Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #376

today's episode is brought to you also. by liquid death grateful for them. oh. i um. man. it's nice to have some relief from the. snow it burnt my skin i didn't know snow. could burn your skin up and it can even. though it's a. a cold feature it can burn you. um anyway. uh. today's guest. is a young man out of california. and he is uh he's just hilarious.

you know he's very outgoing vivacious he. makes a lot of beautiful um material out. there on. instagram tiktok. um. he just he's the viral video you know. he's are you that guy that's when you. see you just. that's his new tour are you that guy. um. and he'll talk about it we'll talk about. it. um. you know he's a comedian he's a uh. he's just a.

he's a damn just energy man you know and. he puts it out there in ways that people. uh like to laugh at and and with. and i'm one of those people today's. guest is my friend mr trevor wallace. [Music]. [Music].

[Music]. [Applause]. yeah because i'm supposed to head back. to i was supposed to head back to l.a. tomorrow. or to tonight actually but my flight got. um canceled yes a lot going on out there. yeah i always thought nashville was like. 72 minimum yeah oh yeah it gets brisk.

man we just i actually just went. sledding this morning actually did you. yeah how was it i feel like doing. anything like i went bodyboarding like. couple weeks ago insane just great. bodyboarding and what is it body water. body okay waves you were out in the uh. what are you talking about in what bot. what uh ocean what ocean were you in. santa monica pacific atlantic which one. is that one i'm not going with you. that's pacific pacific yeah that's an. easy one yeah i know my rights from my. left and north south and east and west.

but but oceans. that's an easy i don't know that one. oceans are i'm trying to think how much. i know ocean's 11. yeah. but could you name 11 ocean do you think. i think i could name 11 cities i have. oceans. huntington hermosa. is cheating bro santa monica venice. you're riding a lot of that same ocean. man yeah that's true. i met some people the other day from. bahrain was that's what i was like why. yeah i was like are you guys like. where'd you meet him huh where'd you.

meet the airport oh yeah i was like are. you guys. and i don't even know what to ask i'm. like are you right what's offensive and. what's not or just like no not even. ethnic ethnical i was just gonna be like. are you guys like i didn't even know. what to say yeah yeah like are you lost. at the airport. do you believe in magic you know what. i'm saying i didn't know what to do i. feel like they would where is that by. the way that's what see that's where i. was. even where the thing was what was it. called again that's oh that was see all. of that was happening for me at one time.

so i was like how many did you write on. a piece of paper yeah they're like we're. from bahrain and all right. it kind of sounds like byron it kind of. did you meet joe yeah joe byron bing. bong it sounds like uh. by humbug too what is that i know what. it is but i don't know what it is ba. humbug is like a famous saying from. humber christmas that's like when you. stub your toe and you're like bob humbug. or somebody like stole some [ __ ] for you. like humbug oh bob they got the. playstation.

humbug was like a famous saying for. people that i think weren't uh were. angry like if yeah like if your. grandfather like if you asked him for a. dollar and he didn't want to buy a. dollar they'd do anything but cuss back. in the day yeah anything but cuss but. they would also like hit people and. you're like i feel like there's a better. alternative you could just cuss but they. would hit them with a can like are we. talking seniors you mean seniors yeah. are we yeah seniors i think we did yeah. you uh. i remember my girl i had a girlfriend's. uh grandmother one time just slapped me.

right across the face and her. grandfather slapped me after huh after. yeah the alley-oop is like [ __ ] my. turn bad or bad or swing swing you know. different ah. yeah that is weird what did you do to. deserve that oh made love to their. granddaughter i think that's enough. that usually what it is. i think so if i'm especially and she was. she was very attractive and. if i'm the grandfather and i have an. attractive granddaughter. [Laughter].

or just any granddaughter yeah right. would you and somebody's making love to. or i think i'm not gonna be. i think it would be hard to be really. stoked about it. but yeah because if you're too excited. then it's weird then it's gets a little. pornhub categories grandpa gets excited. over prom day all right where's this. going i'll watch yeah grandpa is just by. the door with like a big like. listening thing or something you got a. red solo cup with a string in it yeah. would you be the guy meeting like a. daughter and then like at prom are you.

shaking the guy's hand hard are you kind. of just like what's up man good to see. you. oh dude i think in the movies they're. always trying to be like intimidating. but like oh i was so i remember wasted. at one time at prom we i went to pick up. my date right i was too drunk there you. go uh you driving or no ah. probably floating a little bit i was. definitely. all different colors red white and blue. yeah i was like damn why am i a mushroom.

yeah yeah do real well so you're picking. her up oh well i had to send my friend. in to pretend he was me because the dad. had never even met me. was he hotter like buffer oh that's a. good idea it was my friend lance yeah he. was definitely um. he was more he was honestly in hindsight. he was more attractive and here's the. crazy part they ended up looking up. yeah what did you do. i was like getting jerked off you went. into the house to meet the dad later. like you trying to play some madden real.

quick i got two i was just too wasted. yeah yeah i feel like worse did you ever. you ever get too wasted before a day all. the time i remember one new year's i uh. uh we there was a there's a bottle of. absolute it's like a hundred proof and. it comes like a disco ball looking thing. and i remember i like brought it to the. party thinking i was like the dude i was. like yo i got this like bringing you. know coors light to a frat party we in. here yeah but i drank the whole thing. and i woke up just under their dining. room table and pissed myself oh really. yeah. so are you laying face down or face up.

face down oh yeah but i was like under. under the table like mentally like in my. drunk mindset i was like that looks like. a blanket just a levitating blanket oh. yeah it was an interesting place to pass. out um yeah that's manly though the. saddest way to pee yourself is laying on. your back. just like casket just registered there's. something about like. you're like you would because here's. what happens like you're like in like in. er or something you're like waiting for. someone to put.

you know a colostomy bag in you or. something. for me it's like if i wake up and i've. urinated myself. and i'm laying on my back it feels like. it's the weakest it's just like because. i was so vulnerable because i i didn't. envision myself actually having done it. somebody walks by and like oh this guy's. up pissing himself off just kissing. himself yeah i don't know it feels weak. face down is sad somebody face down and. pee. [ __ ] he peed himself but if you're on. your back and you pee yourself that's.

like i remember i was in a frat shocking. i was in a frat but like if you passed. it with your shoes on people could just. [ __ ] with you right just whatever that. was the just tape a coat can to your. forehead yeah it was like if your shoes. wrong you were good and if they're. saucony's you're getting your ass beat. yeah exactly but it's like that was such. a weird and it was like i feel like a. lot of people listening would know that. that was like a general rule if your. shoes were on when you passed out you. were like fair game you could play. tic-tac-toe on the forehead with a. sharpie and like no repercussions yeah. draw a dick on their cheekbone we had a.

dude who had who was like men uh he. wasn't he wasn't like he was like. paraplegic or whatever and they would. braid his legs when he got wasted. like a like a like a boy scout type of. knot no not like a boat knot or nothing. yeah that would [ __ ] that would kill. him but just kind of yeah. his grandfather would slap you if you. did that oh yeah that's what grandpa's. coming back in with the so after you got. slapped by grandpa did you would you. just take it or you [ __ ] be like i'll. [ __ ] pull the double a's out of your.

life alert right now oh i remember. because i didn't know what their. traditions were i think they were greek. i could see that there's always kissing. you on like the cheeks so they might be. slapping you on the cheeks when you get. over near the mediterranean you you. don't know what's gonna happen you know. they they had a little bit of that joe. they had a little joey diaz somewhere in. him right you like hummus. i just got big on that [ __ ] really i. don't even know i put it on a carrot i. was like i didn't know you could do this. it feels like a oh. it kind of feels like ranch for [ __ ].

call me a [ __ ] [ __ ] that's i don't. know i like it dude i don't like celery. because the strings in it piss me off. it's like a guitar in there. but i feel like you're like doing. something you know i could never do it. just for a meal like like just a plant. diet a little much. a little much for me. i would never but um. yeah my flight i was getting my flight. got canceled that's what we're talking. about yeah luckily i flew in yesterday. but it is i mean they were asking if i. wanted to cancel shows i was like don't.

[ __ ] i don't know don't look at me. yeah i guess who makes that decision. they put it on me did that yeah they're. like do you want to cancel we can move. this [ __ ] i was like i don't [ __ ] i. don't know what snow is to y'all i. didn't even know that we were in. tennessee like i knew we were in. tennessee but like did i know that we. were in tennessee right and that's every. place you kind of go it's like you don't. really you're never in a place long. enough to really like. you know yeah people are always like. sending you messages like hey man come. you know we're doing my cousin owns a. roofier factory dude we'd love to have.

you stop by and you want to do all these. things it's sometimes it's just a lot to. be able to take on but oh it's too much. you never really know you're in a place. kind of well i also don't want to make a. call based on y'all's weather where i. say something and people are like you. cancel for that and i'm like i don't. [ __ ] know i remember when deleon one. time canceled for snow he got so much. [ __ ] online i mean people were yelling. at me probably and he got a lot of it. from me. cause he shouldn't but that's what i'm. saying it's like you cancel for snow bro. which is basically let's be honest gay.

one. okay gay rain. okay let's be honest it's very powdery. out there today it's like i was i was. telling your boy they're pretty it's. nice to walk on you feel like you're. like is this the next step to heaven oh. i literally i woke up this morning i. watched miracle on 34th street or 38th. street shirt on or off. turn off bro there we go. chain on. uh chain on yeah chain on no shirt oh.

how that movie should be intended to be. well on no shirt yeah that's definitely. that is a. that's definitely a gypsy wedding i feel. like that's like yeah it seems like yeah. you're the ring bearer actually yeah. i feel like is listening to christmas. music past christmas is that what's your. take on that like like in june. oh i. i i been listening to christmas music. for probably. i've listened more after christmas when. the stress is gone from the holidays. yeah and the views are down a little. lower yeah the views are lower so you.

don't feel like you're bandwagoning but. like is michael buble still pulling in. plays in june probably i go old school. i'm like bing crosby you know like that. old like oh gee yeah i don't know what. he looks like but it's like yeah i go. bingo what if like when back in the day. they're like i'm gonna start doing. christmas music they're like yeah shut. up like okay that's that's what you want. to do christmas music but now. the numbers don't lie oh now i think for. certain people it's there but back in. the day it's like you oh you think you. can compete with jesus christ yeah it. was a lot of that back in the early. right like you don't need to do that.

like better than jesus. 78 d some dude's like hey hey. hey hey i'm doing christmas music yeah. [ __ ] you homie yeah. he's off the eggnog jesus christ yeah. yeah that is weird it's just weird to. wake up one day and be like you know. what i could [ __ ] capitalize on. some of this x-mix music. it's just a weird i don't know but. there's not a big market in it there's. not too many people on the vision board. be like christmas music. i don't know i think nelly did a. christmas album did he i think he did.

