Lobster | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #527

I have some new tour dates to tell you. about. These are new. I want to let you. know Colorado Springs in the Colorado. October 23rd. Casper, Wyoming, October. 24th. Billings, Montana, October 25. And. Missoula, Montana on October 26. Looking. forward to getting into that beautiful. part of America. Also, we have shows this week in Las. Vegas, August 30th and 31st. Then Bend, Oregon, Spokane, Portland, Vancouver,

Oklahoma City, Northern Little Rock, Springfield, Kansas City, Sou Falls, Lacrosse, Cross Green Bay, Molen, Lafayette, and. Bowmont, Texas. Get all your tickets at. theon.com. And thank you so much uh for supporting. live comedy. And make sure you go. through that link, otherwise you'll end. up on a secondary site. And um and those. aren't the prices that we are charging.

Gang, I hope everybody's well today. I was touching my legs earlier. I never. touch I I ne you know I realize as I get. older I never touch my legs. I just you know I'll touch the top of. them a little but rarely do I just I put. my hands just along my entire leg on. each one and it just. I enjoyed it. I um I enjoyed it. So, um good to be.

here and uh hope you're having a good. day. I What's going on? Um, we just did. a run of shows up through. um, uh, Connecticut and, uh, Maine and then out to Monton, which is in New Brunswick, which um, nobody most people didn't know. existed to be honest with you. Nothing.

against them. People just nobody nobody. knew. And uh and then we went out there. to Halifax and. just beautiful beautiful in the. summertime that whole stretch and you. know and I and people like lob they like. lobster out there. I noticed that people. like lobster. and at first, you know, you get like. it's interesting because as you go along.

that coast up there, it gets, you know, how people communicate about. lobster. gets it changes. I noticed that for. sure. Um like you're if you're in. Providence, Rhode Island, a guy will run. up with a gun and be like, "Hey, you. want some [ __ ] lobster? you know, but as you get f as if as if. you if you you know, it's it gets less. aggressive and just more like into the. word as you get up towards Maine,

you know, they're like lobster, you want. some lobster and then uh bang to banger. like you want some lobster. They just keep saying like everybody. like I don't care if you say it or not. but everybody you talk to wants to talk. about. and then you get further out to New. Brunswick and Halifax and they're just. like some. you want you want some.

and it just I I I I'm amazed how just I. just I guess I'm amazed how much people. um love lobster. and that it just that it people get it's. involved in every you know conversation. as you go up that stretch of the country. and of the uh nation and of the world. and we'll put some of it up on a map so.

you can see what I'm talking about but. everybody it just like you want some. love no matter who you're talking to. they're like yeah we're going to um have. some lobster. You know, Tiffany's having a baby and so. somebody's cutting up a. lobster. over there. So, just fascinating to. witness that and just we were really on. the up on that lobster trail up there.

Um. but beautiful to see in the [snorts] God. it's just like um nature is just showing. her cooter up there. It is that whole. area. is just like god dang mother nature got. some new tits you feel me? It's just. like that that kind of vibe up there. So. um that was beautiful. We got to do. that. What else? Um went to a farmers. market.

uh yesterday. I don't know if you've. been to one of those recently. Um there. we get there there's a guy like selling. a mitten. you know, he had one mitten or. whatever and he's he's trying to he was. saying like, "Well, if you have once the. one hand is warm, then you put it on the. other hand." I'm like, I I just if I'm. doing mittens, dude, I'm doing both. mittens, you know? I'm not trying to be like a. creep or whatever, but I just I want to. I want to do both mittens. I don't want. to, you know, I don't want to be some.

guy who's just swapping putting a [ __ ]. you know, changing his mitten onto a. different hand each day or each 40. minutes or whatever. So, that was like a. concept. A guy had this guy like one. mitten Andy or whatever his name was. He. had like a little booth and that um they. just have the weirdest [ __ ] you know? They had a guy selling secondhand. tomatoes. And I'm like, dude, I you know, I don't. want I just want tomato. I just I want.

the tomato. I want my own tomatoes, you. know. I want tomatoes that have no. mileage on them. When I get that [ __ ]. I don't want a bunch of old fingerprints. on it or like, you know, I don't want um. the tomato. I want I don't want to look. at the tomato and it it remembers its. old family or whatever. I just want the. tomato for the first time, you know? And. I feel like at farmers markets, that's. the stuff you get, you know? You get. like a lot of like you just get like a.

lot of crazy stuff at farmers markets, you know? You'll get um they had to do. with like a bunch of lamb eggs or. whatever. Like he he he had like 11 lamb. eggs and I'm like, "How do you even egg. a lamb? How do you even get a egg out of. a lamb? You'll see some dude who had. like the freshest milk or whatever. It's. like freshest milk is so so [ __ ]. fresh, you know? And there's like. [snorts] like the most naturous dude is.

like just has milk just pouring down his. [ __ ] chest and um and [snorts] it's. just like thick milk and uh and if you. put your ear up to the little jug of. milk jar of milk or whatever um you can. hear the cow whisp, you know, it's that. fresh. You can hear like the um cow just. being like this is my milk or whatever. just real super fresh stuff over there.

They had everything's like farm to table. and like they had farmtotable tables. They had actual tables and I was like. damn that's that is that's that's that. is that's farm to table, you know? Um. and then there's like little tents where. like there's like [ __ ] selling. whispers and [ __ ] and you're like what? And yeah, for like $3 something some. [ __ ] will whisper to you. Uh, and so. that was crazy. They had everything.

there. They had like um they had like. paleolithic. eye drops or uh some dude in with a baby. Bujorn with like a dachshun in it or. something and he's just giving him just. fresh milk, boy. And he just just bottle. feeding a [ __ ] dachshund some dude. And um yeah, and they have like real. farmers and stuff and then they have. just like like lesbians that get up. early or something that are saying that. they're farmers or whatever. It was um.

I don't know. It was just it was a. farmers market, man. You've been there. They got carrots. They got [ __ ] um. you know, you can get your you can get. your name carved in a carrot or. something, you know. Uh Scotty was here. or something. 1997. or something, you know, just [ __ ] like. that. They'll do that kind of [ __ ] like. carrot carvings. Uh, you know, there's people they'll [ __ ]. There's some girl with big lips and.

she'll just suck ear wax right out of. your skull for [ __ ] nine bucks. That. kind of stuff, man. Um, so that was that that was uh. Yeah, that was I guess kind of some of. what's been happening. a lot of touring. Thank you to everybody that's come out. recently. Um I'm a little tired today. I'm going to to like a wellness uh. retreat for a few days, so I'm looking. forward to that. Um [sighs] what else?

Um well, there's more. We'll talk about. it, man. We'll talk about it in just a. second. Um I want us to get into the. episode. Um. so yeah, I feel a little all over the. place, but that's okay. You know, that's. sometimes how we feel. And um yeah, I. just I wanted [snorts] to uh yeah, to. just spend time today, baby. Praise God. Let's get into it, [clears throat]. gang. Baby,

this is There is a light. Whenever. you're [music] down, out in [singing] the cold, faithless [music] and dark, your stories untold. Come take [music and singing] my hand. and walk there with me. I know a place [music]. where [singing] we can be free. There is a light.

shining for you, [music]. guiding your way, helping you through. Shadows and gloom. are [music] all that you see. We'll find a [singing] place where. [music] we can be free. Gang, baby. That is There is a light by. the Stonekeepers. featuring David Manuel.

