Matt McCusker | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #544

We've got some spring tour dates that I. got warm for you here right off the. griddle. Um, all these tickets you can get. through the theovon.com/tour. This is still the return of the rat. tour. And uh, we will be coming to. Toledo, Ohio, Pittsburgh, um, Eugene, Oregon, Kennewick, Washington, Seattle, Victoria, BC in the Canada, Belton, Texas, San.

Antonio, Ola, uh, Durant, Oklahoma, Amarillo, Texas, Amarillo, bum, Oxford, Mississippi, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Tallahassee, Florida, and Rosemont, Illinois. You can. get all your tickets at. theovon.com/tour, and uh, happy early holidays to. everyone. Remember, don't buy through a. secondary website. Uh, go through our. website, so you're not getting those,

um, heightened ticket prices. And, uh, thank you so much for your support. And we do have new merch items, back by. popular demand, the Hider Hunting Club. collection. We've also got the Hider. Bait and Tackle tees. Those are new, baby. If you like to rod and reel them, baby. Get all these and more. theovonstore.com, the only place to get our merch. We are. coming to you live today from Austin,

Texas, at Media Pouch, where we're taping, and. we are grateful today to get to spend. time with this fella. Um, he is. performing in New York City this week. You can get those tickets, and he is one. half of the Superhero Squad, Matt and. Shane's Secret Podcast. Um, he just. reached 5 years of marriage, and I'm. happy to, uh, get to spend time today. with Mr. Matt McCusker. Shine. on me. [music].

I love space. [music]. [music]. I went to a I went to a steam room. today. Did you really? Yeah. Just steam? There wasn't anything else? Yeah, you been in there? Have you been. in there? Not Is it like a just a steam room or. like attached to a gym? Uh oh, no, it's attached to the gym. It's like in the bathroom or whatever. There's um like a room of Yeah. It's intense.

It's intense. I thought you said you. went to a specific place called the. steam room like it was a new thing. that's just a steam You walk in and it's. just. Oh, no. steamy as hell. I wonder if there would ever I wonder if. that'd be a good business if you had. like a. another business that also at the same. time was a steam room. Like. saying. Yeah. Get your hair cut and just sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd [laughter] be tough. So you. Or like a Radio Shack, you know? Oh, that'd be nice. And they're like trying to look at. batteries. have stayed in business. Oh. If they just cranked up the steam.

Well, Radio Shack was It was almost like. where you almost just go there to get. ask the guy a question and then you. would leave. It became that place after. a while. It did. Once the internet came out, you'd be like, "Yo, what kind of battery. do I need for this?" And you'd be like, "All right, right on.". Yeah. Get Amazon and be like, "All right, nice.". Yeah. You'd even buy it in front. [laughter] of them. Yeah, that's what Best Buy kind of is, too. Yeah. And they don't know [ __ ] at Best Buy. Like, "What kind of camera do I" They're. like, "Uh. I don't know. They. Last couple times I went to Best Buy to. ask about like cords and [ __ ] they're. just like, "I don't really know, man.". I'm like, "All right, dude. What's the. [ __ ] What's the point of this place?".

Yeah, it's kind of [ __ ]. Yeah, they don't know. And then they'll. walk over to another guy. That's the. craziest thing. They're like, "Let me. ask my uh and they'll be like a coworker. or whatever." And then they'll go over. there and then the people just start. laughing. Or the guy was slipping out of. joy. And then they'll just walk out of. the the place. And you're like, It is so It's sad, man. That Last time I. went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes. One guy was struggling at a cash. register. He didn't even have like the. uniform on. And then two other guys were. just talking and it was like 10 minutes. of people just watching this guy.

struggle. And I was like, "Yo, you guys. Can you guys come help?" And they're. like, "Yeah, man, I guess." And just walked. over. I'm like, "All right, well.". Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Customer service dipped during COVID. It's over now. That's a great point, huh? Yeah, but we told them they were heroes. Yeah, that's true. They Yeah, they. called them all frontline workers and. stuff. Yeah. Yeah, and a lot of them were. um. a lot of them were not heroes. I don't I. mean, some of them were, I guess. I. guess actually if you're DoorDash was. the heroes, for sure. Yeah. Nurses, remember they were crying and. everything? They were scared.

They They Well, yeah, they They actually. did suck to be a nurse cuz you were They. were in like They were in ground zero. Nobody knew really what it was. Right. So, being around it all the time would. suck. You had to like hold your breath. the whole time. So, I would I would have tried to. breathe as little like, you know, as. little as possible. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point, yeah. You're Yeah, you're just talking to. somebody really fast. Like, you're. [laughter] like, "I got to get. I got to put this talking I got to get. out of the room.". Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nuts, man. Yeah, dude. I wonder if it'd be a good. steam, like if you could double, you. know, cuz I like double style businesses.

like that. For sure. You know? Like a shoe store, but also. what? A shoe store barber shop. I'm I'm keep. using barber shop. That would That would. make sense, yeah. Wow. They come bring you a new pair of shoes. and you're like, "Dude, I might as well. walk out of here with a fresh haircut. and fresh shoes.". Yeah. Double businesses are a good idea. I didn't think about that. for it. It is. It's time dog grooming and maybe. um. sporting goods or whatever. There you go. Or jiu-jitsu.

Ooh, yeah. tussle a little bit while your dog's. getting. [laughter]. Do you do jiu-jitsu? I don't do it anymore, man. do it for a while? Yeah, I'll go back and do it once I'm. done uh touring. I just kept getting. hurt. That's the problem with it. It's like I. did it for a while and it's just like, yeah, your back gets [ __ ] up and. you're like And then at the end of it, too, it's like, I could just get a gun. Yeah. Like, you know, it's like you could just. defend yourself. Yeah, yeah, you could. I mean, that's. the new jujitsu, a gun, I guess. Yeah. But it's like, I wonder, you know, sometimes I wonder like if um.

uh if I guess if I had a superpower, maybe it would be I'd want to do. jujitsu. I'd want to know every jujitsu. Be nasty at it. I mean, just [ __ ] gift wrap a dude. True. It's a lot better, too, if you're. like a restaurant to like choke a guy. out in front of everyone and just like. shoot him in the face. Yeah. No one's going to be like, "Dude, nice. That was awesome. That was sick.". Yeah, [laughter] and it's messy. You got. to clean up. You got to wait around. Yeah. Just spray somebody's brains. everywhere. People are going to be like, "Dude, that was kind of aggressive, dude. That was kind of aggro.". People are like, "God. God, Carl.".

[laughter]. Yeah, bro. That'd be a good superpower, I think, to be just know everything. It. would just It was in you. Yeah. What would you have, you think, if you. had a superpower, you think? Fly. Really? Yeah, I'd fly. It'd be awesome. Would it though? Think about how Dude, if you even stuck your head out of a. window when you're going super fast. Yeah. I I'd be chill about it. Dude, imagine if I floated into this room and. sat in the chair. Yeah. Dude, those things are tough, dude. Are they? I was struggling earlier. You got to use. your shirt. [laughter]. You got to I'm so happy I didn't do that.

on camera. You got to use your shirt. I I was in. there, [laughter]. dude, struggling, dude. Hold on, dude. Stop, bro. That water's not for weaklings, dude. [laughter]. This thing's broken, huh? It's crazy. I had to put it on my shirt. and just [ __ ] wrench it. Yeah, that would be my superpower, I. think, would be able to get in to get in. [laughter] here. No, I think my superpower Hold on a. second. I do need to take a second. You got that. Hold on. Careful. That's a dangerous angle. That's a dangerous angle to open water, dude. [laughter]. Dude, that angle might have held, bro. A.

lot of when you lock your hips in, dude, very arm bar. True. That's like jujitsu. But uh. yeah, my superpower I think mine would. be if you went into the bathroom not. being able to know if somebody had. pooped in there recently. That would be nice. Be able to find It. It was like when you know when you take. a dump it doesn't smell. If you had that. for everybody. But it's like the second you walk into a. bathroom you can tell if somebody's. dumped recently, if somebody with. perfume did dump. Oh, you want to know if they dumped or. not know? want to not know. want to know anything.

So that'd be my superpower to not have. not have cuz you can't trick your mind. to not know, you know? True. But the seat if the seat's warm. you're going to be like that's the worst. and you sit down in like an airport. bathroom and the seat's 98.6° and you're. like [ __ ] dude. Dude, [ __ ] man. Bro, and some people do dumps right onto. They won't even flush the toilet at an. airport or whatever. They'll do dumps. right on the pee. Oh, yeah. I actually I've come around I. [ __ ] on planes now. Uh-uh, really? have to cuz [clears throat] otherwise. you're going to fart like a coward and.

stink the whole plane up. So now I do. the valiant thing I I like walk by. everyone and I sit down there for like. 15 minutes and they all know they all. know what I did. Do you take a newspaper with you? [laughter]. I will take my book. If I'm reading a book I'll take a book. with me and I'll just I'm trying to get. this They got to really like just get. rid of the stigma cuz it's like dude. otherwise you're just going to fart. silently and just ruin the whole flight. Yeah. Which I also do sometimes but it's like. I now I'm like no I this is this is. juvenile. I got to go like a man and. [ __ ] on this plane. I'll be back in a little bit. next from the stewardess. Yeah, I'll be.

back. Do you tell That's crazy if [laughter]. you tell the person next to you like. I'll be back in a little bit. Hold my. calls if you say that. Like you know, man I've been farting my. ass off. I'm going to go take a [ __ ] now. just so you know, I don't want to cause. you any more grief. [laughter]. But yeah, dude everyone thinks I'm crazy. for [ __ ] on planes but it's like. it's the righteous move. Yeah, I never thought of it like. I don't know. It's liberating once you're like I I I. don't need to hold this I got to get. This is totally normal and natural. Everyone has to take a [ __ ] right now. What's crazy to me is talking to. somebody and trying to guess if they. have like poop in their body at that.

moment or not. [laughter]. It makes me so feel uncomf- like just. tell me. Yeah, true. You know? If somebody are you can you like I know. some people who can't hold it in at all? I can hold it in. I can hold it in for like a disturbingly. long period of time, but now I'm like, why would I do that? Well, some people. poop every day. That's weird to me. You don't poop every day? No way, you. do? Multiple. I definitely once, sometimes. twice. Yeah, definitely once. gosh, dude. You don't poop every day? Huh? Do you sleep outdoors on a farm? [laughter].

You poop multiple times a day? Sometimes. When your owner gets home? [laughter]. That's crazy. Definitely once, sometimes twice. Oh my god, how much do you normal people. It's [snorts] once It's [clears throat]. three times a day, three times a week. That's what I do, three times a week. Okay, it's three times a day, two three. times a week. Wait, so how. Yeah. So, we're both in I guess the. range. I didn't know people were doing. it multiple That's crazy. [ __ ] What. are you doing? You're wasting how much. of your life How long does it take to. even do a poop on average? Uh.

it depends if I'm really If I'm like on. my phone, I can you know, I can sit. there literally forever. But 12 I mean, come on, man. 12 seconds. On average, a bowel movement takes about. 12 seconds? That's a I'm going to I'm going to show. my wife that next time she's on the seat. and be like, bro, you got 12 seconds. [laughter]. Get the [ __ ] back in here with these. kids, dude. No [ __ ] breaks. Oh my god, so it's more of a rodeo than. it is really like a relaxing thing. I. guess I Who made it Who made poop. relaxing? [laughter]. Somebody hit him with the max. Oh, so it's the maximum. to 15 minutes. [laughter].

12 seconds is crazy, dude. 12 seconds is crazy. Who could even do. 12 seconds? Oh, that guy that um Who's. that bull rider? Damn, [snorts] look, they say it's. relaxing cuz it stimulates the vagal. nerve. You got If you ride a bull, you could. probably poop very fast. There you go. JB Mauney right there. Give me money, whatever they say it. Mauney. Mooney? I don't know. What's his deal? He's like. the number one bull rider? Yeah, he passed away, though. Did he really?

No, he's not dead. What did die from? Oh, I'm not sure. Yo, what's Is he Is he uh. Oh, never mind. He's on Instagram. He's. good. Okay, he's not dead? Yeah, my bad. sitting on another cowboy's lap if I'm. not I don't care. Yeah. He's a bull rider. He can do whatever he. wants, but. Look, after you've ridden a bull, I. think. [laughter]. being gay is easy. True. That is true. Yeah, after you've ridden a bull, being. gay has got to be like that's child's. for children, you. Easy peasy cake. That is true. Being gay after a bull ride.

Gay sex just staying on the back of a. dude. You couldn't get that guy off. Mhm. [clears throat]. If you trying to buck him off you, he'd. be no problem. God. He'd be spinning around on you. He'd be. like, "Dude, get off.". Yeah. He'd be eating funnel cakes. [laughter]. He's guessing your weight while you're. [ __ ] Hey, he's like, "Step right up." That's crazy though. So, you were Yeah, I I usually I you. will usually. poop two three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday usually. You're I was about to say your Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Yeah, I'm I'm every day, bro. I'm every. day. Weekends If I miss for sure. That's. when I really chill, but if it's like. [laughter]. Yeah, it's your weekend. You're. [ __ ]. Definitely, dude. Oh my god. I look forward It's such a like a relax. The one thing I will say. um Have you ever [ __ ] while you're. really stoned? Mhm. That's uncomfortable. I've done that. before. Like I've taken like a strong. weed edible and like you have to take a. dump in the middle of it and it's just. like. it's the worst I think it's the worst. part of it. Oh, that seems crazy. It's very wretched. Yeah, you get like very much like kind.

of like you know, you feel like an. animal and you're like, "What am I. doing?". Yeah. a gross [ __ ] and you're high. It's not. good. That makes me sad. Yeah, it is. It literally just makes you. sad. You're like high, you think. everything's cool, then you take a. disgusting [ __ ]. Well, imagine Yeah, say if you Some. people used to get their pets high or. whatever, you know? And then watching. your dog like my buddy's. uh would get his dog high, I guess. I. think this is when it was legal or. something. And he would get it high and. then it would start to poop and it would. fall over. It would just It couldn't. even um. It [ __ ] their legs up. Yeah, when dogs.

eat weed, it [ __ ] their legs up. If. they eat mushrooms, they're sharp as. tacks. Really? Yeah. My inadvertently, my dog ate a. little bit of mushrooms one time. No problem. He. In Austin? No, this was back in Philly. He ate a. little bit of weed one time and he was. he couldn't walk. Yeah. had to hold him and just, you know, we. spent like we just like watched a movie. I watched a movie and just held him. Oh, that's cool. is not good for dogs. Mushrooms, I would. argue. Yeah? He was chilling. And it would be great to see if dogs. started using shrooms or whatever just. to see how they kind of started to put.

new things together. That would be. pretty fascinating. Dude, I I will say he was kind of more. well-behaved. I I could could just be. me, but he like never listened and he. inadvertently It was like an accident. I. had like. I made like put something in like a. little tea bag and I I threw it in the. trash and he ate the tea bag. Yeah. I. was like, "Shit." And he I just let him. outside and he just zoomed around and. went back in. I was like, "All right.". That's pretty cool. How How do dogs do. on mushrooms? Can we bring that up. actually? I can't believe this isn't a huge study. or something. We did They get into edibles all the. time. That is like for real a problem.

Yeah, there's always that stoned kid in. your high school who used that laser and. he's like, "Yeah, yeah.". Yeah, it's it's really once you like. yeah, it's. Okay, that's toxic. Funny doggie psychoactive shrooms. There you go. This guy looks like he's. struggling, dude. [laughter]. This guy looks like he's not having a. good time. Woah, bro. He might have done a heroic dose. This little mixed fellow is [ __ ] Oh, wow, bro. Dude, that's like your. marriage, dude. Uh. [laughter]. Shortly after this, I rush him to the. vet.

