Thick Upper Crust | This Past Weekend w Theo Von #262

all right who was spring time maybe you. know spring is um if you don't know what. spring is it's when winter kind of gets. lazy and winter you know winter kind of. falls asleep at the wheel and and spring. starts to perk up you know spring is.

that time you can hear um you could hear. flowers start to put deodorant on you. know they're about to that thing about. popping back out into the world showing. just flexing them petals baby you know. if you put your ear up to the snow right. now you can hear you can hear little. animals start to yawn a little you might.

hear a chipmunk do it he's thinking. about popping out you know doing. something maybe looking for a little dip. monk you know him he's thinking oh i'ma. get out maybe you meet me a woman it's. that time almost. and that's spring if you think you know. you can hear you could hear water start. to kind of you know because you could.

hear on a mountain you could hear a. mountain if you put your ear up to a. mountain you could hear it saying aw you. know what [ __ ] all these skiers and. snowboarders I'm about ready to drip out. make a stream and do something different. that's spring if you look in the up in. the trees sometime you could you'll see. a hole in a tree go peek in there and. you'll see a couple of birds in there. doing it wildly and doing um maybe doggy.

style or something I don't know if birds. do doggy style that seems really but. that seems like the dark arts right. there but. it's that time of year you'll see uh you. know you'll see an otter kind of getting. out of a sleeping bag. a spring maybe it's here and I'm here. and so are you let's go.

[Music].

and that's a little law that's that. beautiful ditty that's that beautiful. ditty and that's my tie nice and who and. tie nice and who's a well we don't know. what he is tie nice and who is a man who. makes melody somewhere in the great. beyond and he sent him to me through. email and in the old days now we have. email in the old days you may see a.

donkey come up and a letter will fall. off of his back you may have a black. raven or something or a dark bird or. something you know a flamenco negro you. know fly by and just you know just spit. up a secret you know you then you didn't. and that evolved eventually you had the. u.s. postal system and everything and. now we have email which when you think.

about it email it's a lot more direct. you know to think that in the old days. if you wanted to send somebody an email. you had to give it to a man who you. didn't know who may have been who knows. doing what you know he might have been. doing dope he might have been doing. uppers downers rounders whatever side. splitters he might have been doing. anything and trust that that bad boy was.

gonna drop off the things you needed to. say to somebody else geez. that seems that seems old-school but uh. but now we got email and it's the direct. it's basically an electronic system that. says hey [ __ ] that other guy they used. to run it over there and that is a tie. nice and who who sent that in thank you. for that and that was a Valentine's Day. hitter he sent us and that's more than. words that's a cover of the famous song.

more than words and in tiny also we'll. put a link at the bottom too you can. check out some of his other stuff. another. things he sent over over the time period. of this podcast and he was a man he's a. secret man would never met him never. seen him and what is he when you think. of a tiny sand - it could be anything it. could be a man it's four inches tall and. where's uh you know Birkenstocks and.

jumps you know and he has a guitar on. the ground he's as jumps from from he. jumps from chord to chord and does it. all with his feet. he could be you know he could be. something as secret as that that's tiny. sand whoo and and I'm here man I'm. making it through the day. thawing out bro winter we we trying to.

get you to give up Big Daddy because I. have more of a body type that's I don't. know if I had that winter body type you. know I got that thick upper crust you. know I have the uh everybody knows I got. the heart of a lesbian my father told me. that when I was very young and even. wrote it one time at a napkin on a bar. over there at Tony Pedone E's bar and. over at the stink and onion which were a. couple of small outfits over there near. us in Covington Louisiana he would write.

it on the napkin to remind me a couple. of things about myself I needed to. remember and I have also you know I got. this that thick up or I got that thick. that uproar that top that girdle you. know I'm front axis I'm two wheel. driving it so I'm front I'm front wheel. drive you know if you say if you put my. body in the shop the guy would be like. where the hell is the back wheels being.

god I'm daddy we ain't got him my torque. is up top because I have that chest it. looked like if you look like I took a. like a big inhale and never let it out. like I was smelling something and just. never decided what what never could. figure out what I smelled and so I've. never let it go I've always been like. that I've always had that. just that girthy that forthright kind of.

those tit fields you know the chest and. the torso I'll probably have 6070 ribs. in me you know I know I've said it. before but if you beat me open you'll. hear you know you'll definitely have a. yah. you'll have a black family show up at a. park but a bag of briquettes baby. because it's time to grill you know when. Daddy when they split me open because. I'm gonna feed the world baby with these.

ribs so but happy springtime Thank You. tiny for that hit thank you for dropping. just that audio right into us more than. words I just got back I was in Oroville. and we went down over there myself and. re manis and man we we got at it over. there they're one of the oldest Chinese.

food restaurants 10:1 fook over there. and then people ain't ten one [ __ ]. around dog they got that old brother. they got [ __ ] Raven they got you know. Raven ribs up in there you go in there. they got a damn you could have half a. batwing and some orange marmalade bro $6. dog right out the gate the you you can. have a Chinese lady come up and just. spit in your mouth for half a dollar. what is that bro and you could get that.

super fortune cookie at the end dude. some guy comes out with a [ __ ] blade. pokes you in the ass and tells you a. secret brah I never knew my sister like. damn okay and that's five bucks that's. that finisher it's that kind of place. man they got the oldest I think I said. it's 115 years old a Chinese food there. so if you want to fill your mouth with. that you know with those the original.

you know something that's just fresh off. the boat man you could taste the salt. water in then that's the place over. there to get into that but we had fun. over there I got some shows coming up. I'm gonna let you know right now. February 20th 21st and 22nd this coming. weekend I'll be in Toronto February 27th. Red Bank New Jersey February 28th Oxon. Hill Maryland February 29th Newport News. Virginia. that's almost sold out everything else.

is sold out and then we got the castle. theater out there and Kahului Hawaii and. that is going to be March 7th and that's. what it is maybe that's what it is I've. got to let you know - man is this. episode is brought to you by blue chew. and look everybody's got that wiener. that doesn't want to commit to an. erection everybody's got it rarely do.

