Off The Bike | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #398

happy father's day everybody. if you're a father if you have um. fathered something. if you'd ejaculated out of your body and. that grew up somewhere. then that means you bubby. that means you're a daddy you're a dad. or a step-dad even now. they got that second string dad that. back up. the mark brunell. of parents you know that step daddy. and a lot of those men will get.

mustaches as well a lot of time you see. a step dad gets that. you know it's like the sheriff's badge. of step dad just that mustache baby that. dirty word curtain baby you know what. i'm talking about. that. um. that mustache ah. but yeah happy father's day everybody if. you did it and if you enjoyed it um. it's it's a it's a nice day i think for. commemoration. you know a nice day to stop and.

and look at the just you know really. think about the ball bag you came out of. you know and um. it's interesting that god and mother. nature use a ball bag to get you out. into the world. it's kind of exciting really to think. that the first thing you did was flew. out of somebody's wiener. and it's like going for a damn jog right. out of just you know. i mean that's crazy.

it's crazy when you think that the first. thing you ever did was that you know. that you you flew out of somebody's. penis bruh. that's i mean this. it's real bravo it's adventurous. it's damn brave of you. so next time if you're looking at you. know a mountain you know climbing up. something or doing a water slide you're. like i can't do it. okay man baby you know you can.

you know you can. um. you know my dad was real old uh. my dad he was a senior citizen when i. was born. and um. you know i have some memories i i wish i. had more memories of him. that's what i wish i had. oh. and when you're real young you're not. thinking about making memories with your.

dad that's not you don't think about you. know it's the dad's more his. responsibility kind of to think let's. make some memories together. and uh. yeah my dad man i remember he used to do. this game too he would. put us on our belly you know my dad. would put me on my belly on the ground. or on a carpet indoor ground. and. he put change he'd get as much change as.

he had in his in his pocket. and he put it on my back. and he'd say okay if you could you know. turn oh if you can get up. and. without any change falling off your back. you can keep the change if you can kind. of turn around and get. and uh. and it's impossible i never could do it. and i would get furious and i would. never get any money from him. and he also never even i don't think. paid child support later on.

so you know so it's uh. happy father's day guys we'll get into. it you know a lot i know a lot of you. guys are fathers out there and uh. congratulations and uh i hope you. enjoyed your day i hope you felt loved. by your family and um let's see what uh. the world has for us here again. come on baby. that classic baby.

i'm just sitting on your front porch. wondering how could i be so far from my. home. and my mind is somewhere else but when i. find it i'll patch up where it's been. [Music]. now i'm just floating on the breeze and. i feel i'm falling like these leaves i.

must be. cornerstone. oh but when i reach that ground i'll. share. [Music]. a little time. for me to set that parking brake. and let myself go wild.

shine that light on me. [Music]. i'll sit and tell you my story. [Music]. just. [Music]. there we are baby that's shined by. bishop gunn and you know that that's.

really the. that's the national anthem of this. podcast. you know that right there. that's that damn national anthem. of this podcast. what's going on what's good in the world. we're coming up on summer solstice. and that's that long day baby. that's swear today i mean the day just. had that extended cab. you know that's where the day really. just stretches its legs out.

you can see the clock doing yoga over. there it's getting long. that's summer solstice baby. you look in the distance man you'll see. uh. you see dracula or wolver wolves or any. type of nighttime in them you see them. over there looking at their watch like i. should you know am i late for work. you see any nighttime creatures or. critters. you see them looking at they want me. come on man.

i must be late for work. because the day just the day really just. punches the night time right in the damn. night deck. and that's what happens baby because the. day just does it all. that it can. on that summer solstice that thing is. long. it's a long day. it's a good day to uh. to spend time with somebody you care. about to do a little something extra.

you know if you usually just go right. home there's not enough time you go hey. let's take the long way home. let's drive by and see see something. see something. or do something go check a sunset. take a little ladybird out there with. you to the sunset. touch on each other a little bit. do something right let the cops pull up. what are y'all doing.

touching each other. all right. sometimes if you tell them honestly. they'll just drive off you know. guy remember one time pulled up on me i. was over there by a lake. and the cop pulled up what are you doing. i'm like. feeling on some tits and he drove off. bro he honked twice as he drove off too. bro. damn pervert creep. probably still employed over there.

