John Crist | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #350

I want to say thank you for supporting. me in my ability to be a human. I love you. And I want to let you know. that the tour, the still unnamed, I'll name it soon. By. next week, I think I'll have a name for. it. But it's coming to uh St. Louis, Cincinnati, good places. Charlotte, Durham, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Wilmington. You want to get. out there in Wilmington where people. are. A lot of milk maids out there.

Wilsby, Minneapolis, Charleston, Richmond, Baltimore over. there, the Black Maine they call it, Portland, Burlington, Albany, Buffalo, Columbus, Ohio as well. Uh the um the. Netflix taping, those shows are sold out. in Nashville. Thank you so much for the. support. And I will be running that. material in Huntsville a few days prior. Uh that is the first week of August. You. can get tickets for any date at.

theon.com/tour. Don't buy through any other link. It's a. scam. They jacked up prices. I try to keep tickets at fair prices for. you. Today's guest is a friend of mine, a. decent man, and a man who has walked the. road of uh who's walked a very common. road when it comes to humor and and. that's a road of struggle. Um he's become a better friend of mine.

over the past year and we have a lot in. common and we're going to get into some. of that and uh and just talk turkey. about to embark on his fresh cut comedy. tour. It is Mr. John Chris. [Music]. I'll sit and tell you my stories.

Shine. on me. and I will find a song. I will sing it. Just. [Applause]. that's just the Lord's liquid right. there, bro. It ain't nothing to it. Liquid death, man. And I don't know if. I'd want to go with a dry death or a. liquid death. to die. Now, what do you do now? You have a you. got a real religious kind of history,

you know? Tell me about that. Like, how do you. kind of. Cuz sometimes. sometimes I feel like you get. not penciled in with religion. Yeah. But you almost, you know, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Chris, you know, like. it's not shocking to hear that. They. like or if I did that joke in my show, you'd be like, "Oh, this is like his. like this is part of the thing.". Right. But what I mean, if you Well, if you. live in America, let's say an average. person's cuz I grew up in church. My.

dad's a pastor. I was homeschooled. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Homeschooled. One of eight. kids. Wow. So, when you So, did your dad teach. any of the courses or In homeschooling. is the is the the mother. the mom teaches? the mom. Well, in tra Well, see, there's two. types of homeschool. There's like. homeschool like if you're Serena. Williams and you want to be professional. football or you want to be a. professional tennis player, like I'll. just homechool so I can. And then. there's like the cultural homeschoolers.

Those are like long jean skirts, Christian traditionally. That's a. different type of homechool. Like pale of water. Yeah. That's a. like where are they going? They got they. got a faucet. But they got one, right? Yeah. Yeah. Books around a belt, you know, put up. Yeah. That type of. Yeah. Very Willie and Nelly Olsen from. Little House on the Prairie. Is that how it go? You're like, "Nah, not really, but sure." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, with homeschooling, man, so your. mother homeschooled you? Yeah. Did your dad Does the dads come up with. the curriculum? Where do they get the.

curriculum? It's you like have a like there's like a. there's like a group they have like. their homeschool like textbooks. is like. but that but you buy all the textbooks. but then you use them eight times. because my brother did it and then I do. it two years later and then the little. brother but all the like a math problem. it would be like. I wish I was making this up but I'm not. like. in Matthew 4 he had five loaves and two. fish subtract three loaves how many you.

they're all like the they're about the. Bible like all the it's not like a train. was traveling 60 mph is like a caravan. of donkeys going to see the North Star. Oh, okay. So, it suddenly like gets it in there. You. know what I'm saying? Like, we'll slide. the Bible in. So, they'll sneak some facts in, huh? That's true, dude. Dang. We'll get Yeah, we'll teach them, dude. One way or another. Did you guys like at. Halloween? Cuz I dated a girl for a. little bit. No Halloween in my house, dude. From Nashville, right? And she at.

Halloween, they were only allowed to. dress up as characters from the Bible. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When she was growing up. Well, so do you. know what she dressed as? I don't know who she dressed as. I think. it was one of the women in it. There's. there a lot of Here's the thing about. the Bible. Kind of dude heavy. Yeah, they're all written by dudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they educated guys, which is a little. little tricky. Brenda should have got a book. Yeah. She at least a book. Hey, this is. how I You know, I used to have a joke in. my show about.

there there was a story in the Bible. about Jesus and the prostitute. That's. the That's the heading of the story. Uh-huh. And you know the prostitute, she gets. her sins forgiven and she gets saved and. all this kind of stuff. She's. in heaven now. This is my bit. But like. she's like, "Yo, what's up? My name's. like Cheryl." Or like who? I'm like. the pro. Oh, what's up, dude? You're the. like she didn't she get a name? She gets. no name. So in the Bible, they didn't even give. her a name. No, but there's But that's not gender. specific. There's like Jesus and the man.

with leprosy. You're He's like, "Dude, I. had a nice job. I had a family. I. I had more than leprosy." He says, "But for the book, it's like, we just. need you to be leprosy. We need you to. be leprosy one. There's no uh. we need prostitute one. We need leprosy. one.". What's it called when you do a TV show. and then somebody's in the background. doing something like, "Hey, can you. Oh, yeah. release. There was no release at back in. the Bible times about leprosy guys like, "Hey, we're just going to. Right. We're just going to take your story, bro.". And leprosy was pretty popular, I think, for a while. Yeah.

You know, but if you were if you were if you had. it, it was. it was bad. No, you're out. You you can't. Oh, you can't party with leprosy. No, no, no, no. But I don't even know if. that's how it was translitted, but that. in you know, they're just like you're. cast out if you got the I don't What is. it? What do you think it is? A scab or. something? Party. I think it was like a little. something and then your whole body it. got like your leg would fall off. I don't think so. You would shed a limb. Yeah. You want to. look that up, please, Sean? Leprosy. Bring up a limb shedding. What is But that when you talk about.

something bad in the Bible, like dude, he probably probably had leprosy. Probably leprosy. infectious disease. called bibbasilus. So I don't know who he is that who that. is. Is he uh. transmitted via droplets? That sounds. familiar. Yeah. Nose from the nose and the mouth. No. masks back then, bro. Wow. The basilus is likely transmitted via. droplets. Yep. It's curable with. therapy. There were. there were 202,000. Is that.

who registered cases of leprosy in 2019? Yeah. What if you called a girl, hey, I. can't come over tonight? Why not? I got. leprosy. I got leprosy. That would it be like I mean it says. right there 202,000 cases. It's plausible, but it's not I guess it doesn't it's not. a death sentence now. It's plausible. But don't if you if you were like you. walking into something and you rolled an. ankle back in the Bible, you're like. that's it. That's it. That's it. If you rolled an an Yeah. Like. you walking with a limp the rest of your. That's it. Well, we forget, you know, I.

I I I will romanticize things a lot of. times and think, man, if I, you know, it'd be so nice to be on a carriage with. my wife or with some, you know, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. like old times. Like old times. I'll do that a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And then you start to think like what. old times were really like and it was. probably pretty sad. Tough. Well, you don't even have to go. back that far to like if you think about. like dude, when you were a kid, remember. going to pick someone up at the airport? You just like, I hope they're here.

Oh, yeah. And you would go around, circle back. around. You're like, maybe they're here. this time. Right. And then you would. just There was no check in. There's no. flight tracker. There's no cell phones. You just went, you would keep going. Yeah. Maybe you. stay for 30 minutes and then. and if you were there with your he send. you in. Hey, run in there and see on the. on the screen if it's here. And then but you don't even know if he. got on it, right? Cuz you can't call. But it was also so. much fun. I feel like to just go do. anything then. It was like everything.

was kind of like an adventure. It was. like, "All right, let's we're going to. pick up our friend from the airport. You don't know what's going to happen, right?" They were going to go up there. to meet some so and so in the movie. theater. Maybe, but maybe not. He might. not be there. Yeah. If a date didn't show like you. really got stood up like you like there. was no way to like know why or. to say is. they could lie. It was easy. Next time. they saw you, they could lie. Okay. But. remember when I I remember I told you a. couple days ago about when you I didn't. get a text back from you and then your. it went to green and I was like that's a. red alert in 2021, right?

But back then he' be like. he'll turn back up and so like he he. missed a couple weeks of school. What. happened to him? And then you just show. back up. What's up dude? He's around. Yeah. I don't know. He's cutting the. grass. Yeah. Where'd he been? Yeah. You don't know. Now it's like. so much such a mystery then thing. There. were so many better but now it's like. the like you know girls be like hey I. noticed you don't watch my Instagram. stories anymore. You're like oh my okay. we know too much. Wouldn't you say that? Like. oh now it's definitely.

like oh I saw you like on your Instagram. about I don't need to probably know. that. Yeah. And you can't hide anymore. You. can't. like I used to love to be able to make. things up back in the day. You can make. up who your family was. You can make up. anything. You can't can't anymore. You could say. you were a prince. You could make up. anything. Like you're a prince, dude. You know, you couldn't check anything. Small big bird sweatshirt. A little questionable. I feel like a prince would wear that. Why you you moved here to Louisiana? Yeah, but it's kind of like we had a.

transfer situation, but they were like, "All right.". Yeah. It was an exchange program at the. castle. That's like, dude, in in you know, in. rehab, you can't you can't no one knows. You don't have any phones or nothing, so. no one knows. You can make up stuff. there, right? Cuz this guy said he's from India. and he's like he had like this is true. actually had like 37 like not servants. at his house but 37 people worked at his. house. No way. And you're like. that's a different but you don't know. anybody's name. You don't know their. whole name.

Oh if I was any like Chuck, right? You're like I don't know. He might I. don't know. Maybe. Chuck has 37 people working for him. Yo sh. Oh damn. Chuck's hard as up. Um, here's a question right here from. somebody that came in. Theo Von's my favorite comedian in the. whole world. Smart choice, brother. Let's. John Chris is my wife's favorite. comedian in the whole world. I would have liked the wife. Feel like the universe is about to. implode. How did you guys connect? Was it the.

Nashville thing? Did you guys know about each other. coming up? And John, what's it like for you to be. on Theo's podcast? Like, is this it for you? You going to. blow now? Just like the big This is it. Not going to blow me, dude. You know. what I'm saying? No. No. No. I mean, I'm not trying to knock you or anything, but. Okay. First of all, we got to hang with. that guy that everything about that. I don't know. The guy shirtless. He's shirtless. He He was like, "Before.

