When Flavor Hits | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #291

yeah when i was young it you know it. wasn't. it wasn't there i mean i remember when. butterscotch first hit the scene and. they didn't it just people people were. shocked. you know people they didn't know what to. do i remember. you know people covering their. children's eyes and. you know people just hanging garlic on. their door.

and all the people it just because it. had never been. you know this is back when they only had. a certain amount of flavors. in existence you know they had. strawberry and they had vanilla they had. uh. chocolate those are easy that's basic. that's your natural three you know and. then somebody come along with a mint. somebody come along with a banana. and you know when then the the flavor.

the flavor uh. the palate you know the flavor rainbow. was getting thicker. and then somebody added in uh i don't. even know what they added in at that. point peanut butter bacon. you know um raspberry some [ __ ] said. hey what about raspberry and people said. oh. all right dang it. and things was getting wild and then i.

remember butterscotch hit. and i remember where i was man i was in. second grade and. i was in math class i didn't i didn't. know what was going on. you know they were talking about you. know addition. and subtraction and i just. i mean my world was just starting to. damn fall apart. and uh and somebody handed me one of. them. one of them bs's baby just wrapped up in.

a beautiful little. cellophane skirt you notice in a little. damn plastic straight jacket just sealed. off at both ends. and i opened that bastard up and i put. it in my mouth and i just. it was like somebody had just i mean it. was butter and scotch. you know it just people didn't know. it did you you nobody done anything like. this. you know maybe you'd seen it written on.

a toilet wall or something. you know larry loves butter and larry. loves scotch. but you'd never see larry loves butter. scott you wouldn't see. it just peep it just and then it hit the. scene and it was. you know all the fatties all the thicket. thicks out there wanted that butter and. all the drunken drips out there wanted. that scotch. and you'd see people fist fighting for. them. you know you'd see people just beating.

their damn step-daddies with a freaking. you know just be you you see somebody. beating somebody else with a damn bike. chain. for a damn werthers you know it was just. it was a different time baby it was a. different time man. god is good brother let's get into it.

gang. [Music]. outdoors. [Music]. [Music]. gas on the front.

[Music]. come on. [Music]. [Music].

[Music]. [Music]. damn that right there is the. north mississippi all-stars. and a beautiful conglomerate of. sound and emotion there called drunk. outdoors and that is um. off their album up and rolling.

and uh they they included that. uh they they were thinking about us when. they put this this hit together. and i was in a bathroom this weekend and. i saw a poster for them on the wall. as i was holding my penis and and um. and urinating and that's beautiful man. um. good to be here with you and it is uh. it is another week we start.

just tumbling down the hill. just rattling along the road. you know we are that tumbleweed. heavy on the tumble baby. heavy on the weed as well. and we just keep riding this dirty. breeze. that is this disease man. that's doing whatever you know it's out.

there long. chasing these senior citizens. i mean you know a lot of seniors are. locked up right now you won't see them. as it should be um. but yeah where were you when it when a. flavor hit do you remember. do you remember where you were when you. first learned about a flavor. because i remember that butterscotch. baby.

that thing came across the aisle it had. been you know probably smuggled into who. knows in a country probably from the. midwest. you know smuggled into the country but. already in the country you know kind of. deal. and it had probably been in six seven. children's hands at school. for it hit my hand. and i opened that beautiful little brown. [ __ ] up. that little mixed mofo. you know and i'd never had anything. brown in my mouth son.

you know i was young you know and. and i hit you know and i put that thing. i just didn't i. it was just when you first had to take. when you first had a taste of something. new. you didn't know things could could exist. man. and i'll be i mean it's every now and. then still i got to pull my damn car. over if i think too much about a. werther's originals.

if i think too much about a you know a. unique type of caramel candy i gotta. pull a damn car over. you know take a break. you know maybe listen to a little jeff. buckley or something i gotta pull the. car. over and relax. i mean you know i miss sometimes i miss. the the innovation. of being young.

of being new in the world. because everything you saw was new. you saw somebody you know maybe you saw. two homeless people. you know one of them ripping and the. other ones tooth out. out by the donut shop doing bootleg. dental. and it yeah but it was beautiful it was. new. you know maybe you see a man hugging.

somebody in his family too hard. yeah but you know you hadn't you you'd. never seen it like that. it was new. you know you just things were different. you just i there was i liked the novelty. of being a youthful and of just of. nouveau of things being exciting there's. something beautiful about that.

of somebody hitting you with that with a. new taste. here's a spare rib and you're like what. is this is it you know. i thought it was from the dang bible. when i read it on a menu. i said well damn is it you know is this. the does the church run this place. then my mom say no this this damn ground. patty junior this ain't. the church i have nothing to do with. this joint. you know just ignorance and and.

and and dining that's when it all merged. um what's going on i've just. just i got back from nashville i had a. nice time. some people say nashville some people. say nashville. and people that say nashville are. obviously. out of their damn tongues brother you. know that. but i had a nice time and i went out. there to percy priest.

