Mike Posner | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #241

I was in Colorado and I met this guy. named Stevie. and he's running across America the. opposite way, right? And we cross. It. was a beautiful day and he actually I. mean God God bless Stevie but. he turned around and walked the wrong. way to talk with me all day. Wow. I wouldn't have done I love Stevie but. bro I'm not going east bro. Sorry bro. [laughter]. Sorry dude. that light on me.

I'll [music] sit and tell you my story. [music] Shine that light on me. I'll sit [music] and tell you my story. Were you guys like grilling out in the. evening doing any fresh veggies or did. you have a Did you have like a certain. caloric intake? Yeah, a a stupid one. Um, really? Yeah. I was wearing this thing, this Whoop. thing at the beginning. I lost the. battery for it halfway through, but it.

would basically tell me my output. caloric output. So, we just trying to. match it at the beginning. It was like. it was spitting out crazy and I was like. 8,000 10,000. But, um, like NASA kind of. I think as I as I walked more my I. started getting more used to it and I. was eating a little less. But, yeah, just eating a lot of food, man. And uh. man, you had to stop and [ __ ] a lot too. cuz you're eating so much. Yeah. Yeah. I guess you got a lot of. [ __ ] in your body.

That was the worst part. Not the worst. part, but it's just I a lot of times be. like just pooping on the side of her. I'm like, man, I want to keep walking, but it's like [ __ ]. I hate that. I got to stop again, you know? I can't poop if I see broken glass near. me, you know? So, [laughter] I think. some of that kind of outdoor kind of. stuff, I don't have as much strength. when it comes to that. Why broken glass? Oh, it makes me nervous, [laughter]. dude. Why not? You know what I'm saying? But I'm not letting my [ __ ] open up. if there's broken [laughter] glass. nearby. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm no. Roman warrior, but I know that. You.

know, um. Mike, thanks for being here today, man. Uh yeah. So, you have And you have two. of your buddies that are here today, too. I just want you I want to. acknowledge them. I want to acknowledge them, too. Yeah, man. Will you let us know? Uh just. let the listeners know who they are in. case they hear some. Yeah. my my buddy Julian's here who was. one of my walk managers. Basically, I. walked supported uh which means that um. I wasn't backpacking as I walked. Uh we. had support vehicle that Julian drove.

and uh he basically sort out a lot of. the navigation and and the food. Basically, all I had to do was the miles. and I didn't have to carry everything on. my back. [music] And I always try to. make that clear cuz there are people out. there right now and every year who who. do it unsupported. Um, is there beef? Is there a lot of street. beef between people? No, mostly everyone's very uh very. supportive of each other. Every once in. a while I got a little bit I think, you. know, just because I was more, you know,

I was more of a public figure when I. started. So I think a few people kind of. got their their feathers ruffled, but. that's like 1%. Most of the people were. just really supportive of each other. And uh so Julian, he would take turns. There's another guy Colin basically. Julian go home for a few months and. Colin would come. They'd switch on and. off. Wow. That's amazing to have that much. support. We were talking about it when. you were in the restroom, but just to. have that much like Yeah. to have. somebody that's just so patient to be. there. Dude, he was the best, man. He never. really got flustered or nothing. Just.

Would you get pretty flustered and all. like would it be the end of a day and. you're like, "Fuck.". Yeah. Sometimes you're just tired at the. end of the day. But I'm I'm I'm like I. go up and down, you know? I go up and. down for sure. Sometimes, you know, I'm. like bouncing off the walls. I be very. goofy guy. Other times it's like a dog. in me too, you know, that's like the. sports guy. Go [ __ ] get it. And I'm. not [ __ ] around. Yeah. That guy comes. out. and so and then it's everything in.

between. And that's like I might touch. both of those two three times in the. during the day. Yeah. I notic you said like, yeah, you take in. the calories and. um and you would start to learn, okay, I. have this input and this output, you. know, that's you were kind of monitoring. in the beginning. Did you start to feel. like a like a machine? I mean, the total. you went 2,800 miles. In the beginning, did you feel more like. a human? And by the end, did you feel. like more like a machine or did your. humanity kind of grow? I know that's.

kind of a big question, but it just had. me kind of thinking about that. No, it. was more the second one. Uh, it just. became my normal life, you know. It's. just what we do. Uh, wake up 5:00 a.m. and uh, excuse me, wake up 4:00 a.m. We. walk at at 5. And, uh, will you guys go for a pre pre-walk. before the walk or any like jog or. anything before to like get heated up? Uh the first thing I do at 4 is I. meditate for 20 to 30 minutes and then. um Julia have like a little fruit out,

you know, I have couple bananas and some. peanut butter. Throw that throw that down the hole and. and then uh. that Filipino Thanksgiving right there, [laughter] bro. You feel me? And. we have a lot of Filipino listeners, too, man. Beautiful. And uh yeah, I just. stretch out a little bit and then I just. try to get out the door as soon as. possible. U and that that's really. because uh it's it's seasonal, you know, walking in the summer, you know, you got.

to get those miles in before, you know, it's 300 p.m. and it's 95 with 95%. humidity. You want to you want already. have 20 done then. You don't want to be. on mile eight then, you know. Yeah. Wow. So, were there some days. where you started late and you're like, man, you got in a jam? Like was that. something you kind of learned early like. how to. the learning curve must have been pretty. pretty steep, huh? Yeah, I figured it out. You know, it. just just worked best for me. I think. there's other guys I talked to that are. either running or walking across and uh.

they have more loosey goosey thing where. they would um and I don't use that in a. bad way. They're just able to wake up. and kind of do what they felt like doing. that day. But I don't really work that. way. Um, I got to wake up the same time. every day. We got a had a rule on the. walk. No snooze button. Damn. No snooze button. Uh, no snooze, nation. Yeah. A there's a P. Diddy quote. He. says two types of people in the world. Those that hit the snooze and those that. don't. And then there's this David.

Gogggins quote I love about he said, "You don't hit the snooze button cuz if. you do, you wake up already failing.". Damn. And uh that's just that's just real. So. that thing would go off, you know, 4 in. the morning and I never wanted to wake. up and walk. Zero days that I go, "Oh, yes, 4:00 a.m. Let's get done." But the. big part of me, you know, the big part. of me that actually wanted to. to accomplish this goal that, you know, it got me got my ass out of bed every. day. And uh I thought, you know, when.

when I set out on this walk, I was going. to have kind of like a a hippie- dippy. free flowing walk across America. I meet. meet somebody and I stay there in their. town four or five days, catch the vibe. But I start this thing, you know, at the. beginning, I couldn't walk as many miles as I could. at the end, obviously. So the first day. I only walked eight miles, you know, on. the second day I think I got 10 or. something like that. And so I start.

doing the math. and the whole thing, you know, the whole. the whole like scheduling navigational. part is really based around the mountain. ranges. You don't want to be in the. Rocky Mountains in winter, right? You're [ __ ]. Yeah. So I'm starting to do the math. Yeah. You going to write one of those. books where you die at the end like. [laughter] those that boy you die. Somebody else is going to write that. book. Christmas candalus or whatever dude. I don't know who you're talking. He ate some bad berries or something of. fruit at the end. Oh, you talking about the Into the Wild.

Yeah. So, at least you got Julie when. covering your fruit. You know what I'm. saying? Tasting your fruit for you first. in the morning. [laughter] And if he's. still alive, if at 6:15 you're like, "Let's [ __ ] rock, bro." [laughter]. Cuz that boy died at some bad berries or. something. But. that's right. Question so I don't forget. Do did you. have a music that was on your alarm. every day that you would wake up to? Was. it just a. No, it's just my watch. Oh, just your watch. Okay. Just a watch. alarm. Yeah. Right. Just a b. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. You know, when I first started the walk, um.

because I was removed from. uh basically all my friends and family, uh I noticed I was actually on my phone. more. You know, I always thought like. I'll be out in nature. And then here, lo. and behold, I'm out walking across. America, walking across New Jersey and. Pennsylvania, and I'm on my phone like. all the time. Like I'm taking pictures. of every [ __ ] flower and put them on. Instagram all this [ __ ] and realize like. I don't know a couple weeks in or a. month in like what the [ __ ] you doing,

dude. Yeah. Like you could play on your phone. anywhere, man. You're missing. Yeah. It started to come back even if we. look at your chart like on the post. I. mean we have your um you know uh. mikeposner.com and it's it shows your. your walk across and the path that you. took. It shows where you had social. media posts and there's a lot in the. beginning and then the second half it's. an eighth as much it looks [laughter]. like. But I mean it's interesting. Yeah. Something happened in there where you're. like, "Oh man, I'm. Well, it started off Yeah. just. realizing I was [ __ ] missing it. I.

was on it too much. And then uh. um I was in Colorado and I met this guy. named Stevie. and he's running across America the. opposite way, right? And we cross. It. was a beautiful day. And he actually I. mean God God bless Stevie, but he turned. around and walked the wrong way to talk. with me all day. Wow. I wouldn't have done it. I love Stevie, but bro, I'm not going east, bro. Sorry, bro. [laughter]. Sorry, dude. Yeah, bro.

Grab your East, Stevie. So, he walked. East Stevie, dude. We [laughter] ain't. messing with that guy, bro. He walked He walked. a guy like that growing up, dude. His. boy named Shane. He would only go one. direction. Yeah. Yeah. That was his thing. Huh? Which direction? It was kind of like that. But [laughter] uh. every time you saw him, dude, he was. coming at an angle and he walked. shoulder first like he was a [laughter]. shark. This dude was baffling, bro. But. you would see him. You'd just be hanging. out around town and you'd [ __ ] see. Shane go by, bro. [ __ ] One Direction.

Shane shoulder first, dude. Out of control, you know? Yeah. Just looking for I don't. [clears throat] know what he was looking. for, dude. Pirate ships. I don't know. what he was looking for. A [ __ ] hot. current. That dude was like he it was. almost like he was caught in an air. current just [ __ ] cruising the world. [laughter]. But uh I don't know what happened to. him. Something I think something. probably happened to him. He left school once and never his. shoulder first boy. You know what I'm. saying? That human shark, bro. [laughter] He's just moving. Um. was it hard to start to separate. yourself from from social media? I mean.

cuz there's there's this must be weeks. where you don't do a post where you. don't have a social media post. I. actually don't know if that's exactly. what the [ __ ] those stars mean. I don't. I'm not sure. But no, I would. But it definitely became less. Like. you're saying, I would uh I stopped using my phone when. I was walking that. So anyway, I met. Stevie. Here's the thing. I met Stevie. and this guy blew at the time. I'm walking supported 24 miles a day and. he is running unsupported 30 to 40 miles.

per day. And not only that, he looks at. me, he goes, "Yeah, man. I didn't bring. headphones on purpose cuz I I wanted to. I wanted to face all my demons and just. be there." And so, basically, the the. two days after I met him, I got bit by a. rattlesnake. And I thought it wasn't a big deal. I. thought I was going to get the antiv and. I'd be back walking the next day. Turns. out it's a bigger deal. I thought I was. in the ICU. I'm in the hospital 5 days. Takes me 3 weeks to get back. I start up.

at my spot that I got bit at. Did you walk out to the same exact spot? Same exact spot. Julian took me there, man. I was scared. I was scared. Yeah. What was that like having to. commit? Was what happened during that 3. weeks? That was I mean I I definitely. went back and saw some posts and stuff, but what was um [clears throat]. was I saw one post you were talking. about how comfortable it was almost to. be back in like especially a hospital. Like I love surgery. I love things where. they're taking care of you and. somebody's coming in and you know it's. lunchtime. It's volume. Thursday,

it's whatever, dude. You know, it's like. you it's just so much care for you in. like a in in a medical environment, you. know, there's the nurses, there's just. constant care and it feels good. Um, and I saw you uh talk about where. Yeah. It was like almost hard to let. some of that, you know, it was like you. were back into this real place. The real small part of me, you know, you. got to understand at the time I got bit. by that snake. I'm walking pretty much. eight hours a day completely alone,

sweating it out. You know, it's early. August. and that [ __ ] was [ __ ] hard, man. I. couldn't really sleep cuz it was so hot. And so, and my feet felt like they were. [ __ ] broken, you know? I wake up in. the morning, stand up. Oh. And it just felt terrible. Like I could. barely stand up some days. Was it the muscles, the bone? Are you. getting worn down? Like are they. blisters? It turns out it has blisters, too. But. it turns out it was just the muscles. They were just saring away I never even. [ __ ] wrapped my head around. But but.

at the time I thought they were broken. I thought I was going to finish and I go. to the doctor and be like he's going to. be like dude we got to fix your feet, you know. But it was really I was kind. of a [ __ ] and I just hadn't felt that. kind of soreness and pain yet. And. um. basically, yeah, I went to the hospital. and people always say, "Man, was that. the hardest day your walk?" It's like, "No, I wasn't even close, man." Because. they got me there. And you're right. I.

was now out of the heat. I'm in air. conditioning. I'm now I'm not alone. anymore. I got actually female nurses. around, you know, and like doctors, you. know, just making sure I'm cool. And you. know, you want something to eat, you. just hit a buzzer. They bring this [ __ ]. into you. Salbury steak, bro. [laughter] You feel. me, dude? And God, man. And meanwhile, you know, like online, they're they're this outpouring of. sympathy and support.

