Nick Swardson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #515

these are exciting brand new tour dates. um during the LSU USC game I will be. playing that weekend in Las Vegas Nevada. that's August 30th and 31st back at. Resorts World Las Vegas um Oklahoma City. Oklahoma September 25th at the paycom. Center North Little Rock Arkansas. September 26 at Simmons Bank Arena. Springfield Missouri September 27th at.

the Great Southern Bank Arena Kansas. City Missouri September 28th Sue Falls. South Dakota on October 10th Lacrosse. Wisconsin October 11th Green Bay. Wisconsin October 12th in Molen Illinois. October 13th get your tickets early. starting Wednesday July 10th at 10: a.m. local time with pre-sale code Rat King. General on sale starts Thursday July. 11th at 10:00 a.m. local.

time we also have tickets till for bethl. New York Wallingford Connecticut. Portland and Bangor Maine as well as. other places get all your tickets at. theovon. docomo and thank you to everyone who's. come out to support the show it just. keeps getting better thank you we got. new merch guys we have new colorways for. the be good to yourself t-shirts we have. blue jean Granite Bay and. banana check all that and more at.

theovon store.com the only place we sell. merch today's guest is a comedian an. actor um an Entertainer you know him. from Reno 911 from Grandma's Boy he has. a new special make joke from face uh. premiering on YouTube on July 18th and. he has a new tour going on I'm grateful. to spend time today with my friend Mr. Nick swartson. [Music].

I sit and tell you my. stories. sh. me and I will find a song I will sing. [Applause]. it Little Nikki remember him yeah of. course that who thought that was an idea.

well the crazy thing was I remember God. bless Adam oh no I think it was it was. uh B elub it was interesting but I. remember that year we had a lot of like. mentally impaired or mentals or whatever. they call them or nugget lover Nation. yeah yeah people say all different. things yeah a lot of times it's just. like yeah if you eat all nuggets all day. you know what I'm saying and you or in a. small classroom then it's you are you. know like a commercial for fentanyl yeah. yeah basically yeah it's basically well.

they had couple of issues in our area. where they like had sprayed for bugs too. many times and so in the forcoming. decades you had a lot of um little. nikkis running around yeah but at at. Halloween after that film had come out. everybody was Little Nikki yeah I love. Little Nikki by the way it's like such a. great movie but it's like yeah there. were a lot of like copycats where people. you couldn't tell if they were. challenged yeah or they were from the. Devil yeah yeah and you grew up in.

Norland yeah yeah you. know so like everybody like on Bourbon. Street might be a little Nikki oh yeah a. lot of little lot of little dickies yeah. a lot of little. nickies [ __ ] suck off one of my favorite. moments I was going to tell you this I. don't know if I ever did here move this. over here a little let's know this way. like push it. out hold on okay all right here we go.

[Music]. me. so so back in New Orleans the first time. I was there I was like 19 years old you. were yeah what is this huh what's this. [ __ ] Avatar well we have what kind of. production is this I don't know it likes. you though I noticed that okay well I'm. into black dick now well it's okay it's. that it's also black dick me off I. wonder if there is yeah like black dick. is is it a seasonal thing I don't know. any.

I have never done we don't know yet yeah. but it is a valid question cuz it's like. black dick season what would it be. Christmas no. Halloween. possibly May yeah maybe Easter oo Easter. Springtime or Black History Month. h i mean I think that' be aproo yeah. maybe we should suck them all off I'm. not doing doing it I'll support anybody.

I will Pat somebody on the back while. they do it I'll do it is that Y is that. appropriate if you yeah like how yeah. like how do you be supportive of your. gay friends I guess sometimes. like you don't pat somebody on the back. if they're bjing somebody do you that's. not that's being weird right that's not. being supportive I guess I think that's. being supportive I think you're wrong on. that okay I think you're like okay you. know what you go Gary yeah yeah you get. it Gary Praise Him.

get it Gary Carrot Top guzzle guzzle. guzzle buddy yeah [ __ ] you play. little K jizzel jizzel jizzel yeah you. play the [ __ ] jizz FL jizzel. Bells why AR that's why I said Christmas. I think we're there now Bells deck the. balls with balls of. cocky so DB oh Nick scharton yep I'm. back good to see you dude my [ __ ]. dude love you very much love you too man.

look my New Orleans story really quick. when I was first there and this like as. a like somebody that drinks the drunkest. I've ever been New Orleans and I I call. it lab barf where I walked down Bourbon. Street and I threw up into my. hands no reason why I did that hands. like this yep praise mhm and I vomited. and then threw it in the air ooh and. I've never done that before since but. like 19 20 years old I was like yeah. this sounds like and like when LeBron.

like throws powder and like you know. before the game but I threw barf and I. was like and I call it the LA barf I I. don't recommend it but uh no you know. you've been down there who that oh I've. seen it well a lot of times if you yeah. and you can even there's a couple. Brothers down there you get him a couple. dollars he'll backflip right through the. the vomit or whatever there's a lot of. like there's like there backflipping. Brothers will roll up on you there like. hey a backflip vomit give me $3 I'll. [ __ ] backflip through a yeah what a.

[ __ ] through a vomit or stream. or through some asbest or something yeah. they got those hard hitters down there. yeah game on as best as [ __ ] shots. yeah good God as. best don't do it just playing that at. like Chinese construction. sites yeah of. course yeah and then everyone's dead. everybody everybody suck me up suck me.

suck me off uh the thing I wanted to. tell you I'm really I'm really bummed. out about it just let me just vent. please okay I thought of a movie and it. was already made oh yeah and it was a. movie for us and I thought it was like. in the vein of uh Shard or whatever the. [ __ ] Shard that's not that swiv thing. where like it's a big glass of wine. chasing him or whatever I mean it could. be but I thought of a movie called. leddon and it was you and me Armageddon. llamas and it's already been made and I.

was really bummed out cuz I tried to. find the spelling today and they they. were like yeah that movie has been made. and I'm like me and Theo. llamageddon kill Spade off immediately. DAV Spade done early first Spade first. paid [ __ ] Bonk it's easy to you you. just also need to just sit him on a. chair that is a centimeter. uneven and his spine is centimeter. uneven couple phone books he brings his. own chair yeah he does people don't know.

that by the way David Spade God bless. him rest rest in peace yeah yeah that. part yeah yeah he passed um but he um he. has a bad spine B yo C D that D will. bring his own [ __ ] chair. anywhere and the problem here's what it. is the chair doesn't match the other. chairs that's the problem it doesn't. match at all he has like a metal folding. chair it's like a cafeteria chair from. the war or something it it looks like. the RO in 20s or like something like.

yeah we. don't yeah it looks horrifying but it it. suits his back there he is right there. look at him with his own chair go to my. chair and what a. gypsy oh my God go to my chair in that. shot just show me look at my. chair that is Joe DK regular chair and. he brings his [ __ ] homemade chair. dude it's something he made at like. church camp or something he said. yeah I think it was like in like a.

petting zoo or something what are you. gonna do the guy that's a petting zoo. the guy's a BLM activist you know yeah. we praise him oh we praise him good to. see dude that was the drunkest you'd. ever been there in New in New Orleans. that was the drunkest where I was like I. mean I've never vomited into my hands. and threw it in the air I didn't even. know what I was accomplishing there like. what am I celebrating not dying I think. it's or New Orleans like you know noin. yeah New.

Orleans PR yeah nanso they say ning baby. and then somebody like oh we from. nor and then some they get like hardcore. about it we BR and then you just have. somebody be. like and they'll just give you an oyster. and then shoot you in the head that's. like and then they [ __ ] fire hose. your vomit and they like all right let R. A bab you we get eat my swamp [ __ ].

lamps the crazy thing about New Orleans. is like if you if something bad happens. to you during a during like Marty during. a parade or if you have a stroke or have. a child or something you were or both. whatever you're doing yeah a child that. has a stroke yeah whatever whatever. you're going through it yourself an. ambulance cannot get to you D so you are. [ __ ] you are [ __ ] dead you are. either dead or somebody's alive it's. like it depends on if The Stroke of the.

child but yeah just like people they'll. start digging a grave they're like we. can't even the ambulance is like 40. blocks away yeah they're like yeah. you're gone say goodbye to your aunt. well I went on your aunt just. like I've got two. aborts a. hurricane byebye bye and they [ __ ]. dead they're like damn the water doesn't. work here no [ __ ] first of all you were. eight feet below sea level the water was.

never supposed to work it was never. supposed to work I remember one of my. favorite times I was at like [ __ ]. JazzFest or some nonsense which is. awesome yeah JazzFest is awesome but um. there was a police horse I don't know if. I ever told you this there was a police. horse and. the the horse had diarrhea on the wall. of a hotel it's like right off bman stet. oh yeah diarrhea on the wall so I. thought this long time ago I thought.

it'd be appropriate to pull my pants. down and pretend like I diarrhea so I. pulled in front of the cop oh yeah [ __ ]. tricks yeah [ __ ] tricks you [ __ ] know. man so I pulled down a [ __ ] trick and. the cop I remember my friend a Polaroid. that's how back far back it was took a. shot of me diing on the horse wall and. the cop just looked at me and he just. went no no and I'm like yeah but it's.

funny right and he's like yeah I get it. just [ __ ] move along man he's just. like patient zero he's just like no I'm. not move along I'm not entertaining this. I'm not and he didn't arrest me thank. [ __ ] God but it was just like yeah. that's not your diarrhea that's a horse. okay yeah yeah you're you're copying his. diarrhea yeah that's copy written. basically too as well I think if you. just shoty written. yeah e. the craziest thing is that's New Orleans.

you'll be eating in a fine dining. restaurant and then a horse just bowel. blasts [ __ ] one of the Pains of. window glass out because everybody right. outside of the restaurant is just. drinking hand grenades drinking each. other's blood yeah they're having caviar. and then all of a sudden [ __ ] Splat. AR comes out the [ __ ]. window chel on. itation everyone's [ __ ] oh my praise.

