Last Words | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #349

oh well. i'm alive that's the first thing i. noticed about myself this morning when i. got up. i'm still alive. you know it's uh. it's not a guarantee some people dying. or sleep i wonder how if i would like. that. dying in my sleep uh.

i almost the thing about dying and. you're sleeping people don't think about. this. if you die in your sleep you don't get. any last words you don't get. that last uh. serving of outspoken you don't get to. say anything. if you're stabbed or if you you know. fall down some stairs or you know if. you're stabbed you can. oh you know what why you stabbing me.

wha what do you stub me. you know and then maybe some famous. quote or something you get to do you. know. uh i could have been a contender give me. liberty give me death you know. uh from the window to the wall. you know. i mean you get to at least if you are. a li if you're out and about or if.

you're. if you're not asleep if you're not dying. in your sleep you get that last moment. you know even if you're falling down. some stairs you're like. oh dang this is the last time i. gonna be five. what the [ __ ]. you but at least you get to you get a. final say. because otherwise if you just die in.

your sleep you just get that epithet. and epithat is something people write it. on your uh. on that gravestone that death marker. you know that uh. that funeral yard. um. little placard or placard i'm not sure i. think it is french origin.

but then then somebody else guesses you. know what they would you would have said. you know or they'd give you a final. little hoo-ha. on there so. what do you think you'd do raleigh mal. would you die in your sleep or would you. you want to go out in a living moment. i think i want to go out in a living. moment. and what would you have a final word or. something would you get a. when you get one final jab in at the.

world of verbal. jab uh. yeah i don't know i would say uh you. know. something all righty we'll come back to. you bud. we'll come back to you with that today's. episode is brought to you by. grey block pizza. 1811 pico boulevard on the way to the. beach in los angeles.

great block get that hitter baby let's. get into it. come on baby this is. 89 volt the come up. i'm. [Music]. um.

[Music]. [Music].

[Music]. well i just got home and now i'm back. [Music].

and that's that right there baby that'll. get you. and if that don't get you then you. probably can't be god. if that don't get you you probably can't. be got. because music has that infectious. ability you know there's um. [Music]. there's there's very few things that can. just. get you immediately. out of nowhere and make you behave.

differently a dog bite. can do it a bee. a bumblebee baby they can do it really. heavily. if they choose if they wanna if they're. feeling like it. a dog bite a bee. what else um. lightning which is really just. god's bumble bee baby.

and. music those are the things that can. really get you. just take you from nothing to something. and an escalator. those are about the five things that can. really maybe shift what's going on with. you. i went to the fights that's what i did.

this past weekend i went out there to. las vegas. and uh man it was. it was a scorcher. the plane couldn't even land because at. first uh. the runway was 115 degree. and they said that if the runway if it's. higher than 114 or something they can't. land. so that took an extra 40 minutes.

of delay time and then you're. sitting there and it's uh. you know it just then you're having to. kind of mingle and p. there was two like just thoughts i mean. i. i mean just real. girls that it looked like they'd just. been the kind of girls that'll just. they've they'll just look like they've. been beaten up at even at christmas. and they just one of them were just so.

aggravating and just kept ordering. drinks and the guy the guy in the. uh you know the server or the. flight attendant sorry i mean server. but the flight attendant the air man he. said we can't have drain. the lady cat like ordered three times. and. just a nightmare and i just. wish that i was italian enough to.

do that thing or when you're sitting. behind somebody in. a in an italian movie sometimes the. person in the backseat will put a cord. around the person in the front seats. neck. and just lace them up like a shoe until. they're not alive anymore. and uh that's what i wanted to do. i wanted to do that there was two girls. one of them. deserved to live i'ma say it i'll put it.

like that the other one. we didn't need her. we didn't need her did we need her. nope we sure didn't. she said i don't know jesus christ. and who's emailing me now best buy bunch. of [ __ ] what do they think i'm gonna. do. hey best buy let me say this to you.

okay every night you want to email me. around midnight 1am. first of all your stores aren't even. open at that time. have you thought about that second of. all what do you think i'm gonna do. you think i'ma get out of bed. with my stuffed animal or with a girl. maybe. but you think i'm gonna get out of bed. to go look at one of your xeroxers or. look at one of your 71 inchers.

it's 1am. and you guys are beating me over the. damn screen face. with your you know we got toasters we. got mortal. you know mortal warrior 60. you know join the club join the group. don't you want this oven [ __ ] i'm. asleep. i don't need an oven while i'm sleeping.

all right i'm trying to get some rest. i'm not trying to get a deal. best buy. so you best believe me. when i tell you to limit the [ __ ] alone. in emails. but um anyway yeah so i got out to the. fights. and uh and what was going on. i mean there was first of all it was a. packed event. you know i get over there um.

and well did you watch the fights. raleigh mao did you watch the fights. brother. i did not all righty what'd you do over. the weekend bub. uh film the wedding oh wow. and whose was it don't know it was a. catholic wedding. oh okay and now what's the times. like what's the time commitment you're.

gonna go film a wedding what kind of. time commitment is that. pretty much all day okay and do you have. a certain. shot list you like to try to get i do. okay and is there any kind of sneaky. shots will you get something like uh. is there any stuff you try to sneak in. the back room or hide behind a window or. something get some. a little perverse not perverse but you. know what i'm saying something that's. gonna.

you know make them cover the baby's eyes. if if they're watching the video back. it's gonna make them cover the child's. eyes if they're in there watching it. i do not okay so you guys really more of. a pg. outfit over there yeah yeah pretty much. okay. and have you ever filmed a wedding where. you didn't think that they should go. through with it. not that i could think of already. is it how's your own love life going man. last time we'd had you here. here you had a real there was a a woman.

who'd let you down. from memphis i remember yeah kendra i. think was her name. what was it i. i don't even remember it was i got her. out of my mind. wow yeah isn't it funny how it'll happen. how one day it's the most important. thing to you and then. and then it's uh old mail. you know exactly um. what's up with your wedding bells on.

your own front is there any new. relationships in your life. uh unfortunately not okay okay still. looking. you still looking huh yeah are you on. the app so you just letting the. you just living right you letting the. lord work what's how. how you managing it uh i'm i'm just. letting the lord work hey man bubby. hey man um. and what about are you do you you know i. struggle over the years with a little. bit of pornography do you struggle with.