And if you like that music uh or that. style of music, then you like it and. that's okay. Um. what's going on? Um been a Yeah, been a. quite a time. I went to uh professional. bull riding the other night and I've. been involved in some pretty, you know, some naughty stuff, baby. You. know what I'm saying? I've done some. things with some ladies that you.

definitely, you know, you'd cover the kids' eyes. type of behavior, but I never seen. any of the uh. this the I don't want to call it romance. or whatever that's going on, but that they just cuz they get these. young fellas, a lot of them, and they. put them on these animals backs. And I. don't know if the if the bulls are male. or female. That's the part that.

you know cuz I'd ride a you know I've. been on some thick things baby but you. know and that's. hell that's you know if you don't if you. can't afford heat baby that's what you. got to do baby. you know, a thick girl, baby. That's just that wiener mitten, baby. If it's winter, you know that it. is what it is, baby. That's love. That's. the dang lord's freaking love, baby. Um, but, uh, what was I saying? Oh, yeah.

But I don't So, yeah, I don't know if. there's any I guess there's no eroticism. in it, but I'm sure for some of the fans. there is. Um, but watching that was. fascinating. my buddy Matt West, he's. been on this podcast before. Um him and. Jess Lockwood came on and. uh he invited me over there to PBR to. watch the uh watch the games go on and. it was fascinating, man. It's great. If.

you get to go do that or rodeo, you. know, I talk about that a lot. I love. those events. Um and I'm surprised that. there's not more gay men. watching rodeo. I think, you know, especially for the times when it's a. male rider on a male. um animal. because you can't see that kind of, you. know, you got to pay a lot of money. to watch some illegal [ __ ] you know, some illegal streams probably to see.

some of the stuff that's you can almost. witness or imagine when you see some of. these. uh fellas. you know, just I mean just riding these. animals. God. And it's Yeah, it's like I don't know. Some of it. some of it's a lot. But um yeah, what. else, dude? Uh we went to interview. Donald Trump. That was crazy, bro. I'm like, yeah, I.

couldn't even believe that we got to do. it, you know? Uh. and I'd had a long week. It was a long. week. Everybody has a long week, blah. blah blah. But I had a long week and. then I get we go up there. and now there's like a lot of secret. service getting into it was at. Bedminster Golf Course. So there's a lot. of Secret Service getting in there. So. you got to stop here and this guy kind. of touches your pockets or whatever and.

this guy, you know, somebody's reading. your ribs or whatever. They got a mystic. out there reading your ribs. They got a. um you know people patting you down, people patting you up. One dude's. patting you up. I like god this guy's. you know obviously doesn't have a wife. Um. and so yeah, you stop. There's a couple. locations you got to stop and get. frisked and padded and wanded and. wizarded and um yeah, they just ask you. craziest questions, you know, like.

they'll be like, "Uh, what's your middle. name?" You know, and then they'll be. like, "Oh, does your mother [ __ ] a lot?". And you're like, "What?" All right. You. know, they but they're trying to, you. know, see where you're at and see if you. know anybody from Russia or whatever. And then. so I get there. uh. and I had like 40 minutes from when I. got there to when it was time to do the. interview. So only had a limited amount. of time. And I had to, you know, I had. my clothes with me. I had my uh suit. coat and I had two shirts. I had a one.

pair of boots, one pair of regular. shoes, and um. uh bathroom kit, hairspray just to, you. know, you know, look the look the best. that you could. And I was super nervous. to get in the room and I'm just kind of. making sure, you know, the producers, uh, Zach and Nick are there, uh, my tour. manager, Bizzle is there, um, my. right-hand man. And so we were, you.

know, just getting everything like. organized and making sure it all looks, you know, um, just like we normally do, making sure everything is legitimate and. and then they had and they had like the. flags in the background. I'm like, "Holy. [ __ ] bro. We are, you know, we are this is like the damn. pledge of allegiance came to life, bro. It was, you know, it just felt super. real at that moment." And there's like a. um.

there was a secret service guy. and kind of over just like in one corner. of the room. I believe it was it was. just a guy and I and he was kind of by. the near the restroom and so I was like. kind of afraid to go piss or whatever. cuz I didn't want. you know I don't know if they if they're. like listening to you piss or whatever. I don't know what their everything that. they do or whatever. you know, if he's. like thinks I'm like, you know, using. pee pee or piss or whatever to do like.

Morse code into the water or something. to, you know, I don't know all their. training or whatever. So, I'm like super. scared in there and I was I Yeah, I um. ended up just [clears throat] peeing in. they had a a cup, like a red solo cup. that I brought in there with me. I peed. in it and then just poured it into the. toilet, dude. Like along the side of the. toilet wall so it would be real quiet, you know? I just I was kind of I think I. was getting super paranoid. And then um. so anyway,

it starts to get like uh we talk with. his adviserss. People start to kind of. come in just to make sure everything's. cool. Um, and this room has all been. like, uh, searched or whatever. And, uh, you know, drug dog, bomb dog, uh, sword, I think they had a sword dog come in. Um, two dogs just came in. We're like, who the [ __ ] are these dogs, dude? You. know, and one of them ate a thing of. peanut butter crackers that uh, my buddy.

had. Um, so anyway, so we're sitting there and. like, you know, I'm going through like. my questions and my thoughts and you. know, uh, and yeah, I was just nervous like, you. know, yeah, I was just kind of mostly I. was just nervous, I think. you know, I'd. met uh Donald Trump before a few times. uh at UFC and um I'd met his sons enough. so that um.

you know, right when I was talking, I. could say, "Hey, uh you know, I met you. with Dana White." And yeah, so he comes. in and I kind of walked over after he. came in because he was like not in the. little place where we're shooting yet. and just like, you know, said, "Hey.". and um just let him know I was thankful. for his time and [sighs]. and then we sat down and sorry if this. is getting boring. I'm just trying to. think. Uh we sat down and yeah and then.

yeah, we just went through the. interview, you know. Um, and I thought. one thing that was nice I thought it was. nice that he said that his uh son um had. had uh had been the plug to have me come. in, you know. Um I know Dana White had. had obviously helped a ton and made it. happen, but um that he'd asked his son, "Is this a guy's uh podcast that I. should do?" So, I thought that was kind. of neat just to know that he like, you.

know, checks in with his son Baron or. whatever about um about different stuff, you know. Uh. so that was that was Yeah, it was cool. It just went so fast. I only had a kind. of a limited amount of time and it went. so fast and then next thing you know, we. had to wrap it up and I was like I I. couldn't I wanted to ask like one more. good question but I didn't know what to. ask. Um, and I know that um, sorry I'm.

saying um, a lot, guys. I think I'm. nervous even reciting this for some. reason. I think I just feel um, [sighs and gasps]. yeah, I just feel like uh, a I think I. just feel like a lot of energy or. something. I'm not sure. Um, I feel kind. of activated. I guess that's where I'm. at today. So, oh, so I had one more question and I. wanted to ask him, uh, Michael Jackson.

used to live in one of the buildings. that he owned. So, I wanted to ask him. about that because, you know, we've been. trying to learn about Michael Jackson. So, yeah, that was it. And then it went. pretty quick and then he had to go do. something. There was some, you know, the. next thing that he had to go do. And. then some of the workers came up uh that. worked at the golf course and we walked. around and took some photos. Um I got to. meet.

uh Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared, which was pretty cool. And it's rich. there, dude. They got a nice They got a. pool where all the umbrellas are nice. You know what I'm talking about? The. umbrellas are nicer than um it's the. kind of umbrella where they take it away. when the rain comes. You [snorts] ever been to somebody's. place like that? Like when it rains, they put the umbrellas away cuz they. don't want them to get messed up. And. I'm like, well, that's its job.