nelly was great doing crossovers. he did a. tim. question no who do you do the florida. georgia line maybe there was one with a. jet that's all i remember it might i. think it was fgo it might have been it. might have been it might have been tim. mcgraw i think you're right it might. have been different i think it's in. mcgraw i can i get a picture in my head. i was thinking about us thinking about. me only just a dream is that it or am i. just yeah right we got computers.

it was only just a dream yeah people. love shooting music videos on a jet way. just something about the open land. yeah i'm just trying to think of that. song again think about us was it him and. tim mcgraw. it was only just a dream. over and over again over and over again. over and over again. i keep picking we're talking about 149. million views that's big. and i'll say this.

two of them could be mine. two male or just two in general here's. what i don't now here's what i want to. know. oh and they look they really i love how. they stop it right there does tim mcgraw. have a bunk bed yeah let's see that's. what i'm they made a lot of this really. first of all they put that skull cap on. tim mcgraw which that that's pretty hard. little kid rock ask it feels hard it. just feels like they're really trying to. merge artists right you know right so. what did they do for nelly to country.

him out a little bit oh well let's see. if we can see nellie's packing some. copenhagen just drag that thing over. there just so we can see nelly just we. don't even need to hear it that's when. the saint louis ramsey is still there. they put him in front of the brick. building that's kind of country. no. brick i feel like is. from. oh they're touching belt buckles okay. yeah let's see right there there we go. they're touching that's the close-up on. belt buckles. oh the side kick now there they so to. get nelly really hyped up they put that. big belt buckle on them yeah they put.

that flavor flav they really put it. right there that's how they locked him. in for this song and then they got a. picture of faith hill right there and. then nelly. is that his wife or. i wanna say sierra. who's sierra i don't see her at a party. one really she's a fox. when that song uh there was a song that. our school dances you had to be hands. touch one two step you had to be your. arms length away so tell me about that. but when oh so what do you mean so like. in like eighth grade for our dances. there was like chaperones and you had to.

be one arm length away because that was. you know social distance him for when. you were horny you know. one arm's laying away semen's the. original cove. she's spreading everywhere dog but. when sierra's one two step or uh goodies. goodies that [ __ ] when that would come. out everybody would break the arm. barrier people. that i mean that was like the first time. my brain heard something i was like oh. [ __ ] me. to do who is that guy. i think it's petey pop. i know what i did.

freak a leak wasn't that was that. cookies no. goodies hoodies clothes but when that. came on that was the first time my body. really felt something you know i. remember the first porn i ever googled. boobs.com that was the original but the. second time i really felt something was. when goodies came on at the school dance. and that was big that was everybody all. the chaperones were like you guys are. doing the freak dancing get them away. but yeah they always try to break it up. somebody blow a whistle. turn the lights off come out the clock. yeah they had air horns yeah exactly.

it's like you're lying yeah exactly your. shirt's off you're sweating yeah that. was the first time oh that was crazy. dude school dances man i remember one. time going to pick this girl up uh oh. freak a leak was that it freakily was a. uh no goodies is there a song called. goodies goodies. series had jams. yeah just go just uh. no just goodies my good. goodies i think's your goodies. goody sierra oh with petey pablo.

yeah i think that that's the same photo. on the nightstand no the second one down. it is damn look at me i know my [ __ ]. dude. there we go subliminal messaging nelly. is horny or really dating probably did. they date i'm wondering oh no. yeah it's all good i don't think we can. play it anyway can we. okay yeah regardless i'm playing in my. mind a little bit right now but that's.

but right that was like the school dance. stuff was uh. this was even who'd you go with. i think you just went with homies. [Laughter]. but. like eighth grade dances you kind of. just showed up and then you just kind of. like like in movies you'd sit at the. wall and you'd wait to make eye contact. with but in high school that's when you. would ask the girl. oh really we had no i went on our school. it was big you had to get asked or ask. at like seventh grade wow and they had. different dances man they had sadie.

hawkins city hawkins okay then they had. this one dance where they made a big. shirt yeah they would sew the shirt. sleeves together it was like what was it. called parachute love lock or something. you see how many people you could fit in. there no you had it was you and your. date so y'all were like a big circle you. know by the sleeves yeah yeah and so you. were um. it might have been spring fling or. something so that would have these. special shirts made for everybody and. you had to be like locked in like this. yeah so all night you were kind of. locked in how did you pee uh.

your pants you just come out. that'd be a weird place to get it. on your back and do it. like something [ __ ] unknown but then. she's laying on her stomach and then. she's going out the honorable one oh. yeah yeah no i uh i remember one year i. asked a girl uh to homecoming in a. tiffany's box but it just said uh. homecoming. on a piece of paper and then i opened it. like i was proposing and then she. friendzoned me that night i went in for. the kiss and she gave me the cheeks hit. me with the cheek i mean i was yeah i.

was way out of my league this girl she. she was like the girl who had like the. the tits in town. she was like she was. you ask anybody both of them yeah you. guys see anybody about uh in camera. california about uh about christina i. mean she had the bags on her bang bangs. bags were fully charged but. byron. yeah i love them. yeah but she was awesome and but i was. like i was really stepping outside of my. britches you know oh dude i remember. this one girl man i think her name was.

noel right good titty name and she had. i don't know her whole body was tits. yeah her whole body was just made out of. tit dude every part of her body was hit. you graze her hand a little bit you're. like oh [ __ ] oh. areola even a high five felt like it had. milk in it you know what i'm saying she. just was all ted yeah. and i remember somehow. he agreed to go to a dance with me i. i even remember when i asked her i was.

so i was on mushrooms when i asked her. and i got so hyped after she said yes i. ran and jumped over a chain-link fence. and cut my. literally cut my hand open and my. stomach opened did you grip it like you. were pole vaulting a little bit no i. just tried to jump completely straight. into it oh it's so stoked oh cause. you're on mushrooms yeah i was like i'm. gonna show her this cool trick you know. what i'm saying she knows she's dealing. with a savage name and that was tet girl. so anyway i healed up and we went to the. dance. and uh. and one of my hands was still pretty.

bandaged up you know my hand where i got. cut pretty well was pretty banned. so i remember she let me like kind of. get one of those tits out boy and i'm. just batting that thing yeah like. mayweather [ __ ] just throwing rice on it. that's what will heal the hand oh it was. some you know yeah some canelo bro yeah. yeah. right just a little little batting. practice with that tito oh yeah and um. and then later on at night she like. we're at my friend's house and we're. sitting there and they had a pool table.

and i'm like trying to get like trying. to get her underpants off a little with. the mitt on oh it was so hard and i. think she kept thought uh. that i was like tapping her on this like. i was trying to ask her a question yeah. yeah cause she would i could see that. like what you know because i kept every. time i'd like kind of touch her with. them yeah you should add her like. seductively like undo the wrap on your. hand with her teeth or something going. around. if going back in time dude i would do it. so different but i got so nervous. because she was so she was the hot she.

was the she was just a living tit. and i got so nervous that i just kind of. i just fell apart and. uh. how's she doing now i'm sure she's. beautiful and has a family same to it. like most of the people that i know or. most of the you know like most women. that i stalk occasionally at night on. facebook yeah every once in a while your. dad will see how they're doing for kids. arkansas yeah the evil were saying. yeah they call him you a natural tick.

guy or a uh implant. well. implants. there was a rocky time for implants. there was a time where they came out. real hard they were startled. oh yeah i remember uh there was a. stripper in north carolina uh. green greenville greensboro one of them. probably greensboro maybe but she she. told me she got hers for like 300 off. and uh i was like i don't think that's. something you want to cut. you know corners on. they were they were still good but they.

they kind of look like um you ever. remember those old school dvd or like. dvd stacks would be like a tube in the. middle then all the the dvds were on it. it kind of looked like she had two of. those and was like a little bit on top. too because it kind of looked like a. nipple. they were solid but i know what you mean. they were like. there was some real yeah there was a lot. of uh some of them were very. they're like shifty like you kind of. like like you know how people can like. move like kneecap yes like you could do. that with their tits yeah some of them. you could yeah it seemed like you could. kind of like you could almost um.

shift gears yes yes. like you were driving an 18 wheeler yeah. there was some real dude there was a. girl i met one time in. raleigh uh north carolina great city and. her. breasts were like these they were almost. like a. you ever seen like a um. like a baby have like a poop diaper you. know yeah. and if you squeeze it it stays in that. shape oh tempurpedic yes but it didn't. go back it did her tits would kind of if. you squeeze him there was some day there.

yeah i don't know what is tempur-pedic. whole deal about putting wine on the bed. and just jumping. i think a lot of couples that's like the. highlight of their just putting. somewhere low on the corner and getting. after it if you never left town that's. uh that's your summer olympics honeymoon. right there. grab the franzia we're getting after it. oh i think it's a lot of people yeah and. then some yes so you know. i don't know i think i think if i was a. girl i'd have really weird tits. i think i just have weeds i think you. have a very model body for a young woman.

yeah that a complicated girl recently. that had a body like you was it me. i don't know what type of body i'd have. i think i'd be the the girl with no ass. but like knockers. just like you know with them. yeah just bagged up ready to go. yeah i think i would just have. but i don't know i think i'd have weird. aerials that's my biggest insecurity. i i know. your body style you're not gonna have.

wheat you think you'd have big areolas. but you know the ones that kind of just. like disintegrate into the sea of of. skin yeah they fade out yeah i think i'd. have those. but i kind of like those you know it's. fun you don't know where it starts or. stops kind of like the ocean. yeah where's the atlantic where's the. pacific just that incoming outgoing tide. like sometimes it looks like a little. more yeah. a little more areola do now that i think. about it i remember the first time i met. you i was hosting uh it's like 2017 in. oxnard and you had your shirt off it was.

after a show and you just had your shirt. off and you ordered. uh what's a tuna called sashimi you. ordered a ahi tuna salad but you're like. i don't want the salad and i've never. forget that moment and the waitress was. so confused she's like so you don't want. the salad you're like no i want the. salad but i just want the tuna and she. was so confused and you had your shirt. off for that [ __ ] yeah and that's all i. remember. savage yeah and that was my first savage. move it was really savage and then you. said something after you're like i can't. believe anybody can just have babies and.

then that was it. and still can't. but i was just like this is double power. moves shirt off well actually triple. shirt off ahi tuna. just opinions yeah i was just like yeah. man so what do you want me to say up. there about you. what were you were you for you were. performing there i was just hosting i. was hosting oh that's out in oxnard that. levity live out there i was just hosting. the show that's probably four years ago. five it was a while ago yeah and. i forget who was featuring but i just. remember like it was a two show thing.

and it was like in between the two shows. you were just eating ahi tuna with your. shirt off living but bro you had the. shirt off today watching christmas. movies. maybe i'm living wrong yeah you could be. maybe i'll leave him wrong i could be. wearing too many skins man that's maybe. what it is um yeah my flight got. canceled dude uh. and that kind of i always get no i. always wonder when my flight gets. canceled if that's god looking out for. me or not yeah i think my flight. yesterday was an old plane it had the. the tvs that stick out of the seat like.

