Mark Normand | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #574

I want to let you know we have these new. hoodies, the Onward hoodies in the merch. shop. These are my favorite template of. um of hoodie ever that we've ever had. I. think you will love them and enjoy them. Um they're at the. vonstore.com and uh thank you so much. for your support. Today's guest is a. stand-up comedian. Uh he has two. podcasts, Tuesdays with stories with Joe. List and We Might Be Drunk with Sam. Morill. Uh he's touring all over this.

year. Um he's a one of one, he's a new. father. And he has a new series out. called Page to Stage where comedians. take something from their notebook and. you see it build until it gets. performed. Today's guest is a one of. one. My Louisiana brethren, Mr. Mark. [Music]. Norman I've been singing.

[Applause]. Are you you flying out today? Yeah. My. stepdad is sick, so I got to go see him. I know. I'm bummed. I wanted to be there. for Kill Tony. Oh, yeah. Are you doing. it? Doing it with Kid Rock. So, that'll. be I'm gonna try to I'm gonna really. zing him. That's the only way I can get. to him because if I do it at his house, he'll, you know, sick his security. guards on me and call me the N word. Dude, I didn't know. Oh, yeah. Dude, he.

has a dog that can say the N word. I. saw. Was it a what? Black Lab, I hope. Oh, yeah, dude. BLM, bro. Black Labs matter. Of course it is, dude. Hopefully, it's. not a German Shepherd. He thought a. black lab was a place where they tested. barbecue sauce. So I was like, "Here, get on my That's why they make sickle. cell." Yeah. I was like, "Bro, that's. not I was like, Bob, you got the wrong. idea, man." So So uh so you you're doing. Kill Tony coming up tonight? Yeah. Tonight? Oh, yeah. At the uh what is it?

The Bridgestone. Yeah. Yeah. Very. exciting. I feel like Nate Bargotsi. Yeah, I know. Huh. Have you done one on. that big of a level? That's big, man. No. No. I've done arena shows, but I've. never done like a panel with jokes and. zingers, and that's gonna be weird. just. making fun of these poor open micers in. front of 20,000 people, dude. And. imagine them getting up there that many. people. They're going to be shook. How. could Oh, yeah. How could you have a. good set? That's insane. I mean, it's. like losing your virginity.

to Pamela Anderson. Well, that's a bad. That's a dated Who's the new hot lady? Um, who is it now? Oprah. No, it's uh. Rihanna. Who do the kids like? Oh, a. Sydney Sweeney. That's a good one. Look. at the tits on Dicklas. God. Oh wow. Holy hatchi machi. She seemed like a. beautiful young lady, huh? Very. attractive. She just got uh separated. from her husband, I think. Oh, hey, you're in. That's slurped. I thought. about sending her a message, but I don't.

know what I would say. Hey, say nice. yams, [ __ ] Yeah, that's true, dude. I. think she's she wants that. She No one. talks to her like that anymore, so. probably turn her on. You think? Oh, I'll definitely say something about that. vegetation. Yeah, she's got some crop. circles. Oh yeah, brother gang. Dude, is. that the the X? That guy looks like a. like an ugly me. Oh man, I feel great. Yeah, that guy definitely fumbled the. breast.

Yeah, right. Yeah. I mean, look, he. looks like an Uber driver. Yeah, dude. It would take you 70 minutes to get her. bra on, I think. Yeah, that's a lot to. compact in there. Oh, you would have to. have a buddy. It would almost have to be. like two of those guys doing that. slingshot thing or whatever. Yeah. It's. like trying to get leaves in a bag. Wow. Look at that. Is a lovely lovely. It's good to know a blonde with huge. cans is that's back. [ __ ] yeah. That's a. great point, dude. She Yeah, she could. be anything. She We need flight. attendants like this now. Yeah. Good.

They're all gay now. Oh, they're all. gay. Even you the a woman like you're uh. I I remember trying to hit on this lady. and she'll be like she's like I'd love. to go out with you but I'm only be going. to be a woman for like another week. And. I was like what the [ __ ] man? Oh damn. That's what this flight attendant said. I was like oh come on. Good lord. Where. where's she connecting in Transville? I. know dude. Yeah that's Transville. Spain dude. Yeah. They're all gay now. They used to be very attractive. Uh it's.

like these sky homos. They've taken over. the air. Yeah, dude. It is. Dude, I feel like when you get. on, you have to protect your. straightness. The second you get on. there, I lock in, dude. I tell my penis, I say, you know what we're here for. We're just here to get from A to B. Right. Okay. Do not look around. Yes. Yes. They're going to tempt you. It'll. be like a kind of a guy, you know, like. a guy possibly dressed as a woman. walking through with liquor or snacks or.

um those goldfish. My penis loves. goldfish, right? Oh, love a goldfish. So, but do not look over there. You stay. straight. We're just We're going to. Cincinnati. Exactly. No place straighter. than Cincinnati. That is a straight town. right there. It is, dude. They eat chili. and watch football. Oh, but wait, hold. on. You said something. Oh, you ever get. flattered by the gay the gay love? Yeah. That is very nice when a gay guy's like, "Hey, cutie." Or whatever. And you're. like, "Hey, this is pretty good." Yeah. Well, cuz it's replacing the old thing. It's like you still want the affection,

right? And now it's like a lot of us. didn't even have dads. So, it's like. they're kind of coming at you with that. combo meal. Oh, you get the male. attention and flirty and the female. flirty. Yeah, that's good. You get it in. one. That's God, I'd love to be gay. That's a lot of gay guys thing is don't. you want that combo meal, right? Good. point. And he could blow the the the. [ __ ] chrome off your trailer hitch. Oh, dude. Can you This is insane to be. talking about. Sorry. This is God's.

country. I'm just going to Cincinnati. Okay. That's all. You're right. You're. right. That's all I'm telling you, Mark. All right. I'm already I'm already. getting a layover and. layover. But dude, yeah, there's just. something like they Yeah. you see them. and they but yeah, God, could you even. imagine some strong guy who was probably. like on the um neck team in college or. whatever, some sporting event like the. uh wrestling? Yeah, wrestling or. something like that. Oh yeah. And he.

just pins your [ __ ] to the back of his. throat with his tongue or whatever. Easy. big fella. Sorry. That's that seems. Anyone else hard? That seems crazy. You're going to make Morgan Wy. uncomfortable. That's true. Oh man. Yeah, it's got to be nice to be. the gay. What? What about Glory Hole? Is. that real? There was one at What? You. know of one? There was one at Louisiana. State when I was at LSU. Shut the [ __ ]. up. How'd I miss that? I went there for. a semester. Yeah. Bring up Glory Hole. LSU. What? They had one and they you.

know where it was? I think it was in. um I want to say the library. Whoa. Damn. They plugged that hole. Look at. that. Oh, there's one right there. Taking a dump in Turo. That's a one of. those one of the halls there. Oh, there. it is right there. Whoa, look at that. Look at that. Damn. You could even look. through there if you wanted to, which is. nice, bro. If you're But it's hard to. look through there when there's a wiener. coming through. Take your eye out. Yeah, dude. Don't be that weirdo that's trying. to sightsee at a glory hole, you know?

Yeah. You just got to You got to trust. the hole. You got to go with it. Whatever comes through, you got to eat. it. That's the whole, dude. That's the. original game show right there. Oh, yes. That's great. Yeah. Now it's like um I'm. thinking of what it's called now. It's. like um the floor is lava, dude. Right. Nothing that has. nothing on the glory hole is open. That's a great point. Yeah. And you. never know who's on the other side. Could be your teacher, your brother,

your pastor. I mean, that's a real. gamble. Oh, yeah. It could be your. pastor. It could be your future dude. It. could be some gay dude. You're going to. they or woman. Nowadays, even lesbians. will stop in there just to couture their. jawline. They'll pop into a male glory. hole. Yeah, but what about lesbians? They don't have any way to glory. You. can't get a [ __ ] through that that wood. girth. I don't know. You put the. softball team in there. They'll [ __ ]. They'll hit a single at least through. that thing. Yeah, Britney Griner could. get something through that hole. Oh, damn. That's that's what put her in jail.

in Russia, I heard. Have you seen her. lately? She looks like uh Pete Davidson. Uh, yeah, I could see a crossover. Why. hasn't she been on SNL? I wonder. Oh, you Britney, let me see something real. quick. Oh, this is awkward. Thank you. Get the [ __ ] Get the Whoa. Look at those. dogs walking on water. What religion is. this? The [ __ ] is that, dude? I've never. Bro, that's Dude, this is that new [ __ ]. man. This is what's coming now, right? This is the new Christianity. This will.

be a story in the Bible one day. Britney. Briner shoots a three-pointer. Yeah, she. looks like Deuteronomy. Damn, that was good. Ah, thanks. God, bro, that's a pretty decent start for an. episode, I feel like. Hell yeah. Well, I. love Nashville. I love this town. We did. the Ryman last night. We did Zies after. that. Drop your mic down a little bit. like this. Yeah. Went to Kid Rock's. house. It was a lot. You did. You went. to Kid Rocks. Yeah. We were just out. with Tony and Tony's like, "I got a. surprise for you." We jump in a car. We.

drive a half hour and then Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And uh what a what a home. Oh, you go to there's definitely um Was it. just him there? Was it was it other. people? It was just him and like a. security guy. Oh yeah, dude. And maybe a. slave. I mean, it felt like it big. jacked scary like marine looking guy. Oh. yeah. A lot of those guys love to cook. when they're not [ __ ] like sniping. [ __ ] gazins on behalf of Israel. But. um yeah, dude. He uh build that whailing.

wall. Yeah, I know. Jesus, dude. I heard the whailing wall. This is the most Israel thing ever. The. whailing wall has an ATM in it. Is that. crazy? That's hilarious. Is it? I mean, I I. wouldn't be surprised. You need some. cash out there if you're going to buy a. little drrele, some knickknacks. Oh, I. [ __ ] spend gimmel on that [ __ ] son. That's all I spend, dude. They used to. call me Big Gimmel in a lot of back. alleys. Jimmy. Gimmel Jimmy Gimmel live in a lot of uh.

Yiddish back alleys. They used to call. me [ __ ] Jimmy Gimmel, dog. Um Oh, the. willing wall. It should have at least. two ATMs added. I can't even believe. this is an issue over there. It's got to. have one or at least a glory hole. Definitely, dude. Get that no foreskin. through there. Yeah, only in the glory. holes in Israel. It says FDIC insured. That's FDIC insured, dude. Nice. There. it is. There it is. Holy [ __ ] The only.

kosher ATM in the world. That's. hilarious. It just takes money from. Palestinians. It's not even your. account. Yeah, dude. That's crazy. Holy moly, that's hilarious. Wow. Um, speaking of. going abroad, you have shows coming up. abroad, man. Yeah, I'm very excited. Going to London, going to Australia. I. love those crowds. You do? Oh, yeah. I. mean, the flight's a [ __ ] and you get. homesick and the jet lag's a a real. cumuzzler, but uh I love Australia. I'm. pumped. Do you ever go? Yes, man. You.

have to Where are you going over there? Let me see some of his dates here. You're going to Reuvic. Reag? Yeah, I. think that's Iceland, right? Rickerberg. Rekovic. Oh, Rekavic. That's how they. say it. Yeah, I think so. Oh, Rekavik. Yeah, it looks like somebody's texting. with T9. Look at those vowels and. consonants. Oh, yeah. Jesus. That's like. a drunk text. Salford, United Kingdom. Cardiff, United Kingdom. Bristol, United. Kingdom. Birmingham, London. Glasgow. You're going to [ __ ] Glasgow, lad. Yeah. Oh yeah. [ __ ] yeah. Get a.