uh lake. camping lake area kind of place you can. go missing easy that kind of joint. went out there swimming just you know i. wanted to get in that local water. i want i like i like to you know i want. to that's the kind of place i'll. cure your jock it you know. that kind of thing you know you dip. locally bro you. do you won't scratch man.

because every uh june and july i really. come along that southern you know that. summer. i got that summer scratch going. and one half of the inside of my you. know near my body near my. you know near my little my little life. bag my little hot sack there. you know near my little. them jolly ranchers you know near my. nuts and i get. jock itch around them and there's no.

shame in it. you know i told the man about the church. i remember when i was probably. 24 i told this man i was in south. carolina and i went in there to the. little booth or whatever the photo booth. or whatever wherever you tell. the man the stuff you've been doing. that's wrong. and i said damn baby boy you know i. didn't say it just like that but i said. you know. dbb you know your honor i said i've been. i've been having you know jock itch.

you know what i'm saying i've been. scratching right around the old devil's. appendix man my nuts. and uh man i think i honestly i think. the guy wanted to see my damn nuts dude. it was uh. i mean you know some of these ch you. know some of these churches when you get. really when you stop by in the daytime. that's when the real shady stuff can. happen but. um but yeah i had a beautiful time in. nashville man. you know went swimming out there percy. priest.

state park i walk up and some lady just. sitting in a uh little folding chair to. yelling at all some lady. yelling at some kid named audrey audrey. audrey. and there was a little breeze i don't. think the woman could tell there was a. breeze coming in off the lake. head right it just pointing right at her. mouth so all her words were not going. very. far and this lady must have yelled. audrey. 200 times audra audrey.

audrey get off audrey. and little audrey brother look i ain't. saying she gonna. you know live a wild life but this. little [ __ ] didn't give a dang bro. little audrey didn't give a s-h-i-t baby. boy. audrey get over audrey. and this little smoke stack this little. lady.

she was puffing on it you know she was. you know just. locomotive and on the back end of that. winston baby just hitting that sucker. hard. and uh and it was nice man i had a nice. time over there met. this white guy stopped by and he let me. drive a nice he had a real cool. truck old truck this thing got it kind. of made. it's not really painted but it's almost. like they just rubbed the rust right on. the sides of it and it just. you know kind of thing you got to get a.

tetanus shot if you want to switch into. third gear you know one of those old. trucks. um and yeah. just enjoyed myself man really enjoyed. myself. um what else did i do oh man. oh this was the worst dude. i hit a uh you know i hit a dog with my. car. at night i hit an animal you know a. little animal you know a fast little.

animal a dog. you've seen you know a dog and um. and that dude i'm driving right and i'm. not under the influence of anything. except being a little too emotional bro. and. you know being maybe a little bit of a. [ __ ] sometimes and. you know i can't find my retainer i. haven't been able to find it for about a. month so that's the only things i'm. really under the influence of. and um and this dog this white dog. comes running i mean galloping really.

i mean it almost looked like a real fast. little pony. you know real just you know just like a. damn like america's fastest little pony. like one almost like one of them little. japanese animals you see on the. instagram. when they're giving them pills over. there in japan and getting them doped up. and a little you know they got a little. cat or a little tiger little. bichon or something got his tongue. hanging out of his mouth and they gotta. squeeze his neck real hard to get his. eyes open.

you know when they say he's a you know. oh he's a miracle animal or something. you know oh he's a you know everybody. loves him. yeah but he don't have any feeling in. his body you know what i'm saying that. little thing is. you know he's on somebody somas you know. he's on so many percocets this little. damn animal. little mickey or whatever his name was. little nj or whatever they call them. but anyway sorry so this dog comes just. just running and then i slam on the. brakes.

and it was over they had like a. greyhound station over there and i. couldn't see it first i mean the dog was. it was in front of my car and i hit. you know and i hit it man i i didn't hit. it but i hit. i slammed on my brakes i didn't feel. anything i didn't feel a thump or a hit. or or anything man and i just was frozen. in my car. and then two people came running up you. know this one guy kind of a. kind of chocolatey kind of guy and then.

this other lady. more of a rubenesque kind of white lady. you know kind of lady looked like uh. you know i don't and she didn't have a. lot of teeth i will say that i'm not. judging her. you know you don't need teeth a lot of. people teeth is overrated. you know teeth is something that's a. delicacy according to this gal you know. she didn't have any teeth she didn't. have them. i don't know who had them but but she.

you know she didn't and. and anyway so they start yelling. they said they say back up back the. truck up. and man i'm just spook i'm just just. just scared man i'm just sitting so i. back up about five feet. and i'm in like an intersection it's. it's not real busy. but i'm around maybe sixth and. in mlk junior boulevard.

and um and then then i see the dog and. he's laying there and he was. like a little pit bull kind of dog and. and he just wasn't moving or anything. and so i didn't know what to do man and. next thing you know the ladies over by. the window. this lady and she kind of she reminded. me of like grover like. oscar to grouch or something a little. but kind of sexier but also. you know greyhound sexy kind of.