it or you're good. i don't i'm good god you're lucky dear. god. [ __ ] um. all right well i'll tell you about the. fights man. okay you guys if you didn't see the. fight i mean it was uh first of all i. get there there's tons of. um you know joe rogan has done an. amazing job over the years he created. this unique. bridge where um where.

comedy and where comedians and fighters. are are. allowed to co-mingle and and there's a. mutual kind of i don't know if it's a. it's definitely a respect. in the fighters direction but there's a. like i got to go up to max holloway and. say hello. you know and he knew who i was. i mean that was like made my life. you know um you know. you're able to in my dms i'm.

communicating with other fighters i run. into other fighters. and there's just like uh ricky simone um. [Music]. you know uh corey sandhagen and i will. communicate. some like uh tai tui vasa who was. drinking beer out the boot up there on. that cage. after he gave greg hardly that i mean he. hit i mean he just hit him. he gave him that fat rattler baby you. know he [ __ ] hit him with that new. zealand brown snake baby you feel me.

he really shook him down with that. freaking. that big coconut cane pole daddy he ty. really. he snuck him he snuck him with that. magic arm duck. you know he bit him with that freaking. he bit him with that big that elbow. quacker dog you know. that dirty duck that left or that right. i don't remember which one it was but. um but there's just a way like. and that's all because of joe rogan you. know joe rogan did.

does comedy he's done he does ufc he's. the voice of ufc and so. you're just it's interesting he's. allowed to use it allowed to co-mingle. with those people. and there's a level of i don't know if. it's it's definitely respect with the. towards the fighters because you know. they're fighters so you. there's always a lot of respect towards. fighters um. but there's a there's a level of respect. that comes back from those guys towards. the comedians and stuff. you know i think it's interesting.

because. you know we all put ourselves out there. in some way. to get an energy or a vibe or something. to get a to be seen or heard. you know fighters they're fighting to. get that. you know they want to be we're all. trying to prove something. we're all trying to fill in a a void.

or a necessity. there's these spaces inside of us that. are missing a building block. and we're all trying to. out in the world just chiseling. different moments and different. goals to get them to feel. whatever that space is.

and um and i noticed a lot i noticed. between fighters i noticed that between. comedians i know. between strippers uh pornograph. pornographists. um but yeah this need. to to be seen or noticed uh. or complete. um but yeah and. joe rogans really build that br he but. he he makes it okay. kind of for comedians and fighters to.

interact because he's that lego. that's keeping that uh both of those. entities connected. um yeah i went to the fight uh. i didn't know that joe rogan had left me. two tickets. so i get there i got one t i i just. brought myself. you know um. so i get there i got suddenly i got two. tickets but it's already into the.

uh undercard so i texted a couple people. i didn't know anyone that lived in vegas. so i texted glenn big baby davis he was. a guest. on this past weekend you know uh he was. he's a louisiana guy i figured i'm there. to see dustin. another louisiana guy to be great glenn. was i had just left town. and so then i'm stuck you know and i. thought about trying to text a hooker or. something but then. what if they show up they don't look.

like their picture. and then now you're sitting next to some. lady that looks like bird and ernie. i don't know if you've ever done that. but some you get an escort they show up. they'll look like bert and ernie you're. like. dang okay this double puppet out here i. can't even. and nothing like the the picture they. had on the internet. that is a gone that is a i mean they. must have been hit by lightning. and stung by bees or something because.

there will be a total different vibe or. energy. coming off that woman beautiful ladies. and i look and they're beautiful ladies. i'm just saying. the last minute. you also you don't want to get a. last-minute hooker that's not. some things there's or escort i. shouldn't say hooker like it's. you know it sounds a little i guess like. they're not doing anything. i mean hooker and but i respect hookers. and escorts i respect.

anybody that's doing something like that. um. you ever consider anything like that. raleigh mao you ever considered in. you know uh. using you know some men or something if. they. if they're not having luck of women will. get out there and get a. lady of the night kind of. has it ever crossed your mind or what. i know a few people that have um but not. for me.

okay and what do you think about like do. you feel do you look down on it or is. this not your thing. do you feel like it would be too nervous. of an interaction. uh it's just it's just not my thing yeah. and where what type of place are you. trying to meet ladies these days you had. little. laundromat or you doing are you. indoors outdoors where are you trying to. meet these gals. anywhere anywhere um never thought about. a laundromat. but hey can't go wrong.

well i'll tell you what's good about a. laundromat is that. it's a place where uh women prefer to do. laundry. and i'm not saying it's a sexist thing. or a. you know i just and i'll be honest they. do it better. you know i've seen a dude with some. laundry and it's. it looks like somebody just kidnapped a. bunch of clothes. you know when you see a guy with some.

laundry it looks like it shouldn't. really it looks sad. i'm gonna say that. but a woman you see the longer you see. her she's able it's just women are more. delicate. clothes are delicate so when you see the. two together. it just has a more. comfortable fit i'm not saying women. need to do laundry. i'm not saying that at all okay. i know a couple cushy viets you know a.

couple of soft-handed viets you won't. even see them. touch the pillowcase and next thing you. know it's all you know folded into a. damn duck or into a damn uh. raven simone even one of them could even. fold it into a damn. you know a larry bird i mean you know. the ability sometimes of these. the small paws on a vietnamese person to. maneuver the cloth. into perfect shapes and stuff is uh.

magnifique as they say abroad. uh magnifique. but um were we talking about. what are we talking about raleigh now. you remember. um can at the moment. alrighty man me neither bub so i'm gonna. let you off the hook on that one but uh. damn well anyway i went to the fights.

dustin won i almost got to go in the. ring when he won which was which was. which would have been pretty cool i mean. it's. you know you're just there to support. him uh. you know it was also awesome to see sean. o'malley. um you know he's just an entertaining. guy. uh and you know he's trying to. you know add to his knockout resume. chris moutinho was the guy who fought. him. and the guy that was.

one of the most exciting parts of the. night was when that guy took. just kept taking the hits from um. from sean o'malley because we all want. to like. keep going we all want to take the hits. and keep going. and we do we do it on a day-to-day basis. so to see this this little. i mean he had the green hair color this. little uh jolly rancher. he looked like a my little pony kind of.

hopped up on jolly rancher candies. but to see him and i don't even say that. in a rude way i lo. you know i was fascinated it was it was. the it was one of the highlights of the. evening. people were chanting rocky at one point. um. to see him just keep going to see them. call the fight at the end. and not let him finish was a little. rough but uh. but man that was amazing.

because we all want to take the hits and. keep going and he did that. uh yeah that was amazing man. um what else. what else is happening what else. happened this weekend we had some videos. that came in some submissions of things. that were going on. and i'll get into those in just a second. uh. we'll find out a little bit more what's. going on from uh mr riley mao and. and see what's happening out there in. the.

on the uh on the in the hot. in the hot uh hot world and the. low-key christian. you know young fellow asian world we'll. get into that in just a second. i'm gonna tell you this wouldn't it be. great if there were a pocket-sized. guide that could help you sleep focus. act and be better well there is if you. have 10 minutes headspace can change. your life. headspace is one of the only meditation.