Oh my god, what was that with Roxy? It. found wild shrooms growing. This guy is such a liar. No, they. didn't. Yeah. How the [ __ ] did the vet realize that? [laughter]. There he goes. Wow, bro. Oh, no. Super attentive. See, my dog was My dog might have. microdosed though, so. maybe he was just more of of chilling. The person filming them is so wicked. She didn't seem afraid. She didn't seem. afraid of fact, the opposite. She seemed. to be enjoying the experience. All.

right. I mean, maybe so. But this kind of shows you if humans. start like they some people say that. there's the stoned ape theory or. whatever, you know? That if that humans. ate that apes ate mushrooms and that's. how we eventually evolved. You could start to see it with this dog. like, yeah. He's on This dog is onto something. Yeah. Yeah, I Dude, I I think there is. something to that though, the stoned ape. theory. I don't think it's that crazy. Cuz our brain size like, I don't know if. it like doubled. It like grew very. quickly out of nowhere. Did it really?

Yeah. Back in like the day, our brains were. like small and then out of nowhere they. were just psh. And they found And then it. They don't know why it happened. They. have no idea. I guess they looked at. like skull sizes and they're like, damn. it. Yeah. Something happened where our. brains just went nuts. According to current understanding, the. human brain roughly doubled in size over. a period of around 2 million years. Here we go. With the most rapid expansion happening. between 800,000 and 200,000 years ago, marking a significant brain boom. But I think dogs have been around. forever. Are their Are their brains.

growing too or like. It's a great question. Have dogs' brains evolved? Human brains have tripled in size since. the beginning of the human family tree. which dates back around 7 million years. ago. Wow. So, our brains are getting. bigger. See, this for me ties straight. into like believing If you look at an. alien, right? Your usual picture of an. alien. It's this body that has no. definition. Yep. Huge head. Exactly. It's like that's all Eventually, that's. what we'll turn into. That's where we are. It's like this You don't need to use any. muscle. Everything's there. Food comes.

into your body through a tube, leaves. out. You don't have to poop three times. a a week and or a day and on weekends. probably They're probably pretty regular. though. Aliens? No, you definitely [laughter] not. That's like what You know sloths [ __ ]. like once a month. No way. Come. from the tree and they just [ __ ] every. 30 days like a enormous pile of [ __ ]. Must take an hour bring it up. Takes a while. It's It's pretty funny. They come down real slow. Once a week, my bad. My bad. Sloths use you poop once a week. Now. that makes sense, man.

Daily women sloths daily when they're in. heat. I must be in heat then. That's probably why I'm dumping all the. time. I'm so damn horny. I wonder if cuz I wonder if there's a if. there's like um. Yeah, I wonder if there's if your body. wants to have poop in it or it doesn't. Probably doesn't. Doesn't. Yeah, I would say not. I would. say it doesn't. It's It I mean it's you. feel so much better. When you don't have it in you? How does it feel so the fact that you do. that every couple days is that kind of. like beating off where it feels great. like if you hold it in for 3 days?

Well, it definitely feels more of like. an organized crime, you know? Really? Yeah, it's like more It's just not you. know it's just [ __ ] showing up and. you just [ __ ] It's not like it's a like. you're spraying bullets in the air, [laughter] you know? It feels like. you've just got that [ __ ] John Wilkes. poop, you know? You [ __ ] rolled. [laughter] up with one [ __ ] purpose, you know? it's just like you'll. Damn, very organized, very Japanese. almost like. Really? Yeah. You feel it coming and you're like I. knew this moment would arrive. Yes, it's [ __ ] yeah. It's like you. paid extra for the wrapping. It's like.

it's just very. feels like how it's supposed to happen. Not somebody the second they get a. bullet in the gun they just. Not like as soon as you wake up every. day. Yeah, they just. [laughter]. spray it at the neighbors. I will say waking up in the middle of. the night and having to [ __ ] is. upsetting. Oh. Cuz then you're you're you're in total. darkness and then you kind of have to. like turn on the light Yeah, that's. terrible. And wouldn't make the cuz all you have. to do is go back to sleep. You do not. have to. Yeah. Nothing in the world is saying, "Hey, poop now. Save yourself some time." or.

whatever like [laughter]. You can just. You're saying it's like a life hack to. [ __ ] in the middle of the. [laughter]. Some people That's what some people. think, dude. It's like. They think it's a life hack. I'm like, "What? It is not a life hack.". Well, I've. to ignore it, but it's like, you know, you can ignore, you can like wake up and. you're like, "Ah, I kind of got to pee.". But you're like, "Ah, I'm good." Then. you wake up and like your side [ __ ]. hurts and you're like, "Oh, shit." But. if you try to hold in a dump and go to. sleep, it's like you just got to get out. of bed. Well, but the crazy thing is sometimes. you'll get up, sometimes you'll see you. sit down, right? You sit down.

and then the problem is you start to. doze off, right? That's the worst. It's how Elvis died. Yeah? Yeah, he just dozed off while [ __ ]. and he died. Well, dozing and offing and dying are. different. [laughter]. It's dangerous when you [ __ ] while. you're sleeping. Yeah, Elvis. so tired [laughter] he ain't coming. back. Yeah, it is uh it just sucks. You like. especially when you turn the lights on. from pitch blackness, you just like you. see like the veins in your thighs and. [ __ ] and you're just like yeah, it's. disgusting. [clears throat]. It's very sad and then here's the worst. thing that can happen to you. You know, there's a video of a guy like his house.

caught on fire or something. He was on. the um. he was on the toilet. and then his but his leg but his leg had. fallen asleep and so then he had to run. out and he came to the door. No. Just you serious? That that happens a lot. If you're. sitting there for a long time, your legs. will fall asleep. Yeah, that that is a problem. I've. really I got a nasty hemorrhoid one. time. I'm sorry that the subject. matters. we never yeah, we we don't talk about. this kind of stuff much, so I think it's. okay. We should talk about it more. Cuz people should be okay talking about. it. It's not crazy. Yeah, it happens all the time. This is.

actually important. I thought you could. just sit on the toilet forever and just. like scroll your phone and kind of like. hide from your family, but I got a. hemorrhoid. And dude, that. I looked it up and like if you sit there. for too long I like to read and stuff on. the toilet. Now that's why I'm all. business. I'm in and out cuz like dude, those things suck. Okay. And they come from sitting there too. long. Well, yeah, your body it's crazy cuz. your body literally wants to get out of. your ass, which is like. [clears throat]. it's it's like you would think your. body's happy like the insides of you, but they're like, "Nah.". No, dude, it's non-stop. Come they're just peeking around the.

corner. Yeah, your body never gets a break. You. sleep, thank God, but your cells are. still moving, they brain you know, you. It gets a [ __ ] true rest. That's true, man. It's got to be [ __ ]. Yeah, man. I I I I I I couldn't believe. um. Yeah, I guess I just I I guess I just I. can't believe how much some people do. Cuz to me, pooping feels like you have. to earn it. Yeah. You know, if you just. if somebody just, you know, yeah, I'll. go [ __ ] or whatever. I got some time to. kill. Like that's. [laughter]. crazy to me, dude.

That is true. You got to wait till it's. there. you know? No, you're absolutely right. Franz Ferdinand or whatever. You think. you're like a prince of [laughter]. royals or whatever. Like what are you. even. I used to be able to pee. I think I can. still do it. I can pee at any time. I. can make myself pee. at any point. any point. I can get pee out. It's. weird. So somebody runs up, gun to the head, pee now. Dude, I literally I So I when I was. little, I was like down the beach with. like my cousins and stuff. And we were. like out of bed. We were like real.

little. We're [ __ ] around. We're. supposed to be in bed. We were just. running around. And my uncle came down. He's like, "I told you guys go to bed.". And I was like, "Oh, I got to pee." And. I didn't have to pee. He's like, "Prove. it." And he made me and my cousin. [laughter]. And I [ __ ] was just like, "We'll. see." And I just peed. And ever since, I. just known how to do it. My It was like. my, you know, It's your superpower. I was about to say that is my. superpower. I can pee at any time. That's awesome. And my It was like dude, my uncle was. like, go It was like a [ __ ] like a. probation officer. He's like, "Go ahead. and pee." I had to like put my back to. him. And I was like, "Come on. Come on.

Come on." And. I was pumped. Dude, I would always get nervous in the. locker room or whatever that might be. Penis wasn't good or whatever, you know. And. um cuz my brother also was an [ __ ]. He would take a marker and write like. not good next to my penis. [laughter]. And I was like, "What an asshole." And. so I was always like super paranoid, you. know. But I would always like try to. like shake it against my leg to get it. fired up before I turn around in the. locker room or whatever, you know. No, that's dude, that's that's a real. thing though. If you're at a rest stop, I don't know why, but when you're. peeing, you can kind of like. peripherally see other dicks. Like like.

just out of like the very corners of. your eye, and they always look just. enormous every single time. I don't know if you've ever encountered. that, but it's. Yeah, I don't have I don't have I don't. have I don't I don't get that. I got a crazy peripheral. Really? And I'm just tormented, dude. I'm. peeing, I'm like, "Oh my god.". Just hogs everywhere, huh? Hog [laughter] country. It's just wild hogs out. Razorback fans. It's just wild hogs out there. Bill Clinton just [ __ ]. [laughter]. I just always pull my balls up to the. urinal, just so if anyone catches me, they're like, "Yo, shit.". Well, it should be where if you squeeze.

your balls, that stuff goes in your. weiner and makes it bigger. That's what. God should have done. That would be good design, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Or make your balls squa- Like I always. wanted to stack my balls. I always wish. that they were um. [laughter]. squared or whatever. I agree. When you mean business, you're like, "All right, motherfucker.". Stacking them up would be nice. Just. roll them. Daddy's stacking it in a sack right now. Somebody's about to get an ass whooping. And then I'm going to go [ __ ] this. weekend. Stacking nuts would be decent. That'd be. nice. [laughter]. Stacking your nuts to take a [ __ ].

Over at Ronald's like, "Pee right now.". You're like, "Ooh, or check this out.". He's like, "Yeah, have you stacked your. nuts?". You can come drink a beer with me, dude. [ __ ] this. Yeah, he felt like an architect, didn't. he? [laughter]. God damn. Wow. You know, um. I've I've been dealing with it a lot. I'll say it. It's dehydration. You know, my arms are just whether I've. been flying or. um you go to work out and then you're on. the go and next thing you know, you're. you're feeling chapped or you're just. feeling like your body's just made out.

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Go to shipstation.com. and use code Theo to sign up for your. free 60-day trial. That means throughout. the holidays, you can try it out. That's. ShipStation, s h i p s t a t i o n dot. com, code Theo. Um happy anniversary, dude. Thank you, man. You just had a five-year anniversary. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Did you guys do something special for. it? Or how does that kind of work? Do you. feel like you have to?

No, I I don't, but you know, um, I I'm not really like the I'm not big on. milestones and stuff. You know, obviously we like we did something. I. don't know what we did. I think we went. out to dinner. Um, but no, we didn't really do anything. that crazy. 10 10 maybe we'll do. something cool. But especially when you. have little kids, it's like you can't. really do We can't go on like a trip. I. mean, we could, but it's like. it's just a pain in the ass. You're gone. for a few days. They're freaking out. So, yeah, we just chilled, man, you. know, we're just. five years. Trying to do five more, you know.

Yeah. it is. Does it feel Did it feel kind of. exciting? You did you have a moment for. yourself where you were like, "Wow, that's pretty cool" or. Well, to be fair, I I originally I. thought we had been together for 10. years total. So, I originally was like. together 10 years, married for five, and. she's like, "Dude, we've been together. for nine years." I was like, "Right on. Right on." Yeah. So, I was kind of. stoked. I was like, "Damn, we've been. It's like the longest relationship I've. ever been in.". Yeah. I was like, "That's kind of sick.". Let me tell you that. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, five years of marriage is very, um, that's a big deal now. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. It's the five They. They claim that the the true power.

struggle lasts for five The first five. years are a giant power struggle, where. you both try to like you know, who's who. gets to say this, who gets to like. there's a million little things you have. to like hammer out agreements on. Like. how full like it's Am I not being silly? It's like how full should the trash get? Should you put this stuff away? You. know, there's just a bunch of stuff. sure. I can only imagine that. And you have a power struggle, who gets. to say what, and you know. So, it's like. I I think it it's I think it's kind of. real cuz it has subsided a lot in terms. of like just bickering over stupid [ __ ]. Do you look forward to seeing your wife. when you get home and stuff? I do. I look forward to I look forward. to seeing her, the kids. Especially if.

they go away. Yeah, dude, there's a. there's a post. That's We were. That's you? Yeah, bro. That's when I was I was a bad. boy back then. Oh my god. That's That was us now. There you go. that, dude. That's cool. But yeah, the kids the the kids are the. big ones, man. They run and give you a. big hug, but it's like it's just nice to. have like the central unit every day to. go back to. Do Is there ever moments where the kids. favor one of the other and that hurts. your feelings? the time. Oh bro. All the time. See it all the time. That would break my heart. They when they're really little, they.

don't want anything to do with the dad. for the most part, which is like all. right, I can deal with that. And now. they're like they're rolling with me. But they'll go back and forth between. like who they want to put them to bed. And like honestly though when they're. like we want mommy to put us to bed. I'm. like all right, you know, I'm like. whatever. Right. But I could they would do that. They. would like they were all about me for a. while and I could see it would like hurt. my wife's feelings a lot. Yeah. they always switch back. Eventually. they'll be like [ __ ] you. We want mom. And it's like if one of us are away, they want the other one. Yeah. It's like the portal in the. football or whatever. The what? They're like we're I'm hitting the. portal. I'm going to mom.

[laughter]. Yeah for real. But. She's got NIL Lunchables over here. As long as you're together, I think it's. you know, it's cool. But like the. separating man, that's such a nightmare. to navigate it seems like cuz then it's. like you have two different houses, you. know, and I I know myself. I'd make my. house more fun than hers. So you can start doing that [ __ ] and. it's just like. getting big speakers and [ __ ]. It'd be so nasty dude. But it's also. like yeah, it's it's just hard. Like. yeah, I think what is it like 40 I think. mar- divorce is actually going down, but. it's still like 45% of marriages get. divorced.

That's crazy. What is it? [cough and clears throat]. Yeah, I want. Do you have a key you feel like Oh, let. me see. In the United States the. percentage of marriages that end in. divorce varies by the number of times a. couple has been married. Interesting. I'm this is my second through. So I'm. I'm not the odds are not in my favor. Wow. So first marriages 41% of first. marriages end in divorce. Second. marriages 60%. Third marriages 73%. Yeah. Fourth marriage is just a man. Yeah. [laughter]. Fourth marriage is 100% of the time end.

in divorce. [laughter]. Yeah. The Yeah man, it's you know, what. were you asking if there's any Is there. any like secrets? you have a secret like do you have. something that you feel like you've kind. of honestly learned or like. you've been like, this this is helped or. this is something that I had to adjust. about myself or anything like that? Yeah. For me, it's like. I can only speak for myself, but it's. like and I think you could say to other. people, but it's like you as a person. you have massive blind spots as like the. stuff you do that's like not great.