you know kind of lady that. you know she probably had skin cancer. bruh i'll be honest with you. you know if i had to guess dude. uh anyway man she's. so she starts saying uh oh he needs cpr. he needs cpr. then other people are starting to. migrate over from the bus station it's. right there so. then this other lady says i'll do cpr. for.

eighty dollars and i'm like. what you know i'm thinking that. you know this is some kind of a scam a. scam or something but the dog is i mean. i saw the dog running there's no way i. don't think they could get the dog to. lay there. and pretend that you know i don't know. so. anyway i gave the lady the 80 she. started doing cpr on the dog. and um and they couldn't get it. they couldn't get it to breathe man and. uh and this is sad man the whole thing.

was sad and it happened fast. and then the lady you know she was just. so angry at me. and i mean there was nothing i could. have done like i'd never seen a dog. running this. fast it was just galloping like it was. just in a damn. contest or something like a. you know just like a damn like a little. like a galloping contest or something. you know of quickness. you know like it had been going to. quickness classes and this was its you.

know. mid-term and that bat you know that. little beautiful animal widow. anyway so she starts getting upset. and i don't know what she's yelling. either you know she kind of had like a. kind of like a puppet you know sometimes. if someone doesn't have any teeth in her. mouth you get a vibe that they have that. they seem like a puppet you know because. a lot of puppets they don't put teeth in. her mouth. it's just cloth and just somebody's hand. under you know.

behind it and under it and so she said. that's how she was she was coming at me. and kind of. you know getting squirrely a little and. um. she said she needed money for a new dog. i gave and i gave her 60 bucks. i dropped that hard 60 on her and and i. left man. and i saw they had a officer there on. the corner. and i asked him you know what do i do. you know i. paid for the cpr i gave you know i gave. 60 for the net if you know.

for some animal a new animal. and um and he said look man it wasn't. your fault. you know he did help me feel a little. bit more chill about it he said it. wasn't your fault. uh but man that [ __ ] hurt my. that hurt me you know and i've had bad. luck man i hit a dog. i was late for work one time and i hit a. dog over there supposed to be at the. seafood joint. and i showed up late and i was crying.

and they [ __ ] fired me. you know and they had some hot [ __ ]. that worked over there to be honest with. you no offense. you know [ __ ] but they had. you know some real [ __ ] leg over. there. so anyway man sorry i'm just i'm horny. and i'm. you know thinking about the past at the. same time but um. what else happened dude oh so yeah so. the officer said you know it didn't look.

like you could have done anything. and they shouldn't have that dog down. here unleashed and. man i'd never seen this may have been. the fastest animal. you know this santa's little helper man. and um and it just. you know when i and i had another issue. when i was working on a farm a long time. ago i backed over a deer with a um. bush hog and uh.

man that and that i'll never forget the. sound of that man that. so i'm sorry man i'm not you know i you. know i i i'm learning to love animals. more as i get. more adult you know i don't have any. issues with animals i have had. extraneous poor luck. around animals and around you know. animals that are trying to live. longer than.

then i guess whatever you know i just. i'm not help when it comes to animals. being alive i don't. you know i don't do i don't i'm not. helpful. i guess um. but otherwise you know i had a beautiful. time in tennessee man it just. it just was a way more relaxing. environment. you know kind of hopping around and. and uh man just beautiful you get.

outside of the city and you see you. driving through these neighborhoods and. you just. you see a house that is look like damn. you know like um. it just looked like a marvin gardens or. something. you know it just looked real a lot of. fancy stuff. a lot of old school looking white houses. too man like kind of real slavy type of. vibe a little bit of them you know some. of that.

you know it's a little too much but. that's just. you know that's i mean that's just. kind of history kind of stuff but. but yeah you see somehow you're like. well it just. you know we should we got to do. something to. future it up a little bit you see some. old school. historical joints out there um. but but that was that man.

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you couldn't even carve your wiener off. if you wanted to praise god baby. you know when i used to live in. mississippi. i worked on a farm over there outside of. natchez mississippi and. they had a fellow up there and his. family ran um. the ramada up there and he was high on. drugs and. took his own uh took his own penis off. one time at a barbecue when he was high. on lsd. sweeney they called him was his sweeney. was his name and they called him.

eventually call him no weenie sweeney. when he took that sucker off bro. went one for one 100 percent batting at. his own crotch bro but anyway. uh the perfect package 2.0 also includes. anti-chafing. boxer briefs that keep your crotch. cool and smelling fresh all day. and look nobody knows how the summertime. can affect that stick and bag like your. boy keep jock itch at bay.

