Magnet Love | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #482

all. right this do it don't have to be. perfect. guys you know it's just. life it's just life I'm talking to. myself really but also. um whoever's listening it doesn't have. to be perfect baby it's just. life the Perfections already been. done that's one thing I got to remember. a lot of times the. perfection.

has already been done by a higher power. I'm just I don't have I yeah I just got. to show up and. just and just try my best baby. um happy valentine to you that's what's. going on this love baby you could you. know you could hear. uh Cupid drawing that bow. back.

and you don't know where he is he could. be on a. rooftop he could be in a. backyard you'll be walking along and. then what's. that and next thing you see baby you. gonna want. to you going to want to hump baby you. know what I'm talking about you gonna. want to hump it or do something with it. or just rub up against it God show me. something God but that's who cupid is.

baby koopid out there he with that he. got that thing on him he got that Draco. that love bow on. him you get hit he's the damn Chris Kyle. of love. just. just and I look he look I think they. should put a a CIT on every building in. the. town and let him just start popping off.

and just light the world up with love. baby that's what I would like to. see cuz sometimes look man you don't you. know he'll hit you and next thing you. know you out there you touching on the. milk man you know he you get hit by. Koopa Aro and next thing you know you. out there you trying to lip lock on the. damn uh AT&T service provider you you. know you trying to slurp face on some on. some dude with a couple of damn uh. cables in his truck if you get lit you.

get. lit and that's the thing to be lit up. with. love that's the thing I want to just I. want to be love all the time not even to. be in love with. somebody but just to just feel that. energy that's what I want to feel you. know and sometimes you get hit by. koopa's arrow and you next thing you see. the damn mailman or something and you. trying to you know you trying to flex on.

him you trying to reach in his bag and. sniff all of his perfume samples or. whatever you trying to nose up that bag. baby that delivery sack he's got on him. you just you trying to just just Huff on. everything he's got um and male person I. should say I don't want to I don't if. you can say male man you know it's I. call I'll be honest with you yes I've. called a. male um woman.

or female I guess some a woman who was. delivering male I don't know what they. want to be called or don't but I called. one of them this. lady I'm not going to say she seemed. like a guy or whatever but I. think you know if if somebody saw her. they'd say hey fella what. up so she kind of was giving off that. you know she was giving a lot of. dude and uh anyway just it's okay.

it is what it is baby I don't know what. I'm talking about and I never have but. happy valentine that's what I want to. say it's a day to think about love it's. a it's a time to feel about love we got. some beautiful tunes right here too let. me Crack into a couple of instrumentals. right. [Music]. here.

oh. yeah that's that Mexico love that. Amore hey. Amore you want some I want a. more that's that Mexican love. [Music]. bro and that's look that's a Mexican.

love that [ __ ] can get uh Latino love or. whatever um am more um. Amigos Latinos mexicos. legales uh. Amigos um but that's the love like. Mexican Love Is Wild cuz a Latino girl. she'll like be I love you and then. she'll be like I'm going to tear your. heart out and cook it at your father's. home and you're like okay that's you.

know that seemed like a. lot you know they'll be like I love you. so. [Music]. much you I'm going to saw your feet off. your body and hide them in the desert. you're like okay well that's uh they. they just very passionate that's a. passionate group right there but they. got love over there that Mexican love.

baby what else we got and that's um Leos. de by Clara Mendes that's who that was. beautiful. instrumental let's pull in another tune. we got. [Music]. here. okay okay.

[Music]. somebody this is. somebody this is somebody probably. jerking off by a in a park you know by a. pond or something like that just feeding. the Ducks as they call it in. uh a lot of homeless cultures I believe. so that's a sad one that's a sad one for. Valentine's but it's a it's a sad one. one okay let's hear another one if we.

got. [Music]. here. [Music]. okay this that funk love baby the Disco. baby yeah yeah let me hide a little bit. of LSD up in you you feel me that's kind. of. that's smile oh.

that's girl let me come. [Music]. over oh yeah that's one of them body. wash Brothers right there that's that. you could that dude that's the kind of. guy who just use a lot of body walls. right there you could tell by his voice. listen to that. man oh. yeah let me wash your. body tonight that's a that's a guy he.

just got unlimited body wash you call. him over he roll right into your place. he start walk he'll wash your body he'll. wash his body he'll D he that's the guy. he got the body wash on him that's that. body wash man right there baby we could. try again we could try. [Music]. again let me wash your. body girl.

that's that man that's that fella right. there that's for sure and that is Victor. lunberg featuring Ed Mills right. there. um. yeah happy to be here with you um fresh. off of the Super Bowl hope everybody. enjoyed seeing that I uh yeah I watched. it I was cheering for the 49ers you know. I just I just wanted them to win I felt.

like they were supposed to win last year. at least get there um I was kind of. getting tired of the whole Taylor Swift. just the bowl as or just. the just it was it was too much like gez. what do we do it's just it was too much. um and then the game felt so much. more like a like it just stopped the. game so much for commercials it felt. like like the commercials was the.

game at some points and then the game. was the commercial. like yeah so that that. was yeah I just wanted him to win I kind. of always want whoever's like people. don't think is going to win to win I. think 95 times out of 98 times that's. what I want I like the. underdog it's just it's the it's the. that you know cuz if the Underdog wins.

it makes you believe. in possibility. more and I think I like that I think. there's something about that that I like. and. um but oh it's been a while man I know. it's been a while since we've had a solo. episode and uh yeah let's crack into it. what's going. on it's just I guess it's a time to. maybe think about. love.

you know it's a time to think about. love and loving. somebody trying to think of the first. time I was in. love well I. remember I think it was probably like. the I remember seeing this girl I was at. like a I don't know where I was I was. tra I was on a little vacation with my.

buddy and he lives across the street and. he would. like he kind of I think was supposed to. be twins but they never formed or. whatever cuz he would say something he. would be like how how are you today and. then under his breath he'd be. like yeah how are you. today and you'd be like huh almost as if. there was it would be like hey what do. you feel like doing and then you'd be. like yeah what do you feel like doing. good.

and it was almost like there was like a. twin inside of him that never developed. but was still like down in there like. yelling [ __ ] out of him. um but anyway oh yeah but his family. there was a beautiful family and uh his. dad would let us rake leaves at their. house sometimes. and um and that was just something fun. to do in the area but uh but they what. took me one time camping or something or. just drove me off into the woods to like.

look at a look at something or something. for a few hours and there was uh there. was a girl by this by this River by this. stream and she was getting some water. out of the stream or something like. crouched down getting some water and it. had like a very kind of Native American. kind of vibe to it I think I think maybe. she had a ponytail in or something and I. just remember seeing her and I remember. be like oh my. [Music].

