Thanksliving | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #310

Amen. And that's what they say sometime. You. see, amen. Some gay fella will say it. like that. You know, he'll kind of. they'll use it to holler at you. You know, if you got a buddy that's a. homosexual or a. you know, registered, you know, or not registered, but just, you know, gay. Some men is. gay. And you know, that's how it is. Sometime. you see a man and next thing you know.

they trying to, you know, do a piggyback. on the front of you. And that's, you know, that's just. that's society, bro. That's society. And. that's. I mean, they've they legalized it and. that's what it is, baby. So, um, what else is going on, man? Who who. knows, baby. boy. Who knows what's up.

Uh hopefully your spirits are hopefully. you had a good uh weekend. Got that turkey. Hopefully everybody got. birded out. cuz that's what they hit you with that. bird. And a lot of things can happen. after Thanksgiving meal. You know, a lot of time somebody will. steal your wallet right at when you. buzzed out on that bird. You know, you have a little bit of that.

turkey, bro. And next thing you know, somebody stole your rims off your car. They said, "Damn.". They hit you with that bird, that air dope, baby. The Lord's perka. set, baby. I'm talking about that. turkey. I'm talking about that. Damn, that [ __ ]. A turkey, bro. If I bet if you if you. snuck up on a turkey, bro, I bet they. know what I bet a turkey knows. how to use a pillow. That's what I bet.

If you see a turkey animal. in the woods or whatever, I bet they I. bet they know how to use a pillow cuz. that's a damn that meat will tire you. out. you follow us. I mean that that turkey. you. you know it'll really soften your damn. pecker. All right. Uh what's going on? We'll see.

Let's get into it right here, man. Uh. thank you guys for being here. This is Robert Finley. Get it while you. can. is going to break my back if I'm working. for a living. Don't give me a heart. attack. You got to take it when you can. get it. Yeah. Why you can't.

wrap it up in. s. don't come in the mail. come in a movie but you got to take it. when you can get and get why you can. Oh yeah. I know the dealer but I surely know his. daughter. But if I had to take the Y, I never.

would have come. You got you. w. you got to take it when you can get it. and get where you can.

Yeah, man. And that's adulthood right. there. That's Robert Finley. And that's a beautiful right there. Beautiful urban gentleman hitting them. the high notes and the low notes and the. in between, man. Damn. He's just a I mean, that man, he's a. real damn billy goat of of just charisma. and. capability, man. I mean, he really, if. you go watch him, watch his video on the.

internet. Robert Finley, get it while you can. And you got to get it while you can, baby. Cuz they they ain't always giving it. out. You know, they you sometime you go. outside and there's no wind out there. Sometime you run out there with a kite. and nothing.

and you just nothing. A squirrel run by. flip you off, bro. And that's they you. know. some you know God don't always make. wind. So you got to just get it while you can, baby. Cuz not every day is is is. the is the world going to offer you the. same stuff.

So we got to keep our cup on us, man. When we go out there and if it's. raining, you got to get you get you half. a cup. Get you a little quarter quart, you. know, get you a third of a gallon, baby. and just, you know, hoard a little, save. a little, fill it up. When you get a chance, you got to get. involved in the world. I got to I got to stay active. I got to,

you know, if I see somebody laughing, having a good time, I can't just, you. know, go sit out in the van. I got sometime it's hard to stay, you. know, to go over there and chuckle with. them and absorb the the joy. Sometimes it's hard for me to put my. kite into the wind, you know, and trust the breeze. I. But then I But then I But then if I.

don't, then I then I can't I can't be. pouting when I don't have no gusts in. me. I can't be pouting when I'm thirsty for. some kind of happiness because I didn't. run my cup out there earlier. You know when that breeze isn't going, when the water is a falling, when the. sun is a shining, you got to take it. where you can get it.

And you got to get it while you can, baby. That is Robert Finley. And you'll enjoy that. I hope you. enjoyed your Thanksgiving. You know, it's interesting. I I uh. I didn't have a big plan really for. Thanksgiving. And David Arette lives out here now. And. he's in a new wrestling documentary. He. was a um he came and came on to this.

podcast and he invited me over and he. got a wife. He got two offspring, males, juvenile males. And uh. so I went over there and drove out to. the country and. another buddy invited me over to do some. four-wheeling. I went over there. Um. and it was nice. I had a nice time, you know. I had a nice time just getting. to see a family and uh his mother-in-law.

made some. like a salad. The salad had a I was. like, damn, somebody. they might have a little bit of. Alzheimer's in the recipe. You know what. I'm saying? It had a couple ingredients. in the salad recipe. I was like, I don't. know. This thing got a damn pineapple. You. know what I'm saying? It had a little. bit of, you know, this thing a little. bit heavy on the uh bay leaf. You'll see. You know, it have two, you.

know, half a marshmallaf in it. Be like, damn, this thing. But uh but it was a good time, man. Really enjoyed myself. And. you know, and part of me I was like, I. don't want to go. I'm just gonna be at. home. You know, I don't have a plan. I. didn't go home. Um. but I'm glad I put a foot forward and. say, you know, I'm just going to, you. know, I'm going to go get out in the system. I'm going to go get out in the.

just into the flow of the world. and and I ended up having a nice time. And I think it makes people feel good. when they can when they invite you to do. things and you say yes. I think it makes. people feel. um you know, I think it makes people. feel good. You get to, you know, they. invite you come on and do it. Oh, come. out here. Come to the zoo. Well, I don't. want to go to the zoo. you know, I don't.

want to smell monkey [ __ ] and uh and get. sunburned, but you do it and then it's fun and they. have fun, you know, and then now you got a little. bit of connection and you got another. little anchor in the world. Um. I'm not preaching, I'm just saying, yeah, I just cuz sometimes I struggle. I. want to say I, you know, oh, they're. just inviting me because they feel sorry. for me or they're just um, you know, they just they're just offering me that.

because they uh, you know, um, they feel. like they have to. A lot of that [ __ ] is. in my head. People want to do nice. things because people want to do nice. things. And the gift that I can give sometimes. is just saying yes, is getting and just being involved. because if I don't, I get isolated. Um, and this past week, I just been saying. yes, man.