the brick ones like almost look like a. thermostat a little bit it's like a tan. box yeah it was delta but it was the. pilot was pissed i had my foot on the. wall and he goes that's not a very uh he. goes this is not a very mature thing to. do take your foot off wow he he said. like it was his plane which look i. understand he's flying that [ __ ] by all. means but he said it like he like pulled. it out of the garage like he was. collector delta 747 well it's also. that's a very subtle way of saying. you're in first class also i do want to. say that. you know you know when you're flying. first class from la to nashville it's a.

that's a 300 upgrade but i was feeling. myself first weekend back of uh you know. i was feeling myself a little bit. there's only one place on the plane you. could put your foot on a wall or the. very back. the stewardess you just got it up on the. coffee maker. yeah i mean the stewardesses are getting. fight they're all on their phone out. there listening to loud ipads and [ __ ]. watching coco melon and [ __ ] yeah it's. crazy it's definitely a different vibe. out there now in the skies yeah but you. know i uh i feel like they nobody wanted.

to be there the pilot was like pissed he. was there because somebody used you know. pilots use the same front bathroom as. everybody else oh yeah they'd have one. in the cockpit it's so weird that oh my. ex-girlfriend's dad was a pilot and they. used to urinate into a jug up there i. think like a folger's can would make. sense. well. that's probably old school but like. they're real old some guy brings a metal. candy urinated yeah but the folgers now. are plastic so i feel like that's. bananas yeah it's not good for the. environment if a plane goes down that. see i just wonder is god looking out for.

me is like like could this plane go down. right i no i feel that. i do ever think that that could happen. do you ever feel like. because when i was younger it happened a. lot. getting canceled uh getting cancelled by. god dying in a plane crash i do i had. that fear yesterday because the pilot. was i've never seen a pilot piss and he. was an older gentleman i've never seen. somebody like mad mad and it's like. we're about to take off you know. somebody. rub him off a little bit or give him. some cbd gummies because he was on one. and i was like this is the guy in charge. of the plane you know that's the guy.

everybody else is [ __ ] like think. about how you drive right think about. how you drive when you're having a tough. day you're you're [ __ ] you see red. lights as a suggestion you're like maybe. so i'm like on takeoff i had this weird. euphoric feeling i was like what if he. just did a nosedive. what if what if today's a day is like. you know that is once dude think about a. pilot. you really are you're that you you. really have the ability to say who who. who how many do you want god yeah you. know in your hands how many you want god.

and also ten dozen yeah i got ten. dollars. this [ __ ] got his feet on the board. so let's take him out delta should be. who is the pilot's wife how is she doing. that's what i'm saying taking care of. them they got to be treating these. people. i salute uh pilots when i get off i go. thank you for the flight because. everybody nobody makes eye contact with. the turning they say thank you to the. flight attendants which i get that but. like the pilots are the you know like. salute i'll lean in there and yes i'll. say kiss him on the cheek good job. fellas yeah or ma'am yeah right and i'll.

say that even at the same fellas or. ma'am and they know that they don't yeah. and even the lady if she's a female. pilot she wants to be called fella. she got a little more gray hair than. usual you're like i see what you're. doing with that toupee i see what you're. doing yeah some women just want to go so. hard that you they want you to call them. man right fella but that's i feel like. pilots don't get enough uh credit also. if i was a pilot i would be like i would. go on the intercom be like i sure would. love some starbursts right now. and then i'd wait for somebody to be. like come bring it up and then if nobody. does i'd be like y'all want turbulence. little [ __ ] rival rattle.

what do you think. like dude one this guy dan gilbert you. said the best joke and he still has it. because it's his gym he said turbulence. is a. button that rich that people in first. class press. i wish i had that yesterday i want to. [ __ ] with everybody back there row 23. y'all awake yet. they should have. or if you're playing those games where. everybody on the plane can play and you. win you should be able to get a little. remix them a little oh yeah just see. what's going on stir them up a little. bit yeah i i always think that like if. my phone's not on airplane mode like.

it's it's gonna [ __ ] some up i but but. then i've been on flights where i forget. to turn it off and it's the same flight. so that's something i want to know is. airplane mode a hoax. you know a lot of things have i think. they used to have like. probably. you know back in the day they probably. what was before that. before airplane mode yeah who's turned. it off. or right then they had air they'd like. silent mode cause airplane mode's such a. specific thing i don't even know what it.

does it just blocks. calls i guess it's supposed to stop the. signal but nothing can stop the signal. see my phone i saw my phone the other. night get up and get something to drink. like this thing's been offered my phone. just get a mountain dew code red right. now. yeah i don't know but that's the thing i. i like are you a superstitious guy oh. yeah yeah so i'm like that too like. before i take off i'll be like like i. won't turn my airplane mode back on. until the wheels touch the ground. because i don't want to [ __ ] up airwaves. you don't want to be in that bag you.

know i really like when i'm when i'm. traveling. i like to have something on my feet you. know you see some people do barefoot. traveling. and most of these people are indigenous. people or uh. i don't want to say homeless but could. you know. could be homeless. but all birds are what i like to wear. when i fly i like to have them all birds. on. they just have a. comfortable it's a comfortable shoe it's. it's classy but it's also relaxing it's.

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just go to babel.com use promo code. t-h-e-o that's b-a-b-b-e-l dot com code. theo babble language for life. yeah sometimes i think when the flight. gets canceled that that's like i just. want you know and maybe it's egotistical. to think that it's like oh is that no is. that part of god saving my life because. i would rather that than like you know. when you get you like board the plane. like oh we gotta work on the engine for. like two to three hours like that. doesn't make me feel better like just.

lie to me be like the pilot had to go. get some egg bites from starbucks right. like like when they're like oh we're. working on the engine we'll be good in a. sec like i don't want to know that. yeah but i. it used to be dicer you would hear the. dude in there work and you'd see a guy. with an oil can i don't know it said oil. on it oh yeah yeah he was a cartoon. figure. what is going on. i don't want to know anything about like. like i literally i i edit a lot of my. videos on flights because i don't want. to think about the fact that i'm like. just in the air like when my phone dies.

and like the it's just like the tv on. the plane like not working and all i. have is my thoughts that's the worst. flight of my life i'm just sitting there. thinking really i'm just i have a lot of. anxiety in that sense of like. you know my whole childhood was that we. didn't have because then phones yeah i. mean i don't the [ __ ] i did growing up. probably like sudoku puzzles or some. dumb [ __ ] or like made it tic-tac-toe. but i like i like i need to do something. so i don't think about the fact that i'm. just like in the sky right it's yeah. yeah i guess it's interesting i guess. part of the thing of a flight is to try. to trick people you think they try to.

trick you more to thinking that you're. in the sky like on the inside of the. windows draw have like a forest or. something yeah or like a glass like. bottom floor just like but like one. aisle just one aisle and you get to pay. extra for it like row 13 you just get to. see below you. that's kind of hard bro. in the [ __ ] flights with the feet. one time we were landing somewhere and. it was a prop plane right so what does. that mean it was just a small plane. oh the connecting flight ones were scary.

yeah it was a real small one so. you see the propeller something hit uh. bounce down the side of the plane. because there's only a couple things it. could be you're in the air you know bird. bird. alien kevin yeah a smaller plane. person you know loose person skydiver. yeah so i'm like what so everybody's. like what the [ __ ]. you know some guy's like i know what it.

is some guy. there's always some guy who looks over. he's like yeah that's actually just the. tropical storm of the stratosphere. shut up everybody there's four jack. daniels bottles spilling out from his. waist so did you ever find out what it. was. we got out bro and no joke in the front. um in one of the um. rotors right. there was a. bird. things mangled. like a um.

wings. enough of a wing enough of one where you. knew what happened oh no it was like a. mallard. no no it was bigger than that i would. think it was probably pelican or. damn i mean yeah because usually to to. rattle the plane but i will say some of. those connecting flights where you got. to like you land in like seattle but you. got to go to spokane and it's one of. these like mountainy flights yeah and. you can still see the propeller on the. it's like an uncovered propeller you. ever see in one of those. oh yeah that's what i'm talking about. right so this was one where something. got you know oh and part of me wonders.

because i felt us go off course a little. part of me wonders if one of the old. dogs up there was like you know what see. how theo's doing i'm about to well no. i'm gonna hit something oh oh he's like. i'm done. cause how hard would it be if you're. having a bad day you're tired you know. and you're just a mallard your wife's. doing some you know it's something with. your husband because there's a lot of. gay pilots now too. which. i'm fine with it but it's just like do. we know enough about their relationships. to know if the guy can if something goes.

bad. like i feel like we know enough where. like if a straight man in a in a. straight relationship if something gets. real bad the guy. there's been enough study where he's. maybe not going to crash he's a gay dude. or gay woman just going to be like you. know i just. i would love to see a pilot with a mood. ring on it you know but like one they. don't know about one they don't know. about but if i walk on and it's like. blue or green i'm like okay they're. feeling all right but it's like bright. red or yellow yeah we might need uh we. might need to delay this a few hours go. get some some chamomile or something. would these there should be intel on the.

pi so you can look even on the app it's. like hey you know. uh. like you know samuel rhonda whoever the. pilot is yeah they're doing yeah because. even on uber it says like their favorite. activities the parks favorite sports. team i want to know more about the pilot. yeah also i think like you know i'm sure. they have a lounge for pilots but like. they should have like the delta sky club. should be four pilots right like this. place where they can just post up crush. a couple michelobs. i don't know but i uh i don't know if. you can drink i know globe.

okay one yeah yeah or a non-alcoholic. one just to feel like they're doing. something yes. just to give them that like that edge. mentally that's actually never mind. that's a terrible idea i don't know man. now you got me wanting it yeah you just. just won cause i bet if i'm a pie. there's no way some of them aren't. drinking man one of my ex-girlfriends. that my childhood girlfriend dad was a. pilot or he and he had a couple extra. families and everything dude he had like. it was crazy bro it was really just you. know being the best pilot you could be.

oh yeah if i'm gonna be landing if i'm. sleeping here after year yeah he's. pumping yeah i'm i'm having some kids. yeah well i've met people at my shows. yeah like on like a friday night they're. all like a little hammered like yeah man. we're all pilots at the local airport. and they're all like hammered hammered. and i'm like they're not gonna be. hammered in the morning but like a. little hungover a little on edge yeah. because here's the thing you can't. assume that pilots have a magical power. maybe they do maybe part of going. through the air force and going through. flight school they're like they start to.

weed out the people who have really bad. hangovers i bet they do yeah can you be. hungover and in the military. yeah dude that's the military okay. it's just called to you. but i just feel like they just plow. right through mentally you know they. just go hurrah and they [ __ ] beat the. [ __ ] out of that hangover. yeah still. they got it though they they have the. hangover to beat the [ __ ] but they just. cruise right past it yeah um. what uh do you i i you don't strike me.

