Kevin Smith | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #531

all right I've got new tour dates to let. you know about Oklahoma City North. Little Rock Springfield Missouri Kansas. City Missouri sou Falls South Dakota. Lacrosse Wisconsin Green Bay Molen. Illinois Colorado Springs Colorado. Casper Wyoming I'm excited to get up. there Billings Montana Missoula Montana. Bloomington Indiana Columbus Ohio.

Champagne Illinois Grand Rapids Michigan. Lafayette. Louisiana and bont Texas uh all tickets. available through theo. comom make sure to go through there so. you are getting um directly priced. tickets make sure you're not at a. secondhand site um and thank you so much. for your support we're excited to come. visit today's guest is a filmmaker. writer speaker comic book.

afficianado you know him from his films. clerks uh M rats uh Jay and Silent Bob. Dogma Tusk and the list goes on he has a. new film out now called the 430 movie. Loosely based on his childhood in New. Jersey I'm thankful to spend time today. with Mr Kevin Smith. [Music].

I'll sit and tell you my. stories. sh and I will find a song I will. [Applause]. sing yeah look at me I'm in [ __ ]. monochrome is that what that that that. print is.

oh black and white oh monochrome is. black and white okay sweet yeah I didn't. know that I mean I heard I've heard of. it before [ __ ] yeah you have but yeah. you're a smart. guy yeah. yeah okay yeah I'm not yeah I'm yeah I. mean yeah don't [ __ ] don't sweat you. you knew monochrome it just one of those. things you didn't need and then it. happened and you're like why didn't I. but you did yeah I've seen you speak. You're No dummy yeah it was always in. there somewhere yeah yeah yeah probably.

used it you probably busted it once or. twice in your life oh I've definit I. mean I've been involved in some like. it's not ra it's it's like the most. racial of screens if it's monochrome. right it's black and white kind of it's. the it's the aparti of print yeah I. scream it when I come I'm like. monochrome because clerks was in black. and white yeah so everything ties back. to clerks oh only clerks the only way I. could come now is thinking of. cler well I love the M rat shoes man. those are so that's I mean that's really.

cool did we start yeah we'll start who. made those are we started yeah we can is. that okay yeah that's totally cool I. modern podcasting I've not gotten the. hang of like we started back in like. 2007 we were doing smast SM and there. was always like welcome this podcast I'm. Kevin Smith of Scott moer so there was. an official beginning but lately any. podcast I've been on you're just. bullshitting and all of a sudden you're. five minutes into a conversation I'm. like oh I bet you we started and [ __ ]. yeah yeah yeah yeah sometimes it's like. I think sometimes some places things are.

a little more formal I don't know. sometimes I I feel like if you start if. I say start then it doesn't go is I. don't know what I mean you're a director. what is that like if you say well it. depends who you. ask I like to think of a director but. you go on the internet they'll tell you. a lot [ __ ] different he was a. director maybe once in this [ __ ]. first movie um every day online somebody. tells me I'm terrible at my job for the. last like 30 years that I've been doing. the job you know what that's what were.

you maybe you don't you're like I've. never gotten a bad [ __ ] review do you. dig into your comments yeah no we don't. I don't dig into too much man I was. actually talking um Joe Rogan I spoke. with him recently and he was saying. don't read the good [ __ ] don't read the. bad [ __ ] bro are we goingon to start. dropping names this early in. thecast I mean you just whipped that out. like a [ __ ] yeah like [ __ ] who are. you Louis CK I wasn't ready for that all. of a sudden we're talking Joe Rogan and. [ __ ].

no that's are you a Joe Rogan guy like. are you guys tight and whatnot um Haven. been on a show since he moved to Austin. not because I'm like [ __ ] him but. Austin's pretty [ __ ] far but wait a. second yeah it's far what why are we. here like I thought you were a Nashville. person or yeah I live in Nashville yeah. but we we have we we kept our studio. here and so sometimes we tape here so. you live in do you live in Nashville I. live in Tennessee yeah fulltime where in. Tennessee I live just like right outside. of the city I live kind of by like lip. scum High School near Nashville yeah.

yeah um I [ __ ] with Tennessee a lot they. like us there quite a bit like I was. just in Kingsport cuz we did the Smoky. Mountain FanFest and then like a month. before that I was in uh Knoxville like. anytime I go out and do shows that's. generally a place that I've always wound. up I was in can I tell you a [ __ ]. story real quick so I was in recently I. was in Kentucky I went and did a show in. Lexington lexingon is awesome beautiful. right so I'm I you know when I'm I I'm. vegan I hate saying that because.

everyone's like [ __ ] you now I'm eating. twice as much meat I'm like all right. that's on you yeah people don't they get. tight but I went vegan because I being. stomach gay or. whatever they they I want I I I had a. heart attack six and a half years ago so. I wound up going vegan and it helped. used to be happy now I'm [ __ ] vegan. so it's just part of you know it's just. what I do but I I don't try to push it. on people and [ __ ] like that like when I. started smoking weed bag in the day I. was definitely like prizz for that like. oh my God you should should try this.

veganism I don't prosze for because. people get really triggered by the word. now if somebody's like hey man how'd you. lose that [ __ ] weight or you know. some people have been like you [ __ ]. OIC [ __ ] I'm like no [ __ ] I I I went. vegan after my heart attack that's how. the weight went away not because like. you know I I ne necessarily tried. although I do now [ __ ] walk over. 10,000 steps a day but you know I I was. like I I don't want to die so let me try. this and I thought I'd do it for a few. months and then go back and then I never.

went back being vegan you mean yeah yeah. can you still have house plants if. you're a vegan or is that like a weird. absolutely number one I I'm sure I am on. some Le level an ethical vegan who. should think about that like I I do love. animals so I'm sure that's some part of. why it's easy for me to be veg but I was. not one of those like I'm doing it. because it's the right thing to do I did. it to save my [ __ ] life and I worked. out and [ __ ] so even if I like you know. was like [ __ ] a house plant i' I'd still.

go vegan what were we going with that. house plant thing though oh I just. didn't know if you were like a plant if. you only eat cuz vegan means you can. only eat PL is the idea that well I'm. plant-based so it's the idea that if I I. can't have a plant-base cuz I'm like. well this is my friend but I'm going to. eat him well they would just seem. like it be like having a fish tank and. eating being a person that eats F being. a pescatarian pescatarian like yeah I. guess I was like at some point that. they're going to catch on you know what. I'm saying they're going to be like this. guy's playing both sides of the neck and. the plants are going to start leaning.

for out and [ __ ] get defensive that's. where the Venus fly trap came from a. plant that was like I must defend myself. against a vegan that was one of the. first craziest movies that I ever heard. when I was a kid uh Little Shop of hores. yeah Little Shop of hores it was like a. weird musical about like a Venus flly. trap kind of yeah the Audrey 2 and it. had a plant that from matter space. though oh that's you didn't lose a lot. of Sleepover it did you no I didn't I. wasn't I don't think it scared me it was. just interesting it was like a little.

bit before my time like right like we. didn't I I don't know if I've ever seen. it I saw sh Off Broadway cuz I grew up. like on the East Coast so oh you saw the. musical yeah like on stage and [ __ ]. before it became this musical which is. awesome as well oh before it became a. movie yeah yeah wow so it was a big. musical first it was D allaway hit um. you that it was a big ass puppet like on. stage yeah there's a picture of it right. there I guess kind well yeah kind of. there's on stage the the ones to the to. the right in that one picture that looks.

like the stage show oh I forgot like. again modern podcast you guys like have. a screen and you spend an inordinate. amount of time looking at images and. videos and [ __ ] that was something that. never occurred to us in 2007 yeah you. just had to use your imagination we just. talked to each other and there was also. no real video component like that was. the attraction of doing the podcast is. like I can just [ __ ] do it dress like. however I am it's like voicing animation. or something yeah but y all have gotten. it down to [ __ ] science like I you. know when I went to Tom's G's Place.

[ __ ] uh well Joe of course um and uh. Bert all y'all have free drinks yeah. like I was just out there and they're. like you want water and that's kind of. standard and I was like oh yeah like or. would you like Celsius I was like what. do you mean and there's a [ __ ]. Celsius cooler out there yeah that is. stock it's more stock than a 7-Eleven. whose [ __ ] dick are you sucking to. get that much Celsius dude what am I. doing wrong Theo I I don't know vegan it. be you just don't swallow the meat you.

know what I'm saying you put it in your. mouth you just don't swallow um I why on. Earth can I get this [ __ ] podcast. thing down to a science I've been doing. it but you were one of the Prem I mean. you you were one of the early guys in it. do you know what the here's where I. thought and I've said this on other. podcasts so we'll do other things and. [ __ ] Von word that's awesome um like I. thought I was so smart because I was. like oh we'll do all these podcasts we. give them out for free and then when I'm. in their Town doing live show that's.

when they'll buy a ticket cuz they've. gotten all this free and that was how I. was like and that's how we'll make money. on podcasting so that was your strategy. from the beginning you're saying that. was my generation I mean I it wasn't. even my strategy it was just like at we. really it just started because I was. like this is [ __ ] fun and we're me. and moer sitting around like goofing off. and having a microphone on fun. conversations appealed to me we always. take snapshots of people and whatnot. there are pictures to memorialize a. moment capture a moment nobody ever. really records a convers ation and [ __ ].

a normal conversation if you're on TV. sure so that's why I loved podcasting. the idea of doing that [ __ ] and then one. day we had a lot of people listen to the. podcast and they were like uh my my. business manager was like uh you got a. bill for a thing called the server and. it was like really high and I was like. what the [ __ ] is this and it turns out. podcasting is free for everybody but the. [ __ ] podcaster it's particularly if. people watch the podcast and [ __ ] so we. were Ser hosting on our own server so we. had to figure out like all right what. the [ __ ] how do we pay for this and I.

was like well we could do it live we. could start doing live shows but even. before that like I remember like we were. it was it was so primitive when we were. reverse engineer going like what what. did they do in the early days of TV like. on 21 that game show they had Geritol. like as a sponsor we should get an. Advertiser like we've been watching TV. our whole lives but when we we're doing. the podcast like it was it was less. going like perhaps someone will pay us. to say things about their product like. they did in the 50s just a hard way of.

learning it really was it got harder. because the sponsor we reached out to. the first sponsor we had was Fleshlight. like cuz they had written me a letter. after Zach and Mary map porno because we. had a whole Fleshlight scene and they. were like uh hey man if you ever want to. do a Fleshlight like [ __ ] let us know. and that and I've still one day I will. do the Kevin Smith's mouth like [ __ ] him. in the mouth my own Fleshlight yeah that. you know a fan well then people leaving. angry comments can actually take it you. know what I'm saying what I'm saying a. fan and an enemy somebody who hates your.

[ __ ] fan and a hater could both enjoy. that like [ __ ] Kevin Smith or [ __ ] Kevin. Smith so they had written this really. lovely letter and filed it away like oh. that's cute and flashlight you mean. flashlight and then when we needed to. pay the server Bill and [ __ ] I said to. Scott moer I was like what if we reach. out to Flashlight like they maybe. they'll sponsor our our few shows if we. like and so they were way into it like. this was this was so early in the game. we're talking like 2007 maybe on the.

cusp of 2008 wow and so in so much so. that Rogan called me like in 2010 going. like should I [ __ ] use flesh light. and I was like for your dick and he goes. no for the show and I was like oh number. one use it for your dick it's amazing I. number two definitely use it for the. show and so they started advertising on. Joe's show and then they started selling. way more fleshlights cuz they'd been. with us for like two years and anybody. who listened to us is like we're [ __ ]. it already yeah you know its own. Market's got a glass ceiling so to speak.

but once he went to Joe they shattered. the glass ceiling Joe Rogan shattered. the glass ceiling for Fleshlight there's. your [ __ ] headline that's what you. don't get credit for so so we had to. figure that [ __ ] out and then like I. remember trying to take it out on a live. show like I used to do q&as just me by. myself evening with Kevin Smith and [ __ ]. like that yeah kind of close to Comedy. but more I guess now days they call it. crowd work where it's like look I need. you to say something before I could be. funny and so I'd let the audience ask.

questions then I'd go off and stuff like. that yeah because I've seen you guys do. live podcasts and um over the years I. mean obviously seen you do a lot of. stuff but just for the listeners who. don't know a server it's like where you. kind of host your podcast so that can go. out into the world so we were just on. the server that our files were on and. the email used for the office it our the. vcu.com server so we hosted a website. right vs.com so because of that we. already had a server up and running so. that's where we started hosting them we. didn't like now you'd feed him into.

Apple podcasts that [ __ ] necessarily. didn't exist that might not even have. been there so people had to get it like. it was almost like a am like a CB radio. like there were probably people. listening on CB radio we were [ __ ]. Distributing podcast via carrier pigeon. at that point like we would roll up. little things to their legs and set them. off and people in other cities would be. like I get it I get it it was weird it. going into a comedy club and going like. we want to do a podcast here like cuz. you know toured so much by myself that.

when I I asked my agent at one point I. was like hey man me and MOJ want to go. out and do sp cast in front of people so. can you hook it up like in in any of the. gigs I normally do but all those places. like didn't want to pay me what they. normally paid me they're like what are. you doing and I'm like well I'm sitting. next to my friend and we're talking to. each other and they're like and you're. not going to take questions I was like. no I not I maybe I guess but that's not. really part of the show they're like I I. I don't know that sounds risky and so we. had to [ __ ] [ __ ] do the show for like.

703 splits like at very small clubs cuz. they were like what do you mean a. podcast like that kind of [ __ ] so after. the first tour like and then we put the. shows out people like oh [ __ ] it's fun. and doing it with a live audience was. this weird experience because we'd. always done it in a room like this with. nobody but each other entertaining each. other and then suddenly do it in front. of people you know it's a world of. difference yeah I mean. podcast the podcast it that was the end. word of like um like whatever you know.

video audio communication or whatever. for a while like you wouldn't even say. it or if somebody said he were like this. guy's an outlier or this guy's a you. know a pervert or whatever or you know I. think this guy's a pedo yeah yeah like. ped cast is that what you [ __ ] said I. remember when we did tus yeah we're here. to C have you seen all these videos. every video now online is just like this. guy's here to meet a 14-year-old you see. those videos all the time no. is that right yeah sorry I mean there's.

a TV show all about that yeah but they. now it's like every everybody's a people. are doing it their own vigilante it's so. Rogue there's an IND who the guy that. does it what's his name Chris Hansen. which to be fair you know he's good at. it but oh he was thebody could the Stan. the Stanley of pedal busting Chris. Hansen that's what it says there Kiron. and every TV appearance now it's now. it's just I mean it's people I mean. there's thousands of them that go up all. the time it's just like constantly Tom R.

came to meet a 13-year-old girl it's. always at like a Walmart or something um. but yeah it's a big business now or not. I shouldn't say it's not a big bit but. catching these people baiting them. online yourself people just to create a. you know and then get views and stuff. like that it's a thing um it's a dark. world but I interrupted you but um yeah. that's so wild I in Tusk our main. character was a podcaster MH and there. were a bunch of yeah hay who was it and. and Justin long was the guy who got.

turned into a wers but like that when we. put the movie out there there were some. reviews that were like he has a job I've. never heard of before and [ __ ] like that. like f it was a now it feels like well I. mean like only murders in the buildings. is predicated on podcasting yeah like. podcasting has become absolutely massive. but yeah i' never figured out how to. make money money from it certainly not. enough to have a [ __ ] Celsius fridge. yeah what is that all about how does. that happen dude they mailed it one day.

and the guys they uh I want details Theo. you can't just [ __ ] gloss over this. like that that's the most impressive. thing I've seen in a month Lord Celsius. I guess sent it is that who was what is. he like you know what that's bad of me. I'm assuming it's a guy could be a lady. but I assume you would have called her. lady celsius if yeah her her majesty. yeah I don't know Celsius the empress. Celsius yes the empress Celsius that's. who it is [ __ ] [ __ ] all this pH around. how did you get that free [ __ ] tell me. right now uh they yeah we had a.

sponsorship with them and then they sent. that at some point and it's kind of like. some of the guys have Str you know some. of the guys can't move turn their necks. theyve had so much of it it's [ __ ] my. kid introduced me to it cuz she's like. it's vegan you can drink it I was like. right on and then kids are drinking it. yeah my K well she's 25 I guess I don't. know if she counts as a kid anymore but. one day she came over we were recording. a podcast we got podcast that's dropping. on iHeart um it's called beardless. [ __ ] me I get a free plug but we. were about to record and I cracked the. Celsius and she was like how many of. those You' had today and I was like this.

is the 10th what and she goes what are. you [ __ ] nuts it's an energy drink. and I was like you said it was vegan. she's like those two things are not. mutual exclusive she you're a [ __ ]. heart attack victim she's like you and. then she went online like the way you. guys are like somebody's in another room. [ __ ] looking [ __ ] up she immediately. went online she was like my God you. can't have more than [ __ ] two a day. what are you nuts they're tasty man. they're good but they never felt that. strong to me like I never felt like. hyped but maybe you don't feel it maybe. that's the thing about a drug right I've. never been in the throws of drug abuse.

maybe I am and I don't even [ __ ] know. it I've I mean I could be enslaved to. Celsius I never met anybody that's had. 10 my friend Brad used to work for a Red. Bull and he would serious you never met. anybody that 10 I've never met anybody. that 10 run into wild crowd and you're. like I watch videos that are [ __ ] the. dark web and [ __ ] and you've never met. anyone that not in one day not even in. one week I don't know I mean I don't. know I have a couple friends that. probably have but they I just we haven't. talked about it I guess but the one. thing that I was thinking about was my. friend Brad used to work for Red Bull.

and he said at there Chris there's a 1. 1800 number if people are like have had. too much red bull or whatever they call. I guess oh i' be like help help me what. do I to do you know the devices in our. lives are so connected these days. whether it's your watch uh is connected. to your thermostat or or your cell phone. helps run the lights in your home the. world is getting. smarter your e-commerce business should. two whether you're looking for.

