Jessica Alba Is Standing in Her Power! - What Now? with Trevor Noah Podcast

If I'm going to die, I would. like to die in my bed old, and then find a way that's best preferable. Now, if I had to choose, they forced me. Are you going to get shot? Are you going to get stabbed? What would you choose? I would choose stabbed. Oh, just because I feel like. there's like, an intimate moment between myself and the person stabbing me. Oh, God. I mean, where can I look? And you say something. That's what I like. You say something. If you stop, it might just be over. It's very loud. It's dumb. Yeah. It is. You stab. I can just, like, look at the person and say something like, oh, it was you all along. I like that.

I like that movement. This is what now. with Trevor Noah. Hi. Jessica. Alba. Hi. I haven't done an interview in a really long time. I'm a little bit nervous. You haven't? But don't think of it as an interview. Think of it as a conversation. If it's an interview, then I failed.

I haven't had a conversation and a really. I'm feeling really nervous. It's hilarious. So like, in most conversations, I wouldn't introduce you, but let's, let's say, let's say. there was a third person here and they just walked up. And then I would say, oh, hey, hey, viewer, let's say my friend was viewer or listener. Hey, viewer listener. Very strange. Name the parents. Yeah. The parents wanted something interesting. that would get people talking. Hey, viewer listener, what's up?

Oh, yeah. No. Nice to see you. Oh, this is my friend. This is my friend. Jessica. Yeah. Jessica. She, Yeah, I've known her for years. She, does a bunch of things, you know, she, she she acts when she wants to. Really, you know, she starts, like, companies that make, you know, hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars, but. But also make people feel good about the products they're using. I stand to be corrected, but honest was the first time. I even heard conversations around, like, you know, paraben free and all these, like, something free.

And I remember was all these words I didn't understand them. I didn't know what chemical all of it was, just like all these words. I was like, I was like, I don't know what these things are. Wait, wait. They're in the other things we use what's what's what's happening here. Yeah. And, yeah. And she's a very smart person. She's very thoughtful. She's also very funny. She doesn't take yourself too seriously. You two should get to know each other. You don't know which. Oh, you have heard. Oh, Jessica Alba. Yes. It's this. It's the same Jessica. That's how I would introduce you. Oh, this is the conversation. So. Hi, Jessica. Alba. Hi. Hi. Viewer first.

That's. Well, I hope I've made it completely not awkward. No, no, it's totally awkward. Thank you. Trevor I tried my best. I tried my best. Welcome. Welcome to you to the conversation I, I'm very excited because as. you were acting and you were blowing up at a time. when I was watching things like on. so, you know, like, I feel like in, like I didn't watch anything. No, I actually didn't really I didn't really so yeah.

So I grew up in a very strict family. Like my mom was very religious, very strict. So she limited what I could watch. Oh yeah. So like, I couldn't watch The Simpsons. when I was young because my mom. This is crazy. My mom saw a bumper sticker of Bart Simpson pulling the finger, and then she was like, she remembered that. She's like that little yellow thing, pull the finger. And then somewhere someone wrote an article that the Ninja. Turtles and Bart Simpson were Satan, Satan stick.

And so my mom wouldn't allow me to watch any of that. Oh, and so yeah. So I had a very you were deprived. I was I was very limited. And then I got to a certain age and my mom was like, you are now free to watch whatever you want. And then boom, there you were on your motorbike, dark angel. And I remember having every feeling as a human being, and I was just like, this is the greatest experience of my life. And that's why I'm so excited, because now you're back into it. So. So maybe let's start with that. How does it feel?

How does it feel. coming back into a world that you have so many feelings about? Positive, negative, lukewarm, neutral, you know, how does it feel Jessica Elba's back as an action star? It feels so official when you say it for some reason. so when. I'm on a set, it feels like home. It feels like I'm with my people. I think. because I maybe because I grew up in my early years on a military base,

and I started acting so young, being on a set and that like. nomadic life and essentially you're like circus people, right? It's all the sort of like freaks and weirdos of their family, who end up usually in the business and, and they just feel like my people, they feel like home. You've always, you know what it is. It's like you're not just somebody who wants to act in action films. It's almost like you're an action.

aficionado who likes the integrity of what's happening in the fights. and what's going on behind the scenes and what. So talk to me a little bit about that. Like, what is it about action in particular that, that, that, that you enjoy? I think because I grew up on like Lethal Weapon and Beverly Hills Cop, I like okay, you know, I loved that genre growing up. And and then it was always men who got to do it. And they were saving the chick. And I was like, what if the chick was the main event here?