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much time right now i have uh. no smoking. man i'm grateful for this y'all gonna be. shocked. right now i have five months three days. and 17 hours cigarette. free. and sometimes i want one of them. bastards man. sometimes i want that little snake tail.

bro. satan's little freaking walking stick. bro. that cigarette you know. mother nature's dirty little dick. brought a cigarette. but i'm five months clear off of them. and i will say this it's nice. not to feel like i need to have one a. lot of times that is pretty. nice um now what i'm only 24 hours off. of. um is uh well.

let's take this call right here and this. fella will kind of get into this topic a. little bit right here onwards. what's up theo this is joe from apopka. florida. what's up joey down here in florida in. florida. you know if there's a place you want to. run you want to hide. you know florida is it a lot of. criminals at the top. criminals throughout but it's really it. gets real country up at the top and then.

it gets a little more latino and then it. gets fully homoerotic down there by key. west. or k-dub they call it or gay dub they. call it down there. and um shout out too to my little god. cousin. dylan and he just came out the closet. and uh. and his dad took his truck away for two. weeks. and um that's where you know.

it's that's why you know it's i think. i mean it's you know that's. that can happen you tell dad you're gay. he says well. all right you're gonna lose that truck. for. two weeks bucko you're gonna think about. this. so that [ __ ] that [ __ ] is baffling. but shout out dylan my little god. causing hitting him ubers bruh. and hitting them wieners out there bruh. live your life little daddy.

you know and you know. hopefully after the two weeks you know. you get your truck back and you and your. dad can see eye to eye and everything. will be. you know moving forward but that's wild. isn't it. imagine you told your dad you're gay or. something and he goes about. oh all right you gay buddy okay. let's see you be gay without that truck. okay. let's see you be gay without that truck.

so that's the most that's the most rural. [ __ ] i've ever heard. man you come out the closet you lose. your truck for two weeks man pg. pro um let's get this call anyway that. came in here right here. and the audio is a little bit low on. this sucker i don't know what's going on. what's up d.o this is joe from apopka. florida. i'm a struggling man trying to stay away. from that uh.

that that single player devil's. intercourse you feel me. talking about that that jacking off. buddy. oh yeah i feel you man. yeah i feel you man baiting your own. branch. you know hunting butter with your hand. bro i feel you man and. i feel you i got about. what time is it. i got about.

17 hours no masturbation right now. let's hear more sorry i interrupted you. man trying to stay away from it man. i have a girlfriend and it ruins a lot. of stuff. in the bedroom you feel me what do you. do. what should i do just. stay away from that [ __ ] man because. it's coming from me bro i feel the dark. art is coming from me. let me know oh hell yeah man.

and you can even now listen one more. time you can hear a dog in the. background there. i feel the dark guards coming from me. right there let me know. right there um. yeah man well it's hard you know and i. appreciate you calling and sharing it. you know and and bringing it up man it's. that that's the hardest thing i've found. you know it's so hard to stop touching. your own penis you know because it's. hooked to your. it's hooked to you.

you know it's hooked to you it's like. tying a you know a biscuit right to. the side of a fat fella's head man. you know and there's unlimited. joy in your own penis. that's that's you know i respect what. god does but at a certain point he could. have. you know he could have scaled back he.

could have took a couple scoops of joy. out of your wiener. but he didn't man he was just just just. shoveling. in the joy into your own you know. your body dick man your penis. and it's too much and here's the crazy. thing about masturbation and trying not. to do it. god gave you two hands you could break. one of your hands. and still.

jerk off completely fine brother still. touch yourself completely fine. and i feel you man i mean sometimes it. feels like the devil himself. picks my hands up and puts them onto. my stick man my little body gun my dick. and i hate it man you know i've been. masturbating for 20 years brother.

i mean if i'd have put that time into. the piano bruh. if i'd have put that time into learning. the french horn or learning how to do. you know do juggling or whatever. magic. actually i'd probably rather just jerk. off and learn than no magic though. that's crazy. but um man i wish i had a. you know i wish i had a way for you.

right now. because i don't like doing it that's the. thing that's my thing i'd rather save up. that nut. you know that bust i'd rather corral. that energy. and feel just feel the fish just. swimming against the dam. you know because that's my energy that's. my solidity man that's my chief. and here i am just you know. i mean imagine if you you know you. punched a hole in the front of your gas.

tank while you're driving. be stupid. so i feel you man especially if you got. a if you got a girlfriend and stuff just. do your best i think some meditation. helps. um and just try and maybe even share. with your girls say look i want to say. look i want to apologize if we haven't. been. sexual because i've been struggling with. this. because man i've struggled with a lot.

over the years. you know i used to i'd set a date up. have a have a excite. excitement for a date one evening and. then i jerk off at 6 30. and we're supposed to meet at quarter to. eight i call it seven and i say i can't. make it i'm sick or something. but the truth was i you know. if i've already masturbated i don't care. if it's christmas.

you know it's like all of my intrigue. all of my excitement. all of my hope and possibility it's all. just gnarled up in there in my chi and. backed up in my little body nuggets man. my scrotum my nuts. so. but you know talking about it the first. thing that's important and. and i'm going to try i'm going to see. what i can do man because i want to you.

know there was a time there where i was. really trying to have nocturnal. emissions. you know hunting that night bust. and i want to get back there because. when you bust in a dream man that's. that's something bigger than you you. know that's something bigger than all of. us. you know that's really.

that's when we win i feel like man. so best of luck to you man um this. episode i want to let you know is. brought to you by blue. chew if you've had problems in your body. or if you haven't and you just want to. feel that fervor. you want to feel just like a thousand. ants crawled into the end of your penis. and are just. looking for fun well blue. chew can help you can increase your.

