Mark Normand | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #258

today's guest is a fellow Louisiana. native comedian he is he is. one-of-a-kind you can see him tonight at. the La Jolla comedy store in San Diego. and touring all across America ladies. and gentlemen mr. mark Norman. [Music].

[Music]. [Music]. yeah I'll just like heaven what it is. man this year I see guys I started. feeling like someone comfortable. sometimes that sometimes it gives me. like a little bit of like uh I don't for. almost makes you feel like I'm in like. disguise almost sunglasses do you feel.

better with sunglasses on it's like a. poker game I want you to know what I'm. doing you know yeah yeah I think I have. this constant perception of this. constant fear something that everybody. knows what I'm thinking even though they. don't look people in the eye cuz every. like their can see it in my head oh you. know weird this is all gold by the way. we're missing it yeah we got it. no these chairs are yeah um this is nice. man good digs yeah thanks man we've been.

a little over three years that we've. been podcasting now this is the new. medium this is changing the game you. know it's interesting huh yeah New York. is way behind yeah why is that do you. feel like New York is behind in the. podcast world well we're such purist. [ __ ] you know or vipra we think we're. cool and great and it's all about the. art and then over here you guys are like. well I'd like to make some money yeah. you know and we don't have any money. look at Dave Attell Dave Attell is. brilliant comedian funniest guy on the. planet he's walking around with a CVS. bag yeah and a black hoodie on and we.

said he had graffiti on his back hey. probably fell asleep at a train station. and then Joe Rogan is you know driving. 17 cars and living in a warehouse you. know so drinking space blood yeah yeah. yeah so we gotta we gotta take a little. note from you guys on that yeah but it's. kind of picking up you have a podcast oh. yeah oh yeah Tuesday's of stories baby. it's cooking finally and um and I know. people love Chris de Stefano and Yanis.

is podcast they're killing it they're. killing it Tim Dylan we got heat mega. moved here actually he moved here now. that fat homo I know haven't well you. got we got Schultz yeah you got Schultz. over there all right dirrection yeah. he's got that. I know it kills that guy is a marketing. guru he's wild bro he's such a sand. Christian and he doesn't when you look. at him he has a very if you look at. Andrew Schultz where do you feel like. he's from I feel like he has the most.

and big yeah I don't know what ambiguous. means juhi Middle Eastern II or could be. Italian could be Russian yeah you're. right. he's got the cheese stash and that. throws you off it's his uber driver is. he a DJ yeah yeah we're dropping we were. black though yes yes exactly and he. would know about all the cool nightclubs. and yeah he'd have PDFs are probably. some policy in the trunk trunk [ __ ]. that's the best kind something would be. in the trunk that was for sale if he. were driving over black right right yes.

like old VCRs or some share blu-ray I've. been in a blu-ray what is blu-ray I've. always heard about it is that the uber. black of DVD I think it is I think it's. just something else that they tried to. like really upsell people on cuz I don't. think it really blooper he never really. took off well I worked at Blockbuster. not bragging and it was like the blu-ray. section was like oh [ __ ] look at this. guy was like VIP it was velvet roped and. that bottleservice over there it was. different but I never got it yeah I. never I never had blue actually it. scared me because it seemed like it.

wasn't gonna catch on yes yes exactly. exactly that's why I never did it like. Bitcoin yeah I heard there was a sorry. there was a huge fight in the beginning. between HD DVDs and blu-ray they were. kind of like similar both better than. regular DVDs but blu-ray one because the. porn industry adopted it Oh. porn is big mmm porn is so powerful do. you watch I try not to watch but I have. watched probably within the last 11. hours the same same yeah I had a block.

on my phone and it quit working when I. once the block work to my phone it. worked for about two and a half years. you had a [ __ ] blocker yeah Wow. bro it wiped it out of my eye there was. no I can't access it on my computer but. on my phone I can and uh I need to get a. new blocker yeah the game when I got the. phone blocker I was off for months and. months well you know port is dangerous. because if you don't watch it for five. days and then you look at it again. you're like whoa like it comes all back. to you like this is amazing. but it's bad for you it hits all the.

senses it's too much it's like ketchup. it's too dark yeah yeah yeah and you can. see anal and Asians and Jews it's tough. and are there a Jew section on there I. don't know there should be there should. be like like Nazi porn yeah there's. every other kind of porn this race is. porn there is that's a category racist. pool yeah and it's like you know oh I. got the Asian and they throw an egg. rolls at her and [ __ ] I mean I didn't. make that up that's real. yeah no let's see it doesn't seem like. something you would just fabricate if it.

was it'd be pretty good. China has Nazi theme bars oh I could see. that yeah but it's not like we hate Jews. just they are existed and you know. that's a theme the China have you've. been over there do stand I did some. Shanghai and I'd saw the Great Wall and. all that yeah not not a humorous people. I mean we're doing better now with the. the Ali Wong's. is she Chinese oh boy here we go I'm. Shane Gillis thing right now but yeah. yeah and he's enough I think yeah yeah. something's up Ronny Chang he's got to.

be China he's gotta be China if he's not. Chinese dude then we quit. yeah he's if he's not Chinese he's. Russian won't you oh she's from Pacific. Heights she's from San Francisco oh so. there you go yeah it's Chinatown yeah. this is the Charlotte that's the trolley. Chinese they call him she's very very. funny a big fan of the Wong yeah. Oh Kobe so I went in a porn hub last. night I went to the search cuz I like. the compilations and Kobe Bryant was the. first first thing that popped up Wow. in that while that means that some.

people mourn people want to get in there. and see Kobe Bryant pornography I think. it's women that look like Kobe or is it. is it man and I didn't I didn't click on. it but I think it's I guess ladies or. gay guys they're like I want to oh [ __ ]. or watch a Kobe like guy [ __ ] I'm sure. there's a lot of men who are getting uh. like kind of lean gay men who are black. men tall men yeah I'm probably extra. work right now yes yes isn't that weird. like this guy died let's bring him in.

yeah do you have a jersey come on over. yeah I wouldn't think like that you know. I liked Ralphie May but I'm not googling. that although he's not sexy but yeah but. I'm not gonna eat 40 tight. Jirka exactly exactly and r.i.p Ralphy. man that's so crazy how it's so wild how. quickly someone goes from being here to. being gone isn't it it's just so yeah. yeah yeah. and it's an eye-opener you kind of go. [ __ ] I could go in any minute I got. family and then my friends and what if.

they go and yeah II had a lot more to do. I feel like do you yeah that's the. feeling and also and also that he just. got done really working like yeah I know. that whole stretch of like being a. athlete like even though it's glorified. and stuff a lot of times and it's a. popular job and people love seeing it. it's also it's still a ton of work it's. like oh yeah man was warp me played in. those other leagues you played on the. Olympic teams and that was working for. 20 years totally totally and it's kind. of why he crashed cuz he was he was.

doing so much that he couldn't sit in LA. traffic so he had to get helicopters but. I'm not a big NBA guy but I watched his. documentary and it blew my mind because. it relates to stand up you can put a you. know a parallel and just hard-working. and what there's a story of him he went. to basketball camp as a kid and like. three months of camp didn't score one. basket not one and he said he felt like. I'd let his dad down because that was a. player he let his uncle down and then he. just kept working and became the best. yeah I think that's one thing that like.

cuz I've never been a big Kobe fan I was. a big Jordan fan yeah you know Zions got. me back into the embrace I'm with the. Pels ion yes exciting but I always. marveled at how what how he had people. from around the world really gravitated. towards him yeah yeah and I'm marveled. at his work ethic it just seemed like. there was nobody else like in the fourth. quarter of games and stuff who was who. it seemed like not only wanted the ball. but it was it was gonna be able to. handle it better than anybody yeah yeah.

and he was tough and scary and. competitive but I feel like as he grew. he got more gentle and and loving like. he would shout out to the younger guys. like it's going great. and we've all been you know when you. start out and staying up you're like. who's this young [ __ ] guzzler coming up. on my heels and then after a while. you're like wait I'm good he's good why. can't we all be good yeah and I'm gonna. give a nice tweet do you think like was. there something that like like say when. like a. like that happens is there something. that you kind of think like like I. sometimes I wonder like where does it.

hit me like does it hit me that I'm like. like scared of like leaving scared of. missing people like I wonder like what. is it about like specifically about. death that like you know really gets me. the most well I think it's a coupling. one it's it's just so final there's no. like next try or let me redo and then. right there's no more email there's not. like another II you don't get another. email nothing nothing you know you write. a bad tweet you delete it you write. another one this is it your typos out. there too you want to be you want to.

have put like a little dent on the earth. a little bit like have some videos some. photos some change and he's got kids. ah the whole thing sucks it should have. been a should have been curry her you. think no I'm joking I'm sure it would. have been two hours I think if you if it. would have been Sam Perkins you remember. him from the Sonics gonna bring Wow pull. up perky yeah it's been a while he's one. of the first extremely stoned players to. play well but also Kobe he shot a three.

into the stands one time no wrong way. yeah wow that's yeah one of a cut to. death for that I was picturing a white. guy Sam Perkins I don't remember him oh. yeah one of a kind. dude and he definitely oh look at those. of course he has in there yeah it's. sideways like a diagonal corn yeah like. they're kind of like the Asian corn like. when they planted on the mountain he. played at North Carolina with Michael. Jordan to AH he was one of a kind.

um so cool is there is there a lie. sometimes I you know what I sadly is. when I think about dying I don't want to. have like lies out there that I've told. oh yeah because if everything's just at. that point it's like when you it it's. all coming out yeah yeah that's it and. you can't fix it you have no control and. if you die like that. that's it yeah so you did you're [ __ ]. yeah I used to think sometimes I never. however you died that that's how you. like are in heaven so I like this you.

know yeah then you gotta walk around. like that yeah but isn't heaven supposed. to be perfect and great and all that. yeah I don't think they do like a lot of. like car. work up yeah they're not doing Botox. yeah they're not remodeling your for you. get there you show up like if you got. hit by a train but that means everybody. in heaven is gonna be all black and. shit-faced and weird and run flat from. being run over or smushed yeah I think. it'll be fun immediately what happened. right I guess you got a bunch of dog. bites on you that's a tough way yeah.

yeah you got a bullet hole right here. immediately yeah people have that bullet. hole like some guys why run with a spear. he's 500 years old musket wound scurvy. AIDS yeah it's so scary man it's just so. and just has no control you have no. control over it either and when I got. back to LA I felt it at the airport it. was like oh man like you know there's. just so many Kobe fans I know I know. many and it's kind of nice that in this.

world of cancelling and PC and all that. that he he got in trouble for whatever. he did I don't want to get into it yeah. and we can still mourn the guy we don't. have to sit there and go well actually. it's like shut up let us have this the. guy's dead enough with your [ __ ]. right you know well yeah and I think. that it's one of the reminder yeah it's. like almost this it's almost like this. so necessary reminder for Humanity that. we all have so many mistakes yes there's. this there's this weird like crush or.

especially with social media where it's. this perfection that's not yeah it's so. unrealistic I know like in the 90s it. was hey nobody's perfect and now it's. hey if you're not perfect we'll figure. it out and kill you yeah and then it's. annoys me I don't want to get to qui fee. on here but these douches on Twitter. that just [ __ ] on you your homophobia. racism and then I got kills himself and. they go hey if you're feeling sad reach. out what do you do about it's like you. did this you're the you're the piece of. [ __ ] you're the poison out here you're. ruining us stop yelling at me you.

[ __ ] [ __ ] ah drives me crazy Joe I. was listening to Brogan last night at. the comedy story and honestly like he. has some new material that some of the. no joke some of the best stuff of it oh. yeah Wow it's just so good man and it's. it's it's exactly about like that kind. of stuff to cancel culture in this the. level like how just it's some people. that are doing all of this. it's the loud voice yes yeah yeah and. then what's weird when you know you see. these people on Twitter going oh shut up. cancel cultures not a thing get over.

yourself and you're like well I mean. it's we're talking about it right now. therefore it probably exists I don't. remember hearing this term 10 years ago. right so it's obviously there people are. getting fired and you know killing. themselves and [ __ ] so something's up. well it's we it's like if you well like. it's funny cuz even like with Ari. Shaffir you know it's always tweet and. already you know and it just came up. when teams yeah just saw somebody sent. me a link I don't know something just. happened today with it but um uh it was. like oh wow this guy is you know Ari's.

getting can't he's like he's getting. cancelled in the in the sense of like I. think a lot of people who maybe didn't. even know about him yeah yeah yeah are. now just they hear his name and that. he's that it's no good that he's right. right you got a stigma you're done kind. of I think a lot of his fans who were. his fans for his dark and yes style and. his like totally graveyard sort of. Alfred Hitchcock kind of you know his. ambience yeah yeah ambience his shtick.

or if they're they they are probably. they love it they have to be accepting. of it at least if they know that that's. what he's in yes yeah what was that what. was though there was a we had a video. question one of our listeners sent in. about this okay I haven't huge Tuesday. oh that's my pot and was just wondering. what Marx thought about the Kobe video. that Ari Shaffir did I know Theo von. said in his podcast that it was just a.

whole mess of a situation and you know. children died did you know that there is. free speech but to expect you know the. wrath and consequences that will come. from that. and I'm just wondering what mark thought. since I know they're both good friends. and I know like re mark likes to push. the envelope to on his comedy and he's a. real mailman yeah. funny maybe should have just been a. Twitter drive I don't let me let me know.

you guys think and please come to a peso. I the border loves you. I think the border loves you yeah yeah. gang Avenue thank you brother that's a. good it's nice that he listens to both. of our podcasts yeah that is nice. yep odds are big but if you really want. to know my are anything I just think who. gives a [ __ ] he's he's a he's a dirtbag. this is his thing. he's a friend of mine this is he's. always done this and for some reason. this Kobe won really hit home with.

people and so he just he's always made. these kind of jokes when someone dies. but for some reason this one is sticking. yeah and I don't give a [ __ ] you know. he's not a bad guy that's something when. are he gives back he gives so much but. people just know him as this you know. friend dosing a Kobe joke making guy. with a lot of people will just the thing. about some of the cancer culture stuff. it's like you you get introduced to. people for the first time only is a bad. guy yes and I don't want to say any. names but somebody gave out his address.

