Throwback! "Trevor Plays Cowboy!" - Trevor Noah - (Daywalker)

It was apartheid, but my parents didn’t care. They where renegades, yeah! Mavericks. My mom was a true maverick, she was like, "Ooh, I'm going to get a white man. shoo.". And then my dad was obviously, you know. Well, you know how the Swiss love chocolate. So you know, they got together, they did the deed.

My mom gave birth to me, but then I couldn’t live with the family as a parental unit together. Had to go back to the townships with my mom. She couldn’t say that the father of her child was in fact a white man, cause obviously you know, in the townships there where impimpies. The snitches, we hated them. So she had to lie on my birth certificate. she just didn’t put a father. Which wasn’t strange, wasn't strange, just didn’t have father. it's not like I was the only black kid in the township going,

"I don’t know who he is.". It wasn’t strange at all... But she didn’t say anything to anybody. so everybody just drew their own conclusions, you know. Everyone in the townships, which is not such a great idea. because when peoples imaginations are let loose. you'd be surprised with what they come up with. Because people did not put one and one together with me. in fact, when I came home. people in the township in fact assumed. that I was an albino. Oh you laugh, but it wasn’t funny.

I was even told, when my mom brought me home. at least my family loved me, you know. Walked me into the house, there I was. little baby wrapped in a blanket. My grandmother came and she goes, "Oh, you shame. oh. oh shame, little Albi.". "No, get the umbrella, get the umbrella. Get the umbrella, whew whew. yeah, ne.".

But my family treated me very normal, they really did. It's the people around me that where different, in Orlando east. You know, there's this whole mystic vibe to me all of the sudden. people started speaking, most people got over it. People that where really interested in me where the other albino's. Yeah, because they keep like a log of everyone that comes in... "Boss two more, okay.". Because generally in the township there's only like one albino. for every phase, you know. Is that one from phase 2? Yes I know him.

He ticks them off on the list. So when I came into the picture they are like, "oh boss, there's another one.". And everything was cool. until I started getting older. And then they started noticing a few differences, you know. Especially when my hair grew black. and there was a uproar, everyone was like, "boss, have you seen him? People where like no, it's not possible. they started following me around when my. mom would walk with me to the taxi rank. They would be there creeping behind us.

"check, check, check, check, check". I would always turn around and they'd act natural. *Whistling*. *Whistling*. or as natural as you can act, four albino's standing together. *Whistling*. They had their meeting you know, there they where. in their groups and they where talking about it. "No before anything else gents, have you heard?

Have you heard there's one of us, but he's different. what do you mean? He's different... He's got a skin light, just like us. but he's hair, it grows black. and he has no problems with the sun. He can walk anytime he pleases. anytime! He's the one. the daywalker....

And the guys where obviously there. you're lying, you're lying. There's no such thing! I'm telling you I never lie. And then one day when I was old enough they approached me. they came up to me, you know. Because I was walking for the first time. I was off to the bottle store for my Uncle. As you get old enough to walk, that's when your Uncle sends you. Everyone else in the family is happy, yeah he's walking. Uncle is like, yeah to the bottle store. "Go, get me four quarts.

Here, take the empties.". And I was there, walking to the shops. with the bottles, and I was carrying them you know. And then I traded in one of the bottles and got myself an icy. The icy and the bottles. and these guys came up to me and they are like, *Whistling*. "Hey boy". Hey guys. "We couldn’t help noticing a man of your stature.".

Thank you. "You know we have had our eye on you for quite a while young one. And we see potential in your eyes.". Who's we? "Oh, forgive me... Let me introduce myself, my name is Pacino. and we are the glow in the dark's. And I'm gonna tell you now boy. I see a bright future in you.

We where wondering if you would be. interested in joining our small conglomerate. You know, we just get together and exchange ideas. it really is a melting pot of ideas and exchanges really. That's what I would call it, an idea exchange. The pot, we don’t know where that came from. but we use it none the less. So, what do you say?". You want to be friends? "That’s what we're saying, yes.". I want to be friends. "Great, that's wonderful news. You hear that boys?

He's going to be one of us. I can see it now young one, in a few years time. moving up the ranks within our organization. until ending up at the upper end of management.". Count me in. I joined the crew and I was one of them. had my sporty, my not guilty outfit. We used to walk around together, it was cool. The only thing that bugged me was the hours. they always like rolled, it was just like weird hours you know. Always had to meet before dawn, you know.