him you're a top can you praise him the. baby. God and he's with us um what was I gonna. [ __ ] say to you good to see you dude. the great to see you I love you the Dr I. I had a series of times in or I would. get drunk and. go me and my friend would go we would. get too drunk and then we would just go. start we'd get under like one of the. overpasses of the bridge there and we'd. start vomiting together.

but in between vomits we would like just. dap each other huh New Orleans in. between vomiting like we would because. we would go through profused bouts of. vomiting because like you you know some. of the alcohol just like they've made it. at home some of the alcohol is like um. right New Orleans is it's like hair. filtered they're like hair. filtered pubic hair that's the thing. it's. pubics it's puix cubes yeah yeah New. Orleans is like it's one of the cities. where I'm like horrified where I'm like.

oh God like what like Vegas I can deal. with it's fine but there's certain. cities where I'm like oh God how is this. going to [ __ ] play out yeah you know. what I mean where they just pull you. into their [ __ ] magic [ __ ] Voodoo. well it's a lot of big titties a lot of. gout a lot of um undiagnosed. sunburn um a lot of mosquito bites. malaria good food now that's one Eola. yeah some yeah quarter cup Tad yeah.

maybe a shot quarter cup but it's one of. those cities where just there's so much. going on but there's music going on you. know yeah that's the thing it's like the. bar in Star Wars where it's. like and you're like oh yeah I can drink. um a vase of alcohol it's not even like. casual drinking it's just like oh can I. get a fire hose of a [ __ ] thing. called hurricane they had a hurricane. it's a [ __ ] debility ating and. they're like let's run it back let's.

keep the drink going it's a [ __ ]. sugary Ivy it's just a diabetes Falcon. Crest good God all the drinks they just. named after things that will just kill. you around that. area 100% can I get an AIDS bomb yeah. can I get a black onblack crime with a. splash of uh Kean can I get a stabbed in. the. shadows is that possible oh my God can I. get a backflip through some [ __ ].

throat Mist homie throat Mist um can I. get a machete to the. dick. shot dude some shot names it's way too. it's like uh yeah machete to the dick or. um you'll have like Volva Doberman and. you're like that. seems can I get a [ __ ] Taco sandwich. what is that no it's got peanut butter.

and. [ __ ] bird flute whatever bird FL yeah. it's [ __ ] horrifying but like what's. a city where you're like hor like just. touring I'm like you obviously have like. I mean you spent a year at Key you know. in Key West a year and a half in Key. West okay I can't believe I [ __ ]. survived that by the way by the way new. tour uh toilet head this fall Nickson. Donnet really yep oh no I have a whole. new hour and then a new hour coming out.

on YouTube July 18th do you really let's. go dude not my first rodeo dog bro. that's awesome man Rodeo um. Rodeo uh I was just in Las Vegas almost. went and saw The Grateful Dead at the. sphere I might go back to see this. weekend our show my show the show didn't. get out early enough for us to get over. that we tried to get we got stuck in. traffic weren't you there when I was. there what hotel are you at at the. staying at the hotel or en course called.

where do you do shows there we did a. show at Resorts World oh okay yeah. that's a new one that's great um yeah. the the I didn't stay at the hotel the. place the venue I thought was really. cool it was nice the stage is like shiny. and you get out there it feels pretty. fancy really yeah I heard it's great but. it was good dude I do the Venetian now. oh yeah so that's connected to the. sphere which is awesome and I went to. and I saw you too there nuh-uh yeah it. was amazing now would you say it's like.

I had somebody this week and they said I. don't know if I would want to see a show. somewhere else now because it's so. interesting there and they labeled. themselves a sphere head and I just. never heard that it was like like I've. heard somebody be like a b like a fan of. a band but never like of a venue that. much I was like wow yeah I disagree with. that really you didn't feel it wasn't. like that I thought it was an amazing. show it was awesome but it's like the.

stage is so small so it's like you know. obviously it's very visceral I mean look. at this bro oh my God is that what it. was like for you I'm a wrecked did I. film. that doubt it is that who's there Dane. Cook it's high quality this does look. like a Dane Cook special huh bro this. wasn't. unbelievable yeah but I didn't I didn't. have a Dr I don't live in a drone I. don't fly around like a [ __ ] alien. true yeah this is Drone footage we're.

looking at guys you can't see it at home. because you are are you can see it at. home but some of you can't see it. because you're on a radio you're. listening on a. radio um I mean it it was. epic you know what who I want to see. there Wham whites against. Mexicans yep no Wham George Michael rest. in peace oh really are they doing a. reenactment or whatever I just I pray. for it I think that's a weird prayer to. have but I want that to happen for there. to be a Wham we had a group called Wham.

and our town is whites against Mexicans. it was two dudes that's the most New. Orleans thing I've ever heard well they. just didn't have any me I think they. kind of actually wanted Mexicans they. were just afraid to invite them or. whatever right and so a lot of times. people like pretend like they don't want. it even though they want it you know. like we're whites against Mexicans hey. yeah I mean okay like reverse psychology. I'm talking about right I get it but. it's like they could invite them and. then maybe just have a margarita yeah. and enjoy your life well they yeah I.

mean the the group was Affiliated for. probably 11 months I don't think they. had a like Charter like a sponsor yeah. they didn't have a sponsor they have a. charter they have like white cloth. longterm they didn't have a Brandon shop. yeah they didn't have uh food truck is. sponsoring. uh Joe D you know I love going to. concerts and other events I went to a. Las Vegas Aces game the other day and I. really enjoyed that and it was thankful.

to game time that's where I got my. tickets at the last minute it makes. getting tickets for concerts and events. faster and easier even if you don't buy. tickets right away prices on the game. time app actually go down the closer it. gets to show start time with killer last. minute deals all in prices views from. your seat and the lowest price guarantee. game time takes the guest workor out of. buying concert tickets you want to go. see dead and Co at the sphere or you.

want to go to a Las Vegas Aces WNBA game. game time can help that's right game. time also offers the lowest price. guarantee or game time will credit you. 110% of the difference take the. guesswork out of buying concert tickets. with Game Time download the Gametime app. create an account and use code weekend. for $20 off your first purchase terms. apply again create an account and redeem.

code weekend we ke n d for $2 off. download game time today last minute. tickets lowest price guaranteed you know. podcasting has come with um things I. didn't expect like having a merch store. online you know originally we had um my. buddy Kevin was just making the t-shirts. out of his um basement with his brother. who I think was drinking a lot but um.

but that changed over time as things. built and grow bigger we needed some. eCommerce help that's what they call it. we started getting worried if things. would be done right or how they would be. done and and if they would be done the. same every time that's why ship station. helped ship station helps those who own. or run a business if you run an. e-commerce business you already know. shipping can consume valuable time and. re resources ship station makes it.

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code Theo if your business in e-commerce. needs to evolve shipstation can help I. haven't seen you since well I saw the. video that you had about the drink where. you got D just what happened with the. video it was in Colorado right Colorado. Ari Manis was working with you yeah be. Creek yeah I just worked with Ari this. weekend yeah he's great yeah oh he's. great he's really brilliant yeah it was. like the start of my whole spring tour. and it was a club day to get ready for. toilet head again this fall Nick.

schwarts and.net toilet head [ __ ] floss. and we had a floss sound right. there so yeah I took an edible 9,000 ft. nuh-uh yeah and it was like the shows. were great after that but it was like. yeah it was a full brain fart and I've. rarely had that outside of New Orleans. where I vomited and threw it into my. hand but yeah it was just like a full. brain fart and I was on stage I was like. oh my God and the edible hit me and I. was like.

[ __ ] I'm like on stage you know what I. mean like when you're live and you're. like. oh yeah here we go and I was like just. high as [ __ ] in balls so you were high. so you weren't drunk no I had a couple. cocktails but the edible is what really. hit me oh was it SC bro that makes me so. scared I've had moments just where I. can't kind of remember what I'm talking. about and even that gets scarier or I'll. have like a bit that maybe didn't go as. well and now I'm like I start to feel.

like uh nervous and then if I can't. figure out my next step I get super. scared so I can't even imagine if an. edible it was like but it was so blown. out of proportion it's like it wasn't. like a disaster well people were yelling. play like 10 play 10 seconds of but have. you watched it yeah go for it well you. did. it what are you saying right. now I'll say this let me just let me ask. you this this is a way to question.

what. what okay I'll tell you. J all right here we go and somebody. yelled too and that. was like the crowd was so belligerent. anybody. anybody. what oh my god dude it was amazing okay. and my apologies to Beaver Creek I'm not. proud of like that but I was like what. do you to say I was so [ __ ] high I.

was like what do you have to say to the. people of Bieber Creek who first of all. they legalized marijuana there yeah by. the way I'm not the first person to get. high in Colorado yeah like that's not. I'm not [ __ ] so what you to say to. those people because yeah it's a tough. that's a double-edged sword right if you. invite me over to Chocolate town or. whatever right right and I show up and I. end up getting diabetes or whatever like. black lung whatever you get from eating. too much chocolate invites you to the. Chocolate Factory and he's like suck my.

chocolate dick and then you have. diabetes right the people and it's on. camera yeah and it's on camera like but. the people in the town have some. responsibility the people that built the. factory and let you have as much. chocolate as you want yeah they're. making it they're sitting there making. it and then they Judge Judy you get the. [ __ ] out of here you Wonka people. [ __ ] Bonkers [ __ ] t. Nation so my apologies to Beaver crate.

sorry yeah no well it's a beautiful area. too and where were you at you guys were. at a theater there yeah it was a theater. you're performing you go out there did. you know before you went out there that. you were like I should not go out there. right now no I was like I was totally. fine but like again like the edible hit. me right when I was in the middle of my. set and it was a new set so it's like. again it's actually really great toilet. head this fall it's a solid endorsement. but I was like oh oh God and it's like. if anybody's taking an edible especially.