Oh, it's a way out even if you want it. Oh, [ __ ] yeah. [ __ ] yeah. You're like, damn, I couldn't have hired a snake to. come out. Julian's been training the. snake for two months in the van. [laughter] and finally he lets that. bastard out. Dude, so so you know the. the the weak part of me, the little me, he wants to stay there. Wow. He wants to stay getting all that. attention, that nice food, the air. conditioning, nice bed. I don't have to. get up at 4:00 a.m. All that feels good. And And.

it's very easy. I I felt it even in. myself a little bit falling into kind of. trying to milk it. And you staying in. that spot. And that's that's what. playing a victim is. Yeah. you know, you're you're actually creating. suffering or making up suffering that's. not really there. in order to get attention basically to. get sympathy to have an excuse. And I. had to just have a talk with myself. You. know, the big me had to talk to the. little me and say, "Look,

you you're you're getting better, [ __ ] You need to go finish what. you started." And um I you know the good. thing is when I started this you do. something like this and really you do. anything worthwhile in life the shit's. going to be hard as you know to get. where you're sitting right now that. wasn't easy. Yeah. You know. had to work a lot. Yeah. How much how many times you had to. fail and stuff to be have have what you. got now? A bajillion. A lot. Yeah. And so the thing is you have to.

have a no matter what clause in any. contract you you got with yourself. Well, I think it's just interesting. you're able to have that conversation. with yourself. You know, I've heard you. say it a couple times, the little me and. uh. that's right. And we struggle with that. I struggle. with that kind of stuff a lot. you know, like the first part of me not wanting to. be not being strong enough, not wanting. to, you know, not being brave enough or. not um thinking that I can or wanting to. take the easy way out,

you know, um and and then of to to to to. try and get this bigger picture. um you. know and just tools to say look you know. like uh you know you you know um you got. to move you know you got to get going. like you have to there's this there's. this this little speed bump in the. beginning and if you can get over that. then it's really it's a lot different. it's that bigger picture you know but. that little speed bump is so powerful a. lot of times man so for you to see that.

you can have this bigger you that's. talking to this little you. um yeah man I can I can just totally. relate relate to that, you know. Yeah. And a lot of times, you know, to. be more accurate, I didn't I didn't. really have to talk to myself in that. moment because when I started, I had. decided I was going to walk across. America. Yeah. Who anybody can say that. [ __ ] but and that's what I would say. publicly, but what I would say to myself. is I'm going to walk across America no.

matter what. No matter what. So, what's that mean? I. I played this [ __ ] out in my head. If I break my leg out here, I'm going to let that mother heal and. I'm going to go to the spot where I. broke my leg and I'm going finish. I. already I had already visualized that, you know. I had already decided that. So. when the snake thing happened, I didn't. have to have a conversation with myself. I have to decide, you know, hey, I'm. going to go back. I knew I'm going back,

you know, and. um and it helps, you know, I had a lot. of support, too. My homie Chad is here, too. You know, sometimes I would call. him uh be like, "Dude, my feet feel. awful." [laughter] And he'd be like, he'd go, "Yeah, [ __ ] They're. supposed to, you know.". Yeah. Remember, you're walking across America. Like dude, like dude, [laughter]. that's what you signed up for. And so.

you start reorient yourself. You ain't You ain't at the Foot Locker, bro. You're [laughter] supposed to feel. pretty unckempt. These these uncck, [laughter] dude. These That's the wrong adjective, dude. Is it? Unkemp sounds like my my toenails. are long and and I got [ __ ] hairy. feet or some fungus, dude. Bro, I don't know [laughter] what adjectives. are. So unckempt, bro. Dude, no. It's. like you start to you start to reorient. yourself around this hardship because.

most of my life basically my whole life. 30 years before I went on this walk it. was oriented around making it more. comfortable. and uh just like a bunch of [ __ ] you. know it's like hey you know maybe if I. play this game a little better I'll get. a little I'll move from this. neighborhood in West Hollywood to this. neighborhood in the [ __ ] Hollywood. Hills and instead of this, I'll date.

this person and then I'll feel better. And I sort of zoom out on my life. and realize. I'm just I'm playing in a [ __ ]. sandbox right now. Yeah. And I'm going, "Hey, that that toy that. he has over there looks nice. Let me try. let me try that one out." You know? Oh, that toy is cool. Let me try this toy. out. It was just wasting my life. And uh. I was doing quote what I was supposed to. do, right? I was finishing my albums and.

I and don't get me wrong, I love all my. my my music is my heart. Mhm. But my life was sort of designed. by 21-year-old me trying to break into. LA and become famous. And I'm 31 and I'm. living the same [ __ ] lifestyle, right? And so there's this there's this. uh in congruency between who I am now. and the life I'm living. and the yeah and the channel that you're. kind of still like kind of wandering.

And it's nobody's fault but me. It's nobody's fault but mine and there. is no one that's going to bring those. two things into congruency but me, right? I'll call my manager. He's going to tell. me go back on tour. I love my manager. That's his job. That's his job. He's going to say. you finished the album. We got support. now. I'm going on tour. You finish the. tour, let's get another album, you know. And he never said those words. Right. But no, but that's their job and. that's that's what they're supposed to. do. Correct. And that's what I was supposed. to do.

But I sort of slowly realize I'm I'm. living. someone else's life, you know? And that [ __ ] that thing. [ __ ] sneaks up on your ass, man. Man, it's so funny. It sneaks up on you. It's not it's it's. not some like come to God moment or. anything. It's like you just it just you. slowly realize, man, what I really want. to do is this walk. and I'm not doing it. I put it off for. five years.

Wow. Because something always came up. I had. an excuse each year. and you got you got to start the thing. in spring for what we talked about. Not. hitting the Rockies. So every spring I. something would come up. and you know then I then I go out on the. walk, right? Step one, take one step. So I do it. I'm. out there and as I'm going, I meet a lot. of people and nice people, good people, and they come up to me, they say, "Hey, you know what you're doing is very. inspiring." I'll say, "Thank you." And.

they say, "You know, I'd really like to. do something like that one day.". Mhm. But right now, I don't have enough time or I don't have. enough money or I'm too old or. I'm too young. I heard all the young. That's insane, bro. You got you walking. through a middle school, bro. You got to. walk around. [laughter]. I meet these like, you know, they be I.

know. I mean, but they be college kids. No, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. They feel so much. pressure to go get a go get a good job. and be successful right away. I'm telling you I need a 18-year-old. tell me, "Yeah, man. I'm just too young. This [ __ ] happened in real life." And. I'm sitting there like, "What the [ __ ]. are you talking about?" And it's not. about walking across America. [ __ ] that. That's my That was my dream. But whatever that thing is for you, you. know, 95% of the people listening to. this, 95% of people I meet, they got a.

thing like that. And it's not it doesn't. have to be a drop everything, quit my. job. Doesn't have to be that. It's just. a thing that you know you want to do. You are called to do and you have an. excuse why you're not [ __ ] doing it. right now. You don't have an excuse. You. have a reason. I don't have enough time. I have enough money. Whatever it is, you have an excuse wearing a reason as a. cape. That's what it is. And that's my. contention to to your listeners. Whatever that thing is, whether it's. starting a business or whether it's.

hitting the gym, I don't give a [ __ ]. what it is. And don't don't copy my. dream, right? [ __ ] you, man. That's my. dream. Yeah. Whatever your thing is and your ex your. reason for not doing it, that's exactly. right what you said. Really? Look at it. Look in the mirror. That reason, I can almost guarantee you. is a [ __ ] excuse. Yeah. And it's is just your copout for. not living your life, for taking the. easy way out. And uh hey man, we're.

going to die. You know, it's like a few. years ago, my dad died and my uh my. collaborator Avichi, he died. Uh my peer. guy used to do shows with Mac Miller, he. died in February. One of my friends I. grew up with, Ronnie, died. And it's. like, hey, man, you know, I'm I'm living. healthy. Hopefully there's no time soon, but you're going to die one day, too. Yeah. And uh you could either live your life. before that happens or not. It's up to. you, man. Yeah. It's uh was did did some of that.

that death that came in your life is. that do you feel like that was kind of. some of the stuff that that really threw. the gas on, you know, you said it had. been a few years where you kind of, you. know, something had come up around the. springtime and. um. what was it you think that was that last. thing? Was it that you'd already told so. many people you were going to do this. walk? Like how did that all kind of. where it's like, okay, I got to I got to. take this step. There was a couple things really. One. was Avichi when he died. Um I sound.

weird to say this, but there's something. beautiful about death. If you haven't been around or had a. close one die, you will soon. Um, and. each time that happens, I feel like. there's this like for me about it's. about two weeks there where all the. [ __ ]. traps, mind games that I'm usually in, they fade out and I can see what's. actually important to me, you know? Yeah. It's almost like other people when.

they do die or whatever the the thing. that permeates from them is this value. of existence that really hits the rest. of us pretty severe. Yeah, that's. exactly right. I think it I think it's. just that it reminds you of your own. mortality and and and. and I I really believe when you. acknowledge you're going to have a. death, you can start to live a good. life. And so. the thing is that [ __ ] always like it. always lasts for like a few weeks for me. and it go away and I start to just get. caught up in [ __ ] And uh.

and so yeah, when Avichi died, it was a. big it was a big reminder. And I. remember just thinking like, man, I got. to go on the I actually wanted to go. like immediately, but I didn't have anything prepared or. nothing. So I was like, all right, dude, wait till the spring. That's when you do. it the right way. Wait till Julian can tell his mom he's. going out of town. [laughter] You got to. plan a little bit. That's right. But you got to plan a lot. You got. to plan a lot, huh? You got to plan a lot. You got to plan a.

lot, you know. Yeah. It's so funny with that mortality, man. It's so funny how uh. Yeah, it's so funny when I had a buddy. that passed away a couple weeks ago. He. he died of addiction, my friend Tommy. And. I'm sorry for his loss. Yeah. Thanks, man. And he was a. beautiful dude, man. And he uh but yeah, we went to his service and it was just. like, man, if he could be doing anything, he. would just be alive. That's it, you. know? That's the first thing he would. be, you know? And it's like it's so hard. to get a ration to get like a make your.

life feel tangible to you sometimes as. we get older. You know, when you're. young, it feels like so I you don't. really have that much of a concept being. alive, but it feels magical. Yes. There's a sense of awe. Yes. A good word. Awe. Sense of awe, man. And then we get older. and it's almost like we get so much in. these grooves of society and of of life. that it's hard to get it back to a level. where it feels like tangible, you know, where it feels um where you feel alive. and not just kind of part of what's.

going on. That's right. That's right. Um did you have I can imagine you. probably had a lot of experiences of. feeling alive on this on this journey. Yeah. as you as you're talking it was. like you reminded me that was a that was. why I left you know it's why I pulled. the trigger on this thing it was like uh. a friend of mine said man so he starts. doing the math and he's thinking about. my career all stuff he's looking you. know it's going to take you 6 months to. a year and he says to me.

so you basically given up a year of your. life to do this. I don't I thought about for a second I. I'm basically taking one back. I ain't giving up. No, you know that now. I'm now I'm claiming some sovereignty. I'm getting out of those grooves you you. you're just talking about. Yeah. So, yeah. I'm setting my grounds here. I am. myself. It's just cool. You know, when I can. boil down, you know, that's. Wow, that's pretty powerful, man, to. think about that of taking your life. back. That's right. You know, when I can boil.

down, there's a lot of reasons why I walked. You know, some of them are small, some. of them are big, some of them are shitty. reasons. Like one small reason is I. wanted a [ __ ] attention from it. I'm. not proud of that's a character flaw, right? Right. But I try to be real about it. But the main reason I went out, if I can. really put I couldn't even articulate. this before I left it. I had to do the. [ __ ] thing to be able to say it was. I wanted to become somebody that I was.

actually proud of. So I want if somebody said, you know, who inspires you? Who's your hero? Who. you look up to? I wanted to be able to. look him in the eye say me. You know, and uh. say yourself was. Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah. But but I'm creating this dude in. my head. Like that dude, he walked. across America. So he's an idea and I go try to become. him in real life.

