Mike Rowe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #416

we got new merch some new colorways uh. in the be good to yourself collection. we've got hoodies in Plum and Moss we've. also got t-shirts in lilac moss and Blue. Mist hope you enjoy those those are good. colors. get that hitter and more at. theovinstore.com. today's guest has been a figure in most. of our lives. um he hosted a show called Dirty Jobs.

where he just got involved in it all man. he's not afraid to to go to the beach. and sit in the quicksand you know. um he has been a narrator. uh you've heard his voice on shows like. Deadliest Catch and Shark Week he's an. activist for the trades and for regular. working people I'm grateful to have him. here today Mr Mike Rowe.

oh. impossible stories. [Music]. [Applause]. house cleaning. Story of My Life man has it been.

yeah and that and no did you do chores. growing up did you have any chores I had. uh all the like the classic chores right. we had um we had some land. that really wasn't ours but we had. access to and my mother was crazy for. horses so we built a barn and we had. three or four or five horses at any. given time that we boarded and the. average horse will crap eight times a. day oh wow so if you have five horses. each one crapping eight times a day.

that's basically 40 loads right so I. come home from school first job was to. uh. to pick up the worst [ __ ] yeah right put. in the compost pile and then split wood. we had a our house was heated mostly. with a wood stove so my main chores from. August 13th to. 18. we're picking up horse crap and. splitting wood. did you get to see him do the craps or. you just there was already done when you. got there I played a game called bonus.

points right so I mean normally when you. come home The Field's just full of. little loads of turds and you scoop them. up with your wheelbarrow but if you. catch one in the midst and if you can. get over and get the shovel yeah under. its ass the sound that the turd makes. when it lands on the shovel yeah weirdly. satisfying you know and you start you're. looking over your shoulder when you're. out there waiting for the next one and. really it's strange you know I'm older. now than I've ever been but I do the. same thing with my dog when I'm walking.

the dog and I see him spin it's. ridiculous you're like a grown man with. a plastic bag in his hand but there I am. holding it under its assets catching it. in midair like Kirby pocket or whatever. just but no I could see that there's for. me I could totally see that there would. be value if I could like in my head it's. like oh if I can get a little more. efficient here and cut off the time. between isn't it crazy the games we play. and the little things we at least I do. yeah over the course of a day right it.

could be making the light at the. intersection uh it could be you know the. perfect text the right tweet whatever. you assign value to but yeah it's funny. I hadn't thought about it that way but. at that point in my life one of the most. satisfying things to do was to catch a. turd in midair yeah God simple things oh. I think in some countries it's still. probably is a damn it's probably a dang. Olympic sport if you get out there into. some places. oh yeah I think I mean who knows where. things will go I think that.

entertainment's getting pretty out there. you think I mean geez you know what I. did the other night man I'm flicking. around not knowing what I'm looking for. yeah and I stumble across the national. cornhole championship. grown men them Bag Boys yeah I mean I. it's like seven or eight straight in the. hole no sliding no nothing just nailed. it we I feel like when I watch that I. can feel their wives in the distance. being like get a [ __ ] job right now.

Darren so proud of you Darren so proud. of you with your little bean bag and. your little hole we're proud of you but. Tiffany needs her daddy at home. you know what I'm saying you could fit. because you know I don't think the. money's there yet we're like but it's. this it's the same it's like as a kid I. remember flicking around and watching. bowling yeah like Earl Anthony Jr. bowling and it was the most I mean the. intensity and the focus yeah and it.

wasn't a big crowd but it was an Engaged. crowd you know and the way the announcer. would step in there and oh my God the. pressure is high and here he is and the. focus and the concentration it's the. same thing with darts yeah I love darts. and it's like so there are so many of. these little hobby type things. get treated like it's the decathlon yeah. and if you're just a guy flicking around. in the middle of the night and you. stumble across there he is man bushes.

tossing the look at that right in there. like it had eyes that bean baby right. there yeah and now what kind of beans. are in the bag I wonder maybe that's how. Bush does it you know what that would be. amazing somebody should open up a bag. and see if bush beans are in there I cut. open a golf ball once when I was a kid. one of my grandfather's shop and put a. golf ball in a vise and I took a hacksaw. and I opened it up and it was Newton I. I really it didn't occur to me that at.

the time I was just like Isaac Newton. but you're right there I was looking. inside the golf ball like it was some. microcosm of the uh of the solar system. and peeling these rubber bands away and. you know oh there's rubber bands in. there oh well there's something rubber. they look like rubber bands but they're. really dense and they're really thin and. they're wrapped really really tight. around this this nucleus in the center. of its marble type little thing huh but. you know some guys at home trying to. find a better way to make a better golf.

ball. yeah knowing full well that some. knucklehead who's been amusing himself. by catching [ __ ] in midair is going to. take one put it in a vice and cut it. open and see what makes the world. what uh what's keeping you busy these. days sitting here with Mike Rowe thanks. so much for coming in sure. um. and congratulations for uh for being in. Nashville and for carving out a carving. out a piece of something real I mean. this is so you know I do a podcast too. keeps me pretty busy but I'm on the road.

all the time so I'm doing it on like. Riverside or Zoom or you know and it's. not the same as you know sitting in an. upholstered chair with a guy in his. house with the you know it's it's like. cable access meets. okay yeah real I mean honestly like. we're this far from Wayne's World yeah. we are and people are watching like lots. of people are watching so congrats on. that oh thank you man yeah I think we've. been looking for different Studios. recently but there's a level of.

not I don't want to there's a level of. rogueness that has to accompany a. podcast space yeah it's like in L.A. because we have a studio in LA and we've. been looking there and it's like man. this is a there's a Chase Bank in the. lobby that's not it we need like a. missing person poster within 60 feet. it's a need to be on the building but. you know what I'm saying there needs to. because there's a level still of grunge. to it you know right right um that I. think always needs to be there if I walk.

into a corporate place I in my head feel. more corporate and so it puts me in a. different headspace um so I'd imagine it. does that for other folds but you can't. fake it right I mean if you're gonna be. in a corporate space there's a way to. behave that's consistent with your. surroundings and when people look at. that they might not like it but they're. not going to judge you for being a. sellout or a fake or a poser like you. don't think so huh well not I mean I'm. not I'm not saying that came off a. little uh what they might yeah think so.

I came off a little bit Outsiders well I. mean it's like if when I see somebody uh. working hard to be grungy. I don't see it as much different than. somebody who's working hard to be. corporate if you're working hard. to create an appearance then you become. part of the production and if you're. part of the production then you're part. of the enemy to authenticity and I and.

what I take from what you're saying is. that the thing that's for sale in the. podcast space that is also for sale you. know in any good comedians act uh in any. TV show that feels real and any song. that feels real. is authenticity yeah right and so. there's this weird trap if you if you. work really hard to create it well then. you're manufacturing it and that makes. you fake but if somehow or another you. can function in your space ask the.

questions you want to ask give the. answers you want to give and a time. frame that you want to create you know. you then then I think people will at. least give you a listen right that's a. good point so maybe I'm over maybe I'm. giving that too much credit maybe you. know maybe like I know on dirty jobs. that. I mean I think the reason the show. lasted as long as it lasted was because. we never did a second take. it was I just said look if I'm gonna do.

a reality show this is back before. reality meant something unreal yeah like. if we're if we're literally I mean you. came up in that world too yeah like look. we're not going to do any pre-production. We're not gonna do any writing we're not. going to do any real casting all we're. going to do is follow a guy around doing. his job and I'm gonna have a normal crew. and they're gonna shoot the show and. they're going to cut the show you know. however we agree to do it but I'm also. going to have a camera that never stops.

rolling and I call it the truth Cam and. um you know like right now when I'm. looking at this that's camera a shooting. me walking and talking in this uh dump. actually down in uh down in San. Francisco but over my left shoulder. there's another camera that's rolling so. if that camera there suddenly craps the. bed or if I have an audio problem or a. plane flies over or I screw up my line. or something a dog attack anything.

happens I can turn to the truth Cam and. I can tell you I can tell the viewer. here's what's happening right now I love. that right here's what's happening right. now and it and it wasn't planned and I I. just want you to feel like you're there. with me so that's that's reality yes if. and and and you don't need to do it like. every second you just have to remind the. viewer from time to like that there I am. smear that's actual [ __ ] I'm smearing on.

the lens of the camera oh wow now that's. Japanese as heck Japanese and German. yeah we Dirty Jobs was always one click. away from a German porno right and. um. and I mean look at me that's me 20 years. ago wow right that crazy show is still. in there there again you see it that. that's you know that's actual mud. exploding from an oil well onto the lens. of the camera that that's chicken [ __ ]. squirted onto the lens of the camera.

like oh yeah when you put stuff like. that into the viewer's face and there's. the truth cam oh yeah that's me showing. you what I'm seeing as it's happening. so that's all just a long way of saying. that you're you're doing a version of. that with this podcast you know you're. right we want to keep it as authentic as. possible yes because it really is what. the truth is I think so yeah you know it. has changed over the years a lot of. those shows now are so different it's so.

it's just all so manufactured and the. algorithm has gotten so strong of us to. like what the uh what people want what. do they need it's like there's all these. testing points and stuff it just the. reality has gone out of a lot of stuff. and it's been replaced by feedback like. everybody it's normal to want to know. how you're doing yeah and you know back. when I used to do that show you know. there I am with my arm literally past my. elbow inside a cow and you know it's. deep huh it didn't occur what are you.

trying to what is this part of uh is. this um this isn't one of those like uh. it's not like a crystal ball thing is it. I don't think so man I think that that. episode we were uh uh we were showing. the realities of artificial insemination. oh yeah and I was trying to make the. point that you know there there is no. McDonald's. there is no Carl's Jr there there are no.

millions and millions of hamburgers. served every day without people coaxing. the sperm out of a bull and and getting. it into a cow yeah I mean it it's it's. so prevalent and so common. um in the places where it happens but. but so mysterious to most people hey. from one or the other yeah yeah get it. getting the you know I mean you're.

talking about artificial vaginas you're. talking about uh styrofoam cups you're. talking about you know guiding the penis. of a bull called hun sucker Commando. into the right spot how big is it can. you put it around like a could you get. one hand all the way around it or not. yeah the Bulls are interesting it's like. a carrot and that's my garage door we. just heard just in case you you guys. heard that that's authenticity keeping. it real yeah you know what I did a I did. a podcast a couple of months ago and the.

