Joey Diaz | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #508

I have some new tour dates to announce. I'm going to be in St George Utah on. July 2nd monton new bronswick on August. 10th Bend Oregon on September 11th and. Portland Oregon on September. 13th get your tickets early starting. Tuesday June 4th at 10:00 a.m. local. time with code ratking General on sale. starts Wednesday June 5th at 10:00 a.m. local time as well we have have shows in.

Montreal Quebec Portland Maine Spokane. Washington Belfast Ireland Cork Ireland. London United Kingdom Idaho Falls Salt. Lake City and Las Vegas get all tickets. through theovon. docomo make sure not to use a secondary. site thank you for your support new. merch we've got some new gang gang. hoodies um we've just just done crew.

neck before we've got some hoodies now. available in Heather gry tan light blue. and duck camo get all that and more at. theovon. store.com that's the only merch site. that is run by us I know there's some. other fictional ones out there um just. watch out for fakes and thank you guys. uh for your support coming to you live. from Austin today uh today's guest is a. comedian probably one of the most unique. comedians of all time um he has a new.

book out called. [Music]. tremendous uh which you can check out on. Amazon um he was the host of The Fame. podcast legendary podcast the Church of. what's happening now he has his own. podcast now with Lee sayette called the. checkin I'm grateful to catch up today. with one of my heroes Mr Joey Coco Diaz. sh on.

I'll sit and tell you my. stories and I will find a song I will. [Applause]. sing what did he say jelly roll. yeah all. right so this is jelly roll like.

jelly roll every time he wins an award. he gets up there and he's like I I just. want to. thank right now there's somebody who's. stuck under a bridge there's somebody. out there who's got a size 11 foot in a. size 8 tennis shoe and I just want to. say you can [ __ ] Live Your Dreams every. time dude every time they call his name. for any every time jelly gets an award. man he just he's so full of feelings bro. he gets up there and he's just like I.

just want I want to tell you that I was. a I was a matri d at a Macaroni. Grill and now I'm a Grammy awardwinning. artist like sometimes it's just [ __ ]. like bro if they even like at a fat like. I feel like even at Chipotle if they. just call his name to come get his order. he goes out there he picks it up and. he's like I want to let every uh illegal. alien in this [ __ ] no in 40 days.

and with only 90 singing lessons you can. win a [ __ ] American Music a 90. singing. lessons. dude it was better last night when I did. it oh my God I was dying I was dying in. my sleep he was you do him to the tea. it's [ __ ] crazy everybody was dying. last night some people do him real good. um yeah Joey Diaz man good to see you. brother good to see you too my friend. you too man that was fun last night that. was a lot of fun was fun just seeing you.

it's been fouring years Theo I know. since the pandemic man I haven't seen. anybody yeah I real it's so funny I. realized I didn't realize how much I. miss seeing you until I got out of the. uh car out of the Uber at the um. Mothership and I was like is Joey here. and they're like yeah and I literally my. legs like I ran upstairs oh I was so. happy I first person I asked for when I. got there I'm like where's [ __ ] Theo. yeah like he'll be here later no we.

haven't seen each other it it's been uh. it's [ __ ] crazy man what happens to. life. sometimes yeah has it been good you been. feeling good in Jersey it seems like. everything's good you look great the. first [ __ ] year was a struggle cuz I. was. lost I was [ __ ] lost I was. like you know what I was trying to do. was honestly was just figure out what. happened the last 30 years after the P. when the pandemic hit we were all. gung-ho we were very all gung-ho oh yeah.

but like by May of the pandemic I was. like what the [ __ ] happened I came here. I auditioned for Mitsy. Shaw and I don't know what happened like. here we are yeah you know movies talking. to this guy talking to that guy the. store at the end before the pandemic it. was something that you'll never ever see. again I still remember I would do spots. and then go to the kitchen after my spot.

and just sit for a minute and look out. into the bar area and stuff and it would. be like celebrities MMA people the. Clippers you know it was something every. night it was just too overwhelming yeah. every time you left the store on. Tuesdays or Thursdays oh you got in your. car and you had to [ __ ] drive 30. minutes just to decompress yeah Dr Dre. was hanging out at night before the. [ __ ] thing he was coming into the. store every night it was just a scene. that was is you know hard to believe we.

had our own [ __ ] thing Kennison dice. those guys had their thing and we had. our thing it's really true I didn't. realize it either until I went back like. over the I've gone back over the past. two years and it's like it's it's not. even it's not even the same thing. anymore it was like a it was like. lightning striking when everybody was. there dude when Dude the lineup. sometimes like on a Tuesday night I. still have them I saved them every. everything F I would clip a line up I.

would take a picture of it or something. and go yeah this is where you were with. these guys I want to see somebody try to. take something away from me like do you. know what I'm saying like people always. go who he didn't do it listen [ __ ] yeah. and this is these lineups in. 2019 what about the lineups well 2009 I. wasn't there but in 99 I was there and I. remember looking at those lineups and. they weren't good but you had [ __ ].

animals like three of them then on the. lineups it wasn't like nine. [ __ ] coming at you from Ali. Wong to you to deah it was a calvacade. every Tuesday and Thursday and everybody. got along Whitney Whitney [ __ ] just B. sagora [ __ ] tripol Eddie Bravo Owen. Smith it was [ __ ] crazy what was down. there it was crazy bro they had MMA. fighters that weren't even comedians.

[ __ ] doing 20 minutes down there was. [ __ ] crazy Eddie Bravo was doing like. 40 [ __ ] minutes. bro [ __ ] crazy you think about it and. people walked in. there and it's like they got high yeah. soon as people walked in it's like. walking into the mothership you know you. walk in and you're just taken you're. just taken and this is you know I didn't. do it for one summer I did it for 30. [ __ ] years so now I got to figure out. where they took me yeah yeah you know.

where the [ __ ] did they take me I mean. yeah just to look at that lineup and be. like it doesn't even feel like you're. really the person doing it no you ever. see oh God you devil any of those old. God. movies is it like a black movie or not. no no no George Burns play God and he. [ __ ] with people yeah he got the coke. bottle or whatever and uh it's really. weird yeah those things there [ __ ]. one of the guys he went to I'll never. forget like I this is way before I got. into comedy way before I got the comedy.

I started watching them you know I like. movies and there was one particular guy. that the guy was a musician and he was. struggling and he was like a Bruce. Springsteen type guy and then he came to. him and he [ __ ] shut out the light. because he was the devil he plays the. devil he got to deal with you to sell. your soul oh God you devil I remember. the Gods Must Be Crazy was that him no. no that's that's why you're getting. confused with the Africans and stuff. yeah but it was that's what I I feel. like the guy during the movie after he.

became the star MH he would go what the. [ __ ] what the [ __ ] and then he would go. to a. restaurant after he knew the devil took. his soul he would go to a restaurant and. see the girl he was engaged with and now. she was about to have a. baby and this was his life like it's. [ __ ] crazy and that's what I felt. like yeah a lot of times like did I just. do that why do people want to take a. picture of me I'm a felon yeah did you. mother told you to stay away from people.

like me and you want to take a picture. of me and it was just mindboggling so. that. was the first year in Jersey it was. just trying to figure out coming down it. was I was coming down I was I had. committed to coming down and seeing what. life was like with the [ __ ] and the. sticks you know and uh started going to. softball games and basketball games with. my daughter and were you playing or you. were just coaching or what n i don't. even coach I just sit there I get high.

and I sit there and watch oh yeah bunch. of [ __ ] girls you know it's so funny. I used to go to my father-in-law's house. in Nashville that [ __ ] is always. watching girl softball and I would look. at him and go I'm not even going to say. nothing to my wife but this is the most. pedophilia [ __ ] thing ever an old guy. watching girl softball well guess what I. became that [ __ ] old guy now I go to. her games I go to her basketball game. you know it's there's so much listen man. I I for me to get into comedy.

I lost her family I lost a daughter you. know she's 34 I haven't talked 3 [ __ ]. four like this was part of the whole. like what happened like I left Boulder. when she was. five and now she's 3 [ __ ] four we. haven't spoken in 20 years I'm like no. way 20 [ __ ] years 20 yeah it's got to. be 20 years now is it are there times. where it just hits you and it just hurts. sometimes it really hurt in the. beginning for years it really took me.

part of the addiction and all that [ __ ]. was that and then I made peace with it I. knew that this wasn't going to work it. wasn't in the cards and you got to move. on and I had this then God gave me a. second chance and they threw another. girl at me and I'm like what am I going. to do here so I said let me sink in you. know and [ __ ] be a dad just get I got. a second chance to do this the right way. this time and this is what I'm going to. do did you and that was a real thought. in your head you're like I got this this. is God giving me a second. [ __ ] yeah you know I've gotten the how.

many Second Chances have I [ __ ] got I. bet a decent amount so some Second. Chances you got to jump on and go you. know what this ain't going to happen. again yeah I can make peace with myself. you know I heard things I wasn't a good. dad I heard tons of [ __ ] from my ex-wife. and now I'm living it you know now I'm. living I got a nice house cars you know. we don't I'm not a jet Setter you know. that I'm not a BMW guy or nothing I'm. just happy and comfortable. yeah you know I retire in four [ __ ].

years my daughter collect Social. Security for three of those years the. ones I didn't get when my mother died so. everything comes full [ __ ] Circle man. oh really so Social Security you get it. for how long so when my mother died I. didn't get Social Security because they. said she didn't work enough quarters she. owned the business so I had no money. coming in when I was a kid you know for. all those years and it's weird now I got. a letter about 6 months ago about re. reing and all this [ __ ] with benefit I'm.

like I don't want to retire I want to. keep slinging dick I feel great to go. out there I'm not in the mood to go on. planes every weekend no it's a lot it's. a young man it's not a young man's game. it's a young man's game but it's a it. really is it's not even that you can't. do it it's just can you put up it's like. the stress it just wears on you and you. did it for so long that's what people. and I we'll forget I'll forget sometimes. Joey how long I did this [ __ ] for I'll. like be going to the airport and be like. [ __ ] I just cannot do this I cannot get.

on a plane and people were like what are. you talking about man and but part of my. it's just like I you just I don't know. what time when I wasn't going to the. airport yeah or wasn't getting the car. for a [ __ ] Hall my thing was this I. dreaded the the road yeah until I got in. the Uber until you got in the what Uber. yeah once I get in the Uber and I got an. edible in me and I'm headed to [ __ ]. lax look out [ __ ] uck look out.

come a friendly that's what happens to. me it's the lead up MH it was towards. the last year I would wake up in the. middle of night's going I can't believe. I booked this trip to this place yeah. [ __ ] I should have taken that week off. and I shouldn't have booked this I can't. believe I got to go to this town this. week yeah like [ __ ] tickle town or. something there's always something. you're like [ __ ] Puerto Rico I dude I. did a [ __ ] weekend in Puerto Rico one. time and I was like what the [ __ ] some. new joint they put how like I never.

should have went nine people [ __ ]. showed up to a couple gay dudes over. there I think it was like a sex. laundering or whatever but I didn't do. anything but I went and you know I tried. to do my best comedy but just [ __ ]. unreal bro no we've been doing this for. a long time and you uh some of the [ __ ]. yeah and it's like I just went back to. Jersey and I was like to top it off I. hadn't lived in Jersey in 40 years you. got a driveway over there yeah yeah.

driveway [ __ ] backyard I got. raccoons I got a raccoon that will not. leave me the [ __ ] alone really and he's. become like friends he's like buddy now. like he just comes he tries to I put two. bricks on the garbage he looks at me at. night like [ __ ] you got me again. then he leaves I put a piece of nicotine. gum in that [ __ ] I didn't see. him for a week that [ __ ] was. running up and down [ __ ] my street. with nicotine in him but you know I live. in uh a great neighborhood it's quiet.

Theo it's I live around the corner from. Jimmy Florentine oh yeah he's an awesome. guy awesome guy but I mean that's a weak. down you go down there you're like whoa. I got to learn how to [ __ ] navigate. this [ __ ] go down where to his house no. no to my house like when when I moved. down to this place I'm an hour out of. New York City I'm an hour 15 out of New. York City I'm an hour where I was raised. from like uh North bam right across the. city where James J bradic is from yeah. no way yeah I used to shovel the.

driveway you're lying when we were kids. nuh-uh yeah and his son was a [ __ ]. cop and yeah that's that's the park. there JJ bradic Park they just put a. beautiful statue up there that that. neighborhood was rocking we were kids. not only did he lived in town JJ bradock. but [ __ ] uh the other guy jetro's. father Jetro toll no Jetro from the Bly.

hillbillies that dude had a father. yeah bro anybody could have made that. dude bro Jetro was a bad [ __ ]. that wow so yeah you saw James J bradick. when you were a kid yeah like 10 12 we'. go to Hudson County Park and one day. somebody said go up there he he would. just give you like 10 bucks to shovel in. front of his house like [ __ ] when it. snowed so I only went up there like once. or twice it was way out of my neighood. he probably didn't know it was snowing.

he probably was a snow globe he got hit. so that dude was [ __ ] tough bro oh. yeah that dude's tough I saw some tapes. of him that dude was Irish [ __ ] long. Shan he was [ __ ] he'll fight you with. one [ __ ] hand those guys yeah yeah. right there Jan J bradic park right. there damn dude that's one of my. favorite movies dude I've probably. watched that movie maybe 12 times C I. love that movie when I saw that I was. crying up a storm the funny thing was I. got in trouble for that movie listen to. this I'm at The Longest Yard Premiere. mhm what the longest [ __ ] yard.