if you're in altitude like 9,000 ft even. if you're Stone sober it's like. aggressive you know what I mean like it. hits you Stone sober but I took an. edible with a couple cocktails I was. like oh no and I'm like God here we go. and I remember the venue went to Ari and. they were like we're going to pull Nick. and Ari was like at my back he's like. don't do that Nick will figure it out. you know what I mean like he'll just. he'll figure it out it's On's first. rodeo and they were like NOP and they.

pulled me yeah cuz they cut the mic at. one point so you're just talk you can't. they can't even hear you yeah I was like. oh all right J's on theage I was like. the [ __ ] were people yell like what. were I don't know cuz I you were kind of. blacked out I wasn't blacked out I was. just like I didn't have my set list with. me and like you know people like well. comment like that were in the crowd I'm. like yeah I could have gotten through it. but I think people were booing. because they pulled me oh I think they.

were like what the [ __ ] why is Nick. getting pulled but I think it was half. and half yeah cuz some people start. yelling get this FG got or whatever off. the stage you can say Fagor waiver yeah. get this uh this Fagan fanai yeah get. this beautiful little Care Bear off the. stage somebody yelled that actually. which I thought was cute yeah which was. appropriate um when you got backstage. what was it like what did the management. say to you or something they were like. um yeah. so yeah and I was like yeah what all.

right okay that happened oh yeah I hate. it when people don't even know what to. say yeah they were like oh hey uh. oh suck suck you like it was just. ambiguous I was like what the [ __ ] did. you wake up the next day and you were. like what the because what happened. after that if the edible hits probably. pretty hard huh no it was the best. because I went and did Two Sold Out all. my shows sold out after that they were. awesome people can ATT tested that at.

that point people want to come and also. see if you're going to [ __ ] up as well I. bet yeah so I did two shows and Aspen at. the belly out one of my favorite venues. people threw Edibles at me on stage I. was on stage physically I was covered in. Edibles on the stage and then I did like. six shows in Denver it was like all. awesome so oh so you you went out right. after that oh I that was the start of my. spring tour so that was the initial show. of like that's how I kicked it off and I.

was like woke up and all of a sudden it. was like 100 text messages and people. were like hey man you're on CNN it was. like so dumb yeah I'm like really like. we're going to blow this out like like. uh TMZ called me they're like we want a. comment I'm like for [ __ ] what I got. too high in Colorado I apologize I'll do. my own apology and I apologize to Beaver. Creek I love them very much very sweet. are they sweet though if they got you. all do I don't know I don't know jury's.

still out on that but they were nice. enough to show up and then you know who. gave you the. edible I don't want to snitch on anybody. but somebody did. it you you want the truth. yeah Abraham Lincoln no. way. yeah yeah yeah well he got so he freed. all the slaves dude he freed my brain. he did how about that he [ __ ].

Unleashed it the Kraken that's why we. pray well he should yeah and he. unleashed the non- crackers as well I. know that that's for sure he 100% did. that there's nobody like him dude. imagine what it must been like for every. L right if everybody was racist at the. time and he just rolls up and he's like. guys crazy. idea I'm going to go to the. Opera just I don't need security no he's. I'm saying he's going to release all the. slaves man yeah but he had to pitch that.

to his buddies first yeah I see what. you're saying you don't just surprise. everybody like say hey everybody cover. your eyes right and then. Tada so he was the original magician is. that what you're saying I mean I'm just. saying he pulled a lot of brothers out. of a [ __ ] pretty tough hat yeah he. did but that was a big top hat it was. those are [ __ ] hard black dicks you. know he kept his notes in that hat a lot. yeah a lot of that um he was very tall. as well how tall was he that's a valid.

question how tall was his. beard I mean his wife 6'4 bro he was the. tallest president tallest US. president so he can he can. dunk which brings it back to black. people oh he definitely obviously wanted. to hoop or he wouldn't have released all. those guys yeah he like he [ __ ] did. pickup games and [ __ ] dud there's no way. you're not like oh [ __ ] I need some. better. competition yeah he's we got to get.

these he's like let's go these [ __ ]. white people we got to get these. brothers on the court oh yeah I'm sure. James Madison whatever he probably. [ __ ] totally jammed on that little oh. my God how hard did he dunk on Thomas. Jefferson oh took his way did he dunked. on him with the Constitution he was like. give me this PE piece of paper bye. [ __ ] bye-bye. bye-bye um wait so hold on sorry I just.

got off the road and I did like 3 and. 1/2 months straight did you really yeah. three and a half months straight did you. go to rehab for that three and half. months or not or were you really doing. comedy dude I was doing like clubs. working at my set you were so people are. so Bonkers so like when you come to a. show awesome love you oh yeah let's not. be Bonkers so these are two Road stories. where this guy Hotel bar at the Marriott. awesome this guy shows up and he goes. hey man are you Nick schwarzen I go yeah.

and he goes can I have a drink with you. and I'm like yeah totally like I'm down. like if anybody wants a photo cocktail. I'm down this guy Saddles up and he. swear to God I can't make this up he. goes let me just say something and I go. yeah what and he goes I'm going to say. the. word a lot a lot he just told you. straight up yeah and I go what and he. goes I'm not racist but I'm just just so. I'm going to say that a lot and I go.

well [ __ ] no you can't hang out with. me like what what did you think my. response would be like get the [ __ ] out. of here yeah like what would I be like. ah finally somebody has the courage like. no get the [ __ ] out of here [ __ ]. weirdo yeah oh some of that stuff yeah. some yeah we what road stor you like. dude I have so many I'm like oh my god. really oh my God like crazy people yeah. that just like they just like drunk.

chicks are the number one most Bonkers. outside of racist guy but it's. like there was one where I did a casino. in Connecticut and these girls came up. and they were like hey th sh and I go oh. cool and they go yeah funny and I go. thank you I go do you want a picture and. they're like no and I'm like okay well. pleasure to meet you thank thank you for. coming to the show and they're like yeah.

and I turned around was playing video. poker and they were like mad for some. reason they were like yeah you know what. you're not that funny [ __ ] you and I was. like okay that escalated I'm like yeah I. just you don't want a photo and they're. like no go [ __ ] yourself and they walked. away I'm like okay it's Christ so then. the boyfriend comes up this guy goes hey. man were you a dick to my girl oh that's. the worst and I was like bro I'm like.

dude I wasn't I like offered a photo. everything like I was super nice and. he's like okay and I'm like do you want. a shot like and he's like okay so he. Saddles up so we do a shot we watching. sports center talking Sports and the guy. goes hey man you know what you're. actually really cool and I'm like yeah. I'm like a [ __ ] real guy like I'm. just a dude yeah and he's like yeah you. know what my girlfriend Run's a [ __ ]. [ __ ] yeah he's like this a [ __ ] [ __ ].

can't handle her liquor and I was like. dude I didn't say that but and he's like. yeah [ __ ] that sorry about this you're. cool like walked away dude we had I. remember one time in that crowd I said. all the ladies close your eyes all right. and then I was like guys if you. could take your wife on a vacation and. eliminate her while y' were traveling. raise your hand right and none of the. ladies were allowed to look. that's amazing and it was probably maybe. about 1,800 people in the.

crowd about 11 guys raised their hand. that's hilarious and one dude even did. it like this a little bit like I think. because he didn't trust his wife. wouldn't. see so he kind of just did. that but it was like holy [ __ ] dude a. lot of women could go missing women. could go missing so easy I think that's. one of the reasons it takes some so long. to get ready probably. because it might be last looks you know. yeah we don't know yeah that could be. like in in your coffin that's what.

you're doing you got your eyeliner put. it on yeah just saddle up put it on get. your patent face on Judy Janet maybe. Janet maybe. Karine dude maybe konus what's a good uh. oh bro one night I remember there was a. gal I went over to her place what an old. timey term by the way a gal gal yeah. what are you from [ __ ] you valet your.

time machine it was it [ __ ] weirdo I. was in Philadelphia and there was a gal. bro and Kobe Bryant had died and she. made me sleep in this bed with her and a. Great Dane bro named Kobe that wore a um. lower Mary in Jersey what high school. did he go to yeah lower Mary and PA yeah. yeah was that Chicago or no pH okay. that's where he went I didn't even. realize that I didn't know that's where. that was but I was in Philadelphia it. was after a show stayed over at this. girl's house me this great dane and her.

all [ __ ] shared a bed together and. the Great Dane slept in the middle of us. dude so I've never done any like g a y s. t u FF. but that is it's definitely when you're. holding a [ __ ] great Daye it's like. uh right it's not racial but it's like. um it's. intriguing it's intriguing a little bit. but it also feels like you're kind of. like uh in a part of the zoo you. shouldn't be in. does that make any sense kind of I mean.

kind of but also it's like look at the. Great Dan right here I mean look at this. you can't oh my God go back what who is. this people. what how big was the Great Dan how could. first of all all your Furniture's broken. the second have penis do he have a penis. does he have a penis yeah dude if he. rolled over his penis just fell out of. the bed and broke the back of a [ __ ]. full grown oh my God it'll smash a futon. oh it'll break the back of a full grown. cat hat that's laying on the down there. dude it's a [ __ ] his dick was a calf.

he had calf dick bro his penis had. shoelaces on him like that thing. is [ __ ] yeah bro his penis his penis had. a little tag on it it said us 10.5 UK 11. I was like d oh my God he can get his. penis at Costco [ __ ] wood got that. [ __ ] ramp on him homie you know what. I'm saying my god um he's got a parking. lot dick are you still drinking these. days cuz before you weren't you weren't. going to take a break from drinking are.

