"Being Black In America" - Trevor Noah - (African American)

I will never forget. I met an American in South Africa. He said you know Trevor it’s funny you say that. Because if you come to America they will label you as black. I said really? And he was like hell yea. Oh yea everybody’s black out there. And I was like wow I want to be black. And I found out it’s true. Mixed race people are categorized as black in America. The only catch is and nobody tells you this.

You have to be liked and successful first. before then they say you’re mixed. You achieve success and you get upgraded to black. All the famous mixed people do it like Alicia Keys and Mariyah Cary. Mixed but then they say black singers. Sportsmen like Tiger Woods. Mixed but then they say black golfer. The most famous mixed person on the planet by far Barack Obama. mixed half and half straight down the middle. but then they say America’s first black president.

which is interesting because when he was running. they called him the mixed candidate. I see how it works. Everyone makes it obvious now they are like Barack of course he won. It wasn’t that obvious when he started it wasn’t. Comedians coming out they used to come out and dis him on stage. They would be like, "how many of you saw that crazy ass mixed fool. running for president you all seen that mixed fool running for president? You will see ain’t no mixed fool gonna be president of the United States of America. Which white people gonna be voting for a mixed fool. even a black man can’t win shit. even a black man can’t.

how some mixed fool think he gonna do. Man that mixed fool that crazy ass mixed fool. how some mixed fool that mixed fool!". And then he won and all of the sudden they were like. "My nigga!". So I see how it works, you know? in order for me to become black I have to work hard at it. and I am willing to do the time. Yeah.

I, uh. I took the first opportunity I could. bought myself a plane ticket from South Africa. and I said I am going out to America, I am going there and I am going to be black. and I got on that plane, it was an 18 hour flight. 18 hours of non-stop flying. and I sat there in my chair and I spent every moment practicing being black. just practicing. I was like, I am not going to mess up this "blackatunity". I just sat there, working through everything. I was watching every black T.V show and movie.

just going through it. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ya nah mean, ya nah mean, yeah. Yeah, King Kong ain’t got shit on me! Yeah, what you talk'n bout Willis?". I was just. I was grinding it. You laugh, but 18 hours of flying. I landed in JFK and I was fluent in my black American. "Forshizel my nizzel", I was just like. I was walking around, I was so black I was even laughing black.

I was like (black laughter). "Yeah, my man, ha ha!". you should have seen me, I was like. "this you, this you?". that's got to be the personification of cool in my opinion. there's nothing cooler, black Americans are so cool. they can make you feel good about yourself. just by asking if you are you. you don’t believe me, get a black American man to come up to you. He'll be like, "Hey, yo, this you?". "Nah, nah, this you, this you, this you?".

and you'll be like, "I think it is!". It's magic! I was that black. not just black but the coolest black in the world. and that's American black. I can say this with confidence coming from Africa. I know black, I am well versed in the art of black. I am from the black factory. I mean it, I have seen every kind of black. from light black Al the way to like navy blue black.

I know, I know black. and there's nothing cooler than American black, nothing cooler. because I mean American black people, you just look at. how much they have done to influence modern day pop culture, you know. small things and the big alike, look at the music. you know Jazz, Hip-hop, RNB, all black Americans. style of clothing, you know. there's a general swag they have brought to everything. even small things like walking. I mean walking is such a mundane activity isn’t it?

this is very, this is very. there's nothing cool about this thing, you are just moving from one place to the next. and pretty much everybody can do it. this is it, there's nothing. and then black Americans came along. and then they just added in that bounce. and all of the sudden you just look really cool you know. you look like you've got a purpose, you've just got that. yeah, you just look super cool. it must be hard for an assassin to kill you, just like. that's why if you look in American history. no black man was ever assassinated while walking, ever.

it was when they stopped and said something. Bang! that's because they got the walk. that's why if you look at Obama. every time he comes out of the Jet or makes a speech. he's got that little bounce just before. because in his head he is like, you never know. you never know. you never know, you never know. you never know. His got the walk! It's a cool walk! and by far the coolest thing of all. the coolest thing of all is the talk.

I have listened to black Americans and it's Th most amazing use. of the English language I have ever come across in my life. because they pay no regard to punctuation what-so-ever. they just cruse through sentences, it's fantastic. First time I had a conversation with a black American man. was in Baltimore, Maryland. this guy walked up to me after the show. he didn’t even walk, he just floated in. just came up to me and was like, "Hey yo, B, hey yo. Hey yo, let me halla at you for a minute man let me halla at you.

I said okay. He's like, "Hey man I ain’t even gonna front, I ain’t gonna front. I came out here dude, I don’t even know who you was man. I didn’t even know, I was like here at the show. I brought my girl, we was out there. you came out there and was doing your thing, I was like yo man. I didn’t even know they got them yellow bones out there in the motherland man. man I was like. yo, this kid better be funny, but I ain’t gonna lie. you came out there, you was keep'n it coming. keep'n it moving, you where just like beasten it. I was like alright man, maybe this kid is the truth yeah. this kid was doing his thing, keep'n it out there. I started laughing like I gonna kill myself, I was like alright.

this mo fo got Flo fo sho, you naw mean?". I was like, no I don’t. but I love it. It's the most amazing use of English. I have ever come across in my life, just that one word alone. just the strength of that. "Naw mean". Do you know what I mean. Nah mean, it just.

it sums it all up doesn't it? it's neither question nor statement, it's just. like why are we even wasting our time with syllables for so long. I don’t understand. "It was a crazy day today, do you know what I mean?". "Yo that shit was crazy, Nah mean?" It just. it just flows, it's magical. it says it all. I feel like I've wasted years of my life without "Nah mean". wish I could go back in time and relive my favorite moments. watch my favorite movies again, see them brought to life.

"This is Sparta! "Nah mean!". Power.