Kissin' Practice | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #263

look a reindeer is just a game moves so. say it's not let's go I'm just sitting. on your front porch wondering how could. I be so far oh man and my mind is.

somewhere else but when I found it. our patch up where it's been grown now. I've just float on the breeze and I feel. like these leaves that must be. but when I reach that I'll share this. peace of mind I can defeat it thought.

it's gonna take. for me to staff that talking. my cellphone. shy.

[Music]. find a song I'll sing it just oh yeah. and that is shine by Bishop gun right. there and and it is February 24 in the. year 2020 and then we're getting into. the future aren't we you know a lot of.

people didn't think we'd get this far. into the future. like I think if you dug up some people. who are deceased or something and you. said hey hey hey wake up hey wake up how. far in the future you think we'll go I. bet a lot of them would not have picked. this far but we're making it we're. making progress. that is a shine by Bishop gun and some. bad news came out of their camp last.

week that the band has canceled future. dates as of right now. and has taken a bit of a break a. sabbatical I don't know what their plans. are I tried to get in touch with with. with my little nephew over there to see. what was going on with them but hadn't. gotten too much information and that's. where we are but man I would hate to see. uh see them not be able to make it. happen because they got a beautiful. little outfit beautiful little musical.

outfit right there and that's Bishop. Gunn just back from Toronto ha I want to. thank everybody who came out that was. just man it might have missed some of. the most hype crowds I mean people just. one dude out there he was just so fired. up dude he had a um he was he had I. think was just donating his own blood. into a bag and just threw a bag of it up.

on the stage. people were hype and it was magical man. we have four shows over there at the. Queen Elizabeth II ater sold them out. and thank you so much can at a beautiful. Canada for coming out and people I. notice in Kent is so friendly. like people apologize all the time I'm. sorry we sorry who's sorry sorry one guy.

came across a parking lot I'd never even. seen him and he goes all sorry okay so. he's like case I ever bump into you I'm. sorry. so why it's almost like people are just. trying to be out or they're like they're. like they're trying to have like a. polite off go you think you're sorry bro. I'm sorry er do them and I don't mean. sorry like as in incapable or not gonna.

fare well are not gonna do something. well I mean sorry as in oh oh my bad you. know oh it's okay you know. oh yeah but yeah they're like all sorry. and they're like oh you think I'm sorry. I got a friend that's even sorry uh-oh. oh this guy he's so up he or he. apologize he apologize always always. he's so apologetic I'm the most.

apologetic mother gone around people. just like I'm sorry jumping off. buildings I'm sorry uh I guess huh but. anyway people just so polite and a good. time and just such a great time and. thank everybody for coming out and. enjoying it and enjoying the just the. joy man just a sheer joy in that theater. in that theatre and uh what else I'm.

home I'm headed this week to Red Bank. New Jersey on February 27th that's. Thursday Oxon Hill Maryland February. 28th and Newport News Virginia February. 29th those are sold out and then we got. the. castle theatres on March 7th in Maui and. the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville on. April 17th and there are still tickets. for Maui I believe that Nashville is.

sold out so that's crazy man I can't. believe when we get to go to the Ryman. do people some people treat their dogs. like a slave. you notice it so I went to the park this. morning to get a little bit of heat a. little free heat from the sunshine you. know a little bit of that vitamin D. straight from the vitamin G OD you feel. me I'm talking straight off the head of. the Lord the sky and just catch that. free heat right in my face and net and I.

went over there and I was just sitting. in the in the grass making me a little. gratitude list and doing a couple of. outings and stuff on the UM I'm one of. those legal pads you know and this man. heard this old man he's like char he. goes Charlie got over ere sure char like. get out of our hair. and I thought it was too you know kind.

of drug-induced or you know drug-induced. homosexual men doing uh you know. splitting up a you know a gram or a vial. of uh a vial of speed but then I look. over in this man who I'll be honest this. man looked like Doody bro this man. looked like just man just real just just. duty duty and he's yelling at this dog. because the dog smelled something worse.

all it is and the dog he's over there. he's investigating you know he might. have a little bit of hounding him or a. little bit of uh investigator gadget or. whatever that guy's name was remember. that show but the the dog he's you know. he's sniffing on an orange peel or doing. something you know we're smelling um you. know a part needle or something or. whatever and a man's like shards get all. this yelling at him.

and Charlie first of all Charlie was way. healthier this man looked like just. first of all looked like somebody has. shaved his whole body with like a 1 or. like a 1 and a half he had a fade like. on his arms shoulders everything crate. just real bristly looking dude kind of. guy he looked like he was like a pipe. cleaner you know one a member of pipe. cleaners remember in school sometime if. he was one of the weirdo kids and they. at the art class they would give you.

these pipe cleaners and say hey do. something with this and you'd be like. what do I do it it like I we don't. notice do something we hope when you. graduate soon cuz nobody could stand you. you know and um and yet is dude young. thinking man this dog and then so then. the dog comes over by me and now I'm. kind of pissed cuz I'm sitting there. trying to do a little bit of um legal. work or whatever you know right and. stuff and drawing and this man's charlie. leave him alone I said dude I said.