Wow and it's a person we know and you. want to be like hey [ __ ] what are. you doing like you didn't you're calm. you know what he's doing it's not trying. to get on other people's side by I know. you're angry but like also you're. introducing people to our ease joke. cause you're actually spreading it more. either you think it's so evil why would. you want more people to see it yeah you. know and and it's just so backwards and. giving out his address is basically what. he's doing to Kobe so now you're just. doing the thing he's doing so you're. just as guilty and just as big of a. piece of [ __ ] or maybe more because Lee.

start was trying to be humorous I mean. he's a horrible comedian so he's not. gonna be funny. but at least he was trying he doesn't. he's not hurting anybody the guy's dead. but the other guy giving out the address. that could actually cause violence yeah. what if somebody shows up over there. yeah yeah and then then we should tweet. out your [ __ ] address how about that. yeah and then when does it end yeah yeah. you [ __ ] shoot yeah it's so funny. because Oryza nice like always let me. stay at his place I don't even know re. very well yes let me stay there for two. weeks when I was in needed a place to. stay in New York I mean that's a nice. thing to do. yeah he's not your thing stay in you.

know you can stay in my place. I don't think he charged me any you know. didn't even make me pay anything right. what do you about the dose thing with. Bert because that really a lot of people. on the fence on on the big [ __ ] and then. that just pushed him over into the in. New Mexico. yeah I think I don't know enough about. the dosing but I just think as far as. like surprising somebody with some drugs. I think that's kind of sometimes I'm. like is that some of the world that they. all live in ah you know like I don't. know what their previous history with it. is if they're like you know slipping and.

you know you know you know sprinkling. some you know some of that [ __ ] brain. glitter some PCP you know I don't know. what they're doing how much they're. secretly hide and acid in each other's. ass like when I was growing up they had. a thing for Japan for a while girls. didn't LSD in their vagina yeah a dick. trip you dick I'll go in and get all. burning man that was the thing yeah well. I think Earl was tripping you get in. there and get some of the trip is real I.

don't mind a trip but I don't want it. through my dick hole that's that's a. weird suppose that's a wild entrance at. that front suppository hell Nick Nick's. a creeper well he's a premature baby. dude he's making up for lost. are you a preemie well you came out good. that's insane man why is a lot of these. guys going thirty-six and Nick got out. early broad nick is a hard worker oh. yeah I was like a c-section really oh. yeah I came up through the [ __ ] roof.

oh wow I guess maybe this the moon room. I didn't come up through the door yeah I. could see if you like I don't know you. know is the best thoroughfare right see. what else is going on and you've all. touched your mom's veg f it but I. haven't touched my mom's vagina which. feels pretty good oh yeah I guess I. could see that uh yeah there is always a. weird element I think sometimes when I. look at my mom and she and I both know. it I did yeah yeah you ruined her labia. for a while and they say it goes back.

yeah I hear it's never exactly the same. but that's my buddy said that oh well. maybe had a big kid or something yeah he. said cuz I thought we've all banged some. milfs and it didn't feel that different. yeah I don't have any feelings in my. penis at all I don't feel like oh come. on I don't think so I mean it also many. of the nerves were in my brain that's. how it's like if I think hard enough I. can feel something but otherwise it's. kind of like wait is you serious yeah. just not I mean yeah like I'm not very.

sensitive downtown I don't think so I. don't what you got jizz it all over no. really. oh I put it in I'm done oh yeah I mean. and don't worry I got the brain stuff to. I'm going I hate myself I'm tiny I'm gay. all this [ __ ] yeah I don't have the you. got the band back together oh yeah oh. yeah my dicks like like a girl at seeing. the notebook. it's just weeping it's bad bro the first. time I ever had sex I remember getting. right up like literally my penis was.

right outside of this girl's vagina yes. and it just like sneezed ejaculate just. like like it was yeah so it hit the out. so it pressure washe oh definitely it. was like it was almost like my he was. like I'm too sick to handle this vomited. outside of this girl's yeah entryway you. puked at the table you didn't get to the. buffet oh man your Golden Corral and we. were so ready everybody was so ready so.

then I had to pretend like I was so. ready bro and that was crazy cuz I had. to like Oh hold on I don't want to just. do this yeah make up this long story. right and then I finally just got honest. with her and and she smelled like. cigarettes as well but mom aside then I. got honest with her and I said look. already I'm done yeah blue condom no con. oh oh so she didn't she didn't feel the. big splurge of mayo. she might have seemed I think I think. she was gonna be a nice cuz it kind of. you know out like right in the hallway.

right I got in the 4-year ah yes you're. in the lobby yeah damn a lobby so I was. in the lobby ah hey killer so I gotta. say I've known you for 38 years now and. you're really getting more comfortable. as you the more every year that goes by. you're getting more at one with yourself. well thanks man and it's it's inspiring. thanks bro cuz you know in the beginning. of comedy we all kind of pretend like.

we're cool and we're not nervous and we. don't give a [ __ ] but we're freaking out. the whole time oh yeah you know but now. I feel like you're owning you which is. very healthy. thanks man I'm trying to do better at it. it's definitely yeah it's been something. you know like I've been on that path or. like or not a path but you know I got. sober a couple years ago got into that. world and so that kind of stuff made me. start to like I don't know it's but it's. definitely helped me with try not to be. so like how you cease to be so much more. angry I'm still kind of edgy about. business and stuff oh yeah scared same.

here but uh I don't know think about it. feel like they're taking advantage of me. yeah yeah dude but nice to be on stage. and always I felt like I had this thing. that like I had to prove or something. yeah yeah yeah it's been interesting man. but but that's interesting about. learning as we grow and growing in our. voice like when I watched you on on your. rogue and I was like oh my god dude this. guy is like such a just one just like. some I can't even tell what airy your. friend well I was I was nervous don't. get me wrong.

oh dude totally right yeah you were oh. my you couldn't tell you were cool Zach. you well I think you channeled the. nerves into you and did like just beYOU. on steroids and like you popped you did. to a lot of people oh yeah the response. was great from you being on I had a good. response but you know I saw I got a ways. to go yeah I feel like you've honed a. thing and I'm still I'm still in the. path of honing I think but I think. you're such a but I think one does the. thing that we start to realize is that.

yeah we're already kind of with maybe. where we need to be in some ways I mean. I think you're such a unique I mean. there's just nobody who's who's has the. same it's not only the jokes but it's. also you kind of your ambience meeting. up with this mmm this uncomfortable you. know I'm uncouple right now so really. really I feel like I'm so weird and. different I don't know it's all very.

strange and we don't know what we're. doing but the journey is the fun part. we've got to stop and realize that you. know where we're gonna be 88 one day. we're gonna be like Mel Brooks and. [ __ ] Carl Reiner going those were. great times I wish we had stopped and. soaked it in a little do you think as. comics it's hard to enjoy stuff though. Oh completely you just worry about the. next thing you're always about the. future when's my next gig what's this. this is guy hate me I got I got a make. up with him that. girls yelling at me I got to work on. that but just think like remember back. at Lucy's yeah we were on the [ __ ]. yeah we did Lucy see how there's a bar.

in New Orleans that had an upstairs show. yeah that's a great room for a great. room great room but I didn't know what. was going on I knew you had done some. stuff so that was exciting but now. you're in I'm in your studio and [ __ ]. in LA yeah we're both here it's quite a. roller coaster of anal I mean a lot is. happening yeah that's crazy. who's Nick serial IV [ __ ] water baby. we're glad to have you though I'm glad. your mom didn't get in the borscht yeah.

that's true she thought about it. encouragement she was supposed to stop. every kid she schizophrenic oh I'm sorry. I didn't know oh it's all good making. all the jokes you want she's single Hey. all right I love a crazy bro yeah Markel. date one of her yeah yeah man well that. was so wild coming up and that time I. guess in New Orleans I don't know I felt. like you guys had like such a close-knit. group there and I didn't really kind of. fit in but i but i but i did start doing.

comedy they're in Lucy's and uh. in brown that that little bar that was. downstairs next door across the street. oh yeah originally it had a sign on the. stage' said Brown on it yeah what was. that it's like a Wednesday night yeah. yeah yeah and the guys like we did make. any money tonight you just after him buy. drinks it's what he told me well oh [ __ ]. about like 19 drinks. two of them yeah yeah you had to pay to.

perform when you when you were new yeah. because you were like you were in the. way like they're you're lucky we're. letting you do this here money's no. scene really oh no they're barely is now. but it's better but yeah stand up it. didn't even seem like a way to make a. living we're just like let me try this. it's something to do because all we did. was drink yeah and try to get laid and. drive around drunk and you know do blow. or whatever but like stab which is it. felt like let me try this thing I got. nothing going on yeah yeah girls don't. like me maybe this will be some way. women yeah and then my friends like I.

move in New York and I say well I got. nothing else going on it almost kind of. helped being desk. and worthless and a loser yeah because. you had nothing attached to you and. you're like [ __ ] and I go to New York. City what's the difference yeah I can go. up there to Stacey yeah it's almost like. yeah what other reason yeah it's like. you almost have to be at this low space. in yourself yes okay oh I'll take. anything right right right right because. moving in New York I don't know that was. so scary I didn't do that. you didn't do it to LA AHA oh yeah I. knew I got mugged three times in a year.

you know you're so poor you're so. worthless and you don't know the city. and it's before smartphones and my. landlord died of AIDS I got bedbugs I. mean the whole thing was bananas yeah. yeah yeah but you're just so young and. drunk the whole time you're like yeah. this is life I'm an adult. yeah oh you guys I feel like now that's. a different side where I think I would. understand you guys holding on to the. cult or more of comedy like the the you. know the sort of British regalia ah. right because you guys really go through.

it there in New York like you're. sleeping on top of us you know yeah fat. guys back for $20 a night you sure. really. whereas in LA it's like you can even if. you're in the park here it's nice yeah. that's right the weather I do it I got. to tell you I'm pitching these shows. that'll never gets old and I'm at the. Fox lot and you walk in there's a big. parking lot it's a beautiful day. this is open-air courtyard all these. girls have their shoes kicked off they. get the feet up on the table there. they're smoking vape pens they're. drinking a coffee they got the. sunglasses on I'm like you don't know.

what you got this is amazing you don't. appreciate out of any of it this is your. job you're getting paid probably 100. grand a year we're gonna @tv you're in. show business you got your shoes off at. work yeah you're living it living it. they don't even know they're like uber. eats is taking a while you like shut up. [ __ ] you're living the dream what are. you crazy. you got a Tesla yeah have a moped oh man. as it blows my mind but that's LA I mean. I get it I'm an idiot I'm the weirdo I. should have moved here because what.

would you have but you could have done. it different yeah you're right you're. right you gotta go that way it's just. like you you just couldn't have done it. different like you couldn't have gotten. you gotta go with your gut like you got. to be in New York I mean you got your me. in like it had to be as you're growing. over there and has you're getting more. opportunities you're like holy [ __ ] like. because in LA it's like you see people. that are. I have a different type of talent than. you yes people that aren't ready that. don't have that a lot of times do not. have some talent sure and you see them. get huge opportunity right you know in.

it and and everybody kind of backs it up. there's more of this PR kind of bull. yeah yeah la almost feels like a high. school extended you know it's like cool. clothes cool cars cool guy. sneakers halfa he wins he wins yeah yeah. we're in New York it's it feels more. like oh that was a clever take on that. joke and it was it feels more arty a. little bit like a little more. intellectually and like like Dave Attell. as I mentioned he looks like a hobo. right but he's this brilliant guy you.

know he's a let yeah yeah you always. have somebody like that yeah anything. that makes you check that checks the all. the level yes it's like even if he's not. personally doing it it's just him being. there right there's a ceiling as to. what's going on yeah but then you go to. the Comi store I'm in the main room. green room and you're like look all. these sexy dudes you know like Brendan. shoves a [ __ ] chiseled fat [ __ ] like. he's got a slick hair the cool shoes got. a chain on I would never even think to. put on a change I think that white part. of bacon yeah on the white part a baker. still good but damn boy yeah yeah thick.

and not good for you yeah he's a thick. crust. he's got the cheese in there too you. know you stretch it in it it pulls I. know I know. but he's like seven foot one he's got a. huge piece so badass it's crazy one leg. dude his other that it's a it's a. [ __ ] penis of the Neil he's got a. bendy dick yeah he's got ligaments oh. yeah he can stand on his dick yeah it's.

a kickstand a dick Stan you know what's. amazing about Brendan man and uh because. he and I do the King in the same podcast. and it's like he's like to go from. football right to fighting mm-hmm which. you would never even imagine if you. talked to him that he was a UFC fighter. I feel I know he's so sweet yeah it's. like he's like he's kind of like that. American dream in a weird way of like. that if you work hard you can get you. can make things happen you know yeah. like he never stops working right you.

know I'd say crazy he works so hard bro. it's crazy like he's he's. in the morning he's on that bike his. family's flying Oh Columbus this weekend. he's come back he's doing this podcast. he's doing that and he keeps a good. attitude yes positivity is very. underrated yeah yeah he's very positive. he looks good the whole time he's always. smiling you never see him like [ __ ] this. [ __ ] yeah and you're right he does work. and in that and that that vibe that he. has that's one of the things that I. think a younger generation with a comedy. how did they attract two more because.

they don't they don't have this kind of. left like this to them it's all like. about it's more on fun yes let's have. fun it doesn't matter who we are what's. going on let's have a good time and. that's what he has yeah whereas some of. the old some of the others are like oh. man you know yeah yeah somebody you know. some of these this doldrum inside of me. and yes keeps me going not to mention. people watch the news all day it's none. of us shootings and death and politics. and Trump and all this [ __ ] coming at.

you see when you see this fun-loving. happy-go-lucky guy you're like all right. it's like ah I feel a little better like. I can breathe a little then you know cuz. some guys you watch like Bill Byrne it's. just like dude I'll [ __ ] kill you. your mom's a [ __ ] and your dad's yeah. and all and you're like yeah I did it I. did exactly don't hurt me. you feel he's gonna give you a wedgie. yeah an easy job and you're like all. right it's like a it's like a golden. retriever. oh yeah he's kind of like a Chewbacca. yes I'm broken like a Claire's boutique.

it will not leave no matter what. we're open 24 hours a day now yeah in a. two baka ran through a Armani Exchange. and [ __ ] stuck to him yeah he's a he's a. cool dude I'd sex with him today he's a. good egg he is a good egg like I did his. podcast once and this is the complete. contrast of New York I pull in it's a. sunny day he pulls in red Ferrari I see. one [ __ ] giant shoe of an Air Jordan. hit the concrete I'm like oh who's this. Tom Cruise you know and it's [ __ ] him.

like you're a comic come on but it's a. different era yeah yeah he's in that I. don't know they just I wish sometimes. that I had like the clothing confidence. of like yeah the Lea and I know they're. so sexy God I'm just like. this fit this has never fit that's the. only thing I ever think when I put. something yeah maybe like we went to. public school yeah I got I have every. time I'm in a dressing room at like a. gap I put something on like a jean. jacket and I go hey this looks pretty. good and all I hear is eight friends.

going what the [ __ ] do you think you're. doing you think you pull that off you. [ __ ] loser you piece of [ __ ] you kill. yourself I'm like all right there we go. that was a fun moment and you put that. [ __ ] right back on the hanger most of my. stuff is going out into the mic won't. you go out to the other mirrors outside. of your room yes yes and asking people. from a medium or a large and then just. [ __ ] I start sweating so bad and then. I go home yeah and you're all mirror. you're killing you're like John Travolta. your hair the [ __ ] blow dryer going.

and then when you get outside you're. like what am i doing yeah this is what. this is wrong this is never this is. never worked but if you owned it people. would believe it but it's you it's in. you it's true the thing that doesn't fit. is in me man them yeah and the large. that's all in there the x ball that's. all going on inside of me right whether. it's a turtleneck or a [ __ ] sheepskin. vest you know it's all inside of me and. then that's why like ladies will. gravitate to some like ill-dressed. ill-fitting we're dogs it like he owns. it yeah that's the key isn't it yeah you.

just gotta just got a they go wrong yeah. that guy's a tire jack is a hat but he. owns it he owns it baby that guy's got a. yarmulke on gross buddy oh yeah that. hair wallet that's what I do uh what did. you like did you like growing up in New. Orleans because you had a while it was. tough because I grew up outside of there. a lot of times people you know be like. oh you and mark Normand know each other. know mark and I know like you know I. remember different guys from their Wild.