What if the chick was saving herself? No. What? Yeah. And so I and then James Cameron picked me when I was 17, you know, out of thousands of, of people to, to really be the star of this wild idea, which is this post-apocalyptic, dystopian future. where there's genetically engineered humans. And I was in the writers room with them. because they only had three paragraphs.

written when they hired me, and they wrote the character and the rest of the story kind of around. who they were going to cast. And I think because they gave me a seat at the table when I was 17. Yeah. And I trained with stunt people. So I'm a trained stunt person, essentially. I, I don't know, I feel like that's probably. where I feel most comfortable. I never felt comfortable in Hollywood. settings, like more traditional Hollywood. where we've met, you know, at the Vanity Fair party or the.

Golden Globes or that that's where I always felt wildly uncomfortable. But I've always felt really comfortable on a set. You feel like uncomfortable in those settings? Oh, yeah. Wait, why? You seem like you fit in. No, no, I don't know. I just never was part of never really had. like a crew or like a group of people or a community. Yeah. And I think because the nature of being a young actress and, and how they brainwash us is that we should be competitive.

with one another. Yeah. You know, and I think that that breeds a bit of like. isolation in a way. But I always felt like I was competing against men. I never felt like I was competing against other women. I was always excited. if there was another chick around, you know, I was like, yes. did you feel did you feel that that was reciprocated at the time? And, and do you feel like it's changed since? I don't think women really got me until after I had.

created a company. It was successful and had a bunch of kids. I think that's when women and I and I worked really hard on, on. trying to make sure that women knew that. I am a girls girl, you know? Right. because if I just allowed PR of projects. that I was and tell the story of who I was,

it was really like a fanboy fantasy kind of yeah. Person. Right? It wasn't. There was no real truth there. I've always wondered what that felt like from your side, you know, as a. as a human being, you're having an experience. And oftentimes what we take for granted. is the experience that we're having of other people isn't necessarily. what they're having of themselves. Yeah. So you you were in the industry. You're in Hollywood at a time when it's really curated. There was no social media. There was no way for you to speak to your fans.

or to your audience or to anybody on the outside. And I like that you say that that fanboy image, you know, did you ever feel like you were being pigeonholed. or put into a specific space where it's like, you know, Jessica Alba, you have to be the sex bomb. that's looking like this in the leather pants, and this is the only way you can exist. I think that no matter what role, whether I was doing like. a dance movie, you know, to inspire. young girls like honey, or if I was dark Angel,

where I was a genetically engineered, like super human. or if I was Sue storm, who was a very, like, maternal. kind of superhero, they would always. feel like they needed to sell me to the fanboys in a certain way. And it wasn't just me, it was all of us right at the time. Right? And so yes, there were like 2. or 3 of these men's magazines that we would all do to, you know, try and get those fanboys to go and show up and watch.

whatever it is that we were selling. But I would always try to do 3 to 4 women's magazines. So at for every one guys, I would do 3 to 4 women. to try and keep the balance. Yeah, you have to be strategic. And I think I taught me when I thought about longevity. in the business, I think being portrayed. that way force me to be even more strategic. I probably at a very early age, I went back and and looked.

at some of your early interviews and I'm so embarrassed. No, you shouldn't be, because it's really interesting to see. that that trait is even evident back then. Some. In some of your earliest interviews, you talk about wanting to be a producer. You talk about wanting to get behind the camera. You talk about. wanting to control the environment that you're in and back then in it. I'm sure. if people read it and saw it, it would just seem like a nice thing. to say. But when we look at Hollywood and the industry, in hindsight, now. you know everything. The Harvey Weinstein's, the MeToo movement,

looking at the insidious nature of agents and what was happening. And you know what I mean? When when we look at it now. and I go back and read some of your interviews, it almost seems like you were sometimes either prescient. or you were speaking through what was happening. and you were trying to say, hey, I would like to have a little control. so that I'm not at the mercy of, of, of this machine. Did you feel at times or, or did it seem that you couldn't be everything you wanted.

to be in the industry and you. Absolutely. You just have to be one idea. Yeah for sure. I think it's difficult for people once they have. I think, an idea of who you are in their mind. and they've put you in Maxim and you're in Esquire and GQ and, you know, they have you in those things. It's tough for them to imagine that you could be intelligent, that you could have a soul, that you could have depth, of emotions or be dynamic in any way.

