"Overbooking Business Class" - Trevor Noah - (Crazy Normal)

We've been traveling all around the country it's been so much fun you know. out in places like P.E. and Cape Town and East London. recently went to Durban. which was a bit of a shlep for us. it was really hard because it was raining so much. and then on top of the flight delays that you have to contest with. there's also like overbooking, which is a problem. I don’t know if you know what over booking is. but basically it's a legal process where. it's a practice rather. where airlines book more tickets than there are seats on the plane. so they book more, sort of like a Taxi.

but then they don’t let you get on when you get there. so they just hope you don’t pitch up. like please, please, please, please. agh, his here. you know, that's what they do. and so we are flying down to Durban, and it was the funniest thing ever. we are standing in the queue, everyone is all fidgety in the line. looking at their watches, and they call us forward. hey are like next, next please, next! so we go to the counter and there's one of those woman there. with her glasses and relaxed hair going. *typing*. and she's like, "can I have ID's please?".

and you're like ID's, everyone puts them down. *Typing* "Where you flying?". and we are like, Durban please. She's like, "Durban" *Typing*. "Durban?". Yes. *Typing*. "are you flying now?". No, tomorrow. This is a practice run.

are you flying? We are like yes, we need to fly now. "Okay". *Typing*. and then she starts typing frantically. *Typing Frantically*. Which I never understand, because when I book my tickets. all I need to do is click. It's click, click, click, click. Johan, okay that one. Click. Ah, Durb. Ah, that one, click. and then it does it all. She's there *Typing Frantically*. I bet she wasn’t even busy doing our tickets anymore, she's just like there.

clicking, she's probably on like Facebook or something. updating her status. "Yo, another one, another one is here. I'm dead, dead, dead. dead, another one's here, dead, dead. Yo, overbooking, dead. Oh, poke back. Dead, dead, dead, yo dead, death by overbooking, yo. because of their fop-ha. the airline was as kind as to upgrade us on the next flight to business class.

They say, we are sorry about what happened. here you go, business class. I love business class, you know. you get to go to a special lounge where everyone's very "businessy". No, it is because when you're in business class you hear. you overhear conversations and they sound totally different, you know. you overhear people saying things like. "Yes, well the mergers are coming along. I mean if you look at the companies that are". you know, people walking around there. "Well, I mean if the numbers are right we'll definitely get that stock portfolio going". just people walking there you know, like. No, I'm taking care of the situation to make sure the Shareholders are happy.

and then we'll present to management and it's gonna be a installment of what we. You know you just hear like businessy kind of stuff. where as when you are in economy, it's just a huge group of people. you generally overhear conversations like, "I thought you put it in the bag! you said you put it in the bag! it was on the, I asked you to put, why is it not in the bag!". oh, wow.

and so we are going through the airport. and then we go through security, and I love security in South Africa. it's the most chilled out security you will find anywhere in the world. it is, like South African security is just like, you know. we work on a honesty system in this country, you know. the security guard, he is there to enforce. but it's more an honesty, look this is up to you. this is the honesty place, this is where we all admit to our sins. come forward, do you have anything to declare? it's that type of place. overseas when you come through customs, it's the craziest thing ever.

you've got to take of everything, you got to take of your shoes. and you take off your belt, you know. you cant wear a jacket or a hoody or a cap or anything. you've got to take off your rings, nothing, nothing. or even coins in your pocket, even if you got a big filling. then you're in trouble, you know. then you're like, but it's my teeth. and they are like, you're gonna have to do something. you know, and then some people are like, "excuse me". ha, ha, ha, ha. ah.

where as in South Africa I sometimes feel like these security guards. don’t actually know what their equipment does. you know, they are very chilled out about it. because you'll walk through an airport security. and get there and the guy will be like. "go to number 4, number 4". and you go through and you stand there. and the guy will be waiting, he'll give you that bucket and be like. "Hey, what's in the bag?". Like what do you mean? he's like, "Laptop?". Yes. "Out, out, take it out, laptop out, out.

please put it by it's self, put there yeah. Any other laptop?". You're like, no. "Laptop out!". you're like okay, okay. what did you do? okay, there it is. "okay". and my gun? "no, it's fine. Just the laptop". "Watching you". it's so much fun. when you walk through the metal detectors.

which I swear either don’t work. or these people really don’t understand them at all. you walk through metal detectors. and it's not just at airports, no matter where they are in this country. you walk through a metal detector. casino, a school, Government institution. and you will walk in there and it will make that sound. but then I don’t know if they know what that means. because you walk through and it will be like *Metal detector beeping*. and you see how security guards smile. because they get ready, they are going to use the wand. they love the wand. you can see they wait the whole day. "Yes, my time has arrived.

Excalibur, I call apon you". it’s like what the hell is going on? "Yeah, just stand there, yeah". He pulls out his wand, those black ones, he just pulls it out. *Light Sabre sound*. Okay it's not, I'm sorry. it doesn’t really do that, it would be cool if it did though. *Light Sabre sound*. although it would be weird, it would be weird.

you know, for some guy from the township to have a light Sabre. *Light Sabre sound*. wouldn’t work at all though, it wouldn’t. it wouldn’t, it would be like Darthvader would be like "Bravida". *Light sabre sound*. "Ah, bravida ______". *Lightsabre sound*. it would have been the worst Star wars ever if it where in South Africa wouldn’t it. *Lightsabre sound*. like the critical point, the moment that made the movie.

would never happen if it was in a township in South Africa. because which guy from the township would claim a child after that many years. The guy would be like *Lightsabre sound*. *Heavy breathing* "Luke". "Yes, what is it?". "No, look there. It's your father.". *Lightsabre sound*. *Laughter*. *Lightsabre sound*. but it wasn’t, sorry. I digress. the wand, the wand, the wand.

comes, I'm sorry. he comes out with the wand. and they always do that thing, they go around. and we don’t know what it's supposed to do or not, you know. *Beeping*. *Beeping*. *Beeping*. "any weapons?". then what was that for? even if I have something, I'm not gonna tell you now.

obviously you have been defeated. "Any weapons?" No. "Okay". and that's it. we like work on a honesty system in this country. everywhere you go. like I would like to meet the genius who invented the honesty book. Ah yes, the honesty book. yes, the book of truth. No one can lie when they write in this book. whenever you visit someone at a townhouse. or an office complex, we have the book of truth. fill in the book before you enter. Name, ah yes. surname, hm.

phone number and adress. Reason for visit, Pvt. We'll just do that, look at everybody else. Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt, Pvt. Pvt. and once I asked the security guard, what is the point of this? why am I filling in this book? He's like, "No, it's for security reasons". I said I figured that much, but what is it about? He's like, "it's so that if you can do anything bad inside there. if maybe you can steal or kill someone.

then we can find you.". Ah, of course. because I wrote my real name and surname. the honest killer strikes again! it's just ridiculous. I was like okay, I kill someone and what are you gonna do? He's like, "then you see there, we can phone you and tell you to come back". "Yeah". "Same time".