Charlie messing with me man I said you. messing with me by yelling you're. messing with everybody sir and [ __ ] it. just I don't know man and the dog went. over to him and I just felt like I don't. know when Charlie left dude I felt like. damn bro Charlie don't want to be with. that man and that man treats him bad. that's how I felt dude so but yeah.

Charlie was like a big dog and I'll be. honest I slipped on a piece of nicorette. so Charlie [ __ ] get that hit from. Daddy right there so that guy can kiss. my ass Bob what I'm saying is you can't. your dog is not a slave he doesn't work. for you okay you can't you know say this. dude is Charlie get in the house no ham. hocks Charlie nothing for you you can't. be like that to an animal you gotta. treat an animal a little bit kinder I. think but I don't know I don't know.

their backstory that [ __ ] just made me. mad I don't see a lot of animals and. stuff so in here in Los Angeles so it. just made me kind of kind of upset by. anyway what's going on man good to be. here I feel a little bit rattled it has. been all over the place and um and I'm. so excited that all that we got these. shows coming up this weekend these are. make updates and just happy to be. getting them done these are the last of.

the makeup dates except for Brea and. we'll do them some time what did I see. on the Washington Post the other day put. up a thing oh they were talking about so. Bernie Sanders is out there whooping. people's ace right on the circuit on the. political circuit and I'm not much of a. political I never you know ever since I. was young I've never I've never thought. a politician is or politics gonna save.

my land them dudes ain't doing [ __ ] for. us you know I've always thought if my. bed's gonna be better I'm gonna have to. make it that way you know if I'm gonna. have a little bit of uh you know if I'm. gonna have a little bit more nut in my. squat you know a little bit of a little. bit more gumption in my scrotum you feel. me that I'm gonna be they have to want. to put it in there I'm not relying on. the government or something to make my. life better but uh but it just blew my.

mind how suddenly they came out with a. report that now that Bernie Sanders is. winning in the Democratic you know. regionals or whatever it's called. semi-finals or whatever but that Russia. is helping him and I'm just like you got. to be kidding me with this [ __ ] you got. to be kidding me. you telling me that this dude that every.

time somebody starts winning Russia. helps them it's just the worst excuse. man it just made me like it was just. like it's almost like sometimes the news. thinks that we're so dumb it's like you. really think I'm dumb enough to believe. this the last time Donald Trump was. winning Oh Russia helped him oh this. time Bernie's hello Rush. help them it's like whoever they don't. like they make up this story I don't.

know man. it just blew my mind I was like do you. really think maybe humans are that dumb. maybe I'm maybe I'm dumb for thinking. that we're not it just and how was how. was how was our country helping somebody. win an election. they put ads saying even if they do put. an advertisement on internet if they. don't go in there and pull the far the. arm the volt the what does it call if.

they don't pull the pole or whatever for. you if they don't tab you vote if they. don't do the voting for you then they're. not doing nobody could do [ __ ] unless. they're making robots and send them him. and they're dressed up like people all. I'm just here to vote Charlie get off. get away from that guy anyway let's just. just have me riled up I was like you got.

to be kidding me now you think that just. because this guy's winning that they're. gonna that the Russia it just made me. it's like oh how does for somebody would. just you almost were somebody who just. burned down one of these news places cuz. it's just [ __ ] man but what are we. to do man what are we to do I got. nothing Oh what else happened this. weekend let's take a look at the. hotlines people called in from the. Toronto show and I'd love to hear some.

thoughts and some awe some reactions and. um here we go how did you know this is. Lisa calling my friend and I were lucky. enough to see you Friday night in. Toronto for the Early Show oh thank you. for coming out there Lisa and you got a. friend - I'm glad you and your friend. came and that's nice if you got a friend. you go do something Oh me and my friend. are doing this oh we're having we're. splitting the cabbage we're splitting um. you know we're doing a tandem bike.

so homework and I just had to call in to. say we had so much fun just laughing our. heads off everybody around us is just. doubled over laughing I mean I've been. to a lot of shows but I've never laughed. that hard that a comedy show but genuine. question when you're up and look and I. hate to interrupt you but sometime the. laughter is it could better bring it out. of you it's that it's almost like an.

exorcism but a good one it'll make. something come out of you a secret. sometimes people laugh so hard they they. tell a truth about themselves they let a. secret loose some guy the other day he. laughed so hard at the show and he's. just like he came out of the closet he's. like ha ha and his body's like Patrick. dude what are you talking about Patrick. have another beer man your wife's gonna.