God what is going. on I just. like my whole like chest and throat and. like the whole front of me felt like a. ma like a magnet started up in it like a. magnetic field started up into it and it. like made me think oh my God. what a I want to I want to just stand.

close to her but also be a far from her. it was kind of just like a magnet when. you take two magnets that are the same. you know and you put it and they don't. they kind of push each but it was the it. was that same energy kind of it was like. I don't know it was the first time that. this force field ever occurred inside of. me and. um yeah and that was a time that I had. first felt some love I. remember and then what else oh I had a.

lady that drove us to. um and oh and Happy February too if. anybody celebrates months or whatever um. but yeah I had a lady that drove us. to oh she drove us to summer. camp and she was like a babysitter or. something I don't remember her name I. wish I did God I just wish I knew even. just four or three of the letters of her.

name so I could just lay on my back and. just [ __ ] think about her but I was I. think maybe 10 or. nine yeah she drove it and I felt so. cool I just it was the first time I'd. ever ridden somewhere with a woman or. with a girl so I think it really stood. out in my head you know and we got in. the car and I remember closing the door. and be like oh my God it's just me and. her in this. car.

and I just [ __ ] wanted to take my own. eyes out of my face and just hide them. into my butt man I. just I was just having it was just. that's you know it that was that was it. and um yeah I was just that nervous or. whatever that I just yeah I wanted to. take both of my eyes literally take my. eyes out of my face and put them into my. butt or put them into like a little bag. or something because seeing the just the.

the the fact that I could that I was. taking in that she and I were in the. same PL and we were clo and she was. going to start driving and once she. started driving I'm. like we're going somewhere what could. happen are we married you know like it. was just so much energy Oh and before we. took off she reached over and put my. seat belt. on and my. God I mean whatever eyeballs had in my. butt just came right out at that moment.

they. just I mean my eyes were just falling. out of my ass I just uh yeah it was just. God I was just cuz just the fact she. reached over and put it and clicked it. in and um cuz she had to lean over and I. think she had a necklace on it was just. like the first woman I'd been like that. close around and. so uh and she drove us and she drove us. to summer camp she drove she was the.

counselor and she drove us over there I. think my mom had set it up because my. mom was going to work and so she set it. up where One of the counselors picked us. up and God I just remember thinking I. hope that God lets us get married or. whatever and then um she played Bon joy. in the. car let's sing a song for the broken. hearted.

[Music]. god dude and I'd never heard a song I'd. heard songs but only like dumb [ __ ] like. the wheels on the bus. go you know um or whatever that kind of. [ __ ] was whatever children's [ __ ] I'd. never listen like a woman play a song. like that and. yeah those so those were some of those.

Early times of love those were some of. those Early times of love and yeah it's. just anyway sorry to go down that memory. road but I just God I. just it's just so interesting how it. it's not there in your world and then it. starts to show up that there's this. power that the opposite sex has you know. that there's this. Intrigue and that there's this this. innate just damn. God just you.

know and now if somebody's in love you. almost people say they have autism or. whatever you know it's like there's new. shows out now where it's like hey these. people are in love look how autistic. they. are it's like what it's like they're. trying to convince us that if you are in. love you are almost mentally handicapped. isn't that. crazy or emotionally handicapped no. offense to anybody if anybody has autism. either so you know I've been there a lot.

of us have been there um you know what. I'm saying hey we want. autism hey we want. [Music]. autism yeah so those were some early. times that I felt love and lust and then. I remember a we got invited to a trailer. one time and somebody some girl just let. me feel on the outside of her pants for.

probably 70 minutes we were waiting for. pizza and uh the pizza guy got into a. car accident I. guess. and the pizza was supposed to come. sooner and I think but it didn't and so. she just kept letting me feel on her. pants I mean. I I just knew everything about those. pants at some point and you know and I I.

hate to I think that pizza. guy was like in a really bad accident he. may. have ended up in heaven even but I want. to say thank you to. him thank you to him and. uh yeah because I definitely remember. those those jeans those baby girl jeans. she had on and that's and that's just. such a time in somebody life when they. touch somebody when you first touch.

somebody you know and um and you know we. take calls for that sometimes if you've. ever if you ever ever had an experience. in life where you touched somebody. touched your body or you touched. somebody else's body of uh it could be. same sex or opposite sex gays or Straits. and if you did it and you want to you. just remember it or how strange it was I. remember a lady called in a few years. ago who had gotten somebody touched her.

Coter in a. um. empty uh refrigerator. box and that. was just fascinating everyone and um so. yeah if you have had a unique experience. of having your body touched somewhere. for the first time it was that first. time that it ever happened you know I. know you know we've all been there I. remember a gal jacked me off into a.

stream near her. home and it it was. just you know at the same time I was. just blasting out into this stream and. all. my my seaming was just going off to war. you know just like it felt like it was. in the Navy or whatever it just went off. into the you know out into the. water. [Music]. um but yeah love is in the air and we.

got a love fella in the house today. Riley Ma how are you brother when I. started podcasting I um I didn't think. I'd ever have an online. store you know I just wasn't part of it. and and now we're we're we're selling uh. or be good to yourself hoodies on there. and and different items that people love. and and it's all because of Shopify. that's right it's so easy with Shopify.