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of liquid IV when you go to liquid. iv.com and use code Theo checkout that's. 20% off your first order when you shop. better hydration today using promo code. Theo. liquid.com that happened to my wife with. weed once we were on the bus we were in. St Louis doing some shows at at St Louis. and I had a bus in the those days um cuz.

I wouldn't fly cuz I got thrown off an. airplane for being too fat oh and uh so. I traveled by bus and everyone's like. you're like Madden but I don't follow. Sports I didn't know what that were you. too fat did they pull a scale out or how. do they even do it they just guess they. I the way I understand it years after. the fact uh was because somebody was. like hey man I work in the industry I. think this is what happened because they. never flat out told me um it was a. packed [ __ ] flight I wasn't even. supposed to be on that flight I was. supposed to go to next flight but they. had room so I was like oh [ __ ] it I'll.

get on. this when I walked down the jetway. excuse me um like the one guy was like. where you going and I was like uh they. gave me a ticket I'm getting on and he's. like no there's too many already and I. was like Well the lady just gave me this. and he's like so I walked on to the. plane sat down I sat between like two. women in like the bulkhead of like if. you first walk in and you go to the left. that's we were on the on the right side. of the plane and you know I'm sitting. there and [ __ ] and [ __ ] buckled my.

seat belt and whatnot and the armrests. were there and I was definitely [ __ ]. way heavier than I I'm now how much do. you think you were three three I. probably weighed my area code which was. 323 what yeah I was as high as. 330. 334 at one point I think that's the. biggest I went we look like a healthy. 185 right now it's between I I live. between 185 and 200 depending on if it's. a bread week or not a bread bread week. and whatnot if I'm breading up then like.

I could kind of tend to bloat up and. stuff yeah but that was again that was. the heart attack that was like after the. heart attack I was so [ __ ] terrified. of dying and [ __ ] and actually I wasn't. at the heart attack I was [ __ ] cool. about it like I was always scared of. dying and [ __ ] and then on the table. like the the guy had told me Dr. ladenheim my guy my cardiologist who. just [ __ ] retired and he told me. before he retired I was like well I. you're gone what do I [ __ ] do who's. my new cardiologist and he was like. Kevin you don't need a card olist. anymore it was like the end of Wizard of.

Ozz like you could have always taken. care of your own heart just put your. feet together whatever the but he was. going like you're you're passed it now. he's going now you just go to your. regular internist and then if you got a. problem then you go to a specialist and. I was like well I don't even have that. and so he introduc me a new guy but in. any event um going way back to me on the. table that doctor Dr ladenheim he goes. uh you're having what they call Widow. Maker heart attack you know what that is. and like kind of self-explanatory but I. was like kind of they had jacked me up. on fenel so I was like no gez what is it.

that was very chatty and he was like uh. it means in 80% of the cases where the. patient has what you have the patient. always do but you're going to be in the. 20% because I'm good at my job and he. disappeared in with my crotch and made. magic that's how they get to your. [ __ ] heart is through your dick isn't. that no way they use a catheter they. they go through catheter no well they go. through your femal they technically. don't go through your dick but it's. right next to you his dick adjacent as. close as possible like if somebody was. [ __ ] if you were like lick me where. they [ __ ] put that [ __ ] but lick me. on my femoral you're closing up to the.

dick where you might as well just. [ __ ] go over and give that one as. well so they went right through the. femoral to the heart and you know how. they're always telling you like I wait. at a man's heart his stomach [ __ ]. right through the [ __ ] dick science. right there science so he told me that. and you know I'd always been afraid of. dying but like you know nothing I could. do at that moment like all the [ __ ]. damage had been done whatever I'd eaten. [ __ ] my genetics whatever the [ __ ]. led me to that moment so all the [ __ ]. like why in the world wasn't going to. help so I just started facing the fact. like since I was looking up I was like.

this might be the last ceiling I see for. the rest of my life and this may be the. last room I'm in before what did you. wear I was wearing a hockey jersey. because I was doing a special I was. doing a stand-up special that eventually. came out was called that happened on. stage that you had a hard time not on. stage it was between two shows you know. when you're going to tape a show you. shoot two shows and they put the best of. it together we shot our first show then. I went backstage and we had an hour. before the next show and in that hour. that's when it all [ __ ] happened I. was like sweating I was like can't. [ __ ] quite catch my breath and [ __ ].

so while I was laying on the table I I. got comfortable with the notion of dying. like dying suddenly I was like oh [ __ ]. this is like graduation like I left High. School like if I could leave this world. if I left high school and high school. was fun and I hated to see it in if I. left that you know and [ __ ] worked out I. can leave this there's an ending of. course there's an ending to everything. there was a song [ __ ] turn turn turn. you got this yeah beetles yeah well I no. I think it was the birds but regardless. the the I somebody will look it up for. you yeah um and so you so so I was lying.

there and I was cool with the notion of. like [ __ ] dying i' come total peace. with it where I was like you know what. man like I had my time like and this is. it and like you had a real good life. better than [ __ ] most you some cool. [ __ ] and whatnot there I was wow and I. was like so if this is the case you look. handsome for a dying guy not bad right. well I was on stage previously right oh. that's true come right off stage no. makeup is still but still um so I was. like if this is it this is it you know. like you push back from the table don't. be the last guy at the party that's like.

hey man you got to more beer like [ __ ]. off and and you had your time so I was. cool with that so I I was okay with. dying utterly at peace I was like if it. ends it ends did you to talk to anybody. before sorry just the doctor just the do. who was in my [ __ ] crotch and you. write a note to a kid or to your. children or no cuz it was it all. happened so fast like my wife wasn't. there the kid wasn't there they didn't. find out until after the [ __ ] fact. and [ __ ] so the only they had to get you. on the table immediately soon as I got. to the they took me picked me up for an. ambulance from the Alex theater in uh in.

Glendale and took me they're supposed to. take me to a closer hospital as per the. shoot schedule like whenever you shoot a. thing there's like this is where you got. to go if somebody gets hurt that. hospital was closer but the the First. Responders the Medics picked me up. [ __ ] saved my life I don't even. know their names I got to figure I you. know what I got to go out and find their. names yeah these two kids came in. backstage the Alex theater and they were. trying to put leads on me and [ __ ] which. leads you know like the on your on your. chest so they can measure your heart. rate or whatever the [ __ ] so I was.

wearing a hockey jersey and again I was. way heavier and [ __ ] and they lift up my. shirt I'm like Whoa man [ __ ] you. never do that to [ __ ] heavy dut and. [ __ ] what are you talking about they're. like we got to get these on I was like. well [ __ ] I'll hold it out you reach. under but there's too many [ __ ]. people in [ __ ] so they did that and once. they took a reading like I do remember. the the woman looking at the man like. you know an unspoken look you know I'm. supposedly I'm a director for a living. and [ __ ] so sometimes you got to frame a. [ __ ] show or whatever something like. that you know [ __ ] just one of those.

wasn't that Shifty where it's like uhoh. what do that mean but I did see a glance. between them and then my man goes you. know what we're going to take you to the. hospital and I was like oh please don't. do that this is embarrassing he goes no. just in case he's going look it'll help. me like it'll look good for me in my job. and stuff and he's like you never you. ever been to that hospital before I was. like not I visit people he goes oh. you're going to love it it's going to be. great like you know you're going to love. it huh he was he was selling it man. maybe he was for a big farmer or. something well he thank God that dude. made the call he did and her the two of.

them the two meds and they chose not to. go to the hospital they were supposed to. take me to they went to one that was a. little further away because they knew. that was the one where heart people went. wow and thank God they took me to that. one and that guy who saved my life Dr. lenheim ladenheim ladenheim he was uh he. like got pulled in at the last minute. and [ __ ] like all of it like worked out. but I saw another doctor Dr Paula like. months later man like after this all. happened after it happened I went on Co. bar told the story I told the story for.

like years and [ __ ] like that right so I. finally see Dr Paul we're going to go. make Jay and Sil Bob reboots this is. like 2019 and she's a doctor you see. before you go make a movie or something. like clears you you know especially for. the director because you got to insure. you got they got to insure you for the. whole run of the show since I just had a. massive heart attack the insurance. company was like make sure this. [ __ ] could direct like we know. he can't direct like we've read the. reviews but like make sure he can direct. on set so when I came in to see her she. was like oh my God look at you she's. going I heard about your story I saw you.

talk about it on TV everywhere you talk. about the heart attack I was like yeah I. know and she's going and you keep. talking about how like it was 80% chance. of dying I was like yeah she's gone uh. I'm going to tell you right now she's G. I'm going to tell you a story I've. wanted to tell you ever since I heard. about your heart attack she's going you. know ice beat in cardio and I was like. get out of here she yeah there were four. of us we're going to seeders on a heart. patient you know open heart we're having. the surgery and all of a sudden right in. the middle of it massive Widowmaker. strikes and I was like well if you're. open heart surgery and have it in the.

hospital before doctor goes not the. patient one of the doctors drops to the. [ __ ] floor has a massive heart attack. wow and I was like well at least three. other doctors and Cedar sign she goes. that's the point of the story is we lost. him she said we had all the talent in. the world and all the tools to save a. human being but when it comes to the. Widowmaker it ain't up to the doctor. she's gone I love Dr Ladon she but you. give him a lot more credit than he. probably deserves because he did his job. right but it ain't even up to to him at. the end of damn he's not even any good I.

mean he's good enough cuz I'm here so. I'll always believe in him but she was. like that thing makes up its mind and. does what it's want what it wants she's. going so she's going I heard you say 80%. she's going I just wanted to correct you. that's not true I was like I always. thought that was I she goes [ __ ]. it's 83% 8317 she's like 83% patient. goes she's going so you're here for a. reason keep telling that story she's. going because people don't know she's. like the way you talk about it and [ __ ]. that's most people think about it's true. for the last five six years man like.

there's no. [ __ ] Von word I love that yeah. somebody made that for us [ __ ]. awesome very sweet of them um I was. walking on running recently I got these. two German Shepherds walking them up. running biry and and lucky and this tall. dude stops me and he goes hey man uh you. I have my headphones in he goes hey and. I said hey what's up and he's like I. just wanted to tell you like you have. saved at least six lives at my job that. I know of and I was like ohoo how and he.

goes I work at. Kaiser I've had at least six people come. in with heart ailments that reference. you he's going sometimes they know. exactly who you are they'll say Kevin. Smith he's going a lot of times I'll be. honest they say Kevin James but they're. talking about you sometimes they go he's. the guy who don't say nothing in movies. he's going but all of them have heard. you talk about it and because they did. they were like I should go in just in. case and he's going these people would. have died otherwise he's going so. keep doing what you're doing man and so.

when I got out you know I went I was in. The Nut House like a year and a half ago. and so when I got out of there like I. put up a video People magazine and [ __ ]. it happens I mean everybody you'll get. there one day oh I had yeah I could be. there this afternoon but I'm hearing. especially well not with that free. [ __ ] Celsius man you're living on. Easy Street Theo there are those of us. who have to [ __ ] pay for Celsius you. know how much I pay for those 289 a can. this [ __ ] cam I come in he goes. take as many as you want I was like. hello new best friend I want to work on. your [ __ ] show I'll just greet people.

like there's a nice dude who greeted me. in the [ __ ] parking lot goes oh man. I'm a big fan like I loved your movies. when I was a kid and [ __ ] I'll be that. guy especially if I get to walk home. with like [ __ ] oh 12 packs you float. home dude there's um I ain't looking for. free money dude I ain't that kind of. like [ __ ] carpet bagger but just just. I just want to wet my be T yeah just. drip a little on my tongue they um the. yeah all of our cabinets are filled with. they they've sent too much actually so. what yeah don't [ __ ] say [ __ ] like.

that I'm telling you like [ __ ] how I. I thought I knew I thought I had the. podcast and came down to a science and. you're like we have so much Celsius we. flush it down the toilet on a regular. basis I'm like no yeah I'm G start. throwing cans of it into a schoolyard. you know what I'm saying [ __ ] make it. Rock [ __ ] Kevin Smith like why you don't. go here like watch the show you'll. understand I'm just going to write get. an EKG and just throw it into an. elementary school um so it's not good I. don't live here or work here bro cuz I'd.

be. doing day and be like hey Theo man. someone's in the parking lot they really. want to be on the. show I'm like dude oh that's a shadow. bro you're good it tastes good though it. tastes good oh no it tastes really good. I'll have some too actually I I well. don't [ __ ] you know don't follow me. into the hole dude I got one here if you. want to take spare you have some of it. can I get that. again Galaxy. Vibe this one I want Cosmic and next I. want to go galaxy we have I'm tasting. them all you don't understand man. [ __ ] this [ __ ] again 239 cans so.

sometimes I'm in 7-Eleven I'm like I. want to try Cosmic Vibe but 239 is. expensive so now I know I could just. come here [ __ ] do a taste test sample. them all what about mediocre Vibe what. about how much is that [ __ ] that's. what I sell oh wait let I got still I. never finished my Lexington story yeah. it all started I veered off C course cuz. I vegan but no but the heart stuff right. yeah but hold that F let me finish the. because this makes me laugh okay this. cuz this [ __ ] happened so so I'm in.

Lexington and I oh you rock [ __ ] man. there you go dude my man's hustling. because he heard me like gunning for the. job I was like I'll [ __ ] be one of. those guys he's like oh [ __ ] that we got. Vans see I'm halfway there and [ __ ] um. so there I am in Lexington and I got an. app on my phone if you're a vegan which. again I'm not pushing on people it's. just I do it to save my life um I've I. it's called Happy Cow wherever you are. you enter thing you know like I'm where. I am and they'll tell you places you can.

find vegan food or vegan it's helpful. right so I'm in Lexington I [ __ ]. enter you know Le Kentucky the app. laughs at me and [ __ ] because they don't. believe in that [ __ ] there at all so. there ain't no [ __ ] vegan food to. find except you you go Burger King get. impossible Whopper without cheese or my. kid told me oh White Castle does. impossible slid so I was like [ __ ] I'm. gonna go to White Castle man I passed a. White Castle yeah I was like so I go. into the White. Castle in Kentucky and I go up to the. counter I'm like can and I look up and. there's impossible sliders I said can I.

get six impossible sliders and the lady. looks at me and then she looks up at the. menu she's like I don't know she goes. hold on then she goes into like the. freezer case for five minutes then comes. back with a frozen ass [ __ ] box with. like [ __ ] look like ice man like. [ __ ] they Unearthed it from the [ __ ]. Prim primordial man trapped in. ice yes and she was like this going to. take a minute and I was we don't do. these a lot I was like that's cool I'll. wait so I'm sitting at the counter and.

all of a sudden I hear no no and you. know but you know what that is somebody. got their period at work exactly and I'm. like I good thing I carry tampons ma'am. here you go um usually when you hear. that that's somebody gone like hey it's. it's you I don't always assume that but. being that we're in a White Castle in. Kentucky I'm like either there's a fight. about to break out or I've just been. made and that's fair I look like s Bob.

at all times and [ __ ] so I turn around. not like egotistically like well of. course it's me but I'm pretty sure that. that hay is directed in my direction no. no and I turn around he goes just a. White Castle and I was like yeah and he. goes oh and he comes over and he hugs me. and he's like blazed as [ __ ] he's almost. like a character out of one of my Flex. and [ __ ] stoned is traveler of the green. absolutely lovely and he goes um you. don't remember this but you took me to. the movies once and I'm like. like oh 20 years prior I was doing a.

show at the University of Kentucky or. whatever M and it was when changing. lanes was coming out Ben Affleck movie. so I was like I'm here for two nights. you know so tomorrow I got nothing to do. I'm going to go see changing lanes at. this Multiplex anybody wants to come. I'll buy you a ticket and [ __ ] I thought. like [ __ ] 10 people would show up 11. o'clock in the morning 200 [ __ ]. people so I wound up having to pay for a. theater full of people and [ __ ] and it. ran an article or story ran about an. entertain weekly where you know they. were like there was a huge bump for. changing lanes in Kentucky and that's.

cuz Kevin Smith took people out so that. dude was there great story and I was. like holy [ __ ] man that's [ __ ] nice. seeing you that's crazy like I never run. into people from that and he goes um he. goes I love Affleck man he's going. because he was talking about changing. this a good thing you did for your boy. he's going I love Affleck he's my Batman. I was like yeah man he's all of our. Batman's and stuff and he. goes he's really going through it right. now our boy isn't he now he's is our boy. and I was like yeah yeah I guess I mean.

