Dulce Sloan: Will You Be My Valentine?

[music]. I said to my homeboy that I was incel. one day and he was like that's not true. I said of course it is. I said [music] I. am celibate and it is very involuntary. These are this is what incel means. Involuntary celibate. Yes. >> I would love to be having sex. There's. nothing better than having your legs in. the air. And yet. >> Trevor, do you agree? [laughter]. >> Get up. Can I tell you what's funny is. >> tell me when your legs in the air. >> is that you made me [laughter] you made.

me picture my legs in the air. That's. what I hate about what you did to me. there. >> That's what good friends are for. >> That's what you did to me there. You. made me. >> anytime. >> because you ASKED IT. [screaming] MY. FIRST INSTINCT [laughter] MY FIRST. INSTINCT WAS TO defend myself. >> But the first thought I had. >> the first thought I had was me with my. own legs in the air. Whenever I hear. something enjoyable, I think of who. could enjoy this more [laughter]. and my friend comes to mind and I'm. thinking, look, there's an opportunity. for someone's legs. Who would enjoy? [laughter].

>> He's an idiot. >> Who would enjoy this? >> Stop talking. >> Who would enjoy this more? >> So, no, no, wait. I appreciate that about. you. You a fool. >> So, let's go back. This friend is a dumb. dumb. [music]. This is What now with Trevor Noah, [music].

right? Only difference between me and a. Dominican is a boat stop. That's it. I. could have been Mexican. I could have. been Dominican. I could have from Costa. Rica. But instead, I'm from We landed. here. So if I go to any of those. diaspora places, no one's questioning my. existence. But if I go back to the. motherland, all of a sudden it's what is. she doing here? And I'm like, [ __ ]. planes fly daily. That's why I'm. >> If you kept quiet and you came to South. Africa, no one would know you're not. from there. >> Problem is we keeping quiet and you know. that. [laughter].

>> What have you? >> So you you've never been TO SOUTH. AFRICA. >> NO, HE WAS SUPPOSED to take me and Roy. >> Yeah, but what do you mean? Not you. I'm. saying. no. What do you mean supposed? >> You said you don't. You said to me. >> You know what I love? >> Do I'll let you finish your sentence. Accuse me so that I may respond in full. >> cuz he always says like you know like an. American black people. We don't have a. lot of noises. We do have one. [laughter]. No sir. You said oh I want to take you.

You're talking to me and Roy. Oh I would. love to take you out of South Africa. Roy was like, "Mothers, mothers, too. Bring everybody." All of a sudden, this. [ __ ] done caught amnesia. Talking about. he don't remember telling me. Let me say. something. I always remember when a man. tells me something he didn't intend on. doing. That's what I will always. remember. Something a [ __ ] was really. going to do. I don't remember that. >> Like what? >> I don't know. Calling me back. I'll. always remember. >> You remember that one? >> Yeah, cuz I know it's not going to. happen. >> Guys don't call you back.

>> It's very confusing. You see these. titties? I don't know what's going on. [laughter]. >> Very nice. We rolling it. >> Perfect moment. You see these titties? That's the best place to start a podcast. ever. You [laughter] see these titties? Cuz I'm sitting here going, why would. they not call back? >> Welcome to the show. You see these. titties? >> Hey man, go to church. That's how I got. them. >> There are a few people in this world. I. would love to hear the last part of a. sentence from then Dulce Sloan. [laughter] No, I'm serious. When I think. about it, I go like, you know, you know. when you just catch the tail end of a.

conversation or something someone said, you will never beat Dulce. >> Listen to the end of that sentence. You. see these titties and now you go, "What. was the beginning of that sentence? Fill. it in.". >> No. In my head, I was like, >> "Can we see more of those titties?". >> What do you do when someone says, "See. these titties?" [laughter]. >> All right. >> You just fell into a dose truck. [laughter]. >> Here's the thing. I will always remember. you said to me, "I'm the blackest. person, you know." Which is crazy cuz. I'm not the blackest person that I know.

So, I was like, "How am I the blackest?". And I'm like, "Oh, you don't know a lot. of [ __ ] That's the difference. You. know black people.". >> You always say that to me. >> Who you friends with? >> No, no, no. You always say that. >> Wow. >> You just took shots at Josh. He's not. even here. >> and he deserves it. >> Wherever Josh Johnson is right now, he's. like, "Oh, [laughter]. >> wow. D, >> I love Josh. It's my favorite thing.". But yo, Josh doesn't have any siblings. >> Josh owes you half of everything.

[laughter]. >> Oh, cuz I braided his hair. Yo, Dulce. made Josh over. Josh will even attest to. that. Josh Johnson, the way we see him. today, that's a dual makeover. >> I made him cover Bob Ross than he is. now. >> Yo, Josh, that was a full D was like she. sat him down one day. >> His afro was stressing me out. >> Yeah, but it was like a like, yo, man, there's afro and then there's. >> whatever's happening. >> Wait, so there was an afro intervention. >> Yeah, but but it was it was. >> or African intervention. No, this one. was it was a black woman intervention.

cuz one day he came to work and. >> this one afro was smaller and so it was. like it looked like he had his hair cut. into like a old box like a old school. box but he just been sleeping on. different sides of his head. >> So it [laughter] just turned into. so I called it a sleep box. [laughter]. So we started giving him a bonnet and. all this other stuff cuz like during the. Emmys one time he came up to our room. cuz when I took my mom the first time we. went she was showing him how to shape it. up cuz we were talking about trying to. get like different hairstyles he could. get. I said well your head is too small.

for cornrows and he was just like h the. shots keep coming. I was like I'm just. trying to be helpful cuz like I said he. has no siblings so he doesn't have a. older sister to terrorize him or to. educate tomato potato. So one day it was. like one Christmas like during co I was. like hey come to my house cuz he didn't. go home I didn't go home my homeboy. didn't go home and so you know the ne. the day after Christmas is the first day. of Kwanza. So, I made him come back come. to my house. I said, "I'm going to wash. and deep condition your hair." And so, I'm talking about kitchen sink whole. nine, like old school doing your hair. And then I braided it up. And the whole.

time I'm just like, "This motherfucker's. got so much more hair than me." And the. whole time I'm braiding his hair, I'm. annoyed by it. But I just was like, I. just needed something to moisturize and. condition his hair. I didn't know if it. was going to style. He was going to. keep. >> It was beautiful. So it was. >> it was it was like those movies where. the person walks you've known them like. for years and then just before the prom. they get a makeover and they walk. through the halls [laughter]. >> and Josh Johnson walked down the hall. with like that one. >> that one braid. >> that one braid falling over his face and. we're like Josh is that is that you even.

got a new new base in his voice. Yeah. >> Yeah. Well, I didn't realize until like. one day we were at the cellar and a. bunch of the guys at the cellar. >> started hitting on. >> were telling HIM [laughter]. >> these are black men. They were they were. >> no one's more homophobic than a black. man. And so like it's male like black. male comics were like your hair looks. great and he kept going. Di did it. And. I like really like Yeah. And so when he. started getting like compliments from. like black men I was like oh this was a. great. >> That's when you knew it was the upgrade. >> Mhm. And I was like oh he's keeping. this.

>> Has anyone done something like that for. you in your life? Uh, >> who's do Sloan your life? >> Nobody. >> What do you mean nobody? >> I just me, [ __ ] It's I do me. I I'm. the D say loan for me. I guess my mom. maybe. I don't know. >> No, but moms don't count. >> Moms don't count. >> What? No, don't take that out of. context. >> Moms count very much. >> Don't clip that. Don't clip that. >> What? >> Do over. Don't do. >> Yo, moms count. >> Do over. Do over. >> What I mean is in this conversation. we're having now, we're saying moms.

already are the most amazing thing in. the world. So we don't count moms in. this. >> moms can't dual say loan me. >> Yeah. So we're saying who's dual say. slow to you? >> Uh. >> probably you. >> No don't say that cuz I'm here. I'm. saying. >> oh for like for like if you're asking. >> I didn't d say slow you. What are you. talking about? >> What I'm saying is that if you're. talking about someone who has come and. changed my life, it was probably you or. Big Kenny who got me into standup. >> I didn't but I didn't do you a favor. You did Josh a favor. There was no.

benefit for what you did to Josh. >> There was all the benefit. >> What was the benefit? >> I didn't have to look at that afro. [laughter]. >> He was stressing me and eating it out. >> How long did it last for that new hair? >> What do you mean? It's still there. >> It is Josh's hair. >> So So he goes to a lady now and gets it. washed and braided. >> It is the greatest thing that ever. happened. Oh, >> so he's stuck to it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like the style he has now. So I. did his hair the one Yeah. Yeah, the one. braid. I'm responsible. Have you seen a.

Tik Tok where the girl was like she was. trying to get dressed and she realized. she was just Josh Johnson cuz she had a. twist out. She had twist in and she said. she she was put on this gray hoodie and. then a braid fell down and she's like. when you're getting dressed and realize. you're Josh Johnson. >> That is so funny. True. You two have. like one of the best dynamics I've ever. come across. You know when you meet. people who it feels like they've known. each other their whole lives cuz how. long have you known Josh for? Uh, I met. Josh Jul. >> Yeah. You see that's not that's that's.

like now, but I feel like you two are. like siblings. >> I met him a year before like a year. maybe a year or two before I started at. the show. >> Is that cuz you're both from the South? >> We were doing Nackas together. >> What? I'm sorry. What? >> So Naka. So you've never had to do this. whole stroll? Um, so Naka, it's uh the. National Association of College. Activities. So basically, uh there's all. these different So they cut the whole. United States up into regions. Yeah. And. then like comedians, musicians, uh those.

companies that just make like little. kitsy [ __ ] Uh anybody with a bouncy. house will go to you pay to perform in. front of them and then you just kind of. stand there and just wait for them to. pick you. It's very much like you very. much a hooker on the stroll. So, my. college agent, you had to apply to this. and then you. >> you apply to Naka. >> You apply to Naka. You pay money to. audition and then but here's the thing. So, Josh broke the record cuz for one of. the reasons cuz Josh booked like.

>> 70 schools. >> Wow. >> So, I think I and but I think he booked. like so Josh paid off his student loans. performing at colleges. I think I did in. the two years I did now cuz I did 60. schools. So, that's why I've almost died. in the state of Pennsylvania like four. times. >> Wow. So you would go to these nackas and. different so there was like the north. reason, the southern reason, the mid and. all of that. >> And so you do 15 minutes on stage and. then afterwards they had these thing. called camps and you these big. convention centers. >> and then my my college agent aka the.

pimp would stand there with a list of. all of the schools and then every school. that came up to talk to you she would. notate. >> and then the kids want to talk. So she'd. be the bad guy be like, "Oh, she's got. to talk to more people." And so she'd be. the bad guy and kick these. And so she. would just keep track of every school. that came to talk to you. And then I got. to me in one of the meetings that I. wasn't supposed to be in apparently. And. so they would do something called block. bookings. And so the longest block. booking I ever had was I did 13 schools. in 14 days in six different states. >> 13 schools in 14 days in six different.

states. >> Yes. And I was living in LA at the time. and a lot of schools I had were out. here. So I one time I flew out so I flew. out to New York and then my homeboy. picked me up to the airport and then we. drove to Connecticut and we had a show. that night and then the next day we. drove to Maine and then the next day cuz. the most you could drive in a day was 5. hours. >> and so every day cuz the the routing was. like well here's all these states that. are really close and so we would wake up. drive 2 to four hours do a show stay in. a hotel wake up the next day drive 2 to.

5 hours do a show and so I did that for. four so there was like one night we. stayed in two places but it was stuff. like or I did a booking where it was. like was seven days in just the state of. Massachusetts just bouncing around doing. schools. And so that's what I was doing. before I booked the show was performing. for these little [ __ ]. >> There's moments where I missed those. grinds. >> We've all had them. >> You miss struggling? >> No. Like. >> did you have fun doing it? >> What? >> Sometimes. >> No. What do you mean? What? Why would. you say struggling?

>> She nearly died. >> No. Yeah, that was because of the snow. Yeah, that's [laughter] different. Why. are you making like It's a comedy thing. >> I almost almost die every day. I'm a. woman in America. I'm almost dead 90% of. the time. >> Damn. Doce took it there. >> Yeah, that's just death for death. LIKE. [laughter]. >> YEAH, but his death was a joke. >> Yeah, but I mean real. >> Yeah. [screaming] Well, you know, sometimes you got to get out of an. apartment. You know what I mean? >> Me and my friend were talking about this. like men do not realize how much danger. women are in on a regular basis. Cuz one.

of my friends asked me the other day, he's like, "You think you killed. somebody?" I was like, "Yeah." He was. like, "That was fast." And I was like, "You've never been a per you've never. been a woman.". >> One of the greatest jokes I ever heard. was it was just like a small throwaway. thing. It was Dave Chappelle on stage. and he was talking about one of the. first gigs he ever did in New York that. he was getting paid for and he performed. for some I don't know if they were. gangsters or not gangsters. Long story. short, they paid him in cash. >> and they gave him $10,000 in cash. >> and he was like in one of the burrows. long before New York was like easy in.

most places. Yeah. >> And he tells the story of having the. cash and he puts it like in his pants. >> and then he gets on the train and he's. riding the train and. >> Why would you get on the train with. $10,000? Get a cab. >> Yeah, but this is get a cab. >> Don't victim blame. And then Dave. Chappelle and then No, but he says and. that's that was the punch line of the. joke. Obviously I'm I'm truncating it, but basically he says he everyone was. looking at him. He felt like he was in. danger and he's like he's never felt. more like a woman in his life. >> Absolutely. >> That's you know what I mean? >> Absolutely. Every day. It was just like,

so you know, you start carrying a knife. >> Wait, wait, so wait. Let me ask you a. question. So, cuz I saw that thing. online and I didn't ask anyone about it. when it was happening. >> Who would you rather be in a forest. with, a man or a bear? >> You can throw food at a bear. You got to. throw [ __ ] at a man. >> You didn't answer the question. >> A bear. >> A bear. >> Yeah, >> because I know what Cuz the thing is, it's like a bear is not inherently. dangerous. >> unless it's hungry. Okay. So, let me let.

me ask you a question here. I'm glad. you're here, D. You're the only person. I'll probably ask this to because you'll. be honest. Um, could it be that men. struggle with hearing that answer. >> because as men, we don't see ourselves. as a monolith. >> No, men struggle with seeing that answer. because men don't want to think they're. the bad guy. So, every So, here's the. thing. Women are told to take. self-defense classes. >> Yes.

