. philosophy. He needs the grind set. And. we have to give him the grind set. without radicalizing him into sort of a, you know, bad evil villain.

>> Yeah. I just think this isn't your. person and this would drive me nuts. I. mean, if it's rubbing off on you so much. to the point you have holes in your. shoes. >> Yeah. That's crazy. and you feel bad. about getting new shoes, like that's. also not healthy for you. >> Yeah. Also, I find that this is one of. those things that is uh not about money, but it would be easy for him to say it. is about money. Like, >> you can keep your life together and buy.

have clean clothes and keep yourself. tidy and and like take care of yourself. in a way where you're not spending. money. I think it's more about the. philosophy of like, you know, gratitude. and stuff like that. And I only say this. because it sounds like he has a stable. job that does pay him a good amount of. money. You know what I mean? If it was. like he's financially struggling and. that's affecting his mental health and. all this other stuff is falling by the. wayside, I think that's different. Totally different. But in this case, he. has a good job, he lives with his. girlfriend, he has the means to do all. of this stuff. But I think he's choosing.

not to. And it sort of is the thing of. the way you treat, you know, yourself in. all of those ways. The way you feel. about yourself. He doesn't feel good. about himself, so he's eating like. garbage. He's complaining about getting. in the cold shower cuz he doesn't feel. like he deserves a hot shower. Like all. it might be subconscious, but I do think. that it can be fixed with just a level. of like, okay, I deserve to be here and. I'm feeling grateful about myself. I. think therapy is really the only. solution that he needs, you know? No, the more you point it out too, it does. feel like it's like just torturing.

himself. The cold shower thing. especially because it's like how much. extra money is it going to be to wait a. few minutes to let your water heat up? >> No, it's not it's it's negligible. Totally negligible. >> 25 cents a dollar. >> Yeah. >> For just like some mild comfort. Like it. does feel like it's. >> he just wants to suffer. >> kind of. And I do think OP calling it. suffering maxing because I know looks. maxing is like a thing. I I do agree and.

people kind of are disagreeing. Someone. says I mean it doesn't sound like. suffering maxing as much as just being. stingy. Is there anything he spends. money on? Are you paying for all of your. dates? From your post it just sounds. like he has an aversion to spending his. own money and moans until you spend your. own on him. See the fruits and veggies. thing. OP does respond. >> Okay, that puts some things into. perspective. I always thought he must be. suffering because he complains a lot. He.

takes me on a date for my birthday and. we don't really go on dates that cost. money apart from that. On the rare. occasion that we do, we split the bill. or I pay for it all when he otherwise. refuses to join me. >> Okay, this is like Yeah, I one I think. this is not the relationship. So, my. main piece of advice is break up. >> Break up, >> but definitely break up. My sub piece of. advice if if breakup is not available. choose option B which is [laughter]. that creativity can get you around like.

the frugal thing like if you're like we. don't go on dates or whatever by the way. go for a walk to a store buy a loaf of. French bread and go to the park and eat. it with each other it will cost you $3. and it will be gorgeous be outside be. the n like I do think that using a. little bit of creativity even if it's. like okay his shoes are have holes or. whatever. It's like, okay, let's like. save up a tiny amount of money and get. you a new outfit or just like create a. budget for like we're going to buy an. outfit and we're going to save money in. this other way. Buy frozen fruits and.

vegetables. They're way cheaper and. usually they're more fresh than the. fruits and vegetables you buy in the. fresh section. >> That's crazy. >> There's lots of ways to do stuff that uh. is just a little bit creative, but I. don't even think that's the issue. I. really think he is just trying to punish. himself. I know people that sort of. refuse to allow themselves to like be. okay because they feel bad about. themselves. Like. >> I think that's what it is. The more you. say it, I'm like, Miles, I 100% agree.

>> Yeah. Like. >> that's got to be it. >> Just the idea of being like, >> "Yeah, I got the promotion, but it's. like way more work." And it's just And. it's like, "Well, wait, hang on." Like. we skipped over the part where you get. to be like, "Yeah, I got the promotion.". You know, and so many people live their. life that I I I can't possibly, you. know, imagine how they do, but they do. >> No, I you said something else, too, where you said complaining is like. addictive. >> completely. Yeah. >> And it's so true, I've fallen into this.

I've literally been where it's like I'm. just overly negative and I'm complaining. a lot and I'm venting, but like. >> a friend was like, every time we talk. it's negative. And I'm just like, okay, okay, we're going to shift that. And. once you start realizing and it becomes. apparent, then you're like, "Okay, like. I do need to be more positive. I need to. practice gratitude because the more I. think negatively, the more I complain, >> I'm building that in my brain." Like. that pathway is getting stronger. And. it's just that's default. That's easy. >> So I do think there's a bigger thing.

going on here with him, his mental. health, and. >> I don't think you can necessarily. address this. He's got to be willing to. address it within himself. >> Totally. Yeah. Misery loves company, they say. And I think that's true with. like if you. >> are like I feel like I've been in. relationships in the past where I was. like, "Oh yeah, that person is negative. and I'm a like I'm becoming a little. negative and we're sort of negative. together and we're complaining about. everything and every and it's like, oh, this is horrible." Like. >> you can fall into friendships like that. Like I was doing it with that person.

because they were doing it with me and. they were complaining about their work. So then I would complain about me and. being stressed and burnt out and then. >> somehow we got lost in the sauce and it. just didn't work anymore and so we. addressed it. But totally it is easy to. fall into that but okay now how do we. get out of it? >> And OP does have another comment here. too that he does have a bachelor's. degree in finance and econ and he reads. many books on finance so he has good. financial literacy. I know I do know pe. I know rich people that are like this.