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promo code Theo to try it it's free. blue chew the better cheaper faster. choice and we thank them for sponsoring. the podcast oh yeah the XFL is going on. I know Nick went to a game producer Nick. went to again maybe I'll get him in here. in a little bit and we'll talk about it. what did I do yeah we went up terrible. and we got into it they had a lot of. people came out Nancy came out this lady.

tall Nancy and she had a day I'm uh she. did a homemade sweater I forgot to get a. picture of it and said gang on the front. that was beautiful we had two fellows. came out one of them had a that they. were brothers and when I'm had a nervous. condition and they had a arm when I'm. had an HC on a brown hermit crab and he. showed me that bastard run that was. beautiful so I love that if somebody. especially a beautiful thing is to sneak. up head in and after the show if we're.

doing you know meet-and-greet or hanging. out show that yeah that's surprise pet. but spring is in the air it's that time. and it thinks you know this is when the. window window the things that we were. thaw out you know this is the time when. uh. Prospera this prosper is in the air. there's possibility you know something. could happen man you spit a sunflower.

seed out of a car window in four years. later you could have a beautiful day I'm. half a bouquet right there. because that's this time of year there's. fertility is in the soil new you can. masturbate behind a damn 7-eleven and. who knows but you might show up [ __ ]. 9 years later and you got a you know a. kid that's never been to kindergarten. back there so there's possibility man.

there's you know there's possibility for. some new things right now and that's. built in that's built into what the. world that's crazy isn't it and then. while I imagine if you were one of the. first people ever you know and I don't. know who they were probably Indians or. Native Americans you know who knows man. probably could have been anybody dude. probably a white guy wearing like a. cheetah or you know couple brothers out.

there doing something exotic bird doing. some wearing some seashells and stuff. over there fronts but imagine you were. out there early times and winter. happened you had no idea you thought. things were going well and then BAM dude. everything's frozen. you'll white you for everybody and then. BAM again springtime tada.

is back so that's really something could. you even imagine the first time at first. nobody's like Oh moon the World's End. and it's over blue I'm cold. you know Janet's frozen and then BAM boy. to hit you with that surprise springtime. that opportunity for something new. we had some calls that came in yeah. what's going on I'm trying to think. about in my world you know I remember I.

was thinking this week about kissing you. know when you kiss somebody and kissing. his wing you put your mouth against. somebody else and that's I could only. imagine the first time somebody said. you let me know if you feel anything. about this and then they just did it you. know somebody said hey let me just put.

my mouth against your face or something. your neck bra and see if you feel. something and I wonder if you did it on. a wall you know some dude probably. started trying it on his buddy who was. nervous like hey let me try it on you a. couple times and then I'll run over. there to Dorothy you know so some guy. maybe had a real nice friend and he let. him try that let him just try that Peck. that pepper just sprinkling that.

pepperoni all over him just just kind of. nibbling on his neck because you had to. practice somewhere you know you had to. practice kissing nobody goes right out. there first on and just drops that face. on us somebody else what who you Ted. Bundy do you can't do you got to. practice and dude I remember when I was. young we would get like a pillow you. know and my buddy and I'm just gonna say.

his middle name Patrick he would come. over and we would get these pillows do. them we would lay next to him and just. be like erotic you know and in our. bodies man my body would get so hard. right in the middle dude god I just. didn't know what was going on and I. didn't know that the devil and God were. just fighting inside of my penis at the. time and it would just be so and the.

first time we were supposed to just be. kissing our pillows my buddy would lay. over on my brother's bed cuz my brother. wasn't living with us and I would lay on. my bed and we're supposed to just be. kissing our pillows and pretending there. were these girls that we liked but 9. seconds into we do you know what I'm. saying. things have escalated you know we go on. a second base third base fourth base. fifth base six base you know then you. got Pedro Martinez beating the [ __ ] out. of Tommy Lasorda you know what I'm.

talking about boy young bucks just. you know just vibrating against the. pillow man just in your body man you had. so much my god dude I could Hotwire a. damn dude I could Hotwire one of those. you know those little carousels outside. of a um outside of a grocery not gonna. Hotwire one of them [ __ ] with my with.

the just the vit rasa tea that was in my. damn pecker at the time my buddy would. come over we would just practice on them. but then you had to do kissing you know. and like it you practice on the pillow. but someone wasn't enough and in. Lousiana day it's an oyster country you. know certain areas have a different. animal you know certain places you have. a different type of animal Oregon you. got a little maybe a woodchuck doing. something he's over there you know he.

have a toothpick in his teeth and he's. picking wood out of his teeth because. he's been chucking it like dude this is. a real double entendre go to UM Spoon. River Illinois and you got a damn. catfish that bullhead maybe just. swimming and you know how a catfish. happened man a cat and a fish dude that. bad time. don't think panic and then think Dan and.

Dan that's why they kind of he's got to. be careful when you let these animals. cross pollinate you know because it it. gets to crate if I let me tell you this. if a Falcon and a bumblebee do sex. that's gonna be lights out for the rest. of us bro. imagine a falcon shows up with that. powerful I ask baby that's gonna be.

risky but I'm saying every place had a. different animal you got a different. animal here you got a bullhead catfish. over there in Illinois you know up in. Wisconsin they got that little milk. snake you know you go down to on Nevada. they got a us. scorpion you know they got ms-13 down. there you know you go to um Philadelphia. they got brotherly love they got what.

else they got a couple real pasty white. dudes and I'm in a Darren Sproles Jersey. you know every place has their animal. and so the animal I'm thinking of what. was I talking about oh so in Louisiana. we had oyster and we would practice. kissing man we would get an oyster and. you get it open man and then you got to. get it out of there and I always felt.

bad taking oyster out of his little. house and I felt kind of bad about this. [ __ ] I remember one time we went over to. the Presbyterian Church and I told that. man I said man and we've been taking his. oysters out and and pretending they were. tongues and kissing them you know and. that dude honestly man I think no joke I. remember I think that preacher told me I. was piece of [ __ ] but he also I think he. kind of winked at me a little bit so you. know fifty-fifty but uh but that was.

what we would do we would get that. oyster and you practice because you. could put oyster oyster in your hand. like it was a tongue and so you throw. that always trying to microwave for. about 11 seconds you can get it warm. enough put it in your hand and you could. practice the kissing and God I mean it. wasn't ideal but it was way better than. kissing on your buddy's neck a little. but that was you remember kissing. practicing kissing how'd you practice.

hit the hotline let me know how you. practiced kissing nine eight five six. six four nine five zero three because we. practice a couple ways man my one friend. he would come over this boy Jeremy and. he was born with some different. deficiencies but he popped through and. we put a bunch of perfume on his neck. and then kind of practiced kissing a. little bit but not not gay not like in a. gay way we even put a bag over his head.

