Third Place Babies | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #312

all right baby. you know that um tech. tech is the new fossil fuel. think about that. bandwidth is the new oil. so just a light thought. just a light thought to get you um.

just acclimated i guess to whatever. to or to nothing to nothing man. hope you're having a good day hope i'm. having a good day. i mean that's really that's the realest. i um i'm out here in the central east. i did a i did a skiing. this past weekend in. tahoe and they just shut it down again.

there because of the disease. i mean i think you have more you have. excuse me you have a better chance of. dang. i'm getting bit by a damn sasquatch. then you do dying from this disease but. i don't make the rules you know i'm just. uh. i'm just one human and there's billions. so. um but yeah we had a nice time out there.

went out there did a performance. actually for a company. this was called a corporate show. and those can be interesting you show up. and you don't know how it's going to be. usually you perform. somebody complains to the boss. and and somebody loses their job that's. usually what happens when they hire a. comedian. at a corporate show i mean i did one for.

charmin a couple years ago and there was. almost a damn uh. fist fight at it and. how the hell people's fists fighting. when they're supposed to be making. toilet tissue. you know that's beyond me but that's. that's on god baby but um. what's that talking about oh so we did. it for this time the company called. battleborn batteries. battleborn batteries and they i thought.

at first. you know ari mantis accompanied me there. and he said hey we're doing the show is. for battleborn. and i thought he meant uh breach births. you know c-sections baby. in c-sections let's be honest man. there's a section. uh there's b section and then once you. get to c-section bro it's really. damn they'll pull anything out of your. stomach at that point it's. a c-section baby's already.

you know that's like the remedial. reading of children man if you're. already getting a c. and you haven't even you know barely. even alive. so a lot of times i feel like we should. probably do contact tracing on c-section. babies. you know they should tag them like they. do uh. you know sometimes you'll you'll see a a. rare egret or a damn uh.

cormorant and it'll show up on your. property in a ha. have a tagging on and from far off it. looks like a bracelet looks like he went. to a nightclub the night before. you know looks like he might have spent. all night out at the stinkin. nest with his buddies or. you know over at the slippery branch or. whatever you know. but it turns out it's a tagging. government comes and they'll put a damn. wristband on a uh.

on a falcon you know they'll put a damn. stopwatch on a. uh on a jayhawk. so they know what they're doing i mean. that's how when you think about how. crazy the government is that's crazy man. that's pretty crazy but what's that. yeah so battle born batteries that's the. company and it's just a company. and they do batteries and they do uh. i guess special hardcore batteries.

that'll survive anything a snowstorm. flooding funeral you know uh. second coming i mean jesus could pass. through town and that damn battery will. still be working but. uh so anyway we had a good time with. that company and it went well sometimes. you know when you invite a comedian to. an hr issue it can be a real. you know to a company it can be a real. issue. so but we had a nice time and beautiful. people over there. this fella sean and uh and just a great.

group of guys man. and and women too guys and women baby. both gender son so. what else man oh god. oh somebody brush my teeth. i can't even handle that sometimes oh. i'll tell you this we saw a lady. we were at the casino in the gift shop.

at night and a lady in there that's an. adult. this an adult lady so this ain't no. novice you know. this isn't a first time into a snack. plate i mean this lady she sounded like. an alien though. she was talking on it was like kind of. like a diverse lady talking on the. phone on face uh not facetime facetime. audio or whatever. you know uh.

and the person on the other end is like. what do they have. and she's in this gift shop and she. named. everything that they have. she's like they got uh they got rolos. they got um lays uh. ruffles um they got. uh pringles uh they got green pringles. orange pringles uh purple pringles. um they got these like kind of little.

like. like kind of brown mazes with salt on. them like these little like. figure eights oh pretzels um. they got neckties they got clip-on they. got dove. ice cream they got drumstick uh. they got butterfinger they got certs. they got. raspberry certs they got uh. they got five hour energy they got six. hour energy. they got uh this and the person like.

what did they have and then she. bro she was starting a whole new thing. they got t-shirts they got um. they got welcome to reno t-shirts they. got. uh they got a neck brace they got we uh. they got um playing cards they got. hershey kiss. um what do they have they have um. they got uh what else they got cinnamon. whiskey they got. gin uh they got sunglasses.

they got um they got whatchamacallits. oh they got uh kahlua. and then she every now and then she was. like let me go ask them if they have. that let me go ask them if they have. that. and she would go over to the counter. oh bro it just didn't make any sense and. i mean it literally made no sense they. got gummy bed they got smoked salmons.

they got um coffee. oh but man. that's humanity and where would we be. with that i mean we were dying laughing. i it just. it was so hard to be in the store and. watch this lady just do this. just literally unfair oh they got um. they got milk they got chocolate milk. they got diet milk. um they got uh.

twizzlers they got uh red vines. dear god speaking of god. thank you guys uh for being here and. being a part of my life today. and helping me get through this uh just. life help me get through life. you know life uh it was a surprise to. all of us. it really was uh today's musical. intro is by larry fleet.

where i find god it's a it's a country. song. i think but it's a there's something. really human about it man. and uh it'll hit you right in the stair. steps. gang brother. come on there. [Music]. they got rolos but not a hit rock bottom.

he paid my tab and put me in a cab. but he didn't have to as he could see. i was hurting come on baby. oh i wish i'd got his name. cause i didn't feel worth saving.

but he saved me just the same. [Music]. day out on the water. when the fish just wouldn't buy come on. hold with me baby. [Music].

[Music]. come on. [Music]. the chevrolet.