And um this is just my idea. It's like. creating a life that actually inspires. you, right? You know, it's like your go. my goal shouldn't be something that like. is that like isn't inspiring. It isn't. cool to me, right? I like this walk. That's [ __ ] cool. It's a little less cool to me now. Honestly, now I've done it and I met all. these people that done it like in more. badass ways and faster just to be. totally honest. But. like it just inspired me the whole way, you know? It's dope. I other people I.

tell about they're like, "Dude, you're. an idiot. you are a crazy white person. Yeah. And I get that. But this is not about. you. This is about me and my life, right? And uh I had to send it, man. And this journey for me, I had to do it. That's right. Um were you amazed at some of the. feelings that started to like some of. the reasoning you did it started to. become more clear after you started? Like was that kind of fascinating to. you? where you're like, "Holy [ __ ] if I. had even started on this, I would have. never gotten to some of these feelings. and revelations and stuff for myself.

because I couldn't even see them. before.". Yeah. I mean, I felt like uh I still do. feel like a completely different person, you know? I was a guy even if I look at. interviews of myself before. Well, I was kind of like sometimes I. want punch the Duke guy in the face, you. know? It's like um. that's wild. I don't even I don't even know if other. people can see it, but I can see it. Right. I was uh I was more. I would like if you were saying some. stuff I didn't really agree with, I'd be. like, "Yeah, man. I would just [ __ ].

agree with you." I was more I was less. real, less authentic, more afraid of. conflict. Um man, just just like not as. not as good a person, I feel like. And I. thought I was going to become I talked. earlier. I thought I was going to have. this like kind of hippie- dippy walk. And I was I thought I was going to. become like softer, but the opposite. happened. I had to tap into like. discipline and focus every day and I. became harder became harder as a person.

Was there um Yeah. Were there were you. surprised that some of the toughness. that was in you? Like did you ever kind. of like did you have some moments where. I could see imagine having some moments. like Jesus Christ man I didn't know. because I feel like for me I always hope. that there's certain. there's a certain person inside of me. that I don't get to see that much you. know there's like a power there's like. you know someone that's extremely. confident and very powerful and like. did were you amazed sometimes did that.

did did people that you didn't know. parts of yourself that you didn't know. did it did they come to the surface. sometimes. yeah 100% you know it Like. that's awesome, man. And so here's the thing, man. Imagine you you never even noticed. swimming up to the [ __ ] surface like, "Hey, Mike, what up? I'm in here, too." [laughter] Yeah. What. up, man? [gasps]. So, [clears throat] before I left, I had. this inkling that there was more in me, a little more in me than I was letting. out. And I think [clears throat] I think.

that's the problem with a lot of. especially. men is we know we got this [ __ ]. I know. dog inside. We got got this greatness. untapped [ __ ] thing and you. don't know what the [ __ ] to do with it, where to point it. and a lot of times we can point it the. wrong direction and it it [ __ ]. everything up. Easy direction. And I had this little I. just had this inkling there's a little. more in you than you are giving to the. world.

So. I went out on this thing and I found. I was wrong. It's not a little more than. you. It's a [ __ ] ton more than in you, man. Wow. You know, it's way more like it's way. and I still don't know. I feel like I. just scratched the surface of it. So, you know, now it's my job to keep. exploring and figure out what that looks. like for me. And that's what I'm up to. now, you know. But here's the thing, man. It's not like I'm a like you're not. going to recognize me. I still got all.

my, like I said, I'm a goofy guy, too. But there's this dog part of me, you. know, that I think I was trying to. suppress a lot earlier in my life, you. know, and I look in the mirror, you. know, maybe do some affirmations or. meditation. You say, "I am tough or I'm. resilient. I'm confident, but it's like my name is Hawkeye or. something like that.". Yeah. It's like you don't really [ __ ]. Yeah, I'm [ __ ] Hawkeye, too. Yeah, I'll give myself crazy names, bro. you don't really believe yourself cuz.

you haven't given you haven't shown any. evidence in in your real life. So, it's. like go do something [ __ ] tough and. you you actually don't need to do. affirmation, you know, cuz it'll then it starts to live in you. This it's you. You did it, you know? You. did it. You did it. But so I'm still me, you. know, but. a little more of you now. There's more of me, you know, and and. and I needed those parts to come out. some other dude. You know, it might be. too [ __ ] hard. Maybe you need to. soften up a little bit.

I want to take a different route. for my journey, man. This was that's. what I needed. Yeah. That burning, man. They say you don't. get the burn you want, get the burn you. need. I feel like that about the walk, too. I said, you don't get the walk you. want. You get the walk you need. Wow. You know, um where Tell me about some of the. vagrans out there, bro. cuz I grew up, you know, we grew up along I used to. live back behind this uh they had a. river behind us and they had a rest area. on the other side of it that was a. backup of the interstate. Okay. So rest area a lot of men would meet up. there, you know, doing drugs, doing sex,

you know, river sex. doing sex, dude. Oh yeah. What is river sex? Sex out there right by the river, bro. [laughter] Copy that. You know, and so uh and anyway, but a. lot of it was drug induced kind of sex, you It was a lot of these men probably. had families and stuff, but they were. doing drugs. But, um, did you get to. stop in any unique rest areas? Was. there, uh, was there some decent, you. know, uh, decent, you know, road. warriors out there? Did hitchhikers look. at you like, "Oh, look at this [ __ ]. guy. Look at this show off." You know,

I looked, you know, at the time I had. the big beard like I do now, big hat, you know, I had two walking sticks. I. look pretty [ __ ] crazy. So, [laughter] no one really gone one gave. me really like much of a hard time. A. few dogs. came out, you know, looking for looking. for a looking to tango. I had to fend. them off with my sticks. And what state was that in where these. dogs are. that dog? I mean, they're in every. state, but the the one that came at me. the most I had two in Colorado that were. kind of kind of sketch,

but uh. Damn. And I have some dog spray, too. Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah. And what flavor is that? What is it? That's [ __ ] I don't know. Stay the. [ __ ] away from me flavor, [laughter]. dude. It's nothing good, dude. All right. I'm picking this like dude. [laughter]. I want to tell you my my rest area. story, man. I think you like these. Yeah. Yeah. These are good, dude. These don't get too comfortable. Sorry, [laughter] man. I'm [ __ ] about. to put some lotion on the way. The way. you say Yeah. your voice drops an.

octave, dude. The [ __ ]. Yeah. Jesus, [laughter]. dude. We were in uh Ohio. Julie, what was it? Was it Was it What was the city? The. Walmart. Do you remember? I feel like it was close to Dayton. No, it was close to Dayton. Dayton. Yeah, I don't remember the city name, but we were in Columbus. And uh they were like, "Where are you. headed next?" I forgot the city name. It's a city west of Columbus. You. probably zoom in a No, it wasn't Akan.

It's a smaller city, but there's a. Walmart there. Is he is there to the left is Dayton? Uh Springfield. Yeah. Okay. Springfield. So, we're in Columbus and uh everyone's. telling us, "Yeah, man. Just just be. careful when you get to Springfield, you. know, just just, you know, just watch. out." And people say that to you the. entire way. Yeah. And usually the place. they warn you about are the best places,

right? So, I'm not really listening to them. And uh. Julian, you know, part of his job would. be to figure out where we're going to. sleep each night. So uh like I said, we. had a support vehicle. So if there's. Walmarts, we could usually park there. They usually let us park there. And so just like that, there was a. Walmart right on our on our route, which. is perfect. And uh he's like, "That's. where we'll stop to stop that night.". So, I get there and uh and I take my.

shoes off, you know, I stretch and stuff. and um I'm like, "Hey, Julian, I'm going. to go take a dookie in the Walmart.". Oh, yeah. I've done that, dude. So, let me go make a deposit in the. bank. Yeah. [laughter]. You know, let me go drop the kids off at. school. Oh, bro. Why are you laughing at that? That's not. a joke, dude. There's nothing more. [laughter] I think there's nothing more. American than, you know, pulling over to. [ __ ] at a Walmart to be honest with you, bro.

Jeez. And I've done that and I love it. I love. being in there. Except sometimes people. write stuff on the uh like the outside. wall. I find a lot of people have. markers out there. But. um anyway, let me let me let me get. I found something worse than. uh a Sharpie Sharpie message on a on a. stall. I'm going to tell you what. happened. So, [laughter] uh, I get to. the stall and the back back stall. I, you know, I think I'm in a freaking.

handicap stall, which I shouldn't be. Well, you know, but got my legs stretched out. You. burned it, bro. You just walked there. Yeah, I just walked. Okay, so. the complete opposite of being. handicapped is walking all the way to. the Walmart. Listen, man. Listen, I'm sitting on this. toilet, okay? And I've been on the. toilet for like. 120 seconds. Mhm. All right. I'm just getting started. Oh. yeah. I already told you how much I eat. prelims, baby. Yeah. Just a prelim. I. got my phone out. I'm comfortable, dude.

I'm staying here. Yeah. [laughter] I'm. downloading an episode or something. We're going to be here. [gasps]. Listen, man. So, I'm just in the prelims. I hear somebody. knock on the door and I can see there's. another stall next to me empty. Mhm. They knock on the door. They're like, "Hey, are you okay?". I'm like, "Yes, I am okay.".

All right. Oh, all right. My [ __ ]. spidey sense is tingling, dude. Why is. this guy knocking on the door when. there's an open stall here? Yeah. Yeah, that's alarming. That's alarming. So he's then he follows. with. do I know you? No [snorts]. bro it fan. dude was not I go nope. I go you do not. know me. I am f clear as day. You do not. know me. How you going to know somebody that's.

just in a [ __ ] behind a door? Unless. you're David Blaine, bro. Who the [ __ ]. is this dude? He's like, "Uh,". he's like, "Um, are you sure?" I said, "Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure.". He's like, "Let me just check. I think I. know you. I see two." Okay. I'm sitting down at. the thing. I see two hands. with clear rubber gloves on. Not rubber.

plat like the doctor has, you know, but. they're not even like the like like the. subway people wear. Uhhuh. You have the clear. Wow, dude. Good doctor. Two of these creep over the the the I'm. looking at the top of the thing. The sandwich maker mittens. Yeah, them. [ __ ]. over the top. Over the top of the stall. He [ __ ] pull I see [laughter]. two eyes come over like this. Okay. And see the eyes come over. I'm.

sitting down. I'm in a vulnerable. position. Definitely. I go, "Dude, what the [ __ ] are you doing. right now?". Okay. Meme Pner came out, dude. Meme. Poser. [laughter]. It wasn't the I go, "What the fuck?" He. goes, he drops back down. Gloves disappear. He goes, "Oh, I'm. sorry. I'm sorry." I go, "What the [ __ ]. are you?" He goes, "I I just thought you. needed help. You were in there a long. time." I go, I've been in here 2. minutes, man. What are you talking.

about? I didn't hear anything else. I think he. left the room. But I'm fired up, man. Oh, and that's hard as [ __ ] when you're. real fired up. Yeah. You know. Oh, yeah. I do. Actually, it wasn't that hard as [ __ ]. man. Really? Yeah. I finished my business. So, I. finished my business, but I'm fired up. and I'm ready to like fight this guy. Oh, yeah. And I open the door. He's not there. And. I was using, you know, Sherlock Pose, you know, was looking at those gloves. I. think he's probably at the Subway. I. think he's a subway. I go looking for.

him, dude. I couldn't I never found him. But. I still don't know what was like, is. there some kind of weird meetup that. happens in that B? Like, what do you. make? What theory do you have to explain. that? I could see, man, it was daytime. Daytime. Uh, probably 4:30 p.m. I could see that. But the the sun is out. Sun is out. I. could see people getting off work and. maybe you. Let me swallow before you say this [ __ ]. If you gave out a certain vibe or. something, you walked through the store,

did you think you were doing that? Were you kind of peacocking as. [clears throat] you went through it? I'm everywhere I went on this walk, I. did not I stuck out perpetual peacocking. on this walk. So maybe this guy had daydreamed that a. man came in like you, you know, maybe. that's the thing. You don't know where. his life is meeting you at. But that's. wild, dude. To do a pull-up in those. [ __ ] uh. Dude, he popped up, man. That's [laughter] crazy. It was slow. It was slow. It was. I wonder who he thought you were.