you able to manage it cuz you had had. you know you had almost died didn't you. you went to the hospital or whatever. yeah almost died yeah yeah no I manage. it yeah it's fine is it do are there. drinks you cannot have I just like I. don't like I cut out sugar so I just. like drink like if I do drink it's like. Tito's water like it's pretty basic but. like I quit smoking cigarettes you did I. never really did drugs so like but like. I drink casually yeah but like I don't.

go like Bonkers like back in the day. like Key West was a year and a half of. like. [ __ ] game on like it was and what. were you do cuz you were just hanging at. a hotel bar or something remember Dustin. P sent me a picture yeah we talked about. it he saw you down there one time um. yeah but I I would. drink cuz it was like during Co so I was. just like over everything I was just. like [ __ ] every like the world oh you're. just down there cub and swimming over. having a couple of [ __ ] Mojitos oh.

dude I was just sucking off [ __ ]. Margaritas oh and that's the guy's name. Margarita yeah game on Wayne No but I. was just like I didn't really give a. [ __ ] so I just drank like from 8:00 a.m. to 2: in the morning 3: in the morning. every day it was amazing but yeah now I. like I got my [ __ ] together and it's. awesome so you didn't go to rehab then I. did not know yeah I mean I've been there. before but that was like years years ago. yeah I mean hours ago yeah I mean we're.

in rehab actually this is this is yeah. we praise him well now they have virtual. rehab that people are going to have you. heard of this thing no it's like through. VR or whatever can you bring that up. virtual reality rehab you put on like. um but what is it Oculus or something. yeah you put on something like that but. you'll have somebody at the bar and. they'll go sit in the corner for like 40. minutes with [ __ ] Rehab on erect and. then they oh I didn't I wasn't that. close to the guy saw on it I I think you. were but you [ __ ] swamp pum and the.

GU like I've been at rehab I just got. back and I'm like you just [ __ ] sat. over there with their Oculus on for 30. minutes yeah I mean that'd be amazing if. I saw he's like yeah it's outpatient I. was like all right dude whatever [ __ ]. calm down how out are you [ __ ] bunk. way out patient dude God the virtual. reality system allows participants to. immerse themselves in a variety of. settings and situations to practice. recovery techniques such as fighting off. Temptations as well as to receive.

therapeutic support can you even imagine. I mean I'm not laughing at it God bless. but I mean I'm laughing at it I mean we. can laugh at it imagine but also like. sorry no what are some of these scenario. is going to be you're you put on the. virtue of reality suddenly some guy. comes in right with like a like a meth. Queen on his arm right right and you're. just supposed to be sitting there just. reading a book or something and he. you're like pick out who might have the.

eightball or whatever like what is the. [ __ ] but also like you could be in. any scenario so it's like if you have an. Oculus you could be anywhere yeah you. know what I mean be the beach yeah yeah. and a little crab tries to bring you up. you be Margaritaville or some a Soma or. something yeah yeah they like sit there. somebody shows up with like a [ __ ]. fentanyl Snowman and you're like oh. Bells will be. ringing yeah. you're [ __ ] DOA dog dude that's the.

saddest when there's fentanyl in the. snow dude I think I heard about like. that some of those um somebody put. fentanyl in one of those uh cloud. seeding machines or whatever oh my God. that's a scary thing now man it's like. you yeah it's like not a joke like I'm. not making fun of fen it's like [ __ ]. horrible yeah but like it it can appear. like in a cactus oh you have no idea. s there's. even sorry.

sound dude we had uh I remember kids. would like not kids but women kids. female kids uh would do like VY and or. whatever I was kid they'd put LSD into. their vagina and you what and they would. have chicks like just on Bourbon Street. yeah and they' be like uh no this was. more like in people's room in in like a. safety of a home or whatever you'll be. like oh yeah Theresa's V jip and homie. and you like oh [ __ ] bro hope she's all. right you know what that doesn't sound.

like a safety home and the safety of a. home put a bunch of drugs in your [ __ ]. hole in a [ __ ] gutter this is a safe. place anyway drugs in your genitals. absorb it and. [Music]. then Brian Callen bro but dude that's. [ __ ] Lord's lock box dude that's the. original Dude you know that little that.

safe that's in the hotel room sometimes. the vagina was a lot of times people. just hide stuff in their wife's. vagina that's the original escape room. yeah it is yeah you just trying to find. a way out find your life and that's an. Amy Schumer joke what else is going on. dude you see all this stuff that's. happening with Sketch did you see this. people were you know the what's up. brother no I don't know what that is. sketch is a. streamer um he's known for his Madden. streams for just being like a. one-of-a-kind guy um oh I think I saw.

him yeah he was on your show yeah uh and. it was excellent I've spent time with. him over the past few months we talk. every couple of weeks um just like I. mean a gift sketch is a gift to the. world and so I guess allegedly he did he. had some uh he did some only fan stuff a. few years back and some of it may have. been um. homerotic you know or gay or.

men you know extra men more than one man. type of thing or what or or just gay and. you know what I'm talking about and um. so this all these pictures started. coming up things that people found in. only fans um and then I think everybody. was just curious is this really him you. you you have no idea now with AI or. whatever you have no idea what anything. is right it could be and people what did.

he say was it like genital Warfare I. don't know but people were writing some. of the strangest things Nick what was. that one tweet that I put in there well. I mean like what I don't understand like. is he like cancelled or something like. well it just this shows the uncan of. whenever people um rip somebody on the. internet yeah it's like what a broken. record it's like good God and I love. sketch I support him 100% no matter what. it is um somebody tweeted this how could. you at the sketch re I met you I used to.

be a big fan of you I was your biggest. fan of all time and this is just kind of. like a chubby kid her young Filipino. woman who has tagged uh sketch in this. and is kind of calling him out I guess. and they put a heartbroken Emoji right. so first of all what do it matter why. was he why are you not a fan now he. doesn't have to he doesn't owe you that. like he had to tell you that he' had gay. activity or only fans but then here's. what happens to this tweet somebody. shares this tweet tags that tweet and.

adds to It quotes it said go lose weight. you fat [ __ ] [ __ ] right to this child. okay period oh my God [ __ ] fat [ __ ]. they right after that period which. doesn't even have a noun in it I guess. or it might just be a noun but it's. missing yeah that's doesn't it needs a. prepos it needs something right it needs. an adverb then. after that they came to the so far you. would think theyd come to the defense of.

sketch because they said go lose weight. you [ __ ] fat [ __ ] comma Mick [ __ ]. sorry I left that part out. period [ __ ] fat [ __ ] then they double. spaced and wrote [ __ ] sketch the gay F. it's like what yeah it doesn't make any. sense the internet is so Bonkers insane. I'm like so I don't read comments I'm. just like so over where people like just. chime in such Insanity where I'm like.

okay like but you're not why even come. to the defense like what you like what. are you what are you saying like what do. anybody it's like it's so Bonkers yeah. and why is this kid like it just like. why would the kid be looking for clout. just to say hey sketch like I used to. love you didn't tell like he didn't know. you you didn't know him it's obviously a. picture of just some a random stranger. yeah literally that it met him and then. the other guy quotes read it one more.

time Nick I can't really go loose weight. you fuing fat [ __ ] mick [ __ ] [ __ ] fat. [ __ ] [ __ ] sketch the gay F yeah and like. what is the point imagine just spending. your time just going like I got to I've. got to chime This and like I'm like so. over it like back in the day when I. started making movies and I did. Grandma's Boy and like Bench Warmers and.

I would read critic reviews which. weren't like that scathing but they were. like hey [ __ ] you you [ __ ] suck I'm. like what did I do let's try to make a. funny movie like why like when people. chime in it's just like dude like what. the what [ __ ] you go make a movie you. [ __ ] [ __ ] Nations yeah like wow this. [ __ ] was such a waste of my time this. guy used to be funny he'll say stuff. like that yeah but it'll say that on. like a baby announcement it's like he. you know Hector's here he's four days.

old and people like yeah I remember when. he used to be funny it's like he's four. days old yeah he was he's a child like. people will comment they just have no. chill man people don't care people want. to try in like at all times it's. hilarious like I'm again like I'm just. like so over it like sometimes I'll like. read comments they're like hey man. you're [ __ ] old yeah I'm like yeah I. know I'm 47 what do you want from me. what are you C3PO yeah youing yeah are.

you Chewbacca yeah what are you the. Mayans or whatever yeah are you a. [ __ ] Egyptian princess and also first. of all the is mummied yeah oh I'm sorry. I'm not a. mummy [ __ ] and here's what's dumb. about mummies they don't even make any. sounds dude they kind of remind me of. door Dashers they don't have any food on. them you know cuz they're just kind of. coming towards they're covered in toilet. paper and you ordered toilet paper which. is more ironic were you like can I get. the toilet paper please can you peel it.

off your [ __ ] Egyptian mumied. brain and I do and I feel for sketch. here what what what was his comment I. sent him some messages this morning look. at this open and honest that was. me that was me it's okay though I will. tell you what. okay two years ago I did some stuff I'm. sorry if you've seen simil of the.

stuff you know I'm a changed. person. um what does that mean this is going. worse than I thought it was. um I don't know what does he apolog. years I did not have sexual relations. with that man I'm just kidding I did. possibly. walk away cat.

bag it's okay um what else do I have to. say I don't know thank you to all my. people that have been sticking up for me. I understand if you're. bad [ __ ] hit the fan I okay I was. dealing with some addiction problem what. does he apologizing for having sex with. a man the fan okay I was dealing with. some addiction. S A.

dict but what's the plan after the plan. after was not very good if I was alone. and I was at my house I probably. wouldn't be talking to you right. now but the people at FaZe Banks. especially um and my friends that I've. made over the past couple years came and. they SA. me I don't know what I was going to do. but save from what what the [ __ ] I think.

he was just scared the internet really. came after him you know yeah don't look. at the [ __ ] internet but I think in. his case it's hard it's a lot of his. life is built on there and then also. it's like if something like that came. out I mean it you can't just pretend it. didn't H like or you know what I'm. saying like it it's so strong he like. blew a guy or what who the [ __ ] cares. well yeah well I don't care what he did. well no there was just whatever it was. it was take your wig off doing. take wig off it's not a some guy at the. airport a [ __ ] wig some guy at the.

airport comes up to me the other day. goes that's a wig isn't it yeah it's. 100% away so you think this is a wig. dude you're [ __ ] wig orny Weaver um I. could imagine if you don't know. something like that you think it's. private and then it goes out public that. would be very it would be alarming um. yeah' be alarming if it was like. 1800s I oh I agree I think it's. ridiculous I think anybody coming out. for being gay [ __ ] [ __ ]. who cares yeah oh I think it's I think. it's I think it's ridiculous same time.