and i don't mean this to be offensive to. you but you don't strike me as a kind of. guy that would survive in a. plane crash type of scenario you are. correct. i don't think i would do well i was. thinking about that yesterday i'm fine. if i'm going down what am i doing am i. dapping up the homie next to me what am. i doing am i reaching a couple rows back. just to tell an elderly man like. thank you for your service i don't know. thank you for hearing just being old. he's putting up with millennials i just. got out of jail he's probably. what if he's a pedophile.

teardrop tattoo uh yeah i don't think i. would do well i mean i don't think i'd. do well in a lot of tough scenarios you. know really. but say you crash right you crash yep. what is some of your first moves when. you're on the ground these are these are. the things you got oh well we're making. like. okay. but i am alive but like i'm a little. mangled. you're alive you're probably you're. doing a no how about this you're. pristine okay big word people were like. what oh i look good like fine i mean.

literally like every movie action hero i. have like one star right here everything. yeah almost like better than when you. went in i looked like that dude in the. the insurance commercials what's his. name oh yeah yeah um. what's that guy's name. what first thing i'm doing. damn allstate guy oh uh yeah it's like. danger or something cool yeah danger. danger rick or something guys hot. first thing i would do what do you do. because this it's important the first. thing you do is important because you're.

on an island you guys there's no police. coming over probably a couple weeks. wow. first thing i'm doing um. probably checking my phone. no. that's not being honest you can check it. it's that's not that's done. the worst is going to be some idiot on. the beach the whole time like trying to. get their phone to work like holding up. at the sun yeah shaking it's like asking. the stewardess can i get more coffee. this store just doesn't have an arm does. anybody yeah like anybody got boost.

mobile nobody has nobody who's mobile in. general yeah uh realistically i think. i would probably try to get the youngest. people out of the plane of the crash. first but even that's weird here's on. the island you're yelling for babies. because they have the most potential in. life isn't because or you say. seniors and ladies first i think is it i. think so unless it's changed maybe this. is where the difference i think is just. like. and. this is where things are changing. save the babies yeah but you can't just.

be young where's the kids at a little. weird in 2022. where's the kids the. first thing you land you go where's the. kids at they're like all right you. should not if you just saluted the guy. behind you that's the first thing you. absolutely say where's the kids at i. don't know what are you who you saving. first. what's the first thing you're doing. the first thing you got to do is be able. to provide food for everybody where oh. like on the island yeah trevor okay the. first thing you have to be able to do is. provide food for everybody because. people need to know if you're a leader. or not that's true because if you're not.

a leader out of the gate then i think. you're you risk you take on a lot of. risk. uh i don't think you need to be like. insane alpha no you know you don't want. to fake it. you take the shirt off i'll probably. take your shirt off. or i'd rip this shirt off just to assert. dominance maybe just one sleeve or. something no i think if you're gonna. here's what you don't want to happen you. don't want to try to rip your shirt off. and you can't get it off you can't do it. i've seen that happen on many frat. parties it always it always is caught on.

the collar part because it's different. stitching up there well yeah and the. collar won't break yeah people were like. and then they just like pretend like. that was their plan the whole time yeah. like we know you're doing thorbin we. know what you're doing. already yeah i mean i don't know i i. think um. so you gotta feed everybody so the first. thing you have to get is probably you're. gonna get have to get some small ground. game so you're going to want to do. probably squirrel is easy to hunt. pheasant is one of the easiest things to. pheasant is oh pheasant's really easy if. you've just cut a crop or something. pheasant's wall i know what a pheasant.

is but also what is a pheasant. i've seen them little [ __ ] are they. um. they're like not squirrels but they're. not chipmunks a pheasant is a oh it's a. bird so you're not it's a small bird. it's a small chicken i grew up in. california my whole life i don't. understand that i know pigeons and. seagulls oh dude oh these little guys oh. yeah these [ __ ] are legit baby. they're basically like a mexican they. almost look kind of mexican honestly. um they all have a nice little like. diamond chain on them yeah i mean they. look like one of them you know like the. mexican guy that comes in with the.

like the uh mariachi yes that's what. they they seem like they have that sort. of they look fast circumstance about it. are they not fast i feel like catching. that would be a little hard. uh pheasants one of the easiest things. to catch if you are if you're stuck. somewhere and you need to cook for. people i i already i can tell if you. you're going to be like more of a sous. chef you're going to be like the guys. coconuts because they can't move. yeah birds got legs and wings coconuts. none of those they're just chilling you. don't really have an option yeah so. coconuts is good unless he could get.

some coconuts i think another thing you. could prepare for people if you want or. capture form squirrels. um. what else is something that's easy. rabbits is a little trickier than you. would think right if you could get. turtle that's an easy thing but you're. gonna have to be able to get it open. yeah here's the thing or you just use a. turtle shell to like chop a coconut bag. on you don't hurt the turtle but you use. its back as like a cutting board yeah. you can't be the guy who's like let's. don't hurt the turtle in a plane crash. you gotta cause it 2022 man that's me. that's our millennials dude we're. [ __ ] we're like let's get the turtle.

but let's not like i'll sacrifice the. coconut shell but i'm using it for shoes. after. i need to use everything yeah i'm the. stationary guy right there right there. look at that and that dove is a. beautiful bird man i saw i've actually. had dove they had two brothers lived by. me at my old apartment complex and they. was always grilling dove outside. grilling duff. i thought doves were always white no. um what are the what are the ones they. release a few no there's a church dough. that funeral does doves.

where do those birds go after funerals. you're also talking. oh they just let them go and they just. do they like track them down there's. usually a handler that's like about. probably a quarter mile away and they. fly to that guy oh really yeah there's a. guy usually parks at like a. and they know a strip mall or whatever. they got like a it's all uh my iphone. type type thing. i don't know if they have that they used. to have homing pigeons where oh yeah um. bobby kennedy was on and he talked about. when he was a kid they would take homing. pigeons and they would put him on the.

train. and they would ask the conductor to let. him go let them go when they got to like. virginia yeah you know. and then whoever's homing pigeon flew. back first that's who won it was like. him. tough mudder but for the sky yeah i mean. they've been doing this forever the. carrier pigeons birds are great at this. birds. you need to prepare a dove for somebody. you know how to cook a dove. grilling i guess. you could grill yeah i think it'd be. easy it's probably gonna have to have. fire. squirrel what is this animal easiest oh.

this is this article is easiest animals. to hunt for beginners. that's you. it's his eye. dove squirrel girl there you go pheasant. coming in there we go what does it say. there pheasant or excellent. game bird that bird only has one leg. he's all ready to take out. you want to play a game of hopscotch and. then he just falls over and you just. throw him in a chokehold. oh yeah that bird is ready to party what. are pheasants they're just homies of. chickens they're just in that same realm. you know that's a great statement man.

let me see right homies of chickens is. that actually what uh webster's. dictionary says remember to be patient. and have fun with your hunting adventure. hunting pheasant is a great pastime it's. especially fun to do with your children. if you're getting them into hunting at. an early age. there you go wow. 11 people down voted that so that's 11. people who had to tough time cousin. pheasants. really me yeah if you go to the article. 11 people down voted it so i was one of. them but 38 we're like [ __ ] yeah.

thumbs up brother. no they put easy to hunt that's what. they're at. yeah but that's 11 people that were like. it was a tough tuesday for me. yeah. yeah so let's go down a little bit more. raccoon i could see that they're already. in the trash can you just close the lid. and they're kind of done for yeah but. you didn't but then you have to be. willing to set fire outside of the can. and watch them and let them burn in. there. it's kind of like that using that green. egg trigger yeah have you ever used that. yeah yeah oh those are great the trigger.

types or the the little pellets. yeah i mean that's definitely a white. that's a white trash traeger right there. but you set fire outside of a garbage. can as a raccoon in it. i mean you're eating in two hours but it. is it's got a good seasoning it's kind. of like a cask iron in there you know. it's all the different years and years. of food and season that's in there. that's a good point man not bad a good. point and let's look at animal number. five too to see what animal was. ducks make sense bread all you need duck. is basically a mentally handicapped uh. bird let's be honest bro.

i mean because birds are supposed to be. flying and you see something sitting in. the water yeah it's almost like if you. ran up on a couple dudes like bobbing. for apple but with your fists yeah i. think you ran up on a couple dudes they. sitting in the water you're like oh. these dudes just coming in light i feel. like birds are almost looking for it. ducks are. ducks sorry yeah i meant that birds in. general and that's enough i don't want. to know all of them let's don't see all. of them i want to save some for the. people at home well just to think for. myself too i don't want to sometimes.

like knowing you don't want to see that. animal in public and be like that's a 7. right there i'm not going to go for it. well yeah and we know when we know. enough now to either be able to survive. or not survive i think lizards would be. number one d but there's not enough well. to catch there's not enough meat on them. yeah. could you do it though you think you. could survive it no. i don't think so damn i mean there's. only so many know in your heart i'm. asking you seriously uh i i mean i would. give it a a solid try but you know i get. mad if my coffee's too hot at starbucks.

that's not the type of guy who's gonna. make it in wilderness right you know and. you gotta be willing to sacrifice. somebody immediately the first thing you. need to do is take somebody else's life. in order to show that you are. dominant yeah i don't think so because i. remember one time i was really drunk in. college and i tried to fight a guy and i. went to go smash a glass bottle and the. glass bottle didn't break. so i don't think that i would that was. my you're like i'm just recycling yeah. right that was my t-shirt tara it didn't. break and and after that you know i play. that back in my head a lot when i think. about alpha situations manly [ __ ] and i.

and i just don't think you know i would. give it a good go but i would piggyback. on other people's like i would become. friends with the guy who could catch a. boar right and then i'd be like bro i. got the cranberry sauce hey darren yeah. exactly i'm bringing like accents yeah. you know oh you need coconuts i got you. bro let me get a lamb chop for a coconut. right right let me trade let me do. something here right i mean i so yeah. you would definitely you would have more. of a skill set of a um i'll like shout. people out on instagram probably but. i'll shout you out for you know a couple.

yeah i mean you could chisel it into a. tree. like that when i was a when i was like. real young that was our instagram was. like writing you know i love you know. wrong you know that was an instagram. story you just like put a lock on a. fence with your initials and you're like. theo was here. it was crazy different people do that. people do just put locks on. what do they do the initials of them and. like a lover and put it on like a bridge. yeah you ever done that. i've never done that i'm trying to think. of was there a young thing that you did. when you were a child like a young love. like some like.

thing you guys did together like name um. oh bro i got one what is it in my my old. hometown room on the ceiling there's. like those little like neon like. glow-in-the-dark stars oh yeah yeah and. they're still there. but and they should be. the best is when they're still there. when you're 30 dude oh bro i was back. over the holidays you turn the lights. off smoke a little bit of that kush and. you look up and you're like is that. [ __ ] orion's belt. just a ceiling fan but when i was. younger in like sixth grade i would like.

name the stars after the girls like. crushes on i'll be like that's krista. ooh. and and that like you know you're. listening to me like he was [ __ ]. [ __ ] but that like like there was. something about that i was like damn. i just it brought me it was like hearing. goodies by sierra for the first time. every time. that was one thing that i that i. that i think i would that i did you know. that's beautiful you got anything like. that i got there was this girl chrissy. that i was in love i don't know if i was.