Premiere that you're in so that I walk. in my seats I sit down and the last seat. is. open I'm sitting there with my wife. we're talking about [ __ ] and all a. sudden right before the movie starts. [ __ ] cam and kro just next to me and. on his sleeve he's got North Bergen did. you see the jacket he made for bradock. when he was shooting that movie I like a. [ __ ] great jacket he sat next to me. man and I'm like oh what the [ __ ] is.

Gladiator doing next to me I didn't say. nothing Cameron Crow so that's the guy. that made Gladiator Russell Crow Russell. Crow I'm sorry Russell Crow Russell Crow. it's Russell Crow sitting next to me the. guy who played JJ Brown you know oh. really and he had the jacket on n and as. the movie ended I couldn't take it no. more The Longest Yard [ __ ] ended. everybody's clapping the producers from. The Longest Yard is sitting in front of. me and I turned to [ __ ] Russell and I. go yo. that's the [ __ ] movie of the year.

right there and he looked at me and the. producers looked at me I'm supposed to. be pushing the longest yard but I'm. telling him this is the [ __ ] movie of. the year Cinderella mov and he started. laughing his ass off you're from North. Bergen we started giggling and then. because my friends told me when he was. shooting the movie they would see him at. different delies he was doing different. delies around [ __ ] town just checking. him out checking them out whatever foros. stuff like that so w I love that movie. man I love that movie and that's one of. the reasons I have like this I mean I'm.

you know uh Dustin is fighting. in Jersey coming up two Islam yep in two. weeks yeah that's a great fight yeah and. so part of me is like I'm like tying it. in my head I'm like dude when he told me. I was like dude it's like James J bradic. bro it's like Cinderella Man when are. you coming up uh I'm going to come up. the day before Friday yeah I got a show. Friday where at. Beacon well maybe before the show I take. you to JJ bradic Park no way yeah the.

[ __ ] uh we'll go to the park we'll. eat over there they got good [ __ ]. food over there oh um yeah I would love. to dude they got a they got a [ __ ] a. place called toas MH right down the. block from there and then the talian. place that's tremendous spaghetti with. little meatballs anywhere you go and. then if not we go up to Rudies forget. about it everything's good oh oh yeah. it's funny where I live there's great. food I mean. [ __ ] I brought Rogan down there his. head almost blew up they got everything.

down there and it's so weird like you. leave there going I take Leo all the. time he loses his [ __ ] mind who's Leo. Lee Lee I take Lee when he comes down. yeah when he comes down I take different. places that little [ __ ] walkie-talkie. I saw him the other night dude he was. [ __ ] do that little [ __ ] gumball. machine that [ __ ] is killing me. dog the [ __ ] Jewish Christmas present. that little [ __ ] my God and he's doing. comedy and he's doing great with it yeah. he's been doing it I think almost 5.

years now yeah he goes on the road he. [ __ ] he's opening up for people does. he close yet I know he's opening up for. people yeah he opens up Rogan a couple. oh not Rogan uh Josh Wolf open up my. yeah that's when I saw I saw him Josh. Wolf and Jacob Wolf the other day at a. clothing store but then yeah me and Lee. went up to the uh Mothership one night. yeah he was excited dude I [ __ ] I'll. never forget that time to fight think it. might have been the first time I came on. um on you guys's podcast and and uh and.

in the beginning there was something in. the headphones it was like Lee I'm. hearing like a little like a sound in. the headphones right he's like I'm. trying to fix it so he's over there. [ __ ] I think he was like looking on. his phone trying to figure [ __ ] the. whole board is in front of or whatever. fast forward two hours dude I think we. did some mushrooms or something Lee is. unconscious or semi- unconscious I don't. want to say he was unconscious but he. wasn't associated with you and me and we. were the only people in the room so he's.

over there and he's like and I I hear. this sound in the headphones again and. it's. like and it this time it was him making. like a Wheezy he had like some HVAC. issues going on or something that. [ __ ] that was the thing that. really killed me I gotta be honest with. you like if you hit a popcorn bag that's. been [ __ ] that's cooked to the max. bro oh yeah yeah yeah that's what he. sounded like yeah that's when that first. like kind. of well what killed you sorry I.

interrupted you no no no you know what. [ __ ] killed me man those those eight. years of that podcast Rel that was rough. like I didn't know how rough it was till. I stopped doing it like what do you mean. keeping up every week by having a party. every week you mean we were [ __ ] what. party it was a it was a Non-Stop party. yeah oh y'all were near alarm strong in. that other guy who fights people we were. [ __ ] ald we were doing 2,000 m. mushrooms Vikings whatever people.

dropped in that office [ __ ]. uh what's the therapy people do oh. camine therapy camine oh yeah we were. doing camine in there y y'all put Owen. Benjamin into the woods you guys [ __ ]. put that dude in a blender there was a. couple people that wanted to blend. including myself you know [ __ ] I put. myself in a blender I was mixed goods. for [ __ ] a year after that when I got. home when I mov Jersy when I moved to. Jersey I moved to August right August.

19th and we stayed in the corporate. housing till my house was ready you were. building a house no the house wasn't we. couldn't move in until September 2nd oh. yeah so we had two weeks in corporate. housing those two weeks were like I was. just driving my wife crazy yeah cuz I. was eating 3,000 milligrams a day I was. bored I was lonely it was a pandemic oh. yeah uh I was eating Xanax the [ __ ]. helped me go to sleep I was eating Xanax.

on the. road and I'll never forget I went back. there and I got I got so high one night. I melted the tea. kettle cuz I used to make Michael. Jackson tea at night like I'd make like. edible tea and put 2,000 milligrams in. there and [ __ ] time yeah and mix it. up and I it'd be Michael Jackson tea put. some Sesame Street on start jerking off. I feel you the [ __ ] one night I made. that [ __ ] and I was like I'm not high. enough God I can't believe you even said.

that to yourself like it was like like. the first month in Jersey was a [ __ ]. like I wasn't high enough so I went to. make another batch of tea and I passed. out and when I got up like two hours. later the [ __ ] steam thing the it ran. out of water it just [ __ ] collapsed. into a little metal thing my wife's like. we got to throw that away and just like. Le I just. like and then I had like [ __ ] uh I I. fell asleep at a restaurant I was taking.

hash. pills yeah and we were at a restaurant. what do you mean Ash pills like from a. fire Hash Hash oh hash hash pills hash. pills yeah Jesus Christ yeah yeah no it. was nonstop you [ __ ] on dude we were. [ __ ] you know smoke I mean listen I. was going to the weed store every other. day wow and every other day I'd buy a. half. oce every other day why' you have to get. so high you think just it was B of the. thing I I didn't know to top it off I.

was. drinking 8 to 10 espressos a day Cuban. coffees bro what the [ __ ] what direction. you want to go son dog it was Edibles. sleep edible it was stand up sleep. Edibles it was just too much wow and did. you know what you wanted to do at that. point or were you thinking like I don't. know what I want to do cuz I remember. there was a point right when the. pandemic happened right after like 30 40.

days and not being having to do comedy. first I'm like I'll take a little break. it's great it's great but then I'm like. I haven't taken a break in my whole I. never made a choice what I wanted to do. I made a choice 20 years ago and now I'm. just still doing that choice I don't. even know what I want to be doing so. there was a time where I was like I. don't even know what I you know what's. going on you know I remember that and. then yeah for a little bit I didn't know. thankfully I kept podcasting but yeah. during the pandemic that's what saved me. was we kept podcasting yeah [ __ ] it.

getting [ __ ] up in there at night I. mean listen the podcast started at 7 and. we would get there at. 6 talk [ __ ] me and Lee start doing. Edibles and then you would come at 7. kick that mule baby and we do another. hour chitchat bongs Edibles and then a. two-hour podcast and then after the. podcast ended we'd hang out for another. hour I wasn't getting home till 2:00 in. the morning podcast started at 7:00 at. night the church baby how the [ __ ] can a.

podcast be you know you're there 7 hours. for a 2hour [ __ ]. podcast two nights a week and it was. constant you know yeah I left out of. there that they got that set on on. YouTube Somewhere I was mushroom the. mushrooms we were nonstop it was like. fun the THC scene was growing I felt. like a damn Taquito when I left out of. there bro that was [ __ ] cool yeah you. know the the [ __ ] weed scene was. growing with us oh yeah weed company. were sticking their hands out edible.

companies it give me [ __ ] Edibles. then comedy chaos who got the most. [ __ ] up over the time give me the five. people that probably when they showed up. at the church they they uh they. definitely they got the holiest of water. bro who got DS the most up there I saw a. lot of people go through changes yeah. right in [ __ ] front of me like you. can see their eyes and I'm like you know. from Spring to Fall a damn Solstice. right in front of. Sarah Tiana yeah and she I love her that.

that was not good that made me feel. really bad you know cuz she's the. [ __ ] salted here I love that girl. she's so sweet so funny she there was a. lot of there was a lot of [ __ ] that. people didn't see yeah like one of the. best episodes we did was Steven bow the. first time you know who Steven bow is. the guy from Scarface know did he pass. away no no no he played Manolo he played. Manny he was at the store too he was. going to the store at the end. he came in one time with cargo.

shorts now you got to remember it was. like here the cameras are facing me yeah. that's the time he came in with cargo. shorts the camera would face him MH and. every once in a while he'd go off camera. and take a liquor bottle out of his sock. M first they were in a sock I mean this. is classic [ __ ] he would take them out. of his sock first and drink them and. then put them upside down over here then. there was six once wow then he started. going in his cargo.

pants and he would take another bottle. out and drink it we counted like nine. [ __ ] bottles plus the beer he was. drinking oh yeah plus God knows what. else you know people doing that uh a guy. came on one day I forget what the. [ __ ] guy's name is I haven't spoken. to him in like three years he. disappeared was it a Japanese guy no. he's a Italian guy I forget what his. [ __ ] name was he would come on there. and. bring bags of pills I'm not talking. about like a prescription bottle like.

like he come in with like oh I got these. and then when you to take these like. this is the way he carry the bag you car. you took one of these you did one of. these and then if this don't do it this. don't do it and he give us pills by the. hand I didn't know what they were we. should just call them happy pills yeah. when you just eating pills you don't. know what the [ __ ] they are and I. remember I did his podcast once on a. Sunday and when I got there they had. bags of [ __ ] pills at the studio wow. and one day I go you know what give me. one of those [ __ ] pills this the. Lord's day I got nothing going.

on I was high from 1:00 in the afternoon. M till [ __ ] the next day I don't know. what type of pill I took I don't know. what he was giving out that day I mean I. was [ __ ] up did it have like a leopard. pattern on it I have no [ __ ] idea I. didn't see no leopards I didn't see. nothing cuz I took some [ __ ] yeah one. time this gay I don't want to say the D. was gay but everybody knew he was gay. and he knew he was gay but he um gave me. a couple SAS to drive him somewhere dude. he's like this was the worst idea ever.

bro and rip bro my boy Billy conforto. but he uh he gave me a couple Somas to. drive him somewhere he's like Dio. broh uh cuz he looked like Don flamco. remember Don Flamingo from Mike Tyson's. punch. out this guy was the first homosexual. that everybody knew in our area and he. also was a priz billy would he was a. fighter too he grew up boxing right and. then um so he would uh get the one with. the rose in his mouth that looks more. like him there you go that's Billy right.

there bro okay so he fuing goes Theo bro. I give you if I'll give you a couple SAS. you dve me across the leg bro I was like. all right I never taken SAS in my life. too. so I took two of them [ __ ] dude he. went into the T to the uh service. station to get a prepaid phone call or. something cuz he has some domestic. issues but so he comes back out bro and. I [ __ ] it only been about 12 minutes. at taking them [ __ ] we start driving. dude I took a right turn and it Place. didn't even exist bro [ __ ] road.

didn't even exist bro right into the. ditch oh my God bro he [ __ ] takes my. body moves me over to the passenger seat. the cops. G he went to jail for like four months. dud so he switching it oh [ __ ] G bro. bless his heart cuz he knew he put me in. that situation I was a child he was like. an adult bro but it was uh I was just. trying but who gives their Drive [ __ ]. two Somas you.

know so just poor pill management really. but poor pill management yeah it is but. damn that was something dude God oh when. I think of some of the times dude it. scares you yeah when I think the times. that I drove [ __ ] up Joey when I I. used to get I would put both of my feet. on the pedals right cuz I was too. nervous to let one of my feet make all. the decisions right so I was like I. ain't trusting this one of my feet I'm. going to have both feet down there in. case something pops off right so I had.