pick us up in about 20 minutes - she's. gonna be pissed bro have two beers. Patrick and calm down bro you're gonna. be fine you got to get back to your wife. and kids man so you don't know somebody. you know somebody sometimes that giggle. will just wiggle something right out of. you it'll just shake a truth right out. of your frickin lie booth right out of. the back of your brain you'd be like I. killed somebody with a shovel I love.

licorice people just you know I don't. wash my husband's clothes but I tell him. I do so he's always wearing dirties you. know you just sometimes when that. laughter get you Lisa it can really. shake something out of you. it can shake the mainframe and that's. when maybe a little dribble of some. truthful just leak out of your feet you. know your sudden you'll suddenly you're. slipping a fact about yourself do you.

never want it to admit I like to smell. uh my own ass you know something or. something like that you know sometime. you'll just a truth upon just just whip. right out of you that you don't want you. know. I've been saving all my back hair that I. shave off in a bag under the sink in my. bathroom ah you know it just that's what. can happen might it smell like.

tangerines so anyway a lot of truths and. and and and non uh and old secrets can. come just right just avalanche and out. of your frickin brainstem let's hear. more Lisa up on stage can you hear how. hard were laughing like are you able to. get that positive feedback from us. because I mean every sentence you were. saying at one point everybody was just. dying laughing man it was it was just.

incredible so thank you so much for. coming to our neck of the woods thanks. for everything. well you guys have a beautiful neck of. the woods up there and Toronto and I. never thought Canada was real when I was. young and I've said that before dropped. my keys you know I thought I thought if. you died in Canada you woke back up in. America that's something that I thought. or that I'd heard or that I just thought. and then pretended like I heard you know.

I thought maybe um or Canada was just a. place that they practice safety. equipment like if you ever saw a helmet. or some knee pads or uh you know if you. was at doing the bumper bowling and they. had the special lanes on the side for. the kind of kids that had a hit of that. Tisza more just youngsters that wasn't. used to push him ball and say all all. that's from Canada but as far as the.

laughter goes you know it's really you. can looking you here. sometimes I feel like I talked too fast. and I step on people's laughter in a. comedy club I'm so used to that I'm more. used to the area and so I know how to. manage that room size of a room better. when it's about 300 but in some of these. theaters you get upwards you know a. thousand two thousand it gets tricky and.

I can't see anything when I'm up Dhaka. see maybe the first two rows kind of and. then it's just lights it seemed like. somebody you ever been outside and. somebody's pulling a boat up on a dock. and you're like oh are they gonna Park. this thing or that it's gonna shine that. light in my eye. for an hour it's like that it's like two. people are parking boats but none of. them will part they're just it's like.

okay park your boat shut off the light. or it's like two motorcycles coming at. you diagonally and the lighter just. hitting you so you can't see if you kind. of have this light in your eyes so. sometimes it feels like you're. performing too it's almost like it's an. experiment or something like there's. just you hear like a lat like a kind of. like the sound of laughter but mostly.

you to see these two lights and you feel. like you're just performing into nothing. almost it's really bizarre. so sometimes it's nice at the end of the. show or some of the beginning the the. the light man will pull thee will bring. the lights up for a second and then you. can see everyone and it's it is a 180. from what you've been seeing the whole. time so some of the people will react or. do something in the audience and if I. don't react to it I can't see I have no. idea what's going on most of the time.

but but man it was so much fun there was. one moment where they brought the lights. up it was on Saturday I think and and. man I felt like but it I just felt. people were having so much fun and. cheering it manages. I don't know I just felt it doesn't feel. like it's for me I guess it just feels.

like people having a good time but it. just felt cool it was like wow this is. something just fun to be a part of so. I'm just glad you guys had a good time. Lise I'm glad you and your friend came. out and and enjoyed each other's company. you know there is something nice after. the show if I get to see some people and. stuff and just you know knowing people. had fun man it means a lot you know we. had a young one young gentleman this. Italian and we used to call Italians.

we'd call him head lice when I was young. because they showed up in groups and. kind of bothered you but uh this. beautiful young Italian he had a tall. friend with him real long Italian one of. the male eyes and they uh he came before. shows and I think he had just knocked. this girl a beautiful young fellow I'm. not sure his name was Tito or something. or - uh and and I don't know antiguo I.

have no idea but I can't remember but a. very nice young man knock on wood I. don't know what his name is but and I. don't know what no I don't even know why. I'm knocking on wood um what else but. that was good it was a good time there. let me hit let me hit this other hotline. call came in nine eight five six six. four nine five zero three what's up T oh. I'm here with my friend Sam it was so Co. gang game what's up Sam. gang brother and there's a lot of people. named Sam in Canada I realize that.