I've been saying yes. Uh, and I've been getting it while I can. That's Robert Finley. What's going on out here? I watched a. Tyson fight last night. And dude, I was most excited about. seeing um. Jake Floyd against uh. what's his name? Nate uh Nate Robinson. And dude, I thought Nate Robinson was. going to whoop his ass, honestly, because I've fought black dudes before.

and they they'll beat your ass. And so I thought that was kind of how it. was going to shake out. But damn, bro. Jake Paul. he see man he seemed legit just. it was hard to get a real take on it. because Nate was just coming at him. Nate kind of had that bulldog. like a bulldog with a um ear infection. You ever see that dog? and he trying to.

bite you, but he also he don't aim. correctly because his, you know, his equilibrium is on uh, you know, he's got a bad wheel. So, he's. biting, but he's, you know, he missing. the left every time he try to, you know, to teeth you down, to gum you. up. And and Jake Paul, he really, he made that dude pay. He made him pay. I mean, he put him out,

son. So, you got to give props to both those. dudes for getting out there. That [ __ ]. looks scary. Them dudes start throwing them fists, man. Um, so yeah, I I enjoyed watching it. I. mean, the whole I didn't like all the. rapping and [ __ ] I'm like, what is all. this [ __ ] I felt like I was trapped in. a in a nightclub in Jacksonville, Florida. I was like, "This [ __ ] is crazy." People.

are fighting, a lot of smoke in the air, a lot of dance like uh just one dude. dancing by himself. It definitely had a. very Jacksonville vibe to it. Um. but uh so what when watching the Tyson. thing going I wasn't excited about it. I. I I watched it on um Stream East or. whatever where you get the free stream. pirated. I'm the captain now. I did the pirate. and why was that pirate? You know, I I.

stole the [ __ ] I stole it. And. yeah, I didn't I just felt like uh. I don't know if I didn't feel like it. was for me. I thought the ring looked like a video. game. They really went for this video. game look like complete black in the. background. Uh I don't even know if they. need it at the Staple Center. I wonder. what the cost was of that. cuz you got to shell out them duckets.

You want the Staple Center? You could. have done that in um. you know, you could have done that at at. a Staples at an abandoned Staples. You. know, one of those Staples that got. looted out there in Los Angeles or. Portland. You could have done that on. damn aisle six on envelopes. But I just don't know what the cost was. to do it at the actual big Staple. Center. Um, but I guess it does add a different.

mystique to it. And as viewers, hell, we don't even know. if they really did it at the Staple. Center. They could have been showing it. from the helicopter and not doing it. They could have done that anywhere. Uh, what else? I watched it. What did I feel. like? I felt like it was exactly what I. thought it was going to be. I'm glad I. didn't pay for it. Um, I wanted them. There was too many rules. going into it and there was too much.

hugging. Mostly the thing about the Tyson fight, it made me remember to call my. grandfather. and my grandfather. is dead. So, I just prayed a little and. uh almost Ouija boarded him, but I. didn't even honestly know him that well. and he was my stepgrandfather and he. used to take us on a motorcycle and we. used to catch fresh catfish and he would. have them, you know, he put them on that. stringer and I'd put them over my. shoulder and I barely had a shoulder,

probably four years old. Hell, half the. fish was older than me I caught. You. know, I'd have 19 years worth of fish on. my back and I just strap them [ __ ] on. and he would just let me sit on the back. of a motorcycle. I'd hold on to him with. one arm and just, you know, shoulder a a. little batch of bullheads, spoon river catfish, shoulder them over. my other shoulder and just. and then get over, you know, get back to.

the back to the house. But but yeah, I. what else I remember, you know, it was. Jones Jr. looked scared. or just more nervous. He definitely look. gassed out pretty quick, you know. And I've seen senior citizen. fight, you know, in my neighborhood. when I was growing up. This man, Mr. Pledo, got in a f in a uh he got thrown. into a ditch fire. by Milford King. And Milford died,

but this is when he was um alive. And Milford was our school bus driver. was shirtless. And a lot of people think, "Oh, school. bus drivers should have a shirt on.". Well, hell if they should, baby boy. You know, a lot of school bus drivers, they don't. need a shirt. You don't need a shirt to drive a bus. That's a damn myth. You know, that's a myth amphetamine, bro. That's people smoking ideas that.

aren't aren't facts. And uh and Milford was redheaded and he. had red chest hair and back hair and he. probably weighed about. 305 lb 3078 lbs. And he spoke I thought he spoke a. different language but he just couldn't. talk well. You know, I think they probably taught. him about threequarters of the alphabet.

and the last quarter it was just. I mean he was just damn vanna whitening. out there. He's just spinning letters. He don't know what the hell was going. on. He'd put a a seven in the middle of. a sentence. He didn't, you know, sometime he'd throw a damn uh an asterk. in the middle of a damn word. He don't, you know, he didn't know. He wasn't. fully equipped. Um, you know, if Knowledge was a 18-wheeler, this dude probably had about a.

dude has seven tires on him. He was that. kind of guy. But he fist fought a this old man named. Mr. Pledo and threw him in a in a ditch. fire in our neighborhood. when they were both pretty much near. senior citizenship. And when I saw this fight, that's the. first thing I thought of. I said, "Oh, I. seen they should put a, you know, put a. damn fire in the middle. and let these dudes [ __ ] get Irish, bro.".

Because they running this weak ass, you. know? I mean, that's the thing about when old. when old people fight of different. cultures, they fight differently. You know, old, you got two old old. brothers out here fighting and they they. actual fist fighting. They got it all. gloves and everything. You throw two old. white dudes out there, somebody's ending. up in a damn fire. So, it's cultural, baby. It's cultural.

But yeah, it's a good time to be a part. of Thanksgiving. And you know, there's. something about that day after. Thanksgiving, too, when you just sitting there. And uh. Excuse me. I had a little bit of water. and it feels like a um. the day after Thanksgiving it feels like. a Saturday but it's not. It's like oh. this is kind of nice. and it's just like.

you can feel the whole world start to. take a sigh of relief. It's like ah. we're just going to just kind of lazy. our way towards the holidays. You know, it's a good time to check in. with a friend. You start remembering. friends. Oh, I, you know, I should check. in with them. I should send them a text. Say, hey, you. know, hey, Ronnie, bro, I love you, bro.