one on each pedal but even then it's. like playing a you know it's a little. bit of driver's ed kind of Vibes it's a. so and I would be like in a crosswalk. and I would be high and somebody be. walking through and I'd be like do not. [ __ ] hit the gas bro just hoping my. feet didn't do their own [ __ ] and start. a new adventure for themselves you know. it just got me so just be just being so. [ __ ] up that you didn't know if you. were going to be able to rely on. yourself you know that [ __ ] was tough D. that's one thing about me I never. [ __ ] did as crazy as I am I could do.

anything like if you say to me Joey can. we do that let's go I'm not scared of. cops you know when I was running I was. running okay when you're running you're. running there's one thing I hate doing. drinking and driving yeah or partying. and driving listen I could smoke a joint. and drive better than most people the. other [ __ ] I cannot drink and drive it. won't let me my body shuts down because. I know I could talk to a cop but if I'm.

drinking I can't talk to him cuz he's. got me I'm guilty I'm guilty I'm not. going to [ __ ] try to tell him I have. one drink that's why I won't even have. one drink when I go out the fear of a. cop pulling me over and asking me were. you drinking yeah and then I got to go. yeah and then he gets me out of the car. and then I got to do the [ __ ] 10. steps so before I go through all that. [ __ ] you know and we didn't have Ubers. you know I didn't have an Uber now. [ __ ] great to get high yeah you can. do whatever the [ __ ] you want now yeah. people don't understand what that was. like not having an Uber [ __ ] you had to.

get high say if you wanted to leave a. place you had to [ __ ] walk off walk. or [ __ ] run or [ __ ] go through the. weeds or some [ __ ] you know my thing was. I I I'm still very grateful. that in all those years nothing happened. bad on the road and bro I was in. situations where you know a lot of [ __ ]. could have happened drug-wise one time. in Bowmont that like when I think of. nights that I could have died it's.

bont Bowmont for reals I [ __ ] ow de. on valum really you can de on the sunset. there it's beautiful area I couldn't. talk for three days I had to go to a. hotel room my face was dragging it's. like I had B ballsy face yeah couldn't. go home couldn't get on a plane I blew. my whole check in a hotel in Houston. [ __ ] coming down hiding from people. drinking Gatorades you know yeah it's. it's so many things could have happened. yeah all those weeks in Miami doing.

drugs Houston oh you know Houston was. [ __ ] you came to Houston to lose your. mind and do comedy that was part of it. this episode is brought to you by prize. piic that's right if you love firing on. Sports baby prize picks is the best. daily fantasy sports app for you what I. like about prize picks is that instead. of choosing teams you choose individual. players each player has a set projection. and you choose more or less than that.

set projection so for example if you. think Luca donic is going to have more. than 17 points you would choose that. while if you think that Jason Tatum is. going to have less than 20 points you. would choose that if you're smart with. sports and know what players are going. to Excel on what nights prize picks is. the best app for you hands down download. the app now and use code Theo prize.

picks will match your deposit up to. $100 Sky out thighs out baby summer is. right around the corner and our friends. over at Chubbies are bringing the good. thy. brations Chubbies I like them I had on. one of their shirts the other day in. Miami man beautiful comfortable Chubbies. is a lifestyle apparel brand that makes. every moment feel like a vacation that's. what Chubbies does it's like hey look at. that guy he's just a walking Mimosa.

right there he likes to have a fun time. for a limited time Chubbies is giving. our listeners 20% off your order with. our exclusive code use code Theo at. Chubbies. shorts.com you can experience unmatched. comfort and style with the Chubbies. iconic original Stretch. shorts I just got a pair Looking ready. to put my dang butt in them for a. limited time Chubbies is giving our. viewers 20% off your order with our code.

Theo Chubbies shorts.com that's code. tho Chubbies shorts.com support our show. and tell them we sent you don't blend in. with the crowd stand out with. Chubbies that's a [ __ ] I had a friend. that well he wasn't a friend when I was. like 24 there was an old guy that hung. out at one of the bars oh yeah he would. just drink and then throw punches in the. air and say you're talking to me and he. throw punches you know you know the.

whole [ __ ] thing oh yeah dude so I'm. doing coke in this bar every day he. talked to himself and yeah I'll [ __ ]. kick your ass and he throw Jabs and one. day I asked the B what's up with this. [ __ ] guy he goes you don't know. Johnny Reed I go nah you know it was. 1984 kid I don't know Johnny R goes I go. is he crazy he goes you don't know what. he did I go no he goes he tried to kill. himself jumped out of a building and. landed in a garbage dumpster and he just. bopped his head so now he's [ __ ] up he. a check from the government on the 1st. and he would just give it to the.

bartender and say tell me when it's over. by the 18th he'd be broke and he'd be in. there [ __ ] arguing with the bartender. I locked him in the bathroom one day dog. I locked him in the bathroom at 2:30 in. the afternoon yeah cuz in Jersey the. bathroom's locked from the outside he. was driving us crazy talking about. boxing 1964 I took him to the body and. like Johnny knock it off he went into. the bathroom I can't take Johnny no more. we locked him we left we leave leave oh. you got to I came back at 9:00 I go to.

the bathroom he's still in the bathroom. locked he came on he's like woo that's. the noise he made when I open the door. he goes woo this guy used to [ __ ]. like we give him a then towards the end. I go Johnny you ever do. Coke I give him a line of coke and that. would put his empirism whatever. craziness he had he'd go even worse and. I still remember giving him a line of. coke like a 2:00 in the morning like a. bump and then being in the car at 5: going to the city to get Coke and see. and him walking over the George. Washington Bridge throwing [ __ ] LS.

and I'm like oh my God we can't give. that [ __ ] Lines no more and. then I cracked him one day I just showed. him my dick yeah I put it on the stool. next to him oh yeah and he was right on. the stool and he's like and I go Johnny. he goes and I go look at this and he. goes wow and he just [ __ ] he just. watched some basketball game goes wow. and he just I'm like [ __ ] dying only. Johnny could do this I've been asking. about him what happened to him he's got. to be dead by now he was 50 60 when that. [ __ ] in the 80s dude I we had a guy we.

had this dude Mr Dennis and everybody. just called him Denny right this guy in. our neighborhood he kind of like uh he. was just like an adult right but he had. this son named Rocky was his son right. and so uh Rocky was like I don't know if. something was wrong with him but. something was pretty much wrong with him. right like he just. wasn't you couldn't really rely on him. like if you told him something it didn't. matter because he didn't really know. like what was going going on a lot of. times right so you wouldn't share like a. lot of information with him but Rocky.

had a [ __ ] [ __ ] on him right so one. time we're all outside and Mr Denny goes. Rocky show him that [ __ ] right his own. son dude and we're all like what the. [ __ ] dude and Rocky [ __ ] showed that. [ __ ] bro and everybody was like damn. Rocky's got that [ __ ] on him bro and. then after that it would always like. anytime we that Mr Denny was around he. would be like Rocky show him that [ __ ]. Rocky would [ __ ] get his [ __ ] out now. Rocky wasn't all. no he wasn't all miss a couple bricks.

yeah yeah yeah yeah he was defin but he. was like you know he was healthy enough. like he could enjoy Christmas and [ __ ]. you know it wasn't like he was like you. know like you got to keep him in the. back or whatever you he was definitely. like you know he was a cool guy like you. could play games with him and [ __ ] like. it wasn't like he was like he just. wasn't real bright and his mouth was. always wet you know but the dad would be. like Rocky show him that show him that. dick yeah show him that [ __ ] Rocky cuz. most of those like Mally challenged like. retards they got big dicks yeah and.

they're horny too they'll [ __ ] you to. death oh dude they'll reca your living. room dude them boys I saw [ __ ] I was. up at uh in Salem Oregon One Time. Eugene and it was. uh uh whatever special Olympian. convention at the hotel we were doing. comedy MH not good and I was working. with a feature act who had huge tits. with cleavage she was on stage and one. of the kids was walking by by and he saw. her tits and he started.

making he started making noises yeah. they just doing the B and you think I'm. [ __ ] kidding you I was watching the. whole thing go down and I'm watching. this kid why is he going crazy he was. looking at a tits and there was two. [ __ ] big black guys like University. of Oregon football players that work in. security there was a point they couldn't. contain him yeah he was just going and. they had to [ __ ] tackle him he was. pushing the brothers out of the way I. was like this [ __ ] is cuz that's strong. too oh yeah oh definitely I think strong. too so you got to be careful they'll.

hold you down and [ __ ] you to death with. that big [ __ ] with that big [ __ ]. special Olympian dick you're going to. have some problems dog yeah you can't. let them pet an animal for too long. that's for sure brother that shit'll. escalate um dude what was I saying what. was that thing in the news I just. saw um that they found well now now I'm. I'm starting to think that more people. will have uh I right because they're. having they just found like Plastics.

what was it you see that thing. microplastics have been found in human. testicles yeah bring that up dude I mean. Joey this is the kind of stuff brother. you're lucky you have you have a healthy. two healthy. daughters you know this is the kind of. stuff man that's happening now uh 2024. microplastics are starting to look a lot. like cigarettes did in the early 1960s a. poorly understood health hazard in dire. need of better study and regulation the. latest bad news on microplastics in.

human health emerged last week when a. study from researchers at the University. of New Mexico examined 47 K9 and 23. human testies nuts or body nuts taken. from neutering operations in cond divers. respectively all of those testicles had. microplastics inside of. them so it's just like what's going to. what like you know what is that causing. bro if you got pla you know what kind of. effects can happen does it say they've. already been found in our bloodstream.

and in other human organs such as the. liver the heart and the. lungs micro I just you start to wonder. what happens when that gets into your. brain does that make more if a kid's got. plastic in his head or whatever listen. bro there's so many things going on. right now you know there's so many. [ __ ] things you know look at this the. pandemic opened up you know with the. [ __ ] shots and the mental health. it just opened up a variety of [ __ ].

of everything everybody's speeding up. for some I got a [ __ ] hernia oh I. lost weight and all I had this bump got. a [ __ ] Heria you know who the [ __ ]. knows who the [ __ ] knows what they're. putting in food. anymore you know you don't know what. you're really. eating you know [ __ ] vegetables fruit. tastes like [ __ ] sometimes it tastes. good others doesn't even taste like. fruit sometimes no no guys it's we're. it's a different [ __ ] world and and. you know try to make a doctor's. appointment now possible it's it's you.

know try to get a hard try to make a. hard. appointment they'll tell you like if you. call today they'll go yeah [ __ ] July. 8th yeah because that [ __ ] uh the. [ __ ] needle [ __ ] everybody's heart. up you know there's a ton of [ __ ] going. on God knows they're not telling you. they don't tell you [ __ ] man has it. always been like that or do you think. it's it's happening more than ever or do. you feel like it's always been like that. in life I think it's always been like. that but we have the internet now and.

20,000 media Outlets yeah yeah that's. true we have so much information listen. this metal this [ __ ] heart the. disease I think the biggest thing I'm. looking at is I've never seen mental. health like this I know people I grew up. with people and I talk to them now and. they're not the same [ __ ] person yeah. and I know I'm not the same person I. know the pandemic or whatever the 30. years of Comedy you know getting hit in.

the head who the [ __ ] knows but right. now man you have did you see like the. last 10 years the rise and everybody's a. politician now anywhere you go people. want to talk to you about politics I. never seen like men don't even want to. talk about [ __ ] no more but what do you. think you know it's too much information. and that pandemic [ __ ] us up because. what were you doing listening to music. or watching TV waiting for the next. [ __ ] hand job after the pandemic I.

never watched world news ever again yeah. I'm an American I want to watch that at. 6:30 I was braised on them I don't watch. anymore because they're just scaring. white people yeah that's all they're. doing they're giving you selective news. I don't believe anything no more I just. live my life and I [ __ ] try my best. to to deci for what's getting thrown at. you all day yeah but the mental health I. think right now with and this is what. it's got be it's the Internet it's the. [ __ ] you know everybody's a celebrity.

now we're living in a world where. everybody's a [ __ ] celebrity now you. go to a [ __ ] movie theater now they. got poster boards for you to take. pictures up everybody's a [ __ ]. celebrity I've never seen a world like. this I got at restaurants by my house on. Thursday nights you can't pull up yeah. can't pull up Lamborghinis Ferraris to. go to a [ __ ] restaurant everybody's a. [ __ ] celebrity the other half we're. fighting for our [ __ ] lives and then. they keep putting this [ __ ] out you. every day you you put the news on in the.

afternoon or. whatever the Trump hush deal this that. it's it's constant it's always in your. face and if you're going to you get. sucked in by it yeah I'm telling you. I've seen the people we we're getting. thrown so much information out of us. anymore it's so much [ __ ] it. somewhere along the line you got to. crack yeah yeah it's too much man I just. miss like a simpler time too man God. remember how much fun it was dude this. is simple nobody had a phone you went.

out nobody get a hold of you it's we. used to go BR we go to Howard Johnson's. bro remember Howard Johnson [ __ ] yeah. bring up a [ __ ] Howard Johnson they. had a [ __ ] they had that salt water. taffy bring show them that [ __ ] Rocky. show them that [ __ ] Rocky there still I. think there still a Howard Johnson's By. Me on Route three I hope there is dude. Howard Johnson's my mom um when I was. like five we would go she would drop us. s there to meet my grandparents or. whatever and we didn't know our like and.