And I and I think I also had to wrestle with. those stereotypes, even on myself. it took me probably three years. after I found it honest, until I really started to embrace. the notion that I could be smart. Wow. The notion that you could be smart. Yeah. I allowed. my co-founders, who I brought on. and who I pitched them the idea,

but I let them take credit for. finding me, even though it was it was the other way around. Wow. And I and I didn't actively change. that narrative for a long time. Where do you think that came from, or what do you think that was? Because many people, I think can I can identify or relate to. being in an environment, whether it's in the office, you know, whether it's in starting a company, whether it's even even on.

a small level in a friend group. Sometimes, you know, where people feel like. they aren't credited with who they are, what they've brought. to the table, or like, what do you think that came from? I've tried to unpack this. a bit, that years of therapy and everything. I think it really has to do with my family growing up in a very racist. and segregate ed environment, you know, my, my grandfather.

and my grandmother having to assimilate. them, having to. essentially brainwash and train their children. into believing. that they don't have brown skin in a way, you know, so that they can get through the day or life. Yeah. Without feeling, the restrictions. of of what that meant, you know, my dad was six, I think, when they were,

when segregation kind of stopped between. Mexicans and whites in, in Southern California. And he has a lot of shame around. what that means and, and, and how he has always been treated. You know, he's undeniably Mexican. I asked him not too long ago, I was like, dad, when there's, like, cops looking for a brown guy running through Claremont. Yeah. Do you get stopped? And he's like, probably every time.

And, because we were talking about voting. and I was like, you know, dad, I think you may be voting for the wrong side, you know, just trying to, like, ease him into voting differently. I'm like, do you get stopped extra every time you go to the airport? And he's like, yes, 100%. And I was like, so maybe we should start thinking. about maybe voting differently for someone who kind of under, you know, maybe a party that is more sympathetic towards. what it's like to walk through the world being you.

It is funny knowing that that is my history. Now when I think of like, oh yeah, this is why it took me three years. for me to even embrace this idea that I could be intelligent, that I deserve what I've worked for. and stand in my power in a way. Yeah, I it took me a while. When you working from the age of 12, I can only imagine. that you you miss out on a lot of childhood. You know, my my mom always used to say to me,

she would say, to me, she, like, forced me to play. Not that you had to, but my mom would say to me, she'd be like, hi, honey, go and go and do things. Go and play. Go and play. That's good, good, good, good. And then when I was a little old. and I'd be like, buying things I buy, like a flashy car. or I'd get like a trashy car and I put rims on it. that were really didn't match what was happening. And my mom would see it, and then she'd be like, no, good, good. And I it was almost like she was roasting me. a little bit without realizing it. She'd be like, she'd be like, oh, I can see you. You needed to put earrings on an ugly person to make it look better.

I see what you did there, baby. And I'd be like, what? And she's like, no, no, do it, do it. She said, it's good. You should play now as a boy, so that when you're a man, you don't try to to live the life. that you didn't, that you didn't get when you were younger. Go ahead, go ahead. Be a boy. Be a boy. And I'm like, driving away with my rims. Like, I don't think that was a compliment. But it did. It did always. It did always stick with me. You know what the thing that my mom was saying was? She was saying. there are stages in life. where you you need to be living according to that stage.

And I've always wondered about especially, you know, actors who act from a young age. It looks like it's fun, but it's still work. Did that rub you or did that, you know, shift your ability. to be a child? Have you been able to experience childhood in any way? Like. Yes, I think I do it through my kids. Oh, I love that. Yeah. So I've, I feel like I have given them the life I didn't have.