title of it was the leaf blower stays in. because there was a goddamn leaf blower. outside by window and I really I really. thought about I take a golf club and I. could go out and I just kill the guy you. know I can solve the problem because. he's not going to go away yeah right and. uh and eventually we just made him a. part of the show so um yeah whether it's. a leaf blower or the penis on a bull you. know some sometimes you just got to play. the cards you get yeah that's true. that's true yeah I think I'd rather play. the leaf blower I think the leaf blower.

stays in no the uh how big is yeah could. you get your hand all the way around. that Wiener that's a good one right. there bovine reproductive so it's like. that it's not a it's not a big thick. vascular which one that uh that looks. like a dang um uh snowman nose huh. well the weather outside is fried it's. getting frightful now dude I'll tell you. that surprise dude if that thing got. loose in a school yard my God. see that's the kind of stuff we gotta.

stop man all right so here's here's what. you're not seeing and and and here's. what we showed you on I guess it was. season three I don't remember which one. but we um you know before you grab the. penis like that and and direct it into a. repository you take a uh. you take a probe right it's about two. feet long looks like a shotgun mic okay. right and um and on the back of the.

probe is a battery. um about size of a deck of cards and. hanging from the battery are these wires. right okay and the wires go into this. Tackle Box I called it The Tackle Box. from Amsterdam because it was full of. lube and it was just full of dials and. buttons it was a real curiosity you know. this farmer opens up The Tackle Box and. you look inside and you take out the. probe and you slather it up with lube. and then you walk to the the rear the of.

the animal the male and you insert the. probe into its rectum all the way up to. the the battery at the end wow and so. you get it in there about a foot and a. half free coffee huh there's nothing. free brother in this life so you get it. so you get it all the way in there and. then you go back to the tackle box from. Amsterdam and you turn on the current oh. oh my God bro I didn't see that there it.

is right there the ultrasound Scanner. with toe probes for rectal probe for. veterinary animal so is this part of Saw. isn't this saw season two I feel like. this is heavy bro so you guys were doing. all this so you run a a light amount of. current through the leads into the probe. and it stimulates the prostate of the. animal yeah now when this happens all. right so the cowboy is turning the knob. I have taken a position underneath. hunsucker Commando right and he hands me.

this um. this Styrofoam cup he basically says you. want to be on the knob or you want to. hold the cup and I'm thinking well it's. TV is going to be more exciting if I. hold a cup yeah you got to be right. there you got to be that light yeah so. so the first the first knob since the. first blast to current into the prostate. and the bull whose name incredibly was. hun sucker Commando uh immediately. presents himself so that that carrot.

shaped thing becomes uh turgid really. rigid right and then uh you grab it and. you point it towards toward the cup and. then he turns the second knob no and the. current really flows in there God and. this thing is with AAA who is this guy. Duracell no it's um I don't know I mean. at that point you're not asking a lot of. questions right you're you're squatting. underneath an enormous bull you're. holding its carrot-shaped penis yeah and.

you've got a styrofoam cup toward the. tip. and the guy turns the second knob and. that current hits the prostate and then. he starts yelling at me uh what do you. say don't don't spill a drop Mike that's. white gold every drop is precious. so you fill up the Styrofoam cup wow and. do they put it on a scale after is it. like. see you turned it into an Olympic event. again. for the size of that load I'd put. sprinkles on mine I think this is.

unbelievable hypo Dazzle mine. I want it to really pop in the afternoon. sun. so now you take the sperm from the cup. and you put it in this device and then. you take these things like pipettes it. looks like a stir that you get for your. coffee at Starbucks right yeah and the. sperm goes into these pipettes and then. you bring in the girls or actually you. go to them they'll be maybe 30 cows you. know all facing north and you're behind.

them wow and you take this injector and. you put the pipette in there and you. reach all the way in right past the. vulva past the vagina past the cervix. till you get to the horns of the uterus. the horns of the uterus Mac we're there. error and you find that and you can you. and you situate the pipette and then you. pull the trigger and then you have. artificially inseminated a cow and does. she smile or anything is there any well. what I like to do I I'd light a candle. first little aromatherapy oh yeah and of.

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r-o-c-k-e-t-money.com slash. t-h-e-o now look man it's it's different. everywhere I was a place called Babcock. Ranch in Texas where we did the same. thing with uh quarter horses and. thoroughbreds and with that ponies No. Quarter Horse is a is a big animal that. runs the quarter mile okay as opposed to. a thoroughbred who would run you know. Belmont Stakes Preakness things yeah I. was just at kneeling yeah yeah they keep. changing the name of it but I was there.

fast horses man fast horses well they. but the quarter horses are bigger now. they're about the same size okay they're. just um they're they're cardiovascular. systems are a little different they're. musculature is a little different. they're just bred to run faster for. shorter periods yeah little Urban but. they brought in this horse called paid. by chick I still don't know why they. called it that but this was season one. of dirty jobs you can find this too I'm. wearing a yellow bicycle helmet because. the day before a groom got kicked.

unconscious oh why because he got. underneath the horse the wrong way look. it gets violent so the the horses let in. and then it it jumps on something called. a pommel horse like that's literally. where they go oh yeah I've seen those. things in the Olympics so the front legs. get on top of this thing now meanwhile. they bring in a mare in heat. so it's like you know in a handsome. animal so like it's like porn it's like.

black beauty is let in she's in heat you. bring in the stallion oh yeah he jumps. up on the quarter horse and he just. starts thrusting in midair I mean he's. fully ready to go yeah and that's when. you step in. you meaning me with a yellow bicycle. helmet holding a an artificial vagina oh. like some kind of damn spunk minion it. looked. all right somebody make a note spunk. minion if that doesn't wind up on a hat. if you're not selling spunk minion hats.

by this time next month I gotta talk to. your ad guys because you've missed a. real opportunity next on spunk minions. and so so you're hunched under this. animal and and and this is not like a. bull's little carrot penis this is a. full-on baby's arm holding an app you. have to rest on your shoulder or. anything like how heavy is it yeah well. you get your shoulder underneath the. animal then you grab the penis and you. slip it into the artificial vagina which.

looks like a hot water bottle oh yeah. and now here's the craziest part about. that on the other side of the artificial. vagina you've got a baby bottle like a. formula baby bottle that screws in and. inside that baby's bottle is a um a. plastic bag so all the sperm from the. artificial vagina drains into the baby. bottle and into the bag oh inside it's.

there's like 35 000 worth of spudgelotti. right like in your hand like a stat. um and uh and yeah the strangest thing. this and my favorite artifact from Dirty. Jobs that I actually auctioned off a few. years ago from my Foundation was that. baby bottle 14 years old. filled with the sperm from this horse. called paid by chick and I and I used to. keep it. I used to keep it on my mantel oh yeah.

in San Francisco where I lived in my. apartment and the afternoon sun Theo it. would come through the window and it. would pick up that crystallized semen. and that baby bottle and throw the most. beautiful little rainbows across the. living room unreal little sperm prisms. amazing. anyhow I don't know how we got on this. but yeah man yeah there are lots of. penises out there attached to all. creatures great and small and on Dirty. Jobs we violated pretty much every.

barnyard animal you checked them all out. was there a wiener you didn't get to see. was there one of God was there something. off of Noah's Ark you didn't get to see. that hammer uh I'll tell you what I saw. that haunted my dreams for a while was. the joint on an ostrich. looked like a loaf of bread really yeah. no real tip to it just a blunt. instrument. uh which to me explained why you know. they all walk so funny yeah you know. this is brutal. maybe they stick their head in the sand. out of embarrassment they're like oh God.

wait till they see what my penis looks. like there are so many things about an. ostrich we could talk for hours about. the ostrich but I saw an ostrich charge. an F-150. the guy had left the door open and tore. the door off the hinge just ripped it. off these things can go from zero to 40. miles an hour and about four steps yeah. their breast plate is about two inches.

thick you can shoot it with a 38 caliber. six feet away slug will bounce off oh my. God they're cassowaries right so they've. got their their their claws uh they've. got three claws the guy I worked with. had a one of those big cowboy belt. buckles that had been cleaved in half. right down the middle by an ostrich wow. had that belt buckle not been there the. thing would have killed him they're. dinosaurs right and uh putting the socks.

over their heads and leading them off to. slaughter was one of the more exciting. things we ever did that reminds me of a. time I actually went to Guantanamo Bay. actually why to do stand-up comedy. holy crap tell me about that dude so. that kind of blew my mind some guy hit. me up this guy I know he's blind he's. not blind but he's like um. actually he is blind. and he hit me up and he's like hey do. you want to go do stand-up comedy he did. some military tours and he's like you. should go I have the opportunity to go.

down to uh Guantanamo Bay and I was like. Jeepers man I have to go do this. so one night we all get in a we get into. Florida in Fort Lauderdale we all get on. a little cess and a plane. and it was like military Pilots or. whatever and then they fly in at this. crazy pattern where it's like because. they can't like they just it's just the. history of how they fly so they it's. less likely to get shot down or whatever. yeah and we're just flying at this crazy. pattern and um. and at first you you don't even see the.

base and then it's like the brightest. it's like a diamond in the middle of. nowhere it's like the brightest lights. outline it yeah it looked like a huge. constellation but on the ground kind of. and so almost beautiful from a distance. oh yeah unbelievable look like a damn. wedding ring or something it looked like. the Earth had a wedding ring on. and so we start to land in there and. then next thing you know we're on this. base and there's golf courses there. there's a couple thousand troops there. they have all these like unique bring up.

the Guantanamo Bay. um Vehicles like unique vehicle guantano. a gitmo unique vehicle. you're gonna have to get out of the uh. German porno category there and yeah. we're deep in here I mean we're getting. ads popping up I mean we just got a new. Kanye West ad pop-up so not Adidas yeah. um but they have a lot of people oh that. get hit that green room right there that. van. yeah there's like a Scooby-Doo van.

there's a lot of unique vehicles down. there it's like one of the weird things. people do on the island is build these. crazy vehicles and drive them around. yeah. um but yeah we stayed there and did. shows for three nights and were you by. yourself no there was three other. comedians this one Yiddish dude who was. a wrestler Mike Burton and there was um. the blind guy and um somebody else too I. think how was it received were they. appreciated. man and the crazy thing was they said.

the first day we got there they said uh. yeah I'll take that. thanks very much thanks brother. appreciate it. the first day we got there they said. [Music]. um. oh there's something called gitmo pretty. where the ladies at first you're gonna. be like oh these ladies aren't cute. right but by the third day yeah oh that. lady is a damn she's damn Betsy Ross. dude I'll let her knit my wiener to you. know into a damn stack you know.

um anyway so that was it that was really. my but we had a great time and we did. the shows there and people really. enjoyed it and we got to go they have. like beautiful beaches on that like I. didn't realize that we went to this. place I think called Shell Beach where. we swam and it was really cool man so. was that maybe the. the most exotic strangest place you ever. did your your act your thing. that might be man. some of those military base we did like. the Azores one time which is in the.

middle of nowhere we did. I did Spain we did China but that's one. of the Cur that's probably one of the. most unique places I've ever done it I. was thinking the other day too somebody. asked me you know where where on dirty. jobs or really anywhere for that matter. you know what's what's the place that. that sticks with you and for me it was. um a place called Cooper Petey in the. Australian Outback where they uh they. mined for Opals.

