Kat Von D | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #474

I've got some new tour dates to announce. uh excited to say we will be going to. the. Australia and that is going to be. Ackland New. Zealand and that's February 23rd Gold. Coast in the Australia on February 29. Brisbane in the Australia March 2nd. Melbourne on March 5th and Sydney in. March 8th both of those in the Australia.

pre-sale starts Thursday December 14th. at 10:00 a.m. local time over there with. code Rat King General on sale begins. Friday December 15 at 10:00 a.m. local. time we also have tickets remaining for. Charlottesville VA Raleigh North. Carolina Columbia South Carolina State. College PA Syracuse n y and Amherst and. we will also be looking to add some. shows over there in uh um and you know.

where the. Australia um all tickets are available. at theovon. docomo also if the tickets get. overpriced just wait don't go don't. waste your money on these uh secondary. sites we will um we'll add a date or. we'll come back and uh just just. thankful grateful to get to uh bring the. show and and have people see it man I. can't even believe it and um thank you.

guys for being a part of this journey. with me praise God baby gang today's. guest is a an artist uh she's a tattoo. artist she is a um musician and she's. a uniquity a unique person in the world. uh she's a Christian and she's just had. quite a journey in life as we all have. uh we're grateful to sit down with her. today um today's guest is my friend Miss.

cat. [Music]. Von I'll sit and tell you my. stories. sh know. me and I will find a song I will sing it. [Applause].

go to the grocery. store those are the go you want to pull. the mic up are you okay with that yeah. whatever that's okay you're going to the. grocery store in those no I don't go to. the grocery store ik yeah I can't even I. mean maybe like on Neptune or something. I feel like I don't know how I wonder if. they would even if I were at the grocer. I don't know if I would let you in I. think it almost look like you're. shopping uh we don't have to wear. glasses by the way I no we can take them. off I just I know that you yeah you.

walked in with these and I was like wow. yeah I feel like that was virtual. reality before they had kind of virtual. reality I guess well yeah cuz the like. glasses like if you have dark glasses I. feel like then yeah the reality was kind. of virtual because it almost seems like. when you have glasses on like that the. world is a little bit separate from you. yeah I mean when I walk around with. these I I can like stare at people and. they don't really I don't feel bad about. it cuz I can't see it I don't know yeah. cuz they're skiing by you probably I. would assume that's proba.

why um no but you always look so stylish. and so that's why I wore this nice. jacket it's nice yeah thank you um but. yeah we can take them off if that's okay. with you yeah sure yeah and they look. really neat. thanks. um yeah thanks for coming in thanks for. having me yeah it's a pleasure it's. really really cool um I've known about. you for a long time sorry if I seem a. little bit rattled I end up watching a. movie real late yesterday oh yeah yeah I. was watching uh well it's holiday time. you know so I was watching um family man.

that's my favorite Christmas movie okay. have you seen it no really no my my. son's on a Home Alone kick right now so. yeah he really loves Harry and Marv like. yeah like to hear his little voice say. like I love Marv I'm just like this is. the cutest thing ever yeah I mean in. also shows he might be lightly be. considering crime I think because Marv. they're the wet Bandits right yeah yeah. I think yeah I think it's the Tom and. Jerry situation where he like laughs at.

somebody falling you know oh yeah yeah. yeah I was watching that sequence the. other day and it was it's so funny when. he sets the little race cars and then I. just love how they they don't get. deterred though they keep trying to get. into the house and do the dumbest stuff. yeah I wonder if people like Harry or. Marv more huh I don't I don't know I. don't have Harry was The Lovable one. yeah that's Daniel Stern right there he. was kind of the I'm a huge jesi fan so. you are yeah I think like my cousin. Vinnie is one of my favorite yeah my.

cousin Vinnie it feels like is My Life. currently oh really yeah because my. husband and I I mean my husband doesn't. look like Joe peshi but he dresses like. him in that movie like with the cowboy. boots and like the black leather oh yeah. like an Uber driver in Tulsa kind of I. don't know but we we ended up um oh. there's your husband and kid right there. yeah a they're so handsome thanks but we. ended up moving to Indiana in the middle. of nowhere and it just uh it's kind of. like weirdly Fish Out of Water but not. really like we really I really do feel. like we belong there yeah but yeah so I.

always think about um my cousin Vinnie. scen scenario yeah cuz he was kind of in. a rural area wasn't he yeah yeah yeah. yeah that movie was good yeah I like. family man do you have a favorite. Christmas. movie I don't think so uh I mean like. Nightmare Before Christmas I guess it's. kind of the. token goth Christmas movie I don't know. is true yeah yeah I think after uh. what's that movie that that what was. that what's the thing that all the goth. people do in town I to go to it.

sometimes Rocky Horror Picture Show oh. yeah yeah uhhuh or is that a goth thing. or is that not no I think it's like a. theater kid thing I don't know that's. what it is yeah yeah sometimes like the. goth kids would always get get kind of. grouped in with that like I remember. people would drive by them sometimes and. be like yeah have fun at Rocky Horror. Picture Show and they be like what so. maybe that's no one's yelled that at me. before. but um yeah did you see mcau culen was. just on the news yesterday got a star he. got a star yeah I don't know why that.

made me so happy like yeah I don't know. why it took that long I guess he's like. the most like iconic child actor right I. mean if you think about it oh yeah I. think so yeah you know I try not to. think about children much that you know. CU if I don't just for you know checks. and balances and all but yeah I love. Yeah he was the best it was interesting. kind of listening did you see a speech. that he made no but I saw Katherine. nohara was there and I love that that. support I think it's so cool yeah it was. really sweet yeah I wonder I think of.

that a lot about like childhood actors. like how can you play it real quick if. you can find it on Twitter it was kind. of interesting just because of growing. up in Los it seems really scary place or. the entertainment industry seems like a. really uncomfortable place to grow up in. um but yeah thanks for coming in um Kat. Von D really nice to see you today yeah. and so I just so for some of my viewers. that don't.

right so I know that you uh artist and a. tattoo artist and an. entrepreneur and um you started or. people would know you a lot from uh La. Inc and from a lot of your tattoo work. yeah and uh and that whole universe. right totally is that fair to say sure. yeah I think a lot of people know me. from the tattoo world and the tattoo TV. shows that I used to be on and stuff and. then I've done a lot of things along the. way and yeah nice and so so now you've.

moved out of Los Angeles right recently. yeah yeah how long ago did you move out. well I bought a house about two two or. three years ago um in in the middle of. nowhere in Indiana um and it was really. about the house I mean was about a lot. of things there's a lot of reasons. behind making such an extreme move but I. I love restoring old Victorian houses. and um in La I used to have a house that. was built in 1890 and this one was built. in 1874 so it's a Second Empire empire. style Victorian home and uh it was.

operating as a bed and breakfast for for. I think a few decades and um my husband. and I when all like the lockdown stuff. started happening in California we just. saw a lot a different facet to to to. where we called home and we just didn't. feel connected anymore we didn't really. want to be there anymore and uh and so. we uh looked up rural rural towns and. different states and I feel like um no.

one knows where this town is even my. friends in Indiana have like never heard. of it and so that was a really good sign. we're like let's let's let's find a. place where we can be kind of left alone. and we went there and we loved it and um. people say it's haunted but I haven't. experienced that um yeah well it's. haunted by you now it sounds like. because if it wasn't haunted I feel like. it kind of like now it's got its chance. you know because but also 1874 that is. so crazy especially in Indiana Indiana I.

think had a lot of like I don't know if. they had like slave stuff up there. actually like um so our house was built. by Benjamin Franklin shank and he was uh. the hay maker of the town so his family. um made hay and they also owned a lot of. the steamboats and um it's called. Switzerland County because a lot of the. original settlers were from Switzerland. and what's really cool about um the the. shank family is that there's actually. underground tunnels that connected. through underneath our house so they.

were pretty big advocates for helping. out yeah oh wow Prett cool so the. Underground Railroad stopped there yeah. that's cool yeah wow yeah I think I. could see you being in a place that the. Underground Railroad had stopped through. and kind of Hogwarts probably pass. through like definitely a thorough you. know love getting pigeon hold right now. sorry sorry I love it I love it it's. good the only way I know how to like. accept things in the world as to Pigeon. I think um so was it tough choosing cuz.

that sounds like almost so much fun like. once you guys made that decision was it. hard to make that decision to leave Los. Angeles or no yeah we yeah it was almost. overnight too we were just like we got. to get out of here and um and you know. we have a son too and I think like a. little bit of what you were talking. about before um just there's pros and. cons to everywhere you live you know I. think like La has some really beautiful. things about it I love my friends I love. the I think La has the best food um in. this country to be honest but um it's. just my own opinion yeah um and you know.

I like the pretty things I think there's. like nice like where I'm at there's no. sidewalks like we just have like a lot. of dirt roads and so um we don't there's. no Billboards there's no um Uber nothing. no delivery services we have like one. stoplight and a gas station and it's I. don't know I I prefer the the ladder you. know yeah um but I go to La a lot. because we still have like I make music. my husband is a musician as well so we.

fly back out a lot all of our producer. friends and stuff are there oh nice yeah. yeah I uh I when you say of how it was. interesting like once you made the. choice kind of that was kind of the same. for me like I've been living in Los. Angeles for maybe 16 years I think and. so I still have my apartment there right. just because it's cheaper than going and. even getting a hotel for when I do go. back um I know I when I go out there now. I stay with with Charro she's my best. friend and she um she's nice enough to.

give us like a little room in the back. of of her house and yeah it's it's I I. look forward to it I feel like um being. able to see my friends and stuff but uh. but I also look forward to kind of. escaping and just um you know having. like a safe haven yeah yeah yeah that's. exactly how I felt and once I made the. the decision there was actually a uh a. friend that said you should move to. Nashville and I was like I that's so. weird and I talked to a friend of mine. about an old friend of mine and he's. like dude you used to talk about that.

when we to Nashville yeah he's like when. we lived together you used to talk about. that all the time I was like really. uhhuh I don't remember it but I was like. yeah and so then I came here and before. I knew it I had moved and I was like oh. my gosh I always thought it was so scary. to be able to leave Los Angeles for some. reason yeah you know there it's like. there's something you're letting go of. or giving up on kind of but it's only. been kind of like a gift I think you. know yeah are do you mean because of. like the entertainment industry or.

something or I think you know that maybe. that's it I think you know I don't know. I don't know there's nothing really I I. I kind of decided there's nothing really. that I want out of Hollywood really. which I think is why I I'm I'm grateful. that there is a thing called that that. you can do do podcasting you can do your. own stuff and you can do standup comedy. where you don't really have to have a a. Hollywood involved really you know these. days um so what did you ask me I'm sorry. cat I don't I don't know I don't think I. asked you anything oh.

damn that's where I live right there A. lot of times like people like see like. be talking people were like dude who are. you talking to did you ask me something. like no dude they're like I'm just I. don't even know you and I'm like all. right then I'm just going to go get my. car and leave then um but I think but no. it was interesting oh just moving and. making that choice and suddenly being. somewhere yeah did you guys look at cuz. you seem like a real you know like you. seem like you go to some Realms on. Zillow that the rest of us aren't.

allowed into. true like I feel like you probably have. gotten some password well it's funny. because I do I like my real estate lady. in La like would always laugh because. I'm just like hey just let me know if. anything interesting or obscure comes up. and it would be like just some of the. weirdest uh like I I know all the. castles in La there's not that many but. um and I used to live in one but um yeah. just interesting we yeah you're right. there are oh yeah I think definitely if.

there's a you know anything that's had a. missing person in it or just like a you. know they a found femur maybe I mean one. time I saw like the unibomber had his. little Shack in was it Oklahoma right. yeah he had Oklahoma City that was that. was for sale and I was like who who. would it was in the middle of the forest. like I saw that one for sale once you're. like who would buy that and then you. like send it to your husband you're like. what do you think babe like I don't know. I mean but yeah people some stuff is. collector's items it's you know but it's.

interesting because like I like I always. say like you know your idea of a good. time is my idea of a nightmare you know. and vice versa and and I feel like you. look at these these houses that um to me. I I love the historical aspect and. preserving things of the past I like the. human fingerprint of um of Art in. general like I you know I have friends. that are into like the complete opposite. they love the modern stuff or you know. or even 1950s or Art Deco some of that. stuff. it's cool but to me I feel like I just I.