[Music]. that's where i find god. come on man. [Music]. sometimes later. whether.

that's where i find god. [Applause]. y'all got to go get on that right there. that's larry fleet. where i find god. and it is powerful man when you think. about that where you find god.

you know i remember place times in my. life where i found him uh. you know there's a when i go to my. mother's house sometimes i like to lay. on her bed and sometimes uh the sun will. just kind of hit her bed coming in from. the window and. and that there's just something about. that space. and that that moment that. that little that time.

where i feel like there's like. you know i feel god then um. when i see when you see a little baby. when you see a little baby do something. you know. and not something staged like they had. those two little kids hugging on the. internet. i mean something real you know when you. see a little baby hug. his parent or you know uh.

learn something new when you see in his. eyes he's learning something new you. know. i think there's moments like that where. you you just feel. like that's god just making another. stitch in the quilt you know. that's where he puts his uh. thread through and brings it back out. things like that there's little things. that keep you holding on you know. when you see your grandmother laugh.

you know when you when one of your. friends has a child you know a close. friend. um. i think it's just you know god is that. he's that soapy water man he's gonna. find his way through the cracks and. uh and i love that song man larry fleet. where i find god. and some people don't have a god and. that's okay man um.

i i think it's a tough way to go through. life i've struggled in my life with my. relationship with a higher power. and uh and some days it's stronger than. others and. some days it's not there at all uh but. um but man that song. that song helps me i don't know. it's something you know music has that. power. music has that power man help you do.

some things that you can't do by. yourself. and some of those things are things your. feelings want to do. and places they want to go and a song. really is just a. you know it's just a bunch of sounds. that are a key. and if they're right man sometime it'll. unlock you. and it'll unlock you to love it'll. unlock you to dance it'll unlock you to. some of this [ __ ] will unlock you to. damn start a fire you know. or to lift weights i mean it's just the.

the music. you know every song every beat kind of. it's a different tickle. and some of them tickle you on the side. and some of them tickle you in the damn. ass. and some of them just damn tickly on the. neck and it's just you know it's a. they're all it's all a different game. but. anyway good to be here with you today. man that's larry fleet where i find god. you can check that out um. so damn uh do they have gobstoppers.

uh they have um. unbelievable what's going on i i'm still. looking for a vehicle. so i've been trying to do carmax. and carmax is like it's kind of like a. lost and found for vehicles but you got. to pay for them. and i'm waiting. i really want a ford ranger like a 2019. maybe.

so i'm hopeful for that um. [Music]. i went and looked at some houses the. past two days. that was good went to the doctor um. dude i went so. i went to the doctor right and. i go into the doctor's office and um. [Music]. i went to the first black doctor i've. ever been to. and it was just interesting and i never. it never in my head ever.

crossed my mind that you know i've seen. black doctors on television uh. i've thought about black doctors you. know african-american doctors black. doctors. and but i've never been to one. so i go in and there was there's just. like there was. it was just it just came to my attention. you know and it doesn't make me racist. that doesn't make me wrong or anything. it just.

at first i was like dang i wonder. because then i thought that black people. probably have been going to a lot of. maybe i've been going to a lot of white. doctors their whole life i don't know. i mean when i was growing up they didn't. have black doctors. except for cliff huxtable you know bill. cosby. and he was uh you know he was doing. rapes. so but that don't mean nothing i mean he. was on the show he wasn't. on the show he was just doctoring.

this when he was just still you know. doing uh. you know birth yeah i think he was a. baby doctor. so he was that you know this is that's. way after rape you know that's. that's babies so anyway i just had never. been to a black dog i just had never. i'd never been there because they didn't. have it when i was growing up. and then in l.a a lot of i guess yeah i. don't know i've been in some middle east. and i've. just never been to a black doctor so. anyway and then i thought man it must be.

wild because a lot of black kids when i. was young probably had to grow up going. to. white doctors. and if you have like a lot of racial. questions in your head you go in there. dude i bet you're wondering like is this. white doctor gonna save me you know. um it was definitely interesting i. started talking to a friend of mine. about it. and they said well to a black friend of.

mine and they said well you know a lot. of black people liked why they like to. go to black churches because people. sometimes will. you know people there's just a. you know there's a tribal kind of. instinct sometimes especially i think if. you're thinking about going to heaven. um or at least there used to be i don't. know if it's that much anymore because. i'll see. like uh joel osteen. videos and it's i mean it's so diverse.

at his crowds and. um so this is probably just an older. you know just some older stuff but it. was just really interesting i just got. in there and i was like is this guy. is he is he gonna know. because i think part of my wonder was. does it feel different to be. black like just does it physically feel. different like if i explain to him a. white pain. or just a pain that i have in my white. body. is it gonna see does it register the. same to him.

you know like. i don't know it was just interesting um. and he was great man super super nice. young guy. um you know but it was definitely. it was just interesting because i'd. never been i'm like if i. you know if i say there's something. hurts in my back does it. like does he have the same feeling it. was just it was interesting.

and i think yeah in churches i think. people think sometimes oh man it's. will it can i get to heaven or will i. get you know is this. worship lee like do they have the same. like if i if i'm white do i gotta get. you know do i do do. i need a white person to help me get to. heaven if i'm black do i need a black. person to help me get to heaven. um. so it was it was just an injury it was.

just an interesting thing that happened. man i didn't. i just walked in i was like why never. so i was like yeah i think i'm at you. know my my antidepressants aren't. working. and but he was totally. he was awesome man so. uh not that he wouldn't be but it was. just a new experience bro. so it made me think like dang when i was. young all of my friends that were black.

had to go to white doctrine because i. don't know if they had black doctors. back then. and if you lived in a household where. you had family members saying like white. people or there were white people the. devil or something. then how would it imagine how awkward it. would be to go get a diagnosis then from. a white doctor. it must have been i don't it must have. just been wild. i don't know man.

but that's some stuff you know that's. just kind of what's been going on i've. been doing some yoga at home. uh did a show here the other night in. nashville. so thank you everybody that came through. i've been doing some yoga man. here's how i do yoga people want to say. well theo how do you do yoga. this is what i do so i'm renting an. airbnb. right now and that's where you just get. a place for a little while and. it's kind of sketchy i mean you could do. you could run a whorehouse how do you do. whatever you want.

