Louis C.K. | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #425

all right we got some new merch to tell. you about uh we got the Vintage rat tea. the hunting club hoodies and hats if you. like to get out there with that. gunpowder. as well as some new colors in the bgty. be good to yourself collection get that. and more at. theovanstore.com and uh thanks for. wrapping new tour dates to announce I. will be in Las Vegas on June 30th and. July 2nd at The Encore Theater get. pre-sale tickets with code Rat King.

starting Wednesday January 11th at 10. A.M Pacific Time General on sale starts. Friday January 13th at 10 A.M Pacific. time we're also adding a sixth show in. Austin on June 8th and a fourth show in. Houston on March 23rd. um we also have a few tickets left in. Louisville Indianapolis. Shreveport Baton Rouge Boston Medford. Corpus Christi and Phoenix and New York.

City get tickets at theovan.com. t-o-u-r that's tour. today's guest is a rare he's a rare he's. a. one of a kind and he is people say that. all the time about people. um but they're I this he is that uh he's. a comedian he's a filmmaker he has a new. special streaming on January 28th uh. live from Madison Square Garden you'll. be able to watch the live stream of it.

uh we'll put that information below. um he's I saw him I saw him perform last. night it was Unreal happy to have him. here today Mr Louie CK. me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. [Music].

[Applause]. I sweat more when it's cold weirdly yeah. yeah I get clammy. if I'm warm up I'm I sweat less like at. night you know. we used to have a buddy I was sitting. about sweating but it made me think. about reptiles at uh. I used to work on this farm and we had a. dude after it would rain he would go lay. on the concrete up there he'd take his.

shirt off and go lay on the concrete. like really. like a reptile kind of guy because he. felt good it cools off that's like what. dogs do they sit on the Hearth you know. oh really yeah you know they sit. somewhere they find a cool spot on the. floor yeah. yeah I think it just felt good on his. skin after it would rain he would take. his shirt off. this dude named Lance and uh. he was really in touch with what made. him feel good that's a good thing yeah. that's a good point a lot of people. won't do that. but he's like I know that feels good so. I'm gonna do it.

yeah that's all right yeah it is kind of. nice I think there's probably more stuff. people would do in public if they. were less probably like inhibited or. whatever about it oh definitely I was. like I was in a um let me move this a. little closer on you yeah sure I was in. uh. I think you know those places that are. like uh. it's like a chain restaurant but it's a. little better you know what I mean a. little better yeah like uh like like BJs.

yeah that kind of thing yeah I forget. what it was but it was daytime and it. was really dead in there in some I don't. know Akron Ohio or some horrible place. and. um. and some big lady came in you know yeah. off the street and you could tell they. were like okay like they they have. something where they just like just let. her come in you know what I mean right. let her come in let her smell everything. yeah maybe she's got stopped at the door. one day and it got. he's like it's okay it's okay there.

wasn't enough customers in there she. came in and she just started walking. through the restaurant and she takes the. creamers you know the those metal tin. creamers that are on the kind of places. uh-huh she starts drinking cream. and then she leaves. and I thought. if I wasn't worried about how that looks. I might do that yeah yeah you know what. I mean yeah like there's something about. creamers as like as a kid that's kind of. magical that's kind of cold cream maybe. she knows the time they just poured them. so they're nice and cold but if you'd.

had no concern about right you might. walk by a restaurant go I bet they got. some nice cold creamers and I'm gonna. have myself some yeah yeah that's true. yeah I could see that coming through and. just kind of sniffing the cream just. having some just being always want to. like touch people on the back of their. neck yeah wow that's an interesting one. because I feel like it's like the most. kind of like it's almost like a real. parental place oh yeah it's caring it's. yeah so you you mean you're the parent I.

don't know I mean maybe I would dress up. in a suit or something but I don't know. if I would be like the parent but I just. yeah sometimes I want to do that even. when I'm just talking to people I want. to like. I almost feel like if I put my hand on. the back of their neck we would know. more about each other or something yeah. you'd be closer you'd be an arm's length. away yeah when I was in school in middle. school escape that moment yeah it's hard. to escape it so then I think you're. there with like the honesty of. whatever's really going on.

um when I was in Middle School if you. got in a fight they made you stand in. the hall all day and hug each other like. this no [ __ ] yeah. like what do you mean like hands on each. other's shoulders slow dance yeah yeah. you and another dude yeah yeah and. you're both going this is [ __ ] yeah. after for how long oh probably I think I. was out there for four hours one time. probably no [ __ ] yeah I mean this kid. bragcasted like blood on you from the. fight still and yeah still pretty. dirtied up I mean I will yeah he got the. best of me.

but yeah we were out there and the kids. would come through during the like and. you try to be kind of cool like while it. was uh while it was like while while it. was in class you would try to like just. like be like you would kind of relax and. be cool with each other and yeah then. when the kids with the Bell would ring. and they would switch classes you'd be. like this is [ __ ] gay dude right you. know you would like but then you're. alone out there during class time yeah. so you'd have to get to know each other. so you really would talk probably right. yeah I mean would there'd be like a. period of just like man [ __ ] this [ __ ]. you man yeah but then you start going.

so what what do you uh. like what are you doing after school or. where do you you know is you have. sisters right Brothers yeah oh yeah you. get into it and then he became a friend. so I like that I think yeah there's. something about that smart idea the only. that pose of hands on shoulders. it reminds me of when I was I mean that. was middle school so this was. fifth sixth grade kids boys and girls. started saying they want to be boyfriend.

girlfriend you know they started to be. that thing. and it was only the cool kids that could. do that like anybody that was below you. know in the nerdy or just not popular. anybody with glasses on was out oh no. you had no currency yeah but all the. cool kids got to hook up yeah and so. they would be like Mike McDougall and. Samantha. Amanda Stebbins these real people are. gonna kiss and they and they did it as a. tribe too you didn't just walk up to. girl like I I walked up to girls and.

said you want to be my girlfriend. they're like flag of the play buddy. that's not how it's done that's like. somebody coming off the sidelines and. just getting in the play hey give me the. get the [ __ ] outta come in and just sip. in your cream you know yeah yeah yeah. so you had to it would be like they'd. decide as a tribe Mike and Amanda are. gonna be a couple yeah so Amanda's. friends would push her and Mike's would. push him and they'd have to go to some. place and kiss tree or something yeah. and they would stand like that with.

hands on shoulders just that exact and. they'd be like looking like trying to. look to the sides and everybody's going. come on and everything come on Mikey. [ __ ] screaming at him and he's like. and Amanda don't be a you know that just. whatever and then everybody goes oh and. it was that was weird yeah yeah they're. both queers. and one of them's stepdad was there too. like what does that do yeah yeah come on. Mike. but uh but it's a similar thing of kids. two young people trying to.

your teach I never heard that that your. school must have that's a really. creative and interesting I thought it. was it was one and me and that me and. that guy are still friends I just saw. him a couple weeks ago and I thought uh. but he'll do that thing just to talk. sometimes. just once in a while it should be a. regular thing one shining mode yeah just. sing a little yeah. um I'm that it almost reminds me of Lord. of the Flies what you're talking about. because it really was I never thought. about it like that like the whole tribe. kind of had to agree that Scott and.

Jessica were gonna kiss that's right and. then like if you were like like a little. [ __ ] I would stand there and kind of. like just like watch and like some. people were right up there like you know. nudging them in but some people were in. the back just yelling right you know no. things were very uh tribal of medieval. uh and there's microcosms there at those. ages oh yeah I had a friend who was very. popular. but he had me like as a side [ __ ] in. some weird way like I was his friend but.

I didn't get to hang out with him in the. like we lived close to each other he. lived two houses down for me so he would. hang out with me just me and him but. when he was out with his boys like I. just wasn't invited it was a weird thing. but one time I was playing basketball. with him and some guy from his group. came over. and because he was kind of a leader. and he was telling this guy why he's out. and I hadn't seen that before like I was. just I just sat and listened and he was. like saying he was like hey man why are. you mad at me everybody's saying you're.

mad at me nobody talks to me anymore. this other guy like why is nobody. talking to me and he said cuz you're. just you changed. and you're not you're not cool anymore. and he's like what do you mean I changed. I'm just being myself and he's like and. he wouldn't give him the information. like he hadn't done anything ah he's. just like you're just out man you're. just not it's not you know you should. look into yourself and decide wow what. did you do you think about it it's not. for me to tell you and the poor kid was. like crushed because this was he he was.

part of this group and he was out after. that and you'd never seen him be in that. kind of stuff I've never seen that I was. fascinated by it yeah and he also did it. openly in front of me because I just. didn't count you know right. he's like this is some fly on the wall. this guy will never yeah everybody was. 10 in the story I was like where the. [ __ ] did he get this sophisticated kind. of like Dick Cheney kind of like you. know. you know you're out you're out you know. [ __ ] and like your message yeah it's.

literally it doesn't even matter yeah. yeah I didn't know he was yeah he'll. never make it to the Capitol to tell. anyone no I was a servant yeah I'm like. the guy who got shot in the face yeah. yeah. dude I remember uh oh what were you just. talking about oh you're talking about. friends Middle School oh yeah yeah it's. crazy when you look at a 10 year old it. looks like they're doing nothing kind of. like they're dumb and their necks. getting longer but then it's like you. look at you like um but then like you. hear a story like that and you're like. yeah they have this whole cosm and.

universe that's going on well yeah cause. we don't see it when you see kids they. kind of look just Frozen face and what. because when an adult walks in the room. like in Lord of the Flies do you ever. see the movie. um oh yeah I did well it ends with just. like this boot this adult boot in the. foreground oh yeah. stops all the madness shut it down yeah. yeah but yeah you're right in their own. world they're you know. so wild to think about that because I. yeah I really get infatuated with those.

kind of times man like. um. I love that kind of stuff I loved. growing up I loved like the mystery of. all of it like how everything was so. crazy and it was just. and the things you could do man we used. to um. like I remember the first time I ever. touched a girl's breasts right they had. this girl they had this dude in our. neighborhood he was Elvis impersonator. right and um like on stage or just in. life.

I'll say a little more life yeah I mean. he walks around dressed like Elvis yeah. okay he walked around I mean he did his. he did as good as he could to get you. know to be there you know and uh and. anyway yeah he but he had well something. happened to him he got hit by. he's something he'd broken a leg or. something and they said it like in a. they got it set just he got it set. locally basically had like a somebody do. it so when it broke again he had like a. so he was halfway to Elvis right there.

so that he started with that and he was. like hey man yeah thank you very much. yeah I just started getting into it yeah. he was just a nice guy I don't think. even Elvis got started like that. so at least you could say it was. Grassroots right so or maybe he had a. moment in the mirror where he's like. Disney because I could either walk. around like this or I could put maybe it. was a way to save it you know yeah I. think it probably saved him some Faith. because he was probably very very. embarrassed so anyway. his dog his kids he made him stay in the. yard right he had electric fence on.

their yard and they were Pentecostals. and. um one of the girls let me touch her. breasts through that [ __ ] fence dude. oh and she wore a mother's nightgown I. remember she wore like a like an adult. woman wait a minute I missed the. connection who is she to the daughter. okay. and how old were you I was probably 10. or maybe 11 and she was what hmm I don't. know 40 I don't know I mean she in my. mind she was right she was an adult she.

had a little it wasn't even anything. it was like a kid's breath I mean it was. a not a kid's breakfast well yes well. you were a kid you can't be a child. molester when you're a child thank you. you're welcome thank you and I want to. say that to everybody out there too yeah. all you kids out there yeah you're not. pedophiles yeah but uh oh I remember. still dude there's just so much fear. reaching through that oh yeah the the. election chain link fence no it was um. like a wire and it's not a barbed wire. pull up an electric fence Zachary if you.

don't mind well yeah it's like on wood. right they're like it's like it's just a. chord yes it's like a very so you. reached your hand through the fence yeah. yeah okay there you go so there was. plenty it wasn't like you were touching. fence no but it was so and he came up to. the fence yeah wearing in her mother's. nightgown I I swear to God it was a yes. it was an adult to me it seemed maybe so. adult also too I just want a little. context okay like before and after yeah.

because when I'm picturing with this. this picture that you're showing of like. this fence in his field which is where. electric fences are usually in a. desolate place right they don't this was. I was just picturing this girl with like. wind flapping around this thing and then. you just come and then you just do this. this was like the way you get you know. like it's scanning your hands so you can. get into the into the uh chamber yeah. but I mean I wasn't like did you make a. plan or did you see her across did you. see her across the fence and go hi Becky.

and then you came to talk and then she. said would you like to touch my breasts. was it like that I knew she liked me. okay I knew that they couldn't get out. like their Daya did not let like they. didn't have a babysitter so they would. just lock the gate or whatever right. this is the kind of those times yeah and. so those times for some people oh yeah I. don't know I mean it was like Yeah in. our area I think if you had a gate that. was your step that was like your dad. okay you know for a lot of people yeah. just like that yeah so but I remember. yeah I got close and just.

yeah she knew I liked her and I guess I. think she'd been a little bit somebody. had. she had dated I think she'd been on a. date okay so she had maybe a little more. exp you know I felt like [ __ ] yeah that. was at that age there was that thing. where some of us had done it and some of. us hadn't yeah. oh and it was such a oh when we heard. that there was a summer where somebody. like. You Got a Boner like got a sex on a pool. toy or something holy [ __ ] and people. were losing their [ __ ] yeah the kid who.

uh got rejected by my friend. he went he got went rogue you know he. became a uh like a a bit of a nut so. then we were all in middle school or. about to be in middle school he started. doing some drugs and stuff and he would. uh at Halloween I remember he would wait. till the end of the night and [ __ ]. take kids candy like he would take full. sex he would just walk up to kids and. just grab and get the [ __ ] away from me.

and he would just he didn't even like. the candy. he was really [ __ ] up but I found him. I I went I sort of latched myself to him. like I went from that other friend I'm. like this is the guy I mean this is. somebody worth knowing now. but he was the first kid I knew who had. like a [ __ ] ton of porn and stuff and so. yeah and he was the first person I. talked about sex with. and he was like I wanna someday I gotta. [ __ ] a woman so you know so then I heard. that he [ __ ] a girl oh wow and I.

remember I I saw him in a park and I'd. heard that he [ __ ] a girl and I ran to. him yes yeah yeah and I said hey man I. heard you [ __ ] a girl and he said calm. down man. calm down. you don't know what the [ __ ] you're. talking about just shut up and I. realized he's on the other side of this. line that I'm I'm a child and he's a man. yeah and he wanted nothing to do with me. anymore so [ __ ] yeah it was tough yeah.

there's that line there's that like. moment you cross over yeah I remember. finding some pornography in my brother's. closet and. and I found some liquor at the same time. right and so I was having liquor and. looking at uh pornography and I blacked. out I couldn't handle it. I [ __ ] blacked out and fell off the. shelving unit and it wasn't from the. liquor maybe you just couldn't you just. overloaded yeah I had two I'd had two. sips of it it was Peach but I don't. think it was anything I couldn't handle.