Bill that was oh yeah bill dykes. yeah bill dykes um who else to Scotland. green know there's he's funny. yeah really neat I haven't seen I know. yeah I know you've seen him on in New. York or yeah um and then number Patton. remember there was Neil slowly of course. Patton yeah Sean Patton. Fouchet Dayne funny yeah he was so nice. too. yeah that was back when like if you were. doing comedy back then you. loved comedy cuz now it's kind of hip. and it's a fad and everybody's like for.

my new year's resolution I'll do. stand-up you're like I got out of here. yeah huge you don't like it yeah yeah. but we had we had to do it was like in. us you know we weren't any money but. yeah those guys all I looked up to all. you guys cuz you guys were a little. older you'd been on stage a few times. and I didn't know how to pull the mic. out like you forget that's all you have. to learn all that [ __ ] yeah you know and. I saw you you were so cool and collected. up there oh that's so funny I think I. had like I remember your bit still. aren't we all under the weather. yeah old dad I remember all of them yes.

I didn't know how to write a joke so I. would just study and like oh that's what. you do oh that's pretty good okay and. then I would go up there and bomb I. don't think you bombed oh boy did I. bombed for four years I mean I had a. couple like you know you good Chuck it. was obvious that you were into it that I. was into it I was hooked yeah cuz I had. nothing going on and I'm and I was. jealous I thought you were like this. Jewish kid and I was like oh man look at. this Jung Joo gonna sneak over that in. New York and make it happen you know.

some kind of nepotism just magic right. yeah yeah but good work Yiddish dust. yeah Breitling but no I'm not a probably. quarter yet you might have hidden yet I. got a little little something in me. about some Tiger Hidden Mark I think. yeah I got no foreskin that's for sure. okay yeah so that part of me is a little. jewy but I I wish I'm a big fan of the. Jews I love a Semite yeah well the funny. thing is about like a lot of Jewish. people it's like oh they act like. they're so good at everything. mmm and then they are mmm that's the.

funny thing sometimes I think that's why. people hate them you gotta realize. there's six percent of the country and. they're killing everything they got the. media the banks lawyers doctors. accounting all that [ __ ] it's all Jews. yeah that uh percent but then also. there's a dark side of having a Jewish. buddy of you once spoon of bad yogurt. and you don't see him for you know oh. good point good point yeah yeah you give. one of our avocados gonna break out no. reaction it's true and I got the. allergies real bad yeah yeah you give a.

[ __ ] half of a mango and he breaks. out into Christianity yeah I think you. just got some sand Christian wandering. right. not to mention Isis but yeah but it's. weird is Jerusalem it's all these. swarthy tan dark haired sexy beasts and. then you go to Brooklyn at some guy at a. diner going uh this says Darion and I'll. kill myself or whatever so it's a weird. a contradiction yeah totally yeah it's a. different the American Jew is different. I think than the yes Oh J yeah exactly.

exactly. no J the original Jews everything Oh. Israel from Israel God I got I got I got. it at home the home team we didn't have. we did it when I was growing up we. didn't have any Jewish people around us. my mom dated a Jewish black guy for a. little while zolly Sammy Dave yeah Holly. Ritchie Holly Richburg yeah welcome to. our first Saints gamer gave he he got. his tickets to go to our first Saints. game there you go. but yeah we didn't they didn't have a. lot of that around they didn't have a. lot of that at least not in Covington. they yeah well I grew up in Treme and I. went to dilla Salle for high school Wow.

the public schools are getting a little. rough yeah my dad's like you're go on a. private school was that Mintz de LaSalle. no it was co-ed thank God I think this. girl tell you that I used to date was. yes oh do it I was in love with her that. works I was so impressed that you pulled. that yes she was a beautiful girl man. yeah beautiful still what is she doing. now I'd love to get a look at a couple. of like a year ago. commuting her yeah um dinner I mean that. was back with like there's no hot girls. in New Orleans I'm sorry I grew up there. there's like six it's like the Britain.

of uh yes yeah yeah they got some rough. gumbo mug it's not something's up down. there well it's just a lot of heat in. the food man in it yeah after the skin. it comes up through the pores to the. back that's right that's right it's a. lot of blotchy sweaty fat skanks down. there and I mean I love the people I'm. just saying you're not gonna find a Miss. New Orleans right you can't have a lady. that's had 9,000 oysters and she's. clocking it visually right right she. looks like a crawdad at that point you. know yeah heavy on the cross the real.

boudin mug yeah there's like two and. they all leave you know they go to. [ __ ] Houston or something I don't. know where she and she worked at that. place Lucy's but uh she did yes she. worked it that's how I met her Wow. she was smokin man like she was a. humdinger yes she was home dinger. yes she was a nice girl she was really. cool we still communicate once in all. she got engaged a thing oh good for her. engaged and cool family and stuff boy we. talked my reinstated her house for a.

while and I used to have this nervous. condition I would urinate in the sink. right ah and uh laying it on purpose. like you would put your dick in the sink. and pee it wouldn't go all the way in. but yeah we'd get up there okay okay. and I'm trying to visualize yeah no no. that's fine yeah yeah so I go in there. and when I was standard or folks house. that's how they the MA they busted me. this why have issues with cats man. because the cats would get over them. they would start peeing in the sink and.

stuff to combat somebody else being in. the neighborhood a little territorial. yeah and so they're like they cornered. me one time at breakfast like you peeing. in the same well how did they know cuz. of the cats man well how did what the. cancer because I was the only rare I was. the rare Li was the unique element. outside yes you're the variable yes. interested like why would the caffeine. in the sink cuz something's being in the. same wow that's pretty good detective I. wouldn't I would have been like these. [ __ ] cats or I would every town shut. out Tarrytown detectives brother ha ha. ha.

Terry knows a good place to get Nikes. and murder if you like yeah there was. one gated community but outside of it it. was hell I was very unused to wet the. bed oh yeah yeah dude it's one of the. ways I told you I went to bed forever is. that right oh man oh [ __ ] that'll give a. guy some character I'll tell you that. because you know you got a deal with it. you're like seven at a friend's house. they're all snoozing it's 4:00 in the. morning you go alright I gotta figure I.

gotta have a game plan here I look at a. game plan yeah he's so sneaky. yes yes and it makes you realize like. lay this [ __ ] ain't fair but let's do. something about it you know you can't. just sit here and go what do I do. you know you got to start learn how to. use a washer/dryer I'm ever reading the. instructions inside the dryer door going. okay all right you know and flipping. sheets flipping mattresses I at one time. I peed the bed at my friend's house and. I was just covered in piss oh I slept in. my clothes covered in piss I have any. extra clothes so I had to go to summer. camp with him the next day covered in. piss wet the whole day and I finally.

dried around lunch. time yeah but I just had to just not let. anybody touch me and I smelled like whiz. and and you know older people know. that's a crazy thing they new YMCA. summer camp like you woman like kickball. yeah I'm soaking wet I got a tie-dye. here but it's all whiz yeah but yeah. that was a rough day that was the worst. waking up at night at a friend's house. cuz you were already so scared to stay. at a friend's yeah so scared to go to. sleep. cuz the only thing I could think of. every night if I go to sleep am I gonna. wet the bed exactly and then how's it.

gonna make me feel about myself it's. gonna be bad and then you wake up at a. friend's and it's literally like the. worst game show you've ever been yeah. you have to figure out how to dry the. sheet yep you know I remember having a. lamp one time in somebody's room and I. snuck over with the sheet and I just set. it over the line dry it to dry where the. heat was coming out of top of lamp and I. would move it over to so little at a. time that space I could smell the urine. yeah it's like [ __ ] survivor you. gotta like figure that's naked and. afraid you're wet and are you alright. yeah and you don't want their mom to.

wake up even though some of the people's. moms probably would've been cool of. course you just didn't watch your buddy. really didn't know that way yes toughest. part I'm at one time I went to bed it. was like a big sleepover my friend of. this big house it was like eight of us. and I woke up and all eight friends were. around me standing looking down at me. with the mom and I went huh I looked. down covered in pee and they're all. staring at me and one of my friends goes. why do you do that and it just crushed. me you don't you're like nine you're. like I don't know it stopped looking at. me it was brutal and the moms like get. up get up like she was pissed like you.

were my [ __ ] Sealy yeah so yeah that. was tough why don't you do that yeah. we're tough man and then it home did you. have to clean your own bed yet to clean. the bed off oh she's on it now sure I. would flip that mattress you know. constantly you'd have a covered mattress. now because I had it but it was too. disheartening every time you sit down. and sound like a bag of Fritos I gotta. just live with that I can't live with. the krinkle I'll just take the the. soaking wet match yeah I don't want to. hear this yeah it's like we're in some. people don't want you wear a diaper.

cuz I'm [ __ ] not [ __ ] alright I'm. not wearing a diaper I'd rather be. covered in [ __ ] than wear a diaper I. can't do it dude that's what I say like. about bike helmets like I would read my. father die get hit by a car on a on a. bicycle yeah then see my father ever. come in. door wearing a bike down oh that helmets. a bad look just sitting up there the. plastic yarmulke never looks the same. right now. no brutal my dad one time my dad lost. his job and we're like oh [ __ ] you know. it's kind of like scary what's dad gonna.

do how we gonna pay the bills I was. young and he came in one day with a. gumball machine over his shoulder and. we're like what are you doing dead he's. like hey you know gotta make ends meet. and I was like oh that's a gumball guy. he's the guy like setting up gumballs in. a Rite Aid and then taking the quarters. out like he was he was struggling yeah. and I was like oh this is like your role. model you know you know this guy he's. wearing a suit and everyday and driving. a nice car and then one day it's. carrying a [ __ ] gumball machine damn. with stickers in it and [ __ ] was it. embarrassing like did you did you have.

embarrassment like bringing people over. to your place and stuff like oh yeah my. parents are real weirdos like my dad was. a bottomless a lot and the old Daffy. Duck oh wow yeah yeah well he didn't. know like my friends be home and so he'd. have a t-shirt on with no bottoms and. he'd be like excuse me there Larry and I. was like hey my dad and my mom eat weird. food so like we never had soda you know. we never had like Lunchables or gushers. or any that fun [ __ ] it was always like. Dee what is it Dee ha evaporating milk.

it was over there a lot. we had like we'd never ranch dressing. but we had vinaigrette like in that. weird French bottle and it was all. stained and gross and yeah yeah my mom. was a weird chef foodie [ __ ] thing and. it was it was brutal Dan you know some. people are like dominos yeah we didn't. have any of that [ __ ] they're like. that's bad for you which I get now but. at the time you like order some pizza. hutt yeah it's you know it's also bad. for is having nothing yes like half a. radish in there come on.

I'm not eating radish I'm eight you need. to be healthy I'm like I'll be anything. yeah yeah I know I know you know some. people I'd like Doritos oh you don't. have no we didn't do that all that [ __ ]. was like gold to me my mom was. definitely the same way she was very. health conscious yeah. but also like but also yes you wouldn't. get us like the the regular stuff that. all the other kids had and also I think. some of us kind of pricey you know yeah. so some of that came into play but yeah. man I'm. member it was always embarrassing this.

stuff not only did my like everything. else feel felt embarrassing but the. stuff we had to eat yes same same and. kids are so cruel like why don't you. have soda yeah like I don't know like um. whatever you got so many cookies you got. so many snacks anything oh how about. school lunch I would have a grocery bag. like somebody want a lunchbox. I had a grocery bag with all kinds of. weird [ __ ] in it and a jar of chocolate. milk like a glass jar so it's cool at. the Greyhound station it was but my mom. would be like bring that jar back so I. was like alright so after lunch I'm the.

guy with a jar purely one with the jar. my god I gotta get it home they thought. I had a kidney in there some [ __ ] it was. brutal I was looked like I had moonshine. on me. brutal Nick but so right here even just. hearing this it creates a world yes out. of you yeah so suddenly there's so many. more little elements to the world it's. like not only am I going to school today. but I have this weird lunch I have to. hide it I have to make everything look. cool you know suddenly you're creating. like all these levels to the world yes.

and you're getting creative. yeah and you're getting create you're. talking fast what he have a jar then you. come up with [ __ ] and make a joke out of. it you spin the bottle or something you. grab a guy's ass just something to get. it off of you yeah. you're hiding you're sneaking around. yeah something to get it off of you yes. yes and then you develop this weird. thing we think everybody's paying. attention what you're doing yeah so you. have to always be performing because. right even when nobody's looking at you. you think everybody is yeah you always. are like trying to seem okay trying to. seem like this so then right there even. inadvertently you get used to being a. performer right without even your own.

like so then it makes sense that when. there's an opportunity to perform. somewhere that it's inside of you why do. this because I'm in oddly doing this. forever. that's a great realization right thought. I heard a great quote about comedy the. reason people do stand-up is so you can. control why people laugh at you. hmm and I remember I heard that I'd hit. me cuz it's so true you don't want them. to laugh you for wetting the bed but you. wanted to laugh at you for what you pick. right you know and I think that's a big. part of stand-up yeah yeah yeah yeah I.

want to be able to I have to I need to. have some way of controlling what you. think about me yes so many other things. in my life made me feel like I have no. control Oh. why these people are looking at me this. way or what's going on right right yeah. I like all that MA. like the weird [ __ ] your parents were. doing stuff that I had no controller I. live in this sentence exam was so. [ __ ] bizarre totally Tommy and I had. a transgender nanny I mean we'd all. kinds of weird yeah house teacher. thought I was [ __ ] when I was in my.

third grade story I remember she gave an. awesome my mom had to like come in and. be like I swear to god he's not you know. then she was like why do you think he's. [ __ ] and she goes look at this paper. and it was you know we were little so it. was a page of instruments like drawing. like a flute guitar piano whatever and. the instructors were circle the. instruments and I circled them all and I. circled a saw like a handsaw and she's. like look he's got to be an idiot he. circled a saw but I saw a Marx Brothers. movie when I was like 7 where he played. a saw yeah and so I circled a song cause.