I get to my question, I need to get some. I need to be involved." And we got a lot. of backstory. Sometimes I get nervous and take my. shirt off when I do stuff. I don't like. to be shirtless. You don't? I just got to make sure your my body's. positioned right when you're shirtless. You know, really. when you're sitting up like this, you. know what I'm saying? You don't look. good. Oh, that's. You know, it's like a your body looks a. little. Yeah, that's like kind of like I've been. drinking stepdad kind of. Yeah. I wonder who came up someone that.

came up with shirts are like, "Hey, we. got a. I wonder why." It all goes back to I. think how like I like even romanticizing. what things used to be like. Like it was. probably so hot. People were so stinky. Y. that's the thing you don't realize. Someone was. smells horrible though. People were stinky. People were dying. like, "Hey, do you want to marry, you. know, uh. you got to go down to the river? It. might be three and a half miles away. You want to marry Sarah?". Yep. There wasn't any options for marriage. It was like, "Do you want to marry.

Margaret?" Because that's who you. There was no like That's why they say. like, "Hey, there's only, you know, very. very like a religious Christian." They. was like, "You're there. You have a. soulmate. One person on this planet for. you that God has a plan for you to find. this woman. One person on planet Earth, there's 7 billion people, right? And it happened to be the girl that. lives two doors down. What are the odds. of that out of that?" Hey, wow. No, this. girl actually worked in my office. She. worked in your office and you hooked up.

7 billion people on earth and the girl. that was God's plan for you worked in. your office. Y'all are lucky. Wow. Dang. God had the easiest plan for you, dude. The easiest plan. Yo, that's a hookup, dude. You found. her. Just You didn't even have to go, man. You barely. had to leave the state. You didn't have. to leave the neighborhood. She was right. there. You can't really say that's like. not very romantic to say that there's a. bunch of women that would be good for. you.

Well, to marry, but that's would be true, right? Right. Well, I don't know. Like, how many do you think would be a. good marriage partner for you? Let's say. I think I'm the loose nugget. Okay. I'm the loose nugget. So, you might cut down. You might do 5,000. in America or in the world. In the world. Oh, wow. It's a good. amount. 5,000. But then if you say, "Babe, you're the only one for me." She's like, I mean,

that's a hefty promise. But it used to. be a reliable It used to be a fair. promise to make, I think, to someone. that you're the one for me. Now, part of. the problem is is there's so many. ones. Well, there's also so many like abil. there's so much capability to get. access. It's like, you know, they say. you're only as. capable as your options or whatever, like. Yeah. You don't Yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden, you get some money, your. sphere kind of you get outside of the.

neighborhood a little bit, right? Yeah. All of a sudden, you got a. driver's license. Now you can. Right. You go to the next town. You could get across town. You could. touch titty across town, man. But back in the day, I remember back in the day, you really. That's it. You had your Did you ever. like intermix with the other high. schools like or do you kind of hang in. your high school? No, I would hang at the other high. schools cuz I ended up switching from. one school to another like town in two. different towns and they were totally. different. One was like a real country. town. that I grew up in and one was a little. bit more like suburban kind of richalthy.

both of them. Yeah. Well, when I got to the fancier. one, that was the first time a girl ever. liked me and so it was I had like a new. beginning. When what you what age? What? What. grade? Um, seven, eight, nine, 10 grade. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember walking across the gym and. some girl was looking at me and I. thought something had happened to me. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Like. you might have glowed up. You might had. a summer. You might had a glow up. somewhere. I might have, man. Got your braces off or something like. that. Uh, no. I needed braces.

So, it must have been like this kind of. make a wishy type. But her name was Jenny. I remember. She. was hot, man. And she looked at she. looked that was the first time you ever. remember a girl looking at you like in a. way. dude and I can still feel her looking at. me. That's how that's how nice it was to. be admired by a woman. You might have been we were still. chasing that. We might be. I think I'm still chasing that. admiration. Did we answer the other guys. question was a question? I mean we met I. think I mean I've known about you over.

the years but I've seen you more. I know I know where I met you. We've. talked about this before at uh the. Punchline. in Atlanta. And I did a guest spot for. you. Did you really? Yeah. Oh, I remember. You were wearing sweatpants. You were. wearing elastic sweatpants. I go, "This. man is unhinged." Oh, wow. But you were just You came in, you were. like, "What up?" You know what? Dude, what's crazy about now with me and you. and then is like. we ate. like no one knew who we were, right? No one was like trying like we were. trying to hang with fans like we were.

trying and they were like, "Nah, we. good." Remember those days? Oh. Like we would be like, "What are y'all. doing?" Right. And no one would be like, "Ah, we're. good.". And that wasn't that long ago. They're like, "I got a family, man. I. got a future.". They were like, "Hey, y'all want to like. drink or something?" They were like, "No, we like we like like your hamster. bone story, but we got to go.". Yeah, dude. We want to find you had a. couple free hamps out here. Yeah, we're good, dude. Dude, they had good pie at that place at. Punch Line. Great pie. The new punch line. Yeah. Yeah, the new punch line. But it but but.

what's funny about that guy's comment is. which is always happens like you're my. favorite comedian and I'm his wife's. favorite comedian. It's like that that's very common for. me. You and I were at that bar one night. remember and some guy said didn't some. guy say to me and he said my wife loves. you. Yeah. Which I don't is that good or bad? I don't know. I would trade you. I'm joking. with that guy specifically. I mean, maybe without specific not knowing his. wife, not even knowing be like sight. unseen. That's a good call.

I'll take it. Uh, well, you know, Ralphie May, Ralphie May. said, RIP. He said women. are the ones that that that you know, if. you have like a little like a sexist. like misogynistic joke, people are like, "Yeah, like first of all, women make the. decision to come see you. guys will come. but no like you know those real like old. school type comics that were very like. uh like that's not a thing any like. women are driving the sales and if. you're cool.

to women you're that's like you know. like only exclusively dude comics you. know any of those guys. I don't audience is male. yours. so. what do you think from like the like the. fighting stuff. no I think just from podcasting just. talking about stuff being alive. A lot. of my audience is just men that are. trying to be alive, trying to live, I think. Yeah. Do you know, have you ever looked at. your Instagram? Like your the breakdown? Yeah. I'm like 80%. men.

Exact opposite. Really? That is wild. No. Exact opposite. Which I got a little bit I feel a little. bit I feel some kind of way about that. But do you feel some kind of way about. yours? No, I feel honestly I just feel grateful. that I that I have some sort of. connection with an audience. So, I think. that that's really the most that's. that's kind of what feels like that. I. mean, yes, I think every comedian wishes. there was like a bunch of big juggy bro. Yeah. Uh. that you look at your demographics and. they have photos of this is this is it.

some breasty muppets in the front, dude. You know what I'm saying? I don't think maybe. Yeah, maybe. But uh the big dude I remember the. biggest breast I ever saw as a kid was. on this buddy. on a guy. On a guy, dude. I remember even touching. myself to him once when I was young cuz. it was the only ones we had at that age. But what you saw him? Oh, dude. He slept with them out. What do you mean out? He slept with them, you know, shirtless. or whatever. I think it was real hot. He. was at that weight where it gets real. hot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It gets hot easily. Oh, yeah. He's at that hot weight, dude.

You'd see his uh. you know, you'd see the And he had Dude, his dad had done the ceiling fan in his. room and this thing was. illegally powered. Yes. It was on high. It was. And you'll turn it off. It doesn't turn. off. Just Yeah. There's no off. You've seen those ones that are like, "Is that going to fall off?" It's like. going. This one smelled very I think it it ran. on kerosene or something. It was really. It was authentic, man. But I remember. the wind would cool would almost put a.

redness on tint on his skin. Okay. Yeah. And he would rest and I remember one. time as being of age at his house to be. erect and just. and he was. he was asleep. Thank God. You were. sleeping in the same room with this man. Yeah. Or he was a Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't call him a man. We were both. boys. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I don't want to be some boy. masturbating to a man. Yeah. Well, you know, when you were like. a me talking about this. Well, when you were like young, you were like you wanted to I wanted to.

be like me and my buddies would like. like streak through the neighborhood. Yes. And it was cool to be like with your. clothes off. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. It. was very like and that's the tricky like. when we like in rehab you kind of do. your uh like your sexual history. They. talk about that kind of stuff like. what's the first time. you had like a sexual. anything. Oh, really? And I remember when I was I had to be. seven or eight, this older girl came to. babysit us.

and I we were playing freeze tag and I. tagged her on the boob. But I didn't. know, you know, I didn't know. I didn't know much. I. didn't know why I wanted to do that, but. I just did. Did you? So, after you did it, did you. fe did it feel like something? It felt unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know. And that. that's God, bro. But I don't It might That's the way. everyone's here. Everyone is here. because of that, right? Everyone's here because of sex,

right? So, it's interesting that sex. becomes this taboo thing. That's what. Yeah. Like Louis E K had a bit when he. came through Zany's like two three weeks. ago. Did you go watch him? Yeah. Wow. He said. I was out of town. You. know, we take things too far and people. do stuff that is across the line. But he. said you everyone wants to live in a. world where Sarah at your high school. went, "What's up with Theo?". Yeah. You right. Yeah. And now you don't want to go be touching. people inappropriately or going AC but. you want to live in a world where.

someone goes I wonder what she's up to. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And what's her name? Um you know Steph. Curry. Yeah. Yeah. So his wife a man. Yeah. grown man. His wife you know. before kids when he was coming into the. league she said she would always walk. through you know the you know the. hallways and people would holler at her. and be like what's up? And then she she. said she had two kids kind of like got a. little bit older. She said, "I miss. people like kind of. cat calling.".

Yeah. No, no. Again, not not. inappropriate, you know, but you like. let's not act like that world doesn't. exist, right? Right. It's flattering, huh? What's up? Like, I wonder what. I want to talk to her, right? That whatever that is, some see Yeah. a sense of attraction. Yeah. Yeah. We all want to be wanted in some way. And then I I don't think it's weird to. be, you know, to be wanted sexually kind of, you know, at all really. It it's but and. it also is the most natural thing. Like.

I get a feeling sometimes in my body. that every part of me wants to climb out. of my penis. you're you got to go inward first and. then I literally have a feeling. sometimes like I just get this like. this tense energy that everything I have. or am wants to like if my whole body. could fly out of my penis and just. disappear then. and I'm done. And we had a good run. We had a good. run, you know, and that and I feel like.