yeah it was too much at the beginning oh. there was like so too much I remember. the first girl that I had a specific. sexual feeling about was this girl in. junior high school we called it Junior. High School where I grew up yeah yeah. and uh she I had this fantasy about her. I would lay in my bed just before I did. anything to myself or anything I just. lay in bed and think about her oh yeah. and I would picture her she wore this. because I always saw her gym class it. was this yellow t-shirt and a and blue.

shorts was the UniFi where uniform with. Jim oh wow and uh and I just would. picture her just lifting her t-shirt. just a little bit. and that was and I go stop there like I. don't I would tell myself don't ever in. your life. think past that point it's all past that. is not okay wow and I stayed there for a. long time. did you um oh I remember at summer camp. they had this cute girl right I think. she was cute I don't know she was a. female.

and she would let us come over and look. she had like this kind of boyfriend that. liked her and we're all kind of jealous. as other camp counselor yeah and. sometimes she would let us come over and. look down her shirt and oh yeah and he. would sit there right by kind of like oh. a little bit of a cuck thing a little. like monitoring like you're allowed to. come in and see what's in the shop you. know whoa he was a counselor yeah were. you a counselor were they all Council I. was a kid wait a minute so he was a. counselor was she a counselor she was a. counselor yes oh yeah she was a. counselor yeah oh so it was like we're.

gonna let the boys look at her tits yeah. I think it was just I don't know if it. might have been raining out or something. there wasn't like anything planned or. whatever but hey. I remember they that we got to go over. and like and one kid I remember this. crazy dude yeah this black kid tried to. put his hand oh really sure yeah what'd. they do what did the guys do the guy. kind of shut him down okay that's what. he was there for and then yeah and I was. like oh this kid knows more than I do. right because I was like I went up hands. behind my back like I was oh you did oh.

man I was like because I feel like if my. hand I can't control my hands around a. tit so I gotta put on back there that's. enough control it just gave me a little. bit of leeway a little bit Yeah if I. felt him coming across my hip walk away. yeah yeah yeah yeah I get it I'm I'd. like to imagine the conversation between. those two counselors you know. what are we going to do today Checkers. what are we going to do it's raining and. then she's like how about we let him see. my tits and he's like well I don't know. I'll be okay if I'm in the room I think.

that's okay yeah. that's wild yeah it was just but it's a. crazy house hell like moments were so. I don't know there was nothing stronger. in the world to me than some of those. moments of being in a child especially. when like sexualization came into things. just a giant I mean I was first I had a. really slow build because. I wasn't like in the popular group. so I didn't kiss a girl. in middle school once I didn't kiss a. girl till high school until sophomore.

year in high school that's kind of. normal I think I guess maybe it is yeah. but you had the good looking friend that. would kiss girls oh yeah there was a. couple I remember. um. this guy Mike walking with him once from. school week we could leave go out for. lunch and stuff at our high school and. he was uh he took a shirt off his. Summers who's just walking in in shorts. or something and girls were cat calling. him and I had never I'd never heard of. that. of girls they're going oh Mike you know. come on baby give it to me and he'd go.

like no no not for you he was like kind. of coy yeah and I never knew that girls. like lusted after guys I just thought. it's guys want sex and women you know. girls let you when they give you when. they want to let you for some other. reason or something like that yeah. because I hadn't still hadn't done. anything and then when I was a sophomore. um I met a girl I think well there was a. girl that I went on a date with who I. just fell in love with and we kissed and. we fell in love and then she lost.

interest immediately so she I got. heartbroken right away but we only ever. kissed but this girl Becky was the first. girl that she was like let me touch her. tits oh let me put my hand in her jeans. whoa it was like all at once with Becky. just those two. because the early things are all things. you do for them yeah I mean the idea. they're going to touch your dick is like. that that's oh that was crazy never. gonna happen no first the first like. three bases are all [ __ ] you do for them. really yeah and my dick my penis hurts.

so much I've been touching it so much it. was always in pain. I was like self-abuse oh dude it was too. much yeah like if I owned if I treated. anything as bad as I treated my penis it. would be unbelievable imagine you get a. little guy around and you just beat him. on the back all the time until they spit. up. and it feels really good when he spits. you're like yeah. it would be hard not to beat the [ __ ]. out of that kid every day every day I. would hire other people to come beat him.

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at shipstation.com to sign up for your. free 60-day trial that's. shipstation.com use promo code. t-h-e-o if you're starting a side. Hustler if you have a big business. shipping is you don't want it to be hard. you want it to be easy ship station make. ship happen. yeah no it really is crazy that poor I. feel for little boys because it's like. you're a boy you don't know how to. handle yourself you don't know how to.

keep your room clean. you know a little boys just they smell. they don't they don't they're animals. yeah and then you learn that there's. this thing that makes you calm and it's. like forget it you'll rip it off um. you'll rip it straight off your body. like you get as close as you can oh yeah. no you get you get to the point where. like I can't do it anymore like I I need. like a week off. because it stings I can't get here yeah. oh I want to rip it off and throw it. back to Africa sometimes.

like that's really how I feel man sure. and somebody they'll make a [ __ ] soup. out of you know I'm saying they don't. even it's like that's what they'll do or. I think wait for white dicks to land. there's another one there's another kid. who couldn't take it and they make a. soup throw it back to the motherland. yeah I love stuff like that man those. feelings all that stuff did you um have. like a role model telling you about sex. or anything growing up uh. no I had friends and all of us I.

remember when we my friends and I first. started like the group of friends that I. had would talk about sex. and the one and we're like telling each. other how it works. and one kid said well you put your penis. in her vagina and you just and you and. you come he said that you come one of. your balls comes out when you come oh. and it really hurts oh yeah and I said. and we had had sex ed in school I said I.

don't know if you guys paid attention. but that's not what happens. I said first of all you go in and out. and they all my friends were like you. [ __ ] idiot no you don't you just put. it in you don't go in and out like. somebody got loitering at a heart. like the door. no you you just go he's just like you. just leave it in there. but uh no my father taught me my. father's odd guy and uh he sat me down.

and he said uh I think my mother told me. need to talk to him oh I had three older. sisters that was the only boy. so she said you need to talk to him. and what he told me was. he said when you have sex with a woman. you need to make her desire. you. so you enter her he just skipped all the. like how it works he just said you enter. her a little bit you touch just barely. touch her. and then you come out and you and you.

withhold he was Mexican and he had a. weird sort of traditional. he'd say and then you and then you make. her beg and beg and then you go in again. and you go only a little bit and then. you just come out again and you you keep. withholding and until she can't stand it. and only then do you really penetrate. her and she'll. come like a rocket like he was just he. taught me how to make a woman come he. wasn't wrong right he wasn't wrong but I. think you need to tell a little kid some.

other [ __ ] first. before you get to like how to make a. middle-aged woman come yeah yeah you. know what I mean yeah but that's what he. was like he was very narcissistic and. you know wow yeah I uh who taught you. it's about sex I mean did you have I'm. asking the same question a mentor yeah. thanks for asking man my dad well my dad. was 70 when I was born so my dad was an. older guy yeah and so he um. he would always tell me he had dated. chicks grandmothers that were like in my. class and stuff like that and he would.

show me like poems that he had written. and they were like on paper that was. like disintegrating like it was like it. was also he was teaching you about. romance yeah my dad was more of a. romancer that's nice. so he was teaching about romance but. nothing about sex one time I saw him. he I think he had cancer somebody was. walking down the hall and like. I thought he was going to have like he'd. had a new girlfriend and we were at her. house she had a nice house and she made.

all this like beef brisket or whatever. I'd never even seen it you know blew my. [ __ ] mind yeah just what what your. were your parents married they were. married till I was seven and then they. got divorced and did he have kids before. with other women yeah okay he had three. other children okay so he's now so now. you're how old I'm maybe at this point I. was probably 12 and you saw him. somewhere and he had another girlfriend. yeah. you'd only ever had baloney and call it.

concerns oh I've never had brisket no of. course not I mean I was. yeah never even I never even couldn't. imagined it and then um. I he was walking down the hall and I. thought he was going to like have sex. videos at night time and I would sleep. on their living room on the living room. couch and then he literally uh. he was sick and he defecated all over. himself and it was like one of the. scariest again craziest things that ever. happened because I remember watching him. and thinking well.

my dad's going uh. like be with this lady you know and she. was like wealthy and I don't even know. why she even liked us but she did and. then he was sick you know and then I was. so afraid to try to go to help or. anything because he was like. he had cancer and he was getting real. sick I didn't know wow but it was that. anyway that story took kind of weird. term but yeah dude that's just life you. know but yeah it was like a moment where. there was just a lot of life but so uh.

one interesting way you put it is you. say what she didn't know why she liked. us so you and your dad were like a unit. you were like a team like so did when he. left when your mom when your mom and him. divorce he went with Dad no I stayed. with my mom but I always felt like my. dad was just more loving yeah my mom has. like kind of like an emotional kind of. autism like she can't show you affection. kind of that's hard yeah and um a lot of. parents like that it's hard is there. yeah yeah. so it was just kind of like but she's a. hard worker and stuff but anyway it was.

uh so then and I was kind of infatuated. by my dad because nothing he did he was. older so everything was awful little it. didn't make sense. um and it was kind of I think it was. more fascinating you know being around. him yeah I felt that way about my dad a. little bit because he wasn't like any of. my friend's dads he was a strange guy. who's a Mexican and um. yeah it was a bit like you European. Mexican you know there's a lot of. different kinds of Mexicans. um I lived there until I was about seven. oh nice um but uh but yeah he was weird.

so I kind of like I was fascinated by. him but I he didn't show much interest. he I just remember him always looking at. his eye level like he didn't look down. at me much I just always looked up at. his face and he was looking that way. wow what is that do to you well it's uh. hard. but I feel more bad for him because he. didn't he was alone up there I didn't. think about that I do now because he's. you know very very old and in a chair.

like this and he's alone no you know we. don't go see him much me and my sisters. yeah and my mom I mean when she was she. died and in her last year of life when. she was you know we were like there and. kept her in our houses and kept took. care of her until the last second she. had us all around her never alone. because she just was a a loving person. and she you know you wanted to be with. her oh wow but my dad was all [ __ ] up. in his own head and he was you know I. mean narcissism is like a it's a.

sickness yeah and it's isolating and. it's very sad you know I feel bad for. him now I'm able to feel bad for him. because he was um it was painful to be. his kid you know physically and mentally. so. um but I'm past that 55 years it takes a. long time to you know were you surprised. how long it took to get past that kind. of stuff because I find it's interesting. a lot of audiences like kind of guys. that kind of like are fit still figuring. things out it's kind of like a lot of. late bloomers yeah I think and no. judgment to any of the listeners but.

um yeah I think a lot of young men are. stuck in this time where it's like yeah. we're fake it's almost like you're. figuring sheer it out your parents [ __ ]. out it's like it's almost come to like. this kind of like curve in the pipe. where it's like we gotta kind of figure. this [ __ ] out in here yeah I think. that's right and I think uh it's hard I. don't think you can rush it I don't. think I think it happens later because. something comes loose it just does it's. nothing you can figure out it's nothing. where you can go oh I mean you think.

about it once in a while some and also. you spend a lot of Life avoiding it. right so like my when I was a young dad. and stuff I just pushed my dad away I. just didn't want to think about him so I. just decided he doesn't matter anymore. for years and like when I was little I. remember he was spanking me once which. is now to me a really odd thing is a. man's hand spanking that [ __ ] bare. ass a little bony I can't fathom it now. yeah put pants. what are you doing it's really gay and.

weird and upsetting yeah but uh I. remember being spanked so [ __ ] hard. like was it was like blackout spent like. I can't handle this and I remember. thinking to myself I think I was about. nine I thought the day I get a wallet. like that was the magical thing the day. I get a wallet with that money in it and. cards and that set of keys the second I. have that I ain't never gonna look at.

this person again in my life I'm getting. away from this guy as soon as I have. those that's all you need. so you had a lot you were really you. were it really yeah I really didn't like. being around him and my mother divorced. him when they were when I was 10 so then. I had a lot of years just with Mom where. he was around and he would ask for. attention sometimes and I didn't I. wasn't afraid of him anymore but I but. he made me uncomfortable I didn't like. being around there's a lot of good. things about my dad and I I owe him a. lot.

um yeah totally you know and he hated. you he did and he also devoted a lot of. life to you know he was a Mexican and he. his our family Mexico they do okay and. they have some influence and they have. you know he had a better life there but. he moved to America it's sort of the. opposite of most immigrants that he went. from Mexico where he was pretty well. established to America where he had no. tools to survive and where he didn't get. the culture but he did it because my mom. was the strong one in the family my mom. worked really hard and she she raised us.

and and supported us so uh so he he is. picking my mom instead of somebody in. Mexico and that's how I got to be in in. the land of opportunity yeah it's. interesting yeah it's interesting man. how they have a lot of times it's our a. previous generation had to kind of take. an L they had to like really that's. right so you could have it you know it's. hard to imagine imagine that in your own. life I'm gonna do something shitty yeah. oh I'm gonna move to Toledo so my son. yeah [ __ ] you kid good good luck I'm.

gonna do something I'm gonna go to Vegas. and just keep trying to win yeah I'd. rather sell my ass on the internet yeah. [ __ ] that take my chances but I I then I. so I went through years of like not. wanting to think about them and then I. once in a while I would check in with. him and see maybe we have something and. he'd feel the same and like I don't want. it and he didn't even seem interested. sometimes and that was shitty. um but then and my mom meanwhile took. care of him she after they divorced she. kept because he was kind of a mess and I.

learned from that from watching my mom. do all the way to the end you know my. mom when she was dying she provided for. him and stuff and I learned about her. from that and I asked her about it. because because she had no reason to be. with the guy anymore they had been. divorced since I was 10 and now you know. this was a few years ago. and she said I want to send a message to. him with she's leaving him some money. she said that he's I want to send him a. message that he's not alone in the world. now that I'm gone. somebody gives a [ __ ] about him.

and because that's a that's a promise. she made him when she married him and. even though they divorced she's she's. still honored that promise even though. he didn't stay to his side or whatever. and so that helped me like I was a that. was a. that was a role model for me my mom. later in life and then after she died I. was about to say left uh after she had. left. after she left me by ceasing to breathe. that's great and some guys probably.

think that yeah [ __ ] you Mom yeah I. needed you [ __ ] after she died my. sister and I who were were at her uh. Memorial we had for her and he came and. neither of us had seen him for a long. time and we were talking we were. standing in a room talking about we we. should uh. um where are we gonna put him so we. don't have to be near him and then he. walked up with a cane and we're both. like [ __ ]. come here and we sat with them and then. we had this interesting affection for.

him because Mom is gone she would have. wanted us to be good to him and he was. so weak. and he was so and I just felt bad for. him and I felt a tenderness for him so I. go to see him once in a while in this. place where he lives and last time I saw. him I just let I let go of everything it. just all went away and now I just feel. this tenderness but I just feel so sorry. sorry for the guy. I'm all that's left all anger and guilt. all those bad feelings they burn away.