want every corner to feel like somebody. dedicated their lifetime to it you know. wow and so I appreciate that a lot and. um and I like conserving that and um and. restoring it so but then some people. would look at it and be like let's tear. it down and just you know yeah I think. that happens a lot yeah you seem like. somebody that would have like crown. molding in the top of their mouth. probably. yeah you know like you seem definitely. like you just are really ornate I don't. know if ornate is the word yeah ornate a.

wonderful word orate yeah and yeah I'm. not trying to judge you but I'm just. judging you out loud and. clearly that's funny I never thought. about that yeah I always like to pige I. put people in like little spaces that. makes it feel man I don't know if it. makes it feel manageable I never thought. about that before I like it I mean it's. to me it it makes life a lot simple more. simple because I don't know like I've. only wear black I know it's just it's a. choice I just like it and I remember the. day that it happened mhm like I had.

these beautiful dresses that I had. accumulated over the years that I just. they were really colorful and I was like. I'm just never going to wear them why. like why am I kidding myself and I just. gave everything away and just kept I. simplified everything and now just I. just wear black and it's I I pigeon hold. myself into this. uh gothy corner I guess yeah but that's. that's I like to wear black when I do. standup comedy because I don't like to. make a lot of choices like even this. today for me was making it took this.

took a long time to figure out and and. um yeah and I just don't I don't know I. don't like making a lot of choices um. but yeah did you did you guys look at. some other places when you were looking. for your home um cuz 187 I mean that's. an old place yeah it is uh we we were. looking at different states and um and I. think I think Indiana was appealing to. me because I saw like the mass Exodus of. California happening and everybody was. moving to Texas and M and um I don't.

know what the other places were that. they were I think those those two were. kind of or some Nevada I guess yeah and. I I just wanted to get away from as much. as I could from the California mentality. in general so I was like Indiana seems. safe like no one's going. there but yeah wow that's and and I like. like our little town is it's cool. because it's right on the Ohio River and. so the house is along the River are like. the prettiest you know cuz they're I.

don't know I guess yeah cuz you got to. have money to live by of water usually. and then it's like then we have like our. little Main Street and it's just like. our our downtown or whatever is. literally one block long and then in. between that and where my house is on on. the hill it's kind of. like houses that could use a lot of love. you know and I just felt. like it no one's going to move here you. know like if they like okay so you're. from in California you know like Silver.

Lake and Echo Park I was around when. that was just super ghetto like you know. nobody in the right mind would move. there it's like it was actually quite. dangerous in some areas and now it's. like good luck finding a a tiny place. for less than $ 1.2 million you know and. so I feel like I've bought myself a lot. of time finding a place that's not going. to get changed yeah like I don't want. you know yeah yeah you don't want uh. yeah you wanted to get as far away from. that as possible interesting yeah what.

were some scary parts about moving into. a house that old like what are things. that people do not think about I guess. um cuz that's old bro that's like that's. only I mean that's that's pretty old I. mean 1874 that you can't even really get. much older I don't think that would. before that I feel like not in America I. feel like there are some houses. from the late 1700s I guess but I don't. know when did people start using wood to. build houses. because at some point we evolve probably.

from it's the regional thing really. because you know like on the East Coast. you don't have earthquakes so you can. have a lot more bricks oh it's true huh. yeah so what's the most popular piece of. uh house building. material well it's expensive now just. because of inflation and everything oh. yeah these days dang you got to oh it is. thought the first wooden structure was. built over 10,000 years ago Europe. Neolithic long housee constructed in.

around 5,000 to 6,000 VC and is an. example of the earliest freestanding. Timber dwellings huh so wow 5,000 6,000. BC so that's like almost 8,000 years ago. yeah wow but I guess it makes sense dud. if you're standing around and you're. cold or something yeah and they got a. lot of sticks around if you don't do. something you're an. idiot I think no offense to whoever that. guy is you know but you got to like you. got to figure it out dude you know.

there's only so long you can just go. like this you know before you try to. change the game you know um and the most. common Building Material in the world is. concrete wow is the most widely used uh. is the most widely used building. material in the world making it a good. starting material to get to know H um. what did you guys have to do to the home. when you got there uh we're we're. actually still renovating it right now. so so actually we we don't live in it. yet because it's um there's just so much. work work having to redo a house like.

that um so we live actually at our. Church's parsonage so um the pastor from. our church lives in Louisville and so he. him and his wife will they drive up. every Sunday so they were like hey you. know there's just no place to rent out. there like there's literally no like. people people live there forever and. then they pass it down or sell or. whatever so um when we first moved out. here we're like man where are we going. to live and then they were just so nice. enough to let us stay there oh that's. nice of them yeah yes so you're in a.

place where there's like not even really. a real estate market yeah if you say. there's no Ubers like yeah yeah I was in. a town recently and I couldn't get an. Uber at night it was like it was like. what is kind of a busy but it was like I. guess everywhere doesn't really have it. yeah no no not not where we're at yeah. yeah um would have been some neat things. about being out there like in just. that um well I homeschooled my son and. so it's I like that um Indiana has um. they're very supportive like the state. of Indiana is very supportive to. homeschool families and stuff so that.

was a very big selling point for us and. why is it hard to do is there like a lot. of Regulation with it some some states. in different places have different yeah. so I'm to me I'm like the less. government the better so I was like you. know that's that's a one of the perks of. the state of Indiana and so um so yeah. like I my my son just turned five um. last week so we're you know getting it. ready to start like uh first grade yeah. what I know it's so cool wow and so do. you like have to redesign the room like.

the learning room or whatever each year. to make the grade seem different or um I. don't I mean right now he's like we're. not doing crazy curriculum because he's. just turned five so um but once we get. into the house I do plan on having like. a little schoolroom area but that's the. cool thing about homeschooling is that. you can teach anywhere really um I feel. like the idea of putting your kid in a. you know like a like a school or a. classroom setting it's I think that's.

kind of people are tending to steer away. from that in a lot of places so yeah. well it feel some of it starts to feel. dangerous too it seems like there's a. lot of violence schol in schools it. seems really like but I don't know maybe. that's just like the algorithm like for. some reason sends me those videos. sometimes but it seems like there's like. a lot of violence in schools but I don't. know that's one of the reasons why I. chose to live in Tennessee it's very. safe or in Nashville it's very safe here. yeah it's super safe yeah and.

um yeah but I don't go to school anymore. so I don't know what it's like really. same I didn't go to I didn't go to. school you didn't I I started tattooing. when I was 14 years old and then I I. remember the first time I ever did a. tattoo I'm like this is what I want to. do like I I already I just knew it in my. heart and so I was like why would. I spend so much time in school when I. don't need to you know yeah I not that I. would condone people dropping out or. anything like that but it worked for me. and I oh people will do it without you. condone a lot of people are just don't.

like it or they're yeah not even smart. and they don't like it um do you your. family started in your family cuz you. were you're from another country your. family's from another country yeah so my. family's from South America from. Argentina and I was born in Mexico and. then I moved here in the 80s what were. they doing there my dad was a missionary. for the church so they were he's like. long line of um like missionary doctors. and so he was building um hospitals in. like little bitos that didn't have any.

hospitals and um and then my my me and. my siblings were born there so it was it. was pretty cool upbringing I loved it. yeah um we we came from nothing like. literally nothing really yeah we had. like dirt floors and no running water. and it was like truly third world with. wow it's cool and you're from ncwa my. father's my father's from there my. father my my father's my grandfather I. guess was a missionary oh really yeah. and they were down in in uh Nicaragua. and that's where my dad D was born cuz. that's where my grandfather I guess met.

his wife or something and then that's. where my dad was born at um and so he. grew up there he used to tell me stories. about kids in his village that would. that would eat dirt actually and they. didn't have anything to eat and they. would eat dirt and their stomachs would. get like all distended and stuff like he. would tell me some kind of crazy stories. but um but yeah that's interesting yeah. there that that they were missionaries. down there as well and then so then your. family moved up to America yeah yeah we. came up through Texas and then moved to.

a little town in Southern California. called Linda you say came up through. what are we talking about I almost say. driving okay we just drove through I. okay I I was still I didn't have my. papers yet cuz I was like underage okay. I was going to say if the d stands for. deportation no I wasn't through like I. wasn't in the trunk or anything like. that okay cool it would have been so you. to be in the trunk though I feel like. like just like in some mysterious. compartment I look like this. now you're like this is the closest.

thing I can find of a. coffin hey this coffin's got a tire in. it that's funny yeah ho ho ho boys and. girls get ready to. Jingle and protect your holiday balls. with help from our. friends over at manscape they help your. balls baby they do it they can do it the. leaders in below the waist grooming have. just launched their performance. package 5.0 Ultra but I like to call it.

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Theo that's TR r y Fu. m.com slth EO and getting the journey. pack today fume is giving listeners of. the show 10% off when they use code Theo. to help make starting the good habit. that much easier were your parents what. were your parents like did you guys have. a fun family growing up what was it like. yeah I mean. it was pretty modest upbringings you.

know um went to church a bunch we didn't. have a lot of money but my dad and mom. they had a a piano and so all of us were. trained like classically trained in. piano since I was five and so I've. always loved music music has always been. like my biggest passion I like I like. classical music because that's what I. was kind of brought up on but um but now. I make like more electronic like synth. wave 80s style music oh sweet yeah um. but childhood was good I have siblings. who I don't talk to anymore they. actually live in this state here really.

you don't talk to them uh-uh no way no. interest in it really yeah wow wish them. well though but yeah yeah I have one. that we barely kind we don't really yeah. talk much anymore it's weird kind of huh. yeah it's strange yeah family's funny. you know but yeah it's I think it's. interesting because it feels like a lot. of. responsibility but it also feels like. the only people that maybe will have a. lot of the same in like that shared some. common information I guess and shared.

like some common experiences I don't. know I think it's interesting to I think. a family is something you really have to. build and has to be put together pretty. well by the by the parents a lot of. times yeah I mean I can watch a movie. and I see like people who are close to. their moms or their siblings and and I. can understand it but I can't really. relate as much and I I probably will. sound a little bit cold but I just feel. that there's you you feel a sense of. obligation because you're related to. somebody by Blood but I think it's kind. kind of the opposite where like or what. you said where you have to work at it if.

you really want it to you know be a a. good relationship like any relationship. you know yeah but like I look at my. husband's family and like they're just. so cool and so warm and wel welcoming. and just like like I'm like oh I didn't. have I don't I don't have that that's. okay you know was it just uh yeah cuz I. think about family stuff a lot you know. I think about that kind of stuff and. like how does it affect you as you get. older and stuff um I'm really close with. my dad and I'm trying to talk him into. moving out with us so really yeah that. would be my dream is if if my dad could.

like live on the same land with us does. he have a cool Spanish name or. uh uh or like like his real name Central. American name or no his name's Renee Oh. Renee it's like a painter huh Renee. Carlos yeah oh yeah he's in dude yeah oh. I'll buy look I'll buy a 28 by 12 from. him know it's a unique shape for art but. I'll take it you have Renee Carlos too. yeah oh for sure that's beautiful yeah. yeah I think if you're Spanish you can.

have kind of a little bit of a woman's. name and they let you slide more yeah I. like I feel like there's probably a lot. of Italian renees right yeah for sure. yeah yeah they definitely get away with. being a little bit more of a woman in. the name you know my dad's like the. opposite of that he looks like a 1950s. like boxer oh he does yeah dude yeah cuz. if I was like yeah this is my buddy. Sarah right here a lot of dudes wouldn't. people wouldn't be as as accepting I. don't think in America yeah. um so your life now so you moved out to.