in love with her but she lived close. enough for me to be horny about. which was the same thing you know what. i'm saying but i was blocked yeah oh god. i remember just everything about her. just. just god made just. just made semen want to climb out of my. body yeah you know i want to take a peek. oh like a gopher seeing if his. groundhog's there or not oh you'd. probably hear a team and just come up to. the top of my tongue and just look out. you know say it like roll back down or. they go get the home he's like you got. to see this [ __ ] yeah with us right. homie let's ride and did and you just.

thought about her or. you. you guys went in love with her i was in. love with her and you went on a couple. dates with her we were children they. didn't have dates they didn't have any. we played it huh play date no no no we. live near there's no play dates in my. [ __ ] neighborhood dude people were. getting molested. so i i lived in a very uh suburban town. yeah this is way different dude played. age you know juice box guy down the. street used to bang this substitute. teacher that lives in our neighborhood. this kid basically he was 16. yeah and. then he would chase us.

around in the church like field with his. car in his car and try to hit us. that was a date right there that was a. play date. yeah. so basically this dude was getting. molested by an older woman and then. since we called him out. like uh. you just he would try to run over so he. just turned that [ __ ] into grand theft. auto just a little bit of gta in real. life yeah there was no play date don't. you want. one kid that. drooled all the time. that we would all kind of spend time. with but i think that was more like a.

cry for help i think than anything but. um. i was i gonna tell you about oh so. oh but i was in love with this girl. chrissy bro god. and i remember she had part of her tooth. was chipped out yeah you know she had. that little baby lloyd christmas on her. you know love it and i remember always. looking for pieces of rock or shell when. i was like outside of the school house. like when they had uh oh all the gravel. yeah trying to find one that wouldn't be. like the cinderella story yeah did you. ever find that glass slipper yeah.

uh i found a couple i remember. collecting five or six that were pretty. close yeah i showed her one time. somebody locked us in a room like you. guys need to get in there and [ __ ] you. know just some you know even better. rocks. probably some local 40 year old. the same guy driving around in the car. bro there was so many creeps man and did. any of them fit or not um. or did she like take any of them or she. like yeah i gave them all to her wow i. think she thought it was sweet i would i. think it's sweet now just hearing about.

that you know i put it on a pukeshell. necklace. oh yeah i thought i had that ability to. make them necklace kits you know yeah. that was always if somebody if a girl. likes somebody a lot of time they would. get that necklace kid and put the thing. randy you know and spell it out yeah. we had a dumb one where if you take the. inside of like an aquafina water bottle. the cap it's like a plastic and you like. you can make the plastic a wristband and. the weird joke was like if they put it. on you and it broke you had to like make.

out with them. oh really so you were always praying at. break you like tensing up your knuckles. you sneeze extra hard oh [ __ ] i guess we. gotta make out no mac but yeah the. inside of an aquafina cap there's like a. little rubber thing you can poke out the. center make a little wristband but you. see a kid like maybe a guy who like. probably has a couple of like. misdemeanors now but he'd have like. three wristbands on him growing up and. you're like dude [ __ ] got some puss. this morning. that was yeah i feel like growing up was. always just a way to flex you know just. like having a girl wear your football. jersey. you know you walk to school with a.

hickey everybody wore tank tops on. hickey day we caught two dudes sucking. on each other's necks doing fake hickeys. on each other one time. yeah damn but had they not got caught. in case you haven't heard car and home. insurance is important. you got to ensure you know it's just the. way you could hedge your bets. and assume it won't get. stolen or damaged but. it's risk that's big risk if you.

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promo code t-h-e-o to receive your first. month free and we thank blue chew for. sponsoring the podcast. do you think in the future i think in. the future everybody do you feel like. more everybody's just going to be. just kind of ambisextrous like. everybody's just going to be yeah i feel. like it's going to be a charcuterie. board of [ __ ] it's a little bit of. everything yeah i like that i like some. of this if i'm drunk a little bit of. that right if i'm high i don't want. anything yeah i just want myself.

uh yeah i mean it's just like. i feel like that's where it's definitely. because i think you used to need me just. men and women to do sex. because you needed to reproduce life. needed reproduction right but now they. got enough people got enough that that. that box is checked and i i mean i just. i found out about what a surrogate was. a year ago. what what do you mean by that like like. when somebody else holds your baby for. you uh. this is a true thing i said it on my.

podcast but i i thought stiff socks this. sucks baby yes sir um but i thought the. dude [ __ ] like like let's say uh. miranda is the surrogate she's gonna. hold the baby i thought the dad like put. it in her i thought he like [ __ ] her. but it's not that at all they just shoot. it up in there. uh with like a you know. not a syringe but a syringe type of. field so you thought the dad went though. dad and wife oh he's got a stranger and. the dad went out i was like why wouldn't. you want to surrogate that's [ __ ].

well it would save two birds one bone. baby why wouldn't you well if you can. get your wife to agree you're gonna save. a lot of money because otherwise it's. like a hundred and ten grand i think to. go to a center yeah drop it off to the. whole thing. but i then that dude goes over there and. does it yeah what a creep that dude. right but that's also just weird i mean. and if you are a surrogate baby turn up. but it is weird to nut into a cup and be. like my son or daughter's in there and. then you just hope but i mean that's the. same thing as seeing a pregnant woman. you're like hey there's a there's a kid.

in there. well i think we're we are getting past. the days where someone's going to carry. their own child yeah that's getting. weird like i think. by the time i have grandchildren and i. don't even have any children i'm also. [ __ ] lonely but. by the time. someone who knows me is younger they. it would be very weird to be like hey. look at this picture of when i was in my. ma i think that is starting it's going. to be you're going to be in a center. where you're going to be.

completed it'll be like you don't need a. iphone charger to plug into the wall. every day you got a portable so you can. be like i got a portable stomach that i. can just have a kid in yeah. which you know can you take the carpool. lane with that probably but. gestation now if you love gestation you. could be like oh i'm old-fashioned i'm. going to have me a child right and. people are like you're crazy people that. still roll their own cigarettes you know. it'd be same type of people yeah i still. i it is mind-blowing to me that the body. hasn't been like uh like give me let me. get a part two like how we i agree we.

got new iphones every other goddamn day. but how do i not have a drink holder in. my hands that aren't my hands and i know. my everyone's like oh your hands but. like sometimes you're holding enough. [ __ ] you're bringing up stuff in the car. you're like i need a i need a [ __ ] a. big gulp right here yeah you know. something hooks in between two of my. ribs right exactly. why do we gotta sleep for eight hours. every night you know where's the usbc. charger i can just plug in my ass right. get going i think we're getting close. man. yeah just some stuff seems a little. dated. we used to have tails as humans huh.

did we really i believe so oh wow and. then just over time so i'm wondering in. the future over time what are we not. gonna have what are we gonna lose well i. think at that point you start to look at. aliens man and you look at aliens. and they're always the creature has big. eyes big brain a big head you know. cavern head. and uh. which was a nickname of some kid at our. school too when i was a kid actually. yeah he wasn't doing real well i mean he. passed away.

so he wasn't smart enough for god to. keep alive but he was you know he was i. guess he was kind of handsome when they. [ __ ] dressed him up. but um a lot of fedora's on that boy oh. dude i went to school until the uh oh i. had a crazy store but um. they. had a lot of the special ed kids dress. up in suits one year to like. to like want like there was a new. teacher and he he's like we're going to. have all the boys are going to wear. suits and it was just like.

yeah. it was just crazy. just to like impress the teachers just. to like like why are the special kids. all in suit like it was like did you. want a suit the next day. uh kind of makes me want to see it i. mean i think it hyped the game it. definitely hyped a little bit of fashion. at school yeah but that was good but i. don't i just think that overall i don't. know if it was like. you know it was just kind of a weird. move for them to do. but um. anyway what were we talking about.

oh. kissing that girl. human tails what do we get what are we. gonna have in the future that we're not. gonna oh i'll tell you this oh so so. aliens if you look at if. if you look at aliens. how many humans are born with the tail. 40. ever or like 40 cases so how many is. that 40 times what 24. so that's uh hunt 288. that's per year there's 42. now it's more than that.

if you're born with a tail you keeping. it. now i am yeah i think 20 years ago you. said no yeah you know take his tail off. yeah i mean they'd [ __ ] burn you at. the stake you're a witch dude well back. in the day i think it was a real bad. luck but now it's more like yo you know. next you'll be in a video with willow. smith in an hour yeah that could also be. the extra hand i'm looking for you know. [ __ ] karen your groceries on that. [ __ ]. use it yeah what if your tail could just. arch your hair for you if you're busy.

that'd be great bro. now what about this though. um. what are we talking about oh. i think if you look at aliens the head. the eyes are big. the thing their hands and legs there's. nothing even to him. like you look at an alien's body it's. always just like this long grit it's not. even used it's kind of just it's like. they fit they didn't finish drawing it. right and it's like they just don't use. them anymore the simpsons only got four. fingers is that true yeah people think.

that's for like you know animation no. it's just laziness wow i [ __ ] forgot. to pull it on because that's the last. thing you draw nobody's gonna start an. animation with hands that's insane. start with hands. so like what is it what do you mean like. like you know you start drawing an anim. like a of a person with their face and. then you work down so hands are the last. thing you draw yeah it doesn't even. matter if you have three four yeah. four's good. oh yeah they got three middle and then. one one thumb but i like that it's kind. of cool you know i mean what do you.

really need i mean some of these could. go which which which finger you taking. off first pinky. oh hold on. i would take this third finger out. is that the ring finger yeah that's a. ring finger. yeah. that's going to make it real hard for a. girl to be like you trying to you're. trying to be forever and you're like i. can't yeah i can't i would but the lord. told me not to yeah. that is funny. my ex my grandpa didn't have that finger. he got cut he worked in a saw mill in in. ohio and he was like doing uh something.

down the line snipped it right off dude. my gran my dad had part of his finger uh. was taken off somebody slammed a door on. it that hard yeah not crazy. and doors that's back when doors were a. lot more made out of like lead and [ __ ]. just healthier doors. but. my school teacher also was missing this. part of his finger. listen what happened to him it was his. ring he was at the at a baseball game. for his son. and it hooked on the bleachers and he. stood up too. pulled. his finger off [ __ ] well whatever the.

play was must've been good to stand up. that's the rbi right there. is that a gate like yelling and. screaming. yeah something right there you know you. know just get up for well maybe it could. have been a bad play too like what the. [ __ ] ref. lost the finger but uh. yeah what are we just talking about. again. what what mutation on a human you think. you could be good with and without in. the future finger lose one well it's. just when you look at aliens it's mostly. just the head and eyes at that point. it's just become this data center gotcha.