And so I get to be present with them and life through their eyes. and so with them. And I allow them to really be kids and be have temper tantrums. And I'm still there, you know, hold space for them. and then let them be joyful and silly and goofy and all that. Yeah. What's what's the your favorite thing you've experienced. through your kids eyes? Something that you never got to experience? I don't think my parents did this on purpose,

and so I don't want them to take it the wrong way. I always felt a layer of cynicism. whenever I was being. completely me. When I was uninhibited, there was always a comment, I don't know if I ever really felt. the freedom of just being me. So every moment that my kids exist is great.

because they're just being them. And it's like, so beautiful because they're all very different, but they get to just be them. And and I'm not. in any way kind of confining that or putting them in a box. I felt like I never really had that freedom. And I think that's why I actually started acting so young, because it gave me the freedom. to to be someone else. Do you do you still have that joy in that passion.

like you've come back, which I you know, I might be wrong, but I would assume means that there is. there is a joy and there's a passion that you find in acting. The special. There's something cathartic, I think, here about. Yes, it's written and there's a script and there's. a character and there's other actors, but there's something about. this moment that you create with people. And the fact that I get to be in someone else's skin. gives me this freedom, this.

It's very liberating. It's forces me to be wildly present. And I think, I'm not sure outside of my children, anything else that, that does that it's it's awesome. I hope to do it more, but only work with people I love instead of assholes. I think that that's that's a great way to be. I think that's where I'm. That's where I'm going. That's a great way to be. Yeah. And trigger warning, you're playing person who's really an expert in.

what military division would they. And what do you use? Special force. Special forces. All right. And you know, she she comes back home. She's lost her father. But it's interesting, like when I first saw the synopsis, I was like, okay, I think I know what this movie will look like. And that's the key thing, what it look like, what it'll feel like in the. But in many of the scenes it feels a little grittier. It feels a little, little more real. It feels. it feels like you've always wanted to make this kind of action movie. where with the action is almost happening in the world.

of a real character, as opposed to a character. who's just the in service of the action. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly we're going to have. amazing action sequences and it's gonna be fun, right? But to me, it's always more fun. If you could really feel a connection or invested in the story. Yeah, it makes the the payoff in the action that much more gratifying. If if you're invested in some way, do you like getting kicked. and punched? I like doing the kick. If someone can do that, it's going to it's going to come off very wrong.

Context, context, context. I in films I will state that all again in film and film. Do you enjoy being film? Oddly, no. Because you you'd get bruised. You would get like back in the day. Back like in all, I could sell a punch. I don't like it when they accidentally hit. That sucks. Did you get fewer or more injuries filming Trigger Warning than you did. in previous films? Because you've done everything. a guy you you know, and there's like knife fighting and.

but like a specific type of knife Indonesian because, well, the director is Indonesian, so I love that. Okay. So she was like, familiar with this specific type of knife fighting. And what's good about it. is you can be small and you can take down big people. And so it's a certain technique that would make it believable. that I could take down, you know, big men. and so that's I wanted and I wanted to not. I mean, it's kind of a vulgar way of saying it,

but if you know, you're doing an action movie, you know, people are going to probably get injured. I prefer to do it with a knife. Versus a gun. I'll say more now I'm intrigued. Jessica Alba would like to stab you, not shoot you. Why? because I just feel like it's too easy. Guns almost feel like a cop out in a way. Oh, wow. Like you don't need skill. Really? I mean, you know. No, I know what you mean. You know, you don't.

I think it's more fun to stab someone. We're going to continue this conversation. right after this short break. And, you know, I was chatting to friends about this, before our conversation, and I was like, it really is wild to think that there was a time. when a celebrity slash.

well-known person, actor, singer, whatever you want to call it. There was a time when they would not be involved in anything business. It was just not. possible. I mean, now it seems so obvious. People are like, I've got my tequila, I've got my clothing brand, I've got my makeup brand. I go, everyone's like, yeah, you can do it. In fact, sometimes people just do it to do it now, right? There was a time when it was impossible. and you stepped into this world where. nobody and I mean nobody thought it was possible.

because it really hadn't been done before. And you set out to create what went on to be a listed company. took me through that journey. Like when you when you look back on it, what do you think it was that prompted you to step into a world. that really wasn't sexy at the time? No. You know, and and the opposite. Yeah. It was the complete. the complete unknown when you when you're starting a company. What why did you want to do that. I have always. been genuinely like.

keeps me up at night social justice warrior. I've, I've always been since I was little. I mean, there's like a tape of me when I was 5 or 6. at Disneyland talking about being a feminist. and a modern day woman, and I have this thick Texas accent, and I was like, I'm a feminist, I'm a modern woman. I don't need a man, you know? And I'm like this little kid spewing this stuff. Wow. And Mickey Mouse is standing there in the background.