Indiana you lived there oh one neat. thing I saw on your Instagram was you. have this pretty crazy Tulip Garden did. you grow it yet so yeah so I got um. there's like this plot of land right in. front of my house so people know where I. live like once once like they found out. that I bought the property was in the. news and stuff and so and also like the. shank Mansion is kind of like famous on. its own because of like all the supposed. haunting I I haven't seen anything you. know but why do you squinch no I'm just. think of what it's going to be like when. the ghosts show up over there I just you.

know I've never seen a ghost and I'm not. saying that I have tons of friends that. are have like solid you know like. they're stable people and they have seen. things and experienced things I just. personally haven't so it's hard for me. to you know I don't know you don't. believe in ghosts you think well I don't. know if I necessarily don't believe in. it I think like I just haven't. experienced anything and also I've lived. in old houses so like they make noises. all the time and I think that a lot of. people want to like experience it so. they like that's why they have like. Haunted Tours and things like that but I.

don't know I just feel like I haven't. seen it but yeah people want there to be. somebody else like I think some people. are lonely too and so they want a ghost. to be around like there was this. like these two guys that like when I. bought the house cuz I Googled the house. to see if there's anything that came up. and on YouTube there was like a like a. house tour that these guys did they like. rented out the bed and breakfast but I. don't know if they told them they were. they were going to film and they were. just like kind of dressed I don't want. to say goth but like just older.

gentlemen and um they were just like. really wanting to catch some Paranormal. Activity and it's so bad like there was. it was like dust in the air and they're. like did you see the orb you know and. it's like there's no there's nothing. there you know but uh but I I don't know. I haven't I haven't experienced any. anything there but the shank Mansion. there it is yeah y house was restored in. 2000 Opera in bed and breakfast is. listed National register of historic. places in 2002 oh look it says that I. bought. it yeah so that's cool yeah well oh so.

back to the Tulip thing so so there's. this plot of land that's right in like. right outside our gate and um and it's. just it's just grass and the lady who. sold me the house she owns it my friend. Lisa and um so I I hit Lisa up and I was. like hey look I got a bunch of tulips. and um I thought it would be cool just. to just to bring something to the. community you know just have because. people are coming here to take pictures. anyway so why not give them something. like really cool to look at yeah and so. I got 10,000 black tulips and I thought.

like this is going to be an enormous. like just a field of black tulips BTM. bro 10,000 is a lot and then we did the. math and the square footage is like it's. not that big like I feel like it's maybe. twice the size of this room the tool of. the what 10,000 of them oh that's all it. makes yeah because you plant them about. three three to four inches apart a so I. feel like I guess they don't want to be. far away from each other yeah so got. plants that were a little bit bit more. like spread out yeah or just like.

they're cool with kind of doing their. own thing I mean apparently tulips are. kind of like I guess they're I guess. they get Lonesome or whatever yeah or. you know whatever it's called I don't. know what the what that would be like as. a flow like what yeah so we'll see we'll. see we have like. um you know Wildlife out there and. everybody in my Instagram was like you. know be careful cuz the squirrels are. going to eat they're going to dig them. up or the mle so we're hoping that by. the time spring comes they don't eat all. of them but dude if you had an only fans.

of you just fighting. moles I would I think a lot of people. would subscribe to it I mean I think you. get a lot of the hunting audience you. know how do you fight a mo though I. don't know that's up to you I think but. I think it would just be pretty. fascinating to watch um is it do you. feel different being out of La what is. that kind of feel like does it feel like. were you kind of done with entertainment. I mean you've had it you've had a neat. career and at least gotten to experience.

you know certain things you know like. that's that's one thing about having. different opportunity sometimes at least. you get to experience what it's like. whether you whether it was great or you. didn't like it you get experience you. know yeah I mean I'm still I haven't. retired yet so I mean I feel like um. like you said you know the the beauty of. being able to create and do things you. don't necessarily have to be in La. anymore and so I think before you used. to I feel you had to live in LA if you. needed if you wanted to do things but um. but now it's like I mean I make music so.

I I could do that from my house I don't. need to or I could fly in and record or. yeah I don't necessarily have to live in. Hollywood anymore yeah that's nice huh. yeah yeah um what else can we think. about um so like did you know that in. the state of Indiana like you're not. it's illegal to to own a. squirrel um I found this out because my. my son found like a little a little baby. squirrel that had falling out of a tree. and it happens a lot like squirrels fall.

out of trees and stuff and um and this. one was like barely breathing and really. dehydrated I used to work at the. California Wildlife Center and back in. in California and so like rehabilitating. squirrels is pretty easy it's not yeah. it's not like a you know like a an owl. or something like do you need two hands. to do it or you can do it with one hand. you probably need two hands to do it huh. yeah too cuz you have to like feed them. with this little like syringe thing okay. but um so we rehabilitated him my son. named him lucky he's like the cutest.

thing ever and then I um I I got. baptized and then I I got like a a bunch. of criticism about this baptism video so. I had to make this I didn't have to but. I was inspired to make a video like. calling out like judgmental Christians. or whatever and uh and in that video. lucky is just like just like flying. behind me he's just like running around. and somebody saw him and reported me to. the animal control and. they they showed up like the guy showed.

up with like a gun and everything was. like Hey do you do you have you guys. have a squirrel like we you know you. can't have one so we're going to have to. take it and I'm like they put him in. cuffs. now no no but they I so I asked the guy. I was like are you going to euthanize. him because I know that's what you guys. do what are you you're not going to. house him and they're like yeah it's. going to get euthanized no are you. kidding. me so they took him out of a warm course. they didn't take him oh I lied and I. told him I'm going to release him the.

next day oh cool and then we made like a. little Instagram video like of him. leaving yeah yeah we don't have to tell. anybody if he came back or. not you got it lucky lives. elsewhere wow dude that's incredible who. would do that that's crazy so cruel well. it's just also the just the weird like. how legislation is so obtuse from like. like there's no intricacies a lot of. times with like laws and rules. it's just for this thing and so it's and.

they don't have any room to B A lot of. these guys who come to you know it's. like they're just trying to do the. whatever the the no I was just more. confused by who who in the right mind. would be like oh let me go and report a. squirrel yeah probably a baby squirrel. yeah. oh yeah I would feel so perverted even. reporting it yeah or I would just be. like hey uh imagine that call like hey. I'm not trying to be a snitch or. whatever like a branch snitch or. whatever yeah but there's a scat Von has.

a. [Laughter]. squirrel I dude they should if you know. they release that body cam footage they. have to release that call that call you. should remix a beat to that call and. that you should make I wish they did. have body one of the best house songs. ever get squir get well the best is like. my it was my husband opened the door and. he was like topless with like and he's.

like fully tattooed with the squirrel on. his shoulder oh well then that didn't. help yeah yeah people are like people. are trying to get this they're trying to. get this animal in uh M squirrel 13 over. here like they're there's not this bad. stuff's going on out. here um yeah so what how did your. journey go to like I don't know if I. want to call it a journey but like what. was like what like role has religion. like played in your life and stuff. because. um you know I think as we're at a time.

in the world I think in just in I think. we're always at a time in the world but. I think we're it feels like a lot of. people are looking for something that. makes sense more I feel like we're. getting. exhausted like by the truth that a lot. of the things that we feel like will. make us feel good aren't doing it you. know um I feel like that a lot of times. but um yeah what what what has some of. that experience been like I mean if you. got baptized they really how what kind. of uh and was it like a what are they.

doing in what do they baptize you in. water oh yeah yeah good. huh oh here's your video right here oh. yeah oh it's pretty there. [Music]. huh upon your profession of faith in the. Lord Jesus Christ and in obedience to. his Divine command I baptize you my. sister in the name of the father and the.

son and the holy spirit amen oh. congratulations thanks I still get teed. when I see that that's cool it's. powerful yeah yeah how what is that like. in your. life yeah. um what's it like how do you get there. like how do you get because I think a. lot of people are lost I feel lost a lot. of times you know I think a lot of us. feel that way and so how do you feel. like you saw like you're lost um well I. mean or is that even a fair question I.

don't know yeah I know I get what you're. saying I I I was brought up with um. Christianity in in my childhood and and. then I strayed and uh so like in a. nutshell I just kind of in the last five. years have like made my way back and. have a a different understanding than. maybe when I was a kid because I think. when you're were a kid you're like or at. least for me it was like we just go to. church because that's what we have to do. and um you know I don't I didn't.

have actual profound questions that I I. want answered like I do now and so I. think as an adult you get to have a. different understanding of that and so. that that's kind of what you know how I. I in a a weird artsy way just kind of. came back and I just the last five years. have just been studying the Bible and um. and now like at this church like we have. our Women's Bible study and stuff that I. that I attend and um and I just meeting. you go to right I I watched another. podcast that you were on oh yeah yeah oh.

yeah um I heard you talk about it anyway. that you guys have a Bible study each. week yeah yeah um and you know I think. I'm I'm going to always have questions. and continue to want to learn and have. deeper understandings of things and so. but I in that podcast that you probably. watched like I talk about like a little. bit what you you said it's like we're. trying to find meaning or um want to. feel again you know and I think there's. lot of temporary fixes or you know um. like you know I used to like I was an.

addict and you know I'm so I'll have a. 17 years sober in July wow and so you. know I think I feel like those are all. things that kind of like lead you in. that in that direction and yeah I think. you know it's such an intimate and. personal thing like my relationship with. God is my own and um and I I've never. really felt like I belonged anywhere um. like especially now I think like being. public with my faith um puts you into.

like this. microscopic um critical tank you know. and so I get criticized from from all. sides now which I don't care because at. the end of the day I I'm you know my. relationship's with with God not you but. right but it is interesting I feel like. now it's just becomes funny like some of. the comments I get yeah I think because. people have a hard time understanding. the aesthetic and pairing that with. something which is your aesthetic you.

mean yeah right the Ambiance of you and. then comp and then pairing it in. Christianity and it's so silly to me and. like I I don't understand how people. don't see how um close-minded that is. you know and how like yeah why would you. think that you have to look at certain. way to to have an understanding of the. Bible you know yeah or you know yeah. that's a good point too I think it's all. well a lot of that there's a lot of. interesting stuff there you know yeah. like like I do but you know so Ian. there's a lot think about in all of this. yeah for sure you know like one time I.

went to like a Jordan Peterson um uh. lecture and my husband and I were like. the only people that looked like us. there um but I was black people you mean. what you mean black people. no I just like and I don't want to diss. on like Jordan's fan base but I feel. like there everybody had their own. uniform you know like there was just. rows of people in front of and they all. kind of dress the same really yeah and I. was like man for some for people who and.

I'm not again not judging or criticizing. but you would think that like free free. thinkers would I or maybe they just. don't care I don't know or maybe there's. just only so many stores too where you. can I mean I feel like you it's a lot of. Johnson and guys who like are s like I. don't know I'm a Jordan Peterson fan but. I'm like I think it's a lot of like. there's you know it's a lot of uh Lost. Boys but who have an uh who can uh. comprehend well or well enough you know.

because otherwise Lost Boys who can't. comprehend they kind of you know they. listen to maybe um huba stank or. whatever you know but I think if you get. or uh or hey hey come out and fight. remember that song you got to keep them. separated oh yeah yeah uhhuh Offspring. Offspring yeah dude yeah so a lot like. yeah if you are a boy who can't. communicate as well as you'd like to.

sometimes and this is a judgment but you. probably have owned an Offspring album. and then if you were a different version. then it's sometimes Jordan Peterson um. but yeah I could not imagine see it. would be like playing where's Waldo if I. saw you at a Jordan. Peterson. concert so that's interesting but that's. awesome that you guys went and you found. like that that what the oh so I so my my. my whole point was just that I feel like. uh maybe we pigeon hole ourselves right. like I feel like everybody kind of like.