probably sheriff now. what's happening man um. i'm going to florida this week and so. i'm i'm excited about that down there in. florida anything could happen down there. a lot of danger bears out there. you know that's where they uh you got. people you know just. you got people down there eating their. own lips and stuff you know it's real. florida it's just. a lot going on there. you have people some people don't even. can't even. use prepositions you'll meet somebody.

they can't they can't use any. prepositions they don't have somebody. with them that that does only use this. preposition. and they'll start talking and then they. pat the person on the back when they. need a preposition and that person will. say a preposition. you just get some weird uh. people down there pairings you know. it's really the bermuda triangle of. genetics down there. a lot of people just gargling their own. tongues down there yeah everything.

you know a lot of you you know you punch. somebody in the back and a damn percocet. will fly out of them. you don't know what's going on. you'll grab somebody weaner made out of. fentanyl or something you know it's just. you just have so much possibility there. because so much drugs could float in on. the banks there's so much bank you know. that the water really gets to molest. that whole state almost. you know when you got water just sucking.

on the sides of your land. you know there's gonna be a lot of uh. that's really that's almost you know the. beach is kind of like it's almost like. the water giving the land of uh bj if. you look at it just keeps kind of. so you know florida's about to pop off. dawg because the way it's just get it's. getting really getting slurped on by the. atlantic and the uh. g of mex over there. praise god but i'll be down there in.

hollywood florida this week. so if you know anybody over there near. for uh near fort lauderdale. and maya ma. come down there to hollywood florida. fort myers florida that's on this friday. june 24th hollywood on the 23rd. then daytona beach. over there a good day to just smoke. cigarettes until your tits cave right. into your damn body. like a lot of you know you see a lot of. that out there. a lot of adult women that look like um.

dog the bounty hunter. over there in detona beach florida. and then lakeland florida on uh june. 26th i'm excited for all of that. we also we got these new t-shirts in and. a couple of other styles be good to. yourself summertime colors banana salmon. and more theovonstore.com. oh what's happening with me.

um. [Music]. i went to a bonafire yesterday a. bonafire somebody invited me. and it's just. anytime somebody invites you to a big. bonafire you gotta really. wonder how if they trying to be around. satan or not. because there's all you know. it's all they always do a little extra. at those things people start you know. once it they start the bonafire some. people start throwing other [ __ ] in.

people you know let's burn let's burn. this. you know then somebody drive back to. their house gets all their ex-wife's. stuff and brings all that [ __ ] up and. people throwing you know. and then somebody some dude goes and. gets his ex-wife and throws that and you. know it's like damn. it just. it creates a lot of havoc sometimes if. somebody does a bonafire. uh yeah father's day man i remember you. know.

my my dad wasn't. my dad was. around but he was. i don't know i was just so young you. know just so young. when my dad lived with my parents got. divorced when i was seven. and uh. and after that my dad would try to come. over on the weekends and drive and see. us. but he was getting older he was 77 78 at.

that point. and so we started hitting stuff on you. know he had to drive about 30 40 miles. to get to us and he would hit stuff and. they'd have to you know say hey can't. come he hit this or he hit. a ditch and then it would escalate ditch. car. you know. um. not embankment but you know he hits you. know he just and then finally he just. couldn't really come and see us that. much anymore. um. but yeah i have some fond memories you.

know my dad his. he he. uh he would smell like beer sometimes. and i like you know some some sometimes. i remember that a little. and. my dad liked to whistle he would whistle. a lot. and his eyes would water he would be. whistling in his eyes would be kind of. leaking. and because he was just old i'll be like.

you know i always thought he was sad but. he just old because when you get old. your body just start you start crying at. you know everything. you know you just start dripping. if you walk up to an old person right. now and hand them like a towel or. something or kleenex they'll they'll say. thank you and they'll dry something off. that's just old people they leaking bruh. you go up to an old person right now you. give them a little towelette. you know a little a little french towel. or a little gay towel or whatever it is.