and draw like a woman on the sides. the bag you know and you can still smell. the perfume you could practice you know. pretend oh hey Katie or hey Charlotte. you know hey Regina you know hey Chandra. what's up and then you could practice. you know kissing but the big thing was. to get that oyster and heat that thing. up in the microwave for 11 seconds get. that thing tongue temperature and then. you would practice just but man I.

remember that being young bro god man. and you just Lord you just lay I. remembered us laying outdoors sometimes. and just just just just thinking about. all the women that probably wanted to. have sex with me oh Jesus Christ. anyway man we got a lot of calls at uh.

and a lot of those women most of those. women never never really did so but hey. look I thought it man I thought it I put. the thoughts out there I planted the. seeds out into the universe baby. it's seeding time it's spring get out. there put something new in the dirt try. something different. tell somebody take a chance you know you.

know I'm tired of my own life I just I'm. tired of sometimes not taking some. chances I don't take a lot of chances. really I don't want to take some chances. I want to say I want to put something in. the ground I want to say hey you know. I'm tired of just rambling out here in. the wind I'm tired of sucking on oysters. I'm ready for some real tongue you feel. me gang let's take a call that has come. in I'm gonna let you know as well though.

that this past weekend is brought to you. by Skillshare Skillshare and look we. talked about the Skillshare is one of. our premier primary sponsor and look. this is the thing if you don't have a. skill now's the time. get a skill you can't show up somewhere. without a skill what can you do and you. just don't do anything people would say. what's your hand me your resume and you. just had them just a piece of paper with.

nothing on you just put your name a. couple times on it in different fonts. you got your name printed um scripture. and then helvete Helvetica you wingding. in your [ __ ] at the bottom what do you. have you don't have a skill my man skill. share is an online learning community. for creators creators with more than. 25,000 classes and design business and. more you'll discover countless ways to. fuel your curiosity creativity and. career they have all kind of classes. mobile photography creative writing.

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learning on Skillshare today with a. special offer just for our listeners get. two months of Skillshare for free that's. right Skillshare is offering this past. weekend listeners two months of. unlimited access to countless classes. over 25,000 go to skills share comm. slash Theo von again go to Skillshare. comm slash Theo von to start your two. months now. that's Skillshare comm slash Theo von. I'm going to give an update yeah we uh.

we did we we I want to thank everybody. that came out in the past to the. Lafayette show the fundraiser we we. raised $10,000 at night for the good. fight foundation and for a couple single. moms we treated a couple single moms um. helping them out and uh and just wanted. to say thank you to everybody that came. out to that and also we're gonna get a. bench for Billy conforto y'all remember. him and my friend. and goddamn he was beautiful guy you.

know he had arms like uh he had arms. like damn [ __ ] just like Italian. antiques bro he had beautiful my god. like his arms came over on a boat from. damn Greece or somewhere somewhere. really Italian and he uh you know and he. was probably he was probably the. toughest gay male boxer in America in.

the world even I put him up against. anybody who was the other guy Tommy Gunn. or whatever. not a chance boy Tommy slingshot Billy. Comfort I would put that put that boy in. the sand whoever he was I mean he you. know and we're gonna do a bench for him. with the funds that we made from moms. from the t-shirts that we sold for him. we're gonna do a bench over there and a. lot plus maybe at a dog park or.

something cuz he loved those animals and. and he's always in our hearts man I love. you brother. and I miss you man gang and we're gonna. release some I'll put a we got a video. made we'll put up on patreon from that. Lafayette show so you guys be able to. check that out and thank you to. everybody who supports this past weekend. and that means you whether you do it. with your ears or or by supporting our.

patreon or just by or anything I mean. the support that has been a part of this. podcast is one of the things I want to. try and focus more on and the rest of. this coming year and sometimes I'm own. life you know just gotten it I mean it's. a blessing and a curse you know the. because of the podcast and stand-up. things getting so busy that it's been. hard to focus sometimes on the things. that uh that mean the most to me which.

is being a part of other people's lives. or being a part of a group you know when. I was on stage this weekend and. and I just felt like I just felt like. man I'm just so lucky to be part of a. group of people that are so loving you. know the people that come out to the. shows Menace especially the you know to. to our show to my show - the show - when.

they come out the staff will constantly. say man this is the nicest group of. people we've had in a long time and and. that's one I just realized that's the. most important that's what's just so. important to me and that's what makes me. that's when I feel my best is you know. there's a lot of dirt there's a lot of. dandruff in the world but but just focus. for you know when I'm focusing on the.

style baby when I'm focusing on that. when I'm focusing on that sweet. headpiece and I'm not worried about that. dirty dandruff you know there's a lot of. dandruff in the world but I know um but. there's a lot of sugar too and I feel. better when I've got that sugar on my. mind and yeah just you know I just. remember you know just just thank you.

guys that it's just nice to be reminded. of what's important and that is each. other and and yeah I'll just I'm just so. glad to be here today and I'm glad that. um that you are here and that we haven't. given up on each other bro gang we've. got some calls that came in man who. knows what's gonna be in these dirty. boxes let's get to a couple right here.

here we go Giovanni this is you we're. going to Toronto to see you for my. fiance's birthday right on the 21st oh. and thank you for that brother Toronto. is beautiful and Toronto the kind of. place great posture you see somebody you. barely see them because there's such a. straight perpendicular. you know a straight vertical people. constantly they're false. directly into potholes because they're.

so you know somebody has a hurt back or. one of their arms out in a weird way. they hit up they flip in a pothole they. get caught but with that Toronto posture. baby this disappearance son disappearing. right into the dang birdbath of hell. baby them potholes them city holes gang. brother home word and I have a question. we actually saw you in California in. July when I proposed and she developed a.

crush on you and I'm worried that when. we see you again for a real lengthy trip. show the dark edge to her that she's. gonna fall in love with you for real for. real hard and I mean it's a privilege. and an honor but I mean I don't know how. I'd handle that so you can let me know. anyways was he in Toronto in the 21st. steel run take care gang brother and. look I'm not responsible if your lady.

get you know you show up you know you. show up with a lady and she leaves and. look you know and her her breasts grow. two sizes while she's at the show that's. a side effect of seeing Papa what I'm. gonna do you know I can't help it if you. know she'll bring her to the show y'all. leave the show and suddenly she knows a. couple new sexual tricks you know y'all. go back to the room she got to wig or. something when she got that you know. she's got on a four-piece outfit with uh.