and I think it comes from an upbringing. thing like maybe they just were raised. to be like don't spend any money and. like a fear thing but you got to you if. if you have the means you have to relax. it a little bit. >> Have you seen those couples that like. share floss? >> That's disgusting. Why. >> save money? There's like a show it was. like another version not extreme. couponers but like kind of like a. costsaving thing. >> Yeah. and. >> they like did something weird with the.

deodorant and would share floss and like. reuse it multiple days. >> Oh my god, that's so disgusting. You. It's It It is the thing again. Like I. feel like I've seen a bunch of Tik Toks. recently cuz by the way, everything is. crazy expensive. Like huge empathy for. anybody that is like, "I'm financially. struggling. [ __ ] deodorant's $9.". Like 100% empathy to that. >> Yeah. Everyone's getting laid off. It's. just. >> No, it's terrible. Like it's like a. terrible economy right now. But that. being said, like there's all these great. accounts like he had the Dollar Tree one. or I saw another one where it was this.

guy being like I'm going to make like, you know, he makes like salsa and like. one other and like you know chips and a. enchiladas or something like that and. he's like here's actually like I'm going. to spend $10 and here's exactly where it. goes. >> I love that. And it was really cool. And. I think there are again it's like if you. use creativity and you try to remain a. little bit grateful like you can do. things that feel like luxury like wow I. made this beautiful homecooked meal that. has vegetables that has whatever and it. doesn't cost that much. >> but it feel when you're in that negative.

headsp space it feels like you can't. You're like wow I want food and food is. [ __ ] $30 and I don't have it. So you. then like it's easy to fall into this. cycle where you uh are mad at yourself. and you treat yourself poorly. I think. that's what it is. >> Yeah. >> I hope we get an update on this one, but. that's all we got right now. >> Jeez, Brutes, break up. Break up. >> Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this. Okay. >> They are both from the Two Hot Takes. subreddit. >> Whoa. >> But you only get one. [gasps].

>> Okay. >> Option one, >> my fiance wants me to adopt his weird. bathroom habit. [laughter]. >> Okay. Or option two, husband can't. finish unless he watches porn or my. friend's Instagram posts. >> Oh, oh my god, that's okay. The second. one is so disgusting, but I do feel like. I need to know more. Like that that like. dynamic is so [ __ ] weird, but I I'm.

fascinated. >> Here we go. Oh, >> I, 20 female, and my husband, 23 male, got married 6 months ago, but we've been. together 5 years. I was 15 and he was. 17. And we grew up together and were. friends for years before this. I moved. into the house he bought when I went to. college after I graduated high school. We've been struggling with intimacy. lately, and I need advice. edit. He does. all the financials other than I send him. 300 to 400 a month for rent and my phone.

bill out of the 550 my parents give me. during the school year. I work two. part-time jobs while going to university. full-time. Our monthly bills are around. 2,000 and I am paying some of my student. loans off while in college. Yes, now. that we're married, I would get half the. house if we divorced, but collectively. we're in almost 300,000 debt from both. of our schools, cars, and the house. M. >> his sister and her two toddlers also. live with us, but up until 3 months ago. when I brought it up, she was living. with us rentree for almost 10 months,

but I'm expected to pay 300 to 400 a. month. Whenever I lived with my parents, we never really had sex in a bed. It was. in a car or quickies when we could. Now. that we live together and are older, we. don't have spontaneous sex at all. I use. toys when we have sex because it's the. only way I can finish. He gets annoyed. that I use the toys every time, but it. feels better to me that way. >> In the last 8 months or so, we would. watch porn while having sex. In the. beginning of the relationship, I told. him I don't like watching it. But even.

though I told him that, he never. stopped. I've asked several times over. the years, so I figured if you're not. going to stop, I'll join you. Fast. forward to the last 4 months. When dirty. talking, he always talks about bringing. another girl. His body count is seven. Mine is one. Whenever I talk about. bringing another guy, he gets upset if I. say much. But then he talks about. bringing another girl and ask me to pick. someone. Not a famous person, but one of.

my friends. >> No, no, no, no, no, no. >> At first, I was like, "Okay, whatever.". But as times went on, he asked me to. pick a girl to finish to four times in a. row. So obviously I'm like, "Oh, I'm not. good enough for him to finish to." With. the combo of that and me gaining some. weight since we moved in together, I'm. very self-conscious. We've never had sex. with the light on anymore, and nine. times out of 10, he watches porn while. we have sex and must finish to it. I've.

told him several times I don't like him. bringing up other girls, especially my. best friends. It's weird to me. and. something that's actually obtainable. Unlike a porn star, he still does it. occasionally, but less often than in the. beginning. For reference, we usually. have sex minimum one time a week, but. sometimes 2 to three. The longest we've. ever went without sex was 3 weeks. because I had a cyst on my ovary and had. to get it removed before our wedding. That way, we could even have sex on our. honeymoon. Other than that 3 week.

period, it's at least once a week. What. do I do? He doesn't stop when I tell him. I don't like something. And knowing he's. never stopped watching porn when we were. younger makes me wonder if he finishes. to my friends Instagrams behind my back. [gasps]. >> Oh my god, that's okay. There are so. many problems. It's almost like where do. we even begin? It's like a problem. buffet, Morgan. Um. >> a problem buffet. >> It's an all you can eat problem buffet.