I just want to know if you want a picture or not. Yeah, exactly. You're crazy lady. Okay. Calm down. I was a little girl with, like, wild ideas. Where did you get them from? I, I don't this is the nature versus nurture thing. You have no idea. I came in with this. With this idea that, you know, women needed to be treated with fairness. And people who were poor or shouldn't be treated inhumanely.

Right. And I knew because my parents struggled in the paycheck to paycheck. how lucky I was as a kid to get the type of care. I got with my health. because my dad was in the military. So that gave us medical and and they paid for housing. And so that that really helped with the fact that he made like 14,000. a year. Right. You know, and so, yeah, from very early age, I would say if I get to be successful, I'm going to do something good with my life.

and use me to to make a difference. And then when I learned about. people getting poisoned from their everyday products. without knowing about it, I lobbied on Capitol Hill. I like did everything I could to try and bring awareness to it, but the only way to really change habits is to create a solution. And if I can get people to choose to buy the better thing, then it can hopefully make an influence on the industry.

to do it better, because they can see that. this is what the consumer wants. Yeah, I can't see you walking through. many rooms back then without the resume you have now. and without the industry changing the way it does now. You know, one of the more interesting stories. I remember being told was, there was there was somebody. who was trying to pitch a makeup brand for darker skin tones, and they were told, oh, no, but black women don't really buy. makeup. And the person was like, yeah, because there's. no makeup for black women. And they were like, no, I think black women don't buy makeup.

And then Rihanna comes along. with Fenty and now everyone goes, we got to go. We've got to get into the space. It's huge. It's grow, and it's like, oh, so you had to see it before you believed that the people existed. I had to first educate the consumer, then I had to get them. to want to buy after I educated them. And, and it kind of took off like a rocket ship. Let me start by asking you the end question. one of one of the more fascinating things I ever heard was,

it was Jensen Huang, the CEO of Nvidia, who is now easily. one of the most powerful people in the world. because he's essentially controlling how AI is going to move. Yeah, but someone asked him, they said, hey, if you if you could do it again and or. if you were talking to somebody else who was going to do it, what advice would you give them? And he says, don't. say, I remember hearing this and be like, wait, what? And he's like, don't do it. He said, if I knew everything I knew today about what it took.

to get this company going, to keep it going and to get where I got it today, I would say, don't do it. Too much pain, too much blood, too much sweat, too many tears, too many disappointments. Don't do it. And there's a, there's a strange like tiredness that you'll feel. in people founders, particularly founders. who who have been there from the beginning, who've had to grow something into this. You know, this, this idea more than just a company. Yeah, it is an idea. Like what advice would you give to yourself.

knowing if you, you know, you're in that interstellar moment and you're seeing young Jessica. Alba, who's about to go into honest, what advice would you give to her? Stop looking to men for validation. Damn. Wow. How do you think that played out. in a company structure?

I think in a company structure, I kept feeling like I needed to. It was like the, cat chasing its tail. In a way, I. I knew intuitively. what this company was created for. why it existed, why it mattered. most people who came in.

didn't understand any of it. and needed to collect. data to justify them. wanting to, participate. in the success of what it was. because they didn't understand. Frankly, the consumer. and why the consumer would want this. And to me it was so obvious. But to them it was mind blowing.

So from day one of pitching it all the way through to, I mean, still, it's it's a lot easier now, it's a lot easier. And I'm not going to front it's a lot easier now. But I think they learn in business school. that unless a McKinsey study or, yeah, there's a study. to, to, verify that this is a smart choice. Like they, they're afraid of their own shadow in some ways. Yeah. And it also makes it's I think it's how they got promoted.

It was by saying, well what does the data say. about blah blah, blah blah, but usually by the time data is collected, it's too late. It's not fresh anymore. Right? And so if you're doing anything that's paving the way. or changing or truly disruptive, it, you can't collect any data and you have to just trust the leader. And if the leader looks like somebody that they've never worked. for before, they can't help but just put you in the box that they understand.

They can't help it. I used to get so upset that that I felt undermined or undervalued. or why are they fighting with mayor? Why? Why don't they just get it? Why am I even talking to them? You know, oftentimes they would say, let me go ask my wife. I mean, literally, this is like most of the time, because they were so disconnected and. I think now I wouldn't be so angry. and I would be more compassionate that they only know what they know.