[laughter]. I'm thinking there's some sort of weird. weird meet up for like truckers. Oh, I'm sure there's some. Tuesdays at 4:30 meet in the back. Why. the Let's Let's discuss why the why the. gloves were on though. What do you make. of that? I think to not leave. fingerprints probably. Oh [laughter] my god. You know what I'm saying? Oh my god. Just in case it gets real rectal or. something. You never know with this. Real rectal. Is that. get rectal, bro? You got to have a. [ __ ] mitten on, bro. Cuz this dude,

if he's out there like that, you know, maybe he's like a pianist but don't want. to, you know? I don't know. That's wild. to me. I don't like wearing those. I. used to work at a sandwich place and I. [laughter] don't like wearing those. Dude, you know, I hooked up one time. with uh Jared from Subway Sister one. time a long time ago. Okay, tell me more. So that's it. There's nothing. Yeah, but it was a long time ago, but it was. still, you know, it happened. How did you know was that who her. brother was? People knew. She knew. You know, that was fast. You knew before you met her? Uh, no. I I ended up meeting her that.

night and people were like, "Hey, that's. your from. Oh, they were telling you.". Yeah. Okay. Um, were there How much fandom did you. have across? cuz you're a uh I mean you. were a you're very. you're a very uh big you're a big. producer, musician, um entertainer, uh and thinker I think is is something. that even more people are probably going. to start to see you as or something that. I I I personally so I can't speak for.

everybody but um. I appreciate that. But did Yeah. How much fandom did you. run into or you know people that are. supporters and stuff? Yeah. Uh. well, first of all, I've had some. popular music, but uh I live pretty. normal life. Most people don't know what. my face looks like, which [clears throat] is pretty awesome. You know, I can go to the store or. whatever, and it's not a problem. There's a nice freedom with that. Huge, man. And if you I'm sure you have. some friends who are like really famous. It's scary.

It sucks to It does suck, doesn't it? It's like it takes a lot of just a lot. of e extra work to do. to do normal stuff and probably. something that takes you even further. We talk a lot about in here about like. fame and the and and what is the real. value in it, you know, and what is like. just how. how much of a sidetrack it can be to. being a human. Huge, you know. Um I feel bad for a lot of. guys. You see a lot of young guys these. days who are struggling because of uh. the fame, [snorts] you know, something. you can't live up to as a person, just.

as one person. That's right. Um, you can't match that. this fictional kind of, you know, ambiance or this crystal ball, you know, that or this, uh, disco ball that's kind. of created. You can't just be that as. one person. Yeah. Um, and you see a lot of people, you. know, struggling with it, you know. I. mean, even Justin Bieber, you see him. recently come out about opening up about. a lot of his struggles, which I think is. pretty cool. Um, but just the value of. fame I think is it's it's not as. valuable I think as a lot of people.

think it is. It's valuable in this way but not so. much in this way. Yeah, [laughter] there's a sacrifice. big time. Big time. But to answer your. question, man, uh. at the beginning of my walk, I I to I. said publicly, I'll walk with anybody. And so people would come from all over. and they'd walk with me and it was it. was very beautiful. You know, my job. when they showed up was to listen.

That was my intention. I [ __ ] it up. sometimes a lot, you know, cuz they start asking me questions. I. know I'm talking about myself. Oh yeah. You know, but my job really was to. listen. And there's a lot of people and. I would just ask, you know, every time. someone showed up, hey, why did you why did you come here today? What were you looking for? And not in a mean way, just just so I. know,

right? And it was always different. Some. people, they just wanted to go on like a. wild goose ch, you know, whatever they. call it, because they know roughly where. I am, but not exactly. And it was just a. fun thing to do on Saturday. Like Easter egg. Like you're like this. Easter egg just missing. [clears throat]. People they just want a picture. But. some people had some [ __ ] they wanted to. talk about that they felt like they. couldn't tell to anybody else, you know? So it was just different every. time. And it was really beautiful. because even even if somebody is real. excited, you know, as like a a fan or.

something like that, you walk, you know, you walk like two. three miles, the sun starts beating down. on you real quick. real quick. You're. just you're just two two dudes out. there. Yeah. So, it was really cool. Oh, that's interesting. It's like you. could walk right out of your. your um this like encasing kind of that. happens sometimes from from people. knowing you in advance. It takes a minute. And uh one of my I. would call him a mentor. He's a hospice. chaplain. His name is Kevin Degan.

Chaplain Kevin we call him. And before I. left, uh, he kind of gave me a lecture. on listening. And he said, "Mike, there's three levels of listening. The. first is contextual, meaning I say, hey, uh, my dad died two years ago." It's. just a fact. That's context. And the. second is emotional. That's one step. deeper. And that's. my dad died two years ago, and I felt.

lost. And the third is identity. and that's my dad died two years ago. I. felt lost. but it was the first time I felt like a. man changed who I was or first time I. felt like a real adult. And so if you he. talk you know if you can move the. conversation away from step one to two. to three. then there can be healing. He says he.

says, you know, in on that third level. and uh so that's why I was trying to. listen to people and it's it's just. certain cues and questions he gave me. where it's just like tell me more about. that or how did that you know what did. that what did that change for you is a. question you can ask ask people and. you're trying to take it out of small. talk down. yeah because you can really connect with. people at that level too and it makes. it's so it feels so good to connect with. somebody at a level where um where. you're both just uh human souls kind of.

that cuz you can you know what it's like. to need something and when you hear. somebody need something or there people. are sharing what they need um man it's. just such a magnet you know it's such a. comfortable place um. it's a gift you can give to somebody. else. Yeah at any time. just to really be there really listen. it's pretty powerful huh. yeah man the last one He gave me, you. know, he said, "If all that [ __ ] doesn't. work, you saying goodbye." You ask them,

"If I pray for you, what should I pray. for?" [clears throat]. I asked that question about 20,000 times. on this walk, you know, just from New. Jersey to California. And people would tell you, "Man, pray for my pray for me, my sobriety. Pray for my family." In the Navajo. Nation, they say, "Pray for my people.". A lot. people would say that pray for my. people, you know, and then you get out, you got a level one, get to go a little.

deeper. Um, was that one of the most popular. answers? People praying for their. sobrieties. A lot of pe a lot of uh. people with sobriety came out. Um, I want to say like a lot I want to. say like a abnormal percentage, but. yeah, some people especing. when I say that his it was one of the. most touching things happened on the. whole walk. [sighs]. Um. this dude uh I was walking in um Arizona.

on the Walapai reservation. and I'm having sort of a tough end of. the day tough day. I think I'm doing 24. 26. And um. this guy stops, pulls this red F350, pulls the side of the road ahead of me. and it starts to reverse. And I'm like, "Oh, what's this going to. be like?" You know, and I'm on like a a two-lane busy.

highway. It's like, you know, speed. limit 65 or whatever. It's dangerous. So, dude, he he like kind of dangerously. like crosses the road. I'm like, "Oh. gosh." Like, "Don't get hit by a car, please, bro." And he comes over and he's. talking to me. Yo, I just been following. you. And it's a it's an indigenous young. man. His name is Rowan. And um we just had this little little. honestly, I was I was tired. I wasn't. doing any of that [ __ ] Chapl Kevin told.

me. I wasn't really listening. I was. just thinking about myself. But I. remember to ask him that question. [snorts]. I said, "If I pray for you, what should. I pray for?" And he said, "Man,". and he took a moment like that. He says, "Uh, you know, several years ago, my dad. died um alcohol, you know, got a lot of. alcoholism on those reservations." Oh, yeah. And he he died alcohol.

And uh. a few years after that, my I think it. was his brother. He died from alcohol and uh this just. like last year on Easter my mom died. alcohol. and uh I was like you got any brother. he's like nah like I'm alone now. So I. would say just pray for I have a problem. with alcohol too. I'm sober now. I can't. remember how long but just pray for my.

sobriety. you know. [sighs]. And I was like, "Fuck, man. [ __ ] I. will." You know, "I will." He said, "You. just wait. Wait here, man. I want to get. I got something for you." He runs across. the road again. [laughter] Scared back. to his only going to get this guy, man. It's going to be a damn [ __ ]. Corvette. So, he goes back to his truck. and he had this little leather pouch and. it's tied to like, you know, you drive. the car like this and there's the like.

little handle there sometimes on the. truck. It's tied there real tight, looped around little leather pouch. He. undoes it. He brings over. He say, "Hey. man, this is uh. this is in our tradition, this is a. sweet grass and sage." And we believe. sometimes spirits or souls, they get. lost right here where you're walking. And this is just, you know, in our our. tradition, we believe it's protect you. And uh I want you to have it.

I thought [ __ ] man. You know, he left. and he put his [ __ ] hand out the. window like this, you know, drove by, drove away from me. That [ __ ] just after he left, [ __ ] just. hit me right in the heart. Like, how. this guy, man, this guy, first off, I'm. a white guy walking on his land, you know? Right. Which probably Yeah. But. traditionally, it didn't really work out. well. No, we [ __ ] we [ __ ] them over.

every single type of way possible. You. know, how could this guy. be so welcoming to me, so kind. even after everything that's he's had. such a hard run, you know, and and his. smile. and uh yeah, that's one of the most. Yeah. touching moments that whole walk, man. Especially when you're having a day. that's like, yeah, you're at the end of. the day. know you can't be, you know, your best self after, you know, it's. just it's hard. you can't always be your.

best self and do the things you want to. do like you're saying um like some of. the guidepost that the chaplain had. given you and things like that in. conversation and yeah it happens a lot. and it's like you get into a moment. you're like h. and then somebody does for you what you. you know you want to be doing for them. or what you you know it's like somebody. brings your journey what your thing is. they bring it right to you man that's. powerful huh. powerful before I left I wrote these. sort of like intentions for myself and. one of them was like I said listen. deeply. And another one was leave each place I.

go better than it was when I came. And I I read that now and that's one of. the things I want to punch old Mike in. the face. Like you you [ __ ] cocky. [ __ ] you think you're going to. breeze in to the wall nation and leave. it better. Yeah. than it No [ __ ] You're going to. walk there and because of people's not. just there but everywhere in that you. walk because of people's kindness and.

grace they will leave you better. You're not you know I mean I read I hear. that now so people I read it I'm like. dude you you're so so it's cringeworthy. You were so cocky. But it's a it's a. it's a for some weird reason it's a. normal train of thought, you know. It's. like I used to think like especially. with the when our podcast really started. out, you know, a lot of young men would. reach out with things that were. struggling and I was thinking like, oh. yeah, this is great. I have an. opportunity to be able to help other.

people be a part of their life. But then. over time, it's like I've had so many. struggles of my own that these it's like. the people that support the pie are. always there for me. So it's like. that's right. It's just interesting, man. It just shows how much that uh we. need each other. You know, it really. that's one thing that I'm constantly um. you know, reminded of. Um. I got a question for you. Yeah. I know the story or the I think it's the. night you got or decided to get sober.