the rest of these things are things you. don't even use anymore and i think. that's what a lot of things are becoming. it's like if you go to the store there's. a self-checkout there's only like two. dudes in there now yeah you know it used. to be a lady working as a nice now it's. two dudes in there you know one of. them's always hitting on the other one. everyone's not into it look it doesn't. work they're just wearing a blimpy. t-shirt where the [ __ ] yeah what i mean. does it make sense yeah what's the thing. you can take out of your body you don't. need uh liver yeah yeah that esophagus.

uh [ __ ] in the back what is called. drums i know throat. your uh tonsils tonsils. there's so much stuff you don't need. but what but what i'm wondering is. but that's what i feel like aliens are. just people that aliens. they just come back to visit earth and. like oh this place is a dump and then. they jet i think they. it's almost like if your parents took. you to like. what would be like the shittiest place. hollywood boulevard to the library. libraries up there like if you go to the.

library now you walk in there it's like. two homeless dudes. you know yeah coming on each other. probably harry potter books open you. know. yeah open bro but the chamber of secrets. is. looking in his own ass over the. periodicals you know like. basically. i'd stay for that. okay. you'd stay and look around you take your. kid in there to say hey look this is. what it used to be i'm gonna go to the. bathroom right right i'm gonna go film. this and send us a world star hip-hop.

they can license it for 62. but that's what aliens are that's why. they're not staying and hanging out. they're basically stopping by like the. oldest civilization it's like there's so. many more hype civilizations. out there 100 what's the first city you. think aliens would visit in the us. like if they're like bro you're going to. earth you've got to go to or like. where's they would probably go to tokyo. for sure you think i think you got it. yeah because they're aliens dude they're. like really hyped up and asians are.

probably the closest to aliens i think. that that's. that's kind of even they know it. i think if an asian person sees an alien. they don't even i feel like they don't. even tell you. that's probably why that's the homie. that's what i'm saying dude so yeah if. you dialed in like that then. what what place in the in america you. can be a go like what city do you think. they would just like erica yeah but like. on a vacation like you know when people. are just like oh you gotta go down here. anymore trevor that's what i'm trying to. tell you they're not coming it's like.

imagine if your parents kept taking you. to the sh it's almost like. i'm going to take you. you know i'm trying to think of a place. um. or when they first started out do you. think they were like you got to go down. to pcb when they first started out i bet. yes san diego probably was really cool. to see i bet new york city was probably. pretty good. but the buildings are so tall nobody can. even see the aliens when they can't find. them yeah yeah and you can't even land. them so it's almost like you want to get. in a more rural area santa fe new mexico. pennsylvania pennsylvania scranton.

pennsylvania is basically just a. woodwork it's basically like. it's kind of like the santa fe of the. east you know i think you know. yeah it's very common i don't know if. anybody's ever yelled in pennsylvania. that's a lie people definitely yell. pennsylvania they wake up and school. [ __ ]. [Laughter]. that's some pretty good shows dude so. one of my favorite shows is out there in. wilkes-barre pennsylvania man yeah. well i mean you got pittsburgh you have. some good cities out there so. um oh yeah pennsylvania's pretty sick.

man you got the dutch you got the amish. oh there they're full-on dude. you see a hundred percent amish out. there now what uh where are you going on. your tour and you got a tour coming up i. do dude i'm actually starting in uh new. orleans oh i'm excited for that yeah. which is interesting cause i've never. heard anything about new orleans for. comedy yeah i don't know and i got no i. don't have anything to tell you but. you're a louisiana boy yeah yeah but. they just don't have a it's not a real. comedy place you know yeah i will say. out of all the ticket sales out of the. it's like a 28 city thing it's like a. big thing that the the place is selling.

the lease nala baby yeah because they're. like i don't give a [ __ ] i'm sucking. crawfish right now right they're doing. other stuff that's the thing about new. orleans you'll hear just some just as. much funny stuff from your neighbor. you'll hear there's just so many good. stories and so much like. there's more about music it's a real. city of like revelry and yeah to stop. into a place and watch some guy tell. jokes is very foreign to new orleans i. can see that and their style i think you. said it best like they already have.

enough [ __ ] going on it's like you got. to go to a random place to really you. know grand rapids you got to go there. but for new orleans like there's always. [ __ ] popping off i need a good belly. laugh. i mean look if you're in new orleans. [ __ ] come on out but it's kind of all. over you know i'm kind of doing all over. the u.s a lot of florida uh. saint louis ohio [ __ ] portland. seattle i think it's just like 28 cities. that's awesome and congratulations. thanks man it's my first like big like. tour tour the rest have just been like. kind of little one-offs here and you.

know just your the the typical weekends. at clubs but yeah this one is cool man. i'm really excited for it. what um. did you have a name for it yeah it's the. are you that guy tour oh yeah because. people always say that yeah i mean it's. just like it kind of started as like a. joke that my friends would say like at a. bar because like i love drinking just my. like hometown friends because they're. just they don't give a [ __ ] about any of. this stuff they still remember when i. got caught on a chain link fence trying. to hop it in like ninth grade. when i was in love. oh with the the barber no i was stuck on. a fence we missed a ufc fight we're. supposed to watch that night because i.

got stuck on a fence for like an hour. and a half i just didn't i couldn't. commit. but that they'll bring that [ __ ] up one. time i tried to jump over a bush and i. tripped on the bush hedge like i ran and. just fell face first and a lady driving. by the car goes that's gotta hurt and. they still said it to me to this day i'm. like that's gotta hurt so i love. drinking with them but whenever we go. out a lot this is a safe area y'all were. in huh oh yeah people were driving space. sounds like safe [ __ ] yeah no very safe. hedges this was in front of a ralphs. yeah you know yeah i remember people. betting on how many dogs.

baby dogs was gonna be born you know. yeah and people would be out there. betting yeah we had a lot of [ __ ] like. at the dentist you guessed how many. jelly beans were in the the mason jar. and you got like free dentistry it was. like that [ __ ] like that so yeah a lot. of times i like to drink with them. because somebody will like the most. common thing is like a lot of people. know the face but they might not know. the name it's like oh i've seen a video. of yours before but they don't know the. name so it's a lot of like oh are you. that guy are you that guy right and then. it kind of just like i think it's a cool. way to have like a narrative behind the. the tour name you know i think it's like. at first i was like i don't really care.

it doesn't matter what the tour name is. um. but i think it is cool if you can have. kind of a overall theme of it so i talk. a little bit about in my standup about. being like just like you know people. they know the face but they don't know. the name what does that mean and people. rec people all the time think i'm trevor. lawrence jacksonville jaguars. quarterback i get tagged in his [ __ ]. yeah whenever they have a shitty game. people will dm me i've called you that. this week. you know saying to somebody trevor. lawrence yeah somebody called me trevor. noah before that's kind of cool because. that is nice that's progressive man that. is you got to get out there so you know.

it's there's like three important. trevors in the world and i might be half. of one of them so. i think it's just a cool overall theme. you know of just being like you know. it's uh. the video stuff is great but you know. i've been doing stand-up for like nine. years now eight nine years so it's like. you know this this is it's like a. different lane it's different from. videos but it's just you know just good. good [ __ ] good time cool man. yeah congratulations yo we worked on a. show out in um. new jersey oh yeah [ __ ] uh remember.

those two shows at night during covid. wasn't it yeah it was at a horse track. red bank new jersey red ocean. red bank yeah those were uh those were. interesting those were good shows it was. just so it was just such a weird setup. yeah it was a wild set up and the second. one was cold i remember really cold. really cool. yeah that was uh a year ago maybe that. was middle coveted that was pete covet. it was it was definitely over a year ago. because it was in it was. like october or november i remember i. was doing dates out there.

um but we did do that man yeah that was. a. that was a good time but i just remember. that was the first time i really sat in. a crowd to watch a stand-up show it's. watch your set after because i feel like. as as a comedy you kind of just do your. [ __ ] you sit in the back. but when's the last time you just sat in. the middle of a crowd and just was like. i'm gonna just enjoy it for what it is. yeah it's much different you know it is. different well you start to see what. people are even some people you see also. they want to be there they start to know. the guy like i watched a show of brendan. chavs not long ago.

and i was like oh a lot of these people. are happy just to see him because they. see him on video they see him on yeah. yeah you know. and it's like a lot of audience they. just want to come. it really is like a showing of support. like yeah like watching with a smile. almost right it's like yeah i think this. they might be like i think this guy's. funny they might think this guy is my. favorite comedian. but there's also this other separate. thing that it's just like i want to be. there with this person right you know. and it was also cool to give me more. assurance because after that show i was. talking to you and you're kind of like.

yeah it was all right it was a little. like you felt a little like shaky on it. but i was sitting in the car i was like. you know everybody was laughing the. whole time so sometimes you know you. forget you're an outside this was. outside of super spaced out but every. table had their laughs yeah but you know. we you said you're like i was it was. okay i was like nah you were crushing. the whole time but it's weird it's weird. to think when you're up there that you. might not be doing well but then you you. put yourself in the crowd and you're. like oh it was great yeah so it was cool. to just be in the middle of it and kind. of just watch it and. it was fun man yeah.

for some reason i always feel like i. didn't do good i think cause i just. whole i always want to do great yeah but. that means you care about the craft. every i mean like maybe like twice in my. life i've gotten off stage oh i [ __ ]. crushed it just sounds weird to get off. and be like i'm the man you know. so yeah sometimes i wish i had more of. that in me right i think it would do but. it's humbling well. yeah but there's definitely times you. get off you're like oh no that was a. good set but i would never like out loud. be like oh [ __ ] murdered that [ __ ] it. just sounds crazy because then somebody. else is like. all right it's seven minutes yeah but if.

a. if a woman hears it they're like that. guy's a king. you know i'm gonna start saying it i'm. gonna say it this weekend yeah murder. that [ __ ] i don't know i just feel like. coming up in the open mic scene you. would hear somebody be like oh [ __ ]. crushed and then you like watch your set. and you're like. right astric maybe what does that mean. so you just kind of like. yeah i don't want to. i don't know maybe i think it's just an. artist thing to always think you could. do better because i feel the time all. the way every time i post a video i'm. like i could have done this could have. done that every time i get upset i'm.

like could have done this something's. wrong in my head i wake up in the. morning and i'm thinking [ __ ] man you. could do better than that just second. you wake up every day that's it. ah it's a negative start brother. positive affirmations some people wake. up and they're like you can do this you. are all holy you are god and you just. look in the mirror man [ __ ]. brick. yeah [ __ ] st rock. strike on a tuesday right out of the. gate but it's good uh but sometimes some. days it's it it some days it gets better.

um. what else was i gonna ask you about dude. uh oh i saw you at simon rex's movie. premiere yeah simon rex is uh one of. those guys who i've just like been. watching for forever yeah and it was. cool to kind of like get connected with. him but yeah we saw a red rocket and uh. there's a lot of big fan of you. someone's a big fan of yours simon. simon's great man yeah no he's the best. he's really good really talented actor. too yeah that was wild huh yeah how wild. has that whole i mean. simon wreck and. uh simon's been on here before him and.