I went to. this like so the church I go to is like. a really small church and it's it's. there's not enough people to have a a. running Trend or anything like that but. when I went to like a big church in. California recently I looked around and. it's like a lot of people have the same. same style and so I realized that maybe. because um like modern day Christians. are so used to being surrounded by. people that look the same as them when. someone like like me comes into the mix.

it's like oh wait this is demonic or. this is because I get called demonic a. lot or um or this is like you know. you're serving two masters and I'm like. I I don't think any of that is accurate. you know I I don't think you have to. there's no dress code to to be a. Christian there like um oh that's. baffling to me yeah but I get it a lot. like I just recently posted this the. like my last post was just uh I thought. was like a very cool like modest image.

of me like in a in a dress and some. funny shoes and I just oh the comments. are just hilarious it's just people like. Satan's GNA bring you home and just. things that's. crazy y i I guess there's all levels of. everything like even if you get into. like the Christian like if you like like. I thought I was going to get hate from. my existing fans you know like just. people who are like feel like you could. be a deserter or something or maybe. people that are fans of yours that uh AR. don't have a religion or aren't. Christians or something that they would.

have a thought about it and no they've. been super loving and open-minded and I. love that you know but it's been the. other the other side that I was just so. surprised but wow yeah you know that's. it's. like I think there's a lot of like. interesting stigmas with Christianity I. guess like I look I like religion right. I like um I don't know if I care what. religion people are yeah you know know I. I think I wish I knew more about some of. the religions you know um I probably.

prefer Christianity from myself yeah. because that's what I know the most yeah. and but or I would say that I prefer God. that's that's the term I like to use and. most of my belief. started um through AA through Al through. going to 12ep meetings it was like the. first time I ever like started to get. like an understanding of. um like starting to build a relationship.

with God and talking to God and feeling. like that if I think or feel something. that there's something on the other side. of the universe that hears it or cares. about it right um and that it blew my. mind dude. because you know I've been like I've. been electrocuted a couple times. whatever oh yeah but I never uh had a. feeling like this it's not like being. electrocuted it's just like feeling like. wait what what do you mean you you've. been electrocuted yeah I've been. electrocuted dude I've been electrocuted.

yeah I mean not I guess a handful of. times or whatever yeah yeah I guess one. time I got electrocuted at a carnival. when I was young I got elect oh four. three years ago I stepped on I was. walking behind a hot a t uh food truck. and I stepped they had a plugin a big. joint plugin and I stepped right on it. and just it. just you. know I was it was like the opposite of. being baptized I think it was not it was.

uncomfortable but yeah but I was yeah. but um I uh yeah I like thinking about. God I love thinking about it now you. know I was just asking God this morning. just to help me um just to help give me. some better Direction in my life you. know yeah and help me with a few things. I've been struggling with like I've been. struggling to quit vaping right so I. don't want to vape and so it's just been. so hard and I realized like I'm an adct. yeah you know it's like dude I will wake. up in the middle of the night and like.

see if there's Vape places open and. stuff and then some [ __ ] stay. started stay open in 24 hours oh yeah. like cigarettes was the hardest for me I. love I oh my gosh I love smoking yeah I. love cigarettes um but I I just can't I. don't want to be that that Mom like well. it became my go like vaping became my. higher power in a lot of ways like if I. have an uncomfortable thought feeling. moment whatever let me hit this thing. yeah and so I realized oh this is the.

thing I'm serving this like whether I. want to have a higher power whatever I. want it to be yeah this is whatever I am. serving this thing I show up when this. whenever the little like pain goes off. inside of me I show up for this thing. that's crazy um yeah I I my life. revolved around smoking too and it's. funny because um you start like treating. it as like little treats like I would be. tattooing and I'd be like all right I'll. just get through like two hours and then. I get a treat and then you know get.

these little breaks and stuff and then. but then everything like life becomes an. inconvenience for at least for me um. I've never talked about this before by. the way like I feel like um usually when. I talk about like sobriety and stuff. you're talking about like drugs and but. cigarettes were the hardest I mean it's. I just I love the ritual of it I love. the smell like like leather jackets with. and cigarettes to me is like so sexy I. just I oh Sam Elliott in The Mask have. you seen him in that no with Sher. remember in that movie oh yeah yeah yeah. yeah I was thinking the other mask yeah.

yeah I wish Sam Elliot was in that one. too I like Sam Elliot I mean I don't. like him like I like him but I like him. yeah yeah but um yeah people don't talk. enough about that it's yeah it's so I. mean it just the all of it is yeah I. mean I was like two packs a day what huh. for like till recently packs Von D huh. that's crazy dude two packs a day you're. lucky you look so lovely still after. having smoked that I know yeah true true. not not not I know I mean like but no.

it's a b yeah it's like that's fortunate. you see some people that are just like. yeah some people look like they start to. eventually they they look like the. inhale that they take off a cigarette. they're just. like know like like their whole just. like yeah you know yeah it's but if I. see people doing drugs and movies I just. instantly get like sick to my stomach. I'm like I just like the idea the idea. of doing drugs again is like I'm beyond. that but if I see somebody smoking a. cigarette I'm like man like I still have.

that in like I can't I I can't um cheat. on that like yeah oh I stopped at a dude. this is the saddest story I remember. kind of Milling around a high school to. see if some kid was vaping after school. one day when we were and vaping so not. cool like that's the one that's like I'm. like why just smoke a cigarette like why. would you it's like so like steampunk. like with your little things dude the. steampunks are the craziest about.

they're like putting together assembling. like it's so weird just get a cigarette. and be a. man God I didn't I didn't know that was. such a loser right. now but I'm okay this might be the. conversation I need that helps me yeah I. just didn't uh yeah but the yeah there's. some the people they put this they like. crank it and they make their own Vape or. whatever they like add vanilla seasoning. it's like they have a machine it has a.

tumble dry setting on it like what yeah. these are the guys that are doing this. is a guy let's play that can we play. that let's see one of these yeah they're. the people that blow the smoke and they. what like there's there's team comp comp. like a guy you don't do any of that I. don't do it no this guy's out of his. mind this guy has a 12 gauge. fave oh my God this guy this guy's wife. is. missing there's no reason to need that.

much nicotine unless you did something. bad look at that this guy's a damn motor. in but the craziest ones are the. competitions it's almost like it's one. of those dog shows now it's like the guy. will blow a big smoke ring and then his. wife will like run and jump through it. it's like what is this [ __ ] it just. anyway but it's hard it is it's hard and. I think since I don't have a family or. anything that I constantly need to. address. then uh I feel like I probably wouldn't. have quit if I didn't have yeah I mean.

when I the minute I got pregnant like I. got the plus sign I that was the day I. quit oh and then uh and then I started. again after I had my son not right away. but like were you hiding and doing it no. no [ __ ] yeah no but I that's pretty. awesome that you were no no I mean I. never would post like I've there's. you'll be hard pressed to find there's. very few photos of me smoking online but. yeah um but then when my son was two cuz.

I had my little smoking Nook outside um. and uh he came out my son came he he. learned how to open doors you know and. he came out was like Mommy Mommy and. he's like what's that spell and I just. felt like such a loser I was like I. can't I can't be that Mom so I yeah oh I. would hate that being that Dad what's. that smell it's like oh it's cranberry. Lime Crush or whatever is that your. flavor ice or whatever yeah whatever no. I prefer um watermelon lemon and.

sometimes I'll do watermelon lemon mango. if they don't have the one that I like. but it's like it's sad it's all pretty. sad I think uh and the guy knows me huh. he calls me big boy when I walk in. there that's the worst part and he's. like kind of like a he's hispanic or. like Egyptian or something he's like. what's up big boy that's what he says. every time I go in there dude and this. is the saddest. part I will buy it hit it a few times.

and then throw it away so I don't hit it. anymore and then you have to buy it. again and then I'll go later on that day. and buy it again oh I was just like I. would just buy cartons I just buy. cartons cartons you buy a boatload you'd. be out there like on the Ohio River like. flagging down I buy cartons and then I. like my big one of my biggest pet peeves. was like when people would ask to like. bum a cigarette why you have a carton. well yeah but I've been Prof like I'm. averaging one every 30 minutes I don't. have a spare like why would you do that. like just go buy your.

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first month that's better. hp.com EO that's how it was when I was. when I would do drugs too like I I. remember in the beginning it was like. fun party time you're out with your. friends and then the minute that I. realized like oh no this is mine I would. just start doing drugs by myself oh yeah. me too yeah like that was it like no no. sharing cuz there's so many fre loaders. yeah and I was one of them first of all. and I'd finally gotten some drugs so the.

last thing if I'm yeah it's finally time. I get the freeoad off myself you know. but yeah I would go home I would get. cocaine I would go home and just do it. by myself and it would be sad yeah oh. yeah it was the saddest man uhuh I don't. know why but yeah people do that but. yeah I think a through a through like. going to 12ep meetings is where I. started to build a relationship with a. higher power and really believe in. before that I just never had it. presented to me in a way that felt uh I.

don't know that I that it that it like. messed you know yeah yeah yeah yeah I. think that's important I think is how. you how it comes into your life too you. know a lot of times um yeah and I just. like having high power I like having an. invisible friend that um yeah I like. having an invisible friend yeah yeah I. feel like um I came from the the school. of thought where you know you have to be.

like empowered and um you know just. believe in yourself and all this the. this idea that you do you know it's kind. of almost like self- worship and um and. I think in AA you know they they do talk. about that where it's like that you know. you can't do this on your own and I. think taking that to like the bigger. picture part of it um where it's not. just with addiction that for me I'm like. I've definitely surrendered to that and. I don't think there's anything wrong to.

you know to humble yourself and be like. I can't I can't do this on my own and so. it's kind of where I where I you know. landed I guess yeah yeah well I think. that's the part I struggle with a lot. sometimes it's just on a daily basis. like turning my will over to God you. know turning my will over to a higher. power like you know I pray every day and. but I just I know that it's a. relationship that I want to be stronger. in my own in my life you know I can feel. it all the time like me just wanting. like a stronger relationship yeah um and.

then yeah one thing I like I liked one. thing I liked about churches was just. the sense of community or you know. religious places people meet up worship. centers was just the sense of people. doing something together um kids being. able to do like Sunday school or. whatever and you do it back and you you. know you you back there everybody's like. making little arts or whatever. and uh I like that I like that sense of. community I think it was good probably.

for communities to have some shared. meeting space and I think churches and. religious worship centers used to be. that more yeah in America you know I. don't know what it's like in the rest of. the world. but um yeah I love that Community I love. I I personally love like I look forward. to my Sundays and we do like church well. we do choir practice on Thursdays and. like I definitely feel um I mean I think. because we have a small Church which I.

think is a good thing like um when. people are missing like they're you know. when they go out of town or like they're. they they they're missed you know like I. feel like I I genuinely miss my my. church family when I'm in LA or whatever. oh yeah it's cool yes it's I've never. really had that before and I I'm I'm not. that kind of person either like I don't. like group therapy I don't like doing I. don't like communal seating at. restaurants like like Lone Wolf you know. but but where I you know I have found my.

little my little I guess tribe whatever. no that's fair yeah well I think there. used to be a lot more of that I mean. there's even that book by Sebastian. younger I think it's called tribe maybe. where yeah it was about that it was. about when we were in smaller groups and. stuff like that people used to yeah you. would miss somebody they'd be gone it's. like otherwise you get so caught up with. so many things and the your space gets. too big and it's hard to know it's hard. to pay attention ention hard to connect. you know or you're trying to connect to. too many things you know and people feel.

like that's part of it we're just trying. to connect to too many things I don't. think our system is built for that a lot. of times yeah so I think it's nice I bet. having a yeah a place where you notice. if somebody's gone yeah that's pretty. cool yeah it's cool it's important I. think it's important for us yeah you. know um yeah what was it like when you. did you think you really had an. addiction problem what was that like oh. yeah I mean I was like a big time user. drug user Loser yeah Loser yeah that's.

fine no I mean you know I I'm like a. quick learner so it's not like I can't. I'm never casual about anything um so. it's like you know what starts off as. innocent and just experimentation turns. into like like my entire existence yeah. wow wow and I you know that that part of. my personality I've change I've managed. to change over the years too like I've. grown up a little bit more you know like. in what part of it you mean well cuz I. think before when I looked at like my. relationships so when I looked at.

like just everything has to be in excess. you know and and now I'm like a little. more balanced did you ditch the the. jacket yeah I just took my jacket off. cuz I don't know if I'm getting warm or. not or I don't know if I'm just feeling. like if something's wrong with me I feel. fine I'm not going to faint I don't feel. like sick I just I was like do I still. want to have a jacket. on and Titus took at I guess you know. um yeah I think faith is just so.

interesting I think it used to be. probably a long time ago people had to. have more faith because there wasn't. like your your television screen was. almost like the sky or the you know it. was like watching nature like if you. wanted to be watch the nature Channel. you had to go outside like you already. lived outside so you got to just look. you know it's like I think we're so much. more connected probably to the universe. and and um I don't know I I think I. don't know I just think it's interesting.