Shopify is the global Commerce platform. that helps you sell at every stage of. your business and that's been the best. thing is as things have scaled or. adjusted if they've gone up or down it's. been easy with Shopify sign up for a $1. per month trial period at shopify.com. Theo all lowercase go to shopify.com. now to grow your business no matter what.

stage you're in shopify.com. Theo and we got a love fell in the house. today Riley Ma how are you. brother ah doing well have you uh. blasted that corn stalk yet you popped. that corn stalk or what's going on with. you Daddy how's it how's your love life. Bubba get us the latest man you uh you. linked up or um well I almost had. something happen um yesterday no yep it.

was during the Super Bowl um a friend of. mine invited me mhm and um actually I. shouldn't say a friend of mine um just. someone I knew okay and a stranger go on. and we were hanging out and everything. was great MH and this this other guy. shows up no so you you met up with the. girl yep and everything was great yep. and you're what watching the Super Bowl. y wow and are you like is it a are you. at a busy place is it just you two.

somewhere are you watching it on a phone. are you listening to it on a h stereo. what are you doing no yeah we're just at. a bar okay you're at a. bar and um and a dude showed up yeah no. yeah I uh I saw him and I I knew. something was going to happen. uh-uh and what was he wearing was he. dressed pretty. well um he just had slacks on and nice. jacket [ __ ] him I mean that's did he.

know that you were there with her yeah. oh so he rode in right and um okay so he. shows up now what do you do are you. posturing a little or what happened are. you um I'm just chilling you know I'm. sitting next to her and everything's. going great um and I get up to use the. bathroom mhm and once I get back he's. that's normal dude go make toilet that's. normal go on and uh he's in my seat. next to. her.

no what the f a white guy uh no. wow wow a mixed. guy yeah more. darker okay so he slid in huh yep no and. did and then what did you do did you. just kind of like loiter in the distance. kind of angrily a. little yeah yeah I've done that God I've.

done that some guy shows up then I'm. like h i don't stand a [ __ ] chance. let me just go hide my head inside of my. [ __ ] Honda. Civic let me just go back let me just. slam my head in the car door of my Honda. Civic that's how much I'm. worth um did your feelings get hurt or. you still feel like you were in the. game um they were hurt hurt a little but. I thought I still had some game and what.

so what happened then so then he went up. to to buy a shot so I took my seat back. no y oh my God. bro bro come at me bro with that [ __ ]. karate Game Boy come at me with that. [ __ ] kim chi bro you're sliding in. with that [ __ ] Korean Ninja chop and. then what happened and then uh um so he. came back from getting shots for who him.

and her yeah and you were in his seat. yeah let's. go that's what I'm talking about and. then how and then what. happened um and then uh and then he left. okay he went to a different bar mhm it. was just me and her nice and I invited. her to a different bar that I was going. to go to okay and hurry it up man what's. what else happened and and she basically. just said no I'm going to go to this bar.

with you know with the other guy no yeah. oh. man God bro I'm sorry. man do you think it's. over uh. probably [ __ ] it's okay bro you know. it's it happens to everybody um damn so. have you have you has that been the only. like has been the closest thing that's.

happened to you like for love since we. talked to you. last no I did have my second kiss no way. mhm come. on damn let me think about my first. kiss part of sometimes I can't remember. when like there was a couple little. kisses I remember well one girl lady at. summer camp too also let all the boys. look down her shirt and God I just. [ __ ] I remember saying I didn't see.

anything and they and and they let me. look one more time I guess or whatever. but cuz I think I looked the first time. and I was so just overwrought with the. possibility of seeing some girl's chest. that I literally couldn't [ __ ] see. you know who are those people that can't. see in the Bible. rally. um we just look it up okay y all right.

um yeah I just remembered that and we. were [ __ ] looking and by the end her. shirt collar was Dam it was a that thing. had we put 20 inches on her on her shirt. collar I mean it was everybody was just. trying to look at them and they just I. can't remember if they were huge or even. non-existent she could have been a man. in a wig um we were just so and that was. I think at like 12 maybe. when you were just starting to.

[ __ ] you're so horned out you're so. horned out you know I had a neighbor if. he saw his dog humping something outside. he'd have to go uh jerk. himself you know and you're like well. that's that seems to. be a problem I feel like because um Paul. and Ezekiel Paul and Ezekiel.

god. wow Chris Paul no who is it what's the. guy's full name just Paul oh just Paul. just Paul and Ezekiel and they were. blind huh yeah from. what um it just says two years before. his death Ezekiel became blind Y and. then Paul experienced temporary. blindness Ah that's probably from. pleasuring himself that's one of the big. issues is back then wasn't there a rule.

like the there was a fear if you. masturbated at times that they you would. go blind you would literally jerk your. sight right out of. your like you were spraying your sight. right out of your um. Wier I remember that I remember people. coming around the area and at school. they had pamplets or whatever saying do. do not jerk off do not masturbate her.

they'd have a guy touching like a um. reaching for a hot dog they always had. to use these euphemisms or whatever so. they have a guy like reaching for a hot. dog or like Shifting the gear shift in. his car and it would be like don't do it. or this and then it would be like a. picture of a just a like a guy falling. into a ditch or something with a walking. stick or a somebody getting um hit by. like a blind guy. like uh getting hit by something or.

whatever but anyway damn Riley well. you're still out there so no so you've. had two kisses though yeah all right. we'll check back in in a little bit and. find out about the other one because I. don't know did you ever tell us about. the other one I did not okay we're going. to check back in with you in a little. bit and find out about that man I want. to get to some calls here and um yeah I. just want to see what's going on I know. it's been a while since the solo episode. just got off of the road. uh yeah I think just I don't know I feel.

all over the place a little bit but. that's just how I feel sometimes these. days you know and maybe that's how we. all feel I don't. know um what else uh let's look at the. news here that came in right now we got. uh Biden dropped an unhinged tweet. immediately after the Super. Bowl so that's. interesting uh uh just like we drew it. up he.

said and it's a picture of. him with alien type of eyes um this guy. Biden's lost it Biden has lost it I. believe and we talked about this months. ago that it's you shouldn't have no. senior citizen out there pretending to. be a safe. president at a certain point everybody's. mind goes on sometimes your mind goes to. heaven before you do people you see.

people wandering around their mind's. been in heaven their mind's smoking weed. in heaven or you know drinking in heaven. maybe dating even dating women or men in. heaven if you have a gay brain or. whatever uh and they're still down here. on Earth wandering around eating jello. bothering people yelling the in words. sometimes some of them and. uh you know that's and I think that's. where we're getting with Biden it's.