Opals what is it so opal is a it's a. gemstone oh it's a rock yeah it's a it. it's basically a gemstone for um or the. birthstone for October I think but it's. they're very valuable and most of the. Opals in the world come from Australia. and most of the Australian opals come. from this little town called Cooper. Petey uh it was 122 degrees the day we. were there uh the city or it's not a. city but the town is underground people.

live underground because it's so hot. it's just so hot and the Flies man the. Flies they're they call them uh stickies. because they'll get on your face and. they and they just don't fly off they. just crawl really quick all over you see. I have to wear these uh these masks. anyway mining for Opals. is they call it Prospect mining so you. dig a hole with something called a. Caldwell bit which is about the.

circumference of a manhole cover okay. and they run a shaft about 60 70 feet. deep and then they set up a a pulley and. hook up a boson seat to it it was just a. two by four okay and you sit on it and. then they there you go that's that's the. road to Cooper PD right there the most. dangerous road with the most exotic. roadkill in the world oh yeah dude it is. bananas everywhere you go you'll find.

a new Dead Thing by the side of the road. there's a kangaroo they're everywhere. it's like the Austria it's like it's. almost like an Australian it's like hey. if you're gonna die at least die out by. the road so people see you they're so. they're they're so many dead animals and. the Billboards that they show you to beg. you to slow down oh right they're like. shots of guys their faces uh like their. mouths open they're screaming and their.

literal toothpicks holding their eyes. open because the people who fall asleep. on the road to Cooper Petey. and and the trucks like we've seen an. eight you know you see 18 wheelers here. all the time they have these things. called truck trains so it's like five 18. wheelers attached to each other yeah and. they'll go 80 miles an hour down the. street who is why is there that guy I. was like man I'm gonna I was I met a. driver one time he's like man I can. drive for 40 straight hours I'm like but. we don't want you to do it just just.

because you can't do a thing brother. doesn't mean you should drive for six. hours take a break yeah we'll make you a. sandwich yeah get you a cup of coffee. live alone but it was like God dude I'll. drive for 200 hours dude my dad died out. here and I'm like you're gonna die out. here we're all gonna die man yeah man. your dad don't want you driving for 200. hours. so people love to drive law there's. something about that I can drive forever. what is it I don't know it's like some.

like one guy came to me one night he. came to the comedy show he's like man we. drove 24 hours to get here and I was. thinking about where he couldn't have. come from anywhere I'm like then you got. law. like wait a minute would you drive a. tractor the Rickshaw. we own a vehicle with a combustion. engine because I'm not sure I understand. why it took you 24 hours yeah we are. running on briquettes bro look what's. going on here I I think I can explain it. I can bring it back to where we started.

yeah going cornhole oh darts. catching crap in midair with a shovel. yeah you know if you're not if you're. not engaged in some great purpose if you. don't have some some sort of overarching. mission in your life then you're gonna. find meaning where where you can find it. yeah and if the only place you can find. it is I drove 24 hours straight to see. you damn damn it it's like okay I don't. wanna I don't want to take that away.

from that dude that's that's what he's. got that's what he's selling so hey man. thank you but then he gets on he has to. sleep for two and then he has to leave. he never even got to spend any time but. that's part of the story too yeah I got. there I was so tired I never I never. heard a single joke Theo told me but I. drove 24 hours for that thing I can't. remember my God. um. so what is a what's one of the purpose I. know you talked earlier about I want to. I want to get into like um just some of. the stuff that you're doing we don't. have to get into it what were we talking.

about like you mean before we actually. started rolling. were we talking about you have a whiskey. yeah doing a whiskey now called Noble. k-n-o-b-e-l that was based on your. grandfather I thought that was. interesting so dirty jobs was a tribute. to a guy named Carl Noble Carl Noble was. my neighbor and my grandfather. um both of those things both of those. things and he was a magician. um a real magician no as good as they.

can be no the kind of magician who you. know the guy woke up clean every day and. came home dirty every night and somehow. during the course of the day something. magical happened something was fixed. something was repaired something was. built the guy could build a house. without a blueprint take your watch. apart put it back together blindfolded a. combustion engine uh a plumbing line. whatever it is right he was born free.

he was drug free oh yeah I mean as far. as I know I I never saw him drink to. tell you but he um he only went to the. seventh grade but by the time he was 30. he was the uh Chief electrical inspector. for the state of Maryland licensed. electrician plumber steam fitter. pipefitter welder architect he he could. do all that stuff right so I thought I'd. follow in his footsteps I worked as his. Apprentice for a couple Summers the.

handy Gene is uh recessive right so all. the stuff he could do all the stuff he. could do naturally well it it didn't. come easily to me right I I one day I. was working with him on a on a concrete. pour on some construction site and I um. I just bitched up the mix completely. ruined it you know and uh I was probably. 16 at the time and he said Mike you know. just because you uh.

you can be a Tradesman right just got a. different toolbox yeah and I mean that. that advice changed my life and anyhow. long story short I got in the. entertainment business I I started. pursuing things that I I didn't I I. didn't know I would like and I didn't. know I cared about like singing and. acting and writing and hosting and and. narrating you know I I got into all of. this at a community college as I tried.

to put a different toolbox together. and um you know way lead's on the way. and I I freelanced for for 20 some years. in in the TV business had a lot of jobs. and then uh my mother called I was. working for CBS in San Francisco on a. show called evening magazine terrible. little show one of those half hour. things that comes on after the news. right yeah sounds bad it's awful. um but I was good at it you know I was I. was good at creating the illusion of um.

of competence in in short course yeah. like Russell Wilson. sure yeah. sure you said it not me. um and so I'm sitting in my cubicle one. day uh preparing for the show that night. and my mom calls me and she says Michael. you know your um your grandfather turned. 90 today and he's not gonna be around. forever and I was thinking would it be. great if uh before he died he could turn. on the TV and see you doing something.

that looked like work. [Laughter]. my mother no no my my mother hits me. with this right so I take a uh I take. one of my cameramen. uh actually I go to the boss and I say. hey why does evening magazine always. have to be hosted from like a winery or. a or an art museum you know why can't it. be hosted from a a factory floor or a. construction site or a sewer yeah he's. like you want to host evening from a.

sewer and I said why not he goes Mike I. don't give a [ __ ] no one's watching the. show do whatever you want so I. I took my cameraman into the sewers of. San Francisco. and what happened down there. um is actually a a book I wrote a couple. years ago it was it changed my life the. um the whole experience in the sewer the. rats the roaches the the just the. endless. chocolate tide that washed over us and.

and kept me from doing the job I was. trying to do all of that forced me to do. the only thing I could do which was work. with the sewer inspector who was down. there replacing these rotten bricks you. know that was his job I was just there. to to shoot raps to host the thing. anyhow that footage uh wound up on the. air. and it turned into Dirty Jobs I crushed. and so my granddad saw the first episode. died oh killed him huh killed him killed.

my own pop. no yeah he had an amazing life and he he. he lived long enough to see me doing. something that as my mother said looked. like work right and so uh and then Dirty. Jobs blew up yeah yeah and so this this. is you know I'm I'm I know you've seen. this kind of thing in Show Business I. hadn't at that point I'd had a lot of. jobs but I'd I had never gotten mail. from people saying you think that's.

dirty you should see what my father does. my brother my cousin my uncle my sister. where do you see this. and that's when I was like oh. oh. this is not a show this is something. else this is um I a love letter to work. it's a romp it's I mean a truly. unscripted you're back before reality. was reality it was like it was a very. unusual thing for Discovery to put on. the air oh yeah when you're in an animal.

is that when you're in in an animal's. butt you just no one had ever seen it. and I mean few had and they weren't. supported by by the you know by Society. hey man that that cow still calls me it. is what it is hey Mr fancy man with the. opposable thumb when are you coming back. to town yeah that thing's a. wienermittent that's a wiener mitten so. so for 20 years man I mean the show is. still in production I'm still shooting. Dirty Jobs right now wow and um my.

granddad is long gone but I wanted to. you know he he had girls so when he died. his very strange last night female. Offspring you mean yeah okay yeah my mom. and and her sister and I don't know of. any other Nobles k-n-o-b-e-l so this. year with 30 jobs coming back I thought. you know let's let's do something to get. his name out there. and so uh I've got this whiskey and and. we we raise money for the foundation.

that was also uh in his honor I do this. thing called micro works and we award um. uh work ethics scholarships to people. who don't want to go for a four-year. degree right but want to weld or be. plumbers or steam Fitters or pipe. fitters or mechanics or electricians or. all the jobs might that my granddad had. yeah my God cousin Ricky is a welder. dude I can't tell you how many people. I've talked to who didn't know what they. wanted to do. but got a welding certificate went to.

work and who are now just crushing it. 150 Grand a year many of them you know. have picked up their plumbing. certification as well some of them tell. me those dudes are out there they're. killing it yeah I know an underwater. welder 350 Grand last year wow now he's. underwater and he's welding he earns. every penny man I mean he has oysters. for lunch I mean if you've seen Google.