And society has warped their brain because frankly, I was like the chick. that was in. Yeah. Maxim and Esquire and GQ and rolling Stone, you know like they're, they only saw what they saw of, of me. and it's like think it's was hard for there. for them to wrap their heads around it, you know. So they needed to also look at each other to validate, or verify, hey, this is a legit thing that we need to to get behind.

But what's wonderful is the consumers. were incredible and the growth was out of this world. It was hockey stick. Then the company had to really. beef itself up to keep up with the growth. And that was the next stage. So the beginning was convincing people in the business world. The second stage was beefing up your internal team. to really match the consumer, the consumption.

and going from being like a, you know, $12 million business. to $100 million business, you're you are a very different business. But that growth was fast. It was fast. It was unprecedented. I'm sure at times it was scary, you know, you know, it's funny. when you talk about the dates and we did and I my. they're, they're going to say, did that happen? I can't verify anything happened. These are all hypothetical numbers. I'm like, I know lawyers are going to come after me.

It's all hypothetical. All hypothetical. We're saying we're using like, it's like when you say 99% of people, that's what you're saying. Yeah. Hypothetical. Yes, yes yes yes. I, I found myself wondering, I was like, wow, what is it like to experience that level of change? You know, the writer Simon Sinek, he's. had a fantastic idea where he talks about you understanding. that there are to use there is the you as a human being. and then there is the you. That is, for lack of a better term, the name badge. You know, the title, you know, here you are, there's Jessica Alba,

and this is the position that you inhabit with it's okay. You're the actress from this or you are the, you know, the creative director of this listed companies. There's a lot that comes with that title. Like with The Daily Show. It was like that for me. It's like, okay, when our identity is so attached. Yeah. You know, it's and it's doesn't always have to be your identity. How you see yourself. It's how people see you. Yeah. And you go like, oh, if I'm going to say goodbye to this, am I also saying goodbye to people seeing me as a person?

And I found myself wondering when I, when I saw your announcement. I was like, wow, how do you know it's time to step away. What makes you step away? And how do you deal with the conflict of losing this thing? That's such a big part of yourself. I wanted to leave it in a good place. when I realized that the business really needed. the more kind of streamline flow, and not the visionary flow,

I had to start thinking about what that meant for my role. And it took me a hot minute to get there. I needed to leave it in hands that I knew. it would be safe and, and and with the right team. And so I felt like I could finally. I can kind of like, let my kid. go off to college in a way, you know, but it's sad. It's sad because. Yeah, it's a part of me.

It's a child. So I even like thinking about my kids, all of my kids. First day of kindergarten I wept. You know it's like it's a milestone. I don't think it's ever easy. That's interesting. It's almost like if I hear you correctly, you're saying it's. it's the difficult balance of holding onto something that you love, but then also being able to let it go so that it can go on. to the next stage of where it's meant to go. Yeah.

That that is an interesting one. Does it, does it leave you feeling like you instantly. need to do something else. Kind of. But also at the same time. I think I really need to not do that. I think I need to just sit in this space. of like, nothingness. You were talking about, like learning a language and. and doing it is totally and, you know, just random, creative.

That's all I need. Yeah. and and I feel like I'm in that state as well. You jumped right into a podcast. Yeah. Well, actually, the podcast I didn't jump into, what I jumped into was touring incessantly. Right? I went into a full year I was so afraid of, like the the gap that I had created that I wanted to just prop my. I was like, I have to do something. And then I did everything I worked more. You're after I left The Daily Show. than I did at the Daily Show, which is wild, is.

why I was everywhere, I was nowhere, I was, and it's only when I was deep in, in it that I realized I was like, oh man, what you were. what you were doing here was you were trying to run away. from the silent illness. Exactly. Yeah. You go back to the kids leaving the house. It's the. you trying to run away from the house, not having something. breaking, someone screaming or something being called something. It's a scary feeling because you're not used to it. Yeah. You know, especially when you've been, like, so goal oriented and hustling for so long. Yes.