homework we just drove from Montreal to. see a show in Toronto the Friday night. shows to be specific and brother some. [ __ ] [ __ ] and it's right behind us. are you and the yelling and stuff I. don't know what happened but you kind of. addressed that you said the person. you're like what's going on and for some. sets of like cut you're like oh you're. cutting yourself the crowd just died but. it was a great show man I don't know is. people walking around and [ __ ] but like. don't like that in the way those dope. yeah I just want to know where I felt.

about the show because I remember at one. point you kind of stressed out and you. know what do you got. I don't know but we love you till Vaughn. and we're here to support you so let us. know extinct thanks gang gang voice a. gang gang uh dude thank you guys for. driving man I hope y'all made it home. safe man if you didn't make it home safe. than you're you're in heaven bruh so. either way you want it man it was. wonderful you know candidate the the the.

general feeling I have when I'm in. Canada is such a feeling of safety you. know uh in America I feel like there's. always a little bit of uncomfort I'll. like it's and maybe it's just because. I'm in Los Angeles I mean like really. The Devil's Den here I'm out here in the. damn Devils dimple just feeling him grin. and whenever he wants but in Canada. there's just there's just a friendliness. there's a not everything has like a wage.

to it not everything has like a like a. like there's just something more genuine. about it. it's really really it's so pleasant to. be around. so yeah dude I just had I had such a. great time I mean I had such a great. time it's going out and people are just. they're having a good time there's. there's just there's more of a ease in. people it's like somebody just put a you. know two cans of ease and just squeezed. it right into somewhat everybody's neck.

everybody's just eased up not like that. guy at the park was like get off Charlie. there'll be a shed or whatever that guy. was do they need a police need to get. that man because he's treating that dog. like a damn indentured servant but uh. but yeah I mean it was just a blast man. it was just it was just I'm trying to. think of a better way to describe it but. I mean my stress level has been high man. I can't I really can't wait to take a. break you know I used to feel you know.

honestly I used to feel a lot more. dialed in even when I was doing the. podcast it was easier for me to connect. and to kind of drop into what was going. on but I just I have been under a lot. I'll just just stress just a lot of the. traveling and stuff. and I don't talk about it sometimes even. though I do a lot I feel like because. once you kind of start doing well I feel. like once you start having some success.

nobody wants to hear you complain really. nobody you know it's like so it's. sometimes that kind of that stuff it's a. little tough for me to talk about that. some of that stuff recently because I I. feel like nobody wants to hear the dude. that's doing well nobody wants to hear. him complain you know but but yeah I'm. trying to take more methods to deal with. some of my stress a little bit you know.

I flew in a day early in a Toronto so. that I wasn't jammed up on the same day. of the show having to travel and then go. straight to the show I'm gonna go to. Maui in a few weeks and hopefully have. some few days to just get connected to. nature just stretch out be an ostrich. put some puts my legs into the sand and. be like that maybe maybe see said you. know it's hid in the distance or. something you know maybe I bring Charlie.

with me if I see a nice tit in the. distance have him go get it char Charlie. oh god oh man that goth stripper dude. I'm gonna start calling Charlie next. time on her impersonate the guy I'm a. hide behind the tree in the distance and. when he says something to Charlie I'm. gonna say something no you're doing fine. charlie. you're doing great you got the day off.

um let's take one more call that came in. right here homework I see it was poppin. off it's still out here in Central. Oklahoma. what's up dingo thank you for calling. man that's a rare name brother but then. but then what homeward. I was just scrolling through the. Facebook and I saw kind of a. heartbreaking post that uh Bishop Gunn. was going to be hosting all activity I.

guess they're going. some struggle I thought so I'm sure the. guy that introduced them to us I would. give you a call and see what your. thoughts are and you know hope that they. hear this and know that you know there's. a lot of people that care a lot about. them and we hope they can work out. whatever it is that they're going. through and come back to this you know. anyways love you Theo you're the best. man and you can do it you're good enough.

you worked all your life for it thanks. man. thank you Bros nice a nice that's nice. you to say that yeah man it really makes. me say I do you know I saw that post as. well on Facebook and uh yeah just you. know I want the band they're so good man. I really believe they're so good you.

know when they've worked so hard and. they've done so many shows and I think. some of the strut stuff that from what I. from my perception it seemed like some. of the stuff they're struggling with is. just internally between them and they're. trying to figure it out and I hope that. they do man you know I don't want to. take words out of their mouth I asked I. asked burns sharp the drummer if he. would call in today and I don't think he.

was up for it so I'm gonna see if he'll. check in next week and maybe give us a. little bit more information but yeah. just heartbreaking heartbreaking madness. it just shows you how ray or something. when something's good it's rare man what. something is good it is rare and then. you think there's gonna be all this this. could happen again easily or this could. happen again in a moment's you know. something else could happen something.