>> Don't dress provocatively. >> Yes. >> Don't be a [ __ ]. >> Okay. >> Carry a knife. Carry [snorts] pepper. spray. Carry all of these things. So, you're telling me to do all of these. things to make sure that I'm not. assaulted or attacked. >> Right. >> But then if I get assaulted or attacked, you don't believe me. >> But you told me to do all of these. things. >> And so if I'm being attacked, somebody's. doing it. But we're never talking about. who we're not telling the attackers not. to attack. We're telling the victim. don't get attacked. So every man that. heard that was just like, "Well, I would.

never." But every woman, you know, has. either been sexually harassed or. sexually assaulted. So some we're not. doing it to each other. So how is it. that no man has done it, but it has. happened to every woman. So when men. hear that, it's well, I wouldn't do. that. Because I was talking to Kabuka. about this one time, right? And Kabuka. was like, he's like, "It's crazy." He. said, "You don't think. >> that your friend?" And he's like, he. said, "Your friend is talking to all the. women. Come to find out, he's raping. everybody nobody knew." [laughter]. >> That was a good impression of giving. >> Thank you. He's like, "He's doing the. thing." So, you see what I'm saying?

>> Yeah. The thing. >> he's doing the thing and you don't know. he's doing the thing. He's at the bar. He's talking to the ladies. You don't. know. He's raping everybody. Like, you. see what I'm saying? So, it's like no. man wants to think their friend is like. that. No man who's There's men that have. assaulted people. It's like, "Well, I. didn't do anything wrong." So, if you as. a man think that a woman would rather be. with a wild animal in the forest than. you, cuz here's my thing. I think all. the men that got upset by that, there's. always a saying that I would hear. growing up, a kick dog will holler. If I. didn't kick you, you're fine. But if you.

felt like you got kicked, then you are. somebody who has been harassing and. terrorizing women. Point blank. >> Because if I wasn't talking to you, you. wouldn't have gotten upset. And the same. reason why people go, "Well, I'm not. racist." And I was like, "I wasn't even. talking to you." But anytime somebody. pops up, I can't believe that women. would feel this way. Yes, I said I would. rather be in the forest with a wild. animal because here's the thing. Bears. aren't inherently going, they don't want. to be bothered by humans in the first.

[ __ ]. >> right? Yeah. Yeah. Right. >> That's the thing. >> That's their default. that the default. ish person blah then but if they need. something it's just like well I'm kind. of hungry I wonder if this human got. snacks this human smell like snacks. which is why I don't wear any food. scented fragrances I don't want to trick. nobody [laughter]. I'm a floral [ __ ] right so I I hear. your logic but. >> but you see what I'm saying is. >> no I hear I hear what you're saying but. the kick dog hollering thing the reason. I don't think it necessarily applies is.

because you we are speaking to everyone. But that's what I'm saying. >> No, so this so this is what I mean. So. let's let's let's let's let's move it to. another category, right? Let's for. instance, let's say somebody says, >> "I don't like white people cuz white. people are racist.". >> Yes. >> Right. There's a lot of white people who. would respond to that going, "What are. you? Why would you say that? I'm not. racist.". >> Right. >> Because they're not racist. The And some. who are racist would respond as well. I'm not saying they wouldn't respond, >> right? >> But if you if you speak to a collective, you shouldn't be shocked when some from. the collective respond to you. I'm not.

shocked, but when I'm saying it, there's. a there's a level of going, "Oh, why. would you say that I'm not racist?" But. what that sentence is also acknowledging. is that yes, I'm talking to white. people, but if you're not racist, I. wasn't talking to you. >> So, you see what I'm saying? So, it's. like, well, white people are racist. I. hear what you're saying. You want to. defend yourself. So, in the same reason, it's like, well, you know, they're. they're used to, you know, black people. are criminals. I don't crime. >> So, you don't So, you wouldn't respond. to that? >> No, cuz you're not talking to me cuz I'm. not a criminal. Also know I know this is.

a blanket. Yes, it is a blanket. statement, but you also have to remember. this is pure hyperbole. Somebody said, "Would a woman rather be in the forest?". >> Yeah, I'm with you. >> With a person or a bear and you. started a TED talk about why [laughter]. if you saw that and you went, first of. all, stop typing. >> Right. Right. >> Stop typing. This is already goofy. That's saying, would you rather be in. the ocean with an octopus or a shark? I'm at the beach. It doesn't matter.

>> Right? >> I know one of them might inher because. that's the thing. There's no inherent. danger in a shark. But you know, you. know what I think it is? I think it. reveals something about us as people in. general. And that thing is. >> I love that you said hyperbole, right? Often times any statement of protest, provocation, any any statement that's. that's meant to elicit something from. people is often blunt and provocative. >> Right. >> Right. Like that's not the place for. like nuance in a way.

>> That's why text messaging needs fonts. >> Yeah. So you go you just say the thing. So I remember for instance when when. Black Lives Matter first came out, Black. Lives Matter and then the first thing a. lot of people said was like why only. Black Lives? Why why are you saying. Black Lives Matter? about the other. lives and then black people went no. that's not the point. >> the point we're not saying that because. no other lives matter and then it became. this whole do you know what I mean it's. like a game of semantics now where. you're actually arguing but it's. interesting when you say that cuz I go.

like oh that's that's an insight that I. don't think I've thought of until you. said it that way about hyperbole. >> that any group that is saying something. whether it's two people a nation an. ethnicity. uh you know, gender, religion or. whatever it is, the people who are not. in that group that are being that are. that are speaking can think completely. differently and like it's not about them. in a way. Does that does that make. sense? >> Yeah. >> Because I think there's a lot of black. people if somebody said, let's say a.

white person came out and they were. like, I I'm not safe around black people. cuz black people are criminals. There's. no hook that they would be let off. >> You with me? >> 100%. >> There's like there's no hook that they. would be let off. There's none. None. None. And they can't be like, "No, no, no. Don't respond. If you if you're not. a criminal, then why why are you. offended?" Then you're like, "Hey, yeah, you didn't say you have a problem with. criminals. You said black people are. criminals.". >> Right? And so. >> and so then if they said. >> if they said, "No, no, no. But if you're. black and you're not a criminal, you.

shouldn't be offended." People would go, "No, hell no. You're not. Hey, you're. still on that hook.". >> Right? But here's But here's the. difference. It's one is ridiculous, one. is not. Right? So, bear versus human. man. >> Yeah. >> Same thing on Tik Tok. It was uh they. were talking about like who would win a. 100 Americans or 100 British people? >> 100 British people. Oh, I thought you. talking about the gorilla one. >> I was just going to gorilla. >> first is But see this when back up then.

the gorilla thing. >> It un It makes sense to me why men were. upset. It's like well she would rather. be in the with a bear. So it was bear. versus human, right? women. >> Then a bunch of men said, "Hey, one. gorilla versus 100 men. >> and a bunch of men were like, "Yes, we. could do this." And you're just like, >> "Have you ever. Have you ever watched PBS?" The strength. [laughter]. of a gorilla. You know how you can.

squeeze an orange and get juice? A. gorilla can do that with an apple. A. human man can't squeeze an apple and get. juice out, but a gorilla ALL DAY. BOOM. BUT THERE'S a hundred of us, right? >> But there's a hundred of us. >> I understand that. >> There's a hundred of us, >> right? And so this isn't movie rules. >> Yeah, but I'm saying there's a hundred. of us. >> I get it. You can pile on them. I get. it. But you would have But at least 20. of y'all are dead. >> Yeah, but 80 have won. >> I'm not saying 81. And I'm not saying. that. Here's the thing. I don't.

>> Are you saying a gorilla would beat 100. men? >> I'm saying this is going to be the most. controversial podcast we've ever put out. >> from the jump. Which men are you. sending? >> No, but that's why. Okay. Which gorilla? >> ARE YOU SENDING YOUR BEST GORILLA? >> ABSOLUT [ __ ] LUTELY. >> THEN ABSOLUTELY FUCKINGUTELY. BUT WE. ALSO DIDN'T ASK WHAT MAN are you going. to be stuck with in the forest instead. of a bear. >> Touche. >> No. Any man's a problem. >> A. >> any man's a problem. Listen, I we going. to send a tiny man. [laughter]. You send me a tiny man.

Peter Dicklish in this [ __ ] Yeah. Spin. Peter Dickage. I might have him. But if. he catch me in the shins, it's over. You. see what I'm saying? Like I don't I. don't know his moves. I don't know. He. got a weapon on him. You just sent one. man. I don't know what's on him. >> Okay, maybe I should ask. a bear. Grizzly or black bear? Let's. start there first. And what kind of man. would you choose to be not to be stuck. with in the forest? >> Here's the thing. I exist. >> and I'll tell you why I'm asking you. this. >> I exist in.

I exist in a body where a lot of men. aren't paying attention to me anyway. H. >> Hm. That's crazy. This man got Foley. Your. boy's over here doing sound effects. [laughter]. >> Did you call it Foley? >> Yeah. Imagine looking up. >> That is one of the deepest cuts. That's. amazing. Most people would say sound effects. That's when you know someone's in the. movie industry. She said she called it. Foley. >> Foley artist. No. Eugene's got hella. foley. >> outside. Crazy. Um, [laughter] man.

Nuts. He's thirsty. Um, I don't Here's. the thing. I thought it was such a silly. question. >> Yeah. >> That I didn't really think about it like. the So, like I started a newsletter. because you have to always constantly be. talking to people and I put like a silly. thought at the end of it and the one I. put in it this week was is an acai bowl. fruit soup. [sighs]. So, that's the level. So, when I saw. that bear man versus bear thing or 100.

men versus a gorilla, >> wait, wait. Don't just move on. That's. is an acai bowl just fruit soup, >> right? >> What makes a soup a soup? >> Is it a fruit stew? You see what I'm. saying? So it's it's silly [ __ ] like. that. So like I used to tell one of my. friends that I think a doctor is a body. mechanic. >> I think that's correct. >> Right. So just goofy [ __ ] like just the. dumb like just the silly thing I think. of. So like is a doctor a body mechanic? Is that fruit soup? Uh, they don't put, you know, there's numbers in math, but.

there are no there's letters in math, but there's no numbers in words. Had a full-blown argument with my. brother for 20 minutes about this until. my mom was like, "Just say there's NO. NUMBERS AND WORDS." DAMN. But yeah, there's numbers in. >> How long has your brain been like this? >> M. I don't have a husband or children to. take up space, so I think to think about. goofy [ __ ]. >> You think your brain would stop if you. had them around? I think I would have. other things to think about other than. acai bowl was fruit soup. [laughter].

>> When was the first time you noticed that. your brain wasn't working like most. people's brains were working? >> Cuz cuz you you're an interesting. combination of things. You are you have. like the what I call the like the leaky. brain of a comedian, >> but then you also are like one of the. most genius people I know when it comes. to like learning, retaining information, uh expanding on that information. I. mean, even in school, you were in. >> I was in gifted classes. >> Yeah. You were in like all the gifted.

classes. You were the you the solving. the puzzles. >> Yeah. It's like it's which is so funny. cuz physics never clicked for me. But I. think that the thing that was bothered. me about physics was it was like they. wanted us to calculate the like you had. to learn about vectors and they're like. okay somebody's throwing this ball off a. cliff and calculate. I remember going to. class going but he can't get the ball. back so why am I doing this? [laughter]. >> That's where your brain went. >> I went to my I said excuse me why are we. calculating this? He can't get the ball. back. My teacher went what? I said what?

If he threw the ball off the cliff he. ain't going to get it. So why do I need. to know how fast it took to get down? What was the acceleration of the He's. It's gone forever. Why do I need to know. this information? So, I need things that. make That's why like geometry made sense. for me. Uh chemistry made sense for me. because there was too much. As much as I. was a theater kid, I could suspend a. disbelief. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. >> Some stuff is This is busy work. >> This is real middle management [ __ ]. You not trying to get I'm not getting a. I'm never. >> There's a difference between I'm never. going to use this and this man needs a.

job. I didn't like being participating. in just keeping some white man employed. I did not like that because I need I. need certain things to make sense. Even. if they're ridiculous. I love science. fiction, but sometimes it has to be like. that's why every joke they're like, "Well, every joke has a bit of truth to. it." Some of it doesn't. Some of it is. just purely good. >> Some of it is purely funny. >> Some of it's just words put together. that makes a person laugh. >> Isable fruit soup. Goofy [ __ ] like that. I understand. But it's like I I think. the first time I was like I remember.

never believing in Santa Claus because. the logistics didn't make sense. >> That was your big gripe as a child. >> Like not even from the beginning. There. was no point where you believed in it. They explained it to you once and you. immediately went. >> What part of the logistics didn't make. sense? >> One, I knew my mom wasn't going to let. some random man in our house. >> Okay, >> that was first. Two, I knew some. >> But you don't have to let him in the. house. That's the first thing. like well. I knew like when we first like the first. place we lived didn't have a chimney and. I was like we're already out. >> That's true. I thought that in South. Africa cuz we basically no one had. chimneys essentially.