getting to the point with Biden where. he's basically a. scarecrow that has a popular. job they're keeping him away from. microphones he is extremely close to. dropping uh the. n-word there's you know there's. no and I'm going pro ah he's oddly hip. in some of his slang sometimes so I.

would go probably a I I don't think he's. going hard R I don't know how bad he is. mentally but every old person I feel. like before they completely lose their. mind yells the nword and I don't know if. that's true but I've seen a lot of that. or they say it or they write you know. they yeah they are doing that but um so. anyway I'm just curious to see at least. the I think what we got to do is we need.

to get obviously Biden hasn't huffed a. child in a while we need to get some. seven-year-old some 11-year-old some. 14-year-old girls that he can Huff their. hair just give them a couple of [ __ ]. hits to make it to November cuz what the. guy is falling apart he's falling apart. he's very close to yelling the nword at. some. one um and I just the only way you got.

to get get him what he needs you got to. get him what he needs and what he wants. is obviously to. sniff. children to sniff a. children let him sniff a children if. it's going to get him. through the end of his. job so he can retire or whatever they're. going to do sell his body for glue I'm.

not. sure but it's you can't pretend that the. guy is doing. well you just can't he's guy's out of. his. mind um he did call Netanyahu a [ __ ] or. something the other day though and that. I thought was pretty cool um what else. do we have here uh any other. news um Shane Gillis is going to host. SNL.

unbelievable. wow part of me wonders if at the last. minute he's goingon to be like hey sorry. guys it's just just not for me you know. kind of like they did to him you know. [Music]. um it'll be. interesting uh but good for him man. congrats to Shane he. that. guy he is so funny he is so funny man I.

just God I just think he's so. funny. um what else Tucker Carlson interviewed. Vladimir. Putin uh watch that really. interesting really. interesting. uh you know it's almost. crazy and I'm just saying this I'm not. sure of this it's almost crazy that it.

feels like we're. almost trying to see if we can get any. real information about our own country. from. Vladimir. Putin that's what like did anybody else. have a moment where they're like. huh maybe CU I believe our media is just. extremely compromised I just believe. that I believe that it's a. big it's all [ __ ] I really a lot of.

me believes that I could be wrong I'm. not saying I'm definite but a lot of me. believes that that it's. all we've just. been it's yeah it just doesn't you know. that's what I a lot of me thinks. that um except you have independent. journalists you got independent people. trying to get out there and make things. happen you know um. so that yeah that's just what I I.

thought that was interesting like are. can it's like I'm listening almost to. see if I can get any real. information because yeah I think Russia. is just an old dude Russia is an old guy. who's set in his ways who just wants to. sit over there and drink oil and look at. tits or be. booty uh uh and just ride off into the.

sunset I don't believe that they're like. a superpower or. nothing you know it's just a lot of. Rusty tanks it's a lot of children. playing with heavy Stone dolls dolls. made out of stone you'll see an. 18-month-old with like an 11 PB doll and. they're carrying it you know resilient. folks um anyway that's about the news I. think. yeah we just went to the Warner Theater. in eriepa and I got to recommend it if.

you ever get a chance to go to the. Warner Theater it is uh one of the most. beautiful things I've ever. seen in in America. it's it's a piece of History it's it's I. think the. renovation um is a 30 million doll in. May 2020 phase 4 began it costs $30.

million um to renovate that. theater it but it's I can't even tell. you how unbelievable it is how. immaculate it is. um you know uh so yeah that's one thing. you got to check out the Warner. Theater what else oh we had blackface at. uh Sephora somebody. this lookss like a couple of.

girls doing blackace first of all look. at least girls are doing it now because. for a while it was just guys taking all. the L's doing it. um you know I believe in three. generations we're all just going to have. beige semi Chinese face um that's. probably owned by Israel but I believe. that's the face we're going to have um. what what else Jeff Bezos will save over. $600 million in taxes by moving to Miami.

that seems fair but that's Florida. everybody can move to Florida and that's. fair you know those are the rules um I. just don't think somebody should be able. to have that much money I think they. should put a cap on how much money an. individual can. have you know and maybe that's socialist. by me or something I don't know but I. just I don't know that's something that. I think sometimes. um I'm not saying I'm right but. something I think about uh I just drank.

some of this this morning I got back. from the gym and um I knew I was going. to have to work you know be doing. potting for a few hours or five hours um. and I was like I want to make sure that. I get hydrated and so I threw down some. liquid. IV that's what does it one stick of. liquid IV plus 16 ounces of water. hydrates better than water alone three. times the electrolytes of the leading.

sports drink no artificial sweeteners. plus zero sugar in the sugarfree version. that's nice eight vitamins and nutrients. non GMO free from gluten dairy and soy. weekends are for getting wild so have a. game plan for your Monday grab your. liquid IV hydration multiplier. sugar-free in bulk nationwide at Costco. or get 20% off your first order when you. go to liquid Li.

IUI iv.com and use code Theo at checkout. that's 20% off your first order when you. shop Superior hydration today using. promo code Theo at. liquid.com. so let's yeah let's take a few calls. here about love that came in today um. here we. go so I had a weird situation. tonight I went on a date with my Uber.

driver and she brought her daughter and. her friend her daughter's friend to IHOP. well she had a call and she had to go so. it was just me her daughter and her. daughter's friend so I had to like sit. there entertain them. what so you went on a date and then the. girl the lady.

left and then you're just sitting there. with two children at a ihob you're. damn if you're sitting with two children. you don't know at an ihob bro you are. you could be a sex trafficker bro you. know no shade or anything but it's like. I mean yes sha you know but if you're. you know like yeah that is that is that. is not that is uh let me hear more. to like sit there entertain them and I'm.