better. but we don't want to it's something we. don't want to settle but it's why I. wonder why we don't know why we aren't. able to notice when something is really. perfect and I struggle with it you know. I think there's going to be something. different oh I've got you know maybe. there's a better opportunity or maybe. there's someone better. [Music]. but thanks for saying I'm good enough.

man I appreciate that you know it's. funny sometime when I'm on the stage and. the lights come up a little and people. are cheering it feels I feel like like. almost like turning around and looking. behind me it's like who what are they. claw is there somebody you know is what. is this full you know it just I mean I. know that that people are there and. they're excited and they're excited to. see the show and stuff but I don't know.

it's interesting man but yeah hope. Bishop gun gets it together man I really. you know I love the vibe that they have. and just they got this soul they got. this soul eNOS maybe if you have a. thought about that when we get to the. hotline call about practice and kissing. and how people did it in just a second. but if you if it was if there was. something good in your life if there was. something when you had something really.

good and you let it go you thought. there'd be something different and you. thought there'd be something better or. maybe uh because our ego can be so. dangerous you know the ego is you know. our ego starts running before we passed. the baton a lot of times and I just. wanna maybe and maybe nobody will have. anything but if you do hit the hotline. with that nine eight five six six four. nine five zero three and and I love you.

guys man I just want to tell you that I. love you and thank you oh you know one. thing I just I don't know man I've just. said you know you guys have all helped. make my dream come true you know to be. able to make people laugh at a big at a. level and if this is the greatest my. career ever gets and this has been. amazing and. you know I'll just feel really blessed.

but I'm realizing it takes a group. really to make a blessing you know. so gang I want to let you know that. today's episode is brought to you by. Power dot and you can see this sweet. item right now if you're on the youtubes. there now power dot is a specialty item. here and it you know one of the worst. things about working out and training. and being real aggressive and just pump.

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everybody knew how to kissing people was. it what it weren't the first way you. knew to say hey to somebody first we. need they teach it a handshake and. that's basically saying hey let me touch. it real quickly let me touch you say. okay I'll let you touch me but just my. hand I say okay that's an agreement. that's a handshake and then they do a. hug they won't I'm gonna trust you. enough to put both your hands around the. around and touch my back really quick.

while I touch your back okay and go boom. okay that was good and then it gets to. another level though when your body. starts to get hot when your loins start. to look around you feel me. because when you're a man and you're. young you can only look around with your. head and your neck. but at a certain age your Weiner says. hey I'm about to peek around as well and. that is cold what is it called.

uh her berty that's almost full pervert. ooh baby that's when you're getting lit. brah that's when you suddenly lit for. some tit dude but what I'm telling you. is this what I'm trying to say is that. we all started practicing away kissing I. shared about mine last week and so you. guys had some calls that came in and I. want to hear a couple of those here we.

go getting high feel this is mofo from. Idaho what's up mofo what's up mofo from. Idaho and Idaho is a good place if you. want to uh if you want to get kind of. wind burn on your face and sunburn at. the same time and if you want to look. for gold but not find any but still. dress like you look for gold. then Idaho is a beautiful spot great. place to get sunburned and uh and go.

missing as well a lot of missing people. in Idaho all work so I'm the youngest of. six so I had older siblings and we had a. Barbie head that was like a head and. shoulders and neck so you could do her. hair and her makeup like it was like a. mannequin head so when I would get a. chance to be alone with this Barbie hi. we practice kissing I think we're alone. now that doesn't mean to be anyone oh.

okay so you kissed that little baby uh. that baby a Barbie let me hear more on. her neck and her face and everything and. amasa turning me off a little wha - a. got me tricky dude this is gonna bring. old Patrick out the closet you feel. magic let's hear him want to back it up. a little bit in a second he's tell me.

what happened again homework the chance. to be alone with this Barbie her hobby. practice kissing on her neck and her. face and everything and it always it. never failed every time I went to do. that one of my siblings would. catch me and be like mo are you kidding. the Barbies net and I'd be so [ __ ]. embarrassed and so that would just go on. and on and also uh you know the poles in. the basement I used to put on my roller.

skates and like swing around the poles. and practice kissing on those and again. somebody would always catch me and be. like what are you kissing the pole. anyway so funny ah yeah okay look. everybody's got away you know that's. interesting you kissing plastic humans. and you kissing poles you know that's. really could work at the mall I mean. yeah it almost sound like he could work. at the mall um but yeah there's. everybody had a different way you know.

some people would do something different. man I had this boy living across the. street from us named Robert and he would. put his hand in the hot water and get it. real hot and he would make that kind of. kissing area like a little lips with his. hand where you put your curl your. fingers in your thumb across the front. and then he would kind of kiss that when. it was all warm and everybody had a. little something we would heat up the. oyster you know where every now and then. things got a little bit homosexual with. the key you know if it's young fellas.