So, they had nice umbrellas. They were. like probably 200 thread counter 700. And. um. yeah, and the umbrellas I think had a. special pattern on them or something. This was what somebody was telling me, one of the security guys was telling me. there's a special pattern on the. umbrellas where birds will not defecate. on that on that umbrella if they're. passing by because it's like a optical. illusion or something. So I thought that. that was pretty cool, man. when you got. enough money or enough nice stuff where.

you're, you know, the birds aren't even. [ __ ] on you. You're like, damn, that's nice, you know? And that's crazy to know that. just cuz if you're poor, the birds [ __ ]. on you. So that was like that [snorts]. kind of blew my mind. And I was like, damn, I want to make enough money one. day where the bird where where, you. know, I'm free of these, you know, these. chains of bird [ __ ] or whatever that. bind us. Um,

what else was interesting about it? I'm. not trying to brag about it. I just. think that some people would think that. it's interesting. You know, I wanted to. talk with him. I wanted to learn more. about just his family a little bit if I. could. Yeah. I wanted to ask that. Michael Jackson question and I forgot. I. wanted to ask if I thought that if he if. he thought that he had a better chance. of running against Biden or uh Camala. and. yeah, and then I just wanted to talk to.

him, you know, I wanted to, you know, I. know he had a brother that passed away. from alcoholism and I wanted to uh just. to to talk about that, just to learn. about it a little bit and and see what. that was like, you know, cuz I know that. a lot times we talk about that stuff on. here and if people if there's a way to. talk about it with people. So, but yeah, I was super nervous. It even. makes me nervous, I think, even thinking. about it. Uh I wore like a suit coat or something.

Um and that made me ner, you know, that. just makes you [ __ ] nervous. You you. know, you just feel like a damn stuffed. animal when you put those things on. You. feel like just a little teddy bear or. something, you know? you feel like. you're just supposed to date, you know, like you're just supposed to get angry. at your secretary or something and uh. and then cheat on your spouse or. whatever, you know, just, you know, you. just feel like you just can't handle it. kind of [ __ ] Like those jackets kind of. make me feel like that, too. But I.

wanted to um be respectful, you know? It's definitely. it's a respectful environment. And I'd never gotten to talk to a. president. I mean, you know, I'd gotten. to say, you know, see one kind of in. passing and um but it was just. fascinating. So, that was Yeah, that was. fascinating, man. Um. and then, oh, this was one thing that. was really cool. So, afterwards, there's. a restaurant at the at the golf club in.

Bedminster. it, you know, it's really I. mean it's it's beautiful, but the grass. all looks like it actually. went to super cuts, you know, not like a. just somebody did it with a mower. It's. like, you know, like somebody, you know, it's like the the the lawn. looks like it waited in a chair for its. appointment with a barber. It's just. nice. And um Oh, and there's Secret. Service. This is the craziest part. So,

there's people playing golf and then. there's just secret little setups of. secret service people with can I don't. know if they're cannons or whatever, you. know, hand cannons or something, you. know, artillery just placed in different. spots. So, yeah, I think you just got to be careful. where you hit where you hit your ball. over there. But, so there's a. restaurant. So, we go up there and I'm. sitting and I'm eating dinner uh before. I have to leave. I'm getting some dinner. with one of his staff members and we're.

sitting at a table. It's just me and. him. Um the guy I've been communicating. with. His name is Alex. Nice guy. Really. creative guy. And then Trump comes up. for dinner at some point. I didn't know. this. And they play the song Proud to be. an American when he comes up, right? Which is kind of it's crazy, you know, it's a vibe. and. and uh but they play it and so the song. so everybody's standing up and kind of. clapping and um and you think the song's.

over, right? It's a kind of a long song. and then it's like you think it's like. over and then it's like and I'm proud of. it does it one more time. You're like, "All right, let's go for this ride. again." And then he sits there, he keeps. at his table, he keeps the iPad with the. ox cord or whatever. And so throughout. the meal, he's just playing songs, you. know, he played, what did he play? He played some Poison, I think. Unskinny Bop at one point, I.

think. Trying to remember. Um, he played. Oh, during Soup, they played uh Trick. Daddy, which I thought was. that was awesome. You know, I've never. had Soup to Trick Daddy. And then uh. baby cuz I'm a thug. And then oh at. dessert I during dessert they played. smooth criminal which I thought was the. best thing ever, bro. Uh so anyway, the.

whole thing was. it was just interesting, you know? It. was like and it all happened so fast and. then I left immediately to the airport. So it just all happened so fast. Um, if you're like me, you're constantly. thinking of ways to keep things safe. around you, especially in today's world, you know. Um, it's risky out there. Uh, about a year and a half ago, my my truck. got broken into. And and I thought, well, the next thing really is my home. My home's right right there. It's right.

in front of my truck. So, uh, so I. started finding ways to keep things safe. because that's what I needed. And my. research led me to simply safe. That's. what I'm using now. For over a year and. a half, Simply Safe is who I've trusted. to protect my home. And the level of. security and customer care has been. incredible. I sleep better every night. knowing that Simply Safe's 24/7. monitoring agents are standing by to. protect me and if someone tries to break.

in and to send emergency help when I. need it most. Protect your home this. summer with 20% off any new Simplysafe. system when you sign up for fastprotect. monitoring. Just visit. simplysafe.com/theo. That's s i mi. s af.com. There's no safe like simply. Today's. episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Yep, we all know what's going on. We all.

know that people are suffering from. depression and people are having tough. moments [snorts] and sometimes they. don't get through them. That's the. truth. I've had friends that um that. have chosen alternative routes instead. of getting help. And it's heartbreaking. If something's bothering you or you're. just there's a moment you're not. understanding in yourself or you're. feeling different, it's normal. What's. not normal is not getting help. Better. help. That's who you can call. I'll let.