you know. you know i think it's a towelette huh. if it's trying to bang other boy towels. bruh that's a towelette son. you know that praise god. but uh. you give give a towelette to when a. senior citizen i still dry something off. on the spot they leaking bro. they leaking man. um. what do we have. in the news joe biden off his bike.

couldn't fault dude can't ride a bike. that good get him off the bike. get that man off of the bike. y'all know he's a senior citizen man. and that's as much citizen as you can. get that's it. okay that dude is right you know. that dude's hanging out right there on. uh. on the lord's doorstep dude. if the lord had a ring cam you would see. uh joe biden's on that thing.

so don't tell me he ain't just he ain't. he ain't uh about dead. okay and y'all putting him on a bike and. you should be ashamed of yourself his. wife too. whatever her name is ronald ron. i don't know i don't know what her name. is. but you don't put that you don't put. that man on a damn bike. you don't put a senior citizen like that. on a bike and if you do put them in that.

little seat in the back. and let somebody tough out there drive. them around. but damn bro they put the man out there. just [ __ ] [ __ ] crazy bro dude trying. to do stunts and whatever he's doing. it's just. i don't like the way they parade in this. that man around he's just something's. you know he's not well. he's mentally getting older. and he just you can't do it it's not. fair i'm sure other countries look at.

him. and they're like damn bro. so i just it's just time to stop you. know. to me it seems sad that we keep putting. him out because he don't seem well. and i think he's brave because he keeps. going out there but damn. get that man off at a damn bike. jeepers. what if somebody walked up and put your. granddaddy on a bike right now.

what would you tell him. get him off the bike that's what you'd. tell him. but yeah he fell off his bike. what else we got here more than 2 800. pounds of cocaine disguised as potatoes. dang boy. let's get some potatoes. dude that makes me want to eat potatoes.

hello potato. bruh dude. if potatoes is cocaine. i mean you can have somebody you know. you want to have your little cousin. overdose on a damn waffle fry. you know somebody um. you know somebody got fentanyl all. groton. and now you know and now you got to be. at a funeral. it just is somebody going to get their. order supersized and hit the strip club.

bro. it's a dark time. you get pulled over by the cops you're. like i only only had two fries bro. i only had two fries bro. [ __ ] man. [Music]. it's just. man. home home fries gonna be called uh. halfway house fries that's gonna be it.

that's good because look man you have. too many of them mitch's you're going to. be living with about 11 dudes you never. met. bunk bedding it. and doing meetings three times a day. it's different times baby. oh. this is it this is an interesting thing. i saw. uh a google engineer. who thinks that the company's ai has. come to life. and um.

he's now a former employee. and he said he was using their new uh. interactive program. and that it seems a lot more sentient. there's a lot more um. human. characteristics when he's communicating. with this uh artificial intelligence. and that's kind of like. i mean it's. how long before because once as soon as.

these things learn to think. and really think and and know how we. operate. they're gonna start talking [ __ ] bro. how long until you're making a piece of. toast bruh and your toaster tells you to. go [ __ ] yourself. huh. you trying to get a little carb square. in you and that thing says go f off bruh. how long until you go to your. refrigerator you try to open it and it. uh. it calls you fat.

or it calls you skinny. or it just calls you a little [ __ ] bruh. you didn't have nothing to do with. you're like what i'm trying to get a. damn capri sun bruh damn bruh. and it's like that's [ __ ] liquid. that's [ __ ] liquid. like dang how you know. that's when it's gonna get weird. and you you know whether you're using a. sexual toy and it makes fun of your. crotch or whatever your butt if you gay.

fella doing it. how long you know that's just. that's gonna be strange right. when you get in a car and it tells you. to walk. and then it dry it drives next to you. while you walk. and calls you little [ __ ] bruh. or cause you a little f got you know. what i'm talking about. you know it calls you a little soft a. little softy. that's you know.

and then it starts doing that thing. where it stops and says it's going to. let you in and it kind of opens it and. then as soon as you run up to get it. takes off and just it keeps stop like. that [ __ ]. but that's going to be where we at man. that's right around the corner. bro that's all it takes dude. you know just one rogue you know blender. of the dishwasher to ruin a family. secret. you hanging out you know you in the kit. you walk through the kitchen and it's. like tom is a pedophile.

you know. marjorie got a sex change. like damn bro. i'm not trying to make yellow ham. sandwich dog in the secret that did as. soon as these things know what's going. on. get out the wrapping paper baby. cause it's a rap.