they kissing on each other's neck a. little but when you're when you're child. anything gay is not gay gay is just. children you know I remember find out. too I found two of my nephews one time. in the bed and they in their butt naked. so what am I gonna you know they're. children and one of them had a bunch of. damn uh little Hershey's Kisses it in. there would he had to hold em stack. couple them on his belly and stuff. something and some of them were melting. a little bit and the chocolate was.

getting on his skin but what am I gonna. you know that's nothing that's children. all right let's take another call that. came in here hey Theo this is hope I. used to practice Kissin on an apple I. would take a bite. I would take a look like a little like a. little Dibble out of the Apple and then. you know it would leave like a little. hole for like you know you could put. your tongue in there and boy man that. [ __ ] got me feeling some type of way you.

know you see out there getting that. fruit dog putting your tongue into that. fruit boy you could have at least had a. little bit you know you could have cut. open the orange Brian curved out in that. sucker I used to do that when I got a. little bit older I'd dig out the middle. of the turns and throw three of my. fingers in that bastard let's hear more. it was kind of a sweet treat at the same. time mmm so that was kind of how I used. to practice kissing when I was young and. I really like the podcast man I really. like your really like your concept and.

keep keep doing you baby boy gang thanks. Colt I like that I like a man named. after a weapon as well Colt you know or. maybe who else ninja star. and if you don't think there's probably. a young black woman out there named. ninja star then you're probably wrong. maybe bad girl. kiss on Apple let's hit let's take.

another one that came in how you. practice getting that lip lock and going. gang hey Co I'm going all the way from. Pennsylvania damn from PA and that's a. much country if you want to see what. your grandparents did drive through PA. man you get out there out near uh what. are some of those areas out there. waiting Amica smell the butter you could. smell the breast milk and air I mean. these women got some breasts on them -.

that's the breast belt do you be driving. you hit us to be like what is that a. speed bump on Interstate black nah man. this is a couple of titties crossing the. road out there cuz it's that kind of. place man and they got skin just so. milky my god that milky skin I mean just. make you want to just something god damn. every titty look like it down. everything looks big and good out there.

but there's nothing like a real milky. breast you know a lot of times they try. to push these days they push these. different type of breasts this and that. you know oh here's that lean titty rock. witty what a lean titty people want the. rest the breast is supposed to be the. breast you know you know I mean when I. was growing up we had a lady that worked. at this lady we live in apartment for a.

little bit and it was for apartments in. one big building and we would play. football in the backyard out back and. they had this that big area and we get. out there and just be our just pretend. we were heroes you know and you had. different you know yet a whole in a. certain part yet to go around and they. had drainage coming off of somebody's. laundry room so you had to be careful. and if somebody's running their dryer.

that hot air was puffing out of one area. so that's where we would do the intros. beginning of the game we say off but. starting quarterback and your boy would. come running out of that dryer smoke. from the bottle laundry room and then we. played a game but they had a lady who. did a verbal sex work by us and she was.

like a hotline worker back in the day. they used to have if you called on the. phone line you dialed one 900 big titty. or something a woman would answer and. she would like yeah yeah you know this. is uh this is Diane you know this is. Diane breast or something like that you. know this big titty what can I do for. you and she would sit there and she.

would like talk oh yeah let me I'm like. I'm taking your pants off right now oh. yeah you know oh I'm choking you right. now I'm you know I'm all spitting in. your bellybutton. you know why like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. I'm hiding olives and yeah you know. they'd be get real nasty and stuff but. she was doing verbal sex working every. minute she kept the person on the line. she would get more money for the family.

but one of her windows her window is. down by the other end zone where we. played football so you didn't even want. to go score down there sometimes when. she was getting real vulgar you know. she's like oh I got three olives I got. three olives in my ass you know you're. like oh I gotta I'm making martinis it. in between my you know she'd be just. getting crazy. oh yeah she'd be down there yeah give it. to me like what's going on all right.

let's take this call that came in right. here here we go hey Theo I'm calling all. the way from Pennsylvania and this. regards to your last podcast stop. practicing your kissing and I used to. take a nice juicy soft. mango just bite a little small mouth. hole in the side of it you start making. out with a mango let me know what you. think damn boy you sound like a pervert. bucko what do you you sound like do you.

doing something while the mango first of. all mango is the straight-up [ __ ] of. produce you got to think that maybe. think when other when tomatoes see a. mango coming Dayne saying oh look at its. thought over ha you do think about that. you don't think when two peaches they. sitting around on the swing set just.

peach and you know maybe splitting up a. percocet or something and then they see. there's Mitch mango get out of a taxi. you know they both think and look at is. you over here I'm telling you bro mango. is a stray slew of the fruit kingdom. gang bro thank you for calling ma'am and.

get out your mama's refrigerator but you. sound like you got to stay home if you. being like that homework hasty oh this. is all done I'm not in the Bay Area. California I was just listening what's. up old done thank you for calling. brother Oh work into your podcast and it. made me think of how I used to practice. kissing I used to make out with my elbow. pit on the inside of my forearm and I. used to kiss it I used to [ __ ] him give. it hickeys and everything dude that was.