Smashburger, lad. Yeah. Get a Glasgow. smile. That's where they cut you from. here to here. Get a Glasgow smile. Terrifying. Those Scots are really. scary. That's going to be incredible, dude. So, you have those shows coming. up. That's everywhere over there. Yeah. Yeah. Doing the whole gamut. Just taking. a train from top to bottom. It's kind of. shitty because you don't get to see. anything. You just do the show and then. you leave. Yeah. But the crowds are. great and it's it's a fun time. You have. a couple days off. Couple days off. Yeah. Not much. But I get so keyed up. I.

got to get back. So I just do the shows. and I go home. Well, it's hard. That's. one of the things people don't realize. You go to these places, people like. stay, do this and that. But then like. you do five, six shows, you're on the. you're on the road then for two weeks. kind of, you know, or you know, you try. to get into and it's like well how long. you want to be over? You going to be. over there for three weeks? A month? I. know. Oh, you start I get that FOMO. I'm. like, what's going on in America? You. start looking at JD Vance memes. You're. like, "Oh, I miss home.". He's fat. Putting Cheeto dust on a on a. president. Oh, yeah. They.

had They had one the other day that said. he has up syndrome. Is this is a picture. of JD Vance has up syndrome. Oh, that's. fun. Look at that guy. I I think he. loves it, too, which is fun about him. Oh, he has the best sense of humor. I. bet he could I honestly I should send. him one of these and see what he thinks. about it. Oh, I bet he's seen all of I. would just scroll through those at. dinner if I was him. Yeah. And look, you. can't do that with Obama, you know? That's a that's a different meme, if you. know what I mean. So, it's good to have. him be into it. Yeah. I got to see which. ones he's into. I think I would like to.

try and get to interview him again cuz. now he's in there, right? And I bet it's. weird in there. Well, in the White. House. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you see Kid. Rock over there dressed like a [ __ ]. firecracker salesman. Oh, he was dressed. like a fireman at a glory hole. I'm. saying that. Yes. Yeah. Fire crotch, dude. He was dressed like the grand. wizard of Cracker Jackack. Look at that. He's like He looks like. he's selling used cars in in Bristol, Tennessee. Oh, dude. Definitely. Dude,

this guy looks like he could [ __ ]. sign the Constitution with his [ __ ]. dude. This guy's unbelievable. He does. John Hancock. Yeah. Yeah. Look at this. That is a wild. He's like a He's a. gatriot. Oh yeah, brother. That's it, dude. If this photo alone doesn't get. the Tiger King out of prison, right, what are we even doing? And this. has got to scare the uh the foreigners. If I was a Chinese [ __ ] and I. saw that, I go, "We can't [ __ ] with. them. Look at this guy. He's like a like.

an Avenger." Yeah. They're like, "We. made that shirt, but we didn't know he'd. wear it like. that." You think Zolinsky sees that? He's like, "Shit, I really didn't dress. up. Holy, I dress like a ninja." Yeah, dude. Yeah. He's like, "Oh, I should. have really showed up. He looks like the. pilot for Malaysian flight 370 or. whatever. The one that went down. Yeah. Where'd you even get that made? I mean, that's crazy. The one that went down on. Key West, bro. That's a [ __ ] That. thing landed on a [ __ ] Yeah. Well, the.

flights have been I think they've picked. it up a little bit, but we had some. crazy flights for a while. Like upside. down and Inside Out trying to show all. these people what it's all about. Dude, they had Run DMC fly on one of the. planes, dude. Well, run DEI. But yeah, look at that. upside. That's almost It's like the. movie Flight with Denzel. We ride here, dude. And you have to listen to DMX when. you get out of that plane, right? There's no way. The plane's upside down. And now we have to exit. There's no way. I don't put a [ __ ] I don't bounce a.

track on my phone right there, dude. I. put run I put on um probably some DMX. Oh, yeah. As you walk out. What you. really want? What you really want from a. flight? Yeah. I want some peanuts and a. and an up upright plane. Yeah, dude. It's a wacky time. There was something. you had I want to talk to you about a. bunch of stuff. You have a new child. Um. Yes. Yes. Not mine. I can't. Matt Refe, he got it there, dude. Unreal. And a lot. of people um thought Matt Reefe is that.

guy who's trying to live forever. Whatever. Oh, yeah. Well, he's got that. beautiful face. He's shiny. He looks. new. He looks very Yeah. A lot of people. thought that that's Matt Reich, Brian. Johnson. This guy Why does the guy who. lives forever have to be annoying, you. know? You want You want If the guy's. going to live forever, you'd like him to. be fun. I know, dude. Why couldn't the. guy that lives forever be You want like. John Dailyaly to live forever, you know? Yeah. Although he'll die tomorrow. Well, especially because Hooters just went. bankrupt, which is crazy. Damn. He was.

keeping it in business, dude. I bet. I. bet. Yeah. That guy could house some. wings, bro. and he would walk in, it. would always be empty. Restaurant chain. Hooters goes bust and files for. bankruptcy protection. What is this, the. Asian version? And there is a uh and if. you can't see on the YouTube on the. video right now, there is a picture of. all Asian women Oh. in Hooters p in. Hooters's uh attire. Where's that photo. taken? Can you give me some information? Can you scroll up or down or something? There you go. Chinese waitresses dressed.

in orange shorts and t-shirts cheer. while welcoming the arriving guests at. the Hooters restaurant in Beijing. Oh. [ __ ] Damn, they're stealing everything. from us. They got it. Hooters is going. bust. The US restaurant chain known for. chicken wings and its skinny Hooters. girls weight staff outfits has filed for. bankruptcy protection. Whoa. HOA. restaurant group filed for the motion. for chapter 11. It's the latest legacy. restaurant chain to run into financial. trouble amid high food and labor prices.

Well, is that really why? Yeah, I saw a. couple of porkers in there on the last. few years. Yeah. Let's just say that. they got probably so many articles. saying that they couldn't hire good tits. in there anymore. Right. Right. You got. to be inclusive. Yeah. So, you got to. get the wheelchair hooter. You got to. get the downsy hooter. Yeah. You got to. get um an actual owl in there. is like, "Sure. What are we doing?" Yeah. It's a. It's a tough time. It It's the end of an. era, but we still got Twin Peaks. Oo.

Just a sleeper that they just kept low. and didn't talk and now they're still. around. Yeah. That's like the Utah tits. Those tits are clean over there. Clean. They're like the Kieran Kulkin. McCulli's gone. He was hot for a while, but now Kieran's taking over. We got to. go to Beijing. God, dude. I got to be. honest. I never felt comfortable at. Hooters. Like, I like tits. I like. wings, but I felt weird. This is this is. some some girl named Stacy who's trying. to make a few bucks and I'm like can I. look at her? Can I not look at her? What. would I do here? There a lot of them are.

like I'm a model and it's like what are. you you know will you model those sodas. over here for me? Like not in a bad way. but it's like look I want to support. your modeling. I will tip a little bit. extra. Sure. But we want to eat too. I. don't want to. Yes. Yes. And then am I. supposed to augle you? Do am I a creepy? I I never know what to do. Right. Are. you just a waitress? Are you Yeah. Gray. area. If I have you sign my 11-year-old. son's back with a Sharpie, right? [ __ ] sick dad or whatever. Exactly. And then do I tip you by putting the. money in your g-string? You know, like.

like a strip club, at least you know, we're all here to see tits and ass. Everybody's on board, right? Hooters was. this vague thing where like, hey, while. you're a pervert, order like, right, let's get some [ __ ] protein in you. And then if you go sometimes you go with. a girl like you'd be at a work a work. work lunch and the whole gang would go. and you're like I got this lady here. she's in HR and she's fat now we got the. hot blonde and the whole thing is. awkward. Yeah. And then you try to make. it equal. You're like oh they should. have a place called nuts that we could. take you Shelly you know. She's like I'm.

good. Yeah. And she's been losing her. hair cuz she has like iron deficiency or. something. Anemia. Oh that'll get you. That was my black ex. Yeah dude. Hooters. is shut down. John Daly is going to have. nowhere cuz you know he uh he used to. live in a Hooters. He lived in a. I can see that. Didn't John Daly live in. a Hooters? Bring that up. No way. I. thought you were joking. That's amazing. John Gruden had an. office apparently at Hooters. headquarters and John Daly had a special.

sleeping room in there. Shut the [ __ ]. up. Where'd they hear that? Oh, on the. most recent episode of Theon's Best. Weekend. podcast. So, hold on. You're your own. reference. Hey, dude. This is where we. are, dude. Um, I saw John Dailyaly. overdose on gym one night and had to get. carried out of a restaurant, not even a. bar. Hell yeah. That's awesome, man. He's like a superhero, this guy. Oh, yeah. He's Dude, he's definitely him. Kid Rock. Now we have a superhero. Yep. We have our Avengers, dude.

Yes. We need some more in there. We need. a good woman in there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's a fun woman? Oh, I know who. that. lady that uh cooks and that said the n. word. What's her name? Oh, Paulyine. Yeah, that's a good one. Boy, there's. going to be a lot of nword in that. kitchen. Hers. Oh, dude. Look, dude. Maybe we should throw a black guy in. just to even it out a little bit. Yes. And to keep her on her toes. Yeah. Right. Right. Who do we get in there? We. need a good black. Maybe. Um Oh. Uh oh.

Hold on. Uh Kanye. Ooh, that'll really. shake things up. Yeah, now we're. talking. Oh, yeah. So, he'll be he'll be. wearing the clan hood, ironically. But. now it's their clanhood. So, it's like. what do we what do whites do now that. there's I don't want to say this is. cultural appropriation? [Applause]. I mean, did FUBU make that? I mean, this. that's our thing. Yeah. I mean, I. definitely This is I mean, it's so weird.

cuz Elon's trying to tell everybody, "Hey, I'm not a Nazi." And he's like, "No, no, I am a Nazi." Yeah. Oh, it's so. hard these days to figure out if you're. a Nazi or not. It is [ __ ] impossible. I mean, did you ever think you'd see. this many swastikas in 2020? The whole. world's gone batshit. No. And you. they're not even point You don't even. know who they're pointing. Like, it's. like there's liberal people using. swastikas because they uh they're angry. Yes. at Tesla. Yes. But now you're. drawing swast. So these poor Jews are.

like, "All right, well that's that means. [ __ ] me. I know you're mad at that guy, but what about me?" But then you also. have people saying that um that America. and Israel are swastika. They're using. it promoting them because they're. killing the Palestinians. Wow. So you're. saying that they're the fat like, you. know what I'm saying? It's like you guys. are the new Germany. They're saying that. Israel is the new Germany. Oh jeez. This. is too much. That's what I'm saying. There's it's just there's so many. layers. Yeah. It's it's like what. happened to a [ __ ] the business.

transaction of a glory hole, dude. Exactly. You know, I mean, we're buying. Greenland, Gulf of America, Canada's mad. at us. Beyonce's doing country. Everything's. topsyturvy. Alec Baldwin shot a lady. I. mean, I can't keep up with all the the. [ __ ] It's all twisted. H. But at the. same time, is it the most excit It's. It's exciting. It is. It is. It's the. best of time and the worst of time, but. you can open X and you're just like, "Holy [ __ ] my ass. This is crazy." Yeah,

dude. In that town, X is like a portal. to like crazy town. You're just on. You're just [ __ ] like, "Oh, that's a. bear attack. A race race riot. Race. riot. Black kids beat up another white. kid at school. Not a hate crime, right? Just a tweet. Just a tweet." Yeah. And. then there's like crazy tit and it says, "Don't open this if you're alone.". And I always open it. I even have to I'm. at the library. I'm like, I got to do. it. I can't resist that. It's like 10. reasons why uh apples are killing your.

body right now. Yes. And you're like, [ __ ] You got me. Clickbait. Yeah. Huh. Did you see that Bill Bird thing where. he yelled at the reporter? Oh, pull this. up if you can. I mean, this was so cool. This is why I love the love Bill. He's. on a red carpet for some thing and a. reporter is like trying to get him to. say controversial [ __ ] and he calls him. out. I'm not going to just have some. controversial moment so he can get. clicks. I'm not doing that. I mean I'm. here to for Conan. I'm not I'm not doing. all of this. What do you bring up next?

The Middle East. I I'm I I went to. summer school three out of four years in. high school. I'm not qualified to talk. about this. I was. just global warming. You said about Elon. that he was ruining Earth. I saw on the. view. You're critical of him. What do. you think of all the boycots? Like even. the violence. I don't watch the news. I have no idea. what's going on. I watch Instagram. I. watch people wipe out on motorcycles. I. watch lions and hyenas fight each other. This is the things that I do. And I. don't think you should be asking a. comedian.

You're a jerk. Comedians are on top of. current events. You're No. No. That's. That's weak. That's you guys passing the. buck. You guys need to have balls again, which you don't. You guys always goes, "Should we be thinking this?". You guys present stuff like that. You. You guys used to have balls. You need. You need to get your balls back. And. it's not my job. I am a dancing clown. But yeah, it's so cool cuz he's like, "You're trying to get me to say [ __ ] so. you can get clicks. You You guys report. Stop putting it all on me. I I can get. in trouble now and go viral for some.

ignorant [ __ ] I said." Yeah. Get out of. here. Dude, that's a great point. Yeah, it has. It's definitely become crazy. now. It's like um but it's because. people are afraid to speak up because I. think all those people feel like they'll. probably lose their jobs. I think a lot. of them are just caught in this old. system with like if I say anything. that's truthful. That's I think why a. lot of like you even see like Candace. Owens, you see a lot of comedians of. podcasters like people are listening to. them at least they they're trying to. figure [ __ ] out or they're talking about.

things as earnestly as they think they. can. Yeah. Well, we're so divided now. that if you say this opinion the other. side attacks you. if you say that. opinion, that side attacks you. So, uh, the the the newspapers want to sell. clicks and whatever. So, they're just. like, "We'll go down the middle. We got. to keep everybody. You say the [ __ ] up. [ __ ] We'll report about it." Yeah. It's. it's it's gross. It's a great point. He. said it's passing the buck. Where's the. [ __ ] How was it that like even during. the first year of like the Gaza thing. that not one mainstream network guy was. like, "Hey, this seems kind of [ __ ].

up." Is that right? I I thought people. were talk. I guess it's mostly internet. people. Yeah, I think it was more. internet people, but it was kind of. like, hey, this, you know, or even just any. side like let's get one interview from a. Palestinian guy, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, true. That [ __ ] was just kind of. crazy. Hey, basketball fans, are you. ready to win real money? Well, check out. Pick Six from DraftKings. When it comes. to basketball payouts, DraftKings Pick. Six dunks on its rivals, including prize.