I'd be okay with that. What happened to Theo? You know what? It's a long story. He's on top. Yeah. He's with the Lord now. He went out how. he wanted to go out. Because it's also interesting if that's. the way that you went out, it'd be like. an inverse of the way that you came in. in a weird way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz everybody came. into this world the same way. Yeah. And he he was that's the that's the real. Lion King. That's the circle of life. right there, man. Yeah. It should be some guy masturbating. off a cliff. You know what I'm saying? But somebody else catching and taking.

care of it. Well, if you were like. that because they they would talk about. how like is it like a is this like when. you were like you know when you were. with your buddies and you were like. let's like sleep naked or something like. that. They were like was that. inappropriate? And they were like no. that was just a a a. a boy trying Yeah. Yeah. And they were. like they want to make a distinction. between cuz if there if it this is a. little bit graphic not really but like. if it's two boys.

being curious. versus a boy and an uncle cuz he knows. right. and then that's a problem. That's. trauma, right? When you have the know when one. of them has. when one of them knows and is trying to. do a thing versus if it's too like cuz. and then kids get in trouble for stuff. that is just curious. Don't put that in. the same category because then that. shame comes in like oh I thought I was. you're supposed to be a Christian and. you're streaking like that's just. that's kind of what or like you're going. to go jump in the girls pool and you're.

going to that's kind of just but that's. a tough line cuz then sometimes it can. Yeah. switch into Oh, I don't think that was. that wasn't appropriate, right? It can switch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's I mean some of that. stuff's tricky, dude. I remember. babysitting my my some family members. one time or semif family. and the kids over there in the bed, you. know, naked with his little buddy, you. know. Yeah. Yeah. Two boys. Yeah. And so I just I didn't say nothing. to him or make him feel weird or.

anything, you know? I didn't I also. didn't go in and tickle him at that. moment. You know what I'm saying? It's. like you got to know when to tickle. people. and when to just let them be. You know, that's they say, "How do you know?" I. think you just got to That's something. that's something you know. That's, you. know, but I think people's that governor. inside of your head for what's okay. sexually can certainly get altered. Yep. And get uh and get weird and get. like when I think of those Duggar kids. like the Speaking of religious families, like they have those Duggar children, you know, they're famous.

They're like 10 kids and. 20 children. How many children was it? Pull up Duggar. children. I was going to try I Yeah. Yeah. You want to try out for the family? I was going to try. One of my buddies was like friends with. them and I was like going to try to like. date one of them. But yeah, but they're. like. that seems like a good wholesome thing, but they got it got it got twisted up, right? There's lots of stuff there. But how I think could you not at this. point? You have children. The age is so. different. 19 kids and counting. So you have kids. I mean, you can't even.

reach a light switch without touching. another kid's breast. You know what I'm. saying? Like you can't even. There's just There's not 19 showers in. that house. I know that. There's not 19. You Everyone can't get a hot shower. Let's just those are just the facts. There's going to be a lot of like. passing through in the restaurant. Yeah. There's a lot of can I get. squeezed by a lot of that. or can I shower with you? There's going. to be a lot of that which is first of. all really normal for kids but then it. can get weird when one of the kids is. now. 16 and one of the kids is five. It can. get a little bit weird. So if you say like cuz then wasn't there. a lot of like incest and stuff going on.

there. I think there was just a lot of like the. one guys had a lot of trouble with sex. addiction. Josh Duggar. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But. I just and I I don't know where it comes. from. I haven't read enough into it. Uh. but wouldn't you wouldn't you like if. sight unseen if something told you that. story, you'd be like, "Yeah, that checks out. It makes sense.". You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, makes sense. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could. have Yeah. Um so what when you went to rehab, when. you say rehab, what kind what did you go.

in for? I mean I Let's see. Cuz I'm in half of them. Yeah. All right. So they put me with for. five things cuz they were like they like. diagnose you. So I just went in there. cuz I was just like. I was drinking a ton and I was I was. real sad. I was real sad on the road and. I like I just wanted to like get out. I. just wanted to. we talked about this before. The scary. thing is like everybody we go to dinner.

tonight. Everybody at the restaurant is. hoping for a a better tomorrow. Maybe if. I get a job, maybe if I get a wife, maybe if I get a raise, maybe if I win. the lottery, tomorrow is going to be. better. Maybe if my president gets. elected. And I was hoping in all these things and. then I got them all. Oh, I had money. I. had attention from women. I had all my. shows were sold. This is it's. unbelievable. And that's the saddest cuz. you realize, oh, the hope is not here.

you were hoping in all the better. Everybody at the. Oh, yeah. the restaurant has a better faith. because you're like, "One day I might. get it." And you can live your whole. day, your whole life hoping, right? And then if you get it and you're still. sad, that's very dis it's it's that's. there's nowhere to go. Yeah. There's nowhere to go. I can relate to that, man. Yeah. Here's something new. You know how the. price of gold has been all over the. place lately? It's high. It's low. It's. low. It's high. Oh, where is it? Oh, I.

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keps.com/to. to get your first month free. Keps.com/theo. The stuff is effective. Take care of. your hair. Uh here's a question right. here that came in from somebody. Hey. Theo. Hey John. I am Jenna from. Minneapolis and seeing you both live. Can't hide money. Okay. Can't hide money, she said. Um anyway, I have a question for both of. you actually. You have both been pretty.

open and vulnerable about your um. addiction and sobriety and recovery. And. I would just be curious what your. greatest gift from that has been and if. that has affected your comedy or career. in any way. So thanks gang. Thank you. They you make them put them on video. Yeah. They don't have to. They can do. video or audio. I believe we've just. been using video more recently because. times have changing and people like. I like that. Yeah. But I like when you.

got. Sweeter to send a question in. You got to put yourself together for a. You're going to go on the I might be on. the podcast. I'mma. I'm going to tighten up. I'mma tighten. up. I like that. She looks you put a church window in the. back for you. It's a great not. I'm joking. But as you put all those. self-held books in the back for me. There you go. Very good. What's that up on the top? What's that. say? It's something something from Hobby. Lobby. It looks like. something very warmarted. But look at her books, dude. They're. lined up by the by color. Ooh, that's. that's a little Look at the bottom. books. Can they Can the audience see.

this? Bottom books. Bottom books. Yeah, they. can see it. Yeah, she got them baby. And who? Dude, she loves those turquoise titles. And she got a She got purple on the. bottom, turquoise, white, white, white, and then dark on the top. I like that. That's the dark arts up. there. That's the organization I want to Yeah. Um, that's a good question. Well, I think you and I have a. connection. I mean, you and I I mean, I. just invited the other day to an Allenon. meeting, so I'm still trying to figure. out like. No, we didn't we couldn't figure out. what it was. Yeah, that meeting is Alanon is. interesting.

But that's like it's like you know what. all those meetings all the a anonymous. whatever they are it's just like oh do. you go to like CrossFit or you going to. 24-hour fitness like you're in there. right. emotionally. right. lifting doing some reps. right. and you got to face. and so you're like hey you want to go to. Allen Ion meet I go I go yeah I know. right. the gym the mental gym yeah I go there. yeah I yeah I'll find I'll find. something to take from there. right Yeah, mine was well for the.

earlier question. Mine was alcohol, depression, workcoholism, narcissism, and sex. So, all five of those. Wow. That's what they put they diagnosed me. with. They were like, "You need to you. need to work on all of these.". I was like, "Wow." Yeah. And so when you. go like because the only thing I've done. is I went to an 8-day facility recently. and then. I've just been in AA, you know. Yeah.

I would like to go to more kind of. longer term and just stuff cuz it was. really good when I went. Um what do what are some things you. really got out of it that you didn't. know about yourself before? Well, all right. So, if you my situation. is not similar to the Duggar situation, but grew up very like this is the way. life is, right? And it was very like. very there's a lot of shame how I grew. up, right? So, all these things you're. like, you know, you when I was, let's.

say, like when's the first time you ever. saw like a Playboy? Oh, let me think. It was September and. it was uh. No. How do you know it was September? Oh, it was September, dude. Oh, it was you felt in the leaves were. changing. Oh, dude. I was changing, brother. I. knew that, man. I definitely uh I was. shedding skins, brother. But yeah, it. was September and I believe it was in. the early It was in the '9s. Okay. Well, did did you did you. did you have any context of that prior? Did you Did you No.

And so you saw. I didn't know what could be. this is am I is this bad? What did you. think? Oh, as soon as I ejected out of. my body, I thought something's wrong. with me. Okay. Where did that come from? I think it's Well, it came cuz I didn't. know any I didn't have any information, right? I didn't have any information. So. then when I did that and it felt good, but then it also it's on my person. Then the se the semens on my body,

I felt dirty because you have to then. clean yourself up. So I think there's. there was an element of feeling dirty. Mine was. Me and my brother were riding bikes over. these this dirt track, this old. construction site that we had build. these jumps and stuff down the street. from my house on uh Lula Way and we were. we were riding and we I saw a Playboy in. the in the. I remember this like it was yesterday. just like Jen just like Jenny looking at. you and I saw it me and my brother saw. it. Oh,

and I and I I had. we rode we were like a mile and a half. from my house. We rode home as fast as. we could. And you already had You picked it up. No, no, no. We never We didn't touch it. We didn't touch it. Did he see it, too? Yep. We both looked at We saw it and we. had no context of this. We didn't know. And so we rode home as fast as we could. Let's go. Cuz we were like. we were scared of it or we didn't we we. were kids. and we I remember throwing our bikes. down in the garage. We ran aside. We. were My mom was doing something. We were.

breathing heavy. And she goes, "What? Where you guys been?" And we said. we hid. We said nah uh nothing. And. that's why I go back to why did we hide? Why? Yeah. Why? We didn't do anything. wrong. We saw we. But then we and then you know what I was. you know you know the answer to this. I. was laying in bed that night. What do. you think I was thinking? I'm. about that. I got to go find that. I got to go sneak. now. I got to sneak back out. right. with and tell somebody I'm do and go.

back. So now you're building up more secret. you're building up whatever your. whatever sex is to you at this point. it's very secretive. and that and that it was from that day. until 35 years old. that it was very. right. don't listen if you just. like we like very and it was a lot of. and that's a lot of Christian. growing up Christian is a lot of like a. lot of youth pastors act like when's the. last time you looked at porn and like a.

lot of I had to report to my pastor. there every time I masturbated. Wow. Which is. Oh, it would take me a month. It would take me a month of straight. talking to the man. Like literally, we. would have to have coffee delivered. Hey, this is Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you had to go into the confessional. But did that help? Does that help. alleviate some of the. or does it just feel like. I'm reporting how bad I am or is there a. a a.