Hadn't talked to you in a couple years. And then his wife writes back, "Ronnie, Ronnie's dead. Ronnie died a couple, you. know, Ronnie died 18 months ago. Head-on. collision." You're like, "Oh, damn.". Well, but it's just that time, you know, where. you just remember to check, you know, you go tickle somebody, you haven't you. haven't touched them maybe in, you know, you haven't touched your wife in. probably seven months. You go tickle. that [ __ ] over there. She making a. soule and you sneak up and just finger.

rib that [ __ ] up, you know, surprise. her. Get that jump back in her. It's just that time of year, you know. It's that time of year where. maybe your neighbor got a little pet. bird. and you run over there and seed that. [ __ ] up. Give him a pumpkin seed or. something. Give him an acorn. It's that time of year.

You know, maybe you take a little uh. you take a muffin over to a senior. citizen. and you got to pour some water on it, dampen it up so they could swallow it. But you give him that gift. You hit them with that fluffy cake. little bad boy, that muffin. Treat that old bastard, you know, treat. them nice. That's what time it is, man. That is what time it is. get that hitter. merchandises. Hit the website. theovonsstore.com.

We got the restocks are in. So if you. want to get something, you can get it. And that's how that works. That's called. getting something. and you can do that. Uh the the episode. of Man Up is up. Um Sticky Rick. about this thick boy and he was doing. masturbation and everything, but he's trying to turn it around. And. that's on YouTube. Um, so.

you can check that out. Comedy Central. passed on the show. You know, they were too busy picking up. dog [ __ ]. Uh, and they passed on our show. So. that's why we do this. People say, "Why don't you do why don't. you?" Because. because, man, and I don't really have a. I don't have people say, "You sound real. salty about it. I'm sugary about it. You know, it was the gift that I didn't. really know was that we were going to be.

able to get in and do our own stuff. But at a certain point, you start to. realize that some of these places do not. want your kind around. And you start to wonder why. You do. start to wonder that. Um, what else, man? What else really. has been going on with me? I had a tough. day the other day, Thanksgiving morning, man. I was crying outside of a doughnut. shop in my truck,

you know. I wasn't touching myself or. anything, but. you know, so that's how that day kind of. started. Uh. what else was happening? Oh, the we're. gonna do. I'm doing a lot of law, you know, like. you know, a little bit of like calendar. laundry here. We're going to do the uh a. belated Christmas special talent. extravaganza with Tammy with Chelsea.

Lynn Tammy. That will be that's going to be. postponed. And I think we're going to do. it after the New Year's just to have. more time and to really make it special. or especi baby which sounds like a. disease but it's special in Spanish. So we're doing that. Um I'm going to let you know right now. though that if you're getting a gift for. somebody, get them get them get them get.

them the sounds of the world. You know, one nice thing about music is. that you can hear it. Imagine. watching somebody just push buttons on a. piano and nothing. Or watching somebody think that they, you know, pluck on a guitar, but it. don't make any sound. You think they had. heavy autism or ha. Well, 2020 is throwing us a gift for the. holidays.

This is the go-to gift. And what I'm talking about is the silver. bullet gift idea of Raycon wireless. earbuds. I want to get everyone a gift this year. that's going to make them go, "Hey, thanks. You know what? I actually did. need this. I'm actually going to use. this.". And that's Raycon wireless earbuds. You know, I've had different earbuds and. I didn't like them. One of them I put. them in. All I could hear was uh you.

know all I could hear was my neighbors. and they're fist fighting two lesbians. over there beating each other about you. know something. Some they did a um they. hired a shoddy contractor to you know. redo a porch and they was nim Mitches. was pissed. But um with seamless. Bluetooth pairing and a comfortable. noise isolating fit, you can start. listening right out of the box and keep. listening for hours with Raycon wireless. earbuds. That's what the game changer is.

for me is the amount of time that they. last for. The audio quality is amazing. comp comparable to what you get from. other premium brands except Raycons. start at half the price. Don't pay for. that extra pricing. You don't need it. Best of all, this is something people. can use for calls or music for work or. play at home or on the go. It's a gift. that keeps on giving. Raycon's being. generous for the holidays as well. So,

on top of their everyday great prices, they're offering our listeners 15% off. right now. Go to buyracon.com/to. today to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's by r a y o n.comto. Support this past weekend. Get someone. the gift they will use. Byracon.com/theo. for 15% off.

Uh we had a lot of really special calls. and and this and thats that came in and. um. and I want to get into a few of them. And here's one right off the bat. Theo, this is Kenny calling from. Portland. Hey Kenny, thank you for. calling. In Portland, they say they got a lot of. beautiful strippers up there and a lot. of rain.

So if you like that whap, that's your. territory, baby. You know, if you like a damp girl that's. really pale skin but tatted up, if you like one of them antifa bad. [ __ ] that's your territory. Onward. Uh, I had an idea here. I have a. PlayStation 5 that I got from my work. Uh, I'm not really a big gamer, but I. would like to offer that to one of your.

struggling single moms. So, if you have. any ladies out there that are trying to. make their kid happy on the holiday, I. have a PlayStation 5 that I'd be willing. to donate. Uh, only because your show. gives me hours of entertainment. throughout the week. Uh, you're very. positive. I love the things that you. have to say. And, uh, gang gang, gang. gang, man. Thank you, Kenny. That's man, that's where it's at, you know. That's where it's at. Um, and.

we we we would love that if you if you. know a single mom that could use this. gift, uh, you can hit the hotline. 9856649503. Um, you know, and and and think just think. about it. If you don't don't call don't. don't give us some lady that can't use. it. Don't give us some lady that's gonna. sell it and buy a del out there or buy a. couple grams of this or a rock or a rock. of crack.

You know, if you have somebody you think. can can use it, has some children that. and don't you if the children already. dumb, they might not need a PS5. Get. them bastards a PS3. But if you got a woman that's got a. couple of kids, that's very kind of you, Kenny. We'll. reach out, man, and uh we'll see what we. can do. We'll take a couple of. suggestions. If you can hit the hotline, 985-664-9503. Um that would be awesome. You know, uh.

it's that time of year, man. It's that. time of year to to extend a little if. you can. Um you know, the other day I was where. was I? I was eating breakfast here out. here in the central east, which is where. I'm at. And. uh and I ended up paying for. um the breakfast. There was a couple. sitting outside. and when I walked in, the guy said, "Hey." And him and his girlfriend were.

just visiting in town. And so before I. left, I just bought my meal, bought. their meal. um. and just left, you know. And then and. I'm just saying that because about two. weeks later, I'm across the street. eating breakfast at a different place uh. with Josh Wolf. and. we get up to pay and leave and they. said, "Oh, somebody bought your meal." I. said, "Dang.". Didn't know who. I don't know who it. was.