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casket. at a funeral home. hmm. let's see about that according to an. arrest. lori heinz walked into a funeral home in. tyler texas walked straight up to the. casket and spit on the corpse. a witness at the scene a snitch. said hines had animosity towards the. family of the person in the casket. she was arrested. you know i think.

i think at a funeral you know if it's. open casket i think it's really um. they should people should be able to. come and have that last little. interaction. and sometimes it's a positive one. sometimes it's not. sometimes you know you see somebody put. a little uh. hot adorail cigarette under somebody's. arm. or put a gum in their mouth. you know you'll see some dirty lady come.

up there and rub the dude's wiener one. time hit him with that dirty genie real. quick. you know wishing for you know once more. but i think everybody should that's what. you know if you got the passer by. everybody. come to get your last thing i don't. think you should be able to punch. but i think you know. you should be able to probably uh. i don't even know if spit maybe you spit. on his clothes i don't think spitting on.

the you know i don't know maybe if they. wear a shield or something like one of. those plastic uh. shields and you could do it. i don't know. but i think you know a little bit one. more even if somebody calls you a little. pus. you know i think something like it's. like it's still its interaction it's. your last hurrah. so i think getting a little dose or. whatever is okay. and you're at that time if it's still. open baby that's a time capsule.

i feel like that's a time capsule you. know people can come by and put in their. affections or put in. uh. their angst. you know she could have wrote a letter. an angry note but sometimes you don't. you don't have time to write an angry. note you just clear your throat him. and that's. you know and just mail that [ __ ] right. to him. short distance baby that's. that's really the same thing as an angry. note i think.

so anyway. all right let's take a couple of calls. here. what do we got here. kyle indianapolis. what's up kyle from indianapolis. and um i've been over there before. indianapolis good place man um i've. relapsed over there onward oh man i just. wanted. the dilemma lately man um on the road a.

lot and uh sometimes i gotta you know uh. take care of business but uh. i i just i don't enjoy pooping in public. places so um you know i just wanted to. get your thoughts on uh. you know the home court advantage uh. versus an away game you know if anyone. else is having that issue. uh. yeah brother look thank you for calling. man and i'm sorry you're even having to. do it. you know your body can only hold so much.

food before it gives up. and it has to do a bm. and there's nothing you're not doing. anything wrong or anything you're not a. bad guy you know you're not a p you know. you're not a um. you know a little wuss or whatever your. neighbor call you you're nothing like. that you're a regular guy and you've. just had too much food over a certain. period of time. um. and yeah i think one of the major issues. is back in the day men would they worked.

close to where they lived. you know a man worked at the bank and he. lived four blocks from the bank. you know and that you know that's a. close amount that's a shitter's distance. they used to call it. so a man could go and do a bm at home. or uh. there's sometimes a man would even have. a camper. and they'd do it in a camper but now. yeah you're tr you know or you know. so people worked near where they. defecated.

and so now though you have been flying. around the world and traveling and being. uh you know you fly across the world and. sell cement to somebody. you know and. or you know you do it you you know you. drive down the damn um. uh you'll drive over there to uh. to um boise and sell them some cabinets. or something and you should you crapping. the whole way to air and back. crapping in other people's lands and.

other people's territories. and yeah and your body gets nervous when. you get further from home too. you know it used to be there's like an. old. wives tale if you read a lot of like uh. native american literature or. about some other habits. if they walk too far if they had to do a. bm it would be their body telling them. nerves would do that. so they would even defecate around an. area and then come back just to if they.

went near there again the scent would. warn them. uh. this is uncomfortable territory. so there's a lot of stuff built into. that man and i'm sorry you're dealing. with it and um. and you know i'm the kind of guy i i. will usually kind of plan ahead. and that's what i think you should do. bud get you a little timer or put a. little. uh. you know do a little. bm timer or something.