with time they all burn away completely. and so I'm just left with who's I sort. of fascinated by him now I look at when. he talked he struggles to talk and I. look at his face and watch it struggle. you know and I feel I feel for him you. know anyway long answer sorry but no but. it's kind of a beautiful answer it's. about how life is you know it's like. it's funny when you go back to see like. kind of the Dragon whatever the dragon. is and the time has affected it and it's. changed yeah it's all time it's gonna I. mean for your listeners that are.

struggle with it it's like you can rush. it and and it's okay if you have blocks. and stuff you'll you'll I mean you can. trust yourself a little bit you know. what I mean you'll get there you'll get. there when it's time. yeah I think uh I I have I had a lot of. like I was ashamed of my dad a lot I. think because of his age and so I think. I had for a while I had some issues with. that but even over time that kind of. went away you notice how I would kind of. like. probably look at him or I would. introduce him to people as my. grandfather just little things that it's. like.

you know I start to think well I wonder. how that affected him or. um I don't know. it's interesting man I'll I'll just love. all that kind of stuff like how people. relate to one another and and especially. from our parents growing up did you wish. you had a dead like other kids dads that. were like younger and stronger and more. dad like Dad like or a little bit but. then like some one dude you know his dad. like held up the ready-made with a. shotgun for pills you know so it was. like my dad just like bought a my dad. bought a Cutlass like a Delta 88.

remember those cars yeah sure I remember. them well yeah and pull one up wrong car. yeah it was uh oh yeah well he had a. long kind of rectangular car wasn't it. well yeah some of the early ones were he. had a good LTD too for a while. yeah those were [ __ ] they just that. hood oh you you could just live on that. book it was so warm in there they're. always like four cats in there yeah sure. and they would stay in while we drove. somewhere like it was like. it was those parts floated too man they. were comfortable oh yeah I loved cars.

like that oh I feel like you get yeah. six blocks and you're pregnant in that. [ __ ] yeah that was a dad car when I was. a kid but then when I was in high school. everybody would have those like kids. would have those and they'd spray paint. them whatever you know with cans of. spray paint yeah yeah and they were like. badass [ __ ] cars I mean the bumper is. like this thick and it's pure steel it. was [ __ ] it was like make it made of. iron in that car oh they were so good. about three miles to the gallon my dad. bought his off a couple like brothers. that lived around the corner in our.

neighborhood and so it had like these. big speakers in it right and so he would. drive and he couldn't even hear right. they had like 22s in the trunk and so he. would be listening to like Paul Harvey. and like uh whatever that is NPR or. something it was with NPR within or. maybe it's just Paul Harvey what is that. I don't even know who that is uh good. day remember that guy on the radio oh. yeah yeah okay Rush Limbaugh right oh he. listened to Russia okay Russian about. NPR are very different oh they are so he. would listen to Rush Limbaugh or those.

guys and then it would be like uh but it. would be with bass right like so he. would just be driving around talking. about listening to like insane like with. a real bottom to it it was unbelievable. and he always had like this old his car. was just stacked with just [ __ ]. because he my dad got this job like. going to like he would go to college and. sign people up for credit cards like. that guy or whatever oh. and that was one of the first place he. would take me there with him when I was. like 11 or 12 he even let me drive him. because he was [ __ ] like you know at.

that point he's 82. so uh so as soon as. I was about like five maybe. 6 or 70 let me drive him over there and. then I would stand on the table and like. bark at people to come over and get the. credit card thing yeah and I think maybe. that's where someone like my first. semblance of like getting on stage or. like saying stuff or whatever kind of. came from. um but yeah that kind of stuff man I. love thinking about growing up and what. happened and how it affects us now. um.

we had uh it was one other little story. I was gonna tell you. let me see if I can think of her for one. second dad and the shot guy was held up. a store with a shotgun oh yeah dude. the other parental role models in our. neighborhood it was pretty bad I. wouldn't have traded my dad for other. dads I wouldn't have yeah I did like. that I do feel lucky that I had a weird. dad then I had an unusual father. uh my mom used to say that he's not. boring you know and it makes you who you.

are I mean you're from a you have a very. specific background in a very very you. know a very rare upbringing and that's a. great thing for you now right right yeah. at the time it felt painful but now I. realize wow this was all uh part of the. plan that's right. um we had that now I did admire like. that Magnum PI dad with the [ __ ] like. I mean just the hair coming up around. the bottom of the shorts yeah like the. hair was like trying to get back up to. his mustache you know it was like yeah. this hair has a plan that's right.

[ __ ] dude and we had to go out there. and push this one dude Glenn his dad had. that big uh dish that DirecTV dish oh. yeah sure we had to push that [ __ ] to. get the porn so we'd have to go out. there you'd earn it you know oh yeah. yeah yeah and we'd have to get that. Cinemax and we'd [ __ ] Put Your. Shoulder into it or you couldn't come. that's right I remember that the Cinemax. and that stuff that I remember Holton. box office HBO was the first thing. and I mean I don't know how old are you. again I'm 42. okay so I'm 55. and I.

remember first there was just television. I don't know you probably don't go back. that far it was just terrestrial I mean. there was just Dan tennis and Tennis. yeah and uh no TV got really good. reception no TV on the in the world. really got a reliable picture I mean. that's the way I remember it it was just. always maybe some rich people but you're. still beholden to weather you know. phones didn't sound so good like. everything was a little wonky. and um.

the channels were you know. whatever different cities was usually. like two four five and so it was like uh. ABC CBS and NBC right and then Fox came. along and it was like that's interesting. and then you have this UHF channels. which was this other dial you'd put the. your your dial it just has seven numbers. on you and UHF we had like 50 channels. that were a different frequency and. those were local stations that had like.

like movie like a lot of them showed the. local sports would be there right uh in. Boston it was channel 38 was the Red Sox. and then they had movie loft where. they'd show old movies so that's where. you could see stuff like that with. thousands of commercials and stuff right. but then HBO came along and it was a box. that you put on top of your television. box office yes home box office and also. the idea of like a box office like. you're going to a movie and uh and it. had an antenna I think and it had an it.

but it scrambled and it brought in a HBO. is a scrambled Channel and this thing. was the decoder I think it was still by. antenna at first. and they had like dirty movies violent. movies wow stand-up comedy with cursing. yeah and boxing and it was [ __ ]. incredible and then another company. called star case came along and they. were competitors but they both and then. they then they had a cable then it was. like we'll bring it to you in a cable. and then cable TV was like everything.

coming in on this crazy cable hundreds. of channels and all that stuff all at. once but. but that was that thing that HBO did was. like you know we're you could see. anything here that changed the game yeah. because you otherwise you wait till the. movie comes through town right there. wasn't you know and around then V then. VCRs started up and then you could get. it you know those cassettes and uh yeah. we had VHS as I remember big you know we. had to ride our bike to go get it and. they had that porn room remember the. room sure yeah I worked at a video store.

oh you did when I was a kid when I was. in high school wow so I got a little. overly too quickly exposed like I mean. we had a porn room oh and I would the. guy that owned the store was just he. just gave me the keys like he made me. run the store oh my God so yeah after I. would wait I would like look at the. clock waiting for it like. I just wanted to close so I could always. go in the back room in his office and. just [ __ ] just jizz oh everywhere I.

would have [ __ ] licked the boxes I. think yeah it was real it was a lot oh I. remember seeing some but one guy. chiseled some tits into a [ __ ] tree. in our neighborhood right like in these. woods behind our fence. and see what had chiseled a [ __ ]. setup oh bangers homie some [ __ ] milk. muffins Daddy he [ __ ] chiseled a pear. we think you mean like an artist like he. he yeah or like a I don't know what it's. called what's that chisel with a little. flat head on it. uh yeah I don't know what his tools were.

or whatever but this guy was pretty good. I would say probably and then but people. would go out there and come you know. [ __ ] oh you'd see there was porn. magazines back there and it was on this. little Hill kind of so it almost had. this that's incredible native or think. people I think people said it was Native. American or something but I don't know. but you didn't you knew the guy that did. it though oh yeah. oh yeah amazing dude I'll tell you. another story about the same guy so. he one time me and my buddies this kid. some are all were walking on the street. and it but it was a tree though so it. was like a living tree yeah and there.

was tits on it that he chiseled and not. I mean if folks would come and jack off. to it yeah I don't know how many folks. yeah I mean it wasn't like people were. like buses wouldn't say yeah it wasn't. like yeah what do you call it but a. Graceland or something yeah yeah. but if you knew you knew you know what. I'm saying like. um and this was also woods and people. used to go to the woods to jerk off huh. and that was something you'd find I. think in any town you hear people. there's pornography in the woods it used. to be people would bury a Stacks I found.

a stack of porn that's in the woods that. was first thing I first time I ever saw. any of that yeah and we had they had an. empty broken washing machine right there. and people would put the porn in there. right and so uh you get to you know get. your [ __ ] you know get that deal out and. then now the first porn I ever jerked. off to was some girl or tits in shorts. and she had gra gravel all over it. because because I found it in the dirt. oh yeah just like pock marks from the. gravel. life is sad buddy yeah but it's real.

dude God and look In some cultures you. still find that you know so go ahead I. don't mean interrupt you so what no that. was it there would be you know you would. ejaculate to that and uh but it was a. different yeah people would go into the. woods it's almost like. you know you'd Bring It Back To Nature. I mean my dad I remember caught us. jerking off one time and made us bury it. in the yard bury the semen in the yard. well to make it like. um. respectful or something yeah.

but you would just you wait a minute how. did he he caught wait first he said he. caught us jerking off yeah yeah well I. guess it was there was uh it was just me. but I say us I don't feel alone I think. I do that a lot sure that makes sense. but so he walked in and you would you. would just come on yourself yeah well my. mother caught me. and then she so she went to him and said. he's been jerking off she told him yeah. she would always kind of rat me out. about stuff like yeah but was the chiz.

doesn't stay like how did he no but he. just said wherever this is you need to. take it and put it in the yard and that. was it so he just kind of went like that. oh it was on a sheet oh it was on a. sheet okay so the thing you came on yeah. had to be buried. it made me create a respect for him I. think like as a and it gave me a kind of. a. uh affinity for nature. sure you [ __ ] nature in a sense. oh dude I remember my buddy would come. over and we would just [ __ ] Mount our.

pillows yeah different corners of the. room yeah when your teenage or preteen. boys when they start pre-teen yeah there. is there is like uh camaraderie in that. stuff yeah I had a friend who used to we. used to tell each other stories about. girls like I I'd sleep over his house. and he'd sleep on his bed I'd sleep on. the floor. and we called it telling each other. juicers that's what we called it juicer. so like he would tell me he'd say you. know pick a girl and I'd say you know. Gretchen yeah and he'd say okay so you. you and Gretchen are in school and you.

know you're like you decide to walk home. together and go to her house and you. just walk me through this story. that's good and then I do it for him. with whatever girl he wanted oh I can't. even imagine y'all did that for each. other yeah we did it was yeah and I. don't think. that's awesome I don't know if we were. coming yet. I think it was just about squeezing it. and getting this like getting this. feeling and just listening to what he's. saying and just it didn't occur to us.

that I mean we're talking about girls we. didn't feel weird about it we we're good. friends you know I I liked him he was a. good kid and it sounds like it yeah he. was you know it's something you do for a. buddy dude if I laid on a bunk bed right. now and another man laid on the floor. and told me uh took me through like a. good story I'd probably appreciate it. it's so much more real than having to. just jerk off to something you see on a. screen yeah that's no good I think. that's one of the things right yeah I. think. dude I remember when I first got an.

erection I thought it was poop coming. out of the whoa front. and I remember being so scared. and um and I told this teacher and. I then I think the teacher might have. been like a gay man and so then I got. this totally weird reaction from him. but I remember thinking that poop was. coming out of my. like getting gotten lost whoa and that's. what the erection was that's a. terrifying thought oh dude.

because then I was afraid to go pee. because I was like it's gonna smell bad. oh my God and that's terrifying oh you. know I'm on it look at my wig baby I'm. wigged up and wigged out I'm wigging. that's right. keeps. keeps help you keep your hair two out of. three men will experience some form of. hair loss by the time they are 35 years. old that's unbelievable. but it's what's happening. look at some people some of them don't. have no hair.

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do I want something attainable I want to. drink more water. I want to budget better. you know I want to set aside some time. where if I want to have a candy I'm. gonna have a candy. I'm not gonna feel bad. I'm not gonna you know whine about her. or uh or threaten anybody because I'm. angry at myself I'm just gonna have a. candy you can do it. the beginning of the year sets the tone. for the rest of the year. and if one of your goals this year is to.

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lowest rates require excellent credit. terms against the supply and offers are. subject to change without notice visit. lightstream.com Theo for more. information. no I was uh I grew up in a house uh like. we had a half a house we only we had we. rented the bottom half of a house so. it's just all one level with rooms off. of the so we're all kind of crowded out. of three sisters and my mom and so when. I kind of came online it was hard to. hide it because I was just in my room. and whatever stuff was going on and they.

all kind of became aware of it and that. was horrifying to me it was horrifying. that my mom and sisters were like aware. that like I think I heard them say oh. he's well that's what my mom likes was. just cheerfully saying well boys have to. touch their penises leave them alone and. she's like and I'm like stop mom because. my mom was just too nice you know like. she I had Playboy's hidden like hidden. as hard as I could hide them oh yeah in. under my bed in the I found a way to put. them in the slats or whatever but I'm I.

was a boy so sometimes I would just jerk. off and then just leave the room and so. one day I came home and my mom had. cleaned my room and she stacked my. Playboys for me like stack them nicely. and I was it was just an acknowledgment. of my sexuality that I did not I was not. okay with was horrible and I appreciate. it now yeah. but uh man that's so interesting yeah. it's like our sexuality we don't we it. really is it's yours.

and it's like kind of the only thing. that you especially like in American. culture you know it's very hidden it's. like. I don't know it's the only thing that I. had like I remember yeah I don't know. some whatever you're saying it kind of. makes me feel something it's like. that's my thing I think I felt a lot in. the world like I didn't have a like. everything else was up to someone else. right like the environment I was put. into the family I had to live with the.

financial circumstance uh. uh the you know pedophiles or whatever. in our area all of that [ __ ] was. somebody else is doing you know but this. thing it's mine it's mine you know. that's a very profound thing you're. saying it's very true and so I think. because I've always had a tough time. with. like sexual connection you know like. like in my 20 like I couldn't even like. I had like so much sexual anxiety in my. 20s it was like hard to even engage you. know so it was like.

um but man yeah it's just interesting to. hear that kind of stuff yeah because. then you have you take this you discover. this thing and it is yours in in a. Wilderness in a world like you're saying. I think it's like that for any kid that. age. uh and then you have this weird task of. taking that into the world and offering. it to somebody else right and bringing. it to their mind. and combining it and that's very scary. and everybody has a hard time with that. I think I think that's fundamentally why. people have like societally societally.

