"Bidding Farewell To Jacob Zuma!" - TREVOR NOAH (compilation from over the years)

that's why Jacob has been different. because because a lot of people panic in. South Africa they panic you know when it. comes to our politicians because of this. you know they just don't understand them. especially around election time that's. why you see the most panic in South. Africa it's always been the case for our. first democratic elections in 1994. remember that Nelson Mandela was about. to become presidents most of the country. was overjoyed a few people were worried. you heard them whispering I'm leaving. I'm leaving I'm going to Australia Mary. I'm going it's been fun but it's time to.

go home because you know now they're. gonna take over it's time to go I'm. leaving I'm going to Australia. then Nelson Mandela became president and. they all stayed he's a wonderful man. wonderful man oh he's such a wonderful. if it wasn't for him I would have left a. wonderful man oh he's amazing yeah he's. really great I love him he's amazing you. thought they were over but next. elections people panicked again Thabo. Mbeki about to become president people.

lost it I'm leaving I'm going to. Australia Mary I'm going this time I'm. going you know that now that Mandela's. gone they're gonna eat us Hey it's only. a matter of time I'm leaving I'm going. to Australia but once again Tommo became. presidents and they all stayed he left. no no shame no no no no no shame. then we had Holloman with Nancy wasn't.

that crazy honey mom what Santi it's. like our interim president didn't want. to touch anything is that guy no one. knew what to get of him it was just like. crazy people lost their minds even worse. I can't believe it I didn't even fight. didn't even fight what the hell. one minute I carry bit and trouble Moo. Becky's our president and the next thing. you know I wake up and we've got tell. him my aunty I can't believe it. I'm kind to Australia I'm good but then.

once again thankfully they staged and. then it got interesting because then it. was the turn of Jacob Zuma the original. boogeyman people panicked again although. was different for the first time in. South African history you heard black. people going how much is that to get to. Australia again.

[Applause]. Jacob knew he had to go big go big or go. home he knew there was only one way from. where he was narrows down checker was. like they'll remember me one way or. another but that that might be the. father of the nation but I will be the. father of a nation.

[Applause]. I want to Jacob to be a madman I wanted. him to be totally crazy you know I. wanted him to not give a damn walk into. Parliament four hours late. his top undone Billy hanging out walking. like nothing's wrong in the world. everyone's been waiting for him him. running in singing. and Helen Zille in the corner take of.

you lay take it take it we've been. waiting for you for four hours you can't. come here shut up when sat up late for. who Nate for who it's my time now shut. up we're now Jacob Zuma unlike the rest. of us don't conform it doesn't conform. to the norms you know doesn't conform to. the laws of grammar and punctuation as. we mere mortals no no not our presidents.

comma for who for you may be lucky. comes out their confidence cadence. wherever he pleases. reading out. we have and always will be proud members. of the a and C.

and as such we are proud supporters of. the devil blop ments. [Applause]. of rural areas and as such it is of. utmost importance to note that 2011 is.

the year for us all to party Yossi pates. and so forth let it not be a blame game.

let us understand that I Jacob Zuma am. NOT a country on my own. [Applause]. Zoomer comes out and he goes hey hey I'm. not perfect from human I make mistakes. just like you know when again I will. make a mistake and another one another. one no but hey who's perfect.

I look at Jacobs around for he strikes. me as the kind of person who's on. Facebook you know he's just got that. vibe trend well you can see Facebook. people some people look like Facebook. people don't he strikes me as a facebook. person you just rush me that kind of guy. you know in the presidential office in. the morning he's sitting there getting. everything ready. I mean chores gets into www that phase I.

know. no I'm therapist in a therapist yeah I'm. very I'm what I'm writing a speech yeah. about the world. yeah okay okay bye-bye bye-bye not in. user name Jacob.

Jeannette. to us was you. scale stupidness. oh you zoom look in Wow it has updates.

to cop his feeling frisky sent all the. single ladies no butter hands up smash. smash smash the items of her mansion an. intention our friend request accept. accept accept accept accept oh hello. accept accept accept accept accept. accept accept Kim Jong I accept accept. accept accept accept accept accept a.

hell and Zillah it no once you see my. photos you happening here with what's. happening here Julia's invitation no I'm. Angela's I don't want to be a vampire. man declined. it's the sky but obvious Team Jacob. stupid question. [Applause]. coming here with those things okay.