Underwater welder and look at what comes. up these guys have big big big stones. and yeah and there's some of them right. there dude now those are the Opals. that's Opals huh those are Opals yeah. those things are worth a fortune God I. want some of that that looks nice. underwater well that's gangster and. being from Louisiana you hear about that. all the time sure offshore rig and. Welding people leaving their families. you hear all of it yeah Louisiana was a. very good to Dirty Jobs over the years.

you know before we go there I want to I. want to know a little bit more about. that the uh uh the the grants you guys. give just sure just so just so our. audience can hear about it well. yeah thanks he told me that story about. the about the I I just think it's a neat. story all right so here's what happened. in 2008 Dirty Jobs was the number one. show on cable yeah it it was all over. the world and I was working my ass off. living in motel sixes and super rates.

you know I mean on the road full time. they're good but they're bad dude. there's so look anytime you see a hotel. with a number. in its name yeah right I mean in actual. like the number six or the number eight. yeah uh it's no good now now if like. four seasons is different right but they. spell it out right f-o-u-r yeah but if. it's just the number four yeah don't go. in there yeah so I'm I'm living with. hotels with numbers in their names it's. 2008. the show's killing it.

but the country is starting to slide. into a uh a recession and every morning. I wake up and I walk out of my motel six. and I look you know there's a USA Today. new headline right uh six and a half. percent unemployment seven seven and a. half eight eight and a half nine I mean. for weeks it goes on and all anybody is. talking about or the millions of people. who can't find work and the crazy thing. is on Dirty Jobs back then anyway. everywhere I went I saw Help Wanted.

signs so something weird was happening. in the country on the one hand nobody. could find a job and on the other hand. everywhere I went. no one could hire right they couldn't. find people with the skills that were. necessary the welders the plumbers these. these these shortages were real so I. thought maybe I could use the Dirty Jobs. platform. to make a more persuasive case for a lot.

of these jobs that were out there that. nobody nobody really cared about and so. micro Works started as a PR campaign for. those trade jobs for skilled labor jobs. that didn't require a four-year degree. and then it turned into a scholarship. fund okay so that's what you're talking. about a few years after that starting in. 2012 I guess it was. um we started raising money and to this. day we give away like a million or two.

million bucks a year that's awesome in. work ethic scholarships. specifically for people who want to. learn one of these skills yeah so we've. helped uh 17 maybe 1800 people over the. last eight years mostly the construction. trades but this year I've opened it up. to any skill that doesn't require. four-year degree so I don't care. cosmetology cutting hair fine you know. braiding hair fine I just I just yeah.

because some of that hair is damn 200. pound test man you know well it's heavy. it is heavy and you know I don't know. what goes on here in uh in Nashville but. down in in Georgia this is terrible you. know there are a lot of black women down. there who make their living braiding. hair but the government had set up this. accreditation thing where you you need. to literally pay like twenty thousand. dollars in order to get a license. to braid hair no yeah so it's like I get.

it if it's brain surgery I get it if. you're gonna take my appendix out you. know I'd like to see some diplomas on. the wall I'd like to see some you know. but but to charge a woman. who's trying to feed her kids twenty. thousand dollars for the privilege of. braiding hair that's just freaking. criminal that's cheap so I got angry. about this criminal I mean it's cheap. for the city to do yeah yeah it's just. dumb it's just of all the ways to raise. money why in the world do you want to.

tax the people before they've even made. a dollar now I think you should make. those people get tested once a year to. make sure they're decently braiding hair. now that's something I do think because. I've been at the beach before my little. nephew comes back. I mean just looking like he's a you know. he comes back and he's also stolen a car. and I'm like I think they braided this. this is a little too tight over here you. know gotta loosen it up yeah loosen it. up a little bit this guy's forgetting. his morals but you know bad bad braids. are their own bad advertisers nobody.

goes back that's true you know so it's. like you know again it's it's it's hair. for Christ's sake so you know yeah. that's a bummer yeah so anyhow that's. you guys opened it up yeah we we opened. all that up and so today when I'm not. working on whatever shows happening I I. Circle back to the people we've given. money to and I asked real probing. questions like how's it going what's new. and dude the answers will [ __ ] make. You Weep I talked to a guy.

uh about eight months ago who. I gave him seven thousand dollars he got. his welding certificate I said how's it. going he said let me show you some. pictures so he's hired three of his best. friends they've hired additional people. they got three vans yeah elephants. they're doing it. they're doing welding they're doing air. conditioning and heating they're doing. electric and they're doing Plumbing like.

nine dudes uh generating about three. million dollars a year so you know I can. walk all that back from uh a seven eight. thousand dollar welding certificate so. I'm convinced that that's something we. ought to be doing more of and to the. extent I can that that's what I've. decided to do so yeah the money I raise. selling Noble Tennessee whiskey named. after my pop goes into that scholarship. fund and that makes me feel like less of.

you know an [ __ ] because sometimes. you're a guy you know holding the penis. of a giant Bulls trying to catch the. white gold and you and you wonder if. your life has any meaning or yeah or. purpose. and then you can maybe you know maybe. help some people who are who are trying. to find their way yeah blue chew have. you been on them. have you tapped into them little blue. chewables baby. dang baby put that low spine in your. pants Bud spawn up that meat.

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and an isolated forest in Canada where. people keep turning up headless. Sans Cabeza. these are just some of the strange dark. and mysterious stories you'll hear each. week on the Mr Ballin podcast that's. right in each episode Mr Ballin shares. real life haunting accounts like the. case of Haley zaga. zaga who disappeared from a hiking trail.

for 51 hours. [Music]. Prime members listen to the Amazon music. exclusive podcast Mr Ballin podcast. strange dark and mysterious stories and. the Amazon music app download the app. today yeah no that's amazing man that's. really it's just a neat story especially. when you get that moment where you get. to hear that whatever you did was. helpful and you get to see that you're. like man that's because that's a real. thing in somebody's life like especially.

if somebody's struggling where I'm from. the only way to get out if you were. really struggling pressure washing was. the number one thing if you're poor and. I'll say this I've said this for years. and you don't have any money. pressure wash bruh you got a shot. that'll get you that next level you know. it'll get you one stair two stairs up. you know because it's a 600 machine you. get and you can start your own business. and I'll tell you the beauty of pressure. washing is like so many Dirty Jobs you. know how you're doing every step of the.

way you're like it's it's the walls a. mess and now it's clean yeah it's like. so. addictive and weirdly satisfying you. know what I did in uh in in Louisiana. once outside of Baton Rouge I went into. a Frack tank right and the guys who. clean the insides of Frack tanks they. not only pressure wash they um what do. you call it when it's when it's not. water that's coming out but these very. very fine pellets like sand washing oh.

yeah yeah right so when you blast sand. out of a pressure washing unit it's like. a high-powered shotgun yeah and you can. take the finish off of anything to. finish off your cousin if you want to. probably huh these guys go inside of. these Frack tanks and you're in a you're. in full turnout gear right you're like. in a rubber suit and you've got the. pressure washer and then you've got it. hooked up to this uh you know so you're.

blasting out these other little pellets. and that is it's a it's basically a sand. blaster that's what it's called and. there it is that's one of them right. there you know but that thing hooks up. to whatever you want to hook it up to. and man you feel like the Terminator. yeah and so those guys are in there. using those things oh I see wow but see. that's miniature the thing I had really. was as big as a shotgun and you've got. all this compressed air on your back and.

you can just take the finish off. anything that ak-40 sand huh that's. exactly right dang now um because I used. to what's a job that I had oh I used to. get in so I used to work on a corn. soybean corn and cotton farm right for. two years so I would get in uh I'd have. to over the winter they would the snakes. would get in rats would get inside of. the. um things that kept the core everything. silos yes rats would get in there and.

we'd have to get in there and then. snakes would get in so they'd send me in. there to get like the whatever was dead. right that's a good one yeah but the. thing is 90 of the stuff ain't dead it's. still in there hunting you know I'm. saying we're still in the last Trilogy. of Lord of the Rings right right right. and you're in Mordor and I'm just. rolling up the mountain. with a shovel at four dollars an hour. you know like it was just poor choices. but dude it was the scariest they would. leave me in there they'd be like all. right we'll be back in a couple hours.

man get what you can get get what you. can get that should be on a hat too man. because that's it it was so scary. because you'd hear one little thing you. didn't know if it was a mouse or a snake. but either way it was [ __ ] horrible. yeah man yeah it's it's the stuff. sometimes I think it's the stuff that. you can't see you know like a dirty job. spent a lot of time in the animal. kingdom as well and um you know I hosted. Shark Week for a couple of years oh wow. that's crazy and yeah when you're bit by. a shark I mean that's that's a whole.

different. I mean that that's so horrifying I I. tested the um one of the first stainless. steel shark suits uh with the guy who. made it wow and they and the shark bit. you oh yeah no we got bit and turned. upside down and shook like a tug toy man. oh it was I honestly that that was the. first time I really saw. um my life flashed before my eyes. because you know like you I'm sure I I. saw Jaws when I was a kid and you know.

that that Primal Fear of sharks is in. everybody's brain anything like it's the. same thing with a tiger like a big. full-on tiger anything that can eat you. alive. is will will get you thinking in a. different way oh yeah Kidder Ernesto. that would bite us on the [ __ ] school. bus every day I was so scared of that. that kid alone. Crossing from row like seven to row 11. dude it was. it was are you Euphrates man it was. unbel it was impossible to get past that. guy you had a kid named Ernesto on the.

bus oh he would laugh on you bro he. would come out I mean it was like. yeah what he bite the head he bites you. whatever happened to him oh I'm sure. he's probably working for the city. you know but at the time he would bite. the he just had some issues some oral. fixation or something or whatever yeah I. mean look I guess maybe I could talk to. the network and say look you know the. Shark Week thing that you had a good run. you had a good 25 30 years but I know it. dude. Ernesto. I think we do Ernesto a week and we just.

see where he is file his teeth down to. really take the stakes up a little bit. make him good and pointy and then just. have Ernesto hide behind a bush and just. jump out and bite people. yeah I mean that's a that's a ratings. Grabber look. I think we start off like rabies. Wednesday we call it I think that's. where we start I don't think we go for a. whole Shark Week. um I interrupted your story though I. don't know where I was going with it. except to say that I've been in silos oh.