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ESPNUS.com or click the link in the. description below. Pitbull coming over. from. Bellator. Yay Rodriguez, one of the. greats. You got Vulcganowski vers Lopez. It's going to be a banger. You have a You have a new show that. you're doing. Yeah, I'm working on a. It's a like a web series. I'm trying to. sell it, but it's it's called Page to.

Stage and uh Page to Stage. Yeah. Like. you come up with a bit idea and then you. go up at zies and work it out and it's. clunky and you work it out again and. again and again and then eventually you. crack it and now you're doing it at an. arena. That's the show. So you it shows. the comic thinking of a bit and then. struggling with it and then eventually. figuring it out and killing with it and. like in between. Oh, that's an example. of it right there. Yeah, we've done a. couple episodes already and uh this is. episode one. We just put out episode. two. Yeah, that's something. Hey, is.

this stupid? I'm bombing all day long. here. I hope this wasn't an expensive. ticket. Oh, this is great, man. Oh, thanks. I. can't believe this has never been done. Get a dumb idea. Yeah, that's how comedy. starts. You take it on stage, it bombs, and you do it again. Too far. All right. All right. We'll work on that. Oh god, we're supposed to be there. What else do. you do here? You like break you break. down the bit with other friends, kind of. work on it. Exactly. Like me and Sam. Marel or Chris Stephano, we'll we'll sit. at the cellar and chop it up and try to.

figure out where the funny is and what. angle to go with. You guys have so many. just artisans up there. Oh yeah. It's. It's comedy college over there. It's. chefs. You guys have chefs. Yes. Yes. Exactly. We're down here selling hooters. to [ __ ] people. Yeah. But this is. fun, Shane. This is fun as hell, though. I love Nashville. I mean, you got the. Zanies has opened another room. I mean, you guys are cooking. Yeah. I've been in. there. That lab over there. It's great. Great room. So, yeah. This and each. episode will be a different kind. I do. the first one, then it'll be, you know,

Ronnie Chang and Michelle Wolf and uh. So, the show is going to be it's just um. different examples of that. Yeah. Yeah. with different each one is a different. comic working on a bit. So you could do. one if you wanted or whoever. And yeah, I want to start working on some new. stuff, man. I've been writing a lot of. stuff. I just have to get start getting. on stage. I think I'll go down to Austin. probably to work on it. Oh, I like that. I mean that mothership. You can't beat. that room. Well, just just to have this. and also there's other rooms right. around there. Brian Redband has a room. right there. The creek. Yeah, they have. a one room there. It's called like.

skinny or whatever. You know what it's. called? But it's like they have Tony's. room. Yeah, we did it. Yeah, these are but they have a lot of. like Yeah, it's like um it's like. autistic cat or whatever. Right, right. Jones. Yeah, they have everything there. like save the like dude things there are. so progressive but also way it's like. I've seen like save the n-words there. and you're like that does not seem no no.

like it's like ra it's like racist and. progressive because it's like Austin. good intentions but bad message bad. title yeah it's like stop uh save the. whales but you're talking about fat. people no but they yeah I mean Austin's. fun because you when you're working on. new [ __ ] you got to be ble to bounce. around. You can't just do one set every. now and then. I agree. And it's even a. lot of times when you're working on new. stuff for for me, it's like that third. time you do it in a night, even if you. don't even want to do it and nothing. comes out of it, but it's still just. burning that like every time you cook.

it, you just cook it and it's like so. the next time will be good, right? 100%. You know, they say when you lift. weights, the one where you're like, and. you can't get it up, that's the one that. matters the most. And it's the same with. comedy, I think. When you're working on. that new one and you don't want to say. it and it's not really working, that's. when you find it. When you just push it. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I have a buddy that. just started comedy last week. No way. Friend of mine from AA. He just started. Aren't you glad those days? I I would. hate to just start now. I mean, we're. we're 20 20 years in or whatever the.

[ __ ] I used to watch you at open mics. at [ __ ] Lucy Surfer Bar in New. Orleans, dude. Yeah. You were the guy. You had a hot girlfriend. You had some. money. Had a cool haircut. I didn't. Well, I had I did have a very cute. girlfriend. Oh, I still remember her. God, she was pretty, wasn't she? Oh, I. think about her all the time. I'll be. honest. I think about her a lot. Yeah. Yeah, that was that was really. something. No one had a hot girlfriend. back then. We were all losers in. Louisiana. Armor walking by like some of. the Saints players and they're all said, "We're going to steal your girlfriend.". That sounds about right. That's what.

they do. And they did. The crazy part. No, I don't know. But yeah, dude. God, bro. When we went to Lucy's, that was. fun, dude. That was not a care in the. world. There was no phones. There was no. we got to get a clip. There was no video. [ __ ] It was just just for the love of. the game. And they had all kind of like. uh Dne Foch, remember him? Yeah, of. course. Funny guy. And they made he was. in that uh documentary. Did you see. that? No. What doc? I don't know if he's. okay with talking about this, but bring. it up. Dane Foch. I love those old. Louisiana names. Fosche, Tibido,

uh Landry. Yeah, it was like uh remember. Sean Patton was down there. Oh, yeah. There he is. Good old Dane. I looked up. to him too when I started. Oh, dude. Same, bro. And also one of the nicest. guys. Oh, yeah. Great guy. And And he. was really like he welcomed everybody. Hey, we're doing comedy. Good to have. you. And it was the first time I had. like a group like a click. Yeah. Felt. like a cult, dude. Yeah. Dane's an. awesome guy. And but they had a docu He. was part of a very important docu uh no. uh it's called Our Friend. What is it?

Our friend is a 2019 American. biographical drama film directed by. Gabriella Cal Perthweight and written by. Brad Inglesby based on Matthew Teague's. 2015 Esquire article, The Friend. Love. is not a big enough word. Jeez. Did. Jason Seagull, Dakota John, Casey. Affleck? Holy, how did I not know about. this? Is huge. And it's based one of the. I think the main. character is based on him. Um, scroll. some. Oh god, are you going to tell me. he's got some disease? In a flashback to.

2000, Matt, a journalist and Nicole, theater performer living in New Orleans, introduces Matt to Dne, a friend from. college, working as a camera operator. who dreams of becoming a stand-up comic. Oh, there you go. Um, yeah. Wow, dude. Yeah, dude. This is a very This is a. cool thing to watch. Good for him. Yeah, comedy is so big right now. I mean, you're talking to presidents, vice. president, Bernie Sanders. It's It's. weird how intertwined it all is. Well, I. think everything's getting kind of. bizarre now, you know? 100%. Um, everything is getting like turning into.

the WWE. I mean, been saying this for. years. It's like, yeah, you can have. like you can literally next month you. could have Wolf Blitzer. fighting that um who was that like uh. save the whales like kind of like kind. of kid or whatever that was like, uh, you are not representing us. Oh, David. Hog. No, you are not. It was a woman. More woman than more woman. Uh, you are. not for speaking for us. Oh, Greta.

Tunberg. Greta Tunberg. What happened to. her, by the way? She jumped ship. Well, she started she started saying stuff. that liberals didn't agree. She started. like, "Oh, she was speaking out for. Palestine, and now they're like, "Ah, [ __ ] her." Oh, really? Well, what about. the environment? I thought that was her. She would take a steamboat from Sweden. to to yell at somebody on a on a on a. soap box. Well, the second she wore that. Palestinian garb, they're like, "No, she. doesn't even make any sense anymore.". Oh, damn. Wow. How old is she now? Uh, she got an only fans. I.

don't Oh, 22. All right. She's of age. Oh, we're going to hell. But hey, we're. going together, dude. Oh, she got a. solar powered vibrator. I remember. Check out my carbon foot fetish. This is [ __ ] crazy, bro. Are you. always this funny? This is the mo. You've changed my life today, dude. Oh. Oh, I'm hung over. I'm on no sleep, so. I'm just I'm riding off gay fumes here. Need no sleep till Brooklyn? Yeah. Um,

no, dude. Remember the other comics they. had? Wild Bill. Remember Wild Bill? Oh, Wild Bill Dyes. Wild Bill Dikes, dude. He was on some TV show like Bar Rescue, some [ __ ] like that. And that was I. was like, he's been on TV and same with. you. I was like, you've been on TV? I. couldn't believe it. Wild [ __ ] Bill. Dikes, dude. A legend, dude. But that's. the thing. You had to wait to get tapped. to get on TV and you got six seconds on. some weird show and now we got the. internet so we can just put it all out. there. Yeah. Now you can just be like,

"Hey, I'm an alcoholic and just tell. people straight up." Exactly. And a lot. of comedians in New Orleans were just. alcoholics that were trying to stay away. from their families or wives at night. 100%. Let's say that factually and no. judgment. I didn't have a wife or. anything at that time, but you'd see. guys coming in, you know, have a couple. in their car. Yes. Yes. Exactly. We were. all I was terrified. And I had stage. fright like a [ __ ] Well, we all. had st We all had stage fright and salt. poisoning from living in Louisiana, the. gout capital. Oh, yeah. A lot of sodium.

Yeah. They had that one comic, Black. Gout or whatever his name was. He was. just like kind of an older black guy. Yeah. Well, the black comics all had. like chicken fry, cornbread, red bean, red bean. Yep. They all had cool names. Salami, Rob. Yeah, they were fun. Gumbo Jones. Spicy. child evasion. Yes. Sickle cell. Sickle. cell Wilson Johnson. Yeah. Those are those are wild times and. we all got along. Oh, it was so much. fun. So much fun. T- Ray, remember him?

T- Ray. He was a pro when we started. That dude was a legend in in Louisiana. He was a legend, dude. First comic I. ever saw. Remember the funny bone in. Baton Rouge? Yes. They had a funny bone. I saw Chris Porter there in like 2002 or. something and he was killing. I still. remember his act. He had a bit about uh. he's like smoking and drinking, they go. together. You can drink without smoking, but you can't smoke without drinking. It's kind of like you can take a piss. without [ __ ] but you can't [ __ ]. without pissing. And I was.

like, blew my [ __ ] mind. Where are. we? Yeah. God, dude. Yeah. Chris Porter. And that's when he got on to Last Comic, too. Yes. Yes. Remember? And that's when. kind of the handicapped era started on. Last Comic with Josh Blue who was. hilarious who made Josh Blue is one of. the best at having a disability but also. being a comedian, right? But I think it. definitely launched a wave of you know. and it kind of ended with that guy who. faked having cancer for Ellen or. whatever. Oh yeah. Yeah, that was bad.

That was bad. Chocolate cancer. What was. that guy's name? The comedian. What was. that guy's name? I think it was Bob. Melanoma. Oh yeah, I think it was Oh, I. think it was uh Jarvis Malignant. That's crazy. Yeah, he uh colon cancer. Powell. But it was [ __ ] benign. Johnson. You better get that lump checked out, Peter. But yeah, he Oh, that [ __ ] I. feel bad calling him out. But he he got. kind of called out and then he got an. HBO special, then it all just went to.