Becky is online now check their status. Becky is an African is unemployed. [Applause]. [Laughter].

they're gone what's happening a Barack. still no response this - Natsu - hi. doesn't send Barack friend requests all. the time doesn't even message yeah. pearl Rock it's me Jacob why don't you.

want to be. [Applause]. my friend. it looks like you could type that in hu. h ah for some reason I feel like this is. a great like portrayal of Jacob I feel.

like this is this seems like how he type. on a keyboard I've never seen him but I. don't know I feel like you know you see. like this kind of guy but then she's. like a finger type yeah cuz I don't know. like what do I'd like standard - I don't. think he's good no no I didn't mean a. bad whoa who was like whoa. I'm just saying I caused by saying wrong. by saying whoa you saying Trevor I. disagree with you I think it's pretty. reasonable to assume that Jacob Zuma. types like this is a 70 word per minute.

kind of guy is that you know it's like. that's what you use although mind you. what you're also saying is the guy who. speaks like those whole one two that. that guy like what you saying is all of. a sudden when he gets on a keyboard then. then like he goes from those quick and. then when he's on a keyboard. all of a sudden magically he's like OMG. being president is like super hard.

why is helen Zilla always on my case. like the way she lose her and grande. said the funniest thing the other day. and I was like LMFAO he's like super. hilarious anyway I gotta go gotta get. back to Newark okay smiley he's yeah. that guy. we got the cutest presidents in the. world and you guys don't respect him you. don't appreciate him he's got that cute. face with that grin J you know looks.

like he could have been like a like you. know one of those kids in the jet. magazines is like he's super cute how. could you hate on Jacobs Dominic's looks. like a little Zulu ninja turtle Manny. sir Kasim in the crew team you know. Raphael Michelangelo two children Jacob. how a panda. ah I'm miss Jacobs so much new people.

were torturing while I was away you're. torturing him how could you do that. pinching or painting horrible pictures. of Jacob Zuma guys are disgusting. the man Jacob on the mountain with the. the wind blowing through way he'd have. hair just him jay-z and many more.

although it wasn't that many that you. have said mix no it was a pretty solid. picture well my solid but you know what. I mean. I'm just saying it wasn't me I wouldn't. have been offended by that I would have. been there at the gallery every day just. like posing and waiting for people maybe. like yeah hello ladies I know alone I. love nice hello take a picture take a. picture then take a picture they must. know. a strong and so confidence like this.

pictures raises this picture digital is. burnt food wasn't even that. disrespectful I know you might not like. it and that's that's that's your. personal opinion but wasn't that just. even the name of the picture was strong. and powerful you know Jacob Zuma the. spear the symbol of the Zulu nation for. hundreds of years. made famous by King Shaka himself. conquering army off the army but the. spear Encanto is is the spear of the. nation the spear it's not like that guy. called it the pocketknives spear big and.

manly that's why our president didn't. complain Jacob Zuma did not complain. once because he understands arts he's. cultured you know the guys around him. complaining about it on his behalf I. hate it when people do that he wasn't. even offended they ran to him like. little kids tattletaling job. yes but happened now it's disgusting. it's disgusting this is what they did.

this isn't a painter that painted Jews. there's no paint on me I'm fine. no no that is sort of my bed and they. painted a picture of you they really. just ruined the pictures let's run the. picture and they came running with a. picture they showed him but Jacob Zuma. he's a chilled out guy he doesn't have. time for these things he probably didn't. see anything who's like I am done sim. and the thing wrong quiz this all. it hit it.

giggling Casanova has no time for these. trivial pursuits I wouldn't be shocked. if Jacobs having the time of his life. right now in the presidential bedroom. found himself a new romantic games of. play with the ladies you know his. romantic I mean that many kids army. wives he knows what it's about. cuz they're covered himself and body. paints you can bury whites in the. background.

over. get to the bedroom door looking all sexy. looking in the door his wife number two. I already for the spear she's there like. ready or not here I come.