You know, some damn Scrooge McDuck. got warmhearted, you know, got them a just fired, you. know, he grilled his own aers with the. Lord. with that Lord's Trager or something. Something hit him. He got he heated in. the heart and somebody bought me that. damn meal. So that's what you know, it's just it's. just that's karma roulette. And that. karma will really this the this time of. year when karma is out there. Karma got on the zoot suit. Karma's.

listening to 21 Savages. Karma's out. there, baby. Karma got his nose hairs. clipped out. He's out there. He's got a. fresh set of tits on. Karma's living. hard right now. This when karma is. paying attention. So, it's a great time to extend that. olive leaf to somebody. How can I help? What can I do? And when I get up in the morning this.

week, what's been making me feel good is. just saying, "What can I do? What can I. do for somebody that's not me? Who can I call that would like to hear. my voice today?". And not in like a ego way, but just who. can I call that I know could use. somebody just they they're looking for. anybody in the world to call them and. say, "Hey, how are you? Where's your. head at? Where's your heart at?

And sometimes that can be you. That can. be anybody. But I have to remember when I get up to. ask myself that question first. So, um, so anyway, what a small little world. how that worked out. Uh, but thank you, Kenny. We'll find somewhere. We'll find. someone who can use it, I think. So, hit. the hotline if you have some. suggestions. Um, I'm going to tell you. right now also that we got this call.

that came in right here. Hey Theo, this is uh Salem coming at you. from Victoria, British Columbia in. Canada. Salem. and man, thank you Canada for being you. You know, sometime I fall asleep at. night, I think about Canada, bro. I'll be honest with you, dude. No homo, bro. or no snowmo. But I think about Canada. and I think sometime I just I'll lay in.

bed. I'll just think about damn Canada, bro. And I think about a newborn baby just. riding naked on a just on a damn. reindeer's back. and just looking for God, bro. Both of. them. the little the little baby's on. the back of the reindeer and he just. looking for the Lord. And there's just something beautiful. about that [ __ ] bro.

And I didn't I'll be honing. up. When I was young, somebody said, "Hey, a. wolf, you know, a wolf attack." They had. a drawing at school. It was a picture of. a wolf attacking a boy. and it said Canada on it. I said, "Damn, boy." So, I thought. Canada was just a place where America. where we, you know, practice safety. equipment where we mailed safety. equipment to see if it worked and they. mailed it back. I thought it was a.

company, you know, kind of a, you know, probably a 3.5 star company out of five. stars. But that's a that's a myth, man. I've. been smoking myth amphetamines, bro. If. I'm thinking that, I've been getting. high on myth amphetamines. If I've been. thinking that, because Canada, Canada's. amazing. If you meet somebody from Canada, bro, hug them, shake their hand, [ __ ] them, treat them well, baby. feed them, you.

know, massage them. Garage them, bro. Put them in your garage. You feel me? What I'm saying? Do something for them. because they're good people. Anyway, thank you, Salem. Onward. And uh I have a a thing going on. I. recently met this girl that I really. like and uh the issue though is she is. very COVID conscious. I guess not an. issue. It makes sense. And um basically.

we go on a couple dates, we're hanging. out from a distance and like we can't. really, you know, make any physical. contact or um kiss each other, hug or. whatever. And that's tough. I feel like. for me, I don't know what you think. about no physical contact in a. relationship. And also I'm heading back. to Ontario outside of Toronto in uh a. couple months. So I don't know, you.

know, really what I'm doing or why. So you're Canadian. She's afraid of co. This is like uh Snow and Hulu Leette. You know, she's scared of something and. you really, you know, and you from the. great dub in baby. You feel me? That. white north, bro. That Blanco up top. gang [ __ ] Homeward. But uh the. circumstances point. No. But I like her. and I like seeing her. So love to hear.

your thoughts. Um love the podcast. You're a hilarious guy and you've taught. me a lot just listening to you talk. Um. gang gang, brother. Gang, baby. Thank. you, Salem. Um. and let me tell you, I'll say this. First of all, man, I think, you know, this is a beautiful story. and this is why I listen to this podcast. because sometimes it reminds me. that there is.

there there is still a a human part of. life. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it don't. remind me of anything, but sometimes it. reminds me that there's still this. element of people. There's still this. this fabric. inside us that. that wants to be seen.

And that fabric a lot of times it's it's. like uh the text it's like the textile. of just the of the human condition. Um, and sometimes it's. it's. fun and sometimes it's real and. sometimes it's tragic and sometimes it's. sometimes it's alive and sometimes it's. dead almost.

But it's. it's just. bare. and it's nice. This something about this. does that for me. this this cult because. it just, you know, not every relationship is come. over here and let me look up your booty. You know, there's a lot of love out. there that still has this old-fashioned. wagon wheel kind of environment.

You know, there's a lot of love out. there that's like, "Hey, I met you and. I'm thinking about you.". And it's not a million texts a day. And. it's not a, you know, look, I'll be honest. I met a. girl a couple months ago and we met up. in a park. And you know, I tried to get to see her. tits from about 20 ft away. She said no. And she drove off and she thought I was. probably a piece of [ __ ]. And she was probably right.

But you're doing something else, man. You have a really There's a love thing. going on there. and you're just kind of contemplating, well, what if I I'm, you know, I could. lose this girl. I could go on, you know, I have to go. and that's called extradition when you. got to leave the country. And I'm, you know, I'm glad that not. everybody's allowed to stay. Unfortunately, they, you know, if you. run over here with a damn hatchet and. shoot up a Dollar General, they let you. stay. But, you know, you're a decent.

kuck over here doing, you know, trying. to fall in love and they, you know, but. those are the rules. But um. what were we talking about just now? But love, man. Um. there's something special about that. You know, there used to be something. special about when somebody wasn't. around just thinking about them.