my [ __ ] I think I did it for like a year. everybody knows he did it for way longer. too even though you just said that but. all her brother. and then I don't know why I stopped. doing it but I haven't thought about. that many years thank you keep up the. good work. I love the positive message you bring. with the humor attached dang bro. Thank You Man thank you very much thanks.

for calling man look. you making me think I have a limited. neck my neck I got a medium medium to. lower than that you can bear if I look. for something I can't look really long. because I got a I got bringing my neck. back to Center. I got a recenter my neck some people got. that neck they over here they over there. they doin laundry they lookin for this. you know I'm saying they own the Lost. and Found they could they could do. multitask with that [ __ ] big Reacher.

with that fifth [ __ ] limb baby that. neck but my [ __ ] limited time I got that. limited look piece baby so I couldn't I. couldn't really get into the crease in. my heart my elbow very much but I bet I. did try let me try it oh yeah now that's. the second I put my face there I'll. remember I definitely did oh yeah man.

damn dude in my do a mile vogue crease. taste like it remembers me to you boy. then this this chick is fine as hell. dude and I remember even this dude this. is Oprah verse I can't even leave I'm. telling you this as I got older. sometimes sometimes my underarm which. had to vibe the scent of a woman to it. and I would sometimes put my face right.

down in there and like get a couple of. Huff's off my own off that own my own. [ __ ] little reach crevice right there. that armpit and then I would use that. you know I fueled myself to pleasure. myself you know antennae and do. masturbation. so damn almost was trying to said that. but you know what whatever man that's. who I am that's who I am dude because I.

wanted that full-body experience because. sometimes one of my underarms one of. mine arm always smell a little bit got. that spaghetti kind of that Italian you. know it's something under there and I'm. running like a Primavera you feel me but. every now and then one of my arms had a. bit more of a kind of a fertile feminine. kind of you know it kind of had them it. kind of had the same tenor the same kind.

of uh the same hit that you get the same. hit off of it you would off of a woman's. body and even maybe a vagina even if I'm. being real honest with you and I know. this is grossing another's kind of. graphic man I'm sorry about that I'm not. trying to be disgusting I'm just trying. to be honest with you but uh but so I. get a couple hits at at and then I would.

use that because that would get my brain. all fired up with that hot pouch you. know it would just it fueled that. because I would have that that vit that. uh the scent I had that scent of a woman. right under my on that who uh you know. and so I get a couple hits at and then. use that to power my my my ability to. touch myself but yeah man we all did. something and it's okay that's nature. nothing wrong with you and there's. nothing wrong with me man we got a. couple more that came in and I got to.

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info just visit ship station comm and. click on the microphone at the top of. the homepage and type in Theo that ship. station dot-com use code Theo ship. station make ship happen oh these are. good man let's take another one right. here how you got that smooch hey get. that smooch practice cuz look some guys. lucked out some fancy guys if he was. real rich maybe your mom come downstairs. and give you a little kiss or something. to stay heavy with you if you had a. stepmom.

maybe she sleep over once a month or. something you like damn I don't even. know what that is for he's just a bank. because I'm the one me around are seeing. each other now. but before but if that wasn't your case. then you had to learn to kiss somewhere. and if somebody wasn't kissing you had. to find a way and that's who I am and I. appreciate you being similar let's go. they don't call about the practicing. kissing here there's young I think I was.

in sixth grade you know you finally. merge flaws with life or different. elementary schools you got all these. girls I was AI need practice I would. take on hot shows. mm word they melted a shallots then sit. down and there was a faucet I would like. to pair like here on your first director. to the bath and you've turned to a. shower but uh you practice on that boy.

you know let's move a little bit was. crawling with shine he said I might give. it a little tongue kind of sick girl. because your own reflection guy goes. right in just picture a nice woman but. all right that's all dang bucko. that's one way to do it man and that's.

how you wind up selling AHA and that's. how you're gonna sell a bathroom. equipment for the rest of your life man. with that kind of love for the game. right there but yeah I could understand. we can see your reflection in something. and then you go kiss it now if you. sucking on the front end of a ball of a. faucet that might be kind of homoerotic. you might be getting a little bit. homoerotic alrea right you might meet a. man hell you might end up dating the Tin. Man. you know if somebody in the next room is.

watching Wizard of Oz and even through. the television that Tin Man sees you. sucking on the end of a frigging. dripping faucet boy yeah boy that mad. metal maniacs and a pop right out of. your screen bro and he's gonna want his. uh he's gonna want his chrome polish. daddy look stay safe out there man. wherever you are I am saying that and. thank you for sharing thank you for. sharing that that let's take another.