I seen some articles and stuff and he. goes we should call him and I was like. um yeah we don't know yeah now you know. as previously mentioned like I lost my. mind a year and a half ago went to a. mental hospital for a while found out at. the root of all my issues is I'm very. codependent people pleaser crazy so I. came home and told my wife that and. she's like marriage is codependence I'm. like all right but really any doctor. will tell you not right so I I I don't.

know how to like feel about myself I. need you to tell me how I feel about me. I don't put on my own mask first I'm. going to put your mask on I got to take. care of everybody before I [ __ ] take. care of myself because I learned at a. young age that I'm only useful if I show. uh utility if I'm like uh I can be. useful I can do this fair I can make you. laugh uh I can [ __ ] take care of your. bills I could do this that is how I know. that I'm a worthwhile human being yeah. like there's no just natural value.

unless I'm producing something yes. unless I'm useful to somebody what the. [ __ ] am I doing and stuff so you know as. I'm sitting there and a guy's going we. should call him you know a normal human. being would be like well absolutely. that's out of the question yeah but my. people pleasing nature is like I I mean. I guess we should shouldn't we like I. don't want to let this guy down this guy. who I haven't seen in 20 years don't. know his name he just started going no. no in White Castle so I was like all. right best of all possible worlds let me. see if I could get this going so I was.

like all right you know what I'm going. to call him so I pull out my phone and I. called Jason Muse instead and so I. called Jason and I'm like Ben hey man. it's Kevin I'm in Kentucky at a White. Castle and there's a dude here who I. took to see changing lanes 20 years ago. and then I go Ben hold on Jason Muse is. texting me and I pull the phone away and. I text to Jason V Ben Affleck on speaker. and then I go I go back to the phone and. I go then Jason's fine he says hi anyway.

I'm going to put you on speaker say hi. to my man here so I put him on speaker. and I was like go ahead my man goes Ben. man how you doing man how you doing and. he goes Muse who has worked with Ben. Affleck is friends with Ben Affleck went. to his [ __ ] wedding and [ __ ] like. that like knows Ben and what he sounds. like this is Jason uses approximation of. Ben Affleck on the phone yo yo yo this. is Big Ben Affleck coming at you. like he was a strip club DJ and so this.

guy goes Ben man like I've been reading. like guy bought it like he's like Ben. I've been reading like I feel bad for. you man you gota you got to just hang in. there man and he goes and then Muse goes. well you know what they say Affleck was. the bomb in Phantoms yo and there's a. line from Janes all Bob stri back and. that guy went nuts he was like oh my God. he said that thing and I was like he. always says that thing and then uh so I. was like we gotta we're gonna we're.

gonna go and then Jason goes yeah I. gotta go too Matt Damon's taking me to. Target bye and. H and that dude was so delighted man so. delighted and he goes that's awesome. he's going that was a good thing to do. for your friend he feels good now we. gave him support I was like yeah you're. absolutely right and then he's like what. about Muse can we call Jay now and I was. like thir mercifully to the lady was. like six Impossibles yes thank you out I. went and stuff oh that's a sweet story.

dude that made only happened cuz I was. vegan bro oh it's true huh so that's my. there there it is go veg no don't that's. your pitch for veganism my pitch if I. had to pitch for it it would be like you. know this is the most people approach. things from a position of vanity right. like [ __ ] they don't really truly. care about like their health they just. want to look better oh that's. interesting I feel that that's generally. the case so look it was definitely the. case with me and if we look better we. will feel better one imagines but but.

really it's not like my whole life prior. to the heart attack you I've been on a. zillion diets and [ __ ] opif Fest did. any everything but the surgery because. I'm [ __ ] scared of you know getting. cut and [ __ ] like that so the lat bcers. you mean yeah yeah so like you know I've. been that person that's like man what's. the secret how do you do it and for. years people have just been saying like. oh you got to eat less and you got to. exercise a lot more I'm like yeah I know. but what's the real secret [ __ ] I was. never interested in being healthy I just.

wanted to look normal like everybody. else and now like I've lost weight but I. don't look normal like everybody else if. I took my [ __ ] gear off and [ __ ] like. I I didn't sound like I got any surgery. like I got all this excess [ __ ] skin. that just hangs does that start to go. away that skin no can you put like. Vitamin E oil on it or something I mean. maybe the stretch marks might go away. but like that hanging skin that just. hangs bro is there any way to absorb it. back in or anything I think so it with. the aid of unstable molecules if we were. in a Marvel [ __ ] comic but no bro no.

the skin being an organ it just [ __ ]. distends and if you've distended it. that's it so you could do this [ __ ] but. that's crazy though this is when you go. under the knife and they cut it off and. I I've had a friend of mine you know I'm. not a liberty to say but a friend of. mine went through that and a friend of. mine was like cuz my friend lost a lot. of [ __ ] weight I think he's talked. about it I you know what I'm you know. but but he was like I know you dude and. I know you thresold for pain he's going. you never ever want to do this he's. going in retrospect I would never do it.

again he is the most pain I've ever been. in my entire life so all right well we. won't put it on if uh he hasn't said it. publicly yeah yeah but right but but yes. so wow that guy yeah he's my boy and. that's amazing he um if you go to the. picture on the right you can see like. the one all the way over that was just. there sorry yeah that one like there's. the the drapey skin that creping effect. they call interesting so he looks good I.

I'd killed look like that [ __ ] that'd be. amazing mine is just hanging like mine's. like remember the scene in The Shining. when [ __ ] Nicholson goes to the one. room and the gorgeous lady gets out of. the tub and they start making out and. all a sudden he looks at her and she's. like and she just double like she got. droopy [ __ ] that's what I look like. when I take my girl so that's what my. wife gets to [ __ ] damn hey lucky her. dude it's almost like [ __ ] like like. one of those cats that doesn't have any. hair on it that's right right I mean. some and some people like that sort of. [ __ ] that's my wife I always s talk.

about my wife in regards to like you. know people. ask various people about like how do you. succeed when I'm doing q&as or whatever. and I was like it's you know success you. can't guarantee that anyone's everever. gonna be interested in your [ __ ] I I. don't care who you are Kevin F that guy. that makes all the Marvel movies and. [ __ ] Kevin feige is his name Kevin feige. so probably the most successful producer. in history the only Kevin who must be. saved at all cost cuz those movies Rock. even when Deadpool Wolverine was about.

to open up which is now making what a. 1.3 billion guarantee you Kevin foggy. still clenched his [ __ ] and was like. man I hope they show up because nobody. knows for sure and they've actually. experienced one or two movies where the. people didn't show up and stuff so in a. world where you can't guarantee that an. audience is going to show up the only. audience member you can go out of your. way to please is audience member number. one that thing only exists because you. want to do it so if you love it that's.

how you have to proceed it's like I did. this for me and I love it and this is my. expression and stuff and man I hope. others go for it but this is as good as. it's ever going to get you can't count. on people showing up and stuff so in a. world where like you can't count on an. audience showing. up do the thing that nobody's seen. before nobody's looking at tell your. story I always tell folks like you know. when I'm out there like your voice is. your current man like the your voice is. how you see the world your perspective.

and how you spit it back to the world. it's very unique Theo has a distinctive. [ __ ] voice every comedian has a very. distinctive voice um you hope most. storytellers do and stuff public. speakers generally why people gravitate. them o toward them over and over again. it's like I like their perspective I. like what they say that is as we're. sitting in a place where I could drink. any [ __ ] Celsius I want prove. positive that [ __ ] your voice is your. current. because Theo is spending his [ __ ]. currency his voice has built all this.

after that Celsius I'm like you must be. the richest man I know why one cooler. but we had a it's a pretty. don't one it's a talk it's than me. taller than you it's like a New York. City Apartment I mean it is it really is. somebody would pay at least 1,400 bucks. for that where do you go in Jersey cuz. you're a [ __ ] Road King you're out. there I've been out there for years yeah. in Jersey where do I go SE years. whenever I've been at a club I've seen. your name and [ __ ] like that now I don't.

see your name at the clubs anymore son. same you're in a bigger fight venues we. started getting into bigger venues oh. heavens yeah and that's been interesting. so where's Jersey for you where where do. you do a show Jersey let me think Red. Bank yeah that's off my [ __ ] town bro. that's number one where I was born. number two where Jay and Silent Bob. secret stash the comic book story I've. had for 27 [ __ ] years is in that town. so you're talking about doing the count. bayy yes count bayy theater and the. Vogal is right next door and [ __ ] like. that yeah that's where we went no. [ __ ] next time you do count bayy.

please let me know I have a movie. theater that's like [ __ ] 20 minutes. from there 15 minutes you grew up you. had something you you grew up going to. movie theater that I grew up going to uh. with my friends and one the one my dad. took me to when I was a kid and whatnot. the one where I oh it's beautiful and. they were going to kill it and close it. after Co it's over 100 years old so me. and my friends got it and saved it it's. called SM Castle Cinemas and whatnot and. uh we we do [ __ ] all the time we just. did vulgar Thon which is like show every. V Universe movie so clerks M rats. Chasing Amy Dogma Jane Silent Bob shre.

backck clerks to Jane Silent Bob reboot. and clerks 3 so eight movies 16 hours of. movies we started at like Saturday. morning at 9: we finished Sunday at like. 5 in the morning 700 [ __ ] people in. four different theaters and [ __ ] like. that nobody awesome dud so it's fun for. for [ __ ] like that so we've that we've. had comedy there I've done shows there. we've somebody shot a standup special. there and whatnot so if you're going to. be in [ __ ] Red Bank oh my God I'll. bring you over and we'll do a like watch.

with Theo thing you pick a favorite. movie and [ __ ] we'll show it and then. you show up and then we just sit around. [ __ ] dude I would probably pick. family man I like that movie have you. seen it with Nicholas Cage yeah it's. beautiful [ __ ] movie that's really is. a a Brett Ratner movie that a lot of. people never talk about anymore I I. thought that was one of his if I. remember correctly but I remember the. movie it's very uh It's a Wonderful Life. it's C esque it's kind of like that Vibe. is that the [ __ ] you [ __ ] with yeah I. really let like that that that that's. probably my favorite movie I think I. like League of theone I.

love I [ __ ] um lived across the. street from Penny Marshall for years and. when I was like in my Heyday of podcast. and whatnot I you know we started doing. at the house all the time so she came. over again she like lived right across. the street and [ __ ] Penny Marshall bring. her up I got to S talk to her about. League of Their Own just sit there. because Penny Marshall had this. brilliant like every once in a while. directors hit strong in threes and have. like bang bang bang Penny Marshall had. big Awakenings and A League of Their Own.

back to back to back she's a pretty. fascinating lady just this was lever and. Shirley she she was LE of lever Shirley. and then she became a director later and. spent most of her her career as a. director after doing that show for what. 10 Seasons or whatever dude we went and. saw we went to the town where um where. uh Rockford we went to Rockford Illinois. and went to the museum there and went. and saw like all the Rockford peaches. memorabilia [ __ ] are you serious yeah. it's pretty pretty cool stuff I love. that movie do you cry when you watch. that movie um are you allowed to cry.

yeah are you a are you a [ __ ] Butch. dude and [ __ ] I cry a lot I get made fun. of on the internet for crying for not. only just crying but then I post. pictures of myself crying like I saw. black panther 2 and I came out and I. took a picture in front of the poster. and I was tyod two days [ __ ] the. internet was like you cuck [ __ ] like how. dare they were very angry at me for that. yeah I cried I mean I if I saw yeah I. mean I'll cry all I mean yeah I've cried. but you won't put it out there I've been. crying I mean yeah there's too many. clips of me crying online is that right. W what makes you cry oh just like.

thinking about stuff or talking about. stuff like um I don't know like earlier. we were talking about like people. pleasing like thinking about um you got. issues got MH issues mental health and. oh yeah first of all hold on there's a. couple questions I want to ask so I. don't forget one is what are some of the. signs if people are getting sick or. something that you feel like you. neglected so that people can heart. attack side or head side heart attack. heart attack heart attack sweating. profusely which I did quite a lot as a. man who was over 300 lb um not being.

able to catch your breath I refer to it. as I couldn't quite ring the bell like. you know you bang and [ __ ] Bing that. game at the [ __ ] Fair [ __ ] felt like. I'd be like bang hitting it hard and be. like and then just come back down so I. couldn't hit the top couldn't quite. catch my breath so to speak um I was. looking for the numbness in the arm. because I was raised watching [ __ ]. Sanford and Son so Elizabeth this is the. big one that's what he always did. clutched his arm and did this [ __ ] that.

never happened never felt that nausea. also like I wound up throwing up and I. didn't have anything in my stomach so it. was just bile um these very subtle. things that like you know I hate B dude. totally but you would you could mistake. that for like oh I was nervous or. [ __ ] maybe I had some bad milk CU I. was a big milk Drinker in those days so. you could oh there's nothing watching a. big fella drink milk dude [ __ ] can we. just F you would have been turned on bro. ser. I don't know how which way you swing you. would have watched me drinking the milk.

and on the beard and stuff You' been. like I'm going be CU you're a total. otter type it could have worked an otter. in the gay community yeah if I had to. yeah like Scott moer people would always. tell me hey man he's there you go son. come on that looks like a good time and. I know a lot of people would look at. that and be like this guy's [ __ ] nuts. but he's living his best [ __ ] life. have you ever been that happy uhuh I've. been listening to lately that [ __ ]. song that was at the end of uh of. Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and it's. Florence in the machine and it's uh.

happiness keep going like a bullet to. the bullet in the back bullet in the. back let's just stop and appreciate that. the Poetry of that line all right. happiness hit her like a bullet in the. back when was the last time you were. ever hit by the happiness bullet in the. back that's a good question man I went. to this recently I went to this um I. mean happy too like I cuz you I'm sure. every day you wake up and you're like. I'm Theo [ __ ] Vine like holy [ __ ] my.

mouth I use my mouth on people and I'm. rich now [ __ ] yeah and it's not for. bjing well oral is oral my friend oral. you you're in the mouth service business. paint it any way you want we're all. [ __ ] yeah being chat is just I'm. talking about being satisfied with the. job and stuff I'm talking about like. true [ __ ] happiness that has nothing. to do with who you are like my friend. Scott moer at one point he was just like. what do you want to do if you could do. anything in the world your my cast. co-host yeah uh one of the smartest.

people I've ever known he said if you. could do anything you wanted he's going. you almost died a few years ago so if. you do anything you. wanted what would make you happy and he. goes but I can't have anything to do. with being Kevin Smith for a living or. the movies or any of that he's gone I'm. just talking like normal ass [ __ ] and. that [ __ ] that rocked my world for a. few days I couldn't come up with an. answer necessarily best answer I could. come up with was I was like what would. make me happy like if I had a.

conversation with my father and he's. dead 20 years and not because I'm like. we could settle issues but that'd be. [ __ ] wonderful and [ __ ] but I had to. reach into fiction into the. impossible to find something and I would. ask other people I asked my brother my. brother without missing and beat he's. like oh I'd go on a world cruise I was. like what's that he's like exactly what. it sounds like you just cruise around. the world for like a year yeah on a boat. but he knew and i' I other people I. talked to were like oh I do this a good. they were normal ass things that are. within one's doing and I think my.

[ __ ] radar is busted and I imagine. yours is as well because the idea of. what makes others happy or what makes a. person happy is shattered when you can. wake up and Whimsy about something and. create it and just by dreaming about it. and doing it we putting the podcast. together sitting around speaking your. mind you've gotten paid and you've. gotten a bunch of people going like we. [ __ ] like we support you and [ __ ].

like that when that scale. exists it's I found and and I the more I. speak to other creatives like after the. [ __ ] going to the mental hospital now. I feel Freer to talk to others about it. and [ __ ] where it's. like I'm not saying like life can't make. you happy but when you've had that. ability and there's a certain happiness. that goes along with financial success. creative Success personal.

success when you're Highs are like um oh. let's get Allan Rickman to be in. Dogma it's tough to find a. normal high you know what I'm saying. like yeah it's interesting man I think. is that is that 1% [ __ ] rarified view. thinking no I don't know if I feel does. that make me instantly unrelatable no I. just think it makes it makes sense like.

if you if you've had interesting things. that would most people would seem like. are um would make people happy or we all. believe would make us happy then it. makes sense then that you might have a. tougher time finding certain happiness. you know I don't know what I would do. pro like something that would really. really make me happy. um I don't know uh isn't that crazy you. can ask anybody listening to the show. giving a hug to my brother or something.

like that or taking a walk with my. brother somewhere is your brother your. brother your brother type yeah we're. close so I think something like that um. what else spending time with uh like a. teacher or something that I grew up with. um yeah probably if I got to see my dad. again or something like that I mean. that's you know my dad passed away too. so like yeah I think if if there was. something like that I think it would. make me like really happy maybe. having a uh isn't it crazy that we have. to reach into the grave to be like well. that would make me really happy yeah.

like essentially The Impossible in with. somebody probably are you are you no I'm. not I have a tough yeah I have I have a. tough like uh dick I wish huh tough dick. chicks are like I ain't into that tough. dick [ __ ] like look at this yeah that's. what my dick does tough my dick has a. brass just one brass knuckle on it no I. don't know yeah probably having a f like. being able to be happy and have a family. [ __ ] like that wouldn't one brass. knuckle essentially be a [ __ ] ring yeah. probably would but you know what I think.