you know tassels and stuff over the. crotch and all look that's a side effect. baby. the dark arts you got to be careful if. you that's the thing if you if you're. gonna go near a wishing well at night. don't be shocked if you wake up with a. little something pitching and yes in the. morning you filming Brum don't be. shocked if you you know your lady what. you know wakes up knowing how to uh you.

know crochet your arm they a pentagram. do not be shocked it's the dark arts. tour man and it's still going do nothing. in September October and October I. believe it'll be too this tour will be. almost two years we're far from there. though and there's only a few shows left. I keep saying that but but yeah bring. your lady out come on out and I'm.

excited to see you guys and I'll do my. best brother - nada infiltrate I'll -. simple treat your heart brother and I. stop right there nine eight five six six. four nine five zero three is the hotline. as always let's get to another call or. two here we go anything else Ramsay and. what's up Ramsay and that's a name out. of the Bible Ramsay or Egypt and. basically Egypt was just a Bible on land.

if you want to look at it like that you. know the Middle East they got a lot of. sand Christians over there - people. think it's just Slim's over there and um. in bruges bro but it ain't they got a. lot of SC's over there baby I'm saying. Chris Jones and that is uh that's your. boy Ramses over there hot off the. Euphrates dog gang son homework 1600. when I was 17 my mom passed away didn't.

really I never met my dad or anything he. took up oh I'm sorry to hear that man. I'm sorry to hear that uh that that. happened to you such a young age. brother homeward it's been on my own. since then and over over that period of. time I've been able to like you know. I've been I've been having some ups and. downs you know just because of the. instability but silly man things been. going alright you know I got a.

girlfriend that alone and I've got. friends around me and it's great it's. great but you know that era always gives. me worried because my entire been I've. been dealing with you know in anxiety uh. something's about to go wrong so yeah I. just wanted to know what your what your. thought is on that you know how. your mind from telling you everything's. about to blow up so for the government. well I appreciate you getting gang bro.

man it's so funny to you that you called. him first of all thank you for calling. there Ramsay's brother and it's so funny. call and ask about this because this has. been on my mind recently I've been. realizing that I have you know in you. know working in AI working you know I. mean I don't work in I'm in you know. 12-step program and I always have to. call my you know sponsor my friends and.

just ask them is everything okay cuz I. don't know there's something inside of. me that everything is not going to be. okay all the time and that's why I'm. always having to do stuff because. everything nothing feels stable and some. my mind's always like oh you better you. got to do this you got to do this you. got to do this because something's not. you know so I would just you know what's. helped me recently is for me I don't. know if this could be work for you but.

for me what has helped is just asking. somebody on a regular basis Hays. everything's okay right and they just. say yeah man everything's okay I say. okay so I have this feeling like. everything is not okay and it's just. been there my whole life and sometimes I. don't even realize it I don't even know. that this thing was there you know but. but I'm here to tell you man I think a. lot of that comes from just the end like. you're saying the instability just the.

uncertainty that things something's. going to go wrong for me it's not that. as much as something is going to go. wrong as much as it is that uh that. something has to be done that something. is wrong something isn't done something. is not okay and and it's really an. intense anxiety it's one that's built. down into us it's like somebody had a. treasure chest but no treasure in it.

just anxiety and they put that [ __ ]. deep in us. and one thing that has helped me is is. talking to my sponsor talking to my. friends in and saying hey just tell me. that everything is okay you know is. everything ok and they'll answer yes. sometimes they even get frustrated with. it but I need to hear it I just need to. hear it on a regular basis that. everything is ok because I think as a. child just no one told me it was you.

know when everything felt wrong and. everything felt messed up and you know. no one ever said hey everything is OK. no one ever said it and if you have. children look I don't have children you. know I don't know what that's like but I. do know what it's like to have been one. and I think you know you know it just I. think it helps them to hear that. sometimes just for no reason at all just.

you know just hug your kid and just say. hey you know everything is OK you know. [Music]. you know you might not think it is or. sometimes you may feel like things. aren't but I'm just here to remind you. that everything is you know I think if. they have that voice bouncing around in. them that's the sugar baby that's not. the dander if you feel me but thanks for. that call man and keep your head up out. there in a gang brother let's hit.

another call here what we got poppin off. bro. as always the hotline nine eight five. six six four nine five zero three thank. you. oh and don't forget hit the calls with. when you uh how did you practice kiss. him when you were young did you have you. know did you did you bag up your boy. with that gender different sandwich sack. over his head you know you draw Melanie.

on the front of that bag and just go to. town on your boy what did you do did you. practice on a pillow get you a lobster. how'd you do it huh ninety five six. sixty four nine five zero three here we. go. I feel what does with me fat man from. Santa Cruz California what's up Pat from. Santa Cruz well imagine how cool it must.

be to grow up in a place like that a. place that have crews in the name of it. could you imagine that. a place that have crews dude I had some. friends from a place called Big Branch. that was the name of the place big. branch so you know what was happening. around there boy nothing onward I woke.

up this morning and uh thought I was. having a heart attack and basically went. to uh the emergency room and they told. me I had scoliosis man was I ever. relieved to know that I wasn't numbing. my chest because my chicken was bad it. was uh basically uh born with scoliosis. man and pinched a nerve and made me feel. like I was gonna have a heart attack but. I got tagged what man you make me laugh.

all the time caught you in comedy few. months back and dude. praise the Lord feel alright man how. gang bro. now scoliosis I'm look I'm glad you're. well and you sound if you well enough to. leave a voicemail you're doing alright. do we had a guy when I was growing up. and in in college he would get all high. I mean and by he I mean all of us and we.

would smoke at all bro we smoke whatever. that's back when you they didn't have as. much weed now they got all kinds of. different weed you know they got [ __ ]. euthanasia is a strand they got left leg. they got some [ __ ] died you know kill. your cousin is a new strand like what is. that you know I'm trying to have a. family reunion and everybody's got to. mounts as to kill you cuz this singing. to him well but this dude would get so.

high man he had one of his mom. one of those stroke things she couldn't. talk or something were not talk but. she'd done so many Winston's that she. blew her throat out so she had had that. little law you know that thing like that. um she had to put that thing up to her. throat and he got so high that he would. have to use that [ __ ] he couldn't talk. so he'd get his mom's little case you. know when she was asleep he'd get the. case and he bring that thing with them. that little safety case when we would.