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um riley mal there was a lot of uh. you know since you've been in here. there's been a lot of alleged attack on. asian. in the in the world have you heard about. this. i have and we was were you seeing any of. that. any of that on your doorstep were you. seeing. you know any anything like that were. people throwing torches through your. windows or anything what's going on. give me your feed on it man. i didn't even know it was a thing um.

until someone brought it up to me and i. was like oh. that's a thing do you. see any reason why it's happening um. do you. i see i can't decide here's the thing. every day probably. 700 people get attacked i would say in. america. just generally based on the numbers of. people.

and the possibility of other people that. want to attack someone. would you agree maybe that yeah. so some of those people are going to be. asian. just because there is asian people. that are alive right statistically. they're just. so i can't tell if it's. really a thing or if. there's just of this 700 attacks.

four of them are asian and so they make. it they just focus on them now you know. do you know what i'm saying yeah yeah. what do you think about it no i mean. you're you're absolutely right. um i mean there's just you know people. are asian. yup they're they're alive it's gonna. happen. do you have any more inside are you. hearing anything from your grandparents.

are you. is anybody sending you a scroll or. sending you something you know. is there any you know any. are you getting any old school. information is there. what's what's what's coming down the. asian pipeline that you're hearing are. you guys. you know getting armored up what's is. there any intel you can give us. yeah man no i mean as far as i am in my. family we're. we're clean i haven't heard anything.

okay and have anybody been attacked. you're folks or anything. no okay so it's not at your doorstep huh. not that i know of yeah. well good man i'm glad you're staying. safe and uh. and you're staying busy out there and. i'm happy to see you today bub. great to be here great to see you too.

all righty let's get into a little more. let's get into a little more. um i've also got some tickets out there. for huntsville alabama people can go. check it out. uh yeah what else happened in the fight. let me think what else happened there. was a lot of i ran into a lot of great. people it was so many like. um tpw fans king and the sting. listener tpw listeners king and the. sting listeners and that was great. just running across people uh.

you know the uber situation in vegas was. insane the taxi lines it was all insane. there was a bruno mark concert going on. you listen to bruno mar raleigh. i do. all right we got a we had a bruno mar. going on you had garth brooks. who was basically the white bruno mars. the white senior citizen bruno mars at. this point. and he hid the bodies or whatever but. you got garth brooks then you had.

um the ufc. and uh and man it was just. there was it was just so many people. going around. and um what else yeah was that the fight. so anyway i'm sitting next to an empty. seat the whole time because i had an. extra ticket. couldn't find anybody to go and you. don't want to get a last-minute. hooker i don't feel like. you don't it's just.

it's just a lot it's just because. there's that risque moment. and anybody that's ever been involved in. hookering. you know whether you've been a consumer. or whether you've sold. so weenie or sold a. female crotch that. you know i mean it's.

the picture people put out there on the. interwebs is not the picture that shows. up at the door. okay it is a little different. it's kind of like pizza it's like kind. of like dominoes or you know. the thing the stuff you see on the on. the documents on the uh. pamphlets or whatever that's not it. looks good. the cinnabons are with a crunchy you. know the cinnamon. you know little f you know. chum nuggets or whatever they're called.

i don't know what they're called you. know what those are called raleigh mao. i don't awesome and. so the uh whatever anyway the treats on. the thing. on the uh pamphlets look good they look. good. the [ __ ] you shows up at your door looks. [ __ ]. [Music]. [Applause]. you know. that's what that and and so i just. didn't want some. you know what you know some lady's got 2.

000 lip injections and she's you know if. she. you know her lips are like a flotation. device in case something happens. you know like on an airplane they would. be doing the thing in the beginning like. you know a mask will fall from the. ceiling please put the thing you know. there's a life dress uh dressing under. your seat. please pull it out and put it around. your neck and she would just point her. lips like hey if we. go in the water i'm good you know.

i got these [ __ ] tongue pontoons up. here. on the outside of my mouth hole that's. going to keep us all safe. you know so i just didn't want to get um. i i don't know i i did that was just a. risky move and then also i didn't want. to sell the ticket. because i didn't want joe rogan here and. oh i sold his [ __ ] ticket. even though he probably would have. appreciated it you know i know he's a. capitalist guy just like all the the. rest of us are in. in this country or you know but i just.

didn't know so anyway. i had an extra seat and i was by myself. um i was right behind. uh dustin dustin's wife and. um and his like kind of family friends. tim and and um. and his wife and so it was kind of a i. could go up and talk with them and that. was exciting um.

and you could see the different. celebrities coming in and now that was. pretty cool. oh one thing that's tough about. um the last time i when i got to sit in. the seats that are right behind joe. rogan. so one thing i realized when i'm over. there when i sat over there you can hear. the commentators commentating the fights. you can hear what's going on the seats. that i had this time i wasn't close. enough to hear them so you don't hear.

any commentating. like at home you hear the commentating. on a television. but i i i wasn't hearing any of that. so you're just kind of looking a lot. it's a lot of. looking and listening. but not hearing like a ton. it's kind of like bird watching. a little a little bit like bird watching. um after the fight i snuck.

in uh into the back area i got to hang. out with met some of the cleveland. browns. that was really cool man actually super. nice guys. baker mayfield uh austin hooper. respect man um. you know we talked about the dark arts i. guess he's. you know he definitely is uh he knew. about him. and so we discussed some of that and. and uh and.