I like your cell better cuz [ __ ] ring. some people I don't [ __ ] with that but. if you like how would you like one brass. knuckle on your dick a lot of people. like as long as it's my choice I don't. want your brass knuckle on my dick when. you think about businesses that are. selling through the roof like Alo or all. birds or skims or um what's the one like. those little yogurts um well usually you. think about a specific product a Cool. brand and Brilliant marketing but an.

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m.com and use code Theo say chiao to. your bad habits today so you obviously. have been a big comic guy and in that. whole Zeitgeist and it's been a big part. of what made you you right it's honestly. like I was into that [ __ ] like if you. watch M rats in '95 it's a big part of. it and stuff and the culture wasn't like. the culture was like comic books those. are for kids I just got real [ __ ]. Lucky in that you know about 15 years.

ago the culture shifted into all the. [ __ ] that I was already into and well. vered in so I got like a free [ __ ]. ride for about a good 15 20 years on a. geek train that like I never had to make. a comic book movie right I I've directed. some comic book shows like Supergirl. Flash and stuff like that but like. really it's just I was insanely well. positioned because I was waving the flag. for this [ __ ] when people were like what. do you mean yeah yeah that's lucky when. we where what you do meets yes it's the. same do you feel that is where you are.

right now no I see do you feel you were. an overnight success or it was like 10. years of a thing before [ __ ] oh yeah. it was for it was a long time you don't. feel you're in the [ __ ] zone right. now like in terms of like the man has. met the moment and vice versa um I don't. know I guess because I don't know what. my what my end goals are sometimes I see. it when I look at a guy like Joe Rogan. to drop his name again and you can use. it a few times too twice twice in one. but because he got into UFC and that.

Rose and I think it Ro he helped he also. helped be fair yeah and but I saying I'm. Joe Rogan but I too but that's what I'm. saying the labor of love just like him. that's what I'm saying once again though. it reminds me of that he found a way to. monetize his passions where I think he's. probably indispensable to the UFC when. he comments do they pay him I'm pretty. sure they have a they must have a deal. like a saying not only he may have put. in the work and [ __ ] but now he's.

financially fighting he he was in on it. early he trained and he started talking. I remember going like the kids at my. school that you knew were going to. probably die young or whatever they say. um those they were the ones watching. that on the weekend like come watch it. it's like it's like you know Willie the. [ __ ] you know short Willie vers. [ __ ] uh the short Willie verse the. violent homo or something like that's a. who are these guys and it would be like. one guy would be like 400 lb fighting a. guy that was like 120 PBS and it would.

just be like a massacre you know but. that's when the UFC there wasn't weight. classes all of that and look at look at. him what a puppet it's like his News. Radio Days yeah I mean he my I I believe. me I understand who Joe Rogan is today. and and I love that but but you knew. back then well I mean my first. introduction to Joe Rogan was on news. radio and I [ __ ] love news radio it's. one of my favorite sitcoms ever produced. so I've watched and they only had about. four seasons Max or something so you.

could it's not like you know [ __ ]. friends where you could do 12 Seasons. you could get through it a day and then. start it again and [ __ ] so Joe was like. that's how I first knew him and and knew. about him and stuff and then the. podcasting thing you know I remember. going on the show in the early days and. every time I've ever been on and he's. you know clearly there's a reason why. the [ __ ] man is at the top of the. game he's just interested and interested. he's interested he's genuinely curious.

that's the wor but he's he's curious but. he also like [ __ ] hits you with [ __ ]. where you're like no like he's just that. guy at the party where he's you you know. slowly the crowd gravitates around him. whether he's trying to magnetize him in. whether he's putting on a show or not. because he's just interesting got a lot. of information he's like a thorough fair. for information he's like an airport for. information and he retains information. really well and he's genuinely curious. you'll kind of say something and then. he'll ask you about it you're almost. like [ __ ] now I have to actually say. something about this he was the first.

one that did this [ __ ] though where. somebody you're talking and then all of. a sudden he's like look that up and. somebody there was some listens a. reference person like helping out um we. didn't have that in them early days yeah. I uh a lot of like I feel like there's. less comedy movies these days would you. agree with that no I think there are. less movies period these days okay is it. a lot of like there's a lot of almost. comic book type movies and universes.

that are the those are the movies now. yeah does that feel weird to you because. or not weird to you or like what are. your thoughts on that that it's like I. don't know if one like like has. eliminated the other but it's just kind. of um like why is that why do we see. these big huge things but it's not it. feels tougher to for somebody to create. um just like a good comedy these days I. think good comedy went to TV into.

streaming um because they needed to fill. coffers quick you know fill programming. schedules quick so or like did Marvel. universes and all the comic book. universes did they kill off like this. the the guy 100% no. studios like to make money they're in. the business to make money I don't think. a comic book movie has made them go like. let's give up on the middle mid-range. they're just like look more risk more. reward and in when I first started you.

had there was television there was. movies now there are many more options. and many more places to go so instead of. doing you know and and you'll see it. like an eight six or eight episode show. where you're like could have been done. in three it's because like a lot of. people are like all right I'm going to. take my idea that was for a feature and. stretch it out into a show so I think. you know never mind comedy. I'd be more Curious hey where did the. indie film go yeah um but I think the.

indie film moved was taken over by. Netflix once Netflix came in number one. they started buying cheap movies and. number two they started making. programming that was kind of interesting. they went to other countries and they. were like who are your top filmmakers. here's money go make TV shows and stuff. and that's where all the interesting. ideas are going and finding a home. you're uh somebody who wants to tell an. offbeat story. and you looking at this sopian task of. like I got to roll this [ __ ] boulder.

up the hill like every time I make a. movie it's like [ __ ] here we go this is. going to be [ __ ] tough or you walk. into these cats and they're like what's. it about how esoteric is it. interesting go ahead can you make it six. episode can you make it. eight that's preferable and that's where. all the interesting programming has. slowly gravitated to it now so you're. saying some of the Indie movies have. actually become television shows I think. indie filmmakers or people that make. things off the beaten path stories that. don't necessarily fall into the big.

budget equation have wound up going to. streaming like you know what was [ __ ]. uh Jason baitman show Ozark yeah it's an. indie film this just happens to be a. series that went on for a bunch of. episodes because they're like hey do we. like it do it again instead of getting a. sequel you just get another season. that's a good point it's like it was. almost like there's a secret gay guy at. the lake it was like people playing gay. clue at the lake remember cuz like that. one guy Ed. yeah I didn't watch the whole show and. just using as example it started to get. redundant like it started to get now for.

some reason I really want to P play gay. clue does that exist no they should have. that right right like he did it in yeah. it was re it was like what do he use the. Candlestick for the like find. out um uh Samuel's been in the billiard. room for a while in the in the in the. conservatory not being very conservative. wow I've never used that to uh cue my. pool stick before or what's that thing. called to chalk I've never chalk that. way yeah um so so you're so that's.

interesting you I think I think that's. part of believe me I'm not like and. that's exactly what happened and I think. that's part of it I think you know. Netflix came in disrupted the business. as we all know in a in a in a way that. at first people were like yeah and now. people are like wait a second in the. aftermath nothing existed the way that. existed before television viewership is. like down to almost nothing so much so. that major student studios are writing. off entire network divisions and stuff. like that devaluing television in order.

to get a write off so once Netflix came. in and said hey this is how we're doing. it and then every other company was like. well [ __ ] we got to do what they're. doing and they started doing streaming. and whatnot it just really it broke the. model it's kind of nuts so right now I. think if you're a person that likes to. tell off thebeat and path stories or. what we used to call back in the day an. indie filmmaker Now's the Time To Shine. I think there's a moment that's going on. right now where entertainment like the.

way people are getting their. entertainment of course is completely. changed over the last 10 years but. theatrical consumption has been way off. since covid and and some people wonder. if like will people ever go back to the. movies the way they used to and blah. blah blah uh they're not going to go. unless you give them something they. can't get any place else so they'll go. to the theaters to see Deadpool. Wolverine CU like I ain't going to be. able to watch this at home for like 6. months so [ __ ] it but what if you tell. them story going back to your voices. your currency they've never heard before. and the only place they could see it is.

in theater and right now theaters are. hurting so they'll [ __ ] take anybody. it doesn't matter it used to be tough to. get screens now are you [ __ ] kidding. me you can make a deal with AMC private. deal with your own independent movie. where you're like I can I get a 100. screens and we'll do a door split or. whatever the [ __ ] it's possible because. movie theaters as a movie theater. exhibitor I know this for a fact we. would kill or die to have people come in. you know back in the day I made this. movie The 4:30 movie and it's about how. in the80s this is the new film that's. coming out September 13th um in the '.

80s we used to pay for one movie and. then jump from theater to theater to. theater to go see movies for free I own. that movie theater that I used to do. that in we get caught you might get the. risk of being banned from that theater. for [ __ ] life if I caught you walking. into another movie theater after you. paid for only one movie theater in my. movie theater I'd be like that's great. just buy some popcorn would you you. could stay as long as you [ __ ] want. call your friends yeah have them come. just to get [ __ ] bodies through the. goddamn door so it's it's yeah this a.

bit of a different world at this point. but imagine you're an indie filmmaker. who wants to say the thing nobody has. ever [ __ ] said before in a film per. se we're just using film as an example. [ __ ] now is your time like uh you could. actually make a thing and have it be in. a goddamn movie theater and then if you. do even the tiniest bit of business with. your movie in a movie theater these days. that's a [ __ ] story yeah and that. also has it's been proven like through. the algorithm when uh Amazon did air Ben.

Affleck movie air they put it in. theaters and they spent air about Air. Jordans the history of the Air Jordan. sneaker um they put it in theaters. traditionally and spent money on. Advertising even though Amazon has Prime. and really they probably thought it. would go right there but they were like. you know what let's see what it would be. like to release a movie like you know. Amazon other streamer broke the. theatrical model and here they're going. like wouldn't it be novel like us with. smodcast going like wouldn't it be weird.

if somebody paid for an ad on our show. these cats are like wouldn't it be novel. if we put the movie out and paid for ads. and people saw a trailer and then went. to the movies the to see it would it. make it more valuable when we then put. it on Prime and it did naturally they. found the same thing out on Netflix. movies that go the traditional route the. way that everybody expects I've seen a. commercial for that on TV that will be a. a primary choice on Netflix rather than. a Netflix made for Netflix movie that. may have the biggest [ __ ] stars on.

the planet on it in it but you will pass. it by yeah it feels so there's something. about just watching a movie that's just. on Netflix or on a stream isn't that. crazy yeah that there is there is a. value to putting something in a theater. still it gives it this kind of panach. now if you're an indie filmmaker and. you're out there going like nobody's. ever [ __ ] heard my story they've. never heard my voice they've never. [ __ ] seen what I can do and if you're. sitting there now going I [ __ ] hate. Kevin Smith he makes the same [ __ ]. movie every time 30 years in the. business all he's done is make clerks.

and J and S Bob great now's your [ __ ]. time now's your time to shine don't sit. there waste your time at home looking at. me hating on me use me as your [ __ ]. example and stepping stone like if that. [ __ ] talentless idiot could do it. then I could [ __ ] do it too and now. is the time for another Indie filmm. indie film making movement now it feels. like with the frustration of real. [ __ ] filmmakers who I know people. that make millions to [ __ ] make. movies sitting on her asses cuz ain't. nobody [ __ ] making movies could you. imagine if some if the only way you got.

to do your show is if somebody told you. okay now you could go no you enjoy the. independence of like [ __ ] this past. weekend is going to happen when I want. it to [ __ ] happen you're your own. [ __ ] boss there are a lot of people. that never figured out how to do that. they never came from indie film so they. couldn't pivot back to indie film. they've just been spoiled by working for. a studio so now with the studios not. making anything they're like what do I. [ __ ] do I've always been able to. Pivot back to indie film and I feel like. even though I've been able to do that. I've been in indie film for a while. everyone knows every variation of story. I could possibly tell every once in a.

while you'll whip a Tusk on them like. that's [ __ ] weird but generally. speaking like he does those Jay and Sal. B movies and [ __ ] now is the time for an. indie filmmaker to come out and be like. here's a [ __ ] story nobody's ever. heard [ __ ] a Tic Tac I mean I I love Tik. Tac don't get me wrong but like people. that spend their time like doing little. videos and [ __ ] if you're a filmmaker. make your [ __ ] film man now is the. time to take your [ __ ] shot because. there is an empty Guff in the. marketplace for that type of. Storytelling all of it has gone.

mainstream streaming is now mainstream. so people who are telling these offbeat. stories on streamers they are. essentially Studios at this point when I. started indie film it was like us. outside of Warner Brothers and [ __ ]. you know 20th Century Fox and paramont. going like well they'll never let us. play so just because they won't let us. in don't mean I can't do it on my own. the streamers of that now so if you're. out there going like well Netflix will. never give me a [ __ ] thing great go. do your [ __ ] thing without them hang. your own [ __ ] shingle it's time.

people are hungry for that do you think. it's a good idea to sell direct to. Consumer right like David Spade and I. wrote a movie and so we're going to try. to get it made and it feels like it's. kind of getting close right and we're. like could we just put it on a website. and sell it right there to people 100%. but also you travel out in the world man. and so imagine you do a comedy tour but. instead your Comedy Tour is hey man uh. welcome tonight we're going to watch. movie and afterwards we're going to talk. about it all right so enjoy the show and. then you get the [ __ ] off for 90 minutes. then you come out and it's all crowd.

work because you're just answering. [ __ ] questions that's it you have the. ability to do that why do you [ __ ]. need anybody else or you've got such an. audience and such a long tale that you. can go into an AMC like a [ __ ] Taylor. Swift and be like I guarantee you that. on my podcast that has 200 [ __ ]. million downloads per ever whatever the. [ __ ] that I can make people come to a. theater and show a thing and even if AMC. is like no we're interested then you go. to Fathom events and be like hey man I. got a movie I want to put it in screens. for like two [ __ ] days and you'll.

make like 10 million bucks and they'll. write stories about how [ __ ] smart. you are so you don't need anybody Theo. you have the distribution [ __ ]. mechanism already in place you're a. loaded gun at all times you just have to. point your audience in the right. direction and what you do is point them. to the next show the next show or a live. gig but if you make a movie with Spade. or whoever the [ __ ] don't [ __ ] sell. it until you have milked it and juic it. for everything you personally can the. way you juice your own [ __ ] then [ __ ]. give it up to a streamer then give it up.

to somebody like a home video you know. company that's going to put it out and. [ __ ] like that because you have the. mechanism in place you already know how. to put asses in seats the big mystery of. this business that everyone's always. trying to figure out is how do I get. [ __ ] people to show up you know how. to get people to show up now this would. just be you going okay when you show up. this time we're going to do things a. little differently I'm just going to. show you a movie and then we're going to. [ __ ] do a comedy show afterwards and. stuff do you get charge the same thing. and all that money goes right to the. [ __ ] flick and then you would have a. then you would have money now then you. could start making other cool movies and.

have your friends be like this is a. script I like you could just write it. and then it's like you'd have movies. would be like free again because there. wouldn't be yeah you don't have to go. and ask some smarmy [ __ ] dude some. who what do you mean free again cuz I'm. like I like this world what youan uh. free meaning you could do whatever you. want you can do what you want you could. but but the you could always do whatever. you wanted you have the ability to do. that you just have together but you. already show it on a regular basis you. gotta you you you. are again I cannot [ __ ] stress this.

enough that Celsius [ __ ] container is. huge they don't give that to just. anybody not that big it's massive he's. out was [ __ ] it's like I walked into. a 7-Eleven or at least a [ __ ] I'm. going to PE really fast. actually I hated it when. um hold on a second no way man no I'm. going you coming with. me we're doing it take my hand we're. going we're fing theou in this [ __ ] I'm. out they died didn't they yeah but they.

live forever that's true you know what. I'm saying cuz they're a movie look Theo. everybody dies not everybody truly. lives facts I took that from Braveheart. you did I mean that's where it came from. there's a um new Asian kind of Brave. Heart movie coming out I saw a preview. for um how do you how do you know when. Keep It On movies how do you know when. have you ever should movies be like like. a like like National Cuisine like you. were going there's an. Asian uh braveart Braveheart coming out.

shouldn't there be one for every country. like recently we were talking about I. saw on Netflix they had this movie. called beneath Paris which is Jaws in. France o shouldn't every country have. its own [ __ ] Jaws we were talking. about this on Hol podcast I do with. Ralph gin at Flappers and stuff and I. was like every country should have its. own [ __ ] Jaws like let's it don't. have to be the same story but just give. me every country it should be like the. Olympics every country is like you're. our best athletes it should be like here.

is our best shark movie killer shark. movie cuz everybody can get away with. that and the [ __ ] you know there. aren't a lot of killer shark movies now. it seems cheap now like cheap to do like. I guess like doing shark is CG shark is. not as expensive as building the big. rubber one that they did for Jaws and. [ __ ] like that but you know having one. having each country each Nation. represented by what they feel is their. best possible Sav private Reginald or. something like in Africa or something or.