smoke out so we'd be blazed up man. I mean higher than the damn Chicago Fire. and this do he'd be like Bargo balls hit. ball I set my Wendy's that's the only. thing he could use was that law. let's hit the windy my mom so we knew. when he opened that case up that he was. baked out his Oreos was double-stuffed. bruh oh man I need a ride home he would.

have to use that little electric thing. bruh oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ]. but man if you got scoliosis how the. hell did it take you so long to. recognize it papa that's a children's. disease and everybody remembers. scoliosis man and everybody had a. different you know. remember school when you were young you. had to go to school because nobody.

trusted you were just maybe going to be. smart and like every four years at. school they would take everybody into. the cafeteria and take their shirts off. and I remember the first time I went I. was like damn there's some real German. type of [ __ ] but and they would have you. bend forward and show that little back.

BZ baby that backbone you know you'd. have to freakin hit that dolphin bruh. and the lady would stand there Miss. Waskom or miss Connaughton or miss. whoever you know miss Barbara she would. stand. there and she would take a marker man. she would take a marker and just draw it. straight down your back oh he's good. this one checks out. you know he's straight he could go you. know back to learning and then they had.

like a one group I guess if you had. scoliosis which I thought it sounded. good they're like oh we're gonna see who. has scoliosis I'm like oh [ __ ]. I hope I got it dude I'm sharing a. bedroom with my brother you know I'm. ready for a life change but but it. wasn't it was like your spine had that. little hiccup you know your spine got a. little wander II in the middle a [ __ ]. got a little Hansel Hansel Gretel you. know your spine kind of went missing on.

itself a little you know your spine kind. of wandered off into the woods over. there by one of you you know your spine. kind of did a little detour around one. of your lungs or something now and so. they do everybody and anybody had that. little wah you know had that HOV Lane on. their backbone and couldn't you know hit. that Dolph and they'd draw the little. crook on her back with the marker and. put him in that special area I don't. know what happened to those kids man and. Daniel do it everybody knows Daniel bro.

he I remember one time he took his shirt. off and they had his spine and him had. the damn uh it went in a damn pentagram. like well well that he ain't he couldn't. be real healthy so but you know Daniel. Manny's I'm not shocked he probably. shifted his spine into that shape by. himself because he's guy he makes his.

own choices man he made his own choices. but I'm glad that you I mean if you had. a childhood disease this long you I'm. glad you're getting on top of it you. might want to get also check for them so. el coyol parks baby them chickenpox and. what else Oh getting a splinter that's. another thing kids hate but I'm glad. you're well brothers stay safe man I've. got to let you know that today's episode. brought to you by cap Tara.

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Anthony from okay what's up ant down. there in the OC man and I bought it I. bought a UH I bought some. came from a guy down there one time I. don't know what happened to him he did a. little bit of pornography and he had. every time I saw me a very drastically. um different haircuts homeward waiting. for you to hit that brave and proud girl. just waiting let us know um you're gonna.

we're gonna get him stack hitter quick. question. I'll be trying to eat house and stuff. way to talk on call us our pizza and. that impossible burger I just want to. know what it what a guy like you has to. say about those items let me yeah thank. you for this question there and down. there beachside in the OC cauliflower.

pizza and [ __ ] man that's pizza it could. be anything on peachy only getting four. pieces of it five pieces you know when I. was young least acted on there what do. you want on the pizza black olives the. pizza was so damn black man you didn't. even know you might find it in a you. know a Tom at essence Fest you know they. what you want on their sausages mm. little sausages now you get a pizza they. got nine sausages they set just far.

enough away from each other so that none. of them infringing on the other ones. territory they're all in a safe space. it's like everybody gets the same little. amount it's like basically that Bernie. has that Bernie Sanders style so I think. you if you want to eat healthy you got. to eat healthy get things that are. living man get you a little something. get you a little arm you know uh have a. crab look at a look at a crab bra look.

at a crab the meaning that thing so. fresh so nasty brush some naughty. imagine being a crab dude and all you. want to do is hug somebody but you got. them dangerous ass arms imagine that. imagine every night I better crab dreams. of just having soft arms where he could. touch a you know where he could you know. stroke a woman's hair without giving her.

a crew-cut or where he could you know. you know touch a breast without having. to you know do I um enough a cave a. first-aid kit you know imagine that. imagine a crab just wishing he had soft. arms and then he wakes up and every time. he got those just cold-hearted snakes. bra they're mice cold frickin clip. digits he's got just carpal tunnel seven. thousand every single time what was your.

question man I came in what you're. asking about cauliflower pizza uh. yeah bro get you something fresh get a. greenery get a greenery item get a kale. bunch get all broccoli get a little um. you know uh sweet potato get something. for yourself that's good that's fresh. man you got here eating pizza impossible.

burger burger is a nice thing to have. maybe twice a week have you a burger but. the rest of the time take care of. yourself get some things in you I'm. having her dang roar organic and fused. drink right now low electrolytes keep a. lot of water in your body it's easy. stuff your body's 94% water and you out. here drinking damn uh you know you out. here drinking um code Reds Mountain Dew. what get you some water.

but yeah you got to stay healthy man get. you some stuff that's good what I like. to do now get me a peppers give me a. different peppers pepper come in. different colors if you don't like. certain color peppers then make other. ones get a red get a green get on orange. get a yellow cat damn it just sup I. freaking introduced them [ __ ] to. Japan boy I take a knife to them noxious.

you know I'll take that manscape trimmer. to them [ __ ]. you you you and I put me some cut some. beef cuts in the skillet and heat me up. them bc's baby throw them peppers in let. them things meet each other you know get. that proverbial that little skillet bang. going and then I serve them to myself. treat myself right gang let's take. another call here the hotline nine eight. five six six four nine five zero three.

onward oh I gotta I gotta say we we want. to have an illegal alien on the podcast. so if you have a friend who is an. illegal alien in America illegally we're. not trying to out them or get them in. any trouble or anything like that we. just want to just see what their life is. like you know some roots real curious. about what that existence is like here. what it's like to just be that DL human.

you know not to be confused with DL. Hughley so if you have if you have. something like that let us know now. don't send us some phony you know some. you know some BS but we want somebody. real they got to speak good English have. a good personality and and they came. over here illegal illegal into Estados. Unidos and you know. yeah I'm just super curious about what.

that life is like you notice to be on. that constant hide-and-seek or if it's. like that at all so gang brother oh here. we go homework well that's you know a. longtime listener first-time caller. always wanted to say that big there you. show them in and I seen revolves around. solutions that's kind of what I'm. calling about man I could use a solution. probably a little off topic and a little. random but I'm a zookeeper man I work. with animals I've been doing this for.

about ten years. wow wow man thank you for calling man. that's crazy. you're like a Jumanji guy. Wow boy oh man thank you for calling us. who keep our own word and I'm having a. hard time if I know the place I can stay. mega long still restored standards. I think people got low standards man.