>> And then when we lived somewhere with a. chimney I was like this definitely isn't. going to work. Also my mother never told. us he was real but my mother never told. us he wasn't real. >> Wait, how did you account for the magic. though? Cuz remember there's magic as. well. So right Santa Claus makes sense. because of the magic. >> The logistics bug me. >> Yeah, but the magic the magic covers the. logistics. It's like you got to think of. Santa like okay think of Amazon. >> right? Let's say we told somebody about. Amazon 2,000 years ago. They would go, "This doesn't make sense.". >> No, they wouldn't. >> What do you mean in one day something. can get to you from where? And you'd be.

like, "Yeah, so I think of something. that I would like or need.". >> And then a day later, it is here. >> But. >> and they would they would say to you, "So you can just dream of Odicius's. brush and it shall appear." And you're. like, "Yes, it will appear.". But home delivery all but we were but. things were getting delivered to homes. forever. So even in Rome, somebody was. like, "Hey, I bought some bread. Old boy. from the bakery is bringing bread." You. know, when the shadow hits this part. >> Yeah. So then Santa Claus is home.

delivery. >> But it I think it never made sense to me. because nobody was because everybody was. depending on the fact that I was a child. and they're just like, "Oh, you can tell. kids.". >> Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you. didn't like that. Well, it was like once. you start asking questions and you. realize they have no answers. >> That's what gets you. >> That's when I'm just like, well, what. the I was like, well, how does he get. here on a sleigh with reindeer? Fine. I. can accept the magic of that. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Right. But I'm just like, well, how what. kids does he know to come to? Cuz I was. sitting there going, I was like, well,

not every kid is a Christian. So, I'm. like, there's whole countries he ain't. got to go to then. So, that gives him. more time cuz not every country got. Christian India, >> right? He got Christians in India, right? He's going in 17 Christians in. India going on about his business. I. don't know the logistics or information. behind that, but I'm like, "Okay, he's. not going to the whole world because. there's not Christians that live. everywhere." Fine. And then the what the. news in Georgia, they would have, you. ever see in America, they would do the. Santa tracker. So they would be like, "Okay.". >> Oh, yeah. And then they'd show you where. he is in the world right now. >> Yeah. >> On Christmas Eve, they would have the.

Santa tracker. >> Yeah. And you could see where he is and. be like, "Oh, he's he's crossing over. Iowa right now.". >> Right. And I'm like, >> kids would have to go to bed cuz it's. like they just knew you knew where he. was because it was I guess midnight. there or something. And it's like that's. where Santa was now. >> But he was never but like you would. never be like it wasn't like he's in. Georgia. Go to sleep. You're like you're. not going to bed. It's like oh he's over. like oh he's flying over Kenya. He's. going to be in America soon. And you're. like all right maybe. But then you go to. sleep. So. >> but as soon you sleep distrustingly.

>> Okay. Maybe. >> All right. [laughter]. >> What did YOU GO TO? WHY DID YOU GO why. did you go to sleep [laughter] with. Okay, wait. But but so to Eugene's point. is like. >> did you. I'm trying to understand young doulsece. That's what I'm trying to understand. So. I see like I see this little girl who is. very logical wants things to make sense. But like what part of your imagination. did you go crazy? Were there things that. you did believe in or did think about.

that, you know, you know what I mean, weren't logical in that way? >> Well, like I remember like finding out. about like imaginary friends and I was. like, "Oh, I should get one of those.". But then I kept forgetting about it. [laughter]. cuz I'd give myself one and be like, "Oh, [ __ ] I had an imaginary friend.". [laughter]. >> Oops. you basically like these are like. tam tamagotchis that tamagotis like. >> say forgot to water her imaginary friend. like. >> there's a pix you know there's a Pixar. movie in this somewhere a kid who keeps.

forgetting their imaginary friend and. then the imaginary friends are like. dying because they aren't remembered cuz. you if you if you not imagined you can't. live. >> right but if you was a better if you. were a better imaginary friend yes. >> you might not have gotten forgotten. >> wow you blaming the imaginary friend for. not being imagined. >> but I'm also six so it's like how much. how can I maintain like you If you watch. like DW for Arthur, she's had an. imaginary friend for at least 15 years. Naen is doing a lot of work. I, on the. other hand, had human friends, so I. would also had cousins and stuff. So, I.

had people taking up my time. I had a. little brother. I didn't have time for. an imaginary friend. I had a little. brother I had to keep alive. When you. don't have siblings, and imaginary. friend, a. >> So, how many of these imaginary friends. did you have and and let go? >> I don't know. I had one for like 30. minutes. [ __ ] just seemed like too much. work to me. [laughter]. I love I love that you imagine somebody. who was annoying. [laughter]. That's a That's a special way to see the. world is that you get to make up your. own person and you make them annoying.

You're like, "Man, get get the hell out. of here.". >> This is too cuz I'm like, "How much I. how much I got to play with you.". >> But why couldn't you imagine like a a. person who was like self-sufficient and. just. >> because it's like I'm there's still no. one here. It's like every time I think. about like. like it's the idea of me wanting to get. married. The idea of my husband is an. imaginary [ __ ] friend. Yes. Like. every day I'm just like I hope he. should. Please God, I've been losing. eggs. >> You you want to get married? >> Absolutely. >> What do you like about the idea of. getting married? >> I want to make people and I don't want. to do it by myself. >> Okay. Okay.

>> Yes. That's where I got my eggs from. >> So you don't I like this. [clears throat] So you don't want to get. married. You just want to make people. and you don't want to do it by yourself. >> I absolutely want to get married. But. it's also it's like I think we have I. think western culture has sold us so. much of the love of a thing. Oh my god, now I sound like a bua. But it's it. makes sense for a long time that like. marriage was a contract between people. >> Yeah. >> And then we made it a love thing, right? And so now we've kind of lost the idea. of this is two people because once the.

emotions can fall out of a thing so it's. like we're not doing the work anymore, >> right? So, it's like as much as a. friendship is work as opposed to any. relationship with a person is work. >> It's like like for instance, I had a. friend break up last week, right? As. opposed to I can't be friends with this. person any. >> Mhm. >> And so because of just things going on. in our friendship that I was like this. isn't working for me anymore. >> And it was. >> but you we don't talk about friend. breakups as much as we talk about. relationship breakups because a friend.

breakup is like this was never supposed. to happen. you're supposed to be here. forever, which also doesn't make any. sense. So, like I one I've always wanted. like the last time I had a boyfriend was. I was 30. I'm 42. >> And so, >> yeah. But last boyfriend, I had cheated. on me. >> And so, but then like I started so like. around. so I was like 30, but around like 33 I. started being on the road like full-time. and then I moved here and then I was so. it was just like it was things and then. that's when I found out oh men don't. like it when you're gone all the time. You're on the road. cuz my homeboy said.

to me one day, he was like, "Listen," he. said, "you might not have had a. boyfriend, but you weren't alone." And I. was like, "Well, that's true. There was. some negro wasting my time or white. Don't worry. Um, [laughter]. somebody would pop up. A gentleman you. talk to for a little bit is right. [laughter]. But it's I want to be I want to be in a. long-term relationship." Right? And one. of my friends, I was talking to her. about that and she said, she asked me, she's like, "Do you think you're ready. to be a wife?".

>> Damn. >> No one asked you that question. No one. ever asked you that question. But no one. asks men if they're ready to be a. husband. No one asks anybody if they're. ready to do these things. You just think. you fall in love and you find somebody. and. you don't think about the fact whether. you're ready. And I. >> but one of the issues that I've had is. that I have been asked repeatedly and I. don't know if and I was talking one of. my friends about this last night. I. don't know if this is something we just. do to black women or all women, but. because I am in the position that I am. in, right? And because I have the career.

that I have, it's sometimes frustrating for me, right? Cuz it's like I have an Emmy at. my house, they can count all the people that have. Emmys. You can't really count all the. people that are married, right? >> Yeah. >> So, I am doing well at a very hard. thing. >> Yes. But I'm failing at something people. do every day. And so that in my brain is. where my dis is where I get upset. because I can't.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm. failing. But also it's like. I had to think I was like are there is. there anything that I want in my life. that I couldn't get on my own and this. is the only thing that I truly want that. I have to be like. >> need someone else. >> I need someone else. And then I was. like, "Well, that's not true because. I was doing like doing standup and I'm. acting, but like you have to get agents. You have to get a manager. Someone has.

to see you and go, I want to help." So, it's like and especially as comics, cuz. this doesn't happen with actors. As. comics, some of your first opportunities. as a comedian is someone going, "Hey, you're funny. Come do a thing. Hey, come. you're funny. Come get on this show. Come do this." And I don't think and so. it's funny for like as as. lonely quote unquote as much as like. comedy is like you're doing a lot of. work on your own. Your all your. opportunities come from other people.

>> especially when you first start out. And. so it's like oh so I need the. opportunity to be like please uh make me. a mother. >> cuz because then there's also the thing. was people go why don't you do it on. your own? I was like I don't want to be. a statistic that's why. M and I watched. my mother do this on her own. It didn't. seem like it was [ __ ] fun. And so now. I was just like cuz I'm either being I'm. either toying, oh, I can do it on my own. or or I can be with a man who.

is not. who cannot pay the bills in my house. >> So, pause there. But hold on. >> Wait, wait, wait. Don't don't I'll tell. you why. Wait, pause. cuz I I don't want. us to lose the beginning part which I. think is really insightful and important. and then we're going to go through it. So we'll we'll we'll put a pin in that. part. >> Pay the bills. >> Listen, you have a breakdown. Yeah. >> No, pay the bills. So. >> because you have to remember most people. get divorced in America because of. finances, not because somebody cheated, not because somebody fell out of love.

Most people in America get divorced. because of finances. That's the number. one reason America get divorc. People. get divorced. >> So I'll go backwards. M. >> one of the first things you said when. when talking about this was. about getting married and you said. it's something that you have to do with. somebody else. It's something that you. have. >> I think you've tapped into something. that a lot of people are experiencing. across the board. But I I I love that. you brought it up the way you did. because I do feel like the weight is.

felt differently between men and women. >> Absolutely. >> right. But men are definitely feeling it. just at a way less. >> male loneliness. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. On a on a. way like way less levelofy. >> Mhm. >> But it is, let me tell you something. You say goofy. Goofy is what starts. militias and. crazy armies. >> Listen, I said to my homeboy that I was. incel one day and he was like, "That's. not true." I said, "Of course it is." I. said, "I am celibate and it is very. involuntary. These are This is what.

incel means. Involuntary celibate. I. would love to be having sex. There's. nothing better than having your legs in. the air. And yet, >> Trevor, do you agree? [laughter]. >> Get up. >> Can I tell you what's funniest? >> Tell me. Put your legs in the air. >> Is that you made me You made me picture. my legs in the air. That's what I hate. about what you did to me there. >> That's what good friends are for. >> That's what you did to me there. >> You made me. >> anytime. >> because you ASKED IT. MY FIRST INSTINCT, [laughter]. MY FIRST INSTINCT was to defend myself. But the first thought I had, the first.

thought I had was me with my own legs in. the air. >> Whenever I hear something enjoyable, I. think of who could enjoy this more. [laughter]. And my friend comes to mind and I'm. thinking, look, there's an opportunity. for someone's legs. Who would enjoy? [laughter]. >> He's an idiot. >> Who would enjoy this? >> Stop talking. >> Who would enjoy this more? So, okay. So, no, no, no, wait. >> I appreciate that about you. You a fool. >> So, let's go back. >> My friend is a dumb dumb. So let's go. back. [laughter] Let's go back, >> bro.

>> So. >> also that is also the uh form biggest. form of respect from an American black. person if they run away because of. something you said. So just know you did. well today. >> So there was no bit. >> they go if you [laughter] go. >> there snacks in my purse. So no. >> if you um if you go back to what you. said like um you you long for a time. when it wasn't about love. I actually. think that's probably one of the biggest. things we're grappling with now in. society and we don't we didn't. understand it as a as a sec second. system effect right we in the same way.

that people didn't understand what would. happen when the globe became connected. via trade there were many things that. would improve oh money is going to cross. borders people will become wealthy but. then it's like oh poverty is also going. to speed up. >> and white people will spread illness. >> okay but like. >> second families. >> infatility but all these. These are second system. Yes. Disease. These are second system. >> My uncle did have two families. >> There you go. So. >> in the same city. It was crazy. >> So now we got to pin in that as well. Please remember this.