I was drunk at the time so I was like. [ __ ] what am I supposed to do these. little teenage girls I was like. [ __ ] so I started just trying to tell. Dad jokes and they just AER they laugh. so it was like bro you can't tell Dad. jokes if you're you're not even a dad. you're a drunk guy at an IHOP with a a. strangers children bro you are lucky you.

weren't arrested that's what I'll tell. you you got. like you know you're drunk at an IHOP. with some children you don't. know so that's where you're at right now. that is a starting point okay that is. that is a place to go up from I think. you know maybe I'm being too judgmental. but you I think you have to have a you. should chart out a plan for.

yourself and it should be and you need. to have friends help you because yeah if. you're sitting drunk at an IHOP with two. children that you don't know uh. and you. are bro you are this close to ending up. on a. registry okay so yeah I would do that um. let me hear. more what is a I supposed to do in that. situation I wish there was.

a good ending to that story but it was. just kind of an awkward situation like. what would you do well I think it's you. know look I appreciate the call man and. I'm sorry if I'm being a. little if I'm being crass to you you. know it's a loving it's a day of for. love and so I got to remember that um. yeah yeah let me just be loving hey man. yeah I think look unfortunate maybe. that's just where we are in modern. dating you know. um that a woman is going to be like yes.

meet me at an IHOP watch my children and. if you feed them then maybe I. [Music]. will make love to you one. day you know maybe we could be together. if you like maybe that's how it is maybe. the world maybe we there's so many. perves out it just that a woman's like. hey here meet me and my kids in a safe. place I'm going to leave she probably is. also an Uber driver you know it's a very.

gig economy now maybe she got a call she. had to go get a fair she got a. fair and um and she's like I you. know and if hey he didn't T he didn't. touch him he fed him great guy nowadays. to a lot of women that's a great guy so. I don't know if you need to do anything. brother I think you did the best thing. you could do you were an earnest man you. tried to be entertaining you were drunk.

you know and that's your deal and it's. okay so yeah I think you're doing great. man and yeah Happy Valentine's Day to. you I want to say that man um and maybe. this will work out you guys might be. married by I you know you just never. know you know and that's one thing about. love too love goes at its own. speed you know I think we're so used to. now things being so fast cuz you can get. it right now. you can get it right.

now you can get a pair of shoes they. they might be here by this. afternoon in the old days you had to go. get your feet measured somewhere come. back maybe two months later and get some. shoes but love is still like that it's. that old it's an old shoe. man and we want it to fit fast and it's. good you want it to be a cozy. fit you know cuz sometimes it's like do.

I want to be am I trying to be in love. or am I just trying to not be alone. that's another thing I think. sometimes you know like what am I really. looking. for that's something I think about. sometimes. um but. yeah thank you for calling man and um. and thank you for going IHOP instead of. Denny's baby [ __ ] Denny's you know that. son [ __ ] Denny's till it's backwards.

homie um what else here we go another. call came in here about uh. love hi Theo um I am a female listener. and I was just uh listening to your. podcast question came to approach your. lady about how to shave her hairy booty. and um as a hariry booty female myself.

okay uh my hbfs in the bill boyfriend. actually approached this topic with um. some great sensitivity and uh I just. wanted to let you guys know that if your. lady has a hairy booty offer to shave it. for her I thought that was very Charming. of him he came up to me one day and he. was like hey babe uh let me groom you. like let me let me get you right and I. was like wow that's that was romantic.

and yeah I busted it open he shaved me. down and we got it on so that's the. female perspective praise God thank you. for that that call and yeah cuz it is. it's something that occurs out there you. see a man and they got a woman and they. got a uh hair on that booty around that. booty and that's uh something we got to. battle as a society and this is a this. is from the front lines of that and it's.

that time of year spring if your lady. she got that hairy booty you feel me if. that be hool's got a Sideburn on it baby. taper That Thing. Up get in there with some uh safe some. safe scissors some of them F them. children's snippers and get in there. tiey that thing up if that Bo got a. little dreadlock on it or whatever TI. Gom groom that thing up you could. do yeah whx you spill a candle on her.

and rip that thing you know it's time. baby it's time to just take the hair off. of each other's [ __ ] it's just that. time you know it's just that time in in. uh Happy Valentine's baby that's what it. is what else if we got another call here. you shave your body. Riley I do. all right um and what do you shave the. front what do you.

shave uh just my face oh just your face. okay just your face but you don't seem. like a guy that has a lot of hair a body. hair Riley uh no I don't wow and do you. guys um do a lot of. uh do a lot. of Vietnamese people get body hair or. not I don't think so.

okay but but do you know. so at least for me I I don't you don't. no wow that's got to be wonderful so you. don't get any body hair so you're like. almost like a hairless cat in a. way right. wow but do you get cold do you have to. wear like double Underpants or whatever. no unbelievable wow thank you man for. sharing that with us. um let's see what else we got.

hereo what's up man I've got a little. bit of a confession for you thank you. for calling the hotline man and yeah I. do want to let people know that if there. is something they need to share they can. always hit the hotline 985 664. 9503 um weighing heavy on me something. happened to me when I was a kid thought. I should share it with somebody uh when. I was 11 years old I was watching a. movie with one of my buddies I think he.

was 12 we were laying on my sister's bed. that might have been the start of the. problem yeah that's the setting they. call that the setting for something. onward watching liar liar and uh if you. seen the movie there's a moment where. they're playing back some audio of a. woman doing a little orgasmic noises and. um oh yeah giz in out during that moment.

my buddy leaned over. and kissed me right on the lips and I. pushed him off and said what are you. doing and he says now please stop I. don't know I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I. don't know I don't know I'm so sorry and. he begged me not to tell his brothers. and um I have four brothers myself and I. didn't want them to think I was gay so. never never really told anybody so and. look man that's a totally normal thing.

to. happen you know I appreciate you sharing. it with us and you know I think that's a. lot of times referred to as like. surprise kind of youthful. gaying Sy YG and they call it and it. happens you're with your buddy. and something sexual is happening in a. film or movie movie and your body I. remember when the when a commercial. would come on and if a woman was just.

even damn putting a shampoo in I just. would sit in front of the TV and just. [ __ ] I couldn't. even it was like my hormones just came. up into my shoulders and just were. [ __ ] just trying to [ __ ] dance or. whatever I just I couldn't handle it so. yeah if you're in there alone with your. buddy and there's a man making orgasm. noises on a television near the two of. you yeah somebody's going to kiss.

someone that is natural because that. surprise youth youthful. gaying it's happens kids they don't know. and they just they don't know what their. hormones are and some of them they test. it out and the only way to know it's. like the only way to know if you like. soccer is to play a couple games of. soccer man the only way to know if you. could be gay is to kiss somebody that is. the same sex as. you or holding somebody's hand could be.