And it it takes a lot when you get input. on those things. It's so easy to be like. [ __ ] you, shut up, you don't know what. you're talking about. But over time, it. can almost like give you insight into. aspects of yourself that you're like. yeah, I could probably change this a. little bit. Or even in like the heat of. arguments, I'll. hear something she'll say and in my head. I'll before I even have time, I'll be. like, [ __ ] that, that's [ __ ] Then. there'll be a part of my brain where. like, [ __ ] that's kind of valid, but. I'll be like, [ __ ] this, I'm not losing. this argument. So you start to like get.

better at like being like, you're right, that was [ __ ] up of me. And then also. like you have to be like, but this is. something, you know. So it's just like. learning how to communicate and in order. to communicate you have to. take in a lot of like kind of bad stuff. about yourself without like completely. just getting floored to level 10. Which. you don't even realize is happening. Right. makes sense. Well, I guess you have somebody that you. I guess you like, okay, I trust my. spouse. I care about them, so I'm going. to listen to some of their feedback. Yeah. And and like it's one of those. especially if you're if you're like. simultaneously bothering each other,

you're programmed to be like the thing. you're doing is worse than the thing you. think I'm doing. And you have to like. take perspective and be like all right, that's valid and it just like it. literally feels like you're moving like. an 800 lb stone to just be like, all. right, maybe that is something annoying. I do. Maybe that is a personal weakness. of mine. It's just [ __ ] hard. But you. learn how to do I think it helps in the. long run. Yeah. But, you know, it's just like. there's just so many facets to it. Cuz. then you have kids, then it's like, well. who gets to dictate like the philosophy. of the house and the flow of things. It's just a [ __ ] lot, dude. It's just.

Yeah, do you have conversations like. about that kind of stuff? time. You have to talk about that kind. of stuff all the time and it's like. Like how do we how should we parent? Yeah. Wow, that's cool, though. But then. can't do it in front of the kids. But. then you're you as it's going on you. Right. every cell in your body is like, "Say it. now." and you have to whole sit there. and wait and then like there's never a. good time. So then either it's night. time or it's like right before bed. Like. something that actually bothered me. today. It's like that's not a good time. You can't do it first thing in the. morning. And you can't do that thing where you. just in the room but being loud but. being quiet. You ever do that [ __ ]. Yeah.

I'll do I'm the king of that. Yeah. down and just be like. [sighs]. What's the matter? Nothing. [laughter]. Just wait for 3 days and be like, "Actually what was bothering me the. other night. [laughter]. You been [ __ ] just picking your skin. off in the garage and [ __ ] drinking. PBRs back there. God, dude. Yeah, that's so wild. Being. loud but being quiet is the craziest. behavior. Oh, it's insane. in the world. I see someone else do it, I'm like, "What are you [ __ ] crazy?" But I'll.

definitely be like. [sighs]. Yeah. you don't even realize you're doing it. I'll get into bed and just be like I'll. hear her be like, "What's the matter?". I'm like, "Why?" She's like, "You just. sighed heavily." And I'm like, "Did I?". I don't know if I did that. [laughter]. So yeah, it's uh. it's good, you know what I mean? It's. it's one of those things you don't know. cuz it's like. it's like you hear like. uh what do you call it? Like in it I'm. it's not a slam on Matt Rife. He had. that special red flags. And it's not. like that taps into a big thing of like. online dating all the stuff where it's. like if anyone exhibits any sign of.

weakness, that's a red flag. Abandon. ship immediately. But everybody has them and if. Eventually you got And again, I'm not. slamming the Rife man for that. It was. just he's tapping into like. No, that's just. popular consciousness of all the young. online daters. Totally. But it's like this like red flag. philosophy is like. Everybody has red flags. Exactly. are you going to do? Now you just. everybody's like, "Fuck everybody.". Yeah. Not everybody's [ __ ] dope as. hell, dude. Everyone's got [ __ ] major. issues going on. You think everybody's Spuds MacKenzie. [laughter] or whatever? Yeah, dude. It's like. Out of your mind.

So And that's the thing where it's like. you have to like, you know and I I think. couples counseling is a great thing. A. lot of people like it's a [ __ ] waste. of time. If you got to do that it's. already over and it's like I think it's. great. Oh, yeah. it enters a it's the best thing cuz. you're arguing it's like I'm the boss. I'm the boss and you just clash. You. give the authority to a another figure. and then it's like when you do couples. counseling. if your wife's right it gets to like. kind of instead of like hitting you like. a laser beam it goes to that person they. kind of can relay it's like the I don't. know how to explain it but it's like. every now and again.

the other person with you know with like. degrees and [ __ ] will be like actually. your husband's right about this and. you're just like. It's like using Starlink kind of. Yeah kind of is yeah. You get to it just. I think it's great for people. Yeah. And it's like it just helps cuz it's. like you don't want to hear it from the. other person. You know what I mean? Like. if like my wife's telling me something. I'm like I don't want to hear that [ __ ]. If she tells him then he tells me I'm. like that is actually a fantastic point. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be a dick it just. No bro it's got I mean people have have. to. How do you bridge a topic? Say there's. something you want to talk to your wife. about? How do you kind of do it?

Dude so I've learned before I would just. boil quietly and then like explode. Oh yeah. What is that like. [laughter]. just like violent Irish? Like the Irish hello they call it. Exactly exactly. Yeah exactly another [ __ ] thing. Well. what I do now. freckles of flying across the. [laughter]. They're just bouncing off each other. Yeah the. it well the problem is it's like all. right here I have a piece of information. if I relay to this person they're going. to have a big emotional reaction that's. going to get me all upset so I'll just.

keep it to myself. And so eventually what I learned to do. is be like. I got to tell you something and this is. actually going to this could potentially. get you upset. So like that way they're. they're not caught off guard they're. like that catches them and they're like. all right they have time to prepare. themselves and then you hit them with. the information rather than just being. like. Yeah that really [ __ ] bothered me. like 3 days ago and that you know. they're just like what the [ __ ] is this? So I you have to like for me it's like I. have to preface the fact that I'm about. to bring up something that could be. potentially upsetting. That's kind of a good way to do it. Due to work so much it works so much. better. Cuz then they're not [clears throat] a.

then they're also not thinking that you. also wanted to catch me off guard. So. and that's two things you're doing. Yeah. You're telling them something that's. going to upset them and then you're also. surprising them. Exactly. And with this you're like. I don't know, it shows you care to be. like, "Hey, I don't want to upset you. but I have no other choice than to relay. this information to you. So. prepare yourself. Now here's the. information that 1,000% of the time or. it works like 1,000% better every time. Cuz it sucks. Yeah, you got to share. stuff constantly back and forth. That's. just like not great. And that's why I.

think it is long-term it's good to be in. long-term relationships. I I think but. it's like everyone's different. That's. the other thing. Yeah. So, could be [ __ ] you know, maybe. some people might not be the thing. So. Yes, it's it's tough it's tough to. figure out. I mean. I don't know anything. The question then is like how much flak. do you take like how much stress do you. take before you're supposed to call it. quits? There's no real answer to that. Right. Like yeah, where do they yeah, where how does that go? Yeah, I'm. watching some friends and stuff go. through divorces and it's really.

challenging but then I'm also watching. friends stay together who are trying to. just battle it and figure it out because. that's what they want the story of their. life to be, you know? I think. be terrible, too. Cuz that can get to. the place where you just I've I've been. in houses where it's like. the parents [ __ ] hate each other. They don't talk to each other. That's. could be even worse, honestly. Yeah, dude. We had a dude on our street. when I was growing up he tried to burn. his family down like three [ __ ] times. and his wife stayed with him every time. I was like what are you guys doing? Like. that's. For real? Yeah. Like you are dumb, lady. Yeah. He was and everybody knew, you know?

Everybody knew how much he didn't like. her. Yeah. [snorts]. I would say. I would say. She tried to. cook the house. Yeah, yeah. Just [ __ ] a dude but. animals you know, people. people are animals. You know, raccoons. will eat their young. just so another so they'll go in heat so. another raccoon will come and have sex. with them again. What? That's crazy behavior. They'll eat their babies to get piped. down? [laughter]. That's so that I'm not saying what city. this is happening in. but I'm just saying that yes, dude.

So they'll for real, that's crazy. Cuz. what just munching your baby puts you in. heat? Yep, male raccoons, also known as boars, can kill a baby raccoon, a practice. called infanticide. This can happen for a number of reasons. including sexual dominance. Oh, they'll Oh, they'll kill Okay, so. the mom won't Wait, the mom won't eat. it. The dad raccoon will kill the baby. so the mom can't come up with any. [ __ ] excuses. not to want to make love. Yeah, I'd be like, "I'm tired." And I'd. be like, "Oh, you think you're [ __ ]. Just gobble the babies and be like, "We're [ __ ] now.".

[laughter]. Wow. I know you love this [ __ ] you nasty. little. I'm turning this living room into a soup. plantation right now. [laughter]. That's bonkers, dude. Damn, their their like romantic novels. must be crazy, too. Just a [ __ ] cover of a jacked raccoon. with a baby in his mouth. Some woman. like. that raccoon [laughter]. that plays dead and he put that. broomstick over him to make it look like. it hit him? You haven't? Find that video, bro. [laughter]. Unbelievable. [snorts]. That's crazy. I didn't know that though.

Um. [laughter]. This [clears throat] is the [ __ ]. craziest thing I've ever seen in my. life. They're so. Raccoons are rad, dude. I love raccoons. They're very un uh. Yeah, they're like. [ __ ] mafia squirrels, dude. They are. serious about this [ __ ]. Yeah, they're Dude, they're bear family. It's crazy. Yeah, keep looking for it and find it if. you can for me. It's a video. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Um. what else been happening, man? How's. things been? I got this aura ring so I've been. tracking my biometric data. That's been.

kind of fun. Nah-uh. Yeah, it does stress, does sleep. It's. pretty It's pretty cool. What? Yeah. even seen that. Can you take it off or. you can't? Yeah, I can take it off, yeah. Take it. Check it out. So it's just a ring and it brings up the. information. sleep, it tracks your stress. Oh, here you go. Yeah, this is great. Look at this. What the [ __ ]. I don't This is a couple minutes long. Maybe we'll see. What is that thing? Yo.

That's a good guy, dude. [laughter]. It's a flying squirrel. Dude. That's nuts. Wow. And that's on uh. That's what happened. It's somebody you meet on Craigslist. [laughter] for sure. Dude, we got the guy from Craigslist. coming on. What? Craig. Do you really? Yeah, next week. What the hell? Pretty excited about that. Dude, you know how many [ __ ] that. guy's responsible for? Yeah. Like for real, millions. That's crazy.

Free. There's There's got to be a ton of kids. out there that happened because of him. Probably too. Yeah, true. I didn't think. about that. Bro, I met a woman once. She We met at a. bar, right? Met her off of personal. encounters or whatever. Mhm. Met her at a bar, figured it uh. I didn't You know, I figured that if she. wouldn't be Who knows? I figured she. might be a man or whatever, but. hopefully she wasn't. Nice. That was kind of my attitude. And then I go there, bro. Smoking hot,

bro. What? I'm like, you got to be kidding me. This. lady's going to kill me or whatever, drink my blood or whatever. Yeah. So, goes back to my place. She covered anything in my place that. had any light, closed all covered the. VCR thing, like every in no light at. all. I do that, by the way. You do? I don't like [ __ ] lights when I'm. sleeping. I I would put like tape. for sex she did it. Oh, she did it for sex Oh, she didn't. want the cam, probably. You think I'm just going to invite. somebody over just to [ __ ] sleep at. my. [laughter]. place, bro? You got to get to know her, dude. You think I'm going to [ __ ] Bro,

[laughter] meeting somebody and then. letting them sleep at your house is. really is a crazy practice now. Dude, it was casual encounters, dude. That's true. That's pretty casual. You're right. You're right. You're. right. Why am I trying to make it more. [laughter] than it is. So she covered every source of light and. then had sex with you? Yeah. What did you think about that? I don't know. It was. I was willing to do it. I knew that, but. I didn't know much else after I just. knew it was very interesting. I couldn't. tell if she didn't want to see me if she. was scared. Yeah, maybe she was nervous.

that there was a camera or something. Yeah, what's what's the if you don't. mind me asking what's that Craigslist. [ __ ] like? Uh I don't remember it that good, but it. was pretty. it was fine, I guess. It was you know. it was you know norm you know pretty. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like. normal. a normal woman. I'm glad that worked out for you. Every. time I've I've sold a lot of things on. Craigslist just like I've sold cars on. Craigslist. I've bought like I think I. bought like a Gameboy Advance for my. sister on here for Christmas. Do you ever meet anyone like buy or sell.

anything? No, people are getting attacked. A buddy. of mine was buying some walkie-talkies. or trying to sell some walkie-talkies. and then he got [ __ ] jumped. Did he really? Yeah. Dude, everyone I've met from Craigslist. I just assume they die like 10 minutes. after we meet. They always like seem. like they're on their last leg. Every. time I sell someone I'm like that guy's. definitely dead. As soon as I like he. would buy like a car I'm like well that. guy's gone. That guy had a heart attack in the car. One time on [laughter] Craigslist. we were like we had a fireplace I mean. it was the first time I'd ever had a. fireplace so I was like we got to use. this. Me and my friend were sharing a.

living room, dude. It's my buddy's. apartment so we had like put beds in the. living room and we had a fireplace in. there like let's make it nice, you know. That's pretty cool, yeah. It was really exciting. [clears throat]. Did you ever tell people that it was. your spot, but your boy was just. crashing? Yeah, I'd say he's in from the army. That's what I. [laughter]. Me and my friend shared a bedroom in a. college same thing. I think yeah, I'm. going to let my buddy crash in that top. bunk, man. I just feel bad for the guy. That's what I would say. He's on leave. from the army and we had a we even had a. fake army [clears throat] bag that was. just stuffed with sheets and we put it. by the [laughter] extra bed. That's awesome. That's awesome.

We uh so one day we're like if we. we need firewood, right? So that's what. you have to have. So, we find we look on. the thing free firewood, right? Or. something. It's like 13 mi away. We just. moved to LA. Took us an hour and 30. minutes to go get it. It was out like. Diamond Bar. Mhm. And we drive all the way out there and. it's just like somebody had like. literally taken like a big shiffer robe. or something and just. batted it together with a bat beating. the [ __ ] out of it with an axe. And so, it's just chipped up [ __ ] wood, right? So, it's we have we put it into.

my buddy's [ __ ] hatchback. Just. filled this thing with chips of wood. Bring it all the way back. Dude, we. burned all that wood in like 12 minutes. kindling, yeah. [laughter]. It took like an entire day. Damn, that sucks. Oh, LA was so hard in the beginning, man. We bought a refrigerator off. Craigslist. Yeah. We get it home. This was on my birthday. And it wouldn't go in the [ __ ] We were. literally running against it and trying. to push it in, dude. I remember leaning. against it and just [ __ ] crying, bro.

Uh, dude, I I had to move myself one. time and I was trying to get a. box spring up to the second floor of the. bedroom and it same thing, it wouldn't. fit and it was I dropped it, let it fall. and just cried on the same same thing. It's so frustrating, dude. Lest we forget. Dude, just moving and not being able to. fit something. It's like, I'm like, where am I going to get another box. spring from? Yeah. I'm just pissed off I'm carrying this. thing by myself. And it's just you just go clang and. you're like, dude, [ __ ]. And life just wins and you just can't do. it anymore. Yeah. God.

got a box spring, either. That was just. it. I just put a mattress down. I was. like, thought I could have a box spring. being a normal guy. Yeah. No, it sucks. Dude, my buddy, I used to sleep under. his bed for a while and he. would have girls come over and they'd. always go to the restroom or something. before they were going to make out and. he'd come in there. He'd wake me up. And he'd be like, don't [ __ ]. And he'd But, he'd wake me up and tell. me to don't wake up, right? Don't be jacking off down there. Who is this crazy like. [laughter]. I wasn't going to wake up. I was being. asleep. Yeah, I was going. He'd be like, dude, don't [ __ ] wake. up. I got a chick over.