I've worked for roadside zoos I've. worked for big zoos kind of done it all. in between Aquarians trains for movies. oh yeah query on that wet zoo bro going. rehab rescue but I have a hard time. finding a place with good standards oh. yeah an animal rehab I can't even. imagine that you got a couple Gophers in. there on the lauded or something you. know you got maybe you might have a. muskrat in there who's been scratching. too much musk you feel me he was on em. 80-milligram oxys bra emojis gang over.

you think it's a choice to take care of. animals and we got to make a choice to. do right by them and too often I think. mistakes happen and I just think some. things need a little more structure a. little more rules we need a little more. everybody needs to tighten up you know. these animals are our mercy and so I. don't know man I'm just I'm thinking. about hanging it up and thinking about. the only other thing I've ever done is. construction think about throwing that. construction work I just don't know what.

else to do but I love my animals I love. working with them and it's been a long. time to get to where I am and I'd hate. to give it up but I just I feel like I'm. I'm losing myself I feel like I'm. settling with my own morals and my own. conviction just to fit in and get along. and I like that something feel good so. again I appreciate what you're doing. brother gang gang gang man wow wow man. dude I would love for you to get to get. the proper uh you know me and Brendan.

Schaub. he you know he's from King in the sting. you know him and he's a decent man and. he has very his hair is very nice as. nice hair and he has a jewelry and. everything but he and I almost invested. in a zoo down there and sent a lower. Sinaloa. but uh anyway some [ __ ] went wrong but I. would love to see you have your own zoo. and have you to have you see you be the.

example you be the one that do that does. it because that's really where you know. change kind of comes from as that it's. like yeah nowadays everybody wants you. know they had a special on television. black sheep not black sheep but black. dolphin and they had a killer whale down. there and um down near San Diego and I.

guess that a black dolphin is Welling I. guess it was I don't know if it was. about slavery I don't know what it was. about dude you got to watch it but. everybody's like all they're treating. animals bad and they're treating animals. like this look it's hard to treat an. animal great I think especially with all. the laws and everything you know. everything keeps getting haywire some. lady you know some ladies little son. falls in a damn zoo cage and they filed. a lawsuit well what's your son doing in.

there how about that so the lawyer and. all the legalities ruin a lot of things. brother but that's when somebody comes. along and says I'm going to do this the. right way and that could be you you know. you could have Terrance's little magical. zoo at the you know could be zoo and ice. cream or something you know pet you a. koala and get a rocky road. you know what I'm saying tickle a real.

Elmo and then get you that mint. chocolate chip pansy you could have you. know you could you could mix and match. so I think there's an opportunity there. for you to then do something special. whenever the you know it's tough though. sometimes also when you're arts or. something you really enjoy when it. becomes a job at a certain point it does. burn you out it burns you out man.

there's a such a balance to everything. in there man is when the art becomes. such a job it can get burnt you can burn. you down. you know I feel exhausted sometimes from. you know workouts so busy that sometimes. I feel exhausted you know sometimes I. feel well I need my passion back you get. caught up too much in the X's and O's. and you forget the smell of the grass.

you know and that's how I think we you. know you have to you have to find a way. to represent it to yourself or get you a. little animal get you a lemur bro get. you a little marmoset get you with. something do get you six caterpillars. and and do something you know get nine. crickets and train them [ __ ] to do a. stunt you know get a circus Mouse dog. one quality Mouse with a jingle bell on.

his neck and you out there Green Mile. and maybe boy you know what I'm saying. dude they used to have a cat circus that. parked around here my ex-girlfriend was. always showing me on the youtubes a cat. circus and two of them they finally went. on Jimmy Kimmel and didn't do [ __ ] and. they got fired but they had nine cats. living in a purple van doing nothing you.

know and so anything's possible but I. feel you man when it's maybe you just. have to step away maybe get you one. animal and hit the road with it you know. Marcus is special uh Marcus and his. special beagle you know the supernatural. the supernatural aardvark and you don't. want to see me with it with social media.

these days you could advertise in a lot. of special ways people are doing. everything you could go sleep with the. UM sloth. they got sloth sleeping they got sloth. sleeping over there and all your. valuables are safe because it'll take. that thing about in eight hours to steal. your phone because it's so slow but you. could sleep with a sloth you go up in. there and they got this little cubicle. you and your buddy in there and y'all. can sleep with a slot if you. one for 200 over there outside of. Portland but there's a lot of different.

opportunities meant a lot of ways to. make Animalia more comfortable and I. think a lot of these things are gonna. change them and go to Texas you do you. you meet the right neighbor they'll have. a damn tiger in Texas they'll have two. white tigers out there there's a lot of. different stuff going on but good luck. out there daddy and if anybody has any. suggestion for the zookeeper - how to. how to stay in the animal game even if. you're you know you're kind of quacked.

out hit the hotline ninety five six six. four nine five zero three and if your. quacked out of anything i want to let. you know that this episode is brought to. you by better help better help will. assess your needs and match you up with. your own licensed professional therapist. you know I've talked about it on here if. you need therapy you need help then. better help is a great place to do it. it's a place where you know sometimes. learning to talk to someone and get some.

help for your brain and get back into. your body it's hard it's hard at first. it's hard to get the practice it's hard. to just do it better help is a great way. to experience professional help there's. a broad range of expertise in better. helps counselor network which may not be. locally available you can log into your. account anytime and send a message to. your counselor it's committed to. facilitating great therapeutic matches. so better help makes it easy and free to. change counselors if needed better help.

wants you to start living a happier life. today visit better help.com slash Theo. that's better. h ELP dot-com / Theo and join the over. half of a million people taking charge. of their mental health with the help of. an experienced professional and our. special offer for this past weekend. listeners 10% off your first month your. first month not your first visit your. first month at better help calm / Theo.