odell beckham jr met that man. um who else was back there. uh uh. david cho who's friends with bobby lee. you know that guy is uh riley mao. i do there you go. and um yeah there was some different sia.

there was some different musicians. you know all the celebrities that you. saw on television if you watched the. fight. um jb was there justin bieber i didn't. get to see him. donald trump i didn't get to see him i. saw him come in but i didn't get to say. hey or anything. um but it was definitely you know. it's just all of what's going on you got. the fighters you got the. fan it was just it was exciting uh. but the difference is.

the value in seeing it on television is. you can hear the commentators. you can hear what's going on and. the tough thing about being at the venue. is you don't get any of that. so you just guessing are they in an arm. roll are they in a you know. did he put him in a leg monster what. happened. you know is he bleeding is he bruised is. he. you know did he have too much you know. breakfast you don't. you don't have any other information is. he on the front foot.

side control you know mission control. missionary. you don't know any if you on television. you get. joe and john and uh daniel carmia. telling you the different things but. when you're just standing there looking. you don't know if the guy. is uh you know if he's flat-footed if. he's got two. arms if he's duck you know doing a. double entendre you don't know if he's. you know you don't know if some guy's. getting beaten.

uh you don't know if the if this sudden. you know. you don't know if somebody has asthma if. they won their last fight. you don't know if uh you know sugar. shawn's about to knock the color. you know the food coloring out that one. dude i mean you just. you don't know any of the information so. but it was magical uh you know it's. really magical it's just great to be. there to be able to support dustin. then i got to go over to dustin and his. wife's home.

after um. and meet some of his coaches and that. was really cool because i got to ask. them some questions. uh i met the owner of the atlanta hawks. the basketball team. i'm kind of just bragging here but it. was just interesting. just just interesting people to talk to. about stuff. i they had an uber driver that drove a. brown car. and i'd never seen a brown car since my. dad had won.

you know my dad had a delta cutlass 88. he had that delta cutlass 88 and it had. he bought it off a couple brothers down. the block. and it had 22s in the trunk. and he didn't need the 22 but he. couldn't hear anymore my father couldn't. hear well you know. when i got to know my father he was in. his. you know probably about 78 time i got to.

kind of start to know him. and he would drive us around and just. listen uh. you know news and public radio on. with base you know so just be like. uh jesse jackson. [Music]. you know just listening to just stuff. about politics and like. you know i mean it just. it was crazy you know listening to the. weather this is. 70 percent chance of.

rain just these huge. 22s just rattling the trunk. and one of them had china had old. chinese food in it. and then they kind of fermented in there. but. anyway let's get into a couple of videos. that came in riley tell me about this. have you been on any other date since. i've seen you. uh i was close to one but uh no.

and what kind of gal was it if you had. to describe her give me five words to. describe her. uh let's see brunette cute. funny talented. female okay. talented seemed like a re i mean. talented seems like. what was the talent uh she. you know everyone in nashville she uh. she sings guitar plays piano. musician gal yeah that's right.

oh wait i forgot you also were involved. in some sort of crime thing or something. weren't you. i was and. what um yeah what did you what happened. with that did you what. what was that deal i remember somebody. sent me a picture and said. and i'm sorry i didn't check in with you. about it it was late at night when i got. it and i think i was. probably watching a movie or something. or watching a uh. one of those 20 20 episodes have you.

ever seen this show i have. god it's good and but anyway. yeah what happened with you yeah i mean. just you know super long story but. basically um. you know it was just just couple. roommates um but i. am i don't talk to them anymore you know. they don't talk to me which is good. um so we've gone our separate ways um. and did you go to jail or anything i did. not okay. could you handle it in jail you think.

what do you think you would do if you. went. ah i think i could handle it. i don't see that but i do like your. attitude about it man. yeah not a lot of people see it really. yeah. do you think you would have like a will. you keep a weapon on you or something. i mean in prison i don't. think that's allowed if it was allowed. oh yeah. okay right there i'm telling you look. i'm gonna tell you straight up bubbe.

you don't you're you're you don't stand. a chance. you are gonna get torpedoed. in the bot if you don't have a. weapon on it's of course it's not. allowed. all right if you are going in prison by. what is allowed dude. you're done you're done bobby you know. and i'm sorry to tell you that straight. up but. you can't get to prison be like hey guys. let me see the rule book. uh you know before i settle in for the.

night. you will die in your sleep by murder. not natural causes yeah you're not wrong. so i think you gotta you gotta have a. shank you gotta have a shiv. you gotta have a throwing star a death. star get a culturally appropriate weapon. get a damn uh saya or something who was. the ninja turtle that had the damn. the weird thing that nobody ever wanted. to be that guy.

uh yes yes yeah. who was he do you know it um not at the. top of my head no. it's been it's been a hot minute that's. your people bubby. and he had the psy as i think they're. called or sayas or something or says. it's nice but anyway uh. yeah get a weapon man and have you. thought about the thing what would you. say if you're dying riley. uh i've not. okay do you have it has anything kind of. come to your head that was.

you know your last words. hmm not that i could think of. all right we'll come back to you in a. little bit. the last words is a tough one. you know your wife shows up. puts four or five shells right in here. cleavage or whatever in your neck. what do you say what do you why did you. do it. you know you want to go out with. something heroic.

you know you want to go out like with a. you know oh i'm awesome. you know like you want to get whatever. you know you wanna. what would you say. hit the hotline with that 985-664-9503. i would love to know what would you say. it's your last words you've just been. shived or.

you know or poked or whatever they are. you know some asian fella hitching a. damn back with a bow staff or something. you know some freaking jeet out viet and. a damn rice rocket. just ran over you and now he's gonna run. back over you. you know he's just he's he's he's just. uh softening you up for the lord with. that honda civic.

and you get one chance to say something. what do you say. ah you know go to hell i mean what do. you say. i could have i'm hungry. what do you say you got last words. what do you say it's a good question uh. we had a lot of neat stuff that came in. for the episode i want to take a peek at. some of it right now. um here's a question that came in right.

here here we go. gang hey this is dakota out of north. carolina. and there's a video question and thank. you dakota for sending this in. you know and i like seeing video. question i can get a visual of you. because without visual i don't know i. hear your voice i don't know who you are. are you a senior citizen are you black. are you brown are you white. are you pink are you pink do you have a.