[laughter]. All right. So, you were just [ __ ] like vampire. underneath. 150 bucks a month, dude. That's not bad. That was a great deal, man, when I was. there. real under the bed like a like a monster. or was it like a loft kind of thing? [laughter] Were you like How How much. space did you have? How much space did you have under. Just [ __ ] put this. [laughter]. My hand just creeps out the edge. Was it like the loft style setup and you. were just going to. No, but it was a nice bed, pretty high. bed. Okay, so you got like.

Yeah, I had probably I would say 20 in. under there. Not bad. Did you you get scared when you woke up? Yeah, probably 19 in. Uh a couple times. You start to You. You start to adapt. That makes sense cuz I only have one. experience. I slept in my cousin's house. one time when I was little and I slept. on the floor, but I like would move. around while I was sleeping and I ended. up with like half of my body under his. bed and I freaked out when I woke up. So, I didn't know where the [ __ ] I was. Looked up and I was like, "What the. fuck?" Scary. But that must have been sick to be. laying under someone having sex like.

that. Yeah, well, it was And I think lucky he. did it cuz he was trying to make sure I. knew he was hooking up with chicks, you. know? He always like. He always like did that. But. Should have gave him a little just so he. would know just from the bottom of his. Just push a little with my legs up. against the bottom of. boost. Yeah, give him a little. [laughter]. His leg pressing like a quarter inch. deeper just. That would have been sick. That would. have been righteous as hell. That would have been cool. have been like, "Holy [ __ ] It's the. strength of two men.". He would have loved it, dude. [laughter].

Huh. Dude, anybody that has sex for more than. probably 6 or 7 minutes is out of their. [ __ ] mind, right? Dude, it's ridiculous, man. Thank you. God, I prayed about this. I'm. like. even to say it, I felt afraid to say it. I'm like. No. We I used to live Me and Me and. Britney lived below a couple and the guy. would just for [ __ ] like 40 minutes. just be like, and it would just never ending. We'd be. like, "Dude, come on, man.". This isn't even sexy anymore. It was It was just like, "Dude, what are. Yeah, it's all Yeah, it's like, what are.

you doing? Go [ __ ]. Yeah, dude. [laughter] You just go to. anything else. Yeah. I agree. I It's. I mean, if you really getting after it, 12 minutes top. 12 minutes is crazy. Yeah, on a par like on a. um six. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. One, two is like understandable. Yeah. It happens. But. You have to definitely. Yeah, I would get so nervous. Sometimes. I would get off and I'd be like, what. was that? And I'd run out of there. Just. [ __ ] Like, you know, Oh, you hear that or something? I'd run.

out of the [ __ ] room or something. Wait, what do you mean? Like if I would get you know, ejaculate. early or whatever. Oh, true. Yeah. What the [laughter] [ __ ] is that? Did you feel that earthquake? What the [ __ ] was that? And I'd just. [ __ ] run out of the room. [laughter]. Come back like 10 minutes later with my. clothes on. Just not even saying. anything. Although I I feel like women secretly I. mean, not even secretly, they'd much. prefer that than like if you just. couldn't. finish. It devastates women. If you can't finish? finish, dude, they. you know, people like say like guys are. bad at being like, "Oh, [ __ ] you.

didn't come." But like if a dude doesn't. come ever, like women women will. implode. But that's I think the new move is not. like just coming for just fun like. just. party coming or whatever. Like people. are just coming for fun. I think that's. kind of those days are over. Yeah. I mean, do you mean like. personally or just kind of like in the. for me. Yeah. Like, I It's like I want. to just. I want to be the guy that kind of, you. know, ejaculates like with a purpose or. whatever. Is that crazy? What the [ __ ]. am I talking about, dude? No. That's. That's insane. What am [laughter] I.

[ __ ]. I think I'm Steven Douglas and [ __ ]. ejaculations, dude. [laughter]. Yeah, I think I'm doing good. I have the same fantasy though where I'm. like I'm going to really like dial it in. and and, you know, Yeah. I'll be like tired before bed and it's. like, I'm going to beat off even though. I'm not horny. That's where I'm at. Oh. You not even You don't even want to, but. you're like. That's sick. That's abuse, really. It is. And it feels like abuse. Yeah. You finish and you're like, I I. didn't need to do that. That was. It's crazy. Yeah, you feel so much shame. I feel a. ton of shame happens for me from. watching porno and watching uh myself.

jerk myself off. Watching yourself, yeah, [laughter]. true. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's. Jerk I don't mind jerking off. It's. pornography for some reason. Like when. it's over and I'm I'm still watching it. and I'm just like. If I can do like a memory beat, those I feel pretty guilt-free. Just. whack one out in the shower, just kind. of. Dude, I had a blind dude that lived with. us for a bit and we would [ __ ] I saw. him watching uh. hand porn or whatever it's called. No. Reading like braille-erotica?

Craziest thing ever, man. Really. beautiful really. I mean gay I I don't know if I mean like. yeah, I I mean it was it wasn't gay. It. was like you know. But it was pretty cool. It was like um. trying to think what movie it reminded. me of. are shaped like boobs and you're just. going, [ __ ] dude. Well, it was getting pretty crazy. [laughter]. You know. Crazy. [clears throat]. But it's just interesting to see, you. know, it's almost like watching the. nature channel. Yeah, that's kind of not Oh, there you. go. The braille superstar romance novels. [ __ ] dude.

I want to learn braille just so I can do. this. Oh, yeah. The love hypothesis. Damn, their titles. are very like poetic. It ends with us. It starts with us. around and let me see that sexy body go. boom boom. [laughter]. That's stupid. No, that was pretty sick. Yeah, it was pretty bad. Lessons in chemistry, crash and burn. These titles are good. Ooh, the Manning. sisters. What are they doing? That's. probably about Eli and Peyton Peyton. getting a trans [laughter] surgery. Dude, is Eli [laughter] Is he just get. carried along by Peyton? Is Peyton the.

one with all the pizzazz and Eli just. gets kind of carried off the field? Eli win a Did Eli win or my Peyton. definitely won Super Bowls. But I. thought Eli Eli won, not Eli. Eli won one, yeah, with the Giants. He. beat the He beat the Pats, yeah. Peyton what? Peyton won two? That's a good question. He won with. Denver, didn't he? Yeah. I think so. Oh, yeah, he did. He did. Cuz I would. have I would have thought Peyton was. definitely the guy, but apparently Eli. was kind of nasty as well. Oh, Eli was pretty wild, man. Yeah. Eli's definitely. uh. funnier to be around when I'm around the. two of them. I haven't been around him.

much. Maybe that sounds like humble. bragging. I it's not. But Peyton went to UT, so. uh you see him sometimes like in. um. in uh Nashville or in Tennessee. Uh Pay- Peyton probably. Peyton's a great actor. He's good in those commercials. Maybe he. actually had Yeah, he's pretty good. He. also he probably whooped Eli's ass, dude. Ooh, that's a great question. I dude, I can I can tell. He definitely whooped his ass. That's a great question. Dude, I uh I forgot uh you're asking me. what I've been up to. I I've been. visiting schools. I'm Now I have to like.

look at real schools cuz my my you know, my my oldest daughter's like going to. turn five, so that's like kindergarten. So yeah, she has to get to like the real. school system. Mhm. And uh we're looking at this one place. and they have plainclothes just like. guards now with guns. Mhm. So it's kind of sick. I I was like, dude, I really want to retire and become. a plainclothes just. walk around a school, just grow like a. ponytail, and just be a teacher. That's. all you do all day. You carry a gun. You. just wait for like some nerd to pop off. and you just.

blast him. Dude, [laughter]. that'd be that would be honorable, man. If like. But what if you [ __ ]. what if you start. tripping in your head and thinking that. somebody's like some kid is like. plotting and [ __ ]. the true detective. I'm Russ Cole of. school school [laughter] security. I I'd I'd have to wait till they pop. They'd have to pull out first. You think you would set a kid off? Is. that. what you're saying? [laughter]. I'm I'd be like, No, I'm saying you're saying like get. like all tripped out. Like, damn, is. this kid getting. Yeah. Like oh, Damian's up to some [ __ ].

he's packing. No, I would just wait. I. would chill. I'd do my thing. And the. moment one of those [ __ ]. pulled out the steel, I would just be. there. Ready to die and just walk them down the. [laughter]. That's your job. Mr. Walk them down Crayola style. Walk them down, bro. And if I you know, if I died, I'd die a [ __ ] hero. You can't die, dude. It's some [ __ ]. kid. He can't He has to use. two hands even to hold the gun. [laughter]. What if an adult kid And sometimes like.

crazy adults come. true. Oh, good. Yeah, that's better. Let's frame it like that. evil nerds or a [ __ ] like just wild. adult. You know, either one could get. it, yeah. Either one could get it. Oh. But it's like, dude, that would be pre-. That would be hard. I was just at the. school and it was like I got I saw the. guy cuz they were like, you know, my. wife was like, "Do you have security?". And like, "We have plainclothes." I'm. like, "Right on." And then I saw I was. like kind of sussing out like cuz I do. see people walking around. Yeah. Soon as I saw like a dude, I'm like, "Oh, there's the plainclothes security. guard.". Yeah, when I was young, we just had like. a milf with a hammer running around. [laughter]. Yeah, like if we were lucky, dude.

Yeah, we didn't have any security, man. Yeah. We didn't have [ __ ]. We did. Yeah. you need it. Now you Dude, the. plainclothes guys at a school, that'd be. so sick just walking around chilling and. knowing like, "Yeah, dude.". Damn, dude. to do is chill here. Listen to Desperado on your [ __ ]. AirPods. Nonstop. Yeah, it'd be nothing but [ __ ]. like that. Just [ __ ] Enter Sandman. Just Yeah, I. would just be getting hyped for like 30. years just being like, "Dude.". [laughter]. Let's go. Let's [ __ ] go. Walking Tall, Machine. Gun Man. [laughter].

[gasps]. Damn, dude. I Yeah, by the end of it, I'd just be tipping my hat to the. teachers like, "Ma'am.". All black leather cowboy hat. [laughter]. He's like, "Dude, can you be a little. more low-key?". Yeah. You shouldn't once a week. I'd roll tumbleweed before I walked. anywhere. I'd just kick a tumbleweed. across from me. Bro, these people should have their own. [laughter] tumbleweeds, right? Yeah, dude. Just throw it on a string. Just fish it. Yeah, yeah. A hero A hero should have a. couple tumbleweeds in front of him, dude. True. Just [ __ ] give it I would just.

kick it as I walked. Or even if some twinks dressed up like. in hay and stuff. That'd be nice. That'd be nice. Spinning around. [laughter] Like a. tauntaun. Like a Tonto. Yeah, that was [ __ ] killing me, dude. I kept [ __ ] with my wife. I was like, "Bro.". I love That's the one thing. We went to. Chicago and she was like crushing me. She's from there. So, like when we were. visiting her family, it was like, "You. got to be careful now." Like. and like they they kept calling them. like the hop-out boys, which, you know, you shouldn't give these guys like a. cool name like that. But, they were. like, "Dude, just hopping out of cars.

with AR-15s and just carjacking people.". So, my wife was [snorts] telling me. about it the whole time. She hates when. I do this. So, I'll be like, "Bro, I. wish you [ __ ] would pop out of. me with that thing." She's like, "Dude, it's not funny. It's very serious." I. was like, "Bro, it'd be the worst day of. that guy's life." She's like, "Will you. please stop? This is serious.". I was like, "I wish one of those. [ __ ] would." And And the whole. time we were there, I was like, "Please, please let those guys don't [laughter]. come.". But, yeah, you got to. Did you have a you cat a piece on you? No, I didn't have anything. I told her I. told her I was going to grab the barrel. and tie it in a knot and be like, "Get. the [ __ ] out of here, you punk.". [laughter].

Bro, your wife is going to be holding a blood. in your body. [laughter]. I just say that to [ __ ] with her. In the. reality, I would I would have [ __ ]. bailed. I'd be like, "All right, you. guys you can have the [ __ ] the car and. the family. I'm out of here, dude.". Do you think a wife likes it if the. husband has a gun on him? Definitely. These days. I think they love that [ __ ]. I mean, dude, like you could get the. most like lib lady, but you she's going. to love All libs secretly I mean, I. think I've even talked about this. before. All libs secretly want just a. red-pilled badass. In my experience. Well, well.

They want a dude with a gun. I went to. social work school. They A lot of the. women there secretly had like deeply. conservative husbands who were worked as. like financial guys. And these they were all like, you know, They just do it because they feel like. somebody has to promote what would be. idealistic. I mean, that's what a lot of. like I guess. [snorts]. I don't know. I mean, all a lot of. people's view it's just like this. Ideally, yes, it would be awesome. But, some of them it's just not practical. It's like Like I have friends that like. um. will talk to me about like, "Well, you. guys have guns here in America." and. stuff like that. And it's just.

dangerous. And why can't you guys figure. that out? And people want to have their. guns. It's like, there's no way to not. have it. Yeah. The bad guys have guns. Already, it's too late. You can't. If you do a gun drive, the good guys are. just going to give their guns away. I know. You just have to have them, dude. And what are you going to call a. policeman who does If he doesn't have a. gun, he's not coming to help you. He's done. Yeah, exactly. What is he going to drive by and honk at. you guys while you're getting. beaten or shot [laughter]. in the yard? Yeah, you can't really do anything about. it, but I I I.

do think Yeah, I think if. But ideally, yes, it'd be great if there. were no like. I wish there weren't. Right. But that has to go away quickly. Yeah. because there are people shooting each. other all the time. Oh, yeah. The problem. have to. get past that idea. Yeah. Yeah, you're you're not going to. be able to the technology change is. going to have to be an interchange cuz. the guns are there. Criminals are going. to have them. And it's like, yeah, like. what do you want to not have one when a. criminal with a gun comes to you? Yeah. It'd be great. Or if the government has to be the one. who takes them, then that's a whole. other can of worms cuz it's like, we're. not giving you my [ __ ] guns.

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all lowercase. Just go to shopify.com/theo. to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com/theo, all. lowercase. It's a tricky thing. Although, I you. know, I it's a Right now, a lot of. people are gloating on on libs. I don't. want to gloat on the libs. A lot of. people are gloating on them cuz Trump. got elected. Yeah, me neither. I'm not I'm not. gloating on the libs. I'm not into that. No, I'm not into that at all. I think. we're in a Dude, how did the Ken Wilber. thing go, by the way?

Oh, yeah, Ken Wilber, uh super interesting guy. the best take on this whole situation. On the. uh election stuff. cultural war, yeah. I don't even know if I talked about. that. It was a lot of listening and. learning. Was it a lot of stuff? Yeah, we we but we worked together to. make it as effective conversation as we. could. Nice. But it was really cool, um. uh just learning about like his. philosophy of how like we're as a as a. species we are evolving. Mhm. And as uh and over time we're just. advancing.