but i'm just doing life just sleeping. eating. uh that sort of deal so i put on yoga. with adrien. and it's this white girl based out of um. austin uh. yeah based at austin and so um they got. barbecue chips. um so anyway i put it on i'll put my mat. out i got one of the long mats. there's different lengths of yoga mats. you can get i get the long one.

there's nothing i hate more than the. yoga mat that's a little short whenever. you're like doing it and your kind of. foot's hanging off the back. and it's kind of like when you have a. shirt on that's a little too short. it's like oh so i get the long one. i'll light a couple candles i'll cut out. the how cut out the house lights. i light a few candles brought a little. couple seance pieces you know. and a lot of my candles have been used. in seancery so.

um so you know i'm not surprised i'm in. a downward dog in a damn. you know a you know a ghost travels. right up under my ass bro that's where. i'm at. so anyway i'll put on yoga with adrian. there's like about 10 different ones i. like to do. i'll light a couple candles unscented. i don't need you know i don't need to be. smelling peppermints while i'm laying. there do they have peppermint they got.

peppermints they got um. mint juleps they got um wrigley's. uh so that's it i'll lay out the mat. i put on a couple candles i'll put it on. my computer i'll turn my email off so. the thing doesn't ding. and i'll do a good session man and i. start to like it more and more and it. makes me feel pretty good. uh but i do yoga with adrien. and and i noticed the reason i like her.

is for one. she goes really step by step into. her voice. there's something about the cadence and. the. volume of her voice that's just. it helps me just travel through yoga. you know just like i was saying earlier. about different songs different sounds. um have a different gravitas to them. and they stick to you different.

and someone will fill your ears up and. someone will just get make you gassy in. your head. like you got damn at you know like you. got ass in your head bro. and i think that's why you know people. like different music because certain. some people like a tambourine. i don't mind a tambourine maybe for a. little while and like a janice joplin. song. or maybe subtly if leon bridges is.

hitting something kind of hardy. but i don't do somebody just loosen just. loose goosing around with a tambourine. bruh. do they have weapons they got guns. dude i can't i'll i can't handle that. somebody about to get slaughtered out so. um but yeah that's what's new with me. man. i'm just. you know uh just going to diverse.

doctors. because you also think like man if this. if this doctor has like some kind of. like would they have some kind of. vendetta where they're going to. prescribe me a. you know a damn net you know uh you know. a tart transplant. but then i think man black people must. have thought that forever if they always. had to go to white doctors. or you know i don't know i just i don't. know if they had a lot of black.

and i'm also referencing when i was. growing up i just don't know if they had. a black doctor when i was growing up and. i didn't know at the time i was a child. i don't know where black you know i just. thought. black kids always looked pretty healthy. to me they were the you know most. athletic they just seemed like they was. always doing pretty good. so but i don't know man just. i never thought about it where were. black kids going to the doctor when i. was a kid. um.

[Music]. i mean it was a small town we probably. all went to the same damn doctor dude. um let's get into some calls some calls. came in we got some. some unique things um we had uh that. call that came in about the ps5 which is. really nice uh last week and. uh somebody wanting to share that uh. let's see what we can uh. get into right here here we go and thank. you guys for being a part of this past. weekend. if you have any thoughts on anything. that's ever discussed on here mentioned. you can call the hotline.

985-664-9503. we're open to any constructive. criticisms always here merry christmas. to everybody. gang hey theo name's caden. uh man i just got to get your thoughts. on on the vaping stuff. man a couple of my buddies have been. hitting that sparky nasty here for a. while and they've been. they done switched over to the jewel or. the vape. whatever and uh man i don't know what to. think about it man they just keep trying. to get me to.

hit on that thing and i don't know about. hitting on the toker. man i got to get your thoughts on it. holla back at me thanks brother. all right thank you so much there caden. and uh. yeah cause jeweling is different people. do. jeweling you'll see somebody they gotta. you know hey you jewel. just gargling vowels just. [Music].

you jewel when i was young jewel was a. child person's name. so somebody said you jewel i would be. like no i'm theo. who is she um. and now yeah the kids got everything you. know they got tiramisu flavored. watermelon bro. dog when i was doing you had to hit that. cigarette baby. like a damn man you had to stand there. like.

just a [ __ ] loose piece of forest. fire just. you know what i'm saying you had this a. smoker had to smoke. there wasn't no secret eh you know this. thing. also doubles as a hard drive you can. keep up like just like 60. jpegs on here. bro you you jew.

and y'all got all kind of flavor they. got lasagna. they got everything man they got regular. mint they got. cement they got menthol peanut butter. bruh everything man they got lactate. somebody just hitting a damn lactate. jewel say their bowels can't handle. regular jewel. [ __ ] what when i was young you had to. smoke. and you had to risk getting busted. that's another thing about a jewel.

i see people jeweling on a plane. i see people just juice blowing into. their pocket. blowing in into the dog's mouth they got. a little rescue dog on there with him. little schnauzer no you know. they chimney and that [ __ ] up. when i was you know you had to smoke you. had to go hard. and you had to blow yet i blow it and. there was no hide in that smoke. that [ __ ] was the industrial revolution. baby.

i mean you look like a damn sawmill out. there just hitting winston's. and you smelled like it now somebody. comes in the house they're out there. they've been hitting that cherry or that. paprika. you know somebody comes in the house and. they've been hitting uh the. uh ricotta they just did. 40 grams of ricotta cheese jewel outside. it's just different man this [ __ ] is. weak now. so i say put it down baby put it down.

and pick up a real cigarette. pick up that real killer bruh. you know what i'm saying have some honor. get japanese with it pick up a. real cigarette and hit that bastard. cause you out here hitting these fake. dude it can store up to. like 30 jpegs in it. yeah man and it's peach cobbler flavored. [ __ ] i don't care.

get that old dog i remember hitting a. marlboro red bra made one of my eyes. closed for a month. i remember that [ __ ] was for real. and you had to come back to the table. smell you had to hide the smell. you over there rubbing gum all over you. in the garage trying to you spraying. double d. double d 40 on your buddy trying to get. the smoke off of him. everybody you when you come back to the. thanksgiving table smell like a damn oil.