what religion is like and and some. people say that it's bad for people you. know that people call it like the opiate. of the mass as you hear people say that. and um but I don't know I would I think. there's bad representations of. everything you know um I mean there's. like certainly bad representations. of people in AA you know like I always. had a hard time going to AA because I. just couldn't stand a lot of the people. to be honest and well that and also like. I just feel like they were never it was. never really Anonymous especially in La.

like people go there as a scene like you. would go and it's like so and so was at. a meeting or yeah I remember I was going. with a friend and then someone like took. a picture of us like from you know the. back or whatever and post like man like. you know it's like my friend's trying to. get through something and then yeah you. know it's like this unnecessary. attention or or the worst would be. comedians like that would show up and. they would speak and they're just like. practicing their really yeah oh it's.

like the worst the worst I'm like um. this is why I. VAP at least now I have somebody to. blame it on but no I'll say this you. know what there is some things about. that that make uh people feel. uncomfortable you know I try to go to. meetings and share as honestly as I can. and um that's cool but it's sometimes. you know that part I'm able to get over. like if somebody hears something I'm. thinking or feeling about cuz that. could be was a hang up for me a little. bit like you know if people started to. recognize you it made me feel like.

scared I think a lot of times um I mean. it all helps and it all doesn't I mean. you know I feel like if it if it if it. inspires somebody to keep coming that's. cool too but you don't want that to. somebody's sobriety hinged on that but. and I think there's also it's like it's. like churches there's some that are mega. churches that are you know preaching. weird gospel and like and then there's. smaller ones that are or not or whatever. you know I think it's like cuz I know. there's meetings that are much more. private and like you.

know you know it's not a scene or a. dating scene or something you know yeah. but yeah a is interesting though I think. it's interesting that yeah a is. interesting but then also you're like. well what this is why I'm here some it. sometimes depends on my attitude if I'm. in a good at good mood that day it's. like I don't care yeah but yeah one. there was a meeting Las Vegas recently. where a guy was like kind of filming. like himself like with this with me in. the background and that made me yeah. yeah I mean I spoke up for myself and I. asked him what was going on uhuh but it.

was just some of that stuff's a little. bit weird yeah it's to be to be you know. but then you're like. well yeah I don't know I but I love. going to meetings that that I really. like yeah I thought it was super helpful. that's good um I was trying to think of. something else with faith that we could. talk about you you you want to talk. about that stuff more is it okay with. you yeah yeah oh I love thinking about. it I don't I I don't have a lot people. on that are that I guess that we talk. about it with as much I'm probably the. worst person because I'm not like a.

studied you know oh I don't know. anything about like the history of it I. mean I know that you know I know about. the family in the woods I know they had. the Apple I know one of the sons killed. the other one so things got a little. hectic right out of the gate you know. but uh but there's a lot of like the. spec I don't know a lot of the logistics. you know yeah so I think I wouldn't yeah. that part I don't know about but I just. think about feelings and stuff yeah I. like thinking about that kind of stuff. some of that is intuitive too I feel.

like you know like like there's parts of. you. know I think there's like some some. things that are like ingrained in us. that you you can't really explain you. know like it doesn't feel good to harm. somebody things like that you know yeah. um but I don't know yeah but then yeah. it's interesting how that kind of stuff. happens in the world sometimes you know. I don't know I don't yeah but I think. and then people go well you know if is. why would God let that happen I don't.

think off is that okay yeah for sure. that's fine just don't don't get a shot. of it because that's gross I hate people. do that I just want to do this I won't. I'm I don't even have my phone on me. okay oh but yeah we can blur them out no. you don't have to. [Laughter]. blur yeah but I think sometimes people. want to blame God when it's bad and not. for the good stuff but I think you look. at like um I I always think like we're. human you know we we sin we were capable. of making mistakes and and we have free. will to make you know good and bad.

choices so it's like yeah of course. there's going to be evil in this world. like but I don't I don't think God would. be the one to blame you know I would. there you still have to take. accountability for your actions you know. um it's a shame that that bad things do. happen to a lot of good people and. innocent people that's the way of the. world you know yeah I think that's. always been there throughout time you. know I I don't think God of God like a. specific instance to instance type of. like landlord or whatever you want to.

you know leader you know or Champion or. whatever some people call him different. names but um I think of him more as just. this G of like I think of like of I like. to think of his view of us as like a. general energy more like it's just. something that's always there no matter. if even if things are horrible it's. there and if things are good it's there. you know um it's almost like this like.

uh it's like. this code or something that kind of fits. to whatever you need it to be I don't. really think of it as like a like too. much of like a rigid thing so yeah I. guess I wouldn't blame God like if. something horrible happened I don't know. if I would take it to God I would just. be like that's what we do here. unfortunately in the world you know I. might talk to God to try and have. understanding and maybe I would blame. him and he would let me blame him you.

know that's one of the things he does he. just let you blame him you know that I. don't know I don't know I like thinking. about this though some of it's. interesting you know yeah yeah because. it's like yeah how do we and I don't. know if our brains can conceptualize. everything like we're only we only have. five senses you know yeah yeah I was. just talking to my buddy about this the. other day like dude we only have five. senses yeah that's not that many. dude a lot can be done with that though. huh a lot can be done with that no no. and look people are doing a great job. you're right I feel like there's.

like parts of my brain that can't. comprehend the concepts of time you know. what I mean but um we just try our best. to get to get through that like I think. about like the story of Job in the Bible. like um that one is you know even if you. look at it um you know not literally. like where like job was this guy and I'm. going to just paraphrase it obviously. totally paraphrase and look if anybody. judges somebody for paraphrasing out of. the Bible dude we're not pastors you. know yeah for sure yeah we're just two. people sitting somewhere trying our best. to be alive in the universe yeah yeah.

it's true but thanks um but you know. like job was put through all these. trials and all the worst things that you. could imagine happening to one person. and through it he. just maintained his faith and even at at. a point where even at at one point his. wife was like come on are you serious. like how can you still like praise God. when you're you know you're losing your. children you're losing everything we've. had you know and um now you're sick and. covered in boils and on the brink of. death you know and he was just like. praise God you know and I feel like a.

lot of times you know through my Decades. of tattooing people and hearing like the. worst and saddest stories like oh yeah. just you know I I I was kind of known. for doing a lot of portraits and so I. would do portraits of people um their. loved ones who have passed or you know. their loved ones who inspired them. things like that and you just hear some. of the most heart-wrenching stuff that. like I can't even begin to imagine like. how you're still walking you know but um. but they still find a way you know and I. feel like that's like I want to be like.

job in that sense you know because like. this the like the last few years for me. have been so rough like behind the. curtains you know I don't share all my. I'm not the type of person that goes on. Instagram and cries you know but it's. like you know we we suffer quietly. through things and we like um you know. no one's no one has a perfect life and. um but I'm still going to live in a. state of gratitude you you know and I'm. still going to be like excited to be. here sitting with you today you know and. it's like the the world could be falling.

apart and I'm still like I praise God. you know yeah um yeah it gives you hope. I think yeah that's the thing I think. that's I don't know I mean yeah I love. that yeah and we do all s it is. interesting how we suffer quietly huh. yeah I mean some some suffer loudly like. a dick but oh yeah like my freaking. neighbor's dog that think's not even. suffering and. uh but it's it's loud yeah. um but it's all going to be okay yeah I.

think that's what God is to a lot of. people it's a it's a. real it's a it's like I would way rather. have hope me too than to not have it. yeah that's the thing it's. like and yeah I don't know I've just. felt God I've just felt God like same I. didn't it was the only thing I could say. it was yeah you know cuz one time I was. smoking a bunch of me STS actually going. back to cigarettes but my girlfriend had. broken up with me and I was about to.

just you know peel my skin off of my. body and feed it to something and I. wasn't doing real well and I was just. really doing real bad just on the inside. I was just and I just I mean I swear. this is crazy but I felt like something. literally just like put like a like a. big hand went around my heart and I. started to feel better um but I felt. like a it really felt like that which is. same yeah I had the exact same feeling. yeah it was weird and I don't really.

talk about it because then you sound all. like oh I don't give a [ __ ] people know. I'm B you know we're doing our best if. anybody thinks yeah that they they think. I know anything about God like any exact. lowkey BTS information about the lord. they're out of their fing mind and if. they think they do too then they're out. of their fing mind I just am trying to. think out loud and feel out loud with. somebody yeah is that what that but you. had something similar yeah yeah where I. felt like like a hand like just kind of. um wrapping me in warmth and um and I.

just I just uh had this feeling of. surrendering to it you know where I was. just like oh man like it's it's going to. be fine and it's not it's not me just. being like Oh tell myself until like you. know like no like I had I had like a a. clear understanding that like you got me. you know yeah it's kind of. cool yeah yeah and well what's. interesting too for me is that I've even. taken own will back so many times since. then yeah and that's the tough thing I. think that's where I want to get more. into like just my morning routine is.

just like turning my just thy will be. done you know cuz then it just takes all. the pressure off of me it takes all the. pressure off of me to like feel like I. have to make everything okay or that I. got to make everybody okay or that I. have what what are those pressures like. what like I don't know I think I just. feel. uh I've always felt um like I'm running. late for or something I felt that my. whole life like I'm if I don't keep.

doing. more then I'm not enough. or or like if I don't do I think I I. felt as a kid like if I don't do. something like I just wasn't seen my. mother my mother didn't really look at. me right and so I think uh I felt like I. have to be perfect if I'm not the only. way I have a chance of being seen. is if I'm perfect you know and if I'm. not if I'm not like perfect then I just.

don't have a chance to be seen you know. and. um yeah it makes me it makes me sad to. think that a kid would think that you. know um but I think that's how I felt. you know I think and I'm not blaming my. mother I think or my father you know I. don't know I don't know what their lives. were like but yeah I just remember like. as I've gotten older I've been able to. recognize that like man if I just that's. what you were feeling for so long you. know I felt like I always needed to go. do something to try and make myself.

better so that I was enough same yeah. yeah to be seen you know yeah um so I. think. uh when I say yeah I will be done it's. like just letting like none of that mat. it does everything's okay yeah yeah you. know like no matter how you are if. you're good or bad or if you're not. doing your best if you're not even like. not if you're not even trying really I. feel like you should try yeah but just.

that everything. is you're just not alone you know yeah. and so I think I I've always had a tough. time like letting people love me you. know really yeah it's been really really. tough like like in relationships or. something yeah I think I'm just I think. that muscle just wasn't built up when I. was a child with my mother and so I just. didn't I just have had a tough time with. it and so um I think the interesting. thing about having try through 12ep for.

me has just been having some trying to. build some relationship or it's the. first time that I've kind of have really. let somebody into my life yeah is in my. negotiations with God kind of and I hate. to call them that but that's kind. of you know that makes sense though like. how much am I willing to turn myself. over to that somebody else is. GNA that somebody else is going to be. the be with me you know even if I'm not. uh even if I'm not enough or if I don't.

feel like I'm enough for them to uh keep. me around you know anyway yeah yeah. sorry I it's a lot offf but no yeah I. think I yeah I I had this uh this um. scenario this this uh last week when I. was in LA actually um where uh you know. I had this makeup line for 12 years and. and it did really great and then at one. point I got a a bunch of backlash and um.

and I ended up having to. like really like sit with myself and. figure out like what I want to do with. my life if I want to keep up this fight. of um like I mean I don't know there's. like contractually things that that that. I can't talk about anymore but but when. I sold my makeup line um I had to sit. there in a in a meeting with the. production company and um and lawyers.

and stuff and I remember I just wanted. to like shut it down like let's just let. it go like I don't want to do this. anymore you know and they were like but. I think they they saw there's profits to. be made and stuff and so um in order to. buy me out like you know there was. negotiations and at one point and I was. always very fair about things I don't I. I I wasn't asking for you. know the world and and I remember at one. point. um uh this guy this old man with like.

this balding old man with a a potato. nose alcoholic potato nose like looked. me in the eyes and told me you're not. worth anything anymore like and um and. those words in his voice like hot me. still even though I know it's not like. this guy's telling me what's cool like. you know and um and I know it was just. like a leveraging point to whatever try. to give me as little as possible but so.