Man, I remember I had a big crush on. this girl Katie. And people called her kind of fat Katie, I think, but I just called her just. Katie. And if she was fat, man, good. That. meant there was more of her, bro. Cuz I. was in love with her. And uh and I wrote Katie on my pillow. And some of would just go lay in my bed. and just hug this pillow as hard as I. could.

And I just hoped that somehow she just. knew how much I just cared about her. And uh. and somehow in that little process of me. hugging this pillow, it was that was the. old school like just texting or stalking. on Instagram. That was the old that was. it was a real visceral thing. You know, back in the day, somebody. would get a knife and they would just go.

out to a a park bench and just be like, "I'mma [ __ ] Bridget.". And they would just write that in there. And that, you know, it was just that. meant something. It was putting it out into the world. without putting it right into somebody's. damn ear hole. And it gave the world a chance to say, "Okay, I'mma maybe this will land over. by him or maybe it won't.".

We let the world play a role. It used to be you'd put your feelings. onto a kite. It used to be you'd put your feelings. like you, you know, you'd take them and. you'd you'd blow them into a balloon of. sorts. and just let them off into the world. and maybe they would land on the. person's heart they were intended for.

Maybe they wouldn't. But now it's everything's so direct. We. just take it and we write it on an. arrow. You know, damn it, I love you and. I'm a pervert. And you just now you just. fire it right at him. And we just the world, we don't let the. world work. We don't let the world have a say. anymore.

So I feel you, man. There's something. magical about if you go or if you stay. or if there's something magical about. being at a distance. because we used to always have to be at. a distance. You couldn't permeate. someone as immediately as you could now. You had to kind of let the world play a. role.

But I um I love where your head's at and. I love where your heart's at, man. And I think one thing you can do, this. is a great time for some romance, whether this works out or not. It's a great time, you know, uh to do. something like do a do a uh. scavengers hunt.

You know, you could do something sweet. You could um. you know, put a message in a bottle and. throw it in her yard, you know. You could do something like. that. Mow some mow a message into her. grass, you know. Let me hit that. You wrote it over. there.

But it's a chance, man. It's a real. chance to do something kind of sweet, I. think. Um, yeah. Uh, and you could do a do a um a. poem. Use your words. That's a great. idea. Use your words. You know, write her a letter. Write her. a letter about how you feeling sexually. Do her a poem. You know, maybe maybe uh. sex six sex feet away.

This is for you, baby. This called sex. feet away. I want that booty, but the air got diseases. I want that cuda, but we got to bleach. our creases. I want that monkey. and I want it on my tonsils, but I don't. want you to die, baby. I'm COVID. conscious, gang, baby. Hit her with.

that. Hit her with that bam, that word. hammer, dog. But yeah, use your words, use your. feelings, and let it ride, man. Mail it. to her. Mail it to her. Stand out. But thank you for that question, man, and that call. Gang [ __ ] Praise God, man. Oh, I'mma tell you guys right now about. something you already should know. Your.

body has a your body has really. a butthole on it. I'm gonna be honest. with you. And that's straight up. And And if your body does have that, then this ad is for you. It's hard to believe these days that we. have to still have to wipe our butt when. we go to the bathroom. Think about that. That's oldfashioned. What is it? You. know, what is it? 1640. So, for years, beds.

have been available, but hideously. expensive, costing thousands of dollars. The original bedet you'd have to pay a. French guy to come over and wash your. ass for you and he'd e he just have a. paintbrush and a and a cup of soap water. and he just van go your ass clean. But the hello tushy modern bedet. attachment is here to democratize the. blessings bestowed by beday and offer. clean bee holes. That's what we're going. to call them from here on to everyone.

Hello Tushy cleans your butt with a. precise stream of fresh water. Just a. damn gleak for just $79. Praise God. Because with Hello Tushy, you don't wipe at all. You don't wipe at. all. Boy, you're going to be no wipe. Johnson, baby. Even the best TLY just can't cut it when. it comes to that handsfree behold. experience. God touching your beehole.

What is it? What are we damn living in? Living in the Bible. Ditch paper products and uncomfortable. chafing when you switch to the soothing. cleansing stream of water from a Hello. Tushy bedet attachment. And every Hello. Tushy Bedet attachment comes with a. 60-day risk-free guarantee and a 12month. warranty. Join millions of Hello Tushy happy. customers right now and have a clean.

butt with every flush. Go to. hellushy.com/theo. to get 10% off. This is a special offer for our. listeners. That's right. Go to. hellotushy.com. for 10% off. Hello tushy.com/theo. Clean that bh. Take a break from cooking and order food. you love with GrubHub. Familyfriendly. You can get anything. Pick a place. Yep. They service them. Get the food you love.

with perks from GrubHub. Now you get the perks and you you say. you order duty. You do two omelets. You. do two omelets and a um and a fish fry. dinner combo. six-pack. Next thing you know, bam, you got enough. to get a waffle. Bam. [ __ ] she waffled. up. Bam. Get your cousin. Get Tony a. [ __ ] uh parmesana. Get little Tony's little freaking. crippled ass of Parmesana, baby. That's.

how it works. We're talking GrubHub. perks. Try something new. from all the local restaurants in your. area. It's time. Grub what you love. Grubhub perks. All right, let's get into a couple more. calls here. Here's we go. Hey, Theo, this is uh Luke from Kansas. City. Luke from KC and we appreciate. you, brother. And I was uh.

I was in a burning building once in. Kansas City. Um but I just made a. sandwich and so I didn't evacuate and I. ate that sandwich. homework. I'm over. here trying not to delete one of these. uh cigarettes that I got burning in my. pocket right now. Uh I just wanted to. call and say I love the show, man. I um. I really appreciate it. Make me laugh, man. Your uh commentary on Tampa, which. I have a good friend and that took me to.