Yeah. So, how those affect you personally and. how and and how. you. I [ __ ] don't know. Dude, well, his thing is No, dude, so. it's [ __ ] Did he get into like how. there's like holarchies and. Some of it. There's like cells and cells turn into. like organisms, organisms turn into. humans, you know, blah blah blah. Yeah, we started going up the chain of. command, right? And then also how we're. advancing as. And our worldviews are doing the same. thing where we had like, you know, like. medieval rulers into democracies and. then the libs are the leading edge of. cultural evolution where it's like the. everything's being more and more.

inclusive physically and world-viewly, you know, in terms of worldview. Yeah. It's just the libs lost the plot or the. they call it the green wave lost the. plot because they include everybody but. like, you know, Trump white type Trump. voters. Yeah. And the whole thing's collapsing in on. itself. All they have to do is just love. everybody. Yeah. And they'd have the command They'd have. the superior worldview. It's a good point, actually. I think a. lot of people did I mean, I don't know, dude. I was a Democrat I mean, like I. got so angry when they.

did [clears throat] that stuff to. Bernie, you know? Like I mean, my dad. was an old man, so I to me it also. registered like somebody taking. advantage of an older person. Yeah. So, that [ __ ] like at that point for me. I was just like, what's going on here? And then, um I I am super concerned. about like the. uh. big pharma and medicine just. using us all and not caring that we're. human beings. Like yes, there's a lot of. medicine that's helping people, but also. like everybody shouldn't be on a on a. medicine. Yeah. You know? And um.

There's some commercials for medicines. they don't even say what it does. Yeah. Then you look it up and it's like. uh it's for like heart failure and. you're like, "What the [ __ ] you This is. a baseball game, dude. I'm not going to. be like, 'Yo, can I get that heart. failure medication?'". Yeah. You have to request it. The wheelchair gone or whatever there's. all [clears throat] kind of [ __ ] And. then you're like, [laughter] "Who's What. the What do we even need that for?". Yeah. But yeah, that's that's the that's the. big standoff right now. It's like. So I liked RFK. He was kind of the guy. that I thought was neat. Me, too. I'm been to him. Yeah. I like the fact that he's doing all that. stuff against all those things. And then I think um I don't think we. have the same parties anymore. I don't.

feel like it's Democrats and Republicans. anymore. There's something else. happening. Yeah. And it's going to keep morphing. Well, that's the Wilber stuff is that. the green It was like orange is like the. business science wave and the green wave. was the one It's like in terms of world. views. You could have like what do you. call them? Red was like ethnocentric. That was what he called Trump. It's like. it's it's things that speak to like. ethnocentric ideals where people get to. the point where they can only recognize. like people that look like them. They. can only care about people who look like. them, which is like a reality for a lot. of people. all across the world. It's like, you. know, every country And every country is.

like, "We have the best food. We have. the most beautiful Everybody, you know, does this." And then his whole theory is. that you slowly grow out of it to more. complex and inclusive world views, but. it was again, it was like that the thing. that crushed uh. like the like the what Jordan Peterson. uh Jordan Peterson Peter Jordan What the. [ __ ] is his name? Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson. Jesus Christ. His whole thing he calls like postmodern. neo-Marxism is that green wave Ken. Wilber talks about where it's like the. leading edge where all the colleges are. like radical inclusivity. But all they. have to do is go "Trump guys,

you're cool, too." It's all they have to. do. They can't do it. And now the whole. thing is just imploding on itself. Well, that's the part that makes you. start to think, "Do they just hate like. white men?". But for me, it's like. in in three generations it's like I. always say like beige power. Like. everybody's going to be beige, right? In. three generations everybody's going to. be like you know, Ben Simmons, Blake. Griffin's, you know, penguin people, you. know? sure. Mixed. Yeah. And so and it's just kind of weird. How. do we want to operate that in the. meantime, right?

Exactly. But then I think when people get scared. um especially with like threats of war, uh fears, they start to they want to. gravitate towards whatever is their. seems like their people, right? prison. Prison's the same thing. You go. to prison and everyone's ba- you know, it's all like based on race and all that. stuff. Yeah. And then but but everybody is a. jelly roll fan, you know? That's true. That's true. [laughter]. Which is pretty crazy, dude. Well, it dude, it's it's like. Yeah, it what they what they fell, you. know, this is like if you didn't the. wil- it's hard to explain without like.

seeing the Wilbur thing, but it's like. if you take what they what's called like. a lib or a you know, a post-modern. neo-Marx whatever they want to call it. Like people who are, you know, like a. radical feminist, they built their their thing was right. in being like we should be nice to. everybody. We shouldn't be mean to gay. people. We shouldn't be mean to white. people. They're totally correct. The. problem was they went and the reason. everything's so bad, they're like we. hate racism in every form, every type of. discrimination, and it's all because of. white people. And it just like went. right back down where now you're just. being racist in a more sophisticated.

fashion. Right. And that's the whole. thing. That's why it's not if it's a. truly like visionary and leading like. kind of like evolutionary tip of like. our spiral up toward into like. complexity and greater wholeness, people would get on board. If it's. clashing with the next step, that's what. I mean. The next step is like being. like, "Okay, here's all the good stuff. from your worldview, and we're going to. apply that to everybody." And rather. than being like, "This is the reason. everything's [ __ ] up is because blah. blah blah." Cuz it's like. Yeah, and that's another thing. I mean, Trump that's one thing that kind of gets. wor- worried about Trump is like is he. going to be a is that is the.

pointing fingers, is that [ __ ] end, you. know? Is that kind of end? And so. It is for now, but it's like I think. they're getting RFK smart where he's. kind of like I don't want to participate. in any of this stuff. Yeah. And hopefully he'll kind of get up in. his ear cuz it I mean it is so sweet. slamming the libs. I will give it is. there's I get like a When I see the libs. get owned, I do there's a part of me. libs? The liberals? Yeah, it's just like go there's like on. the internet like liberals owned. liberals slam and it's like you watch. they do those like uh. You know how they do those like 25. students versus like Ben Shapiro? Yeah. That's like slamming the libs porn where.

it's like him just like. Yeah. taking on 19-year-olds and like actually. don't know anything about that and then. the everyone's just like tell them Ben. [ __ ] crushed the libs. [laughter] And. I will there's a dark part of my heart. that's like yes when I watch that. there he's got that hair wallet on. [laughter]. [gasps]. Dude, they did one of them where they. make people run to the chair to tap the. chair so that they get the chance to. debate him and it's dude it's. embarrassing. People are like tripping. over themselves to hit the chair and be. like actually Ben I think you're a. [ __ ] [ __ ] and he's like next. And. I'm like dude don't run to the chair.

you're an adult. They're like diving for. it just to be like actually Ben if you. ever thought of it it's like So I've. I've been trying to remove I know I have. a bias towards that and I I've been. trying to like remove that from my. YouTube. that stuff? Yeah. Not that that stuff I'm like whatever on. but it's like I will watch like news. clips where like liberals melt down. about and I'll be like well I'll check. this out and I'll be like hehehe. Yeah, I see what. I've been trying to erase that cuz I'm. like it's not good it's not good it's. not good and it's just stupid. I don't know. I don't care like I just. what like I don't know. Some [ __ ] just. started to get really weird. I I I think.

well Kamala wouldn't come on podcast, right? I thought that that was weird. It. was like and we asked and they said well. do you guys give final edit, right? And. they asked did Trump ask for final edit? You know? Mhm. Did he? No. They didn't ask for anything. They shouldn't, dude. They didn't ask for anything. J.D. Vance. showed up. Dude, there were snipers on. the I I I stayed up late like trying to. get some questions together and think of. some things. Um. [clears throat]. And we invited everybody. Those were the. them, Bernie Sanders, and Mark Cuban.

came on. He was very much like a um uh. democrat or yeah, left-leaning. He but. he gets something. I didn't realize he. gets if if they won, he get there's a. business incentive, you know? I didn't. realize it. Some of these things I'm. learning as I go, right? It's typically with billionaires, yeah, when they're like. when they're involved in politics, it. usually is like. didn't realize that. I'm like, oh, people aren't just out there hurrah-ing. for no reason. There's some reason. Yeah, he's not freaking out over like. banned books in schools. He's [laughter]. like, I need you to, you know, build a railroad from here to there, whatever the [ __ ] he's up to.

Yeah. But we had common ground and like. just different thoughts and stuff and. definitely inspiring to be able to talk. to people like that. But I will So, I. wake up that morning and it was like an. hour until the thing. I was like, I got. to get in the freaking ice bath. I got. to make sure I'm in a decent mood. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Try to do something to get hyped, right? get spun out when you have level I guess. of that high profile? Yeah, man. I get [ __ ] I get crunched, dude. I I. can't handle it, man. You had RFK on, I. could barely like formulate a sentence. Wow. And neither can he though, which is. great. [laughter]. You know, that's a joke, Bobby. He'll. laugh at it.

He will. He'll laugh at it. Um. [laughter]. Dude, watch suddenly he [ __ ] fixes. his own voice, dude. That's Bro, if he. did that. It's over. It's over. And it's dude, and. it's like yeah, imagine. He is such he'd. be such he's such an electrifying. speaker and thinker anyway, but yeah, it's that works against him. He's been in it yeah. Yeah, but so but I. wake up there's [ __ ] I go in the ice. bath there was like Secret Service. everywhere. They had drape put drapes. black drapes in front of the house, right? Damn. They shut down exits off the interstate. I had no idea.

down the whole city. Bro, I had no idea. There's snipers on. the roof on the roof full tactical gear. I'll put pictures in the YouTube. Um. Holy [ __ ]. And then uh oh, my neighbor, right? I [ __ ] look at my phone. He's like. What the [ __ ]. What's up? Are you And he then he put. blank like just like underlines and I. they thought it was one of those things. where like uh hide in the house like. [clears throat] like they were sending. people in to get like I was. What?

taking my own life at home. That's how he asked you if you killed. yourself. He said, "Are you. Well, he sent like four messages and so. at that point he's cuz I it was like. already 11. I'd slept in. I was up to. probably 3:00 just like getting my. questions ready. So I was like I have to. make sure I sleep. And. he's like, "Dude, we were so scared, man." He's like cuz we saw them like. they thought they were repelling into. the home. And um. I was like, "What? You thought I killed. myself?". [laughter]. The [ __ ] dude. We just assumed you [ __ ] killed. yourself, so. Yeah, that's.

Oh, and they had a van outside that said. some weird term on it like threw people. off. Yeah, and the black curtains are on your. house would be. Yeah, I think people thought but that's. what people thought. sense. That kind of makes more sense. actually. you know? Yeah, it was like so gruesome that they. were like, "We got to. But they also had this like Stan's. bakery van or something. It was. definitely They kind of like played this. old cat and [laughter] I like, "What is kind of [ __ ] happening. here?". That's crazy. It was super crazy, dude. Stan's bakery should have slappers. Like, "Yeah, we just got to get these. cupcakes in. We'll be. Yeah. We'll be right back. [laughter].

There's some wake treats. Yeah. Just so there's a viewing of the body. [laughter]. Hey, first come, first serve, guys. Dude, that was crazy, though. That was. one of the craziest things that had ever. happened. Um for sure. But he comes in and I was. like, "Hey, man, thanks for coming." I. was like, you know, just want to let you know we. don't have any We're not like a gotcha. type of show. You know, just looking. forward to having a nice conversation. which is what I tell anybody. Yep. And um he's like, "Whatever, man. It's. all good. Let's have a chat." And that.

was it. And it was fun. You know? Yeah, man. I mean. It was interesting. Yeah, I feel bad everyone's so still. hyped up about the stuff. I honestly. think if you look at it. I hate when people lose anything. I have. you know, it's tough when there's a. winner and a loser. Dude, I was in a I was in the grocery. store the day of I guess like they had. he got elected the night and then, you. know, in the like 3:00 in the morning. and then whatever like he won it in the. morning. Mhm. And then uh, I was in the grocery. store the next day, and they have like. magazines in the grocery store. This. magazine was just. Kamala or Kamala.

And it was just a picture of her. I. didn't know what magazine it was. It was. her name and her. I got like real sad. for her. I was like, "Damn, dude, that's. so bad. If I like just lost and I saw. like a magazine with just me on it, I'd. be I'd cry.". Yeah. pretty bad for her. I was like, "Damn, that really sucks for that lady." She. just I mean, that dude, that I if people. they spent I think a billion dollars on. the campaign. It just shows you that it's must the. But it also then if that's the if say if. Okay, they spent that much on the. campaign, right? Both these sides spent. a ton of money. But if the if there's just like these.

powers in the background doing thing it. just like why would they if it's not. even real? Say the office isn't even, you know, it's just for show. Sure. It just seems like you wouldn't waste. that much money. So, there must really. be. I think there is, man. I think there. really is. You get in and it's like. Power in it. It's just teams, yeah. It's like you're. on this team, this is on that team. You know, could it all be working out? It's like that would be pretty elaborate. to like set it all up when you could. reality just be like, "Yeah, we you. know, we're putting this guy in." Have. They could just have the coolest guy. ever. just come up. time. like, "Yo, we love this guy." And they.

can meanwhile just be doing whatever. But. Yeah, dude, the I think I I guess it all. is real, you know? I think it's it's. real and they just. There's like groups and lobbyists and. certain power I don't I don't That's. where I kind of lose it where it's. It was interesting, that's for sure. And. also I'll say who made the whole thing. happen. Oh, Kamala reportedly spent. $100,000 on building a set for her. appearance on Call Her Daddy. Like, dude, why? Here is the saddening question. So, they. rebuilt they rebuilt their own set, I. guess. Well, cuz they wanted I think a host to. come to her. So, I think she didn't want.

to go anywhere, so she built the set. But I wonder if she has I. That's such a I mean, you know, that's. just kind of weird. It's like just go. there. Right. I wonder if she may have a. um. thing where she doesn't like going like. sometimes I don't like sleeping at. people's houses or whatever. You know. what I'm talking about? [laughter]. I wonder if she has that. She can't [ __ ]. anywhere else but her house, maybe. Could be. Which is where people should [ __ ]. People who are [ __ ]. like transient [ __ ] is. Hey, man. Hey, man. Sorry. [laughter]. I agree though, but I always want to be.

home. That's my thing. I always want to. be I'm getting a little I was like. pretty guarded about that, but now I'm. like just letting it rip. I've been. flying more, so I'm just kind of like. whatever, man. But I I do agree. Home is where. it's where the heart is, truly. Like I. do want to [ __ ] at home every time. Yeah. I agree with you there. get more point like you should get like. money back or something if you [ __ ] at. home. You should. You should, dude. Right. You should get a tax write-off. Like a credit or something. Yeah. Cuz it is but it's dude, just. I also that like the violence of. [ __ ] that's occurring in airport.

bathroom it it's like. it's upsetting. People are [ __ ] so. hard in those I mean we I mean we I. don't know why we're back to this, but. Oh, people are [ __ ] at top speed. It's crazy. That's the craziest thing to me to ever. is when somebody shits at full blast. speed. Like, are you out of your mind? You're going to hurt yourself. I from what I like from what I'm hearing. from what I'm hearing in public. bathrooms, most people are. Are in there just having like religious. experiences. Just being there like. Yeah. Like full ayahuasca dumpsters. They're.

just like blowing it out. It's crazy. Wow, just slinging disciples out of your. butt. Everyone's [ __ ] up, dude. They need. Bobby Kennedy to get all the crap out of. their food, dude. They're just [ __ ]. to death in the bathroom. [laughter]. But bro, how I there's also part of me. that I feel like do you think we can get. more together or do you think we should. just have two Americas, do you think? No, cuz dude, we're we're like people. don't realize it, but we're the parties. are rubbing off on each other so much. Like. now like on like.

Well, most people want the same stuff. Most people do, but I'm saying like the. Republicans now have been so like let's. say conservatives are so annoyed by. liberals that now they're like going out. of their way to be so not racist. Like, oh yeah, you think we're racist check. this out we're going to employ like 47. black dudes now how do you like they're. doing it almost I'm not saying they're. doing it despite them but it's like they. have gotten just way more inclusive like. every like the conservatives and. everything for it was like only pretty. much only all white guys now there's a. lot of. different people and like the. conservative movement so it's like.

liberals bring stuff up the. conservatives like shut the [ __ ] up and. then they actually do kind of do a lot. of the stuff but you know not even. realizing it I guess. Yeah. so they're kind of both like balancing. each other but people you know they're. all just caught up in like the. like the primal and tribal aspect of it. but it's like things are going pretty. [ __ ] well dude. Oh first you know White House chief of. staff in history. Yeah dude like all this stuff is. happening cuz it's like they're like. Susie Wiles. And she's Pat Summerall John Madden's. former broadcast partner's daughter.