actually uh young gravy yeah that's a. boy of mine too yeah and. simon. um and simon's been in front of simon's. like the first guy that really kind of. turned me on in some ways onto people he. like i remember he put out a tweet one. day and he's like hey man this guy just. said some really nice [ __ ] and i was. like oh my god about you yeah yeah yeah. and then i saw him at one of my shows. and he was sitting just sitting in the. back and and i got to meet him i was. stoked and then we became. really close friends actually um. for a while the pandemics kind of kept.

us separate butt yeah but he kind of. checked it was weird because he was just. fully off the grid and pandemic he moved. to like like the desert yeah and then. out there and then he got this call for. this he got this call for this movie red. rocket and then he's i think he won he. was winning [ __ ] for that he was on the. front page of the hollywood reporter. yeah so it's like sometimes that's just. the journey in the path not to get all. [ __ ] zenned out cbd uh but it is. there's no. i don't know if there's a better story. he's the uh. he's like almost uh dude he was banging.

paris hilton at one point yeah i mean. yeah and there's if that yeah there's. definitely up from there yeah. but but it's just like you would never. be like i'm gonna go to the desert and. then book a movie role sometimes you. just gotta go and like give it time and. like figure out what you really want and. i mean he's proven himself to so many. industries. well he's just been. i mean just to have gone. and. ben like i'm just going to do what i. want to do build himself at home i'm out.

in the desert i'm going to chill out. sean baker the director or whatever sees. him from instagram or from something or. just sees his work or sees who he is. yeah i think yeah and he said this is. the guy who can play this role and that. was the amazing thing about the role. it's like. i don't know if anybody else could have. been. that perfect for it right it just fit. him it didn't even look like he was. acting he was just being that character. right and that's what like the best. acting is people that don't look like. they're acting yeah that's pretty tough.

man you [ __ ] you think about you for. me acting feels like i'm just high i'm. thinking about every move i'm like would. i say that is that right. here we go. and he crosses all right oh the guy. walks in how are you oh you're doing. good yeah just yeah acting is really do. you want to do does it make you want to. do it i know you had to show you i was. pitching some stuff i would only want to. do if it was with my friends and like uh. there wasn't high stakes if it was like. super high stakes where it's like you. know me and timothy you know chalamet. got a riff on some [ __ ] i'm like nervous. i'm in my head i'm like this jawline you. could [ __ ] cut a pepperoni with that. so like i'm just getting like i would.

get my head i would want to like if. being you were like doing something or. like i was on like if i did dave or. something with with like little dickie. and santino like that would be cool. because you're like it feels like a. little less pressure but even then. there's [ __ ] 75 people on set there's. somebody who just brings you like a hair. tie and i don't even need the [ __ ] in my. hair right now like it's just too much. sometimes it's like i like how i film. where it's like me a few other people. and a camera guy like like three people. max three four people right because then. it's just like what's it it's in your. con. in your control.

you know. so you get to be the editor of it so you. really get to be. do you think that's part of it i think i. think i like being in control i also i. feel like the more people the more. expectations the i think like i love and. stand up when i'm blinded like when it's. like the the light is super bright on me. because like when i can see everybody in. the crowd i get in my head and i'm like. oh [ __ ] this person's not looking at me. they're on their phone this and that so. i get in my head easily and then if i'm. looking behind a camera and then there's. like 40 people behind it sometimes it's. hard to zone out and be like okay just. do it your best at zone in on your craft.

because sometimes you're thinking and. you see somebody like [ __ ] like roll. their eyes in the back you know like am. i bombing up here. right you see somebody drink out of a. cup or something you're like what what. the [ __ ] are you thirsty doing my [ __ ]. dog [ __ ] dry throat you're not. laughing dude lube up them chops so yeah. can't you see bro i'm [ __ ] making. magic yeah and and i've been on a few. sets before and it's just like a lot of. long days. it just takes the funny out of it the. best stuff is like is pointing at your. camera man big oh get this real quick. get this real quick but you can't go up. to a [ __ ] dp who gets paid 97 a.

minute and be like yo get this he's like. what this ain't a vlog. so. i'm off the clock yeah well exactly he's. like you got to get that approved by. this and that i mean yeah the best part. about the sets is just they got a lot of. like licorice that's nice yeah they got. the snacks that thing is nice but i mean. think about it sometimes yeah i think. about like do what uh i sometimes it'd. be nice to have a break from uh. doing. uh touring and stuff but i guess you can. just take a break yeah um i would want.

to work on something that i was a fan of. i think i would say if i you know i i. hadn't i've had auditions for like all. types [ __ ] but one i don't audition for. a curb and then when i was like legit. stoked on and then they rifle there. wasn't the the interview not the. interview [ __ ] up that's why i don't. book anything. audition you're just supposed to riffle. a scene and i was like that's. um that's that's dope that's amazing. you're not like trying to focus over. word by word you're just like this is my. interpretation of it that type of [ __ ]. i'm cool if i was a fan of the i be down. but sometimes they're like all right. you're gonna play a marshmallow and a.

sci-fi like what the [ __ ] even is this. and that's a real audition i went on. last year yeah and i did not get it even. worse. when some of these things they sent me. out on damn i can't be a dessert it's. funny because i get these auditions and. i think like i don't want to do this. [ __ ] it's like well you can't even book. it dog right okay what do you have to. complain about you didn't even book. being somebody's ugg boot you [ __ ]. so i mean yeah that is a good point man. cause i'll say a lot of times like man i. would hate to do that [ __ ] but then i'm. not even getting offered to do that yeah.

actually i've gotten offered some things. i got offered different voices and. sit and uh animations and stuff like. that that i've passed on yeah i think. sometimes just amount of time have you. done traditional stuff like you've been. on like enough sets and [ __ ] huh. i've done some stuff i got to uh almost. did a movie with chris pratt okay but. that was like um i got there and it was. just so much it was like a 12-week. commitment saying it's insane and it was. just such a small thing and it was just. who were you playing i'm grateful to him.

i was just playing like uh. it was like kind of like a rednecky kind. of guy in a uh. postpartum war or something so you in. like 2073. yeah something like that all right and. it was cool i saw i saw it it was cool. oh you saw the dude who played your role. no they didn't end up putting another. person that's good i think i would have. been pissed they put somebody else in. there but i think when i got there they. didn't exactly even know what the role. was they were still figuring it out that. was the interesting thing it was just. such a like leap of faith i think was.

chris just like which is insane just. call him first name basis was he was he. just like oh i [ __ ] with theo let's just. get him in on something. yeah yeah that's cool he actually just. hit me up and asked me and um that's. that's how i think it should be more of. yeah you know i think it is everything's. getting like that yeah i think so you. know all the it's like you just hit your. friends up and say sometimes anyway we. think about like sam like he's just been. casting his homies for the past like 30. years and that's the way to do it that's. why the chemistry is so great and it's.

like you see and people are like oh they. work so well on screens like it's their. 20th movie together yeah but that was. another thing that was there there was. no that's one thing that spade always. says he's like dude if you're going to. do a movie you want to spend time with. your friends it's going to be six weeks. you know at least with who you want to. be with right you want to probably be. with buddies or people you enjoy having. dinner with. um. but. yeah i don't know i mean these days you. just don't know i know tim dillon wants. to do a movie you know people want to do. different things right. i think it would be interesting i think.

to do something and then just sell it. directly to people yeah you know that's. what i think would be really interesting. yeah the hard part is like 97 platforms. to stream on now but it's like i can. shoot something and put a little bit of. money into it just put it on youtube or. something i i don't really know what i. don't know what people. want these days you know. yeah and you told me and i remember this. you know that people like a lot of uh. your crew they don't it's hard to even. watch a long movie bro my phone goes off. i get one text i can't go more in two. minutes without being all right who is.

it bank of america or the homies right. neither but for watching a movie you. mean yeah it's just something about like. like i almost got to put my [ __ ] on. airplane mode just so i don't even think. about it because it's like if your phone. buzzes it's weird to not be like oh i. wonder what that is. right you you can go straight to start. to finish on the movie no phone touch. uh it's hard but it's definitely. happening more but like but i'm trying. to do it purposely but sometimes i'm. like you ever said your phone off for. like half a day. i need to.

i i got a buddy who's all into that [ __ ]. he'll like turn his phone off and go to. the beach and i'm like i just all in it. would he be just being just he just. leaves it at home and this drives to the. beach but i'm like how the how do you. get to the beach you just head west. i don't know yeah that part is weird. because then you like i don't know. no it's not great i [ __ ] i watch tick. tock till my eyes are bleeding like it's. not good it's not good well i started. noticing when a lot of tick tock the. songs would show up in my dreams that i. was oh no.

that's horrendous i know the renegades. on there while you're just on a dragon. oh i knew i wasn't doing good you know. yeah it's yeah it's honestly it's it's. muscle memory it's like i'll be paying. and then i'm just scrolling it's like if. i liked your instagram photo i was. probably paying my dick was in the other. hand i should be in jail for that. a lot of pedos out there man [ __ ] i. wouldn't put me in that boat but you. know uh well not you but i'm just saying. it's not. i don't know if it's more popular or.

less popular. yeah um i think there's a lot of more. closeted ones because you can see so. much stuff there's a lot of like. i'm amazed there's not things that block. someone. um. an adult from talking to a child on. you'd think social media platform you'd. think it's just like how do they feel no. responsibility for that like that feels. crazy oh like google. or no like instagram or snapchat like. there's nothing that says. that a 40 year old can't talk to a 15.

there's no like. thing that stops one from messaging the. other. that is weird you should have to answer. a question before you dm that person. you're like what's your favorite care. bear and if you answer that jail yeah if. you answer that even type out a letter. yeah anything that's just not no. yeah it is weird i don't know but the. web is like there's so many layers like. my friends were like showing me like how. deep you can get on reddit like what. type of weird [ __ ] you can find in there. and it's like that's evian oh yeah you.

can there's like what is it what's all. on there i don't even i don't even know. it's like a forum and there's like. little sub reddits which is like a. smaller forms like groups of like. literally anything see some of that i. use reddit for porn i'm not gonna lie. but really yeah you can you can find. some cool stuff in there because it's. just really specific stuff you know. like a girl choking on like a pine cone. or something oh damn yeah yeah but oh. that's reforestation. right yeah that's the real forest gump. right there but uh. so. but yeah it's just like it's you can get.

so deep down and just kind of anything. it's like the internet probably does try. to like block out the weirdos but. there's probably people jerking off of. the chick-fil-a website being honest. just finding something on there to get. off to oh do we stuff a guy i remember. they would come pick up a girl at our. school and i think he was i don't know. if he was a pedophile but he was just. older you know. it sounds like yeah and he would all. remember tell us about using like the. wendy's rapper the grease from the. wendy's rapper to play with his play. with his body yeah that man should be uh. castrated.

and i still sometimes i wish i didn't. think about that but sometimes i still. think about it you ever drive by wendy's. and be like. i could try it. they do have pretty greasy burgers no i. don't think about it like that i just. think sad about i just think man i wish. that i didn't know that yeah i wish god. didn't let me know that you wish that. wendy didn't have the frosty so he can. disassociate the two. dude when i was in. like junior high. yeah that dude that came i remember that. would like do the bacon like the. hamburger.