you were in that suit you were in that. shark suit I was in a shark suit yeah. that's powerful when it grabs you you. can it's really insane it's um it's like. a giant with giant hands. um but but the hands have gloves on like. boxing gloves right and and so the you. you feel all the pressure of that of. those jaws. but the the suit works and that. stainless steel keeps the teeth from.

from going through usually okay yeah one. got through I got a call in my shin it's. one one little tooth gets through but. but yeah when they get on your shoulder. and when they got on your elbow they'll. twist you and you will flip upside down. and then they will just shake you like a. rag doll. and that that was in a 2006 all that. happened and all that aired and I. remember watching it at home and feeling.

just as terrified as I did when when it. was actually happening and that's weird. because I I know I lived right I mean I. know how the story ends right but it's. it's just the the fear of being eaten. alive is so is so Primal and the guy I. was down there with we were in the. Bahamas and we were kneeling on the. ocean floor. um about 60 feet down oh wow and you're. there with these two big well first. you're on the boat up top and you take.

the chum and you throw it yes you just. cover it and the Sharks come dozens of. gray sharks about 10 12 feet long and. they're everywhere and you're in a full. scuba gear and you're dressed up in the. stainless steel suit yeah and um then. when the sharks are right in the middle. of the feeding friends that you jump. you just jump oh my God you jump right. into the center of this swirling mass of. gray Jeremiah the guy who uh who who who.

who took me on this freaking. misadventure called them the uh the men. in the gray suits and uh and so you sink. uh to the bottom of the ocean and the. Sharks follow you down and you kneel on. the ocean floor and then you open these. other containers with more blood and. guts in them because the Sharks really. don't want to bite you and whose boat is. this M Night Shyamalan I feel like this. has a I feel like a Titanic. yeah this sounds it sounds biblical and.

absolutely ridiculous at the same time. you can find it his name is actually. Stuart Stewart's Cove and it's down in. the in the uh my Bahamas somewhere so. you're kneeling on the bottom so you're. kneeling on the ocean floor and then. boys come up and start nibbling and they. come up they they want the fish in the. blood that you're holding but all you. just do is let it go and sit in the. middle of it and then they'll take you. they'll they'll start biting at you. um and then once they start they really. go for it and I remember looking over I.

had a shark on my uh I had one on my. elbow my right elbow and my left knee. and I thought they were just going to. pull me in half like a like a wishbone. and then I looked over at Jeremiah. and he was upside down. sharks all over him and a big one swam. past me right in front of him and the. tail knocked his regulator out. so now this dude is upside down there's. blood in the water yeah I don't know if.

it's his mind or the chum uh there's. urine in my suit because all that you. know all that all that happened and uh. you know he's just very calmly got the. thing back in his mouth and lived a. fight another day it was one of the. craziest days really on on Dirty Jobs. ever but uh isn't there something. interesting when you're shooting a show. sometimes it feels like if you died on. the show you'd come back to life in your. regular life did you ever have a feeling. like that the feeling I used to get and.

and it didn't happen on this day this is. one of the rare days where it became so. hyper real. that I didn't experience the uh the. bulletproof quality that I'm talking. about like the things I did on camera. the things I was willing to do on camera. I I would never do in real life I'm not. a stunt junkie I'm not like let's go. push the envelope you know right I'm. just a guy who tried to do a show that. looked like work to shut my mother up to.

honor my granddad now I'm upside down. with sharks biting me it's like that's. weird right so it's so so when you're. out there in the world you know whether. you're going into an opal mine which is. horrifying or getting bit by a shark or. trying to coax the sperm out of a bull. called huntsucker Commando you don't. you. you don't think you're in real danger. because you're on camera because you're. making a show you're not actually doing. the thing right that's the thing even. pulling my own parachute with the golden.

knights you know when I can still hear. the sound of my sphincter slamming shut. at 15 000 feet but you do it because. you're just like there's no way I'm. gonna die on camera right and the. cameras are everywhere and so you do it. now that of course is stupid that's very. foolish but that is a very powerful uh. feeling to answer your question that I. had all the time yeah in that show all. the time. yeah there's something about oh this.

isn't I remember one time walking. between two hot air balloons on a plank. right yeah yeah and I was like oh well. if I die I'll just wake up back off. camera. yeah it's not real yes it does not real. yeah it doesn't feel real it feels like. this other Adventure that why were you. doing that man why were you on a plank. between two hot air balloons I was doing. an MTV show and we just had um that was. one of the things we had to do you know. we did some weird [ __ ] man. one time this is a crazy thing we did.

one time they had a wood chipper right. we did the opposite I think of what you. did Mike we didn't help Society or or. learn anything this wasn't a job this. was just jackass meets Fear Factor you. know with steaks yeah this was like this. was and they paid us minimum wage too to. do this we made so much money uh for. this for this production company. everything but. um they put animal carcasses in this. wood chipper and then they. um shot it was like a industrial like.

the best one you could get I mean like. something God would have you know. and it would shoot the stuff like 60. yards and we had these buckets on our. head remember like a double dare yeah. yeah yeah sure and we had these buckets. on our head and we're trying to catch. the most guts yes the most you could at. literally 60 yards man so we're talking. like Justin a bear throws it or Herbert. throws it you know I don't know how to. say it but. um yeah I remember this one chick caught. a coccyx right in the face man some kind.

of damn animal coccyx or something and. uh. you mean the tailbone she was never the. same man. once you get it with a Galaxy you can't. go back from that I mean look a lot of. women want a little bit of coccyx to the. face now and then now and then but I. mean I mean at least she has a story I. mean she's got a scar story what. happened to your face well I'll tell you. what happened yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. hit me about 40 miles an hour. you did a dismembered disembodied coccyx.

caught me on the left side of the face. that's amazing that's amazing you know. for me the uh those it's that feeling. that you're sort of invincible in making. a show but every now and then a thing. will happen right so it happened with. the sharks but the one the one I. remember best was um have you ever been. on the Mighty Mac it's a bridge between. the upper and lower peninsula in. Michigan the Mackinac Bridge it's five.

miles long it's green I believe in it. I've just never been there it has to be. painted constantly I mean you did they. you never stopped painting the the. minute you finish you just start over. again why what's going on people are. stealing the paint no it's just by the. time you get to the end of it it's two. years later and it needs to be painted. again wow so so I wanted that Mackinaw. Bridge I wanted to paint the Mackinac. Bridge on Dirty Jobs yeah and so they. they they brought me out there and they. let me paint it and it was amazing and.

then they let me go into the towers and. down below the water and clean the. inside of these like Honeycombs which is. freaking terrifying. and then at the end of the day I did. something. I asked the question and I knew the. answer would be no but I wanted to ask. the question on camera because I wanted. everybody to know what a badass I was. right so so I say to the guy who was in. charge of the whole thing I said hey uh. before we leave. what do you say uh I walk across that. girder.

and step over that stanchion and walk up. that cable see those green cables there. and I said uh you know some somebody. must have to change those light bulbs. um that would be a cool shot because we. have a helicopter with us with a wescam. unit on yeah right and uh and how wide. are those cables those cables are. probably three feet in diameter wow. right so I asked the question knowing. that the guy would say. um well no of course not of course we're. not going to let you do that but he.

looks at me and he says okay. [Music]. so I walk across this girder and I start. walking up this cable yeah and so the. way you do it is you tie off on both. sides so you're walking up a hill. you got a clip in your right hand you. got a clip in your left hand there it is. right just like this right okay so I got. a camera screwed to my head shooting. backwards I got that guy. encouraging me to go forward and I got a. bag on my back full of light bulbs that.

have to be replaced got it so that. little uh wire that comes up you can see. him those guide wires every 30 feet or. so you have to undo and go around and go. around and the reason you have too is so. that you never are completely not titled. right and so somebody learned that the. hard way you bet they did so right here. you know I'm like all right I'm being. super careful I don't want to fall to my.

death I'm uh 300 feet above the road and. 600 feet above the water amazing right. and that's a pretty great shot won an. Emmy for that shot actually that's. amazing from a helicopter so we're. walking up there and I'm doing my job. how many gay men love this shot huh. Autumn will take a poll I mean I bet. dude I got a game I'm gonna send him. this later bro it was I mean it was a. big day so what you're seeing now is me.

getting increasingly confident as I as I. do the job all right and so you tie off. you tie back on you tie off there it is. that's me doing it properly so at some. point. I get about three quarters of the way up. here and I'm communicating with the. pilot of the helicopter and the. cameraman in the helicopter and we're. trying to get the shot right so that so. the helicopter comes up and this is not. for the for the episode this is for a.

promo this is just I I know it's going. to be a great way to promote the episode. so I want to get this shot just right so. I'm sitting uh straddling a uh one of. those stanchions I just replaced the. bulb and somehow or another in the midst. of all the conversation you know the guy. behind me is not in this shot I get him. out of the shot because I'm I'm shooting. my promo right so I want it clean. long story short. um I am holding on to.

the statue here the helicopters coming. up like this in front of me I got a. light bulb in this hand and I'm I'm. leaning over right so like between my. toes is 600 feet straight down and I'm. looking at these tankers that look like. toys going underneath the bridge. and I'm sitting there. and up comes the camera and I realize. somehow or another. I'm not tied off to anything. I had unclipped myself and I didn't clip.

back in. point of the story is. nothing changes I'm as high as I was a. second earlier. um I'm I'm I'm not doing anything. different I'm simply aware that suddenly. the the safety net is gone right there's. nothing there so. the stakes are higher that's all and. that's the moment Theo when the sound of. your sphincter echoes in your mind right. nothing changes but holy crap you took.

your eye off the ball and the cameras. can't save you the helicopter can't save. you you're just an idiot yeah dangling. 600 feet in the air right and so yeah. it's it was moments like that. during the show that um reminded me you. know don't don't be an idiot the cameras. actually can't save you and people. people get hurt bad people die every day. doing this kind of work people die every.

day I think that's why God made so many. people because. we need repeated examples that people. aren't going to make it it's the Darwin. Awards man. um The Herd gets thin I know huh it's. scary yeah. um what's been something like uh what's. going on with like do you fear because. obviously people tie you in a lot with. like work in class right you get tied in. yeah you know um you know the guy that. was in La Bamba yeah.

um I can't remember what's his name. right now Richie Valens is the character. you play but I don't remember his name. right but he always gets invited to all. these Mexican things and he's Native. American right which is so people just. get tied in sometimes to things right. but he goes to these Awards things every. year it's it's awesome right sometimes. it's like uh the screen will make you a. part of things even if you know like in. your story you're almost living your. grandfather's you know some of his dream. right yeah some of yours and some of his. um. but what I'm what I'm saying is like do.

you what do you think about like the. future of like jobs and stuff do you. feel like we're in a scary spot do you. feel like that's just hype that we're in. a scary spot no we're in a scary spot. we're in a scary spot. two things first of all. yeah. the visuals will Define you it doesn't. matter what you say it doesn't matter. how hard you work like on Dirty Jobs not. a single episode went by where I didn't. say something along the lines of look.