Underbelly of Tampa. Um was spot on. Oh. yeah, Tampa's a good place to get uh I. mean somebody will take your organs. right out of your body with a knife and. then freaking you know sell you a cigar, bro. Gang [ __ ] onward. Uh my I just had. a question about you know I had a son. He's uh he's coming of age you know not. too soon. He's nine but I know that you. know the time's coming for the birds and. the bees. And I just wanted to get your.

take on how how do you break that down? you know, and I know I didn't really. get, you know, too much uh explaining, you know, when I was younger and uh just. want to give him the tools, man. And I. just want to give you, you know, what. are your thoughts on uh you know, the. birds and the bees to to a young man. Thank Amen. Thank you so much for that. question. And he's talking about sex. He's talking. about sex. He's not talking about pets. or anything like that. He's talking.

about sex for children. And um you know it's. here's the thing. I think the thing is. with talking about sex with children, you want to be the first person to to to. kind of. to present it to him. You want to be the diving board.

He's going to hear something. He'll hear. a word. you want to be the one to start. the to present it to him because I. remember when I was young, they had a. fell in our neighborhood who ended up. actually taking his uh grandmother's. life and she was our lunch lady and RIP. Annie. and uh. and she'd scoop you out the peas and she. [ __ ] she by the time she got that. scoop to you, she'd have half the peas.

on there. She had damn dyslexia in her. wrists, you know, she couldn't put. together a damn scoop of peas, but uh. but anyway, um what was I talking about? Oh, this dude. So, he made I mean, he. didn't make it, but he this dude one. time, you know, he masturbated. and he Jerked out, you know, spraying. out they called it locally. But he jerked out and uh he made us kind. of watch him. He didn't make us watch.

him, but this was right after football. season ended, right before baseball. So, kind of that time when there wasn't, you. know, not not a lot going on. And so, he, you know, it was opportune. time if you, you know, this is, you. know, if it was just, you know, time. you'd almost try anything. You know, you. try, you know, you know, you'd eat Laffy Taffies even. though you hated them. You, you know, but anyway, this guy Jerk Dog made us. watch him. Anyway, his dad saw it happen.

and his dad was not pleased with it. So, I remember his dad made us sit in their. house and he put like stick them on our. hands, you know, like uh. spray enamel. Um, and he then he put our hand like a sand, like a coarse kind of sand, and then he. made us look at pornography in their. living room. And so we're there watching and he told. us, he said, "You can't touch. yourselves, you know." So everybody's.

just sitting there damn erect. And uh, and the dad was making chili the whole. time. He's making chili. in the kitchen, man. So I can't even. drive through Cincinnati without just. springing bored. You feel me? But um. anyway, but here's what I'm saying is I. didn't know anything about sex and you. you you want to be the one to to to to. to introduce him to it. You don't want. some guy, you know, spray enamel in his. hands out there and making him watch.

pornography. So they got you just uh you know, you. got to be you got to be a part of his. life. I remember I heard the word dildo. and somebody at school was like, "Do you. know what a dildo is?" I was like, "Yeah." And I didn't know. And they didn't tell me. And then I'm on. the school bus and I told the school bus. driver, Miss Hazel, I told her straight. up. She had them big ass dildos on her.

chest. And um. and she sent me in the principal office. And this one, they still spanked you. So, Lton McKe, this man spanked the f. out of me, but nobody still told me what it meant. No, I I just didn't know anything. You know, it was just a different time, man. Um, my buddy Scotty's dad, he came one time. I was staying with them. He came in the. bedroom. He said, "Look, first time at. his house, he goes, "You fellas can.

sleep pole to pole or hole to hole, but. don't sleep pole to hole. I mean, I didn't know what the hell he. was talking about, dude. We tried to. figure it out. We We're laying there and. flipping over and doing this and that. and. hell, I I just slept on the floor. I. slept at the foot of the bed next to a. damn um. uh they had a golden retriever. But, um anyway, you I'm saying you want. to be the one to talk to him. You want.

to be the one to prevent present the. information. I remember another buddy of. mine, his this boy Jeff and his daddy. did mail. and his daddy did uh you know post. manning. and he one time he he he he he said you. want don't want to find a loose woman he. said and he put like a uh little bag. over my head from the store a tight bag. and he put it on my head kind of taped. it around my neck a little bit he said. you feel that.

I said yeah I can barely breathe you. know and then And he took that off and. then he put his mailbag over my head. US. postal mail set on a US mail. And he. said, "You feel that? You got all this. room in that bitch.". And he said, "You want the first one.". And so that's how he was trying to teach. me about women and loose women. And he said, "If if she'll smoke, she'll. poke." And I mean, if you if a woman was. doing a cigarette, they was willing to. do sex, you know, just old little. limmericks and stuff, Scottish kind of.

stuff. So anyway, I think you just want. to be the person to talk to him, you. know? You want to be the uh. you want to be the person to talk to. him. So maybe just ask him. I think a. good way could be, is there words that. you haven't heard before? Is there are. there words you have any questions. about? Are there terms you've heard? Um, you know, do you have any thoughts about. your body? Do you have any thoughts. about other people's bodies? You know, have him draw a teddy. See. where he's at with it.

you know, have him, you know, ask him what if he. knows anything about a cooter, see what. he says. He might not know nothing. So, but um anyway, but that's a suggestion I. have. If you have a suggestion on how to. teach uh a child about the burrs and the. bees, you can hit the hotline. 985-664-9503. Um. uh speaking of suggestions, man, we had.

some that came in last week. It was for. um this gentleman out of Baton Rouge, Luke, and he was going to be a best man. for his brother. And Luke, we got uh. some a couple of suggestions that came. in here for you. Here we go. Yo, what. up, Theo? This is Evan calling uh. calling you from Denver. I'm fresh off. of Best Man Speech, so figured I'd hit. up I think your boy Luke. um a little. nervous for his. Uh few pieces of advice. I would say just as far as structure, hit him with a joke out the gate and.

then pick like one or two. characteristics of your brother that you. really admire and then think of a couple. stories to illustrate those. Throw in a. couple jokes in between. Um you want to. keep it around like, you know, like you. said, three to five minutes, but also. have like a mic drop line at the end. Um, mine was, uh, I dressed his his wife. and I was like, if he's as good of an. older brother as he is a husband, you. guys are going to be in for a hell of a. ride. Um, so pick a line to leave him. on, too. And also outline that [ __ ].