Okay, I just want to say preface. First. of all, sex is a sensitive topic. So, if. you've got adverse opinions to what I'm. about to say, that's fine. I don't hold. any whatever. But I do think that there. is a better way that, you know, I just. feel like it's like specifically with. when she's like, I ask him to stop. certain things and he doesn't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Big red flag alert. Hello. >> Hello. >> Hi, guys. But that is like such a big. red flag to me. But also, I think, you.

know, lots of different people have lots. of different types of sex, and I think. that's great. By the way, her saying. like, you know, I use toys in the. bedroom, that's super common. It's like. a. >> You're also 20. >> You're 20. >> Like, I feel like that's what it takes. for a lot of people to even figure out. how to get off. >> 100%. I feel like there's a it's a. there's a super low percentage of women. that uh can orgasm without uh like. external stimulation. M. >> So, it's like that is like it's annoying. that he is shameful of that or like. doesn't believe in it. That's some weird.

male ego thing when he just needs to. [ __ ] do the research and be like, "Hey, actually, statistically, this is. like super common, very normal way for. uh women to achieve orgasm.". >> The other thing is that I think he is. I'm going to [ __ ] do a read here. He's a 22-y old male. >> 23. >> He's a 23-y old male. He can only come. by watching porn during sex. He's. watching porn not when you're having sex. and watching too much of it.

>> non-stop. >> Non-stop. >> porn addiction. >> totally. The idea that he has to bring. in the imaginary and the like the. dopamine receptor receptor thing. He's. hooked up to a clockwork orange porn. machine. And I think that that is like, >> you know, unfortunately just if you have. to bring it in like that, like yeah, you. know, and again, lots of people, I'm. sure that there's lots of couples out. there that are like, we like watching. porn together, and that's a part of our. relationship. And I think that's fine, but that doesn't seem to be what's going.

on here. She doesn't like doing it. She's asked him to, you know, not do it. a couple times, and I think that it's. frustrating to her that there's he's. still watching it. I also don't. understand how he is watching it, and. she's like, "Can you please stop?" How. is that happening? I'm literally. envisioning like doggy style and a. computer's up on the bed to the right. >> Want to throw up. >> Like that's what I'm envisioning. Like. this is there's a computer, a laptop, an. iPad next to them at all times and this. is how he's engaging. And it's like. >> that's so that that bums me out so hard.

>> It's just you're at a point and no is a. full sentence. >> You don't have to compromise and do. things you don't want to do to appease. your partner, especially sexually. Like. you said, I didn't I didn't like. watching this porn, but like if you. can't beat him, join him. Or if he's not. going to stop, join him. Whatever you. said. Like, >> yeah, >> you shouldn't have to do that at all. I. think you're sexually incompatible. I. think you're 20. I think you got married. >> very young. Divorce. >> Divorce. >> I wish I could I wish I could say break.

up cuz that's obviously a lot easier. I. think debt, it doesn't matter about the. debt. Like, you'll deal with the debt. It [ __ ] sucks. You have that much. >> As someone with 200k of student loans, I. get it. I'm trying to pay it down. the. interest. It just it's it's a [ __ ]. >> It sucks. >> But this is not worth staying because I. think at the bottom line, he doesn't. really respect you. >> 100%. >> And love is about respect, especially in. the most vulnerable, intimate moments of. it. >> Yeah. It's like also good, meaningful. sex means that everyone feels good and.

respected the whole time, right? And I. think that's kind of the bare minimum. Even by the way, even if you want to be. disrespected, you got to feel respected. to be disrespected in like a playful. way. You know what I mean? Like safe. words and whatever it looks like. >> Totally. Like even if that's what's in. it for you. I just think that inherently. this is like if something about this is. ringing like, you know, uh uncomfortable. or like, hey, I asked him not to do. this. I'm just kind of I guess I'm just. picking up the scraps of he's going to. watch it. The Instagram stories thing.

feels like it was tacked on at the end. >> Yeah. Well, I think it's because he. keeps being like, "What friend of yours. should we bring in?". >> Yeah. That is so weird to me. >> The minute you start talking about my. friends when I'm naked with you, >> no, >> even just like, >> and this is like a small thing and like. again, everyone I'm giving a lot of. caveats cuz I don't want people to be. like Miles said this, but. >> No. Yeah, there's, >> you know, nuance. There's a lot of. nuance. I think that even just the idea. that she's like it's lights off all the. time now and she's feeling a little bit.

insecure about her body. If he is not. gassing you up and making you feel super. excited about all of this, making you. feel like, hey, like I'm really excited. to do this and you're so beautiful, whatever, that is also bare minimum to. me. Like your partner should be, you. should feel more secure around your. partner. You know, they should be. gassing you up to feel good about. yourself always, especially in times. when you're like doing something very. intimate. >> Uh so I think that that just really. rings bad to me. >> Yeah, absolutely. That's like something.

I said in my vows. I was like. >> Justin, my partner, is like the first. person that I've ever been with that has. made me feel beautiful. >> Oh, it's safe in every way. Every. vulnerable moment, like I feel so good. and respected and it's like. >> that's how you should feel. That's like. that is love. >> Yeah. >> And so if you're not there after this. many years with this person and trying. and now you know it's I get it. You went. from your parents house to now you guys. have your own place. That's a big.

transition. You've been trying to figure. each other out, >> but it's clearly not working and there's. no respect there to develop it forward. >> Totally. >> top comment on this one. He what. [laughter]. are you asking us for advice on where to. find a divorce lawyer or a good. psychologist? Because that's the only. thing we can offer you. >> 100%. >> 7K up votes. Someone responds to it and. goes, "Right, what's that line? Don't. involve us unless you're going to leave. him." Or something like that. If she.