you can FaceTime with the counselor you. can just um you can talk on the phone. you could talk regular you could text. it's a great way to experience. just checking in with yourself and. checking in with somebody else to check. in with yourself. let's get another call here here we go. thank you for supporting and also we got. this Rat King hitter I'm wearing it. right now we got a lot of neat stuff out. there Rat King t-shirt that I really. loved that my brother wears a lot I see. him wearing on Facebook and really means.

a lot to me that he wears it I know he I. mean because he's businessman and and uh. and it's the year of the rat baby you. know I'm making that come back all these. clams dude I'll see him in the chowder. baby I was raised. kissing oysters son let's go see oh this. is Austin I need some advice every time. me and my girl order takeout she find. something wrong with her food weather is.

the hair or something doesn't look right. and she ends up making me take it back. Oh yo here's a uh-huh it's dude if you. gotta say let's hear more should I just. not beat her butter eat my scrap or do I. just eat you fat and this other stuff is. in my food man look I think there's.

nothing I can't stand more than somebody. who sends their food back all the time. unless that thing came with you no I say. two hairs or more one hair I'll have it. but a sideburn I'm sending that [ __ ]. back you know let Andra got one of them. Rapunzel braids in there I'm sending. that [ __ ] back but one hair - hair red. hair blue hair you know somebody drop.

half an ante for wig and that thing I'll. still have it I'll still have it you. know life is life things are going to. happen but if you have somebody that. sent in food back I'm just saying how. will they one day just send you back. maybe she finds a hair on your shoulder. maybe she finds an ingrown hair whose is. this huh. like that's mine whatever I'm out so you.

got to think about you got to think. about that man I can't stand that for me. that's a buzzkill if it happens once in. a while - service is bad or something. yeah I could see raising hell I went. over to a pizza place man I swear if Ida. had a Beretta on me broader popped off. in that much and the guy was a complete. [ __ ] in there but I look the world do. justice to him I don't need to do all. that but if you got an N cell like that.

living in your place bro and send him. back decent pies because maybe one of. the pepperonis looks like it's winking. at her or something or somebody carved. the Jesus Christ in it a cheese or. something gee jeepers buck oh you better. than that bro but good luck out there. man that's all I got for you dude I got. to be honest with you gang what's up E. oh there's max frost calling in from. Sydney Australia Oh max frost from.

Australia thank you for calling man and. um and after all that fire you guys. could use max frost I mean you're. exactly the solution of it I bet man I. hope everybody's doing well it's crazy. like you know we see a million pictures. of koalas you know starving and using. water and stuff and then suddenly it's. off the radar but um but just letting. you know man thinking of you hope you. guys doing well gang homework obviously.

I'm not from Sydney Australia I'm. actually Texas I'm down here right now. doing some shows are you just a visitor. that's called a visitor buddy. homeward pointed reason I'm calling man. it's um I'm down here and live my life. anomic music and dine you're playing. shows and have a show tonight that I. guess was good but I guess I just kind. of called in to say like I don't know. there's something about that voice you. talk about where you say like whenever.

you get offstage. it was like your brain won't allow you. to. except that you did a good job so just. um about that I really relate to you man. and I [ __ ] I wish I could thought you. know I hate showing up to do what I came. to do and then getting off stage and. feeling like like even though I did it. it's like I can't allow myself to. appreciate that it's happening hmm which.

is stupid. [ __ ] man that's it hope you Debra can. get game bro thank you for calling man. yeah man Wow bro okay yeah it's you know. one of the reasons I mean I've done it. my whole life man nothing you know I'll.

never be good enough for me man and I. don't know how that happened to me I. don't know how that you know I don't. know how that got inside of me but man. that's a devilish thing to end up inside. of you and I'm not saying that to have. any self pity you know I'm I'm at the. age now I'm able to recognize it and I. can do things to help myself but but um.

you know it gets hard on the on the. podcast nose because it's hard for me to. reflect on myself without sounding like. a crybaby a lot you know I don't want to. have self-pity but I do want to be able. to share what I share things share. something if I can you know but no man. it's it's crazy that out that uh isn't.

that crazy that somehow we will never be. enough for ourselves man it's such a. it's such a handicap in it it's such a. and it's not true it's not even real. I don't know how that engine gets. started inside of us I'm trying to think. about it and feel about it right now why. am i never enough for myself.

you know I will never be enough for. myself why why why why am I never enough. for myself man I'm just trying to feel.

I'm trying to sometimes I can almost. feel an answer like inside of me but I. don't know what the words are because. the feeling hasn't met with my brain. exactly so I'm just trying to feel this. out you know why yeah how nice it would. be to have something inside of myself. that's like hey you man great job hey. you did great.

hey you should be proud of yourself hey. you should hey man where'd it go because. when you think about it from the out. from an outsider's perspective how how. sad that somebody's walking around they. will never be enough for themselves that. their best will never make them feel. good it doesn't sound like that it. sounds like there's something off there. because it's not real it doesn't. factually check out you know sometimes I.

think some of that is the total is the. total is the toil of being an artist you. know there's something inside of people. that want to do order that you I think. you want some of that because it drives. you it makes you adjust and change it. makes you it makes you keep pressuring. to create something good you know you.

don't want to just play some garbage and. be like oh that's great. but I think sometimes for myself if that. voice is it's in it's everywhere in me. that I'm never gonna be enough you know. I got the legs of a seat you ever seen a. senior citizen drop their towel on. accident and you see their legs that's. what I have though I have like one. type of legs but if that man was like it. a striker and like a like head like was.

but strong I have like strong dropped. towel senior-citizen legs yeah but it's. always everything I see by myself is. never enough it's never good enough and. not a little fit no I don't think anyone. ever told me that I was bad I think just. nobody ever told me that I was okay that. everything was that it was enough you. know oh yeah oh yeah may your yeah. that's good you know okay that's you've.

been you know and those are things. happen when we're young it has to have. when we're young but when we get old you. know we can start to plan some different. sees man to bring this back here you. know and we can start to do we can start. to recognize it you know what I'm glad. you called about this because I think. it'll just make me think when I get off. stage or when I get done with this when. I get done with my workday anybody out. there if you drive them FedEx are you. making a you know you're doing beef.