I'm not an expert this is not what I do. in real life I'm here as an apprentice. I'm not here as a host I'm here as a. guest like an avatar my job is just to. try and keep up those guys are the. experts they're the real workers I'm an. actor at least I used to be once upon a. time and before that I was a singer I. sang in the Baltimore Opera for eight. years right like I never I never tried. to hide who I was or right or what I'd. done none of that matters to you because.

when you're flicking around and you see. a guy dressed up like a worker wearing a. hard hat doing a job. you make all kinds of assumptions about. that guy yeah and then you know later. when people discover. like you know like it was some secret. that I did some Off-Broadway shows and I. sang I love Newsies okay. but not Glee right okay you're right but. I mean so it's it people today have a.

hard time with the cognitive dissonance. that comes from the fact the two things. can be true at the same time it's true. that I sang in the Opera yeah for years. and I had a great time I loved it it's. true that I went to a four-year School. it's also true that I became one of the. loudest proponents for vocational. education in the country right it's true. uh that that I I work on Blue Collar.

shows like all these things are true and. so some people have a difficult time. um. processing it right because it's hard to. see people as more than one thing. sometimes too it's like our brain just. wants to make it easy on ourselves. that's right you know what can I what. can I assume from a guy with a haircut. like yours a ball cap a vest. a t-shirt you know the honest answer is. freaking nothing there's nothing to. assume at all but I'm trained to make.

all kinds of assumptions yeah and and so. that thing is alive in our culture and. it's alive in our Workforce and it's. it's just bitching everything up because. people simply can't. they they just can't process the. cognitive dissonance of it uh the other. thing is yeah we're we're in real. trouble. um I had a guy on my podcast uh just a. couple weeks ago an economist named.

Nicholas Everhart okay this guy is. brilliant Harvard all the abbreviations. after his name that you want uh American. Enterprise Institute wrote a. best-selling book in 2016 called men. without work just republished it because. the contention in the book is now on. steroids wow and basically what he's. saying is. never mind the unemployment numbers they. don't matter that's a Depression era.

metric and it doesn't tell us anything. we really really need to know here's. what we need to know 7 million. able-bodied men between the ages of 25. and 54. are not only not working. they are not looking they're. affirmatively not looking for work never. in the in in peace time. never has that metric existed before we. have four million more open jobs today.

than we did pre-pandemic and we have. four million fewer people in the. workforce. it's really bad and you can't find an. employer. in anywhere today who is not desperate. to hire so like that that's actually. happening so some of the things that I. hear when I'm out and about you know. um you hear from some people that. they're not paying enough right oh sure. um and then you hear from other people.

that if they weigh if they raise the. minimum wage in some job and some uh. businesses then it'll kill the business. sure. um I think greed is also probably a big. problem that's happened in this country. it's like we don't you don't want the. man who's working with you to also have. success at some point it's like it's. exactly what we just said about two. things being true at the same time and. people. struggling with it. it is.

it is true that lots and lots of people. are out of work it is true that even. more people. aren't looking for work if I tell you. that there are 11 million open jobs in. the country right now that's not. political that's just a fact yeah and no. one can dispute it no one does dispute. it but what immediately happens is my. buddies on the left to your point when I. say why do you think there's so much. opportunity here that can't be filled.

they'll say because. because business owners are Pricks. they're greedy and they're rapacious and. if they paid more money those jobs would. fill. my buddies on the right when I ask them. the same question will say because. people are lazy people are just lazy. they don't want to work they won't show. up early they won't stay late they won't. take a bite of the [ __ ] sandwich when. it's their turn they won't do the thing. that needs to be done. so that's how it becomes politicized it.

doesn't change the fact that there's. still 11 million open jobs but if we. want to argue that the jobs are open. because the opportunities are shitty. versus the jobs are open because people. don't want to work. then we're going to paint with a really. broad brush and we're not going to solve. the problem the truth is exactly as you. said it sure greed factors into it but. so does work ethic you know my. Foundation offers work ethic. scholarships because I think I think. work ethic actually is under siege and I.

don't think it has as much to it has. something to do with Benefits it has. something to do with pay. but but it's not just that it's it's a. real clear and present uh aversion. to to getting in there. and you know and I mean I I don't care. if it's blue collar or or white collar. you know I. my work ethic whatever that means.

um I I learned it as a kid I learned it. from my pop and and it's got nothing to. do with the trades your work ethic how. many shows you do a year how many. podcasts do you do we did a mirror for. years I did I put in a I put in my work. you know and I still do you still do. yeah and I still want to make it better. and you are and and like to me I mean I. don't know a ton about your career but. the thing I like a lot about everything. you've done is that you're actually a. fairly serious person and you and you.

have. uh you have a platform and you have. listeners and you have the ability to do. things and say things that might. actually help somebody and you're doing. it right and and you're not doing it for. a metal you're not doing it for a prize. you don't have to do it though you know. you don't have to do any of this right. so you know I I admire that and and the. people that my Foundation tries to help. have that quality right and I'm sorry.

but I got to put my I put my thumb on. the scale too and I say if you're if. you're not willing to take a bite of the. [ __ ] sandwich from time to time then why. should I give you money that people. trust me to dispense. judiciously and and and fairly you know. so I am in a weird spot people get angry. at me a lot now because they're like. well who are you I got this thing called. a sweat pledge all right some people. love it some people hate it and what is. that from like a sigma new or something.

so I'd I had a couple drinks one night. and like eight years ago and I was. trying to figure out what what can I do. to to get people to talk about work. ethic how can I challenge them you know. I can't look into their soul. but like what are 12 things that I. believe. are true uh and and really impact. people's success so I wrote these 12. things down sweat I stood for something. a skill and work ethic aren't taboo. right it was just a thing to get high.

school kids. thinking and talking about the value of. an honest day's work and um you know it. said the sweat pledge says things like I. think the first one is um. I believe I've hit the greatest Lottery. of all time I'm alive I live in America. above all things I'm grateful all right. so. I feel that way and I understand that. life's not fair and I understand that. other people feel different ways but but. if you don't fundamentally feel.

jazzed and psyched and excited by this. brief little time you've been given to. fog a mirror and walk around on this. planet man if you're not stoked by that. I can't help you I don't I don't want to. help you yeah I don't because because. there are other people out there who are. showing up early and staying late there. are people out there who understand uh. delayed gratification they understand. they understand the most important rungs.

on the ladder you mentioned the minimum. wage. I get [ __ ] for this all the time but. it's like those those minimum wage jobs. you know they're not meant to be careers. right they're they're meant to be a. thing you do for a time so you can learn. about that thing and get paid something. for your trouble you know those lower. rungs on the on the ladder they're. they're important right because they get. you to the middle but you shouldn't. monkey around there forever if you can. help it and and you should try to help.

it look again. cookie cutter advice is dangerous right. everybody's different and there's. outlier circumstances we'll have. children they don't have any other. choice that's not who you're suggesting. to it's like but if someone's gonna just. sit at that position and then complain. about it uh then it kind of creates a. different set of circumstances here's. the scary thing about Nick eversat's. conversation with me the thing that. really stuck it wasn't that seven. million able-bodied men. are affirmatively not looking for work.

it's what they're doing instead. and there's a lot of research on this. vaping. worse what they're doing instead and. this and this data by the way comes from. self-reporting. surveys so this is what the seven. million men have. have explained is is taking up all their. time. ninety percent of them are spending over.

2 000 hours a year on screens yeah. now 2080 hours. that's 40 hours a week that's a. full-time job. these guys are spending a full-time jobs. amount of time. on screens. well here would be my thought and at. some point was our government and I know. this is like people are going to say. well you can't respect your government. to take care of you and this and that. and I don't either I don't expect I.

don't expect my government to take care. of me I've take care of myself but at. some point was there supposed to be some. protection against the addiction to. screens like it's obviously dangerous. for us people die because they're. texting people are losing their human. instincts because they're human connect. you know it's it's so obvious yeah it's. like. it's not that obvious it's obvious now. but you know it's it's you got to think.

of it like prohibition you know people. looked at booze and got to the point. where it became undeniable that it was. destroying lives and so uh in the 1920s. we just decided that's it no more booze. we're going to prohibit it well that. ain't gonna work you know because not. everybody wrestles with the same problem. the same way. and you can cross out booze and write in. porn cross out porn and vaping and write.

in vaping cross that out and write in. you know and so but then all of a sudden. you get to Fentanyl. and now no your your experience is not. going to vary you're going to die right. right and and and then put in screens. now there's something different about. screens it's it's the addiction and it's. the fun of it. I mean look I I literally I sat on the. ball the other day and I don't like the. Linger on the bowl longer than necessary.

yeah you cramp up my circulation I can't. walk away from it you stand up and you. fall down like a cheap card table. because I'm sitting there on Tick Tock. or reels yeah just like kind of and. that's suddenly I got 20 minutes I. stopped crapping 20 minutes ago and. there I sit right that. and and look it's addict it's and they. created the algorithm beyond what we can. we can't even handle it anymore but you. turn that on you go into it dude I'm 60. years old okay.

um I I have had a certain amount of. success in my life I've seen a lot of. things I'm not a foolish person I sat on. the bowl for 20 minutes until I lost my. circulation looking at this thing yeah. all right and I'm busy. I got five shows going on I do a podcast. I'm running a foundation I'm trying to. launch a line of whiskey I'm busy but I. sat there for 20 minutes as all the. blood left my legs yeah you know waiting.