if they had like um me World War II like. no I was just thinking of like a. different like if you had say like we. have Saving Private Ryan yeah if they. had um let's just keep it to. sharks don't jump in a [ __ ] War film. I'm saying like Saving Private we could. do you know um Every Nation gets to make. every movie for themselves we've we. start basic you start with the shark. thing we'll get to like saving Richard. and [ __ ] like that or saving saving. Hinrich right cuz that would be the. other side of the war or something like.

that but just a shark [ __ ] picture. every nation going like this is it. [ __ ] arms race just like like oh it's. a dangerous koi and it's like a Japanese. one or whatever koi yeah it's got to be. shark we got to have rules I don't know. if they have sharks in some places. that's the thing it's like it's a. [ __ ] movie what do you what do you. eliminate it for yeah you're like hey. man in real life [ __ ] real life this is. movie time say a podcast [ __ ]. shark jaws of Michigan it's just a guy. in a [ __ ] uh hot dog eating contest.

here's how it happened right so [ __ ]. every every night when the Coney Dog. place closes yeah they got leftover. Coney dogs that go bad dude don't like. to throw it out so he takes it to one of. the Great Lakes pitches it in the lake. somebody had disposed of a [ __ ] baby. great white shark he's been eating these. [ __ ] hot dogs so he's [ __ ] massive. and. [ __ ] wow dude I'm already. [ __ ] that's awesome I'm already in. dude call David Spade let's write. that Finance self finance that [ __ ].

movie I I honestly I had a conversation. with my friend logic there's there's me. going [ __ ] there's a [ __ ] big name. for you logic was 4 he's amazing dude. logic is in the 430 movie and when he. shot his he is when he shot his scene. we'd already finished the movie and. stuff so he could watch it so I was like. come to my place I'll show you the flick. so he watched the flick and then after. the flick he was like oh I [ __ ] love. movies he's like I before even hip-hop I. loved movies and stuff he's go I found. hip-hop through movies I found wuang.

through Quenton and stuff like that he's. I always wanted to make a movie I almost. made a movie with JJ and I was like JJ. and he's like yeah he's like but it. didn't happen I was like JJ from Good. Times no yeah [ __ ] JJ like JJ D kid. Dynamite he what was his name JJ JJ AB. is the director I was talking about I. love that you went with J JJ I'm. thinking of JJ Evans JJ Evans James. Evans senior I saw him at the airport. once the what Jimmy Walker Jimmy Walker. that's what I'm thinking of yeah there.

he is Legend oh yeah kid Dino might. dite um all right so wait so JJ so JJ I. I was like I was surprised that he that. he hadn't made you know [ __ ] JJ. Abrams he made [ __ ] one of the Star. Wars two of them you'd imagine it could. happen but he's like just didn't happen. I said why is it difficult is it. expensive he goes no it's kind of like. like clerks it's set in one location and. I was. like what could what what is it on the. moon he goes no it's just in a record.

store I said bro you can make that movie. yourself you don't need any help you got. [ __ ] I'm sure you got money from. hip-hop like you can Finance your own. movie and for all the years I've ever. said to people like you can make a movie. anybody could make a movie you should. make your own movie [ __ ] was. like you're right and he financed his. own [ __ ] movie we went and shot it. back in May up in Oregon in St Helens. and it's called Paradise records and so. I was a producer on it and I was his. editor. wow and my God it's so [ __ ] wonderful. like it is legit good he is Born To Be A. filmmaker and it's kind of a little.

irritating when a dude who is except. exceptionally good at one thing and made. [ __ ] billions doing it is now like oh. I'm also good at I mean this [ __ ]. dude's good at anything JJ ABS yeah no. [ __ ] logic oh logic logic [ __ ]. like he could do a Rubik's Cube in front. of you in like 12 seconds yeah like he's. just he's he's so crazy [ __ ] talented. [ __ ] but him as a filmmaker this movie. Paradise records it's gonna be [ __ ] it's. gonna hit huge it is [ __ ] awesome. he's the star and his friend taine is.

the second lead his friend T-man is. absolutely wonderful in the movie but. this dude wrote directed and [ __ ]. starred in it and I was like so. incredibly impressed because he's a. legit great actor like as you know. because I cut every frame I saw every. frame of the [ __ ] footage I was there. on set when they shot it but most of the. time I was cutting the movie and [ __ ]. and every frame of film I was like this. guy's [ __ ] unnatural so that movie is. [ __ ] wonderful man um Paradise record. Paradise record be out next year how do. you know I want to ask a little bit more. about um about the 430 movie but um.

comes out September 13 September 13th. it's uh it's Ken Jang isn't it he's. amazing it's kind of story of my young. life a story of the first date that I. had in high school and stuff with my. girlfriend movie right when we I took. her to to flicks and what but in this. flick him and his friends they're going. to the movie theater to hang out for the. day and Skip from theater to theater to. theater if you've ever listened to SM. cast back back in the day when me and. Scott Mo used to do it there was this. episode we did uh about Emo Kev where I. had these old recordings of me where I.

used to ride around on a bike in my. hometown and [ __ ] like what what am I. doing like real existential crisis [ __ ]. before I ever made clerks wondering what. my future would be and stuff so we. played him on the smz and like Scott. like mercilessly [ __ ] died laughing. he just would attack a c like oh my God. you sound so [ __ ] dumb but they were. it was kind of wonderful to listen to. and [ __ ] anyway the movie is kind of. based on that so like it's based on that. version of Emo Kev as we called them in.

the podcast ride around on his bike and. be like when is my life going to begin. so it's that kind of thing like there's. kind of cool there's a story there's be. mccre did our score and he's absolutely. wonderful composer but him and his. brother did a song that ends the movie. and it's a [ __ ] Jam it's total. earworm and you're like oh my God went. like my friend put it on Shazam or. whatever cuz he's like where have I. heard that before I was like you never. heard it just [ __ ] created and [ __ ]. but it's called 24 Karat case of Love. cuz in the movie as in real life on the.

episode of modcast that we did years ago. you hear me talking about my. ex-girlfriend and I was like I got a 24. Karat case of love and that's what broke. moer up the most he was like you [ __ ]. unbelievable [ __ ] you know he just. attacked me and [ __ ] so I put that in. the flick so Barry mccre and his brother. write this closing song for the movie. and he goes you got to listen to it man. I think you'll like it and the hook of. the song is I got to 24 Karat case of. love and I was like oh my God so I wrote. to Baron and I was like bro you took the.

dumbest [ __ ] [ __ ] I ever said on the. earth and made it a a pretty [ __ ]. Wicked earworm hook for the song and he. goes don't [ __ ] on that he's going you. saying I got a 24 Karat case of Love is. the kind of thing that a 16-year-old boy. says yeah cuz it's 24 Karat real strong. or it's kind of mid strong that was for. me nothing gets stronger than a [ __ ]. 24K cuz we didn't have diamonds in our. world was lower lower lower lower lower. we were poor yeah so like 24 karat gold. is that my mom had a 24 karat gold.

wedding band oh yeah so 24 k k love. that's my divorc too is that right yeah. um but so 24 Karat so he took things. from those moments you riding around he. took that exact [ __ ] line and made it. the hook for the song and he's like. never [ __ ] regret saying that he's. like that's what you say when you're 16. I didn't have the heart to tell him I. was like really I said that when I was. 22 but whatever dude there's something. so magical so wait were you raised in. Tennessee I was raised in Louisiana in. what part yeah in a place called.

Covington Louisiana oh you serious yeah. so how far is that from like it's from 1. hour from New Orleans North four about. we shot Jane s bobry boot there that's a. [ __ ] fantastic place no way oh my God. Louisiana so [ __ ] good to us like. I'll always that was a movie I made. after Prem a movie there too didn't you. well we went to the Joy theater and. showed Jay and Sal and Bob reboot when. we were on tour but we shot there. and that was the postart attack movie so. that was a movie where I was like holy. [ __ ] I was supposed to be [ __ ] dead.

like so I'm just going to make the movie. I want to make [ __ ] everything else and. that was Jaya and Bob reboot and so we. had to go to Louisiana we couldn't do it. in Jersey because it's a road movie and. stuff like that Louisiana had a. fantastic [ __ ] rebate they had a. great [ __ ] crew man and the people. were so [ __ ] wonderful and [ __ ] and. we shot during Marty gr so we took two. days down we actually shot on marar at. the courthouse because they were like. that's the only day we're closed we're. like great we'll use the courthouse that. day but everyone was so [ __ ] cool man. and I didn't even [ __ ] with the party. half of the city like the cast and.

people who flew in to be in the movie. and [ __ ] they would go to like I went to. bbon Street I didn't even get that. [ __ ] far man it was just like work. probably too when you're putting a movie. together it's a lot how do you know. when when like like when you're ramping. up to do a movie yeah things get pretty. intense pretty quick right and then. there's just that day where you have to. start how crazy is that first day. because that's a I mean it's rare that. there's such a huge leap that's going to. be so you can't go back like you are.

moving forward it's begun you you spend. so much time trying to get to that. moment that when the moment happens. you're already prepared you better be. [ __ ] prepared if you're not it's like. what the [ __ ] are you crying about all. this time like you knew this was coming. you pushed for you wanted this right. that's why like after everything I do no. matter whe whether it works or doesn't. work there's two things I always say to. myself and generally is more helpful if. it doesn't if it didn't work one is like. uh um you wanted this like oh my God you.

changed the course of human events to. make this [ __ ] movie happen and [ __ ]. like you dreamed about this you somehow. found millions of dollars and convinced. people to give up their time do this. [ __ ] make pretend with you so it. don't matter if it didn't do what you. want you wanted this you better [ __ ]. enjoy it because it's going to pass. quick and the second thing I always tell. myself is like what was the alternative. did you even have it alternative was the. alternative to not do the thing then. that's not the alternative because. knowing that I could do the thing and. knowing that I could accomplish it and.

then not doing the thing would eat at me. like a [ __ ] cancer that's sad when. you know you can accomplish thing but. you don't do it because you're like nah. well [ __ ] what if somebody don't like. it like I mentioned before like droing. so scary though all creativ butthole to. somebody think about that's why this is. a safe environment you create a thing. where you're like these is my rules my. house I I don't have you don't worry. when a new episode goes up you don't. even think about it you feel like oh I. recorded that a couple days ago or last.

week or something like that but you're. so you've built the thing for yourself. that is so [ __ ] foolproof and you can. avoid sidestep the world of rejection. and the world of no you went to here and. you created a world of yes for yourself. so you don't have that weird trepidation. at the beginning of every show because. you're like this is EXA I engineered. this to be as easy for me as [ __ ]. breathing and [ __ ] when you're making a. f a flick or something something like. that there way more people involved and. [ __ ] and you've also been dying to do. this sometimes you it's taken 10 years.

to get to that we've been working on on. this trying to get this movie together. all the agents haven't done anything so. finally we got some of our own friends. and stuff and we're going to put in some. of our own money that's what I was going. to say like you dude based on that. Celsius case there's no [ __ ] way that. you don't have enough of your own. [ __ ] you probably got in your pocket. just be like yeah I wish dude you can. have that thing brother I'm sending that. to you it is uh it is uh so possible to. do I tell my kid all the time my kid who.

again I [ __ ] your daughter my. daughter Harley qu she's in a she's in. one of the movies she was in quent's. movie I always lead with that she's been. in a bunch of my movies but nobody gives. a [ __ ] about Kevin Smith movie she was. in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood so I. always lead with that she was qu. Tarantino movie believe me she leads. with that too she never leads with like. yeah I was in Jay and Sil Bob re booot. but she played Jay's daughter in Jay and. Sal Bob Bo joh de what was the one was. she was that who it was yoga hosers the. one I got beat the [ __ ] out of I mean. you think I I got beat up from putting a.

picture of myself crying on the internet. yoga hosers I got [ __ ] they were like. bend over and it went in dry so dry I. got I remember AV club was like ew Kevin. Smith and Johnny Depp are going to force. us to watch a play date with their. children and it's like bro you don't. have to watch it but you know that was. I've been around the internet for a. while so I've watched the culture get. like way more toxic and here's the thing. for as long as I've been online I've. been online since 19 1996 right so I I. remember the first troll where it's like. what yeah why would you spend time here. and you probably got one of the first.

trolls ever legit 100% I remember there. was a dude I reached out to a troll like. to try to understand and this was a dude. who was on um ain't a cool news and he. had written some [ __ ] about me but it. was incorrect that was the thing like if. somebody wrote something about me as. their opinion what the [ __ ] hurts but. it's like you can't do anything but this. dude had said something completely. incorrect so I wrote to him because you. click on their name and hit their email. so I wrote to the D I was like hey I'm. Kevin Smith and you said this [ __ ] about. me I was like I can't do anything about. your opinion but the one thing you said. it's factually untrue so I just wanted.

to correct that if you're going to go. out and say things and stuff and the. dude wrote back I don't know who you are. but I know you're one of the names that. if some if I throw out on ancool news a. bunch of people will jump to your. defense and that's how I like to hang. out at night and that blew my [ __ ]. mind this was in the year 2000 I want to. say maybe yeah because it was before I. did Jay and Silent Bob stri back which. has the whole ending of them going. around beating up people on the [ __ ]. internet from a message chapter so I was. there I'm not saying that was the first. troll but that was my one of my first. trolls not and he said he liked doing it.

because he liked the that's how he spent. his night like that and that's that's a. legit [ __ ] response that a human. being sent me that's not a madeup story. that's not like I met a guy who said. that happened and I was so [ __ ]. flabbergasted by that I'm not anymore. because I understand that's cheap. entertainment for somebody like [ __ ]. going to the movies or [ __ ] going like. going out to dinner it's like [ __ ]. order some [ __ ] Pizza mates and I'm. just going to jump online and be like. this guy sus and then watch people react. and hit on that and [ __ ] so I've watched.

the internet get way more toxic and [ __ ]. like that but at the same time as much. as the internet gives everybody access. to you who can like [ __ ] [ __ ] on your. day or try to [ __ ] in your mouth it also. gives you access to the most wonderful. people in the world who say these. amazing things about you that keep you. going and as previously spoken about I. never know how to feel about myself cuz. I'm broken so it helps. and obviously part of the reason I do. the job is because I like when people. are like good job like my whole career. has been about trying to produce work.

that's good enough to for Mom to put up. on the fridge like when you get an A or. a B on the paper and she put that [ __ ]. up on the fridge the fridge is just the. world at this point and you hope it's. good enough that the paper goes up and. gets noticed and [ __ ] and you take a lot. of slings and arrows even if you like to. do a thing you know so like there are. the trolls who just go after you because. like it's entertaining to watch other. people blood in the water and [ __ ] like. that but then there are people that. legitimately [ __ ] hate you and what. you do like and hate watch you just the. way like Howard Stern used to have.

people who like if you like Howard Stern. you listen for 10 minutes if you hate. Howard Stern you listen for [ __ ] 20. so I get it and I and I've been around. on the internet long enough where I know. like I am one of those figures and [ __ ]. but it always baffles me like I you know. I put up a [ __ ] post on my Instagram. today about hey I'm doing this podcast. with my kid beardless [ __ ] me and. naturally yeah naturally that's your. daughter that's my that's Harley she's a. good kid man got good head on her. shoulders and [ __ ] she was the one that. asked me to go vegan cuz she was vegan. and after the heart attack she was like. Dad like please like just try it it.

could help because the nutritionist in. the hospital was like you might want to. consider going plant-based because 100%. blockage in your lad that's really bad. so my kid was like can you please try. and I was like you know what I'll do it. for you I'll try for a few months and. you know she saved my life to be honest. with you but I also know my kid is part. me so she's very strategic she as a. vegan she was like if I could flip this. [ __ ] he'll be a big voice for. the movement and [ __ ] like that so she. did but can you still get erection if. you're vegan or not I get an erection. can you still do you still have like a.

I'm hard now son yeah yeah I mean [ __ ]. yeah you get you get very hard even what. would be the idea in not getting hard as. a vegan not enough red meat something. like that if you don't have enough iron. or whatever um I'm on blood thinners. because of the heart attack does that. help your wiener get harder No in fact. it's a little more challenging uh not. challenging it's just the the hard on. you get ain't it's workable it's. [ __ ] dick yeah but it's not like oh. my God this could [ __ ] crack steel oh.

yeah you're Jackie Chan with like eight. [ __ ] things I've never had that one. oh I do in the morning that's the. morning wood oh [ __ ] dude I wake up with. a heart on that could that's impressive. if I was a dickpic guy that's when I be. like and put it online and [ __ ] like. that but it always goes to waste cuz my. wife like she's like I don't [ __ ] before. noon so we've been together like 25. [ __ ] years almost and uh or over and. you know at this point. I I understand that I'm going to wait. until like one or two she so I'm all I'm. I'm a little sad because I'm not saying. she's missing out she ain't missing [ __ ].

she [ __ ] me enough she knows she Mo. you know I was saying before I tell. people all the time like you can achieve. your goals you just have to modify your. expectations I was like you know my my. wife I always use my wife as an example. I was like Jennifer didn't want to marry. a guy [ __ ] look like me like I saw. the dude she dat in high school she was. a cheerleader she dat [ __ ] football. players andit your wife did WOW but when. we met she was like all right he ain't. my ideal but like I can work with this. so she modified her expectations MH and.

we've been together for [ __ ] you know. Century so if if you if you modify some. people like that's lowering I'm like no. no no modifying your expectations you. can be happy if you just modify what you. expect and [ __ ] do you have sex under. the covers when you're married or on top. of the covers under and I'm also a shirt. on guy I've never take my shirt off. during sex you take your shirt off. during sex you look like here much. you're one of those dudes who probably. you're making out it's like in the. movies and [ __ ] you make out and then. you push back you take your shirt off. like that's a part of the seduction I.

walk out of room I could never do that. if I did that and steep back took my. shirt off my tits came out they'd be. like oh let me slurp on those little. [ __ ] hammocks you take them you take. your shirt off don't you no sometimes I. will sometimes I won't I'll walk out of. the room backwards though cuz I don't. like I don't like people seeing my butt. I guess are you serious I'll kind of. walk huh not that I think it just I. don't know it's your least attractive. feature I think it's fine but it's like. after everyone's already the Situation's. gotten all [ __ ] and [ __ ] and. everybody's on a different plane alog. together and their senses are coming. back you're like they see my ass I'm.