Yeah. It's really weird. How do you deal with your fear of. validating yourself only by your achievements. or the external things that people see? I mean, this is. self-worth, right? It's weird. It's a weird journey thinking about, I guess, just this idea that I can be worthy of, of love. or kindness or existence.

without achieving, you know, I remember when I was younger, I was like, I just always felt like I needed to have a point. Like, what's my point? Like, why do I exist? Like, why did God put me here? I questioned that since I was probably 3 or. 4, I was, I would say, what's my point to my parents? Like, what's the point of this? and I think I've. sometimes maybe my point.

or our point is to just. I don't know, sense stillness and, like, breathe. and I don't know, I'm learning how to do that. It's not easy. It isn't easy. I often think about how, you know, from a, from a human perspective, where the people who are generally making. or creating a point for other things that are just existing. So sometimes we'll look at a flower, we go, oh, the point of it is to look beautiful.

and to do end the flowers like, oh, I'm just growing, right? That's all. And we go, you. There's a point to this flower and the flowers. Like, I didn't think of that. I'm just growing. I just exist. And because of my. the very nature of my existence, I give and take, right? And so I'm worth being, you know? Yeah. Don't go anywhere because we got more. What now? After this.

I know that. you spent a lot of time, and not a lot might sound. wrong, but, like, you spent time with your kids in therapy, which, again, when you started, this was a very new concept and new idea. Yeah. I didn't realize it was so controversial. Yeah. Now, now people are like, let's talk about health, baby. Yeah. Mental health. What did you do it in your brain? It's like now it's cool, now it's cool. But there was yeah, I was doing it early before. Yes. Jessica Alba says I'm going to therapy with my kids. and people like, oh, what did she do to them?

Yeah, they it was really weird. It was kind of the first time I got that kind of backlash as a parent is. I've been mom shamed. I've been. Yeah. Of course. Wow. yeah. It's weird how people have, like, very strange judgy. perceptions, but I had a really tough. adolescence, and and it was. hard for me to find my way back to my mom. And we have a complicated, very loving, but complicated relationship.

And I just wanted it to be easier. between my girls and me and myself. I didn't want there to be years of fighting. and misunderstanding and not and missing each other. You know, I wanted I just wanted it to be different. So when I started seeing and feeling the. you just don't understand me thing, and I was like, I feel like I'm always scolding them and, you know,

and they just feel like I don't get it. Maybe this is a time where they can have a safe place. where they can say whatever they want. Yeah, they will not get in trouble. And I have to be a listener and just try and figure out. how to meet them where they need me so I can be a better parent. That's. But I love that. I love them because if I hear what you're saying, it's like in many ways you're doing the thing, or you wanted. the thing that many of us take for granted, and that is the opportunity. to interrupt the cycles that we experience in our families.

You know, our inability to communicate our conflict. So it seems like you are trying to actively. step in and change something that most people just go. like, well, that's the way our family is, right? Yeah. What was the one thing. that you had to change, or. you had to learn from therapy that you were like, shocked by? Because therapy always does that. It like it'll show you a side of yourself. that you didn't know or want to acknowledge, and then. you have to go out into the world and face that.

So I think because. even though I was right. What a great beginning to sense, even though I'm right in. many of these circumstances, it's not about being right. It's just about them feeling. like they can express themselves authentically. and and it's not even about finding the right or the wrong answer.

And I was always so, like, so black and white, like, what's the lane like? Where's the path of least, least resistance. Like what's more efficient like. And my kids. and, and humans are gray man. They're like they're mushy. And it was when the therapist was just kind of like. it's not really about getting to the right answer. It's just about letting them feel how.

they want to feel regardless of whether it's right or wrong. And you holding space for that. And the more they kind of resist. you and push against you is, actually a relief. It's the more comfortable that they are. that they have a safe place to be to express themselves authentically. Right. And so that helped a lot. How how did it affect your relationship. or how you related to your parents?

I mean, I would say the more work. I do, the more compassion I have for my parents. for sure. I they. they only know what they were taught, and we all do. Yeah. And and if they didn't heal their trauma, for whatever. reason, every decision from then on is just piling on. from that one traumatic event. And then life is mirroring that with various people,

you know, whatever it is, I can't blame them for that. now, also, my lived experience. needs to also, that's my truth. But I think it really allowed me to heal. by going through this with my kids and give my parents grace. I like that for you. What's the biggest thing you're struggling with right now that you. you wish you could change instantly, but you can't?