[ __ ] and a dick oh but you're a real. intersection at that point dude I mean. it's both ears it's bumper to bumper. traffic but it's just interesting with. just as he's making this statement he's. like well what else do I have to say. it's almost weird it's like you're. you're ple you're pleading for peace. from. this from just strangers right I it's. just kind of fascinating where we are in. time that you watch somebody who has to. make. plea um and even even as he's trying to.

figure out what is he even asking for. you know like what is he what ises he. apologizing for I agree what the [ __ ] I. agree but I just think it's fascinating. to see that that's where we're at in. time where you're watching somebody. apologize Hy or whatever it is right. right totally to a. screen yeah because of the world that we. live it's just it's very interesting I. think but who cares that that he was gay. first of all he was a Tex fan way. tougher than doing some gay stuff way.

tougher what the f oh more dudes took. down David car than did sketch ever huh. yeah he got sacked 73 times his cooky. season okay dude I mean good God he got. sacked in his [ __ ] mouth dude that's. what sack means and yeah scetch I just. want to say man um yeah don't just hang. in there if you're feeling any type of. way or um yeah just keep your head up. brother uh we love you and everybody.

loves you dude and it doesn't. matter whatever's happened or has yeah. whatever you know we love you because of. who you are and um and yeah and nothing. will change that bro so just hang in. there and know that people have your. back um some people probably have your. front too some of these people are. perverts but just know I love you bro. and um and I'm just one of the millions. of people that do so just hang in there.

champ Scout Tre love you're fine yeah. don't stress about this nonsense and. yeah if you feel like you and now people. do what they want bro some people are. gay some people are straight some people. don't even know some people don't even. have a sexuality there's kids out there. not kids but adult children or whatever. who don't even know they're like I don't. even know I like to go to the library or. whatever I didn't even know a had a wi. or you'll have a some somebody say that. sometimes yeah they don't even know if. there is what a library is but they're.

going to go to it yeah you'll even have. a guy yeah being like oh look at this. long [ __ ] I have with balls under it. like yeah look at these [ __ ] fresh. [ __ ] labes look at how many labas do. I have I have [ __ ] in my armpits I. don't even know what's going on anymore. yeah somebody be like oh look at this. long vagina I have huh look at this. vagine oh oh I'm GNA [ __ ] bring this. to Bourbon Street so throw some beads in. my puss. we love you sketch. um and sorry you're having to deal with.

that or if you're if it's scaring or. whatever I just can't imagine it would. be very scary you know I mean what is. scary about that a haunted house is. scary I think I don't think he's gay it. sound like he had addiction issues and. maybe he was doing it for money so it. was something he was keeping secret and. his Fame really kind of happened. overnight in the last six months and. everybody just who loved him found that. out a thing he doesn't have to be a. shame for but he's already felt shame. for it so he was just scared and it.

sound like he was in really bad shape. yesterday but the the streamers from. FaZe Clan really supported him and he. went over there and I think it's all. good I think he's only going to be. bigger to be honest yeah I think um I. think that's what I'm saying I just feel. so much that he's scared that's what. makes. me uh but what are you scared of it's. like well you're scared of [ __ ] die. he's fine right but I think for a lot of. people it feels like the internet is the. only be allend all like you and I are at.

a different age where it's not as much. right we're different age but for for. for the younger generation I think that. is it right is that making sense now. right that makes sense where it's like. okay that's that's the jury of my life. right you know what I mean where it's. like it's not I mean we still have a. little bit more of like there's a human. jury and there's an online jury but I. think it gets who [ __ ] cares I agree. but you know what I'm saying power of is. intense I mean even the power of just. your video where they had if you guys.

were drinking or had done Edibles in. Whatchamacallit it was like look how. much news you know what I'm saying it. was like yes it doesn't matter but the. media doesn't [ __ ] care what matters. you know right but I didn't I didn't. like hold a grain of Sal to like when it. came out like on TMZ where was like Nick. swarts and is back hammered on stage and. whatever like Edibles and I'm like yeah. all right the [ __ ] like who cares yeah. everybody out there just listening um. don't worry about the internet and.

comments it's [ __ ] dumb and. Superfluous makes no sense yeah like. just move on enjoy your life be you and. don't kill people yeah and when you but. I think when you're times if you're. struggling with drugs people will get. into some wild stuff you know if people. are out there everyone's done wild [ __ ]. what the [ __ ] oh yeah I agree you look. back at your past you've done some. [ __ ] nose nachos dude somebody's had. some nose nachos in their past some of. those. [ __ ] yeah [ __ ].

[ __ ] some of that [ __ ] snout. mustard homie you feel me [ __ ] that. [ __ ] dick mayonnaise oh hold on no no. I'm good I wanted some coke okay don't. be that guy no it's like oh you want I'm. kidding man you want this weener Co. H I want to tell you about blue chew. that's right blue chew baby you if this.

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a licensed therapist and switch. therapist at any time for no additional. charge stop comparing and start focusing. with betterhelp visit betterhelp.com. Theo today to get 10% off your first. month that's. betterhelp.com. slth. EO dude you know what I saw the other. day why I did I tell tell you I heard. that Frederick Douglas was gay did I. tell you. that Frederick Douglas like the old.

black author. yeah who there he is bro hit that. picture right there above one no how did. that come out come. on bro you telling me bro and look I. respect how how did that come out that. Fredick Douglas is gay bro I I respect I. respect [ __ ] F Doug to the end bro. yeah he's a legend but don't even tell. me bro he was like little NOS Escape he. looks like he was the other member of.

Color Me bad yeah dude huh I want tox. you you know I Tick Tock it on all night. sweaty genitals swe bro FDR and I just. heard that I'm not saying that that's. something that I've heard a lot yeah did. you grow up with them how did you even. know that no it was just you would read. it on places you would read like little. where did you read that just uh what's. it called when. no when people write something on a. bench or whatever you know Henry got.

[ __ ] or whatever you like well jeez. you okay's I I don't like read benches. and live by it but benches used to be. the internet though you didn't have the. internet dude you had whatever somebody. wrote bathroom walls and yeah that was. the internet don't you know that the. original Reddit I guess yeah that's yeah. that's about Larry sucks [ __ ] or. whatever you're like oh good good to. know Gary's got that gay flu yay yeah uh. [ __ ] hit me up for uh free tires or. whatever like a800 number but that was.

the internet was the bathroom wall or. benches man um yeah that's true you know. what I was looking at recently man they. had um there's gay animals out. there like what name a couple here how. about this then I know some of them okay. you tell me which personally or the. genre of the animal let's go genre not. specific animal cuz you can't be like oh. Paddington Bear or whatever but I want. like a genre of an animal or a species. or. uh spe that's the right is that the.

right SP spes species yeah you tell me. an animal I'll tell you if it's gay or. not uh Panda not. sure. okay. giraffe [ __ ] yeah dude yeah giraffe just. dripping dicks well dude they got. [ __ ] waterfall penises they just hang. down well that neck too a neck is just a. long penis with sounds in it it's like. the Ron Jeremy of horses D basically and. here's the trick about being a giraffe. giraffe your head and eyes are so far.

from your Wier that if a guy blows your. whatever you can pretend it's not a guy. if you want right because you're so far. you can't see right you're so far. removed from it like if I'm up here and. somebody's just you know whistling on my. root or whatever I can pretend it's. whoever but if I'm right here like a. human it's hard to not it's hard to be. in denial you can see [ __ ] Steve and. Mark right you can see somebody with a P. yeah you can see somebody with a Terry. mclen Jersey or something on just. harping you down you know yeah look at.

this oh gay dude oh whoa hold on oh God. that did not go well wow that thing is. pop locking whoa homie bro she cron St. and that is how you meet a man out there. in the woods buddy um dude what what if. a lion's sucking your dick how [ __ ]. sweet would that be well you're a. giraffe giraffe is definitely no teeth. no teeth the Lion's just maybe the lion.

doesn't have teeth it does that's why we. okay it does it would it would nibble. that thing down just like a um like. somebody just biting down a piece of. thing a mistletoe okay I like that some. vegetarian yes or no elephant gay or no. elephants. no to just dude what about if the trunk. goes into your gin oh and then you can. suck your own. dick so does that make the elephant gay.

we don't. know what about guess another. one uh cheetah no they dress gay I think. but I don't think they are but they do. dress gay or they dress either they. dress like 80s hairband gay yeah like. Italian. women yeah Jersey Housewives yeah they. at a poison concert yeah. God that's good that they yeah they. dress pretty gay um what about here I'll.

tell you I'll give you a clue nighttime. [Music]. Halloween bats bats bats are way gay. dude how are how are bats gay first of. all they're hiding in the dark you can't. even see what's going on right so. something just flies right into your. wian or whatever it could be like Oh I'm. like you know like that's the crazy. thing the dark is just this it's the. ultimate or it's also like like I'm. sleeping upside down but they're trying. to suck their own dick yeah.

yeah so what about Batman oh it's dark. I'm gonna fly into some other bats and. just whatever happens that kind of [ __ ]. I'm gonna fly into Robin yeah he's a. [ __ ] gay Bird yeah oh I'm not gay I'm. it's just really dark in here that thing. yeah bats have that oh right here in. Wild little brown bats males often Mount. other males during late autumn and. winter when many of the mounted. individuals are that real are torpid 35%. of matings during this period are. homosexual wow what does torpid mean.