[ __ ] Yeah. Well, let's just click on. that right there. Whatever happened to. the comedian that Quincy Jones was his. name? Uh Jones graduated from uh on. August 25th. Jones was diagnosed with. stage four methyloma and given one year. to live. He began receiving treatment. with chemo. Friends set up a Kickstarter. for him to produce a stand-up comedy. special starring Jones. His story went. viral after he appeared on Ellen after. he raised $50,000. Wow, that's. incredible. Jones filmed a comedy. special at the T teragram Ballroom in. LA. Um titled Burning the Light. That's.

a great name for it, too. Yeah. Um. whatever happened after that? anything. Go to that Reddit page then. Let's get. some real info. Well, it's a weird thing. when you tell people you have cancer cuz. then they get mad that you're alive. That's a weird place to be in life. Ah, you're still alive. [ __ ] you. Yeah. We. had a guy like that who had done a. couple fundraisers or whatever and he. was still alive and people would get so. [ __ ] pissed at him. Yeah. We gave you. money. We did a GoFundMe. Yeah. Get in the coffin. Exactly. Like, why is he gay? Just cuz he lied about.

that. Yeah, that's true. Um, but I. remember back then I was like, "Oh my. god, I wish I got cancer." Cuz it was so. hard to get a special or on TV. Oh, totally. I was like, "Oh, every mole I. had, I was like, "Check this bitch.". Yeah. Put me in the sun and some. radiation on my ass. I'll start smoking. I would put little fake moles in my arm. when I went on stage. But whatever. happened though, this is curious. He may. have just gotten better, which probably. made it also uncomfortable for him. Is. there any information? Can you scroll up. or down or something? I hope he got. better. Six years old. It just says that.

he's still active. Oh. Oh, that's tough. That's tough. Dude, you got to get into. remission. He's like the Magic Johnson. of cancer. He won't die. That AIDS, what happened? We used to be. so scared of AIDS and Magic Johnson is. kicking. He beat AIDS so hard. I will. tell a story though. I've told this. before, but please. I was at a. restaurant where someone was choking to. death, right? And Magic Johnson was. there. So everybody they they it was. like a Chinese restaurant kind of place. And so they brought out a. um wall. They brought out a little one.

of those Chinese walls. They fold up. It's like ah a great wall. Yeah. It's. like a very great wall, but it's short. I know those. Yeah. You could change. behind them or whatever. Yes. Change. behind them real quick. They brought. that out and started doing CPR on the. guy behind the wall. And we're all just. sitting. there and it's kind of like a nice. place. We're all eating, but everybody. stopped eating because it's like you. can't eat while a guy is like choking. down. Of course. Of course. And they're. doing CPR and [ __ ] on him. So then everybody starts kind of looking. at Magic Johnson like when do we eat,

right? He became somehow like. the like the liaison of feasting or. whatever they call it like in the like. Greek mythology or whatever. And so. everybody's like watching him and you. can tell he starts to feel this. pressure. When do we eat? And they get. the guy back, right? Oh, thank God. So. you can hear him. He starts coughing. Everybody claps, right? So everybody. takes one bite and then [ __ ]. something happened immediately. The guy. coated. The guy died right there. Shut.

up. Yeah. Holy [ __ ] Guy died. Now what. do you do with the food? Do you finish. it? Uh we waited like seven or eight. minutes and then we ate as quiet as we. ever eaten. Oh man, that's awkward. And. they got to wheel them out on the gurnie. and you got a mouthful of General So. Oh, you chew so quietly, dude. Oh, dude. And if your wife doesn't salute you like. that when you eat General So you're not. a you're not a [ __ ] true American. Asian. Yeah, she'll get a kungpow. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude. Oh, [ __ ] Yeah. Speaking of Do you see.

these uh Yankee bats, by the way? Oh, I've heard about this. This is pretty I. want to get your take on these bats. I. don't know where the Yankees have. Their. bats are fat as [ __ ] Oh, come on. Nuhuh. That's what they're using now. The torpedo bat. Yeah. Oh, they they. plump them up a little. Like in the middle? Yeah, like a weird. dick that girthy in the middle and then. cones out. Well, that seems weird. because wouldn't the angle of the bat. then affect which direction you're. hitting the ball even? Yeah, I think.

But they engineered it perfectly where. it just sails it. It works every time. During spring training, someone in the. organization for the Yankees had. mentioned Kay that the team's analytics. department had counseledled players on. where pitches tended to strike their. bats and with subsequent buyin from the. some of the players bats have been. designed around that information. And. the hours before the Yankees home game. against the Brewers that day, uh Kay, who is um the Yankees playby-play man, told the YES network production staff. about this, alerting them so they could. look for an opportunity to highlight the. equipment after the Yankees club four.

homers in the first inning. A camera. zoomed in on Jay Chish Holmes bat in the. second inning. You see the shape of Chis. Holmes bat, K said on air, it's got a. big barrel on it. Wow. And it does. It. has a look towards like the one part. like a snake digesting something a bit. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Um. Wow. And how are. the Yankees doing so far? Was that just. one good game to start off? No, they're. killing it. I mean, you got four homers. in the first inning. I mean, they're. like they're on fire, which they were. already a good team, but now they got.

this secret weapon. Oh, they're four and. two right now. Gang starting off big. Okay. Still know Otani. That guy is. incredible. Oh, he's so good, man. Yeah, that's interesting. How like are they. allowed to just change their bats like. that? Can you look at why they're. allowed to do that? I think it's one of. those Airbud things. It's other than the. rule book says you can't have a fat bat. or whatever it is. Yeah. The idea of the. torpedo bat is to take a size format, say 34 in and 32 ounces, and distribute. the wood in a different shape than the.

trans traditional form to ensure the. fattest part of the bat is located where. the player makes the most contact. Wow. It's just a loophole. They found a. loophole that's still legal. It's the. same amount of wood, but they just put. it in different spots of the bat. The. torpedo bat moves some of the mass on. the end of the bat about six to seven. inches lower, giving it a b bowling pin. shape with a much thinner end. The. benefits for those who like swinging. with it, and not everyone who has swung. with it likes it, are twofold. Both are. rooted in logic and physics. The first. is that distributing more mass to the.

area of most frequent contact aligns. with players swing patterns and provides. greater impact when the bat strikes. ball. Um, the second benefit in theory. is increased bat speed. Imagine a. sledgehammer and a broomstick that both. weigh 32 ounces. The sledgehammer's. weight is almost all at the end, whereas. the broomstick is distributed evenly. Dang. Which which is easier to swing. fast? The broomstick, of course. So, they're saying that it's slower to swing. the new one. Yeah. But it's got more. impact. Um, by shedding some of the.

weight off the end of the torpedo bat. and moving it towards the middle, hitters have found it swings very. similar to a traditional model, but. with slightly faster bat velocity. Huh. I haven't seen a bat like that. since the wet market. God, I know, huh? Damn, that's interesting. I wonder what. other loopholes have have I noticed. What other things? Well, there was the. part where they allegedly deflated the. balls some. Yeah. Yeah. With the. Patriots. What else has kind of happened. over the years? Lot of steroids. Yeah, steroids was so.

big. I don't know if that's a loophole, but yeah, I'd love to talk to Barry. Bonds. That'd be crazy. Oh, man. What a. run he had. I know. And he looked crazy, too. He was like a superhuman. Yeah. Mark Maguire. Yeah, him too. You could. see it's like he's pink. He's like he's. got like ball skin on his forearms. Dude, can you believe that women like. used to not even be able to talk that. much? Isn't that crazy? Those were the. days. But can you even imagine like. you're at dinner and a guy comes up to. talk and you talk to him, your wife.

tries to say something. You're like, "Honey." Exactly. Let the let the guy. let us do business here. Well, women. really got screwed because like they. couldn't really make a lot of money back. then. So, they needed a guy who had a. house and a car and a job. So, like they. had to be nice and and play ball. That's. got to suck. You imagine the resentment. built up in a lot of those women. Oh, of. course. Of course. That's why a lot of. third generation women are squirters, I. think, because it's all that resentment. built up. That's true. Yeah, it all. comes out. That's that's [ __ ] uh what. do you call that? Uh oh, what's the word.

when they can't vote? Oh, that's um. suppression. No. Uh there's a word when. they can't vote. We'll get it right. Voter suppression. Um something like. that. Um suffrage. Suffrage. Yeah, women's suffrage. That's women's. suffrage, dude. Yeah, it's a streamline, brother. Yeah, that is a damn damn. Huh? You ever got a squirt from a lady? I. mean I Oh, I knew a gal that could Oh, super soak. She No, but she was just. articulate. Oh, damn. Like she could Oh,

she could [ __ ] autograph a curtain. I. knew a girl definitely that could. [ __ ] wash your cat's eyes before you. could blink them. It was like those uh the windshield wip. squirter, you know, you clean the. window. Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I had a. lady once. It was like a like a fire. hydrant in a black neighborhood. I mean, she would just stand up and it would. gush. It was a great time. I loved it. I. mean, my bed was ruined for Oh, dude. And there's a couple young sisters. double dutching in it. That's the.

craziest part, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Love a squirt cuz with a female orgasm, there's not really a lot of proof, right? So, it's nice to get some uh. results. Oh, yeah. That's David's. slopper field, homie. That thing is. crazy, bro. Those things get going. Yeah. Squirting Ernie and sometimes you. can't turn them off, dude. No. No. Sometimes there's a lot of Asians, bro. Sesame Street. Yeah. Yeah. It really is. Tickle me Elmo. But sometimes you're. like enough. You got to put a cork in. there or an old rag. Oh, dude. That's.

crazy. Oh, bro. You'd have to put siding. on your bed. You need a gutter on the. side of your bed just to get some. runoff. You got to clean the leaves out. every year. But still, yeah, dude. It. was Bro, that Yeah, you get somebody. that's a real galasher. You'd have to. [ __ ] somebody like, "Damn, are you. from Maine or something? What's even. going on here?" Yeah, you need rain. boots. It was crazy. Oh, you'd have to. use that stuff that you would use on. your car. It was like um RainX. Remember. that? Oh, yeah. Dude, when RainX came.

out, we got high or like Cuz we'd seen. commercials that would like make the the. rain bead off your window. Yes, exactly. So, we'd Rainex our cars, get stoned, drive in the rain, and watch it beat. off. We'd be like, "No, that's a good. time." Those are the good times, dude. Yeah. Um, you want to be ready when somebody. knocks on your wiener door to answer. That's what I'm talking about, baby. Blue Chew. Bluechu will get you stacked. up. I'm stacked. I'm.

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rocketmoney.com/theo. rocketmoney.como. Yeah. What was I thinking about, dude? Uh, you want kids? Yeah, I got to get a. kid, man. I mean, hey, no pressure. I. don't want to be one of those kid guys. You're like, you got to do it. Change. your life. Yeah, super meaningful. I'm. not not doing that. I'm just saying. you'd be a good dad. Thanks, dude. I. appreciate it. I think yeah, I I got to. change some of my a little bit of like. some of my patterns kind of. Well, we. all have some [ __ ] up tendencies and.

all that, but did you have like how did. you change your tendencies to meet a to. meet a woman? And I know you have a. child now, but how did you change your. tendencies? Cuz you were kind of like a. rost about man, huh? Sure. A man about. town. I like to paint it red, but uh I. don't know. I just was getting older and. I knew I wanted kids. And then you start. doing the math. You're like, "All right, if I have a kid at 50, by the time he's. 10, I'll be 60." You had an old dad. Yeah. You know, it's tough on a kid. It's It's tough. So, and I heard Bill. Burr say not to bring him up again, but. he was like, I should have done this 10.

years earlier. And I heard that and I. was like, "Oh [ __ ] maybe I should do it. now." And he's the truth. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, the average age of new fathers. in the United States has risen from 30.9. uh risen to 30.9 years, a significant. increase from 27.4 four years in 1972. Wow. Actually, I thought it'd be higher. So, it's going up. So, it's almost 31. years right now. Um, yeah. I live in New. York. People are having kids at [ __ ]. 45. Like, Schultz just had a kid. He's. 41. Is he? Yeah. He looks great. Oh,

he's a he's a sexy sexy man. Definitely. He looks like an old bull fighter or. something. Oh, he definitely looks like. the last Matador. Yeah. Look at that. stash and the hair. He looks like. definitely the guy that'll turn a triple. play at a glory hole, you know? Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a like a French. villain. Oh yeah, he does, dude. Oh, he's always definitely had that very. like America's favorite spice trader. guy, you know? Right. Right. Like he. sells knives and Bangladesh. Yeah, he.

definitely looks like a guy that'll sell. you a secret. Yes, for sure. Definitely. He's a unique guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's a very unique guy, dude. His new. special, I think, is the best looking. comedy special I've seen. He Oh, yeah. It's It's so beautiful. Like the Beacon. Theater is killer. And the way he starts. it with that montage, like they get you. get choked up. I thought it was really. really amazing. Um, you have a child. now, man. Yeah, it's crazy. That's. insane to see you right now and be. talking to you for the past 40 minutes. and then realize this guy has a human.

child. I mean, it'll get taken away at. some point, but for now, let it ride. God, probably from ICE or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. There it is. Wow. Wow. What. sad news source reported on that? May. Planner gives birth to her first child. with Mark Norman. Look at that fat. little nugget there. It's got a bad. hairline already. Wow. It very much has. that Kevin from the office look, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Um, wow. Your wife looks. great even postbirth right there. She. killed it. Yeah, she looked good the. whole time. And she did the old C-sect.

So, the the clam is intact. Yeah. Huh. Fresh seafood. Yeah. Yeah. Still oyster shucking. But yeah, you really you really you really get all. mushy with the thing. Being as cynical. as comedians are, right? What does. cynical mean? Uh like negative and. always looking at the bad, not the good. I think something like that. I think it. Well, I noticed for myself it's hard for. me sometimes or it used to be for sure. When like something was really real, like a real moment, it was hard for me. to like experience it as a real moment.