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just pay five dollars shipping again. that's bluechew.com. promo code theo to try it free the. better cheaper faster. choice and we thank them for sponsoring. the podcast. [Music]. we had some some neat calls that came in. uh you know i was thinking this weekend. man i was. i was um you know recently in my life. i've been really stuck on.

just the fear side of things. just really living from a place of fear. you know afraid to kind of make a choice. afraid to speak afraid to. you know there's just so much fear i. think out there in the air right now. that i i notice it for myself it's. starting to infect the other areas of my. body.

in my life my action. you know i'm so scared to be. to try something to do something to take. an. action you know um. i'm so conf i'm so i'm just trying to. stay comfortable. and what i'm missing out on i realize is. the opportunity for adventure. you know for possibility.

you know i was over there in tennessee. this weekend and and nashville is. beautiful man. and i start thinking well what would it. be like if i spent time here if i. you know was back and forth between the. two coasts and. you know what would it be like. you know it's like and then i just i. start to be like oh i can't imagine like. you know what you know i'd have to find.

this would be new i i i need to get a. new. vehicle i need to get to get a new home. i need to get you know. all these things these. you know all these things i need to do. you know all these. fears really and i look at them as fears. i look at them as fears instead of as. opportunities instead of saying. oh man this could be exciting i i would. get to do i get to do. i get to do this i get to you know i get.

to. see that i get to imagine what it's. gonna. instead i'm like oh man i have to do. this is you know. what about all. and just i just realized so much of my. life i live in the fear side. you know and i approach a lot of my days. and my. moments like that. whether i'm considering a new city or. whether i'm considering. even dating.

you know i go into dayton like that oh. man i hope you know. i don't even give things a chance to be. love or to be. bigger than just a couple dates or just. a. a fly by night or a little touchy. you know i don't really give things the. opportunity it's just too.

i just stay in the safety. and i'm just i just realized like man i. just how much possibility i miss out on. you know and just how much yeah just how. much. difference you know what how. just the risk of kind of letting go to. shore and just seeing what any other.

rapids are. you know i don't know how somehow along. the way in my life i just got more. i just got i just got comfortable with. playing it safe. and i i think that's fine you know i. think it's fine to play it safe i just. you know i can play it safe when i'm. back in. the ether you know i can play it safe.

when i'm back in the palm of god's hand. or in the ball sack of the the great. maker. you know i'm out here and so often i. just. get stuck you know i just don't want to. i just hold on to the branches of. comfort so much. and i didn't it's just before i even go. into things like i'll go i'll see. you know i'll stand right there and look. at the rapids and say how exciting they.

are. but so rarely am i willing to just. really let. just just see what something new could. be like. um. yeah i just noticed that this weekend. because or this past week because i had. so much fear just being in a new place. and thinking about. just new opportunity and and i just i. leaned more into the fear. instead of the possibility.

um. yeah it's like i i'm afraid of. i'm almost afraid of. just trusting life. you know i'm almost i'm afraid of just. trusting like a higher power. just trusting. that there's something new out there. that there's just i don't know i can't. explain it a little i'm just.

i just. i always hedge my bets and some of that. smart. but man though just. how freeing it would feel to just say. you know what i'm gonna. see what comes. you know i'm gonna lean into.

the wind and not into the. the the cliff side you know not into the. rock i'm gonna lean into. the i don't know. and. and not be as safe. because i need excitement i need i need. it's just it's such the juice that this.

whole. guava is based on man. is that you know. it is just taking a chance sometimes. and being a little risque man um. yeah i'm not i don't i don't i just i. guess i i started to feel kind of. disappointed when i was like man. i went to nashville i checked it out i. was i was excited and then i got home.

and i started to feel scared. i started to feel like oh man but i. everything's going okay here. and it's like yeah but maybe. everything's gonna be okay. no matter what maybe this will be maybe. something i need a challenge. you know i used to love the challenge so. much i used to love. to show the world i'm gonna do something.

and somehow i got so sad in the safety. that all i the feeling i only even know. sometimes is the feeling of the net. against my back you know. that's safety. man just to i only uh you know i got so. accustomed to these training wheels.

then i just i've lost some of the muscle. that it. that amazing muscle of balance of. balancing yourself as you ride. um we got some calls that came in. man let's get uh let's get into one or. two of them. um let me see what we got here.