starts to defend him, I'm out. And. someone responds back and they say, "She's never had another relationship. She has no comparison.". >> Yeah. This is It also rings of like, "Well, I guess this is what. relationships are like." No, no, no, no. There is such a There is a better way. There's a better person out there for. you that's going to respect you more. There I feel like this is a common thing. with Red. You just see people being. like, "Well, this is how relationships. are, right?" and they're in like the. most nightmarish like super villain. relationship and it's like no there's. there's so much out there like there's.

so many people out there and this. person's so young like if you're married. and I obviously it is logistically very. difficult that you're married and I hear. that it will only get more difficult as. you stay in this relationship and if. you're going to get a divorce do it now. and then rebuild that way you have the. rest of your life to rebuild into. whatever it's going to be but don't like. cling to the you know tattered shre. threads of this in the hopes that it. will get better cuz it just seems like. it's not the right thing. >> Why are you suffering? >> Sufferaxing. Hello. >> Don't suffer max and like the prime of.

your life 20. Literally get divorced. Go. move on campus. Go make friends and date. and figure out what is out there. Because I look at it and I thought this. about every single boyfriend. Every. single boyfriend from the very first. one. My 14-year-old high school. boyfriend. I thought I was going to. marry him. My 17-year-old high school. boyfriend, I thought I was going to. [laughter] marry him. >> 19-year-old high school college. boyfriend thought I was going to marry. him. It's like if I would have married. any of those people, I would be.

miserable. >> Yeah. >> And I would be with someone that. literally cheated on me and had another. kid. Like. >> Yeah. >> And just like I look at that and it's. like, but that's what I thought love was. at that time. >> And not everyone gets lucky and marries. their high school sweetheart and it's. perfect. It can happen, >> but the proof is in the pudding. >> Yeah. And you don't got that here. >> No, it's like there's there's so many. better options for this person. I think. even just also like the idea of like. intimacy as like it's a connection. between two people or like and even if.

that means that like you're really. connected and you're doing wild, you. know, freaky deaky stuff in the bedroom, that's great, too. But it has to start. with like we respect each other. We feel. good and safe here and then we're. building [clears throat] from there. Yeah. >> You know, >> I'm with you. This is a listener. So. hopefully we'll we'll get an update. >> Good luck out there. >> I know. >> Get a good divorce lawyer. >> It's only a couple days old at this. time. So we will see. We'll see what we. get.

>> Is responding to some comments. I listen. to THT, so I hope they would see this. and give me advice. >> Thank you. Um, all of this is helpful. This is by far one of the most helpful. comments. So you're out there. >> Yeah, >> there's better for you. Do not sacrifice. your happiness and not being respected. I mean, a lot of people just comment. again and again like. >> quoting OP and just being like, I keep. telling him not to do something, but he. keeps doing it. >> And they go, reread this to yourself a. thousand times. >> Yeah.

>> It's really really I think that's wise. It's like, you've said it yourself. >> Yeah. >> No. >> Okay. One last one for us here. >> Okay. >> Okay. This is coming from our SL. relationship advice. Mhm. >> My 28 male girlfriend, who recently. became my fianceé, 25 female, apparently. stalked me before we started dating. How. do I deal with being creeped out by her. now? >> Oh my god. Isn't this like the premise.

of a couple different movies? >> It's you, Joe Goldberg. >> It's Joe Goldberg, which by the way, I. am watching right now. I can't get. enough of it. It is so trashy. I love. it. >> A little over 3 years ago, I moved to a. new city for work. About this time 3. years ago, I moved into a new house in. the city. The house was perfect. It had. a pool. I love to swim. And there was a. running trail that went around the. neighborhood. I love to run outside. For. the first month or so, I had little. interaction with the neighbors other. than a friendly wave or how are you.

Shortly after coming back from one of my. runs, two women, my fiance, who we'll. call Kim, and her sister Lisa, knocked. on the door and introduced themselves. My fiance's sister lived across the. street with her husband and their two. kids. We made casual small talk, which. in retrospect, I think was intended to. ascertain if I had a significant other. But in any case, they ended up inviting. me to their Fourth of July cookout that. was coming up. I said I might stop by. Fourth of July comes and I was just.

planning to stay at the house. Late. afternoon, Kim and Lisa stopped by and. plead with me to come over and have a. burger. I decide to go over. I stay for. a couple of hours. Kim asks me a lot of. questions and I spend the bulk of that. time just answering Kim's questions. After this experience, I start to see. Kim regularly when I'm out and about. There's a grocery store near the. neighborhood that I would see her there. at. I also would see her pretty. regularly at a nearby coffee shop that I.

started frequenting. every time she. tries to initiate a conversation. About. 6 months into living there, I'm doing a. run on a trail around the neighborhood. I see Kim. She flags me down. She said. that she lost her phone and asks if I. can call it. I call [sighs and gasps]. and we don't hear anything. She then. asks if I can walk with her along the. trail to help her look. I do. We walk. for about 15 minutes and I keep calling.