Jacob Zuma's in the balcony waving at. everybody you know cuz elections are. coming up so you're gonna see him. everywhere now. hey baby yeah you gonna see him in the. streets wave him you know seem at the. rallies dancing yeah they're gonna be. out shaking hands kissing babies mostly. his babies but still vote for me cuz he. knows he has to connect with the people. the ANC's having a tough time right now. this is one of the worst times in ANC.

history hmm highest levels of corruption. lowest levels of service delivery. the ANC is just as a shadow of its. former self people in the NCR disgusted. by the ANC they stand like my NZ Norman. enough man oh come on ANC they say this. while looking in the mirror come on Ian. C can do pare time and come on man it's. got me bad it's so bad even I live on.

what lands he doesn't go anywhere with. Jacob if he notices vice-president but. you never see them together cuz Carlin. was like I don't want that guy ever oh. it sounds Jack Jacobs like let's go. Halima say I'll meet you in front Co no. jokes Alabama humba humba humba rappin. busy it's gotten bad who do you vote for. mum la la la it's a fun name won't make. me vote for you though yes dr. mom Ben. used to date Steve Biko so she knows.

about the struggle she's intelligent. an elderly black woman she came out she. denounced the ANC she said the answer is. not what it used to be on this country. as black people we need to stand up and. realize that change is needed votre hang. weld and vote for change like yeah you. go girl. well then she made a big mistake she. challenged Jacob Zuma directly. yeah heads her head but she used money. as her platform big mistake never bring. money up around Jacob.

ever because I know if you've noticed. our president never admits to money. there's always money around him but it's. never his Hollis oh it's the shakes my. needs the guptas money it's never his. money he's always there like nose nut. man's nut man. squat minds that man a door no it's not. mine it's not mine building a house for. two hundred and fifty million rand Jacob. where the hell is that money coming from. I have a pond for 800,000 with FNP I got.

eight hundred thousand two hundred and. fifty million that's not my problem. my calculator says it's fine mom Pelle. try to challenge him she came out one. day she said Jacob Zuma has not declared. his income as our president he does not. tell Parliament how much money he has we. want to know how much he has and how. much he gets from other people I will. lead by example. Aya's mumble Arab and I have 55 million. rent Jacob how much do you have people.

like ya how much do you owe. come again. 55 million where did you get that money. like I'm on the part of many companies I. work very hard even me I work hard but. 55 million how much overtime is that -. Anna I am 55 with a copy 55 million. check no I worked for it what we want to. know well as Jacob get his money I don't. worry about that guy lady don't worry we.

know a god he stole it but you and we. taught our PE 55 me Lord we're not. I don't know who to vote for anymore. because you can't make jokes about. Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe if you do this. then you get arrested and sent to prison. for mocking the president's right and so. I know I would go there and I wouldn't. be able to resist like I've been hating. my stash and then I'm in jail which. normally wouldn't be such a bad thing.

because what will happen in an. international incident like that is. normally your president would just come. there and then he would ask for you to. be released and taken back to your. country that's all but now I don't know. if that guy. we'll come and fetch me. [Music]. I can see him sending Mugabi the email. now it's fine Bob keep him.

[Applause]. Jacob Zuma hasn't smiled in months. he was our laughing prison you guys. remember that he was that guy. I haven't seen him laugh for months he's. been laying Parliament in a corner and. the funniest thing is he introduced us. to Julius Malema that's the craziest.

thing about this whole situation. mmm it's a thin line between love and. hate. he introduced us to Julius my name that. was his guy he came with him and we were. the ones asking questions. we saw Judas in the beginning it was. almost like Jacob soon report us a. little puppy a little ANC puppy when. does that cake guys this is my puppet. you les Jacob Jacob your puppy took a. [ __ ] on the carpets it was like oh. that's not my problem. a good dog puppies chewing our shoes.

tree huh shoes like ha ha that's not my. problem. ha ha ha good dog now the puppies. grown-up fighting the owner you must. legs of a better man yeah we're gonna. [ __ ] what now full-time project guys. help me and we they're like that's not. our problem.