Oh interesting. Yeah dude I'm telling you once we just. like stop the nonsense of like bitterly. arguing about everything it's going to. be pretty chill. Yeah Ben Carson I think he's going to. put back into I like some of his ideas. yeah that guy's kind of cool to see he's. like a surgeon. Oh rise and shine Carson dude that guy. he's [ __ ] dead asleep. [laughter]. I like the guy uh. His blood bro he's got his blood. pressure in his arm dude bro. Who's the guy uh. It's just like a synth drum his [ __ ]. [laughter] there's. not much popping dude.

The one dude I like Byron something he's. a he's a black conservative guy from. Florida. Byron Davis. Byron I think Byron is it Byron Davis. he's nice that guy's I saw he was on the. Breakfast Club no not Byron Davis he. plays basketball the. Byron he's a like a governor from. there he is that's my bro right there. Byron Donalds. That's a that's a good bro right there. Well it's it's definitely interesting to. see that everything's getting diverse. what was that tweet that Adam McKay had. I thought that that was something when I. read that it resonated with me.

I think. um. No I don't know but yeah dude I'm mean, like I said it's like. it it, one sec. Yeah, I I do like I said, I think people. are getting real doom and gloom, but. it's like I I I'm I'm a I'm. Yeah. I'm a minority opinion. I think things. are going to get pretty sweet, actually. Yeah. Who would have guessed lying about. Biden's cognitive health for 2 years? That [ __ ] made me so mad, dude. Just. taking advantage of an old man. Like it's just not cool, you know what. I'm saying? His family shouldn't have. allowed it. I know, dude. [clears throat]. You know, it's just not cool cuz then. you're lying to him also, right? So.

you're placating him. Like you're just. you're using it just it's it seems like. cruelty to a human, right? Refusing to. do open conversation for a new nominee, never mentioning public health care, embracing fracking, and year-long. slaughter of children in Gaza. That's. that to me was one thing it definitely. was like. Yeah, they blew it so hard. It I mean, again, if you were. this stuff I don't know, but the. children in Gaza thing and I think just. taking advantage of Biden it it just. felt like is this party really doing. this or are they what's happening here?

Well, it's like all they had to do was. she if she could have came out and be. like, bro, we all saw it. Dude's old as hell, you. know, let's not let's not pretend like. he wasn't. Let's not [ __ ] it. Instead, she was like, "It's fine." I'm like, "Why did they take him out?" I don't. know. It's like you can't do that. All. they had to do was like, "Obviously, the. dude is [ __ ] going nuts and getting. old. Come on, let's move on." They they. it was just. It's a bummer. They were just lying. Do you know when. someone's lying and you're like, "Dude, you're bullshitting me." It was just. that and everyone could see it and it. was just like. And now too with I you know, not to you.

know, uh fluff the podcasting too much, but it's like now. they can't go on like a sound buddy. little things. They have to go sit down. and like answer actual questions. And. people now like I didn't know I couldn't. tell what interviews were edited when I. was younger. Now people are like more. savvy about media, so they're able to be. like, "Oh, that's that was a weird jump. They they cut something out." They're. like, "Well, here's the whole thing.". Yeah. So now you have to be able to sit down. and actually communicate rather than. like hitting talking points and like. engineering, you know, people's ideas on. things. Do you think that Rogan's endorsement.

helped Trump win or do you think it had. any effect? I don't It it hurt, but I I think it uh. I didn't didn't hurt, but it just what. he does I think helped him win for sure. Just like having. setting a standard where like. politicians now have to go have sit down. for at least a 2-hour conversation. Yeah, cuz really what he did over the. past years is just investigate. I mean, he asked so many questions about. everything to all types of people, so. you learn so much. And he's he's not a gotcha guy either, so he's good at just being like like. help me understand this. And that's when. people really get kind of flushed out.

where it's like if they're not making. sense. And you know, he's pretty. adamant about like I don't get that. That doesn't make sense. You know, I'm. I'm a weak interviewer. I'll be like, "Okay." I it won't make sense. That's. cool. I get [laughter] burnt out. I get. exhausted. He said dude, I was in there. yesterday and it was like I was just. like I feel like I've been kind of. losing my mind this week. Really? Yeah, I don't know what was going on. I. just was like get like a lot of. paranoia. So worse, yeah. And. uh I don't know if I met it I don't know. if I missed it that day. I might I don't.

know what happened, but I was like [ __ ] thought I was. going crazy yesterday. It's kind of crazy you have a days when. you start asking people like, "Am I. okay?" You know, that's a weird thing. Yeah. That is It's so hard to explain, but I'll just be like walking sometimes. and I'll just get like a feeling where. I'm like, "Bro, I'm [ __ ] losing it. right now." And it's like that is the. worst. You're like. Yeah, I just kept spent the whole day. and was like the whole day was like. that, man. And then I had to go in there. and I felt very nervous. So then you. felt like you're under a microscope. Yeah. And um. Yeah.

What do you what do you do to keep. yourself kind of on the square? Is there. like a any kind of program or is it just. Yeah, usually go to AA meetings. That helps. Do yoga. I got I got I got I I got hurt a couple. like a month ago. Some guy squeezed me. after a football game. I was in when. Vanderbilt beat Alabama. I was there. And this guy just squeezed me so much. What? And then all the players some guy on the. sidelines. No. Yeah, some devout just brother everybody. was squeezed me. I mean, like I was a. [ __ ] like he's going to brush his. teeth with me right after. [laughter]. Dude, that sucks.

He got it. Yeah, I was just like ah. Where Where'd he get you? Over here, his rib. Ah, [ __ ] Yeah. But then all the players that just won. and they were like. and they were and then everybody. squeezed me, dude. Yeah, you're they're [ __ ] So, you. couldn't do the yoga? For like yeah, for weeks and so then my. mental starts going down. Yeah. That's. us right there. Yeah, that's pretty Cheryl. Jr. right there, I believe. That's amazing, dude. We got that coach Clark Lee Oh, that's. Skinner Jr. right there. Damn, I think he's pretty heavy, too, man. Those coolers aren't. Yeah, decent amount of water in it. Nice. Oh, you got the lady, too.

We got him. He's cool. Cool coach. That's [ __ ] awesome. [laughter]. That's [ __ ] awesome. Damn, so you just got squeezed by like. the strongest dude in the country. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happened. And then so. yeah, but anyway, I'm yeah, I'm not. whining about it, but it just like You. can't do anything. Bro, you go to open. your refrigerator and that suction on. the refrigerator, oh, that hurts. Yeah, when your ribs are [ __ ] up, it. hurts to breathe. Every breath you're. like. [ __ ]. Yeah, and then you're pushing on the. side of your body while you're doing. everything. So, you're. walking around like this. all day. Like you're [ __ ] like one of. those guys like putting away a pocket. watch or something like in the '20s or.

whatever like that little handicapped. peanut that they [ __ ] sent out there. Yeah, [laughter]. and you and there's nothing you can do. when your ribs hurt. There's no like. sling or you can just you have to and. breathe yoga is just so much breathing. Every breath you be like and then you do. like the like this thing you. Oh. That would hurt. So, yeah, just that it just and I was. just kind of losing my mind, dude. So, then you're going there and you're like, am I saying crazy [ __ ] Starting to get. real paranoid. Yeah. Um I will say this though, I think the. person that won that election, I think. the person that changed it was Dana.

White. Really? Undeniably. That's Why do you think that? Because he got Trump in the podcasts. He. made it happen. He um he did it. Yeah. He uh. is just you He did that. He made that happen. Yeah, that makes sense. So, he was the. one being like you got to do these. He's the one who like talked to Joe. about it for years. It's been saying. It's been in discussion. Cuz I don't. think Joe Rogan was going to do that and. then he did. Yeah. You know, and.

um. That put it did kind of push it. I think. that helped actually. Yeah, Dana made all that happen. Dude, it got like That was the thing, too. It was like just you If you want to. look at YouTube views, that's kind of. like I don't know if that like works. with polling, but it's like the Rogan. Trump episode. I don't What is it at? Like 3 million? It was It was at like millions quickly. The Call Call Me Daddy or whatever That. podcast with Kamala was like. I don't know if it hit a million. It did I think it might have. 47 million right now. 47 million. If you look up the Call Her.

Daddy or Call Him Daddy or whatever Call. Me Daddy, excuse me. Um a Call Her. Daddy, there you go. It got. 812,000. [clears throat]. 812,000. Re- But that's just a clip. Now, here's. the problem with Call Her Daddy is. Not bragging, my YouTube special did. better than. [laughter]. But that's what I'm saying. That's That. is a gauge of public interest and it's. like public interest in my opinion. probably translates to voting, I I. think. I don't know. Or at least people come to experience. the person, you know? True. Um but you know, definitely interesting. What You can't.

watch the full episodes because they're. on Sirius. Is that right? Sirius? Yeah, they only put a clip. Yeah. So, you can't see the full episodes of. these podcasts either, so you don't know. um what really. Well, I you know, I I wish her the best. I'm not like Yeah, that's the thing. I'm. not like I [ __ ] hate that lady. I'm. like. I felt sad I didn't I personally didn't. really want her to win cuz I was just. like, you know, I I think Trump will. probably maybe stop the wars faster. It's my hope. But. Well, I just I don't know. I I just I.

don't know what's happening. I feel like. there's a changing of these parties. because you have former Democrats who. are now Republicans, but they'd also. don't even get along with half of the. people in office. Yeah. People are sick of politicians overall. Big time. Um. AIPAC and lobbyists. like have infiltrated. what it seems like politics overall. It's like for sure. It And people you. can't hide the information from people. anymore. Yeah, well, dude, the weird thing was is. like.

they started like the the Democrats. started being like, I mean, George Bush. was great and like, you know, Cheney and. all that stuff and it's like, why why. are they pumped on them? That was That. to me was just weird where it's like. they're all. It's all dark. And then I think at the last minute they. started being like, yeah, we actually. want strong borders and all that stuff, too. It's just cuz they were like, this. is working. So, you know, it it's I think it's all. part of a bigger process that is for the. best where it's like like you were. saying, the Republican Party is totally. different, like way different. Remember. like 19 like 95? It was like it was it was like send.

people to jail for [ __ ] you know, 30. years for crack and all this stuff and. now it's like. we should get some of these guys out of. prison, you know, which which everyone's. doing now, but that's cause of like a. liberal worldview and that's been kind. They got to get a couple more brothers. in the party, too, I think. I think Oh, it's coming, dude. I think. it's coming. But the here's the thing, too, it's like So, you have like the. liberal people been like, yeah, we. shouldn't send people to jail for having. crack on them for 40 [ __ ] years. And. then you're like, yeah, that's a good. idea. But then with the immigration. thing, it's like I I personally have no. problem with immigrants, but it's like. you can only have so many like that's a.

reality. Right, it's just a business. Yes. you can't invite the whole city to your. party. It won't work. So, the same thing. happens with the border. And it's a. shame cuz people want to escape like, you know, crushing poverty, but the. Republicans are right in that you can't. like And it's like if you're like just. thinking on a human level, you're like, I don't want to like kick some guy out. or have some guy come against a wall and. be like, get the [ __ ] back to your. street. But you do have to do that. But you also I think there's ways you. can do it in a organized pattern. Yeah, true. So, you're properly vetting people and.

then they used to have a system where. people could serve they could you could. almost adopt a homeless person or. whatever who came across the border and. you were their sponsor. That's cool. I'm I'm I think that's a. good idea. you as. member of your country, right? Or where. that you were born into, sure it's a. blessing, right? Easy for us to say. that. But, then you get to be part of. the uh of immigrate. You know, it's like. there's an actual connection there. So, you know, I don't know. That's a good I like that idea though. Yeah, it's easy to just say stuff. Let's.

change the topic. What else can we talk. about? What I was saying too, then you can kind. of like set them up in like contest. against each other. Oh, yeah. fighting. [laughter]. Well, people have had that I've heard. that material before that like of like. doing like a. American Ninja Warrior to come over the. border or whatever. That'd be nice too, yeah. I was saying. if you had like if I adopted a guy, you. adopted a guy, we could kind of make. them compete. Yeah, like BattleBots. for the glory of our houses, yeah. Yeah. [laughter]. That'd be so sick. That'd be awesome. In like a fun way, you know what I mean? Totally. And you raise money for.

helping people that are coming over. Exactly. [ __ ]. Winner's family comes over. Yeah. Loser's family pays. That'd be a. great. Dude, I have this idea for a game. show, right? So, check this out. It's. you get two like kind of. um. lifeguard chairs, right? Mhm. And you have. you put like kind of cellophane like. kind of like some light blue plastic. around them, right? You can still see. through it. And at the bottom of the. um. at the bottom is a scale, right? And you.

get two guys who have eaten for like a. week, haven't gone to the bathroom. Whoever can. do the most poop at in a given amount of. time wins a car. Or something maybe not a car, maybe a. motorcycle. Dude, that's an awesome game. So, you're. inside the lifeguard chair, you're. wrapped in blue. What's the blue. wrapping? Just to kind of contain it? want to see it. You don't want to see. it. Like that'll gross people out. But, if you see the scale going up or. something, it'll at least excite people. think the viewers at home are going to. see the pile?

I think you want to be able to see it, but you want to see it vague. So, you. want it to be like opaque like you. Yeah, I see your side. [laughter]. Just like a general shape. Have like a like a frosted glass over. something? Yes, that's what I mean, frosted glass. That would be nice. Yeah, that's a great. show. Thanks, man. That is a fantastic show. On to the. scale would be nice, too. I recently. just did a thing where you uh. you have to poop at home and then like. scoop it and mail it to get like results. to see like what they think of your. body. What are you talking about? Dude, I swear to god, you can do that. You can mail it to. [laughter]. Dude, I don't know, like a scientist. They just like.

science teacher? Who are you sending that [ __ ] to? A. scientist? You send it to a scientist. They like Oh. my god. They're like, "Bro, this is. incredible.". You've been [ __ ] compromised, homie. You're mailing poop of your own to a. scientist? I did, yeah. How much. my microbio Dude, I That was the thing. I thought you did a whole turd. You You They like give you a. like [snorts] a thing to put on your. toilet paper or they put a thing you put. on your toilet. It's like a paper thing. that sticks. Then it has like a little. like you know like the dick part of your. boxers? Yeah. It has like that, but for a turd. So.

there's like this thing. Yeah, it's like. that. And then it catches it. And then. you have to like. scoop I thought you just picked the turd. up and put it in a jar, but no, you. scoop like the smallest amount and then. you put it in like shake it up in a. solution. And then. uh. They just tell you like what's up with. your microbiome. [laughter]. Tell you like if they think you're chill. or not. That's what it was. It was a It was that. one. What if they told you where your stepdad. lives? [laughter]. We'll tell you. Yeah, I don't know, man. I I also think. a lot of this stuff, too, after doing. it, I think it's just a a way for.

companies to sell you vitamins cuz they. could be based on this, we recommend. actually doing Z. And once you mail you once you you uh. you almost want to buy so they don't. tell anybody about your poop. I feel. like you'd be like, "Don't tell anybody. about my poop. I'll buy the vitamins.". [laughter]. They're like, "Yeah, let's keep this. between us.". Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, if they could be like, "Yeah, that guy uh we had his poop. We smelled. I I guess. [laughter]. We mean Me and Britney sent them in at. the same time. And my test was run first. and I kept telling her that. they opened her vial and it shut down. the lab.". [laughter].