change. but you had to go through something now. you got people sucking out out here. sucking on a damn usb. port. dude my buddy's in the uh jewel uh he's. a professional. yeah he's in the semis in reno this. weekend. put it down y'all ain't doing [ __ ] bro. pick up a regular cigarette dude. smoke them for 20 30 years watch your. skin give in a little. and then go see the lord have some.

respect for yourselves. uh so that's what i think of jewel man. it's hard to go off on that but i had to. let you know man. um what else dude here we got a call. that came in. uh and i'm also gonna let you know right. now that if you need help. looking i need it man i've been seeing a. therapist. uh on line and in person. and it's going good and i'm not giving.

up my brother made me commit that i. would go see a therapist for one year. um so i'm glad he's holding me. accountable to that a little bit and. uh and i need it you know i need it. um so what i'm telling you right now is. that better help is there for you better. help will assess your needs. and match you with your own licensed. professional therapist you can start. communicating fast. the services available worldwide.

you know i remember in my town i grew up. in i might have been a little bit you. know. nervous or if i go see the therapist. well hell i play basketball with her. husband so. is she gonna tell him what's he gonna. think you know. and well he and i both went to school. together and is that gonna be weird and. she and i went to school together hell i. she rejected me four times is it gonna. be weird now that i'm in there just. telling her what's wrong with me. yeah well it could be i don't know but. if it is. then there's better help better help is.

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theo so let's go to another call here. the hotline 985-664-9503. hey buddy hey theo this is ryan um. i want to get your thoughts on what it. means that uh. you know the ufos are definitely real. now and like whether that. kind of i don't know affects us as as. human beings. makes you think about you know time. travel and stuff like that. um just in general doesn't impact your.

your daily thinking that you can. you know look up at the sky and say. what's out there. all right buddy thanks a lot again. you for the call ryan you know recently. they had a thing. an article and it said uh. israeli space security chief. says extraterrestrials exist and trump. knows. about it he said a galactic federation.

has been waiting for humans to reach a. stage where we will understand. what space and spaceships are haim. eshed has said this. um. said the aliens were equally curious. about humanity. and were seeking to understand the. fabric of the universe. and he said that they have been waiting. until today for humanity to develop.

and reach a stage where we will all. understand in general what space. and spaceships are. they also added that president donald. trump was aware of the. extraterrestrial's existence. and had been on the verge of revealing. information. but was asked not to in order to prevent. mass hysteria according also to the. report. uh haims uh the former head of israeli's. defense ministry space. directorate told an israeli newspaper. that earthlings have been in contact.

with a galactic federation and that. there's an underground base in the. depths of. mars where there are american astronauts. and. alien representatives. look you know to answer your question. right you said that we know now that. they're real. we i don't know i don't know if i. believe any news that comes out anymore. it's all subject to what you believe. so i think the news used to be you know. there was a level of.

what we thought was reality of it to it. and i don't know if that's the case. anymore i really don't. um so do i know if this article's legit. i have no idea. you think that there's like a board me. it makes it sound like there's a meeting. every year and the aliens decide. if we're ready to see the aliens. i don't know that sound like they're. like well how's this year been and. you're like well.

um you know uh well we. you know we're arriving at the ps5 right. now. and there is we have picture frames that. can. change the picture you know and they're. solar powered. so we're you know we're still struggling. to recycle. but uh that's where we're at and then. it's like. rejected and then the next year they're. like are you. how all right guys how's things this. year you ready to accept aliens. and they're like well we're having like.

a lot of widespread. racial disputes and um but we do. you know there is a new popular like. bidet attachment that people are buying. for their toilets they don't have to. wipe their butt. it's like uh rejected. dude it reminds me of that scene in um. shawshank redemption where he keeps. going every year to try to get. denied denied denied denied and then. finally. brooks was here baby i'm gonna kill.

myself by the grocery. praise god baby um. so yeah that just seems weird that. there's a meeting every year. and that there's like discussion i just. can't. until people are ready we will. never be ready. people are beating the [ __ ] out of each. other for ps5s. at and the malls aren't even open. think about that there are.

shooting i'm sure there's a shooting. right now if you put your ear. up to a bowl of dirty water you can hear. us. shooting in flint michigan right now. probably for a pair of children's arola. skates. we are not ready for aliens. now some positives i think is it would. give us all somebody to battle against.

because i'll tell you straight up bro. some alien shows up over there in. memphis or something. some brother's gonna pop him off bro. real talk. or if he shows up out there in oregon a. couple of white dudes gonna sneak over. and abduct his ass you know. make a chili out of them. so i i don't know i mean. i mean the whole the alien thing always.

to me do i think that we're the only. people. here like the only beings i don't know. and people say well it's selfish to. think that well. i don't think it i don't know. i think we're in the very kinder years. of. learning about all of that kind of stuff. the simple fact that we're still. operating on fuels like uh. you know gasoline and um.

whatever else they're using octane. i think in the future people will be. able to [ __ ] travel on a good idea. you know. you'll have a couple good ideas and. that'll fill up your idea cube and then. you'll. be able to use the lightning created. from that to. migrate to different areas i think you. know we're just on this we're on this. very. novice plane right now. so yeah i think uh it's gonna be.

interesting down in the down the line. now i do think this about aliens i think. it's wild that. aliens always trying to get in. everybody's booty and body. everybody that gets abducted by aliens. they trying to [ __ ] them bro. i mean who are they you know what i'm. saying. or aliens just a bunch of like just. dudes like bunch of drunk dudes in vegas. or something. because every time they pick somebody up.

the first thing they tell people is they. try to. tu you know you know touch inside their. booties. and that makes me sad bro but. but that's aliens man so do we even want. to know these people what if you. what if every time you introduce your. you know somebody to your friend uh. amos and amos try to sneak up in their. ass while they doing something.