I uh when I go to La I like this is one. thing that I don't that I that I do. complain about where I'm at in Indiana. is that there's no places to work out. and I I actually like it's it's good for. my health to work out every day yeah so. when I go to La I'll fly in and then I. just go to um I go to Barry's boot camp. where I just have a bunch of people. yelling at me to run faster and uh and. so but if you've ever been to like a. Barry's workout it's like there's no uh. talking and that's another thing I like. about it you just go you work out and. then in between um like you do like.

floor work and then you have to switch. to the treadmill right and in between. that you you switch and so we're right. about to switch and I'm just sitting. there like this guy's voice gets in my. head I'm looking at myself in the mirror. and it's just like like uh you're not. worth anything anymore and uh I'm like. what am I doing with my life and I was. like on the verge of tears and right at. that moment this like blonde girl just. comes up to me and was like Hey Cat. really quick I just want to tell you I. think you're so amazing and I just like.

lost it like wow and then she just went. on her treadmill and like went you know. and didn't see her again and I was like. man is I know it's not um this is the. part where you should blame God for like. these beautiful Divine like moments. where it's like man you sent this girl. like to me just to say like a few little. words that like just changed my you know. I I was just like so grateful in that. moment I like went back home after that. workout and I just went to my husband I. was like this girl just changed my life. you know and he was just like yeah why. are you even listening to that I'm like.

I know and that was like years ago and I. just still like you know I don't know. what part of me and and it's probably my. childhood stuff where you know I don't. know yours but mine was. like constantly seeking validation. through through my mom you know like. that wasn't there and it's like um and. you know I've gone to like years of. therapy to like fix myself and stuff so. I'm not where I was before but before I. was like definitely like oh yeah like I. need to um do more there's not enough. like I there's so much I want to do that.

it hurts and it's just like and it's not. it doesn't really matter if you have. like a sea of people that are like. cheering you on at the end of the day. it's like it's just all in here you know. but um yeah it's just it's crazy to see. it in real time now I feel like ever. since I got to this place that I am now. like with with my faith like I start. seeing it in real time all the time. where it's like God's just kind of. diving in and being like cut that [ __ ]. out like you know um but I don't think.

it's ever going to go away though. yeah yeah and that childhood stuff and. all that kind of like I don't suffer. from that stuff every day no me right it. just creeps in sometimes yeah sometimes. people sh you know they're like man you. seem like you need I'm like I'm I'm okay. yeah you know but it's still a part of. me that lives inside of me you know and. um and sometimes there's still like I. noticed there's a lot of feelings like I. never got to have feelings when I was a. kid I didn't know I was always in some. type of mode of like I need to be like.

seen I need to make sure my mother sees. me so I'll be fed just taking care you. know whatever so I ne so at that point. you're not developing any other feelings. except for like you know yeah like a. stress yes and so I think yeah but I. think the first time I've ever really. been able to have some sort of a even. discussion of a relationship in my life. has been um through recovery and through. uh the introduction of God that way. because it was like you get to choose.

your own God right and I I've just. chosen the most common God that I know. and and um the one that I you know F. friends families would take me to church. and stuff and so yeah and that's fine. for me you know it's um but I think a. lot of that's interesting yeah man I. can't what gets me is that somebody. would even want to work in a job where. debating or negotiating for money I know. is worth even the value of saying. something like that to someone yeah. that's the sickest part of the world I.

mean it it worked I definitely was like. questioning myself in that moment and. was like maybe I should just settle you. know and it's like you know but lesson. Lessons Learned I don't I. think everything turned out the way it. was supposed to anyway yeah you know but. that's a lot of La it's like you almost. have to hire sick people to deal with. other sick people and some of that and. it's. like you know but that's the nicest. thing about being out of there I think. is having some semblance of uh like I.

don't have a manager I don't have I. don't know I've simplified my life too. it's crazy and and a lot of these things. have just because you know I've been so. used to being in this little bubble. where it's like uh having the assistants. and the managers and all this stuff and. then it's like we move out here and I. was like I can't really I don't want to. bring a compound of people over here and. you know we had a nanny for for example. like um and and you know I I wasn't. blessed with a very close family so when.

when I had my son it's not like I had a. village of family that was helping us. out like it was just me and my husband. by ourselves and um and it's fine you. know we we can do it but then I I ended. up hiring a nanny who was like family to. us you know and she would just come from. 9 to 5 so I could do all my work during. the day and then and then once we moved. out here it was like um I was kind of. like left alone and I was like man this. is actually cool being um a full-time. mom I know it sounds so dumb to say that.

out loud but like where I'm it's just me. 100% of the time instead of um having. somebody help and uh I think it's made. me obviously a better mom and um and but. but you you realize like with with less. is sometimes easier um it's definitely. less complicated you know like my life. is definitely like I I let go of. publicist and all that stuff I mean we. we'll definitely hire like when we when. I have an album launch and stuff I'll. put together a team and we do things but.

in general like I'm not dealing with a. sea of people anymore and it is it is. definitely liberating and it feels like. just. um there's just more benefits to it I. think like even when you guys hit me up. and stuff it's like I used to be like oh. yeah I'll just let so and so hand I'm. like that's cool I'll just drive myself. here you know like um cuz Southern. Indiana is not that far from here and. I'm like my son and my husband we took a. little road trip you know oh nice yeah. and then it's just like like it's just. easier that way you know yeah oh yeah.

and these days it's like I don't want. somebody Fielding something that does. has no idea what my interests are yeah. or what who I or what you know they may. have some idea what my interests are but. they don't they're not going to make the. choices I you know it's almost like a. lot of that whole world is built on this. shell system that you need somebody to. help you be a human you know um but. these days a lot of like people don't. even believe a lot of stuff in the Press. nobody takes I don't believe any of it. like it's all TR it's all a bunch of.

[ __ ] uh SoundCloud rap you know it's. like a lot. [ __ ] I mean if anything usually if I. see like certain headlines especially. with my friends I'm like well you. already know the the the truth behind. things and I'm like oh like I I'll be. more like my first thought is to be like. oh it's probably the opposite yeah of. whatever it is out there because but I. feel like do people still fall for it. now probably I don't know I if look if. you still fall if you don't think that I.

mean there's just so like I have friends. it's like uh who was my friend the other. day was telling me that there's some. celebrity that they pay a couple Grand. or something and then some the people. show up and take pictures of them and. then it's going to be in some tabl but. it's all set up and none of it's like. it's all for show none of it it's not. real you know it's like and it's like. people will come out with a brand and. then they'll call their friend in a. magazine and they like hey can you say. that this brand is amazing and then.

their friend writes an article says the. brand is amazing and we don't even know. if the brand it's just like so much of. it is um it's just. uh valueless yeah cuz it's not true yeah. you know and I think that's the thing is. just trying to sort out what's true and. I think that's what we're all trying to. do I think a lot of times just in our. own lives even is like well what do I. really think or feel what's true you. know I think that's something I've had a. interesting time um so I mean I I mean.

that I think that's one of the reasons. I've always loved you and everything you. do is like there's a level of. authenticity um and it's like like. earlier we were talking about style and. stuff and I'm like I love your style. because it's it's just you're. effortlessly doing it whatever you like. you know or unless there's a lot of. effort I don't know I mean it took a. while to stay in there and be like I. don't know if this is okay. but yeah TR to wear that black coat cuz. I know you like black. stuff I love that I wish I could be as.

Brave as you I think I did think that's. the reddest lipstick I've ever seen in. my life but it's kind of a nice. Christmas color too wait what do you. mean Brave I think it's just Brave to to. put this. on to be like uh like cuz I remember. when I was in junior high school my. friend Matt Shin he was like he was a. neat guy and his brother played in a. band and I don't want to say band was. bad but the band was probably had a. unique sound okay okay so and their name.

was like uh you know like um shuddering. like it was something crazy you know. like desperate victim or something you. know like. definitely like the the name of the band. was one guy was playing the drums but he. was he was just [ __ ] shaking with. anger so much and he had the sticks in. his hand and he was just keeping some. type of a vague wooden a metal falsetto. and it was just that's who they were you. know but so I would go sometimes and try.

to be like and I would listen to like. Blind Melon and like [ __ ] blind melon. is like the one. the say is that my life but they somehow. rolled I guess they weren't goth but. they were kind of hippie I don't know if. we had goth maybe we had one dude oh. yeah goth was different sorry these were. just kind of like was like the opposite. yeah these were just kind of like. like violent hippies okay all right so. that's kind of the group I was in for a. little while was this violent hippie.

group and then um but yeah the goth kids. would wear like those shoes that were. like and. then but they had to wait till everybody. left to walk back cuz it was like such a. uncomfortable walk sometimes she's like. why are those goth kids still hanging. out by the tree over there like always. in the trees it's weird there's even a. website I think it was called Goths and. trees and for some there's like a. fascination with like goth people that. are like in trees I didn't I've never. felt the feeling calling but I don't. know there's a lot of them yeah W that's.

cool it's a thing so go on there it is. gos and trees right there let's look at. a few of them they all hang out that guy. not that go yeah that guy definitely oh. that guy is goth dude yeah they all hang. out in trees I don't understand oh there. is something very Edgar alen Poe about. it you know cuz they're because of a. raven I think so now this lady seems. like it's a thing I have never done it. let's see more this is fascinating wow.

now that guy is goth yeah look they're. inside trees it's. weird I wonder if there's something. about it that feels good to. them to our. species yeah I could see it now this is. really interesting she brought. props oh yes she's a Sith uhhuh or. Scythe or is it Scythe she's a scythe oh. wow yeah these are gos on on uh in trees. it a tree house or yeah it looks like a. tree house or zipline gos on zipline.

would be good. too but I love this this is really. fascinating um I used to love when there. was some dope Tumblr Pages out there. that was fun wasn't it yeah but wait you. were going to get to that the point. where so you had the friends that were. in the band and yeah but yeah and I. thought I was goth but I wasn't I guess. yeah we would just like listen to like. skinny puppy or different bands like you. know uh uh epilepsy lizard or some kind. of [ __ ] like that and then um yeah that. was it that was about as go as kind of.

as goth as I get but I was always. marveled at the people that could go. full Darkwing Duck you know like people. love that dark wi duck yeah I think the. people that like could be like whoa like. this person like how did they get to. school did they flew here themselves. like that type of I think there was. something like interesting about it. yeah yeah and there was always like. there's such an Allure I think about. that sort of woman or yeah I would.

probably say woman more because I think. it's like. a there's something interesting. about a goth person what is it what is. it about goth people why is it like a. like the loose screws probably or what. is it like why do they what is like the. the the calling towards like is there. like a code of conduct or something I. mean there's got to be um. some childhood stuff right I mean I know. for me I I like I said I never felt a. sense of belonging even within my own. family unit um so I remember discovering.

music and then not necessarily seeing. myself but um like there was a. reflection of emotions happening like. when I I like I Love The Cure and Susan. the banshe she's the p and I think like. lyrically and just like this um the soul. to it you know I feel like a lot of. people are sensitive in that sense but. and then they just like take it to the. you know to the outward expression of. that but I don't know I I just I just.

like it you know always maybe that's it. maybe like a way to be seen too because. I guess it was a outlier like I grew up. in a small town so but but it's kind of. not cuz like right because you have your. own group then like is that what you. mean well I mean I don't know I I'm not. judging I'm just looking at it I'm like. it's just it's funny like even this. morning when I was getting ready I was. like you know I feel like. I tend to dress very I cover all the. time like I don't I very rarely show my.

tattoos at all I was like you know I'm. going to change it up I'm G to go see. Theo today and I'll just wear short. sleeved you know but I feel like I would. always get tattooed for myself like I. just like to look at images or I like. what it looks like with the appearance. of it um I in the middle of nowhere in. Indiana like I dress like this every day. like and it's like but it's not for. anybody else other than why are you. laughing I can just see how many men got. have like pulled up back at home like. honey I seen a damn Apparition down.

there God damn this neighborhood's going. to. [ __ ]. so really I think there's something. interesting about or no there's some. look I think a lot of men I remember in. our town a lot of men would go and cry. over by the wind Dixie in their truck I. remember why I don't know why but we. would go ride our bike over there. sometimes it was like a sad place like I. think men would just go sit over there. and be sad sometimes but I remember. seeing that but um yeah I think there. was something very alluring about a goth.

woman to me it seemed like a siren you. know like in that book yeah for Odysseus. you know what I'm talking about yeah. yeah it seemed that's what it seemed. like there was like something like. what's going on yeah this is different. it's different you know I think it's. well it's Brave to be different I think. so that may be like yeah was an element. of like this feels Brave to me like I'm. just interested how somebody kind of. leans into that or how they you.

know not that they're joining a group. but it's like what how does that kind. of yeah why does what is one goth you. know yeah I I mean I don't know I just. like what I like I think and I. just do more of that or do a lot of that. I guess yeah yeah it's interesting I've. never gotten you you know I think. there's maybe I might have dated a goth. woman at some point I don't remember but. I probably I think I could have I think.