[ __ ] well I just turns out you were. just [ __ ] you at that point they could. see your ass job's done son yeah but you. nobody can see your butt while you're. making love to them it's just the way. it's all how God did it if that is not. the title of your. biography I I I object nobody could see. your butt if you're making love to him. Theo Von story. and other Whimsical Notions by Theo Von. yeah but it's like you're only you think. you think your ass is your worst feature. you walk out of the room dick first we.

like we're dick backwards so you're like. look keep looking there don't look at. this never mind the man pay attention to. the man no attention to the man behind. the curtain your ass is The Wizard of o. yeah your dick is the what they all see. your ass is the actual wizard oh yeah. pulling levers and [ __ ] my weener is the. Cowardly Lion that's what it is dude if. I only had blood thinner yeah back to. the original question you could be vegan. and get and and get the jet very easily. I don't come AC I mean I guess I know. vegans but I don't know they don't tell.

you when you meet you do I what I love. about you Theo is your act is like I. don't know a lot of things but you're. one of the smartest people I've seen. doing you think so you're smart but more. importantly you're clever clever goes a. lot further than Smart in this world I. am not smart I've been clever I don't. even think I'm 100% clever all the time. but I think I'm very clever about what. to do about being Kevin Smith for a. living so I'm myopically clever on one. very small plane which has kind of. worked out managing yourself well yes. but I think you're smart I think you're. way smarter than you like to let on and. [ __ ] you're like Jay like Jay is also.

like I don't know nothing but I'm like. [ __ ] like I'm don't play me like. I write your character I know what your. intelligence level really is and stuff. and while the Jay character is based on. who Jay was when he was 16 years old. he's far smarter than that and also to. be fair far more responsible hands down. the best father I've ever met in my. entire life he's a wonderful [ __ ] dad. to like two children shocking because he. was like terrible to himself for most of. his life and stuff yeah I met him at. some meetings and stuff yeah he's [ __ ].

about that it's not we did a whole. podcast for for years and we still kind. of quasy dude Jay and Silent Bob get old. which is [ __ ] he's coming up I think. on his 14th anniversary of being sober. and Thee the podcast was predicated on. like we go to bars and do this live show. where he's the everyone else is drunk. he's the only sober person there and it. was all about keeping him sober so he. would sit there and tell his story about. like one time I did this so it was kind. of like going to the a very fun AA. meeting where everyone else was drinking. except the guy who was witnessing and. [ __ ] like that and we got over a 100 200.

episodes out of that and [ __ ] it was. crazy and toured off of that like Jason. from the movies he didn't really make a. lot of money being in Kevin Smith films. you don't make money being in Kevin. Smith films you don't make them be money. making them either but he made enough. money to buy a house because of Jane Sil. Bob awesome so he was we were clever. with the podcast but you're smart this. is [ __ ] smart so I know you're smart. yeah I think I sometimes I think I'm. afraid to try and like I feel like. sometimes it's just hard for me to get. like my information and how I it's hard.

to get it like clear from my brain to my. mouth sometimes and I think I get afraid. to speak up on certain things like um I. don't know. man Sanders and. you seem very well [ __ ] I had I. literally watched that for a few minutes. and was like that was fun dude I was. like this like I I could not have done. that I could talk to people but I'd be. like Bernie did you ever see clerks like. that's where my life begins and ends and.

[ __ ] you could literally sit there and. have a political conversation I'm. politically not astute so I don't think. I could hold that conversation but you. did and you sounded intelligent thanks. man and I don't mean like he sounds. smart but you represent like that's why. when you're like I don't know nothing. that's [ __ ] like I couldn't have. done and this ain't me kissing ass or. licking knob I I didn't watch the whole. interview but for the few minutes I. watched I was like this guy's [ __ ]. smart well there's some that made me. happy to come because Jordan Jason. Muse's wife she runs our business she. was like oh I [ __ ] she's I was like I.

gotta go I'm going she's like where are. you going I was going to Theo Von podast. she oh [ __ ] she goes that's right I. love him I like you [ __ ] with him and. she goes oh you think he's so funny and. [ __ ] like that what's her name Jordan. Monsanto that's sweet of her man um yeah. I think well he cares about some of the. same stuff believe as our business. manager I'm gonna go with her I was like. I'm gonna I'm gonna take a picture of. that s's case and be like we're doing. [ __ ] wrong I know people in the audience. like stop talking about it but you don't. know you don't know kids I know what. that means I'm like this guy's figured.

the [ __ ] out man I want to do you have a. network or is it just your show no just. us really yeah I it's just if you ever. start a network I'll be on it you will. [ __ ] heartbeat are you kidding me. [ __ ] get I'll get we'll plug you in. the other room dude dude I'll never. leave that much free Celsius and [ __ ] I. mean he's got his own place like I came. into an office like I do my [ __ ] at home. in a spare room like I started in my. kitchen man and when now we just have to. have a place for people to be at to work. and what ises that what do you mean like. so while the show is not going on you. need people in an office yeah there The.

Producers just so they can um be around. uh it crazy like the infrastructure that. like we don't have much we have three. three huge operation but yeah it's fun. but it's a place like this is unless. they're giving you this place free you. got to pay for no they're not did you um. if you're a I never want to hear this. I'm not a smart person [ __ ] ever again. what was that Jay you and M is in a. movie bro never mind David B I ain't. trying to throw him under the bus but. [ __ ] you and Jay in a movie you could. be his brother oh [ __ ] [ __ ] hold.

on this is happening in real time what. would we do I wonder want it do you want. to come we're doing a movie next year. early next year Jay and Silent Bob Store. Wars which is about they have a. dispensary and then somebody opens a. dispensary across the street and they're. like their opposites and every way and. it's they battle for the whole movie you. legit I'm not just saying this cuz I'm. on the podcast but like you're Vibe is. very Jay like number one I know this. would make my boss happy like Jordan be. like yes [ __ ] you could come in and. play [ __ ] Jay's brother who's never.

been in a movie before Jordan Monsanto. the person you just told that's that's. Jordan Jay's wife Jordan who runs our. company and [ __ ] she produces the movies. as well she does yeah she's been our. producer for years she's been producing. since like Tusk wow she's really smart. [ __ ] smarter than smarter than both you. and I and I know how smart you are as. previously said that's SM though she. ain't got one of those Fu you wrote this. character I'm not even I'm fictional I'm. telling you bro you playing brother wow. really dude 100% I mean look I ain't. offering you no great shakes being in a. Kevin Smith movie helps nobody I just.

heard it doesn't make any money oh wow. yeah that's and that's their daughter. Logan and then they have a little boy. now named Lucien he wasn't alive when we. did this picture he came afterwards uh. that was clerk 3 so yes yeah so it's. dope beef they got two dispensaries they. having dope beef basically that's cool. it's a war yeah we need that kind of. [ __ ] [ __ ] that's a comedy but it. ain't no Studio comedy like no Studio. how much does it cost to make a movie. like that what's kind of like your. highest budget that'll be 10 I if I can. get I could I could get between 8 to 10.

for a Jane Silent Bob type thing clerks. 3 thing the 430 movie which is coming. out September 13th presumably that's. what we're here to talk about but I'm. just I just came to hang I just came for. the C no I want to talk a little bit. more about that time we don't have to. but the 430 movie cost three million. bucks wow uh Saban financed that and was. it uh Savon sabon sabon have they. financed some of your other films too. they did Jane Sal reboot okay years and. years ago they also did the Mighty. Morphin Power Rangers did they um and. how much can we can you make a real.

return on a movie like that you can make. a return you can make your money back. and make a little scratch yeah um I. think that's I think I can stay in the. business for as long as I for three. decades when I'm well past my [ __ ]. past due date because I could always. pivot to inexpensive so a lot of people. are like well it's got to be [ __ ] 20. million right can't do it I'm the other. guy where I'm like oh I I could do it. for three whether we could do it for. three or not it's like we'll get there. we'll cram it into that [ __ ] number I.

priv yeah and the privilege of like. making a movie like everyone don't get. to do that it's a weird [ __ ]. proposition where you say to somebody. like can you give me a lot of money to. make pretend most people are like just. make pretend by themselves for free and. [ __ ] and you're like I I can't quite do. it and I realize like my job is such. it's full of [ __ ] man it's a pack of. Lies basically what I try to do in life. is capture artificially capture a moment. that happened to me that made my head or. heart feel something so overwhelmingly.

wonderful that I was like if I could. [ __ ] capture that and put it in a. movie and show people how it felt I bet. you other people would identify with. that so it was like all County I mean I. guess absolutely to some degree right uh. if that was your speed or whatever the. [ __ ] but like the idea of like I was on. set and I guess it was because 430 movie. is the first 4 cool cuz it's like in. the8 is it ' 80s or '90s 80s it0 19 yeah. dude it just had this like this free. when you couldn't when you're.

imagination where you if you wondered if. a girl cared about you all you could do. is lay on your back in the in your. [ __ ] room floor listening to like. um like Nirvana or something put. together over wondering and praying and. pining and just dry humping the carpet. that this woman cared about you shy of. dry humping the carpet. um which I ain't against but that was. never part of my repertoire um is you've. exact you've nailed the feeling me. trying to capture that [ __ ] feeling.

essentially in movies we weren't that. rich oh my God were you rich no we. weren't but I heard about shag carpet. and I thought that's you were supposed. to do you heard about it did you have. carpet period oh yeah we we had wall the. wall like the cheap [ __ ] yeah not not. you know what yeah rugs are expensive. carpeting is less expensive you could. pee on our carpet yeah well and others. did on ours yeah. and protest and sometimes capture in the. moment though being being a liar for a. living and [ __ ] like that that is what. making movies is is all about that's why.

I like podcasting because it ain't a lie. basically everything's true like you. just sit down start talking having. conversation you movies is like I one. day someone will try maybe not this. particular moment but and I've done it. in movies you try to capture a podcast. in a movie like in Tusk we have them. podcasting and stuff and once again. that's an artificial snapshot shot of a. moment that made me feel [ __ ]. absolute joy and then you give that. moment to the movie and then the movie. goes out to the audience and then the mo.

moment stops being just yours and then. for the rest of your life you interact. with that movie periodically it comes up. and you're watching it and you see this. like wonderful this. approximation um this half-ass. approximation of some amazing thing that. had happened to you and you go oh [ __ ]. that's right like that was mine but then. I shared it with the art form and stuff. when it comes to preparing for a movie. what are some pitfalls that uh people. can. avoid um it might be little things might.

just energ being focused having enough. time honestly the biggest Pitfall I mean. you'll never have enough time you'll. never have enough money I don't give a. [ __ ] what your budget is like whether. you have 3 million or 300 every. filmmaker every producer always has the. same complaint which is like not enough. time not enough money and even if you've. got more money you think that'll amarate. it it just winds up being the same. [ __ ] problem economy of scale so. don't worry about that [ __ ] this is what. you need to think about I think. primarily um be prepared in as much as.

like if you're starting for the first. time you've never done this [ __ ] before. obviously this is an advice for people. who do it for a living let's say you're. a first- timer rehears the [ __ ] out of. that [ __ ] like a month on Clerk's M rats. Chasing Amy we rehearsed for a month. before we went near a set that way your. take Ray show is going to be real low. now some people be like what does that. matter in the age of [ __ ] digital. video back when you were shooting film. yes it was EXP expensive to process film. time is money on a movie [ __ ] set so. if you can accomplish it in one take. [ __ ] move on like the story of my.

life and I've told it before publicly so. this might not be news to some but how. I've been able to keep doing what I've. been doing for 30 years of people are. like I hate him why does he keep [ __ ]. how come he still works this is why I. don't strive for excellence I a Chris. [ __ ] Nolan believe me every critic. will tell you that and [ __ ] Chris Nolan. strives for excellence I from the. beginning of my career from clerks. forward was never like let's make it. [ __ ] perfect if I was striving for. Perfection I don't think I've ever made. my first film yet I'd still be sitting. there Frozen what will it be like good. enough will take you very far good.

enough has taken me 30 years so on the. set of Clerks we'd be shooting I'd be. like cut um all right that's good enough. let's move on let's do something else. good enough has gotten me here has. gotten me all the way to this [ __ ]. chair good enough will get you as far as. you need to go now you know that's. probably not winner talk right like. [ __ ] if you w want to win an Oscar. you got to leave it on the table you. gotta [ __ ] like make people hurt. [ __ ] make those movies where like. Leonardo's fighting a [ __ ] bear and. [ __ ] and [ __ ] make people sit in the. snow to do it because everyone's got to. be miserable in order for this to read.

and [ __ ] like that I ain't that guy a't. that committed to it sh I just like to. make pretend maybe get a little money. for it and [ __ ] so I can't go in. authentically like that where it's like. oh [ __ ] everything it's going to be. Perfection at the cost of everybody and. there are directors who do that and I. respect them I guess a little bit I. wouldn't do that to my casting crew but. like those movies are [ __ ] successful. because they've got a vision and a drive. and the passion of a. filmmaker if I were ever try to make one. of those things it wouldn't happen.

number one I don't have the talent. number two I don't have that kind of. patience and [ __ ] number three I can't. do that to other people I want people. leaving my set going I had a good ass. [ __ ] time that's how I keep my. budgets low crew comes back and they'll. work for [ __ ] scale because they're. like look you don't pay a lot but. [ __ ] it's good time on a set you're. going to enjoy yourself you're going to. have [ __ ] happy memories and [ __ ]. like that good enough gets me to the set. you know if I've rehearsed enough before. we shoot and I'm on set one two takes. tops and I'm like good enough moving on. and that time all adds up that's [ __ ].

money so strive per for Perfection I. guess at some point in your career I. honestly never have and I've just been. doing it for 30 years and some people. out there I'm sure the letter box crowd. would be disgusted by that thought like. oh he doesn't even [ __ ] try clearly I. try I've been doing this for 30 [ __ ]. years well you show up don't try and. Beyond show up I deliver I just don't. [ __ ] make everyone's life miserable. to [ __ ] deliver something that's like. I've got a vision I got an idea where. we're going and [ __ ] let's all have a. good time doing it otherwise what was.

the [ __ ] point if people on a set are. miserable when you make pretend for a. living everybody has [ __ ] failed and. you shouldn't be doing this like it. should be fun it's making pretend for a. living I understand you know there are. some people like no man art is pain and. is good not really this is this isn't an. art form don't get me wrong but like. doesn't have to be [ __ ] painful it's. very cathartic and a lot of folks can't. do that [ __ ]. pivot like it's got to be this and I I. don't believe in that so I'm the guy. that's just like that's good enough move. let's move it on every one of my movies.

is good enough don't have to be great. and [ __ ] I saw somebody the other day on. Twitter was like it's got like one or. two really brilliant ideas in his movie. and the rest is just some [ __ ]. horeshit I'm like yeah I mean that's it. you don't have to keep watching him if. you don't like that kind of thing but. I'm lucky I got one or two good ideas in. the hor [ __ ] like especially 30 years. into my career oh it's fascinating man. cuz yeah if you're always aiming per for. perfection. then but a lot of times if you showing. up and delivering and good enough cuz. most people don't even go that far the.

fear of the LA of not being prepared for. Perfection prevents them sometimes from. taking the step or it's the the fear of. not being able to achieve Perfection I. just accept early on I like I'm never. going to be [ __ ] perfect and you're. never the dictator of this anyway and I. don't mean the dictator like a guy an. autocrat you don't get to dictate. whether or not that thing is what it is. that you say it is you make a thing with. one intention the audience going to tell. you what that [ __ ] thing is what it. means and [ __ ] like that this is a story. I tell an awful lot so if you've heard. this in another place I apologize.

but when I was making the 430 movie and. this ain't to bring it back to that like. it's it's relevant to this conversation. we I was shooting a scene with the three. boys they're in the car and they're just. like [ __ ] goofing off while they're. driving dancing while they drive playing. the Chaka cons I feel for you so they. were you know for direction I went over. to the vehicle and I was like um kids um. you know you're just goofing around and. dance whatever the [ __ ] do whatever you. want um just as long as you make it. iconic and I walked away and that [ __ ]. all their heads up I had no idea like.