dude my grandmother whenever i would go. to the anytime i'd go in the bathroom at. her house she would beat on the door and. ask me if i was doing a bm or not. and i just think that's just the r. that's just insane ass just you know. dude i'll tell you uh i got this crazy. so i was in. seattle one night and i. i ran into the bathroom and there's a. guy working in there right there's a. brother in there in the bathroom. so i run in there and i had to do a bm.

and. it was it was one of the guys who works. in there you know he's got cologne he's. putting a mint on you. and um. you know and all it just does all of. that towels you off the doodle [ __ ]. hug gift for an extra dollar all of that. [ __ ]. you know five extra dollar he'll call. you the n word for ten you give him slip. him ten he'll call you the n word. and uh so anyway i run in there i'm. wrong you know i'm just i gotta go i'm.

far from home. so i sit on the uh. i go it's the second i close the door. he's like don't worry dog i got you bruh. like what does that mean i got you right. and. and now i'm like what the hell you know. like i don't. because sometimes those guys when you're. washing your hands they'll like put the. towel out before you're done and now you. feel like you're obligated to do. business right. so now i'm just like what uh i got you. what does this guy mean you know he's.

like he hit on the door don't worry dog. i got you. all right uh. so anyway a couple minutes later some. guy. comes in there and tries to pull on the. door. right. and this dude comes over and he's like. hey man my mans is in there give him a. minute right i'm like [ __ ] what. i don't know. i don't know i don't know either one of. these guys out here right. bro 30 seconds later the guy is. like kind of banging on the door like i.

didn't hear him. [Music]. just a minute ago like i. you know like i. i don't know like i left through the. ceiling or something and you know when. he's banging on the door and then the. about the bathroom the. [ __ ] bouncer or whatever this guy is he. pushes the dude he's like hey bro i told. you. give my man some room bro and now i'm. like what is going on dude these guys. start pushing each other right. so there's like a melee people come in.

there. uh security comes in there and the whole. now there's like 12 people in this. bathroom bro. and i'm still in there dude. just far from home bro. and um. anyway i don't know where that's the. story didn't really end it's just kind. of. but. it's just crazy when you have dudes. fighting because you're trying to. you know. do do.

do a bm or do a poop out of your. body so. what else do we have man let's take. another call that came in a lot of. beautiful calls here. that come into uh the hotline. yo theo this is matt from uh huntington. beach california. love the show my man appreciate you. uh you had me dying i just had to call. in because. i used to work at disneyland and i can. one thousand percent verify that it is.

the horniest place. uh i have ever worked by far. everybody is having sex with each other. uh gay straight it doesn't matter i used. to uh. operate all the rides uh in fantasyland. so that's like. you know peter pan and alice in. wonderland oh yeah and at the end of the. night straights and gays you heard him. fellas. and ladies onward.

uh you have to pair up in groups of two. to walk through the ride to make sure. that no one left a purse or you know. there's not some lost kid in there or. whatever right. so that is where everyone hooks up so. people like if you're if you think. someone is you know. cute or whatever you know you'll be like. hey you know do you want to walk through. peter pan with me tonight you know. i see.

bro you know will be the most. embarrassing you come out and uh. she's like it's a small world after all. and she's talking about your. penis okay bad joke that's okay thanks. dad um. but yeah that's what they're doing and. you can smell it if you go in there. early i bet you can still smell that. musk. from people being in love. or sex you know people doing sex. straight. and gay styles.

it's all in there and that's disneyland. baby they'll do it. everybody's out there. and they're doing sex by the rides. so i would be too. you know. i mean hell i get a new damn dirt bike. and i'll try and [ __ ] near that thing. so. it doesn't surprise me but thank you for. that on the street intel boots on the. ground they're matt. from disneyland. and it's a real uh. [ __ ] mecca down there people doing sex.

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before i go to bed i think it's what a. lot of men do if they're unmarried. you know they hold their wiener at night. and fall asleep. and that's okay i think it's okay i. don't know i've never even said that out. loud or asked anybody but blue chew. they can help you. if you want to harden up that boy you. know what i'm saying. if you want to get that thing wanded out. and do magic on someone. blue chew. if you need that extra confidence when.