>> He paid two bills. >> Pin pin. Pin pin pin. >> I don't know about all that. >> These are all pins. >> He's dead now, so it's fine. >> But I I think that's what we haven't. fully grappled with, right? Is. the curse of choice is that it increases. the amount of time that you need to. choose. I don't think there's any human. being out there who is not trying to. find the perfect person for them. >> But that's I think that but that's the. but it's the perfect person. >> But that's what No, but listen to what. I'm saying, >> right? >> It is a lot easier to assume that you.

have made the perfect choice once you've. exhausted your choices. So when we grew. up in a village where there were 20. people like in our age range, >> at some point you assumed that you had. made the best choice because you had. exhausted your choices. You went okay. number 17. >> the hottest person around here. >> or the one for me the personality and. hot or the combination but you were done. >> then you made it a town then you made it. a city then you made it a country now. you've made it infinite literally. infinite dating apps social media et.

like we talked about this with Esther. Prell on the podcast but like the fact. that people have a constant deluge of. other human beings being put into their. head and the option of them by the way. cuz remember you'd walk in the streets. before and you didn't know whether. people were or weren't single. So, it's. not it's not necessarily the same thing. But a dating app is an infinite scroll. >> You know, for a fact. >> of people No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's funny. I know what you're saying, but I'm saying still it is advertised as.

they are single. >> Here's an app. >> It's what they're selling. >> It is advertised. It is advertised. Now, I think we haven't fully grappled with. the price that society has paid for that. infinite choice. to your point because. I'll tell you now. >> because people think they have better. choices than they do. They think they. have more options than they have. So, for instance, I got off of dating apps. because I was tired of my phone hurting. my feelings. >> So, every time I would log in, I'd be. like, "Man, City doesn't want to [ __ ]. me. That's crazy." And then I put my. phone down. >> Do you Were you at the Daily Show when. we did No, you weren't. Uh we did a.

piece on this early on in the in the day. show when I was when I was hosting was. um we did a thing on how and we actually. had one of the guys funny enough who who. released the study. They showed that. black women and Asian men. >> have the worst results on dating apps. >> Like terrible. >> Oh yeah, terrible terrible terrible. >> I used to do a bit about the fact that. uh cuz I think I like I sometimes do it. and sometimes don't. I said we should. come up with our own app and call it. Black and Yellow. And so. >> you know what it is, >> right? and make the just the smartest. basketball players the world has ever.

seen. You see what I'm saying? Like, well, we should just date each other, right? Cuz if cuz we get the worst, we. truly do, black, black women. So, like, for instance, my friend was like, "Somebody get on match." I was living. here. I got on match. Match cost money, right? And so, I was watching people. pick every single ethnicity but black. women. >> Like, really, Pacific Islander? You. don't know no [ __ ] Pacific Islanders? >> [laughter]. >> When are you going to meet this [ __ ]. You're telling me that you would rather. meet Moana than me? Get the [ __ ] out of.

here. >> YOU ARE NOT GOING TO meet her, bro. >> Moana's never home, though. >> She's on a seat. She's out here with. grandma being a man, right? So, so, so. you if I'm looking on M cuz like one of. my friends, same thing. Or people like, "Oh, just get on Rya. Just get on Rya. Stop talking to me. I was on Rya, right? I was on Rya. Saw you on Riot." And try. to take a screenshot and Rya goes, "Hey, >> don't do that. Don't do that. Screenshot. Don't do [laughter] that. >> Oh, cuz I like somebody doesn't have. another phone. >> Don't do that. >> Listen. >> Yeah, but we but Ry was just trying to. stop the people who weren't thinking far.

enough in advance. [laughter]. >> It was They're just trying to stop. impulse people. Don't do that. >> He said, "Don't do that.". >> Hey. >> So then my home girl took a picture of. my phone and I texted you and was like, "AH, YOU OUTSIDE." So [laughter]. >> why you hurt your wrist? >> So unruly. >> We're going to continue [music] this. conversation right after this short. break. All. right, Eugene, let's play a little game. You know, make [music] something fun. Two truths and a lie. Mhm. >> Here we go. One, I've had to tell a. world leader that their fly was undone.

Two, when getting dressed, I don't do. sock, sock, shoe, shoe. I do sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Three, I've been a Verizon. customer for 11 years. What do you. think? Very confused. First of all, why. would a world leader owner fly? cuz. those things just come uninvited. Secondly, lying to your friends is not. cool. There's never been a game. No, Eugene, a fly is for like the zip is. what? And then it's it's it's not a lie.

It's a game where I'm trying it's like I. give you information. Okay, I lied. All. three are true, Eugene. And in case you. were thinking, you know, Verizon isn't. as expensive as you think. In fact, if. you bring in your AT&T or T-Mobile bill, they'll give you a better deal. And the. reason I've been with them for this long. is just because I travel so much. I need. a network that's reliable. That's right, a better deal on the best network with. the most ways to save on plans, streaming, and phone deals. Take your. AT&T or T-Mobile bill to your local.

Verizon store today. Get your better. deal and start saving for real based on. root metrics. Best overall mobile. network performance. US second half. 2025. All rights reserved. You must. provide recent consumer mobile bill in. the name of the person redeeming the. deal. Additional terms, conditions, and. restrictions apply. So, do you understand how two truths and. do you understand it now? >> I understand that you didn't have to lie. first before telling me that Verizon is. the best. >> No, I wasn't lying. Eugene, it's not a.

lie. I wouldn't lie to you. It's a game. Okay. I'm sorry. [music] I lied. UH [laughter]. [music]. in the same way there was like an. industrial revolution, I think we're now. entering into a new phase of sort of. like a relationship revolution. M. >> and what I mean by that is we are still. grappling.

with the effects that we don't know are. going to start to affect the changes. that we've made in society. Right. >> Right. So if you look back as you said. to a time when marriages weren't about. love a lot of the people who were in. that time did not like it. >> Yes. >> Because the thing they said was I hated. that I didn't have a choice. I hated. that I couldn't choose who I was going. to be with. You would listen to. grandparents. You'd go, "Do you love I. want to be I wanted to be I don't want. that time either.".

>> No, no, I'm not saying I wanted combo. >> No, no. I'm not saying you do. I'm just. saying people would say, >> you know, you talk to your grandparents. and they go, "Do you love my. grandfather?" And they'd be like, "I. never love. I never loved that man. >> But I mean, he's here.". >> Yeah. We just had to do a thing. >> We had to do a thing. >> Right. And then and then you move. forward a generation, you move forward. another generation. And I find it. interesting and it's it's really. poignant that you brought it up that now. we're searching for the opposite. It's. like before the people had ultimate.

certainty. >> and so all they yearned for was a little. bit of opportunity for something, you. know, to pop up. Just something that. wasn't predictable. >> Yeah. >> Don't define my path for me. And then. now it almost feels like we've gone so. far down the road of you have choice, whatever choice you want that now people. yearn for the certainty. I wish I knew. I wish I could get with somebody. I wish. I knew when I I've had more. conversations with friends in every walk. of life, women who are going, I'm.

freezing my eggs. But like in a way now. it's becoming just ubiquitous. >> My insurance better be right cuz that. [ __ ] cost me $35,000. I end up with two. eggs. >> But what I'm saying is this. No, but. this is a real conversation though. It's. like eggs is like but it's a thing. It's. Do you know? But for the first time in. history, there's more women in their 40s. than women in that are teenagers in. their 20s. For the first time in. history, there are women who are. financially stable having kids. >> Now, that's Yes, that's the point. So, now this is this is what I'm trying to. get to. I want to go to something you.

said, and I know some things you say is. a joke. Some things you say being real. So, I I actually want to get to. >> You'll never know. >> That's what I was about to say. >> No, but like [laughter]. >> and I knew you. When when you said no, when when when you said when you said I. because I don't want to be with a man. who doesn't pay the bills, this is like what I mean about. >> doesn't can't. [clears throat]. >> Can't. Fine. Can't pay the bills. That's. fine. >> That's fine. Not can't. >> Can't. Can't. >> Can't. He loves trying to get an. American accent right. >> Well, I have a southern accent, so we're.

not real. >> Good. Go. We're good to go. [laughter]. [clears throat]. So. >> I don't know why that was my first. reaction. [laughter]. >> So. >> that's what the pilot said. >> Um. we know [laughter]. >> so if we if we look let's let's break. that down. You go like I don't want to. be with a man who can't pay the bills. Let's start with this the the wise int. like why do you say that? >> Because he will you will end up with.

your enemy in your own bed. >> Because you have to think about this. Men have been told, and this is not to. the benefit of men or society at all. Right? So, >> men are told that they have to operate. in a certain way. >> by other men, >> the confines of society. Cuz we're like, I'm not even talking about toxic. masculinity. I'm talking about what a. man is supposed to be doing. He's. supposed to be providing. He's supposed. to be take, he's supposed to be doing. these things, right? >> If he cannot do these things, he is. either going to find fault in himself.

>> Yeah. >> Or fault in you. So, if my mortgage is X amount of money, right, >> and you cannot pay this mortgage, you're. either going to find fault in yourself. or find fault in me. >> And usually speaking to my friends who. have been this been through this. >> Yeah. >> and women who have been through this, they find fault in you. And so now. you're dealing with someone who resents. you because I've dealt because people. are like, "Well, he what if he's a nice. guy and d I've dealt with men. >> who weren't as successful as me and it.

always ends up with them being hurtful. towards me because they resent me for. the fact that they can't do the thing. that society's told them they're. supposed to be doing." Right? >> In the same way that it's like it's you. talk about white privilege and there are. white people that get upset because. they're like, "Well, I grew up poor. I. didn't have white privilege." But they. don't understand the full scope of what. white privilege is because all they knew. is is they grew up poor. So I can't have. a privilege of being white cuz my white. experience is that I grew up poor. You.

can't tell them but you can inherently. fix this thing which is by the. bootstrapping myth makes sense for them. Right? In the same way that I know that. also when I have children I want to be. able to take time off of work. I'm not gonna let love make me homeless. So, if I'm not working, someone has to. pay the mortgage. Someone has to if if I. at least have I have savings, fine. I. can pay half the mortgage, but I'm not. working.

>> Someone has to keep us indoors, >> right? >> So, if I'm dealing with somebody who. can't keep the lights on in here, then I. have another dependent in my house. >> Then I can't do the things that I need. to do as a mother. I can't do the things. that do I need to do as a person. I. can't do the things I need to do as an. adult because there's a [ __ ] man in. my house who cannot pay my light bill. He cannot pay half the mortgage. He. cannot do the tr He can't do So what is. he here for? Because I already have. people in my my mother's retired. My.

mother's got a job for fun. So it's just. like I have people in my house that I'm. already taking care of. I need a. partner. I don't need another dependent. because if that's the case, I'm putting. you on my taxes, bro. Give me your. social. Because here's the thing. There's not an I have never made a dick. that I've never met a dick that would. make me send my mother to work. You see. what I'm saying? My mother works cuz she. wants to. She has to. >> D. [laughter]. >> I can't. I can't. >> Welcome to my life.

>> What is [laughter]. I remember the number of times some. random girl would be like, "Oh my god, I. can't. How can you Trevor's so handsome? How can you work?" I said, "First of. all, he's my boss. First of all, so I don't see him like. that. >> Where were you when these conversations. were happening? >> At the f at the stand at the seller. There's always some girl that's like, "My god, do you have Trevor's number?". And I was like, "We're getting. distracted though.". >> No, we get distracted cuz I want to be. distracted because I have to make sure I. don't cry on your podcast. So my brain. just needs to kick somewhere else and. then we have to come back. And so,

but I'm being told repeatedly it's, "Well, what if he has potential?" and da. da da. And I was like, I want to know if. other groups of women. >> are being asked. to go, well, what if this man has. potential? Because one, it's the only. men I've ever seen worried about gold. diggers are the men that don't have. gold. I have never met a man. [laughter]. >> Onto my new American phrase, god damn.

>> Well, we're good to go. Oh, god damn. THAT'S A COMBO. OH, OKAY. SOMEBODY. WATCHED BET yesterday. >> Oh, man. >> God damn. >> So, >> because you have to think about it. >> I'll tell you what. >> Yeah. Yeah. But. >> you're telling men they have to provide, >> right? But you know, you know, there is. something that I think it's painful. because it's true. >> But in the same way the sugar lobbies. got us to hate fat and tricked us into. not focusing on was what was actually.

happening in food. >> Mhm. I do find it really sad. that we talk about relationships and. most of the things that we're bringing. up about relationships have nothing to. do with the dynamics of a relationship. They have to do with the dynamics of. latestage capitalism. >> Yes. >> You know, because everything you said is. true. >> Yes. >> But everything you said isn't really. supposed to be the real real crux of a. relationship, you know? >> Can you pay the bill? when I'm a mother, I don't want to be homeless because of.

that. That's a very true and real thing. >> because I have to keep my children. inside. I have to keep my children. >> But that's why when you go to. Scandinavian countries No, but that's. why when you go to Scandinavian. countries, for instance, >> they don't really have that issue. And I. know there they have I'm not saying it's. like a perfect place, but you realize. that the issue is minimized because. there's a certain contract that people. have with the state where the state. goes, no, if you're a mom, >> uh if you're a parent, in fact, man or. woman, you'll get a certain amount of.

paid leave. >> Yeah. >> Your child will be able to go to school. Your health care is not dependent on. whether or not you have a job because. you the state has an interest in keeping. you healthy. >> Right. But you have to remember that the. reason we do not have. universal healthcare is because of. racism. If you look at a lot of the. practices of the state of Mississippi, right? A lot of things that they do is. to oppress black people. The problem is. white people also live in that state. >> So if you don't want to have universal.

healthcare in a country because you. don't want black people, how are you. punishing 87% of the people for. something that because you don't want. 13%. And also, I've never believed that. was really part of the population, but. we won't answer the census. So, you don't want 13% of your population to. have something, >> right? >> So, you won't give it to the other 87%. of your population. Tipping inherves. from there's a racist history of tipping. because you weren't paying black people. correctly. When we started getting like.

it's a whole thing when we started. working on railroads and stuff like. that, it was they didn't pay a livable. wage, they started tipping them. That's. why service to this day do not get a. livable wage because you can survive on. tips, >> right? >> And so this is a thing that's still. hurting people today, but because of a. racist start of it and then we lose the. history of things. >> And so the pro but the problem is is. that. >> if I let love carry me in certain. places, >> yeah, >> I would be divorced.