skin condition or something. which is fine if you do. you know when i was growing up we had a. fellow bust real real tender skin he. didn't get all. uh eight layers of skin. you know kind of god's shortening them. and he he the old. five layer. and his name with franklin brother would. call him five-layer franklin. and damn sometimes you would see the sun.

poke out the clouds and almost just put. him on his damn knees. dear god and so people would run over. with umbrellas or something he always. had a couple brellas on them. but damn old five-layer they couldn't. even you pat him on the back and. almost [ __ ] put him on the ground you. know you could feel his spine real well. you could feel a c-spine t-spine. you could feel his lmnop spine if he was. a damn pervert.

but praise god thank you for sending. this message in here dakota. from north carolina. and if you like to talk about basketball. or. or chewing tobacco then you will love. north carolina man. it's where you could put a you could hit. a three-pointer and you could put a damn. six-pointer in your lip if you get one. of them high-dose uh. dippin snuff packets onward. i was just wondering how you feel about.

the trade world. you know like the trade industries. welders [ __ ] boy electricians. you know people do drywall [ __ ] like. that. you know i'm a welder i got my helmet. right here. and i was just wondering. you know how you feel about kids getting. into the trade world instead of going to. college you know. gang baby that's a good question mister. you know i have a brother-in-law a young.

fellow named ricky i think. that's his name that's what he told me. his name was. and he could have lied to me but he's. he's he said it for years that's what it. was but. he um he's a welder. and he really seems to enjoy it and. and i really think it's a good trade and. you can just be guaranteed kind of. knowing what money you're gonna make. you don't have to go to college where. anything could happen in college you.

could get damn. you know you get a lot of diseases hit. the dormitories. and people get something yellow fever. riley mao you ever have something hit. the dormitories or something. i have not okay did you ever stay in a. communal living type of place for. education. i did and what happened in there anybody. come ever come down with a stomach flu. or something even. at least ants did y'all get anything in.

the building anything that. you know a grievance that brought you. guys together communally. um not that i could think of. all right all right good well. that's awesome but um here's what i'm. telling you uh. brother is that yeah it's good get a. trade know what you're gonna do then. you're in control of it. you go to college you take an. anthropology. you know you take four years. anthropology you [ __ ] work in. anthropology. you don't even you know you never see a.

damn insect unless they got a damn. roach hiding in a quilt in the back. so i think you have to you know you know. you're in control of your destiny. and i like welding man i do like it i. used to work at a. piping i used to work at a piping. company and my job was. washing off all the clevis hangers and. the. pipe fitter stuff and just organizing it. and.

i had to paint and they had this kind of. rubber stuff. the sealant you have to put on things. and. every now and then uh this song by. sugar ray. would come on the radio. and uh. and sugar ray also sounds like a. nickname of like a. a gay man.

but anyway every time this this band. sugar ray would come on the radio and. they had a song called i just want to. fly. you ever heard this song riley. i have not well you got to get out more. bubby and uh. it would come on and the welders would. stop their welding. and they'd make us subservience we was a. couple of us me and this. my tall friend billy he got bit by a. shark and he died actually. not at the same time he died later from.

something else. aneurysm or pills but and god bless him. man i miss him he was tall and. and he was an [ __ ] my friend billy. was a complete [ __ ] but. uh but he had. he also was nice you know he also was. funny and we had a nice time. working together and we woke up we. worked this other. little fella named soldier. soldier this black gentleman and he was. he had on about 90 do-rags and.

and he didn't do [ __ ] that's the irony. he would come to work and not do [ __ ]. like how you can have on 90 do rags and. you ain't. doing [ __ ] but we had a good time man. but anyway when the song would come on i. just want to fly. or cry maybe it could have been i just. want to cry. fly i just want to fly by sugar rays. uh that welders will make us dance you. know and they threaten us with the. torches and they make us dance but uh.

very lord of the flies ass kind of [ __ ]. but we made the most of it and. and i really loved it man i loved going. over there i love the sense of community. you know i love uh there was drug use if. you wanted it. and i didn't mind that um. so yeah i think getting a trade doing. some welding you get to wear neat hats. welders have neat hats. you know some cool little deals and. uh and their wives get mad at them a lot.

i remember that a lot of the fellas. would talk about how their wives were. always mad at them. and we'd have good lunches get you a. little big po boy sandwich man. go over there by sweet gerald's had a. gay fellow over there. on the west bank of new orleans the. names little sandwich place over there. named sweet gerald's and god damn it was. good the roast beef was wet bro. and sweet gerald i'll say this he had a. look in his eye like he.

he's sweetened the meat personally you. know what i'm saying and that was. that made you kind of cringe a little. you know when you swallowed but after. you. you know once you had a couple mouthfuls. of it you didn't you weren't complaining. anymore. but praise god brother thank you for. sending in that question. let's get to one more here oh we got. some hood fireworks in chicago over here. let's watch that go crazy.

right that [ __ ]. [Applause]. oh. and you can hear children crying in the. background of that uh that is a very. fallujah vibe.

you know and hood fireworks is what it. is man i mean. here's the thing everybody want to shut. the hood down but. if you don't have the hood you don't. have hood [ __ ] going on. and you don't have this one that lasts. that last shell almost hit a damn dove. it looked like. and this is some real. i mean you almost got a they should make. a team or something this group.

the guy in the backyard hold that [ __ ]. gangsta. you know these men are having a good. time a couple of adult men out there. you know firing fireworks in the daytime. that was the interesting part of this. daytime still. so you kind of wondered what the end. game was there was. firing some shells this [ __ ] looked real. i wouldn't be surprised if one was in it. drove off an mrab man. this looked real uh militario.

so what else we got a lady duct taped to. a plane seat. let's look at this video somebody sent. it in thank you for the submission. [Music]. [Music]. that's a lady exiting the plane and she.

look over and you see the ladies sitting. there duct taped. and they duct tape her mouth but they. didn't do a good job. have you seen this video riley. i have and what do you think when you. see that kind of thing what do you feel. what do you think. um i mean. it's a thing that happens. well now that previously they had a. fella they beat him down and drug him. out of the flight. a year and a half ago or two years ago.

you remember that i do. and now it's coming to this now they're. just leaving them in there i guess and. just taping them up. do you think that this is kind of. handled properly what would you do. you're at a fl you're at 2000 feet or. whatever. you know you're on an airline somebody. starts losing it what is the uh. and you're also we blow scout what scout. are you riley eagle. eagle my bad now as an eagle scout is.