Nick yeah what is torpid I've never even. heard that word mentally or physically. inactive or lethargic so I guess um. isn't every man it's like a khole I. guess for animals when many of mounted. individuals are torpid huh so yes so. bats can be gay um bison too bison look. up bison's being gay please that can't. be right bison dude aren't they. basically buffalos the American Bison is. a Bine mammal which displays homosexual.

Behavior look at them right. there full anal penetration between. bulls has been noted to occur among. American Bison wow put in gay. bison and let me know where that bar is. oh that's Gago sorry right there zooming. on that picture look at the kid he's. kind of off at school or whatever that. area is of the yard right and this dude. is trying to holler at that his dad. I mean good Lord and that one's in black. face I want to say I mean I don't know.

if that's okay to say or. not well faces can be black so anyway. just wanted to go down a little Trail. there um yeah but yeah that was a. Treasure Trail yeah I think the crazy. part is just like. um yeah I don't know I just feel for a. sketch I hope that he's. okay he'll be fine he's. alive that's all you want just to be. alive oh dude totally God and even. that's tough bro sometimes if somebody. was like would you want to be alive some. can be hecked it I mean yeah but it's.

like when I wake up every day I'm like. [ __ ] here we go yeah Christ in heaven. but if somebody right now was like would. you want to be alive. or you want bison or do you want to have. a really nice. lunch what does the lunch consist of. four course lunch soup. salad from which establishment. it's a new it was it would it be in. Nolin it's a new place what some gumbo.

it's a new place and some. jumy and some maybe a hurricane and then. drw and. then blue he just comes out and th hums. the dessert in your mouth dude they used. to have that restaurant called Lamberts. where they throw the roll across the. love Lamberts you've been there yeah of. course wow yeah it's not my first. [ __ ] Rodeo bro they would throw the r. fell to Earth [ __ ] wig Gypsy they. throw the Roll to You across town I. think Billy.

um it' be like a curveball there it is. right there that's the guy he'll throw. the Roll To You Right There Lambert's. home of the throwed rolls and they'll. hum a bread over at you yeah. amazing. um right there and that guy probably pay. is that kurk cousins right there it's. not see that's. Kirk oh yeah that's Amish dude. yeah now if this is way G than anything. sketch. did you know what I'm saying yeah I mean.

underhand tossing a bread roll to. somebody in a full restaurant I would. take that guy over K cousins yeah for. the Vikings but yeah I just can't even. believe that that's the biggest issue I. think him being a Texans fan for the. past however long they've been in. existence but I mean they're like. they're exciting I love Houston very. much now yeah yeah but I mean back in. the day yeah they were just and back in. the day it was two years ago blond it. was just like JJ Watt was just trying to. play every position and try to keep him. alive yeah good god um that's why we.

pray what else man what else is. happening what else is going on I'm. going on tour toilet head Nick. schwartz.an yep wow you're in and you're. gonna play I'm GNA play Adam's caddy wow. yeah super excited have you already read. the script or no there's no script yet. but we start shooting in the phone. congratulations bro I know you're. excited about that um and then David.

Spade I don't know what he's doing I. think he's homeless David yeah we pray. do you know uh there you go comedian X4. announces he will play as Adam Sanders. canny and Happy Gilmore 2 yep and how. did that come to pass did Adam ask you. about it how does that work he called me. up and he goes why why is. he why he. and I go and I hey what's up no he goes.

hey I'm doing happy G War too I'm like. oh that's [ __ ] awesome cuz he had. turned it down for like decades he was. like never wanted to do like a reboot of. it or a sequel and he was like yeah he's. like I don't have a script yet but I. wanted to play the caddy and I'm like. yeah [ __ ] yeah amazing so super stoked. any opportunity for a Grandma's Boy to. you think no I got off for Grandma's Boy. too I turned it down really yeah I just. like sequels are so tricky especially.

with comedy so I was like yeah I just. don't I thought about it for a minute. the only sequel I ever wanted to do. really bad and I thought of a whole. concept was Benchwarmers. too so I really wanted to do that and we. lost the rights to the [ __ ] movie and. they made. some Bonkers [ __ ] show of a sequel but. like a whole outline of it that was the. only one I would do a sequel to bench. warmer too yeah it's like balls fart or.

something yeah yeah whatever um mine. would have been balls shart so you'll be. in that that's awesome man in happy. humore yeah yeah um what else did I just. see I saw um oh steo is getting breast. implants did you see that is he really. doing that I'm doing a show with him. tomorrow night are you yeah we're doing. the Dr Phil with Adam R oh yeah feel. them freaking b cups for me then um yeah. I think he's going to get him for a. couple of months is it a fundraiser he's.

doing it. for that's the most steo thing ever by. the way steo is amazing I love him but. getting tits. is is he. like is he gonna get rid of his penis I. don't know let me see this says right. here Jack SAR steo confirmed this week. he's going to undergo breast. augmentation for a laugh during an. appearance on the X5 podcast on. Wednesday the 50-year-old prankster said. he's been thinking about getting a pair. of fake breasts for years I came up with. the idea a few years ago to get a boob.

job and just film a bunch of. legitimately funny hidden camera pranks. with me in Disguise in various. disguises um I mean I spoke with the. doctors and I said to them Kenny the one. thing I'm really freaked out about and. bummed out about and would back out of. this over as if I'm just going to be a. mess afterwards he's going to get dups. wow I wouldn't go that heavy I don't. think yeah that's a little aggressive. two months it comes out absolutely no. issues that's what the doctor told him. wow but decs is aggressive yeah this.

feels why not just wear fake boobs to me. like why not just wear a um yeah totally. like a prosthetic tit something or. synthetic what is it yeah um yeah a few. years ago um to get a boob job if you go. through this X5 will pay for that oh. [Music]. wow look just so Happ to have my. checkbook a problem actually.

means oh my god wow I'm gonna see him. tomorrow so I'll ask him I'll text you. that's incredible man yeah getting some. breast would be I don't know if I would. love them what do you think Nick I. mean I don't think I want I don't want. breasts I I don't think I want that I. mean that would. be dups again is like that's. that's a haul yeah you're hauling some. [ __ ] weight yeah you got some.

mamories yeah right there and you don't. have a fake baby to suck on them. tons you know what I'm saying and. there's no way you're not going. to put your tongue on them a little if. you have them well no you got to eat. them out a yeah you want to be [ __ ]. nip yeah I mean I would definitely just. Juice Box those little bad boys you know. um yeah but I want juice boxes in my. tiest oh yeah so I want some Capri Suns. and then sucking on a.

vacation and then we praise him but yeah. I would for sure feel my would you get. some I don't know it just seems like a. lot after the thing happened in Colorado. did people call you and like Express. concern I was I reached out I was like. dude what's going on I know you hit me. up you were like what in the [ __ ] and I. was like what like just God I've already. been through hell and back I was like. yeah I got too high in Colorado like. yeah what the [ __ ] people like. okay well that's true true my bad that.

was me no no no it's fine well you know. you're a good friend oh like what's. going on man no it it was a valid. question but I was like you guys like. people that like know know me I'm like. they're like yeah okay like you're fine. you know what I mean like I'm not like. you know I don't I'm not Bonkers it was. just like a a slip you know what I mean. where I was like yeah I just made the. mistake of taking edible and I still. take edibl and I don't even do any other.

drugs it's like people think like I'm. some like cuckoo brain it's like no. [ __ ] I know my [ __ ] I'm smart as [ __ ]. did people start coming to the shows and. wanting you to like do the same thing. like kind of trip out or whatever well. yeah like I said like I did two shows. sold out npen people were throwing. Edibles at me and then so people. afterwards were like okay what's going. to happen and I would dress it on stage. I was very candid I'm like yeah had a. bad day at work you ever have a bad day. at work and you end up on the [ __ ].

news like yeah that's a blast but like. my shows after that like people can. attest to that like yeah Columbus Omaha. Philly Houston like they're all great. like my new set is fire it's awesome. Nick swarts and.net you feel good about. it yeah I love it I talk about Norm. McDonald a lot oh yeah yeah I got three. Norm stories that are great do you. remember did you ever go to his birthday. party or anything yeah I went to. everything really yeah what was where. where was one of his birthday parties at.