issues with sex and why there's always. sexual puritanicalism comes from one. place or another yeah is because. everyone has is not sure how to handle. that thing because it's so tender it's. like a very. like I did once and it's not something I. talk about a lot because it's very. private for me but I did um. uh the psychedelic drug like therapy. once you know like treatment with like. ketamine no it was uh MDMA and I did.

mushrooms too but I put on uh you know. uh blindfolded so it's not like Molly. where you're at a party or something but. I went in deep and I saw this version of. my sexuality which was like I saw myself. as this baby like floating in space kind. of like with nothing around and then not. directly from the dick part but kind of. like the umbilical cord like somewhere. in between was this like purple like. cord. and I saw it as kind of like a Lifeline.

but also an outgoing thing you know and. I saw it as like incredibly fragile and. like if you could have taken a bow from. a violin and and rung on it it would. have like made a crazy like you know. this sorrowful sound like it was just. like. and I saw it as like this deep want. but also something ancient about it like. to be I thought and the thought I had in. my head was you need to.

um respect that. and you need to pity it like at the same. time wow it helped me a lot to look at. it that way and to see it as something. that just be careful with that it comes. from a very deep longing. but also a weird wisdom like there's so. much [ __ ] mixed in that yeah and it's so. like you passed out the first time that. you encountered it it's like it's just. so much and you're given it as a boy as. a [ __ ] boy you're going here it is.

here's the craziest thing in the whole. world and it's yours now but it is it's. it's yours so yeah I mean to take that. and and and and and combine it with. somebody else and say I want to share. this with you. that is big stuff man and most people. wear they wear a lot of armor when they. do it yeah they wear a lot of armor they. would do a lot of they become somebody. else kind of people sexually a little. bit or you you play role or you do. something to to come at it in a way that.

you know you're gonna survive it and be. okay and be you know what I mean but. satisfy it it's all it's it's. untanglable it's a [ __ ] mess for. everybody wow it is it is untanglable. yeah I had I had a girl to kind of break. up with me so I just started kind of. dating and we just kind of started then. she [ __ ] shut it down but I remember. being yeah thanks man. um. I remember being like the part that kind. of upset me the most was I told her that. I liked her huh and it was like it was.

just so much risk in that for me like. admitting that I. yeah for some reason it was just so much. vulnerability around that like I'm gonna. say. I like you because I was afraid that the. truth would be that she didn't like me. and I think it goes back to some of. those like PRI like. this kind of pain that's not even I. don't know if it's mine but it's just. been in my [ __ ] cyst in my DNA or. somewhere that.

that yeah you're gonna share you're. gonna say here I am yeah and somebody's. gonna say not today right you can sip. out the cream because you're the comic. because I don't I don't that I don't. have I don't. I love telling women I like them we love. it wow and I since I was a kid I was. like that when I started liking girls I. walk up to them and say you're just. beautiful and you're great and I want to. I want to go out with you or whatever.

and then I in junior high school before. I'd ever kissed a girl I I learned a. thing which was that. all the hottest girls the top shelf. girls. they'll talk to you they like people you. know what I mean like they'd be aloof if. you're trying to pick them up but I. started making friends with them and I. got to know them really well like I talk. on the phone for hours with like the. hottest girls and I just like being near. them I just like knowing them you know. and I would tell them like I'm I'm I.

would tell them I'm attracted to them. but I accepted that it wasn't you know. just I wasn't in the market right in the. marketplace but I never it never. bothered me the thing of telling I like. it if I meet a woman I like I kind of. want I have to I had to learn how to. slow down and not tell her too soon I. want to tell her right away yeah I want. to tell her before I meet her I want to. literally send out a mail now yeah yeah. you just want to say hey you I I want I. want you I like you I I you're great. this the thing about your face. particularly The Way You Walk yeah.

because uh that admiration is just a. huge huge thing yeah but it never. bothered me to be rejected never. bothered me wow that's amazing because. most women uh even the snottiest women. would be nice about it you know if you. go up to the head cheerleader and like. you want to be my girlfriend she's like. oh she like give me an in give me an O. you don't get her but you know you get. to have a moment with her that's true. dude yeah there was nothing better than. like making a beautiful girl laugh that. was always like that you could do that.

that's big. was like what this is a way that I can. get to women somehow like this is a way. this is the only way I have to come it's. like you know I think there's something. in that we're all just trying to use. some some way to get to one another you. know that's right. um it's natural it's how you you figure. out what's good about you and then you. put it out there you go here's my thing. yeah like the the angler fish that has a. glowing he's got a thing and it glows.

oh it is deep sea anglerfish it's the. ugliest fish in the world I think it's. called a deep sea angler and he's got a. little stick on his head with a glowing. thing on it and it's a weakness. yeah the lures it's he lures chicks oh. yeah but that's actually the woman so. what happens is crazy what's fascinating. I just saw this the other night on a. show that fish. floats around with that thing on her. head and these the dude is really small.

the dude is like this the size of like. her jaw and the dude sees that and also. gets the smell she puts a smell on the. in the water and he follows her and he. sees the light and this these folks live. in total darkness. they're in they can't see that they're. so below the surface there's no light. and they're still coming down there. they're still down there having a fight. yeah so so she she floats around just. like this with those [ __ ] up eyes in. the dark. and this dude sees when he sees that. glow like he's in darkness and then he.

sees that glow and he's like [ __ ] like. [ __ ] and it's the odds are so low for. him because if he's not a [ __ ] great. swimmer he sees the glow but then he. watches it fade and he's [ __ ] and he. dies but the best of the anglerfishes is. how they select. he can get to it and he smells he get. that he uses the smell and the light and. then he latches himself he's got teeth. that latch under her belly oh and he. keeps biting and biting and she fights.

him because she only wants the best yes. exactly like Marv Albert biting that ass. he didn't know what he really was you. know and then he finally latches on and. then his face becomes part of her belly. and if they fuse what and then he's. fused to her by the mouth. for the rest of his life and where's. this happening in Vegas. I mean for you could get anything in. Vegas no that's but then her bloodstream. is feeding him no and she she eats she.

does life and it goes into him and he. just lays he just sits there and comes. he just constantly comes out of his. mouth into her belly and gets food back. and he's done he's like I don't need a. [ __ ] thing. this is yeah like the ultimate [ __ ]. that kind of guy who finds a woman and. latches he just latches on and they need. that lifelong connection because it's so. hard to find each other because it's a. Darkness yeah so she can't because she. can't keep looking for new guys so this. is it for them god dude that's honestly. one of the most romantic things.

right but it's that glow so I don't. remember yeah so everybody's got their. you got whatever your glows you figure. out this is my thing and you put it out. in the world whatever it is no it's. laughing making girls laugh is. I remember being in uh at some party in. high school with kids always I always. felt like everybody was cool than me but. these were dudes that were like with. girls and everybody was cool and I was. just kind of I was starting to do drugs. yeah and I was starting to get cynical.

and not like stuff and I was starting to. get kind of crabby about life you know. it just worked out well for you it has. and so these girls really cute girls. were with these guys and they were all. and they're all being dudes they're like. wearing shirts that show off their. shoulders and they're tanned and their. shoes fit yeah perfectly and they're. like cool dudes and they're starting to. get a little sensual like you know. getting into like their haircuts are. little 80s and stuff and they're all. talking one of them said something like. I don't remember the words but he said.

something like this like impressive yeah. and I said like something like this like. [ __ ] you like yeah whatever buddy but I. said it well and the two girls. died laughing like they were they had. tears they were like oh my God because I. just destroyed the dude that they kind. of wanted yeah Bryce yes Bryce got. [ __ ] and Bryce looked at me like. what just happened no none of the dudes. understood what just happened who's this. wizard yeah and I was they were all. sitting in a circle and I was standing. above them and I remember looking down.

at these girls and going I have a. [ __ ] power that none of these guys. have like I just made them come wow and. there's no way you guys have made these. girls come yet they're all everybody's. like 17 you know yeah but there is that. feeling when you're on stage you see. like a guy and a girl and a girl's just. crumpled and you're like I'm [ __ ]. your girlfriend right in front of you. yeah it is that's a win yeah it is. that's a win yeah it's like you have to. get seen somehow you have to get I'm. trying to think of. I would do it I I got people to laugh.

because I didn't trust the world very. much and so I knew if people were. laughing that they couldn't not like me. and be laughing at the same time it was. like this moment of Solace like. yes it feels I I recognize that feeling. yeah it's like I could take a moment. um. I want to talk about your movie I want. to talk about your show from last night. I have to pee really fast. yeah LP too if you're gonna see it yeah. dude yeah. dude the show was awesome man oh last.

night you came to my show yeah thanks. man man it uh. it is. yeah you are a I mean it is. I felt like. I felt like I left out of there with. like [ __ ] on my shoes kind of but it was. your [ __ ]. I didn't mean to [ __ ] on your shoes I. know you didn't but that's what I was a. comedian fellow comedians yeah I know. what you mean how long you been doing it. now I've been doing it maybe 18 years I. think oh it's not very long at all does.

it feel is that true when you say that. yeah that's a really short amount of. time yeah I mean you really you got it. all ahead of you yeah I'm starting to. feel like that I realize that I need to. get out like I love telling stories so I. love telling stories and and uh like. Jerry Clower is like my favorite. comedian I'm familiar with him but he. was like he's one of the best selling. comedians ever like of like uh albums. and stuff but he was um like the. southern he was like this kind of. Southern Storyteller but I love that. kind of stuff but uh that's him right. there. yeah I know that face yeah so he um but.

yeah I walked out and I was like Jesus. Christ who am I anymore this is what I. felt like walking out of your show like. are my beliefs intact I remember even. going like this when I walked out yeah. um what get what what gives you a kick. when you're up there like do you find. like is it still the humor that gives. you the kick is it an uncomfortability. is it like a control do you have any. sense of that kinda I think uh it's a. lot of things all at once that's.

probably why I like it because there's a. shitload of things firing at the same. time you know it's a lot and but I'm in. control of it and in the ways that I'm. not are exciting it's like sailing in a. way it's like I know how to do all this. stuff but I'm still you know the wind's. still coming like this. and I'm healing a little and I'm like I. don't know guys but I've been I've also. got that veteran kind of I've seen this. I've seen this I know how this goes and. uh and the you know some shows are more. fun than others.

the night before I shot this last night. for a special that's right and that's. coming out when like probably February. but I'm I'm I'm doing the Madison Square. Garden at the end of this month okay on. January 20th and I'm live streaming that. show on my website and people will be. able to buy it there but buy a ticket. yes they'll be able to buy the show and. watch it for like 10 days then I'm. taking it down I just want to share that. night wow because I used to play The. Garden all the time I haven't been there. in years and I don't want to return to. that to that I don't want to be an arena.

comic I don't like the kind of pro. circuit thing anymore I just want to do. stand up because I love it but I got. back there and we sold it out I'm doing. it in the round I'm standing in the. center and so I want to just do it that. one night so I can really appreciate it. for what it is because when I used to do. it a lot it was like I just take the. subway into the garden. and I and there's a sadness that I. didn't see how great that was and now I. understand how great it was to have that. opportunity. so uh coming back there I'm calling that.

special back to the garden and and so. folks can live stream and watch it. during the show wow and then I'll leave. it up for like 10 days just to stream. but then it'll come down and go away but. what I shot last night is it'll be the. same material but that's be my that's. the special for this year and that'll go. on your website that'll go on the. website for 10 bucks yeah. so dude yeah I would come yeah anybody I. like I I all I think I would maybe watch. it again and that's insane for somebody. to say these days watch anything again. yeah yeah yeah but because there's so.

many things it's like it really is just. so many. levels of what's going on you know I. worked hard on this show and and but. anyway but so the night before we did. two nights because when you do a special. so I did uh Saturday night and that was. [ __ ] cream puffed that was just like. being massaged it just felt so good like. I just felt like it was easy and I'm. just like I'm on this one I'm like like. a kind of surfer who touches the water. wall while he's in there oh you know.

what I mean like not the guy who's like. this but the guy who's like yeah he's. just doing this on the on the while he's. in the tube you know yeah he's kind of. like caressing just touching the nipple. of the ocean you know like that's what. Saturday night felt like and everything. was just I didn't have to think about. anything and it was the the perfect. thing for me is when I'm really feeling. the things I'm saying 100 I'm not in my. head about how's this show going what. comes next how do I say this is the pace. good I'm really thinking like here's.

what I feel about Jesus like and I. really feel it and it was it just was. Sublime and great. um and last night was not as easy like. and coming off of that was hard that's. hard too because you can't yeah you. can't replicate the you can't cheat your. brain to know that you weren't on that. no you can't that high you can't and you. and you have to I mean it all comes with. experience so some early times in my. life a great show could ruin a a bad. show because the bad one I just go what.

where are you what happened but once you. know like to me it's like the show is. going to be as good no matter what. I'm going to get the same outcome every. single show the difference is going to. be how much do I have to work for it you. know how hard so last night it was like. all right you [ __ ] and I had to really. more I felt like I had to really try. harder and probably when I edit it the. second show would probably be the better. show for watching because it's not fun. to watch a comedian be like hey man this.

is great it's not the comfort of a. comedian it's not funny yeah it's. watching the guy test the water to see. if it's cold it's not as much the guy's. sitting in the hot tub that's right and. but the thing I guess one of the things. I love is going places because there's. some places where you know the laughs. are there's some places we know. everybody laughs at and it's fun to say. those things and be good at them and get. the laughs that you knew were coming but. I like taking people places where they. they don't even like to think about they. don't even like to let alone talk about. it or let alone hear about in a show no.

but I know what's gonna come I know it's. gonna be okay so I don't I'm okay with. it's there's great power as a comedian. and being okay with uncomfortable. feelings with being okay with it you. just brought something up and they're. like [ __ ]. and that it gets tight in there and I. know that that tightness is useful and. that there's a place to take that and. then when they start to calm down a. little bit they're like I don't even. know where I am now this is a weird this. you see it in their face it's like like. I've never laughed at this before.

and so I now I'm in a new place in my. mind that's I think a very powerful. thing about comedy yeah because it's an. opportunity to say stuff that's not. appropriate that's not all a comedy is. on some level of saying something you. shouldn't have said it's either you're. saying something because it's too. private like it's too you're over. sharing or which people love that you're. just gonna I'm gonna tell you this. [ __ ] up you do that a lot just like. I'm gonna tell you something really. personal yeah you need to know so you.

shouldn't have said that because usually. in real in a real regular conversation. or in politics or whatever you don't say. things like that the other you shouldn't. have said is because it's so stupid just. a stupid thing everybody knows that's. not true what are you saying yeah the. other one is that's [ __ ] crazy that's. crazy that doesn't make any sense these. are all different kinds of humor but. they're all based in Satan something you. should have said and then the other one. is like man that's not cool that's not. cool to say that nobody likes that that. makes people mad and then there's just.