this an appropriate way to detain. somebody is there a special type of uh. not you would have done um. i mean i think in uh if you're 2000 feet. in the air. uh this is the only thing you can do is. duct tape them. yeah what kind of knot could have helped. is there any knot that if you. have to keep someone to a chair what not. do you go. and this may be more of a question for a. wee blow i don't know the different. gradients. oh no um honestly any knot will do.

okay you have a favorite knot. uh i like the boneline knot. or the clove hitch oh okay. okay um. and and and i want to say what do you. think's leading to this kind of thing do. you. i think there's a lot of people are not. used to being around each other anymore. we've gotten a little bit more. solo it's the me generation is.

and they're all me generations now we're. by ourselves we're in our own worlds. when we have to interact with others it. stresses us out. we're not used to it. and nothing is more stressful than being. on an airplane. of course where every other video you. see. somebody's fists fighting they're losing. a tooth or attacking people. so it doesn't shock me that this is the. place where the stress. hits the fan.

where the [ __ ] stress hits the propeller. and they duct taped the lady to a plane. seat. what do you think is an alternative to. uh duct taping them in like this rally. um i mean if you're. 2000 feet in the air i don't know if. there is another. wrong answer buddy sedating it would be. sedating. and you know this goes back to the you.

know i was at a funeral recently a guy. died everybody i know. dies and uh. and i was at the funeral i saw my. principal from when i was in third grade. and he used to be able to give me. corporal punishment. that's where they can beat you with the. uh spatula or with uh not spatula but. with the big wooden plank. and this dude roughed me down a couple. times. bill brady was his name and i said he. aged well.

he aged well still looks like he could. you know. he could uh he could really put it on me. you know i mean he could it's still like. like he'd make par on my ass with that. wooden plank. you know i'm talking greens and. regulation this dude would be up down. with that thing. he knew how to work the paddle and that. was when you went to the principal's. office they could beat you and that's. what i think we should have. instead of have you know you.

hit them with a couple pills give them. that butt lozenge bro throw it in that. back jaw daddy you know hit him with. that uh suppository. you guys do a lot of suppositories in. your culture raleigh. i don't and have you ever seen them or. have you ever done them. uh i have not. already well a lot of them i'll tell you.

what it is they take a butt a vitamin or. something put it in your butt or a peel. they put it in your butt. do you know that i do. well at least you guys are knowing it. you know. uh and they say it's because your. intestine. absorbs drugs or whatever it is pretty. quick so. but that'll do it for you right there. getting that in you uh that's what i say. you play you know what i'm saying giving. that [ __ ] hot nugget up the old.

anus and next thing you know they're out. you don't duct tape. and who even taped this lady the taping. job. is minimal i feel like. you know it's basically shoulder tape. and then just the mouth like you got a. i would say the lady also has green hair. you know it's just. we're at the point where these are the. loose ends of society. these are the loose ends of society and. god bless that lady.

all right here we go right here um. a guy who looks like me. hitting on girls. [Music]. oh he's staying confident the hard part. is to stay confident and look at a woman.

oh. not bad there um riley what do you do. you struggle with the. with the actual moving in for the kiss. i've spoken about this. recently a lot on this show and do you. struggle with that kind of thing what do. you. what do you where do you struggle with. when it comes to those intimate moments. i mean yeah i mean last time i remember.

it was my first kiss. um and uh it was it was interesting. it was a little tough and. what is the tough part like starting the. kiss maintaining it once you kind of get. the kiss. going do you remember what the tough. what was some of the real strain uh. it was just starting off um once you're. in it you're in it. and when you're in the kiss do you then. kind of do you try and.

what do you do with your hands you put. your hands around the woman are you. uh were you aiming for breasts were you. trying to make further moves or were you. just. focusing on the mouth and the mouth um. activity i mean i just put my arms. around her like i was hugging her. beautiful and was that indoors or. outdoors. indoors oh god yeah. yeah take the weather out of the. equation man keep more balls in your. court you know. exactly and was that the last kiss.

you've had. as of right now yes we got to get you. back. out there man we got to get you back out. there. and how do you fend off the desire to. touch yourself then that's what i. struggle with sometimes. i just don't have that desire wow. and do you think it's because you're. asian do you think it's because you. are what do you attribute that to. because a lot of asian people have that. inner power.

um i don't know if it's an asian thing i. i think it's a. it's a lord thing okay. wow man yeah cause a lot of whites are. just out here just spraying out. you know yeah. so good for you bubba. all right let's get into a couple more. questions here and also want to let. people know. that the sun's out and your bum.

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theo tame that summer swamp in your. pants. with manscaped.com theo. i'll let you also know about better help. man you ever been to a therapist riley. i have not well you will one day bubby. and. and when you do man there's better help. and you can do it online you can do it. on your phone you can do it on facetime. you remember one time i was trapped.

somewhere i don't remember where. it could have been daytime or nighttime. i couldn't even remember i couldn't even. see that well. but i needed help and god was he was not. a va he wasn't not available but i. needed something. i wanted something different at the. moment. and that's why i needed better help. better help will assess your needs and. match you with your own licensed. professional therapist. you can start communicating in under 48. hours. it's not a crisis line this is therapy.

these are licensed therapists. it's committed to facilitating great. therapist. matches so they make it easy and free to. change counselors if you don't like your. counselor get a new counselor. there's one of the biggest issues with. getting help people get stuck with it. they start with a counselor and they. stay with one even though they know it's. not helping them. change it up. change it up you're there to get help. you're not there to. you know just it's not you you know.

you're there to get better. make sure it's a relationship that you. can uh. communicate in positively and negatively. visit betterhelp.com theo that's better. h-e-l-p. join the over one million people who've. taken charge of their mental health. with the help of an experienced. professional this podcast is sponsored. by betterhelp we all need help.

and this past weekend listeners get 10. off their first month at betterhelp.com. t-h-e-o. um. i'll say this also we got numer new uh. new merch available theavon.com store. uh we also have the art for sale the. podcastville art if you've seen the. the beautiful um animation art that uh.