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all right all right all right. and it is father's day man and. you know it's a trying time for some. father's day because uh. you know life is what it is you know i. i uh. you know my father passed away when i. was 16 and. um. [Music]. and it was tough because i was going. through those years where i was um. i was ki you're kind of you know you're. you're teenager.

so your body your loins is popping and. you got acne and you're trying to you. know. you're trying to just rock it right you. know god i mean you could damn you could. clear your throat and have a bunch of. dang seed see semen in your mouth of. your own. i mean that's how viral you are. and uh. and so it for that at that time for me i. i wasn't you know i didn't have a strong. relationship with my dad and. um. and i was honestly i was kind of ashamed.

of him i was embarrassed i was. embarrassed because he was so much older. and uh. yeah i was embarrassed to him. [Music]. i remember one time i was on a date. with a gal beautiful gal. and uh i was with her family actually. and. we're at a restaurant and my dad was. there. and i. introduced him as my grandfather i tried.

like kind of. i said this is my pops kind of kind of. like hid the word like dad and like kind. of just disguise it so like they. wouldn't know but they i could also then. tell them it was my grandfather you know. um. [Music]. and i just felt i felt embarrassed about. that for i don't know i think part of me. maybe i don't still feel him bad i mean. i was i was embarrassed about i was. embarrassed of him he was just so you. know. it was just embarrassing you're at those. eight those years where you want to be.

so on your own that. it's hard enough having a parent you. know. being like having a parent right there. and then even tougher is if the parent. isn't doesn't seem like everybody else. parent. you know so. but we've had some calls man recently of. people that have uh struggled uh with um. that it might be a tough father's day. for them let's get into a couple of. those. what's up theo uh this is michael.

uh living out of eugene oregon. amen baby eugene oregon. and they've never found him dude. but they still got a place named after. him praise god i'm just calling you know. just been down. i lost my father in uh. last september. it was only 58. um. actually uh.

colgate is actually what took him. but it's not really kobe there was a. it was battling cancer for three years. without any of our knowledge never told. me about it. i'm really angry and emotional. like. it's taken me months to really get. emotional honestly i just woke up. feeling sad and. angry angry he didn't tell me. we never really had a good relationship.

but. you know i have three kids i grew up. without grandparents. i'm just angry i don't understand why. i understand why he didn't tell me. anything about his health this man was. fighting cancer. his kidneys were failing. man yeah i'm sorry dude i'm sorry uh. i'm sorry about this. i'm sorry about this man i'm sorry that.

yeah it seemed like you didn't have the. relationship that you wanted for sure. and. uh. and then yeah he didn't give you any. information oh. yeah my dad got a uh cancer too man and. and. it was a surprise but. um. yeah if he'd have tried to do it and not. even tell me um. [Music]. yeah i could imagine how much that would. hurt because not only was he not there. when you needed him but he wasn't even.

he didn't give you enough of a of uh say. hey here's an opportunity for you to. to know that i'm not gonna be around. oh. yeah. yeah man i'm sorry about that dude um. man. that would that would uh i would hurt me. too um. i appreciate you sharing it brother. um i appreciate you hitting the hotline. and sharing about this um and since it's.

father's day man i'm just gonna check in. with you. you know uh i wanted to do this today. um. hello big mike what's up man it's theo. oh my goodness how you doing phil i'm. doing good man what's going on with you.

nothing man i'm just here with my kids. my wife we're just having a family day. you know. oh nice man so you got a family of your. own huh. yes sir i have a three kids uh. uh soon to be 15 in a high high schooler. a 10 year old and a 9 year old. oh you got a whole flock baby. dang man. i just wanted to tell you man i really. appreciate the phone call.

it's honestly like. you made my whole year man i just wanted. to say i think thank you so much man i. love you bro i really do i just want to. say i appreciate you oh thanks bro i. appreciate that man did you get my. voicemail i left you. i did i did man okay cool. if i i have my wife's like. uh theo caught you i was like well i had. to i just went into roth to go get some. sweatpants or something like theo caught. you i was like what what are you talking. about i freaked out and i was like no.