in my mind like yeah that's music so. when I told my mom that she was like oh. thank God I was about to you know ship. you off to Indonesia and have you killed. yeah we thought you were an idiot so. that was a so you know it was thinking. outside the box was was risky back then. yeah yeah I remember I've told this. story before but had the first kid ever. met that had a stutter I thought it was. the best thing I'd ever heard I was like. oh my oh yeah who's this magic man right. now it's free entertainment yeah who's. this for hick in early Tiesto Oakenfold.

yeah and and so I I I started having a. stutter because I thought it was so cool. isn't that interesting and then I got in. trouble for it at school there cuz you. were mocking they thought I was mocking. them like I'm not mocking him like you. don't understand I'm I think this is the. neatest thing ever and I love the kid it. was a nice kid named Doug and but they. answer that like it when they said yo. you can't do that right how's like I you. just don't see that there's other ways. to do exactly exactly and I get where.

they're coming from. yeah they don't hurt the kid but they. didn't see your point of view and you. were had no maliciousness. right I don't have any maliciousness. right oh but it's yeah I don't know man. but growing up in Louisiana was uh it. was tough man I specially in my. neighborhood I don't know you seemed. kind of you had some whites and blacks. and it was kind of severe really it was. just kind of poor black and white but. yeah kind of suburban he just kind of. like not redneck yeah just kind of. oh and I'm not judging the people it was. just a blow poor environment sure sure.

yeah in Treme I came in a man up over. there it was scary it was pretty scary. like I'm all fidgety because of that. [ __ ] in my house was robbed constantly. and my duplex no he had a mansion Wow. yeah my dad bought a mansion that was. dilapidated on Esplanade Avenue right by. the French Quarter and it used to be. like we heard that Ignatius Reilly well. I think if you really want to get into. it my dad had a real bad childhood and. he's like he always wanted to make some. of himself he never really did so then. he saw this mansion for cheap cheap.

cheap because the neighborhood sucked it. didn't have plumbing was falling apart. there's holes in the walls broken. windows a mansion but it was a mansion. and we also had this BMW when I was a. kid had holes in the seats and was. rusted out but it was a BMW you know and. word rich something I call it oh yeah. yeah yeah so uh yeah it was a horrible. way to live because everybody thought we. were rich we were the white family in. the mansion and we moved in there like. all these people got to have money so we. got robbed constantly so my dad. installed this alarm system and it would. go where like go crazy at like 2:00 in.

the morning I was like eight gone well. weird there's somebody in my living room. right now like somebody below me is. rifling through our [ __ ] and stealing. our TV or whatever and you're like he. could come up and rape me and have his. way with me and blow me at all this and. he'd put a nice negligee cup and doing. my nails and all that [ __ ] so it was a. skittish way to grow up like we'd come. home a lot and the door was is open and. very violating and just you never felt. comfortable never cuz you're like we get. robbed right now you know yeah yeah I.

can I can't imagine that level of it you. know yeah like I think yeah I was like. scared a lot but that's uh I don't know. if we ever had that yeah coming home and. being robbed and like just knowing. somebody could be in your place I always. was scared that somebody was in our. place while I was going to bed at night. yeah yeah that we have to look. everywhere yes I have to open the. closets and I would hook these like. cables from one door to the next like. they couldn't open one door because it. would oh the door would stop it like. just all this crazy level of checks and. balances to just feel like okay yeah.

good yeah cool well here's a bad when we. got robbed a bunch so we kept calling. the cops and eventually they were like. alright you guys keep calling us we're. just going to. take out in your kitchen overnight and. maybe we'll catch a guy so these two. cops plainclothes detectives came and we. met them and it was all exciting that a. daily belt gun and the badge on the belt. thing you know the whole thing and I was. like oh my god I couldn't sleep then I. was so excited I hope they catch think I. hope they beat the [ __ ] out of him and. tase them and all this [ __ ] and I'm just. laying in bed so excited I finally fall. asleep I wake up at like 6:00 in the.

morning I run downstairs imagining that. they're gonna have guys in a headlock. and cuffed and put them in the car yeah. and I run downstairs they stayed in the. kitchen the whole night they ate. everything they ate all the food so we. got robbed again they had all the. [ __ ] Cheerios and the the made. pancakes cuz they got bored and they. just ate everything everything was gone. [ __ ] cops I know they took the. radishes on the chicken bones and all. that [ __ ] all the abandoned dude they're. under fun I guess I guess I don't know.

that was part of the deal brutal brutal. yeah New Orleans was tough man it's a. tough town the scariest part was like. the face to face crime like my bike got. stolen many a time yeah and you know. these are big you know black man yes yes. you know they they puberty like for any. you know I think it's like a SAM. mustache going and all this and oh yeah. thank you really yeah yeah kid named. puberty Wilson had in our neighborhood. and this dude I mean was Jack oh yeah he.

was born with a prison tattoo and right. right exactly. those weren't teardrops that was a. tattoo it was a different environment. yeah the racial environment down there. was just it was just black people had. nothing right right I mean nothing it. was hard to realize that at the time. yeah like now as I get older you see. like oh okay these people had they. didn't had that you know like there. wasn't any black doctors right nothing. not in that area that's for sure right. so you didn't have of course it would. have any role ma like it's gonna be very. you know like the the chain of like um.

of pop like the level of poverty you get. into not just fiscally but then beyond. that where you get like emotional just. having right right yeah like I would get. my bike stolen I'd run home crying and I. go mom they stole my bunch you go there. they need it they did it I was like what. are you crazy but now I kind of get it. right but I will say as a white kid. growing. like the only white kid in that. neighborhood you're the minority right. you go outside the neighborhood you're. back as a white Prive white you know but.

in that neighborhood EULA and it feels. bad be in the minority sucks it's not. like they can just go hey white boy and. you're like ah which is not even a. negative thing he's just I'm a boy who's. white but it still hurt because I was. different cuz you were different. yeah so I kind of I I don't to say I. relate to a lot of [ __ ] but you know I. get a label you can own well you've had. that experience where cuz that's the end. that's the end thing right just the I'm. different there's there's an easy way to. make me feel different yeah you know I'm. not wet yeah and then all the rest of it. piles on exactly there's more women on.

earth than men but if one girl is at a. party with 50 dudes she's gonna feel. weird yeah you know so the minority is. is it's fluid you know we just talk. about minorities in majority and all. that but it it changes depending on your. environment yeah yeah it changes man and. I think yeah I feel like there's a lot I. feel like when I was growing up there. was probably a good bit of and racism. kind of felt both ways if you weren't a. racist person if you didn't really like. you know there were some people would. probably hated black people. yeah real adamant about it oh yeah you.

know adapted to like old like kind of. you know uh I want to say red next. episode cuz it's redneck people that. aren't that way at all that's true but. there was a lot of people who didn't and. then if you interacted with black kids. and they were mean again this you're. like [ __ ] well what do I do like all. right right I don't want to have any ill. will but there's also these kids are. mean to me yes yes and they probably. didn't have anything else to do like. right if you think everywhere you go. it's like everybody has some but you. right exact can't imagine what that few.

no I was hanging out with these two guys. martinet and Toni they were like my two. black friends and we were at the black. mall because I slept at their house we. went to their mall and the whole thing. and we're playing at the arcade in the. mall and one of my friends was doing. well at Street Fighter and I was like. yeah get up Toni kobata. and these two bigger black guys behind. me like puberty Wilson and testosterone. Jones we're like they're like doing the. white voice and oh I'd crushed me it. cried like go in the bathroom he like.

all right take it easy that hurt you. know just go back out there. yeah my two friends were like don't. worry about those guys they're idiots. they're mean I was like yeah yeah but. you because you're already the outsider. and then you you're doing the white. voice and they called me on it oh it's. [ __ ] humiliating. I turned beet red it was brutal it's. hard it's hard being uh hard being white. focus it ain't easy. it's hard being so aware yes yes exactly.

sometimes that I hate the most about. ignorance and I attribute a lot of it to. you know I think that's kind of what my. alcoholism is sometimes it's just this. heightened level of awareness and. sensitivity not just sensitive but. hypersensitive yeah and you want to shut. it down yeah they just want to starting. with anything to like please just. something make it so I just don't care. anymore. yes I don't care as much yeah because. you had because you care to let this. intense level of every constantly yeah. that it's exhausted you yes yes and you.

have the couple drinks you're like ah. enjoy myself for ten minutes yeah I'm. with you like I like out for so long I. heard recently someone said um life's. not happening to you it's just life is. just happening oh and I'd always never. realized this wind of the world that I. always felt like was pushing against me. just this like life was happening to me. yeah uh everything's but life's just. happening right here and so then every. now and then that helps me feel a little. different like that got a question that.

came in here. oh yes use me hey Mark APO mark it was. really good to see you come through. Springfield Missouri right before. Christmas when you played the Blue Room. hey it was a great show my wife and I. had a blast thank you for the people of. Springfield were good to you good a. question as to both of you I know you. guys both live on the coast and big. cities I was wondering if you've ever. considered moving away from LA in New. York to maybe set up roots in the. Midwest or the south to get away from.

that big-city life style gang gang gang. bruh good question has you a question. what do you think I fantasize. when you bought a place I know like you. made money I mean I mean you started. making money I was jealous you when you. got to open up framing Schumer because. you were awesome money well that was a. sweet sweet ride I mean the Jets and she. would just hit that arena level so I was. making good money and getting treated. well and things I got I was pure luck. and what we have an ice cream at night. and never do it and she's a she's a big. pot friend yeah so it was just like so.

much hotel room service and we had. movies and big screen and the weed and. the edibles and the anal and the [ __ ]. great great time she's a she gets a bad. rap but she's a giver yeah good egg you. know good hang you know her yeah you. know but I know people people have a. problem with her but you know they don't. know her I know her she's cool oh well I. mean I think yeah she law I think she. look for me I thought that and I would. talk about Amy you know I talked on the. phone maybe a couple weeks ago but I.

felt like she was starting to maybe want. to even get more into politics I have no. truth about this but this is a. perception that I had right and she and. whenever Hillary did in one knee like I. think she was gonna not use Hillary use. that vibe but she you know she was in. that movement like yeah totally at it. she wanted probably to try and get into. politics then maybe I don't know yeah. that politics is the I never touch it. because it just splits the room and. that's a bad idea and we're comics like. right you look at Twitter now all the. comics are just going like we need to.

change this and this is I'm activists. now and this is that you're like what. happened funny yeah I mean we are comics. all right you can have your opinion but. like let's make with the yucca muffs. chuckles you know here sometimes I get. so like worried about my own [ __ ] now. in cold rooms that sometimes I forget. though but I have to remind myself so no. you can't [ __ ] go in here every day. yeah puberty Wilson's coming out here. like it's all in yeah you can't help but. I felt like yeah that but um but I've.

always thought that she's one of the. funniest people off of sage yeah yeah. that even watching her comin without. even taking that in the concert what I. mean quick quick at the table like she's. running circles around you're like damn. I gotta step it up yeah. and especially you like shoot I thought. that I was quick or something inside I. could do this but when you meet her it's. like Prefontaine it's just yes Wow she's. on some level that's a little beyond and. cutting to like she can say that thing. we're like oh I didn't know you knew. that [ __ ] you got me there damn you know. yeah fun stuff.

yeah like yeah just I'm. I always say that she's her donnell. rawlings two of the funniest people that. oh really don't know he just makes me. laugh I mean he's a killer act I've. never really hung out with him. he's just so he's funny oh yeah yeah but. yeah man I thought was John's like man. this guy's living it up dude have an. ice-cream at night this dudes doing it. yeah I was doing it and plus I was. single then and like tinder was kind of. new ish and so I had an arena of labias. just like they can't bang her so I was.

getting the the you know placenta run. off and I was I was hit and klitz like a. speed bag it was exciting. yeah yeah those are wild times yeah and. yeah we're in the four seasons and. shit's over a labia yeah yeah caught up. yeah I remember a couple of places I. caught up with you guys at I think. that's right where but we would you knew. we did Mahalia Jackson New Orleans and. we went to what's-her-face his house. after Jennifer Coolidge Coolidge's house. you were newly sober and I'm er being. like come on do this New Year's baby. you're like I can't Betty I'm sorry I.

was like damn I lost the oh but it was. for the best I get it yeah it was for. something man yeah it was good see. that's the dangerous thing is the. problem with booze and xanax and coke. and all that is it it feels right so you. don't want to quit but the best thing to. do is quit because you need it so bad. that you got to not learn how to not. need it you know you gotta if it feels. so good so you're like oh them drinking. is what I should be doing right now but. that's exactly why you shouldn't be. drinking you got to learn how to. overcome it without it right it's a it's.

definitely a trick yes it's a trick it's. a trick my my therapist I'm always like. just give me some xanax give me a. [ __ ] valium or whatever a. prescription he's like let's beat it. let's just try to beat the anxiety. instead of just trying to like medicate. it away yeah yeah oh sometimes I wish I. had me as an her you know I'm what first. time a guy gave me a soma this. homosexual of a song gave me a soma man. build this got Billy conforto and our IP. passed away he was from Laplace uh I. know the type and uh he was homosexual. but also a prizefighter why yeah right.

but it could've been your babysitter did. you know that's black guy oh no whoa. okay white enough all right all right. all white prizefighters always fun. that's one for the for the home team but. he gave me a soma dude and a half hour. later I just turned to my cars on a. highway and just took a. straight-up [ __ ] right turn and we're. lucky we're alive sometimes Louisiana. livin was was heavy it is heavy these a. lot of we stock because it's boat people. are like yeah yeah that's right well. [ __ ] up let's get in this boat yeah. that's right surround my water and.

Gators and dose. yeah ghosts who do out there it's no. joke we had a kid this boy Andy and he. uh he goes for chase him or something he. was dealing with him and he end up. taking his own life. there you go they had a bunch of friends. died of heroin Bunch friends I have. methadone growing up bunch of drunk. driving some of the best heroin recipes. you've ever had oh yeah yeah Wow put. some hot sausage in that air Owen yeah. heavy dude put a little bug in Tony.

satton that need oh baby Lowell BAE you. can't get that all that leaf wow yeah I. would just went down back home to see my. folks in a boy I really ate it up did. you oh yeah are they pretty really proud. of you know they must really have some a. lot of pride you know it's weird is they. don't really say much but then I talked. to it like I'll meet one of their. friends they're like your mom never. shuts up about him like really should. tell me no but I'll take it.