Who are you talking to here? Yeah. Come. on. I thought that was you. And um I'm. autism. Yeah. And so was that kind of. did that come into play at all? Do you. notice that part of you come in and you. almost have to stop it? Like Yes. Yes. But with the baby, you can't help it. like you're talking baby talk and you're. just like gushing with love and you pour. it right on them and you feel it and you. go, "Fuck it. I'm doing it anyway. I'm. letting go. I'm going to love this kid.". So it feels really real. So it's like. super real feeling. Super real. I mean. that came out of your ball bag and her.

stomach. I mean the whole thing is it's. surreal that you made this thing. Yeah. and it's going to grow up and have a. personality and you know weird. addictions and you know thoughts on. races and that's all going to form right. there in his little noggin. God, it's. fascinating. Does it create a new. relationship with your wife? like is. there now some like cuz I've heard. Schultz say that like you know you now. like he would have times where he would. call his wife to check on the baby and. not be checking on her kind of and so. like he said just there were little.

dynamics like that that he started to. notice where. does it make like a new relationship. with you and your wife? Does things. still seem the same? Does it are. everything's just normal? Like any. thoughts on any of that? It's super. different. Like you you the baby becomes. the priority. So you start to forget. about each other, you know? It just. becomes like, "All right, I'll take them. for this moment, you take them for that. moment, you feed them. Did you did you. put them down? How's that going?" So it. turns into scheduling and very um like. calculated almost. So you got to stay. lovey. You got to stay a couple. And so.

it's kind of like the two of you verse. the baby. And you become a team, but you. got to make the team fun. You can't just. go all in on logistics. You got to still. be cuddly and sexy and all that [ __ ] and. fun. And is it hard? How long do you. have to wait before you can be sexually. active with your spouse? I think it was. 6 weeks. So, we did like six weeks and a. day before I went and I on accident. I. was like, "What am I doing? I'm an. idiot. This is how the Jackson 5. started." You know? Why would you do.

that? I was like I was I had been so. long that I I lasted like 8 seconds and. uh but you it's I couldn't pull out. It. felt good. So I But that dude to you. knew what just happened there. I know. I. know. I'm an idiot. But I hope hopefully. she's barren at this point. But that's. like go that's like like walking out of. a burning building, right? Going into. another one and then Yeah. Hold on. And. then it's like leaving tower one and. going into tower two. Yeah. And it says. gas above the door and you go in there. and [ __ ] blaze up a smoke. I know. I.

couldn't help it. And she was like, "What the [ __ ] are you doing?" And I was. like, "You're right. You're right." So, do you think you did that? Is it almost. was it territorial or you just partying? I think I was partying. I I let loose. too much. I I I'm an idiot. But I'm I'm. just lucky we had a kid the normal way, the oldfashioned way. Everyone else is. doing the IVF and adopting and all that. So, yeah. It's nice that these kids can. swim. Oh, that is nice, man. I worry. about that. Someone had a baby out of. their butt, too. Did you see that? No. Oh no. Bring that up. An ass baby.

That's tough. Well, it's uh that's some. good sperm. These days it's the only way. to get into this country. It feels like. anal birth. Let's look at him. That's on Apple. Whoa. Whoa, buddy. Hold. on. Anyone else hard? God, bro. Jesus. Just the article. That was wild. There's. no article. There is. There was. something on there. Those are bands. Oh, there are. Yeah. Uh, they'll come. Somebody will write the article. Yeah.

Is that real? Huh? Real ass baby. It has. to have had happened. Wow. I guess it. just came out the wrong shoot, you know. Yeah, the baby. A lot of them were. working backwards. It's like Yeah. Have. you ever seen those pictures of those. guys that get stuck in those tunnels. like in [ __ ] Jews? Yeah, of course. But the baby just got off on the wrong. exit. They don't have GPS, you know? Take a left. Yeah, but they It's like. head towards the light, I guess. So, yeah. Avoid the boom boom and go with. the the clam clam. Come on. God, dude.

That's crazy, man. That is crazy. Um, it's weird how close they are. Isn't. that weird? The butthole and the vagina. They're like an inch apart. Put them. further apart. What are we doing here? It's like Israel and and Palestine. That's two arch enemies living right. next door to each other. That's. ridiculous, dude. And the Gaza Strip. right in the middle. What has um Speaking of that, has there. been like a lot of turmoil in Do you see. a lot of turmoil in the state in New. York City? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's. crazy. Is it really? It's real. I mean, Columbia University is a hotbed of.

controversy and they they deported that. guy, whatever his name, Muhammad uh. Falafel Face. And uh yeah, it's Yeah. And one of the food trucks went missing, too. Ironically, the same day. Bring. that guy up. Is that right? I don't. know. Oh, I didn't hear about the uh the. old PETA. After all the things that have been. said, that's the one where you say, "Is. that right?" I mean, I believe it. That. schwarma is missing. Oh, dude. Yeah, dude. Schwarms my heart. Oh, Schwarms my.

heart. How is that not a shirt? Or I'm. sure it's the name of a food truck. It's. got to be. Yeah. What do we know about. foreign college students targeted for. deportation? Yeah. Which one did they. have? The Trump administration has set. off a legal and ethical firestorm by. targeting international students at US. colleges for deportation, including some. whom the government alleges participated. in pro Palestinian protests or. activities on campus. I will say the to. be a Jewish guy around this has got to. be awkward. Like that I feel like. there's a lot of anti-semitism hurled at.

them and no one seems to give a [ __ ]. Like if you make black comments, it's. like a it's a bad that's national news. Uh but I don't think anyone really gives. a [ __ ] about the uh the Jew feelings. Yeah. Well, I think you have to I think. you have to be able to separate that. That's a good point. They don't get the. they don't get the uh the oppression. points that other groups get. That's a. good point. Yeah, that's a good point, man. Well, because I think that they've. from what I've learned, they've been. like had a tough time finding a. territory to live in, right? Like.

historically that they've had a tough. time finding a place to live in. I think. what what just hasn't helped. has been the [ __ ] in Gaza. It's like of. course I think it's just made like um. and then there's a lot of I think people. start looking then at like ownership and. oppressors, right? And I think you have. a lot of Jewish people that are super. successful. They're good at being. successful. The best. They own the. weather. The best, right? They got it. all. And so then I think it doesn't that. makes things like I think that's where.

people take one brid go from one thing. and bridge to another. Yes. Yes. Exactly. And there's so much nuance here. too that people forget. It's just good. versus evil. But there's there's complex. [ __ ] going on here. It's a lot of. layers. We want to just put black and. white, but it's it's true. There's a lot. of layers. It's hard to figure a lot of. it out. Oh, yeah. Um, Mahmud Khalil, I. think that's who you're talking about. A. 30-year-old Columbia University. international affairs graduate student. of Palestinian descent, was arrested on. March 8th when ICE agents appeared at.

his student apartment building. Can you. even imagine that? I would think it was. like one of those fraternity things they. do in the morning or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Like a initiation where they'd. spray a air horn on you or hit you with. a fire extinguisher. Yeah. Yeah. It was. like uh sigma alpha genocide or whatever. and they're [ __ ] taking you outside. to tickle you until you [ __ ] uh piss. jin or. whatever. Khalil is married to an. American citizen who's pregnant with. their first child. The Trump. administration accused Khalil, a. Palestinian activist, of supporting.

Hamas and distributing pro- Hamas. propaganda, though it has provided no. evidence to support this claim. Wow. Yikes. It's a tough time because then. you also wonder like what like if if. there's Israeli influence cuz that's a. big thing now like how much Israeli. influence is there in like American. politics, you know? Oh, there's a lot. Yeah. And it seems to be a ton. I feel. like America's just like it feels like. we're just owned by Israel, you know, and we just never knew it. I thought we. own them. That's what I thought. Uh-oh. Or but here's the thing. If we're just a. team, then just tell us we're a [ __ ].

team. All right. Tell us anything. We're. all in the dark here. Everything's going. over our Yamaka. I don't know what's. happening. Yeah, dude. Everything's. [ __ ] sliding right over that little. hair wallet. Yeah, right. But dude, how. that's the thing I think that would help. everybody if if they they would just. say, "Hey, this is what's [ __ ] really. going on." Yes. So, cuz otherwise I. think you're just there's still this. ruse of pretending that people aren't. going to maybe figure it out or if you. let people start to figure out. themselves, then a lot of times people.

go to the worst place in their minds, right? Yes. And you pick a side and. that's it. It's just [ __ ] that side. We're left in the dark. Light a manora. Get some light in here. Yeah. Light one. of the candles, dude. Give us three out. of eight. Yeah, that's not bad. Is it. nine? I think it's eight. Yeah, give. that a check. But I think it's eight. But I agree, dude. And also like how to. be supportive of your Jewish friend that. you know, it's like Oh, is it is nine? [ __ ] My bad. Well done, Labia Manora.

They snuck one in. Yeah, they always do. Yeah. Look at that's the guy they. caught. He'll get laid off this though. He's got some This got some uh deported. [ __ ] Oh, definitely. Dude, he's a bad. boy. He is. Huh. Yeah. Mamu Khal speaks to members of media. about the revolt for Rafa encampment at. Columbia University. Dude, I think but. also, dude, the [ __ ] that's going on. over there is so horrific. Here's what I. think has happened in Gaza recently, right? I think they are.

testing a lot of like the technology and. things that they've weapons and stuff. I. think they're testing it on that place. Who's they? Israel. Israel. Oh, interesting. Boy, you're obsessed with. Gaza. This is really taking over a lot. of brain. Well, I'm just I think I got. maybe I got caught in a [ __ ] Twitter. hole the other night. Oh, yeah. That'll. get you, man. I had to call Sean Ryan. and tell him like, dude, everything's. okay, right? I got [ __ ] I got scared. Yeah. Holy [ __ ] But don't that that. [ __ ] will make you sad. Don't don't.

absorb it too much. Yeah. Yeah. Let's. get off We'll get off of it. I mean, I I. don't know enough about Sometimes it's. heartbre I don't either, but sometimes. it's just heartbreaking when you're. like, "How is this [ __ ] going on?". Yeah. Or is there something that we. don't know? Then just tell us that [ __ ]. Like I know. I know. They won't tell us. They think we can't handle it. But this. is way worse. Now we're all killing each. other and fighting in the streets. I. agree. That's the thing. It's like just. tell us what is [ __ ] going on. Yes. You know, does that make sense to you, too, or do I sound crazy saying that?

No, I'm with you 100%. We don't know. what's going on. It's like the drones. We had all these drones in in New York. and everybody's like, "Is it weapons? Is. it China? Is it this?" And you're like, "Just tell us so we can go to [ __ ]. lunch and not not freak out every day.". I used to tell my niece that was Santa. Yeah. Is it [ __ ] Papa John delivering. nwords to people? Yeah. Now that's a. service. Remember when he had that deal, dude? Yeah. Black Olives Matter. I don't know if black do black people go. Papa John. What's the pizza of I thought. they were more of a Domino's? That's a.

good question. First of all, why don't. they have more black specific. businesses, dude? Interesting. You got. boooo. But where where's the black pizza. company? Right. Right. Right. Yeah, that's a good question. They like to. play dominoes. Or maybe that's Puerto. Ricans. No, but still that's close. enough, right? Yeah. It's like, how? Why. is there not more? What's the top. blackowned pizza company? And I believe. this about a lot of things. Like, where. are the [ __ ] blackowned businesses?