Daryl Strawberry. That Daryl Strawberry. [ __ ] amazing, man. If anybody. watching this hasn't seen that, they. probably all have. But. thank you, man. That means a lot. What What happened the next day? What. happened the next day? Did you go to a. center? Did What happened? The next day I flew back out here to Los. Angeles and um. and I'd been partying before I even left. to Los Angeles. I've been doing some. cocaine and doing that. And there was. still some cocaine on my counter even. when I got home. So. Oh [ __ ]. So I did that.

You left a little booby trap for. yourself. The worst, bro. When you. So you came back and did more cocaine. Yeah, I had to, man, because I left it. right there, you know. And uh. [snorts] and yeah, so that at that point. then the next day I had some meetings. and stuff. I was supposed to do work. stuff and I had to cancel it and I went. into an office of a manager that I had. at the time and he asked he was. introducing me to his his manager boss. So the management company was kind of. trying to take him some notice of me.

what was going on in my career and stuff. and. and he said, "Hey, what's going on?" And. I just told him, Daryl Strawberry, I. just told him what happened. you know, I. just I wasn't doing well and I just. said, you know, I'm not really doing. that well. You know, it was the first. time I gone into a place, I guess, and. I don't know if it was the first time I. gone in and been honest, but yeah, I did. not thinking about what did he, you. know, what do I need to do to make my. work better or career better? What try. to position myself in here?

I said, I just been struggling, you. know, I've been, you know, struggling. with some cocaine and doing some drug. And he said, "Well, I go to these. meetings if you want to go.". It was crazy because the guy who I was. kind of scared to talk to, he said, "Well, why don't you come with me to this thing. tomorrow?" You know, I go to these. meetings. And then the next day I went. and then I continued to to stay in. there, you know, and uh and start to. figure out some other stuff cuz my. alcoholism isn't really I don't know how.

much I have a problem with drugs and. alcohol, but I have a problem with the. way that I think and feel about myself. and and it's a constant battle. It. doesn't I can't just beat it, you know? It's like it's one of those things that. keeps coming back, you know? I mean, it's that Mike Positive, bro. It'll come. back day after day, dude. You know what. I'm saying? It'll show up across the. country, bro. Day after day, it gets up. It gets up before me, my alcoholism, man. And it trains and it meditates and. it's ready, bro. That [ __ ] comes. It'll.

[ __ ] come off the, you know, I mean, you open a cereal cupboard and that. [ __ ] will jump out with a. [ __ ] little dragon in his arm, you. know? It'll do stuff. So, it's like I. have to I got, you know, just it's a. never- ending battle kind of. Um, but. that's what happened. That was like the. next day that happened. Oh, you still go to the same meeting? I do sometimes. Yeah. Not as much, but I do. And I go to. a lot of them still. Yeah. You know, it had me thinking when you. were walking everywhere I go, people say.

that their their town is the math. capital of the world. You must have. heard that all the time, huh? I never heard those words, but pretty. much every place I went, I mean, yeah, it struck me. Uh whether it was the. smallest town in Pennsylvania. or Indianapolis. or you know St. Louis, every place I. went, I never saw it aside from a lot of. needles on the side of highway. Especially in Pennsylvania, I mean those. things are [ __ ] everywhere.

Really? Yeah. A lot of needles. Uh I say needles like they were. syringes. I don't know if they had. needles on the the ends. I couldn't. tell. But every place I went, I would. meet somebody who say, "We have a huge. drug problem here." Huge. Every place. That's wild, isn't it? White, black, Puerto every place I went. Yeah. Yeah. That's one thing I noticed. in these programs is that [ __ ] doesn't. discriminate. You know, I know some of. those most powerful people now in in. entertainment that are, you know, through this program and I know people. that.

uh that have nothing, you know, that. have, you know, haven't achieved any of. their goals really, you know, or. struggling with them. And and it's. amazing to see like the that [ __ ]. doesn't it'll get anybody. It's pretty. powerful. Um sorry to interrupt the. episode here, but I got to let you know. about something that's very crucial to. your body and your existence. You know, a lot of times you don't know what's. going on with yourself. And then. sometimes it's not that. And what I'm. talking about is figs.

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Again, these are people who are doing. the the Lord's work, so might as well. garb them up and make them look very. nice. Go to wearfigs.com. and use code Theo. Today's we had some. calls that came in, man. We had a we had. so many questions. We want to get to a. couple of video questions from uh from. some supporters. They come in video, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. These people, they mean it. There's your boy right there, dude. What do you think his name is? Uh, I'm gonna go with Allan.

I'm gonna go with Jeremiah. Okay, that's that's Michael. [laughter]. There we go, bro. Yo, what up, Theo and Mike. Mike, congratulations, man. I'm so happy for. you for finishing that walk, doing what. you said you were going to do. You. freaking delivered, man. So, congrats on. that. I have a question for you about. false finish lines. So, I've seen you mention that um false. finish lines have been a big struggle on. the walk. You know, you make it to the. end of a state, then you just got to. keep going. So my question to you is how.

do you deal with those false finish. lines? You know, you you want that. reward in your brain. You want to be. happy about what you've accomplished, but you just got to keep going. So I'm. curious like uh how you mentally and. physically deal with that. Right on, brother. Gang gang guys. Gang, bro. Thank you for the question. That's what all of them say to you. Yeah, man. That's they say gang gang. You just say one gang back. I say gang. Yeah. Dang. But do you ever say gang twice and. they say gang once? Yep. Or you just you're like the.

whoever starts the gang start has to. double it. Let's try one. All right. Gang gang. gang. I It didn't feel right. Okay. It didn't just on my end. All right. Let me try. I felt like my gang wasn't authentic. I feel like it was authentic to you, though. And that's what. gang gang. gang, bro. That felt better. I'm [laughter] a better I'm a better. leader. I'm a better first. But hey, man, Michael, right? Yeah. Uh, that's a great question. How would you. get to that that that that finish line.

and you know there's so much more to go. to reboot yourself. and I got even this this this. nomenclature false finish line or fake I. got that from David Gogggins. He did a. post about that before I was. experiencing it but I didn't know how to. conceptualize it. So. just a little background I was walking. across Missouri and when I was walk. across Missouri it's like end of July. It was [ __ ]. you know, hot, like 95, you know, 90%.

humidity, like. And you're completely covered. I mean, you you look completely covered. I I wore it's the same shirt. I wear. this shirt on the walk. I I didn't wear. this one too much cuz it's blue and I. end up wearing the white ones cuz. they're cooler. But this is a walk. shirt. So, they're long sleeve dry fit, but they're This is Coach Chad helped me. out with this, too. Is UV protected. Oh, damn. I never got. about your complexion. Believe it or not, I never got. sunburned. I'll show you this. This and. see if I can. You never got sunburned.

Look at that. And that's 10 I finished 10 days ago. You see that? Yeah. So only my hand got tan, you know? Yeah. Cuz I always wore this shirt. Tan-handed bad boy over here. If only my whole body look. Wow. That's amazing, man. All right. So look, I'm walking in Missouri and. it's hot and it's flooded. I don't want. to blow it out of proportion because. people have lost their homes and. everything. So, I'm just doing I'm just doing my walk. So, don't feel too bad for me, right?

But there are days that I'm walking the. wrong way because I get to a road and. it's just not there. It's underwater. Or. I get there and the water's come up to. my knee and I'm walking more and it's. come up to my hip. I'm like, dude, I got. to go a different way, dude. Like, this. ain't going to end. or I walk in the I. was on the Katy trail and I'm walking. through like nasty water like still. water. Oh yeah. And like. soup. [laughter]. That's how I feel like when I picture.

some parts of Louisiana. Oh yeah. Stagnant. [laughter]. Some swampy water, dude. Oh yeah. Look. So I remember coming out as one. water and my legs were just stinging. They just stinging. I'm like dang I got. to wash those off soon, man. This is not. good. Right. [laughter] So anyways, and there's no ser service there or. whatever. So we call it the old Fulton. Loop cuz I had to go up to this city. called Fulton, Missouri. And it was like. Yeah. It was just the wrong way and it's.

demoralizing walking the wrong. direction. Damn. As you'd imagine. But I kept saying to. myself, man, just get to Kansas, dude. Just get to Kansas. So that was kind of. my mantra in Missouri. Just get to. Kansas. Now, a couple weeks pass and what. happens? I get to Kansas. I cross that. border and I [ __ ] cried, bro. I cry. It was amaz cuz nobody knew.

how hard it was but me, you know, and. somebody else that did the walk through. I mean, just nobody knew. And I thought, I made it, man. I made it. to Kansas, you know. And it was the end. of the day when I got at border. I went. to bed and I felt proud and I went to. sleep and the next day. the alarm went off 4:00 a.m. Damn, you. start walking, right? So I get up to go.

and my my mind, my body, my spirit, if. you believe in that, if you don't want. to believe in spirit, you just call it. morale. my morale. They were all gone. because they thought I was done. cuz I kept telling them just get to. Kansas. So they go, "We made it, [ __ ]. We got you here." Yep. [laughter]. See you later, Mike. Right. So this was actually the hardest. day of the walk for me. I start to go. and.

in hindsight, I think I was pretty bad. dehydrated as well. But I get to a point. where I'm I'm limping. And. if my mind isn't. actively thinking walk, right, left, step, walk. If my mind isn't thinking, if it drifts at all to any other topic. anywhere, my body just stops and I. finish my thought tangent and I realize.

I'm not even I'm not moving. [ __ ]. And there'll be like. you had to be that focused. That's how just I just had nothing left. There's just no energy there, man. And and my feet are [ __ ] hurting bad. And there's like there's some trees and. they have shade. And I would walk to. like a shade and I would like sit I. would sit down. and try to just like cool off, get my. [ __ ] together and I see like another. tree, another piece of shade and it'd be.

like 200 feet in front of me and I'd. walk there. and my body just [ __ ] stop again. I'd. sit down. I was just going from shade to. shade like and they're not very far. apart and I'm taking a break at each one. and it's just so this is when I learned. this lesson man you can't. create a finish line that isn't your. finish line so you got to break the. [ __ ] down you're not be like hey. man I got 26. and one mile that's too big you know so.

but you just you're just going to the. next next checkpoint but you you knowing. that you're not done. And so then we got. a new mantra after that. I got bit by a. snake all [ __ ] I learned and Julian. here, he'll remember, you know, when we. uh like cross the Rocky Mountains or. those were big deals cuz we had to plan. for them differently. This kind of thing. whenever we'd finish something like. that, we'd be excited. We celebrate that. [ __ ] We did it, you know, for sure. But.

we would always say, "This ain't a this. ain't a finish line. It's a checkpoint.". Yeah. This ain't a We'd say, you know, we're. hyped up. We This ain't a finish line. It's a. checkpoint, BOY. THAT'S A CHECKPOINT, BOY. That's that checkpoint mission, bro. Ain't no finish line. We ain't done. [laughter] You know, that's how that's. how we would do it after after that. Be excited to not be done. That's right. We We ain't done. Yeah. You ain't stop us there. We ain't done. You know, and [snorts] uh and so even. even when I finished the walk, it's one.

of the best days, you know, best moments. of my life. I got 30 people on the at. the beach waiting for me and I took a. vow of silence that day. I walk up to. that beach and I had a moment with each. person. You know, they're standing. shoulder shoulder looking at me. The. water's behind them. I can see the water. like, "Fuck, man. I made it here." And. I'm going down the line, hugging each. person, just having a moment. I'm. listening. They're talking to me, but I.

ain't say. I said, "I'm not saying. anything till I get in that water." I. seen Coach Chad there. I just start. crying. Wow. Because he, you know, I was the guy. talking to me on the phone. You've been there every day. Yeah. He. talked to me on the phone almost every. day, you know, before. And he said my. ear. There was never a doubt. There was. never a doubt. I keep going down that line, you know, all the people, you know, guys I met the. Navajo Nation that drove there, you. know, barely any gas money cuz we.

connected when I walked there. Wanted. [snorts] to be there when I finished. And last two guys were Julian and Colin, the other walk manager. They took turns. And uh also Julian's ass. I start. crying, dude. He's like, "Man, get get. up. Give me a hug, dude.". And he said, "We finished our moment and. uh I'm getting ready to go in the water. and uh he looked at me, he said, "This.

ain't the finish line. It's a. checkpoint." You know, dang. And we our motto too was keep going. That's another one of our models. Yeah. Yeah. I caught on to that one. Yeah, for sure. So we do we do every time I was say. goodbye to Julian the whole walk or. Colin, I'm going to go walk another. eight miles. We go like this. Keep going. Keep going, baby. Every time. So we did that and he just. reminded me even though you're done with. this journey, you're not done, [ __ ] This is actually just the. beginning, you know, because we talked.

about all this stuff. You became this. new guy. You found parts of yourself. You're. stronger. Now you can do so much more. I. mean, the things I that are on my on my. on the buffet now. is so much more. Oh, yeah. Than it was before I did the walk, bro. It was salad before. You got. dessert on there, croutons. It's a balsamic vinegarette. Yeah. You got balsamic, dude. You got. [ __ ] oysters, bro. Everything. They. got a fresh catch area. [laughter] You.