like that's wrong that's that's morally. wrong to say that yeah and all of those. things if you can take people to those. places which are all fear places. fear of intimacy. fear of the insane which is a good. interesting kind of fear you know fear. of the of of of Truth or Fiction you. know and uh and fear of of uh uh. castigation by the by the masses you. know and fear of morality of Badness if.

you can take people to those places and. make them laugh make them look happy to. be give them a make them feel like this. is okay then suddenly they're there. safely and that's expanding where you're. willing to go with your mind you know. because these are just this is a cage. you know and it keeps you from seeing. life there's so much to life. outside of what you're supposed to be. thinking about that's a that's a narrow. trip man you know so either way the trip. life is short so if you could do short. and narrower you can do short broad I.

mean it's a little highfalutin but it's. how I feel about it no it's honestly how. I feel about doing stand-up. um it makes sense hearing you say that. and watching you and sometimes also it's. just Joe it's just I love the mechanics. of jokes yeah I love like I just got a. new [ __ ] joke oh there's no nothing. better dude it's literally like pulling. something out of your ass and getting. everybody to smell it and they like it. and they like it and now you're like I. have this yeah it I always think of it. as going healed you know like in the old. west like when I once I have a set like.

after I put this special out it'll be. I'll be I'll be [ __ ] naked again I. have nothing yeah but when you go back. to the club and start getting then you. gotta set together and you put the gun. belt on like I can go anywhere now you. know it's just there is there is a power. rush to it I think also and it makes me. feel proud of myself like I used to. think. for some comedians it's about love it's. about feeling accepted and loved but for. me it's not that really because I feel. weird about that I feel weird when I. feel like when people stand up or they.

they show a lot of adulation I don't. know what to do like it's not. comfortable. it doesn't make sense that doesn't feel. human oh that's interesting I can relate. to that yeah what I feel that's the big. thing up there is. like I'm doing I'm so I'm good at this. this is I'm nailing this I'm making them. happy everybody's happy the show's good. that's just I mean this is you're making. something good yeah it's very satisfying. you know it get better and better at it. I tried something I didn't think would. work you know like when I keep notes in.

the beginning of a when I'm starting to. build a set there's always a section. that's like uh long shots you know stuff. that's never going to have long shots. Jesus I mean that's well the thing is. those long shots like things that when I. first did them the bottom was like oh. the crowd's like new and I'm like this. is one this one's gonna be hard but. every long shot I ever did ended up. being the big bits wow those end up. being the solid killer never fails the.

memorable great bits yeah the bits that. I'd start with that were like this is. that's a slam dunk that's a slam they. start fading as the set gets more mature. because you don't love them as much no I. mean you like them yeah they're [ __ ]. but they're not [ __ ] wedding [ __ ]. [ __ ] yeah yeah you're all right but. yeah you know come over if I don't get. anybody else yeah yeah. wow dude yeah I uh. I can I I could totally understand that. I could see how yeah it's about it's. interesting it's not about the affection. it's about getting creating something.

that makes you feel pride in yourself. yeah spreading yourself I mean it's a. little more self-love than it is Love. from them yeah I guess but that's okay. that's what we need you know I mean. we're all just trying to like find some. way to you know to feel okay. um yeah I've noticed I just started. telling more jokes like talking more. about Jews and stuff in my set a little. bit like because I've always just been a. freaks in La you can't even say the word. it feels like you just feel scared but I. didn't care just now when you said it. yeah I just didn't have any Jewish. people by us growing up so to me it's.

just like but my Jewish friends are like. dude this [ __ ] [ __ ] is great it's. like but for a song I was just so scared. to even well here's why your Jewish. friends like it because they never hear. it and the thing is. the best way for people to get to know. each other is to hear the voice of. somebody who finds they're alienated. from a group and talking about them like. like I remember years ago Tracy Morgan. and I want to like get him and re in. trouble whatever oh he'll find a way. yeah he did a joke about if his son was.

gay and. he said uh I'm gonna love him if my son. is gay I'm gonna love him like any. father loves any son. but if he comes in the room and is like. hey Daddy I'm gonna stab that a little. bit in the throat I know it just caused. 70 problems but the bit was so brutal. and he got he was like an early version. of like you can't say that and he had to. go to like homeless gay centers and. listen to people that were you know.

suffering and he had to go on a big. apology tour and and they and they shut. him down and I thought that was a shame. because there's such an opportunity in. that he's telling you what it's like to. be him where he's from and be and by the. way he's describing a conflict I'm gonna. love my son but I don't know how I'm. gonna handle him acting effeminate. because. my community my community doesn't honor. that and they think that is weakness and. yet I'm working and living in Hollywood. where I he's probably met gay people who.

he looks up to now so that's why he's. got a conflict now totally so he the way. he dealt with the conflict is with. comedy by punching through it with a. funny brutal phrase and there's so much. to that there's so much to be learned. from that and for it it'll help people. uh on both sides do you know what I mean. yeah so it's for it's it's fun to watch. people that don't know a group talk. about that group yeah. that's how you see them huh yeah yeah. man that's how I see him I mean that's.

where I came from it's exotic yeah. that's the joy of everything that's yes. that's what gives me any [ __ ]. excitement in the world like I love. think like I grew up in a you know black. white environment so I love thinking. about race and how it interacts and just. the surprises and I love that kind of. [ __ ] it's what even made me want to get. people to laugh sometimes was if you. could get black and white people to. laugh it was like you're the best. feeling of [ __ ] Elizabeth Taylor dude. no and you need any you need more of.

both for it to work like if there's one. black guy in the room nobody white will. laugh at a race joke yeah but if there's. 50 black people in the room they'll. they'll laugh and then everybody's. laughing yeah uh because yeah 49 on. other black people yourself yeah when I. worked at uh well that's I'm that's not. a worthwhile story but uh at least you. know that see that's the power of That's. The Power of the experience right there. yeah yeah let's cut bait with that one. that's yeah but I gotta tell you. something because like last night so.

you know the feeling when you do like I. don't know how what level you work at. with stand up like what what's room you. would work around here not like do you. do theaters and stuff theaters yeah so. but the comedy store but I mean yeah. like I'll do a couple thousand seat. venue probably okay so when you do a big. show that's like a concert right it. leaves me feeling this very dry feeling. like there's adrenaline in my system. which is uncomfortable but also on now. I'm like suddenly you're backstage. you're alone yeah it's very strange yeah. they're all couples I mean I don't some.

guys travel with an Entourage people. that keep them warm I don't do that yeah. so I have opening acts but everybody's. off in couples in groups having fun and. you're alone all of a sudden. so I'm always left with this [ __ ] and. last night I felt it a lot because I had. to put a lot of pressure on last night's. show because I needed to get clean up. anything I didn't do right night one and. it's for the special you know right. so I was cranky and tired and exhausted. and I went back to the hotel I felt like. [ __ ]. and I thought well I'm doing this guy's.

podcast I don't I don't really know your. work yeah who you are I was I just. automatically respect that you're. successful because I know how hard. comedy is. but I thought I don't know the guy. should hear I should hear his I should. hear his voice you know I should hear it. so I just I'm kind of ready for bed I. don't want to do anything but I put my. phone on iTunes I found one of your. albums. uh it's like a picture of your face as a. kid. and what the [ __ ] is it called oh yeah. uh I want to say what it is because.

um what is this where Zach can help this. is. wait tell them no sorry uh musket fire. musket fire. so I put on musket fires I'm kind of. getting ready for bed. and Jesus Christ I mean I was I was I. was looking for something to like maybe. I could pay him a compliment on. something like you know what I mean I. just want to be respectful I know who he. is and I was laughing so [ __ ] hard I. was La I was just out I don't know how.

long it's been since the comedian has. done that to me I was just laughing my. ass off it's also a really good album. like it sounds good and it's I don't. know if this is what years this stuff is. from if he's probably from a few years. back yeah you're you're it you're like. hungry you're like a hungry comic but. you're so I mean I'm just looking at the. tracklist so I can remember the bits the. thing I mean where the the the. um the. where the title comes from where you. said about your father being 70. oh yeah.

and that you're you were the only sperm. yeah and that you had to like shut the. wind you had to close up the nuts yeah. and then you pass to like a skeleton. sperm and you just sweep up and eat the. floors oh my God it was so [ __ ] funny. that and the and then this story about. uh Brad Pitt I mean you have a shitload. of weapons yeah you have like you know. like I think comedians as pitchers. sometimes like some guys have a fastball. yeah some guys are closer so they just. come with heat you know and other guys.

have they can protect their fastball. with. off speed stuff you know what I mean I. mean you have long stories that you tell. that are are dizzying. I don't know how you come up with it's. like and every story has it's like a. Christmas tree with so many ornaments oh. thanks but then also when you're just. doing Straight Ahead observation about. life and sex and whatever just talking. generally which is two two things for. Comics is speaking about their. experience and their feelings and their.

experiences one thing but then the other. one is like here's how I see the world. and you do both with like a [ __ ] it's. strong as [ __ ] I mean thanks man I. listened to then I listened to the other. album the the the hamsters in the back. oh yeah. you called it uh uh Louisiana Ivory or. something like that right oh yeah the. ivory of Arkansas dude Arkansas yeah. because they busted a guy with uh. hamster bones in our town yeah and you. said you figured out it must have been. like 2 000 hamsters or something we had. to have a lot and this story where. you're in um bathing suits with your.

friend you're we're in wet bathing suits. surrounding a bunch of monkeys in a. Wendy's parking lot which is a poem of a. sentence is there any truth to that. story that really happened yeah that. happened in uh because our town was. where thank you for the compliment. that's nice of you sure. um it'll probably be one of the best. comments ever get well it was shocking I. was like how do I not how have I never. heard this guy yeah what [ __ ] great. thank you well it's crazy how we just. don't get you know some people you don't. know about people yeah.

you know yeah well comedians are single. we're not even like tennis players that. are one-on-one we're just one right. we're like kings on the chessboard you. know you know I can't you can't sit on. the side by side squares yeah it's yeah. that's really interesting you kind of. just marvel from afar yeah which I think. in a weird way is how I've always. connected with people anyway is just. this space yeah there needs to be this. space you know to have a connection so. getting even closer even more vulnerable. even with comedy and stuff is a thing. that's like how that's one thing I'm.

watching you I'm like Jesus Christ how. what part of this dude is even talk like. how is this guy. speaking from the bottom of a [ __ ]. Wishing Well of himself like. where or what like you're and it's like. I don't even know what part of me is. listening to you it's like it's like a. [ __ ] violent baby yeah that likes to. [ __ ] and and he. is front row and he has no diaper on.

yeah but he's [ __ ] right there and. I'm like where has he been I didn't know. he was in me and then I see couples. watching you yeah and I'm like does. Louis I almost feel like he Marvels at. their ride home in the car yeah I do. think about that yeah. how does what do the groups say to each. other. what do two guys say to each other you. know because there's that that's hard. for people to talk about something like. that after I think. they don't want to they don't want to be. the first to say they liked it or didn't. like it yeah some people don't like me.

on in my audience I can see it I see. faces of people going like. This Isn't that cool man and they can't. I appreciate that they can't like I used. to think like why the [ __ ] are you here. then well because you don't if you need. to look at a bunch of faces just loving. you. but it's interesting to look at people. that are just like you know and it's. interesting to me that they came. it's like going to a fire but being like. kind of like yeah. people do people like to they want to. see they want to see that's I think. that's different about comedy than music.

Wow music you're a fan otherwise you. don't waste your time but when a. comedian gets bigger I think there are. people who are like well I want to find. out I I don't like him or I haven't I. don't like what I've heard yeah but and. there's also people I used to have it. more but you see that there's people who. just came because you're you're you're a. name right and they really didn't pay. attention and some of those people are. horrified you know I mean at the height. of my career I had people I could see. people leave because they're like I. didn't know he was going to talk about. any of this [ __ ] you know and it was.

weird because the build up to it is just. only people who loved what I did it's a. when you get. at the first stage of getting notoriety. is only devoted fans who love what you. do telling their friends and that grows. exponentially but it's still people they. only tell a friend they know will like. it so you have just a perfect crowd for. a while oh yeah but then if you get more. popular people start coming because they. heard about you you start being more. accidentally noticed yeah people want to.

yell sometimes people just want to come. and yell something yeah they just want. to be at a thing so you're starting to. get more kind of like casual fans and. they don't and they're not fun they're. not into it yeah and it starts getting. you feel the way it starts getting heavy. you start getting the whole thing gets a. little waterlogged there's a I think it. happens to every comedian I think and. there's a couple of couple a few years. of my career where I felt like I was. starting to get a little shitty because. I just wasn't I was losing my bearings. you know. that's fascinating man it really is it's. interesting to hear because yeah I've. had experiences where it's like you get.

so many fans and podcasts and help. create that um yeah and this other. alternative world you know like because. you were you had a I mean. one thing that you'll be able to say for. yourself I think even as a human by the. time you get to the end of your life is. you've gotten to have almost every. experience. do you think so I think so you've got to. have a lot of them did you it seem what. do you mean I mean I don't know about. all your experiences but you've gotten. to have success you've had success like. in the mainstream version yes and then. this other version and I don't and I'm.