way. but. man just. yeah i don't i honestly i i don't i. probably. i hate to like leave. you like sad voice messages because i. feel like you know you're i know you're. a super strong person and everything but. i feel like. sometimes too much sad energy comes your. way sometimes i didn't even i know i've. sent like some voice messages just. saying how much i love your comedy and. stuff so i'm sorry that you have to hear. the one that you know uh i'm sending.

that like sad energies to so. oh man. nah pretty look man i appreciate i. appreciate you just sharing kind of what. was going on especially you know yeah i. was just thinking of you man i was. looking back through some voicemails and. uh since it was father's day i was like. let me touch back. and uh and just kind of see what's going. on and. and it sounds like you kind of come to. terms with that with a lot of that or at. least you just find a joy in your own. family huh. yeah um yeah man you know i. lost my father so last year lost my.

father and it was a lot more than just. he. he technically died from covid but he. had he was fighting cancer for three. years before i even no one knew no one. knew he was fighting cancer yeah that's. what you said man it's crazy. yeah he didn't tell anyone except for. his sister and his sister in town he won. it was a it was a crazy thing i i got to. bring him up i live in oregon eugene. oregon so i got the. he lived in albuquerque which you were.

just in not too long ago yes wow over. there. yeah my that's where my dad uh lived and. my brother and my sister live over there. as well but. um. yeah so uh i'm sorry man i'm just. freaking out i'm talking to you right. now i can't even oh bro no it's crazy. it's wild man. well look you know i just uh yeah i just. thought that it was interesting man and. i you know. it is tough when like a day you know you. don't have a lot of things you don't get. left sometimes a lot of stuff or you. didn't get the information you needed.

and all that surprise when it feels like. such a surprise it's like the. the craziest thing to surprise somebody. with is that you're. you know you're not going to be there. anymore that's spooky yeah. yeah. for second there you could like me and. my dad like so i grew up. for the most part by myself honestly. like i grew up in arkansas. for a little bit with my mom there and. then i went to live with my dad well.

okay sorry i'm originally from. california moved to arkansas when i was. like four moved back to california with. my dad when i was like 11. so i only. lived with my dad for like two years and. then. my brother passed away in 2004 up in. arkansas. and then uh i ended up moving up here. with my grandma uh in 05 to stay stay up. here and live with her and then she she. passed away in 0-5 dang bro you a bad. luck charm dawg.

it's just like you and your best friend. your friends always dying in a ditch or. something man i'm telling you. it's dangerous knowing people is. dangerous bro knowing people. every time i shake somebody's hand i. look them in the eye and just i'm like. are you sure you want this smoke you. know. [Laughter]. yeah absolutely. but uh so i grew up up here in eugene. oregon with my my two aunts you know. they took care of me going household. household really never had a room but. you know i had that love and family. around me so.

i. at least had that growing up. um i actually want to tell you i don't. know if i said it but. all. with with you know with my dad passes. just opened my eyes to wanting to do. more i think i might have said i tried. to go to boot camp it didn't work out uh. ended up having two bulging discs and. they medically discharged me and then uh. and then i came home and then i had a. job with costco still so i stuck it out. with costco a little bit and then.

i tried stand up i've been i've done. stand up like 11 times now dang bro. that's crazy congrats that was that's. crazy yeah that's the craziest man it's. so nuts so i i fought amateur right i'm. actually going to get a. mma wise so i'm in a whole bunch of. stuff right now new new stuff right a. whole new outlook on life makes you want. to go after it especially having three. kids and a wife you know. yeah man sorry i'm so nervous man. what are you talking about man dude no.

it sounds like you just got like you. know it sounds like you got a lot of. gifts in your life man and you you know. staying active and stuff that's all you. could do really you know sometimes we. feel like we're supposed to do so much. more but. we're really not you know. you know your comedy especially theo and. comedy in general has helped me through. uh just depression and and life in. general just it's so unhappy you know. you want to put a smile on i put a a. clip of you and and brandon shaw.

roasting each other or something you. know i i put a clip of you and tom. segura just funniest moment stuff like. this dude and this this is what puts a. smile on my face i listen to your guys. podcast all the time like. just to be happy dude it's amazing that. you guys put that out there and i just. want to say like i said i i appreciate. you man and i can't believe. i can't believe you haven't called me. man i just want to say thank you that. was awesome thank you bro well thank you. yeah thank you for the call man and. thank you for um.