>> from a broke man. If I let love dictate. and if I let the thing if I let because. I'm already we know I make bad. decisions. >> Let me ask you a question though before. you move on from there. If I mean by the you know last reported. wherever numbers if they say 50% of all. marriages end in divorce anyways then. doesn't it mean that even if you get. into a marriage and not you but as a. person there's a 50% chance that you're. already getting divorced regardless of. what the other person's income is or. isn't and like even brokenness people.

can become broke. You know what I mean? Like people can come in with money and. then end up broke. People can. >> You think I make the same amount of. money I did when I worked at Daily Show? >> I'm assuming not cuz I don't. >> Listen. So listen, I got to start paying. attention in the store now. It's crazy. Oh my god. >> Yeah, but. >> I had to look at the price of something. Oh, I was so mad. [laughter]. Whenever I think of conversations about. relationships and I think. relationships only permanent ones, long-term ones only make sense based on.

a stage of life that you are at. >> Right? >> So for example, I I've told you the. story before. My daughter's turning 17. now and we've been together alone since. she was five turning six. >> Right now my brain is going I would love. to have someone around because I've had. her and I didn't feel like there was. room for someone else. But now I feel. like if I had made that decision, I. would have had to accommodate the. >> last 11 years that I got to do anyway. >> But right now, I'm thinking about it. differently because I would want someone.

more than anything. >> to tolerate me, >> right? And so, but so I'm having to ask. someone to so you have to also look at. the dynamics of things, right? I. remember being at a show and I was. talking to a comic. >> uh I was talking to Nick Geta about. this. >> Wait, before you go into the story, Yeah. I want to respond to something cuz. I don't want to forget it and I think. it's important for you to hear this. >> I have heard from many women who do have. the same story. In fact, you go like I. wonder if it's just me or women like me. I remember speaking to a woman, this was.

in Sweden and she was a very wealthy. business woman like and I mean like has. done a phenomenal job and helps people. start businesses and she can I mean like. killing like by all metrics, >> great kids, living the life, you name. it. You name it. And the biggest thing that plagued her. was she said, "I feel like my life is a. failure." And I said, "Why?" And she. said, "Well, I never got remarried and. now I can't find a man." And I was I. said, "What do you mean can't find a. man? Just elaborate on that." And she.

said, "Well, if I meet some some of the. men I meet, we get along well with, but. they're also in a highowered position. and they're not flexible and I'm not. flexible because they they can't leave. what they do and I can't leave what I. do." And so it just ends up fizzling. And then she and then I said, "Okay, but. what about men who aren't successful?". And she said, "I'll be honest with you. I'm not attracted to them. >> I'm not I just can't be with a man who's. not like doing something and not you you. know what I mean?" Yes. And and so no. just to I just want you to know that. like not not to shift anything or to.

shape but I you asked a question and I. don't have the answer for everyone. >> but I do know. >> and I think it's important for us to. know this in life. >> because we generally don't post how we. are actually doing and feeling on. Instagram and social media. We don't. really know how anyone is or isn't. We. know what the advertisements of people's. lives are. We know what the highlights. are. >> Right. >> Right. We very seldom know the low. lightss. Well, that's why I posted the. other day and I was just like, "How is. everybody doing?" Cuz I'm having a hard.

time right now. And I don't like the. fact that sometimes if I get on. Instagram, I realize t Instagram will. sometimes make me feel bad. >> Yeah. >> Because I'm just like it now it's just. like here's the good. Everybody's doing. great. Everybody's doing fine. These. [clears throat] are things you aren't. doing. And then I get on Tik Tok and. it's just like hey, so my coloring book. So like I see a bunch of craft stuff and. then I see uh the Maui doing hawkers. Uh, and it's like so uh a little good. little Middle Eastern song, right? So. now I know a little bit of Arabic. The. whole boy wman cheese singing in. Chinese. So.

>> Tik Tok is still fun cuz I hasn't. figured me out yet. Instagram it's like. you're I don't like the fact that. I'll get on Tik Tok and Instagram and be. like this is why our industry is dying. because you want to see somebody make a. cake for six episodes as opposed to a. real written thing. So, it's like we. don't see the real we don't see people's. real lives. >> and it's to everybody's detriment in the. same it's like it's like a dating app, right? You go through, you see a man. holding a fish, you see another man. holding a fish. So, you see white man.

holding fish and a black man sitting in. the passenger side of a car. >> or the pictures that you see on dating. apps if you're wondering. It's white. dudes holding fish, [laughter]. >> black man on the wrong side of a car. I. was like, I don't know if this is. flipped because he's in the driver seat. All I know is I never see a dry. >> Two fishes and white man holding a fish. White man holding. >> fish. But here's my maybe you could help. me with this. I'm I'm trying to figure. out isn't being in a meaningful. relationship about someone else. tolerating you the other person and you. tolerating them.

>> Right. But I don't but the thing is and. I'm trying to be inflexible. What I'm. trying to do is because here's the thing. you have to understand. Mhm. >> It's. I have to get past. meeting a man. I have to get past him. one being insecure about what I do. Oh, you at a war shows. Oh, you doing all of. this? Yes, sir. I am. So, do you want to. put on a suit or do you want to talk. [ __ ] What are we doing? >> Mhm. >> Because if you can't if you don't figure. out how to hold a fork cuz I can't be. sitting somewhere nice and you sitting.

up eating like a convict. We need to. So, let's do that first. Second. Oh, you. making all this money. Are you doing big. things? If I hear you're doing big. things, I'm blocking your number because. what that lets me know is you're not do. I don't need you to do big things. But. what I need you to do is not talk [ __ ]. about what I'm doing. >> But do what if that was just a question. >> It's not a question. The thing is you're. not so. because I am a person who listens to. people. I know what all of these thing I.

know what all of these things mean. because there have been enough. conversations where oh you doing big. things. Fast forward to a week later oh. you think you better than me. No [ __ ]. you think I'm better than you. >> Anybody who's ever asked me that. question. You think you better than me? I don't know you. So no. I'm not. thinking about you in the way you're. thinking about me because I don't know. you. I'm not excited to meet you. I'm. not doing any of these things. You're. excited to meet me cuz I'm on. television. But you don't know who I am. as a real person cuz you saw me in Daily. Show. You saw me in a clip. So people. like, "Oh my god, you're so much nicer. in person. You are on stage. You think.

I'm doing this. You think I'm performing. at all times? Are you paying me in this. conversation?" So I go on a date. So God. was like, and I've had men go to me, "Oh. man, I'm having such a good time." It's. like, "So you acting right now, [ __ ]. Are you paying me?" I don't perform for. free. Also, my [ __ ] costs more than. appetizers. So let's go. Also get that. out THE WAY. GOD DAMN. >> SEE, when you walk, you want to say. about walking in a room. So, >> right. >> I there's there's there's there's a. question I'd love to ask here, and I. I'll maybe ask it by by sharing.

something from my life. One of the hardest things I learned. from therapy was that. >> it's expensive. >> Yeah, it's expensive. But I I also learned. that there's a filter that we can apply. on the world. because we. are constantly moving towards. or partially creating the reality that. we do exist within. So I would find.

myself having one idea of women. >> because I was going they're all like. this. All women do this. all women. And. then I I would talk to a friend who's in. a healthy, happy relationship, married. or whatever. >> And they would go, "I don't actually. know what you're talking about. What are. you talking about?" And I'd be like, "Oh, now that that's cuz you you're an. outlier, man. Let me tell you how it. really is.". >> And [snorts] then I would meet somebody. else at some point and I'd get to know.

them and I'd go, "You know how?" And. they go like, "Actually, I don't know. what you're talking about." And it took. me a while and I think it takes all of. us a while to then ask ourselves because. of where we are from, how we're raised. Like we had Roy on the podcast and one. of the conversations that we had with. Roy like you know he gets into it in his. book is. you realize how many of the cycles and. patterns we've inherited. >> Mhm. >> And don't even know we're in. >> Right.

>> And then we ask ourselves why they keep. repeating. You know, >> what's the difference between that and a. generational curse? >> No, it's the same thing. It's the same. thing. >> But but I'm coming back to what you're. saying. Like I noticed just when I'm. listening to you, you go, you have an. assumption. that the man you're meeting you've. already met. >> No, no, no, no, no, no. That's the. thing. It's I take everyone at face. value. I'm not going to have an issue. till you give it to me. >> I'm with you. No, I'm with you. Forgive. So, let let me put it this way. This is.

what I'm saying. This this is exactly what I mean in. therapy is like because I remember I was. so defensive about it right when my. therapist was saying she was I was like. no no I was like no I I start from. scratch I start then she's like no one's. starting from scratch we all we all. think we're starting from scratch. >> we're starting from our scratch. >> yeah but the the best way to think of it. is if I was to use an analogy think of. it like think of it like food. >> a lot of us in life will say man why do. I keep getting fast food why do I keep. getting greasy food why do I keep. getting this type of food why do I keep.

how why Why don't I get wholesome meals. and what you know? But what we never ask. ourselves is why is our eye attracted to. that bright pink logo? Why is our nose. attracted to the smell of of of that, you know, crispy, you know, fried. chicken flesh? Why is we don't ask that. question of ourselves as people? >> Oh, I always ask that question. >> No. No. And so what I mean is if we end. up with the same outcome that we don't. want, the hardest thing for us to like. try and figure out.

is which part of it is us participating. in the story and which part of it is the. story existing on its own. >> So I'll tell you what I found in the. therapist. And my therapist said to me, she's like, "You're very self-aware. >> You're supremely self-aware.". >> She said, "I'm very self-aware." She. said, and she said, "Honestly, and it. makes it a lot easier to to have these. sessions with you because you're very. self-aware.". >> Yeah. She said, "But because you're so. self-aware, you analyze everything.". >> Well, so you're hyper self-aware then, >> right? >> You're too self-aware. >> So, I'm always going, "So, my thing is. like I remember saying to my ex one time.

>> cuz I, you know, talk about him in the. book and mechanic and all of that, right?". >> And so, I said to him one day. cuz I was talking about cuz it was like. years into this back and forth cuz I. couldn't see better for myself than the. situation, right? And I said to him one day, I said, 'The. definition of insanity is doing the same. thing over and over and over again and. expecting a different result. >> Right? >> I said, "So from you, I don't I expect. you to do the things that you were doing. >> because I would be crazy to think that.

you're going to do something else based. on the information and the years that. I've spent going back and forth with. you." Right? So for me, it's never why. don't I have this thing? My issue is my. thing is always what is wrong with me? I'm rarely ever thinking was when things. start going slight slightly. I'm always. looking for a pattern because it's like. I'mma catch you before you catch me, right? Because I know I make bad. decisions. So now I have to go now I. have to be extra vigilant asking these. questions and and getting to know some.

man because I know I can't always trust. the decisions that I make. I can't. always trust the fact that I've picked. this. I'm talking to this person. Also, a lot of like because my friends, I was. saying all my friends, I said, "If you. line up all the guys that I've dated, they don't make sense. I have one of my. homeboys. I can't tell these girls. apart. He's got a new girlfriend. I. didn't know it wasn't the other. light-skinned [ __ ] he had been dealing. with a year ago. I didn't know it was a. new girl because they're [ __ ] My ex is. the same way. He had a picture of a. girl. I looked down. I was like, "When.

did I take this picture?" It wasn't me. >> Damn. But he I was like, "Okay, then I. am the [ __ ] archetype." If you look. at all the dudes I've messed with, all. of them don't make sense. But the thing. was, it's more instances in my life. where a man has liked me than a man I've. like has liked me back. So, it's now I'm. just dealing with the men who like me. So, then I'm dealing with that part of. things. >> You're dealing with yourself. >> H. >> Are you dealing with yourself? >> What do you mean? Like you're saying if. if you're saying you're dealing with the. men that are.

>> I'm I'm so the men that are attracted to. me and more times as opposed to oh I. like a man I think he's attractive. >> Yeah. >> Nine times out of 10 that man doesn't. think I'm attractive so he doesn't talk. to me. >> So a lot of times I'm dealing with men. who come to me first. >> Okay. >> And then it's just like okay well this. is where I'm at. It's these are the men. that are. >> their option. They're not your option. >> Right. Got it. So it's just like well. and then I had to go well you can't keep. entertaining these dummies because it's. there is the consistency of the men that.

are coming to you. >> versus what. >> versus the men that I want to be with. So are the men I just want to talk to. So the men that are coming to me are the. men that aren't. the men that aren't they just have jobs. They don't have careers, right? It's. just they're just doing a thing and so. they're just surviving every day. And so. you see me, you're like, well, at least. there's food at the house. I know that. much, right? So she's got a place to. stay. She got food at the house. I'mma. deal with her. So I seem to catch men.

that are in their struggle. >> And so you came to me because you need a. head to lie on or you need a place to. stay. You can't stay with me like that. I'm not going to feed you like that. Because the thing is I'm So we always. think about because I always remember. this from like growing up like always. the term equally yolked, right? >> Yeah. And so. I think about that in a lot of different. ways. As in like if you can't understand. if you can't understand where I'm coming. from on a regular basis as in you don't.

understand the words that I'm saying. So. the so in my book I talk about an ex. that I had best boyfriend I ever had but. he grew up very poor. And so I remember. telling him about like we had gone on. vacation one time as a kid and I was. like a teenage or something. my mom. I. brought a friend, you know, we were all. hanging out and so he was like, "Oh, you. trying to shine on me?" I said, "I'm not. trying to shine on you.". >> Basically trying to say I was trying to. brag, >> right? >> And I was like, "I'm not shining on you. I'm You asked me about something about. me being a kid." Like like he asked me.

about something as an experience as a. kid. And I was like, "Oh, my mom took us. on vacation." And so he thought I was. bragging. >> about going on vacation. >> and I was just like, "We were staying at. a days in in Savannah. We didn't go to Europe. We weren't still. in the same state. What are you talking. about? But and he also asked me one day. what an aquarium was cuz I went to the. aquarium for my birthday and he asked me. what an aquarium was and I went what? And he's like, "Is it a museum?" And I. was like, "Yeah, for fish. Let me call. you back." Cuz he was inherently not.

wrong. An aquarium is a museum. But I still had to call him back. >> More like a zoo. But. >> but what I'm saying so I had to go I. have sex with this man. >> Wait. >> And that's why I had to stop. So it's. like Wait, wait, wait. I want to know. Wait, wait. You go ask your question. first. >> I don't want to disturb. But my thing, cuz I found what you said very. interesting. So if the men, correct me. if I'm wrong, >> is a zoo. [laughter]. >> If the men that are attracted to you. look at you as a soft place to land,

right? >> Yes. If you are flailing gh, >> right? So if you if you want a very. successful man and you're an artist, do. you think sometimes they think that of. you? Like if if there's a banker or a. successful lawyer goes, "You're a. comedian. What if your things are not. popping and I'm doing very well? Are you. looking at me as a way out of your. situation?". >> They need to Google me. >> No, but that's, you know, that's an. interesting it's an interesting point. because because you it brings up the. conundrum of life, right? And the. conundrum is that is that the arrows are.

often pointing you know I remember once. seeing a motivational speaker you know. and you know they sometimes they're like. very cheesy gimmicks they play on the. audience but sometimes it it really. sticks with you and there was this one. motivational speaker and we're in an. audience and he was talking about love. >> and he went and he say again. >> what his teeth look like. >> His teeth were perfect for us. Go ahead. So, he was talking about love and then. um talking about being chosen. And then. he said, "You know what I want? I want. everyone to turn to the person on their. left and notice something about their.

face." And so, everyone in the audience. turned to their left. And then he's. like, "Okay, now everyone face the. front." And he's like, "Raise your hand. if you you know the details of their. face." And then no one could raise their. hand because everyone was looking at the. back of somebody else's head. M. >> and he said that's like the paradox and. the conundrum of life and being chosen. sometimes is that everyone is trying to. see this person's face. >> The person behind them is trying to see. their face. The person behind them is. trying to see their face. The person do. you know what I mean? And so now like. what Eugene is saying is interesting. because it's like I know that I've.

experienced that now way less obviously. But I remember when I was starting in. comedy I would be on a date and someone. would go so what do you do? And I'll go. like, "Oh, I'm a comedian." And they're. like, "No, no, but what are you like. like what are you going to like do?". >> Like like what are what are you going to. No, no. I'm just saying like it was. interesting. We be like, "What are you. going to like do do?" No, like for like. but like like when you you could they. almost wanted to say. >> what are you going to do when you grow. up though, >> right? But. >> like when you become an adult, what are. you going to do?