Write it out beforehand. You do not want. to be standing up there with a piece of. paper. It's your damn brother. You know, you got got something to say, so just. outline it. Fill in the spaces. Speak. from the heart. Leave them on a banger. Um, and that's all you can do, man. U, but love you, Theo. Appreci Appreciate. it, gang. Brother, thank you. Thank you. there, Evan from Denver. And that's. information from the mountains, Denver. That's high altitude information. You know, somebody give you a little. swamp fact or something. [ __ ] all of. that. I want that freaking I want the.

[ __ ] that's been at the top. You got to. think about where you get your. information from. Some people, you get. information from somebody and they're. giving it that, you know, they live 6. feet above sea level. What? I don't want. that ratchet ass [ __ ] That shit's. barely uphill, baby. I want to hit, you. know, I want somebody from Kilamanero. I. want somebody from Denver. I want. somebody even from damn Boise. I want that up top information. That's. altitude knowledge, baby. You got to. think about that. Um, I would agree with.

most of what you said there. I would not. agree. I would say around two minutes. People's attention spans disappear fast. I totally agree with you. who would want. to chart it out, have it written out on a van. Don't be. sitting there 6 minutes before writing. that [ __ ] on the back of a um parking. ticket. Uh and I wouldn't masturbate a couple. days before. I'd go into it with a. little bit of fervor, you know. Um you could even eat some uh.

liver. I've been eating liver. Yes. And that could help you. Um, but. those are good suggestions, man. And uh, but yeah, I would tell I would get a. little bit closer to 2 minutes, but I. would end on a good note. Um, you don't want to have to stand back up. and be like, "Oh, and one more thing.". That's a That's a L right there. Let's. hear more. What's up, Theo? This is Grant calling. from Lafayette, Louisiana. And uh this.

is calling um related to Luke's question. about how to do the best man speech for. his brother. So whenever I heard that, you know, it kind of related to me. because I also have my brother's uh. wedding coming up in April and I'm also. the best man. So Okay. Well, let's So. this is going to be a good uh let's see. what you got, baby. Thank you, Elmer. I. think you hit it right on the head when. you said, you know, leaving something. short and sweet, but I think it really. is like a a tough balance getting. something that's meaningful and also.

light. So, like I think what I'm going. to try to do is really just kind of give. some kind of insight on like what it. means to uh what it's like to be his. brother. You know, probably mention. something about, you know, mention some. events about growing up, what it was. like. Like my brother sometimes he would. leave me let me dunk the basketball and. leave me hanging on the rim and pull my. pants down and run away or you know. maybe we had a little uh beat my ass. with some whole cans in a Walmart a. little brother battery going on and then.

uh oh yeah my brother beat me one time. with a full can of corn onward. after that maybe talk about something. how y'all's relationship kind of had an. impact on your life so that way you have. a little bit of humor, make it light, and then uh also a little bit of meaning. in there and then wrap it up. You know, just got to wish him good luck and uh if. you want, tell them you love them. So, Luke, I hope this helps, man. Uh Theo, I'm looking forward to seeing what you.

got to say about it. Gang, baby. Uh. yeah, that's what I love, man. What? Yeah. What is it like to be his brother? What is it like to be a younger or older. brother? What has it been like to watch. them uh adjust and grow? What is it like. to see their bravery heading into a. marriage? What skills have they shown. you as a brother? Not skills, but you know, abilities, capabilities, um what are some of their. characteristics that you know going into. a marriage that's really going to serve.

him well? That's really going to serve. the wife well. You know, he's taught me. this. He's taught me this. He's taught. me this. And you know, I've watched him. do this. I've watched him do that. And. and if he takes any of those things and. and you know and you could always leave. with a joke at the end if something ever. happens to him, you know, you've already been with somebody in the. family, so I'm you know, sign me up. Just like a funny little, you know, something chill at the end.

But a lot of great suggestions there, man. And best of luck to you, uh to you, Luke. And if you get the have somebody. video it if you want, Luke, when you do. it and get it right. But um what else do we have, man? Um. we've covered a lot. Everything's going to be okay. Um. we've covered a lot.

What else is going on right here? Uh, oh, I'll tell you this. We have Tony. Manderich coming in onto the podcast. this week and that's going to be really. interesting to hear his story. So, really, really, really excited about that. Um, and if. you're not familiar, he he was drafted. uh I think second overall by the Green. Bay Packers. Um, and he really had some. struggles and uh and what his life has.

been was like then and what it's like. now. So, I'm really looking forward to. that. Um, let's hear another call that. came in right here. Here we go. Hey, Theo, this is Abby calling from. Long Island. Hey Abby, thank you so much. for calling. And I used to drink Long. Island iced teas when I was in high. school. We would go to this bar. um about 30 miles away. We were 16 years. old. They would let us in. We It was. drinking with Lincoln and you gave him.

$5 and they would uh. and they gave you like this little like. fake emancipation proclamation and every. time you went up to the bar they would. check off one of the things on it and. you would get a a drink. Um. and. but they had a boxing ring in the middle. and kids would get wasted and and then. older kids would come from a nearby. college and really pretty much beat the. [ __ ] out of you. But um anyway, onward.

Love the show. Um my boyfriend actually. introduced me to you um when we first. started dating and it's been a really. fun thing for us to bond over. Well, thank you and that's nice of you uh to. say that and that's smart of him to. share. Onward a gift. Um anyway, the. reason I'm calling is to ask you for. some advice for my boyfriend. Um he's. been having a really tough time at work. lately. just not enjoying it at all. And.

uh he gets caught in this really. negative downward spiral of emotions and. sometimes that negativity gets brought. back into his personal life with him. You know, just unmotivated to talk to. anyone, do anything. And uh it makes me. sad, you know, cuz he's such a wonderful. person. He doesn't deserve to feel like. that. So I guess I'm just asking you to. give him some advice. I know he'll be. listening. Um, how can he stay positive. throughout the day or how can he.

separate his emotions during the workday. from his emotions in his personal life? Um, thanks for anything you could offer. him. I know he'll really respect and. appreciate it. Well, that's sweetie to. say that. And it's nice that you uh that. you care. It's nice that you care about how. somebody else feels. Um, you know, I and I can I I you know, I. can tell you just what my experience has.

been cuz I've really struggled with this. this past year. I mean, I have been. angry. I got really angry this year. I I also. think I I do also think I want to say I. think I have a pinched nerve in my back. or in my neck. I'm going to go get. checked out because I this whole year. I've been having a lot of pain and I. cannot it's been very hard to make it go. away. it just will not. And so I think. there might be more than. like mental stress going on. But um.

you know one thing that's I'll just tell. you what's helping me right now is. making a gratitude list in the morning. You know. uh. and getting up and saying what today I. get to do this. Today I'm thankful that. you know that my mother is alive. Today. I'm thankful that I get to eat. breakfast. Today I'm thankful that. there is a world that exists. because otherwise I get up into nothing.