part of the template of that process cuz. I'm not as familiar with that process. Part of the template of it is that you. there is some relief granted to you. Well, I I we you all learn pretty quick. that you're like, "All right, well, I'm. just not going to say because if I'm if. I say I'm notched down, so I'm just not. going to say cuz it's a private thing. anyway, right? It's not like. which. So then you're hiding. Then Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. then you're high. and then so you but but you think.

things so anyway. fast forward until I I was in rehab for. 4 months and I thought you know my life. is over cuz I was very Christian very. shame based very to answer her question. I got out. everybody dude was like dude we love you. man good to see you man I hope you're. doing well. you're not going to I think I even. can't wait to see you back on whenever. you come back to Memphis we'll be there. and it was I'm te I'm telling you right. now I couldn't grasp that because my.

whole life I lived with if anyone ever. finds out the truth about you everyone's. going to hate you. and then everyone knew the truth about. me and they go. we love you dude everybody we all we're. all on the path man let us know. it was more lovable in a weird way. it was un un. yeah. I was like oh this guy's [ __ ] up too. man this is my buddy. Well, you feel I think you felt very. safe with me cuz and people dude I was.

in the uh I was in I was buying a car. I. was buying a new car and this guy goes, "Hey man, you John Chris?" And he said, "My girlfriend is a big fan." He's just. like, "I just want to let you know, man. I uh I struggle with porn, too. I get. it." I go, "What? I don't need I don't I know. I. appreciate that you feel very like. that we're all out here together. the. penthouse package out of this Kia. Know. what I'm saying? I don't think I need this, but you do feel very.

you feel connected. Connected somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That you were like, "Oh, man." And. that's what I think a lot of people. relate to your podcast cuz they go, "That's I see myself in that, right? I'm with that." Well, and I think. it makes me relate to you, man, because. you just want to try your be, you know, you want to try your best and you're in. a world where it's really hard and. and there's a lot of and this is. something we talked to Jordan Peterson. about like the level of capabilities. that these companies and these.

organizations and these. uh. talking about religious or No, I'm talking about No, I'm talking about. like pornography. Sorry. Yeah. or porn. or like the advertis the the way that. they have to grip you so strong. strong yeah. it's so strong man. and it's it's. my relationship to alcohol like I've. been sober for. 19 months almost but it it it had to be. physically taken from me for about a. month and then I was like I'm good right.

so when you when you somebody says to. you hey I'm going to stop. sugar or I'm going to stop caffeine or. I'm going to stop drinking I'm going to. stop. It's It's kind of disrespectful to. the human body. It's so strong, dude. It's so strong. Oh, yeah. And you say, "I'm going to start. whatever that chemicals is so strong. that you you can't. it's hard. You can like white knuckle it for a for. a couple days maybe, but say I'm a I'm a.

I alcohol to be physically taken from me. and now I can live without it.". Yeah. Now you've been a separate from. long enough you can. but but I that was a rehab is first of. all it's not practical. It's expensive. It's it's an it's everybody can't do. that. So if people come to you or me and. say hey how do you how do I. get help. my hand was kind of forced in a little. bit. I got exposed and so I had to make.

a choice then. But I don't know what you. would tell me. two years ago. You couldn't tell me. anything. Hey, this consequences of I. didn't care, right? What do you tell somebody that's in the. dark now, man? It's a great question. It is. Yeah. What do you tell them? I I said. to my friends, just be a friend to that. person. This is what makes me emotional. Just be a friend to that person that. when it all comes down, you're the first.

person they call. That's it. That's it. There's no. giving them a pamphlet about like the. dangers of teenage pregnancy. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Not even. teenagers. Yeah. Or or or Yeah. I don't know. I. Yeah. Some guys are unbelievable. Yeah. Yes. But yeah, trying to be there for. somebody. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's it. And. they say and like if.

if you say, "Hey, I'mma go to this. I'mma go to a I mean I. feel like you've helped me a lot of ways. say a meeting in a a new meeting is. uncomfortable. You don't know where it. is. You know who's in there and you say, "Hey, I'm going to check out this. meeting." You want to roll? Yeah. Does it help? Now again, but I'm. trying to walk the path to the light. though. But if you got a buddy that's. out of his mind,

what do you you can't really, right? Yeah. I mean, you almost have to go with. them. You almost want to bring. But you can't force them. No, you can't force them. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Yeah. So, you just say. I mean, I had a great talk about this. with Chris Deia the other day, you know, cuz he had a lot of. I mean, he really, you know, he's really struggled with sex. addiction. He talks about it openly and. I don't feel like I'm talking about him. out outside of shop. Yeah. Uh and there were some things he even. did that were kind of like.

just like broken bro code type stuff, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And some of us just he was saying, "Look, man, I was so into my addiction. I didn't I thought everybody was. behaving this way, you know? I didn't. know.". Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's interesting. cuz it's like you get the opportunity to. have some sort of affection or. admiration from women that you never. seen before. Yes. That you that you I mean I if you. remember the Jenny looking at you. I.

remember. in this girl's basement after a. basketball game at her she was having a. party with her older brother. I looked. her in the eye and asked her to go to. prom with me and she said no. thing. Ah, that would have suck. But I have I I have I have a couple. memories like that, right, of in college. or at frat parties and stuff like that. where you looked a woman in the eye and.

said, "Do you want to do. and they said no.". And that. that's hard. So then then you become a. little bit you get a little bit of. success and then they the. the girls be like, "Hey, what's up? What. are you doing?" It's like, right, it's the all the pressure is off. of you. A lot of the onus is off of you. You're like, but you didn't even know. that. Now they're coming to you and you. were like, "What? This is my. and but you you.

when you're like in it, you don't like. all the all you do in rehab because all. these people were in there for all. different things." Yeah. All different type of addiction. Something that. Well, crazy. I had a friend who was in. there with you. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that. He was there with me, dude. He goes, "How many people were in. y'all's group?" He goes, "Do you know. the. How many people's group?" But how many. y'all's group? 15. The odds that there's 15 people meeting. up in Arizona for sex addiction. You.

know, two of them are friends with me. That's how we reconnected cuz I got out. of rehab. I go, "Do yo, yeah.". And you go, "Yeah, that's my guy.". Today, actually, that blows my mind. Okay. So, all they. would do in there. is try to get you to see it from the. other side. Right. Right. So, I like one of my main. struggles and still is is narcissism. behaving. I'm not a narcissist. I have. narcissistic capabilities or tendencies.

Right. Which is different, right? So, like a narcissist would never go to. rehab, right? A narcissist would be. like, "Hey, maybe I need to get some. help." A narcissist would never do that. He would never admit that he has a. problem. Never. Anyway, so. like, let's say, for example, we're all meeting up to go to dinner at. 5:30 in the parking lot. We're all going. to meet at 5:30 in the parking lot. I show up at 5:45. I'm like, it's we're just He's like, "Well, think about it from the other. guy's perspective." This guy was at on.

the golf course taking a nap, doing. whatever. He got up, changed, showered. quickly to be out there at 5:30 and he's. standing there 15 minutes, nobody's. there. And then you stroll up. just willy-nilly eating a taffy. Yeah. Just out here listening, singing a. song, some Kenny Chzn. Look at it from that. I go, "Oh, that. makes sense, right?". Oh, yeah. I could. I can see why I would be pissed if I was. him. And that's the thing with Chris and. I'm not speaking out attorney but and me.

and everybody is you go think about it. from the other person's side. and you go. oh yeah that person just came to your. show and they were just a fan of yours. and you're they're sitting with 5,000. people not to brag or however many. people are at the show. less than that I'm saying Chris shows. yeah. and then and then the guy from up there. says what's up. right. and if you're a little bit insecure. you're a little bit a little bit lacking. in any type of way and that you're going.

to be like, "Yep, I'm Yes.". Yeah. And but that's not that's not good for. that person, right? Well, it's not Yeah. It's kind of. a it used to be you would just have. those kind of feelings and everybody. would go home and they would people. would have their imagination and their. hopes and then when you finally met. someone that filled enough of the. criteria and warmed your heart you would. attach all those moments of like oh I. admire I want this that I need.

connection you would attach them all to. that person and you would hope that that. that you guys together make something. good right. and then now it's Like we get so many. the second we have an urge or someone. else does, we have the ability to put. the urge onto a blockchain almost. through Instagram or social media. or on the dating site. or on dating. Yeah. I got a. Oh, dude. I used to go to casual. encounters, right? If I've ever even. said this. Was that a. This is a scary place. No, this was on.

Craigslist. Oh, wow. Here's the crazy thing is that. I just I just said it was a place like. it's a. I thought it was a. I thought it was one of those casual. like a phone number you. the ad comes on late night you go yeah I. know what that is. and see if cuz one of my problems in my. 20s I would have a date set up and then. you good bro. yeah just sin in my throat building up.

it's the Lord talking to you bro my. mucous membrane He's like, "Go, go. ahead." Or the or the devil's trying to. stop you from telling the story. Oh, dude, I got post-nasal devil. Um, you know, nothing goes with sex. addiction and that sort of thing like a. little bit of blue chew on you. You got. to keep your your wiener well. You see. somebody got they got a sick wiener, it's sad. Sometime you'll see somebody. holding their wiener and they don't know. what's up or you hear the wiener cough a.

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consequences. Yeah. And this lady I remember I met her at a. uh cafeteria. which is a bad sign out the gate. Like a school cafe like a college. cafeteria or like a just like a cafe? Tyia. It had all. It had buffet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It had a salad bar. It had buffet and bar. Yeah. Salad bar. You would go back with a new plate. You get a new plate if you want. New plate. All right. Yeah. So, it's upscale. All right. Okay. Yeah. But she and I met there. I didn't even.

know they sold tequila. She chose it, right? She's a few years older than me. She said, "Meet me at the cafeteria.". Yeah. I meet her there. We have two tequila. shots in this like it was getting close. to kind of closing time. So, I think. they had kind of turned off some of the. lights kind of by the kitchen, but it. was still pretty well lit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my. Then we went back to my apartment. She made sure every light was out in the. entire apartment. She even took a little. placard, like a piece of paper or.

something that could be a placard. Yeah. And she put it in front of like the uh. PlayStation where the little light was. Even blocked that. No light. Completely. no light. And then. but she but it didn't start like this. So she knew who what you look like. prior. She knew what I look like prior. Right. I don't know if she had like scars or. she'd been in some fires. I don't know. And my hands I can't tell really that. good if somebody has fire skin. I think. I just don't have good like feeling. hands, you know?