a clue but yeah kids do that stuff all. the time I remember I got under a sheet. or whatever it was supposed to be. lunchtime or whatever and we're n you. know my buddy and I somehow are like. just under a sheet and we just started. like touching each other's ribs like. just feeling it just. like God and I don't I just don't even. know what was going. on we just were just doing it and and.

then thank God somebody yelled. sandwiches downstairs and we [ __ ] ran. out of there. but yeah I think children. are part-time gay kind of because. they're learning about sex and they're. learning about that sort of thing you. know and I couldn't even look at my. buddy while we ate. those um. ham and. cheeses we couldn't even look at each.

other cuz we just didn't know and it was. that was the time era the era where if. you asked your dad if you were gay he. would just say you. were just crazy. so um Raleigh ever happened any yeah Ry. let's check back in there what were you. telling me. about so a little bit ago I had my. second kiss finally okay and this is. your second kiss ever in your life right. brother right and you still never uh.

you've still never burped that uh that. sweat whistle have you Daddy I have not. wow. brother my God you were going to just be. able to just damn open up an aquarium. when you really let them things open up. god. brother I mean you how much do you weigh. 120 well I don't know if I believe that. but you oh at least 17 of that has got.

to be pure Grade. A maple Seaman baby my. God I can't even believe that I could. [ __ ] rent you out to a couple of. Hollywood Executives right now and they. would [ __ ] burp. that little diving board in the back of. a limousine somewhere right now outside. of Disney. or one of those other places MGM or.

whatever um Mira Max or whatever they're. doing um okay what else what oh so you. went on a. date and tell me about it you got that. second kiss huh yeah um basically I I. just went to a bar with her okay and. then and where' yel sit it was like. across from each other next to each. other at the bar where did you guys sit. no next to each other at a table at a. table okay and was there some good.

energy what happened yeah yeah we were. laughing a. lot that's good sign Y and then what. happened did you you guys left there you. took her home you guys left some what. happened yeah so we left uh I took her. home and okay and as we were saying bye. I asked her if I could kiss her dang and. how did you ask so were you guys. standing at the. door um just on a driveway standing in.

the. driveway and what did you. say I said hey um I've been wanting to. ask you this um you know can I kiss you. yeah [ __ ] yeah brother that's what I'm. talking about [ __ ] Asians getting. that [ __ ] and um and what did she say. she said sure and then we just went. in. and was she a little taller than you or. not um a little yeah so did you have to.

go up on just a little on the toes. actually she kind of came down to. me [ __ ] yeah son. feminism. wow and then what happened were you did. you like put your hand like kind of like. or did you just totally freestyle it. hands on the side just that [ __ ]. weird penguin vibe what you. do um I think I wrapped my arms around. her but that was it oh my God that's.

romantic wow and did you play any music. on your phone or were you guys just it. was quiet no it was. quiet and how long did the kiss last. for probably for a good 12. seconds and did you um um and did you uh. was there. any tongue in it what was it just lips.

was it like upper lip bot what was the. what was your. strategy um yeah there was a little. tongue. rightly hitting him with that [ __ ]. mouth [ __ ] baby. that way to go. brother and was she receptive to it yeah. yeah okay cool chill everything's good. nothing illegal. and then what happened you left I left. and then she went back to New Jersey oh.

God I will say this some of the coolest. girls I've ever met are. from uh Philadelphia New Jersey area. hands down just cool chicks great senses. of humor um fun cool sometimes they're. nurses and stuff like that just great CH. they have a lot of great. um I mean I I'm a big fan of nurses but. uh also I think just some of the coolest.

chicks are are up there everybody knows. that you know I'm a big fan of nurses. but um yeah and my sister's a nurse too. so I'm proud of her she just got. her I don't know what it's called like. her GED or whatever she's like the final. nurse or whatever or something but I. don't know but uh man well so you got. two kisses under your belt and you're. still saving yourself from Marriage. Riley correct wow.

God you got a do you feel like it's. right around the corner or you feel like. you still have a long way to. go uh it it might be a it might be a. minute I like your attitude though man. and we have to have a good attitude. right to find love for because it's it. just it can just show up whenever right. yeah you got to stay ready um let's take. one or two more calls man this was an. interesting call that came in uh Hey. Theo Pat Rao from Las Vegas hey Pat from.

Las Vegas thank you for calling uh me. lady nice to hear you onward going to a. comedy show tonight for my birthday I. will be wearing my Theo shirt to. represent my love for you I feel I know. you though we've never met I'm turning. 81 on the 25th might not be your oldest. fan but I'm the biggest love you. oh thank you you know I appreciate that.

uh you know even when you say it reminds. me of my grandmother thank you Pat. that's very sweet let me make sure your. name was Pat I just assume a lot of. older women are named Pat hey Theo Pat R. from yeah that's Pat um thank you Pat uh. thank you Pat that's so sweet of you and. yeah um dang I feel like I just got to. call for my. grandmother you know and and and I just. mean that in a way of like that somebody.

can call you that's not that person to. you and they can be that person for you. you know you can fill in the blank for. somebody you know if somebody doesn't. have a brother you can call them and. share a special word with them or give. them a nice message or just tell them. you care about them and suddenly they do. have a brother you know uh. um you know there's been a lot of. figures in my life of people that have. represented father figures and mother.

figures and brother figures and um and. at certain moments and so it's just. That's The Power of just that of love. right there that's a loving thing to do. yeah thank you Pat that's that's sweet. of you praise um what. else yeah I just yeah I just want to. keep it in the love V here we got a call. right here hi see you my name is. Autumn I was just wondering if you've.

ever. felt like. alone being. older sucks um I'm almost 30 in a couple. weeks oh you're not that old Autumn that. don't sound that old to me at all um. let's hear more and you know I have a. tough time trying to find. love and I was if you've ever felt like. that I'm just sitting here in my.

apartment just thinking how you know. maybe I'll never find it and if that's. the case what are your opinions on that. you know I want to find true love I want. to find happiness and I want to have. kids yeah thank you for the call. um yeah finding love you know thank you. for the call thank you for just sharing. how you're feeling and what's going on I. think it's sweet of you and I appreciate. it and I think.