She eventually finds it covered by some. leaves a little way off the trail. >> Mhm. >> Shortly after this experience, she. offers to take me to lunch as a thank. you. I see no harm in that. So, I say. yes. We go to lunch. >> She seems to have similar interests to. me and we have a good conversation. Shortly after that, we start dating. Our. relationship progresses. About a year. ago, she moves in full time with me in. my house. About four months ago, we get. engaged. About a few months ago, one of.

her friends found out that her boyfriend. that she was living with was cheating. Some days later, she came over to the. house. I worked on finishing getting the. pool ready for the season, and they got. lubed up on some wine. They were sitting. on the back patio while I was working. and talking really loud. Mostly, it was. the standard, "F that dude for. cheating." At one point, Kim asked me to. get them more wine, so I did. After. bringing it back, they started talking. about me. After a while, Kim's friend.

said something like, "I just need to. start stalking a good one." Kim's. response was, "I can give you the. stalking to get your man 101 course.". >> And then talked about figuring out a. guy's schedule, showing up to the places. they are, and finding excuses to talk to. them. >> Mhm. >> And about the fact that it might take a. while. They talked about this for a. while and were laughing about it the. whole time. Her friend stayed over and. we had a pretty chill night. The next.

morning, her friend left. What she said. about the stalking really bothered me, so I asked about it. She tried to play. it off as a joke, but said that she did. do that stuff with me. She figured out. when I would go running, go to the. grocery store, go to the coffee shop, etc., and would be there. She had been. trying to get me to ask her out for. months. After that did not work, her and. her sister came up with the lost phone. plan on the trail. Hearing all of that. really creeped me out. Kim did not see.

the big deal. She apologized, but she. does not see the problem with what she. did. It really has me second-guessing. everything about the relationship. >> Wow. I I feel like I have conflicting. thoughts about this. >> Okay. Because I think that on one hand. they got engaged so the relationship did. end up being fine. Unlike Joel Goldberg, she didn't murder anybody. So she so she.

oh she ran into her crush at the local. coffee shop and was like, "Oh, I think. he goes like it's almost there's. something almost juvenile and innocent. about it." Even though, yeah, if the. gender re roles were reversed, I would. probably feel it differently, but I. think that there's something fun and. flirtatious about it and maybe harmless. I don't know. I don't know. >> I'm I'm really really curious how she. figured out these habits. >> Yeah, that's a good point. Was she. sitting in a bush outside his apartment.

[laughter]. or did she go to the coffee shop every. day and work there and just hoped he'd. show up and oh, he showed up today at. 10:00, I'll come back tomorrow at 10:00. Like, how do you get a meet cute. >> and get that traditional. >> I met him at a coffee shop. I met him at. a bar. Unless you're putting yourself in. those places. But the context of how. insane she went, >> but we don't even like to me it's like, yeah, how insane is too insane. Like. let's say you have a crush on somebody.

and you're like, oh, like I know that. they're a regular at this coffee shop. Like I'm going to go and see if they're. there. And then they're like, oh yeah, they think they kind of work there every. morning. Like, well, I need my morning. coffee. Like I guess I'll stop by at. that coffee shop that and maybe I'll see. him there, but like maybe I won't. Maybe. I'll just get my coffee. Like is that. crazy? >> So we do have some comments from OP. [laughter]. There's only a couple. Um, they do live. in the US. OP's from the South. We now. live in the Midwest. So, OP says, "No. lie about activities as far as I know.". Because I think a lot of people, especially with OP, being like, "I'm.

unclear about the relationship as a. whole.". >> Yeah. >> Because if someone's stalking you and. they're changing themselves so that you. like them, that would be weird. >> Yeah. It's like, >> that would be totally weird. >> I hate horses. And my fiance's like, I. hate horses. Or. >> Yeah. >> Oh my god, Disneyland. gross. Like all. things I love. But um OP says she does hate running. outdoors and only did it because I would. use the trail. But she figured out. without telling me that I went to the. grocery store twice a week, a big shop.

early Sunday afternoon, a smaller shop. on Wednesday after work. If she could, she would get dressed up, put on a cute. outfit and makeup, and then go grocery. shopping during those times. She would. also drive past her work to go to my. coffee shop in the mornings when I would. usually be there. One of her friends. works there and would tell her when I. showed up. >> That but okay, yes, that like on paper. does seem weird, but I'm also like isn't. this the classic like, "Oh my gosh, yeah, your guy is here. Like, you should.

come get a latte and say hi." Like, >> if my girlfriend didn't do that, I'd be. pissed at her. >> Yeah. It's like it's flirtatious and. harmless. If she was like, "So I waited. by his car till he came out to his car.". Like, yeah, that would be weird. This. honestly reminds me of the thing of like. flowers sent to your work by someone you. have a crush on. Adorable, sentimental. Flowers sent to your work by somebody. you don't have a crush [laughter] on. Horrifying. Serial killer. >> I have a feeling people are going to. have a lot of hot takes on this one. >> Yeah, cuz it's I get the concern I of. being like, "No, it is [ __ ] weird.".

Like, whatever. >> Gender flip it, too. And I'm like, >> but again, she's not putting an air tag. on his car. She's just like trying to. [laughter]. meet him and like have him catch a hint. and ask her out, which girl, you could. have just asked him out. >> Yeah. >> Like don't let the gender roles and. those stereotypes keep you from asking. someone out. >> Totally. >> But would you have even been interested? Like. >> you kind of had to play this long game. for him to even ask you out. >> It's like it like going to his house and.

trying to get him over the Fourth of. July thing. Like not crazy at all. No. >> Like that's totally normal. Being like I. have a crush on the neighbor. I want him. to come over to my sister's thing. >> Oh my god. So many people see a hot guy. walking their dog and are like, "He's so. hot." I've literally, this was in high. school. I used to rollerblade by this. hot guy's house in my neighborhood. >> Oh, yeah. >> Constantly, hoping he'd see me out. Never worked. My girlfriend was friends. with him. Like, >> oddly, they started talking on Instagram. way back in the day. And I was like,

"Katie, will you please like ask him out. for me for my birthday present? All I. want for my birthday is a date with. him." And she [ __ ] did. Didn't happen. in high school, but I ended up hooking. up with him in college and we dated for. a while. >> There you go. >> Like, but I'm like, I used to. rollerblade past his house constantly. And I told him that. >> Yeah. >> And he was like, "You did?" I was like, "Yeah, I thought you were so cute.". >> But see, that's they're so harmless. Like, I really think it's so harmless. And it's like kind of adorable, you. know? But like the idea that being like.