>> But you have to remember I'm a woman. So no one is looking for me to do that. thing. No one asks women. That's the. thing. And this is So you have to. >> No, he's not saying No, no, he's not. saying that. So this. >> No, no, no. I'm saying what So he's. talking about like a banker or something. worried about that. But you have to also. remember is that men inherently. aren't they do not have to I men aren't. running around looking for I need a. successful woman. >> I think I think that's where you may be.

wrong. I'll tell you. >> I'm not saying let me speak for some. men. Okay, >> I'll speak for some Wait, wait, let me. say this. I'll speak for some men. I. think there's a misconception that is. often spread amongst people where they. go, "Men don't care. Men don't look at. that.". >> That's the biggest lie that we've been. told is that men don't care. >> Yeah. But what I'm saying is I think. this is what Eugene is saying. It is it. is if you listen to the kernel of it's. really interesting is like it's we take. for granted that we ourselves are the. most stable thing in our lives often.

>> and then we are presented with somebody. who we feel brings instability into our. lives. But then we are still thrown by. somebody else when they treat us like we. are the instability that could. potentially come into their life. That's. that's that's what he's saying. >> No, no, I understand that. But what I'm. saying is like I've never had I've never. been in a situation. >> Yeah. >> where a man has been worried about what. I do for a living that he's worried that. I'm going to bring him financial. instability. >> Might not be financial. >> He's been worried about that I would.

bring him emotional instability. That's been the biggest where it's just. like, well, I need a woman to be my. peace. But you terrorizing [ __ ] on a. daily basis. You ain't nobody's peace. [laughter]. There's always some I need a woman to be. my peace. I need a woman to be ride or. die. First of all, I just met you. I'm. not going nowhere. And I'm certainly not. going to perish for your needs. So, it's. because And so, that's when I think. about the fact the old Cuz like I said, I've met more men worried about a gold. digger. >> Yes. >> Than I've met worried about where.

because I've met men like, "Oh, I don't. worry about a woman does." I'm like, "Won't you find out what I do?" Cuz the. man in Atlanta was trying to holler at. me when my mom were out. And he was. like, "Well, you know, I'm doing this, I'm doing that." And I was like, "Great." And my mother's like, "Oh, well." He's like, "Well," my mother was. trying to talk to him. He's like, "Oh, I. don't care what she does." And I was. like, "You will when you find out what I. do because I am I travel a lot for work. I'm successful." Cuz a lot of the issues. that I've had, it's the traveling for. work and I'm in a maledominated. industry. >> Yes. And so, and I said to one of my.

friends the other day, if you're a dirt. bag individual, you think other people. are doing dirt bag [ __ ] Yes. >> Right. >> Okay. >> So, since I'm not a dirt bag. >> or if you've been dirted. >> or if you always have to include that. >> So, if you've been like it's like so one. of my friends like you know. >> cuz if you are a dirt bag, you will. constantly think that people are doing. the same thing as you. But also, if. you've been dirt bagged, >> people also cuz like you've been dirt. bagged. So, you're like I So, we should. also always include that. >> I've been dirt bagged. I've been. sandbagged. I've been [ __ ] uh quit. saying all of that. >> teaagged.

>> Let's I'm a Christian. So. >> for me, >> they just calm down. Um [laughter]. so I have but it's like traveling for. work or it's. >> Yes. >> If I tell a man what I do, you're either. challenged because he's like, "Oh, you're funny.". >> But I'm saying, do do you hear even in. your You're making a like a full on. >> I'm not saying I'm only talking about my. experiences. I don't That's That's what. I'm saying. >> But that's all I can do is go off and. experience. So I have So if I So I'm not. saying that I haven't met men who. weren't interested. It's like, "Oh,

that's really great." So I'm not saying. that I haven't met. men who haven't been intrigued by it or. haven't been impressed by it or haven't. thought that was interesting. >> I have, but things did not progress with. that person. Right. Right. >> And sometimes And so it's like, "Oh, this is great." And it's like, "Oh, but. you're gone a lot.". >> Well, yeah. That's how I But I work. So. now it's I'm it's like I'm not trying to. be inflexible. I'm just trying to. understand in the same way of just like. I need Santa because here's my thing.

What's the fix? I travel a lot. >> Mhm. >> So doesn't it make sense if we're trying. to be together. What if you Okay, I'm going to be in I'm. going I'm going twice a month, right? >> I'm going to Iowa and I'm going to. Seattle. What if you came to Iowa or. Seattle? Right. I'm not trying to be. inflexible. I'm trying to help. >> I said this to Eugene the other day. Do. you remember we're in the car? We're in. Johannesburg and I said to you, I don't. even know what brought it up, but I said.

to you, I said, >> "Oh, also I didn't forget. You told me. you were going to take me to South. Africa." I didn't forget. You You change. the subject. Do what you want. This your. podcast. I said [laughter] I said to. Eugene as much as I love what I do. >> said and as much as we love comedy and. all these things I said man do you ever. think about how wonderful it is for some. people that their jobs don't require. them to leave constantly right. >> and we were speaking about this and I. talking to Roy about it and I remember. saying one day someone was shocked they. said to me and I'm glad that this has.

diminished over time but I remember. someone once being shocked saying like. man a lot of comedians commit suicide. Right. Right. There'd be like No, there. was like an outsized number of comedians. who' commit suicide. If you look at like. per industry, >> I can say in the summer of 2022, it was. like a lot at the same time. I don't. know what happened, but. >> but this is like constant or just dying. >> But then I said to a friend, I was like, "Yeah, I get what you mean about like, you know, a lot of comedians commit. suicide.". >> And I think there's many factors that. probably contribute to that, >> but one of the glaring parts that sticks.

out to me is how and where. is like. everyone would focus on that the fact. that they committed suicide. >> I would focus on the fact that they. always alone in a hotel room. >> Mhm. >> It was always like alone in a hotel room. in a random place. >> And very seldom, not never obviously, but very seldom did I read a story of a. comedian committing suicide. >> at home with their friends, with their. family, with their and in that one. moment I realized. >> how insidious isolation is. Yes.

>> And I think what you're talking about, which I think many people can relate to, is the isolation that we might. experience for a variety of reasons. Because I'll tell you now, as somebody. who's experienced it, >> fame is one of the most isolating. experiences a human can have, >> right? And I didn't think of it as. isolating because you go people go, "Everyone knows you." You're like, "Yes, that is isolating in a strange way.". >> Everyone knows. Everyone knows of you. They don't know you. >> Exactly. But that's what I is isolating. because everyone else gets to walk into.

a room and not be known and write their. story. You walk into a room, people have. an assumption of you. That's an isolated. story. Yeah. >> Exactly. Perfect. >> And I'm not saying it like as a wo is me. thing. I'm just saying isolation is an. interesting concept to understand. >> because every cuz now every interaction. cuz one of my friends she was saying to. me, she's like, "Well, when you when I. first met you, I didn't like you." And I. was like, "Okay, I don't know why people. tell me these things. We're friends now. Why are you telling me this?" She's. like, "Well, when you first met me, you. know, you weren't excited to meet me." I. said, "Why would I be excited to meet.

you? >> I don't know you. >> I don't know you. You She's like, "My. mom had the Essence magazine with you in. it." I said, "Yeah, you know me. I don't. know you.". >> Yeah. >> You're excited to meet me. Of course, I. wasn't excited to meet you. I don't know. you. I'm not excited to meet strangers. even before this. >> because you're like, you don't you're a. stranger. I don't know you. Right. So, it's. and I had this conversation when like. when you left the show and they were.

looking for new host, right? And you. don't notice, but as soon as this came. out, I went I went FL his office. I was. like, "Not me. No, thank you. I know I'm. probably not in the running. Don't even. ask me. I don't want this. I don't want. it. I don't want it. I don't want it.". And if I said that to any Well, do you. want to do that? I was like, "No." Every. comic I'm talking about would argue me. down. I can't believe you don't want. this. D and I was like this. He's like. it's a great opportunity. And I said for. you because you don't know the logistics.

of this thing. You don't understand how. this works. I don't want one of my. friends asked me. One of them was really. pushing me and I had to go. I don't want. to spend my career asking other people. what they're doing with their careers. >> Damn. >> That's why I don't want that job. I. don't want to sit at a desk every day. and go, "So, what are you doing?". Because that's because when I because I. told you when we got to my first hosting. week, when we went to when I did that. camera turn going from act two to act. three, I said, "Never. [ __ ] it. Never.

Never." But that's the part of it that. you felt the most. I mean, that's like 5. minutes in the show. >> No, no, no. What I'm saying is that it. was just it was confirmation. >> Okay. So, for you that's that was the. confirmation that it's not for you. >> That wasn't wasn't for me. >> Completely with you. And I'm just like, "Oh, this is that's why I couldn't do. factory work because it's a repetitive. thing." And so I was like, I'm going to. be sitting here forever asking people, "All right, Orlando Bloom, what's this. next movie?" "All right, Lupita, what's. this new book?". >> Let me let me ask you a question. Let me. ask you a question cuz I I'm noticing.

something about, you know, like reading. the stories in your book. >> You read the whole book. >> When you'd fight with the teachers, >> reading the stories about like, you. know, your mom joining the school and. then having to like discipline you from. inside the school. >> She whipped my ass at school. >> Yeah. And then and then and then you. fighting in like the jobs that you would. go and have afterwards and like. >> I it find it I found myself asking the. question I was like. >> cuz now even when you're saying like at. the daily show it wasn't your piece. I'd. love to know like where has your piece. been? Where do you find you've like is.

is this is there even a moment or a. slither where you go like this is this. is it. This thing that I tap into is my. piece. >> So I have a craft room. >> Crafts. >> You had a that was like your first. Facebook post ever was selling crafts. >> Mhm. I. uh Oh, you was digging deep. Um I. So I've been working since I was 9 years. old, right? >> You've been working since you were 9. years old. >> Mhm. So you read that in the book. So. I've been working since I was nine and.

I. everything had to become a business, right? Mhm. >> So, like the craft thing was like I. enjoy this cuz my mom would always get. me little crafty things and so it was. like making little paper beads or making. little hair bows and stuff like that. I've always been like a maker cuz I like. like that was I was talking about my. friends about like British baking show. and I like I think and I like that show. because it's you know sometimes you. watch cooking shows it makes you hungry. cuz my mom doesn't watch them. I never.

first of all I get hungry watching those. shows but especially that show because. it's literally about the technicality of. making a thing as opposed to there's a. finished product but it's about the. technicality of everything right. >> and so when it comes to crafting it's. like I so for instance coloring talk. hopped up on my TikTok and so now I got. into like coloring books right and I see. adult coloring books and then people. think I'm coloring adult stuff. No, no, no, no. There's a bear going to get. coffee. You see what I [laughter] mean?

from a man. No, >> that's a that's an industry that is. waiting to be tapped. >> Oh, no, no, no. They've got those books, too. >> That's an industry. Wait, they are. >> Oh, there's all kind of nasty little. books. >> Adult coloring books. >> Like adult coloring books. >> Yes, there's one you can color in curse. words. You can color in titties. >> But you only need like what? Four color. crayons and then you're done. >> Listen, how many colors do you need? >> I know. I was asking. >> Okay. >> I mean, listen, that's why I don't like. porn with white people because. everything's pink. So, I don't know who. starts or finishes. I [laughter] don't. know who's where. Everything's pink. I don't want it. So,

I have like my craft room. Yeah. Right. And so, my house in LA, there's three. bedrooms upstairs and one of those me. and my mom share a craft room, right? And so, this place of like it's. I need to be able to have a thing that. makes sense. And then the other place of. peace I think I sometimes have is on. stage depending on the show. >> Yeah. >> But it's where like I understand.

I understand everything that's happening. right now. I understand. what I'm saying. I understand what the. reactions are. I understand how people. are going to take me in. I understand. that like no one's going to. misunderstand me. No one's going to. judge me. is like I can under I I know. what I'm doing and I know what the. reactions are going to be. So like while. I'm performing. >> great after a show sometimes it's great. sometimes it's like what did you hear? >> Why are you asking me these things?