I was like, "Yeah, the whole place had. to evacuate." They sent me an email. I. said they opened yours. [laughter]. That's love, dude. That's a fun That's a fun one. That's a. good thing about having a wife, too. You. can just bother them. And do cool stuff like that. Take shits, yeah. [ __ ] in the tubes and. mail it. And just both wait for your. [ __ ] test. It's kind of It was kind of. fun. Yeah, that's like jumping over the broom. or whatever moving some cultures. [clears throat and laughter]. Yeah, exactly. Wow, dude. I uh. What were we just talking about. medicine? Yeah, I think so. We got off the. politics stuff.

So, we're off the politics. We probably. should have, huh? You feel like people are over it. But, it's also like. Oh, what was I going to ask you? Do you. think uh. Oh, look at this. Is Is this like a new. sleigh or whatever? Oh, this is like the Tesla thing. Bro. Wow. Yeah, dude. I don't know. Elon rolled. out some bots, too. What the heck? That's a sleigh. Where is that? This in. Virginia, is it? Uh that's that's like. I am not getting mad, dude.

yeah, that's like a different country. Dude. Yeah, Tesla Tesla or Musk. Oh, boy. I would like a little robo lawn. mower, though. I'll be honest. Damn, look at that guy rip, dude. Dude, that'd be crazy. They should keep the bots like R2-D2. They shouldn't give them like legs and. arms and [ __ ]. Yeah, you're right, actually. Why you want any of these guys looking. like people? Cuz then somebody's going to start. [ __ ] them. I mean, it It's already. happened, I'm sure. Ugh. I like the way I think it's called right. now. savage. But, then your kid will like. you're like, "Mow the yard." And your. kid's like, "I'm wounded.".

[laughter]. "My thumb hurt.". That's true, actually. That's kind of. [ __ ]. Yeah, dude. I'm trying to think of what. chores we had. Oh, dude, it was ridiculous, man. Dude, what is Do you think it's weird um. this is something that doesn't get. talked about a lot is like. where do stepdads go when the divorce. happens, you know? Cuz they kind of don't get to see the. kids anymore, you know? Oh, I didn't think about that. You're. saying when you get Oh, you get divorced. and you get divorced You basically break. up with the stepdad. I think they go back to like a the. apartment, dude. They straight to an. apartment complex.

That has a pool at it. Yeah. I think I think like the I think. the representative from an apartment. complex comes and picks them up in like. a black limousine and takes them back. And they just wait in queue to be. stepdads. [laughter]. But it's kind of crazy. You never think. about that cuz a stepdad gets involved. in a kid's life for a couple years for. better or for worse, but then they have. to just. peace out. I think some might stay kind of in, you. know, I don't know. But is that weird though? Yeah, kind of. It depends. I feel like. if you knew the kid from when it was a. baby, you should or just keep the phone line.

open like bro, you can call me whenever. you want, but. Yeah. I'm going to go look for some uh. But like the first couple years you kind. of check in and then you're like forget. one year. It's got to be feel weird. Yeah, eventually or if there's a new. stepdad, you can't be like. Hey. You got to pass the baton and be like. he's a good boy. But do those stepdads meet somewhere and. like have a Do they. meet at Sbarro in the mall. [laughter]. They meet at Sbarro and they. ceremoniously split a pizza. The guy. gives the the new stepdad the like the. fifth slice and he has three.

Hey, what's up? I'm Tom, 2015 to 2017. [laughter]. Uh. Yeah, stepdading's like I I kind of. It's unheralded. You There's not. Exactly. I kind of wish I was able to. experience it a little bit, honestly. Yeah. But, you know, I I I for real I was always I always. assumed that was just like. how it would go for me. I was like yeah, I'll just kind of kick around and. eventually I'll just date a chick with. kids and be a stepdad. But it didn't work out that way. So. But I honestly wouldn't have minded. It'd be pretty sick. Yeah, sometimes I have a dream maybe. that I I meet a lady and she already has.

a kid maybe or something. Yeah, man. Just get in there at like 10. how [ __ ] much love you? Awesome. 10 is straight. Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess. you're right. Six. Get out I'm telling you, man. It's like. the first [ __ ] three years there's no. sleep. You get all your good sleep. You. just hop in at six. They just started remembering stuff. It's perfect. Yeah, it's just fun. From then on it's. just fun. My buddy just had a his third kid. And he's a black man, and he has And. it's funny, the other guys were like, "Dude, you're not even a You're not even.

a black dad until you have three kids.". That's [laughter]. crazy, bro. That's hilarious. Like two kids for a black guy, that's. nothing, bro. [laughter]. That's so funny. That's child's play, huh? So now he's official. Yeah, now he's really Yeah, like, "Dang, all right, so you for real about it.". He's really banging, yeah. It's like it The first two were just. mixtapes, and this [laughter] is like a. real album. He's finally signed. Yeah. What else? Any other thing else in the. news going on, or anything else? Dude, I haven't even I haven't been.

[ __ ] following news. I don't know. what's going on. I uh. What else is going on with me? Do you. know what I've been doing recently? I've. been researching, so I've been reading. autobiographies. That's my big um That's. my big kick right now. Wow. I've just been trying to just study. people's lives and see like at the end. of their life, what did they think was. good, what did they think was bad. I. only got through like one. So I got. through a couple, actually. Um but dude, the. it's been cracking me up cuz I Bertrand. Russell was like this famous. mathematician. Bertrand Russell? Bertrand Russell, yeah. He He wrote him. and like uh this guy Whitehead wrote.

this like big book called Principia. Mathematica, where they spent I think. like 200 pages proving 1 + 1 = 2. This. was like the type of stuff he was on. Wow. Bizarre. Why? Just cuz they They're finding ways. that you couldn't not prove it, kind of. thing? People were coming through and like. underli- So apparently math is like. there's like a a like a set of axioms. that like you just have to assume is. true, you know? And they want math. There's a bunch of people back in the. day who wanted math to be able to like. totally explain everything in the. universe. It's just the way it is, but. there is a aspect of faith in math where.

you have to believe the axioms. Right. So they were trying to just be like. "Check this out." And they just got real. into 1 + 1 in that book. [laughter]. But he's apparently like a genius. And I. read his, and I read the guy, you know. Angela's Ashes? Yeah. I read he he has one called 'Tis, that's. his second, Frank McCourt. So, Angela's. Ashes was his time in Ireland till he. was 19, and then at 19 he moved to New. York City in like the '50s, and he wrote. another book called 'Tis, that's from.

the 1950s to like. whenever, [ __ ] '80s or whatever. Um, but I've been like I was reading. those both simultaneously and like it's. so funny how every male memoir is just a. guy talking about how horny they were as. a kid. It's it's crazy. Well, some lady ovens themselves at a. Walmart. You see that? No. Somebody wandered into an oven. I don't. They were doing Was it Was it. hide-and-go-seek or what happened? We're pulling it up, but there was a a. woman got stuck in one of the industrial. baking ovens at a Walmart, I believe. What? And I believe she passed away,

right? Yes. From the gas? Or she burned herself up? From the burning. Ooh. Or cooking. Let's not say burning. We. don't know what happened. yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You know. Oh, she was 19? Oh. Yo. They say the investigation is complex. That's unreal. Oh, the walk-in. So, this They bake like. multiple cakes at a time? In Canada, yeah. I guess they have a. walk-in oven. a good idea. It'd be hard to stay out of it. I bet it. smelled good in there. Bro. True. I mean, I this is harrowing.

Yeah, of course. But, I'm saying that. that it is a fact that that oven smelled. delicious. Ah. Man. The woman who was employee of the store. was located a large walk-in oven. Important to note the investigation is. not yet reached a point where the cause. and manner of death have been confirmed. The investigation is complex. Hm. Yeah, dude. I didn't know I'm thinking. like there was a just a big oven on. display. I was like, "How the [ __ ] did a. lady walk into that?". Yeah. Damn, why do they [ __ ] they have walk-in. ovens? That's a terrible idea. It is, huh? They should feed them in there like. pizzas. Just, you know, have like a big. thing, you pull a wooden paddle, and.

pull them out. People don't need those. cakes, dude. That didn't That shouldn't. have cost a human life. Those cakes are terrible. Yeah, this is Yeah, you shouldn't We. don't need to walk into an oven. Oh, dude. That's a terrible design. It's. a horrible idea. Yeah, that's a well, it's look that's. It's an old idea. It's not the first. It's an old idea and people should have. not done that. [snorts]. Yeah, but it's like it it's almost like. oh, you now you need an oven you open. the door and it has like that like the. one of those signs that's on like the. ladder that's like do not step here. Like. [laughter]. oh [ __ ] dude.

That's terrible. [ __ ] oven. Yeah, man. I mean ah. Oh, dude. That is terrible. Someone throws you in there and that's. what they're saying. That's what I'm saying, dude. Mhm. Ah. That is not nice. Cuz yeah, how would you shut yourself in. there? I don't know. That's a mystery. Complex. If I were reading that I'd say this is. very complex. That's a mystery and here's. what it is. What's this all about? This dude's turn, huh?

This is why you need other countries, dude. Yeah. People are like I I don't like. diversity, you're out of your mind. That's true. That guy is as diverse as. it gets. You show me a honky that can do this. I mean, dude, it is uh what a blessing. if you're I'm just just assume this guy. is like. I don't know where what country that's. in, but. any other time in history. just being like a Yeah. [ __ ] born in.

like the third world. Again, he could be. in Palm Beach. I don't know where that. guy's from, but he's pretending he's. from another country. [laughter]. He it would just be a pretty tough road, but now he can just make great viral. content. This makes life good, man. Yeah, 360 that's hilarious. Um are you in Tyrus new season? Yeah, I have a small a small role. Did you want to have a larger role? Was. that ever a conversation you had? No, I'm good, man. I'm I'm happy with. everything. If I get a the fact that I. was in it again, I was like [ __ ] yeah. So, and I dude acting is like so hard, man. Yeah. It's draining, dude. Just doing that.

every day is just like I work myself up. into a tizzy doing just like two scene. like scene like from like the different. angles and it's just like. Yeah, you're waiting takes a lot of. patience. Take you sit there all day. It It's uh. but I yeah, no, I'm I'm always like I'm. kind of chilling, man. I'm happy. Every. Wait, anything's go The fact that I'm. not like stuck at a job that makes me. miserable, I'm like, bro, anything that I can do, let me know. You. know what I mean? I don't get like. caught up in the. kind of like should be better. Yeah, that was my. Yeah. Played the cop last time. Yeah, my mom loved the show. It's just.

so wild. She's like, "Have you seen this. Tires?". Yeah, it is it is funny like. She's like, "I I like it.". I I like put it on and like my daughter. was like, "Uncle Shane! Uncle She" she. freaked out. "Uncle Shane's on TV! Uncle. Shane's on TV!". [laughter]. I was trying to find my part. I was. like, "Daddy was on TV. Watch." I was. like, "I can't [ __ ] find it.". Like, "Boo, get in the oven." [laughter]. Get in the [ __ ] oven. White dad. Do your kids call you white dad? That's. crazy, huh? No, he's my my daughter says I'm colored.

sand. She's like, "Dad looks like sand.". I forget what she called her mom. Wait, wait, wait. It's all right. Yeah, she's pretty cool. Dad sand. They didn't have that, but I. They're going to get it. Now all the. schools it'll it'll all get like they'll. start ramping that up, but. you know, we'll see. I'll tell I'm just going to hold it. down. My daughter will be like, "Dude, for real, I'm I'm black. Don't worry. Don't be. Yeah. [ __ ] that school. You wait. Yeah, I'm black as hell. This is a [ __ ] mirage, Shorty. [laughter]. Just get the loan on the house. Yeah, we'll see. But yeah, man, I I. Yeah, dude, I'm just pumped, man. I'm.

like, you know, everything's going well. I'm like, again, I'm just buying my time. to be a plainclothes school security. It'd be fun, huh? I do fantasize about like a nice. retirement job. Oh, I want to teach art. I would like to. teach arts and crafts. Nothing fancy. Paint, wire things, those fuzzy long things, what are those called? Pipe cleaners. Yeah. you can do whatever with those. Yeah. You just They put out a bag. We don't. know what we're [ __ ] making. [laughter]. Some kid made a noose or whatever. You're like, "Yeah, he's He's doing. good.".

But yeah, that's you know, for me, just. been chilling man, just trying to keep. myself. afloat, stay positive. It's It's the. embarrassing thing too when like things. are going well, it's like you I'll still. get like bummed out and depressed and. I'm always like, "Dude, you're such a. [ __ ] [ __ ] Shut up." So I've been. trying to just like. be even killed and just you know, just. work on little projects and that's it. Yeah, I think it's some of that's. normal, too. It's It is tough, though, cuz certainly people have things a lot. tougher, you know. And it is tough, too, sometimes when your life is going good, it's like not to let your ego take over.

That's That's a thing that gets really. scary. Oh, yeah, dude. Cuz your ego is just like this thing. that's kind of grows without you, you. know, really knowing what's going on. You can be watering it without even. realizing it, you know. I I I was lucky to have. like an ego boom like early and it was. like. come looking back on it it was like. really not nothing It wasn't anything. great, but at the time when I was like. 24, 25. I was just making so much money selling. weed that I was like it dude, it went. right to my head.

Wow. Soon as I made like a couple thousand. dollars a week, I was just like. "Oh my god, I'm the [ __ ] best.". You start getting. I was real low-key. I mean, right now. this is the most rings I've ever worn. right now. But the. [clears throat]. uh Yeah, dude, you just get when you. like that that happened to me and I got. like you just start getting greedier and. I was just like, "I want more." Luckily, I got wiped out financially like twice. and then that has like an evening you go. like up and back down, you go. "Okay." And it kind of brings you back. to earth where you're like, "Yeah, like. don't don't let that anything like that. get to your head or like make you act.

different." And again, it's it's. embarrassing to like, "Dude, I was. making two grand selling weed." But it's. like it was enough for me at such a. young age to be like "I'm a I'm the man. Everyone's a [ __ ] idiot who can't. do." And it was just like and then I. came crashing and burning and I was. like, "All right. Back to painting houses now, my friend.". [laughter]. It really had like a that for me. It was. a real experience that I was able to be. like, "Okay, when things were going well. A, don't be a dick and B. they might not always forever. Huge. chance it won't. So, you know, be. grateful and just kind of like, you. know, be nice and just don't try to help.

out and don't get too, you know, How did you get wiped out? How did you. get wiped out? Just losing money in the mail. I got. robbed at gunpoint. I got I like had. like a couple stretches where like uh. dudes I know would get [ __ ] up on. drugs and just kind of like dip out. I. got robbed at gunpoint. I lost that and. then I mailed like. I think like $30,000 in the mail and. that got snagged by the postal police. No. Yeah, dude. That was scary. I like. 30k in the mail? Yeah, I vacuum sealed it, all that stuff. and uh. And why you can't you just not legally. move that much money? allowed to mail money like that, no. And.

then what they do is they're like, "Come. on in." Like they're like, "We'll talk. to you." And then it was like I wasn't. My name wasn't on it. It was like I. tacked it on with my friend. And the Well, the trick is you can be. like, "I was buying a car, you know, blah blah blah.". Did you go in there? Did you wear a. mustache or anything? dude. I was like I just called it a. wash. I'm not going to the [ __ ]. postal, you know, postman or post. general master or whatever it is. Is there a chance to get it back? If you can prove it's legit, they're. going to be like, "All right, where's. your tax return?" And I was like, "So, it was like you can't. Unless you. had a legitimate If I legitimately was.

doing it, I could be like, "Hey, here's. what I'm doing. I need that back." But. it's like it's the last place you want. to go in and be like, "No, I was. actually up to no good.". I bet it's sitting there. Why don't you. go in there and talk to them at least? Yeah, right. That's gone. They took Oh my god, yeah. They probably. took it. Are the postal workers? I would imagine the post I mean or they. they maybe you know, they were like, "Here you go." But it's like, "Yeah, that was the big thing back then." It. was just mailing weed. You would just get it to your house and. write immediately write return to sender. and don't open it. Cuz what they do is. either a a guy in like a officer. pretends to work for the USPS and they.

come and deliver it. Mhm. And what they were doing first which. kind of [ __ ] them up, they'd like open. the box right now and you'd open it and. be like there'd be weed in there and you. could just go, "I don't know. I didn't Anyone can mail. me anything." So, they legally couldn't. do anything. So, what they started doing. is they let you get the package. They. wait like 10 minutes and then they come. in cuz people usually get it and cut it. right open. So, what you have to do is. you write return to sender, leave it in. the corner of the room, wait about like. an hour, and then you put it in your car. and you drive towards the post office. So, if they pull you over, you're like, "Bro, I don't even know what this is. I'm taking it to the post office." And. if you just kind of do a couple laps, no.

one's following you, go somewhere else, and you cut it open. But, it's like that. was the move cuz in California would. mail it over for just like pennies on. the compared to what it was on the East. Coast. I thought I was the man, but then, you. know, you get. Did you start buying anything? You buy a. nice suit or something? I was very very I was like a Chinese. triad. I would just No, I didn't spend. anything. I would like. Would you start sleeping on your back or. something? At least. [laughter]. You know what I would do? I would go on. trips. I would do vacations. So, I would. like go away and like ball out like. that. Um but, no, I didn't buy I didn't buy. the cars. I didn't do any of that stuff.