uh. here we go right here hi theo my name is. justin cart from nashville tennessee. what's up justin i was just in your area. brother. and you have a beautiful area down there. a lot of trees water. everything man you know electricity. everything maybe do it. just calling uh because this past. weekend. man a bunch of friends of mine went. camped out.

at the tennessee river because uh. unfortunately one of our friends. took his own life a couple months back. and. we all just now got to do the memorial. because of the corvette pushing. everything back. and i just wanted to say that if anyone. out there is like. going through some [ __ ] and like don't. think they can talk to anybody. man just reach out to someone man. because your boys your family. like everyone's gonna miss you if. something happens and.

no one likes that man and man everyone. just take care of yourself look out for. everyone you love. game game amen man thank you for that. i'm sorry to hear about your friend. yeah there's a lot of you know i've. worried recently a lot about um. you know a lot of my friends who. struggle with addiction they can't get. help right now. you know a lot of the aaa rooms have. shut down during this. you know there used to be meetings all. the time and then now if somebody's. struggling that. you know those those meetings aren't.

there. and it's just so. i mean i don't know what's worse i can't. imagine what's worse i would i would. personally rather take the risk of dying. of uh the disease than. than not having aaa rooms be open. you know i have one party he man he's. been struggling so hard. you know going on benders for weeks at a.

time and. i just keep telling hey man just hold on. you know just. because there's no there's not these. in-person meetings the zoom meetings. aren't the same. and so it's you know it's just so many. levels that people are being affected uh. by the separation of humanity you know. we need each other. that's why we got arms to re you know to. hug. to tickle.

you know to pat that tit baby that's why. we have the. to reachers because we got to feel. something. this gentleman called with another line. here we go uh sorry man i forgot to. add one thing this is uh justin again. but uh after our memorial service we. went back to our campsite and uh. you know we all had a got a little. baggie of our boys. our boys remains we got some ashes you.

know so oh yeah. that death dust baby oh yeah baby. gods eight balls son onward we came back. to the campsite throwed up a little. doobie. sprinkled our boy on there a little bit. of a boy on that. blowed him up to the sky man. he hit good though but uh he made the. joint run but i kind of figured he would. but. amen man and that's one way to do it. that's native american.

smoking your friends body parts you know. you know cooking your buddy up straight. into your lungs that's native american. there's no other you know. that's how you do it put your buddy bowl. him up. smoke him out you know oh we were. cooking up little randall right now. you know we cooking up a little bowl of. steven r.i.p stephen.

you know i remember we smoked up we had. a dude named lester brown we smoked his. little ass. he was real small you know he was just a. pony of a man. and we cooked his little ass up and. smoked him out of an apple praise god. man back in the day. and that's native american. you know anybody could bury their friend. and do you know. let's put him up there over by the hill. by the haunted house let's do that.

you know anybody could have their friend. cremated and nothing let's throw them. out of this. you know let's throw them off the. parking garage or this. crown uh uh this um. crown plaza hotel out here near dayton. but to re really celebrate somebody if. you want to get back into the old ways. you got a body you know you take a sack. of that body dust. sprinkle it into a little gram dish bruh.

and cook that bad bastard out. you know r.i.p barbara you know. you know give it a little pass that you. know past that freaking little. that jot past that john of lil henry's. low ass. and that's a way to show respect that's. called respect. so but i'm glad you guys enjoyed it man.

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co smell good get the accoutrements. you know different people make different. choices for their bodies. we had a call that came in right here. let's hear it. hey theo how you doing man my name is. jesse. uh i was a united states mariner. i was a mariner for about five years i. just recently got out man uh. calling in for some advice uh my dad. called me the other day he owns a strain.

of motels. over there in flint michigan uh he's. been in the hotel business. my whole life and um oh yeah over there. in flint baby those dirty water motels. you know those brackish little bed shops. baby onward. he was telling me he wants to get a low. back tattoo and. dude i'm gonna tell you man you can't. you can do what you want but you also.

can't get a low back tattoo if you were. a man. okay this ain't the future. this is right now and. that right there is a gateway drug to. homosexuality and probably. prison time and it's fine if that's what. if those are the things you're looking. for. but if you're just looking to do a. little snazzy body art. you don't get a back a lower back tattoo.

especially if you slang in hotel rooms. man. you gonna have a couple fellows trying. to sleep up in your ass brother onward. being a straight single man i told them. i wouldn't recommend getting anything. tattooed on. on your lower back as a straight man but. um. you know he's my dad i want to respect. him i wanted to hear him out and he said. well. son i want to get the hotel logo. tattooed on my low back. well look man you know what actually bro.

get it. i say you get dude get two flames coming. off the side coming right around to his. hips. the end of the flame just ending right. down towards his nuts. get that get a big huge banana right up. and down his spine man. and get the hotel or whatever it is. ramada you know. jerry's tight stay right there above his. ass get that. do them right treat your daddy right. what am i talking why am i saying. no when i should be saying yes.