[ __ ] This thing is big, dude. That took the sneeze guard off. Yeah. [laughter]. Listen. So So. yeah, you know Buffet's gutter when they. got that [ __ ] sneeze guard on that. [ __ ]. So I wanted to [laughter]. I never knew what that was till you just. said that. Yeah, dude. That's how you can't lean. in. They want you They don't want you to. in there. Okay. I I didn't know why they. had. That's They have it for you, dude. Theo.

Von's ass. [ __ ]. These look good. [laughter]. Jesus. Damn. I wonder why they all Why don't. they put them on a better uh you know, mobile [laughter]. because they always got these shady kind. of piece of [clears throat] glass up at. the top. You're always doing like this. I'm like, I should have been a surgeon. I'm just. trying to get a a couple of [ __ ]. potatoes, bro. [laughter] That's crazy, man. I didn't know that. Wow. That's a safety sneeze guard.

So So [laughter] listen, dude. So you ran into the water. I ran in the water, but I wanted I. wanted to not make that mistake again. So my body's pretty jacked. You know, it's not injured, but it's pretty jacked. up. You know, my feet are hurting and. all that stuff. But I know the next day. after the walk's the most important day. of the walk. You know, who care? You go. when you learned a bunch of stuff, tapped in part of yourself and you go.

the next day and you forget it all. Who. cares? Anybody can do that. So, so how do we do that? How do we keep. that going? Well, this is this is how I've been this. ended 10 days ago. So, I'll tell you. where I'm at, you know, but the next day. was very important to me. And I knew. I knew I needed rest, you know, for my. body. But in order to not [ __ ] this. mistake up, I knew I had to be up at. 4:00 a.m. again the next day.

And I knew I had to I knew I had to get. after it. So I called uh this dude named. Coach Marcelo. He runs a boxing gym. Argentinian man. I said, "Hey, man. Can. you meet me at 5:30 Saturday?". And I'm doing this, you know, like a. week before I finish the walk. I said, "Can you meet me 5:30 Saturday?". Wow. Planning ahead. That's cool. You meet me. And uh he said, "Yeah, I. got confirmed." I said, "I can't. confirm. I'm turning my phone off.

Friday. I'm leaving my phone off for two. days after that." I said, "I need you. confirm now. Can you meet me 5:30?" He. said, "Yeah, I'll be there." So, I'm up. at 4. I hit that meditation. I ride my bike over to the boxing gym. and I [ __ ] jump the rope. I hit the. heavy bag. I hit the mitts. I do the. sit-ups. He's throwing the medicine. ball. And this [ __ ] my body needs to. rest. I know that. But hey, I need I. also need my body, my mind, my spirit to.

know I'm not done. So. that's what I did the next day. And I. did some yoga after that, some physical. therapy. And I just kept my phone off. for two days. because I knew I needed to feel how I. felt without having to explain to other. people how I felt and I wrote about it. But I just try to keep that that first. week. I gave myself this week I let myself. sleep a little bit which I needed you.

know but that first week. but you decompressed a little. I needed. I needed to keep that that schedule and. I thought I was gonna get depressed, you. know, you finish this big thing, but I. really haven't, you know, and that's. because even though I'm not on the walk, I'm I'm working on other things, whether. it's writing, I'm doing some writing pro. style, which is exciting to me and. difficult. And um you're still walking. inside of yourself. Do you find do you. find yourself kind of like like the the. steps kind of keep going inside of.

yourself sometimes? Can you still feel. them in your in your being kind of. I don't know if I would put it put it. quite like that but yeah I definitely. feel like um I left the walk but the. walk never leaves you. Yeah. Yeah for sure. Do your legs sometimes be like dude take. me for a walk like your leg I feel like. it would be like having a couple dang. Dobermans all day. Yeah dude you know they've been pretty. tired dude but me and coach Chad just. started hitting some hikes cuz next one. of the things I want to get into is. mountaineering. Mhm. So instead of walking on flat just.

going that way. So we uh we've been. we've been going doing some hype. Man, he took me off some some [ __ ] Yes. And he's out of Louisiana, right? And. he's that's flat land. I don't know. I. would not let that man at at an. altitude. [clears throat]. So I don't know what you guys are doing. up there with him, dude. He's got machetes out and [ __ ]. [laughter]. You don't want to see. And y'all are just at a Carl's Jr. It's. like what the hell's going on? You don't want to see this guy on a. Saturday, bro. You don't want to see. him. It's dangerous, huh? Yeah. Some men get real dangerous on the.

weekend. I've seen that Cameron Haynes. and some of those guys, they [laughter]. get real dangerous on the weekend. Has he come on your podcast? Very violent. Uh, no, he hasn't. He. would come on. No, I haven't even met. him. We just communicated sometimes. online, but he's really uh. That dude's pretty pretty gnarly. Yeah, he seems pretty gnarly. He runs like a marathon a day. He doesn't stop. We got this question that came in right. here from uh me when I was younger. All right. What do you [laughter]. What do you think his name is? Oh, man. I'm gonna go with uh Scott. That's Jeff. That's a good That's a.

strong Jeff. Hey, what's up Theo? What's up, Mike? It's Ben. [ __ ] man. Um or as Mike knows me by BC Birdman. Um. I know him. I don't know. We walked together back in Indiana. around 5 miles around Teroot. So, what I want to ask Mike. is that um you had you told me, "Oh, I remember this dude. He changed. his whole [ __ ] He didn't have a. mustache like that. I remember this.

dude. Oh, it might be because of Movember or. whatever. This guy was dope, man. Yeah. In Indiana that you developed a love for. Ford F-150s? That's right. First of all, is there any plans to buy. buy an F4 F-150 [laughter]. uh for your own? And then also, is there. anything on the walk later on that after. we stopped walking with you that you. came to love or came to appreciate um. that you didn't think you would or that.

you just couldn't expect? I remember this guy, he walked to me and. I remember he had he got a hat that. looked like mine kind of. Oh, cool. And uh this guy is a um bird. enthusiast. Oh wow. That's. he will he talked to me on the walk, you. know, we walk a few hours. He will like. go in camo and like he has these long. lenses and sometimes they call the cops. on him cuz he looks scary, bro. Yeah. He's got these long lenses cuz he's. trying to get this shot of this bird,

you know, and he'll be just camped out. in the grass waiting for that. Oh yeah. Purping on birds, bro. We have. dudes like that. Hunting, dude. So, um, F-150. Yeah. I I I. realized like, man, everyone has a. F-150. I always live in a city or a. suburb. Yeah. You don't see trucks here now. I. mean, you never see a truck. You never. see a truck, dude. But you on the walk. Everyone has. a F-150. Everyone is. A lot of America has trucks. You We. never see them.

I started love these F and then I. realized there F250s. Damn. And there's F350s like, bro, it don't keep going up. [laughter]. all the. dude. And then my new favorite car after. he met me became the F750. F It's like the It's like a front cab of. a semi almost. I can't even imagine that. Yeah, it's a big boy. I don't want all [laughter] that, dude. Just relax. Can you put your hands on the table? Jesus, dude. Hold on. Let me put my gloves on first. and then I'll put them on. [laughter]. Bro,

maybe that was me back there at that. [ __ ] Walmart, dude. I wouldn't be surprised. Well, that's an F750. [laughter]. the big boy. But normally they're not they don't have. like See that looks weird because it has. the it has the regular back. Usually. they have like. a dump truck or something on the back. like that. I never even seen I don't. even know they have that. But I would see these I see them come. up. I go I think it's F 750. I start. hyping it up and then either if it's big. like that either it's a 650 or 750. If.

it's it comes by and it says on the side. of the car. So I'm looking at it's. coming right at me. I'm I'm getting. excited. It comes by says 650. I'm like, "Fuck, man. You hate to see it." But if. it comes by, it comes by like this. It. says 750. I [cheering]. might even run a little bit after I see. that boy. It's the little things that get you. going, huh? Dude, I think like another I don't know, just the thing second part of this. question, any other things I learned or. I didn't expect. Um,

a thing that popped in my head was uh. hunters. Man, I always thought hunters. didn't give a [ __ ] about animals, right? I always thought they were like the. people that like hated it. Like, [ __ ]. animals, man. [ __ ] kill me soon. You. know, so it turns out at least all the. hunters I met, they actually care about. animals more than anybody. Yeah. And what I learned was, you know, you could live in LA and West. Hollywood and you buy a [ __ ] burger.

and what you're basically doing is. paying somebody else to, you know, factory farm these poor cows and [ __ ]. kill them in a terrible way. And and and. you're, you know, you're pay you're. funding the genocide basically, you. know, but you're a hunter like some of. the guys I met. And you find out one. this shit's very regulated. You know, it's a certain time you get the tags. October, November is it. Yeah. And you got and and you got. they're only giving out the tags so you.

don't decimate the population. You're. not hunting the babies, you know? So, it's all that. And then what they. taught me like I was asking the hunter. I was like, man, so if you see a deer. like you where you shoot, you shoot it. like in the head. Like, no, you don't. want to shoot a deer in the head. Yeah. This ain't like a This ain't. casino or something. [laughter] I don't. want. I didn't know, dude. I didn't know, man. You think somebody. dude, I thought you. tell me where a stream is. I thought [laughter] I thought you just.

I thought you just You see the animal, you shoot the shoot them. That's what I. thought they did, you know. But I found. out they wait till they can kill it in a. way where it won't suffer, where it's. going to be dead. So even if they can. see the animal or the animal's in the. scope, if it doesn't turn in the right. way and they don't get a clean shot, they don't kill it. And they uh that. that I learned that changed my whole. perspective. What I thought hunting was, you know, and these people doing this is. you're like basically, you know, you're.

in the food chain then, you know, it. seems very ethical to me. Yeah. In a lot of small areas. I mean, especially. as ethical as killing could be, you. know, that would be it. It's more but. it's more ethical to me than buying a. burger at the store or whatever, right? And they use it, especially. locally, you know, I'll get calls when I. was back in Louisiana, hey, you know, we. have some venison or we got this or we. got some quail, you know, or we got a. [ __ ] fresh load of [ __ ] hemp meat, you know? What about those dudes they come This is. a real thing. They they cuz I've seen a. lot of roadkill as you might imagine. [clears throat] What those dudes they. pick up the roadkill, eat it. M I think.

as long as they cook it and eat it, that's fine, dude. Did you ever have any rollkill? If they doing that [ __ ] highway. sashimi, bro, I'm out, dude. [laughter]. That's That's when I'm out, son. I'm. out. Did you ever have any rollkill meat? I've had a lot of exotic meat that was. probably killed. I wouldn't know if it. was killed by an auto, but I bet it was. killed by something, you know, fast and. unnecessary. Like what? Exotic. owl. People know I've had owl meat. I've. had um. Oh, yeah. What else? Ger. Uh, I wouldn't say I've. had gerbble, but I've had something just.

a touch bigger than that. What the [ __ ] [laughter] dude? What's a. touch bigger than a gerbble? Probably like a little maybe. a muskrat. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what else. you could be thinking. Maybe a large uh. groundhog. What else do they have? What the [laughter] [ __ ] dude? Yeah, man. We came up an area that had a. lot of exotic meats, you [snorts] know? I've had um guinea pig, large ones, nothing small. I've had um. Dove. I've had Dove. Yeah. A couple brothers. near me used to always be grilling up. doves and I go get over there and eat it.

with them once in a while. Why is it dove flying around? They'd. shoot them. I don't [laughter] know. No. Where' they get them? I think they catch them. You know, catch them with their hands. Cuz a dove will come over, bro. That's. the [ __ ] Bible trying to reach out to. you on wings, dude. No way. You can't catch a dove with your. hands, bro. I can't. But these chefs could. These. local chefs. Um, we had one or two more video questions. that came in. Man, this is just I mean, it's wild cuz I could talk to you. I. mean, there's just so much to. encapsulate that that you started a feed.

and that you took it on and that you. really did it. Hey, man, that's the thing. Uh, and it must be hard for you. Is it hard. to to corral all like all of the levels. of it, the physical, the emotional, the. Yeah, but that's one of the reason I. told you I'm doing that writing now cuz. then I can start to see what I what I. actually a lot of stuff I'm saying. today. I'll be able to I'll feel that. kind of think out because I'm writing it. to myself. Yeah. Do you think there'll be a book or. something where people can um you know. get a hold of I mean I think it could be. helpful to people.