papio papiotun is done go to. theovonne.pixels.com. you can get the podcastville mugs you. can get the art it's beautiful when they. deliver it. really nice stuff to have. theovonne.pixels.com. what else i'm drinking liquid death you. know that. and it's good people are always sending. me pictures on ig of them having a. an ld and when i was young ld stood for.

learning disabled. and we had a lot of it around us you. know i grew up in autism area and. real hotbed for autism autism they. called it then. we didn't know it was french or whatever. now it's. they hadn't put the all on it but you. know lance had the tism or somebody had. it. richard you know one fellow named. sharpie we had a black fellow boss named. sharpie and he had a hittatism man a. strong hit.

jesus i mean just damn. a genetic swamp inside that beautiful. guy he had nice [ __ ] legs too i. remember. dear god who has the nicest legs you've. ever seen riley mao. oh man a lot a lot of girls i've seen. really so would you are you a leg man. when you fantasize brother. you a leg man or what do you think about. um titty what.

i mean everything oh damn oh. okay okay big dog. um let's get to a couple questions that. came in. and uh. and we'll figure some things out here. here we go. atheo this is cam from lehigh utah. hey cam from out there in utah. and utah is.

it's a great place man if you want to. wrangle a little bit of white titty. onward i just wanted to call. in man this is my first time calling in. first off i just got to say man i love. you. love you a ton man i know me and a bunch. of my friends we all listen to you. you know you're something i get to look. forward to every single week. and you put a smile on my face and you. know i'm hoping you can come out here to. salt lake soon so we could see you. thank you cam praise god brother i.

appreciate that. man it's nice you just share those words. man it's important okay. but anyway man i got a question for you. uh i'm so i'm 20 years old almost 21. and i'm kind of starting to get to a. point where i'm thinking about getting. myself into a relationship you know. maybe someone i can. take out to mcdonald's or somewhere nice. like that and then touch tummies with a. little bit after who knows. oh damn okay that mcflurry baby i feel.

your gang. but uh i'm talking to this girl. who recently broke up with her boyfriend. they had been together for a little bit. but her boyfriend happens to be one of. my. best friends that i love like a brother. so i guess my question is is you know. what takes priority is it bro code. can i you know chase this girl even. though she's. my friend's ex or you know do i gotta. let her go and i just gotta find someone. else bro.

uh yeah dang gang brother i love you man. gang brother love you too brother um you. know this is a tough one man i had a i. had a friend recently. who was hooking up with my or. who went on i i shouldn't say that who. went on a date with an ex of mine. without asking me i didn't know i found. it from her. um and it hurt my feelings man you know. i got a lot of feelings so it's easy for. them to get hurt i got. i'm the kind i have feelings left out in.

the yard i got so many damn feelings i. got feelings inside outside. you know you'll sit down on my sofa and. you're like oh man i sat on one of your. feelings here. you know i just have so much feelings. but um. you know i think you got to ask him. first that's the first move. then you have to evaluate the response. you get from him. um you also don't have to do it. immediately. you know i think giving there to be some. time.

uh but i would ask him. and i would just let him know you know. hey i know you. dated someone so i'm kind of interested. in her. do you think it would be strange if i. explored a possibility with her. i think that's the way to do it you got. to start with the dude now if he gets. weird it's like look man i don't really. i think that's kind of messed up i think. it's okay to also explore some of his. reasoning. like you know if he's like man i still.

really like her be uncomfortable if if. if she's around us you know if we going. to taco time or whatever. she's with us and she and i was just at. taco time i still got. you know a picture of us on my phone for. me and her sitting there a month earlier. that might be weird. but now she's over here nibbling on your. [ __ ] fajita biscuit. you know that might be weird so i think. you just got to. evaluate it because he might in a month. he might feel differently. he's going to feel a lot differently at. least if you talk with him and he.

doesn't find out some other way. so that's the only way to do it man now. do we all do it that way. no i mean did i end up making out with. some dude's date who brought it who. who he brought a girl to a show of mine. in dallas. four years ago yeah you know. and i still feel bad about it some. mornings. so there's ways to do it. riley what do you think.

yeah no you're right. there you go guys all right let's get. another question here. what's up theo um yo my name is kyle and. i'm giving you a call from uh. from palm beach gardens florida what's. up colin. down there from palm beach gardens baby. pbje. and that's good stuff going on down. there florida.

you know beautiful people a lot of uh. you know a lot of summer hebrews down. there too you see a lot of hebrews down. there summertime. winter timing you know you'll see a lot. of people a lot of uh. pedophiles out there up in north florida. it's latinos down in south florida you. got a lot of escapees and. a lot of swamp babies you'll [ __ ] see. a baby learn to. slither before it learns to crawl like. damn.

people are like oh look he's crawling. it's like i don't know he's. he's moving fast and he just ate a mouse. but. onward brother you know i was senior. announcing a lot of tour dates recently. and uh you know a little disappointed as. like i was wondering you know what's. keeping you away from florida. you know um i know i've listened to some. uh. podcasts and some other guys guys they. don't really like coming to florida i. love coming to florida man i can't wait.

to get down there i want to go to. orlando it'll probably be the first. place i'll go. i think i think we're putting together a. florida leg of the tour coming up. a lot of it just has to do with places. i've been to before and then getting to. go back to them. um you know it's taken a lot of like. right now i'm like 40 days off caffeine. 40 days sober from any drug or alcohol. right now. so i'm trying to just get myself in a. space where i'm healthy enough to uh. to get out and do uh touring you know.

and to feel okay you know. but i'm feeling really motivated and um. and i'll get down there man we're. putting this we're putting a louisiana. tour together right now for uh. right after christmas and i believe that. we'll be in florida. and possibly even canada right after the. uh first of the year. so thank you for asking man we'll get. down there hey. theo my name is luke this one hey not. you [ __ ]. sorry we named our dog theo and yeah. anyway. what's up brother luca and that's a very.

interesting name and that's a name from. another country as well. thank you brother onward um i might cut. his hair into a mullet. first of all let's address that oh yeah. mullet dog up baby dogs have had the. same shitty haircuts forever. it's about time we tighten these [ __ ]. up. you know what i'm saying if they're. man's best friend they won't mind if we. [ __ ] trim their [ __ ] up. fam gang baby onward.