The stillness is hard. It is. It's really hard. Yeah. Do you meditate? But it's still hard. You know why. Because if I could go and live, isolate myself and be completely alone and just. meditate all day and do that, I think it would be a lot easier. But interacting with the life, yeah, the everyday life.

and trying to be fucking still is really hard. That's you can really. Oh yeah. I had an argument with a monk about this. Yes. I'm that kind of person, I am, I was, I was in Bhutan. and there was a monk I was chatting to, and this monk was like, well, the stillness. I was like, it was beautiful. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of things that I learned. And then the monk, I said, well, I said, that's why you have to go. to other places, right? So you can try and, you know, find your calm. or find your still or find your peace.

And and then the monk was like, yes, but you can always find it inside yourself. And I was like, well, not always, you can try, but you can remember what it feels, but not always. And he was like, no, always looks like it's not always. I was like, yo, man, you live like in a monastery. and you always top of the mountain. Top of the mountain. I was like, why do you go there? Because you know that if there were kids. screaming, running around or if there were cars driving by, it's a lot harder to connect something, help with their homework. Or if someone was. running them at school and finding a room exactly for you.

No one wants to play with monster trucks on your freaking bed, and you're like, I can't have any more monster trucks on my bed. Yeah, so I know I agree with that. I, I, I'll struggle with the stillness, but then I will find it in, in random moments. it's probably why I stay up late, because that's where I find my stillness comes. This is like a little, this little piece where I go like, oh, okay, this is silence. This is me. My time. I would, I think I'm the most still.

and the most me at like midnight 1 a.m.. That's when I. If I'm struggling, I do, what I like to call, worst case scenario, and I borrow, I borrow as deep as I can, I, I've actually recommended this to people. I think sometimes what we do, you put your head in the sand. No, no, no, it's quite the opposite. So sometimes what I think we do is we will be told. And this became a trend a few years ago. where people would go like, no, think of how good it is. Think of how.

you think you came through that and you and. I understand that positive framing. But I think people take for granted that when you have anxiety, what you're doing is you're really applying. to long term thinking to what might be a temporary. Oh yeah, so what I do is I do the opposite. Instead of trying to hold myself back, I go with it and I'm like, all right, what's the worst that could happen? So let's say it's a show. I'm like, oh, I'm having a little anxiety about that show. And I'm like, okay, what's the worst that can happen? Well, what if the people don't laugh? I'm like, and then and then it's a terrible show. I'm like, and then, and then they're going to,

and then the show is done. I'm like, and then, and then I'll do another show, and then I'm like, well, I guess that's that's it. And I promise you, it makes a big difference. I go like, what is? Because sometimes I think. because you're trying to hold yourself back. from understanding that the worst case scenario isn't actually that. That's scary. yeah. It's just like, all right, what's the worst that could happen? And then when you see it, you're like, I guess Schmidt. Schmidt I'm like that. Schmidt. Where did you learn that? Oh, just from me.

Oh, really? Yeah. I was just like, I can't keep on doing this whole, like, be positive and know. Ask yourself, what is the worst that can happen? Genuinely go into it and you'll be shocked at how many times. the worst may still be terrible, but. you acknowledging what it is can sort of help. you either avoid it or understand where it lays. You know, it's like. Or what's so scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of, dissipates its power. It does, it doesn't, you know.

So it was actually, Charlie Munger, who is a, Warren Buffett's business partner for many years. He passed away. But but he, he said this beautiful quote, he said, I don't want to know when I will die or how I will die. He said, I just want to know where I will die. Just tell me where I will die so that I can never go there. And I think, I think it's sort of the. Yeah, the same approach. Totally, totally. I, I would love to know. Like what? Now what now for you as a human being.

and not not what's next, by the way? What now? But now. Yeah. That's interesting. And might be your shortest answer. Oh, cool, I love that. I don't know, I really don't know. That is beautiful. I mean this, right? No, but I and I mean, it's that is beautiful. Thank you for that. Jessica Alba, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast.

Thank you for having me. What now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios. in partnership with Day Zero Productions and Fulwell 73. The show is executive produced by Trevor. Noah, Ben Winston, Thomas Yamin and Jody Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackel. Marina Hankie is our producer. Music mixing and mastering by Hannah Brown. Thank you so much for listening.

Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now?