that guy wendy's guy yeah he drove like. this yellow. cutlass sedan kind of car. and um. he. had like. done he you know like people used to put. flames on the side of stuff to make it. look cool yeah but he'd taken like a. blowtorch and like just burnt the side. of his car and it was like let's make it. look like he was driving the speed of. light yeah it was just like. some of his like his his plan his like. like plans didn't translate i don't. think that good but um i mean if there's.

ever a car to touch herself in that's up. there oh i might be three or four ah the. seats were so comfortable i think a. pontiac. aztec probably number one car you touch. yourself in aztec oh yes i mean it's. just a weird car but they don't catch. your eye enough but if you look close. they're probably dude rubble one out in. there. dude we have a lot of men would drive. over by the um win dixie in our town and. all. be back there crying or touching. themselves it's one of the other. some do you think they ever did both at. the same time can you be hard and crying.

um i don't think i could honestly that. seems like a lot of stimulation at once. okay i think i i think i probably you. gotta focus i feel like the immediate. answer was yes in my head it's like as. sad as that you're happy tears maybe you. can do happy tears but you can't be like. bawling about like a dog passed away. that's weird yeah i don't think you'd be. balling about it um what else is it. gonna say oh uh oh we had a lot of narcs. back then because i remember a lot of. dudes would get sent back to our school. and they'd be narcs you know yeah and uh. we had a few of those the jrotc kids did.

y'all yeah they they would like dress up. like cops on like friday nights at. football games and they just pretty much. just tell you to throw the trash away. yeah yeah i don't know what they're. doing now but and they would have wooden. guns sometimes and after school there. was always this group of kids running. around the halls with like wooden guns. yeah and there was jr it was like. flipping around and [ __ ] it was rotty. yeah yeah and they'd always be like have. like these kind of like semi. kind of like. marine haircuts yeah even though they. didn't have to get them i think they. just got them anyway you're gonna do it. and then they get themselves cauliflower.

here a little bit just pause themselves. the wooden gun's weird because you're. like what are you gonna do to somebody. you must splinter in the forehead to. [ __ ] freeze. some of these dudes were savages and. they would all do that car speed thing. where they would race their cars and put. the quarter mile on the window you know. they would write it on there yeah yeah. that was huge like three points would. you tell a narc was it pretty obvious. they were just like when they weren't in. camo or whatever the [ __ ] they're. wearing cargo shorts in our town it was. easy to tell narcs because the police. were just it was small they're too nice.

to him well and the guy would always. that we'd like what town are you from. and he would be like oh i'm from just. like right over it right over here right. over the creek. yeah anybody dog. towns around you know creeks around here. bro you just spilt an icelandic water. all right just pick a town bro you. couldn't even name a town and i remember. some of the narcs would be like this 35. oh they had like this one dude he was. like 35 years old and he came back as an. arc and he had real smooth skin and he. was like kind of uh. i don't know yeah that's big dark energy. if you've got smooth skin selling drugs.

no zits and you're selling drugs that. doesn't check out and he would just yeah. he would like he kept saying uh that he. was from texas or something you know. some place that like people like knew. about but then it really had never been. and then i remember he started dating a. girl at our school. and then they busted him for being a. pervert. and he was supposed to be busting us. damn it be your own narcs you know you. married that girl lauren actually which. is crazy he went to jail i think and. then got out and then married her for.

pedophilia. i mean i think he went for. a you know indecency with a minors i. think a lot of why was it always history. teachers that were the closest to. pedophiles our history teacher he would. knock girls pencils off the desk so he'd. check out the rack when he dropped it. now that's not to give anybody ideas but. he would like like if you were like oh. uh what what's what's the answer you. knock off the pencil so you'd like reach. down and he would just stare at the. grand tetons stare at them nugs. them young nuggets and he did that for a.

couple of years real thick glasses. 17 year old tits would you look at them. [Laughter]. i'm not looking. because it seems like. you're looking bro it seems like you're. an ark right now dude. where's his feet going huh where's his. feet going nashville pd. is just a straight is that a producer is.

he a narc. yeah i mean that's a crazy question. is it that crazy. yeah but this guy dude he came back to. our school yeah and he's like his first. thing was like who's he who's selling. drugs and we're like what that's what. i'm saying the questions they ask are. crazy who's trying to do the weed the. the. who wants to smoke meth out of a spork. dog gets a spoon [ __ ] act right. dude narcs are always the dude.

and it was always some kid usually that. had been in school for so long and. couldn't graduate school he dropped out. and now so like he's fake dropped out. but he still went to class under like an. alias you know what you're back with. like a different name yeah yeah you're. like this dude couldn't spell his first. name yeah his original name is he's. lance and narcs never had plans what are. you guys doing tonight it's like you. just know what you're doing on a friday. in high school you know but if you have. to ask for plans narc narcs never had. plans they got like a face tattoo that's. just a henna teardrop and you're like is. that is that a henna he's like yeah i. got this [ __ ] blasted last night dog you.

remember the first time you saw a tit. out in public i remember mine. in public in new orleans you saw them. all the time that was the thing you had. mardi gras so that was another thing you. had like. you know high school chicks was always. out there showing their tits adult when. you'd have a you know you'd have a 17. year old and a 60 year old showing their. tits out there you know yeah i remember. i was at magic mountain and uh they had. this like uh or not imagine mountain. splash mount or what's the [ __ ]. raging waters one in california well. raging waters yeah it's the name of it. it's just like a amusement park but it's.

all water. right see world sea world water park i. believe they call it these days water. park uh yeah not sea world no but it was. raging waters i don't know man i don't. know yeah but uh they had this. there was like this overflow of this. like water that waterfall yeah that was. like waterfall but like it was it wasn't. on purpose it was like overflow of a. ride because it was like a berm that. like spun out and it landed on this this. like mom and it hit the left side of her. bikini. and yeah there was tit out for like. seven seconds.

she didn't even know it was. it was crazy i was like slapping my. friends bring them back bring them out i. was like hitting people i was like. [ __ ] uh unadulterated. in the wild god there's something about. it just just straight up pure tit. there's something about it stumble. across it and here's like a gold rush. but all over again yeah. there's nothing wrong with it man. there's nothing wrong with some of age. breasts of age breasts you know and she. was probably you know low 40s.

inappropriate breasts you know when. breast is appropriate yeah there's a. time and a place oh. and it's often brother i will say that. thank god brother and that's okay that's. what god wanted. um are you that guy tour. trevor wallace you guys go check him out. man yeah man it's gonna be a good time. i'm really excited so. yeah thanks for getting me out of. hibernation dude i appreciate it yeah. man hopefully you had a good time and i. really didn't know you're taking this. time off i feel bad man but now we're. talking about tits and you're getting up. a lot around town out here or is that.

where you're going back to lh you had a. function no just been taking a break. from everything right now so i'm gonna. go back to la and get more sets there. you go so that's one thing too that's uh. that's tougher outside of like there's. just nowhere to perform you know there's. one club yeah often you pop in there. sometimes yeah not a ton but even then. you do 10 minutes and you're like all. right now what yeah but i've also been. overall just been kind of just taking a. break yeah it's been kind of nice just. to like yeah i mean you have to yeah. when you get too intense you just burn. out you you're like just trying to make.

material out of anything and you're like. carpet's crazy huh what the [ __ ] wrong. with me yeah now the more you like live. the more you live a life to tell about. it i think that's something i feel like. you know if you if you're not living i. remember i was really so i think said. that who didn't robinson caruso i think. said that. okay. i saw it on the back of a kid rock. t-shirt but do you really know oh but uh. i i just remember when i was first. moving to la all i did was open mics i'd. go to work and then i'd do like three or. four open mics tonight and then i just. try to just just give but i like i.

wasn't talking about anything right i. was just trying to be funny but it. wasn't anything personal and then you. take some time to realize who you are as. a person and what made you you and your. background and this and that. and uh that's when you find the funny. yeah and then and then you find your. lane and you're like this is what i want. to talk about yeah i think i felt burn. out for a while i think i just got so. busy working naturally you know i took. on i was doing three episodes of i was. just doing way too much doing sets. touring you know it's just like you just. want to say yes to everything because in. the beginning you didn't have that right.

when you. never had nothing yeah and you work so. hard and then something comes along man. you oh [ __ ] i hold on to something. yeah man but now i'm kind of realizing. like hey man i can have a little bit of. choice in. what i want to do because i just want to. feel like myself i don't want to be so. busy or overwhelmed that i don't feel. like myself right that's where i've been. i think it's a scary feeling oh you're. like it's just exhausting you're just. looking at what the stuff you're putting. out there you're like do i even like. this am i doing this joke for me or is. this just because i think it's funny. yeah this video just because i think.

it's going to go viral but i don't. actually give a [ __ ] about it yeah do. you feel pressured to sometimes. create stuff yeah a lot of times it's. when i'm like in between touring a lot. and it's like there's like i have like. two days in town and i'm like okay i. need to make something let me uh what's. funny what uh okay this and then it's. like did i actually want to make that or. did i just rush it to put something out. and it shows when when the numbers come. up and it doesn't hit i go uh yeah that. makes sense that checks out but in the. beginning i just get pissed i'm like no. [ __ ] that's funny why didn't that hit. but now it's like i get i go i rushed.

that. didn't need to do that should have just. taken that week off yeah and rested a. little bit but it takes time to learn to. do i'm overdue for a lot of. excuse me i'm overdue for a lot of weeks. off yeah but but i think the people who. support you the most would understand be. we would rather have theo at 100 than. being like here's a podcast but i. [ __ ] you know i have narcolepsy at. minute 36. yeah. yeah i just yeah i i want to i want to. get back to a place where i feel really. healthy you know and uh natural so in. january is weird because december's. really slow but then it's hard to go.

straight back to 100. right i jumped right into it yeah. [ __ ] we're back you know this weekend. we're back right but yeah i'm trying to. just do a little bit less and just yeah. i'm all good though everything feels. good man i just wanna yeah i wanna i. wanna i realize that i can take more. time for myself because i wanna make. good stuff i wanna feel like myself so. um. yeah but man i'm grateful to spend time. with you dude yeah thank you i love you. one of the funniest guys dude your. videos always make me laugh. um i've even called you trevor lawrence.

before to people dude and i hope you. don't stop and i thought your name was. travis when i first read it don't even. have you saved in my phone still this. travis. travis lawrence and that sounds like a. youth pastor. and tonight at zany's comedy club maybe. he will be now i'm just floating on the. breeze and i feel i'm falling like these. leaves i must be. cornerstone. [Music].

[Music]. it's gonna. take a little time. for me to set that parking brake. and let myself on my heart. shine that light on me. i'll sit and tell you my stories.

[Music]. [Music]. and now i've been moving way too fast on. the runaway train with a heavy load of. mine. [Music]. now.