Yes, they're out there. We just got to. blow them up, right? There we go. That's. a good point. So, um, okay. Slim and. Huskies. Slim and Huskies. That's in uh. I think that's here. Yes, that's in. Tennessee. Oh, there we go. Dude, I met. the owner. Bring the owner. up. I met him one time over at Fimwicks. here in town. Nice. Dude, you saved my. day today, man. Hey, we're saving their. day. Go to Slim and Huskys. Get a. [ __ ] pie from these guys. Go to Slim. and Huskys. Get that [ __ ] father.

figure omelet. You know what I'm saying, dude? No, but go to Slim Huskies. There. they are. They're the dogs right there. Who are they? Oh, there they are right. there. Clint Gray, Derek Moore, and. Emanuel Reed, baby. Hell yeah. Hell. yeah, dude. Get the [ __ ] big dog. special over there. The founding the. trio who are also Tennessee State. you. alumni Tennessee State University. Shout. out TSU where my buddy Zetto played. kicker over there. Was the only white. kid over there. Oh yeah. Kickers are how. we slide in. Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. But uh.

my buddy John Ler, he has a thing called. Blap and it's a black app. It's like a. app for blackowned businesses. Really? So yeah, that's that's something. Get. that [ __ ] Yeah. Go to Blap. Check it. out. Dude, this is one thing I think. that a lot of cultures and ethnicities. can learn from Jewish culture. is how to. like support your culture, right? Like. we should do that. I think other groups. should do it. I think um and other other.

cultures may do it better than like. Christians and Muslims. Um but Jewish. people do it well. They support their. friends. They support their um creations. and the things that their friends make, you know? Yeah. I mean, they had to I. think they got pushed around. So, they're like, "We got to start our own. [ __ ] We got to start law firms and real. estate and diamonds." But they do a lot. of stuff like invest in their children. Their children like um you know like. learning education. I think a lot can be. learned from that culture. Man, is that. crazy to say that? I completely I mean. I'm circumcised. So there you go. We.

took that from them. Yeah. Are you? Huh? Are you cutun? Oh, baby. Auction off, dude. Call in if. you [ __ ] Theo. The last inch they call. it, dude. Uh yeah, let's talk about. something else that's more fun, man. Sorry. No, no, I mean I'm interested. I. just But I think I was just curious what. it's like in New York City because you. know it's it's you could feel it. It's. there. You remember how like BLM you. could feel in 2020 or whatever that was? You could just kind of feel it. There. was an energy. It's it's that in New. York with Jew Palestine. Yeah. And it's.

heavy. Is it? Oh yeah. Wow. So Well, it's kind of crazy that two years ago. you couldn't even say the word Israel. It felt like on a podcast. I mean, you. could always say Jews are great or. whatever you say. Sure. Sure. But it's. an interesting group because they're. cloaked in whiteness. So you can't. really tell. It's the only group like. you you don't like Asians. You can you. can kind of eyeball it. Yeah. You know. what I mean? But uh Jews it's it's just. like a white guy. Yeah. You know, it's. just a honk. It's like the very. successful honky. Yeah. I mean to get an.

Ari Shafir that's like Jewish. propaganda. I mean that's a mug. Yeah. That is he's working for someone. Yeah. His show's coming back. Are you. That's right. Are you going to uh be. able to do an episode of it? I am. I'm. working on a story now. I got to work on. one, dude. He asked. I just [ __ ] It's. been hard. It's a lot of work cuz you. got to go out and run that. It's 10. minutes of awkward weird, hey, is this. the where the story should go and how do. I end it? But you got to do it. I don't. know if I can get it right now. Yeah. I.

don't know if I can get it ready, but I. think uh I got to do this podcast coming. up. Well, your last one was killer with. the uh the cabbie and the co Oh, the. cocaine. That was like my first story. That was like that was like when I. started talking about like being sober. and [ __ ] like that. Um that was that. blew up. I mean people really uh. connected with that. That story was. crazy. I remember one part of it this. girl like laying in my lap and like. we're just like both. like we both had been drinking or. whatever and I'm trying to like lean. down and kiss her and I couldn't get to. her face, you know? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

And you get so close and you're right. there and she's [ __ ] you know it's. like trying to blow yourself. You get so. close. It's right there. God, that's a. [ __ ] Adam's apple stops. you crazy. Yeah, I got a lick once, but. I hurt myself. I like pulled a muscle. Oh, that's the worst when a guy's. getting a torid doll shot cuz he's. [ __ ] tongue washing his own kick. Yeah, I got to do yoga or something. Oh, dude. Yeah. Uh oh, that's the craziest. though, dude. You asked Trump about.

Coke. Was that Give me Give it to me. straight. I've known you for a while. How How scary was it having him right. next to you? Well, I'd seen him at UFC. fights. I know, but this is like face to. face uh podcasting. I mean, conversation. I think I've felt for a. while that things are turning into the. WWE, that nobody's like super famous. anymore. Things are merging pretty. quick. It's like you have people who are. coming up with like a crazy lyric on. TikTok that are now selling out big. music venues that bands who have been.

performing for 15 years can't sell out, right? So, it's like I think. everything's just getting weird. It's. like you could have like, you know, a. year and a half ago, sketch the what's. up, brother. That guy was probably Oh, yeah. for two months was the most. popular guy in the world maybe. Totally. Like everything's just It's very strange. now. So yeah, there the lines are. blurred. He used to be like celebrity, not now it's just everybody's in there, right? It used to be like you and I. would never talk to Harrison Ford. No.

Or um get to or like Kendall Jenner, you. know? It's like, but now we have a. chance to at least look at them as they. drive by. Right. Right. Right. Well, you. you talked to Shalamu. I mean, he's like. one of the biggest actors in the world. You're just hanging out with them. And. didn't ask to edit the thing or. anything. Totally [ __ ] normal. Cool. dude. Regular guy. Yeah. And he's. plowing Kendall, which has got to be or. Kylie. It's got to be a good time. It. seems like they're honestly like kind of. like in love birds. like when I saw them. it just seemed like they're like love. birds which made you give you some hope.

for Hollywood cuz you just think like. everything is so manufactured but um but. anyway that's so that was part of it. The second thing Oh dude I'd had to. interview Post Malone here the day. before and so I was so like just burnt. out and I was just tired and uh but I. just went up there we flew directly. there to his golf course. It was crazy. Like rich people were everywhere. Like. kids were driving to the bottom of the. pool and bringing up mutual funds and. [ __ ] Like way different. Damn. That was.

Was that Mara Lago? It was something. fancier than that. It was like uh. fancier. It was New Jersey. Huh. Oh, okay. It was like Mara Lago or something. or whatever they have up there, you. know. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. It was. like kind of like this. Yeah. Like. Italian. There it is, dude. Look at. that. Wow. And bro, they had ducks out. there in the pond that were [ __ ]. like organized as [ __ ] None of these. gay ass ducks you see at the park like. that are just [ __ ] doing dope or. whatever eating [ __ ] bread from. strangers. These [ __ ] I saw him.

polish off I think a sourdough line up. in a straight line classy and perform. [ __ ] Damn ducks in a row. Oh. yeah, you could tell they were going to. be lunch if they didn't land every every. [ __ ] if they didn't land every move. in sequence, right? So that was crazy. Then they you had um Secret Service. everywhere, right? Oh yeah. But they're. still fans. You pull in, they frisky and. [ __ ] and they're like, "Hey, I [ __ ]. love the thing." And then you're just. taking selfies with them. You're holding.

their gun. Right. You're pointing their. gun at them and like it'll shoot. You. know, that's the best. I love getting. the working man. Like when you get like. a garbage man or a cop and he's like, "Hey, comedy." I'm like, "Yes, I want. you as a fan." That's the best, dude. It's the best. Yeah. There's nothing. better, dude. Anytime if I'm walking. down the street and I see a couple of. guys digging in a hole or whatever, hiding the bodies or whatever. Jews. again. Yeah. Or funneling monies for. [ __ ] Schwab through one of those. [ __ ] Yiddish mattress sale tunnels or. whatever. I always stop and get photos.

with those guys. Anybody that does. something real. Yes. Yes. And those are. the most sane guys, by the way. Yeah. By. the way, we uh you see that Adam Corolla. went on some rant where he's like, you. know, we we hate dudes, but like who do. you think's fixing the LA fires? It's. just a bunch of dudes getting in there. and getting their hands dirty and. building [ __ ] He's got a point and like. that's what's so annoying about. politics. That's why I can't pick a side. or it's so like Gavin Newsome's got a. pocket. He's talking to Steve Bannon. He's like, "Yeah, these trends are. crazy." And you're like and he's like,

"We got too many regulations in. California like you're the guy. You're. the you you're the governor. You make. the rules, Dickas. Change it. Why are. you telling us about it?" Well, it's the. same thing with America. Even in like. America's supporting like the Gaza. stuff, it's like what are then you're. complicit? It's like all of a sudden. we're complicit in it. That's that's. what makes everything so tricky. It's. like are we standing up for ourselves? Are we not standing up for ourselves? Who are we supposed to support? It used. to felt like we knew what was supposed. to happen. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. It. used to feel like we knew and whether we.

were right or wrong or or or just being. fed like sheep, you still knew where to. go. Even if you were wrong, you knew. what what America stood for or whatever. the [ __ ] But then it brings me back to. like I think the Vietnam times when you. saw this protest because I used to hear. about the protester in Vietnam. I'm like. what would they be protesting? Like. we're doing this war. That's what's. supposed to happen. But then you realize. that there was a group of people who. ended up being a lot of times some of. the coolest people who were like this. isn't right. Right. Right. Who didn't. believe like the propaganda machine. So.

it's crazy that if things could even get. out then that the same kind of It's just. so I don't know. It's just interesting. man. It is. It is. And I think the the. the cracks are opening up because the. internet and everybody's talking and. sometimes there's too many people. talking, but you can kind of start to. see the [ __ ] a little more now. There's more light on it. Yeah. It's. just crazy cuz then it's like what. happens? You just got to take care of. yourself, take care of your loved ones. That's got to be important. That's one. good thing about a kid. It just you. focus. You're not thinking about. Twitter. You're not thinking about this.

You're just like, "Ah, this kid has got. a [ __ ] diaper and I got to change it and. that's it." Really? Oh, yeah. So it kind. of just it makes you got one problem. You don't have a million problems. Yeah. It's just get this kid to not have Down. syndrome. And when do you find that out? I think. pretty early. That's why you see less of. them now. I think people are nipping. that in the bud. I know. It's sad because you you like. seeing one every now and then. Oh yeah, man. Especially uh well, they started I.

hate to say this. Oh, baby. They got. more talented over the past 20 years. Oh. yeah, there's a lot of models. Downsy. models. They got more talented and I got proven. wrong. I had always uh known that down. center people couldn't walk backwards, right? Is that right? Whoa. That had. always been a big thing in our area. But. now a woman disproved me on that. Oh, good for her. This is like the Jackie. Robinson of uh Downs. Oh yeah, dude.

Good for her. Um Oh, yeah. That's it. I. mean, I don't know. The moment has. passed, but yeah, I'll play it. He goes. on a hell of a rant, does he? Yeah. To. give a [ __ ] about young dudes now. because they're losing their demo. They. were the enemy. Young white dudes were. always the enemy or heterosexual dudes. or whatever. And now they they lost. they're losing their constituency. So. now they have to pretend to sign an. executive order aimed at increasing. young men's enrollment in education and. skilled training programs. So yeah,

they're doing some uh catchup right now. Yeah. Okay. Perhaps you shouldn't have. uh waged war on them for the last 15. years. [ __ ] retards. That would have. been nice. We We got a couple toxic. masculinity and all you [ __ ]. Connecticut governor trying. By the way, can I just let me say this? Let me just. say this. Please listen to me everyone. I toured the sites of of p of of Aladena. and the Palisades and Malibu. Um,

there's a whole bunch of people with. dicks and balls who are [ __ ] driving. excavators and trucks and operating all. the heavy equipment. All the [ __ ]. people you hate, all the people who. didn't go to college, all the guys with. the [ __ ] in the balls, all the guys who. don't give you their pronouns, that. place has been completely rebuilt by.

just them. Amen. Nobody looks like you. Nobody uses pronouns. No, he she's none. of your [ __ ] freak shows. None of. your Admiral Lavines. Nobody looks like. that. It's just a bunch of [ __ ] dudes. who go by he and him. [ __ ] yeah. That's. good. Rebuild it. Yeah. Yeah. You need. Mike Rose's children in there every now. and then, dude. That's who you need. But. it's a great point. It's like you're. trying to build this. You're going to. have places that are going to fall. apart. You know, at some point guys are.

going to be like, "We're not rebuilding. for these [ __ ] anymore." At. some point, you're gonna have a military. that's like, "I'm not fighting this. [ __ ] war for you anymore. You go. [ __ ] figure it out." You know? Right. Exactly. That's why they contract. military guys in there. So, they're. [ __ ] A lot of times people don't. realize that. That's a good point. But. also the the the binary world we live in. now, everything's got to be, like I. said, black versus white. So women hear. that and they go, "Oh, you hate women.". You're like, "No, no, we love women. Women are awesome. Martha Stewart rules, but can't we both be awesome? Why do we. have to have one or the other?" Like, "Oh, these men talking about they're.

complaining. [ __ ] men. Women are great.". You're like, "Yeah, women are great, but. why can't men be great, too? Let's just. both be great." Yeah. Or they Yeah, but. it's like I don't know. Sorry. Went off. on a road again. No. No. But it's just a. weird time. It's a heightened time. It. is. It is. And I think uh we used to go. at each other racially and now now that. like I feel like racial harmony, obviously it's never going to be. perfect, but now we just go at each. other opiniony. You don't agree with me, you don't agree with me, [ __ ] you. I'll. kill you. And it used to be we used to. be divided up in different ways. Mostly.

by race, you know, back in the 50s, whites only, blacks only. But now it's. like we're divided by opinion. And it's. uh if you don't agree with somebody, they just take it personally and then. they lash out at you and you're like, "But not agreeing on everything is I. like [ __ ] gay guys like dick, you. know, we we don't have to fight about. it." Yeah. We're both going to. Cincinnati. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. But. dude, no, that's a great point. Tell me. a little bit more about that, man, because I think I fall victim to that. too sometimes. Like, kind of say that.

again for me. Well, we everything is. opinion and and uh what side you're on. and what stance you take. And if you. don't agree with that opinion fully or. one little thing, not even fully, one. little thing about it, I don't I don't. buy that part, then they just turn on. you and they go, you're the enemy. And. you're like, what? How do we get here? You know, and uh we got to just start. going, oh, you think that? Why? Oh, I. never thought of it that way. I mean, I. still think this, but you think that, and can't we all get along? Yeah. Why do.

we get so attached to our I think is we. have no identity anymore. People have no. identity. Everything's so we got m. modernity. We got a phone. We got Uber. Eatats up our ass. We got anything you. you just get [ __ ] delivered to your. house and no one's living anymore. No. one's like connecting. You know, we used. to have kind of a community. And this. all this [ __ ] has been said before, but. I think before you actually had to like. do [ __ ] and get your hands dirty and now. everything's given to us. And if. something doesn't go our way, we don't.

know how to handle anymore where [ __ ]. used to not go your way at all back in. the day. Like your [ __ ] kids would. die, so you had another kid or uh you. know, it used to be your kids would die. You would have another kid like two days. later. Yeah. And everybody just got. along and and dealt with it. There. wasn't like a guy going, "Ah, my kid. died. I'm bummed out. I'm doing a. GoFundMe. And everybody goes, "You're so. brave. Good for you." Like, right? And. they would even name the new kid the. same name as the other kid. They It. would be like uh Matthew I Matthew 2. Like it was all like one of those um.