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That's betterhp. betterhelp.com/theo. And we thank BetterHelp for supporting. this podcast. Yeah. And that's what went on, man. You. know, that was the interview. And. um what else? Oh, something that great. that was that happened recently. We got. to go over to Stow, Vermont, and go. swimming. They had like a beautiful uh.

it's like a beautiful town. If you've. never been there, it's really great. Even in the summer, I think it's a. skiing place, but apparently the skiing. I think is like um it's like east coast. skiing, whatever that means. I'm not. sure what it means, but but during the. summer it's nice. They have all these. like uh places you can swim and cliffs. and we went fishing up on this like kind. of small mountaintop or this like really. high hill. Um. yeah, and that was pretty magical. I'd. never gotten to be in that area. So that.

was pretty stunning to be up there and. uh and just be even close to where. people start talking about. Yeah. Yeah, it's like however you can. say whoever says Lord. the deepest is like the best person in. town or whatever it gets to be the. mayor. Once you get into Maine and up. there out in, you know that eastern. canyon, it's like. lobster. Every now and then there'd be.

like a Mexican guy and he'd be like. lobster. and he'd be like, "Hey, lobster." He'd. be like, "This guy, he's doing it. differently." You know, cuz there's all. there's the oldfashioned white guy who's. like lobster. And then you'd have the Mexican guy. that's like, "Hey, lo, you know, puzzle lobster." Um, and then you'd have a brother in there. be like, "Lost lost all lost. Where these hoes at? Lost a lobster." So.

anyway, that's what's going on over. here. here. You ever had uh. lobster, Riley Mau, you ever had any. lobster? I have. Nice, brother. And where did you have. it? Is that a traditional food in your. um aquarium or whatever? Uh it is not. Okay. Okay. And where'd you have it at, buddy. Bear? I had it up in Boston. Oh, yeah. That's where they'll [ __ ].

they'll punch the [ __ ] lobster to. death. They they they they [ __ ] fist. cook it. They like get it get. they hit it 45 times in a row, you know? That's where some girl up there will. give a lobster freaking BJ wearing a uh. a Kevin UCLAS jersey or something, you. know? Or a Dustin Padroya jersey and. she's up there BJ in a lobster. Was it good up there, buddy?

It was. nice, man. Uh, what's been keeping you. busy, Riley, Mau? Uh, you know, just just working. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you're feeling good. How's your. health in your body and everything? Uh, really good. Really good. And how do you know if you're healthy? What signs. do you get from your body? Um, you know, just if I feel good that I. feel good. All righty. Um, anything new in the.

dating world? [sighs]. [gasps]. Uh, kind of. Yeah. What you got, you little squirrel. buddy? What happened? Um, well, back in March, I uh had a. little little incident with a with a. girl. You had an incident. And was it you mean. like was uh cops involved or it was. No, it was more um I met her at a bar. Mhm. and then went home with her that.

night. Whoa. Whoa, [laughter] bro. And where. was the Lord, brother? That's what I. want to know. Uh, he was up there. Wow. Okay, bet, man. Um, all right. We'll. come back. I I want to talk to you about. it in just a minute, man. I want to take. a couple of calls. I want to look. through a little bit of news here. Um, what happened? I see. Oh, Trump brought. out RFK Jr. in Arizona. Um, you know, we got to have Bernie.

Sanders and Donald Trump come on. You. know, I I loved uh Bernie Sanders. I I. felt like he got really just screwed. over by his party. I thought that that. was really messed up. I'd always hoped. that they would have had a Trump and. Sanders ticket. I thought that that. would have been interesting. You know, I know people don't like. politics and stuff, and I'm not uh I'm. not I I don't really care who people. support, you know. I think it's good to. vote for sure. I sometimes wonder what.

our vote means anymore, but but that's. out of our control right now. Um, you. just do the best you can and you go. vote. Um, that's what I feel like for. me, you know. I'm not telling anybody to. do you do whatever you want. Um, but I thought this was interesting. though. Uh oh. Because I always thought. it would be interesting if you had. like whoever didn't win the presidency. should be the vice president. That way. you still you have to have like a not an.

enemy but somebody who has different. views in your same thing so that you. guys have to like negotiate and figure. out the best thing. for everyone. You know, that's something. that I always kind of wished uh that. that's the way that things were, you. know. Um, so like if a Republican won then the. Democratic nominee was the vice. president and if the Democratic one then. the Republican nominee was the vice. president. I always thought that that. would be interesting because then it.

creates constant constantly where it. would seem like you're having to work. together to get um a solution on. different topics and stuff. But I'm. novice and things like that. I don't. know. Um, but yeah, getting to meet with. Bernie was amazing as well. Uh, I'll. talk more about that next week. Um, what else was I thinking? Oh, but. Trump bought out RFK Jr., you know, and. I love Bobby Kennedy, you know, he and I.

have been friends for years. Uh, he is. people can think whatever. He's an. awesome guy, you know. He's just a good. guy. He's a he's I feel like he's just. dedicated. He cares. he's smart. Um, and. I think he wants wellness for people. And so that's why I think it was pretty. fascinating that. um that Trump offered him a spot if if. he gets the election. And the Democrats. kind of shot themselves in the uh in the. wiener or the transwiener, whatever.

people have to have. Now, I'm not. claiming anybody has anything, but. because they should have, you know, they. didn't really make it, they made it so. hard on Bobby to get on the ballots that. he didn't really have a choice except to. um kind of join a side with with the. hopes and the promise. It seems like. that he will get to be. [snorts]. um in charge of or spearhead the things. that he cares about most which are.

people's health uh and um getting like. big pharma out of out of our bodies, you. know, and out of our influence and. everything, I guess. I don't know. I'm. rambling. I'm going to get off politics. now because uh people have different. thoughts about it. But anyway, I just. thought that that that that was. interesting. It's funny because it seems. like Trump is just being different. You know, even when you saw like when he. brought out Bobby Kennedy, he like it. was just more it's felt more thoughtful.

than he had like spoken in the past. Um, you know, I I don't know. Just seemed. kind of interesting. But that but I. thought that that was that that's super. that that Bobby has a chance to get a. job. Uh, or not a job, but a uh cuz he. doesn't need a job. but but that he has. a chance to get like [snorts] to do what. he really cares about. I thought that. that was pretty super. So, um. and then people, you know,

you know, people say, "Oh, well, Trump, you know, people often refer to Trump as. like a shady businessman.". But it's funny because politics now, it's not like who's the best person or. anything anymore really. [snorts]. politics. The whole thing is a shady. business. It's a dirty [ __ ] business that's. compromised at every corner. It's not.

about who's the best. It's it's it's. about the it's so you need a dog in. there. I think that's one thing I'm. realizing. You need a dog in there cuz. yeah, politics is just a dirty business. So yeah, you don't you don't you don't. hire a peacekeeper to do a thug's job. I. know that. Uh, so anyway, what else happened? There's a. US pilot, it says here, who took magic. mushrooms and tried to cut the engines. while they were in in midair, I guess.

Oh, this is pretty interesting. Um, an Alaskan Airlines pilot who. attempted to shut off the engines of a. passenger plane mid-flight after. ingesting magic mushrooms said his. actions were unfathomable. in some of his first public remarks. after he was indicted on 83 counts of. reckless endangerment. Wow. Unless he was listening to that song I. Just want to fly by Sugar Ray. If he. played that while he did it, that's kind. of a vibe. I don't know. I've never been.

a pilot. on drugs. What else? The Taliban says it wants. people to visit Afghanistan. I'm good. No, you know, I'm good. Um, and yeah, that's what we got, man. We're. going to get to some calls here in just. a second, and then we'll check back in. with Riley Mau and see what's going on, baby. and seeing if that little bust. guppy has some uh if he's been churning.

that but baby. You know what I'm saying? If he's been buttering that lobster. We'll be right back. Man, when I put my. Tommy John's on, I feel good. Feel. comfortable. I feel it almost feels just almost. athletically emotional in a way. I feel. calm and capable. That's what Tommy John. does for me. Tommy John fabrics can keep.