It's uh if you felt it, you would know. I think. I don't know. Maybe not. It's like a scar, isn't it? It's kind of like a scarish. Yeah. It would have to be pretty bad, I. think, for me to feel like if somebody'. been in a small fire, I don't think I. would know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I I mean, I haven't I I. don't know. I could have been I could. have made love to someone that had been. in a small fire and have no idea. That's. what I'm saying. Honestly, I feel that. I feel that. But you're not. You're not Okay. Yeah. Well, continue. with the story. So, anyway, we end up making love, dude.

And uh. pitch black. Pitch black. Yeah. What was she wearing at the cafeteria? Full long sleeves, long pants. She was wearing She looked like a little. bit of a rock and roll woman. Okay. Yep. Like she listen had listened to rock. She'd been on the road a little bit. Yeah. She definitely driven 200 miles to [ __ ]. some guy in a band. Like she looked. but not the lead singer like a. She wanted the lead singer, but who. knows if she got him. I don't know. She. was also. 200 miles in. She was attractive. Okay. All right. There you go.

But. but you knew this before. Was there a. photo exchange. prior to photo exchange? Okay. But that was like email. Yeah. Through email. So that's what's crazy, bro, is to think. that. what's crazy is to think that. that in my mind, whatever whatever. sexual stuff had, you know, whatever things had built up. in my head, my sexual like foundation, Yeah. it led it put me in that place where. that was kind of. that was how I was. and you you kind of didn't it was a slow.

progression and then you kind of found. yourself there. Yeah, I get. but over the little little like. sacrifices over not sacrifices but like. eh I wouldn't normally do this but. I'll do it and then you get then you get. there. right. yeah and then you're there little things. it's like you know what I'll see what. this is about I heard about this. let me just look it up a little bit let. me look look at casual encounters. next thing you know it's exchanging and. then finally you're like okay now I'm.

literally walking across you know. Wilshire in Los Angeles to go and meet. someone at a cafeteria and you and but. like. you no one. no one does acts wrong nobody on planet. earth I you say you know the guy that. a true this is a true story I think so. it's not a conspiracy a guy flew. hijacked an airplane flew it in the into. the World Trade Center.

I could see it. that's a true story I've se I've seen it. oh yeah. he believe. That's he believed he was right. 911. He believed he was correct. Did he not? Right. Yeah. In his mind that was to do. in his mind. He he thought I don't know. what his rationale was that America. needed to be taken out. Democracy, freedom, liberty, the capitalism, Islam needs to be number whatever it. was. He's he and if that guy could. convince himself that that is right, anybody can convince himself of.

anything, right? Anybody. And so may maybe if you were. like for that you were like and and I. can relate a lot. is like I'm in a lot. of I'm in a lot of pain. it doesn't the consequences don't matter. or I'm gonna. you're acting correctly to you right in. that pos in that you're like you are and. everybody is if you're going to get on. the internet and trash Taylor Taylor. Swift say she's a [ __ ] or she's the wor. like if people if you're going you are. acting correctly.

to you right. that that she has a lot of money or she. dumped her boyfriend or her music isn't. good or she chose to be a public figure. you have to tell a story before you do. that. Right. Right. To cuz you're you if it. was wrong, you wouldn't do it. Even if. you murdered someone, you shot them and. they now later you'd probably realize, oh goodness, that wasn't. But in the. moment, you were correct, right? For you, they you thought that they deserved to. die based on what they did. They cheated.

on your girlfriend or they whatever. You. shot a you acted correctly in the. moment. And that's everybody. And that's what's. scary. And that's what rehab is like. Think about. the the the 2,000 people that are in. that World Trade Center that are at. work. Dude, try try. And then and then when you do. that, if you go into Starbucks 9:30 in. the morning, you scream at the girl for. not having your coffee order, right? You. have to get it out of your head that she.

is making minimum wage. She woke up at. 4:30. Yeah, she's been dealing with these people for. 4 hours. If you thought that you you your body. your mind will not allow you to scream. at her, it won't, right? Because but but when you're and. even if it you don't relate to the other. person is if I'm in so much pain, I have. to ease this pain somehow. I'm going to. take it out on. anybody. You're acting correctly in the.

moment. And that all rehab is trying to. do is say, "Right, think about the think about the. guy that has a family that is in the. World Trade Center. Think and you go and. if and if rehab if if the process of. change is correct. and maybe not instantly, but you go, "Oh, yeah." And that's the that's the process. of transformation. That that's the whole. thing, right? Get a perspective switch. Getting. a perspective. But if you're in a lot of.

pain, I would do at the time I would do. anything to to to that closing that. hotel room door at night when I was on. tour. It was like a prison cell, dude. Really? Being out on on the stage and standing. ovations, that was all fine. But you. that thing closes. It's you. You're just sitting there. Yeah. You just sit and now you're nobody. You're a little hungry. You go down. Can. I get a Snickers? They're like, what's. your code? You're like, I you're. helpless, dude. And you want to ease I don't know why I.

got into like one of my Anyway, if you. like you like to accept the Lord, please. raise your hand. Sorry. Sorry. My bad, dude. I got too deep, dude. No. Well, I start to think what is my. story that led me to cuz I I wonder if I. you know, I go to some SAA or SLAA. meetings and that's sex addiction and. sex and love addiction. We've been to a couple of them. Yeah. Yeah. We've been to some, man. And. and and it's not as big a program. Um as other programs, but there's. definitely a lot of it like a lot of.

connection. Like I think when I was. young, I my needs were all met. But you when I was. you weren't lack or you were. I wasn't lacking for any like I had. like, you know, we had food. We were. very poor, but we had things. But my. mother had to work a lot, but I think my. mother never adored me as a child. And I. know that sounds like a weird thing to. say and people were like, "Boohoo.". Right. Sure. And that's fine. I I agree. somewhat like you know I I don't want to. dwell on it my entire life.

Yeah. But where I notice it affects me is when. any ador any opportunity for adoration. Yeah. presented itself. That's what I needed. I. That was before comedy, dude. That was. This is before comedy. This is from. being. the same thing. You're like, "Dude, oh, you just got into this trouble a. couple." I go, "No, I've been in this my. whole life, dude.". Yeah. My whole life needed extra. needed where what do you Yeah. I've. needed I just when attention from women. became available I needed I remember my.

girlfriends growing up I I was I was. such good friends with their mothers and. all my friends. I'm still good friends with their. mothers like. I just want that yeah there was just. something like. and I also was kind of I was real. sensitive kid so like. and it's not a knock against my mother. you know I she did everything that she. could do it's just I. I needed an adoration. I needed to be seen by a woman in the. eyes and like.

it you you didn't need to be seen by you. needed to be seen and that was the. easiest way to to get it. Right. Like my there was a guy in rehab that he. would uh he was like rich he was like. one of the richest guys in his town. Right. Right. And he was I don't know what he. was in for but he was the richest guy in. his town. and we would uh. everybody's addiction kind of played out. in its own way. So every every weekend. when we left, we had to say what we were. doing every hour. Like I'm going to wake. up at 9:00. I'm going to go to breakfast. cuz they because people addicts get off.

track. And if you you're going to be at. all these places and you can do whatever. you want, but you just had to tell them. what you were doing. I mean, you. couldn't go to like a bar or like a. strip club or but you. and so this guy was the richest guy in. his town, which is relating to your. story. Every Saturday he would go to the. uh to the car lot, the the new the the. dealership. Oh, yeah. And he he would go in there and he would. get. Ford Lincoln Mercury. Yeah. You know, the big ones. Yeah. Yeah. Lincoln. And he would get.

preapproved and they so they all knew. how much money he had and he would walk. around that place like. Oh. getting getting like just like you're. getting it or I'm getting it from the. crowd. He got it by people knowing that. he was rich. Yeah. And that's like you said, I needed it. from women. You didn't. We all have this. like. I mean I need it from every comedy. I. need it from everyone. He needed and that was his way of. getting it. And he goes, "Well, dude, I'm not doing anything wrong." I go, "Well, why don't you tell him? Why don't.

you tell him that you're going to the. car dealership?" And he never bought a. car, but he just walked around there and. they knew how much money and it felt. like Does that make sense? Yeah. to another guy. He like, "Yeah, that I go. That's not my thing." But. totally makes sense. I Yeah, I got you need to go feel the. thing that you Yeah. Checks out. Checks. out. Yeah. And and wanting attention from. women. It's also the tough thing about. it is it's also something that's just in. your nature. Yeah. So, it's not like it's a cra like a.

foreign thing, you know? It's like this. substance and this and I'm not. describing women as a substance, but. it's this other it's the other half to. of what it takes in the world to make. life, you know, it's this it's this. magnet. So, it's also um. Well, they they say it's similar Go. Sorry, finish your thoughts. I can't. Well, they say it's similar to. an eating disorder. where you have to eat, but you know, if you've been working all. day and you stop by McDonald's and get a.

salad, you're like, "Is that in your. addiction?" No. But if you're sad cuz. your boyfriend broke up with you and you. eat three double cheeseburgers now. you're eating, that's your addiction. So sex, you you can't be a monk and live in the. woods, right? You have to be amongst. women. You have to. And so if a girl. comes up to you after the show and says, "Hey, I love your I love your that felt. really good." Like uh like like is that. does that like.

do it for you? Well, I just notice if I like I'm just. attracted to I get attracted to women. pretty easily, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So like I want, you know, I don't really know what it is. for me cuz I'm not like chasing sex and. trying to have sex every night. Some of. my friends were like that. Yeah. I was never like that either. I wasn't like that either. I think for. me it was just more like I. I want you to like me. Yeah. Period. And then if you're a female and. I'm attracted to you, then yeah, heck,

I'd also like you to like me more. probably. And if you're more Yeah. Well, you're. you're very. I don't want to speak out of out of tune. here, but knowing you personally that. you're very. like into like after something happens, you're very like, did they like me? Did how did that go? Very. You kind of review it a lot like.

like I was with the race. What do you. want to say? You texted me after the. race. Yeah, I went to the race and I didn't. really say hey to your family. I. remember they were there. But but you so you went into your head. somehow and thought. and I texted you, hey, I'm sorry I. didn't say hey to your family, which is but but you you did the same. thing. Remember when I said about the. Ryman show? You were. Oh, yeah. You you go but you don't you can't be a. comedian without that, right? But like I go, "No, dude. They they. loved you and they know your friend. There's a lot of people there and you. said hi to them and there but you were.

like, "Did they. like me?". Right. I guess in the end That's what. I'm looking for. Yeah. Do they still. like me? Am I still okay with them? And maybe for whatever reason, you. didn't get the a clue that. they did, right? And so you're just following up to make. sure. Yeah. Whatever that what. whatever that is right there. Yeah. That's what that's what definitely that. leads your whole everything. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so that can be also what. people go to sex and love addiction for. It's like it can be for affection. It's.

not just like somebody like sneaking. around like putting their hole through. like a bathroom. Yeah. It's not. which happened at LSU when I was there. and I wasn't involved in it. Okay. And I. do know who was involved in it. This. dude. Yeah. This dude Big Henry and this. other this little white dude, bro, with. a uh not a mustache, but like a um some. kind of. long sideburns that almost came to a. mustache. Real stupid looking thing. But. But you were you were you heard about. it? I mean, I knew they were doing stuff, bro. They was real being real discreet.