I'm paraphrasing myself because I don't. know exactly what I'm saying but. um this other version of success like. kind of in this alternative ver in this. you know do it straight to your fans. yeah straight to Consumer. um the movie The Fourth of July like. yeah dude unbelievable I was sitting. there sending Joe list messages like. dude you are so [ __ ] good he's good. right oh and it just captures who he is. yeah much it's like how do we get this. special piece of Joe that's like.

just so like perfect you know that was. the exercise yeah I mean it was. it was awesome it made me in Spa it just. I can't believe you guys nailed the. ability to capture everyone but you've. got to have and we'll talk about uh. Fourth of July in a second. um. but you have everything now through your. website and you can but what has that. been like because you had this. mainstream success that is very glitzy. and glammy and it's like a lot of us. chose podcasting because there wasn't.

that opportunity there right so this. alternative Universe kind of was created. um what is what has one been like in the. other been like well I mean I had first. so many years of just struggling you. know like uh I started when I was a just. 18. I think the first time I ever did it. I was 17 but I started really trying at. 18 in 1985. it's a long [ __ ] time it. goes 38 years now wow but from 19 from. 1985 and when I was 18 Till I was you. know he was a Boston comedian for years.

just trying and failing and and uh and. then I moved to New York and I started. to get some sense of power but but and I. tried writing for TV is a way to make a. living because I just wasn't making it. as a comic but as a stand-up I worked. until it wasn't really until I was like. 40 that I started to really like hit so. I had all those years so that's like a. whole other you know right right people. kind of forget about that yeah I wasn't. trying to discredit you no no I hadn't. put your time feel that at all okay but. after that then I had yeah I had this.

big and the biggest part of it was the. stand-up I mean that's what fueled it. all was that I was selling out theaters. all of a sudden and they couldn't get be. big enough like I would double the size. and sell it out I would put a show on. sale and it would sell out in a minute. and. um. and there wasn't a room in the world. like there wasn't an indoor space in the. world I couldn't book. like we would me and my agent would talk. about where do you want to play like. let's go to London Royal Albert Hall if. you feel like at Wembley Arena yes any.

place Stonehenge yeah [ __ ] Madison. Square Garden weird amphitheaters and Mr. McGregor's Garden anywhere anywhere it. was crazy like I remember I was talking. to one point about playing Central Park. you know like Simon Garfunkel did like. it was crazy. and then the TV thing you know I mean I. had that show and it hit. but it wasn't like friends or something. it wasn't like you know what I mean it. wasn't a network show with a huge reach.

there's still a [ __ ] a ton of people. that never saw it it had pretty low. ratings in my show it got a lot of press. and rewards and stuff and not even as. many awards as other shows it wasn't. like the office or something right but I. loved the work I loved I was getting to. do the show exactly the way I wanted so. I had a huge fulfillment that way and. yeah it was weird I was getting Awards. and I was at awards shows and stuff like. that and I would meet somebody like Brad. Pitt and he'd be like oh dude and that. kind of strange feelings and.

um I'm sure and your ego has to build. even if you don't know it the ego's so. that's right that's the thing that's you. that you got to be careful of you don't. know what your ego is doing you're just. success is very dangerous because. there's no warning signs on it there's. nothing cautionary about it in the. experience you just believe in it you're. just like this is all happening because. I'm good at this and because it's my. time and and here we go and anything. good that happens you go sure I'll do. that too yeah and you just keep letting.

it load on and you don't. think about like you're seeing the uh. American Gangster it's Denzel Washington. yes. there is the that you're watching him. quietly build this huge Empire and then. it's when he goes out in the white uh uh. fur coat to the fight he goes to a box. you mentioned white for coat and then. the head cop the Russell Crow goes who's. that guy and he's not aware that. somebody has just gone wait a minute. who's the guy in the white fur so when.

you're like big getting bigger and. bigger somebody out there is going like. what's going on with that guy that guy's. flying awfully high and you you just. don't you're not aware of that you just. go this just keeps being good I'll do. next year I'll do 10 shows of the garden. I mean where does that go where do you. think that's going like now I look at it. like where do you thinking that's headed. like it just can't things that expand. explode right yeah it's unsustainable. for most artists in the world I mean. every comedian has that's even gotten. that big there's been some comeback to.

Earth moment everybody every buddy who. gets that big right has whatever their. vulnerability is whatever their thing is. they're Achilles heel it's going to get. hit yeah because the world tests you and. it's also just more interesting to watch. somebody go down it's just part of life. life is a zero-sum game you know oh yeah. so but so yeah but having done stuff. like hosting Saturday Night Live Like a. bunch of times like that was never that. wasn't in my. in my sights like I didn't think these.

things would happen to me I had. completely you're really not I. completely had given up on those things. happening to me I just admitted to being. a writer you think yeah I thought I'd. I'll never stop doing stand-up I thought. because I love it it's it's the thing I. love. but I can write I'm a good writer I. tried making films early and they. crashed and burned so I'm like I'm not. going to be a film director either those. are the Big Dreams like direct movies be. a comedian. I'm gonna do comedy but no one's ever. gonna love it and I'll go down for.

whatever I was maybe pulling in a you. know a few hundred people a night down. it'll just diminish and someday I'll. have to give it up and I'll write and. that'll be okay I'll make other people. famous make Chris Rock famous make Conan. you know help other guys get there and. there's joy in that I Chris I love Chris. this is my favorite growing up yeah he. he astonished me when he came back to. stand up after SNL and get inspired me a. lot he was he's one of the best friends. I've ever had and uh he was great but. when he was just my boss I just loved.

him he was the greatest greatest guy he. used to say like you know I'm not it's. not about me world because he he hired. writers that were all really good and he. said we're all the Yankees I'm I'm in. the I'm in the cleanup spot but I'm just. the guy who has this one role but you're. all you know you made us feel like we're. all part of it right so I liked that. work but I had no I had really decided. and I started I had a kid and I was like. this is not. it's not gonna never gonna happen for me. and then if something changed because. when I went on stage I just didn't I.

didn't care anymore about my a career so. and I was really cranky and I was. starting to really I went through a new. cranky phase and I was a tired father. and and I started talking about that and. then things then things changed you know. did it surprise you yeah it really it. really did talk to me and then when I. got the the show on FX the the the they. paid me the minimum I got paid like you. know scale yeah and the show had the. smallest budget of any show on. television but the point was and it was. on FX which was nowhere at the time I.

mean they had a few cool shows yeah but. people didn't know about it no so I. thought I'm gonna do a show and I'm. gonna love it. and it's never going to take off it's. just going to be a little show my friend. Laura kitlinger had done this show yeah. called The Adventures of Jackie. something and Laura's one of the. funniest people I knew and she did a. nice season on like AMC and I thought. that's what I'm gonna do one season of. this weird little show and then I'll go. back to them I'll get another writing. job that's what I figured I had no. [ __ ] and then we're like you know. then we're getting on the big lists and.

then we got Emmy I was totally shocked. that that happened. um but then after a few years I'm like. yeah this is you know it's like if you. play Blackjack you start winning you get. stupid right away you're like I'm good. it's because I'm good at Blackjack yeah. yeah because I know what I'm doing. and then they just then you're busting. every hand you're like no I'm a [ __ ]. [ __ ] so yeah I was in a place where I. thought like I this is happening because. I know what I'm doing now because I'm. earning it uh but a lot of it is just so.

weird you caught a wave you caught a. wave it was good timing yeah it's. interesting how some comedians don't. even get the time it's like they're. where they're what their funny is in. their lifespan it just doesn't match. with the wave of like where Society is. sometimes that's right there's some. people that are incredible but they. weren't that at the right time that's. one of the biggest challenges in comedy. is just staying good when nobody's. paying attention and continuing to. progress because it's like this. Searchlight that maybe finds you. sometimes and if every time it finds you.

you're you're getting better and better. then the then someone in the somebody in. the world will start to go this guy is a. good bet they'll start putting money on. you yeah but uh but anyway then when I. when I started to pull in the when it. became like total like just nothing. failed area yeah on the road because. stand-up was always the most important. thing foreign. I thought an interesting way to leverage. this would be. to make a connection with the fans. through this website because I could.

have started taking huge checks from Big. promoted companies you know just those. there are tours where they just give you. the money first right right it's like. here's seven million bucks or whatever. yeah and then we're gonna charge your. fans 600 a ticket right you know we're. gonna sell and then we're gonna sell. those tickets to our own reseller you. know to [ __ ] we're gonna make money. that way and we're gonna give you they. can do stuff like we'll give you a jet. Verizon's paying for the jet and now you. have a Verizon sign above your you know. they have you have sponsorships on the. tour and then they they load on other.

comedians that they owe money to that. they're trying to burn off the money and. you're doing rooms that are just awful. that they own you know it's just but. it's seven million dollars here you go. that's what you get for your 30-year. climb that's what that's you know right. um but to me it was more interesting to. go because I I was interested in like. Ticketmaster has all the emails they. know those are the Glenn Gary leads they. have but if I make a website and sell. directly to people and I think about how. I don't like buying stuff when they ask.

me for my email I don't like it yeah I. hate it I don't like belonging to stuff. I don't like joining right I don't want. to do that to my fans either no so we. just make it that you just pay the five. bucks and it's in five dollars was this. like crisp little number. and then you have it and I don't care if. you [ __ ] share it don't be a dick and. make money on it but I don't give a [ __ ]. that much it's never gonna it's not. gonna ruin my life if other people share. my products right and at the time this. idea of protecting your product was. getting bigger. because digital was new you know and uh.

and then I got your email and and if if. you want to give me your email you have. to give it to me like we made it hard to. give to get on the list. so I got this little list that started. growing and it just that saved my life. because that's I still have that list is. getting bigger and bigger but it's. that's who I go to now. um has that been do you find more do you. miss the notoriety of not even a little. bit interesting not even this and that's. true that's 100 true I don't miss it I.

don't the thing I just do I mean I've. been torn for three years right right. yeah it is all over the world and big. places a lot of my friends have been. working with you on and off over the. years and I I know that for sure but. yeah I guess I was wondering do you miss. that Hollywood style kind of notary. because that's the two that's the things. that that podcasters always miss a. little bit they're not like in this it's. so funny to me too because like I've. heard like Shane is a buddy of mine and. he's got a you he puts sketches on. YouTube and hundreds of thousands of. people watch them and people worship.

Shane and he sells out big places and. he's having a great time and he's like. I'll never get on television yeah like. what the [ __ ] are you talking about. like what is your problem yeah it's like. a guy who invented the the Telegraph and. he's like they'll never let me on the. Pony Express like you just killed the. Pony Express. what the [ __ ] worried about. this has so much more power that [ __ ] is. dead and it's still you know you think. about I grew up thinking about The. Tonight Show oh that's what everybody. thinks about if you could do.

Jimmy Kimmel every night for six weeks. and kill and you ain't gonna sell one. ticket off that nobody's watching. Comedians and they don't even know where. to find you no this this [ __ ] it spreads. it's on every it's all over the it's. crazy you have the same bandwidth. as NBC ABC or any of them yeah and and. but the difference is you got something. people are never they you fans you have. from doing this they're Never Gonna Let.

You Go. you're gonna stay yeah so it's a. blessing it is and when you can go to. direct it's just I do stand up now and. people come and we have a great time and. they pay me. and what the [ __ ] else could I possibly. want these These are people I care about. they they went out of their homes I know. [ __ ] got a babysitter and parked. somewhere and then sat politely in a. [ __ ] seat with strangers and listen. to me and gave me a [ __ ] ton of money I.

mean when I went back to clubs first I'm. like I'm in clubs again like that's all. that's all I got I thought that might. hurt my that's I didn't know if I would. feel like this. but when I first was like the St Louis. funny moment I remember. you know the soda thing is right next to. you going likes feeding soda to the bar. oh yeah you're in a back room with just. soda machine that was one of the last. ones you could smoke in too yeah you. could it's still oh you can't good they. had the early smoking show. and uh I was like here I am but I went.

on stage in that place you know the. crowd is just all around you and it's. hot you feel a heat like you could see. kind of like a like steam coming off of. them oh yeah and it's a dump yeah you. feel like if you just pushed one of the. walls hard enough the whole club would. fall down yeah and uh and I had a. [ __ ] ball I had such a good time and. it was hard work I did like two Friday. two Saturday like the old days. and then I got paid and I'm I'm for. whatever I am I I can still get 80 90 of.

the door yeah and 89 of the door of a. comedy club after you know Thursday. through Saturday that's crazy money now. play in the garden and then another. Arena the next night for 20 nights in a. row is astronomically more but I don't. feel that money I don't need you know. what I mean that doesn't feel like more. right it's just like yeah that's a [ __ ]. ton of money it's all gone now because. I'm stupid and I because I made movies. with it I'd make my own stuff with my. own money now.

but that [ __ ] funny bone check I was. like who needs more than that man that's. and and um with comedians I love I'm. choosing my openers we're having fun. together. um and yeah I called enough money. together to make that movie with Joe and. we don't get you know I don't get. written about I'm not you know when I I. made two specials over the last years. and yeah does that hurt no it doesn't it. really doesn't because. a [ __ ] ton of people buy them on the. site and folks that want I'm back to.

that place where if you're watching me. it's because you really want to hear. this these jokes it's not because you. want to like you know. see what this means inside the culture. or you don't want to you're not trying. to clam on to act cool because you like. me it's just you're into the comedy yeah. if you're if you're watching me you're. into the comedy there's no other reason. to do it. and I like that and I have. my friends in the industry and in my. community my Pro I have my real friends. I lost a lot but now I have real friends.

and I love them and and I love their. success doing that with Joe is a big. thing for me because that was his story. it was his voice so given a movie to a a. young guy you know who I just thought. was worthy and somebody should listen to. this guy and I don't think anybody else. is gonna make a movie for him. so. that felt great and it's a small it's a. small movie it's got a small scale you. know it's not like some like whoa it's. just a [ __ ] real story so I got to do. that and it's it's inching towards.

making its money back it's just it's. just you know it costs a lot because of. the pandemic was oh that's aggressive to. shoot during the pandemic but uh but no. it's really good it's a and and I I I I. I don't know you can you can have a life. like that you don't have to take every. every opportunity I don't think that. that Hollywood notoriety that membership. of that club. it's not really good for you I don't. think it it's cool. it's a fun trip if you can make the trip.

if you can get that big yeah go on the. trip. if you can go on some red carpets yeah. have fun it's a it's worth experiencing. if you can host Saturday Night Live go. [ __ ] do it make the most of it and do. your best and try to be yourself try to. it's really everybody that has made it. and had a real like like you're saying. at the end of life going I I did all. this it's could you stay yourself during. it because if you're not yourself if you. change in order to stay in those places.

because that's the first thing they'll. ask you to do oh yeah that's what I was. trying when I got to Los Angeles then if. you do that then you're not the one. experiencing it anymore you're lost. you it's not you you became somebody. else to do that and then you start. getting this weird feeling about that. yeah that's so interesting I was I've. been a part of things where it's like I. don't feel like this is me and it's. because I wasn't choosing it it wasn't. me choosing it so then of course it's. not going to be me that shows up to it. every day no that's a fascinating note. for anybody next to this could be a. relationship a job anything you're in if.

you're wondering why something doesn't. feel right all the time or doesn't fit. or you're not showing up the same way. that feels comfortable to you it's. because of that very reason right there. yeah because you kind of Desire can come. from a lot of things it's not always. internal sometimes it's like I've been. told I want this or this feels like this. might get me out of where I am this. seems like what I should be doing yes or. it might be a step that that feels right. to me I've seen other people do that. or or sometimes just like maybe this. will get me out of my misery maybe this.

will change everything that kind of. thing but the thing you got to ask. yourself is is am I being Theo when I. take this step forward like what would. he do because and if it looks so good. but you're like that ain't me man the. you say to yourself yeah but it's okay. because I'll take that step and then. there'll be another me step past that. but there's no more you like if you take. one step that's not you right you have. nowhere to put the next foot the next. it's not you anymore you like your yard. you're not nowhere but if you take a.

step that's like this seems like a bad. idea this is hard nobody likes this. but it's me man what am I gonna do then. when you take that step the great thing. is no matter what comes at you all you. got to do is lift your foot and plan it. again you're still you you can you get. you through hard times. and it'll keep you available for Good. Times. as yourself you know there's nothing. there's nothing else there's nothing. else all that stuff it's. it's got a gross side to it but if.

you're yourself again if you can be. yourself in it you can observe it. you can find love there there's love. everywhere so you can find friends and. you can find interesting things you know. if you're in an award show there's. people working the cameras and stuff and. like a lot of them were people I knew. from like Conan like group members so. I'd beat it in award show going like I. shouldn't be here and then I'd see you. know a guy like hey and I go hey there's. love there you know yeah or a weird. actor I worked with for some on some a. long time ago and he said you know there.

is people there's you can find a loving. and a self path. through anything but if you depend on if. you're like I won't feel good if. everybody if I'm not a Hollywood. a-lister. you might as well [ __ ] pack it in. that's it's not a good way to live. yeah man it's just it's so interesting. to hear some of that because I've had. spots even in this past couple years my. life where I chose to do certain things. and I'm like I know this doesn't feel. right but I feel like I need to do it. for money or I feel like I need to do it. for and once I got out of some of that.

everything has fallen so much more into. place I've gotten a semblance of human. like I just feel like myself more again. it's been pretty fascinating good. um when it comes to like love in your. life has that been a tough thing I find. like as a comedian like I get so. analytical about stuff and obviously we. were talking a little bit about how like. getting him into emotional spaces can be. like a real uh you know that can be like. a real. it's a real it can be a tough space. sometimes for comedians.

um has it been sometimes I noticed even. with like being in love or something. like that I'll like I'll be analyzing it. so much it's hard for me to actually be. in the feelings yeah because I'm like. it's like to be in the feelings you. almost have to let go of some control. kind of yeah you know and so have you. had experiences like that in your life. has it been kind of tough or what's that. kind of been like because I know you've. had you've been married and you've been. married I've got two kids that's a. different kind of love it's that's a. forever it's a love you just have it's.

like you can't choose that was that hard. for that because sometimes I fear that. like. because love seems so negotiable. sometimes I think because it was like. that when I was it felt like that when I. was a kid yeah that I worry that it's. gonna be like that if I'm a parent how. is it negotiable when you're a kid you. mean conditional you mean like it can go. away if you don't do the right thing or. something yeah yeah I think like if you. don't uh. uh yeah if you're not like.

