"Don't Hate On The Vuvuzela" - TREVOR NOAH - (Nation Wild Comedy)

I don’t complain anymore, I genuinely don’t. Because I have learned, you complain everywhere in the world. Like when you travel you realize how many people complain everywhere in the world. South Africa seems like we are crashing until you go to other places. And they seem like they are crashing. I went to the UK. You think the UK is having a fantastic time. South African’s are like, “Ah that’s my dream, if I can just go to the UK.”. “Ah, the UK, Ah.”. “Wonderful place, Ah.”. “I just need to go there. The motherland, ah.”. “Just to touch the ground of my home, ah.”. It’s not that great. People in the UK are suffering, they are having their own poverty.”.

Old people are dying because they can’t put on their heaters during the winter. This is what's happening in the UK, the Great Britain. People are suffering all over the world. In America they complain. There’s racism at the highest level. Segregation. Black people being shot by the police. People are complaining everywhere. We have our problems, at least I understand them. At least I understand, I don’t complain. I’m not saying people shouldn’t complain, people will complain. Like white people will always complain, we know this. No, this is because white people are good at complaining. You have it in your blood. You see it from white people like when they are born.

Like white babies don’t cry the same. Other babies are crying like, *baby crying softly*. White babies are like, “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?”. White people have it in their blood. It’s part of who white people are, and it’s just a thing. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a thing. White people are so good at complaining they have different techniques of complaining. It’s not just one style of complaining. Some of them will complain on Facebook. Some of them will complain on 702.

My favorite type of complaining white people do is the silent complaining. That is my favorite, the silent breathing complaining. That’s the best one ever. Yeah, where they just breathe out really hard. *breathing out noisily*. I love that, you just see them everywhere doing it. *breathing out noisily*. The best is it almost multiplies by more than what it is when two of them see each other. Like it become a powerful thing. *breathing out noisily*.

*breathing out noisily*. *breathing out noisily*. *breathing out noisily*. I don’t even understand that. Why do you breath out your anger? *breathing out noisily*. That’s why Cape Town is so windy. It’s just so many white people, at the same time. Complaining. *Sound of wind*. That’s all it is.

But I have learned, people complain overseas. I understand, everyone complains. You know what I hate though? It’s when someone complains about my country. I hate that more than anything in the word. Yeah. Cause you know what? There may be problems but it’s my country. As my mom always said, “This is my _____, I will serve it myself.”. That’s how I work, cause I was in the UK. And this guy, we had a conversation. It started nicely. And then took a left turn. In the middle of the conversation he goes, “Yea, that’s really interesting”. “but you know what your problem is Trevor? You know what your problem is in South Africa? “you know what your problem is?”. I said, “No, but you will tell me won’t you.”. He says, “Yea, I’ll tell you Trevor. I’ll tell you what your problem is.”.

In South Africa you’ve got too much crime, that’s the problem.”. “too much bloody crime.”. “Yea, crime and vuvuzelas. That’s your problem. Its crazy, like he didn’t even pause when he said this. He said crime, In the same sentence. Crime, and he didn’t walk away. Like, “crime, that’s the. Oh, you know what…”. No, he went, “crime and vuvuzelas.”. Like in equal measure, these are the plagues of our nation. Like every day we battle crime and mothers are seeing their children leave the house like,

“Themba! Be careful of the crime.”. “And the vuvuzelas.”. “Look after yourself boy.”. He made it sound like every day in South Africa people are getting shot randomly in the streets. Like, “Hey!”. *gunshots*. *sound of a vuvuzela*. Crime and, really? And vuvuzelas? When the hell did the vuvuzela become the most hated instrument in the world?

I don’t understand how this happened, I don’t understand how we allowed this to happen as South Africans. We just bow down to the world, they’d be like,” the vuvuzela is horrible.”. And we’d be like, “Sorry, sorry, sorry.”. No I will not, I will stand up for my vuvuzela. You know why? We don’t have a vuvuzela problem. We never had a vuvuzela problem. Because before 2010 there was no vuvuzela problem. After 2010, we haven’t had a vuvuzela problem since. During the world cup, we didn’t have a vuvuzela problem. We had a foreigners blowing vuvuzelas problem. That’s what we had. In South Africa we should have a thing where you have to have a license to blow a vuvuzela. You can’t just come here, not knowing vuvuzela etiquette. Blowing it randomly.

The English Fans, the Spanish Fans. Middle of the day. There they are, 9 am. *sound of a vuvuzela*. “What are you doing?”. “It’s so much fun!” “It’s wrong!”. *sound of a vuvuzela* “What are you doing?”. “It’s fun. ” “But it’s my Dad’s funeral!”. “Yea, but still. It lightens the mood, doesn’t it?”. *sound of a vuvuzela*. “We'll miss him.”. “What the hell are you doing?”. These guys blew vuvuzelas and then the world was like, “Ah, South African vuvuzelas are bad.”. No, South African vuvuzelas in the wrong hands. That wat it was, that’s what it is. Vuvuzelas don’t make noise, people with vuvuzelas make noise. It’s the wrong people, you know who should be blowing vuvuzelas?

Qualified, skilled practitioners. Chiefs and Pirates supporters, that’s who should be blowing vuvuzelas. Because there is never a problem with them. You watch them at those games, you watch them. There’s always one guy in the corner, one guy. A mysterious man. You don’t know where he’s from, nor where his going. He just pitches up in the stadium by himself. And there he is. With his vuvuzela. He’s got those little mining hats that they’ve designed. His uniform is like the Pirates logo.

But it’s painted on his stomach, he doesn’t wear a shirt. And you know those stomachs? Those stomachs that are hard but it doesn’t look fat? It looks like it’s full of confidence. And those guys stand there and they blow their vuvuzelas. In the corner by themselves. It is the sexiest thing you have ever seen. That vuvuzela will speak to you. That guy’s just there in the corner like, *sound of a vuvuzela*. *sound of a vuvuzela*.

*sound of a vuvuzela*. It’s so sexy. You watch that guy standing there looking like a Zulu Kenny G. How are you going to hate it? That’s the best instrument. The vuvuzela is us. That’s the sound of Africa, you know? That what I picture out on the Serengeti. On one of those National Geographic shows. David Attenborough commentating.

“And as you look out.”. “far into the distance.”. “of the African Bushveld.”. “you can vaguely make out the silhouette”. “of the South African vuvuzela.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*. “The male vuvuzela is a stunning creature”. “and it is mating season now.”. “He has roamed for kilometers searching”.

“for the perfect mate.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*. *sound of a vuvuzela*. “He has found her.”. “The two vuvuzelas slowly begin the mating ritual.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*.

“The female is impressed.”. “She assumes the position as the male slowly mounts her,”. “and they begin procreation.”. *escalating sound of a vuvuzela*.

“The male is finished.”. “He slowly moves away from the female.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*. “She seeks out for his approval and affection.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*.

“He just wants to sleep.”. *sound of a vuvuzela*. How you gonna hate on the vuvuzela? I love that!