you know they at the house they looking. for a little you know their car keys and. amos tries to slip in them cheeks bro. you'd say hey amos dude you gotta go. home. so that's the thing that's aliens. that's aliens boy and yeah. i don't if aliens showed up here on. earth we're still i mean. we're basically probably the denny's of. the galaxy.

when you think of that nobody's stopping. here we got a couple of [ __ ]. uh a couple of gas powered. jets that can go you know that travel. around like dude they're not they're. like what are y'all doing over here with. these paper airplanes. y'all need to freaking throw a. battle-borne battery into one of these. things. and really see the see the future. um what else that's all i had man on. that.

so are they real. i hope we find out here's the shitty. thing what if you don't get to find out. in your lifetime. oh i mean you won't know but still. you'll know towards the end. i bet that's a lot of people last. thought man [ __ ]. do they have fritos um they got um. they got hostess cakes they got ice. cream they got white ice cream they got. brown ice cream so.

uh what else we got here let's take. another call. right here and then we're gonna get uh. into that ps5 let's get into the ps5 man. here we go right here this was the call. that came in last week. we had a fellow named kenny from. portland who wanted to help out a single. mom. and uh i had an idea here i have a. playstation 5 that i got from my work. uh i'm not really a big gamer but i. would like to offer that to one of your. struggling single moms.

so if you have any ladies out there that. are. trying to make your kid happy on the. holiday i have a playstation 5 that i'll. be willing to. donate only because your show gives me. hours of entertainment throughout the. week uh you're very positive. i love the things that you have to say. and gang game. gang brother thank you man you know i. needed to hear that again today. you know i need constant reminders to. put myself in a good place.

um and we did we had some calls that. came in man and. uh here was uh here was the first one. that came in. and so i feel like that that's kind of. the fairest way to go about it. mike from philadelphia pennsylvania just. wanted to say. gang gang love everything you're doing. appreciate everything you're doing as. well. um i was just calling i watched your. thanks living episode. and i heard a gentleman call in saying. he was offering up. one of those playstation 5 hitters to a.

uh. single mother and i just wanted to maybe. nominate my. my sister she works really hard she has. two kids. uh one's eight one's ten they're real. big in the video. game so i thought that would be perfect. for him um. if you haven't already chosen someone. i'd really like you to consider her her. name's dana. she lives in maryland with my two. nephews and they're they're great kids. she's an awesome mom so really. appreciate everything you're doing. thank you thank you mike i didn't mean.

to cut you off there man but um. yeah we're gonna we'll connect you with. kenny and um. and you know that's candyman that's. kenny helping out there thinking that he. won something at. a work or however he wanted and then he. can give it away man that's really. beautiful. um we just we had some nice calls that. came in. and i didn't think like man yeah it's. kind of a bummer that is grateful. is grateful that that uh we're able to. connect the dots there and and help the. kiddos get a ps5.

um those things are hot commodity bro. damn. dude somebody would be dying of cancer. you offering some plasma they say no but. you hit them with that. and they want it bruh so but i thought. hey we could hit a couple of people back. and see what else we could do let me um. let's see if we can call that guy though. dang he's not home i was gonna call him. in in. person and just you know just tell him. hello and uh. so then what i'm gonna say is this man. let's think about this so um. what i'm talking about is uh let's hit.

some other people up. we got this call that came in let's hear. it. hey theo it's west from minneapolis man. i uh. just listened to this past weekend i. heard the guy call in about the ps5 for. a single mom and uh. i got an excellent single mom that uh. she's uh working to get her kid back she. has them about half the year right now. and she's gonna have him over christmas. um she she took me in about two months. ago a really good friend and. helped me out of a really hard situation.

helped me get on my feet. staying there right now she ain't making. me pay nothing and. man she has a really great kid who was. here over thanksgiving and he'll be back. for christmas and. he's a big gamer and you know she. manages a gas station so she's out there. grinding. every day but you know it'd be great to. give him a. great christmas that he could remember. amen brother i think we can help out. with that um. let me give you a buzz right now see. what we can do.

nobody want to answer the phone anymore. but i think it's the uh. government. hello what's up wes bro how you living. man. good who's this this is theo man theovon. the comedian. oh get out of town man what's going on. with you cat daddy what's up.

brother not much brother's looking for. the lord you know me boy. amen amen damn dude my buddy said the. other day i said dude i'm looking for. the lord my buddy said dude the lord. ain't lost. everywhere he's everywhere man how's. your day going. good man i'm gonna say work man my boss. had me run down to fedex to drop off. this package i sell cars man and uh. i'm selling a car out of state i had to. fedex some papers overnight so.

i'm on the road right now nice baby uh. well thanks for picking up man. yeah i appreciate your call man it's. really nice of you to call just that you. left on the uh hotline. uh yeah we'd already found somebody had. already had called before they got the. ps5 but. we have uh there's a company that helps. us out sometimes this company called. magic mind and they wanted to offer uh. a ps4 or i think it's a ps4 and a. television maybe i don't know if the. kiddo would you know if that would be. something that they would like. man that would be amazing dude you have.

no idea how awesome you just made my day. awesome bro well dude it's nice you to. think about somebody else man. you know man she helped me out i was in. a really bad spot i moved to texas for a. year. uh didn't really work out i had a issue. with a roommate that. ended up turning violent man i had to. leave it was just. crazy and she said you know i've never. really been in a position to help. somebody and i'm in that position now. and. you're a good friend come on up and. she's just been helping me get back on.

my feet man got a job and. she's she's great man she's great you. couldn't be going to a nicer person. amen bro well that's awesome dude that. makes me feel good bro. for sure yeah thanks man yeah just. thanks for thinking of somebody else and. um. yeah i'll uh i'll just follow up with. you i'll hit you up after. or the producer sean or nick will hitch. up after and just get it all. set up but yeah i think i can't remember. exactly what he donated but i think he. donated a ps4 in a television so.