multiple dogs a new trend apparently. what you think. but anyway the reason i'm calling in man. so i just. i just got a promotion at work and i. live over here on the east coast and. if everything keeps going in the way. that they wanted to. then that has gone so far there's talks. about them having me move. out west somewhere a couple different. states in play but. the the question i have for you is that. my fiancee.

does not want to move from from where we. are now like. i'm not even talking west coast just. does not want to move do i. do i bring it up to her that that. something might be in play because it's. going to be like four or five years down. the road or. do we wait until we get to that point i. think you wait till you get a little. closer man. you don't want to be scaring nobody. early and women they'll start packing. early [ __ ] she'll have all your [ __ ]. packed. you know what i'm saying you wouldn't be. able to you know you won't be able to.

get a damn. soup spoon for the next five years and. you don't even know if you're going. she's like it's in the box it's in the. box. you know you're looking for a hat or a. summer uh shirt. you know something kind of almost. strapless summer shirt or whatever. and you can you know it's all in the box. everything. so you don't want to be living out of. boxes just because you know. even if she does start preparing if she. comes around because they'll pack. everything.

you know i just sleep overnight in my. friend scott's house when i was young. and his mom would make the bed we'd be. still in it. she was just a real clean freak i'd be. in the dang bed she'd make it. what are you gonna do today i don't know. try and get out this bed. you know as i'm pinned down. so and if your wife refuses to move that. ain't your wife. bro that's a lady you used to know. who's now having to support herself.

that's who that is bobby. so but i think you wait and evaluate a. little bit closer man. all right let's get one more right here. here we go. what's up theo this is uh tk up here in. northeast missouri tk and i used to know. a fellow with a one legged. named tk and uh. i don't know what it stood for but who. cares also what it stands for. onward thank you for calling man.

hey i got a a dilemma and i need you to. help me solve it. my uh my girlfriend. she drinks coffee all day you know she. brushes her teeth and stuff all the time. but. i just her breath don't smell right and. it drives me nuts. and i'm just you know kind of wondering. how i should go about it should i just. give her hints or you know should i tell. her that her breath. smelled like dookie or.

just be upfront about it uh. i don't know man just let me know what. uh what you think i should do and. help me with my problem praise god. brother. and thank you for reaching out to me. today about this man and and this is an. issue i think in a lot of communities. you know uh. you know uh and actually i think a lot. of communities is different. a lot of asian people don't have bad. breath really.

you know they cut they got that fang. shui in them baby. you know they're all shanged up in their. way bro they really. you know they're all you know they they. get they they just have they eat small. things and it's very digestible and they. can. you know they'll have a little bit of. maybe ravioli or something but they also. follow it up with like an apple cider or. something you know they're very. they drink out of small cups they really. so they're not just. flooding the system you know a lot of.

black people and white people will just. flood their system with [ __ ] chicken. nuggets and. you know [ __ ] and all of this. milkshake. so you let you you notice a lot of bad. breath in your culture. uh raleigh mao um. i don't i knew it i knew that. thank you man um but i would say this if. i dated a girl with bad breath man her. her breath got bad at night and. uh and i was afraid to tell her anything.

but i think if it's a girl you love and. you're with constantly i think you. slipper a couple minutes you know. and then eventually to say hey baby your. breath is not as good as it could be and. i want the most out of you. you know i want to love you and. smell you and any woman. nobody's gonna be mad if you tell me. that bad breath. but it is hard to do but look we back. you we support you and uh and i think. that you can do it.

so i really believe that you can do it. brother and. and look if somebody leaves you because. they have. bad breath dude [ __ ] um. if they're like i'm leaving you then. take your little freaking booty mouth. and hit the road you out here [ __ ]. swamp chatter. so it's a win-win situation.

now unless you secretly low-key like. having her have bad breath maybe that's. what's going on as well. um i. uh i gotta run. i gotta run uh riley mao thank you so. much for being here let's what would you. what would your last words be riley did. you did you. get something i'll just say you know i. mean if i can't. uh if it is my last words and i can't. you know have more words i'll just be.

like i'm out y'all. peace okay. there you go even if it's a slaying. you're at a park somebody stabs you. you know i mean i can't go back in time. if they already stabbed me and i'm. already dying you know. why not go out with bing yeah. i'm out guys peace yeah. i like that kind of it just kind of. covers everything kind of. no matter where you're at it's kind of. okay it's not really like.

abrasive to anyone just like i'm out. right yeah okay. all right uh. well i'm gonna keep you in my thoughts. and prayers too to find a love of your. life one day riley mal. thanks man you know i believe that she's. out there. do you oh she's out there somewhere i. just don't know where don't know when. yeah well she'll show up man.

hopefully sooner than later maybe you. think you're ready for it now. oh i'm ready there you go now those. would be my last words i think oh i'm. ready. i'm ready for the lord i'm i'm ready to. hit that next level i'm ready to warp. zone. my last words i'm trying to think would. be uh. let me think somebody's stab your shoe. [ __ ]. and i'll be like gang gang.

or maybe i'll be like [ __ ] better have. my money. one of those man i would hit him with. that gang gang or [ __ ] better have my. money. but the diamond poirier won man. he won and it was exciting we went to an. after party after it was fun they had.

you know the bottle you know just like. people doing stuff. like a nice sign and said dustin you. know. and it's just cool to watch someone. achieve their dream. there's something special about seeing. somebody achieve a dream. i think whether it's big or small it can. be some kid getting a. hit hitting a baseball for the first. time or even hitting it off the tee. you know it could be somebody getting. their first kiss or touching their first.

you know titty through electric fence. like i did. you know it could be somebody surviving. a dog biter. or making a casserole that their. grandmother used to make. you know it's just it's beautiful seeing. somebody live out a dream. big or small that's what we're here for. man. i think sometimes it's just to bear. witness. to even life which i'm sure was.

the dream of some higher power. maybe i don't know. i don't know baby but i do know this man. that i'm on the come up. and you guys can catch us here we'll be. back we'll be back on another episode. soon thank you so much for being a part. of my life you can get tickets at. theovon.com. tour uh thank you so much for being a. part of my life. and uh and i mean that you know i'm. lucky to be living out.

one of my dreams and uh and so much of. that is because. of you guys so i hope to meet each and. every person that listens to this. podcast in person sooner than later. and uh you guys be good to yourselves. uh riley man thank you for coming in. brother. thanks for having me theo you bet bubby. all right gang baby we out.

you.