they would have oh they used to have and. we'd have like a nice meal there it'd be. nice bro they had the bathrooms that had. the little you ever go like you ever go. to a bathroom but it has a little room. before you get in the bathroom it's like. you open the door and then you're just. in like a little bitty room and then. there's another door and that's the. bathroom it's like the room's like 3et. by 3 you know what I'm just saying you. open that that [ __ ] we never even seen. that like a little how many how John. possibly. left I don't know dude sh's in bro I.

remember for $11 you could stay at the. place right for $15 you could stay and. eat right so was that $4 up charge you. got that Buffet shony had a in and we. would go bro and the they had they also. had this like premere buffet for like. two more dollars you could go they had. like this kind of roped off area of the. buffet and down there they had [ __ ]. salmon or whatever you know damn you. know special pickles salmon uh honey.

honeydew melon like I never [ __ ] you'd. never seen [ __ ] gay watermelon you. know what I'm saying they had all the. special [ __ ] down there like black. pudding or whatever they had all the. [ __ ] down there the Rebox were on sale. they had like this special. area of the um of the buffet but it was. like roped off unless you got the. premiere Edition or whatever but dude we. would go there bro it was so nice dude. when you were a kid all that shit's nice. until you get old and you're like why am. I eating this [ __ ] I'm going to [ __ ].

die look at the people around me look. what they look like and here I am with. them about to die and that's anywhere. any of those chains that [ __ ] uh. country Croc what's that one cracka. Barrel cracka Barrel you'll die you'll. [ __ ] die in one of those places. there's like 10 of those [ __ ] joints. that you're eating there and you're like. you know what this is what's the place. that have the chocolate fountain oh uh. they have one in Burbank Memphis no no.

no no one no there's a there's like an. all you can eat buffet in bir Bank oh. Dam it's like a chain it's a chain and. they have they advertise oh you talking. about Shaky's Pizza no not that either. we used to do comedy and shaky Pizza in. Seattle did you one night they had like. a Wednesday night my bud got leprosy at. one of those. places he [ __ ] you get leprosy oh he. this guy would get everything bro he's. real susceptible fell gold Corral Golden. Corral that's a [ __ ] place right. there oh you'll die oh there's a lot of.

and I see people eating fish at those. places you just want to go over to them. and go listen he's a good. mortician so when they lay out your body. they could take that salmon out salmon. shrimp and I don't think there's no. buffets anymore no right since the. pandemic I mean I think well people are. still doing them but it's definitely. more of a risque type of thing it's kind. of like the only fans of like the dinner. Community I feel like like if you see a. buffet it's it almost feels like it's um.

prohibition or something like you should. you know what I'm saying like it's a. [ __ ] Speak Easy you. know when you go to those places and you. look around and you're like like I went. to I went to [ __ ] uh where did I go I. went to uh Kentucky Paduka yeah my. brother-in-law lives in Paduka I love my. in-laws it's my niece's birthday today I. love her but I can't go to Paduka CU. they take me to this restaurant mhm and. they put cheddar cheese yeah on. everything they put it on oatmeal on.

cereal I mean whatever you order they. put a handful of that communist cheddar. cheese it's worse than the one the. government sends you and I'm eating the. one night with my wife cuz my wife. brought it home to me the one night. she's like we're going to go over here. and eat you could stay there and I just. bring you a thing and I ate it and it. wasn't bad it was like a steak just a. couple pieces of meat it wasn't bad the. next night I went I'm like yeah that. play I'm excited let's let go and we. went there and I'm looking at these. people and everybody's.

ankles yeah was swollen they all had a. diabetic foot oh yeah everybody it's. like going to a Yankee game I went to a. Yankee game two years ago I was sitting. next to a lady her foot was purple and. what this [ __ ] do she put like a blue. tattoo on it to throw the color off of. the diabetic foot I'm like when does it. end. [ __ ] dude and she's sitting there. eating beer drinking beer eating you're. eating beer I've seen a woman over there. eating beer with a spoon you know them. [ __ ] are going downhill it was a. [ __ ] nightmare when I see a diabetic.

foot at a restaurant I got to go yeah or. a fat ankle like that when I looked. around this restaurant puka everybody's. ankles were swollen I'm like dog I'm. done I'm on the plane tomorrow you got. to go yeah you get to some it is true I. think it's important you got to look. around and see who's in The Joint who's. in this [ __ ] joint look at these. people they're going to die cuz it. sometimes it is it's just cat it's like. people that are almost just like cats. that don't want to um yeah that can't. even breathe that good or read you'll.

see people like on like on uh oxygen you. know sneaking in a [ __ ] go there. sneaking in a a little hit of uh pie or. something while they're eating or. smoking a cigarette they don't give a. [ __ ] they don't give a [ __ ] they don't. give a [ __ ] man and it's like I get. nervous in those place like I'm GNA die. yeah yeah there's just a lot of bad food. out there and I think it's gotten more. to the place now you have to take care. of yourself cuz cuz the government or. whatever whatever we thought the FDA.

that shit's all been compromised bro. that's comp you show up with an envelope. and they'll prove anything those. [ __ ] they don't give a [ __ ]. anymore bro you could have damn minthal. bread pudding bro those [ __ ]. will approve it you know it's like going. on Instagram they sell every get well. cure yeah on Instagram like who would. buy you know and they it's constant look. at your Instagram it's like bodyb. building recuperation testosterone yeah. I'm going to buy testosterone online. from some [ __ ] guy I don't know it is. crazy eyebrow lost they have eyebrow.

like what are you even doing no man poor. vision missing grandparents you're like. who gives a [ __ ] it's like missing. grandpar for $40 a month like what even. am I paying. for it's just some of the [ __ ] yeah it's. like everything is for sale it doesn't. matter everything you sit there and you. go all these products I like when. somebody goes on Rogan and they talk. about a product and then you go on. Instagram two weeks later and they're. talking on Rogan about the product and. they're selling it just because Rogan. was in it it's like guys when does it.

end like using the clips you mean yeah. like the clips like it's it's just. so it's dirty yeah it's it's just. changed a lot we've just gotten to where. everything is a. advertisement you know everything is for. sale I mean if you look at it even with. like a lot of young men aren't aren't. having sex anymore a lot of women are. selling their bodies on only F it's like. there's nobody holding anything really. you know it used to be you had to go at. least tickle somebody to get some [ __ ].

you know it was like a bar talk to them. they come out to dinner at least lie to. him work the angle you know what I'm. saying there's always an angle I don't. know I'm still recovering from my own. boyfriend well let's do some coke and. talk about it you there's always [ __ ]. something but it's just different now we. forgotten with listen. man we forgotten a lot of things yeah. things are getting right away from us. you know I was really opposed to texting. for years I remember that that's why I.

even called you yesterday the really. opposed to it now I'll do. it but I didn't like it because it takes. away our connection man I want to hear. your voice you could tell me whatever. you want on the text Theo how you doing. I'm doing great I picked up an envelope. Theo how you doing man so I don't that's. why I didn't like it yeah that's why I. didn't like it because what they're. doing is creating a society that. separates us even more you know what I. can't see Theo now so we'll just zoom. once a week let's Zoom get in a [ __ ].

plane and come see me yeah we're doing. everything we can't to separate and I. always hated that I understood the. pandemic I got it but we need each other. it's like I'm going to tell you. something. interesting pandemic started I was. [ __ ] up I'm going to tell you. something that you're not going to. believe this I started doing better. uhhuh going in and once I was there a. year August 19th of 202. 21 I was a little better I was still. withdrawing from the Xanax I was having.

some issues but I did something. that before I did the knee operation cuz. I went back and my knee went to [ __ ] as. soon as I landed like 3 weeks later cuz. I was going to cryo every day MH in. California but once I landed here in the. pandemic there was no more [ __ ] cryo. oh there's no cry there was nothing so. my knee went this [ __ ] I got Ser I went. and one day I was going for a ride and I. saw a Jiu-Jitsu school a Gracie jiujitsu. to school by my house and I went in. there and I was scared [ __ ] it's.

December CO's been around not even a. year you know but people are still like. not touching each other and [ __ ] and. they're like nah we're doing great here. we only had a close one time and but. when I left there I had a doctor's. appointment like a week later and then. he told me how to have knee surgery so I. didn't go back to that school I never. went back to talk to him then one day I. got a call and it's the guy the brown. belt at the school his name is Sean mhm. he's like I just want to check in with. you I got a dog after I saw you I got.

knee surgery so it'll be a while this. guy kept calling me and not selling he. wasn't selling he was just being a nice. kid going if you want to come in and. move a little bit and just be me and you. man nobody will bother you right we'll. work on stuff I was like I don't know. [ __ ]. Jiu-Jitsu I went to Jiu-Jitsu the same. day that the soprano movie premiered it. was September 21st of 20 20 21 and I. remember I walked in there I had to. cancel the first two like I cancel two.

classes yeah finally I go next Wednesday. now it's Wednesday and I never fet going. in there and we did some [ __ ] and then. he goes just roll with me for a minute. and I done believeing that and going I. feel a lot better wow just human touch. with somebody else I'm not gay or. nothing but just that touch of him. [ __ ] submitting me and grabing me and. I was like I feel and then I went to the. here that night and I was [ __ ] Co. conscious I'm like I'm going to sit at. the Beacon with 2,000 [ __ ] people to.

see this movie we're going to get Co. yeah it wasn't even that when I got out. the driver dropped me on the corner of. the beacon and I was in a corner with. 500 people and they were all like. touching me and [ __ ] and I remember. walking out of that Circle going if I. don't get Co now I'll never get. it went to the movie theater didn't even. go to the premiere party just saw the. movie with my family and some friends I.

didn't even go to the party but going to. that Jiu-Jitsu class and the classes. after that like I was just going to take. privates for like six months I said [ __ ]. this I'm going into class with these. guys yeah I need these guys right I need. these [ __ ] guys I need to talk to. them and touch them and [ __ ] be human. around be human yeah isolation is TR. isolation it feels like it's what you. want to do for yourself to make things. easier and more comfortable and that is. one of the biggest traps you know I.

noticed it for myself a lot of times. it's like I'll like uh even the other. day had some friends that went out on. the boat here on Lake Austin right first. I like I'd rather just chill work on my. comedy you know I'm in town I'm in. Austin to specifically to work on on on. uh get up on stage and stuff and so but. then I was like you know I should go CU. I always choose the let me stay and work. on something let me stay and be by. myself I always choose that and then I. find myself. well then you're always by yourself you. know what I'm saying you get stuck with. bu yourself thoughts buy yourself.

[ __ ] you you know when you're with. somebody you you get a they don't and. they don't [ __ ] run off you're like. oh I'm all right I'm all right to be. around I'm not a weird I'm not a. complete weirdo you know and so that. kind of stuff is huge man and being in. those classes it just like and you make. friends you start to realize people got. your back you're not a [ __ ] alone. that there's nothing is as helpful I. don't think as going to those jiu-jitsu. classes I don't go to them as much as I. wish I did um because I kept getting.

hurt bro I would just and I couldn't do. anything I had to work I'm like I'm. [ __ ] we and I got my [ __ ] all wrapped. up I got a [ __ ] bunch of lemons. [ __ ] duct taped to my rib cage and. reading [ __ ] online you know eating o. Leander or whatever on the [ __ ]. internet and apple seeds but uh but yeah. just that camaraderie bro I remember one. time we were we'd been in there rolling. for the day and I just started balling. crying bro like just [ __ ] from my that. was stuck in my body or whatever it just. [ __ ] like released you know it's.

crazy people don't understand and now. it's what keeps me together I go every. Monday and Thursday and it keeps me. together I don't you have to show up. with a million dollar envelope for me. not to go like I made that decision six. month like I've been going steady but I. got hurt I hurt myself in December and. after that hurt my ankle I go you know. what I'm doing this a different way I'm. going in there it's a plan two days I. lift I go to Jiu-Jitsu I lift I go to. Jiu-Jitsu I ride the bike and I'm done.

for the [ __ ] week yeah it's what I do. like I don't give a [ __ ] what you got. going on I'm really sorry to I got to go. to Jiu-Jitsu because if you don't go on. Monday then you're behind the week then. you're not going to go on Tuesday. Tuesday going to get an audition then. Wednesday your kid sick you know I this. is just you wake up she's sick my wife's. got to do [ __ ] I got to cover and that's. why I always go Monday so you always get. at least that one oh yeah if you want to. take Thursday from me something else. will happen but that's helped me a lot.

because it gives you a different set of. friends and it gives you a set of. friends that have you know they all. trying to get healthy one guy's. recovering from his shoulder one guy's. trying to lose weight I'm just an old. [ __ ] I go in there [ __ ] to get I go. in there burn 500 calories oh yeah you. know but these are the things I'm doing. now to I even enjoyed you Jitsu when I. was doing comedy full-time because it. got you away from the agents and the.

managers and everybody talking about the. same [ __ ] all the time yeah and secret. gay dudes too out there in Hollywood bro. Jesus Christ I remember the first time I. ever some guy you know I just got into. town I know what was going on and some. guy tried to kiss me outside of a park. or whatever and then I remember another. time a dude an agent or whatever gave me. a ride to some place introduced me to. like kuba Gooding Jr whatever and then. tried to feel on my leg whatever when he. was give me a ride home dude and I.