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See the site for details. You know, when. I started podcasting online, the. furthest thing from my mind was um. having a shop. you know, we have a shop. online where we sell different um shirts. and uh merchandise from from that. relates to the podcast. And in the. beginning, we sold one shirt and we sold. it out of a basement near Akran, Ohio. And there was some alcohol issues or. whatever. And then we we had to change.

speed. And now years later, we've. evolved into a fullblown store. And I. can give a lot of that thanks to. Shopify. Shopify. From the launch your online. shop stage to the first real life store. stage all the way to the did we just hit. a million orders stage. Shopify is there. to help you grow. Shopify powers 10% of. all ecommerce in the US. And Shopify is. the global force behind allirds roies.

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here. And as always, the hotline is. 985-664-9503. Um, yeah, and sorry I'm all over the. place today, guys. I'm It's. uh. last week was just it was crazy, man. You know, it was crazy. Um, [clears throat]. and uh yeah, everything's good. I'm just. looking forward to having a break. So, here we go.

Hi, Theo. Um, I am calling from uh. Nashville/Franklin, Tennessee. Nashville, Tennessee. Baby, beautiful. area. [snorts] Small city, big town. Can't cheat on your wife. Not that kind. of place. [gasps]. Um, somebody will know. Onward. Um, I have a little like story slash uh. issue um I wanted to get your thoughts. on. Um, I have a friend who has been.

dating this guy for 3 months and um, she. already doesn't have like a whole lot of. security, not a whole lot of money. Um, and now she's just revealed to me that. this guy is um, he is homeless. Mhm. So, I just wanted to get your thoughts. on that. Yeah. Well, guys are homeless. you know, there's guys sometimes you see them and. they don't they don't have a home around.

them, you know, and that's the guys. we're talking about. And um. yeah, I think look, first of all, if. she's dating a homeless guy and she's. probably I'm guessing they're probably. making love if they've been dating for. three months, then. you know, a vagina is just a little. home, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's a just a studio apartment for you, Wayne, baby. And so, it's a start, you.

know, so it may not have the square footage. that he's looking for, but I think it's. a start. And so, I'm just glad to see. that. I mean, nothing will make that dude want. to get a home more probably, you know? I mean, definitely. I Dude, I touch a. nice tit. I want to make sure, you know, I want to buy a damn Jeep Cherokee or. something. You know, you want to get you. want to get something, you know, it. makes you want to, you know, keep.

trying. So, praise God to that. And I'm. glad that she's out there servicing. those boys. You know, I see some. homeless guys a lot of times I give them. a dollar, but I'd love to give them, you. know, half a can of P or something, you. know, that they could, you know, that. they, you know, that they'd really enjoy. or something. They should have a dang. canned [ __ ] So you could just, you. know, you know, crack open a can and. give it to, you know, Big Samuel or whoever, you. know, whoever's over who's over there.

just, you know, just nibbling on his own. sweater. and hoping God sees him, you know. Praise God, baby. Um, let's take another. call here. Thank you. First time caller to this. podcast or any podcast. Thank you for. the call, brother. And as always, the. hotline is 985-664-9503. Onward. Uh, I wanted to call in and say I. thought you did a really good job with.

the Bernie Sanders interview. I thought. your questions were well prepared and. smart. Uh, I thought that you raised. sort of good counterpoints to some of. Bernie's ideas that I feel like, you. know, people might want to hear. addressed. Um, overall just a really. strong interview. Thanks for doing it. Thank you, man. Yeah, I appreciate it, dude. I was so excited. I mean, I was um. Yeah, I Yeah, I'll talk about that a. little more next week about what the.

exact experience was like, but um. yeah, I I was just Yeah, it was crazy, you know, cuz here's a figure that I. thought was really neat and, you know, I. admire some of his policies and I you. know, and some people can say, well, these guys are all shills for this and. and I don't know about all that. You. know, I know that politics is very. dirty. And I know that even these men. will say that democracy is it's money. based,

so it's bought and paid for. I mean, you. know, um. but I Yeah, I liked Well, I some stuff. that I learned from talking with Bernie, I was able to ask Trump about, you know, so it really helped me. Um. but I like I I just like his vitrol. But. just, you know, I like seeing a, you. know, my dad was really old when I was a. kid, so that's my reference for I mean, Bernie, you know, Bernie's the age, How. old is Bernie Sanders, right?

He is. 82. He's 82. Yeah. So, when I was 12, my. father was 82. So, I see him, you know, just like, you know, I think there's um. I I don't know. I I there's something. about. I I don't know. I can't explain it. exactly, but so to see those men still, you know, going and doing things and. having determination. um for things that they believe in,

you know, and then and then I choose to. believe that they believe in them. And. uh yeah, I don't know. There's something. about it that that's a that that's. awesome to me. So yeah, thank you, bro. It was definitely. What was that like? It was so s He just. uh I'll talk about it next week. I'll. talk about it next week, man. Uh next. Tuesday's episode I'll talk about a. little bit. But yeah, I just I can't. even believe it. You know, I got to see. these folks and um and have them come on.

and and yeah, and you know, the simple. fact about the healthc care, it's just. it's it's sick. it. There's a hu it's a huge scam and. everybody we're all just living in this. scam and our politicians aren't. protecting us. It's it's unbelievable. So, that [ __ ] gets me activated, bro. [snorts] You know, when people are sick. and you take advantage just I just uh. but thank you, bro. Not trying to get into policy or, you. know, I don't know about policy. Um.

what else? Let's do one. Here we go. Hey, Theo, this is uh Richard Eaton from. Mississippi. Hey, Richard from Mississippi, brother. Welcome, brother. A long time fan, first time caller, and. I I just had a thought yesterday. I was, you know, I was on the lake. I was. surfing, having a good old time. And. we're we're driving by and I see this.

woman on this pontoon boat, and I I'm. telling you, she maybe weighed a buck. 50. M. But those breasts probably took up 125. pounds of it. God. And and I looked at her and I didn't. even get aroused, per se. I just thought. I was like, man, you need to get on my. credit score. You know, you ever seen a. a woman that's so beautiful, a rack so. nice, whether it be a man, a woman, or. hell, if you're into it, maybe a damn. animal that just, you know, makes you. want to feel like you got to better. yourself and and seek opportunities in.

life. Like something that makes you know. that you want to go for that promotion. Amen, man. Uh yeah, thank you for. calling, especially from out on the. water. And um yeah, I was just say I was. just we were just talking about this. We're just talking about. uh you know, something that just keeps. you in the game, you know. Riley, what. were we what were we just saying about. um I was just You know what I'm talking. about correlating something with this. guy's call?