lean into the fun that's why. too much i'm i'm i'm telling say don't. do don't. lean into the fun take a chance. rent your daddy a nice brother with that. big body hammer for tonight. you know big uh big stanley big stanley. the stallion. you know what i'm saying get your get. your daddy dick down properly. out there let him live his life.

i'm sorry i said no. i am sorry that i said no brother go on. and get it. and i hope your dad does it all i hope. he does it damn all dude and i hope he. probably does oral you know live a. little. pc baby praise christ. um let's take another call man right. here homework. what's going on theo this is billy.

marshall. out of delray beach florida billy. marshall. and man i fell in love one time with a. girl from delray beach and. i met her on enter on twitter and we. texted and sex did and everything. sent drawings on my dick and everything. to her and she would. you know you know tell me what her. breasts felt like and everything and. describe it and send me. you know little envelopes and stuff like. that with perfume on the cotton and all.

of that. but um. and we texted for months and months and. months and finally we saw each other and. we just it was just it was bafflingly. bad. we could not get along for [ __ ] so. anyway omar brother and uh. today was one of the craziest days i. ever had at work. i started working at this pest control. company in. february okay pest control.

and we need it man i'd love to see a. real you know. a real little rodeo man out there just. corralling roaches. you know somebody on a quidditch broom. just chasing a bunch of bees trying to. get them bastards to chill out. trying to keep them away from a picnic. we need pest control we need somebody. out there wrangling these thoughts out. there. you know v g you know corralling these. [ __ ] into an urban outfitters or.

something. and helping keep the world tight onward. and uh today they they're like all right. go out to the property and. go around the buildings and put your rat. baits out the contract with lumatrak if. you. know what that is oh yeah man killing. rats bro and it's. look when you come to the rat king you. talking about killing rats man you got a. lot of. uh nerve but i respect your position. onward you're in pest control but.

anyways i'm doing the box. and after i do the box i look up and i. see. ten sharpshooters looking right at me. with the rifles like aimed right at me i. was like. i like looked at him i said what and. they said cut they waved me over i. walked over to him they said that. the bomb in that building and i i. changed the bait. while the bomb the bomb didn't end up. going off but. the bomb squad was there and i changed. the bait and then the bomb squad got me. but man that's one of those things too i.

was high on marijuana like that's. that was an interesting experience high. on marijuana and there we go right there. and that's the truth of it all is that. pot can be a gateway drug man to. bombings. you do a little weed and somebody blows. up your [ __ ] cousin bro. you know you get high and suddenly you. think they got a you know. somebody taped a bunch of c4 up under. your silverado. so it's i've been high enough where i.

feel like somebody's trying to bomb me. but. to just be high and then they and. there's real bombs. that's some [ __ ] that's some that's. awesome dude. dude i remember the drug dogs would come. to school. and they would come smell everybody in. the class and they said they were. smelling if you had any weed on you they. would know. and i remember raising my hand and i. said well what if you're just high. will they know that and uh.

and the teacher and the police officers. were we're not happy. about that because i didn't have any. weed on me bro but i had that [ __ ] in my. brain. you know that so. um what else is going on man. what else they had some some neat calls. came in. uh all right let's get into. uh into this last call here as always.

the hotline. nine eight five six six four nine. uh thank you guys for uh for being a. part of this episode and. we have some new items too new merch. items that are pretty neat. we got those hot hose hit shirts. featuring your boy little daniel out. there um. and uh and some other new items some. fresh rat king. vermin with the sermon hitters and uh. you can check all those out at theo von.

i believe or through theovonne.com. and thank everybody for supporting this. podcast and for being a part of my life. you know i can't wait till the world. opens up and i can uh. get back to telling jokes and um. and thanks for just bearing with me you. know and we bear with each other. uh it's been a tough time man it's been. tough to.

to stay in the joy you know there's a. lot of things out there. trying to divide us. you know trying to divide people by easy. things. um but you know we got to refuse to let. them do that. you know we have to refuse to do that. for ourselves you know. um you know i accept that. challenge i'm not going to let things if.

i can't help it i'm going to work harder. to not let things take that love out of. me. you know i'm gonna lean into the things. that. are that are tough and just. put you know spread a couple of damn. pints of joy jam on my shoulders and. just lean head into it. and see if i can't sweeten the deal that. way. let's take one more call that happened.

right here here we go gang. hey man uh my name is blake i just. wanted to. call i had some things to get off my. mind uh thanks for calling blake. onward my girlfriend just uh. just passed away of overdose uh like. sunday night. and um man i'm sorry to hear that man. i'm really sorry to hear that onward. you know the weight crying all night uh. and the podcast came out and uh at the.

end the. evan barcelona song was on a thousand. times. and uh i don't know man it just. seemed like i could put everything you. know in the in the right perspective. like it was uh. like i've got to go on you know and. continue with life. and make her proud and uh because that's. what. you know that's what i imagined she was. going with me and that's what i would.