I'll take it yeah but I think we're just. uh we're cold people the Normans yeah I. try to break through I'm I'm a. touchy-feely douche but uh there it's. very they're military they're like you. know stiff upper-lip kind of Wow. yeah my dad this idea of a hug there's. give you a tap on the shoulder and. you're like oh [ __ ] thanks dad Wow. what is it my birthday you know but it's. not not a lot of yeah. connecting yeah yeah that connection man.

it's wild yeah I'm learning that oh. that's all new I'm 36 so I'm gonna die. soon so I'm trying to like do it myself. and push it on him and are you having. sex and stuff now or what do you do I. got a hot lady are you oh yeah I got a. hot lady at the house in New York and. yeah she's she's like a normal person I. mean she's got everybody's got problems. but she's like she met my parents. and she's like whew that was tough like. you meet my parents you feel like you're. bombing yeah they're tough like you'll. just say a whole thing and they'll go. like the.

won't respond yeah I talked to dr. Drew. about he said my mom has still face. which is this like thing that moms have. that makes babies cry and [ __ ] cuz. they're not giving you any reaction Oh. why'd you stand but I need a reaction. yeah I need something yeah something I. just need some some I need to know that. things are okay yes yes and with them. you have no idea where you're at what. are you mad am i mad at what's going on. do you hate me am i adopted where are we. yeah so Wow that's some of the stuff. that leads us to just to our behavior.

and what we do you know yeah that's the. beautiful lady right there she is yes. what's the name diamond where'd you get. that house guest made it up she's. [Music]. diamond LaRue. she's a real diamond though yeah and. diamond in the rough oh that's awesome. man good egg Cape Cod ladies for a while. in New England they're well off on she. well off not really you'd think right. yeah haben cape huh yeah yeah yeah a lot. of cod uh-huh Oh hate to interrupt you. guys. it's the only ad in this episode and I.

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you think how do you think it plays out. with uh with re with everything that's. happened because last night it said on. that article that people they didn't. have the show because they were afraid. people called into the car club I heard. they had to shut the show down and a lot. of those calls dude look I've made calls. like that that's nothing that nobody's. really gonna show up yeah I actually. called the club but yeah I don't live in. a show-up world anymore we definitely. live in a phone call world this is all. gonna go I mean it's a it's a hot thing. for this week and by Monday we won't.

even think about it agreed. yeah agreed but do you so what do you. think how do you think he comes through. I know he put up a really nice message I. mean his message was it was real true to. who he was even at the end where he says. [ __ ] the Lakers you know dude right yes. yeah I did I liked it I mean obviously. his publicist or manager made him do it. because I know Ari and he's not this guy. but he kind of made it his own and all. that like when Shane Gillis had to put. one of these out we all made fun of him. because it was so publicist II you know. like it didn't have him in it at all. yeah and like he told us what he wanted. to say and it was way funnier but uh.

yeah you got to do this [ __ ] I guess you. know we're trying to have careers but I. think it'll ultimately help him it just. seals cements his brand right you are. that villain you are that rabble rouser. yeah you know and there's and and yeah. it's okay to have that like yeah that's. the thing it's like I just want I'm. trying to think of a person that could. compare him to in the past it's not like. an Alfred Hitchcock but like you know. someone who's just like mischievous like. a Dennis the Menace II he's almost like. a Bart sim. you know like he's he's agitating he's.

poking you and [ __ ] and you're like. alright alright but that's just who we. get that's his shtick yeah you know it's. and it works for him he sells out and I. hang out with Ari we walk down the. street Bakari yeah people people. likeable people love him he's been on. here and people really really enjoyed it. I mean that's the thing he's yeah it's. just who he is it just kind of felt it. just was a really it's just like I'm. almost like the Andrea Gail a bad chef. right right of bad moments yes at once. you know well we got weird priorities. like Chris Brown beat the [ __ ] out of a.

lady and we've got a documentary out and. people think he's hot and sexy and then. I already made a joke and he's evil yeah. like I think Chris Brown is worse than. Ari but Chris Brown's doing the moonwalk. somewhere right you know so we got weird. we're all whacked out well team also and. you I mean some of this I think TMZ uses. a lot I mean it's definitely turned into. more of like a WorldStarHipHop kind of. yes it's gotten a lot more of like. scandal yeah and a more you know urban. black Oh an American whatever you want.

to say I think so oh really I think a. lot of their stuff is these days and. some of that I'm like are these are is. this is TMZ just like using the black. like is it creating this other this. cycle of like interest behavior. sometimes or contributing to a cycle of. behavior influencing a cycle of behavior. you know it's like not like I don't buy. a lot of cultural appropriation [ __ ] but. I do sometimes like I got some ones that. show catfish I just feel like it takes. advantage of like a little now to use. the Internet oh I never thought about.

that or like kind of Monopoly you know. yeah the wording is but like well I I. just feel like TV and showbiz they just. go where the money's at they go where. the bread is buttered so if that's the. way it goes like McDonald's for some. reason went straight black people in the. commercial you know used to be like. McDonald's gonna make fish and it was. like some fat white guy there's a white. manager yeah yeah now it's like hey. puberty get in here you know like yeah I. don't really make rear backer and right. yeah that hot apple pie is ready for you. there.

Quincy but yeah I feel like you just. kind of go oh that's that's who's buying. the [ __ ] McDouble let's do that so I. don't know I don't know about the taken. advantage of maybe I never ever yeah. baby maybe that's just some weird thing. that it's probably some weird hang-up. that I have you know that might not even. be true. but you're right there sometimes I think. that Hollywood like leads us in a. direction but the more I learned. Hollywood just follows where the money. yes they're clueless they don't know. what I mean think about all the funny. comedians you know who aren't doing that. great yeah because we gotta have this. hot guy - or whatever the [ __ ] you know.

this guy's yeah they're selling tickets. so they don't care they're not they they. pretend to like Pryor and Carl and but. they don't give a [ __ ] right they just. worry you know there's worried about. who's making money and that's their job. there were in suits their finance guys. who say hey I like Ali Wong they just. know the right thing I love Carmichael. he's the coolest but they don't know. yeah yeah yeah they don't know yeah it's. it's so it's uh because sometimes I give. them this bigger power right same same. we look I look them in as please accept. me yeah please give me a show I love you. you're my dad you know you're just crazy.

because that's kind of one of the sought. one of the side effects of coming out of. like a you know the type of childhood. you come out of it's tough to be a. comedian is that then whenever you get. to a place and somebody's offering you. some you you're so please accept me yes. and that like kind of goes over into the. business sense yeah it's completely. really cost you um yeah this can cost. you ownership of things and you know it. can really kind of have you selling out. before you even know what's going on. exactly just wants so badly to be accept. accepted because think about it look at. all it first is like you do it a couple.

of Mike some guys do my show Oh God. except yeah then you get Montreal I got. Montreal it's not even about Montreal. you just want to be you want to be. invited the party but you don't actually. want to go you just want the invite yeah. you know and that's the whole show but I. got a special me everybody I got one you. know just me me me I feel better I'm. accepted I'm in the club yeah I'm okay. I'm okay. but the real okay is guys like Schultz. who go blow me industry I'm doing this. on the gram yeah and I'm if you go on. any you know pitch meeting go I got this.

guy fashion who does this right by the. camera there. how's that gonna make any money what's. the hook we need more diversity what are. you doing then he's gonna be like a. [ __ ] I'll do it on my own and people. love it yeah so that's the thing they. don't know but we act like they know. that they have no idea we're the ones. with talent right they stink yeah we. forget that sometimes yeah. they got nothing they just go where the. heat is yeah yeah it's interesting man I. like hearing that dude let's get a. question that came in right here that. Nick's got before we get to the question. I saw this was interesting we've talked.

about doctah bounty hunter a couple. times on this show he recently got in. engaged to one of best friends or he. proposed. yikes I didn't see it can we play the. video yeah I heard about this he just. followed me the other day on no. Instagram. oh that's excited so excited actually. everybody tweet dog and tell him we want. him on this past week sweet him and. Instagram him send him messages that. would be huge I would love to have him. man oh yeah it really relates him in a. lot of ways he feels like a genuine dude.

[Music]. he's right now. remain sure will you marry me. oh that's good TV a couple who see any. lovin you old bro oh I know that guy. works at the gas station by my house. we're not even joking the second guy's a. real girl. yeah looks like DJ Khaled did but also. another one go back a little more Nick.

right there oh yeah he does he looks. like a bad job yeah he does dude yeah. job job yeah it looks like yeah it looks. like DJ needs a salad that's how he. looks like but it says in the article. they had been dating for weeks and it. was pissing off the daughters but at the. end it says he never actually gave her. the ring and then evidently there is no. engagement but it's still a little messy. situation there she is and they're in. the wedding photo with Beth you can see. she's the number 2 number 2 best best.

best bridesmaid maybe it should've Honor. he needs like I need some help you know. I got a mourning my wife here and this. is the closest thing and maybe it's just. like a psychological move he really. loved that woman I mean it must really. be in love to be working with someone. have a grenade I mean the grenade they. had everything yeah it's constantly. working with somebody I mean that was. his life partner right there and working. in like tents like boot camp and via got. people in a headlock and she's holding.

their legs and he's kicking like that'll. really bond a couple of weirdos yeah and. he's sober I think to hiepro I think he. does a lot of recovery stuff oh yeah he. does a lot of stuff like supporting the. military yeah he seems like a good egg. yeah man I I could imagine look. especially you're getting older you've. like sometimes you have a wife you have. a girlfriend and there's somebody else. that you care about it's like that kind. of stuff never it may dissipate because. obviously you have to focus on your. marriage and stuff yeah maybe he just.

cared about this lady for a long time. and wanting to go yeah I'm sure he needs. somebody right now and he probably. doesn't know a lot of people he's an odd. dude so I'm sure he's got like a. community he kind of hangs with so boom. I'll just go to the next lady I'm not. saying it's right I'm just saying yeah I. mean it makes perfect sense yes yes if. she's friends with Beth then she's. probably got similar personality he. feels some comfort in her yeah well said. may and I uh yeah I don't know it'd be. nice to have him on I can't imagine. losing like your spouse but then I think.

some guys they lose they luckily lose. their wife and like oh look out yeah. well there's also guys who go too far. and they go throw a little left what do. you call that stuff. arsenic not ours leander antifreeze. Villani freeze in the in the oatmeal and. to freeze Annie yeah and it'll be a ice. cold in a minute what else we got Nick. oh here's me that was like you and Joe.

list [ __ ] yeah looks like me and Mike. Kaplan yeah yeah hey guys this questions. for mark mark I always see on Instagram. you riding around on the that moped of. yours through the streets of New York I. was wondering if are you known as like. the moped master you have any good. stories to share. kangay yeah burn up a pic of that there. Nick it's on my instant bring up that. ped you gotta see this hog of mine it's. a [ __ ] beauty. oh no she's nice oh that's sorry this is.

your friend Nikki she's a pig hold on. where's there it is look at that thing. come on right through New York on that. yeah that thing's badass it's it's 86. miles of the gallon it's light it's easy. it goes about 33 miles an hour top speed. I'm in the bike lane I'm in the regular. lane I'm all over the road in that thing. I get in spot to spot that's legal oh. yeah I mean I got a toad once and I had. to register it and all that and I gotta. buy a helmet oh yeah but it's a it's a. real fun piece huh that was a fun little. journey when I got towed you would.

listen I I yeah and your story yeah yeah. he documented going to get it and stuff. hey that's beautiful man right cost. about half the bike cost and it took me. like a week and a half but I got it out. and what are the cons of having that in. New York City a lot of cons that's the. thing a you gotta lock it up and people. want to steal it people want it my. neighbor's hate it because it's on the. sidewalk and I got a cover on it and. like it's so ugly so they're giving me. dirty looks the winner you can't ride it. so she's got to sit there and get snowed. on and [ __ ] it doesn't start all.

sometimes just doesn't start yeah so. there's all kinds of problems with it. but it's a gorilla huh. oh yeah 1986. Aurelia I have Italian guys stop me. going ahead words when I was a kid Oh my. wife's a gun she can't cook in all this. [ __ ] and I'm like a thank you [ __ ] but. uh I get a lot of that so that's a it's. a rare bike apparently go in Craigslist. I just happen to find a fun one. God man yeah it looks so amazing now out. here do you think it would be better to. have maybe but this is so sprawling I. can't get on the 405 with that Chooch.

that would be terrifying it'd be epic if. you did as well yeah I pull a Dean. Delray and flip over a car hood yeah. beautiful you got have you been in some. pretty bad accidents not one yet not one. hmm so when you think about when you. think about like doing like another. special or something I just shot one. last night you did yeah we'll see I mean. I just did on my own because I it Oh.

awesome so we'll see what happens I know. you think so. I guess you'll try and sell it and then. if not maybe we'll put the clips out. exactly yeah that's awesome so where. we're at now I've been doing the hour. for a while now and it's getting. embarrassing you need to go back to San. Francisco like we saw this last year. yeah so I'm like I got to drop it and. write new [ __ ] but nobody wants it I. kept waiting for someone to buy it but. nobody would give me an offer so I said. [ __ ] we'll shoot it that's crazy yeah. yeah well it's a weird times you know. yeah where'd you do it dynasty. typewriter we sold out two shows we said. [ __ ] it it's a theater it'll look good. Sandler did his there oh wow yeah so.

that's the new club that's downtown Los. Angeles yeah yeah right Sam's Club yes. the Haworth is the name of the theater. and really cool really sweet cute little. theater and it went great we got two. shows out of it and it's in the can. right now I gotta edit it oh here we go. here's the guy right here hey what's up. Theo what's up mark my name is Nick I'm. coming at you from Aurora Illinois the. snowy Midwest here it's really freezing.

right now but I had a question for the. both of you actually. Thea you talked a lot about on your show. and you have a lot of listeners calling. about like. anxiety and how to deal with in stuff. and my question for both of you was how. do you guys deal with the anxieties that. you may or may not have but continue to. still do your work and killing mark I've. seen you perform here in Chicago and and. you're amazing I watch all your guys's. YouTube videos and I'm a huge fan and so.