I never got to go to it well he would. have ones at his house oh yeah yeah oh. that's nice but I remember one of my. favorite moments is uh I was on tour. with Sandler spade and Schneider and. norm and we were in Connecticut mikin. sun and we were backstage and norm and I. were in the hallway and uh there was. security guard walking down and he had a. gun security guard but like long hallway. so I saw it and I go to Norma I go hey. um that guy's got a gun and Norma's like.

really paranoid about death and he goes. he what a gun that guy's got a gun and I. was like yeah and he goes into the. Sandler's dressing room and it's again. Adam David and Rob and he Norm goes in. he goes hey there's a guy with again and. Adam goes what the [ __ ] are you serious. everyone's like freaking out and I got. oh no no no I was no it's a security. guard I was joking and everyone's like. what and nor goes yeah you said there's.

a guy with a gun I'm like yeah I know I. was just it was a joke and he goes why. is that funny and Adam's like what the. [ __ ] is wrong with you I'm like no I was. just trying to mess with Norm it's fine. it's fine and they're like that's a joke. [ __ ] psycho and I just went to my. room alone and I was like there's a guy. with a gun how what not a gun. no it's like how do I do it teach you. how to do it do what as a guy with a gun.

you yeah it's like a little bit a little. bit of a hesitation when it's like and. you got to do the. hands what a gun yes now there's a guy. he's got a gun or. what a guy with a gun yeah it's. better what. hey a guy he's not dad he's not a dead. body you got to like yeah have a voice a.

guy with a gun no you're doing a dead. body voice there's a guy with a gun no n. got there's a guy with a gun that was. kind of bit huh that's better Doug hey. what's another impersonation you do. anything Morgan Freeman I do a couple. Impressions that I will save for my new. hour I'm not going to spoil it there he. is right there look at that what a. [ __ ] oh Don knots I loved him oh yeah. that was impromptu that's not going.

well I'm coming in your. butt so stupid the worst well listen man. hey your mouth is my. toilet that's the worst D knuts ever. dude it's not that. bad my dog [ __ ]. snowman what Don not I. got I can do um oh Morgan Freeman you.

know they said it would take a man 600. years to get out of this year prison but. Andy do FR didn't less than. 20 that was Frederick Douglas oh really. wding boys at that's frederi Douglas. dude no you eat me. out yeah you don't know uh um what's. something you miss about uh like when. you were younger is there anything you. ever like have Nostalgia for ever you.

feel. like um breaking things yeah I remember. like back in the day like growing up in. the 80s yeah 1980s and I remember it was. like we would have like okay like go. outside and play and I would just break. things I would find things in the. dumpster remember dumpsters yeah yeah. and You' find like some light bulbs and. then break those [ __ ] maybe some fire. works I don't know the best was if you. work somewhere and they're like I need. you we need you to take these. fluorescent bulbs out we just change.

them out and they would [ __ ] explode. and the powder would come out yeah and. then you would orgasm yeah yeah did you. um did you ever meet Michael Jackson or. not no damn not. yet not yet what about um spy just did a. podcast did you ever meet him Kevin spy. yeah no. really I never did I saw him at a party. and he looked at my. genitals that was fine that's where he. looks yeah um no I never met.

him he does a podcast is he like he just. had a podcast is he like over his like. he just did one but I'm oh is he over. the allegations against him I guess. nothing ever happened oh he has his own. podcast now no that wasn't that was. about his trial not. okay yeah I don't know like who's. cancelled or what what is going going on. it's [ __ ] weird oh I don't think I. don't think anybody's cancel anym nobody. gives a [ __ ] who gives a [ __ ] Kanye got.

can nobody gives a [ __ ] the dude's still. selling out tours so nobody cares what. somebody says in the media nobody even. reads them it's like it's so bizarre. it's so ambiguous cuz you're like what. like who is are they still can we yeah I. think you can kind of do whatever you. want it feels like you know um I'm gonna. [ __ ] [ __ ] this plant yeah yeah then. cancel me see how that me um I'm gonna. [ __ ] your wig no yep I'm take a [ __ ] on.

your wig don't do that [ __ ] wig don't. it's my next special buddy [ __ ] wig hey. [ __ ] wig dude what's something tell me. something else from like a let me think. of a good oh this was the best this is. the best Ro touring story I ever heard. right and I don't remember who told it. to me but they said that one night they. were at uh they had done a show at a. comedy club they get off stage and their. opener um they were both staying at the. same Hotel they said right when they get.

off stage some like this hot chick comes. and rushes up and is like flirting with. them and they're like um and she's like. let's go back to my place and her place. was like 30 minutes away so the comic. was like nah let's just go back to my. hotel room right so they go back to the. hotel and she starts getting like super. belligerent is like throwing [ __ ] at him. in the room and stuff being like let's. go to my place let's go to my place. she's like I have drugs there and so. finally the comedian's like [ __ ] this is. too crazy man um and he throws her out.

of his room she goes down the hall or. when she's leaving somehow she comes. across the opener who was also staying. at the. hotel the opener goes to leaves with the. chick goes to her house right they take. a taxi there or. whatever they get inside the chick. they're hooking up um they take some. pills or the girl tookes a took a pill. or something like that the the girl uh. handcuffs the guy to a bed starts giving.

him like a BJ and she passes out so now. the dude's handcuffed to the bed this. chick is passed out on his lap and he. sees like some headlights come across. the Through the Windows of like a car. pulling in the driveway so he's like oh. [ __ ] a man comes in walks down the. hallway looks in the bedroom where this. dude is on the bed with this chick right. goes into the kitchen or whatever does. something comes back gets the girl takes.

her out of there puts her somewhere. comes back in the room tells the dude if. I ever see you at my house again I'm G. to [ __ ] kill you blows the dude I was. hoping you were gonna say that then lets. him go dude and gave him all his [ __ ]. and [ __ ] sent him walking the. headlining Comedian says like 5: am he. gets a call. and it's the opener and the opener is at. like a gas station or something 25. minutes away and need some help oh my.

God I don't know if that's a true story. but it was the guy who told it to me I. want to believe it's true I I he told it. was so it had detailed yeah oh that'd be. the worst dude why the guy did he come I. don't know I mean that's a valid. question oh it just it's just that kind. of [ __ ] multiple miles on your dick. it just makes me sad that that's kind of. stuff that's going on the bait and.

switch type of thing sad yeah yeah do. you cry over it You Weep I wouldn't cry. over it but you said sadness what bums. me out he doesn't bum you out that. somebody's getting chained up at a house. thinking they're going to hook up with a. girl and then somebody's stepdad or. whatever comes in and BJs them out no. well yeah if I only had a heart ches. [Music]. um yeah no it's amazing what else. stories so one story I had so I had to.

do a gig in Philly it was a casino I had. to go through Dallas I had a casino in. Iowa so same day so this is not a. similar story in any way weird segue but. it was one of my favorite moments of the. spring tour so I go Philly through. Dallas sou Falls Drive to Iowa again. same day key detail so I go and I my. flight's at 6:00 in the morning I've got. to make this show in Iowa so I go to the.

airport 900 p.m. and I'm like I'm just. going to sleep at the airport so I show. up 9:00 p.m. I'm like hey I'll just. sleep at the gate what airport. Philadelphia okay so I'm like I'll just. sleep at the airport and they like I'll. sleep at the airport yeah I was like. I'll sleep under I don't [ __ ] care. like I'll just [ __ ] sleep on the. floor in front of the gate what do you. mean you'll sleep at the airport my. flight was at 6:00 in the morning I've. seen people sleep all the time at the. airport it's an airport yeah I know I'm. like whatever [ __ ] it so you're right.

900 p.m. night before and I go hey can I. just sleep here and they were like no. yeah they're like TSA is closed and I'm. like oh [ __ ] and they're like we have a. Marriott airport hotel and I'm like oh. okay so I go to the Marriott connected. to the airport and I go hey can I get a. room and they're like no we're sold out. overs sold out and I go [ __ ] I'm. like are you serious and they were like. yeah so I go to the airport bar at the. Marriott and I'm like can I get a. cocktail so this couple that i' had met.

in Key West and they go Nick schwartzon. I go yeah what's up and they go what are. you doing and I'm like I'm [ __ ]. homeless I'm homeless I have no place to. stay I got to fly to Dallas tomorrow and. they go oh we're on that Dallas flight. and I go oh cool and they're like you. don't have a room and I'm like no so. they're like do you want to crash on our. floor so I just slept on this couple's. floor they were so nice I literally. slept on their floor they gave me a.

pillow slept on the floor oh wow and. then we woke up 4 in the morning and. made our flight and I made the gig and. it was great did they uh were they like. FLIR like trying it was like a trying to. be a swinger thing or no no not at all. it was just like hey do you want to. crash I'm like I don't know what other. comic would do that yeah I just sleep on. the floor I'm like and I I vaguely knew. them from Key West they were really. sweet but I was just like yeah I'm just. goingon to yeah dude my buddy Jiggy he. opens up uh with um Impractical Joker. sometimes okay they're great by the way.

those are awesome comedian um he was on. a he was on a plane talking to a girl. flirting having a good time um the plane. ends up getting delayed it doesn't leave. the tarmac he goes back to the gate uh. the girl kind of speaks a little bit of. a different language but the girl says. you can come and stay with me so my. buddy's like holy [ __ ] dude I'm gonna go. stay at this girl's place what are the. odds. the girl uh they get to the place it's. the girl's grandmother's house him the.

girl and the grandmother all slept in. the same bed just watching a movie what. yeah any new uh pets in your. life I do not I wish yeah I travel so. much I love cats and dogs I'm addicted. fully addicted to Instagram animal. videos yeah like I spend maybe ballpark. 2 hours a day watching animal videos and. just sending to people my family yeah. yeah my friends yeah there's something. beautiful about that there's something I.

love seeing a little animal um I got to. meet some alpacas. yesterday or not yesterday one week ago. I mean that's amazing where was that it. was in Utah just had a beautiful time. forward forward to those alpacas a. little bit right see you right here here. we go my boys got them hey buddies oh. dang wow bro. that's why with smoking homie dang dang. beautiful W they're beautiful huh and.

their fur um that's good brother and. their fur is so warm and. soft their fur is so warm and soft dude. and some of them look so weird and look. at this dude John Rogan. dude that was our bus driver John Rogan. yeah is he related to Joe he grew up in. the same town is that true yep my. favorite is I had lunch with Joe Rogan.

recently M and he had Genie. Sashimi he brought a genie lamp and. rubbed it Genie came out and Jo cut it. up [ __ ] ate it yeah oh that's. beautiful yeah he's not afraid dude I. think sometimes I wish my [ __ ] I wish. I had metal legs no cuz it' be so clangy. when you were sitting down yeah but not. if you sit right that's why you cross. your legs and you wish you had more. balls you could handle it or not or two.

is good I think two's fine I mean. ideally I would like. eight little [ __ ] Satchel little. family huh yeah little [ __ ] hobo. Satchel that little with a stick with a. [ __ ] satchy oh yeah like a little. spider carrying their eggs or whatever. exactly yeah and then they spread and. [ __ ]. disease yeah have you ever had a STD or. not I have. not not yet sure dude I'll be on tour.