Right? Not chicken Maurice. So I have. these moments where it's like I have my. peace in that or it's like just. sometimes you know. >> being at shows sometimes. >> Yeah. cuz it's like I I understand how. this works. I understand how this goes. Like if I'm on set, I understand cuz. this is like boom boom boom boom boom. Cuz when it comes to like. cuz one of the hardest things for me. about relationships, like romantic. relationships is like.

with work, I knew the steps to get to. what I'm wanting to do. Yeah. >> If I need to do something, it's like, okay, I got to sell more tickets. All. right, [ __ ] we got to do this promo. because these clubs aren't promoting us. like they used to, but you're still. charging me for marketing. So, it's this. like, okay, I have to do this and I can. do this. I know it's. >> some things even if this industry isn't. input in and input out. I can still. understand the steps of this. >> When it comes to relationships, >> I feel like somebody gave me dipsy cups. and string and we're like, "Okay, now go. to the moon." because I don't have.

enough experience. with successful relationships that a lot. of times I don't know what I'm doing. And so sometimes I have to be quiet. >> because I also have to stop because I've. been in so many bad relationships that I. know what the trigger is. So sometimes I. have to stop myself and go, "Hey, hey, hey, that might not be what he's doing. That might not be what he's doing. You. need to calm down. You need to calm. down.". >> I'm so familiar with. >> But I'm so familiar with the because I. see the pattern now. Oh, I haven't heard.

from this man in 5 days. >> What usually happens is this is like, oh, you've disappeared. You've done this. D. But if I'm dealing with someone who's. communicative, like the last guy I was. talking to, he had a family issue. That's why we're not talking anymore. >> He had a wife. >> No, he had a something happened with his. mom. >> Um, >> and so I hit him up and I said, "Hey, um, I haven't heard from you in a while, so. I just want to make sure. Is everything. okay with your family?" Mhm. >> That was my first thing cuz something. did happen. And I said, "Is everything.

okay with your family or is life just. lifing. >> and if if so, if you need space or time, just let me know because I've been in. this situation too many times and no and. and somebody didn't tell me what. happened, right?". >> And he texted me back and goes, "I'm. sorry. I'm not trying to ignore you or. trigger you." And then he was like, "But. there's stuff going on with my life. right now with my family. I need space. and time. Thank you so much. There's so. many times I've been in relationships. with people where I said, "Hey, I can.

fully understand that you need space.". >> Yeah. >> Just tell me you need space. And they. wouldn't give me that because And so. then I'm just in a spiral because now. I'm sitting up trying to go, what did I. do? What happened? What did I do? What. happened? And a lot of times I have to. go but I also have to be aware of the. fact sometimes this isn't me. >> Yeah. >> But the only thing I have control of is. what I did and what I said. So sometimes. people would have but but since I have a. lack of information. >> and the only input of information I have. is things that I did.

>> You told me nothing. So now I just had. to go okay well did I do this and I do. this and then you just have to go wait. you do the [ __ ] you get to the end. I. was like I didn't do [ __ ]. >> There's a common thread I see coming. from that and it's um. it's predictability and control. >> which I don't have. No, no. I'm saying. in standup and in crafts. >> Mhm. >> Two worlds where. you have direct control and immediate. feedback. Like if you're a comedian and.

you say something that the audience does. not agree with or like, >> they will instantly let you know. >> It's either information or confirmation. The jokes either work or doesn't. They. let you know. So you then know. immediately. There's there's almost no. audience out there, maybe in Japan, that's the only time it happened to me. where what they were doing didn't relate. to how they were feeling. Oh, you've. never performed for black lesbians. >> They are the hardest audience to perform. for. >> Yeah, I cannot say that I've done a show. solely for black lesbians. >> In Atlanta, there was a place called My. Sister's Room, and they would do shows. there. And every comic would get off. stage going, "You can't crack them.".

>> So, wait, so let me go back to our. >> And then they get off stage and go, "You. had a great set." And we were like, "Tell your face, ma'am.". >> Don't [music] press anything. We've got. more. What now? After this, you know, Eugene, I don't know about. you, man, but sometimes planning a. romantic evening is one of the most. stressful things cuz there's that. specific type of performance art that. comes with a romantic night out. You. know, it's like you're sitting in a.

restaurant and you realize you've just. paid a premium to have a room of. strangers watch you eat bread while you. try and have a private conversation. It's exhausting. You know what I mean? It is. But I realized recently if you. want to skip the theater and the crowds, Whole Foods Market is the place to plan. the perfect indulgent and romantic. evening at home. Picture this. You see, you skip the. extra trip to the flower shop and.

instead you explore the Whole Foods. Market floral department full of. gorgeous quality flowers with large. blooms, vibrant colors, and strong. stems, bunches, bouquets, and even vase. arrangements are available. Why stop. there? We can also skip the dinner. reservation, start our sizzling hot. evening in the kitchen. just us. We. could serve a surf and turf made with. quality no antibiotic ever stakes plus.

seafood that must be sustainable wild or. responsibly farmed. We'll then pair that dinner with a. bottle of wine from the incredibly. indepth Whole Foods Market selection. Say cheers with a sparkling rosé or. choose ready to drink cocktails. M M. [sighs].

[clears throat] Yeah. Must be 21 or. older. Please drink responsibly. Taste. the love all month at Whole Foods. Market. >> By the way, that wasn't our date. I just. got carried away and then your hand was. there and then. >> I [music] totally understand. But you. know, like they say, there's no free. dinners clearly. >> No, you don't [music] owe me anything. You We didn't even have the dinner. >> I'm 41. This episode is brought to you by our. friends at Survey Monkey. You know,

Eugene, I don't know if you've ever. thought of starting a business, but. every time I think about people who. start businesses, I'm like, man, you. need a specific kind of bravery. And by. bravery, I mean terrifying uncertainty. Because think about it right now, everywhere in the world, there are. people making massive lifealtering. decisions based entirely on a vibe, just. a feeling in their gut. >> That was me when joining the podcast. >> You know what I mean? >> But what if you actually knew the truth. when you started a business? What if you. knew your direct reports weren't just. nodding along, but actually had thoughts.

that they were too polite to tell you? >> Or what if you knew that your best. customers were already halfway out the. door to a competitor? Because let's face. it, we like to say follow your heart, but in business, ignorance is a very. expensive hobby. The good news, Eugene, is that Survey Monkey takes the fear out. of asking and the doubt out of deciding. It's the difference between walking into. a meeting with a hunch and walking in. with 500 validated opinions, which. mathematically is better for your blood. pressure. The truth might hurt for a.

second, but it's cheaper than being. wrong. So, let's get you a survey and. some actual answers. Sign up for an. annual plan at surveymonkey.com/wattnow. and use the code whatnow for 2 months. free. That's 2 months free with code. whatnow at surveymonkey.com/w. whatnow. You have any questions? >> Is it too late for me to run a survey. about who doesn't like you in the. podcast? >> What do you mean who doesn't like you? Like like me. >> Like you. Yes. Specifically the person. in front of me. >> I think surveys are supposed to be. anonymous so that people's feelings.

don't get hurt. >> But I did type anonymous there. Well, I. mean, now I'll know that you typed it. because do do you have a problem with. the working condition? >> I haven't sent it, >> but you want to make a survey about. >> I haven't sent it. >> yet. You can just use the code what now. to get two months free when you do. [music] it. Still have two months to. complain about you. I feel like this got. personal. [music]. >> Trev and I have had this conversation so.

many times before and we're talking. about hobbies. Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And one day he was saying to me um was. asking me why I have so many hobbies and. I've just recently discovered hobbies. I. used to think which things of interest. and I said one thing I discovered about. hobbies and the people that are. hobbyists is they're usually good at one. thing that they do for a living. surgeons, police, whatever. But a hobby. humbles you constantly. >> Mhm. >> Because something that you try, >> you love it. >> Yeah. >> But you keep failing at it and you come.

back again. >> Mhm. you dedicate time to it apart from. the thing that you're already good at. So the more time you dedicate to a. hobby, the better it becomes and the. better you become. And as soon as you. master it, you start another hobby, >> right? So if you're coloring or making. beads, once you're done with this. bracelet, you'll start another bracelet. You never go, "This is my ultimate. bracelet.". >> Well, the conundrum is when you are. talented, >> that's the only bracelet that you'll. ever make. >> Right? standing on stage, making people. laugh, you get better at it, but it's. not like you're going to go become a.

famous welder afterwards. So, there's. this thing that you can that you can. always go back to. >> And my thing is, and why I said earlier. on, my mission now is to be with someone. who can tolerate me. >> It's because I've realized that the best. version of me is the intolerable version. of me. >> Right? >> So, when I'm doing hobbies, I don't. judge myself. I don't criticize myself. as much. And I'm not seeking perfection. and why wouldn't I be that version to. someone else and they accept that and. then they can also see that sometimes.

I'm a comedian who who does comedy and. stands on stage and overanalyzes. So my. thing was when you present yourself to. the partner that you would like to have. >> right. >> are you presenting dulce who does arts. and crafts or are you presenting dulce. who overanalyzes and stands on stage and. tries to find the punch line to life. >> All of it. Because if you're going to be. with me, there's that's why it's like. there's no. anything less than that is a. performance. So it doesn't behoove or benefit me to.

be performing for for people in my. personal life. >> because then I never get to be myself, right? Like you know I told you I went. to that friend breakup and the thing. that. >> was so hard about that was like being. with him I got to be a woman. So I. didn't get to me and I got to be soft. >> and I got to get taken care of and I got. to. >> kind of like just.

h. >> you see what I'm saying? Cuz like other. openers I would bring with me, I'm. taking care of this person while I'm. taking care of. So it's like, okay, now. we're doing this. Now I'm going this. Okay, we got to get around. We got to do. that. And the benefit of him was I. didn't have to It's okay. What's the. itinerary? It's like, oh, you're cuz I. don't have a tour manager, right? So, it's like it's the benefit of us as a. person. It's someone is making sure. we're doing this and making sure we're. doing that. Oh, you're hungry. Let's. find something to eat. Let's do all of.

these things, right? And so, I said to him, I was like, I get. to be a woman around you. I get to be. soft. Cuz like if you talk to like. especially like older women and it's. just like every day before her husband. she had to go do this and do that and. like you have to you were constantly. performing you constantly were doing. things for this person's benefit and it. wasn't mutual. It wasn't. it wasn't y'all taking care of each. other because when I've as you know. dated men it's just like you know what.

do you want to say? Why am I want to. take care of me? Oh, well you want. trying to take all my money. That's the. only care that you know. >> is financial. You're not thinking about. emotional. You're not thinking about. that's only thing. So I've said this to. people. It's like oh you only think. money. A lot of times people only think. about care. They think about money. But. if we've taught men that most of our sit. but it's transactional with people. That's what we teach men that love is. transactional. We teach women that love. is emotional. We treat men that love is.

transactional. You have to give things. to be loved. Women, it's like, you have. to be quiet. and let this man do these things. You. have to accept whatever he does, even if. you don't like it. I didn't like this. ring. I didn't like what he said to me. I didn't do any of these things. But if. you want to be with somebody, you have. to accept these things. And so, I don't. want to be in a situation where I can't. tell you how I feel. Or I can't tell you. what's going on with me. That I can't. pray with you. Cuz people ask me, "Well, does he have to be a Christian?" I just. did the Daniel fast. I just did a.

religious fast for 21 days from the Old. Testament. If my husband does not. understand what I am doing, if my. husband cannot do it with me, my mom is. also fasting at the same time. My house. is fasting. If he does not understand my. faith, he doesn't understand me as a. person. He doesn't understand what I do, he doesn't understand me as a person. So, I don't understand if this person. I'm trying to build a life with. Cuz. that's the thing, you're always going to. like cuz I had changes in my faith. I. didn't do the fast last year cuz I was. mad at God. So I was like, I can't be in. this place anymore because if I'm mad at. God, I'm mad at everything that exists.

in the world. >> So I have to then, but I was mad at God. because I was mad at myself. And so I. had to find forgiveness for myself in a. crazy way. It's like I had to forgive. God. in my mind for me being in the position. that I'm in cuz for some reason I'm here. and I don't know what that is cuz I. don't control. I don't know what God. does. I don't know where they are at. But I at least have to accept as a. person of faith, all I can do is go out. and do standup, leave my house, and just. hope that the work that I'm doing. benefits in the way that I want it to.

Cuz you don't know what God's plan is. All you know is you go outside your. house, hope you don't die, and maybe. what you want, what God's plan is. matches up somehow. But I can't lie. I. don't lie to my friends. I'm who I am. with my friends. I don't know why I. wouldn't be that with my I'm going to. spend more time with this. He's going to. be in my bed every night. I can't lie to. this man. That's exhausting. [snorts]. I'm already tired. I was in six cities. in a week and I'm supposed to come home. and be like, "All right, let me go lie.

to this nigga." Who wants to do that? That's I just And so I don't want to. Also, it's like I'm not trying to change. nobody. You can't change a person. Well, I cuz I I've heard people say that, "Well, I met him, but I can just change. him." [ __ ] do you know how successful. you can be in your life if you didn't. spend all your time trying to change. somebody else? Do you know what you. could possibly be doing? That's why I. always talk about like like truly crazy. people are never successful. They're too. busy being crazy. People who are. obsessed because I realized one point I. was like, "Oh, I think I'm addicted to. people." When I was younger, my 20, I. was addicted to people because I don't.

want to think about myself. So, I was. always thinking about other what my. friends were doing and were they okay. and how were they and D? Because when. you stop thinking about other people, you think about yourself. But we've been. told as women, thinking about yourself. is selfish. So, I had to figure out, oh, it's okay. for me to think about me. Oh, it's okay. for me to worry about me. I had to learn. about self-care cuz we grew up, you get. your nails done, you get your hair done, [ __ ] I self-care. No one's talking. about my emotional welfare at all. My. hair is done and my nails are done. [ __ ] you're fine. So, all of these. things you have to learn as a person cuz.