I'm just curious how you guys can keep. it consistent and still continue to do. so well in your field I don't want to be. a comedian myself but how do I apply. that to what I want to do and who I want. to be so that's my question I hope you. guys have a great day gang game game bro. what a sweet message huh. sexy hair I wish I had those locks I. mean he's doing fine if you ask me yeah. he looks like Thor I don't bang anxiety. if I had that dude Who am I gonna bang. yeah he's got a reverse widow's to look.

at that thing it's going the other way. Oh beautiful man great looking eyeballs. and a sexy Lorenzo lawmen half of the. women that I've dated yeah yeah no doubt. about it those eyebrows I leap on them. dude I want to [ __ ] a night in. Casablanca huh oh yeah oh he's hot my. god dude any more information about this. guy yes his address god I don't want to. condition this guy's hair with my. [ __ ] body sweat no I want Superman on.

top of me dude I want a [ __ ] man I. was gonna lay in his arms and say Clark. can't you no no Clark can yeah okay this. has got nothing sorry sorry it's a good. question man about anxiety yeah yeah. it's tough but I I go the other way. cuz he's like how do you deal with. anxiety I think you got a the more you. do the less anxiety you have yeah so if. you get over that hump of fear and doubt.

then the anxiety kind of goes away like. I get scared to do stand-up well that's. why I do it right and then you get up. there and it goes away so once you just. do it if you think about it how am I. gonna do it how's it gonna go that's. when the anxiety kicks in just do the. [ __ ] thing go do the open mic go ask. the girl out go do whatever oh it's so. true and then the interesting thing for. me is I may even hear you talk about. that that anxiety. if not that when I don't do something. and I just have the anxiety then it. turns into a little bit of shame for me. yeah oh dude the guilt yeah I totally.

have had you know a shame or a guilt but. yeah you're so right it's like geez guys. helping black kids in Africa oh it's. beautiful or South America Jesus who is. this hunk yeah you got nothing to be. anxious about man Nick manifesto Nick. this guy menace. yo man Nessie oh this Nicholas Menace. co-state he looks Greek on it might be. great man yeah he's like it looks like. an eagle Montoya prepared a you get in. the light man Wow.

dude I think if you show your Instagram. to a woman you have nothing to be. anxious about but it just goes to show. you man this guy can look like a Greek. god and a demigod probably and you're. inside you're all [ __ ] up yeah so then. what is it called. but that's right there you're right. though I think it's just that contrary. action you know and that's something. that they talk about in a 12-step stuff. a lot it's just like yeah it's thinking. about things laying in bed when you wake. up laying in bed worst thing you can do. because it's just this isolation.

isolation grows on itself. you know you think like oh I'm scared to. be around people and then you think that. you're by yourself for a couple days and. then you are then you are scared exactly. exactly yeah just go out and actually. take some action. yes contrary action it's like I don't. want to go for a run I'll go for a run. right now yeah I don't want somebody. invited me to the movie I don't want to. go I'm gonna go even though I don't want. to yes yes and then that that uncomfort. starts to go away dissipate and usually. you go oh this movie is great I'm so. glad I came yeah this wasn't so bad yeah. but if you don't go you're gonna really.

hate yourself yep and then it gets. easier over time you don't have as much. of that anxiety yeah this it's not we we. work anxiety I think it's just this. we're supposed to be like in motion and. I think some of it is just this. stagnating this coldest sacking of us. being doing stuff and connecting with. each other that energy had been alive. for so long and now it just has no place. to go right right I think kind of were. wired as humans if evolutionarily you. farm you get up you fight a bear you. have you [ __ ] your wife you raise your.

kids your farm you kill a bear you know. we have to survive we don't have to do. that. we got uber eats we got the granola bars. yeah so it's still in us so I think. that's why we're more anxious than ever. yeah you know because used to just go to. a factory you go home you crack a beer. you watch the football game you go to. bed you go to the factory you don't have. to do that [ __ ] even we're doing a pod. this is we're working right this is work. and then we're gonna go to the comedy. store and that's work yeah you know so. we don't have any struggle. you haven't have any struggle we don't. have a lot of a ton of human interaction. that yeah yeah but also there's a guy.

recently he's talking to me about that. we don't touch the earth as much as we. oh oh that's good no this energy of like. the energy is supposed to usually come. in and out of the ground and into our. bodies and like that's good it doesn't. happen that much Whitney and our podcast. talked about this practice that's. getting popular because of that called. grounding and it's just going barefoot. and walking in the dirt and going on. hikes but barefoot because that whole. thing I mean the moped what you know. everything my body's like what are you. doing what do you do you have a midlife.

crisis why are you buying this what do. you think you're a cool dude. and I get on that thing and it's. visceral I got the wind in my hair I can. feel the throttle I can feel the engine. heating up and my [ __ ] and everything. in the bumps and I'm Michael it's. poppin' and it's just great and I'm. leaving outside of cars it's. nerve-racking and I get to the spot and. I kind of go whoa I gotta take a minute. that was wild yeah you know I'm going. down Broadway in the best city in the. world and it's great the lights are. going by me I got a Chinese guy you know. passing me up I give him a honk he. doesn't wave back yeah and it's crazy.

and then I just get there I'm like well. I would have been on the subway with. earbuds in just sitting there looking at. some hobo you know like it you got to. get up and get out and do something. that's why I like woodworking is good or. like that's why these guys who Tough. Mudder and [ __ ] tough mudders just like. I got a I got this body full of muscles. and organs I gotta use it yeah you know. I gotta push myself you get out of try. you got a try cuz it's easy to not try. it's so easy Jesus is here you know. we're creating them yeah we've. definitely created Society in America. where it's easy it's like yeah just.

discomfort yeah everything's turning it. into a couch exactly and then boy when. VR gets in here it's over we're gonna. just VR a set and we go alright I killed. I'd have to leave the house you know. yeah people buy tickets and watch you on. in the virtual reality exactly and. that'll be it you're not gonna meet any. women you're gonna [ __ ] VR women and. it's gonna be over you'll just be. basically a passageway that food goes. through yes yes you're just [ __ ] and. eating [ __ ] and eating it's gonna be. crazy man yeah I mean look at what. people can account Leigh watch an MMA. fight you're like that's unbelievable.

that two guys can do that or two women. can do that yeah I could never do that. but the human body is capable of such. you see a guy on a snowboard do 80 flips. and land you're like I'm eating Cheetos. and fingering myself yeah dude yeah and. not even washing my hands between now my. [ __ ] is yellow and orange I got all. the dust on I remember Chester cheeto of. course I do um I saw Kelvin Gastelum. last night at the store I saw in your.

Instagram the fighter yeah he's really. on yeah one of the fighters EF fighter. of the eye and I got to be at that fight. I'd only been in one fight Joe of Joe. Rogan took me to a fight one time and. dude it was the craziest fight I was. with you you were there Atlanta yeah. yeah I remember we walked into his. cheeto me and you and we walked to the. arena and everybody went nuts for you oh. do you remember that and then I think. Poirier was yep or yeah yeah you were. there I remember Andrew was there I feel. so bad we hung out all day at the four. seasons and I remember after he won you.

guys like hugs I was like whoa do is big. Oh blue my mind yeah it made me feel. excited that's pretty exciting handle it. very well. oh [ __ ] hey how you doing you know but. you you you look cool oh cool man thanks. yeah dude that's the first time I saw. those guys just go through it so much. yeah and just walk through that tunnel. with Rogan let you know that oh yeah. that really with a button-down on you're. like what the [ __ ] and he just sits down. puts the headphones on he's like heat I. don't want to laugh he cracked him in. the jaw like whoa where am I it was.

sweat and AIDS is on you and [ __ ] and. Cheetos looking at a hot chick it was a. wild day that was a hell of a day. that's crazy I feel so bad that I forgot. the do you remember now is it coming. back got it all damn I gotta make some I. gotta say the n-word or something it. could stand out a little oh yeah if you. two roading down the n-word on his. favorite past it - well I remember that. I'll be doing that after the show tell. you that. who's the sober one between you I have. four beers in me that night I remember.

I had a big gulp the whole time a beer I. was probably nervous something about. that old environment made me nervous oh. I get it I got me got Rogan we're in a. [ __ ] SUV with Rogan remember that. that was terrifying were you really. there you just messing with me I was. there remember you came in with a teen. shopping bags member you were like I. went shopping and we chatted for like an. hour and then they came downstairs then. we all went together oh yeah we sat next. to each other at the fight that was. elbowing you and I remember I said some. things you really hate take it easy man. I was being too offensive I think oh.

yeah yeah yeah exactly I was making bad. jokes at the fighters like come on you. [ __ ] that's all you got your mom's a. [ __ ] you know I was just trying to get. into it and you were like shut the [ __ ]. up China I went for yay I was I wasn't. there and I remember Santino had to. leave early because he had a show in. Atlanta that night leave early yeah I. left early missed all the good [ __ ] yeah. I saw Korea but I missed that asagna. yeah man that was such yeah buddy yeah.

it was just wild to see that guy last. night I think he's one of the best of. all time I think he's like a special. fighter he's different. who honest on you yeah oh yeah I didn't. see him I mean just gasps a limb but. yeah honest I mean that fight was just. crazy watching those two men hit each. other forever oh yeah God wow man that. was like the best day of my life and to. you that was a blip in there in your. mullet lifestyle yeah nobody ever leave. early we're all like damn he has to. leave early to go suck you read all the.

skulls go yeah and it was brew dogs I. don't to leave I'd rather watch this. [ __ ] fight and go to the show but it was. fun it sold out good time I would try to. get us tickets to another fight man and. you know go that's do it that'd be. awesome. well fairly we really bonded to on that. couch Jase I gotta be more memorable no. I just probably just I was probably. thinking about myself. sure who is this couple of whites right. here what is this Segura and Rickles. who's that no I think that's Segura yeah.

who does that look like who's that guy. Ebert maybe an old Shoob who's the guy. the store opens it up alan arkin no. what's that guys no yeah. our Marcus Hamilton Argus Hamilton yeah. right good on him. named after obviously a couple of slaves. let's be honest oh yeah oh yeah yeah. good play. what's up Theo and gang the sub dark. we're a couple of Tuesday's all right I. know about your best night and your.

worst night performing comedy mmm I got. that for you thank you cute couple right. there yeah thank you guys. yeah you want to start Oh Oh tears man. all right well I've had a lot of great. nights I've had a lot of bad nights it's. hard to pick the top but I did the the. what is that. what's the arena here staples no no no. forum I did the forum once and that was. pretty unbelievers Schumer I don't know.

what is that 30,000 people or whatever. the [ __ ] it is Lee 20 22 maybe 22 yeah. it was unreal and it's in a circle and. just rocked it and it just everything. clicked I did the Patrice O'Neal benefit. and that was a good one with Bill burr. invited me which was like such an honor. and that just clicked I had a gun I went. third which is like the best spot in. this show and just kicked kicked it. right in the teeth and it just you know. when your timing is it the laughs and.

then you then the lad just worked um and. bill said some nice things after so that. was great but the worst probably two. months ago during Christmas I did a good. bunch of corporate gigs do you do. corporates I just did one this week. actually oh nice they're pretty they're. pretty different yeah they're not really. stand-up you just kind of like trying to. keep these people happy and get your. paycheck and get out of there yeah you. don't want to get any HR issues yeah yes. and I that's exactly what I did I had to. host a pharmaceutical award show big.

hotel ballroom you know like white. tablecloths fine china tuxedos. chandeliers and I'm host I got note. cards like a stack that's high of like. next up best sleep aid here the nominees. like I was that guy I had a podium and. everything and I had to study it and the. paycheck was insane they picked me up in. a limo drove me out to Philadelphia I. get there I'm supposed to do 15 minutes. of. they end up to open just to like get. them loose and then go into the award. shows clean but they knew my stuff they. watched all my YouTube and they're like.

we like your edge and all that [ __ ] so. just do you so I just play it safe I did. the sign I open for Seinfeld and I did. the Seinfeld set which you know nothing. cleaner than Seinfeld yeah so I go up. and out of the gate bom-bom-bom every. joke and I'm like girl let me pull out. some heavy-hitter these always work bomb. foolproof bomb so I'm like maybe I'll. get a little dirtier that's how I get. them I go I do a vibrator joke I study I. see a table of women get up and leave in. like a huff and I go that's not good. so I comment on them dry women huh yo.

yeah yeah these women were not into it. and so I am I get off to like I bring. these people up to like give a little. speech about some kind of [ __ ] drugs. they're selling and I get off and the. CEO of the whole thing is yelling at me. and he's like how could you say that. about my wife and I'm like I don't even. know your wife is and he's like my wife. is offended get the hell out of here. you're fired you're done that was like. wait what what are you talkin a tuxedo I. rent the tux from Joseph a banks so I'm.

like what so I go up to like the curator. lady and she's like she's crying as he. yelled at her first and he's like she's. like you gotta go you gotta go we're. gonna find someone else to host it the. whole that's three more hours in the. show and I just had to get in a car and. go back to Philly no I mean go back to. New York brutal I studied and all this. [ __ ] it was like a fine. lobster steak dinner and it was like so. high-end and this was a big production. with like a you know a sound booth guy. and the lighting guy and the waiters all. this [ __ ] and I just had to leave over a.

joke she thought it was offensive to. women but the joke is so blah it's like. so innocuous but what's the joke the. joke is uh my girl use a vibrator and. you I say I feel like I uh I feel like. I'm obsolete now cuz the vibrant is. better than me I feel like this she's at. CVS I'm an employee there and she's. using the self-checkout you know and I'm. like hey if you need a hand I'm your man. you know like I feel like I'm losing my. job now I'm like these robots are taking. our job blah blah blah and I'm the loser. in the joke yeah you know I.

she's the vibrator is better but she. took that as some of he's probably. gotten laid since 88 yeah taken out. me she's repressed she's gay I don't. know what's going on so I got I got the. the old boot yeah brutal but I got paid. oh you did you pay I got paid a good. agent. good agent yeah and it wasn't my fault. like I did the the material that did on. Conan you know so it's TV [ __ ] yeah that. doesn't sound good lady had some kind of. issue maybe she was having used a. vibrator a lot and things weren't going. well or something I think something was.

up yeah she want to get railed by a. puberty Wilson or something was going on. and everybody in that crowd is probably. on opioids. yeah they're [ __ ] drug dealers. lectured me about morality and [ __ ] like. you guys sell pills oxy cotton to people. they get hooked and in Boston and then. they do heroin kill themselves like I'm. the bad guy telling zingers yeah you're. [ __ ] you're trying to get sohma's. into Lunchables yeah great that's what. I'm saying what the priorities we're all. out of whack you know something for some.

reason jokes really hit people like hit. a nerve with people I don't know what it. is but like I noticed that we booked I. noticed sometimes things will get me. edges like I'm like oh um like I'm. reacting to things like I am becoming. part of the problem that I even Skol I. think we're all human right I noticed. this sometimes I'm like though like damn. this thing really has me like bent this. is somebody's tweeters I really do it. like what's going on here right right. like the white male straight white male. blah blah and you're like that's about.

me yeah just like yeah I don't know. sometimes I found myself getting like. trigger by [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah what. happens it happens but you go alright. I'm triggered and you're not gonna go. get somebody fired right you would never. do that now you would go [ __ ] why did. that bother and you gotta sit with it a. little bit maybe but just to have that. gut reaction to just like ruin this guy. [ __ ] you you made me feel weird for one. second you're done yeah that's a crazy. instinct well we've given thing that's. going on is there's something that's. making us why do we feel weird like why.

like the feeling of us feeling weird. about something has been magnified so. yeah it used to be like somebody told a. joke it made me if maybe maybe we feel a. certain type of way or something a. little bit that was very small I was. more focused on how is this gonna make. me laugh yeah just even sometimes I. would pretend a lie. yeah of course just to eat just to enjoy. myself yes yes now there's this whatever. the muscle or the react the reactor. inside of us that wants to wants to be. upset yeah that thing is stronger now.

yeah yeah that's true you're right. that's a good point it's just it's. become stronger I think because the more. comfort you have the less tough skin you. have maybe like we were so used to. comfort that when you feel a little bit. of discomfort you're like oh this is. weird I gotta put it I gotta shut this. down and I think people like cancelling. and like being morally superior on. Twitter and just shouting out a guy I. think makes you feel good also it gives. you a little power like I got that guy.

kicked off SNL how cool am i I'm great. teas races I'm great. yeah I saw an interesting thing I don't. want to say any names but I was at the. comedy [ __ ] Rivers I said a comedy club. in New York and we're all talking. hanging out this lady was there she's an. LA comic and Shane Gilles walked up and. he goes hey yeah she goes hey I'm will. say Leslie and he goes yeah I know you. are you [ __ ] on me on Twitter after the. whole thing breaker. no no and he goes she goes I did who are. you she don't you know who he was and he. goes I'm Shane Gillis and she said oh.

really wow you know I never ah I was. just you know going with the flow. everybody was [ __ ] on you I just. jumped on the bandwagon like I never put. it together now that we're face-to-face. it's weird and he was like yeah again. it's cool and that was it but it was. cool seeing it in real life right not. just you know screens right so that was. fun because we the screens can make you. do anything you got no remorse yeah you. suck kill yourself. you know and then they do it you got. [ __ ] that's real it's the same thing in. you know what that goes it's the same. thing with pornography it's like yes.

yeah of course way yeah if that were a. real person you wouldn't be behaving. that way because you have a wife or you. have a garage right because it's on this. screen it makes it its distant right its. distant but it still has this residual. effect and then the effect that you see. in the world from that like it's so. funny when that when people were ripping. on re the other day when it first. happened you know getting an re Shaffir. and cancel em and then the funniest part. to me was people calling him a white. supremacist that's the go-to now all. right I think sometimes he's kind of a.