didn't know what the [ __ ] was going on. dude I was like if I wasn't a little. Brave I would have been gay. bro you know that's uh you know Rocky. got that [ __ ] on him you feel me bro. that's the [ __ ] Rock show him the [ __ ]. that's good you should just you should. just fly Rocky out here take him to LA. with you whenever one of those guys. wants to hit on you rock show them the. [ __ ] rock boom there you go you want. that roll here I got a [ __ ] for you suck. this [ __ ] suck this stick of love.

over here this episode is sponsored by. Blue cheu that's right let's talk about. sex fellas okay remember the days when. you were ready to go buddy oh boy look. at this now you can increase your. performance and get extra confidence in. bed listen up. bluechew.com. blueo is a unique online service that. delivers the same active ingredients as. Viagra Calis and Levitra but in chewable.

tablets and at a fraction of the cost. baby you can get going boy get you one. snack it down you're ready does it work. yep that's it you don't think you need. it maybe you don't but you can try it. for a month and see if you want I love. it they're always saying first. impressions are important rock that blue. cheesy baby you feel me blue chew wants. to help you have better sex discover. your options at bluechew.com.

chew it and do it and we've got a. special deal for our listeners try blue. free when you use our promo code Theo at. checkout just pay $5 shipping that's. blu.com promo code Theo to receive your. first month free visit. blue.com for more details and important. safety information and we thank blue for. sponsoring the podcast you know if. you're selling something online it can. get very tedious you can get caught up. in the minutia of figuring out uh well.

how much product do I need to hold and. um the addresses that I need to send it. to and how do I get the mailing labels. and it can be unending it can you can. spend more time uh figuring out how to. do your business than actually doing. your business ship station makes it. easier they're the multicarrier shipping. solution that integrates wherever you. sell online and streamlines your. workflow flow so your business can grow. that's right they have an easyto use.

dashboard that makes managing orders. smooth label printing reporting and. customer service easy you can scale your. business and reduce Warehouse costs with. ship stations reliable Enterprise. Solutions and you can save on thousands. of shipping costs that's what I've. enjoyed the most with discounts up to. 89% on UPS DHL Express and USPS r. work less and ship more with ship. station the Innovative tool that helps.

turn your shipping challenges into. opportunities for growth go to. shipstation.com and use code Theo to. sign up for your free 60-day trial. that's. shipstation.com code Theo I'm going to. tell you flat out that using the. internet without. expressvpn is like going into a public. bathroom and just leaving the door wide. open well expressvpn creates a secure. encrypted tunnel between your device and.

the internet so your online activity. can't be seen by anyone it works on. phones laptops even routers so everyone. who shares your Wi-Fi can be protected. I've. certainly looked at stuff online that. I'd like to keep between me and myself. secure your online activity by visiting. expressvpn.com. EO today. that's e p s vpn.com.

EO. expressvpn.com. Theo to get an extra three months for. free yeah bro dude in Rocky they grew up. like downwind from like one of those. pesticide factories or something or you. know the place that would have the spray. rig you know dude remember when the. spray rig would come through your. neighborhood dude we would [ __ ] get. on our bikes bro and ride cuz in I they. sprayed that [ __ ] [ __ ] twice a week. dude the whole [ __ ] everybody's.

stepmother look like a mosquito in that. [ __ ] dude but we would get on our bikes. and just ride behind that gas just pure. gas coming out that [ __ ] dude but Rocky. and then Mr Denny they live down the. they live down wind from one of those. [ __ ] that's what probably [ __ ] made. his dick though [ __ ] damn people GNA. all move from those places now and go. man Rocky made Rocky's dick big oh Rocky. ain't been [ __ ] stung by been since. 2011 bro I'll tell you that.

dude [ __ ] God I love yeah dude I love. I guess the best thing is remembering. stuff from growing up that's something. that I really that's my favorite thing. is just remembering stuff from growing. up yeah thinking about the. past I love it you know that's where. most like the most entertaining stuff is. for me um but growing up now feel yeah. it feels like kind of weird I think for. a lot of L of times I didn't want to. grow up because I still wanted to just. be a part I feel like if I grow up too.

much then I'm then I lose all the fun. does that ever make any sense to. you you know man it's so weird how you. look at your life and you go what the. [ __ ] I haven't had fun like fun fun fun. since I left New Jersey when I was 20. like that. oldfashioned fun that I liked I enjoyed. you know just getting [ __ ] up and. laughing with your friends yeah sleeping. on the floor and going down the shore. and all that [ __ ] and then it's like.

I've been chasing it for the last 40. years what happened those Summers when I. was growing up you just chasing it you. know it's funny I look at like I was. seeing something about a while ago about. a club they were talking about this club. and VIP and all this and I looked at it. and I'm like all this is is people. chasing Studio 54 yeah that's all this. is they've been chasing ing Studio. 54 since the80s you know us guys like. you and I our childhoods were [ __ ].

really special they were. comical comical when we think of our. childhood we had no other option than to. become a comic because all the tools. were put in front of us the stories the. situations other storytellers that. taught us how to tell a story it's. [ __ ] crazy I think now like I was. always going to be a comic I just didn't. know know that I just didn't know that. everything all goes into one Circle. everything that you've lived I remember.

somebody told me one. time that when you do a movie okay like. you know I did a bunch of movies earlyer. and nobody talked to me nobody said hey. I saw you in that movie he goes you got. to give a movie C culture that you have. to give a movie years and all of a. sudden I saw what he meant cuz one day. when the podcast and everything else. started lifting us people started. connecting those. movies do you follow me at first you.

can't connect them but after you hit a. little bit and people start following. you and stuff your movies will connect. you know like it's the weirdest thing I. don't even know if I'm explaining it I. don't know I'm not understanding you. 100% he had a concept that said like. people do a movie like you do a movie. with like who's the hottest star today I. don't know uh probably um Gigi Hadid or. something I don't even know these. [ __ ]. yeah probably Bradley Cooper Bradley. Cooper right you do a movie with Bradley.

Cooper and the movie comes out Bradley. Cooper wins an Academy Award for it it's. a great. movie you don't think that you're. getting as much as you should have you. ever see somebody do a movie and [ __ ]. they blow up yeah Tiffany hadish did a. movie she was she's been working hard. for 30 years did one movie blew the [ __ ]. up yeah okay I did 20 movies nobody ever. [ __ ] talked to me at all they didn't. talk to me till I [ __ ] told the story. about mugging a hooker and lighting her. wig on fire that changed my career that.

was it now people yeah people start you. you do a Disney show nobody wants to see. it yeah you know you do a t nothing but. my point is. that let's say you did a movie with. Bradley Cooper and you called me a year. from now and go what the [ __ ] all these. [ __ ] blew up around me I got. one commercial or something out of it. right you know but in three years. as you keep growing your career keeps. growing more people will start going let. me watch that movie because Theo's in it.

now I didn't know Theo was in oh [ __ ] I. got to watch that again because now. you're somebody to them and that's how. that movie gets big and connected to all. the other movies it's the weirdest. [ __ ] thing cuz nobody would see my. [ __ ] you know like I'm telling you I. mean I remember going to see I did The. Longest Yard that's the only movie. people would come out and shake my hand. and at the end of the show they would. hide from me cuz they thought I was. going to go up there and do Adam s. knock-knock jokes yeah I'm up there. talking about snorting coke and [ __ ].

getting my dick sucked and putting a. Coke Rock and people were like they. would just leave and now you say one. [ __ ] joke about mugging a hooker and. you're selling out [ __ ] comedy clubs. yeah you don't know what it's going to. be but the culture of it is what I'm. talking about how you might not think. nobody saw you but years from now it's. like you could. do 18 movies and you the movie you hate. the. most is the one that people come up to.

and go yeah we loved you and that you're. like godamn it I did 17 other ones yeah. I did 17 other movies that's the one you. like the one I [ __ ] hated and then. you tell them the story I was CED up. till 800 in the morning and my call time. was at 9: and and they're like oh no. wonder you hated the [ __ ]. movie yeah I think yeah yeah I guess. it's like did you think that when. podcast started it was going to be what. it was did you have any real foresight. on it did you get into it because you.

were like oh I don't know if like acting. is going to be enough for me like what. was kind of your motivation to get into. it I know it's kind of an old question I. just don't know the answer to it 2009 I. moved to the valley I moved to Studio. City where we lived the office up the. corner from the. office at that time man I had done. movies I had done TV shows I recurred on. TV shows I wasn't at the store anymore. and I was just opening for Joe and I. would do spots you know I would do my.

own [ __ ] yeah and open for Joe and then. I was like you know what man I got a. call from the funny bone one. time and they're like we're willing to. give you like six weeks or. work the number they threw at me was so. [ __ ]. ridiculous it was so ridiculous and a. year before this I had had this. conversation with somebody else that. guy's name was Bill Billy Gardell mhm I. saw him in Burbank and I we were just. chatting and he told me that right.

before he got Molly and whatever that. [ __ ] show was Mike or whatever he was. like I'm thinking of getting out of this. [ __ ] he goes they just offered me these. deals and it's no money they want me to. work Wednesday through Sunday in those. days that was hard 2000 no air Fair no. you know and I'm like you know when that. happened to me I was like you know what. it's 2009 I got nothing going on I'm. going to go to the for door and pee in a. bottle and get a job selling cars yeah. I'll still.

audition I'm I'm in the I'll still. audition and I'll still go out and work. for Rogan but I'm not doing this no more. it's it's I've been doing it for 20. years or something right at that point. wow and it's not I'm not even happy. doing it anymore that's the biggest. thing okay it was like I'm good I could. do movies I keep my insurance I could. always book a movie or a TV show except. lately I don't know what the [ __ ]. going on but they don't even have any. more TV shows really no but I audition I.

got two I got two I got an audition for. me to go go [ __ ] yourself and I didn't. get it wow when you got one line to. curse as Steve Martin and you don't get. it you're not doing well okay so so you. still auditioning a pretty good bit huh. you still audition a decent amount if. they have something they'll call me and. I'll put it on tape or lately they've. been doing Zoom ones which I'm in. [ __ ] shock but I'm not booking. anything it's it's look at me it's over. but you like it though it's something.

you like though no I like booking I. don't like working I see my dick gets. hard when I get that call my dick gets. hard when I go in the room and there's. other actors in there they look at you. like what are you doing here and you're. like really [ __ ] I'm going to. show you what I'm doing here [ __ ] yeah. and and then they call you but then when. they call you for wardrobe you're like. come on guys what the [ __ ] we want you. to come in for wardrobe and then wasting. come back this and then Park and then. we're going to do a table read on. Tuesday and you're like guys quit. jerking everybody off that's what I want.

to do wasting people's time and money no. so that's my secret I love booking that. is a good moment if somebody calls you. and says you got something you got. something listen to they made you an. offer blah blah blah and you're like. [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] that punk in the audition. yeah [ __ ] I remember going to audition. one time and the guy told us in the. audition go home yeah I already did the. job I already worked with this guy he's. gonna give me the job anyway and then I. booked and I saw him at the store like a. week later did you ever hear from him I. go [ __ ] I booked it he was pale he was.

[ __ ] pale but what I was telling you. was the truth was I'm going tell you the. honest to God truth I always had a. problem with. comedy I'm not the Best comedian but I'm. a good Storyteller and I always knew if. I had a chance to tell my story it would. change things if it didn't then I'm I'll. go away into the hills quietly. you ever watch HBO boxing like 15 years. ago yeah yeah with Joe Frasier or.

whatever no Roy Jones Jr yeah like. anything 20 years ago with boxing you. know you you look at a guy that's a. boxer or a UFC fighter yeah all right. you're like look at this [ __ ] guy. tattoos he's talking all this [ __ ] you. know but then they do those things you. know. uh 20 for 20 like those HBO would do. like let's talk to Theo at his house you. you know so I know Theo he's got a hat. he's from Louisiana he's got icy mic. this that but now I get to see you with.

your mother yeah I get to see you with. your dad I get to see you with your kids. I get to see that [ __ ] Theo has a. farm I didn't know that and he gets up. in the morning after trading two hours. and he goes to the farm and works eight. hours and then he picks this kid up from. school cooks for them then he goes back. to [ __ ] train then he goes back over. there and puts his kids in showers then. he [ __ ] you know and you're like I. thought this guy was just a [ __ ] sack. of [ __ ] yeah that was my thing right. that I knew if I could tell my story.

digitally like detail by detail I could. get somewhere and I was right just go up. there and for two months we were doing. what we doing what people doing so what. do you think about P Diddy you know what. do you that's not a podcast you're just. [ __ ] extension of the news when you. get into the nuts and Bol people and. youed like I told you I had nothing. going on in my career until I told the. story that I mugged the hooker and lit. her wig on fire yeah and all of a sudden. I was selling 150 tickets a show and.

you're like I've done [ __ ] all this. stuff and nobody ever wanted to buy a. ticket but I tell the most awkward. stories so what do guys like me and you. do tell more disgusting stories of your. life yeah and they AE them up get it out. well people can relate to stuff dude. especially with hookers man I remember. doing drugs and then I would like. negotiate with hookers online right cuz. I didn't have any money so I'm like. sitting there like I'm not like gouin or. whatever they call it but I'm like you. know. like I'm like how about this just stay.

for maybe 40 minutes or whatever you. know just give me like you know $75 off. the amount or whatever and I was always. so high this what happened to me every. time. Joey uh a woman of the night or whatever. escort would come over I'd be so high. I'd be scared I'd hand the money out of. the door open the door a little bit. [ __ ] hand them the money and have. them go home right 90% of the time cuz I. was so scared like I don't know even. know why I would do it but and I would. do that two or three times in a night.

right so one time dude I remember one. time this Russian Lady uh she f um I was. she had to go or something right and I. was F and she asked me to watch her dog. right at her [ __ ] place i' went over. there and she asked me to watch her dog. and I couldn't even understand what she. was saying I thought she wanted to do. like butt stuff or something but then. she just was trying to get me to watch. this [ __ ] dog dude so the whole. conversation was just ridiculous bro cuz.