I kept it pretty low-key. Were you going. to Cancun or something? Uh yeah, I went. to Hawaii. Yeah. Yeah, I did a trip to Hawaii to the Four. Seasons. It's pretty tight. Damn, so you were balling. balling out, yeah. I was balling. But, then again, I lost it all. And then. you go from like you know, enjoying the. the perks of that to like. I'd be happy if someone gave me 50 bucks. right now, you know? So, it's like. Yeah. And at a young age, it's the best thing. that could have happened cuz at a young. age I got to like get that ego swell and. just completely come cr- And there's. something liberating when it happens. though. Mhm. I remember being oddly like relieved at.

the time being like. "Oh, this is kind of cool. I don't have. to worry about all this [ __ ] anymore.". Oh, that [ __ ] is a nightmare, dude. We. sold weed for almost 4 hours one time. [ __ ] [laughter]. It's scary. It was the scariest [ __ ] ever. I [ __ ]. almost killed the guy was I started. accusing him of [ __ ] [ __ ] And we had. like We literally had $200 worth of. [laughter] [ __ ]. We were [ __ ]. It was just alpha dog immediately. It turned bro. Things went so. It was crazy. Well, dude, you talk about being. paranoid. It's It's you're in a paranoid. nightmare. Everybody's a [ __ ] narc or whatever.

Everyone's following you. Everyone's a. narc. Everyone's watching you. Dude, at. one point I just. I would wake my friend up and be like, "Are you [ __ ] watching me?". You [ __ ] I had a storage unit. at one point and between me and someone. else we had like 60 lb of weed in there. And I'd have to I'd have to go in there. with a duffel bag in the middle of the. day and like look around, load it, and. walk back up. And the one time I went. there at 3:00 in the morning or or. excuse me, it was like, you know, 1:00. in the morning, but I go in there, it's. night time, and there's a fire alarm. going off in the school. And I remember. hearing it being like, "Well, there's a. school nearby." Which probably wasn't. the best place to have [ __ ] 60 lbs of. weed.

So, I go in, I'm like, "Oh, that's. weird, the fire alarm's going off." I. load up a duffel bag with like 30 lbs of. weed. Yeah. I come out of the place and surrounded. in police off- police officers are. everywhere cuz they were they came. because of that fire alarm going off in. the school. And I'm holding a duffel. bag, and they're just standing there, and it's like 1:00 a.m. or whatever. And. I just come down the steps, they look at. me, and I look at them, and I was like, "Boys." And I just walked to my car, and. I just was like, "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please." Got in, took off, no problem. I. was [ __ ] myself, dude. That was like. one of the scarier.

Oh, I can feel the stress of that, dude. Cuz you feel the second you when they're. behind you, you must be like, "They're. [ __ ]. They're following me, burning in my. head, you're pulling off, you're like. you're just waiting for one of their. cars to pull off. And it was like, dude, it was a massive giant like hockey bag. And it looked I was like, "This looks so. sketchy." I'm just coming out like and I. like froze like. It says weed on the side of it. [laughter]. Yeah. Came out like, "Uh-huh." Just. stared at them, and I was like, "Hey.". They're probably like, "What the [ __ ]. wrong with that guy?". Wow. Yeah, true. That is uh I will say that.

it is one of the perks of being a white. guy. Yeah. Easily. You see the cops at 1:00 a.m. with a giant duffel bag and being like, "Hey.". Yeah. "What's up, brothers?". [laughter]. "What's up, guys?". "Hi-ho, neighbor.". Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, and you're just in a. paranoid delusion the whole. It's terrible for your Dude, my hair's. [ __ ] gray, dude. Yeah. You're just worried all the time, constantly for years, dude. You're hiding [ __ ] in your ceiling. Yeah, that's kind of everything just. gets scary. You hide and stuff. Yeah, we. had like a couple of um. Fighting over Dude, it's funny cuz what.

Sorry to cut you off. You give someone an ounce of weed, and. you would watch them. They'd be like, "Yeah, just like, you know, sell this.". And people would start it, and it's like. people would implode. Cuz it's It's so. much pressure. Or they would just it all. and be like they'd be "Whatever.". Yeah, but then they're high. Now you're. having [ __ ] talk to somebody. [laughter] that's [ __ ] high to get. you either [ __ ] back. And then everybody. starts knowing you're the weed guy. So, people knowing you're the weed guy, there's something cool about it, but. then there's also this fear cuz you're. like, "Well, I'm going to get busted.". Paranoid. Yeah, you're paranoid all the. time. Then you hear about other people. getting busted and you know, it's just. And then it gets closer to you and. you're like, "Don't snitch." Or.

whatever. Yeah, so I I wasn't going to do anything. anyway. [ __ ] We would bury weed in our We had. like seven dime bags we were trying to. sell, right? [laughter]. We [ __ ]. You got them in your mouth and all that. Weird little wheelchairs and that. We would bury them in the yard and it. was. unfuckingbelievable, [laughter]. dude. That's why you didn't get caught though, dude. You guys were careful. It was breaking horrible, dude. That's. who we were, dude. It was just. [laughter]. It was the dumbest [ __ ] thing ever. I'm in the front yard just calling my. buddy.

burying [ __ ] dime sacks with a. trowel, [laughter]. I know someone who uh. You know what the [ __ ] you're doing, John? I know someone who thought he was on. steroids and he got beat and they were. just antidepressants. So, you're selling. them to [laughter] like a bunch of. people we knew and they're like, "Dude, they're working. I'm getting yoked.". And they were just on SSRIs. Oh, dude. [laughter]. Feel great. Hey, man. They felt like they did feel. good. Dude, I bought some steroids once. My. girlfriend, while I was at away from her. house, I was doing something, found. them, broke the all.

and threw them all away. She took your roids? And when I got. cycle on them? So, did you like you were. like, "What the fuck?". No, I think I would have been on. steroids at the time and I was not happy. when I got there, okay? Dude. a do not look. If you find your. boyfriend's steroids, okay? Don't touch them. Just yeah, bring it up to him. Do not. get rid of them though because it can. create a man to become violent, you. know? I didn't, but you could see how I. could it could be a wild day for. someone. Dude, I'll I'll say and I this is like I.

I've interacted with a couple people who. did the combination of coke and steroids. and that's the most lethal. That's like a dangerous combination. I. would and then if you're if you're. already a little bit bipolar and boom. like dude, those steroids, the coke, and. your bipolar mania hit at the same time, it's like. that was the craziest I was at the. breakfast one time with a guy like that. and he ordered it was actually kind of. alpha, but he like we're ordering. breakfast he's like oh and I'll take a. muffin and can I have that immediately? And I was like damn, bro. You just hit her with the immediately.

he's like I want that immediately. Not. even like oh you know I can have that. before he's like I want that. immediately. An immediate muffin. It was boss energy. It was boss energy. It was I remember being struck by that. being like. A muffin can I have it immediately? [laughter]. Like what? A little urgency behind that. Yeah, huh? But yeah, that that's a wild combo. Yeah. Yeah, how long were you on the roids. for? I was on and off for a few years. I. remember the first time I ever did them. Pills or did you inject? Shooting. Damn, that's awesome. Shooting three-pointers. One time. uh. one time.

um. my buddy Shawn he sold me some pills. He. actually passed away. He died. He. um. drowned. He I think he. [ __ ]. He tried to hide from the police. underwater. No, dude. [ __ ] drowned. That's terrible. Just. Yeah, you just. can't do it. Yeah. You know it's uh you don't think about. it when you're He was so high he just. thought I can hide underwater. Bro, I almost passed out in the pool. this summer. I tried to do a back and.

forth in front of all my friends and I. had my daughter's goggles on and they. were bro, they were crushing the sides. of my head so hard. I for real went out. came up my legs were all and I was I was. like spitting water out I remember being. like do you ever try to hold your breath. super long in a pool and you start like. vibrating and [ __ ] I was feeling that. I'm like bro, I'm so close to getting. the back and forth. I got that and all. of a sudden I black out, come to and I'm. up in the water my lungs are full I'm. like. and then I took two more steps, passed. out again, smacked my chin on the side. of the pool. My friends were all just.

laugh they thought I was like [ __ ]. around until they got myself in the pool. and I came up and I was like, "Yo, I. think I passed out." And they were like, "Yeah, dude, you passed out twice.". Yeah. It was Start the burgers, Matt. Yeah, [laughter] it was terrifying, dude. It's called meeting the wizard. That's what David Goggins calls it. Really? When they in the Marines try like train. underwater and pass out underwater. Bro, it's [ __ ] up. I could see like when. you got people like, "Oh, he hit and. drowned." It's like, "Dude, have you. tried to hold your breath too long? You. can miss a window and you're just out.". Well, those Kansas City Chiefs fans were. partying with their buddy or whatever. He left those four dudes dead on his. porch or whatever. Weren't they weren't they doing fentanyl. or something?

It seemed like something was crazy. Yeah, I think they got coke and they had. fentanyl and that shit's terrifying, bro. [ __ ]. That's one thing I'm happy I I'm I never. got involved with cuz that's just like. and everyone's like everyone I know who. still does coke which I'm like is crazy. They're like, "Yeah, but dude, like. we're testing it." I'm like, "No, you're. not, dude. You're telling me you're. drunk at a bar, you score coke and. you're like, 'Hold up, let's test this. first.'" Like, "No, you're not.". Yeah. You're the same type of person. that mails his [ __ ] to somebody. [laughter]. [ __ ] you imagine. [laughter]. to mail your [ __ ] to some You're just.

some dude at a [ __ ] house just pounds. of [ __ ] just [laughter] showing up at. your door every day. You just counting. [ __ ] money all day. You're doing it in your garage like Jeff. Bezos. [laughter]. Wife is like, "What the [ __ ] dude?". Babe, I'm going to analyze these turds. Let me analyze these turds. Babe, come on. I got a [ __ ] you. know. He probably just goes right to a. landfill and they're like, "You need. vitamin D." And they're like, "Thank. you, sir. [laughter]. Thank you.". I think I got tricked, dude. Yeah, testing your own Oh, that you. know, at that point what do you have.

anything to do? It's crazy. Yeah. It's. interesting. Um you have some tour dates coming up I. saw. Yeah, man. I got. You in New York next week? Yeah, I got to go to the. New York Comedy Festival at the Town. Hall. That one I'm sweating that one. I. think it should be good, but. Yeah? be fun. When you sweating what do you mean? Ticket sales. It's It's going pretty. well. I got to do that one and then. Capital One Hall. They just like they're. trying me in theaters right now. The. clubs I feel comfortable. Now they're. like, "Let's do some theaters.". So I'm like, "Fuck." So, you know, it's. just got to sell all the tickets of a. weekend in one day. I know it's scary.

Yeah, dude, it is scary. But, the it's. going all right, you know, it's like I. don't place too much pressure. It's like. it is what it is. I try to promote. stuff, but I'm not like, you know, if it. doesn't work out, that's just what it. is. Like, there's nothing I can do. Yeah. So, you know, so that's coming up. So, I'm going to do that. And then yeah, I. get a bunch of other dates coming up. till like basically like May. So, they're all on mattmccusker.com. Whatever. But, Yeah. come check it out. Yeah, man. If you want. Yeah. And congrats, you guys' podcast is. still doing great. Dude, yeah, we're we're this is this is.

like the Dark Knight of our podcast. So, I'm doing it I'm. just holding it down, dude. Shane's. doing the tires and I I've been, you. know, I I've set up a new thing now. where I I have like headset mics and I. stand at a podium. with and I have the guest stand at a. podium and it's been kind of fun. Changes the energy when you're on your. feet. Imagine if we're on our feet this. whole time. It's a whole different energy. Oh, it's a good point, huh? And you have you have your hands are. free, you're just on the headset. You're thinking, you're more creative. around. I kind of like it so far. And. you you have like a podium to lean on. I. can put a laptop on this under counter. and like, you know, if I need to look at. something, I can just kind of. Yeah. It's fun.

I've been really. [ __ ] around with it. You have, man. Good for you, man. And if. you take a walk sometimes I'll notice if. I take a walk with a friend, we have. such a better conversation. Big time. Or if I take like one of the things I. like to do now sometimes if I'm even. going on a date or something, I'm just. like, let's just go take a walk. It's. like you kind of get to know somebody, it's chill, you're in motion, like. and you feel like you did something, too, when you when you're like going on. a walk. Dude, and I that's for me that's the. best cure for when you get the mental. zoomies. Hit the [ __ ] road. Just. walk. It helps so much. [ __ ] walk to your stepdad.

[laughter]. Walk to your that new family, dude. Um best of luck with all the tickets, man. Well, yeah, if you need a guest, too, if I come back, man, I'll have to. pop in. Please, dude. Please, that'd be awesome. I got to I got like. Cuz Shane's taping in New York, is that. where they're taping? Philly, yeah, right in Philly. So, I got. like um. Castabros is taping with him. Yes. Yeah, he's going to I'm going to see him. next week. Yeah, man. So, I got like I think like. seven more weeks of episodes recorded. before he comes back. So, I we've we've. made it through. So, you know, it's been. fun. It's one of those like it's been a. like a learning experience cuz it's you. know, it's easy. We can do it. We'll do.

it together. When it was just me, I was. just like, "Fuck, you know.". The dogs, man, they'll be excited. whenever he gets back though. You can. hear them You can hear them barking. They're ready. They're ready. They They're ready. Trust. me, they're ready for him to be back. [laughter]. Uh tickets at mattmcgookin.com. Matt, good to see you, man. Bro, thank you so much. Yeah, man. Have a good one. You too. I'm just floating on the breeze and I. feel I'm falling like these leaves. I. must be. cornerstone.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, [music] I'll share this peace of mind. [singing] I found. I can feel it. in my bones. But it's going to take. a little.