you know what it is I think that OP uh. there's a little bit of a like wow am I. just so unbelievably hot that like wow. she really stalked me like that it. bothers me about it the writing of it. being like yeah and then like she's. drunk with her friends and she reveals. her whole plan that I was the hottest. guy in the neighborhood that she stalked. to find it's like well no she had a. crush on you then you guys like fell in. love and got engaged like. >> Yeah. Well, and it wasn't like a. stranger. Like, she was genuinely.

interacting with you in normal ways, too. Like, >> the Fourth of July thing is a great. example where it's like, no, she invited. you over to try to get to know you. >> She just didn't want to ask you out. >> She wanted you to ask her out and it. took a while to get there. OP really does have a problem with the. word stalking though because there's a. couple other comments like. >> she orchestrated her schedule to go. grocery shopping when I did go to a. coffee shop. I did started using the. running trail around the neighborhood. and she hates running outside. She has.

described her behavior as stalking and. still does today. She just does not see. it as a big deal. >> I think it is the word. Yeah, >> I think it's the word stalking. I. stalked him. >> Right. I had a crush on you. So I like. went to places I thought I might see. you. Right. I think it's it's also that. if you went to a coffee shop cuz the. person you had a crush on might be there. and they aren't there, like that's just. as normal as you going there and running. into them. The phone story is the only. one that's like pretty weird. But I. think it's weird in a like, oh yeah,

that's totally weird that you did that. cuz you were so had such a crush on this. person that you pretended you lost your. phone. Like that's totally weird. >> Yeah, that's a little aggressive. >> It's totally aggressive. But but it. reminds me of the Jim and Pam thing in. the office where he's like, "Remember. that summer you taught me how to drive. stick? I've been driving sticks since. high school.". >> It's a little bit like, you know, white. lie. >> Yeah. It's like a white lie to spend. time around this person. And it's like, well, no, like is Jim a stalker? I don't. think so. I think it's just like, yeah,

it is a little white lie and I get that, but it almost feels like he's being like. now her whole thing has changed. >> And I think it sort of is just like she. had a crush on you and she was head over. heels and it just depends on the context. you're looking at it, you know? >> Yeah. Well, and I think too, where's the. line? Like the formal definition of. stalking, a pattern of repeated unwanted. attention, harassment, or contact. directed at a specific person that. causes them to feel threatened, intimidated, or distressed.

>> I think it's the also the unwanted. If. she had asked him out and he had been. like, "No, I'm not really interested.". And then she was showing up. >> that. >> it would be different. >> That would be really That's like where. I'm like, "Okay, no, >> you turned her down.". >> Then it became unwanted, [clears throat]. repetitive. Like. >> I think also like. >> the part of this that is that rings a. little bit strange to me is like he's. like so basically I just answered her. questions all night long and it's like. are you sure you weren't like also kind. of like this is the person that you got. engaged to. You sure you weren't a.

little bit flirting back with them at. the like like I think it's it puts all. the onus on this person instead of being. like yeah I went to this barbecue and I. like had a really nice conversation with. this one of my neighbors to like that is. rewritten as she asked me all these. questions. I just spent the whole night. answering her questions. >> I think that is a little bit. disingenuous. considering that he eventually went to. be engaged to this person. >> Yeah. >> You know, >> like do you like her even? Do you like. her even or did you just like the. attention she gave you?

>> Yeah, that's interesting. >> Like do you like her? >> Right. I don't know. >> I don't I think this honestly though. will be relationship ending for OP given. how he feels about it which. >> Yeah. >> Your feelings are your feelings at the. end of the day. >> Yeah, totally. I think this is a good. opportunity for her to be like, well, yeah, like that's how I found you, but. like if you don't love me now, then the. relationship then we shouldn't be. together. But I think that, yeah, I. sense I smell just a little hint of him. being like, "Wow, I'm so awesome. You.

stalked me." Like, I probably could do. like somebody else probably like me that. way or something. I don't know. I don't. know why I feel that way. >> I know. Well, a lot of comments, they're. all over the place. >> Yeah. I'm And I'm by the way, again, I'm. happy to be proven wrong in the comment. There's a lot of ways you could look at. this. >> I'm not personally attached. Don't need. that. >> Me neither. Don't be mad. Don't be mad. at me. >> So, someone goes, "I don't know. I mean, the way you framed it obviously sounds. like a stalker, but if it were framed. slightly different, this would just. sound like you met a cute girl who lives. in your town and started dating. I'm not. saying she didn't stalk you, but you.

described situations where she asked you. a lot of questions about yourself, as. one does when they're attracted to a. person and wants to get to know them, and you seemed willing to provide the. answers without any problem on these. occasions. If you weren't and she was. getting your info via another method, then I would see a big problem. Undeniably, showing up at your spots is. weird, no matter how you dice it. But if. I live in the same city as a man I'm. attracted to, and he told me he goes to. X grocery store on Tuesdays for a few. minutes from my house, and I have. Tuesday off, well, I need groceries, too. So, frankly, I see no issue with. doing my grocery run on a Tuesday in. hopes that I might see him and strike up.

a conversation. There's bounds to it, but hopefully you get my point. I think. it's important to note, OP, whether or. not your girlfriend lived in this town. before she met you and moved in with. you, or if she spent a lot of time at. her sister's home before you moved. across the street. If not, then it's. weird. If so, then I think she was drunk. and chose an unfortunate choice of. words. But ultimately, you get to decide. what you're comfy with or not. >> Yeah. Right. It's like I do feel that. ultimately it is up to him to be like, "How do you feel about it? If you this. is too weird for you, then don't get. married." But I just sort of am I I.