I I kept kind of touching her butt and. she kept kind of pointing at this. puppy I'm just like what am I doing dude. I would. be petrified to call a hooker oh it was. so scary petrified and never mind on. coke like I wanted to trust me you're. not the only guy that got [ __ ] secret. [ __ ] desires whenever you do cooking. you're by yourself you you're dying to. call a freak that's going to take the. ride with.

you I can never do it I can never. [ __ ] do it and if I got somebody to. come over if I jerked off before they. come over then I wouldn't even open the. door yeah i' keep that little bit of. coke for me [ __ ] it you ain't getting. none of this I crack the nut you ain't. getting none of this [ __ ] me I'm out of. coke I crash a [ __ ] aspirin and give. it to. them oh I remember yeah like I'd feel so. bad once a hooker was coming over one. time um I remember putting on like an. like I didn't want to even seem like I.

did Coke or whatever so I like remember. put on like an apron or something to. make it seem like I was like cooking. around my house like just being like a. organized guy you know like what the. [ __ ] what a loser to this she's probably. like his 3:30 this guy's a [ __ ] Chef. over here oh God I just wanted to look. like I was doing something important or. whatever and I didn't have like a you. know that was the closest thing I had. like a uniform I guess or whatever was. that but I would love to sit with like a.

like a [ __ ] I don't know one of those. psychotherapist that's analyzing people. for drugs or something and just sit. there with them for three days and tell. them the stupid [ __ ] that and it's not. even stupid it's [ __ ] hilarious when. you look at yeah when you think about it. years later you're like that was [ __ ]. like couple weeks ago I came down here. the 420 I came down here for the weekend. mhm and I was thinking about in ' 86. when the Mets won the the series or.

something or the playoff I forget what. it was I went to New York to pick up. like couple ounces of coke I was. bringing them back to Colorado and when. I got there the guy I went to see said. to me your Coke is ready to go you got. it you got a house you could stay at my. house he goes I got to leave I gotta go. away for three days to a wedding in. Connecticut or something but he goes I. forgot you were coming I hooked you up. you're good to go we went to eat after. the [ __ ] airport and then he drove me.

to the house he goes the Coke's in there. go in my sister's there my mom they left. you the whole [ __ ] house I get in. there the [ __ ] hot water heater blew. up and the power went out so you know. guys like me and you I wasn't leaving. till Sunday I called some of my friends. but they were [ __ ] busy and I stayed. in that house from Friday. to Sunday snort and Coke with a candle M. and with my pants rolled up because it.

was all water so I'm walking around like. Jetro T that album from Jetro t with a. mirror navigating myself through the. water in this [ __ ] basement with a. candle snort and Coke the sister's like. 16 she's down there snorting coke with. me I'm like oh no I'm going to go to. jail it's a damn Underground Railroad he. would call me every hour like how is it. going over there I'm like I'm here with. your sister and Mom snorting [ __ ]. Coke in this [ __ ] you know nobody. would believe that I stayed there till.

Sunday and then I get to the airport. Kennedy airport it's [ __ ] freezing. out everybody's got jackets on there was. no tunnels then you had to walk out and. get on the plane everybody had jackets. on dog I've been doing coke for three. days when I walked out they had a. t-shirt on and steam was coming out of. me and people looking at me like what. the [ __ ] is he on. right like you can't. that that was like a whole afternoon. then I got on the plane and I was so. coded out I had the aisle seat before.

the plane took off they came to me and. said you can't keep getting up and going. to the bathroom I was going every 8. minutes to the bathroom to load up and. then when the plane took off I actually. took the blanket put it over my head put. the lunch tray down crushed it up and I. would snort and then pop my head up and. and I'm like nobody knows I'm getting. high but the clinker of that whole. [ __ ] day like Punk Satani Phil dude. dog it was not and this was every week. eight more weeks at eight you got to.

remember this was going on in our lives. once a week this craziness and then I go. up to because in those days the the. planes had like a little bar and you. could order from the bar and I remember. the I'll never forget there was a black. linted bar like black wow on the. airplane in the 80s and '90s [ __ ] you. had [ __ ] planes with bars Jet Blue no. People's Express was a plane that went. out of business a company I went out of. business they had a piano n that the guy. would play upstairs that would double. decker planes this [ __ ] today I don't.

know what the [ __ ] going on no bars a. bunch of traffic yeah you going on a. plane now you go on a plane to sit there. like a commi and look straight ahead. yeah in the 80s and 90s you went on a. plane you party that you could move. around and talk to people that's what. Ric Flair always says he always says. about how great it was on play oh my God. I could come up to Theo and go Theo buy. Theo a drink buy that lady and roll. three aink drink and all a sudden you're. picking up chicks on a plane dog God. come on [ __ ] I'm lonely so I go to the.

bar I order whatever a southern comp. orange juice whatever the [ __ ] I'm. drinking uhhuh and Theo as I'm talking. to it's just me and him at the. bar a [ __ ] Coke rock falls out of my. nose and lands on the lint and me and. him are looking at it like to see who's. going to speak first and I go I look up. and I'm looking at the plane I go that. fell off the plane there and I got back. back in my seat I was never so. embarrassed D I was doing [ __ ] that. nobody I remember going on a date with a.

girl to a [ __ ] net Philadelphia six. game oh high on coke no I had a half. ounce in my pocket I was holding it for. late in case you didn't want to go home. with me yeah you know the first qut I'm. talking to and we're not getting nowhere. and I go [ __ ] this I'm going to get it. do you want a drink she goes yeah I'll. take a drink I went to the BART to get a. drink at the Net game the bartender had. a bow tie on this is like a Theo story. he had a bow tie on very decent guy and. I'm there like let me get a double let. me get another one b and all I go you.

want to do a line the guy was like yeah. this is. 1984 got that [ __ ] on I'm at a Net. basketball game I got the bartender in. the back doing Lines by the end of the. night he had his [ __ ] bow tie off he. disconnected the computer he was just. pouring them in and giving them to. people I didn't go back to that seat. till 3 minutes left wow that girl was. like what happened to you you're not. going to believe it I had a good time I. had a good [ __ ] time sit next to your. [ __ ] tight ass [ __ ] god telling me.

I mean that that's the [ __ ] that. happened all the [ __ ]. time yeah anything could it used to feel. like anything could Anything could. happen anything could happen like yeah. we're going to go here but listen there. was a time when there was a $39 flight. to. Miami after midnight in Newark after. midnight after midnight it was 39 it was. was like 59 all day mhm like just to. Miami straight shots and 84 but from.

Midnight to it was like. $29 oh my God you get on that plane and. there'd be 200 people [ __ ] whacked. you know how you go we're out of coke. what are we going to do yeah call Timmy. call Mikey call Louie Nobody's around. [ __ ] it let's go to Miami that's what. people would do they get on that plane. with the last two lines and pray to God. till they get to the airport D it was. crazy that's how crazy it used to be. after midnight a. [ __ ] on the hour every hour to.

Miami why would that [ __ ] why would. you want to go to m what would make you. want to go to Miami at 2 in the morning. cocaine probably yeah who women or men. if you like men I don't like. them but women but you have a thousand. of those stories thousand and I have. thousands of them thousands of you know. [ __ ] getting high and not getting any. that's all it is that's the truth of it. is after you look at it over a long. period of time it's like getting high.

and not getting not getting anywhere you. know you're talking about that [ __ ]. about giving the hook of money listen. man how did I quit smoking cigarettes I. forced myself I bought an eightball and. I didn't take no cigarettes home cuz I. knew once I had that eightball in me I'm. not walking to. 7-Eleven ah so I stayed in that. apartment all night eight hours with no. [ __ ] cigarettes on an eightball the. next day I didn't need to smoke I had. already beat it in my mind that's how I. quit smoking cigarettes I bought an.

eightball and no cigarettes to go talk. yeah I just miss a time when Anything. could happen I've told this story before. but I you know I went one time I used to. love telling people that people had died. right one of my favorite things to do. tell people like a famous person had. died right like we go to lunch or. whatever I'd be like oh you know so and. so died whatever you know and just we. could talk about it during lunch and. leave launch right then they find out. some point that they didn't die and like. what the [ __ ] did I just talk to this.

guy for hour about over here. right take a piss real quick oh yeah. take a piss man sorry about that no. you're good man I'm 60 years old you. good man you feel all right yeah I just. had a pee I was holding it I hate that. burns me up um yeah dude I remember one. time I they had a h I had a escort or. whatever I hate to Hooker I feel like. but do hookers like the term hooker they. don't care they don't care as long as. you pay them yeah so yeah and I always.

paid but um yeah this hooker got sick. one time and I remember I stayed over. there for like a day and a half taking. care of her really yeah in West uh in. Beverly Hills and you ever talk to her. anymore uh no we texted for a while and. then I changed my. number but I think it was fine we didn't. even speak really the same language that. much I think she spoke like like. Slovakian maybe or something and um but. yeah but we were I mean definitely had.

been doing drugs but that was that you. know um I saw my mother I went surpris. my mom for Mother's day how was it it. was pretty cool went over to Tucson she. was doing good man I said I got over. there and I go to her house right and. I'd never been there i' never been to. the house that she lives in but um she's. only been there for maybe about a year. and a half but um. so I go I'm knocking on the door and I'm. like she's not answering I'm like oh man. don't tell me like they'll finally come.

to see her you know and that would be my. mom you know cuz that's how she is I. finally come to visit and she goes and. dies just to show me up you know like I. could see her doing that [ __ ] but I look. through the window through the blinds. and through the back blinds it's open. and she's laying out in the back in the. Bikini right cuz my mom would like the. one time she would spend by herself she. would get in her bikini and get her can. of beer and go lay on the side of that. how old is your mom now if you don't. mind me asking she's probably. 74 maybe wow you're lucky.

man she's getting you don't see her a. lot there she's growing up I see her. like probably twice a year I'm trying to. do a little bit more this was the first. time I'd ever went and like visited my. mother in years you know like she never. asks she never like says like I want you. to come you know she doesn't she doesn't. like. to assert herself into things really you. know she just she likes to kind of keep. her distance I think in some ways but uh.

anyway so I look through the thing and I. see her in the back and that bikini in. the chair and brought all the memories. back when I was a kid sometimes like if. she'd had enough she'd [ __ ] go lay. out in the sidey yard and with a [ __ ]. can of beer you know and a [ __ ] BR. look our whole apartment complex was. always sinking in the mud we was always. [ __ ] fighting with the landlord it's. like give us 45 bucks off we're [ __ ]. you know the the dinner table was 2 in. lower than it was last week you know so. Mom's chair would be over there just. slowly [ __ ] we thought that [ __ ] was.

going to. disappear now who she live with she. lives by herself and who's down there. with her nobody she likes to she likes. to be by herself she likes to she's. always like gone like I even I was young. she. always was going that's what I one thing. I remember about her she always had to. go that's the one thing I think I. remember the most about my mom she. always had to go she always had to go to. work she always had to move. away just how she's built you know.

something inside of her she it's hard. for her to stay right there well that's. where you get it from I know me too. listen we were talking about that before. we didn't really T that's where I get it. from you know I'm in the same boat as. you you sit there and you go nobody. calls me to do anything and when they do. call you know I'm living a life now off. of Bill Hicks that's what I'm doing now. Bill Hicks had the greatest joke that. couldn't be any truer marijuana does not. make you lazy it just makes you realize.

that what you're going to do just ain't. worth. doing and that's where I'm at my point. in my life now this days I go you know. what for me to get into this party I got. to drive an hour and a half by the time. I get back and I got to hear [ __ ] and. you know it's just a thousand variables. you give yourself excuses yeah but then. again Tom Hardy says that once you spent. time. alone for a while you like it and some. people like it and there's nothing wrong. with that Theo Theo. listen at this age and at any age from.

the time I was 20 my favorite thing yeah. everybody likes to have sex everybody. likes to eat good food but between me. and you give me a joint in a good book. and put me in the corner I'm good I'll. smoke a joint every two hours take a. bite of the sandwich I'm I love reading. yeah that's the happiest I am when I'm. [ __ ] reading if I don't have a book. now in the hotel I'll go back and start. looking up recuperation for men over 60. benefits of boxing you know benefits of.

breathing you know I'm a [ __ ] idiot. but I like to read I love that's my. thing of breathing yeah I'm one of those. [ __ ] idiots you press benefits on my. page and every benefit comes up benefits. of drinking water benefits of washing. your ass benefits of doing you know I'm. the captain benefit I want to know. everything that I can about something. that's the happiest I am and you don't. you don't read a book in a team you. don't read a book with 20 people yeah.

you know that's what I love it I [ __ ]. good point we do standup we would not we. we could have joined a [ __ ] improv. troop and been the the warf flowers and. no we like being up there alone with a. microphone with four bricks and working. ourselves out of there Tes a certain. person to want to be a comic bro yeah i. t a certain person yeah I think. sometimes I do compare myself to just. like people that aren't Comics that much. but and then you have to realize how odd. it is to do that job it's an odd thing.

if you saw an animal do it in the wood. you be like that [ __ ] animal is out. of his [ __ ] mind what crazy what. we're crazy as standups we're not normal. we are not normal there's something you. have to come to terms with all the. things we are as Comics we can't. question them that's who we are we you. could have been a doctor we could have. been a lawyer we could have been a we. could have been a hooker yeah we chose. something that you know I don't know why. I chose it I just love Richard Pryor and.