Jewish supremacist I think. I'm sure all new Act you know yeah it's. always would be a good name for it yeah. that's what Judaism in in itself is. supreme' they call themselves the chosen. one yeah well you think you're better. than me you [ __ ] Jew yeah I thought. the chosen one was Carmelo Anthony yeah. ain't no he also thought the first time. were Carmelo Anthony is it well I. thought it was a candy dude and I was. like a blue caramel oh oh did he not. have a bar I know that sounds great I'd. have two of them yeah it made me uh but.

I started he guy was like oh yeah people. are pissed at Ari man he fought and I. just noticed my brain starting to go. down this little yeah what happens it. happens he really [ __ ] up you know. what's going like it's the mob and tell. with the torches and you go oh we're. burning this lady let's burn her. yeah don't burn me from there you had to. be there and do that's true that's true. now you got you know Larry ruckus. sitting on his couch. he worked ever and he's like you know he. has twenty forty thousand tweets right.

if you have over eleven thousand tweets. dude I should give you an amount per. year yes there you go you really want to. use one on this this little situation. I'm her one time in high school I was. hanging out my friend he's like my he. didn't go to my high school we went to. his football game yeah and I'm sit in. the stands and you start rooting that's. not my school I don't give a [ __ ] I. don't care what happens to these kids. will you start rooting and it's the same. thing it's you want to be a part of. something yeah you know you get on. Twitter you know my whole thing with. like the re stuff and all this can't.

like I just don't care like who gives a. [ __ ] yeah I already said something crazy. all right so what go go buy your. groceries go jerk off go hug your kids. right who has that much who has too much. time to care yeah I like thinking about. it like it's interesting to think about. why it happened what sure what's going. on like if there was something in his. head if he thought before like but. you're already a step ahead if you're. sitting back and thinking not. everybody's just going off just gut like. primal monkey [ __ ] you're thinking about. it it's this weird thing that we want to.

be yeah you're right I want to find a. way how do I be better than this person. yeah why does this bother people why did. he do it what's he trying to get out of. it like that's already you're you're. better off your mind is a little more. open it's interesting try to keep it. open again it can get closed pretty. quick but yeah. well it's easy to go gut it's so easy. yeah and we always go the easy road you. know I had a tweet that had to pull down. and thankfully I did I mean some lady I. said Lakers and nicker and Knicks you. know on the television the other day and.

they thought she said the n-word do you. see that yeah so right after I was like. people started sharing that so I took. the some guys like can you believe this. lady said this she needs to be ruined. right or whatever and I was like I had a. tweet it was like so what you know no. matter how many times she says that are. something is not gonna bring him back. you know and kind of like edgy funny you. know heavy stuff from the feed but. immediately let me make sure that's. exactly what I said so what it's not it.

still won't bring him back yeah like. that was this ridiculous idea sure that. if you said the n-word enough who would. bring somebody back from the dead right. right. you hear the lady say it yeah let's do. it. million five views it did sound like it. really good oh I think that they.

adjusted the audio in that one it is a. little bit of pause yeah there's a bit. of a hitch of the video right see what's. crazy is so 1.5 million people if they. did adjust that audio you have no idea. and then they and now 1.5 million people. think that the lady said that and is she. fired or what happened I don't think so. she did an apology Chris D'Elia had a. good tweet I think yesterday or this. morning earlier today while reporting. D'Elia has good takes on like just. reality yeah because we get all worked.

up and [ __ ] and then he's like he just. kind of cuts to the this is dumb and you. know it and this is why yeah he's like. anybody yeah imagine thinking she. actually was so secretly racist and you. just want to virtues signal you feeling. guilty about your own racism want people. to think you're not a racist right I. think there's some truth to that agreed. 100% like you know you make a joke about. watermelon so my goes hey that's racist. you're like I don't even mention black. people you went there yeah what's your. brain doing. yeah some of that stuff's ridiculous and.

that's where I think sometimes Hollywood. gets all cornered up because they've. shut themselves as painted themselves. into this incapable space to be human. yes well said so true and that's why I. come out of the gate going I'm a piece. of [ __ ] I suck I'm a degenerate I like. blow and [ __ ] you know because I I. don't want to fall into that world it's. funny though cuz it's true yeah like it. feels like those guys in Hollywood are.

all on a reality show and you said [ __ ]. so now you're you're out the house you. got eliminated you're done like louis. c.k got eliminated you know you're like. ah just eliminate me now like I don't. want to play I don't want to be in the. house yeah I just want to do blow yes. [ __ ] in the yard on there right right and. I'm not a bad guy and I have no. homophobic daughter I don't even give a. [ __ ] but but I've noticed that the. ballbusting because New York has gotten. kind of so woky and everything that the. ballbusting is gone LA it used to be. like tough crowd patrisse Colin Quinn.

DePalo Norton Keith Robinson that those. days are over you know the Paulo's gone. wacky political Colin Quinn's gone. one-man show whatever but like the ball. busting now is you guys you and D'Elia. and Swardson and Shaab and Callen and. those guys are all making fun of each. other and it's it's nice to see it again. it's all gone LA somehow yeah I do. notice sometimes like yeah it is uh like. it specially on King in this thing is. it's a fun place where we can like just.

rip each other. yeah I know and we have all selfie we. have other people like we have a little. bit of diversity on there so it's like a. fun place where we can talk about you. know joke about race and write like I'm. growing up do it I remember if you said. the n-word. that's how if somebody beat your ass. that's how you knew if you could say it. or not right right yeah that's how you. knew yeah but it was a lot of intent to. like not intent but you could feel oh. the heat behind it you know like I said. this on Rogen but in my neighborhood you. could feel it if it's the same words.

like [ __ ] you white boy and then yeah. [ __ ] you white boy it's the same words. but it was a way different feeling like. if I was on a basketball court and I. heard the first one I was like I'm out. of here. right here the second one and I'm get a. guy in a headlock and noogie him right. off vitriol noogie please yeah trio whoo. Johnson one of them has yeah it's good. if I was like Michaels some of the. craziest names oh yeah growing up oh. yeah but now I'm like dude some like you. gotta have a unique name and a lot of.

his freakin dope you know yeah of course. you stand out but now hongki's have gone. like Gwyneth Paltrow's got a kid named. Apple yeah so we have our own white. version of weird they got like de quante. or whatever the [ __ ] and we got like. lighthouse I think it's Jason Lee's kid. his named lighthouse that's insane give. that a give that a goog there will you. NIC lighthouse if they did lighthouse. for the blind I would love it. also how risky to put a light you'd. leading the blind right next to the. program water bro Yeah right damn that.

was GPS back in it every time I see that. Adam like this is insane man how does. this end you know right blind people you. ever think about like they just got a. deal with that we had a girl in here a. blonde person what yeah really. yes one of my most popular episodes I. mean just talking about what it was like. she said she can relate sometimes to. computers because that's how her brain. feels it's like the more it goes along. certain paths and stuff yeah more it. gets used and gets comfortable in that. path and like knowing what's going on. interesting how key like sound is to.

them yeah of course and how they can. feel how other people are feeling a lot. whoa are we talking about the actor. Jason Lee I thought so he's got one name. Casper one they call birdie oh maybe I. had the wrong guy passwords pretty. intense somebody's got a wacky name like. light house or light fixture light beer. I can't remember. I might have lighthouse wrong it could. be a ferry maybe you ever take that. ferry over there from New Orleans over.

to the West Bank. yeah sure Mardi Gras world that would go. there yeah I used to take that with my. dad all the time I love that Ferry was. like a buck yeah that was good times. yeah that thing was good never accosted. a dollar to get into New Orleans from. the West Bank. every day those my friends are to pay a. buck to get into the city they got rid. of that but that was weird as a kid like. damn that's kind of shitty to the. wankers yeah it really is kind of yeah. got a pain to get in here yeah you have. to come over there to work and you also. got a pen yeah because it was like that. come from and Aviles I get it pay yeah.

uh oh really it was a dollar and then. was a dollar fifty on each side Danny. then eventually it was just three. dollars in one way Dan so the other way. you did enough to stop eating paid three. dollars up top longest bridge in America. yep I think it was the longest bridge in. the world for a while and then Japanese. built one longer I got caught on that. bridge about to get murdered mm-hmm I. don't have you heard about this but we. were stopped on the causeway because I. we were getting chased by this guy who. was trying to kill us.

me and a couple high school friends and. there was an accident on the causeway so. it was gridlocked so the car had to park. and we're like [ __ ] and he got out he. was like shaking the car he was like a. big buff guy and we were like three. squirrely Catholic school kids and he. had a knife he was like slicing the side. of the car up and luckily the cops at. the wreck saw it and like tased him and. pulled him down and a cuffed him that's. amazing it was wild but I was like going. the cause but he won't follow us because. it's too long but then there was a. [ __ ] wreck that causeway man.

that was a whole nother world over there. where you live I was like I don't know. what goes on in Covington and Mandeville. and all that [ __ ] that was a I didn't. know what that was God just why I got. what yeah I was just kind of suburban. and then it just got a little bit weird. the further you got out yeah well I went. to LSU for a while a bunch of guys I. live with we're from Mandeville and. these were tough rambling dudes like. they could fish and skinned of Fox and. like you know fight and you know smoking. weed would really be worthy one guy was. in Gabe McCormack one guy was him Jared.

Smedley these were like like backyard. right rough-and-tumble kind of guys yeah. like cage any dudes yeah and I was glad. I was friends with him because they were. like tough dudes they saw him fistfight. all the time. oh wow yeah like that would headbutt a. dude and they'd be wearing polo shirts. and a woven belt and just knock a guy. out of the football game like Dan they. were like my size they weren't big guys. or anything just braids they had a. little bit of bravery huh yeah they. would had they had like their own knives. that knives in the room and you know. make knives.

yeah yeah it was like prison II yeah you. know yeah no weird scar on their head. and [ __ ] good guys yeah yeah they knew. how to make up. out of a log and [ __ ] yeah be wrong yeah. that P wrong man oh yeah they could. catch a crab with their hand out of. water and like they could pick up a rock. and go all right the winds going that. way like they knew it they were almost. like a little Cherokee in their ass yeah. it was interesting I think a lot of. people have a little bit and they put a. little chunk of mud under their tongue. you know Pisces or not exactly exactly.

yeah and I came from the city so I was. like I don't know what the [ __ ] this is. you know but uh yeah cool cool guys LSU. did you enjoy your time over there what. was it like I did but I lived in a house. with four guys and we had a hot tub and. a beer pong table so I failed I fell out. of three colleges and I eventually got. into southeastern and I finished online. hell yeah dude hey you're a lion I guess. I guess so yeah yeah dude from hamon. yeah it was a good school I liked it. it's a good school man it's a nice.

little place of it I went over there to. a pumpkin carving contest one time oh. nice we drove over there practice for. months dude yeah I got everything I just. got to nervous and ate [ __ ] ah I just. did Lafayette and they were like do was. just here it was like the talk of the. town oh yeah I did a that was a holiday. no Doubletree Hotel Jason Leonard's got. this show and it's killer it's like 300. plus seats great show and they were like. Theo was just here and I was like I. don't do it was fun oh that's cool yeah.

people ask about you all the time man. come on they do they're always like oh. yeah you and Marc normal are for the. same place right you guys you probably. one of the most requested people who. have had to have on the podcast I'll. take it. I think people expect me because I'm. from New Orleans to be like I come in on. a gator and I got a [ __ ]. three-cornered hat on and [ __ ] you know. but yeah it was just a city yeah we ate. weird food I guess and listened to. zydeco and Mardi Gras and Mardi Gras. that was the best two weeks of school. what you did I mean st. Charles Avenue.

oh yes so much fun never seventh Street. that's where all the kids hung out do. drugs and get drunk and make out and. finger girls and each other out by the. bushes and all that [ __ ] and I remember. making out with a girl who had cigarette. breath and it was like so hot to me. because she was so like adults. yeah good times guy that's fun and you. could drink outside there I got it I got. knocked out on st. Charles one time dude. I got knocked out on st. Charles but. least circle oh [ __ ] what was it a tall. blond hair dude like two like I mean 230.

pounds yeah now I wish it was like a. college guy just like a fat doughy you. know chunky white guy you could have. beat that guy try to beat him or not he. snuck me as knees to say that's that's. one thing I don't like that happens in. Louisiana yeah yeah sneak [ __ ]. that's the kind of [ __ ] that I did not. like that happened a lot all the time. yeah I was it was a weird story I mean a. couple friends were hanging out drinking. and these kids like older kids a little. boy caught a spear and the spear was. like a big one that was like a big.

ticket item and more nice yeah they were. nice and you caught one of those like oh. [ __ ] well done yeah and these older kids. were like give me the [ __ ] spear. Kenny was like no it's mine and we're. like hey you leave the kid alone it's a. spear what are you crazy like you're 18. 19 20 what are you crazy and then who. the [ __ ] are you so they start pushing. us so we start pushing them and then one. of my friends got pushed and this is. like out of a movie the other guy. squatted behind him like an ottoman he. fell over oh so they start stomping on. my Donati's yes I got hit and I go down.

and I remember see I'm laying on the. sidewalk looking at my friend getting. smushed by like a Doc Martin yeah you. know and I was like this is bad. so we lost pretty quick we had the one. black friend who was swinging away but. uh the cops came and broke it up and. we're like alright well that was crazy. we're all banged up and shipped we're. like uh what are you gonna do give me. another beer and then we go walk like a. block and I'm talking to my girlfriend. at the time and she goes I think I think. that's one of those guys and I was like.