to see the next little magic trick. where'd the next guy take a pie in the. face yeah what the [ __ ] what what is. that right and so there is something. about the screen. that is different than booze and. different than porn and different than. all these other things that came along. that would keep an otherwise busy. sensible man sitting on the bowl wasting. time so why are seven million people. sitting home doing this because they. like it because it's fun because they. can. you know so.

you know oh and the other thing you said. before I think is so true it's the it we. all want feedback remember early on we. were talking about the feedback from a. podcast the feedback from a TV show the. amount of time you have to wait to see. did it rate we're gonna wait for Nielsen. we're gonna wait for pod track we're. gonna wait for somebody somewhere to let. us know. if what we did worked you can post this. conversation with you and me right now. on YouTube or wherever it goes and know.

in real time how we're doing yeah you. could just watch it happen and man. that's addictive too for me that's. interesting because we all want feedback. we all want to know how we're doing and. there's the the screen offers something. like that yeah how pissed do you get how. impatient do you get when you text. somebody and they don't text you right. that's unreal it's not like what. happened don't give me the three dots I. see I know you read it. I know I know you read it but what you. doing you know what they're doing. they're sitting on a toilet watching.

some [ __ ] with respect walk a plank. between two balloons watching yeah yeah. no you're right we're watching autism. construction that's what I watch all. this I'm just like wood you know bird. houses and a lot of you know I get. caught into that world but um uh one. thing it's also interesting it's. interesting Mike we used to go to our. grandparents for a skill you know we. used to go to like if you needed a skill.

you had to be an apprentice if you. needed a skill you had to go to a Master. of the skill and get it you know and. then now with like YouTube and how-to. videos that's become everybody's. grandfather that's become everybody's. father in a lot of ways we've we've. killed not killed but we've hampered the. the skill sets and the connective pieces. that even connected uh Fathers and Sons. and mothers and daughters dude that is. you know I call it the death of grout.

the grout is the stuff that connects the. tiles it's the connective tissue you. know and and we haven't to your point. eliminated it but but we've replaced it. so Zoom learning is not the same as. classroom learning and YouTube. instruction. is not the same as Hands-On. apprenticeships and it there's nothing. inherently wrong with zoom or YouTube. but they're selling it to us like it's.

the same thing. and that's a lie it's like that movie. you ever see pet cemetery uh oh yeah so. the cat what was his name uh church. right the cat that comes back to life. that's a bad cat dude right I mean yeah. the cat dies they bury it and it comes. back and of course the same thing. happens with their kid and that's what. these things are their versions of the. original like multiplicity like Michael. Keaton like he keeps cloning versions of.

himself and each one gets dumber and. less competent and more entitled and. more tragic and so yeah you can replace. these things with these other things but. there's going to be hell to pay there's. always going to be an unintended. consequence I don't care if you're. talking about rent control or the. minimum wage or Zoom learning for school. learning right there's there's.

it's a poor substitute it's a substitute. you know rent control is a poor. substitute for self-sufficiency a. minimum wage is a poor substitute for. people who refuse or can't leave the. rung. where they're standing you know you just. wind up enabling the very kinds of. behavior that that we all know we'd like. to improve yeah and so that's that's. that's what I think about today you know.

when I'm not trying to get the sperm out. of a bowl called hunsucker Commando yeah. look I masturbated yet 11 hours ago so. yeah how'd it go it went like it goes. yeah you know that's the problem with it. it's like right when you're done you're. like uh I knew it was gonna be just like. that yeah but I mean do you feel like I. thought it actually you know what. actually I'm gonna quit saying that you. know what dude good job you crushed it. and I didn't take it super easy I. freaking you know I kind of made it you.

know I I made it a little bit more. exciting than usual nothing insane you. know because I was trying to get to. sleep but well I mean but who you're. trying to impress really I mean that's. that's the thing if if you get too. wrapped up in the performance of. self-abuse then you lose the. authenticity I think you do way to land. the plane and bring it back to where we. started and talk about immediate. feedback you know how you're doing you. know yeah you do you always know how. you're doing when you're rubbing one out. you know it's just like ah you know what. this is this is not going well you know.

maybe you got the wheel of options. that's spinning right you're like ah. maybe this maybe I'll stop here maybe. I'll stop there yeah Mom what are you. doing there get off that thing that's. that's no good and then suddenly it's. like you know something I'm just gonna. go to sleep that's a bad one right yeah. that's a bad one that's a bad one. um I had one last question how close are. we before you have to go I don't know. what time is it it's 1205 I have to pee. really bad to you I could pee yeah. oh there was one question I wanted to. ask you before we move on how how did.

globalization really ruin us. because a lot of times I think like you. know Mike I think like like my mom grew. up in Wyoming Illinois right it's a. small town yeah and uh there are some uh. they used to have I think FMC they made. like Elevator Parts and stuff like that. or like the gang planks that go from the. plane to the terminal yeah. um and my grandfather worked over there. and. um Purina was like in like some of the.

nearby towns in Iowa and had like. offsets in Illinois. and it was interesting because it was. like as a kid your dad worked at the. factory and so you had a piece of Pride. and whatever oh well this dog food they. my dad they make that at the factory or. this table oh they make that at the. factory and. um so there was a sense of like what you. were using you there was just a. connectivity a fabric of it all it was. local yeah it's the grout we were. talking about.

the grout is the you know it it holds. communities together it holds zip codes. together it holds towns together States. together and it holds the country. together will it hold the world together. well I don't know I I'm suspicious of it. because you know there's some very very. big differences between this country and. Russia and China and Iran and the UK and. France for that matter but we're we're. not we're not fundamentally different as. a species but we're fundamentally.

different. as a society yeah and so you know when. you say has globalization wrecked the. country. you know my my slip is showing here a. little bit but I'll tell you I I look at. it like if you had a gifted and talented. kid. really smart right how would you feel. about putting him in a public school. you'd you'd worry right you'd look you'd. look at him or her and you'd be like I. don't I don't think that this is the.

best environment to nurture the the. qualities my my kid has right right so I. I look at our economy that way our. economy is gifted and talented we we. built an amazing machine in this country. in in the 20th century we were not. dependent on foreign powers we were not. dependent on foreign countries. especially foreign countries who. affirmatively seem to hate us yeah right.

so that's a bigger part of it I don't I. don't personally feel good. knowing that our. our. pharmacological needs. are completely dependent on China. I don't yeah me either I don't feel good. about that I I don't feel good about the. fact that your your granddad or whoever. was making those jet ways you know those. jetways aren't made there anymore right. you know Purina is not Purina anymore.

um and so in almost every industry. there's been a hollowing out you know. it's easy to talk about manufacturing. and I do that all the time with my. Foundation because you can go through. the Rust Belt and through Appalachia and. you can see we're just not making that. kind of thing here anymore oh yeah and. it's heartbreaking it I I think it's. heartbreaking because. because we're in this space where. everything is designed to please the. consumer and we forget that workers are.

also consumers. so they're the problem is in my view. everybody in the country is a consumer. but not everybody is a worker. and consequently. you what can you say about the reality. of walking into a Walmart and being able. to purchase everything you need at a. really affordable price that's all made. possible because that stuff is not made. here right and so we we made a decision.

we made a bargain decades ago. that says all right we're going to put. our gifted and talented kid. into this low performing school yeah and. we're going to pay the price for that. but we're also going to enjoy what comes. back which is abundant free stuff bad. shelving yes bad shelf right but I mean. I don't like as much bad shelving as you. want that's right all you can eat you.

know you know the good news is you can. have all you can eat the bad news is. you're going to the Golden Corral all. right. you're not I mean with respect no. offense but but you know what I mean. it's like it's it's all you want of. stuff you that doesn't really nourish. you and stuff that doesn't mean anything. and then I wonder like in China or some. of these places and I'm obviously. generalizing but that's okay because I. don't know that much you're a podcast. dude you can generalize yeah and I miss. the days being able to [ __ ]. generalize because I don't know what I'm. talking about so I'm bringing them back.

um but in China that that guy doesn't. care about the sweater he's making for. somebody a million it doesn't you know. he so then he leaves work there's no. there's is no spirit in any of it. there's no like dude that's brilliant. and you're right and it kills those. people her that kid's dad comes home. from work and the look in his eyes is. like oh I made something for somebody A. Million Miles Away that I'll never even. know and don't even care about back to. the feedback we were just talking about. if you don't know how you're doing right. whether.

you're hosting a TV show or a podcast or. rubbing one off 11 hours ago yeah right. right if you don't know how you're doing. you're going to be disconnected from the. task at hand and I it that's a really. smart observation if you spend your days. and nights making widgets for people you. never meet. then you will never be connected to. anything other than the transactional. brute realities of your job and that.

sucks and that's why so that's why I. stay out of Labor disputes you know. because. unions have an argument to be made and. and so too does does capital and and. people who take the risk to create the. companies right the these two things. can't be enemies but we continually talk. about them like it's constantly won. against the next and in the midst of all.

that screaming past each other what do. we do we become more and more dependent. on cheap crap made in China more and. more dependent on. really important things now our whole. supply chain is baked in to the. globalization that that you're talking. about yeah and dude don't even get me. started on energy how dependent you know. how much do you want to pay for gas. really I mean how what are we doing why. are we relying. why are we relying on anyone.

other than us we could do it yeah we. could build the factories back we could. do it I'm not saying don't trade I'm not. saying be isolationist right I'm saying. you're going to negotiate from a much. stronger position if you don't need them. yeah it's fine to want them but if you. need them you're screwed and I don't. know why we would put ourselves in a. position where we need pipelines that. run through countries that hate us when. we're sitting on an absolute.

abundance of affordable reliable energy. right now it makes me crazy yeah. yeah there's a new company I was reading. about called vespain actually and they. take they process. um the methane gas yeah and uh they put. something over a landfill that processes. it and turns it currently into Bitcoin. mining but eventually we'll be able to. create like a gas station that will. power you have energy to power vehicles.

yeah I've seen it it's um. it's related to carbon recapture so. there's some big big companies now uh. that are taking the carbon that is. generated from fracking right and. Blasting it back in to the earth. I mean it's it's unbelievable technology. and it's going to wind up leaving Big. energy companies carbon neutral like in.

the next couple of years I know it's. crazy it's crazy yeah there's one that. does it for fracking and then this is a. new one that's doing it with uh the. methane I think from and and look I'm. speaking I'm not a I don't know about. this stuff but I know about the uh the. excitement of um young companies like. this and like just the novelty dude good. for you and look I people tell me. whenever I get into this world it's like. hey man why don't you just stay in your. lane right well you know what my Lane is. I'm addicted man I am an addict I am. addicted to smooth roads and affordable.

electricity and indoor plumbing doing. you know we all have skin in this game. and mediocre coffee and mediocre coffee. that gets cooler and cooler every second. um but look I. I think it's great that you're talking. about. vespine in fact you should call him get. him a sponsor yeah not a bad idea. brought to you by vespine I'll do the. voiceover if you want man yeah I've. heard your voiceovers pretty no no it's. a top dollar voice it's all right I've. got some uh that's some uh that's some.