you know just kind of sharing what was. going on and i'm glad that like you know. like. yeah it sounds like you got a lot of. gifts in your life that are keeping you. busy and keeping your heart occupied man. so that's really good and yeah you know. i'm just happy how are you doing theo. i'm doing pretty you know i'm doing my. best man you know i'm feeling definitely. a little bit better but i think some in. some ways i got to take it easier and uh. just get back to like you know. i want to get back to you feeling even. better you know so uh it's been a slow. process but.

uh it's all good man i'm just gonna keep. on going baby that's it um yeah. you're amazing dude yeah i know like. it's crazy because it sounds so weird i. know you're like a super strong person. like i i know it's it's hard to be that. super strong person especially being the. person to put on a smile. but that's what makes us. get inspired by you you know what i mean. like. i understand the feelings like.

i don't know how to say it you know but. uh. yeah. i think you're the one i appreciate you. man thank you. yeah i appreciate you too man. i wanted to tell you dude i got a fight. august 13th uh my first mma fight in six. years coming up damn. i'm still amateur i'm two and one. but i haven't fought in six years i'm 31. years old you know so get back out there. and bang it baby.

i i'm gonna get back out there august. 13th it's i've been training for like. the last six months nice i've got i got. down from 210 to 168 right now. you're gonna. you're gonna be a lean deal out there. baby. man. how are you doing how did you how's jiu. jitsu i've been for the past two weeks. i've just been working out so. uh. that's been helping me right now and. um i'll get back in there i haven't been. in there in almost a month now but i'll.

get back in there whenever uh. i got to do some yoga and then i'll get. back in there um yeah but we'll work it. i'll figure it out dude but um i'll. check in on you again man i just wanted. to check in and wish you a happy. father's day brother. hey man thank you so much ruth i really. appreciate it and i can't wait until you. become a father theo you're ready man i. can't wait until you get that little. little baby i know i'm ready dude i am. ready i'm i've definitely been feeling. about it you know and i want to make it. happen at some point soon i got to get. me a wife and i'll do it so.

do it get it done. and also come out to. also come out to eugene one of these. days or whenever you go to get your tour. going i know it's going now but uh get. portland in there somewhere yeah i'm. gonna do eugene i'm gonna do bend i'm. gonna do all of it i'm gonna come. through yeah. so awesome heck yeah we love you theo i. appreciate you man you have a great day. i really appreciate it man all right. love you too michael good to hear your. voice baby gang. and there you go right there caught back. up with michael um.

yeah just powerful to see how things can. change you know how you can go from. feeling one way one day. uh. to feeling i mean he just boosted my. spirits. so. [Music]. you know it's a lot of it is just a. level of patience. and uh realizing that you know those. tough moments are going to pass by. you know that they're on. this is just a conveyor belt man. it's a conveyor belt of feelings and.

they. you can grasp onto which ones you want. and sometimes. you touch one and it's not the best one. and. something else come on by that's a. little bit. more to uh. your liking. so. happy to have a moment with him man. thank you michael for that. you know it's wonderful to see how uh. how things change it's just that's. that's such a unique example. you know such an obvious example.

how you can be really going through. something at one moment. but that it'll pass. you just got to ride it you know you. just have to. be patient with yourself write it out. or just let time tick. close your eyes. but here he is you know you fast forward. and the moment he was called in he's. caught in a whole different moment now. enjoying his life enjoying his family.

living you could hear he could hear him. living. man. i just got to remember that for myself. we all do windows tough when those tough. times come just you know. just hold the line baby. just hold the line. i'm gonna switch back into my uh. actually i'll keep this shirt on. this is a good one. and let's play uh let's let's roll out. the same way we came in baby i'll uh get.

us back into it. and happy father's day or father to b. day belated i know it's belated this. will get to you late and that's okay. um. you know and thank you guys for being a. part of my life over the years. i appreciate it i'm excited to see you. guys in florida this week. uh you guys be good to yourselves baby. gang. a little time. for me to set that parking brake.

and let myself. [Music]. i'll sit and tell you my stories. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].

heavy load. [Music]. they just weren't built. [Music].