I don't know if you're not something. then. you don't deserve something you know or. something like that you know. yeah I I have a dog do you have a dog. uh-oh I've got a dog and she's like my. wife now like it's me and her you know. and uh we I mean my kids are in my life. and we have a great joy but my dog's. with me every single day when I'm home. oh wow and uh. I was with my dog once and I'd smoked I.

don't smoke weed very much. but I went to Washington Square Park and. just bought some weed and it was I think. it was a little a little much oh yeah. some weed makes people gay even. no but I was uh I was like. uh getting existential and weird you. know yeah but my dog came over and sat. with me so I just kind of hung on to her. and I said to her you know you don't. have to do anything you don't ever have.

to do anything I said you don't have to. worry. you don't have to try you don't have to. be sorry you don't have to promise. uh you don't have to regret all you got. to do is sit there and just take the. love that's coming at you that's all you. got to do is just be. and just take the love that's just. coming and then I thought I could say. that to myself too I could say that's. anybody you know I mean if you're. willing to just be yourself and just sit. there yeah it's it's hard that sometimes.

you're just alone sometimes you're just. lonely sometimes you don't find somebody. you don't find love but once you have. kids it's it's a tricky thing with kids. too because you want to love them and. and then you also got to let them go you. also got to let them depart your life. you got to let them my kids are 18 and. 21 now 17 and 21 about 18 a few months. but they they start to you know and yet. and then it turns into a different. everything that takes away from you. gives you get another it's a zero-sum. game yeah so your kids aren't little you.

know holding your hand anymore. but you can watch a movie and make fun. of a movie together you know what I mean. right talk about life and be friends and. that's incredible with somebody who you. used to wipe her little face you know. and now you're laughing at a [ __ ]. shitty movie together talking about how. shitty this movie [ __ ] sucks cursing. together you know yeah that's really. something oh yeah I want to curse my. [ __ ] kid yeah you need to have kids I. think I think you should have kids yeah. and I don't know I mean the the that. love with uh with a woman with a partner.

that's a lot harder because you're both. armed with self-protection and stuff. yeah totally and so I think the thing. you got to be willing to just try it and. fail you have to it has to be okay for. you that if it doesn't work out because. it mostly usually doesn't I think it. should be okay with people that you. combine with somebody and you try and a. bunch of stuff doesn't work and you [ __ ]. some and you have fun and you do. something exciting like having kids. together and then when it's just when it. starts to rot you get the [ __ ] out.

it's okay just get out you're done your. dad did it you just get you know my. daddy like you know my parents broke up. vamanos yeah thank God my parents broke. up yeah yeah that's a great Point huh. sometimes I romanticize things to the. point where if the re if I were able to. look at the reality of it yeah I would. see that it's a [ __ ] nightmare you. know but I can't get there sometimes in. my head because I get stuck so much in. the romanization well because your. feelings are you yeah your feelings run.

a lot of your life and you can't reason. with them I know it's crazy isn't it you. made them I don't know. I don't know who the [ __ ] is inside I. don't know I don't it's his big [ __ ]. mystery. but uh. yeah you can't you're in a thing with. somebody especially young I don't know. it gets easier when you get older like. now when I meet somebody if I'm starting. to get romantic with somebody with this. conflict I just go yeah I can't we're. not we don't need to do that do we like. you you get to it quicker right then. when you're younger you get you start.

having us like you're too you're like. playing uh Battleship where you have a. you can't yeah you're driving past each. other's house you put a Nair in each. other's shampoo I put mayor in a girl's. shampoo yeah it is oh my God [ __ ]. pretty awesome. yeah dude those are the days cause we. had to do it. and she she still tries to hook up with. me you know by the way there's a bit of. yours in that first album that has a. potential you touched on something and a.

great idea for a bit and you didn't. finish it yeah I've heard a few Comics. do that you know uh-huh you're talking. about farts. and you have first of all you have a. take on it I've never heard which you. say I hate farting I've just never heard. anybody say that yeah I hate farting but. at the end of the bit you say toward it. to yourself you go we gotta we gotta get. we gotta beat him we gotta beat farts we. gotta beat him and you just sort of say. it a few times we got to beat him the. idea of that there's a cure for farts. it's a [ __ ] hilarious that we need to. find a cure nobody's even thinking about.

curing farts. that's a great I mean that to me that's. like I want you to go there right no I. appreciate it man uh yeah you had some. great you had some cool material about. that last night man. you don't give me a chance that it's. like that's why I'm like do I have to go. back and watch it again because I don't. even have a CH before I'm processing. [ __ ] I'm like so far into the [ __ ]. fun house there's like a disabled man.

eating my ass dude and I'm trying to. [ __ ] order a Ruben it's like I. literally don't even know what's going. on dude maybe I'm going too fast maybe I. should go um I do want to talk about. Fourth of July man I'm in recovery I got. like eight months so okay it was thank. you and it so it was nice for me to just. see those guys you know and uh and just. like a part of it that people don't like. the like Joe's sponsor calling him.

no worries take care take a moment. water down the wrong pipe. isn't that crazy man yeah when water. tries to like [ __ ] our lungs no you can. die oh yeah if you get a lot well I mean. that's what it feels like yeah it's. really every all the comfort you have. that you're alive. you could just squeeze this little. put a little bit of water like it's. probably this much water. and it's like I'm done I'm dying. dude if I have tuna fish because a lot. of times if you know when you're coming. up you have to cook in your hotel room.

in the you know yeah yeah so I'd mix. like tuna and stuff in a uh a hot plate. or something or no just in a styrofoam. cup okay and then. um. but if I had Gatorade electrolytes and. tuna my throat would shut down I didn't. know oh really some crazy reaction. so yeah one time I I was [ __ ] losing. I I've called 911 I'm losing it it was. the first time that it happened I got. really scared and I went up to this uh. not a maitre d what's a lady that helps. clean the room clean the hotel. definitely not a major day yeah you mean.

the maid lady yeah yeah or may yeah yeah. um when I've turned on like [ __ ] you. know like trying to [ __ ] do like this. you know any Gatorade you know. like fish and Gator oh bro and I. remember putting literally putting my. fingers in my throat and [ __ ] holding. it open enough so I could breathe like. wow but it's just when that pipe it's. like the littlest thing man no man. you're gone that's why waterboarding. works all it just you could go like this. and I'm like I'll tell you everything oh.

forget it. um the movie was so great how can I ask. you just as a how much does it cost to. make a movie like this I know you said. it was more during the pandemic it's way. too much okay it was like something like. two million bucks okay that movie. shouldn't cost that much but there's two. reasons one was the pandemic because. that just it was like 30 more everything. cost 30 more right and then the other. thing was that I was coming back to I. hadn't filmed anything in a long time. and because the pandemic had happened.

and I just wanted to really enjoy it I. wanted to really make a movie and not. worry about it low low budget movie just. means you're dragging your balls on the. gravel and it's just every single single. thing you do is hard and everybody. around you is stressed out because. nobody's getting paid enough and you're. working bad hours and stuff I just. didn't want to do it I just wanted to. like so we we did a comfortable version. of it it still was very low budget. that's still a very low for Fourth of. July movie you sorry yeah yeah but uh. but and also we shot in this house that.

that was the heart the biggest expense. probably was the house because we had to. find I couldn't make the movie unless. that house was the exact right kind of. law a roomy Log Cabin had to be on a. lake and it had to be in a place that. felt like Maine it was actually in. Upstate New York and Lake George and. that was a and a place that's willing to. be rented it's a house so we the place. there's like a list usually of location. people that put themselves out there as. were available none of them worked so I.

had to have a guy. I the location guy is a guy named Jeff. Karen. from Louis from my series and I went to. him and asked him to do it and he said I. don't do that anymore I'm retired like. he has a whole other life and I just. begged him and he came out at retirement. just just for me so he because he had to. just go real estate listings and go hit. the [ __ ] bricks all over like. Northern America you know and go to. people's doors and knock on him and say. are you willing to be a location that. kind of cold calling it was very hard to.

find the right place and then once we. found the place that was willing they. could have double the price we still. would have paid it because so it cost a. lot and and then we put Lake George is. in this little town where it's really. expensive so every there's no Hotel so. we had to find housing we had to find. like basically vacation homes for the. whole cast and crew and that was the. hugest anyway it's a long explanation. but it's a lot it shows how much goes. into all that yeah a movie like that. should you should be able to make it for. under a million bucks it's it's so it's.

just people talking it's pretty simple I. mean we shot in New York City to which. is expensive so for the first like 30. minutes of the movie. um but there's a lot of ways there's so. many cameras now that are have as good a. sensor as any other camera and the great. lenses of the world you can rent and. everything else is rentable and there's. people that have film equipment who are. dying to use it now because they. overbought and. and uh you can usually pull I mean the. unions are are strict and you have to. use Union Crews most of the time.

so if you're really trying to make a. movie with like a you know carpentry. department and electrical and and grips. and everything yeah it's hard to keep. the cost down a bit but if you just do. what you're friends with a camera you. can do it for whatever cost to rent the. clothes and you know yeah it's. interesting once you go over that Union. line once you get into like that's when. once somebody calls their agent you're. [ __ ] that's right yeah that's just the. way it is yeah it's expensive. um. it was it yeah man I just thought it was.

incredible that moment. I don't want to give it away really but. there's a nice moment where the dad. comes into the room with Joe yeah yeah. with the phone yeah it's funny because. it's so subtle well he had a whole. speech that he gave oh he didn't took it. out. yeah that was the kind of like the point. of the whole movie was that he gives his. speech that's what I was kind of way I. was waiting for that a little but then I. just accepted that it was just yeah it. was weird because we did so.

when we wrote it it was all about this. dad even though he says nothing through. almost the whole movie he's totally. silent and and Joe and his mom are just. at loggerheads. and uh she runs the family and he's. trying to become an individual but be. loved by her and it's impossible she's. withholding like your mom sounds like. she was didn't know how to love you know. so he's dealing with that but you just. see once in a while we go to these shots. that are just quiet private shots of the. dad. like not knowing how to deal and Joe has.

a big anxiety disorder that we kind of. portray through weird filming and at one. point we show that the dad also has yes. oh I didn't catch that I did but I. didn't yeah the key's kind of like an. undiagnosed older guy with he's got an. anxiety disorder but nobody told him you. know nobody told that generation yeah. there was like a thing wrong with him so. he's dealing with that and then and then. at the end when Joe feels like he's kind. of figured stuff out he comes in and. says this thing and it was this speech. where he says. he starts trying he's struggling to talk.

because he doesn't he's because he's an. anxious guy he's socially anxious. and he starts telling him about he was. he said when I played football. um I was a lineman in high school and we. were playing Brockton High and he tells. the story about seeing the quarterback. and that he could sack him and win the. game. but uh he hesitated and the guy laughed. at the passover's head and but he did in. the past missed anyway.

and then he's about to kind of make his. point in the phone rings. and he gives up. so he gets he gets through the story but. it doesn't make his point but we we. played it that way and it just felt it I. believed in it so much when we shot it. when he was the guy who was acting it. Bob Walsh we were all crying everybody's. crying Joe was crying everybody was and. I was like this is the thing but then. you watch the whole movie and you go I. don't want to [ __ ] listen to this. [ __ ] that's stupid and also so much. had happened and so much there were we.

just want to get there so I tried a. version where he comes up and says hey. the phone rings and he goes never mind. and for some reason that got all of the. emotional that got far more people. watched that and they cried. and uh so yeah sometimes you just it's. what you don't a lot of times in movies. is what you you take anything you can. take out and leave it blank. a space where like this almost feels. like there's a mistake there's a weird. emotional reaction to that yeah I got. that the dad was like oh here's a woman.

that cares about you so you need to take. this yes and he and that was him he did. that I mean the line is that's your wife. but he pointed at it and he made a thing. of it that's your wife you should take. that. yeah there's a lot of meaning in that. moment the thing I love about making. movies is is that you I don't really. know what the movie's about the story. just kind of comes to you and you sort. of it's almost like you're taking. dictation like I guess this is what. happens it just makes you you try to. write it as involuntarily as possible. and then as you make the movie you get.

to sit there and watch the [ __ ] happen. you go [ __ ] this is what that means. that's why that have like you start to. learn about it as you make it yeah and. sometimes actors get lost and you can as. a director help them by talking about. that I think this is what he's trying I. don't know. and sometimes they know when you don't. it's [ __ ] it's like it's like if you. could do it with life like deconstruct. life and have all the dialogues between. your family members in front of him and. just watch as a spectator yeah.

but I never feel like it's like about. controlling it or saying you got to do. this again you just learn you learn. through it you know yeah and when it's. comedy when it's funny and it's. you know it was yeah I found it. fascinating I love the the sponsor. calling and [ __ ] with the dumb lines. he's [ __ ] like oh this is [ __ ]. [ __ ] but it's the [ __ ] you need to. hear that keeps you in a [ __ ]. comfortable repetition of like okay this. is what I do every day this is how I get. through the day that's how I get through. it yeah yeah and Joe really wanted it. was important to him because I'm not an. AAA guy but.

um he it was important to him to have it. not be a typical AAA movie where. somebody always falls off the wagon yeah. and get back on and it's very Earnest. and it's all just how terrific A.A is he. wanted to show that it's a pain in the. ass when a guy talks too long and then. somebody always complains like I. wouldn't shut up yeah and uh and that. when you get it spawn C it's awkward. it's [ __ ] it's not it's not lovely. it's like what do I gonna say to this. [ __ ] guy I don't even like this guy.