I did she didn't write you a poem huh. I'm sure she did I'm sure dude I was in. the French qut the other day with my. brother and there's people there if you. go up to them they'll write a poem for. you and your in your friend that about. you is it funny or is it like a no it. was like kind of a nice poem okay. they're like okay tell us a little bit. about yourself and I was like oh this is. my brother and you know and so you tell. him a couple little things you know and. and then you have to stand there for. about 11 minutes that's the tough part. you know because they're on typewriters. yeah yeah that's and they're all sitting. they're sitting there on typewriters.

like a row of like four of them and. everybody's just like and there's like. music playing like people are playing. the Street Music and it was pretty. awesome we had a great time and yeah we. got a nice little Christmas gift there. cool super cool yeah it was real nice. cool but yeah they had yeah I was oh I. was in a class with this lady and she. was she smoked a lot of weed like her. some of her I think she had discolored. teeth from them but um she was awesome. she was like the stoner teacher kind of. her alleg Stoner and we would write. poems in there all day so I think that's. maybe where I saw some goth KS were her.

teeth they were yellow I think they had. a tint to them I don't want to yeah I. don't want to call you know I don't know. she could have had a I'm so. self-conscious about my teeth lately I. feel like in pictures cuz I wear red. lipstick all the time no I feel like I'm. looking at yours yours are super white. mine are not I'm not even show anymore. and I was like I even Googled like why. cuz I brush and floss like crazy and and. I quit smoking so I thought oh I'm going. to get white te teeth it's going to be. amazing and then I just it's just not. happening I don't know what to do about. it I don't want to get I won't get the. fake teeth that everyone's getting now.

it's CRA everyone looks crazy hey buddy. they look so crazy every I'm like damn. what have you been eating buddy. electricity huh what what the have you. been eating dude D you got gloss. finished teeth what's crazy if your. teeth look very nice I would yeah your. teeth are wher than your skin no your. teeth are so white nuh-uh yeah huh oh I. guarantee you that but this is look. everybody watching like these people. have the yellowest [ __ ] teeth these.

idiots. um I just w i I'll live with my yellow. if it means not having like chicklet. teeth what everyone has oh my mom was. always brushing her teeth and putting on. hand cream yeah oh our house could be. burning down but as long as she was. getting her hand cream on yeah yeah it. was pretty cool though. actually I think yeah it was just you. know she'd always have that hand cream. boy you like to have it I think it was. probably calming to her too maybe to be. doing to to kind of do this with her.

hands I wonder what my son's going to. take away from like that's your one of. your little core memories and I'm like I. wonder what oh what his will be yeah oo. cuz uh he's so sweet he he learned the. word ravishing now he's like this. morning mom you look. ravishing like. things you're like go get in that tree. for family pictures actually no dude. that would be a neat idea we do we do we. get uh we do a lot of family portraits. together and I like I love our little.

family because we just we look like a. little family you know like my. son. he is not scared about like what I think. not scared but like spooky to him is fun. because it's what he's around you know. what I mean so his normal is a lot. different than like normal kids and we. get a lot of criticism about that too. because um you know he CU he wears black. or he'll like I'm like that's what he. likes like at this point he sees his dad. or his mom you know it's like it's it's.

normal to him so so we did like a photo. shoot for this uh it was actually for. like a an interview like for a magazine. thing and they wanted to shoot us in. front of our house and so I was like oh. there's like this little Fountain and I. had like my little like Tim Burton like. parasol thing and um and people just. hated it I think they just hated sing. like it bothers them that we we don't. look normal I don't. understand it's really weird I would. think you would think like oh that's. cute it's very like Adam's family or. something you know well even like we're.

saying earlier you people want to put. and I I do it too I want to have a box I. want to have a safe space for things to. be in I don't want things. to I'm okay with the edges fraying but I. think there's a part of me even like a a. system of organization I think because. your brain just all your brain does is. just organizer it's just an organizing. tool that's true so I think when things. start to get a little weary they don't. know you know people don't know what's. to what's going on yeah what um what's. your husband like he's cool he's uh his.

name is Raphael and my son's name is. leafar which is Raphael spelled. backwards lefar yeah it's pretty cool. wow I know I wish I had a cool name that. sounded good backwards yeah I don't yeah. but it's cool he you don't I just read. it I know sorry. sorry dinov dinov but yeah it's very you. should get your son a vulture or. something for Christmas you're. like I bet anyway sorry sorry sorry for.

making so many jokes about it your. aesthetic and stuff but it's cool I. never some are very accurate though well. I wish I gotten to talk to more people. that I like are goth people I think I. think I don't ever do I don't know if I. don't go to enough goth places I think. I've always kind of had a affinity for. goth women maybe I think oh my brother. likes goth women too I think or he likes. creat ladies kind of like artsy yeah and. yeah I think where I was growing up. being artsy was weird you know I think. it was like people thought you was gay.

or something you know or you was damn. gay or whatever if you you know did like. I remember if you got good grades you. know people thought you were homosexual. you know really oh yeah dude and so it. was like yeah so I think being brave. enough probably where and when I was. little to have uh somebody be like. unique yeah like you seem uh like you. are I think it that would have been so.

maybe that's why I think it's really. fascinating I I think it's maybe the. trauma like that's like like because I. think about why does it why do I think. cigarettes are sexy right like because. there's this like sense of. like you don't care that you're damaging. yourself and there's like a not a danger. to it but just like it's. self-destructive a little bit and I. think with maybe it's. just. like there I don't know like some some. of my favorite bands and or the music I.

listen to It's like there's some stuff. that I'm like oh they're they're good. but you could tell they just like they. don't have any trauma like so it's like. I just don't listen to happy I don't. like Happ I don't I'm not attracted to. it you know what I mean yeah um so yeah. maybe that's what it's what it takes I. know I've had trauma I mean I've seen. some crazy things do a lot of people. take you and Dave Navaro ever or not no. but you know what I do hate is like um. cuz I really want to have bangs and.

every time I've ever cut bangs people. call say that I look like share and I. don't think I look anything like share I. think it's because we have a deep voice. right oh yeah that could be it I saw. Shar at a game she was running around. with a young brother at a at a at the. Super Bowl last year yeah yeah she's. dating like a 17-year-old I think or 18. sorry yeah but um yeah. um yeah but I don't look like daav. Navaro take that back sorry you don't. look anything like DAV Naro I was just.

trying to think if like somebody were. like really ridiculous that they would. run up and say that dude the saddest. thing his that his mother got murdered I. know I've did a portrait of her on him. you did yeah no way mhm. wow uh the street I lived on is where it. happened in Los Angeles oh really yeah. and it always I always think about him. all the time for some reason I guess. because of that or something he's the. interesting guy never got to meet him uh. I'm I don't I don't really know him that. well yeah yeah yeah I never got to know.

him or or know anything about him but. yeah I just remember that I like Jane's. Addiction oh dude yeah bro a friend of. mine through his one-year-old birthday's. kid his kid's birthday at Perry frell's. house right so I knew about per I I. didn't know I knew about Jame's. addiction but I didn't know Perry frell. right so I'm over there just kind of. lurking lering wait wait somebody's. kid's birthday yeah my friend uh they. didn't have a lot of like they like you. know in La a lot of times if somebody. finally gets a nice house everybody. starts throwing their children's parties. there cuz it's a big enough space yeah.

okay so yeah they did it there and Perry. frell was in there and I didn't know I. was just kind of loitering around in the. other room cuz I'm been hanging out with. a bunch of [ __ ] one year old you know. what I'm saying dud well I was just. thinking about this the other day. because it was my kid's birthday right. and he's like super into Billy Idol. right now like he loves Billy Idol and. he not not even Billy Idol he loves. Steve Stevens which is the guitarist of. Billy Idol and I just love that my kid. thinks he's so so cool you know and he. has this little like plastic red guitar. that like he'll be in front of the. mirror at the house and he'll make the. faces like like Steve Stevens and so I.

tattooed Steve a while back I did a. portrait of his beautiful wife on him. and I was like I texted him I'm like and. I sent him a video of my son like oh and. and in the video I'm like hey who are. you and he's like I'm Steve Stevens like. you know the coolest and so there's a. picture of him there yeah right exactly. I'm like oh I love it see my son gets it. you know and so I was like should I cuz. my friends are like are you GNA ask him. to come because I did a rock and roll. themed birthday party for him like. you're gonna ask Steve Stevens to come. and I was like no dude I'm not going to.

do that because I feel. like that's one thing that irks me about. like La people that they'll do that when. they get weird about their kids and. they'll be like I want to get like. without naming names I've like dated. some people that put their kids on these. weird pedestals and they'll like use. their name to get people to you know so. it's like I was like no I'm not going to. and also like it'll be weird if you just. like shows up and is just hanging out. with like a bunch of and a 5-year-old if. he's hanging out with a 5-year-old yeah. or just it'll be boring for him right. yeah it's like they it's like him and.

him and Steve stens take a walk and talk. about their careers or whatever together. it's like yeah that part I think would. be kind of the strange part I think it'. be really probably sweet for your son. even though I did ask I did ask leafar. I'm like hey what would you do if Steve. if if you hung out with Steve's like I. would take him to the pirate park. because there's like a pirate ship park. there I'm like oh. cool show him your Sonic the Hedgehog. toy. did you um but one time one time a long. time ago Kirsty Ally hit me up really. and was like hey my son true is like.

your biggest fan and he's having and. this is when he was really little like. he's like an adult now but um we're. having a a Kat Von D themed birthday. party and they she showed me the cake. and she's like she's like I know it's. weird and annoying but do you think you. could come over and just like surprise. him and I was just like. Ste is so cool you know like I loved her. you know and I was like should I go over. there and I was I was tattooing that day. and afterwards I just rolled up and it.

was just so awkward because it was just. like hi and then you're just like I. don't have any tricks like you know. there's nothing to do so yeah oh there's. nothing weirder than when you realize. you don't have a skill like an actual. like skill like big balloons or. something unless you start tattooing. little kids you know um dude I my best. friend Scott his a his aunt worked with. alley and we went out to Maine one time. which is that's where they live at like. out on alboro island so we got to go out.

there and we got to go eat dinner at our. house one time oh cool it was pretty. cool I think Co like memory is not that. great but I think it was pretty great. yeah and she had a tennis court that was. like kind of in the ocean on these rocks. really it was literally in the ocean so. it's just like so cool and being on like. Maine is so like you know it's like so. just like yeah yeah we'll see about that. you know it's got that [ __ ] grit in. it yeah um Stephen King grit yeah a lot. of [ __ ] domestic abuse up there as.

well I'm not pointing fingers but you. could Point them anywhere up there and. you'd be right uh but yeah I love that. place Portland Main have you been there. Portland no one of my most favorite. cities oh really yeah I didn't know it. would be amazing and it was actually. blew my mind okay um is there a place. that you really like uh I'm not going to. say it because it's Uber goth oh it is. Transylvania no I would say um like. Prague was my favorite place oh yeah.

yeah just the Gothic architecture and. stuff and also I love Beethoven and like. I there I'm going be a nerd right now. but one of his Apartments is there and. so I went and like took a picture the. apartment and everything oh that's cool. yeah yeah I'm trying to think if I seen. anybody's good death place or or place. that's. like have you ever done any weird like. rituals or something I'm sure people. think that done some no no but um my. friend and I we used to collect pictures. at cemeteries all around the world which.