Nick who plays Bernie in the movie was. like that's your [ __ ] Direction make. it iconic that's a little [ __ ]. pressure don't you think and I was like. well no I oh then I realized I have the. benefit of experience I've been doing. this for 30 years I was like what I mean. by that is that every decision that. you're making here in real time is like. dropping a stone in the water and. watching the ripple effect or the. butterfly effect like it's. crazy what people years from now will.

concentrate on about this weird little. moment in the movie that you're just. like what should we do and I'm like oh. just make it iconic I mean that because. people will be watching this scene. forever and it will hopefully connect. with them even if it's somebody who. wasn't alive in 1986 a current day. teenager who could see that [ __ ]. sense that Joy that's in the scene. so these things we do in the Moment Like. This Fair passes and it's just a [ __ ]. Kevin Smith movie but I promise you this. movie is somebody's going to be.

somebody's [ __ ] life preserver there. going to be their buoy that's going to. keep them [ __ ] drowning and I know. that because I've been doing it 30 years. and I was at the Dallas Fan Expo like. last year and a guy came up to me he was. like in his maybe early 30s late 20s. early 30s and he had a copy of M Rats on. VHS very well-worn copy and [ __ ] I was. like holy [ __ ] look at this [ __ ]. ancient piece of Americana how many. times you watch this he goes a lot he go. I said who am I sign it to he goes I. want you to make it out to my son gave. me a son's name I was like what's the.

story there you get a few minutes to. have this exchange and my man rocks my. [ __ ] world and he goes. um I'm going to give this to my son when. he's older he's gone this is the movie. that saved my life and I'm like thank. you and you hear that a lot I'm sure. you've heard that too we're people like. bro your show Saved My Life or blah blah. blah sometimes I'm driving you're the. difference between me going crazy and. not or I saw your standup special it. made me [ __ ] laugh and that [ __ ] I. needed that on that day cuz I was. circling the [ __ ] joint so in this. business we have experience with people.

that perhaps overly express it by saying. something like oh my God [ __ ] your. [ __ ] saved my life and stuff so I've. heard that sentiment and I know how to. receive it and I'm like oh my God thank. you that's so kind and he goes no I'm. serious he's going um my father used to. beat the [ __ ] out of me every day after. school I'd come home and he would. mercilessly relentlessly beat me to the. point of [ __ ] near dying wow he's. like and then I would crawl to my. bedroom bloody mess and I would close. the bedroom door and I'd put in Mall. Rats and I would escape to the mall with. TS and Brody and Jay and Sil Bob and.

he's going and that was my happy place. and that's how I survived Living With My. Father through this [ __ ] tape he goes. now I have a son and he's going and I. would never be the piece of [ __ ] that my. [ __ ] father was to me my whole life. and I want to give my kid this tape when. he's old enough so he understands he. could survive anything because his. father survived the absolute worst and. this was what he CL clung to wow and. natural I gave him a big hug and I was. like no dude you survive that [ __ ] like. [ __ ] this is just a movie that might. have helped but like when you share of.

yourself like that you go off and make. and you know don't matter what it is. when it comes to movies they have this. weird impact it doesn't matter what we. do when it comes to this show when it. comes to your live shows but. particularly when you make something. like a movie people cherish that kind of. thing because you're in and out there's. an engagement period 90 minutes to two. hours going to take you on a ride and. then bring you back and leave you where. you were so everyone knows what to. expect in that and over the course of. their lifetime they've turned to movies.

in times of. trial every year to feel good so you. create that and you become that for. somebody else so the movie you're. talking about Megan with Spade I. guarantee you one day somebody comes up. to you and tells you a story as [ __ ]. heartbreaking yet as wonderful as that. which is like something you didn't even. give that much thought to like if my man. came up he was like Dogma saved my life. I'd be like I understand it man like. [ __ ] I worked hard on that and that. movie is pretty [ __ ] profound on some. levels and [ __ ] yes it has a lot of butt. [ __ ] jokes but I like to balance it. out but when somebody tells you like M.

rats Sav their life you're like I wasn't. thinking of that when I made that movie. do you think 25-year-old Kevin Smith was. going uh this is GNA save somebody's. life hold on Jay uh get ready to [ __ ]. swing me across the [ __ ] mall and Sh. you know it's you don't think about that. so when I told the kids make it iconic. that's what it comes down to even the. things you're not thinking about that as. being important you think are dismissive. or or just oh it's just a moment in a. movie someone will find that as the buoy. that keeps them from [ __ ] drowning so.

every moment then is kind of important. but isn't that the lesson of life in. general every moment is kind of. important man like you know when I was. in The Nut House they say all sorts of. simplistic [ __ ] which is [ __ ] really. helpful you could put it on a towel and. stuff in a kitchen aphorism or whatever. [ __ ] and what they say every day is a. gift that's why it's called the present. and it's kind of true like it's. absolutely true like so often we're so. [ __ ] bored as a species that we don't. think about like you're only going to. get so many breaths you're only going to. get so many heartbeats and [ __ ] like. that and I always tell my wife after the.

heart attack I was like uh I'm living on. borrow time and she's like that's. [ __ ] maob and I was like no this I'm. painfully aware we're all living on Bar. B time I'm just [ __ ] well aware of it. act accordingly do you think like as a. Creator did you ever want to invent some. did you ever also think about inventing. something but you didn't do it cuz a lot. of times people who are creative think. about things like does is there ever not. an invention like [ __ ] floby or. something like but anyone that kind of. stood out in your head or something cuz. I thought like I've been trying to make. this movie moose Jaws for 10 years one.

day I'm going to get it's going to. happen I'm going to find the money for. it and eventually I'm going to get to. the place where I'm like you know what. I'll just put up my house I I ain't got. theovon money and [ __ ] but I got a nice. house where I could probably you can. live in that Celsius cooler if you want. I will I'll sell my house live there I'm. like honey get ready cuz who like I. always tell like who invented the. swimming pool or whatever like I always. think about who invented certain stuff. you know or like and then I think if I. would want to have an invention like I. thought of um oh I used to think there. was a dog collar or whatever that if a. cuz they had a lot of howling dogs by us. when I was a kid and so if it howled it.

would help the dog learn how to. howl um more melodically or whatever or. like a adorable um musically you know so. So eventually the how it's not just like. oh it's like oh there's somebody to howl. with because they always harmonize when. there's more than one the lonely dog. it's almost like having a pocket pal B. Biv dog b or dog b or something Mees. spaniel first draft for a name but I. like where you're going with it okay. good yeah but would it be beautiful if.

you're laying there and one of them hows. you like these [ __ ] but then. they're. like totally and they're all [ __ ]. singing in unison and [ __ ] so I thought. if you could do a group collar like for. a neighborhood or small region I thought. that that would be pretty cool and then. you and then [ __ ] they're the next. Nirvana three neighborhood dogs that. just got together and have these. harmonizing col people like he's singing. exactly I [ __ ] feel I don't know what. he's saying but that's how I feel that's. a beautiful thing about art you don't. even have to know the lyrics to a song. by dog Nirvana you just feel it when you.

play it it's why if I was a if I I wish. I was in a different art form if I was a. singer I can open up my mouth sing a. note and you'd know how I felt that' be. me my self-expression if I was a painter. I could take a blind canvas put some. color on it you'd know how I felt but. I'm a director I chose directing as an. art form as the dumbest art form because. that's where you say [ __ ] like I need to. self-express give me $20 million and Ben. Affleck stat it's it's not it's not the. it's it's not the best art form for a. guy like me I always felt like me and. film was like me trying like I took.

Spanish in high school four years of. Spanish but very minim poo Spanish so I. always think of me as a filmmaker as. like somebody who took four years of. high school Spanish you know got C's to. D's and then tries to go to Spain and. passes as a local oh I see your visual. visually speaking visual storytelling is. not my first language like this [ __ ] if. movies were this like just two dudes. sitting down and talking [ __ ] yeah you'd. be Jerry son oh [ __ ] Jerry Garcia man. I'd be making that Theo Von money and. [ __ ] on you've gotten uh yeah did you.

ever think of an invention I just think. creative people always wonder if they. think of inventions you know I don't I'm. not I guess you've struck the nerve I'm. not creative because I I would think of. an invention if I did but I never doubt. that I never to self involved my head's. up cre a lot of stuff yeah but just. about me and my world and [ __ ] very. myopic so no I've never thought like oo. this is invention would be good for. others I've never like done something. there's like got to be a better way. you've gotten to direct a lot of um you. got to direct George Carlin you've got. to direct Ben Affleck um anything that.

stands out to you about uh talented men. like that in general or talented actors. in general anything that they all have. in common or something that you notice. about people that are able to grab. people's attention it's a cool question. I like it um let me. see is there such a thing as like that. person's got it I do believe in than. that what the kids called today RZ RZ. yeah Aura Aura that's the new word thank. you I think anyway I'm not sure anytime. I get a new word i di my clock back a.

little bit or our kids um but let's just. go with the rids which was like I 10. minutes ago or whatever [ __ ] the ones. that got the r those are the ones you. know about like they work a lot because. they've got this like natural Charisma. where it's like camera loves them they. know how to be exactly in front of a. camera you somebody like Brad Pit born. to be in front of a camera you know and. one could argue like well over time he. learned how to be in front of a camera. sure maybe but like number one he's. attractive to look at in the movies we. like to look at Attractive people and. stuff uh number two he seems very. relaxed and natural so you never like.

he's acting it almost seems like he's. [ __ ] underacting A lot of times he's. just not phoning it in but he ain't. trying man you don't get the fat feeling. this thirsty [ __ ] is really. going for it just there and he eats all. the time in the movies he's always just. sitting there [ __ ] eating and [ __ ]. casual as [ __ ] so that dude's got like. dripping with Charisma that's why he's. goddamn movie star so all of them when. you reach that level like where you're. casting people who've been in other. things that are famous they're all. [ __ ] they all got the Riz they're all.

Jedi like at a certain point you start. working with complete Jedi across the. board it's just a you know a [ __ ]. matter of how Jedi are they how [ __ ]. powerful are they and stuff like. everyone could do it but like some. people are exceptional so Michael Parks. the guy that was in Red State for us in. Tusk he's the crazy old man in Red State. in Tusk he passed on rest in power um he. that dude was like brilliant the finest. actor I've ever met best actor I've ever. met in my life he he gives an eight.

minute hate speech in red state that. like I'm not going to say it almost. convinces you but like you forget that. it's an a vile [ __ ] speech that he's. giving because it's delivered so. incredibly well and through the southern. PTO that he chose and stuff it he that. guy has had it he's passed now um but. yes to the question absolutely I think. it's it's it's there's other words for. it people you always say they got it but. for lack of a better description it.

would be the Riz they got the Riz and. ready to go man like extra do you think. it's kind of gross how the media like. the media always takes pictures of Ben. AFF like looking sad you know or trying. to make him look sad that's only because. the Public's interested in it like if. they did it once and nobody clicked on. it they wouldn't take they wouldn't. [ __ ] run that story again but people. find it fascinating where they're like. why is that guy who must be so rich and. has it all why does he look like that. and you got struggles with addiction. right they know that that's happening so. like isn't it gross then at that point. to if you know somebody has like because.

alcohol do I think it's do I think it's. fair no but like he knew the job was. dangerous when he took it he's he's in a. high-profile public. position unfortunately that comes along. with it you can't just sign up for movie. star worldwide Global Fame and go like. yeah but nobody can take pictures of me. when I'm not in a good mood right like. that's part of the rule like if you go. out out in the world we live in a world. of cameras that's going to happen but it. only keeps happening because they did it. once and people clicked on it and found. it interesting and then start making.

memes about it so then people keep. feeding the Beast so I I you know do I. think it's. fair uh well let's break it let's break. it down like this I'll break it down. like like a. Catholic you know Ben's wife Ben's life. is pretty wonderful from the outside it. looks like and and even from the inside. knowing him it's pretty wonderful and. Ben's gotten to see a lot of his dreams. come true if the cost is every once in a. while somebody's like he looks [ __ ]. sad when he's drinking ducking Donuts.

yeah I mean at the end of the day you. got to let that [ __ ] go and now that's. easy for me to say as a guy who like. still finds himself dipping into the. comments going what are they saying. about me which is [ __ ] recipe for. disaster Ben is not that guy as far as I. know Ben has never had a social media. account I me he's had a social media. account but somebody else fed into it he. was not the guy posting so he ain't. looking for that [ __ ] he's not real. public and stuff but it comes along with. the job if you're going to be the guy. who you know you were one half of the. goodwall hunting boys that the whole. world fell in love with you you took.

your moms to the Oscars come on there's. nothing cuter about that they're. masshole kids and whatnot and you know a. lot of and the Patriots won so much and. the fervency that goes along with that. but then sometimes not [ __ ] him no yeah. sorry but yeah it just it's just comes. along with it so if you don't want that. anymore give up the other thing but. unfortunately it's just it's a byproduct. of the job that you've chosen like you. know if if if Ben was a teacher in.

Cambridge he could go out smoke a. cigarette drink Dunkin Donuts and look. like he's having an existential crisis. all he wants and nobody would give a. [ __ ] yeah true because he's been affle. people have this idea that like he. should be happier than that and it's. like come on man like people are like. think about like I live in a world of 3A. structure and I realize it has really. [ __ ] me up for my entire life 3A. structure is movies yeah and they always. have an ending that's generally on the. happy side but there's an ending and a. conclusion and when those credits roll. those characters don't have to [ __ ].

go back to work on Monday and just have. a normal ass [ __ ] day or then you see. them fail or you see that couple that. fell in love [ __ ] like fall apart and. [ __ ] like that you don't see that movies. are happy snapshots moments and stuff. like that so most people think like. somebody like affle is like oh my God. this guy's got a made he must be happy. every [ __ ] second of the day it's. possible oh I don't think I think he's. probably just a regular dude I just. think it's if like that there's websites. and [ __ ] if somebody is a has you know.

suffers from like alcoholism or. something they know that they're you. know that there's something kind of all. there's it's a condition that they would. then do that it just seems egregious to. me like I wouldn't do that to somebody. like oh this person's has a sickness let. me show them looking depressed or. something just seems neither would I. generally I don't engage in that sort of. thing but I just want to take a moment. to shout you out for this that's very. sweet of you Theo like that's that's. most people go in the other direction.

people love a train wreck right nobody. goes to the train station to see the. train come in [ __ ] on time unless. you're getting on the [ __ ] train that. ain't interest in but was it a train. wreck oh [ __ ] let go look at the [ __ ]. bodies as George Carlin would say so. it's nice to hear you go like I don't. like that like you got a line where. you're like this guy's got drinking. problems or he had drinking problems. this might make him drink again that's. human to think that way rest of the. world don't think that way rest of the. world looks at that guy and they go [ __ ]. him he's got it all yeah so now if the. [ __ ] Pats are winning [ __ ] him I know.

I know there are levels and [ __ ] like. that are you a sports guy I am a little. bit I got two more two more questions. did you I know you're did you I. apparently I have way more questions. like are you a sports guy did you go to. uh Stanley's funeral I did not go to. Stanley's funeral you think about it or. I don't know if you guys were even close. anything very close I went to Stanley's. final birthday party which was in. December uh the few months before he. passed away um or right before you know. or he was 95 and he almost made it to 96. so was his 95th birthday part I still. have pictures on my phone um when they.

buried him uh I would I didn't get. invited and I'm not saying like oh [ __ ]. them they didn't invite me but there was. no like hey you could come or anything. but we were [ __ ] close man like we. like in the last year of his life nobody. was close to him because the situation. people kept him away from people he was. kind of there was an elder abuse. situation going on yeah that party right. there December 28th 2017 happy birthday. um and then he died a few months after.

that so but the last year of his life it. was tough to be around him and I don't. mean tough to be around him because like. what an [ __ ] I mean you couldn't get. near him the people who were kind of in. charge of him kept everyone away I. couldn't text them anymore even call. them and [ __ ] like that so I didn't have. access uh toward the end it was a. sad ending for for Stan but I realized. like toward the end we did a. commercial an Audi commercial when uh. Age of Ultron was coming out and the. premise of the commercial was like the.

Stanley School of Cameo acting so he. would uh put on like Thor's helmet and. be like this is acting then he put on. like a random General hel and he's like. this is cameo acting because Stan did a. lot of cameos and [ __ ] so the whole spot. is that and then he gets in an Audi and. drives away and it's a class I'm in the. class Jason Muse is in the class Michael. rooker's in the class i' have seen it. yeah like years and years ago so we. shoot this spot and I was hanging out. with Stan all day and then uh we doing. the last shot where car goes past L fno. hitchhiking like at the end of The.