think there's a lot of situations that. probably uh are very similar to this. that people would just describe as. normal. Like is it weird to look. somebody up on Instagram and see like. what their past relationship was if it's. in the Instagram thing cuz everybody. does that. >> Yeah. >> And that's I think just a facet of. dating in the internet world. But you. know it would be weird to be like okay. what's their address? Let me look at. their address. Okay now I'm looking at. Street View. Now I'm like there is. always a line. And I think it's the. malicious. It's like what crosses over.

the line to being malicious or make you. feel scared, intimidated, or threatened. or something. >> Yeah. Someone responds to that and they. go, "Hey, you're [ __ ] weird for not. disavowing this. That person was. downvoted. 28. The previous comment had 427. So, more positive versus whatever.". >> Yeah. >> And the person responds and goes, "I'm. weird for thinking critically. OP. literally hasn't given enough info for. strangers on the web to discern whether. or not this person is a stalker. I'm. more concerned that you think you have.

the info to make blanket statements. about a situation. OP responds, "All I. know is that she orchestrated her. schedule to go grocery shopping when I. did coffee shop, whatever." They read. that comment. She has described her. behavior as stalking. And the same. person responds, "Okay, so you have your. answer. What exactly do you want. everyone here to do? Agree with you and. sob and [ __ ] on your partner? Not the. point of this sub, but it doesn't sound. like you need advice either. You seem. pretty set on how you feel, so you. should already know what to do.

>> It's a good point. >> OP says, "I came here to see if anyone. has had a similar experience and figured. out ways to work through it or has some. solid advice on how to work through it. If I did not want to work through this, there would be no reason to come here. I. do not have my answer. I do not think. simply telling posters, get over it," is. the point of this sub either. But I. don't think that they said to get over. it. I think that they just said like, you know, there's it's the way you, you. know, slice it. You can look at it two. different ways. >> And so someone replies to OP and says,

"I think you need to ask more questions. from her. Did she park outside your. house and watch you? Did she drive. behind you undetected so she could pop. out at the right times to determine your. schedule? Did she make up lies about her. interests or herself in order to package. herself like a product she wanted to. sell you? If so, you might feel a. certain way about that. >> Did she fish for info in order to design. opportunities to connect? Was she. persistent in placing herself in front. of you until you saw her as an option? That feels very different. And if she's.

still fundamentally the person you got. to know and fell in love with, I'd be. grateful that she was so persistent. >> This mostly to me would hinge on if. she's really the person she's presented. herself to be or if she was crafty in. creating opportunities to present. herself to you. Yeah, that I think is the line there. that was like if she's the person you. fell in love with still, then I don't. think it necessarily matters that how. they fell in love. But I also think, you. know what it is? There is something.

about the writing of the way he tells. the story that uh is a purity test as if. he's never done anything that toes the. line between like, "Yeah, I was a little. wild. I had a crush on this person and I. looked them up on this way. And I am. sort of the mind that I think everybody. has a, you know, not everyone's a. perfect person. We've all kind of, you. know, okay, hello. But we've all done. things that are sort of in the morally. gray when, and by morally gray, I don't. mean like, you know, keying their car. I. mean like,

>> yeah, like I like, you know, yeah, sure. I found the I saw that they liked this. coffee shop on Instagram, so I decided. to go there in case I ran into my crush. Yeah. Like that's a pretty normal but a. little bit weird thing to do around. somebody you have a crush on. >> Absolutely. >> Comments are kind of going crazy on it. I know people do ask like why not go to. couples counseling. >> Sure. >> Which I think is a great idea. >> Yeah, definitely. >> OP does respond though. She has zero. interest in doing that. She feels no. need to discuss this further. She thinks.

I am being completely ridiculous. I. mean, yeah, when you're in an argument, not a not a good way to sort [laughter]. of work it out with your partner, but. yeah. >> No. And the response to that is. dismissing your feelings like that is a. huge red flag. >> Yeah. >> And I agree. And. >> it is understandable that she would be. defensive and maybe embarrassed now. knowing his reaction, but if you're not. going to address your partner's. feelings, then that is. >> yeah,

>> a big concern. Well, you know, it's like. they say that crazy people don't wonder. if they're crazy or it's like you like. it's like if you are gut-icking being. like, "Oh my god, is this crazy?" Like, "No, I just did something totally. crazy." It's like what you That's good. to do. Like if she's like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm going to the coffee. shop." And then he's like, "Wait, you. stalked me." And she's like, "No, I know. it was totally crazy. I'm sorry. I had a. crush on you. Like, I get it. I I. totally get it. I just wanted to be. spend like" Like, that would be a normal. way to kind of get through it. But I. think by her being like, "I don't want. to discuss any further. I didn't do.

anything wrong. Then it's like, oh, maybe that is a [laughter]. >> maybe that actually is bad. Like. >> now that I'm like, >> yeah, you can't def Everybody acts. morally gray, but you can't pretend that. it's not. >> exactly, you know. >> Well, especially cuz OP does say too, which this is interesting. OP didn't. even get that she was interested in him. >> because and this is quote from their. comment because the level of engagement. she showed is just politeness where I'm. from. So I took it as politeness.