I thought was really cool yeah like the. I think my two favorite cemeteries that. I've ever been to well there's three but. um there um obviously in Paris there's. the the famous one with where Edith PE. off and Oscar wild and everyone else is. buried there um and then there's one in. Argentina that is like the coolest one. ever and there's like this huge weight. list to get buried there but um it's. just the most. Monumental mosques or whatever they're. called but super cool you just walk and.

see all the architecture um yeah and New. Orleans is like that too I went to to to. the New Orleans on was good but um it. was right after the her Katrina a lot of. the like body parts and things back up. yeah yeah a lot of people coming back to. like probably get money from the. government or whatever like even bodies. were like you know you see an arm coming. out of the ground like give me a check. you know just that kind of City I think. over there. yeah um what else do you want to do. you've had an interesting life cat yeah.

um and look I know some of the things we. say like being able to leave Los Angeles. and do that kind of things we've at. least had enough been able to like I. don't know I sometimes wonder does that. seem like egotistical you. know I mean I never want to put down. like LA because I I love La you know. like I love the dirt there I love my. friends love a lot of aspects of it um. yeah and the weather being able to go to. the beach if you want the beach oh yeah. that's true huh that's your arch nemesis.

yeah the sun I forgot about that. sorry you got to put me back in that. little box with a bow on it yeah I know. what if your name had been cat vitamin D. that would have been so ironic well you. know I thought like what if you and I. would have gotten married then my name. would have been Kat Von Von yeah y. people like damn this lady's uh. interested looking but even crazier. she's got. dyslexia oh who that stutter stutter.

yeah the stuttering Icelandic chick yeah. she's. something oh that's cute yeah um oh. there's some pictures from uh that we. had of some uh tattoos that we wanted to. just look at with you is that okay for a. minute okay I'm sure people have done. this a lot do I have to say bad things. about him no no we can say whatever we. want oh but I want to ask about your. tattoos so you are getting uh you're. getting Inked out what is it is there a. term for it's really fascinating looking. it reminds me one of those hairless cats. kind of yeah I have hairless cats um.

yeah I just I've been blacking out all. my tattoos and so I'm in the process I. have like almost 80% of my body done now. oh my God yeah but I'm not it's not. going to look like a like I'm wearing a. scuba diving like thing it's gonna I'm G. to have like these like black flowers. kind of you know so how black and how. long does this process take kind of. think I think I'm I'm up to 40 40 hours. now so but but I mean I've done like the. arms yeah but in increments I you know I.

go and I can't sit for more than two or. three hours and there's this guy in in. Philly that um he like specializes in it. but it's funny because you know when I. first got into tattooing was during a. time when there was no tattoo shows or. anything so it was like you would not. get hired if you had a face tattoo or. you know what I mean it was a different. era and then I think when like certain. celebrities started getting tattooed. like the drewberry Moors and the. Angelina Julies like it started kind of. bringing it to the like if you had a.

tattoo a cute one it was okay you know. and then the TV shows like blew up and. then everybody has a tattoo now and it's. kind of boring but um but I feel like. ever since I started blacking out my. tattoos I feel like I went back to the. time where people hated tattoos again. cuz people just do not like this they. like they're very confused by why I'm. doing this every time I post progress. shots it's always like why are you doing. this to yourself like this is so ugly. like this is you know I think it looks.

for some reason I I didn't know what I. think it looks nice I I did too I like I. like the interesting yeah it's almost. fascinating in a strange way like it's. like the inverse of something yeah. exactly you know it's like that car it's. like car I don't know what it is um but. it's yeah it's I'm not I don't like pain. so I you know I just numb myself up and. you know he sits there and Tattoos me. when you say numb yourself what do you. put on an anales or something you.

topical anesthetics like like like a. cream does that work really yeah I mean. it saves me like a good an hour and a. half or something like that yeah no I. can't do pills I can't do anything like. yeah yeah oh yeah yeah I can't do. nothing like that boy nope I don't do no. pills Bubby yeah um and so how much now. you're going to get 80% of your body. done no I'm going to do all of it your. whole body's going to be in a in a uh in. dark ink uhhuh your whole body's going.

to be in dark ink yeah and now but but. it'll have like sections that are like. you know like see how there's okay so. parts that aren't yeah yeah yeah oh. interesting wow it's almost like. uh it reminds you of like stained glass. or something for some reason uh it'll. look nice I like like people need to. trust the process it'll look good at the. end. yeah if anybody has an eye for something. that's unique or trying to do something. new I like that yeah it seems like you. would be at least granted that yeah.

ability to experiment yeah oh yeah. here's a video of you right here yeah so. that's like my last session I. did wow I after what is that boy is that. a damn cake cutter that's 40 needles God. damn brother that. thing wow. yeah that's cool where do your do your. folks have your folks been to visit your. new place my dad has yeah my dad's my. contractor so oh he is huh oh good you.

can [ __ ] at him easier and what about. your mom um she lives in Southern. California oh yeah yeah are you guys. close or not not as close yeah but I. think you know once I when I had my son. I feel like she likes being a grandma. and oh she does yeah I think so oh. that's cool yeah yeah that's one thing. that's fascinating about kids it like. gives your family a chance to like. regroup a little I think you know I. remember when my niece was born it just. like was the first time that our family. started to have any semblance of a.

family it cuz we all had one thing in. common that we cared about yeah and it. was undisputable and so it was like it. starts to like other things start to. kind of Bloom from that a little bit. that's cool um yeah that must be. traumatic hearing people's stories when. they come to tattoo cuz some people are. coming with a story huh yeah oh every. single one I don't think I've ever. tattooed somebody that just you know was. getting tattooed out of boredom or. anything like that yeah yeah a lot of. our therapists in the world are getting. uh they're oversaturated with pain I.

think from other people yeah yeah what. do you mean I just think there's a lot. of therapists a lot of my friends that. are therapists they are oversaturated. with people's you know because even if. somebody shares their story of uncomfort. or pain it still lands on somebody yeah. you know and I find a lot of my friends. that are therapists are starting to. struggle because they are like water law. yeah with other people's like trauma and. sharing of it and stuff yeah it's got to. be a heavy job well that's what I. thought when you said about tattoo. workers I never thought or artist tattoo.

artist I'd never thought about that yeah. I mean I I I love hearing people's. stories so I'm always very welcoming to. or I was welcoming to all that stuff so. you know it never bothered me but I know. that a lot of tattooers didn't want to. didn't want to hear it yeah what would. they do what do you say quiet tattoo. time only no I just think that like I. think when the TV shows came out people. saw as an outlet for therapy which it. can be you know but some people aren't. equipped emotionally to do that you know. for me I'm like I I I can talk about.

anything I don't care yeah you know and. I ended up studying books on death and. everything just so I could better. understand grieving processes and stuff. I'm not a therapist by any means but you. know well these days anybody who will. listen to somebody caringly I think is. is better and half sometimes it's better. even than half the stuff we have out. there yeah um there's a lot of [ __ ]. therapists out there too yeah you know. cuz anybody can do it yeah you just have. to go to school and then they'll let you. do it yeah that's [ __ ] crazy dude. yeah I wonder how much that works yeah.

yeah but I mean there's a lot of great. therapists but you have a lot of. therapist friends yeah a lot of friends. that are therapists and you just start. to see that they're getting I start to. notice a lot of them having a tough time. and it's like I think a lot of that is. just them taking on that people's pain. you know and i' never thought that. tattoo artists hear a lot of it I just. never even thought about it yeah I mean. different types I'm sure like if you're. doing you know dragons all day I'm sure. it's not the same experience but what. what's the toughest part for somebody to.

get a tattoo on them what do you mean. toughest like the hardest part yeah um I. think like some people assume that like. if if you have like a fatty area it's. not going to hurt as much but it's more. based on your nerve setup so you know. your your spine you're going to have a. lot of nerves branching off of it so. places like your lower back or your butt. like things like that are pretty. sensitive but I don't know like your. butt cheek is is sensitive I remember. like the crease where my leg meets my.

butt is was fire god that seems scary. the back of your kneecaps. like do you think there's something. about the pain of getting the tattoo. that is also part of the I don't know I. don't I never I'm not one of those. people I know there's like kinky people. I don't I never like I was that's not. their thing I don't know I I I have a. hard time with it yeah I don't like. it um anything else we can think about. or talk about did you ever find that. video on mcau.

culen I just thought that this was I'd. like to S. brendo you are absolutely. everything. um uh you're my Champion you're. you're the only person happier for me. today than I. am um you're not only the best woman. I've ever known you're the best person.

I've ever known uh you've given me just. all my purpose you given me. family um you know and after the birth. of our two boys you become one of my. three favorite. people you're somewhere in. there but um I love you I love you so. much. um so yeah to to wrap things up uh and. in the spirit of the holiday season I. just want to say uh Merry Christmas you. filthy.

animals his life was like there's a part. in the beginning of that where he seems. kind you're you're kind of like he still. seems like a kid and a. man I never heard his speaking voice. like as an adult until now yeah is there. anything else that you'd like to talk. about CAD is there any other like. Endeavors you think about in your world. do you think you'll go back to tattooing. or do you Do It. um is that a weird question I don't I. don't know a ton about tattooing no no. it's cool um yeah I think I'll I'll.

always want to tattoo until my eyesight. goes or something but I don't know if. I'm interested in doing um like I I just. you know I I stopped doing tattoos for. money decades ago it's been like you. know almost like 15 years or something. like I just I just tattoo my friends you. know oh yeah yeah because I think uh the. dynamic is can be pretty intense. sometimes if you're tattooing like. people you don't know you know so cuz. you're like in a room together.

intimately for like you know hours. you're stuck in there sometimes have it. been a nightmare being stuck in a room. with somebody uh I'm never alone but. like usually when I used to tattoo. strangers but uh but now you know um I. just tattoo my friends do people like. say they hire you for like specific a. guest T like is that kind of thing. happen is a tattoo artist like when you. get to have a claim as a tattoo artist. do they say like I want you to come and. do my tattoo like I want to hire you. like oh like how how do you book an.

appointment you mean or or like. specifically like does that happen like. some people might like uh com commiss no. what's it called commission commission. yeah yeah yeah I mean I would always. yeah yeah I mean it kind of works that. way like people when I used to take. appointments it would be more like. they'd have to show me what they wanted. to get and have like you know a little. bit of the backstory that kind of thing. and then we would have like a booking. process but now do people does it ever. you get a ring from like a prince of. like nodding or something and they want.

to does that happen to yeah and I don't. like that okay I don't like when people. like like want me to go to them because. like first of all it's like you're. creating a sterile environment and so. like I don't want to do that in your. kitchen you know I've only done that. like a few times for for my friends. friends but like I something about like. I don't know I don't like feeling like. like a like a stripper or something oh. so the okay there's something about that. then oh yeah that's interesting oh I. would hate to be a.

stripper I would be so bad at it I don't. like people seeing my I think like my. butt sometimes I think like sometimes if. I hook up with a woman or something I'll. walk out of the room backwards they. don't look at really yeah I don't think. there anything wrong what's weird with. it nothing is wrong with it I think I. just like I think just know that when. you stand up after we're done here. I think people just makes me nervous I. think cuz I know I look at people's butt. sometimes so I'm just like dude so I. just got to stop looking I'm. self-conscious about that stuff too to.

be honest like I feel like I even in in. photo shoots I always try and conceal. myself somehow yeah I was like hide. behind things. but yeah I love to be dude I play hide. and go seek dude i' go hide I'd [ __ ]. leave I'd go home dude my buddy's out. there looking for me for three hours bro. [ __ ] him son that's life you better get. used to it. buddy um yep thank you so much cap on D. and everybody you just you know you can. just find her wherever you usually find. people and um best of luck with your new.

home I want to see when that tulip. Garden's going to be done I know yeah. you have to come up yeah what's the ETA. on that thing you I think in Spring is. usually when they come up yeah boy yeah. that Canna be interesting oh you got to. get a good Scarecrow in. it yeah maybe not yeah you could I yeah. it you don't want to it's fine yeah yeah. that's all good uh cat thank you so much. yeah no worries thanks for having me yep. now I'm just floating on thee and I feel. I'm falling like these leaves I must be.

Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of mind I. found I can feel it in my bones. [Music].