I and I and I knew once I had the. felonies I wasn't going to do anything. else that I really liked yeah this is. not you know comedy is a profession for. [ __ ] guys like us me and you have a. little darkness in our past we can't. figure out what it is but it makes us. tick yeah I love hearing Richard Pryor. too man I love hearing him say the NW me. too my mom mom wouldn't let us say. it and we're like well [ __ ] man we got. to hear it you know and so I remember we.

would hear him say it dude just those. just those books like by uh who's the. crazy white guy Mark Twain no Mark. Wahlberg the comic the comic before. [ __ ] Richard Pryor That was a white. guy Lenny Bruce Lenny Bruce have you. ever read any of his books yeah one of. his books next time you having a hard. time with yourself go order one of his. books uh ladies and gentlemen. legendary how to talk dirty any of those. books but he has one particular book.

that one the black one there the. essential Lenny. Bruce that. one that book will tell you will tell. you more about yourself than you know. about yourself wow he lived at the. Chelsea Hotel he partied with strippers. and Jazz musicians and did heroin every. night there was no responsibility. got up when he got up he didn't have to. be at work till 11:00 at night remember. they only did they only did [ __ ].

balles show in fact you ever go to. Jackson. Tennessee I don't think I have Jackson's. like an hour outside of Nashville. Jackson's got a comedy club that used to. be a burlesque club wow and Lenny Bruce. used to play there in the 50s and 60s if. you ever have a chance to go to this. place go out there I forget the just. look at up Google it it's like a comedy. club and Jack. and yeah that's it I think 7:31 comedy. club that could be it that's it guy was.

great you know I had been at zany. already one time yeah and I was going. back to see my in-laws so I wanted to do. stand up one night not a big room there. wasn't a lot of money [ __ ] guy could. cook he had Italian food he was telling. us stories about all the comics that. would come through there in the 50s and. 60s yeah and [ __ ] Jackson Tennessee. no wonder [ __ ] uh my boy Johnny Cash. was going to Jackson right wasn't he. going to Jackson going to Jackson go. comb your hair yeah see if I can well.

not you know that's why I went home I. went home listen I could have came to. Austin I could have moved to. Nashville I had an opportunity in Telly. ride Colorado I wanted to come back to. Jersey to find myself do you think that. you've gathered what you wanted to find. yeah yeah yeah cuz now I'm at peace I'm. at peace with myself I'm at. peace with my friends with my family you.

know I'm just at peace did you have any. amends to make whenever you got there or. no everything was pretty chill listen I. thought about making amends but the. people that was going to make amends so. it weren't worth making the amends to. you know that was 40 [ __ ] years ago. knock it off and deal with it my amends. was doing something with my life right. that was my amense if you really cared. about me or care about anybody you look. at them and go that dude [ __ ] me over. 30 years ago but guess what he did. something with his life you have two. options the guy [ __ ] me over but he.

died the car AC and [ __ ] him he deserved. what he got he was a scumbag oh you know. what man the guy robbed me he was having. problems as a kid I'm happy he got his. life together yeah and that's what it. was like I'm not going to [ __ ]. apologize to nobody now that was a long. [ __ ] time ago get over yeah I didn't. know if anything wild had happen no no I. don't have anything like that either I. don't think from my hometown no I just. wanted to go home and uh recoup. La you know when you've been there for a. long time it's a number on your head for. a while like just you know we dog there.

was a lot of rejection oh yeah ding. across town parking walking getting in. checking at the station walking there. don't even know my lines don't even give. a [ __ ] hate the place hate myself [ __ ]. them [ __ ] me walk in there nervous as. [ __ ] bomb the [ __ ] walk outside Scream. the nword in my head. go back out through the parking thing. return my badge get my ID back get in my. car [ __ ] go home it is you know.

people have no idea what we did we got. that La figured it out that's true. figured it out which listen that's alone. that alone the parking meters alone. quarter get you six minutes dude dog I I. had so many tickets when I first moved. to LA they took a car I mean my. apartment got towed remember I lived in. my car rafie M those guys go oh your. apartment got. towed it's it was that scrambling I.

would do it 20 more times yeah that not. having money to eat lunch and having to. rob the gas station for a pack of. cigarettes on the way to Josh Wolf's. House to get a turkey burger you know to. [ __ ] borrow eight bucks to go to. Sunset Grill and get a burger with the. guy with the bum leg you know nobody. knows that what it's like to show case. for J mad and him telling you. like why are you here yeah you know and. thank God J you know mity passed me.

right off the bat thank God but then it. was seven years of I can't get an. agent and you can't do this and you. can't do that and most people would have. quit the we did something that a lot of. people just can't handle they move back. and they go you know what it wasn't for. me and I listen I I understand that I. [ __ ] definitely understand that but. for me I think it was time to move on to. a next chapter I'm trying to find what.

that chapter is now you know you wrote a. book wrote a book that was cool man I. feel bad that I haven't even read it but. I did just order it today I didn't even. know that you had written it I don't. think actually you know what I think. when I did your podcast last time over. Zoom I think you remember telling me. yeah that you were had done it but um. that's awesome tremendous I was trying. to write that book for [ __ ] 20 years. I know a lot of comics always have that. book wh meling around in them huh and. then I kept writing and making notes and. then I kept trying to hook up with a.

writer tremendous and then I hooked up. with Jimmy Florentine niece really yeah. his young niece and she [ __ ] helped. me and listen man we sold some copies we. made it to number nine on the audio book. in New York Times which for a dirty. comic and a criminal that's not too. [ __ ] bad where I Rocky got that [ __ ]. Rocky got that [ __ ] on [ __ ] dude. before you were telling something really. funny and I interrupted you I had to go. to the bathroom but you were telling me. that you used to call people and tell.

them celebrities time oh yeah yeah dude. and so we go like on boy scouts or. whatever my buddy was in the Boy Scouts. and so I remember one time we went on a. camping trip with them and right when we. started out I told everybody Jay Leno. had died right I've told this story. before but I love it and I was like you. know Jay Leno. died and so all the dad's like oh gosh. that's so sorry to hear that and so then. throughout the rest of the weekend I'd. be in my tent right and I'd hear the. dads out there talking what I'm telling. the other one you know Jay Leno passed.

away I would be in my tent bro. [ __ ] howling bro laughing at a level. where it was like coming out of my. [ __ ]. spine and I don't know why stuff like. that made me laugh so much I don't know. if it was that I had control like a. hidden control or that I was affecting. things without them knowing it just. would there was nothing as good as that. bro was that kind of [ __ ] dude when you. [ __ ] with people like you know. controlled [ __ ] with people like me.

telling Bravo Rogan was in the CIA all. that. [ __ ] it's always great but the best. thing I ever think I did and I did it on. accident remember Chuck Liddell yeah. when Chuck Liddell was the [ __ ] King. of the UFC he was the king of the UFC. okay so I get a call from Eddie Bravo. One no. I find out. that Fidel Castro died right I got a. call from a friend of mine he goes you.

know Fidel died I go thank God that. [ __ ] died and all a sudden I. call Eddie I go Eddie where you at and. he goes I'm I'm I'm sitting here with. Dana White or something I go you know. Fidel died but the phone didn't say it. right it said Liddell so he goes let me. call you back and he h off the phone he. told that he Pro he told Dana White that. Joey D is just called told him Chuck. Liddell died I said Fidel not Liddell. right now this is Dana White's [ __ ].

man at the time Dana White's got no hair. and he lost even he lost the hair he was. going to give his children [ __ ] how. could this be Eddie Bravo calls B and. says Liddell died not Liddell Fidel you. [ __ ] that's [ __ ] great I love that. kind of [ __ ] did your um did your. parents come over from Cuba I don't. remember both of them mhm wow I'm 100%. there ain't no F Well we went there when.

I was a student yeah you told me yeah I. remember yeah we went there and Fidel. came and spoke to our class I remember. uh but I we we didn't speak enough. Spanish to know a ton of they had a. translator where was where did you go to. college at LSU yeah over at LSU and uh. University Arizona but um it was I think. all semester SE it was like a floating. college but we stopped there on the. cruise ship wow I was working in a. bookstore so we pull up in a Cuba dude. and all the people that there having you. know we're like throwing all our tennis. shoes everything we own that they could. have we throwing it off the boat bro and.

like you would be walking through town. and people would like have you come up. to their windows and they would tell you. like just about like the control they. were under and [ __ ] and it was like top. secret kind of but we got to go to a. baseball game dude a some group was. partying in this alley somewhere I went. over there I'm dancing party and they. cut up in a birthday cake bro we thought. it was like a [ __ ] a party for like a. old man. next thing I know I turn around this old. dude is going down on one of the chicks. bro it's some guys and some hookers and.

now like what the [ __ ] they don't [ __ ]. around I thought it was like somebody's. Grandpa's birthday bro I'm over there. singing a pledge of Allegan [ __ ] I look. over dude this guy [ __ ] trying to get. back in the birth canal over. here DG Cuba's a dirty [ __ ] country. was awesome dude they got tons of. hookers down there. oh it was apparently so tons of hookers. down there God I gotta and those girls. come up here and they destroy it they're.

all over Jersey those Cuban hookers. really wow I got to get out more they. got there's a strip club in Jersey that. my friend I grew up with this guy he. owns and they keep closing them down cuz. they're just nasty in there you know. they're [ __ ] 60 deep in there I went. in there like three times and I'm like. this is Buck Wild there was a biker. chick that would slam her heels together. uhuh and every time my heels will come. my I got to get out of here oh every. year but they had a bunch of Cuban girls. in there and I would talk to the I would. go in there once a week just to talk to.

the one Cuban girl and she would tell me. about Cuba what's going on and she would. tell me right out why do you just sit. there why don't you go get your dick. sucked that's their mentality they're. like what there's thousand girls that'll. suck your dick what are you there. talking watching the game for I'm like. I'm married who cares go have a good. time your wife ain't going to mind them. I mean they're [ __ ] open-minded as. [ __ ] I'm like n that's what I get a real. uh span uh like a Spanish wife or. something be nice huh yeah that would. balance you out a little bit yes they'll.

smack you around take your money. [ __ ] you know this is my wife um how'. you know you were in love when you met. your wife dude did you know it. no did it grow on you you think it's. hard for guys like us to be in love kind. of yes because our first love is. comedy that's when you're in La not when. you're you're in your hometown once you. get to La and you're caught up that's. your love when you really really think. about it at the end of the day that's.

your love I was with my wife. maybe three years. before you know I was like but thank God. she had. patience thank God I had patience and it. wasn't. till my wife and I got together we're. going to be together 24 years next month. and it wasn't I got the longest yard. that I it was 2004 we were struggling. every week was a struggle with her and I. we're living together the relationship.

was good but we were always struggling. we had no money we had six cats oh yeah. and I got the longest yard and I went to. shoot it and when I came back. home I had to shoot you know for 11. weeks my call time was at 4:45 every. morning oh my God in Orange County 4:45. so I don't know how many times I got up. at 3:00 in the morning and my [ __ ].

costume would be out she'd be cooking. eggs at 3:00 in the morning for me and I. go what did I do to deserve this you. know like and that's when I realized I. really love. her you know I wasn't going to get. married again once you get married and. you lose I'm a Catholic you do it one. time you move on I wasn't looking to get. married I I wasn't looking to waste. anybody's time I'm not a big time waster. if it's not working let's move the [ __ ]. on you know but with her it was. different and now it's tremendous like I.

mean it's. uh now after 24 I look at her and I'm. like if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be. here wow did move in the Jersey help you. guys relationship you think I one thing. about me and my wife I got to be honest. with you we got to a fight in December. in Nashville yeah good beside that me. and my wife never really. we got to like it was a long awaited. battle her family me the whole thing I. just went home I was in Nashville for.