nickw and.net every Everybody lies that. dude um you see that lady that hid those. drugs and those. burritos is that a euphemism or drug. disguise is Taco Bell burritos. foundering track traffic stop great now. I want Taco Bell thanks. wow you ever do some good blow back in. the day Nick. ever I was never a big Coke guy but I. did do it one time where it was like. really good like 20 years ago yeah and.

it was like. pure and what you did you guys have a. long night on it do you remember that or. not I remember like do it was in Atlanta. [ __ ] ATL I'll be there on tour Nick. words just keep whing myself no but uh. yeah I went to Sun bar and like I did. blow with this [ __ ] black dude he's. cool as [ __ ] and then we talked. philosophy all night oh yeah yeah it was. like one of those cocaine versations. yeah it was just [ __ ] chat sck we.

were just back and forth and we were. talking about the difference between. Plato and Socrates and then. existentialism it it got yeah it got. Bonkers yeah I love Transcendent. transcendentalism and. existentialism like and thorow like I. can talk like all that stuff oh but it. was a great night it was it was great I. got cornered by Two Brothers one time at. a pizza joint actually out there in. um out there uh near Palm Springs and.

okay they were the first people that. ever told me about Flat. Earth two brothers you wouldn't expect. that you would yeah you might be right. yeah you would what was the pizza joint. um it was at a casino out there I was. working at a casino and they had a pizza. place in it I don't remember the name of. it oh okay was at a casino though it. wasn't like a franchise it wasn't like. pizza if yeah I did a movie in uh. Southern Indiana yeah and it was. [ __ ] my friend Michael Rosa bom's. movie it's great it's called back in the.

day it's awesome is it out yet yeah it's. out it's on DVD oh nice yeah it's great. great movie but we were in Southern. Indiana and they were like and I go do. you guys have like a like what's a nice. restaurant here and they're like we have. a Pizza Hut and that was their fancy. place and I was like all right so I went. to Pizza H but that was their. that was their bar they were like yep. yeah we have a fancy place Pizza Hut.

yeah yeah Pizza Hut's kind of like I. still have diarrhea pizza's kind of like. the thing wherever you put whatever you. put in it it's still going to be you can. tell because of the roof you know it's. almost like if somebody's trans or. whatever like no matter what you do you. know because of the. roof what the original kind of structure. was you know right yeah totally like it. could be a Chase bank and you're like. yeah yeah but yeah but what was it we. know there was bread scks up here yeah.

also like whenever Hut is in the word. it's there's nothing classy about like. yeah there's let's go to sushi Hut no. I'm not doing that let's go to [ __ ]. China Hut yeah yeah that that's not good. it's a Hut or beastro I'm. like that I don't know if that's what we. should eat at dude we had a dude one. time in our neighborhood I knew we were. talking about like kind of racial. clothing or whatever earlier but he had. a hat right the Hat said the inword on.

the front right he sold this hat it said. the n- word on the back it said just. joking across the. bat so who the [ __ ] sold. that I guess like an entrepreneur or. whatever I don't know what it's called. what but an entrepreneur or an. entrepreneur dude gu so hard. entrepreneur. but it was crazy because at first I just. saw the the front of it and I was like. oh man you can't I would buy that I was.

like I was like save me one but I. wouldn't make a lot of those you know. yeah but then he goes dude no and he. turns around and says just joking across. the bat I like oh it's so weird yeah I. mean it's just like one of those. gimmicky kind of shirts or whatever no I. get what it is you know can you see that. video where they find if it was a yamaka. the m guy and they catch him they accuse. him of being a child predator and then. they make him wear a shirt that said I. went to meet up with a child and all I.

got was this stupid shirt you believe. that [ __ ] is that real yeah oh that's. amazing can you pull it up Nick it's on. Tik Tok I think but it's just T well. there's a lot of this child predator. stuff now you know you see that guy. Vitali and. um uh maybe in Bradley Martin caught a. they caught a Hollywood executive Supply. they Uris him at a pizza place but it's. crazy that just regular everyday. citizens now are doing have become. officers you know right here you go.

right here what is your name Boris my. name is Boris what Boris what's your. name shake my hand what's the problem. what do you say with my daughter you. know how old she is I don't I have no. idea you have no idea I have no idea you. have no idea no the [ __ ] you thought was. going to happen here nothing I we're. going to have a pizza I don't know Pizza. yeah you don't know what how old is she. rad. I met you know how old she is I messed. with her she was 23 23 is that is that. what the conversation look like you. remember the text messages she was 23 on.

a site on a on a dating site yes yeah. yeah she was 23 on old site I have no. idea lla how old are. you I'm sorry 15 she was 23 on a dating. site all we've done is so she didn't. tell you she didn't tell you how old she. was that's good she did how old is she. yeah that's Bradley Martin talking some. of you guys can't see it if you're just. on audio um but they just stopped this. guy who I guess met up with a girl at a. pizza place but you're seeing a lot of. this now like um vigilante Vigilantes.

yeah you're seeing it everywhere yeah. but why is it I always come back to. Pizza yeah it's a good question why. don't we ban. Pizza yeah Pizza um but yeah open up a. pizza [ __ ] Hut did they lose their job. Nick because of that though no it just. kind of went away. oh but did I thought vital got kicked. off a. kick I thought you were talking about.

the writer I'm looking that up if he got. kicked. off I don't know who that is it's a. streamer um these streamers if it's a. tough business man could you imagine. that milanas did it for a while yeah I. mean he was like one of The Originals. yeah Andy like started streaming like. way back in the day I was like what the. [ __ ] is going on here cuz it'd be crazy. when you're around him he's just. streaming this whole universe going in. you know yeah it's like you're literally. stuck in the internet it feels. like well you're you're just non it's.

nonstop content right so it's like I. can't it feels exhausting it feels super. exhausting like I. am so like tired of like just touring. enough and like coming out like new. special July 18th but like you know just. touring and like doing my nonsense like. filming but I can't imagine like not. stop like having your phone like yeah. hey I'm here Pizza Hut how old are.

you just like be like oh my God [ __ ]. dude imagine if you're just trying to in. the this must be the worst part you're. sitting there you're just trying to. enjoy your. meal right and somebody next to you is a. child. predator so now your meal's ruin and. you're in the background yes so people. are like people like dude I saw you. hanging out with that child predator. you're like hanging out I was at table s.

yeah and they're like. Rick are you affiliated with Gary who's. [ __ ] putting babies on his [ __ ]. and what's in your new special is it. tough to make a new special these days I. mean it's hard as [ __ ] cuz it's like and. I think you know this like you've done. it long enough where it's like when you. have a new hour so I have a new hour. coming out again July 18th and then a. whole new hour in the fall. so every time you have a new hour it's. so daunting where I'm like can I think. of another hour like after this like I.

don't know if this might be my last one. I don't know you know what I mean yeah. like whenever you think of a new hour. it's so hard to write like a good hour. oh yeah I've had bits where I'm like oh. this is I'll never have another good bit. this is the best bit I'll ever had yeah. I'm always like I'm done this my. favorite joke and this is what I got and. that's it yeah totally you know um but. my new hours fire d. it's fun shed what are some of the. things you're discussing like is it it's. about a certain part of your life is it. about growing up or is it just stories.

or what is it it's kind of like all over. the place like if you've seen my shows. which people have it's like storytelling. onliners it's like kind of all over the. map like observational diarrhea stuff or. no there's some a couple D couple dayr. mhm I make sure my fans know you show up. you're going to hear a d we're spraying. it on the walls homie. yeah course poopy well yeah it's just. crazy how there's like vigilante ISM now. it's like you know yeah which is cool.

but if it's warranted you know what I. mean it's like yeah like what do you. mean like people listening to Warrant. yeah like the band warrant she's. my but yeah if it's warranted yeah of. course um but I you know remember the. first time somebody ever touched your. genitals or. not uh yeah V. where was it what count or whatever it. was at my family reunion oh yeah. yeah that's why we pray yeah do we need.

more [ __ ] gay animals we need um and. we got to support our gay animals that's. the thing we have to you know giraffes. if you see a giraffe suck its dick there. it's right there it's hanging fruit it's. so big though you know how big it's. going to be yeah but why don't you just. what if what if it just SK like suck it. dude it'll rip your jaw open if he. [ __ ] moves over to the left or. whatever yeah why don't you get a new.

jaw when you get jaw implants you're. going to have a you're going to be in a. neck brace cuz you try to blow some. giraffe dude yeah then you have a great. story yeah and people are like what. happened to your jaw turtle head giraffe. dick new special coming out or uh tour. sorry toilet head sorry toilet. head did you say totet toilet head I. said turtlehead sorry man I was in Vegas. all weekend my brain is rattled his. [ __ ] his wig is off my wig is off.

July 18th YouTube joke from face than. toilet head this fall yeah game [ __ ]. on and sketch we love you dude hang in. there. um yeah I just can't believe that this. whole time he's been. a Texans. fan yeah Houston it's a we have a. problem. yeah um Praise Him Nick Horton thanks.

for hanging out dude love you dude sorry. if I was a little bit subdued today man. it's a little bit TI I'm [ __ ] always. subdued makes jokes from face that comes. out July 18th on YouTube um his tour. toilet head you can get out there now. and catch him um any more Edibles on. stage Nick you're done we don't know yet. see how this plays out on. well I wish it was a night when I could. touch your body she's my Gary pie oh.

yeah yeah Gary pie dude I love that um. oh I have way. there speed has no. hair dude Spade took me to his hair. doctor that guy's [ __ ] 2,000 years. old dude oh yeah. um all right cool man all right praise. now I'm Justa the. and leaves be.

Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of my life. found I can feel it in my. bones but it's going to take.