that's so amazing man i i saw this call. coming from louisiana and i was like. here comes another [ __ ] saying. that my car or my. my car's warranty needs to get uh. extended or something yeah bruh look. that's gonna be the next call baby. that's the next car. yeah actually i want to talk to you. right now about your warranty extension. wes if you have a minute. oh damn they got me. [Laughter]. well bro look man keep living the way. you're living man i'm proud of you brian.

i'm just. you know i'm just grateful that you. called in man it's cool dude. amen man i appreciate you man i listen. to you all the time so i really. appreciate the call it's so great to. hear from you. dude you made me feel good man i. appreciate it man have a good day dude. and we'll circle up with you bro and. thanks for thinking of somebody else man. awesome peace okay. damn that hit me in the feelings a. little bit man. what else can we do here let me see what. else we can.

do here. man it's nice i'm going to think about. that lady you know it's hard in our. lives to reach out and say i can help. you. especially these days there's so many. barriers that ca that that get put. up you know. you know a lot you know i get long as. i'm safe in my home and i'm in my place. and i. you know it'll be uncomfortable and just. we've gotten so kind of separate. sometimes that.

helping other people used to be kind of. i think kind of in more of an. innate thing and now it's because we've. gotten so. solitary it almost feels weird sometimes. i think. isn't that strange that it feels weird. to help somebody to invade in their life. and as a society even we're getting more.

to like oh if you need help go to the. government go to the. city go to the. you know it's no longer like um oh what. can i can i help. and i think a lot of people do still. think that way but i think just as a. society we. um or not can i help but what how can i. help or. i don't know i'm not judging anybody i'm. not saying that i'm just thinking out. loud i'm just um.

i think i kind of had i felt like i. hadn't really done anything nice for. somebody in a while and then just. thinking about that and and i didn't do. anything. you know that's magic mind who hit me up. today and said that they wanted to. donate and. but uh let me see man. here we got one let's take it. hi theo my name is tim carter um i. sincerely just honest to god i really. hope you hear this. um so i.

i live in portland oregon and i uh. heard kenny call in with his donation of. uh playstation 5 and i would. like to nominate um a lady that i know. uh her name is larissa and she has a. seven-year-old daughter. named annabelle and um. last year right before kogan. they moved to portland from mcminnville. uh. to take a new job um.

the new job opportunity almost. immediately didn't work out once she got. here. kovan set in and she actually had to. become like a full-time uber. and lyft driver well i figured let's. call in right now and see what we can do. loud why is this loud. hello hey what's up man this is theo. vaughn bro. uh i'm calling just about you called a. couple um. [Music]. a couple days ago about the uh about the.

podcast about the we're talking about. the playstation. yes sir my gosh i wow how are you. thank you so much for calling oh i'm. doing good man tim is this tim. this is tim yes thank you oh yeah man no. worries man thank you for calling bro uh. yeah i just appreciate it man i thought. your message was really nice and um. you know i just thought you know thanks. for even checking out the podcast and. for. you know just thinking about somebody. else uh especially this time of year.

we can i just um before i forget because. i. i just think that you're probably pound. for pound the. i i don't want to i hopefully you won't. take this the wrong way but i think that. you're so underrated dude i i just think. you just how you are and the things that. you do and the things that you say there. could never be. another character or comedian or just. entertainer like you you are so unique. and i appreciate you so much so i just. wanted to get that out of the way first. of all.

thanks bro well it's nice you to say man. yeah you know it's funny when you say. that just now i think there's something. about if somebody says. that you're unique like i think in my. life i just want to be unique i think we. all want to. you know uh but i think i've always had. some weird obsession with it i think um. but that's really kind to you to say. that man that's very thoughtful uh. my pleasure yeah dude so we gave away. the playstation somebody else had called. before you but we wanted to we want to. do something nice. so i'm trying to think what do you think. we could do i mean we we.

you know we could give uh what what do. you think she could use. you know um. i think of her i i kind of think of. just the difficulties that she's gone. through in this transition. and probably the what i would think. about more is probably just her little. daughter. her little daughter wants to be um. a youtube sensation so bad she likes to.

play this game called roblox and she. likes to make her own little videos and. she's very enthusiastic and everything. and of course her being a single mom you. know she's been. home uh during covert for like the last. however long. seven eight months and she just moved up. here. and had just give you a super super. short backstory so she was. when i met her she was going through. some sexual harassment turmoil in her. work. and so um i i kind of gave her a little. bit of money a little bit of.

momentum to to come to portland and then. when she moved she. dropped everything to come up here and. take a job. and then covet hit and they weren't able. to offer her the position. so um so yeah. and then it just hasn't i know that's. such a hard question i. i don't know what yeah and it might have. been a little too uh. you know it might be too open-ended or. something i don't know what they call a. question that like you. you know it's just too vague but um so. let me think man so i'm thinking. you know why don't we we'll set what.

maybe we could just at least set you. guys up with like a gift card or. something maybe. to best buy or to some other place where. if she wants to get like a. you know a youtube cam or something like. you know i don't know maybe. i don't know what some of the cameras. are called but nick will know man so. why don't we um why don't we set you. guys up with a 500. gift card to uh to a place that could be. helpful and. i'll have nick or sean call and uh and. you can.

just give us her information and um. and we'll go from there wow tio i just. i just don't know what to say man i just. i wasn't expecting this. at all and i think that's a great idea. and i think yeah that's just open-ended. and she can do with it. you know and that will be just such a. great christmas this is her first. christmas in portland and that'll oh. that will just be so awesome so awesome. thank you. man thank you bro you know i don't know. i don't know these people but it's just. you know it's your own kindness and your. own thinking about somebody else and.

um you know it's funny that guy calls. and he offers a playstation and i wasn't. even thinking today like oh let's think. of ways we can do things or give out. anything and uh and it just kind of it's. funny how one thing like that kind of. spurns the other ones you know. well and i was worried too like when i. listened to the episode and first of all. i think that was also the robert finley. episode and my dad. loved that song but um quick side note. there yeah that's a good song dude. you gotta take it. but i think um i was worried that maybe.