scallions or whatever you a butcher you. were barber you doing sideburns are you. doing siding construction it's yes like. when you get done this if I can you know. I did good to remind ourselves we you. know that we did good if we did if we. did try we did try our best you know. [Music]. yeah I don't know man it's really. interesting now it's really interesting. why somehow we're never enough for.

ourselves man and I think that's like. the core of whatever it is if we could. solve that in humans and some of that's. always going to be there because there's. this you know that's why people look for. a higher power that's why people seek. that's why people travel that's why. people you know start families because. they want to look they want to fill in.

because in the end humanity being human. it's it's a. it's just it's a journey of finding more. at least I hope it is for people maybe. some people are just perfectly happy and. they're already you know they were born. on the pinnacle of peace but I think for. a lot of us it's trying to find out. what's going on how do we what do I do. what can I do to feel more to find more.

to achieve to try to what is here in. this world on the outside and on the. inside you know where's the Mount. Everest you know out here outside of. mean where's the Mount Everest inside of. me where's the where can I go in here. command it gets wild inside of us is. deep in there and it's high and it's far. so I think some of that's just the toil.

of being an artist man and I think some. of it is it's a journey that we're on. you know what some of it is that we're. too hard on ourselves and that we're. doing okay you know the best thing I. sometimes I can say for myself as always. just said I tried my best but yeah it's. good man I want to think about that more. for myself and not think about it I just. want to start to behave like it hey man. you did a good job.

often times I don't want to do it. because I don't want people to think. that I'm full of myself it's I think. sometimes it comes back to I'm worried. so much about what other people will. think maybe I don't want people to think. that I'm so full of myself but thank you. for that call man and thank you for that. question. and keep on playing the hits man we got. a patreon question that came on that. came in uh tawny T o ni v Tony could be.

tani favorite TV show currently I really. love the pharmacists on Netflix and I. want to see about maybe having that. gentleman come in as a guest it's really. a great show I really love live PD and. if you haven't seen live PD man it's. great it's like cops cops actually is. really good too. it's just like new cops I like Flint. town on Netflix.

I like what else Jim Gaffigan was on he. has a special on Amazon that's really. good and those are things I guess that. I'm currently watching there's a new. Dateline - that's crazy good about -. some people that have two children that. people that they can't find units in. Idaho that [ __ ] is good and I don't want. more people to die in the world but we. need some more date lines boy speaking I.

do here's one our California kids that. bad. does Idaho need to build a wall and. that's from chem chickens from patreon. um you know I don't think California. kids are bad man there's there's bad. people everywhere you know there's a lot. of great people in California's a lot of. wonderful people I think the taxes are. way too high I think that they are too. is I think that it's too idealistic I. think the ideas of a perfect humanity.

are starting to collide with the. realities that we can't do all of this. we don't or we just aren't you know it's. like I mean the parks are getting busier. I was just looking at a park yesterday I. was going to look for a park to just. chill out and and I went to a park and. I'm like man this isn't even place you. can relax anymore you know this this is. there's you know there's a lot of people. were you know how you know I don't want. to just say homeless but not well and.

people that are doing drugs and and I. know some of those people are my people. I get it bro you know the rats like me. you know but it made me scared to just. want to take a nap in the park because I. don't want to get killed during a. sleeping so so I think you have some of. that [ __ ] I think you got more of a soft. batch overall you know and I put that up. you go SEC against the pac-10 do pack 12.

pack 20 pack it up as. much as you want they'll never take that. CC man but I just think some of its city. living is different so I think maybe Los. Angeles is uh it's just a tough place it. seems like to raise kids to have you. know every every street is a busy street. there's no space for a child's. imagination I don't feel like you know a. child needs to be able to look out at. some space and be like oh what could.

happen here so it's probably a great. place like raising accountant but is it. a great place to raise somebody with a. wild imagination. I don't know I don't think it would be. my ideal place gang um let's take I. think we did good today. I think we did good oh well here's one. right here actually one more patron from.

cigars JA Jha Thea what's the best part. about spring gang gang hmm I think the. best part about spring is its kind of a. reminder of what everyday is you know. every day is a new chance it's that you. know every day is a silver medal you. know every day is saying hey if you. didn't if it didn't happen yesterday if. you didn't do it right if you didn't do. it as well as you wanted to it's really.

a real soft way of saying here's another. opportunity you know here's another shot. today and it really the way that the. world even presents a day to you is. really so beautiful you know slow. sunrise the light slowly gathers. wouldn't be crazy if just BAM they cut. it on as fluorescent as [ __ ] you just. felt like an ICU or something just that. would be so drastic but the way that. nature says hey I'm here you're here.

let's see what we could do the way that. nature. that with just a day I think is. beautiful in spring I think is like that. and I do think there's some value to. live in a place that we you have Four. Seasons because you you remember that. you're part of earth you're part of this. you're part of life whereas sometimes in. California is just the same day forever. it just never ends man so I think the.

best part about spring is just as a. chance to put something new in the. ground you know to try something. different you know it's crazy all the. things sometimes that I feel like I've. recently have been feelings that the. things that I. it's crazy some of the things that I. fear the most. or sometimes recently the things that.

are starting to tempt me the most like. what if I just did those things you know. what if I just got me a house or got me. a wife forgot me uh or not got me one. you got to really have love and. everything but you know got me a dog. what if I did all those things I don't. know I I don't want to let my life just. pass by me just being in this fierce. state or this place of indecision. sometimes I feel like the best feelings.

I could have all right on the other side. of my fears you know and that's why man. that's why but what do I know dude I. don't know anything and that is the fact. I'm gonna probably call better help look. I love you guys and I appreciate you and. thank you for being a part of this past. weekend. and we do have exciting plans to do some. unique things for people this year and. be a part of people's lives and uh and.

just I'm just excited to remind myself. to get back to what I think is important. sometimes and what is unique sometimes. this podcast about this podcast is that. it's a group effort and that we're doing. something not alone and that to me feels. good man and. that's the sugar bro that's the sugar. man we'll finish out here with this hit. again from Ty nice and who who sent it.

in in that magical man from the ether. what is he we don't know he could be a. puff of smoke he could be a ninja he. could be a Tsar he could be a marsupial. he could be a plate one of the tectonics. underneath us we don't know he who knows. man but he makes sweet music more than. words man I'm out of words you guys be.

good to yourselves he deserve it okay. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].

[Applause]. [Music].