um just showing up right where you you. you just you're called with exactly. where you're at no be at no just hey. this is where I am this is what's going. on you know and I just really respect. that. um yeah I think love. gets I think love is something that we. all need. you know you see what happens to a child. that doesn't have any love you know you.

see what happens to animals that don't. have any love. and you know it's. obvious it's obvious that we need. it. um and it's nice to think of that yeah. how do how do I fall in love with. somebody else how do I get into a. relationship with somebody and and have. a. partner.

and yeah so much of that is out of our. hands you know um I mean some things. like you want to give yourself the best. chance you know I think because you have. to meet people and um so you have to put. yourself out there you do you know I. mean it could you could just meet. somebody at a grocery store or something. but sometimes people meet each other the. more people you run into the more. chances you're going to have to meet. someone so that just is part of it and. then in the meantime I think enjoy the.

peace that you do have with. yourself and start to fall in love with. yourself more if you can I know that may. sound strange and I'm not trying to. um I'm just thinking out loud. uh you know for me I noticed sometimes. that. um. that I don't have the best relationship. with myself really I don't really.

communicate with myself that much I do. some but really communicate with myself. check in with myself see what's going. on spend time with myself not just. sitting on my phone or watching a. television show but spend sit there and. spend time with. myself think about hey man who are. you what do you like doing. you know hey man I'm proud of. you saying that to.

myself you know hey Theo I'm proud of. you man I'm proud of. you you know I've gotten better about it. as I've gotten older but man for so long. I didn't I didn't even love. myself so then in my life I was looking. for someone else to do I was looking for. someone else. to do the job for me that I wasn't doing. for. me and it was that's too much to ask of.

somebody I'm not saying this for you at. all I'm sorry I just got on this. tangent but yeah I was looking for. somebody else yeah I want to be a. partner but I also want you I need you. to fulfill fill in this other space. inside of myself that I'm leaving that. I'm not working. on and so then at that point for me in. relationships it wasn't that fair. you know I was I wasn't saying hey let's. meet and do 50/50 I was saying hey I. need you to I need you to do 5050 I I.

need you to do 80 because I'm missing. 30 and I haven't tried to do the work. and stuff that I need to do to take help. take care of myself. better and that was always making it. tough for me it's gotten a little bit. better of as I've gotten older because. I'm understand that a little bit more. that I I well do I love myself who am I. you know what's going on with me but do. I think you will you sound like the. sweetest.

person and I believe that love wins I. believe that people say it sometimes and. there's like commercials and stuff with. like people will be in like a wheelchair. or something and they'll say it but that. doesn't have anything to do with it I. don't think but I believe that that it. wins because it's you could just say. it's just the realest. thing. you can see it man you just it's the. realest. thing when you see somebody love.

somebody. else it could be between any connection. father son mother child. brothers sisters. uh the uncle Park can get can get a. little bit weird if he if he's Milling. around but F you. know somebody just be proud of some when. you see love it just. there there's. nothing nothing can hold a candle to. that that's the light of God I think.

that's the light of. God. um and you sounds like you you you you. something you care. about so I just want you to hang in. there you know and uh. yeah I just want you to hang in. there cuz yes I believe it can happen we.

got to believe it can happen that's got. to be the most possible that's got to be. the. belief that's got to be. it cuz a flower be sitting there and in. a damn bee come. on and you don't know that thing come. you know a flower don't have a clue of. bees coming a flower is just doing this. [ __ ] you know Stunting Like My Daddy. staming like my. daddy and then a be so you just you.

never know when you gonna get buzzed out. and honeyed. up and you got. time you got time and then I got to make. sure that when I'm looking for somebody. I'm not looking for them to F I'm. looking to meet them halfway I'm not I'm. looking for us to be puzzle pieces or. whatever but you know that sounds a. little bit G to me but but uh I'm not. looking for them to do do all the work. of filling in all my blanks you know. some of that's my work and I'm not. saying that about you I'm just you.

caught me and I'm thinking about the. same thing at the same time. um Riley what do you think for that. young lady thinking about. love um I mean yeah she'll she'll find. it everyone you know finds love. eventually. yeah I think that's. true. yeah I think that's I think that's true. man um and it'll happen for you.

dude you know you've been seeping that. demon in the meantime or what you've. been freaking uh hand railing that. little uh that little splatter wand or. what baby. boy not yet it'll it'll eventually. happen oh you plan it on. masturbating I I me with some not. masturbating but you know with with a. girl oh you know a girl who's willing to. do.

it I mean I'm just saying eventually oh. you're saying eventually it'll happen. with a woman right okay okay this is. nothing it's okay but you don't have. like something on your calendar right. now and it's just no okay okay cool cool. um let's take one more call man because. I. think this is it right here uh. and Happy Valentine's Day to. everybody you. know um hey poo I just wanted to give.

you an update I called in about two or. three years ago and my video aired on. the episode you had with Kila at the. time I was talking about how my wife at. the. time ended up leaving me for another. woman oh I remember this hey the hey. Kyla big fan of you guys just wanted to. get your advice on a recent development. I had I recently got left by my wife for.

another woman completely blindsided had. no. idea uh yeah I guess I just look for any. advice you guys would give as I move on. to this next chapter of my life gang. brother. well um next month in March my new wife. and I are expecting our first little one. our daughter so just anybody who's. struggling out there or maybe I don't. know thinking things don't really look.

that great just want to let you know it. gets better and I appreciate everybody's. thoughts Deo thank you not a lot to me. what you said in that podcast about my. call and uh yeah just appreciate you. Theo really thanks man gang baby. wow man that's got me. really that's got my OB balls trying to. spurt baby damn brother thank you. man I want to hear that part one more. time that really that made my day man um.

next month in March my new wife and I. are expecting our first little one our. daughter. so just anybody who's struggling out. there or maybe I don't know thinking. things don't really look that great just. want to let you know it gets better and. I appreciate everybody you hear that man. you hear when he said my wife and I were. expecting our first little one it makes. you feel. something it makes you feel something. that's love man that is.

undeniable that is undeniable I believe. that that is God's light in the world I. believe. that nothing else makes you do nothing. else makes. you nothing else makes you feel anything. really nothing else makes you feel. something from the I mean that feeling. comes up. from it's almost.