call man let's take one more call that. came in here to the hotline I appreciate. you guys being so supportive I'm excited. about going to Maui in two weeks if you. have a friend on the island tell them to. get to get that hitter man grab some. tickets. what else he I just need I'm ready to. have a little bit of break man I feel a. lot of stress in my shoulders I can't. it's like like a tingling that's in my. shoulders in my neck and I think I might.

be allergic to coffee too so you know me. dude I got all the problems baby I'm. wearing this Joe Musgrove today too son. got this beautiful hitter right here. Pittsburgh Pirates said I'm one of the. best in the game right there gang bro. gang there we go. hey Theo this is amber from Illinois I. just wanted to call to address the. zookeeper that was on in the last. episode so I work for ecological. restoration and I think it's the.

zookeepers having some ethical dilemmas. about working at the zoo that ecological. ecological restoration might be a good. option friend because you're helping the. animal you're helping kind of improve. the areas where they live and get rid of. all damage done by humans to the natural. areas and you're also you know still in. the outdoors you're not having to work. inside or anything you still have a. positive impact on the environment. without all the ethical dilemmas because.

you ought to see animals being. mistreated and things like that. yeah now look I feel you there I now. appreciate the call last week we had a. gentleman he was really you know while. he was coming to having us come to Jesus. moment about um working at the zoo and. not like in the system but I'm ready to. say this that uh that yeah some animals. get mistreated in zoos and things like. that I mean I saw blackfish and I don't. know if you've seen that but it's about.

I guess what if the how they treat. blackfish and the [ __ ] is I mean I shits. it's a little heavy man. you know it's like kind of like twelve. years a swimmer kind of but this um but. some animals learned dope [ __ ] let's be. honest you got animals down there at. SeaWorld and at a wally world or. whatever they'll spend a while you know. spin a ball on her nose. none of these bastards out in nature. doing that [ __ ] they fightin and you.

seen planet Earth but a lot of animals. are out there beating each other's eyes. let's be honest I'm not saying they're. not beautiful and that they shouldn't be. allowed to do it but some animals are. learning useful skills as well there's. not it's not just a one-way street but. that is a great option man ecological. restoration I just say let animals go if. we want but don't be shocked you know. what I'm saying when little Bridget gets. [ __ ] clothesline by two orangutangs.

and they want to be sexual or want to be. nastier so you know I'm saying don't be. don't come crying then when your cousin. gets [ __ ] shanked by an angry otter. bruh with a sharp palm when some angry. otter swims by at the YMCA in [ __ ]. you know what I'm saying Clips your. little kiddos tendons don't be Oh. what happened you can't have it all. there's a trade-off for everything so.

next time you see a full-blown white. seal at you know over there at water. park and he can do the stanky leg that. ain't that bad man he ain't doing bad. but there's an option for you young. fella that called last week Eco. restoration and thank you young lady for. calling in and that's where I think you. sneak out into the wild and kind of make. things better for animals in this sneak. back and you're a zookeeper but you're.

kind of like on the side so I'm curious. to see maybe I don't know if humans will. be around forever we might be something. that kind of comes and goes and then. animals can get back to whatever they. were doing here I bet they were dancing. before we got here but but I'll say it. is dude every now and then you realize. humans don't take that care good at care.

of animals and that's why you got a. freaking slip a little Charlie a piece. of nicorette at the park maybe you feel. me boy Charlie gonna be Charlie gonna be. getting a buck every time he goes to the. park now boy he gonna be over there. running over there behind a federal. building trying to bum a Winston off of. some money he gonna be doing one of. them's in packs with Jesse Lockwood and. the gang thank you guys so much man for.

supporting this past weekend uh and. everything you know we got some new. merch stuff coming up soon and what else. is going on a lot of neat stuff man we. need a single mom for coming up for New. Jersey and for Oxon Hill Maryland and. for a Newport News Virginia so if you. have a friend who is a single mother we.

would like to treat her out to a night. out and and take care of her baby sitter. costs and and make sure that she can. have a night out of laughter and we want. to thank our patreon errs for helping us. support that program time and time again. we keep doing our best man we keep doing. our best that's what we do you know you. guys be good to yourselves man just keep. making and I'm gonna go out with that. with the bishop going cuz I hope they do.

make it I hope they can figure things. out over there man it's a wild house ha. how how we can have so much talent in us. and have so much turbulence in us at the. same time. it's a wild to be on that balance I'm. amped up today man gagging you guys be. good to your salesmen this is making it. Bob Bishop gun.

I've seen home in about a hundred days I. can almost hear mama bleep for my. restless soul and I ain't made a dollar. life spell but well aq me and I still. get where I'm bound go.

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and most all of my plans slip right. through my hands and walk up next to me. broken on. if their spiral was an hour glance I'm. slaving I'm about an hour care. I should've put it down. but how are you. [Music].

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