Apollo returning things or whatever. It. was a sequel. It was like Yeah. Avengers. 9 or Fast and the Furious. This is Fast. and the Furious. This is Avengers 8. Yeah, bro. It's so That's such a good. point, man. Wow. It doesn't have to be. like this, but I think it gives you a it. gives you an identity and a personality. to attack. Oh, Theo thinks this. I'm. going to go against Theo because I'm. this and I got to show everybody I'm. this. I got to plant my flag, right? Yeah. And that's what they call identity. politics, right? I guess so. Yeah. It's. bad news. What is the term identity.

politics? Bring it up. I just want to. see what it means so I know. And. everybody has to start saying as a white. man, as a black woman, as a gay Jew, as. a queefy [ __ ] Identity politics is. politics based on a particular identity. such as ethnicity, race, nationality, religion, denomination, gender, sexual. orientation, social background, political affiliation, cast, age, disability, intelligence, and social. class. Well, it's kind of interesting. because you also have to represent like. you have to speak up sometimes for where. you're from. Like, you know, otherwise. your group can get totally just trampled.

over, I guess. So, but at the same time, it's like but there's a hierarchy. That's part of the problem, too. It's. like black trans is more important than. right lady. Yeah. Yeah. Than Asian um. Sagittarius or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But. three Asian Sagittariuses beat one black. trans. Exactly. It's like poker now. Yeah. You got a royal flush. Oh, left-handed gay dude from Minneapolis. Forget about it. Yeah. But that's the. other thing is we we we have to have all. these differences like black black verse.

white, whatever. But really, when you. think about it, we could find a. difference anywhere and hate somebody. like the Hoous and the Tootsies. They're. all black, but they just hate each other. for some religious reason. I I'm too. stupid to know. Oh, I'm too stupid, too, dude. But what I'm saying is if they. joined together and just attacked. whoever owned the [ __ ] land right. near them. There you go. Then they would. make some progress. That's a perfect. example. The Bloods and the Crips, it. just it just comes down to clothing at. that point, you know? It's blue verse. red. It's silly. Yeah. I um what was.

something you said a second ago that's. really great? Oh, the. Oh, these tariffs are getting getting. out of control. Oh, yeah. The tariffs. are getting out of control. All the. everyday items that will cost Americans. more following Donald Trump's global. tariffs. But here's the thing with. tariffs is the the goal of tariffs is. that if they if it costs more for people. to bring their products in, then they'll. build them here. Yes, that's part of it. Yeah. So, it's kind of a long-term play. It's going to take a while. It's going. to be bumpy for a while, but that's if.

it works, right? So, we'll see. But, uh, it might take 10 years, right? If we. don't try this though, then I think it's. a wrap. Oh, you think just go for it? Bite bite the belt and go for it. I do. because I think at this point, even from. my own perception, we'd probably on this. tour, this comedy tour, we've been to. probably the top 200 cities like. sizewise in America. Maybe maybe even. more than that. And a lot of them there's nothing there. Yes, it's empty downtowns. Oh yeah, it's.

up. We're in Amarillo. It's empty. downtown. Shreport, Louisiana was empty. downtown. Um Toledo, Ohio, right? It's. getting a little bit better there. Uh. but and that's just a few. I mean, a lot. of places. Montgomery, just empty. Yep. And so you start to be like. nothing's going to there's nothing. coming that's going to make that. different, right? Yeah. And maybe it. doesn't matter. Maybe that's just how. society changes and evolves and we just. end up with like seven big cities in.

America and the rest of it is just like. rural land where people live and have. great lives but they're not in like a. city. Yeah. And these things fall by the. wayside. And don't don't forget we got. automation coming. We got AI coming. So. like jobs are going away quick and. everything's digital now. There's. nothing manufactured here. And why do we. keep building? Right. And that's one of. the that's one of the things that people. say, well even if you bring jobs back. here, those jobs are going to disappear. because of AI anyway. Oh yeah, that's. one of the side that's one of the other. arguments against um against doing the.

tariffs at all. Damn, Alan. It's [ __ ] It's weird, man. And then. the weirdest thing you start to realize, I feel like, is that you're just a. member of your government, whatever. choices they're making. That's that's. something that's been big recently. It's. like, oh, whatever choice the government. makes, I'm a member of this country. But. if you if you don't if they don't make. you feel like you're a part of. something, like there there's no. benefits to being a member at a certain. point, you're like, damn, that's a weird. club to be in. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we got.

to overthrow the government. Maybe. that's what's uh what's next. How do you. do that, do you think? I think we got we. got them outnumbered. I mean, we got a. lot of people here, right? And uh we. can, you know, send out a couple tweets. and texts and get everybody on board. We. people have guns. You probably got a. gun. So there you go. We'll we'll get in. there and shoot some people. And where. do you meet up? Do you think a Dollar. General or something? Yeah. You know, some nice community place we all know. about. And uh we'll meet at the the. KFC/Taco Bell, get a meal, and revolt.

Yeah. Dude, a belly full of fun. Oh, that's a gas chamber. Oh, when those. pizzas came out, they were so good. Remember that in high school? Oh, the. Mexican pizza. Amazing. That'll make you. want to open the border. God, remember. how [ __ ] good they And when they. first came out, I think they might have. had even real meat in them, dude. Woo. Those were the days. And someone pooped. in the meat over in Mandavville. Really? Oh, the whole town didn't know what to. do. There were people crying over at the. parking lot. Could you tell the. difference? Uh, I don't know if you.

could or not. Somebody I don't know who. had it. Now, that's the thing. We never. found out who had it, but they really. busted it. Uh, run a research on that. poop in the meat over there at Taco. Bell. Well, what do you think it is now? Horse or Vanderville, Louisiana? Um, I'm. not sure. It tastes damn good either. way. I love Taco Bell. That's probably. my favorite fast food. suit alleges feces found in Taco Bell. item. There you go. A new lawsuit has. been filed against Taco Bell restaurant. just months after the company settled a. series of lawsuits out of court.

following a 1995 heep hepatitis. outbreak. In the suit filed Wednesday. third district. um an. anonymous couple and their 10-year-old. son alleged the boy found feces in a. soft shell taco. Damn. bought bought at a drive up window at. the Cottonwood Heights Taco Bell, Fort. Union Boulevard. Oh, this is in my town. This is Salt Lake City, man. Oh, imagine. eating that. That chapa. I know, huh? God. Damn. You got to put a lot of fire.

sauce on that turd. Yeah. Just to get it. down. Just to get that [ __ ] down. Yeah. You ever tasted [ __ ] Huh? Uh, I. don't think so. Have you had any. accidentally with the baby being around? Oh, well they say shit's on everything. Your keyboard is apparently a [ __ ]. cesspool of flint water. But yeah, I. mean I've tasted piss. Yeah, that was. not pleasant. Oh, I've had a little Even. during a fast one time. I was fasting. for like three or four days. I was in. the shower and I [ __ ] You don't even.

realize what you're doing. Wait, how did. you get the piss in your mouth? I'll. piss straight up. Damn, that's. impressive. Piss straight up. Yeah, I. can piss straight to the top of my head. if I'm standing there. No way. That's. Damn, that's not easy. Especially at our. age. I can piss really good, man. Wow, I. can piss pretty I'm trying to think. Yeah, I can piss pretty good. And then. you just get a [ __ ] Yeah, I've been. fasting. I just took a side sip off that. [ __ ] cuz you know what I'm saying, dude. You got to try it once. I'll show. them. Yeah, it's a weird flavor. It's.

tangy as [ __ ] Yeah, it's very um It's. kind of like hot coffee. That's what my. ex-girlfriends used to say. Really? She's a keeper. I mean, I let her go, unfortunately. Oh, damn. God, dude. What's she up to now? Hanging out with. R. Kelly, I guess. working in I'm not even sure. Probably. working in uh at that geyser park in. National Geographics, dude. Hot Springs, baby. Um what else do we want to talk. about, dude? Well, I think the world is. uh on fire, so buy buy some whiskey. I'm.

selling a whiskey out there. Me and Sam. started a Bodega Cat. You got it. Yep. Yeah. It's not legal in Tennessee yet, but we're gonna get it here. God damn. it. Let me see if what we can do here. Please. The red tape is bananas. It is. Yeah. It's so hard to get it places. Is. it? Oh, yeah. You got to It's all mob. run. It's all super mobby and you got to. like work your way in. Yeah. There's all. these oldfashioned rules and [ __ ] Damn. Yeah. Sam's drinking it on Seth Myers. right there. Oh, he took it on there. Yeah. So, Bodega Cat. So, um, didn't.

they just have an issue, too, about. Bodega Cats in New York? Uh, probably. They're always there. That's where we. got the the idea. Really? Yeah. Yeah, we. just you go into a bodega, there's. always a cat sleeping on the bread and. you always go, "It warms your heart." So. we go, "Hey, how about a whiskey? That'll warm your heart." Yeah, I love. that idea. Bodega cats make New Yorkers. hearts purr, even if they violate state. regulations. Oh yeah, I'm sure it's a. health code thing. But but they had rat. issue there. So of course you can have. cats, so you can't get [ __ ] mad. You. need a bodega cat. You need them. New. York City's bodega cats are beloved.

fixtures in the Big Apple, but they're. on the wrong side of the law. Oo. The. convenience store cats that live at many. of the city's bodeas and delies look. innocent enough, spending their days. lounging in sun soaked storefronts are. slinking between shelves of snack foods. as they collect friendly pets from. customers. Uh, state law bars most. animals from stores that sell food with. bodega owners potentially facing fines. You can't bill these [ __ ] guys. They're probably charging these cats to. even be in the city after 400 p.m. I. bet. Yeah, right. But you need it. It's. old school. We get rid of the rat, you. get a cat. That's like as old as time.

But the rats hate the cat. It's like a. Indian with deodorant. They don't get. along. Oh yeah, bro. Oh, it's that full. body schwarma, brother. Oh yeah, it's. palpable. Oh, it's that scurry. Um I'll. [ __ ] run from that [ __ ] If I smell. it, I got to go. Oh yeah. Um that's. crazy. So Bodega Cat is a new It's a. whiskey. It's a rye whiskey. Yeah. It's. been around for a while. We're just It's. such a slow process. We're getting it. one bar at a time. We got in all the. comedy clubs, a lot of theaters. Do you?