I really think it could be. I think uh I think I don't know if I'm. if I'm called to do I'll do it. But I got once you know if I'm going to. do a book I'm a writer, you know. I. write my own song, write other people's. songs. So I couldn't use like a ghost. right or anything like that. You have to do it yourself. And you know you do that book it's going. to be hard. This is as hard as the walk, you know, and it's going to take longer. for sure. Walk took 6 months, you know. You do that book. Yeah. If you do it right, you know, it's going. to take three, four, five, six, seven. years. You don't know. So,

keep going, man. I love it. Keep going, baby. Keep going. This guy has a question right here. We'll get into. What's his name? That's Alberto. Oh, hold on. Okay. Albert or Alberto? I'm going to go with Edwin. Uh, he didn't really say. He put his. name as Silver Fox. So, Oh, [ __ ] We were way off, dude. Well, he so he must be Native. Is that native. Native American name? It must be. Hi, Mike. This is the silver fox here. This is Harry's referring to. I lost my father 4 months ago. and I have reoccurring dreams with him.

in the dream. And I was wondering if you. think that it's a mechanism to help your. brain cope with the trauma or if there's. more to it and if you've experienced. that yourself. Gang gang. gang. Gang, bro. Silver Fox, gang. I felt bad I was joking at the. beginning of that. It's okay. You didn't even know. But um. I would I was about to joke even and I. didn't. But dude, my dad came and. visited me in a dream recently in. Hawaii. I was in Hawaii. I had seen my dad in 20.

years and he showed up in a dream. It. was really. he was there. U Matthew McConey, he was. there and Robert Dairo was there and. they there was like kind of an argument. It was at lunch and uh and I was trying. to get everybody to communicate but Dar. didn't want to talk to my dad. My Kanye. was a little bit indifferent but it. ended up they chatted for a minute and I. don't know what it was all about but. that was just the dream and then I got. to just see my dad. I just hadn't seen. him. and he was younger than I'd ever met him. at and it was just. wow.

it was crazy and it was just I mean I'd. never had no no dream and then I'm in. Hawaii you know. So when he did he died 20 years ago? No, he died about I think maybe Yeah, he. died about 20 years 22 years ago. 22. But it was just to see him just to have. like a moment where I thought I was. really there with him, you know? Yeah. Um and I know your father passed. Yeah. Do you feel like there was was there. moments where where he was with you? Was. there moments or was it a disconnect? Was there anything? No, this this is actually a a crazy. question because um.

it happened all the time. when I started this walk. Like it was. crazy. It was I mean I was telling my. friends about like dude I see my dad or. my I have dreams about my dad. I don't. really feel like. but some people believe different. things. I don't really feel like that's. him visiting me. I don't really believe. that but I so I would say I'm having. dreams about my dad. Um but yeah it. would be all the time man so much more. than when I was on the walk.

and I wake up and I remember just. feeling like. same similar to you mostly in the dreams. cuz my dad he got brain cancer and the. last like year 10 months he was really. like dying he was in the hospital bed. that kind of thing he was sick. and in the dreams he's never sick he's. it's always more like few years before. that's the state his bodies and he's in. and uh. I remember the feeling like when I'd. either wake after I'd wake up or the.

thing feeling was was always like. almost shock like he's really dead. He's. really gone. And I remember feeling like. how sad it was, how sad it really was. and how how like um how real like then I. remember the the whole like the whole. deal that happened with with the when he. was sick. It almost refreshes it because it.

refreshes. they were there for a second in your. head. But it even it feels more like it. felt it feel felt more heavy than it did. when I was there like helping take care. of him cuz I was just doing it then and. I had to make sure I was doing a good. job and I look back and I just remember. the feeling was like [ __ ] man that [ __ ]. really happened. Dad got cancer and he. died. [ __ ] You know, I didn't really know. what to what to do with that. You know, I would wake up and I would take care of.

what I said I was going to take care of. Um, if I had to theorize to Silver Fox, I would think it's probably. um, again, I'm no [ __ ] psychologist, but. I would just I I would guess like it's. it's my. me feeling what I need to feel. And. maybe I'm maybe I'm cruising so hard and. I'm doing all the stuff. I'm busy. All. that shit's good, you know? I don't feel. bad about any of that. But maybe I. didn't feel all the all the pain, all.

the grief I needed to. So, it's coming. coming at night. That's that's that's. what I would guess. Yeah. Did your thought was it easier to go to. sleep at night or was it harder to go to. sleep at night on the wall? Um. I would feel it would seem like you'd be. so exhausted, but that's just what I. would think. It would be little like waves you had to. catch, you know, like I was trying to. get to bed at 7:30. cuz I knew I I knew I wouldn't fall. asleep, right? But I was trying when I. was trying to be like in the bed, you. know, starting the process. And you in a camp or you in a Winnebago.

when you sleep? Um, you. guys get a hotel support? Mostly every once in a while, but. mostly, yeah, we had an RV that was our. support vehicle. But then when we would. do the actual like parts that were like. the Rocky Mountains or certain parts of. the desert in Arizona, like the or the. Mojave Desert in California, the RV. couldn't drive on those parts. So then. I'll be sleeping in a tent. But that was. the best part, dude. Sleeping in the. tent. And anytime we'd finish those, we'd come back. We our RV we call Larry.

We'd come back, Julie. We'd be like, "Man, I love Larry, but kind of like, "Fuck Larry, bro. [laughter] We don't. really need him, dude." So, uh, uh, yeah, man. I It would be hard, especially in the summer when it's hot. I wasn't sleeping too well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard. It is hard to sleep. when it's so hot. I was in u in Maui. this summer for just a week. Humble. brag. Yep. And uh island [ __ ] humble brag. too, dude. And uh and I didn't have any. air conditioning in the hotel room. And.

it was so hard to sleep at night. Dang. What [ __ ] we [ __ ] promoter. booked you out there, dude. [laughter]. Don't worry, Theo. All expenses paid, dude. [laughter] All expenses paid. Just. come on out. It'll be a great time, man. Bro, I would put a couple ices on my. back. I would lay down and put some ices. on my back. That's right. That's right. Uh, let's. get one more question, man, and then. we'll quit taking up all of Mike's day. Hey, I'm here for you. This is awesome, man.

Oh, wait. Let me guess the name. I'm I'm stumped. Yeah, me, too. There's something about something about. the way his eyes got caught in that. frame. One's bigger than the other. Yeah, I'll go with uh. Shane. I'll go with Shane. That's a good guess. That's a damn good. guess. Thanks, bro. [laughter]. [ __ ] man. You are good. Well, let's see. We both [ __ ] got. Dude, that's a [ __ ] shame, though. Hold on. Did he say his name? Wait, wait, I got to guess. Hold on. I'm going.

to go with I'mma go with Michael. He didn't say his name. It's uh Finn. Sanders. Finn. Damn. That's close to Shane. Yeah. I feel like they're in the same. neighborhood. Yeah. You got to get a regular name. Finn, you got to [ __ ]. You got to We didn't do Did we have any. crazy guesses, yo? I don't know why I didn't guess Finn. You should have guessed. You should have. guessed Bartholomew. That would have. been a good guess, [laughter] bro. All right. Come on. Come on, Ben. And the discussion topic that I want to.

talk about is uh regarding Mike's. philosophy on life uh which I have been. trying to adopt, loving people, forgiving, understanding. I just wonder. where do you draw the line when you. recognize actually malevolent and uh. pathological behavior. Do you still. think you can exterminate stuff like. that with uh love and understanding or. do you think that you sometimes have to. draw a line? Thank Thank you to you both.

for what you're doing. Uh this is the. collab of the year. Gang gang. gang. gang bro. That that second game I felt. good, bro. Cuz it came out It came out like my. stomach. and not out of my brain. Yeah. You know, the first time I did, I was. trying to sound cool. Yeah. You were stuck in your. I was thinking I was a gang. [laughter]. You need that gut. Gang, bro. Gang. You had that esopha gang in the. beginning. You got to get that guttal. gang. I want to hear what I want to hear you. answer the question, too, cuz it's a.

good one. Especially you in recovery. I. know forgiveness is a big part of that. Yeah. I think uh. I think you have to do your best, you. know. I think that not like I think. almost everybody. almost everybody you can find a way to. relate to almost everybody. And I think. there's instances where you can't. Um, and for me, my instincts will usually. kind of let me know like this is. something, this is someone you can work. with and learn from or you guys can,

you know, you guys can be a part of each. other's lives or help each other in some. way. And this is something that's out of. your capable jurisdiction. There's. nothing if you continue to engage here. that you're going to be able to uh to. get to help each other. It's just not a. good mi match. That's for a higher. power. That's for something that you. can't handle. And so, you know, that's. where I kind of I think I'll just trust. my instincts sometime and try to and.

that's where I'll draw the line if if I. it's not that something's pure evil, but. it's just something that I can't really. help. I can't help or it can't help me. even in a in a in a positive way like in. a just in a in any type of emotional way. or anything, you know? Yeah. I think sometimes it's just out of my. hand. I'm not, you know, I'm just a. layman of the of the higher powers. So, it's like, you know, a lot of times I need more. help than I.

there's a lot sometimes you do run. across some people it's just they need. to send this person back into the. drawing board, back into the ether and. let them get them remodeled, you know? Oh [ __ ] dude. Sometimes I think [snorts]. What are you talking about? Dark arts, bro. You talking about killing them, dude? I. mean, I ain't killing them, bro, but. [laughter and gasps] I'll come to the. funeral. You know, I'll be out there, bro. [clears throat] It's the dark arts, man. It doesn't end. Michael, man, it doesn't end. I think, man, I think it's a difference. between forgiveness.

and. who you spend who you choose to spend. your time with or spend your life with. Really, forgiveness is for yourself, you. know? Really, I think I'm looking at you. like you asked me the question. Yes. Oh, it's okay. I I love it. Hey, listen, bro. Hey, listen. [laughter]. Tell me. I think forgiveness is for yourself. You. know, somebody [ __ ] you over, son, you. then you got to carry that, you know? So, they always say like you hate. somebody, they don't feel that hate. You. feel the [ __ ] hate. You got to walk.

around with that, you know? And so, I think the forgiveness is for. yourself. Yeah. But then at the same time, like. I think this is where I'm at right now. in my life. If you asked me a year ago, I think I'd say something very. different. But right now, I think. I'm I'm a 31 year old man. part of my job is to. be respectful, but also not be.

disrespected. So, if somebody's gonna disrespect me or. even like if I first meet someone and it. just feels off, that's cool. I'm just be. nice to you, but I'm we're not going to. be f, you know, I'm not going to go be. friends with you just cuz just just to. be not cuz you asked to have dinner with. me or whatever. It's I'm good, you know. So, and then it goes same. thing. Sometimes someone you love might. do some [ __ ] that you think is.

disrespectful. And one of the big things for me is I. always in the past. just cuz I was so scared of conflict I. just withdraw. and maybe I just like avoid them or. maybe I don't avoid them but I got this. little thing in the back of my head. going remember that one [ __ ] tiny. resentment. Yeah. Yeah. That resentment. And uh. now I think part of my job, you know, as.

a as to myself is to not allow myself to. be disrespected or if I disrespect my. boy, just calm out on, hey, [ __ ] I don't like the way you. said that to me, dude. Yeah. You know, and you can do that with love, too. It's. interesting how you can [clears throat]. and it can be a a moment for them where. they go, oh, man, you're right. and they. can learn and it actually can help help. them not do that in another part of. their lives or sometimes you you saw it. you read it [ __ ] wrong and you know. and they get you you get to get to the.

bottom of it. Yeah. But I had a friend of mine one of my. best friends dude he was there on the. beach. He's a he's a he's an interventionist. So he travels 250 days a year. That's amazing. Dude, he this guy. I would love to have him come on. Would. he ever be willing to come on here and. talk about that? I can't speak for him. Right. I'd love for him to. He [ __ ]. should. But we'll see. Okay. Uh but at the very least, man, let's. sometime like uh the three of us eat or. even if I'm not there, you should meet. him sometime.