I'm not sure. [snorts] All right. Um. [ __ ] I can't remember. But yeah, dude. Sometime you see a one sometimes you see. like that some girl have that dang mount. chest more. She'll just have a. she'll have damn four presidents and two. tits, you know, and you're like God, you know, for those about to rock, we. salute you. It's just that's a thing, boy. She'll. have those [ __ ] peanut butter falcons. on her, baby. God, baby. She'll have.

those [ __ ] land bears. You know what. I'm talking about? Those just just huddled up in her. nation, baby. Them things just staying. warm for winter, boy. She'll have them. [ __ ] milk lobsters. God, baby. And you just want to [ __ ]. baptize a mule in the in the milk of. those things, brother. You just want to. [ __ ] wash a little just wash a little.

man's ass with that. with the beautiful splash that comes out. of those bad dogs. [snorts] God. All right. Sorry, I'm falling apart. here, but everybody's okay. Let's take. another call here. Hey, Theo, this is uh John from Kansas. City. Hey John, thank you for calling Kansas. City. We got a show coming up there, I. believe. And um and I'm excited about.

that. But uh let's hear more, brother. Onward. And I got a question for you. So my dad. is currently, you know, doing that that. that. powder and he's been doing it for a. while now. I he'll get these episodes. where he's just angry. and I don't know what to do about it. So I've always I want to try to figure. out how to help him. get back to normal, get back to being the dad that I. remember because it's scary.

But anyways, I just wanted to see your. thoughts about it. See if you can maybe, you know, give me some insights on what. I should do. Gang, man. Um, thanks for calling, dude. Uh, yeah, I'm sorry that your dad's going. through that. You know, I don't know if he's an addict. or if it's just something that he's. doing for fun, but obviously it's. affecting you. I think Yeah. I mean, maybe just try to sit and talk with him.

and say, "Hey, Dad, I feel like, you. know, don't accuse him, but say, "Hey, you know, maybe I feel like this is. something that's going on.". You know, do you feel like that's. something you want to be doing, or do. you feel like it's a problem? You know, I I don't know. Um, you know, the only things the only way. that I had have had success is through. uh 12step recovery. That's the only way. I've had success. And.

you know, I've had some relapses, but. that's the main way that I've. uh found sobriety in my life. And. you know, they have NA, Narcotics. Anonymous, for drug use, and there's. probably even a CA for cocaine use. there is. So, I don't know, maybe you could offer to. go to a meeting with him. Um, maybe you could go to a meeting and. ask some people there if they had any. suggestions.

Um, but yeah, just let him let him know that. you care, you know. Uh, and then, you know, you could even ask. him if he doesn't want to talk about it, you could ask him, "Hey, is it okay to. ask you about it again, you know, in a. few weeks or something? Is it okay if I. check back in with you about this?". Because even then, you're opening a. little if he if he's willing to say yes, you're opening a little bit of a door, you know, cuz people have to be willing.

to get help for themselves, I think. And. I'm not preaching. This is just um some. of my own experience and things that. I've seen. Um we have to be willing to get help for. ourselves, but sometimes I'll notice. like if [snorts]. like if like I I have a friend that's. used that trick on me before and it's a. trick really, but it's not really, you. know, you know, he'd ask me about.

something if I was having a problem with. something. He's he's like, "Do you want. to talk about about I'd be like, I don't. want to, you know, I don't want to talk. about, but then like, hey, is it okay if. I talk to you about it? If I ask you. about it again sometime, can I check. back in with you about it again in a few. weeks? I want to make sure you're okay. And by saying, and I would agree to. that. And by agreeing to that, I'm it's. it's slowly making me a little bit. willing. to hear something different, right? Cuz that's all you're that's all you're. that an addict needs is willingness.

They they just have to get a little. willing and then willingness will grow, right? So sometimes that's a way you. that that you can maybe, you know, I'm. not trying to trick your dad, but it's. also a way where you can create a way, hey, I'm going to check back in about. this. And then when you do check back. out in with an addict, it reminds them, oh, this person cares. And um and. connection is the is the. is really the.

is one of the biggest remedies for. addiction is connection. Um so any I'm not sure if some of that. makes sense, but you want to get a. little bit of willingness out of. somebody. So sometimes if you get a no, it's like, hey, can I check back in with. you about it? Um but I'm sorry you're. going through that, man. and I'm happy. that you care about your dad and. and I bet he's not happy about it, you know, and he probably doesn't know. where to start. Um.

but yeah it's you know people have to. want to help themselves but sometimes we. can um we can help plant a little bit of. seed of willingness by creating some. patience and a chance for a little bit. of mild accountability in the sense like. hey can I check back in with you? So. anyway, man, I love you, brother. And uh. hang in there and um we'll holler, man.

I I'm I'm coming to Kansas City and if. you want to bring your dad out to a. show, I'm happy to get you guys some. tickets. We don't have to say anything. about this, but uh that'd be my treat, man. Um let's see if we can get one more. call. Hey Theo, this is Alex from uh little. Wisconsin. Hey, Alex from up there in. Wisconsin, brother. And uh glad you're. here with us today, brother. Onward.

I call here with some good news today. Um. today, at the date of this call, at this. exact time, my mother is 100% cancer. free. She said she text me. She said she rang. the hell out of that bell. [laughter] So. that's I thought I should just Let's go, baby. I'm upstairs, gang. Dog, congratulations, man. Wow. I.

can hear the relief in your voice, man. I want to play it again. I want to hear. it again. Today, at the date of this call, at this. exact time, my mother is 100% cancer. free. She said, she text me, she says she rang. the hell out of that bell. So, let's go. That's I thought I should just. bless your day with some good news just. as mine was. And uh yeah, man. I just. want to say I listen to your podcast.

every day at work. Get me through it, man. I appreciate. what you do. Uh me and my girlfriend are. going to see you in Green Bay. Come to. Green Bay and uh yeah, she surprised me. with tickets, which I was very grateful. for. She's amazing. All right. Well, praise God, baby. Gang. gang. gang gang. Wow, dude. That's awesome, man. Wow. Sound like you got really two really. great women in your life, man. It sounds. like you choose well. Um, man, that's so.

cool, man. Yeah, this I can't even imagine. God. Yeah, the peace y'all must be able to. feel for a little bit. You know, we don't know sometimes the. stresses that are going on in the back. of our man. It's like, [sighs]. yeah, one day a friend called me and he. he said, "Man, I'm finally getting into. recovery, you know, or in a rehab.". And [snorts] man, I just suddenly just.

started kind of breaking down. I didn't. realize that uh. that a part of me it was almost like. having a browser window that was open on. your computer, you know, but that you're. not on the page had just been running, you know, or just, you know, worrying, you know, the same things that we all. have, you know, just a part of me had. been in, you know, invested there and to. get to have some peace there. um you. know just to feel a little bit of like. hope.

you know a little bit of hope for relief. and a little bit of relief. So that's. beautiful baby gang son. Let's go boy. By homie. If I'm playing bingo they call him B9. I think benign means that mean uh the. tumor's okay. Riley. Yes. You sure? You just you think?

I think. All right. Oh, good, brother. I. think it is. And no judgment, man. It's. Who knows? Um, Alex's mom, baby. She's off that chemo, baby. Ding ding ding ding ding ding. That's. cool, man. Thank you for sharing that, bro. Yeah, when you share that, it just puts. something in me, you know? Makes my eyes. get up. Makes my eyes create a little.

bit of weather in them, you know. That's all right, daddy. That's all right. I got these. transformer shades on today. Hair is. doing good. Let me see what's up. Hair is doing good. I'm [ __ ] thug. Amish today, dog. You know what I'm. saying? Where the butter at? Babies gang. dog. Let's raise a barn, homie. I'm. about to raise a barn in my pants, dog. You know what I'm saying? Because we. seeing BB. big tits out on the water and cancer.

free on the land, baby. Raleigh Mau, let's get into it, man. So, what's going. on? You had some romance or take me on a. So, you said you met a girl and where'd. you meet her? You said, "Uh, I met her at a bar.". Oh, okay. And did you just meet her. point blank or you had arranged to see. her? Um, no. I just met her there. And did you make eye contact or what was.