[Applause]. [Music]. have you guys seen our presidents huh. have you seen him lately oh man he's. back he's back and better than ever. before you know the last few months have. been so taxing on him people fighting. with him Parliament shouting things at. him he's been stressed sitting in a. corner quiet all to himself and then he. found out that he would be paying. nothing absolutely nothing for the. upgrades at in ganda and he walked into. Parliament a new man had a bounce in his.

step. swag back Jacob 2.0 I mean he's still. doing the same things making the same. mistakes but now he has a certain level. of panache I saw him mess up a speech. the other day stumbled on a word like he. always does. this time though he do frown didn't get. stressed he just worked through it and. so we can clearly see the armed pro pro.

pro threat remedy pre-med meta mobile. mad mad read read written it is a prayer. madam mop marble read it a prayer ma'am. meditated just came back and he handled.

it I love how he just stepped away and. at the cutest little I don't even know. what he was doing they just does like a. little little almost like he's just. moving his brain to the other side of. his head. like he knows when it's in the wrong. place that doesn't just just shook it up. and he came back in even the way he. handled the scandal was powerful we. thought for sure that in ganja would be. his downfall and yet Jacob Zuma took.

something so serious he turned it into a. joke and threw it back in our faces well. we are clearly living in a place where. there's a poverty of politics people. asking questions but the don't want. answers questions more answers when. vestigation the asking questions more. answers then in Parliament to hear point.

of order point of order. yes I was a judge go who's this guy huh. he's shrugging it off evading. maneuvering. never mind leg and the joke I love the.

fact that he rolled his eyes that blue. mama I've never seen Jacob Zuma today he. just he looked over here when did jacob. zuma start rolling his eyes. that's not something he does Jacob Zuma. doesn't roll his eyes guys in fact. presidents don't roll their eyes it's. not a very presidential thing to do in. Parliament to roll your eyes at the. opposition even the most defiant rulers. in the world. don't roll their eyes when the UN is. telling the leader of North Korea to. stop making nuclear weapons you don't.

see Kim jong-un going oh whatever. you don't roll your eyes. Jacob Zuma did and didn't in style I. wanted no way he learned that how he. learned it has he been doing this for a. while yeah cuz rolling your eyes as part. of an attitude you don't just roll your. eyes if you roll your eyes you you've. got that sass you [ __ ] he you know is. he doing more than that now I see Jacob. in a totally different night now I'm. picturing him hanging out with the rest. of the ANC comrades chatting about these. problems president they want to know. where is the money mr. president wait.

didn't my new coins like I'm in relic as. alpha and OVA they keep asking me I mean. literally I am dying now like can take. it over it's like that music I got a. life already just cause you hang with. white chicks I mean please what alpha is. that what he's doing and if he is where.

did he learn that where do you learn to. roll your eyes at that age that's what I. want to do it's not your friends. it's not your colleagues it's probably. your kids yeah you learn bad habits at. home Jacob Zuma I probably learned it. from one of these children in the house. one of his daughters maybe she was going. out for a night with her friends quarter. as she was leaving Hey when Dumba's on. where are you going dressed like that. Tara told you I'm going out with my. friends I'm going to a party first of.

all you are already in a party secondly. no daughter of mine will dress like that. go and change Oh Ted what are you doing. you killing me come on why doing the. second dress everyone I'm old enough. yeah you will do as I say. as long as you're living under my roof. which I have paid for with other.

people's madness. you will obey me go and change. dad come on wait doing this everyone. else dresses like this all the other. kids to it are all the other kids my. children you never know yeah come on and. imagine don't come in this house with. that da attitude go and change now. whatever.

haha cause that what did you just do. undo anything that he don't don't lie to. me I saw it you did something with with. your eyes it looked like the Undertaker. but they came back what was that.

I rolled my eyes dad girl it made me. feel so insignificant what you did there. made me feel like you did not. acknowledge the seriousness of this. situation. can you teach me how to do that.

[Applause]. yeah like it's easy like you just roll. your eyes if someone says something you. don't like then you just like whatever. whatever no dad whoa whoa that's too. much that's too much it's gotta listen. up you know just like whatever what. alpha I think I got it no you don't have. it that you wrote in your head you're. supposed to roll your eyes and my eyes.

are where exactly. and he was off ready to roll baby. and he did he rolled straight into. Parliament's shut it down turned encanta. into a joke you can't bring guns up. anymore it's over now you saying Canada. in Parliament people laugh at you yeah. immediately what about in Concord yeah. it's done it's time just you know I love.

it so much you know what I love most. about thing kinda thing a lot of people. don't realize this Jacob Zuma was making. a joke out of ganja yes but what was. more interesting to me is the fact that. he was mocking you see my money the. leader of the DEA a lot of people didn't. pick this up when he's doing the whole. car yah he's mocking you see my money's. model see English accents that's what. he's doing. Jacob Zuma thinks that he speaks funny.

that is priceless Jacob Zuma sits in. Parliament watching muslima money speak. like and we'd like to know about the. allocation of funds more especially. regarding the homestead at in contra and. where then he's like hee hee hee. this guy talks so funny a car ja towards.