There's nothing, you know. I'm thankful that I have a. towel. in my bathroom. I'm thankful that I can. pay my rent this month. I'm thankful I have a girlfriend that. cares about how I feel about myself and. about others. Um, I'm making th this would be something. that could be on his list and that was. about you. Um, but just things like I'm thankful that I.

have a job. You know, sure it sucks to go to a job. every day if you're not grateful you. have it. It sucks. You know, I'm I'm going skiing this. week. I'm going to Tahoe. And someone the other day is like, "What. are you up to this week?" I was like, "Oh, I have to go skiing." I said that I. have to go skiing. That just shows you where my level of. gratitude is at. Not in a good spot. They said, "You have to?" I said, "Well,

you know, I get to go skiing. I get to go, you know, I get to eat. breakfast. I get to wake up and hit my. knees and thank God to that I'm alive if. I want to. I get to put on face moisturizer. I get to smile at somebody. I get, you. know, uh it's just the perspective. It's. just the perspective.

That's what it is. It's the perspective. And that's where the choice is mine. The choice is mine. If. I ch, it's easy to choose to get up, get. immediately on my phone, start judging, start feeling sorry for myself. It's easy.

and it's the sad part is it's become com. it's become an like our phones and all. of that the immediacy of all it's become. such a an addiction. and I need this. right now. This should be let's you. know, you know, I don't take time for myself. to evaluate where I'm at each day before. I get into my world into the phone or. computer and let let it all hit me. So for me, this the only thing that's. been helping is just gratitude list,

having some gratitude because this is. life. This is it. And it's a great time of year to be. thinking about this kind of stuff. It. really is. Um, it's a great time of year to be. trying. and it's nice that you care. It's nice. that you care. Uh, so thank you for that call, Abby. And thank you. Thank everybody for being. here,

you And the best thing then is Abby is. in then if if if once once he's feeling. good then he can be a part of making. somebody else's day. That's the thing. That's the thing I want out of the. world. I want somebody to say, "Hey man, you made my day man. Hey, when you call. and check, hey, nobody was recogn Hey, I. and and and if I'm just thinking about. myself, it's hard for me to recognize. those things." So, but um.

and I'm not preaching. I'm just saying. look, I I struggle with this all the. time. I have to go skiing. Man, that shook me. to the core when somebody brought that. to my attention. You know, I'm grateful here. I I I'll. I'll read some of mine right now to you. that I made this week today. I'm. thankful that God has a plan for me even. when I feel don't feel I have a plan for. me. you know, today and and I don't even.

know if I believe in God sometimes, but. I'm trying to. So, I'm trying to just. practice it today. I'm thankful that I'm. not responsible for everything. God, thank God for that. Today, I'm grateful I get to meet my. friend Josh for coffee and I'm sure as. hell going to get a few eggs and sausage. patties. And I prefer patties to links. I don't like the links. They make me. feel honestly homoerotic, bro. So, I. ain't doing that. No cap. Today I'm thankful I got to watch my. favorite Christmas movie, Family Man. If.

you haven't seen it, sit down with. somebody you care about and watch it. Today I'm thankful my mom is alive. Today I'm thankful God trusts me. sometimes. Today I'm thankful I can try again. Today I'm thankful I'm going skiing next. week with my white friend. So those are just some things, man. And. I don't get it done every day, but I. know this. When I do do my gratitude. list, man, I feel better. Cuz when I start to isolate and start.

thinking everything's bad, then I I. separate myself from my friends, from my. loved ones, and then I'm sitting there. sometimes wishing I were doing some like. I'll see people having a good time and I. I'll I'll want to be a part of it, but. there's this chip on my shoulder inside. of me. that's. I don't know. It's like anger. It's like it's almost like. there's this tether.

that wants to keep me from having fun. and it's usually judgment. I'll judge. what's going on. But man, I know the more that I get out. there and get uncomfortable. And that's. one thing I did take away from that Mike. Tyson about he said was doing stuff. that's uncomfortable. Sometimes the most. uncomfortable thing for me is to laugh. when somebody says something. or to be when somebody introduced me to. somebody and I know that, you know, I could tell them something.

and and give them, you know, just to be. like, "Oh, I don't know what you're. talking about. Tell me about it." Even. though I might already know. It's just playing the. playing the game. You know, it's so easy for me to judge. the game instead of just [ __ ]. move my piece. Just keep moving my. piece, man.

Uh, thank you guys, man, for being a part of. my life. And I miss you. I miss going out on the. road. I miss doing some shows. And I'm. glad we have this. And I hope whatever. you know, whatever you're looking for in. your life, I hope that. you realize that it's really a lot. closer than you think.

And I don't know if that's true, but I. hope it is. Um, all right, man. We'll get out of here the same way we. came in in in here through our mother's. vagina. Uh, you guys be good to yourselves. You. deserve it. And this is Robert Finley. Get it while you can. [Music].

Man, you got to see this video. This is. he this man is awesome. [Music]. I'm trying to love this woman. It's going to break my back with working. for living. Don't give me a heart. attack. You got to take it when you can. get it. Get why you can't. wrap it up in B.

Yeah, it don't come in the mail. Come in, but you got to take it when you can get. and get why you can. Come on, Robin. I. did not know the dealer, but I surely. know his daughter, but if I had to take. a y'all, I never would have caught.

Yeah. You got to take it when you can get and. get where you can.

She had a disposition. like. every time I was going out. She be going. in. Come on. You got to take it with. you. Tell you why.

you might take the movie. Take it when you can get. and get while you can. You got to take. it when you can get and get while you. can. I don't know. Come on,

man. That is beautiful. Robert Finley's. Get It While You Can from his album. Going Platinum and you can enjoy his. sounds right now. Man, that's a. uplifter, isn't it? Oh, that is good.