I'd love to meet him, man. And he's he's older than us, too. That's. one of the things I love with him. Love. about him, man. Cuz he just. I the first time I met her, I thought. like this guy, his eyes were kind of. glowing like this dude's an angel, bro. Damn. You know, like that, you know, when you. meet someone, it's bad vibes kind of. It's like the opposite, you know? But. he's he, you know, he's in recovery. 33. years. Wow. And. I bet imagine him being on the front. lines of seeing somebody have have a. moment that start to change our life. That's his job every day. [ __ ] that's crazy, bro.

Every day. And. why' I bring him up? What were we. talking about? We're talking about just like how. sometimes, you know, uh. you can um. I don't know. Oh, I know why. He said to. me the dopest [ __ ] about resentment. because one time when I first met him, um he had texted me a few times and I. missed it. And the second time he. called, left a message, I was like, "Oh. yeah, I'll call him later." [ __ ]. forgot. Like three three times. I.

basically blew him off. And I called him. back eventually. and he said, "Hey, you. know, you made it pretty clear to me. that you didn't want to continue our. relationship." And that's not how I felt. at all. I just felt like, "Hey, I'm. [ __ ] artist. I don't have to call. people back. Everybody understands I'm. doing important shit." Which I'm not. really, you know, I'm just doing my. life. It's not any more important than. anybody else's. But in my head, that's. really what I [ __ ] thought. and he.

say, "Look, man, you made it pretty. clear you didn't want to continue the. the relationship, but now you're calling. me. So, I I see you you do, but I wrote. you a an email just getting ready to. send, and I'm going to send it anyway so. you can see. where I'm at." And. because resentment has an appetite I. could never satisfy. And that just stuck with me, man. It's. like you got a problem with somebody,

even if your problem is not justified, you got to you got to say it, you know? You got to say it. That was Yeah. Yeah. [snorts] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he just called me out my [ __ ] Damn. [laughter]. It's nice when something can come. through in in a and touch you. Especially like in Hollywood, you know, it's ego is so dangerous and it's easy. and it happens to us without us even. knowing it. So slow over the years, bro. Sneaks in. It's crazy. Slips. It's. like that snake and it [ __ ] bit you, dog. It's not even like the snake, bro. It's.

like a snake that bites you real slow. over 10 years. Like a romantic snake. Yeah. The snake is like, you go to the. hospital, [ __ ] You know, [laughter]. did you feel when that snake got you. like it was something? Did was it. anybody in particular? You like, oh, somebody sent this snake. Like was there. thing in your head? Dude, that's some Louisiana, [laughter]. dude. I don't know. God damn [clears throat]. it, Jeffrey. Yeah, look. He got me again. What? I'm just saying, man. If a snake came.

all the way up to the interstate. Snake. go don't go by the interstate. What do you think it would have been. like if I walked across Louisiana? You think that would have been pretty. cool? There's a lot of drunk drivers down. there. That's the only risky part. outside of that. Yeah, I think it would. have been pretty. I got some of those swampy areas. Oh, dude, your crotch would have. definitely you could your nuts would. have turned into a real hornets's nest, I bet, bro. Oh my gosh, dude. Cuz yeah, animals could live inside of. your body down there. They find dead. people all the time. They find a little. animal in them. Like, damn. What is. this? Well, they died first, then the animal.

went in or the animal went in and killed. them. A lot of people think that. A lot of. people think that. How the animal get in? Like, what kind. of animals? Talk about some of those. gerbles. I'm just saying, bro. [laughter]. If something stops by at night and. you've been putting on weight, you won't. even [ __ ] notice. Oh my gosh, dude. You won't even notice. I would notice, dude. speak. I can see you. Yeah, my bad. I wouldn't. notice, man. Mike walked across America and uh. and it's it's almost like you you went.

all that way to to see to meet yourself. in some ways, man. It's wild. 100%. 100%. Dude, it's captivating, man. It's really. really inspiring. Were you Were you. amazed by how many people were inspired. by uh like who who got on board and. started to really feel inspiration from. you? Yeah, it was pretty great cuz you. know doing you're doing the thing for. yourself and then like I said there's. this shitty part of me that's doing it. for attention you know. but you're able to recognize that and. say those two things. you got to say it it's a smaller part.

you know but it's there but mainly you. know and as I went along. they got smaller and I really like after. I buy snake I shut down everybody walk. with me cuz I didn't want anybody else. to get hurt and it really became more. like my journey, you know, and uh and. this is this is how I know because when. I started the walk, I thought when I finish, I'm going to go. when I get to LA,

I'm going to I'm going to post on. Instagram and I'm going to walk across. LA. I'm going to have like a thousand. people behind me. Oh yeah, I'm sure they would be in our. head, you know. I'm going to have this [ __ ]. news helicopters. I'm a parade, you know, missiles. And then as I as I got closer, I go, "Dude, you don't even [ __ ] want. that. All you want to do is be there. with the people you love the most.". You know, it's not even the people you. love. Be there with the people you want. to see in that moment.

And. I didn't I didn't blow it up, but I. actually did the opposite. I did a post. on I'm like, "Hey, man. As you guys. know, I'm getting close." And some of. you, some people been writing in like, "Can we walk with you? Can we meet you. at the end?". And I said, "No, you can't. You know, you can't walk with me that day. I'm. taking a vow of silence. I'm not taking. any [ __ ] selfies that day. I'm going. I'm just going to finish it alone for. me." And that's really what I wanted.

And I had to ask for what I wanted. And. you know what happened? I walked across. LA, man. So people recognized me. All of. them respected that. Wow. And they said, you know, they said, "Mike, yo, we not trying to slow you. down. Just, you know, finish up or keep. going." Everybody was cool with it. And. but it's crazy you had to ask yourself. for what you wanted. That's really. interesting. I had to ask myself, but what I wanted, what I'm saying is it changed, right? The guy who the guy who started the wall. had this had this goofy vision and get. this validation from a lot of people.

being there. He wasn't that's not really. the guy that that made it to the other. side. So it's it was interesting like. because I think part of that attention. wanting part of myself had to be there. for me to start but then when I did the. thing man like that thing kind of died a. little bit along the way you know he. didn't make it across dude really. [laughter]. oh maybe a little bit he made it across. but probably he he's a little weaker now. I like that.

man thank you so much Mike for coming. and talking. anytime and and I just want to add last. thing. I know you're wrapping it up, but. I didn't say this on the on the record, but I told you before, that's how this. whole thing started was um you know, in. between. uh my segments, I would break up my day. 88. and then or 844 makes 24 and it got a. little longer towards the end. But in. between all my rips, that's why I called. them all my eight mile rips. A lot of.

times we would put your [ __ ] on, dude. just [ __ ] cuz it's hard out there. It's. a grind. I can't imagine. So me and Julian would be on there. We. just put your [ __ ] up. We be like, "Dude, this guy, we be laughing so. hard." And then we could just listen one. video, you know, we lose service. Yeah. But one when you lose service, one Dio. von joke that last you like a month. That nocturnal busty. We just like I'd. leave, you know, I'd leave. I'd walk. eight miles, you know? It takes me two. two and a half, two hours, 45, whatever.

I come back, man. I'll be like, "Dude, I'm chasing that bus, dude. That dream. bust, dude." You know, we just repeat. that [ __ ] for like a month. Yeah. One. joke. That's awesome, man. One joke. I'm glad I could be a little bitty part. of it. No, you helped so much, man. So, that's. what I'm saying. And chasing that bus, man. That [ __ ] is. [laughter]. There's nothing like it, dude. Get it. while you can, bro. Cuz that [ __ ] gets. few and far between, bro. The bus start. to rust, baby. The bus starts to rust. Get older, bro. Yeah, man. And that thing,

God, man, there's nothing better than. just. just blowing up in your sleep, bro. And. you didn't have to [laughter] do. anything. And the girl's usually. beautiful. It's usually a girl you. really like. I had some nightmare dream bus. Damn, dude. What the [ __ ]. I had some nightmare dream bus. Oh my [laughter] god, dude. Horrible. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, it's where it's where [laughter]. who. who would come in a nightmare.

[laughter]. No, I'm having sex in the dream, but. it's with a person I don't like. and in the and in the there's I'm only. think I think it only happened one time. if I'm being honest, but I'm having sex. with somebody. I don't like. and I have no condom. Mhm. And I come in them. Oh my god. And then and then I wake up. and then I came in real life in a dream. bust. I'm like, "Fuck, man. Bro, this is. how I'm starting this day off. [laughter].

Good god, this is horrible.". That's how half of America [ __ ] got. here, too. Half of the people in. existence. came became people just like you said. [laughter]. Somebody. they didn't even like them. Somebody didn't really really really. like them at their core. probably. Dude, people have ejaculated into a lot of. people they didn't really enjoy, I bet. God, that's unbelievable, isn't it? Horrible. Horrible. But damn, that's a terrible note to end. on. Yeah, it is, man. But that's life, huh?

Yeah. [laughter] You got to keep going. Got to keep going, dude. What it is though, man. You have a new. album that's out, too, if people want to. hear uh songs from across your journey. Yeah, I know. I actually made this made. this thing before I left. I made an. album basically for myself. to listen to. when it got hard. And so I made these. songs and I got little messages from. people I respect like Stephen Tyler from. Aerrol Smith. Oh yeah, he's amazing. And Diddy and my mom and uh Bun B E. And.

so there's the songs and there's little. messages from them basically saying what. they wanted me to remember when it got. hard. Wow. And uh I made this this little. project for myself, remind myself who I. am. And then, you know, after I walked. with it a little while, I started to put. put songs out. And then I put the whole. mixtape out. I call it mixtape album. It's called Keep Going. Keep going. Yeah. [snorts]. I'mma keep going, man. That's right, boy. Amen.

Hey, man. I appreciate you. All the all. the all the um. happiness in the world. Happiness you. gave me, dude. I can't tell you how much. we laugh. Well, thanks. Listen to you in the car on the way over. just laughing. I'm glad to I'm glad to be reminded that. that's what I'm doing because sometimes. Yeah. you get a little bit confused, you. know, as to what's. the point, right? As I'm making music or. I'm walking across America, right? It's. supposed to, you know, nourish me, make. me a better person at the same time, hopefully help others along the way,

make their journey a little easier and. what you're doing here. Well, I think a lot of Yeah. I know a. lot of our listeners I think are you. know are I mean it's what else it's what. it's it's outside of the walk you know. it's the it's the walk that's going on. inside of all of us you know I think a. lot of young men. and women and even strong lesbians are. feeling that [ __ ] right now bro. you know so we're out there man but uh. thank you for being here Michael you got. it appreciate it man.

I feel [music] I'm falling like these. leaves I must. corner stone. Oh, but when I reach [music] that. ground, I'll share this piece of mind I. found. I can feel it in my. [music and singing] bones. But it's going to take. a little time. for me to [music and singing] set that. parking brake and let myself unwind.

Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Shine. on me. and I will find a song. I will sing it. just for me.