huh and I looked the wrong way and he. was running this way running start hit. me I went out and pissed myself Oh. which is the most embarrassing thing I. mean not only getting knocked out but. urinating and you see done that so much. as a child I guess I guess I got a weak. dick stop piss stop or something I got. no cork yeah and I went out and I was. laying on like drooling and pissing on. myself which is pretty embarrassing and. I woke up like two minutes later and my. girlfriend like get out of here like. swinging her purse. worse oh I'd rather look like you owe me. the night girlfriend standing there.

saying get out of here brutal man yeah. oh I was brutal man that's worse do cuz. that ruins your Marty girl you know. completely and I had a [ __ ] egg whap. right here it was rough and yeah that. was bad like have lunch with my mom the. next day she's like what happened I was. like I fell down the stairs I got hit by. a doorknob brutal brutal it humbles you. yeah it definitely makes you think about. yeah like yeah you get it you get. knocked around a couple times you get a. little bit wiser yes say at a certain. situation definitely don't ask questions.

don't run your mouth you can notice when. things are just starting to yeah yeah oh. yeah you can fit a spidey sense is. tingling and I saw been those [ __ ]. Baton Rouge guys were daint they would. kick you in the face yeah like at a bar. and [ __ ] like in the parking lot there. the fights out there well why I've got. more risque yeah there ton of fights at. LSU man oh yeah I remember being in a. parking lot one time and somebody threw. a beer bottle and went right by my head. I was like it's nobody I didn't know. anybody was like somebody's it's cray. you know I'm just not I have aspirations.

um dude yeah I remember one time we're. walking down the street in this big. white dude I think he was on steroids. and he walked past us and was me and a. couple of my buddies and he goes oh he. turned rise like when y'all called me. the n-word and we're lying no way dude. I'm not blind. yeah bloody crazy yeah bro he [ __ ]. decks one of my buddies right oh [ __ ].

yeah they had like a piece of just a. piece of like I was like a not a 2x4 but. like it may be a 1x2 or something like a. really thick dowel rod right there just. leaning on this phantoms Mardi Gras. somebody made a sign and left it I just. picked it up and just snap this guy with. it really yeah he hit me he had my buddy. that didn't knock him down here who is. this n-word this white Edward is a beast. bro it did not know this guy was huge. man something like he was just.

unbeatable you know yeah it was like the. first time you get to like this super. like them like the balls are yeah like. oh I don't know where he jumps right. yeah I gotta play it a few times to get. his rhythm yeah yeah you know this cows. and some girls pull up the only girls we. even knew they we had any chance with. their Mardi Gras pull up and the like. and for some reason I kind of like. falling off to the side of the fight and. like hey what do you guys do and it was. like like all this guy was it look like. we're doing no joke the girl goes okay.

well we're just gonna find a place to. park for parking I like that gal she's. not fazed by [ __ ] so maybe like crack me. right in the middle of the head and just. horrible big red well yeah yeah and I. got some ass out of a thing and tried to. fake that a Schwinn Oh. smart smart move you should have gone. full Muslim just to put that dot down. there Wow. he got you right here oh man he got me. right there man and yeah it definitely.

kind of woke me up like it shook my head. a little sure it almost made me feel. pretty cool yeah you get a rush and you. feel alive yeah yeah like oh right oh. man I can get knocked out yeah it's very. primal you know like we grew up and I. grew up when we evolved fighting yeah. and so it's something in yeah yeah you. picked that stick up pretty quick yeah. you weren't like should I pick up the. stick you just went for it. yeah it was fun hitting him too right in. the neck I bet I can't believe that. didn't knock him out Oh knocking down at. least no not this guy yeah I heard him. about 40 times for me to go down Wow.

it was right here was the worst part. right when I picked it up I realized it. wasn't that strong it was like I wished. it was like limbs II wasn't that sturdy. yeah that's it was almost like slapping. somebody with a piece of wood you got a. guy like a paint stirrer that sucks he. just made a man right they started. blinking like on the screen good right. right you needed a flower to fireball. damn what else did we cover everything.

Nick you got anything any questions uh. all the good ones you the other ones you. kind of answered in within conversation. oh all right all right. hope we weren't too serious hope there. was some meet some yuxin all right yeah. I thought it was fun man it just also. just nice to get to chat we never really. got to sit on a chat that much it's the. beauty of pods man it brings people. together like I have friends who I don't. see unless we podcast. it's kind of sad but we're working we're. always busy yeah what's it like at the. cellar these days over there it's. different it's definitely more you know.

diverse and like spread out and no one. calls anybody on [ __ ] which I think like. I'm all for diversity and I'm all for. our new people and hanging out and. different voices but it was a it was a. better place when you were more honest. now it's like well this is a gay trance. or whatever so I'm not gonna push it. right you know but he might have a hacky. joke that I heard before but I'm like I. don't want to just ruffle any feathers. cuz I don't wanna seem like I'm this guy. right so I think is worse that's not.

progress right I thought about treat. everybody equally but we're so nervous. about stepping on toes and being called. phobic this and that so like that part's. weird man yeah that seems like a really. tough environment yeah like back and a. Patrice would go what the [ __ ] is that. hat you know and you can't do that now. he's like I don't know if that hats a. [ __ ] garb or yeah that's like a. service hat right right right now I'm. classist or some [ __ ] so yeah it's it's. different you got to watch your P's and. Q's where before it was like you just. kind of shot from the hip which I think.

there's some goodness to that you know. yeah you don't a football coach who's. going hey yeah everything was great now. you got a guy go hey you [ __ ] that up. do that again get down on four knees and. this and that take a knee whatever but. yeah so we're missing that part but it's. still a great club yeah oh yeah man that. place is legendary have you worked there. ever yeah. Schumer and Neal Brennan helped me get. past there nice all right it's I mean. it's a tight comedy box laughs Oh nurse. even when I went back there last time. look like maybe four months ago up a.

street I don't even go perform I just. went by to say and I was just like so. nervous just see ya and there it's weird. I mean the store used to be like that. but the stores kind of gotten more. welcoming yeah yeah definitely yeah I. think well there's so many comics so. there's so many people there usually at. night ya know a lot more people now. right right that helps yeah I mean you. definitely people you know you see. Martin only people like oh yeah right. I'm not gonna lie to you like a couple. years ago I'd see you and just like uh I. don't know anybody was like high school. at the cafeteria like we have some. connection I need you but you were doing. [ __ ] you were busy and I was like all.

right no I gotta I gotta learn to just. sit here alone damn but you know you. know how it is when you're your. different you want to [ __ ] cling to. some guy oh yeah totally yeah it's funny. it's like the things that we it's like. so easily like if you know like say like. a missile hit oh be interesting to see. how quick people got into like no what. would it make attract people to. different people and get into certain. groups and cliques for sure for sure I. always say like remember World War 3 was. about to happen you know but Trump. everything with Iran yeah yeah and. everybody's like this is awful and you.

know everybody's got jokes about it I'm. like it's not that bad if you're. checking your retweets you know if. you're checking your retweets it's not. really an emergency we all pretend like. we're living in this crisis time and. everything's gonna fire around us you. know but if you're going here's my Trump. joke how's that doing things aren't that. bad. if your house is on fire you're not. tweeting [ __ ] you know what I mean. so that's how you kind of know if things. are really bad and then of course it. would turned into nothing and nobody. cared. ten minutes later but yeah I feel like.

that's a good point cuz people are gonna. my dad used to always say we need a war. we need a war people are black for his. way rich versus poor men versus women we. need a war to bring us all together. which is not a great mentality but I. thought about that before yeah like you. need some kind of common enemy like we. used to hate the Nazis then we hated the. Russians and you know you got to have. some kind of bonding factor which we. don't really have anymore buddies doing. their own [ __ ] you got a pod he's got a. web series. she's a diorama yeah he's got an easel. he's like I got a compass.

that's a Demetri Martin reference yes. guys know what's going on here we should. do a show I would love that it'd be. great we could sell out the mahalia or. uh that's pretty big that Sanger might. be cool Oh me you Patton I can be fun. fun I can be fun my uh my dad's kid from. his first marriage bought that place. yeah he owned that Keystone that bar. right there on your shirt my dad's son. from his first marriage yeah oh so a.

half-brother yeah there's like he died. he's accidentally died in the woods he. accidentally got shot but he was like 68. or 70 I think yeah once ago they must. been a big hitter I mean he did it yeah. they did well it was crazy because we. didn't have anything yeah this old dad. and he had this other family from you. know 30 years earlier that's wild and. they owned. Tipitina's and they owned like all this. nice stuff so could you come into town. and get kind of wined and dined no damn. but I had like a common enemy though. haha [ __ ] them.

there you go you know yeah my half bro. yeah I hooked me up with some tickets. yeah get me in there do you don't want. to see uh Disco Biscuits tonight how. does he bag of doughnuts yeah remember. them oh do remember them they played. nine of my prom are the only band them. yeah album out yes and we had better. than Ezra I think better that's what I. really liked I did to do the wet grass. falling a step behind that's all I knew. yeah me too.

uh dude bagging dude first of all cowboy. mouth they can't play everything dude no. be it nine things if you're alright they. be at a um I see you open yeah they. would be listening yeah everyone Mitzvah. yeah going on then they had the. radiators was a big radiators they open. up a restaurant in the North Shore. Mandeville called Mandy's restaurant oh. [ __ ] I didn't know real biscuits brought. so good all right Franklin the radiators. owns it and then they had a what was the. oh the brass band rebirth rebirth.

rebirth was big. rebirth yeah about ten years ago or. twelve years ago they really like out on. a national level yeah that's right they. played on all the football games and. stuff Wow. good for them I used them in my first. special I played rebirth to open it up. oh really yeah dude I've played Ricky B. oh oh shake it for you here of course I. grew up on that song yeah bounce wrap. yeah was it partners in crime people. yeah [ __ ] go yes and they all had.

danced certain dances with it [ __ ] I. knew all that stuff dude they played I. don't let him hoes bro no joke at my. uncle's funeral how crazy is that. like that's Louisiana day yeah yeah we. used to go to a [ __ ] uh what was that. a me so horny was that band 2 Live Crew. oh oh that's a great show yeah one of. them was on Tom Segura podcast recently. oh [ __ ] your mom says live I think. Lonnie live or whatever that man's name. was oh wow.

might have been crew I don't know who it. was one of them dude yeah good time what. back it done they were pretty good I. wonder if they like moved on and did it. with a in and they were always shooting. toilet paper at the right there that's. all a paper gun yeah that's it that. support people didn't take them as. serious right they became like hype men. yes yeah yeah they were a great like I. remember they come over to the North. Shore and play and people would go nuts. go nuts just come yeah I saw a frat. party and I was like how'd you get them. oh yeah you guys have some money yeah or.

who's I got I don't want to work and I. got ha afroman. he was big I don't think he was from. there but he blew up there. wanna be my yeah bro I saw him one time. he was so drunk on a stage he vomited in. his hat and just threw it off the back. of the stage and just kept saying damn. at old Miss University Wow I saw him. live once and he had all these other. songs everyone's kind of like alright. then he played I got high everyone's. like and anyway back the other one we're.

like alright let's get out of here I. felt bad for that's all they wanted to. hear I mean let's be honest. do ya man and one thing I loved about. being around Louisiana especially one. was just going to get oyster that was. something that's nice all the time. Louisville of an oyster on the half. shell not people won't like it yeah it's. crazy I mean I get it is a gooey snotty. thing out of a shell it's got a weird. consistency it's like a loogie is gay. but a girl will give a [ __ ] being and. have an oyster dude I'm out of here the. point yeah so no I'll break it always.

try to the fridge just to see what her. vibe is right yeah yeah I love him but. uh you got I think you got to grow up. with him yeah same with Croft if you're. like why do you waste time it's so I'm. like it's about to hang we're at a table. we got a keg of beer we're throwing. shells in the hole in the table it's. great yeah everybody's sign it. everybody's got sinuses yeah uncle came. over and he's in a boot right right. that's a crazy slow walking right. [ __ ] buzz aldrin shows up yeah your.

Nana's there you gotta peel him for her. she's friends with Rosa Parks you know. you can't even see yeah Rosa Parks is my. nickname for Cam Newton oh I like it. there pretty good that's pretty good. with the headdress. okay he's high he's a hot hot black man. what do you think happens to Drew Brees. man you have any insight I think he had. a good run I think his hair is going and. I think he's a cool dude and he's great. for the city but I mean I think time has. come yeah what do you all think it man I.

mean he completed 73 percent of his. passes last year that's the crazy part. that's great right yeah yeah yes no I. like drew I'm a big guy he's like the. mayor you know if he came down to. Orleans and I in a convertible and just. waved I mean the [ __ ] shut buildings. would shut down and people jump out of. windows oh he's the guy yeah he's fun to. watch on this game he has his kids and. stuff oh I gotta what I gotta follow. three or four kids on there he's got. three little boys and a little girl does.

he does he know you I'll tell you this. the only time I ever met him was at. lucey's huh Scott Fujita who was a. football player for the Saints brought. him out to the comedy show one night at. lucey's Wow my fiance's doing this Scott. afterwards act he stayed for the whole. show three I guess the worst lonk 22. comedian got him a corn bread yeah red. bean dust Muppet rude boy yeah. arteriosclerosis do this black set of.

twins she actually he was Greek I think. Cheerios that sounds more Greek um yeah. that was a [ __ ] show. man they brought and then afterwards. Scott said oh hey this is our this is. the new quarterback this is your this is. Drew Wow so you saw a young drew and he. was nice yeah he just show can see I. don't have had and nobody knew who he'd. know buddy was maybe people knew but. nobody like nunu nunu yeah yeah. by the way it's gotta suck to be Scott. Vegeta because everybody's going fajita. now for Jada yeah. fajita Vegeta unless you open up a.

restaurant editor. yeah it's sizzling Fujita's yeah yeah. that's not bad come get these Fujita's. in your mouth I love is there anything. better than if I heat a plate that. sizzle coming out you know yeah the. piping hot it's it's bubbling and. crackling and got the smoke everybody at. the tables jealous like damn man I got. looking at wonton yeah I got enchiladas. here you're sizzling yeah I used to. think it was a Mexican birthday cake. when they brought it I didn't know what. was going on right now it shows up and. you blow on it yeah you make a wish uh.

mark Normand thanks for coming in man. when are you coming up where you gonna. be coming up in school Wednesdays come. out tomorrow oh great I'm at the La. Jolla Comedy Store tonight okay great. and all weekend and I'm doing the the. road and I'm finally selling tickets for. the love of Allah Jesus but I'm all my. dates are on mark Normand comedy calm. are they and um I got in my own podcast. called Tuesdays with stories see me in. New York follow me on Instagram queef. anal semen go nuts we'd love to have you.

I'm all over the road this year so just. don't drive behind it yeah yeah yeah. I've been drinking so be careful up. there but I'm on a moped so yeah I. killed me more I kill you. you name it I'm coming Chicago Utah. Royal Oak all the good ones okay cool. thank you guys yeah thank you guys for. being here man thanks mark. yeah it's bumming.

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brake. and let myself. [Music]. [Music].