>> H okay. >> So it's like she really was just kind of. being nice and. >> in front of him. >> Yeah. >> But then I'm like girl why didn't you. just ask him out? >> Yeah. Yeah, on some level you have to. just kind of bite the bullet and be. like, "Hey, >> ask him out versus you're spending a lot. of your time showing up at all these. places. >> to spending all this money on groceries, on coffee.". >> I [laughter] know. Damn. Make it at. home. Someone does say she was. interested in you. Why didn't she ask.

you out? Some women think that a man has. to ask them out and will go through. lengths to try to plant the seed in. their heads. It's 2026. Women are. allowed to ask men out, too. Lol. I. prefer that she'd take initiative rather. than try to manufacture some scheme to. get me to ask her out. That's happened. to me multiple times as an adult and it. feels childish every time. >> H. >> So, good note for those out there. Yeah. >> Just shoot your shot. >> Shoot your shot. >> Don't stalk. >> Don't stock. Shoot your shot. And that's.

merch. [laughter]. >> Like, okay. But I do think like there is. a lot of comments pointing out like if. gender roles were reversed people would. tell you to run and you know hey there's. a lot of validity in that too. >> I think also again it's up to him if he. feels weird about it that he feels weird. about it. you know, we're not in the. situation. So, I could be like, he's. writing the situation in a way that, you. know, he was never into it, but also. it's if he was just like, "No, I got a.

weird feeling by it and it actually made. me recontextualize some things and it. felt a little strange." Then that's. strange to you and you either have to. work it out or you have to leave the. relationship and I, you know, respect to. them. >> What would you do if you found out your. wife had done this? >> I wouldn't be [laughter] that surprised. >> No, I I think I just I mean, my wife is. like, you know, >> how did you meet? We met at a party. organically or so I thought. Um but no. uh we actually met at it's a good. example of um like go to the party like. I it was a party that I was not going to.

go to and I'm like you know what it's. Friday. I'd moved to LA not that long. ago and I went and it was a friend of. mine from high school's uh roommates's. birthday. >> Oh my god. Like such a. >> such a random like and I was like oh. yeah I guess I'll go to that and then I. was going to I was there for an hour and. I was like I'm kind of tired. I want to. go home. And I was like you know what I. don't know that many people. Let me stay. for one more hour and then I met her and. then we like you know within two weeks. were dating each other and then I moved. in after 3 months and you know we were. you yeah you knew. >> I knew well it was 3 months thing is.

funny cuz I was like I also was we were. both unemployed and like didn't have any. money so we were like I mean I can move. in. I wasn't on a lease or anything. I. was like let me just move in and she was. like that's great like that we like. clearly love each other but like if this. doesn't work out I guess you just leave. you know. True. >> So it was like there wasn't that much. wrapped up in it. I didn't have any. stuff. I You know, >> you really just came out here on a hope. and a a hope and a dream. >> Hope a dream. Yeah. I I cuz I was. working at BuzzFeed when I first moved. out to LA and then I got laid off and. was like like my program ended and I. didn't get rehired so I was like, "All. right, well,

>> I guess I'll fall in love." And then I. did. >> That's magical. Yeah. I don't know what. I would think. I guess if it was these. specific examples, I'd just be like, "Uh, I get it. I'm really cute. He. tried." But if it was like following me. in a car and sitting in a bush. >> Yeah. >> Like now I'm like I'm married. I'm in. I'm in it seven years deep. Like but. even if I found out when I was engaged, >> I don't know. I don't know how I would. feel. It's just like. >> Yeah. You'd have to have been I think in.

my mind no one detail could. recontextualize the entire breath of our. relationship. So I think I'd be like, "Oh, that's kind of weird." But like I. don't think I would be like, "Oh my. gosh, my reality is shattering. Like. every single thing about you I don't. know is true." And it's like you would. really have to be a sociopath, like a. complete sociopath or psychopath to. have, you know, we have so much time. together that nothing could. recontextualize all of it. But I also I.

think my wife is like insane in the best. way. I think I just be like, "Oh yeah, it makes sense." [laughter]. >> I'm so curious what all of you think out. there. Would you even consider this. stalking? Like I I'm like I'm so curious. if this is even stalking. I'm not. invalidating OP's feelings, but I'm so I. need all your thoughts on this one and. and all of these stories today. I mean, the cabin story was like bringing me. flashbacks from a story I've had years. ago about someone who was like, "Am I. wrong for not letting my husband bring. our baby to a an off-grid cabin and.

there were bats there, but but it was. his child and he still it was a whole. thing." So, I'm like, I'm having a lot. of flashbacks today. I know you're going. to have hot thoughts in the comments, so. let me see them. >> Let me see those hot thoughties in the. comments. >> Let me see them. Miles, thank you so. much for being here. >> Thank you so much for having me, Morgan. >> Where can people find you? >> Uh, people can listen to my podcast, Perfect Person. Uh, you can start with. Morgan's episode. Morgan was a very. lovely guest. And you can check my. YouTube channel, uh, where I make all. sorts of different types of content. But.

right now, we're making a series called. Graveyard Shift where we review 24-hour. restaurants after midnight and we. interview the patrons and staff and we. eat the food and it's very kind of viby. and night shifty. >> Can I volunteer, >> please? Oh my gosh, I would love to have. you on. Let me be. >> literally I just want to go eat a. pancake. >> Are you a night owl? >> Yeah. >> Oh, then you'd be perfect. Yeah. We. start shooting at usually like around. 12:00 and then we go to 3:00 in the. morning. >> Those are my best hours. >> That's literally when I shine. >> We love to have you on. >> It'll be so fun. But I will link that. episode. Angela, our good friend Angela. has also been on a lot of the Smosh.

crew, so you guys will definitely love. it. I'll put all of Miles's links in the. description. Other than that, until next. time, guys. Bye. >> bye. [music].