I would you like some tea with your crop. hats I smash smash smash smash smash my. marshmallow Jacob's if I is laughing it. that's just beautiful I don't know how. much of it is true or not what I do know. is if Jacob Zuma was allowing the Guptas. to control our country and choose our. ministers then it wasn't my president. being corrupt to me it was the goodest.

telling him what to do it's like Julius. said the Guptas were in his ear all our. law they were inside his here all along. and you know the way Julius savatthi it. sounded amazing because like I get the. phrase when they go they were in his ear. but he said they were inside his year it. sounded like the cook times were. actually inside Jacob Zuma's ear which. actually would have made sense when you. think about it what if they were inside. his ear the entire time how do we know.

that every single time Jacob Zuma was. speaking to us as a nation he was. actually telling us what the Guptas were. saying to him like he had one of those. earpieces that they have on those. hidden-camera shows yeah like he was. there in Parliament outside Parliament. there was a van with the Guptas sitting. inside it. hello Jacob Jacob Jacob I've activated.

your earpiece you're going to repeat. everything that I tell you okay. Jacob Jacob can you hear me Jacob can. you read me. Raja Raja Raja no no it's at all this is. not only a Jacob I know who it is Kaz of. course it's I know who it is. okay let's just make sure levers all. correct Jacob one two one two one two. okay what you want to do no no no no one.

two like three one two like ray one two. like Ray okay okay I've got you guys so. I must just repeat everything that you. say yes you're going to repeat. everything Jacob okay this it's going to. be very complicated I trying to listen. to while also speaking we understand. Jacob but do you know we've already made. a plan do you and us so repeat. everything that I say okay okay I will.

repeat everything and that's probably. why things went wrong because I don't. know if you've ever tried to listen to. someone while talking to someone else. your mind jams yeah that's why Jacob. Zuma could never deliver a speech it's. not that he couldn't read he couldn't. listen he couldn't listen and speak at. the same time I used to watch him and be. like what's going on Jacob King car yo. YouTube is buffering what's happening. here this is white that I must fall. but it turns out he was just listening. the entire time he was in Parliament his.

name Jacob Zuma came out to the podium. earpiece was ready for the evening. everybody good evening everybody proud. South Africans proud South Africans and.

Indians especially and Indians. especially we are doing well in this. country we are doing well in this [ __ ]. and also don't listen to the new don't. listen to the newspaper the newspapers. even though what they say even though. what they say is right is right. sometimes sometimes also there is no.

problem with the ends also there is no. problems with the a and see that the. membership is growing membership is. growing we currently have nine hundred. and thirty nine million three hundred. and sixty thousand nine hundred and. thirty nine thousand oh no 39 million 39. 39 million 60 62 and 62 no no no 39 309.

million section three 319 no I said 900. 900 million sixty sixty-two thousand. sixty sixty-two thousand no Jacob you're. missing the point. points. hundreds million million no Chico Chico. commandant listen properly listen. properly listen listen properly listen. properly no check over listen listen.

listen listen properly nine hundred. million nine hundred million come here. give me a pen they give me a painting a. pellet no Chico Chico 100 million clay. 39 39 39 million 666 Aleta 63,000 Oh. what are you doing. Jacob no man that was just a tickle in a. cough it was a church. [Applause].

okay this is going around Jacob abort. abort Jacob abort. hi bots. [Laughter]. [Applause]. they were in his ear the entire time I'm.

miss South Africa man I miss it i watch. parliament now again I went straight. into it watching the vote of. no-confidence I was so stressed I don't. know about you but I was so stressed I. was like please please please please. don't let Zuma go please don't let. through my core my jokes all of my jokes. please please. [Applause]. [Music].