I realized if I had gotten married. before I went to therapy, I would be. divorced definitely. Because anybody I. would have married before I went to. therapy. would not have been a healthy. relationship no matter who it was. because I was not in a good place and I. didn't care about myself the right way. and I didn't think about myself the. right way. So I would have married. somebody who was at the point of where I. was in my life. >> and that was not a good place. So he was either going to treat me the. way I treated me which isn't good. because I had a friend tell me one day.

if somebody spoke to you the way you. spoke to you I would fight that person. So, let me ask you this then as as as we. leave you. I've heard you talk about happiness. >> I've heard you talk about. peace, your vision for your life, etc. >> If someone was to wave a a magic wand. and give you exactly what you wanted, what do you think that would look like. tomorrow?

I I'll that's the first part of the. question. What would that look like. tomorrow? First of all, I'm a bad [ __ ] I'm. playing. I'm already a bad. [snorts] Um, one. my first was my mom. Uh, if you wait a tomorrow, I am. married, happily married with someone. who understands me.

>> I have children. Uh three. Um. my brother is better. My mom is married. Uh. I'm in a house that accommodates. everybody. And. I have.

cuz I don't think that's it's not that. the situation gives me peace. It's that. I have a place of. I don't have that sadness in me anymore. I think that's the wand. It's like I. have the things. It's because this is. what I think about all day is what I. don't have. >> And it's so and me taking care of. everyone else. And so I think if a wand. is waved, it's.

I have a partner who can help me take. care of everyone else and someone that. takes care of me and someone that I can. take care of. But it's also it's like I. need. help. and. I'm past a part of my life where I'm. afraid for asking for help. I'm afraid. there's a part of my life where I don't. feel ashamed asking for help. But I think if a Wanda is wave, I get.

the help that I need because I'm not cuz. the goal is to stop feeling like I'm. failing. >> is really the goal to be like. you did enough. just because things didn't work out cuz. no one's ever told me that I'm failing. My manager tells me all the time, you're. not failing. >> But I can't don't go far. Sorry to. interrupt you. >> But I can't shake the feeling. So that's. the wand wave is that feeling of Cuz.

someone asked me like, "Well, how do you. know that you made it?" I was like, "I. don't I've never felt like I've made. it.". >> Right? >> I've never felt like I made it. Cuz. like, "Oh, you got Daily Show. You made. it." I'm like, "This is one job. This is. this your career is your whole life.". >> Yeah. >> So, it's for me it's like I the wand is. I don't feel like I'm failing anymore. and I have the things that I want. >> to make me feel like I'm not failing. >> What's the next question? >> So, no, no, no. The second part of it. isn't necessarily a question. It's more. it's more an idea that I hope to leave.

you with. [snorts]. When when my production team was asking. me though like so like why like why. dulce? They asked me about everyone to. try and understand. They're like why do. you want this person on and why do you. want that person or why and say why. dulce? And I said because I've met few. people who embody. the real idea. of heroism than dulce. >> Me. >> often times we are sold heroes as people.

who have overcome an idea. Often times I. get frustrated because we're sold people. who have overcome voluntary ideas. I. climbed Mount Everest. I ran 100. marathons. And I'm like yeah this is my. hero. I'm like, "No, no, no. They they. chose a thing to do." In my opinion, heroes are the people who are not. choosing the thing, but have to climb. the mountain anyways. >> Heroes are people who have to run 100. marathons, but there's no ribbon on the. other end. And I won't change it overnight for you.

emotionally, but I I genuinely hope you. know. And it's something that somebody. said to me that, man, stuck with me and. it hit me hard because I think I've. experienced. I think everyone who's. going to listen to this or watch this. can at some point acknowledge feeling. what you're feeling and sharing with us. [snorts]. It was the feeling of want the want and. I don't have and I don't. And they said. something really really really impactful. and be and at the time I just I resisted. and I was like no. And they said my one.

wish for you in life. is that you realize everything you want. is everything you already have. Where is. he? And. and I you know I took it as trit. I took. it as like ah you whatever whatever and. you know you and I have spoken about. these things but I've gone. You're not wrong whoever you are in life. you're not wrong to go I don't have. because you don't.

>> But you're also wrong if you only think. you don't have. >> right because we all don't. I've talked. to people who have found the love of. their life and then they died. >> That's so. >> And let me tell you something. You think. you're lonely because you haven't met. the love of your life. >> Meet the love of your life and have them. leave this earth permanently. >> And I think about that all the time. >> No, no, no. And then you'll understand a. different type of loneliness and a. different type of pain. And I'm not.

saying this minimizes cuz I'm not one of. those people who goes, "Other people. have it worse." So I do think. perspective is a wonderful thing because. it allows us to see parts of ourselves. in our lives that we are otherwise. unable to see. And the simplest analogy. I'll give is Eugene and I have laughed. about this for years. We'd always go, nothing would make you appreciate your. car more than the guy at the car wash. driving it away. >> You know that feeling we'd always talk. about? You'd have your car, you used to. this car and it's annoying. I got to fix.

this and I got to and then there's a. moment where the guy at the car wash. would drive it and you'd look at him in. your car and you'd go. >> that's my that's my car. >> and there'd be this and we used to. literally laugh about this feeling and. >> yeah the the the one thing I I say to. you as as as we wrap up here is it's. like I think it's like broken down into. parts. one is thank you. >> because I I think you don't realize. sometimes. that you doing.

is helping others is like even on like. the smallest level which I think is a. big level like comedy man let me tell. you something the amount of times people. have told me what they came into a. comedy show with and how they left a. comedy show. >> it's changed. >> like my perspective on it you know I. think about it with good food I think. about it with with anything you name it. and. you doing for your family you like I. hope I hope you don't I hope you don't.

take for granted. that part of it because. I know the burden is intensely upon you. >> and I hope genuinely I just I hope that. the feeling you just felt now is a. feeling that you'll constantly be able. to dip into. >> regardless of what does or doesn't come. into your life because the feeling is. all that we're pursuing. That's the. thing I've learned and it's taken me. years and years and I'm not perfect at.

it by the way. I still slip. >> But the feeling is the only thing we're. pursuing. We feel like we want to be. married with kids. We feel like we want. to have kids. We feel like we want this. job. We feel like we want to do that. We. feel like we And we're not wrong. But. the thing is to your point, we don't. know. You've never met that man. I've. never met my wife. I've never The person. might never exist, but you know what. does exist? The feeling that we have. when we think of them. >> Mhm. >> And so I think that's like one part of.

you that I think you might not be able. to see all the time is how optimistic. you are is how much of like the lining. you're seeing because you want it. To. want it is to believe that it can even. possibly exist. >> Well, I know what happens when I don't. And so that's the thing. It's like I. I don't know if you saw this clip when I. was hosting the show. The lady asked me. what was the hardest part of your career. and the hardest thing you had to do and. all this other stuff. And I said, "Oh,

hope.". >> Yeah. >> People never talk about how hard hope. is. >> Mhm. >> Hope is the hardest thing to have. Patience is Patience is easier than hope. cuz at least when you're waiting for a. thing, it's. >> it's coming. >> And that's the thing. You're only. patient for things that you know are. coming. Hope is you waiting for a thing. that you don't know is coming. >> And so there's a lot of faith that you. have to have in that. And I can offer. you this. If you think.

seeing somebody drive off with your car. at a car wash is a feeling. Your car on. a tow truck. That's a worse feeling because cuz. here's because the tow truck cuz here's. the thing. No, I said the car thing is a. good feeling. >> when someone's taking you like man the. car wash taking the car. >> No, I was saying it's a good feeling. >> You get to appreciate it. >> Yeah, I was saying it's a good feeling. from the outside. >> Oh, no, no, no. I appreciate my car. more. >> Every time I had a car in the back of a. tow truck,

>> I had to appreciate the fact that it is. going to be fixed. That's that's the moment you have to go. When you see a car in a tow truck, you. have two options. Either you never see. this car again cuz she gone cuz I told. you I dated a mechanic for a long time. cuz I could only afford used cars and. sometimes you got to go to some man's. house to pay for oil change. That's not. the point. You love him. But. [snorts] real hope is seeing your car in. a tow truck and going I'm going to drive. the car again. >> Yeah. >> No matter what's wrong with it. Also car.

to somebody else. I've never been to a. car wash where somebody had drive my car. off. So I just hope just one day to get. like you. >> Oh no. It's quite common in South. Africa. Don't Don't get them here. I. just haven't gone. >> Oh, it's like pouring gas. You know, like in America, people like they pour. your gas for you and you're like, "Oh, no, no, this is not this is not the way. it seems.". >> No. In New Jersey, they pump the gas for. you. >> It's one of those funny things where. people, you know, but say this was I. know we're going to. >> Yeah, we have to wrap up. But yeah, it's. uh Listen, this is the longest I've ever. spoken to you. So, >> don't lie. >> We've never talked for two hours. straight before. >> Yeah, but I don't talk to anyone for 2.

hours straight. >> I'm fully aware. That's why I'm saying. this is the longest I've ever talked. I. was going to be like in our lives, we've. spoken for way more than 2 hours. >> Yeah. If you put it all together, it was. in fact I'm going to challenge you. When. we were backstage in Atlanta, I had the. fried chicken and we were sitting, remember I had the the Nashville spicy. hot chicken and we were backstage and. you came to the show in Atlanta. We. stayed backstage until they kicked us. out of the backstage. >> because that's the only TIME I LEAVE. SOMEWHERE. >> BUT THAT was ours. >> And I'm happy. >> But that was ours. >> It was. >> How dare you forget me? How dare you.

erase me from history? >> See, look at this man. You see what. happened? [laughter]. He had one. Now mind you, that's the. longest we've ever talked. How long I. known this man? [snorts] How many How. many presidents would I have known you. for? Trevor, Ezekiel, Noah. >> Only one real president cuz the other. one stole the election. >> Listen, I uh. >> now [laughter] everyone who's watching. is like I know who he he means. >> BIDEN UM [laughter]. STOLEN. But no, I'm glad I was uh. worried you were going to uh I'm proud. of myself for not crying. I'm glad I got.

to um I'm glad I got to do this because. I do. I do like your perspective on things. because you weren't born here. and so there is a certain amount of. optimism. and perspective that you have that. especially black people born here don't.

have because one, most Americans don't. leave America. Um, but also too there is a. there is a. when you come from a place that was. colonized and stolen from you, but the. majority of the people in your country. still look like you, then you're. watching a minority run your country,

right? >> Yeah. >> And so you can see the theft. You can. see that y'all shouldn't be running this. [ __ ] We just didn't have guns. It's the. only reason y'all are here is because we. you caught us slipping. How dare we not. have weapons right. here? [snorts] It's. you took over and brought us with you. and stripped us of who we are. And every time we try to create who we. are, you tell us we're not. You try to.

convince us this whole time that we're. lesser than what we are. And we've accepted that to a certain. point, but we spend all this time because if. you notice what black people do all day. is look at white people and go, "That's. not us. How do you not know who we are? We've been we know who y'all are. We've. been with y'all the whole time." So we. So black people spend all this time. going, "No, that's not us. That's not. us. That's not us. That's not us." And. you're coming from a place where, oh, I. know who I am. And so there's a certain. fight that you don't have to have.

mentally that we have to have because. not only are we fighting the population. at large, we're also fighting for each. other. Be like, "No, no, no. We're in. this together, but I don't know you. [ __ ] but we're in this together, but. I can't we we and so you're always. trying to figure out friend or foe cuz. sometimes it's like skin funk and kin. folk." So there's a perspective that you. have because like you have the basis of. I know where I'm from and I know where. I'm from. I'm from here but everyone's.

telling me I have no part in this. >> And then I know where I'm from as a. continent. but I have multiple tribes in me who. could have been at war. I'm just the. descendants of these people. So I'm. walking around with nations in me but. everyone's telling me that I'm lesser. than I am. So I spent all this time. going, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm. big. I'm big. I'm big. Look, I'm big. See me." And so that's a perspect. So I. think that's why you get to see people. the way that you see them. And I think. sometimes that's why I see people the.

way that I see them because like, oh, I. can see that you're hurt. You're mad at. me cuz you're hurt. That has nothing to. do with me. And I think some you can see. the hurt, but sometimes I only see the. hurt cuz that's [snorts] the only thing. I'm trained to see. >> And you get to see the happiness and the. hurt. And I'm sometimes I always I a lot. of times I miss the happiness but I. always see the hurt. You always see. both. So that's why I always appreciate. talking to you because you can see all. of the thing. But I'm descended from. people who were constantly in pain.

And if you think of So we spent all this. time trying to be happy because the. default is well [ __ ]. I didn't die cuz you can't be upset. because it's like we can't be depressed. cuz my ancestors were slaves. Oh, you. [ __ ] can read. Why are you sad? Oh, y'all can buy houses and earn money. They used to beat us to death. You can't. be sad. So, I just always appreciate. talking to you because I feel like you. see people as a whole. a while a.

[ __ ] sad. Let me go help him. Sitting. up in this makeup chair looking like. that. >> I would give you my left hand, but I. don't have one. >> Friend, what happened? You playing tennis or. some [ __ ]. >> Yeah. Don't start. >> Don't say thank you for joining us. >> Thank you for having me. I'm sorry I. took up all your tape. >> You didn't take up any tape. There's no. tape. >> of the future. >> SD card. >> There's There's a Dr. Wayne D. I don't. know if it's better than him. >> Who? >> Dr. Wayne Dyier. >> Dr. Wayne. >> Mhm. Now I know that way. >> He said he quoted from the Daqing the.

book. He said you don't have to do. anything cuz you're already being done. >> So that that that that quote relieved me. from a lot of stress and anguish from. thinking I need to do something because. everything is already happening. >> So. >> say it again. >> You don't need to do anything because. you're already being done. >> That sounds like a translation issue. [laughter]. >> Well, it was Chinese. Don't say Sloan, everyone. >> She already done had herses.

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next time, thank you.