Incredible Hulk when the post office. once L rno awesome dude nice very nice. to me um so Stan's like body man. is business guy Financial guy um came to. set to like watch the end of the show. and he was hanging out by Monitor and we. were chitchatting and he was like oh I. love this stuff I love production he's. going St so happy. he always has a good time hanging out. with you and I was like oh I always like. being around Stan too it just seemed. like a nice thing to say and then the. guy like [ __ ] lethal has a heart.

attack he goes you know he thinks of you. like a son and I [ __ ] like I was like. what like really and then it occurred to. me that like I always thought he was. just being nice to me because we put him. in M rats like he was just being Stan. political which like hey everybody. everybody's [ __ ] Grandpa and [ __ ] but. he legit actually like like liked me as. a person and and um yeah when I see that. picture actually I thought of that for a. second kind of he taught me a lot hadit. a father son Vibe kind of he taught me. how to be me for a living he didn't sit.

me down and be like this is IBU but this. is a dude who like you know it was one. thing to be creative right like he. co-created most of the Marvel Universe. and and yes you know of course he worked. great artists like Steve ditco and um. Jack Kirby and whatnot but like the. imagination that went into it this was a. man who wanted to write the Great. American novel like I remember talking. to him interviewing at one point he was. like well I really wanted to write the. Great American novel and I was like Stan. you did like you just didn't do it as a. book you did it with the Marvel Universe.

it's it's our modern [ __ ] mythology. but he wasn't aiming for that true. something he did for money and backed. into and then later on the culture. shifted like into into his favor because. people like Comics but he was like. [ __ ] banging the symbols for Comics. since I was a kid I remember my father. like calling me out one morning I was. getting ready for school he goes get get. inside Spider-Man's dad is on TV and it. was on Good Morning America talking to. like the one of the earliest hosts of. before even Joan London on Good Morning.

America about comic books and here was a. grownass adult man on television talking. about something I was passionate about. something that I knew very well and. loved so I respected the dude right away. I knew his voice even before I saw him. and even before I heard his voice and. like Spider-Man's amazing friends in. every episode because he would write. that stance soap box and in it he was a. Sal he he was an artist don't get me. wrong and he Co co-created all those. characters but that don't mean [ __ ] you. can make a million books and characters. and [ __ ] if you don't know how to sell.

yourself or you sell your work nobody. going to hear about it and that guy you. know a lot of people like he took all. the credit himself I'm not here to. address that all I know is he pushed the. medium of comics so far he was out there. in the mainstream he would go to. colleges before anyone respected comic. books when colleges were like these. books you know 10 20 years after Stan. wrote these stories he would be invited. to come proze talk about the art form. the emerging art form one of the only. true American art forms is the [ __ ].

comic book the superhero comic book so. this was a man who was like out there. doing the work like building the [ __ ]. rails upon which billion dooll [ __ ]. steams move now I mean Deadpool doesn't. happen if that doesn't happen exactly. and he didn't create Deadpool nor did he. create Wolverine but he created the. playground in which those two characters. were created by other other creators in. the Marvel Universe comics and stuff so. yeah I I yeah I I miss him man I learned. a lot from him it's like you can't. expect other people to love your [ __ ].

unless you love it first you got to love. it the best that's what I was saying. like a long time ago you're the only. audience you can guarantee to satisfy so. if you keep your budget low real low and. it don't matter go for it and stuff but. just don't expect the whole world's. going to come modify your expectations. like my. wife so the 430 movie it's about. about 85 minutes long and it touches on. like young love kind of that first. moment oh it's dripping with [ __ ]. young love God you remember that you.

remember going to your first date movie. or not at that movie theater um. absolutely the whole movie is about that. first date with my high school. girlfriend like Kim lockran um who Kim. garby now she's married but um the uh. the the flick set at the movie theater. SM Castle Cinemas that I have with my. friends injured in Atlantic Highlands. you can go to it and go see movies there. we do events there all the time SM. castle cinemas.com look for events it's. in Red Bank in Atlantic Highlands New. not far from Red Bank but uh in that.

theater hanging up like uh behind the. ticket counter is a note that I wrote to. Kim Kim lockran wrote to me when we were. in high school and it said uh Kevin will. you take me to see dirty dancing at the. Atlantic Highlands Twin Cinema uh this. Thursday or whatever love Kim so it's. hanging up at the theater because like. the note was about that theater and I. grew up and bought that [ __ ] theater. with my friends and kept it alive and. stuff so the movie is aching with like. Star Cross First Love and and you know I.

remember i' talk about I'd read a review. for pretty and pink when I was a kid and. it was in the Asbury Park Press our. local paper and I could never figure out. who wrote it it wasn't the person who. reviewed films locally so it was a wire. service review but of pretty and pink. they said sometimes you just want to. enjoy a movie where the biggest Stakes. are whether or not the kids are going to. go to the prom and that's stayed with me. since that [ __ ] movie years and years. and 40 years ago so this movie is. incredibly low stakes it's just like are.

they going to go on the date or not yeah. but it's just aching with like that. [ __ ] like oh what it was like to be a. kid in those days before there was. social media before you were kind of. isolated on your cell phone phones play. a big part in the movie but it's like. emergency breakthroughs like and there. are cordless phones but it's like to. pull up the thing as you talk and a lot. of [ __ ] push button dialing and stuff. so it's of an era that like you know. that I grew up in that kind of shaped me. and most of the movies I've ever made. have been about like the 90s so to speak.

I love that this movie is more about the. 80s takes you back to like ' 86 so it is. it's really like whereas it's hard on. its [ __ ] sleeve and the kids in it. are amazing Austin Nick Reed Sienna like. a fantastic cast I when I finished the. script there was normally when I make a. movie I'm like script's the best thing. about it yeah and I always felt that way. because I'm like we can get a cool cast. but it's all predicated on the script. this is the first time I've read one of. my scripts and I was like well I hope. the cast is real good because there's. not real there's not a lot going on in. the script I said but if the cast is.

charming this movie will work and the. cast is crazy wonderful charming and so. if the movie works at all it's because. of them because of Ken xang because of. Justin long because of all the people. that are in. it September 13th you could see a. theater inter you and then digitally of. course it'll we'll share about it on on. my socials too man um I'll make sure. that that we remember that yeah I. remember being that agees praying that. my dick would be big you know we used to. do that all the time me and my buddy. Scott pray for that I was always okay. with the size and it wasn't big but I. was like I when did you realize you. didn't have a big like why were you.

praying for something you for all you. knew you had the big well I think like. 12 or 13 you started pray or some people. started praying about it like around did. you have a size comparison to look at. and be like my's not like that no but. you just knew people wanted to how did. you just know Theo people said like oh. you got a little people would say oh. what's why you believe him you had no. proof proof is in the pudding if you're. if you're not seeing it you're not being. it so all this time you've been worried. that you got not a big enough you could. have gone H home anytime you wanted all. you had to do was click your heels. together you have for all you know you.

got the biggest in the world you know. what your show whip it out let's find. out I'll take out mine and you're going. to feel like a champion you're going to. be like Oh I'm better than him in this. way too hey look you can hide 11 of my. time one Celsius can I'll tell you that. that's my dream to be thick as as. Celsius can and just as tasty oh now. we're talking yes Arctic blast very easy. to get blown if you taste it like AR BL. especially if your wiener had like one. of those pop things at the end like a. pop top if they could just pop it open. and also if when they were done they. were going to be like I'm going to feel.

energetic cuz it's going burn extra. calories like I'm ready for work that. would change your wife's behavior in the. morning I think truly would I could. maybe I could get like 8: a.m. 9:00 a.m. going on God I'm gonna pray about that. um so wait but y said something before. you don't right now you're not in a. relationship no when was the last year's. relationship you probably like four or. five years you know so I want to be in. one why you're uccessful son you're like. [ __ ] love you're like I'm married to my. job that's what happens so now the job's. in a great [ __ ] place now you're like. who will I who will I share all this.

with yeah now I got to find a wife I got. to get some I got to get a little bit of. help first find a wife I got to De find. a wife you don't need to find a wife you. just need to find somebody yeah you got. to marry him and [ __ ] like that you got. a lot to protect right now so don't. [ __ ] find a partner in crime yeah. just find somebody that when you're done. doing it when you're done being Theo and. you know you just go be Theo yeah and. just have some some kids that are your. own to play with and stuff God be. careful though when you have kids and. you want to hang out with them and you. do [ __ ] with them public gets shitty I.

put up that thing about beardless. stickless me on my Instagram and there. was some somebody was like ew stop. forcing your kid down my throat and it's. like I you don't have to [ __ ] listen. it's a free podcast not mandatory I'm. not saying this like taxes where it's. like you got to do this it's like if you. don't want to [ __ ] with it don't [ __ ]. with it it's always amazing to me when. like people get hostile and [ __ ] like. that there's one guy who was like this. is the weirdest reaction he goes I saw a. video where you crying on YouTube and. [ __ ] you went crazy and you said you. were to stop posting and now it's give.

me a dollar here give me a dollar here. and you're doing this podcast so I went. through everything he said I was like is. any of this true and I did do a YouTube. video but I wasn't crying in it and I. did say I was going to like not [ __ ]. with my socials as much which I didn't. for the better part of a year after I. got out of the [ __ ] nut house and. [ __ ] I stayed away from that [ __ ] so I. could try to figure out how I felt about. myself never mind how this random [ __ ]. feels about me and [ __ ] and then was. saying that like I asked for a dollar. here and there it's not true I was. advertising a free [ __ ] podcast and I. was about to respond and then I was like. you know you've been around so [ __ ].

long you know the game why are you even. [ __ ] wasting a second man so I just. deleted that [ __ ] moved on with my day. it's like they taught me in the nut. housee man like. there's two places that human beings. love to. exist and the two least healthy places. for human being to be the past and the. future the condition of the human being. is such that we spend so much of our. time thinking about what we've done and. what went wrong and what could have and.

should have happened and our regret and. we relitigate the past like we're expert. [ __ ] lawyers and barristers and [ __ ]. like that and so we're not here in the. moment we're in the past going like oh. remember I said that [ __ ] and why didn't. that person say hi that time and [ __ ]. man how come that dude's doing it I'm. not why are they ahead of me and [ __ ]. like that that's all [ __ ] stuff you. can't do anything about it pass happen. you can't rewrite that I can't change it. maybe if you're Tony Stark you can go. back and change it think and then. endgame happens but you cannot [ __ ]. change the past so stay out of the.

[ __ ] past because the past is. depression future is anxiety because. nobody controls that [ __ ] nobody knows. what's going to happen and you can't sit. there we we're you a lot of people you. meet and me like you should write a. story like aren creative like you. [ __ ] everybody in this audience is. way more creative than me it's fine a. writer than me if not better when it. comes to imagining a dire future for. themselves. we are all the most creative and. inventive [ __ ] individuals when we're. thinking about all the [ __ ] that could. go wrong we build. scenarios crazy scenarios about this. happens and this and this and this and.

we live in them they're so [ __ ] real. the body remembers there's a book called. The Body remembers which is about trauma. and how the body stores trauma. scientifically proven body remembers. trauma so then later on in life when you. think about the trauma guess what the. body remembers it and it revisits it. through the amydala [ __ ] like that so. when you've got PTSD that's why people. get the shakes or [ __ ] have to be. away from people and stuff that's real. the physically the body remembers. [ __ ] trauma and stuff like that so. the best way past all that.

[ __ ] I don't know I'm still trying to. figure that out but stay out of the past. godamn it and stay out of the future. because you can't do anything about it. all that [ __ ] like think about this. all that like oh my God this is going to. happen and this happens and everything. [ __ ] goes wrong and I lose again and. [ __ ] oh yeah it's nightmare you it's. it's not true though it's all fiction. that you're just making up if you're. going to make some future [ __ ] up. because that's what it is you don't know. what's going to happen flip the script. and just [ __ ] make up all happy. [ __ ] goofy ass unbelievable sh good. [ __ ] for yourself might as dude it has.

as much likelihood as [ __ ] happening. that's the truth it ain't even [ __ ]. fantasy it's like you're already not not. you but the collective you you're. already living in fantasy if you're like. no only bad [ __ ] happens you're already. [ __ ] weaving a fantastic [ __ ] tail. that is untrue and it's based on no. facts whatsoever so if you can do that. just [ __ ] change it to like you know. what Marvel calls me all of a sudden I'm. directing the next [ __ ] Avengers. movie yeah it has just as much a chance. of happening as the negative [ __ ] so. if we can't live in the past or. shouldn't live in the past and it's.

unhealthy and we shouldn't live in the. Future Past depression the future. anxiety there's only one place to be we. have no choice be here in the present. but so often we're not in the [ __ ]. present man nobody wants to be in this. moment they want to be there everyone's. headed to a place and then everyone's. obsessing about where we've been kids. this is what they taught me in the nut. housee I'm going to save you a lot of. [ __ ] money and time and [ __ ] like. that be here and now be mindful breathe. the easiest way to do that if your. head's going crazy and you're in the. [ __ ] future and [ __ ] and you're. worrying about some bad [ __ ] if.

you're in the past worrying about some. old [ __ ] [ __ ] that happened what you. need to do is just this crazy as [ __ ]. free as [ __ ] breathe you. go just breathe in and out five times. deep breaths and you know what it does. it grounds you do you know why because. you cannot breathe in the past and you. cannot breathe in the future future you. can only breathe in the here and now so. by breathing you bring yourself back to. the moment you pull yourself out of that. fake future that you're fretting about. you pull yourself out of that horrendous. past that you're still traumatized by.

and you're here now and you could sit. there and go like well wait is anything. wrong no my body is reacting to some. [ __ ] I was thinking about because the. body stores trauma and I just did this. to myself I created this condition you. could pull yourself out of that I'm not. saying this is a cure for everything. some people go through real [ __ ] but. when you're in your head oh yeah yeah. that ain't real [ __ ] and you may have. gone through real [ __ ] in your life but. when you're in your head fretting about. it you are making up a [ __ ] fiction. you don't yeah CU you even recognize it.

and you work yourself up the body. [ __ ] dude you could I had a [ __ ]. heart attack and you I had heart attack. cuz I had [ __ ] packed you know lad. full of cholesterol and [ __ ] like that. people could put themselves in they say. stress is the number one killer get you. that hard K and stress is created by. sitting around going like oh [ __ ]. what if it don't work out man it didn't. never work out cuz it never worked out. in the past remember that [ __ ] time. you tried that thing and it didn't work. you're [ __ ] [ __ ] you got to put. that [ __ ] away flip the script and be. like I'm in the here and now if you. can't do that and you got to be in the. future just make up a better future it.

has just as much a likelihood is coming. true as the fake [ __ ] that you're. fretting about ruining your life at. least be an author for your the best for. yourself make you're going make it up. make up good [ __ ] Kevin Smith 4:30 movie. comes out September 13th and um and my. podcast with my kid and the smast. network beardless no it's a. iHeart Network beardless [ __ ] me I I. took all my [ __ ] behind a pay wall years. ago all my podcast and [ __ ] so this is. the first one I'm going out in the world. and seeing like what would it be like if. I had infrastructure and Folks at iHeart.

were like do it here so I was like all. right so beardless [ __ ] me funny. it's funny I just sit around and try to. make her [ __ ] laugh I know some. people like e [ __ ] you and you're happy. kid no I think it's that's sweet it is. it is kind um thank you man thanks for. all the entertainment thanks for all the. um being your trying your best to be. yourself through your medium and um yeah. so many people have enjoyed so much your. work over the years like I'm not one of. them but I appreciate the fact that that. it exists we've all enjoyed your work. over the years dude you're going to be. in that Bob movie and um like serious oh.

selling the weed I didn't say that don't. start writing the par like that I I'll. take care of that no but you got to play. Jay's brother I'm telling you Jay's Vibe. is so similar I guarantee you in the. comments kids in his comments be like oh. my God [ __ ] you and J like sometimes. you ever watch a movie or TV show and. they do like a familial pairing like a. mother and you're like that [ __ ] is. [ __ ] 100% on I put you next to Jay in. a movie and you both talk 100% wow. you're Jay's long lost brother who just. was raised in the South and [ __ ] or your.

twang is from South Jersey yeah I did. that joke in the movie I'll do it again. A lot of times people in Louisiana gets. people accuse him from being from New. Jersey um thank you so much Kevin thank. you for having man thank you for letting. me talk as much as I did apologies to. anybody who tuned in to listen to Theo. talk CU I feel like I did most of the. talking dude you know what's so funny is. a blessing I was kind of tired today I'm. grateful that you spoke are you serious. yeah [ __ ] it that mean honestly that's. 100% meaningful to me number one that's. [ __ ] crazy real and number two I know. what that means as a person who's done. this a bunch and [ __ ] it's just like.

he's coming in all right like I like him. and he made clerks all right but I ain't. feeling up to it today so the fact that. I was on motor mouth and you were like. this works for me 100% anytime you don't. feel like working you want me I'll sit. here and talk the whole time and you can. [ __ ] sit there and be present in the. moment and breathe um and sorry the AC. wasn't working the coldest thing in here. it wasn't the the coldest thing in here. is that Celsius cooler are you kidding. me we had it open earlier that's the. coldest and the coolest thing [ __ ] in. here actually you're the coolest thing. in here [ __ ] Celsius cooler second.

coolest thing well you're cool too man. thanks I did that I said it just so you. would say that back on Kevin Smith pull. that [ __ ] putting on my Instagram Theo. Von said I was cool thanks. brother and I feel I'm falling like. these leaves I must be Cornerstone. oh but when I reach that ground I'll. share this piece of mind I found I can. feel it in my.

bones but it's going to take.