you know everybody was going to call in. and. maybe somebody like you would call in. you think oh this guy just wants the. playstation for himself or whatever so. i'm glad that the the phone call came. across as sincere. yeah no he did i thought it for a second. but then i quit thinking it man but. that's just. that's just something inside of me that. always wants to think the devil first. you know. well cool man well look i think it's a. thoughtful gesture and uh i'm glad that. we could be a part of it man and um. yeah i'll have the guys follow up and. merry christmas brun you just pass it on. to her and just let her know that uh.

just that people are thinking about her. even if sometimes she feels like maybe. people aren't or. maybe she doesn't feel that way at all. but just let her know people are always. thinking of her. my god theo and you have a great. christmas man god bless you and yeah. keep. keep pushing man because you're gonna. you're gonna get to that bill burr. level you're just uh once people see you. man once enough people see you. it's the sky's the limit for your talent. i just know it. well thanks bro i appreciate it man it's. been uh. even in a rough year it's been an okay. year man and i'm grateful to have the. podcast and just to have you know to.

know that there's other people out there. that are. um you know that just as a group we. don't give up you know we keep uh just. trying our best so. all right gang tim bruh be good man. okay thank you all right cheers brother. man that was nice of him man that was. nice that's cool. you know because now in my head i. picture maybe she gets a little money. she does something kind of fun. something extra just some little thing. maybe she wasn't thinking. maybe she's gonna get a little breakfast. you know my mom used to like uh.

she would do something like a nice. pancake breakfast but. she we had this gas powered skillet this. thing was. limited time they sold it and. uh and it burned a hole in the um. in the table one year but uh what else. do we have man. um hmm. [Music]. let me see what this call hi theo.

this is susie again um i called you. earlier left a message. um i'm a single mom. i have been looking for this ps5. everywhere i'm from michigan and i'm. trying to get it for my daughter for. christmas. she's been doing really good in school. she's remotely completing high school. online right now and it's been. challenging but i'm very proud of her. she's been doing great. here in michigan we've been shut down. because of the rona.

i feel you baby that dirty rona bro. that's that long aids baby let me call. you see what we can do. hello hey what's up who's this. hey it's susie.

how are you what are you doing just. chilling i'm just what am i doing not. much. just drink some water just um making. some phone calls doing some podcasting. what are you up to. oh my gosh i'm actually cooking dinner. and cooking dinner from family. oh nice what are y'all having yeah mara. see how's on the phone uh we made some. we made raviolis green beans.

and damn uh beans and. marinara sauce damn y'all must be rich. huh. no that sounds good are you a good cook. um pretty good i like to cook there we. go. um i want to thank you first of all just. first for thinking to somebody else and. just you know calling and leaving your. voicemail. um or not really thinking with somebody. else but of just thinking of you. of your daughter and uh.

you know i thought it was really sweet. of you um the problem is we already gave. away the ps5 but i wanted to try and. think of something else that we could do. that you think would be nice. oh my god i don't even know what to say. when. um she's still upstairs by the way. um how about this i know it's kind of. impersonal but what if we just gave you. like a 500. gift card and you could do something. nice for you guys something that you.

wanted to do. i know it's not a ps5 but um. no i appreciate it so much we've. we've been struggling i mean i try to. you know. you know my attitude is always positive. but. you know i'm i've been job searching. i mean it's tricky out there and look. i'll try to hear from you. just to hear from you is just. just wow.

well that's sweet of you thanks you know. that makes me feel nice you know uh. but to hear from you was nice you know. you know and just to call and you know. um. i just i'm grateful to you guys that you. guys listen to to listen to the podcast. and just are a part of this group and. anyway yeah let me do that let me have. uh i'll have nick. or shawn follow up with you oh. thank you so much bill that the ps5 has. been just. crazy what i hear that's what i believe.

it's like for christmas and i'm like oh. my god i can't believe anybody can even. afford those things those things are. like 900. bones man um i don't know. and yeah my family we were gonna you. know you know you know how. kids when they want something you gotta. pull through whatever they were gonna. give me a couple hundred on it or. whatever but you can't even get a hold. of it. yeah that's the thing because we thought. well maybe we'll buy someone try to. so um yeah so yeah we'd be happy to help.

out in that sense and uh. yeah just thank you just thank you for. making my day and thanks for the nice. words. theo thank you thank you so much merry. christmas to you your family. like i love your podcast i can't wait to. hear the next one oh my god i don't even. know. wow thank you for the phone call yeah. y'all enjoy the raviolis and uh. you're welcome sushi for sure. for sure thank you you bet we love you. bye-bye.

that's cool man making a little dinner. you know that's always nice. you know when i was a kid we always made. dinner my mom was always working so. you know we would always take turns. making dinner man and we would always. act like it was something different but. it was always macaroni. i mean i think it was macaroni for like. sixteen hundred nights in a row like it. was. always macaroni sometimes we get a can. and maybe some sliced pears or something. like that in their natural juice. all right let's take one more call right. here um thank you so much.

hey pio um my name's caroline i'm from. gastonia north carolina right outside of. charlotte. um i'm a huge fan. of this past weekend and also king and. the scene. thank you so much thank you so much for. those nice words. my nephew was diagnosed with cancer. like a year and a half ago and it was. more this year like quarantined and. stuff when i started getting into.

your podcast and um king and the sting. but i would like look forward to new. episodes. all the time like i was just so sad. and it really gave me something to look. forward to. oh thank you you know it's funny how uh. we all find kind of soulless and. different things you know some people. they want to listen to something. some people you know like a song we were. saying earlier it does something to you. some people they. you know you want to put your hands in a.

mitten or something i used to have when. i was young this. i got a door mat from somewhere and i. put it in my room. so it was near the floor in my room by. the door. when you were leaving my room had a. doormat and sometime when i was sad i'd. go put my hands under it. for some reason and just sit there with. my hands under that doormat. and just i felt okay let's hear more um. but i was just listening to. your podcast and i heard about the um.