dude there's a guy that I met years ago. at a meeting I don't even know who he is. he calls me [ __ ] once every week dude. and I thought I have no idea what he. looks like I have no [ __ ] clue dude. and he drives me absolutely insane but. every now and then I'm in a low moment. or whatever yeah and I'll [ __ ] you. know and half the time I take the call. what's going on yeah you know I don't. know it's interesting that whole world's. interesting. um what was it like so just real quick. you you worked with Joe Rogan when you.

were young right when you were younger. did you guys both start in Boston yeah. we both started in Boston at the clubs. and he was like a handsomest guy yes he. was yeah I mean Joe's still a handsome. guy right I loved her and uh but I was. there any like because now if you're. like a handsome comedian people are like. oh [ __ ] this guy right here you can't. have it all no handsome doesn't help you. on stage yeah was it like where people. like that against like whenever he was. starting out well I remember when he I. was I started maybe a couple years.

before him so I was starting to feel. like you know established or in that. little Boston scene. and then this guy he started with guys. like Greg Fitzsimmons and him yeah. they're still really close yeah and. there was a few other guys Robbie Prince. he might have been after. but these guys were like new they're the. First new guys I was aware of oh yeah. because I I had been a new guy for a. couple years. and so now these were new guys to me so. I was probably threatened by them. whatever but I do remember feeling like. Greg Greg was a you know he's an Irish.

kind of like he's not as handsome no. yeah but not back then he was more. handsome yeah Greg's like a book he. [ __ ] like cousin yeah. exactly yes but uh Joe. it wasn't just his looks it was just he. had this confidence yeah and he's from I. we grew up in the same town I'm from. Newton Massachusetts he grew up there. too okay so I went to Newton North High. School he went to Newton South both. Public Schools but his was kind of. fancier they're like kind of richer.

because I kind of thought of him as this. like Newton South. he was so tanned oh he looked the dude. looks great yeah and he was just like. dude like he didn't he didn't talk like. a comic. he talked about [ __ ] chicks and he. talked about being getting being hot and. getting laid or whatever and he and uh I. could see that he had a power on stage. but yeah I was threatened by him because. he was like a good looking guy a couple. years younger than me started after me. yeah who was getting some attention yeah. and uh so on stage I would be like what.

is what's what's for this guy but that's. I mean Nick depaolo started a year after. me and we didn't like we were like. Rivals we didn't like each other at all. because we were both like new guys were. getting big laughs but then we were very. good friends yeah he's in the movie yeah. yes the funny I didn't even know that. that was him until the end I'm talking. to him yeah oh he looks very different. yeah he looks different. yeah somebody's like that singing now I. was like oh my God that's where I knew. him from yeah but uh man but Joe was and. uh but then I got to know him and I.

really liked him and he was he was a. fascinating guy he was a Taekwondo like. black belt Champion he's like a champion. and uh. we talked we would talk about. fighting and life and stuff and I just. liked him as soon as I got to know him I. liked him and then I started watching. like any comedian you first see when you. go well it was what's so great about him. I mean when you're younger but when I. watched him then I go then I started to. really respect what he and most of what.

he got good after I knew him because he. was still just new and raw and he was I. felt he was killing because he was there. is a level where you can the girls like. you on stage he was also [ __ ] every. weight every hot waiter he was getting. all the places how are you supposed to. like I like that but but personally. one-on-one I really did like him a lot. and then I started [ __ ] him but I. would have [ __ ] stood by him watch it. put your hand on the back yeah a little. little of this with Joe Rogan not bad.

yeah but he was also. interesting as a guy and not typical. some guys who are handsome are trapped. by that you know. but he was an interesting dude and then. when he went on and and I'd hear his. stand up I I was like that's he's. working and he's good and I liked his. stand up. um and then he we had kind of a. Crossroads thing because he did that. thing with Carlos Mencia where he outed. him first oh yeah which however you feel.

about that but that it was his he was. very he's adamantly about it and then. his agency Gersh told him if you don't. dump uh if you don't stop if you don't. apologize to Carlos. will dump you and that was my agency was. Gersh. and so he let them go and I heard that. and I was like that's crazy and I called. him and we didn't we hadn't talked in a. long time but I contacted him to say I. need to hear from you if that's a true. story and he said 100 wow they called me.

and they said apologize or you're out of. the agency and that's all I needed to. hear I called them and I said you're not. my agents anymore what if I have an. argument with another comedian what are. you [ __ ] nuts yeah you can't do that. so I dumped them and then I got started. to know that side of Joe. that's like he believes what he believes. and he goes by it whether it's going to. hurt him or not. and I've always known him that way we. just would run our friendship has been. like running into each other in the. parking lot of this Comedy Store and.

talking for a couple hours about life. and that's most of comedians yeah yeah. yeah people always ask what he's like. he's one of the most generally curious. guys I ever met yeah like he has like. any of that he just retains information. so well and people are always like we a. lot of you podcaster guys you guys suck. Rogan's dick you know that kind of stuff. you like him number one yeah and he's. good at it yeah it's like you want to. look you like you want to learn and look. up and like not emulate but you there's. a certain homage especially in a space.

where guys like him and Marin and some. other guys you know but even you even. putting yourself on your website for. five dollars early on that was like. it was a Pioneers type of move a lot of. people were like yes guys that's crazy. yeah I was kind of new at the time I. mean it only works if you have your fans. already it doesn't help you get fans. right so a lot of I know some Comics did. it after me and they're like I'm gonna. do it but they didn't I I I it worked. for me because I was swelling I was. starting to get [ __ ] ton of like you had. a fan base yeah yeah but it doesn't help. you gather it's the thing and I I do.

think that to some degree because I. don't have that allure in the media. attention as much it's get sometimes it. feels like it's getting it's just. wearing down a little bit you know. because it's just me and them right so. getting new people it doesn't come as. easily but I that's such an easy thing. to accept also I'm 55 I mean how many. more years am I going to be alive you. know let alone working yeah it's not. like I needed to just keep piling up and. getting bigger but um and you've got I. mean you've got I mean you got you've. gotten it I mean.

you've gotten to be that big yeah. exactly you don't need to stay big. that's crazy and it's all kind of high. it's all this mythological type of thing. it's all this you know it's like that. whole business it all kind of is works. together it's like the age and his. friends with the Press guy it's all this. yeah and once somebody gets big then. then there's this crazy Rush towards. them because they're big and people just. go well I guess I like him too but that. never lasts and it's like going to space.

you just got to be able to come you just. come back down and you land in a lake. and you land in a lake and then you're. left with whatever amount of fans you. have and that's your cruising altitude. yeah and that because everybody has that. trajectory and then you don't hear about. them but they're out there touring you. know Pearl Jam isn't at the Grammys. anymore right but they're [ __ ]. selling out whatever size place they. want to they're just in the you know. they're you get your orbit. um if you're lucky and not everybody. gets to have that yeah I mean Motley. Crue is one of the like brought in one.

of the most monies last year I read. somewhere right which blew my mind yeah. nobody's talking about Motley Crue but. the fact that they're yeah they stay. busy there's a lot of there's a lot of. work out there but also I don't I think. I mean I don't know that's why the show. at the Garden that I'm doing. that I'm live streaming and it's all. sold yeah so the show I think we've got. about 500 tickets left but it's like 19. 000 right but also you can buy you can. you can purchase it online and we'll put. the link in this video and we'll also. make sure that um we run an ad that week. if we don't if this doesn't come out. that week we'll run an ad that week for.

the show oh thanks man yeah for sure. it's exciting but that to me is like a. way to like say a kind of a one more and. goodbye to that to that level. um uh and then I'm probably gonna take a. break for a while I think I might take a. year or more off and not perform for a. while I want to feel what life feels. like with that I haven't done that since. I was. 18 I haven't stopped. so your show was one of the first shows. I'd seen since the maybe the first time. that I'd seen comedy that I went to and. stood in line and went to see yeah wow. that's yeah that's that's rare I don't.

haven't done that in a long time myself. so Norm MacDonald's last guy I went. bought a ticket and sat and watched. um a few years ago it was great yeah. great great great and actually I just. remember I lied to you I saw Bob Newhart. oh yeah where'd you see him I saw him in. Chicago at the Chicago theater no [ __ ]. yeah and he was telling jokes and I was. like oh these are just jokes that he. [ __ ] read off the internet right no. but then I realized no no the jokes were. just such old baked in the society jokes. he had [ __ ] created them oh yeah of. course. of course they're all him yeah I'm like.

wow these are just shitty internet jokes. and then I'm like oh he [ __ ] made. these up I met him once he was with Don. Rickles wow and uh they were at a. restaurant I was out and the two of them. and their wives were sitting and and uh. one of their wives or somebody came from. that table over to me and said Don would. like to say hi to you so I walked back. to the table and Don had his back to me. and he goes he's not coming over here is. he that [ __ ] piece of shit's not. coming over oh hi like he did a thing.

and he just starts [ __ ] on me he's. like look you what are you what is this. you fat how [ __ ] old are you what are. you what good are you and I'm just glow. you know I just feel great and Bob's got. this huge beaming smile on his face. because he can see that his friend is. happy yeah and uh and I just stood there. and took a beating. for about 10 minutes and just you know. and said hello to the ladies and I. honored them you know Bob you're the. best Don you're the best and then Don. kind of took my he was very old like a. few months before he died I think wow he.

took my shirt and pulled me down and he. said. don't let him forget me. please don't let people forget me who I. was did he really yep and he said it. really earnestly. wow isn't that something yeah. anyway nobody remembers who that is. we know yeah we know yep but that's yeah. it's wow that it all goes back into the. sauce man. it all goes back into the [ __ ] nuts. yeah whatever you're able to do. everybody's gonna forget all of it.

all of it. I feel like we got to keep a little of. it. that's why I don't want to be cremated. when I see people that are getting. cremated I'm like you're a [ __ ]. because what if even a little bit of you. is alive you know huh yeah. you think that body might still be alive. you have eight cells left you have. billions of [ __ ] cells you don't get. [ __ ] 30 cells left and they're like. do you think that's gonna be you like. that's you I think it has time. recollection it has some memory of yeah. I think it holds why does it need to. stay alive you feel like it needs to as.

long as you can hang in there yeah and. then you're like oh [ __ ] I'm getting. grilled like this is the absolute worst. so you're gonna get buried I think. buried straight into the ground you know. actually you know I just want to get. shot out of a cannon in like a. schoolyard and the first kid to touch my. dick [ __ ] wins wins all my money. that's not bad that's not bad that's not. bad there's places you can get buried. right in the ground without a box like. Maine I think you can throw a body in. the ground anywhere you want in the. state of Maine yeah there's nothing any. good I want to believe with a few more.

chicks around though I think yeah oh. yeah. I don't really have any wishes for after. really yeah I I I want to leave that up. to my kids because they'll be the ones. that have to experience it what do you. think they'll do I don't know it depends. on how I do yeah yeah that's up to me. you know it's all up to us uh Louis CK. anything else guys you wanted to ask. that. um yeah last question uh I saw Fourth of. July in theaters and a lot of the people. were I feel like their reaction is how.

hyped they were to see comedians in a. movie like actual comics in a movie yeah. what other Comics do you want to see in. movies. oh [ __ ] uh. you'd have a project or something I. wrote a movie with a friend of mine that. I'm gonna try to make next year. but it's really twisted weird movie and. it's probably going to be too expensive. so I may not get to make it but I'm. gonna try. I don't know if there's any comedians in. that one I like me you know who I always. thought would be a good dramatic actor.

his Tim Heidecker you know who he is Tim. and Eric yeah. Tim heidecker's I saw him I was in. London. is how crazy my life was I had just made. a movie which never came out and I went. to London because I did the music at. Abbey Road Studios I was just I was like. I was telling him before I was [ __ ]. money then I was just and now it's just. [ __ ] [ __ ] right at the time I [ __ ] money. and I had made this movie and I had a.

composer because I wanted to do his. orchestrals score yeah and he said okay. we can get a great Orchestra a really. great Orchestra for like 150 000 bucks. they'll be the best in any any movie. you've watched recently would have this. Orchestra or we can go to Abbey Road and. get the best players in Europe like the. best players of at every instrument for. 300 000. and I was like it's just a check bro. [ __ ] yeah let's get go let's go and I. went to Abbey Road and we recorded music.

with a full Orchestra it's the [ __ ]. sickest thing it's it's like I was a. Coke addict it was a really crazy thing. to do yeah but anyway while I was there. Tim Heidecker was playing at the Soho. theater so I just went to watch him and. he was wearing this uh leather jacket. that was uh you know like a leather. blazer yeah and he had his hair slicked. back and he's just he's a very you don't. know where he's coming from guy yeah. just being really weird and sarcastic. but seeming real at the same time and I. was riveted by his show he got a few.

laughs he wasn't he's not like a killer. comic because he doesn't try to be but I. thought that guy would be a really I'd. like to see him kill somebody in a movie. I'd like to see him yeah he's got a Gacy. Vibe Gacy yeah a little bit I think he. could do some I could think he could. scare the [ __ ] out of somebody in a. movie yeah that's when I look at. comedians I look at that there's guys. that you you go that guy's gonna get me. laughs I won't make a movie without. Bobby Kelly probably ever he's just the. greatest face in a movie Nick de Paul. these are just the guys who I just go. like he's got to be in it yeah.

um Bobby's a sweet guy a Laura. keitlinger who I mentioned before I'd. love I'd love to see her in a movie. someday still she's just she was in a. sitcom I did for one season and she was. great. um there's a lot a lot of people out. there hey you captured I mean you just. yeah I mean I just yeah I love Fourth of. July and you guys can all check it out. you can subscribe uh you can January. 28th is the special yeah it's 25 bucks. to watch it live or you get to watch for. 10 days and it's what I saw you last. night yeah same show wow yeah [ __ ] we.

might we might buy it I hope so well you. can have it for free we'll buy it we'll. buy it man. um Louie thank you so much man thanks. for having me yeah it's really fun that. was really fun yeah me too man it's. interesting I don't like podcasts. they're too serious. and everybody talks about you know their. view on life yeah and everybody talks. about the same [ __ ] [ __ ] it's just. the same four subjects we've been. talking about since like 2012 and it's. really boring I feel like we talked.

about those the comedy jerking off yeah. a little bit but those are that's real. life we talked about real life yeah. enjoy the hell out of it oh thank you. man I did too man this was a real honor. and once again you're a hysterically. funny comic with Sweden I hope that you. focus on the stand-up I know this is. good but I hope that you stay on stage a. lot because if you've only been doing it. for 18 years you're not even there yet I. mean if that's how good you are now then. if you keep the stand up being number. one and when you get to about 22 years. or so.

you're gonna be uh Unstoppable. so I hope you do thank you man yeah I. hope to yeah I think that's where I'm at. right now figuring out kind of how to. evolve you know good um thank you very. much Louis CK now I'm just floating on. the breeze. [Music]. that ground I'll share this piece of my.

life. [Music]. gonna take.