Uh, you know, you can't be going to. class in the bathroom every day. So, it's hot in here, too, guys. The AC. broke. Um, let's get another question. that came in here. Oh, look at this guy in bed. Triggering, huh? That's shirtless, bro. Jesus. Is there another person there or. no? Oh my god. I'm have to take my penis off. and put it somewhere. Oh my. We were wondering our church cut VBS. this week. Y'all got any good VBS. stories? I know y'all both grew up going.

to that VBS, vacation Bible school. Oh, I did hear gang. gang baby. That's unbelievable. Cuz I was wondering. what what the what percent of my fans. are your fans and your fans are my fans. Would you think a lot. say only 15%. of your fans are my fans. and vice versa? Yeah. I think we have different, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but. he What do you talk about? VBS? Uh I haven't talked about it much, man. My dad, you know what that stands for? Vacation Bible School. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad would take us over there and we'd.

make a lot of arts and crafts. Yeah. It was arts and crafts every dude. The Lord is in the glue, dog. Oh, man. There was But that was just the. k the the. There were chicks there though, too. Oh, 100% 100%. But they did they didn't. your family didn't know what to do with. you during the summer. No. And they send you They didn't. anything. Yarn camp, anything. Horse. camp, explorer camp, boy scout, treasure hunting, nothing doesn't matter. Take these kids, reformed pedophile meetings,

something like. I wonder what I wonder how like, you. know, like if you're like. botany this guy looks like a. decent man, like a good Baptist guy if he's probably. from the south. So then you get a step. away. Yeah, I could see him being at least a. Pentecostal or one of those new. churches. You get a step. So. Pentecostal, he's like a step and you. keep stepping away. Then you get. Jehovah's Witnesses. Then you get into. like you get to then it's then it's the. snake hand Iverson jersey. Yeah. Then there's snake hand there.

Then you go. So I wonder how far away. from traditional Christianity. Were your. parents that desperate to send you to. camp that they would have said, "Hey.". Yeah. Yeah. Snake handling the church. You take the. kids, dude. They It might not have been. Christian as much as it was like, "Take. these kids." I know. I'm dead serious, dude. Yeah, dude. Oh, you know. what are you teaching them? Yeah. Who knows? It's free. You're taking these kids for free. I don't care what you're teaching them. for. cuz some of those southern churches,

it gets dicey, dude. It gets quick. Very quickly. It gets real interesting, man. And you're like, "Hey, get get on.". Yeah. VBS growing up was I used to I. used to work at them in college. Did you? Yeah. In college? I went to one in New. Orleans. I worked in the inner city of. New Orleans teaching at VBS. really. and in New York City. I did one and it I mean, dude, it was. there was no rules out there cuz it's.

tricky because somebody else is when you. work at a church and you're like a. missionary, somebody else's when when. your boss is paying you but is not. there, the human being was not set up for that. You're like, "Yo, I'm going to work in. in Nicaragua, but my boss is in. Louisiana. You want to set the alarm?" "No, I. don't. No, I'm not setting the alarm. tomorrow.". Dude, that's funny. My dad's family was. in Nicaragua doing missionary work when. when his parents. All right. And where was the money. coming from? I don't know. And there probably wasn't.

much money back then. I think it was. 1910. [Laughter]. Um, now here's a weird thing I did in. relationships. I painted a chair at. vacation Bible school camp and gave it. to a girl like 17 years later as an. adult. And now dude, look, if you want. to end a relationship. and end up on at least a list in a. woman's head, some kind of list, give her a chair you painted as a child.

16 years earlier as an adult. Drive and. also drive it 5 hours to her, dude. But. in again in your mind you were acting. right. This guy Randy when I was in. vacation Bible school he said he was he. was from the other church he would come. over. He was like a. he was a he had a red sports car. and he was you know when you at that age. you you. the guy's in his 30s late 30s 40s and. he's single. He's cool. But now you're.

like why didn't this guy. now he's us? Where was his family? Where Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Looking back on it, when your. youth pastor is 25. and hanging with us at on Friday nights, where right where are your who's your. squad? Is it us? And so this guy Randy would come and he. was a bigger guy. He would always uh. big Randy, bro. He would wear shirts in the pool in the. to swim. Oh, he would. You would wear shirts, but. like. not like like darker like darker like a.

black black no white guy but black shirt. meaning you could see through the if you. know what I'm saying. Okay. So valor. So he would do like you went he went off. the high dive. and that was uh. this is a real story dude. Fake plant but it'll I'm sure it'll take. Yeah. Dang. But but so when he. and he loved doing that kind of trick. Yeah. Yeah. But he would always he. wouldn't come out every day, but when. when Randy started walking up, all the. kids knew.

he about to it's about to. go. And he would do a huge. Come on, Randy. Everybody went He was like kind of a a. rogue. He wasn't attached to a church like. these are from First Baptist. These are. from First Press. Randy just. we was at six Baptist. that. he Anyway, so he said he said he. promised. if every kid. memorized. Psalm 23. Oh, thank God. He would shave his head. At the end of cuz he had like a long He. had like a long He was a.

Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. And he goes, "I will shave my head.". He was an organ donor. Yeah. 100%. This kid, I think his name. was Nathan and James. Oh, yeah. Two of my buddies. if they could quote. Psalm 23, he would shave his head. Bless God. And this kid got up there, nailed it, and he. in front of in in front of church and sh. It was an outdoor. It was like in a. pavilion type situation. Oh, yeah. A lot of pavilions. Yeah, a lot of pavilions. They were. covered but not at the sides. Yeah. I.

remember the uh that's a funny like this. is the this is must have been before. this lady was working me and my brother. my older brother I asked because I was. going to put this in my act but I I. never talked about it on stage I texted. my brother like a year ago and asked him. if this is true we were getting we went. forward for prayer are you familiar with. that. oh yeah you go to the front of the. church. if if they if you're the children. yeah if you're convicted about. being a sinner which we were the we were. good kids you know so they were like.

you're Are you positive that you're. whatever? We went forward. Me and my. brother were getting prayed for. But. this woman, this woman was attractive. This attractive woman. Oh yeah. Touch me. Yeah. She was praying for us. I mean, pray. Yeah. Touch on the. shoulder. Pray for us. And I remember I never forget this. And. this is before I knew what the word. meant. Mhm. So she goes, "Just bless these boys. Be. with like the they starts general. The. prayer starts general. Walk with them. Teach them your ways. May they do your. will.

Keep them out of trouble. these type of. things. And then as you go on, you kind. of get more. confident. You're hearing from the Lord. and you kind you start kind of. guessing. And she said, I will never. forget this. She said, I just pray that. you I just ask that Lord that you would. break the spirit of masturbation in. their lives. And we didn't know what it. was. We did not know what it was. We didn't. know. Dude, I had to have been uh 12.

maybe. Wow. 11 or 12. I was homeschooled. I didn't. know. Masturbation. It sounds like a place. almost if you don't know anything about. it. And it's a spirit. Oh, the spirit of masturbation. Like it's it's like. sounds like a ghost. Like it's. I We asked our mom on the way home. No, we asked her. I go, "What? What? What?". She goes, "Where did you you know at. youth camp?" She's thinking. right kids. Yeah. You were out at the. you were on the during archery or the. canoes and the kid that came up. Yeah. No, it was during prayer, dude.

But think about it. Think about it from. her perspective. If you're these two My. brother was older than me, so if I was. 12, he was 14. That's probably. odds wise. Yeah. I mean, you Right. Right. Yeah. She just guessed wrong. You just guessed wrong, dude. Dude, I remember biking over to my. friend's house like five miles because. they had porno over there and I'd go. over there and look look at it. You're.

dude, I'd go in use his bathroom for. like two hours, dude, on a Sunday. Just in there just absorbing porno, dude. Just like I remember even just lay. I would lay down and just put the. magazine on my [ __ ] on my skin and just. absorb the porno. Oh, that's what you at the time. But that's. what I needed, man. And then somebody. had chiseled a set of tits in like a. tree outside back of our apartment. building and people would be out there. like on the bar. jerking off to swear to God, man.

And it was good looking, man. I mean, it. was for. out. It was an artist. He could have. sold that if it wasn't on the tree. I mean, yeah, it got uh. it got like these larvas in it or. whatever, but. it messed up Yeah, they messed up the. thighs. They got the larvae. Yeah, she. used to be hotter when she was in her. prime varicose. when she was in her prime. Yeah, it was varicose breasts after a while, after a couple years. But the first year. and a half, first 18, 19 months, that. stuff was out there.

You'd see people out there, man. Well, you did. You did? It was our Mount Rushmore, dude. What what city, huh? What city? Coington, Louisiana, up on McGee Street. Praise God. I bet I bet it's still there. And we used to do Peep and Tommen, too. And that was big when I was young. And. you that was just like you got to. differentiate. curiosity versus. right cuz I same or like you just like. look to see but that you weren't dude I. remember my buddy and I one of my. closest friends would sit there and sat. there naked one time under a blanket. Okay. Not same.

he might be on this one but yeah. and uh and we're just like touching each. other's shoulders and stuff and it was. hella gay bro. We didn't know at the. time. You didn't know? Yeah. We wasn't being gay. We was being. children. That's the difference. Yeah. Cuz that. they always say when there's when. there's a a an in a difference of an. imbalance of power. Yeah. That's when it get like someone that's. your boss, someone that's a parent, someone that's age, some kind of someone. that. like.