[snorts] Was she wearing anything? Was. she eating anything? Uh, yeah. She was wearing a dress and. eating wings. Oh, damn boy. And you said, "Damn, baby. I know. what'll go with them wings, baby. This. little banana Peppa, huh? And so what. happened then? Did you approach her? Did. you bring her some of those little wet. napkins? What happened? Um, yeah. There's an open chair next to. her. So I uh sat right next to her. Wow. Wow.

And did you have a wing? Did you? Uh, I did. Okay. Okay. So now you guys. have something in common. You both are. enjoying a wing. And then I guess what. occurred from there cuz it sounds like. things um escalated. Yeah, we just kept talking for for about. an hour. Um and then she wanted to. Hold on a second. If you had to use four. words to describe this woman because we. want to get a visual picture. Four. words, right?

Uh let's see. And all of them don't have to be the. most positive. They can just be general. words. Some of them obviously should be. positive because she's a she seems like. a special or seem she seems like a neat. uh girl. Yeah. Uh blonde. Okay. Cute. Mhm. Female. And uh.

that's all right. That's good. That's. good. Three is good, man. You have one. more in here. What do you think? Um, nope. All right. All right. Put that one down, actually. Um, okay, man. So, blonde, female, was the third one. Uh, all right. What else happened, man? So, Jesus. Uh,

yeah. So, I uh I was talking to her for. about an hour and she wanted to get in. my car and leave. Oh. Now, did she say it or you said it? Uh she said it. And what did she say? Uh she said something like, "Hey, uh did. you drive?" And I said, "Yeah.". Good answer. She was like, "Cool. You want to you. want to leave?" [gasps]. And where'd y'all go? BACK TO MY HOUSE. NO.

AND NOW RILEY, AT THIS point you've ne. you still in and you're ejaculatory. uh promisory note with the Lord is still. intact, right? Correct. Okay. So your you've never ejaculated. You have a woman now at your house. Right. When you bring her inside, what. do you do? Were you playing any music or. anything? No. No. It was it was all quiet. No. You're a [ __ ] You're one of those. silent guys, bro. Put a song on, dude.

Uh, but that's okay. That's okay, man. And so what happens and you you guys. come in the house? Where do you sit down. at? Well, we didn't we didn't sit down yet. You didn't sit down yet. So, you walk. in? Yep. And what happened? You guys. just started. kissing? No. And was she how was she taller than you? A little. a little bit. So you have to go up on the feet up on. the toes a little to kiss her.

A little. That's okay, man. That's fine. That's a. lot of that's gravity. People, you know, in space, everybody's the same height. That's what I something. that's, you know, so who even knows. what's happening. But um Okay. So you. got you guys are smooching in the living. room. And where are the roommates? Um. they were both gone. Wow. And.

so then uh after that we just went. upstairs to my bedroom. NO. WOW. And now were you starting to get nervous. or how were you feeling? Man, it's got. to be crazy for you, right? Um yeah. No, I was I was pretty nervous. And were you wearing what were you. wearing? Shorts or pants? pants. [ __ ] yeah. A a a move, dude. Okay, so you get. upstairs every you and then what. happens? You go in your room.

Yeah, go in my room. Pervert. And then what happened? You did you guys. lay down or you listening to any music. or it's still silent? Still silent. [laughter]. Oh my god, bro. What? Why is it so silent, dude? [laughter]. Are y'all [ __ ] sneaking up on. someone? Is it h Are you guys playing. hide and go seek? Why is it so quiet? I I don't know. I just didn't think of. putting any music on. Do you have any pets or was there. anything moving around in the distance. or anything? Nope.

H Okay. What happened, Riley? Take us there, buddy. Yeah. And then we uh we just started, you know, doing a lot of things. No, you guys laid down on the bed or or. just standing up. Uh lay down. Okay. So, you lay down on the bed. Were. you closer to the wall or on the. outside? Uh, I was on the outside. Wow. It's kind of a Yeah, I [snorts]. think sometimes you you're supposed to. be closer to the wall so that the woman. doesn't feel like you're trying to like. like capture her or something. I read.

that somewhere, but um Okay. So, and. what now? Were you guys nude or. whatever? Um, kind of. So, she had everything off. Um, what? And I still had my pants on. My god. Is she from freaking New Jersey. or something? I don't know where she's from. And you still had your pants on? Yeah. No shirt, huh? Yeah. Wow. Like a [ __ ] 70s actor, dude. Okay. And then what starts to happen?

Uh, we just kept kissing. Mhm. And then uh I don't know. I just. started. doing things to her. Oh my god, little buddy. Were you. touching her body and everything? Yeah. Okay. And that was your first time ever. touching a woman's body like that? Yeah. Wow. [laughter]. You're going to hell, buddy. Um, I'm. joking, man. That's a joke, dude. Uh, and did she touch your body as well?

Yeah. No. So, what happened? Did you end up I. mean, like, how did it end, dude? You. know what I'm saying? Like, did you end. up, you know, creaming that little. nugget or what happened? I DID. NO. WHAT? Riley Mal. [screaming and groaning]. Wow. It's still coming out of your nose. Sounds stuffed up, actually. Wow. Brother, I can't believe it, dude. You've been ying that little freaking.

pants pencil, huh? God, baby. You've. been binging that little choy, huh? Yeah. Wow. Dude, you've been burping that. little yellow muppet, homie. Gang gang. dog. Good god, boy. And was it like did you. let her know as the first time? Yeah, she knew. She knew. How did she know? Um,

I think she has watched the podcast. before. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Damn. So, you really got compromised. then? Yeah. Do you feel a little bit taken advantage. of? No. Respect. Wow, buddy. Damn, boy. That 11th toe, baby. That'll get you, dude. That 11th toe, baby. That Asian wiener, baby. Praise God.

Wow. I mean, did it seem like a lot? Like cuz. you like. what? And did was like. what part of her body was she? Did you. have sex or no? Yes. You what? Oh my god, bro. I thought you said you. were waiting till you were married. Uh, things change. Not in the eyes of the Lord. They don't, brother.

Wow. You had freaking SCX, dude, with a. woman. Yep. Way to go, man. F, bro. That's crazy, dude. And how many times did you guys. engage or what did you do after? Did you. hug after? No, we both fell asleep. Oh god, that's romantic, dude.