want her if i was in. her position and uh. yeah and just uh it's been kind of rough. couple days man and uh. just know i just you do a really good. job of uh. bringing people that's. down uh in any kind of way you bring. their spirits up. uh just because i believe it's because. you've been there. you've been you've been to a shitty town.

before and you've been through shitty. times before and you know. that you don't want other people to feel. like you did. so uh i think that's great man. uh love you man game game. love you too bro thanks for the nice. words man sorry. i'm so sorry to hear about your. girlfriend man um. you know i'm sorry to hear hear about. that. you know addiction that's powerful man. it's scary.

and you know she didn't want that. she didn't want you know she didn't want. to. be addicted you know it's a real. i mean it is a real. it's a real dirty batman. that's out there man addiction uh. but thank you for the thank you for for.

for just sharing what's going on with us. man i think it reminds us and. you know i don't want to be you know i. don't want this to be like a downer type. thing it's just. this is a reminder that that you know. that life is a gift that it did that. this is a fragile. bridge we're walking on. you know that this is a limited time. offer.

and that we have to make the most of it. and that it's time to lean in. to life. it's time to lean into life for for all. the risk. and for all the reward you know.

you know that's what it is it's a. it is a it is a chance for us to. feel risk and to experience it. and whether you whether that risk is. falling in love or. or trying a new job or trying a new. skill or. you know the those are the the.

those are the those are the gifts man. those are the those those are the. that's the purpose of it. you know if i just stand the whole time. and i just stand in the safety of it all. then i'm not really getting the most out. of this vessel.

and i'm not trying to to preach i'm just. trying to remind myself you know. just not to be afraid to try something. new. not to be afraid to walk into a. relationship with the possibility of it. being more. you know i'm just trying to remind. myself not to.

not to be afraid to. to live man. to make mistakes and to make. non-mistakes whatever those are called. okay things. but either way just not to be afraid. just to live.

but i'm sorry to hear about your girl. and thanks for the nice words man i. don't. you know i don't know what i'm doing. ever um. but being alive it's not easy. but i think it can be easier. if i'm just not that afraid sometimes. you know and it sounds like uh. that she would want you to be the type. of person that.

that just goes on with brother. um anyway. i didn't mean to. you know and look you could always put. her in a joint. like your boys in them you know y'all. you could always roll up a j. of your lady and huff down and get. gassed out. praise god brother um.

we're going to finish up uh. we'll we'll finish up right here. actually this man is out of nashville. now. by way of nebraska and uh we'll finish. up with. with some of his uh. song right there and we'll play it for. you and for your girls her spirit goes. on man. you know because i do believe that this. life here is just a park this is just a. parking spot. on a really really.

wild ride. and we can do nothing with it or we. could put the tailgate down or the. the sunroof open and. and just be and just live it up. you know make the most out of this. parking lot. or you could park in the handicapped. spot illegally. and play a safe man.

and i know we need a little bit of both. but. man i'm ready to take this placard this. fake handicap placard off of my dang. thing. and start to just live a little baby. um thank you for anybody that called in. and that was supportive of the podcast. this weekend. uh if anybody out there is going through. a tough time. you know just know that you're not alone. and that people are thinking of you. um and i'm gonna do my.

let's just do our best to go out in the. world and be a part of other people's. joy. you know what happens if you show up to. work tomorrow with uh with a gift for. everybody. or with a different attitude what. happens if you show up tomorrow for. the boss that you hate and you get him. something nice you get him a little. necklace or something. or get him a little you know a thing of. saltwater taffy's or something from the. zoo. you know what happens then.

what happens if i show up to my life. with a different vibe. you know what happens if instead of. coming at every day with a sword. i show up with a damn hug gun. and just start. just slanging hugs baby.

just double arm and mf. this is evan bartels with a thousand. times you guys be good to yourself man. you deserve it okay. [Music]. and i'm sorry there's a little. it's a little.

well this ain't sad it's just a little. beautiful man. it's a little beautiful. away baptizing empty skylines. with the whole better days. and i tell myself this will all be. fine. [Music].

[Music]. thunder i remember i'm just a child. i would die.

a thousand times. before i ever let. [Music]. and next week we're going to uh ring all. our single moms that we've. you know kept up with over the years and. uh just do a check in with them. you know we want to see what it's like.

for them as they start to send the. kiddos back to school. and just get a couple of takes on it man. you know and check in with them magical. women man you know check in with them. beautiful muchas. that are the single mothers that keep a. lot of us going over the years and have. done so. um gang right there you know that. [Music]. [Applause].

[Music]. i just throw the whole damn thing. to the fire. this will all be fine. i would die.

a thousand times. before i ever let. you down. i wish it was easier. i wish i had more than.

could give. i wish it was easier. i wish. give. [Music]. i would die. a thousand times. why.

[Music]. and that is evan bartels right there. off his uh ep promised land. and you can purchase that out in there. on itunes or check it out how you. however you do music. barr tales um.

a beautiful song man you know. a beautiful song you guys be good.