Yeah. This was even Steven. Yeah. So that Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That. that Yeah. which is tr which is also. tricky because. once you come into power or you come. into influence or you come into. something. right then it's you're automatically. granted that without even you realizing. it. maybe they should it just should come. with like hey you got. it also comes with this so just be like. you don't know when the transition. happens you're like oh now I remember. Jay Moore talking about u. right you're like now do women like me. just like is it has nothing to do with.

me now now it's There should be some. sort of a little. they should send you a mailer or. something that says, "Hey, Bubba, now you're different. now." Like, you just need to take this. into context. Like if a if a Chili's If the Chili. server. hooks up with the other chili server, there's no problem. That's That's a. Saturday. That's two for one. That's plus dessert. Yeah. But when the manager. or the boss hooks up with the waitress,

which happens all the time, maybe that's not a good example, but. like then that you can't that's an. imbalance that can't do that cuz you cuz. she's if you say, "Hey, do you want to. come over?" She's your her boss, right? Well, the weird thing though is. in your head for some people the power. never really changes. you're just. excited to finally have a way to to meet. women or you like women and you're. excited about getting to see them or be. naked around them and now it's like [ __ ]. now you can't do that.

Yeah. Is like again when you're the. waitress and the waitress that's fine. but that now. now all of a sudden I see he's he's now. now what about these text messages that. we sent each other? Yeah. Like and that's scary to anybody. dude. if a girl came out like, "Dude, I. there there's escorts out there that. I've texted some real, you know, probably some poignant information to, you know, and not know nudie pics. I don't send. nudies, but um. but yeah, but things like if I would be ashamed,

you know, I might be a little proud of. myself, but all you know, cuz the. spelling was. depends on the screenshots." Yeah. But there's definitely like some combos. you'll be like, "Man, I that was not just embarrassment.". Yeah. Yeah. That's how we feel like not. not that but. and the world doesn't care. The world is. more about like well let's see the. embarrassment more than about what is. the cont what's going on with this. person you know. Yeah. Yeah. They remember that that uh.

at the race the race we so you I've I've. made jokes about like the mayor mayor. Cooper. Yeah. I've said like at my my comedy shows the. mayor's corrupt like because he's. raising taxes or whatever it I made. jokes about him. I go, "Dude, we have. some great comedians in this country. Are we Dude, Nashville's got some. amazing comedians. Nate Paradi, Theo, Mayor Cooper, like. But then at the race, he came out and. did like the. Oh, yeah. And they booed him. I heard that. so. And I immediat.".

Yeah. And I go, "Oh, I don't I don't like this. This is. a man I saw him. I I didn't make eye. contact, but I I go this is a guy that. now he might be he might be corrupt or. he might but he he's. trying to serve I don't know but I go we. can't we this is not the way. right. and and I felt I I felt empathy. I go I. don't I wanted to DM him and be like hey. dude I was it makes me cry to think.

about like I was I don't. right I was there sorry how that. probably felt. I could understand how. that felt. and I go I've made fun of you on my. show. I just want to let you know that. I've been through my own stuff and I and. we you didn't deserve that, right? That crowd was probably a lot of. conservatives in the crowd, I would. guess. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that wasn't He. shouldn't have taken that gig, right? He was probably doing to try and grab. some face with conservatives. Get back. in with the city, but he strategic and he canceled races. at that track for all during co. Oh, well, and so maybe Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They all knew it. It was not the move, but I remember I went to the the Hawks. game, the Hawks Sixers game about a. month ago in Atlanta and Ben Simmons. plays for the Sixers. Yeah. Kid is a phenom. I remember he played at LSU, dude. An all-star, right? This kid was a. million million dollar contract and and. and in the playoffs kind of. dunk and passed it. and he was very timid. He's very. and I remember being there. crushing him, dude. And then somebody. who's like I read on ESPN or somebody.

like. 22 years old and I go, I feel some kind of way about this now. Now this kid's in his hotel room with a. phone. Right. But see, that's where we that's. where it gets weird is when we do we. it's it's tough. That's the tough thing. about being a comedian and doing because. you're like. it's tough to be empathetic but also. want to be able to just rip on stuff and. be funny and be a sports fan and be a. and be Bill Burr said that remember Burr.

Chryser asked him if he ever wanted to. meet the president. He said no. He goes I never want to meet him. because if I meet him. then I can't. crush him because I I empathize. I I. know Donald Trump. He's a buddy of mine. I can't Right. and that and that's but. that's not the right way to live. You. know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's striky, dude. It's tricky. It's that's Look, I think that's one of. the battles of everything. But also, it's like we've also created a. environment now where there's constant.

information about everything. So, there's so much stuff to be empathetic. for that you almost get exhausted. that you can't be like the the refugees. You're like, I I don't. Yeah. I mean, I felt even on on this. past weekend on some of the solo. episodes, we'll talk a lot about like, you know, try and listen to things that. are going on with people. And I love it, you know, and I love like cuz a lot of. people I'll call privately and just chat. and stuff and and you know, it's. important to me and and you can tell. sometimes that it's that it's feels good. to them to connect with somebody,

but. but you can't take on everybody. sometimes having to Yeah. It's like it's. like Yeah. you feel like how I can't do. you can't do everything. Nobody can. And sometimes we we want to. And sometimes like. like I notice I'll text people and ask. how they're doing sometimes. Done that to me. And the truth is I do that. I feel like. cuz I mean one I care. I want to know. want them to know somebody cares. But also I wish people did that to me. probably. Yes. We all do those things, you know. So.

I remember I was in my deepest shame. when I was in the real real darkness. So. when we had a a a green room that. overlooked the parking lot. of what. of the of the show and it was like. is it by a Hampton Inn? It was uh it depends on the night. Was it in Baton Rouge? No, it was in the south though maybe a. Jackson or some city like that. Okay. And I remember our our green room had a. window looked out over the and it was it. was an hour before the show and that. line was.

hundreds of yard and these people were. so. They were excited. Oh, this is their. Super Bowl, dude. This is And I I was. like I was I I was like and I was in a. dark dark place in my And I go I. couldn't watch it. I go, "You got to. take me out of here. I can't. I've never experienced that before. I'm. a comedian. All I want to do is that. to go like, "This is my guy. Dude, this. guy makes me laugh. We drove four hours. We got the tickets. Here's the tickets.

They're the truck. This it's going to. We're ready. And I I couldn't my shame wouldn't allow. me to. why like what is it you think like. you're ashame? Like what? Well, I don't I think it was like these. these if if. I felt worthless. So when people drove 4. hours and say we love you that was hard. for me to cuz I saw it used to be just a. big crowd. Now I saw a guy and his wife. and their and I go it made it.

I go I can't look at this dude. this is. or like dude the the lines wrapped. around the I go I can't. it's hard for me to it's hard for me to. feel like it's hard for me to see that I. mean something to someone. when you don't when you're working on. meaning something to yourself. or when I felt like I think I felt for a. long time that I didn't mean anything to. anyone. Yes. And. for me that's a lot of it. And when. someone says someone watches this. podcast, connects with you and says, "Hey, the closest Theo is coming to me.

is eight hours. I'm going to drive to see him." Does. that would that would that DM make you. nervous? Oh, it just makes me feel like. It almost makes me feel sad a little. bit. Not for them, but it just makes me. feel not sad. It makes me feel. It makes me feel like I'm never going to. be able to do something to repay them. That they've they've.

saved your life kind of in a way. Yeah. Just like a man they're they're. doing this like man I'm not worth that. You want to say hey well next tour we're. don't. I'll come closer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't go out of your way for me. But they but they. Right. But to them it's a different. Right. It's their world and you have to. let them have their joy and stuff like. that. And that thing inside of me, don't. go out of your way for me. It's like. all you ever wanted was for someone to. go out. God, that makes me emotional, dude. Like,

and look, man, I'm not saying any of. this stuff like I'm not like, you know, I'm not in some Debbie Downer thing or. anything like that. Like, um, but everybody, if comedian or not, everybody could relate to that. But it's. like, yeah, I think I'll always just. Somebody said, "Hey, Theo, of all these. comics, of all the shows, we're choosing. you.". And even it's if it's a. a monetary exchange, you're giving them. a thing. It's But. Right. It's like, man, it's just it. feels like. you want to you want to tell them that. you're not worth that, but they have.

decided you are like if I went to. Right. And then it makes me almost. jealous that I wish I could decide that. I'm worth that. Yeah. You're like, which is. when I got out of rehab, everybody said, "Dude, we love you." I go, "What? If you. went to prison tomorrow, I remember when I was in rehab, we. there's a month or there's three weeks. where there's a blackout period. You. can't talk to anybody, right? Nobody." And I got after. Really? Wow. 3 weeks. And I thought my life I thought. my life that was when I was close to.

wanting to end my life cuz I just But. after 3 weeks, there's a whiteboard. And. when you have a a letter or a note, they. write your your name and your last. initial. So it's three weeks I hear. nothing and all of a sudden I walk in, John C. And I and grant think about I was in. Wikcinberg, Arizona with with a bunch of. dudes and your buddy. and I didn't know knew nothing of just.

trying to they tell you when to go to. the bathroom, when to eat, when to. sleep. and it said John seat and I went. up there. and they have a little is a little like. you know when back in the day when like. you called the office and the boss is. gone but they write a little Samantha. called from from accounting. right give you the little away whatever. that was and they hand me this message. and I looked at it I was right in the. atrium there I was this is like one of.

those like moments you remember forever. and I that you said your parents are. coming to see you. Your parents are. coming. You didn't know they were coming? No, I didn't know they were coming. But. but I I I thought I ruined. I thought I go, why would my I I. embarrassed the family name. I My dad's. a pastor. My mom works at the school at. the Christian school. My dad's in. politics. John Christ is on Fox News, CNN, USA Today.

What do you mean? And they cared. and it was like for a week. They came. for a week to like. and that's all I ever wanted in my whole. life is my parents to say that like they. and and I was like and I wanted to tell. them tell them I'm not to come. Tell. them I'm I'll be done and whatever. You. know what I'm saying? And all it was like I was so shocked by. that that they wanted to do that. I think. but what your This is your parents. Why.

would they? What? Why would they not? Where did you get that idea? Like where. did you get that idea that people. wouldn't. It just happened when I was Yeah. I. don't know where that that thing comes. from. Where did you Where did you ever get. that idea that your parents when you. were in the most amount of need this is. their child that is struggling? Where. why would you think that they wouldn't. come to see you? I don't. I don't know. That's what That's what the whole. process was. That's how it landed on us. Yes. And every day, dude. Every day. I.

don't want to make a bigger deal about. this as it is, but like you know, if. you're in rehab, a guy would get a piece. of mail once every 3 weeks, maybe. someone would get a piece of mail from. my wife or from a child or something. Every day stacks of mail for and I. didn't know these people really. They did they either through my. management company or through my family. or a friend of a friend. People were. like. just stacks of mail, dude. And all these. people didn't really know me that well.