Yeah. Is it down at um the uh. mothership? It is. Yes. That's awesome. So, if you were at the mothership, you. can order Bodega Cat. Yep. Is it a good. whiskey? It's a great whiskey. We taste. tested a million of them. Uh we've we've. had like experts try it and they like. it. We got at the comedy store, the. comedy seller. I mean, it's all over. Really? Oh, yeah. Coast to coast. And um. is it It has alcohol in it. It is a big. bottle of whiskey. Yeah. Okay. So you. can't So if you can't drink, you can't.

drink. But you could get one for a. friend. Yeah. You can watch your dad. drink it. Watch your mom drink it. Do. you mix it with something? Yeah. You can. have it straight up. It's got a nice. spice to it. Or you can put soda water. or Coke or whatever the hell. Bad. decisions. Mix it up. Bodega cat. Dude, I want to see you guys win with this. We're trying. We want to retire on this. puppy. And it's uh it's People seem to. like it when they try it. So get a. bottle. I love that. And this is you and. Sam Marill. Oh, that's hilarious, dude. Yeah, just a couple of old pals. So, we.

feel like we're You're sober now. Everybody got sober on us. So, we're. like the last men barely standing, you. know? We're we're we're uh we're Shane. Yeah, Shane. He's But he's a beer guy. Yeah. So, we like the liquor. So, like. Dan Soder, Joe List, all these guys, they got uh they got sober. Bert's out. there. Yeah. Bert is definitely he's the. Neil Armstrong of uh alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever that guy is just. out on the moon. Yes. One one small step. for our alcoholism. Yeah. I'm just.

trying to think if there's something. else we should talk about. Go through. the news really quick. Stories if. there's a couple. Trump had that gold. card thing for wealthy immigrants to. expedite citizenship. Yeah. Oh, that's. doing well. Oh, that gold card. Yeah. Yeah. Trump had that gold card. Is it. doing well? I heard they sold a thousand. of them already. Nuh-uh. Which is what? What's that? Five million. I'm an idiot. times 1,000. That is. uh 500 million. Thank you. That's a lot.

of lot of scratch. No, it's more than. that. It's 5 billion. Is it? Jesus. Do 5. million times 1,000. God, we should know. this. 5 million. You had it. You had it the. second time. Second time. Asian St. Tam. Parish. Yeah, that AI is going to take. over. He pulled out the Trump car. President Trump proudly showed off the. design of his administration's new $5. million gold card to reporters aboard. Air Force One on Thursday. Let me just. see what it looks like, dude. Yeah. Are. they selling commemorative ones? They.

have to be. That's a smart move. But. does it look like a Walmart card or like. a Costco? It's got to look. cool. Oh, damn. It looks Chinese, actually. That's like Mau, bro. [ __ ]. so Mau, dude. Bro, and Yeah, but that's. wild that they're selling those. What do. you think about that? Because now it's. like this, you can just be a citizen. with five million bucks. Well, I feel. like if you got five mil to to throw. away to get into America, you want to. get here and you you're not like a like. a poor guy, right? So, you probably have. you're probably doing all right. So, yeah, bring them in. So, it's become.

like a home for the elites. This has. become a it's become the um sanrope or. whatever. There you go. Of humanity. But. do they still have to pass um. immigration tests? What is the rules. with that? Good question. You hope so. Oh, you still you can't just buy your. way in. You got to still do the. homework. Dude, I'm going to do that. If. I get to meet him again, I'm going to. ask him if if I can have one of those as. a gift. Oh my god. But you're already. in. You don't need one. But I'll stay. in. Yeah, you can frame that [ __ ] I'm. staying in, Mom. You could use that at.

every bar. Here. You want my ID? Goldie. Suck it. Well, what does it say? Does he. have any other information on it? Sydney. Sweeney could sell a few of those to her. box. I'll tell you that. God, dude. I. can't believe you came in your wife. again. I know. I got to get my [ __ ]. together, Mark. Yeah, I'm an idiot. We'll see what happens. She's very She's. very fertile, is she? Oh, yeah. Fertile. Myrtle over here. God, you could throw a. I've never done that. You never gotten a.

lady pregnant. I've never ejaculated in. a woman. What? Yeah. Wow. Talked about. this before. Yeah. My whole life I. haven't. That's Boy, you got good. willpower. Even when you were drinking. Yeah, man. I'm impressed. Goodwill. spunking. That's my That's my movie. coming out. Uh, the proposal aims to supplement or. replace the existing EB5 immigrant. investors visa program, which required. foreign investors to create or preserve. 10 permanent full-time jobs for US. workers. The Gold Card simplifies this.

process by allowing the wealthy. foreigners to pay $5 million for a visa, granting them green card privileges, and. a route to citizenship. Um, do they still have to pass. immigration? Let me see. At the White. House press conference on February 26, Trump and US Commerce Secretary Howard. Lutnik introduced the concept of a gold. card as a new pathway to US citizenship. Um, it's not a bad idea that there's. this golden ticket kind of because at. least they're making money off it. I'm.

just curious to see. They've talked. about getting rid of the Fed, getting. rid of the IRS. If that [ __ ] can happen, yeah, that's some big moves. Very. radical. It'd be crazy. And we wouldn't. have to pay taxes anymore. Like just. Well, we used to not have income tax in. America back in the day. I know. That. came up later. Be nice to get back to. that. Oh, and we could use it. I mean, eggs are $9 million now. Are they? Eggs. are way through the roof. Yeah. They. busted more people bringing eggs in than. they busted fentanyl dealers, which is. kind of insane. Is that a joke? No. Whoa. How do you carry that in? I mean,

fentanyl at least you can throw it in a. in a car tire or something, but eggs, you got to really you got to hide that. Shipping and handling. I know. That's a. good point, huh? You have to walk real. slow with them balancing your head. US. sees large rise in border seizures of. eggs while fentanyl rates fall. Damn. Well, it's at least fentanyl's going. down. With egg prices soaring due to the. bird flu outbreak, border officials say. they're catching more people attempting. to bring eggs in the United States. illegally. US Customs and Border. Protection said this week that seizure. of raw eggs have risen by 48% at entry.

points. Um, damn. In fact, sharp. increases in egg seizures are outpacing. Bord's official interceptions of deadly. fentinol. It's so much easier to catch an egg, though. Of course. Of course. You just. shake a guy and then watch it run down. his leg. Yeah, but we got to get a. chicken. What are we doing? Just get. your own chicken. You'll be like, uh, it's like growing your own weed now. Is, dude. Dude, make a [ __ ] Fenton. omelette. That's what I would do, brother. That thing's got to go, man. And then you wonder, did the chickens.

know about the egg prices? They'd. probably feel pretty good about. themselves. Like, damn, I'm [ __ ] out. gold here. Yeah. Imagine the pride they. would walk around with. Exactly. And now. Hooters is gone, so they're not getting. chopped up for the wings. The chickens. are living the dream, dude. I quit. The. last Hooters I went to was that one over. on the [ __ ] West Bank over there. Oh. yeah. The one where Anthony Davis Nuhuh. Look at that. Oh [ __ ] I didn't even. realize that. That's crazy, dude. I did. not realize that. That's one where. Anthony Davis allegedly knocked up the. waitress. Remember that? Yes. Who that. on the back, baby? Yeah, that was a.

great Hooters. God, it was pretty good. over there. Oh, yeah. But if RFK saw us. eating that, he'd [ __ ] the bed. I don't. know. I don't know. Yeah, it'd be crazy. to see what would happen, man. If they. if they stop Hooters, we're all going to. be bad off. We do need better food. I. think uh like a lot of people get mad. about RFK, but I'm like, we are sick, we. are fat, we are obese, and we are we pay. the most in healthcare, and we're the. we're the least healthy. And racism, too. Sure. They can't really fix that, can you? You don't see somebody fasting.

that's using [ __ ] racial slurs. That's true. You don't see somebody. fasting, yelling out of their [ __ ]. window with their last like living. available energy, right? But if you yell. the n-word, you better run fast. You got. to get the hell out of there. Yeah. You. got to be fast. Yeah. That's a different kind of fasting. Um, one more thing. Anything else you want. to talk about again before we leave, Mark? Anything? Oh, boy. I feel like we. covered a lot. I mean, we did. We to We. totally did. You got to ask out Sydney. Sweeney. That could be your new your. next kid. It could be a Sweeney. She's. going to be upset though that we talked.

about her breast. I bet in the. beginning. Yeah, but I think she's heard. it all. I mean, she's Imagine the. [ __ ] crepos DMing her. It's a good. point. Yeah. And you're telling me to DM. her now. Well, but you're a nice guy. You're successful. You're funny. She's. going to be upset, though. But we were. just joking. Yeah, of course we're. joking. You know, we were just joking, dude. I just watched White Lotus season. one. That was great. Oh, nice. Yeah. Two. is good and three is bananas. It is. I. mean, it they they upped it. I can't. even imagine. It's naughty. It's dark.

And don't watch it with your parents. I'll just say that. Tuesdays with. stories. That's it. Tuesday stories and. we might be drunk. Those are the pods. Um, yeah. I still got to [ __ ] come up. there, man. We'd love to have you. It's. an open invite anytime. I owe you, man. Yeah. No problem. I know you're a busy. queef. Uh, what about Luigi? I heard he's go. going to the death chair. Manion. Yeah. Uhuh. Oh yeah. Did he really? I heard. he's getting the the death penalty. Maybe I'm wrong, but yeah. Look at that.

guy. Kind of pisses me off, man. The. irony. Well, it sucks that he did this. You know, he shouldn't go around killing. people, but it didn't change anything. That's the worst part. Well, it just. shows you, man. I mean, I saw Luigi. Manion facing a slew of federal and. state charges in the slaying of. healthcare CEO Brian Thompson. Could be. sentenced to death if he's convicted of. federal murder charges. in what criminal. justice experts say was a rare but. unsurprising move to pursue the death. penalty by the Justice Department this. week. Ry damn dude remember Attorney.

General Pam Bondi announced Tuesday that. she's instructed federal prosecutors to. seek the death penalty for man 26. Dude, remember what happened with those. Epstein binders? Remember that [ __ ] Oh. yeah, that and the JFK that just kind of. went away. Well, I think there was. nothing new in the JFK, right? I think. everybody just kind of like it feels. like there's nothing new there. But. remember the binders? They gave them all. to these like six like kind of bizarre. influencers. Yeah. And look how I mean, bro, how staged. This is the most staged.

thing ever, right? Yeah. And they kept. be like, "Today's the day. It's coming. out." You're like, "Well, what are you. doing to me?" And then nothing has. happened since then. No. They're edging. us with this list. Yeah. How could it. take this many years? How fake or. procured? It's almost like they're just. I bet in the background they are. threatening everybody. You're going to. be on this list. Yeah. If you don't. [ __ ] file suit right now. That's got. to be it. It's leverage. And then look. at this binders. It's I mean, how fake. is that? Well, we got Jazlane. She's.

just sitting in a jail cell. Let's talk. to that broad. Who is it? Jlane Maxwell. She did all the uh the recruiting. Oh, yeah. She was like the um she did the. college recruiting or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. She ran the portal. Yes, exactly. The portal. Uh yeah, she's around. We. could talk to her, but No, that's a good. point. Where is she? What is she up. there? She's sitting in a jail cell like. living it up. It's getting [ __ ]. interesting in the world, guys. If you. want to live in an interesting. time, [ __ ] This is it. This is it.

You like playing the game Clue. This is. it, man. That's it. Every day is Clue. You know, it's a school shooter in the. home room with the AK. Yeah. Every day, dude. Um, the Pelicans suck still. Yeah. Yeah, they [ __ ] suck. What else is. new? Yep. That's it. Saints, you hopeful. for him next season? Always. Always. I. feel like we got one Super Bowl win in. 2010 and it's it's all downhill. But we. had the the Super Bowl in in New Orleans. looked [ __ ] amazing. Did you go? No.

H killed me. I was texting Gillis. I was. texting Bert. Like I had so much FOMO. cuz you know we're from there and it was. just We should have been there. The city. was alive. We should have been there. I. just had a kid so I couldn't leave. Oh, that kid's only a couple months old. Yeah. Two months. Wow. Crazy. Is it Do. you really miss it when you're gone from. it? I do. He's in the car right now. But. you're lying. No. No. But uh. yeah, he's Oh my god. Gord him a coffee. or something. Um that's a lot, man. Congratulations, dude. I feel bad. I feel like I didn't.

ask you enough about your kids. Oh, no. It's Everybody's got a kid. Retards and. crackheads have kids, you know. It's not. that it's not that big of a deal. But is. it fun having a kid in the city or does. it make you start to think about moving. out? Well, I got I got lucky. Me and the. lady, we had the kid on the way. So, we. moved to Brooklyn. We got a backyard. We. got some space, so that helps. Okay. But. I just I like New York. Yeah. So, we're. staying. You're an energy. You like. you're you're that guy. Yeah. Comedy. Uh. Mark Norman, thanks so much, dude. You. have your new series that's on YouTube.

It's on uh Punchup Live, which is like a. payw wall kind of thing. So, go to. punchuplive.com. Page to stage. Okay. Page to stage. You got it. And. um and you have your two podcast. Tuesdays with stories. Yep. And we might. be drunk. We might be drunk. Uh Mark. Norman, thanks so much, dude. Have a. blast at Kill Tony, man. And if we can. even say you're doing it. And uh yeah, who that, dude? Who that for life? Good. to see you, buddy. You, too, man. Thank. you, bro. Now I'm just floating on the.

breeze and I feel I'm falling like these. leaves. I must be corner stone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll. share this peace of mind I found. I can. feel it in my. [Music].