95 octane high above the vast reaches of. the barren Serengeti the bald eagle. watches as the lonely wildebeest wanders. away from the herd as a very first thing. I ever got paid to do a a nature. documentary for uh for National. Geographic I was 22 and they thought I. was like 40. yeah that's funny God yeah. oh I bet dude I bet you could buy beer. just Beauty if they walk in they just. had to open the door and be like I'll.

take two cases of Bud Light. yeah like uh any ID sir no thank you. just give me the beer. I don't have a lot of time yeah I don't. have a lot of time but I'm pretty. thirsty do you ever remember buying was. there ever do you remember the first. time you bought beer illegal or no uh I. do uh I walked into a place called The. Old Philadelphia Inn I was probably uh. 16 years old with my friend Jeff Wilson. and. um Jeff uh wrestled uh he was a 230.

pounder High School just a mountain of a. guy yeah and I sounded older than I was. and they didn't even blink boom they. sold it to us. hell yeah damn right. it's a simpler time for you it was so. much fun wasn't it it was so scary. remember how scary it was oh my God I do. and remember when you give them if they. did ask your ID you'd give it to them. and then try to look like you were older. right like checking my watch I got. somewhere to be uh my son I'd say that.

to my buddy I'm staring there with ah my. son he has epilepsy had makeup they're. like what that collection eight months. old with that this guy needs a drink. somebody help him God I missed that is. there a sport that you really like I. just went to a LSU game the other day. yeah uh I played baseball. um through through high school and I. still watch it. um I was a big football fan I grew up in. Baltimore oh yeah.

um and you know it's really interesting. I go back to Baltimore a lot now. um and somebody asked me the other day. uh if I'd seen the Ravens game. it was a Sunday and they they just. played. and I didn't and and they're like how do. you not know what the Ravens did you're. back in Baltimore and I told him the. truth I said you know in in March of. 1986 uh. I was about the biggest Colts fan there.

was seasoned tickets I was dating a. cheerleader. um and my best friend played in the. Colts marching band and one night. Robert irsay sent the Mayflower Vans at. three in the morning. and the next day they were gone. they're just [ __ ] gone man and I. couldn't believe it and to answer your. question something happened to me with. with big organized professional sports. and it happened in March 1986 when the.

Colts left in the middle of the night. that's when I realized. uh the players have their agents and. managers and the owners have their. lawyers but the fans have nothing the. fans have nothing and the degree the. degree to which that team the extent. that they that they mattered to to. Baltimore you just can't overstate it. and like that they were gone and for. that reason I've never had an agent I've. never had a manager it it changed the.

way I thought about Show Business it. changed the way I thought about sports. and to really bring it back to where we. started that's why I watch cornhole. and darts. that's probably why I was catching poop. in midair yeah it was it was simpler it. was pure it was like I you know Fresh. Off The spigot yeah man you know what. I'm saying though really pure it's like. how pure can this get I agree the NFL. feels so unpure these days a lot of it. feels I love UFC became my favorite. sport in the past few years especially.

during the pandemic yeah I think because. of some of the purity of the the fight. getting to know some of the fighters and. just seeing what it is it's mono imano. out there you know so I was in the guy. who produced dirty jobs with me. originally uh Craig peligian was his. name was the same guy who produced The. Ultimate Fighter for Spike TV and the. boxing show uh no Ultimate Fighter Dana. White's oh okay Ultimate Fighter all.

right now yeah I walked in Craig's. office one day uh halfway through the. first season of Dirty Jobs and there was. this big bald dude. and they were finishing up a deal. and I I walked in just in time to see. him shake hands and then Dana looked at. me and he was like hey man I enjoy your. show and I'm like well thanks What's. your deal he told me what he was doing. and I just said very casually to Craig. um I said hey man I do the vo for that. that sounds like fun. I did 12 seasons of The Ultimate Fighter.

wow previously on The Ultimate Fighter. yeah right it was just that stuff and um. I I really never got to see one but I. would go into the booth every week and. there was always a stack of copy and. somebody The Ultimate Fighter was always. in there so my whole uh experience in. that world was just narrating it and I. hadn't I didn't even see the show for a. couple of seasons and then I sat down. and I watched and I was like holy crap. man this is why boxing is over Don.

hey this is why it's over back to the. authenticity it's like yeah you're not. fixing that fight right right that's. what it seemed like there's no way to. fix it nope nope no easy way and you. know I. I it was amazing to watch that that. happen that to bring back that level of. uh Gladiator Nest yeah you know what I. mean it's listen it it a lot of people.

have strong feelings both ways but I. think that was in our culture one of the. early uh indicators that people were. hungry for something else. right people were hungry for something. that was real because reality was no. longer real nope non-fiction was. [ __ ] yeah there were no podcasts yet. no no Joe Rogan wasn't doing his thing. uh back when that started so you know. you we've lived to see like some huge.

huge changes and your your audience is a. part of it you're a part of it and it's. it it's a trip to watch it and I can't. wait to see what happens next yeah. yeah me either I think about that time. do you think we are Mike Sager. somebody's picking me up in three. minutes yeah so I get I got three. minutes to say something like really. really really Unforgettable hmm. let me think if there was something I. would want to know. [Laughter]. oh dear I'm tapped out all right no.

longer curious do you remember your. first kiss ever in life I do yeah yeah. uh her name was Donna oh. I met a girl. yeah God and believe it or not it was. spin the bottle God was it huh yeah man. and uh it was dark and I spun it and it. landed where I wanted it to land god and. I remember scooting myself across the.

the shag carpet in the basement and she. scootered herself toward me. and uh. God yeah it was uh it was it was. something else yeah there was something. else. that was a good one how about you. um there was I think one time some. people I think locked us in a room one. time me and this girl that had this she. had like this kind of chip tooth this. Lloyd Christmas going on you know this. girl named Chrissy beautiful girl I.

don't but a part of me doesn't know if. there was it was either that or this. other time we played a spin the bottle. game. and there was this girl named Emily. or was her last name nice oh we're doing. last names now well and I'm going to. take that out. [Laughter]. but man she looked like a million Angels. dude she looked like I could close my. eyes and see her even more brighter than. I could see her if I was looking right. at her yeah and uh and I and I was like. oh my God she's really gonna do it I.

hadn't I just thought any girl laying. around they weren't really gonna kiss me. you know like I just felt like such a. failure in that space and um and I got. close to her and I'd only seen people. kiss like by opening their mouths and. kissing like french kissing or something. and so I like went at her like a fish. you know like you're taking a bite out. of an apple dude and not like I put my. mouth my mouth like over yeah and it. made no sense and everybody was like. what's happening and I think it just got.

it just went downhill I kind of like. what like you know I did the same thing. but not on my first kiss there was a. girl a couple like maybe a year later. and I realized that every kiss I had. ever attempted up to that point I was. doing what you were doing not not to. that extent but I was always on the. outside of of their lips you know what I. mean I was yes it made me feel like okay. but this girl her name is Debbie I'm not.

using the last name because you might. not take it out but she had it in her. head that that her job was to be on the. outside of my lips. so the first couple of times we tried to. make out it really looked like two. people trying to eat each other's heads. yeah right it's just it's bigger and. bigger and wider and wider and but. eventually both her mouths are as open. as they can be with these awful tongues. just flailing around it just nose to. nose and I remember opening my eyes and. seeing that her eyes were open and she's. like what are you doing I'm like what am. I what are you doing you don't know how.

to make out you know we should probably. just start groping it's simpler. it's it's a simpler time like some blind. betta fish huh. dude and I remember this to be I tell. you this man one girl she let me uh like. touch her like chess kind of we were. like probably 14. I don't know what we. were but they 34. yeah. her uh dad was a uh Elvis impersonator.

right uh-huh but we live in a small town. you don't need one you know so he just. really was an alcoholic and he kept his. kids in an electric fence in their yard. and this girl let me feel her boob. through that electricity through the. electrical just on top of her dress okay. man look still counted that's where we. have to probably I mean look it's your. show I gotta go yeah but but I mean that. that's one of the greatest metaphors of. all time reaching through an electric. fence.

to gently cup the breast of a young love. so you're surrounded by consequences you. got danger everywhere you're you're. being allowed to do a thing. but there's risk right there's risk all. around you I was at my cousin's once and. uh we had to pee just like we had to pee. here 20 minutes ago and my cousin son of. a [ __ ] he uh he said yeah let's just. this is a good place to go and uh he had.

an electric fence that kept their uh. their their horses in. and I don't know what he said to make me. think it would be okay but I peed on the. electric fence. and the current that ran back up through. my stream of urine straight into the. very. essence of my middle God knocked me it. knocked me on my ass and um. I still remember this day this is one of. the most awkward moments of my life. lying on my back next to my cousin.

laughing hysterically as the urine. continued to shoot straight up in the. air like a horrible yellow Fountain and. I just lay there and cow [ __ ] peeing on. myself. and that's fracking. that's why we power washed guys Mike. thank you so much man we'll uh what's. your podcast called we want people to. check it it's called the way I heard it. it's on every week it's uh it's it's a. little different than this but you know. what in the end it's uh. I I think we're trying to do the same. thing man just tell the truth to the.

people who got the balls to hang out and. stick with you for two hours amen micro. thank you so much Brother anytime to you. appreciate it yeah now I'm just just on. the breeze. I must be. Cornerstone. [Music]. I'll share this piece of my life. [Music].