I mean, my family did, but it was people. like, "Hey, my daughter is the GM of the club. that you worked at in Denver, and she. likes y'all." And and I have the same. story, and I need to tell you to to that. it's I have to I'm compelled to get this. message to you. They were so moved. But it's it was all people that have. been to the dark. that have looked the devil in the eye.

It was all of those people. And to to. for me to refuse I don't. to not let them love you is. right. It's almost the same, right? God. And that's Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When. somebody says, "Hey, Theo, comedian or not, you're my guy, dude. You need. something." It's like that can't be. And. now we're always thinking someone wants. to take something from us. Someone wants. to. Yeah. comedian or not, that thing, whatever that is, that's really.

And you go, it can't. that hits me. It's like, what do you. mean? Like if I'm not something. extremely special, you can't just. you'll never see me. That's what I. always felt like. Like unless I stand out like as much as. possible. and go over, right? Never be seen. And And what And what happens if you're. never seen? That's a death sentence. Yeah. For a guy like me, death sentence. Oh, I think it's a death sentence for. any human. Yeah. And what's scary is when. everything happened to me, like people.

were saying the the most horrific things. about me on the internet. And by everything happened, it was it. was stuff like things came up some lewd. information with people. Yeah. Yeah. That I was like texting. girls. It wasn't anything. No. No. It. wasn't a Yeah. Traumatic and nothing. non-consensual. Nothing. And it was just. a guy being a and and. but also when you attach it with. Christianity I was working in church. When you were working in churches and. stuff like that, everything has a. different taboo to. which is fair. And I say I I've said.

that's a good point. I've said. it's interesting. If you work at a company and they said. you can only wear jeans on Friday and. you wear jeans on Thursday and you get. fired, that's you knew the rules of the. company. Either that might be a BS rule, but you knew I knew when I'm working in. churches that you can't get hammered. and bring girls to your hotel room, right? And I did that, right? And so that that and you get fired. Fair. Not no moral is this a good guy or. a bad guy. Those are the rules. Spoken. or unspoken. I took the job, right? Fair.

Yeah, it's a good point. If it had just. been comedy clubs and stuff, it would be. different. But when you have churches. and stuff, it's different. Sure. which is like the worst the worst, you know, I'd read all these comments of. people saying these most horrific. things. Yeah, it's horrible. But the, you know, my buddies joke about this. My. buddies in the group text, he goes, "You. know what? You know what comment hurt. the worst?". This is It's kind of funny, but it's. kind like some guy goes, "Who's John. Christ?". Oh, man.

Which you get that totally you you're. like, "It's all but but people are. talking about me. If Donald Trump is on. the front of the New York Times, he. wins. He wins. No matter what it's. saying, Nobel Peace Prize or got caught. with a hooker. Yeah. If he's on the front, people are talking. about him as a narcissist, you win. And somebody goes, "Who is this?". It was It crushed me, dude.

You're like, "That's tough, dude. That's. tough.". Yeah. I think when I was growing up, there was such little. I had a sister that was real sick. She. had a liver disease when she was born, so she needed a liver transplant. And uh. and so she got any affection my mother. had, she got. And she got to be around. nurses, like people that real caring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All a lot of. attention. A lot of attention. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the rest of us just didn't get it. We just didn't get it. Uh, and also.

here's one thing I want to say about. that kind of stuff is like. I could have gotten it but I didn't feel. like I got it. So that's another thing. parents this and that. Like they might. if you ever want to talk to your parents. about stuff like one way to do it is you. can say. that's a great point. I didn't feel this is how it felt to me. So that way it's like you're not. attacking them like. and they're not the they're not the. enemy. not the enemy. Like uh. you're like, "Hey, like my pastor who. would ask me if I masturbated." Like.

I would like to talk to him now be like, "Hey, this seemed like a little shame. based, but also that guy was trying to. help.". Yeah, he was trying to help. He No, it wasn't. It wasn't. But your. par like my dad was like, "Oh, he was. gone a lot at conferences." You're like, "Yeah, but I had eight kids. I needed to. get the money to. Right." It it was it kind of wasn't you. You didn't get the love the way you. wanted it, right? You wanted your dad to play catch with. you, right? You wanted a certain type of. serving and they didn't have that.

That's it. You wanted some thousand. island. All we got is ranch at this. house. And the crazy thing, they didn't have it. also because nobody ever gave it to. them. That's where you also are. So like. a lot of us are suffering the g the. genetic the third generation of. something that happened generations ago. Um. my I my my buddy Isaac when I went I so. I was homeschooled first eighth grade. then I went to private school. Damn. And I was always hanging with him and he. would uh every time his they would leave.

him out. Hey, you're going to the. movies. Leave the car off the phone off. the he they would go we love you Isaac. I love you. And I never no one ever said. that to me in my house. No one ever said John I love you. It. just wasn't Did my parents love me? Yeah, that my my mom said she when I was. in rehab, she I said she said she would. give her life for me. She said that to. me and I believe that, right? And she would, but does that make sense? I never I go, "How come?" And you get a little bit of.

a scar maybe cuz you're like, "What? Why didn't you tell me that?". Yeah. But but their parents never that. you don't know. Yeah. They don't. But so. here's the thing then. If you have. children, you could tell, you know, get specific with them sometimes about. how you feel. If you think that they may. not know cuz I think in my house I think. my mom always just assumed we knew also. that of course we love you Theo, right? Of course I love you. Of course. we're a family unit. We never knew any. of those things. We felt like we. you were on your scavenging out on your.

by yourself. Yeah. To get and and. and so then Yeah. Yeah. But you got to get if you didn't get. that. and I felt like I needed to get. everybody in the world to love me so I. could get my mom to love me. by default. Look at all these people. that are at my shows, right? Surely. And then what's odd, what's very odd, which is like our relationship is like. you burn your life to the ground. And that's when your parents show up. But they to be fair, they came to every. comedy show they could within 6 hours.

They would come to they they you know. what I'm saying? But that's what meant. the most is when they came. John C. Oh man. Dude, that should be my new. name, dude. Yeah, man. John, dude. Yeah. It's interesting once you're in kind of. some of the recovery world. It's. interesting to have somebody else to. talk to about this kind of stuff, you. know? So, I appreciate you, man. I. appreciate you being willing to just. even when you and I are out of here, whenever wherever we are, you know, I. feel like we're always willing to kind. of talk about some of this kind of. stuff. And we've been we've been in in to be. fair, we've been in the light and the.

darkness together. We've been in meetings together. Oh, yeah. And then we also been. Oh, yeah. trying to holler at girls. I was trying to buy drugs that one night. at that freaking bar, remember? Yes. Jesus Christ. Thank God. Thank God they. didn't have, didn't they? Yeah. Thank God they didn't have. But we But but you you you're like, "I. don't. That one lady got her glasses stuck in. her nose ring. That lady was out of her. mind.". But you don't have any kind of like uh. Yeah. When it's when it's past the the. point of like.

I'm not here to get anything from you. and you're not here to get anything from. me cuz we're both whatever I have you. have and whatever you have I already. have. So if you said, "Hey," and we and. I and I'd say probably in the past year. that we we both kind of come and gone. from the darkness to the light. You. know, there there there are. periods where. I'm still I struggle. Oh, yeah. Shadow. Yeah. And you go Yeah. But all you're doing But you're not.

doing anything bad. You're just. challenging your own kind of newer set. of boundaries. and you just like. Ed, do you want to go to a meeting? You. I know when I say no and then I start. say, you know, I start isolating or. Yeah. You just want to you just want to. kind of. not. be in the light. But every time we go to. a meeting, it's like. that's that's the that's whatever that. is. That's that's Christ, man. Yeah. You.

make a joke out of it, but it's not. But it is, man. Seeing people connect, seeing people touch. That's. Remember that guy at that meeting? That. last one. was crying. He was sitting right next to us. Grown. man. So happy cuz his wife was better. Grown man got in a divorce. Balling, dude. And he How many people. were at that meeting? 50. There's a lot. of people there. And he went he started. talking about I don't know what he was. talking about. And he just start he fell. apart, man. Yeah. Wow. And you got to wonder how. many people are walking out at this in. this everywhere tonight just.

close close to coming undone, dude. You. know, well, especially in today's world, we. want to get anything that's feels human. It resonates you with you in a cord. that's un that that's a connection that. that's of a higher power. when that adult man broke down and. started crying because his the wife that. had left him. was was she doing her health was doing. better or something like that. I don't. want to compromise I don't want to.

compromise anybody couple years sober. Yeah. And he goes I'm so proud of and. I'm just so. that she's healthy and I. that's too much. I mean it's not too. much but it's the Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And. what but you can serve him by just by. being there and listening. It hits that heart harp dog. and say get all the way in. That goes. all the way in, bro. He plays that hard har heart. Um, John. Chris, if you if you guys haven't seen a. lot of John's videos, uh, they're so. Dude, I am so envious, dude. You, Kyle. Dunning, there's a couple guys that I'm.

just so envious. Um, I love Kyle. that makes such creative and. entertaining stuff. And, uh, go check it. out. You have a new tour that's going. on, too, this fall. Yeah, fall tour. Every every theater. you're coming to, I'm probably going to. the week before, the week after. Cool, man. And some even bigger ones. I. think you I know you're going to be down. in Baton Rouge, too. So, I think I might. try to go down and do that. Go down with. my family. Remember that one time you came on my. show? Uh-uh. Yeah, you did. I It was my show. Oh, at the uh. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too edgy. Yeah. I didn't either. I I go, "Didn't.

Did you tell him that it was like a. church crowd?" I go, "No, he's a. comedian, dude." I mean, I go, "Well, he. said that joke about the guy about by. the fence at. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. shouldn't have told that one." But. but I say the same thing, dude. Go see. Theo show, man. You'll love it, dude. Thanks, brother. I appreciate it, man. Love you, bro. Thanks for coming on. And. uh. yeah, we'll have to hit a meeting soon. Same to you, brother. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and. I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I. must be corner stone.

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll. share this peace of mind I found. I can. feel it in my bones. But it's going to take. a little time. for me to set that parking brake and let. myself. shine that light on me.

I'll sit and tell you my story. Shine. on me. and I will find a song. I will sing it. just for you.