the guy that has the playstation he was. wanted to donate. and um i my sister. um so my sister is 10 years older than. me. but um she has two kids and her oldest. son. adam he just passed away in october from. cancer um he was 16 and then she has. a younger son andrew and um. he will be 15 uh in the summer so.

um he just lost his brother and i know. she was trying to find like. something like that like the new xbox or. the new playstation to give to him for. christmas that would kind of be special. but. well thank you so much for this uh. let's um let me see if i can get a hold. of you hey caroline. hello hey what's up this is theo i'll. call you called uh into the podcast the.

other day from the podcast. oh my god. [Music]. oh damn well look just you know what i'm. saying keep your clothes on sorry i want. to get accused of nothing you know. oh my god i was literally just talking. about you. to my friend i was i'm like speechless. right now i was literally just talking. about you i was like i don't even listen. to music anymore.

i just listened to leo vaughn in my car. and smile and just drive around. damn like 20 minutes ago and now listen. to your voicemail and now i can. my face is like pulsating. you might be on drugs i think damn i'm. not. i feel like i am but i'm not okay well. look it sounds like. if your damn faces pull satan you might. want to g up a little bit you might want. to. you know you might want to use a skin. softener or something.

um no i just wanted to say your message. was so sweet i thought it was very nice. of you to call and uh. yeah we wanted to think of something. nice we could do because we already gave. away the playstation so i'm just trying. to think of something else fun that we. could do so. we're committed i think playstations are. just all sold out so we're committed to. help find like a um. xbox do you think the kids would want. that or do you think we should just wait. and. whenever playstations come back he. would prefer an xbox over the. playstation.

i just heard that i say playstation i. was like you know what i'm going to call. sitting in my driveway listening to this. i've never called in. a sentence video or anything well thank. you. thanks for calling yeah thank you but. no he would prefer he's like a big. gamer so he's like plays on his computer. but he's been wanting the xbox so bad. but then when i heard that i was like. oh my god like playstation whatever i. don't. i don't even know the difference between.

totally but i just. that he um if he got an xbox he would. poop in his pants well damn y'all's. whole family need to tighten up it. sounds like but uh. we're going through stuff but that's. okay look loosen up or tighten up that's. what they say man i do both sometimes. oh my god this is so crazy but look. we want to uh yeah we'd love to so. whether it's you know i'll have one of. the producers circle up with you and. then we'll figure out if.

you know what what you guys want to do. for him if it's a. console or if we you know he wants games. i don't know you know it's sweet of you. to think of your of your nephew and we. want to. be a part of just uh you know making. christmas a little bit you know just do. whatever we can to help out. so there you go. thank you theo holy [ __ ] well i love you. over there. i love you too all right y'all be good. all right stay off them percocets girl. you know it. okay i will okay deal deal deal and i.

will too. okay okay good okay deal. bye oh man that's great. that's sweet all right i think we had uh. you know. just a fun enough episode um. i'm really excited to announce that on. this. of january. uh january.

15th at. p.m at 6 00 p.m pacific time. 8 p.m central uh. theo and tammy who is chelsea lynn she. came on the podcast a while back we're. going to be doing a. live event it's going to have sketches. it's going to have musical guests. i'm nervous about it i never done no. sketches like that. but i am excited about it at the same. time i'm just trying to be brave.

so you know we'll see what it is and. what it ain't. but it's new times man things you can. you can watch things live you could be. you'll be able to buy a ticket to it i. think the tickets are 10. it's going to be really neat we're. putting a lot into the production as. much as we can. i mean it's going to be oh lord i mean. they are wild. and a little gem is there in these. beautiful little just just a dam just a. little thick little.

sugar termite bruh and he's beautiful. just one of god's damn bunions this. little fella. this little crispy cracker and uh but. it's anyway it's gonna be a lot of fun. and so i hope you'll join us that night. and check it out if you have a talent. or don't have a talent um. keep tabs on the this past weekend on. instagram we're gonna be uh. accepting talent and talented and. untalented people. because the show that we're putting on. is a belated christmas.

talent extravaganza that's what it's. going to be and that's going to be on. january 15th so. uh be there be there it's going to be. cool. um what else man that's really it. you know we're heading into the holidays. um. and it's a weird year to go into the. holidays it feels strange. you know there's not as many places you. can go where the decorations are up and.

some cities and towns aren't doing you. know even putting out putting up any. decorations just a weird year. uh but we still got each other baby. you know and even on tough days man i. know that that's the right. thing is not to give up on the people. around us. because they want us to out there they. want us to fight they want us to hate. you know they don't want me to go to a. black doctor they don't want me to go to. a uh. to a um middle eastern uh.

chiropractor you know. we just got to keep just. we got to just keep connecting man. that's all it is. that's all it is baby um. you know in here and there we find. comfort. and i want you guys to be good to. yourselves man you deserve it and thank. you guys so much for. loving me and being a part of my life.

this year i'm gonna play this same song. on the way out that we came in baby. uh larry fleets where i find god. you guys be good to yourselves man. [Music]. but not a hit rock bottom.

sitting on an old barstool. he paid my tab and put me in a cab. but he didn't have to as he could see. i was hurting. [Music]. oh i wish i'd got his name. cause i didn't feel worth saving. but he saved me just the same come on.

[Music]. floating. [Music]. love you. so you guys find peace like this.

and a bottle or a pill. [Music]. from a monastery. [Music]. down.

whether i'm looking for him or not. that's where i find god. come on larry come on larry. [Music]. heart sometimes the song. the cricket's the same i don't know.

what they're saying. [Music]. but it sounds like a hymn to me. now i ain't too good at praying. but thanks for everything come on larry. come on.

[Music]. [Music]. whether i'm looking for him or not. that's where i'm. [Music].

[Music]. [Music]. me and him just.

is. [Music]. hey man baby yeah. we got this everything's gonna be okay. you guys be good to yourselves man okay.