And then what happened to y'all engaged. in the morning again? Uh, no, that was it with her. And has she ever come back around? Nope. No. My god, brother. I can't believe she. snuck in and stole that freaking batch, baby. Stole that first picture of. Kool-Aid. out of mom's Christmas closet. Dude, I. can't believe that. And did you try to engage with her.

again? Uh, not with her. But you've been talking to other women? Yes. And you've engaged? You haven't engaged. in sex with other women? Yeah. What? Bro, I feel like I don't even know you. anymore. Sorry, man. That is kind of guilt. tripping you, dude. Um, I don't mean to. be like that, bro. It's just crazy, dude. I just can't believe that. You've been out there just nutting all. over and everything or just meeting.

people or whatever. Gosh. [ __ ] Yeah, cuz I noticed you look a. little different, man. You got more like. I know you had some necklaces and stuff. on. Do you Is it like Do you feel. different? Yeah. What do you feel like? I don't know. I just feel more uh alive. Hm. Do you feel now when you're talking to a. woman like they know that you are about. that? You know what I'm saying? You.

about that [ __ ] that hot pocket, homie. You know what I'm saying? You. about that [ __ ] that third smucking. low smile, you know? Yeah. You do? Yeah. So, you feel more of a sense of uh. bravado. Yeah. Dang, baby. Praise God. Wow. And did you have to pray about it. or talk with your pastor about it? Because I know you were intent on. waiting for marriage, man. Uh, no. Yeah. No, I haven't uh talked to.

them about it. Haven't you even emailed your pastor or. whatever? Nope. You what? Bro, you said you were waiting. for marriage and now you're out here. just nutting around, you know, the town. or whatever, large town. And you know, now you're out here getting people to. pet that baby lobly. and you didn't even email the church. Yeah, I know. Damn, boy. And you've been.

squirreling around that young gravy, homie. And dude, you if you'd never. ejaculated, you the the clarity, the. postnut clarity must have been insane, huh? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, you must have just been like, "What the [ __ ] dude? I'm I'm a a little. Asian guy, you know, like it must have. just like you must have been just mind. blown, brother. Wow, man. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Congratulations, dude. I don't see a lot. of that. Come over here and shake my.

hand real quick. I just want to shake the hand of a man. that's. come recently this year. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Good to see you, brother. Good to see you. All right, go back. Um, wow, dude. [snorts]. Oh, and was there anything afterwards you. just like did you sit in silence after? Do you bow or whatever? Like what do you.

Um, no. Uh, no. Did you tell your parents? Nope. Who was the first person you told? Um my uh. who did I tell? I don't remember. Wow, man. That's crazy, brother. People are beating cancer.

People are beating off Asians. People. are. The world is blossoming. Our lives are. blossoming. Um, yeah. I guess they are. I don't know. Did you wear a condom, brother? You know. what I'm talking about. Or the Lord is. your condom. I did. You wore a condom. And what type of condom did you get? A. special kind. [sighs]. Uh, I just got like one of those I don't.

know regular Trojan ones. Okay. Just the regular. Yeah, the um I. think it's I don't know if it's pleaded. or whatever. I can't remember what some. of them are. Um. that's crazy, man. Did you feel uh did you feel like it was. romantic at all? Uh what the first one? No. Okay. But there was a the second one was. romantic. Yeah, that happened to be last week. Wow. [sighs].

And where'd you meet that girl at? Um, I've been friends with her for for a. while. And finally you guys just took it to. another level. Yeah. And is it you guys still talking to each. other? Yeah. Okay. So, there's something there. Yeah, we're still uh we're still seeing. each other. Damn. Yeah, dude. I can hear your nose. is even stopped up with all of that. I. think when there's so much in your. system. Yeah. I can't believe you didn't. just lose weight in your legs, bro. Cuz.

if you never ejaculated, that's just. God is with us here. [sighs]. Gosh, feel like it's the day after Christmas. now, man. Are you relieved that the journey's. over? Somewhat. Yeah. Do you miss it a little? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's something. And it's. always like people always say it's about. the journey, not the destination. And I.

think thinking about sex sometimes is is. exactly when you think back on after. you've had sex for the first time. Sometimes it's some of that's like that. It's like the not knowing, the. curiosity, the. uncertainty, all of that is that's. really. that's where the story is. You know, the. other part's the ending. Um, and I'm not That sounded like I was.

preaching there. I was like reading out. of a damn reader's digest or something. Uh, man, well, I'm happy for you, man. They Welcome to, you know, being like a. biological male or whatever they call. it. And I can't believe you didn't play. any music, bro. You You Bro, if you're. the first, bro, if you're putting on. some sex or something, dude, you got to. play something romantic, bro. play some. Zezy Top, play some Usher. Well, I didn't know about the music, but. um after I found out what she does as a.

job, I figured she would have. Does she have a specialized job? Yeah, she's a stripper. Oh, so you so she's a um. uh dancer or evening dancer they call. them somewhere. Yep. Or Yeah. or sometimes they call them. like. uh. you know pole babies or whatever. whatever it's called candy cane [ __ ] or. whatever I don't know what they even. call it um okay wow.

and do you think she just came down. slurped you out because she knew about. it and wanted to just get that gumption. out of you. I think so. god damn dude was she Vietnamese or. No, definitely white. Wow. And did she keep the um. not sure what it's called? Sebum or. whatever or like uh did she keep the. the frosting? I don't know what you even.

call it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The unjackable. The Titanic has sunk. They freaking came in. and freaking They freaking uh somebody. came in and just permed that little baby. corn on Riley Mau. Yeah. And I noticed. you just came in with more swagger. I. see you got some jewelry on. What is all. that? Um yeah, just uh just a couple new.

things I've got. Yeah, [snorts]. just a couple new things I've got, baby. Just a couple little [sighs]. couple little ornaments on this lobster. I love you guys, man. Um, thank you for. supporting me and thank you for uh. supporting yourself. Um, thank you for. Yeah. just letting us be a part of each. other's worlds, you know. Um, I don't. know what exactly we're supposed to be.

doing, but I feel like we're supposed to. do something big. I don't I just don't. know what it is yet sometimes. Um. but uh. but yeah, just hang in there, you know, and give yourself some grace, man. [sighs]. If you're being hard on yourself, if. something's bug, give yourself some. grace. You know, that's something recently that. I've just like, man, it's like, look, man, give yourself. some grace, Theo.

You know, you're trying. you're you're you know, give yourself some grace. So, I'm not. preaching at you. I'm just kind of. sharing I guess sometimes I'm just. sharing things that I need to hear. Um. [snorts] but yeah, I can't believe we. got to go interview some of the people. we did last week and and that was. exciting. And um yeah, I'm just excited football's back and. there's uh exciting things to think. about and be a part of. And um make sure.

to just be good to yourself, baby. Uh, cuz you deserve it, baby. Gang. Gang. Raleigh. Mau. Man. Oh, we thought that nut would never get out. of you, brother. Do you have any final words after all of. that? Um, no. That checks out, brother. Um, we'll go. out the way that we came in here, man.

um. with There Is a Light right here, baby. There is a light by Stonekeepers [music]. featuring David. Manuel. Whenever [singing] you're down [music]. out in the cold, faithless and [singing] dark, your. stories untold. [music] Come take my hand and walk there. with me. Raleigh M.

I know [music] a place where we can be. free. There is [music and singing] a life. Ry, did you make like a sound or. whatever when it happened finally? Uh, no. Nothing. I mean, just breathing out. Savage. [music and singing]. We can be free.

From the mountains highs under the. [music] deepest valley. here a voice calling you [music]. is the rising sun. shining the darkest valley. [music]. Can't you see you will be free? I have been far. [music and singing]. I had them wide, searching for peace,

somewhere to hide. Now I am free, open [music and singing]. and pure, fearless and big. I am secure. [music]. There is no dark. that can be gang gang baby. You guys be good to yourselves, baby. You deserve it. And um love y'all. Pray. baby.