like it almost feels like it comes from. the just from the P it comes from. Forever that feeling of love just. man it comes from. forever yeah just man that's so I want. to hear that one more time. um next month in March my new wife and I. are expecting our first little one our.

daughter. so just anybody who's struggling out. there or maybe I don't know thinking. things don't really look that great just. want to let you know it gets better and. I appreciate everybody's thoughts wow. yeah that's love man and that's why we. stay in the. game and that's why we stay in the game. even to witness that for somebody else. that's that's still love I'm still. getting something out I get so much out.

of that man the rest of my day is going. to mean more to. me so the more things I can love even if. it's not like somebody else or like. having like the perfect like partner or. uh straight person or whatever I don't. even know what the or just having the. perfect. woman uh or man if you are a woman or. gay person they can have everybody can. have somebody um but damn dude even if.

you you. know. just you can still get love that's one. there's other you know you can still get. love and don't let it let don't come. down off those feelings when somebody. else has something very loving don't let. that feeling don't then let that feeling. turn dang I wish I had. it it's okay to ponder a little bit but. don't let that don't go off that. Cliff cuz I think the more we can just. keep the the that that Vibe of like hey.

this is possible I see this I just want. to be around this I want to be involved. in a line of work that makes me feel. love I want to be involved around people. community whether it's a church or a. men's group or recovery or a. uh of [ __ ] sweat lodge whatever it is. I want to be involved in something that. makes me feel. something cuz that's why I'm.

here you. know I'm here to stand on my tippy toes. in the driveway of the. Lord and feel that kiss. baby. yeah um happy Valentine's Day to. everybody sorry if I'm all over the. place I don't give a f I've been all. over the place my whole [ __ ] life I. don't even know where I am I don't. know I don't know what I'm doing most of.

the time to be honest with. you I don't my life feels confusing. sometimes I don't know what's going. on you know. uh but yeah I'm not trying to tear up on. here I'm not trying to [ __ ] let me. put these Shades back on damn bro my. eyeballs are looking a little gay. uh sorry D they have a monitor in here. but yeah. [Music]. um yeah I I don't I don't know who knows.

what. yeah but I just keep. hoping that I have moments like that. that make me feel. something and you sometimes you have a. lot of them in your own life sometimes. you get them all out of other people's. lives. sometimes older woman calls you and. tells you that she loves you and it's. not your grandmother but it's still your.

grandmother because the love is still. the same that's so I don't know I'm. getting a little preachy but. um yeah man and I love you guys I'm I'm. thankful thank you to the people that. come out to the shows the bigger shows. have gotten better they've gotten easier. it was harder in the beginning you know. it's harder to be in like new spaces and. stuff um I'm grateful for that thank you. for paying attention to this podcast and. listening um thank you for hitting the. hotline 98566.

49503. um yeah I that's I don't know that's. about it you know what I promised a. friend of mine. um that I would play his song on the way. out so I'm going to put it in here and. uh this is a song years ago that I uh uh. started listening to and um and I listen. to it when I need to get some feelings. out of. me.

um you know this one does it for me it's. kind of an emo kind of vibe but you know. what it is C you know what it is cuz. that's who that's you. know you know the war we out here. doing so um this song is by Evan. Bartells it's called the devil God and. me if you you're not looking for that. emo feeling feeling thing right now then. that's okay you going about your day if. you are tap in but uh praise God baby.

love you guys and um yeah just thanks. for tuning in and Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day if you don't have. that other person you have. yourself you have yourself man and that. is the most important person you're ever. going to get to know or spend time. with and I'm not preaching at you I'm. really saying this to myself because. more and more in my life I realize. that I should SP I got to spend I'm.

given this gift of being a a human. being and and and and and rarely do I. even check in hey Theo what's going hey. who are you hey what do you you know. like there's just so many distractions. it's not a fault or anything it's just. there's so many dark Arts out there they. don't want you to get to know. yourself they don't want you they want. you buying they want you [ __ ] uh.

working slaving they don't want you to. get to know yourself because if you get. to know yourself you're going to know. that you're a [ __ ] Warrior that's. what they're afraid. of because I believe that's what we all. used to. be so that's my Valentine this year man. it's going to be. me and I'm chill with that. and my girl that called and she was. feeling like love in there for her hey I. got.

you and you got yourself too you know. sorry I'm getting a little preachy but. um yeah it's just like how much do I get. to know the most. important love in my own life is. [ __ ] I should love myself man I. should I should know I should I don't. know what I'm trying to say anyway. anyway. uh but yeah [ __ ] now this song is so emo. going out dud but that's where we are.

today this is Evan bartel's the devil. God in Me Happy Valentine's baby praise. God happy Valentine's. Day love somebody love yourself look. somebody in the eyes and say hey I. [ __ ] I love. you and look yourself in eyes and say. the same thing man and if nobody's. telling you they love you I [ __ ] love. you [ __ ] little ass you little. pervert bro praise.

[Music]. God thank you for being here. Raleigh thank you Theo Happy Valentine's. Day man happy Valentine's Day. [Music]. [Music].

mother may open my. eyes CU There's A Great Big World. waiting right. [Music]. outside mother. may I raise my. [Music]. voice we the people have that.

choice. [Music]. mother I love that to man I I encourage. you to go listen to it it's Evan Bartels. we'll put the link to it um I love. Evan's music uh but let's let's amp this. one in man finish it. out come.

[Music]. on. down in the. cold faithless and dark your stories. Untold come take my hand and walk there. with. me I know a place where we can be free. Happy Valentine's Day there is.

a shining for. you guiding your. way helping me. [Music]. through you. see where we can be. free from the. mountaintops into the deepest valleys. hear a voice calling.

[Music]. you you will be free praise God. [Music]. baby M and that can be your God any. whoever whatever God you got baby we. ain't trying to godlock.

[Music]. you is. a I don't know the words. man I'm just going to keep doing this. dude I'm. blind made we are the. one there is no. together. we. [Music]. together the mountain tops into the.

deepest. valley calling. you uh love you guys man um thank. you be good to yourselves baby you. deserve it. baby. gang.