Never hung out at midday, oh no... you know, hang out at dusk. sun's going down, there they are outside the house. *Whistling*. Ah that's me, then I'd come outside. and then we'd go hang out under the big willow tree. It was cool, if we would hang out in the day. That's the best place to be because. there's so much shade, and we'd chill there. and I mean I changed a lot of things for the guys. Because they used to play cricket a lot. it's a great sport, you know. The only problem is if somebody hit a 4 or a 6 and the game was over. *Hitting the ball* Ahhah, whose going to fetch it now?

Ah you see you messed up. you are over zealous, I told you to block, block, block, block. And I was that guy, running and getting the ball. Yay! You know, having a good time. did all the things that you could do. that way you didn’t look strange, if you where like wearing a hat. so we played all those kinds of games. One of our favorites was cowboys and robbers, oh that was great. We where those guys, yeah.

Wondering around playing the games. I was always the staring. Which is the staring in case you where wondering. So I was the staring there. I'd always play Clint Eastwood. My favorite line of dialog... *Western sound*. *Western sound*. Even had the accents going, didn’t know what I was saying though. "How you doing old man.

and I couldn’t help noticing you're standing in my town. *Spitting*. the town ain’t big enough for the both of us.". And it was so cool because half of our friends where Xhosa. so they made great sound-defects, especially with the horses. *Horse galloping*. Unfortunately their gift was a curse, cause they would always mess up the dialog. We'd have cool scenes with a gun battle. standing there... *Western music*.

*Wind blowing*. and snowflake , he was the smallest. he'd always play the tumbleweed. *Tumbleweed rolling*. *Western music*. *Gun shot*. and I'd shoot Patchino... *Groaning*. "*Western mumbling*. *Western mumbling*".

I'd be like, oh man. I didn’t want to have to do this to you brother. what do I tell your mother. He's like, "oh tell my mother *mumbling*. *western mumbling*". Oh man... It was so much fun. and I'll never forget the year that it came, 1990.

the end of apartheid. F.W. de Klerk came out and he was like. No more. Very bad, sorry. see you on Tuesday. Everyone in the streets lost their minds. they where cheering, yay! My family was no different. They had a huge party for me. my mom put up a banner in our small little kitchen there. written out, Trevor's coming out party. Everyone was having a great, there was cake. there was juice for all.

My Uncle came in drunk, drunk, drunk. drunk out of his mind. Just refused to wear a shirt, walking in topless there he was, "What, what's happening here hey? what's happening?" I was like. Uncle Willie, Uncle Willie it's my coming out party. And he was like, "yea you are gay?". I said no Uncle, I was an albino. and he's like, you are a gay albino? Yo, you're strong hey?

No Uncle, I am colored now. Ah, leave it. We had the cake and we had a good time together. and then after that I couldn’t wait to tell my friends the good news. I was like bye mom, bye grandma. and took everything and I ran out the house. and I was skipping, yay! And as I walked out the gate my family walked out behind me. and they where singing behind me, "come, come and see. this child looks like a colored.". Yay! Yay!

Shine! Shine! And I skipped down the road, I was so happy. smiling at everyone, yay! I am colored, yay! Colored, yay! I was that kid. running down the street, you know. So cool... Ran there my friend where under the willow tree. as always chilling around. just standing with the cricket bat, Patchino was. Yeah the ball was there on the side of the road. he's just watching it. hungry eyes.

I ran there and I was like, hey gents DW, get the ball there. and I came, took the ball and I came running with it, yay. and I was like, guys I've got good news. and they are like, what is it? And I realized, I wasn’t an albino anymore. so I couldn’t be part of, you know. "What is it boy, what's eating you up?". I said, oh wow! I've got bad news guys.

"Bad news, what happened?". I was like, it's really bad. Snowflake was like, "Yoh global warming.". I said no, it's worse than that. Patchino was like, "no, Nivea is out of stock again. dammit!". I said, no guys no. No it's nothing to do with that, it's nothing to do with that. It's just... I don’t know how to tell you this, but... I'm not an albino.

"What did you say?". I said, I am not an albino. "We knew it! We knew it!". I was like, you knew? "Of course we knew! We knew it man, we knew. We are all not Albino's, we are people! Viva F.W! Viva!". *dancing*.