Christmas I just went home Christmas Day. and she got mad at me for like two weeks. we had a little problem at the house for. two weeks but ever since then it's been. and before then it was smooth you know. and we're [ __ ] a great team and now. we got this little girl and you know we. bought this house we paid it off we did. so many [ __ ] things in three years. you know she's an accountant so she we I. got pensions I got I got a pension for. the pension another pension hopefully. she's laundering money from you too yeah.

she's laundering too you know I mean. she's. uh it's it's great for me I I never. thought I would say something like this. yeah that's what's that's never in my. life tell you for me it was the best. thing that happened at that time was. there a fear to do it like was there a. fear to be like okay this [ __ ] yeah Theo. look at our lives we go on the road we. bump into a. girl you do things with them for three. days then you come back a year later and. there they are and then one time you.

come back and they obviously have a. boyfriend yeah and they bring him to the. show and that's when the relationship. ends and I was in Boulder before I went. to LA and I had honest to God no lie I. probably had six girls on a rotation. that would just come over to snor Coke. and have sex yeah that's a beautiful. that's I mean yeah but it's like you get. used to it right and yeah and then it. runs its course and then time changes. and you come back and you're still. living 5 years ago and now they they got. chill they got a fan everything changes.

so it like I was never going to get. remarried I got I got the movie then I. it took me two more years struggling on. coke I mean horri two years heroin and. then and that was what was killing me. that I was hurting her and one day I go. you know what I got to stop this [ __ ]. because listen I'm old school I found my. mother dead and I'm here you know I. could find somebody dead but I never. wanted her to find me dead right cuz she.

couldn't handle it that would live with. her for the rest of her life so if. that's what get made me get clean off. Coke I didn't want her there were two. reasons I got off Coke one I didn't want. her to find me and number two if. something happened to me I didn't want. people telling Rog and he was wrong that. meant a lot to me that he had my back so. now he's got got my back 100% because so. I got clean and then 2 years later I. proposed to her on the phone I just go.

it's time it's time no more [ __ ] I was. going for a ride and I go you know what. I got to marry this girl and then two. years later she got pregnant so it was. all like that's interesting man saying. like I don't want to hurt you so I'm. going to stop hurting me you know yeah I. don't want to hurt this person I she. could never handle waking up and finding. me on the floor yeah she does doesn't. have it it's not her DNA she's very. sweet we we're animals we could find. anybody dead and the next day [ __ ] go.

eat a pizza yeah but she's From a. Different Cloth so hey Rocky got that. [ __ ] on him dude what's that Rocky got. that Medium pepperoni on him tell look. that's true dude sometimes I'll be. sitting with somebody I be like if this. person died what would I do with them. right now I literally would think that. kind of [ __ ] it's it's [ __ ] crazy man. it's just and I'm just the backseat of. an Uber and you're like what the [ __ ]. would I do with this guy you know um. what do you have ever have tough moments.

like when you think back on your own mom. and like and just that whole situation. like do you ever like on Mother's Day do. you do anything special do you just say. like a special prayer. like it's like these idiots celebrate. 420 one day a year I do 420 every day. there's not a day I don't think about my. mom in fact uh I didn't bring flowers to. a cemetery this time. I went to a cemetery when I moved back. to Jersey it looked like a [ __ ] Rat's. Nest yeah I went I complained I brought.

some tools up there I did some. cleaning and it's like scared me now and. it's like now I don't ever want to be. buried I don't want for people to have. to come visit me and clean up my grave. burn the [ __ ] out of me I don't give a. [ __ ] well done the last B well done I'm. not [ __ ] don't come visit me she. lives in your heart Theo they live in. your heart and your mind and funny. [ __ ] stories and you know yeah do you. remember like a funny story that you. like do you have like a real fun memory. that you remember with your mom oh I got.

30,000 of those things where just I. still remember a night where I was. probably like in the eth. grade maybe in the seventh grade the. second time because I got left back in. the second seventh grade Real G's do it. twice son my mother used to [ __ ] own. a bar and every night at 3: she' come. home 3:15 and some night she woke me up. with food some night she just woke me up. to talk to me to see how my day went. this one particular night she woke up.

and she's like get dressed there's a. girl downstairs that wants to meet you. that was my. mother she's like go downstairs they and. I went down like with warm-ups or. something yeah and there were like three. of my uncles and there was other women. and [ __ ] my stepdad and this girl was. dancing with me and I'm like hold on I. got to go up and put on my suit at 4 in. the morning I went upstairs and put on a. suit and they're all like go Joey and. I'm dancing Kito they call me Kito and. I'm dancing with this girl I'm rubbing.

her tits and [ __ ] and finally somebody. gives me like a shot of whiskey and you. know I'm like in the seventh grade and. all of a sudden they're like take her. upstairs and I'm like and my mom was. there I didn't make eye contact with my. mom I just held her hand and she took me. upstairs to the attic not even to my. bedroom we had an attic where she was. gonna spend the night and Theo do you. know till this day. I cannot tell you if I [ __ ] her ate. her kissed her I think I just passed out. from the [ __ ] anxiety oh yeah and.

that's the type of Mom I had like she. brought a girl home for me she took me. to fight somebody once she would pick. fights for me she was my Dana White when. I went to Catholic school and I come. home she's like you got to go home and. change you got to fight at 3:30 in front. of my boss some guy cursed at me and I. told him come back here Friday at 3:30. you're gonna fight my son I have to go. up there and fight two [ __ ] kids you. know it would never ended man with this. lady but those years this is what I'm. trying to do with my daughter now. because I remembered what how my mom got.

to me and it was just real like I. finally had to tell my daughter a couple. months ago that I smoked pot 11 years. old and she's looked at me like Dad come. on I. know smoke coming out of your mouth and. you come out of the bathroom what do you. think I'm stupid she's like everybody. knows that she's like we have smoke. coming out of our house and we don't. have a chimney dad okay yeah I [ __ ]. go in the garage with sometimes she's. like Dad it smells in here she'll go and. I go somebody keeps breaking in my house. and smoking dope and she's like Dad so.

I'm really being honest with her little. steps at a time like I got to break it. to her she's got a sister soon. eventually someday I got to tell her the. story yeah you know I don't want to tell. her now because I don't want her to. think well what if me and Mommy break up. you'll never see us again so I got to be. care I thought when I put the book out I. would have to sit it down but it's been. two years and a year no she's not going. to read it until I tell her to read it.

yeah so things like that you know but I. missed my mom I missed my childhood if. it wasn't for my childhood I would have. never became the person I would have. became yeah plain and simple whether. it's a criminal thing everything I did. in my childhood came to help me out. later on you know like in some way or. another so I have no [ __ ] regrets at. all you know. yeah dang man thanks dude thanks for. just sitting down it's just so good to.

just hear your voice even I remember how. much like when you would go on your. lives dude remember when when mad flavor. was going [ __ ] live dude the world. lit up do you remember that Nick the. world people were like Jo Coco's going. live dude I would get texts from my. friends back at home they like Coco is. going live and I thought it was like a. black stripper was going to do something. you know I didn't know what was that all. the periscopes yeah when you would do. periscopes I love them I love them and. the cats you'd be on your balcony yeah.

you can't smoke on Instagram they'll. [ __ ] shut you down so I can't do that. stuff no more it's it's been [ __ ] I. love smoking on Instagram and stuff like. that but you can't I haven't made a. video on Instagram in three weeks that's. ridiculous though you can link yeah. there you go huh [ __ ] 7 in the. morning 7 in the morning who I would get. up just to take a shower to go out there. smoke and talk to these [ __ ] animals. oh dude there was nothing like it bro.

people I dude I remember a de kid even. [ __ ] called me and talked to me and. told he was excited about that [ __ ] dud. people [ __ ] came out of their own. diseases and malfunctions do you. understand we were getting up at 700 in. the morning to do that [ __ ] at 8:00 I. was already three sheets to the [ __ ]. wind there was a store that opened up at. 9:00 that gave out Bagels in Studio City. he was a Jewish guy I would be there at. 9:00 in the morning with him eating.

bagels eating [ __ ] banana. bread you know it had to give in. eventually now listen I got some edibles. I didn't take him last night and that's. why I was uptight last night on stage I. got to drop him tonight I don't give a. [ __ ] yeah I'm going to drop like 800. 1,000 milligrams tonight and go down. there and torture Joe get some [ __ ]. barbecue yeah it'd be good I'll be down. there man any any chance of you moving. Austin is that just a myth you know Joe. throws it around you know well I'll tell. you what for my situation now it would.

it makes. sense I miss you guys I really do miss. this yeah I missed it too I'm realizing. that I don't want a week down here I. don't want to be down here for a week. that's too much three four days eight. nine sets get back on the plane and go. home if I buy I'll buy a condo or. something in the building like I told. you something that everything is there. like my niece in Nashville everything. she's got everything for $2,200 a month. everything weights music they they cook. in the building if I could find one of.

those down here maybe get Troy Conrad in. with me maybe Lee just somebody you know. to if I'm not in town they're in town. right watching The Joint you know if. they're not watching it somebody else. could come in I don't care that's what. I'm thinking of doing I can't buy a. house down there I don't want to do that. cuz I don't want to resettle I don't. want to remove of my daughter she set. over there now you know for me to remove. her again [ __ ] that. yeah yeah I might maybe I might I I do.

like going and doing the sets man I did. 24 sets last week here yeah just at the. mothership at the different clubs 22. sets where did you go I went to Red Band. Mothership I went to Red Band Sunset I. went to Creek in the cave I went to. black rabbit and I think that's it but. amongst those clubs I did like uh I mean. I probably did 12 sets at mother at. Mothership wow yeah I did three last. night I left I went to get tacos and I'm.

like dog I'm tired yeah I went to get. tacos after the the second main room. show and I wanted to do the bottom of. the barrel again to get some other joke. but I was like D I got to go home yeah I. went home dude ended up jerking off. didn't want to. but I went home smoked some. pot watched some TV I slept good got up. too early this morning oh I hate that. [ __ ] ate breakfast went for a nice walk. smoked a joint went right back upstairs. watched the rest of uh some Clint eood.

movie and I [ __ ] slept from 10 to 2: oh that's beautiful I got up I washed my. [ __ ] I hit you back yeah I took a long. shower where I shaved one of those. Puerto Rican big raises I didn't bring. my I got skin missing I shaved my. [ __ ] ear I cut my ear you know when. you get out of the shower you feel all. these little things I can see myself as. a was shaving in the shower putting all. those little cotton balls all over your. face like that you had all this [ __ ]. prison freckles. oh but it's good to see you brother I'm.

happy you had me on here uh I'm very. proud of you and what you've done you're. a [ __ ] animal I love that you have a. smile on your face all the time and I. will take you up on June 1st we're going. to so you're at Beacon that Friday night. yeah I'm at Beacon that Friday night. just one show. two shows just one just one and then. you're free yeah you're stay in the city. I could stay anywhere Saturday we'll do.

the Saturday let's go to lunch Saturday. and then go to the fights if you want. sat perfect even if you don't go to the. fights it' be great perfect no no no. Saturday will go cuz you'll have more. time yeah so you come over crw have. early Saturday take the ferry yeah take. the ferry right to there it drops you. off right down the block yeah drops you. off right down the block um that sounds. good that's James that's JJ bradick Park. finish the story about JJ bradick the. what just you but you met him yeah like. when he was old though guys you know he.

was [ __ ] was he still talking about. fighting and stuff like was he still. like he was just uh I remember his his. son he had a son that was a cop I think. he's still in the town I think they. still own the house the family still. owns the. house but I never saw him box or you. know he never coached me in boxing I. wish he would have but you got to see. him though yeah I got to see him people. like think he was like a. hero yeah I at that time I didn't know. his full history I just was a [ __ ]. boxer right and there was somebody in.

our neighborhood that told us about like. him and then they said if you ever go up. there he'll give you money to shovel. snow and I remember one time we went up. there as kids and he was outside giving. like danishes and 10 bucks if you. shoveled and that was it yeah I never. really saw him after that or spoke to. him but you hear the legend you know you. know and. then it is what it is but my. buddy well we don't talk no more but my. buddy's in charge of that Park wow okay.

he's a committee he's like a grounds. keeper no no no no he's big time dude. he's in charge of that Park he's a. politician and they keep it nice and. they keep it nice and he's the one that. put them he's from my age wow so he put. that up there they had and the whole. family showed up when they put the. statue up it was pretty nice saw the. pictures it was pretty impressive man. that's cool man yeah I think I saw. Natalie Portman at my hotel yesterday. really yeah I don't know if that I don't.

do every time I'm in Austin I see. somebody one day I was in LA not this. time 420 I [ __ ] walked out of my. elevator I walked right into Magic. Johnson nuh and he goes he looked at me. like we knew each other I never met. magic and he's like hey man what are you. doing here I'm like the question is what. are you doing here I go I was in LA for. 23 years you never [ __ ] showed up one. time now I'm in Austin you I gave him a. big hug he's like hey I go you want to. come do Rogan with me he's like a that. would have been crazy I told Jo and.

Joe's like oh you should have brought. him I bumped into him started talking to. him like he knew me for 10 years I don't. know [ __ ] Magic Johnson [ __ ] never. met him in my life I'm like hey hey we. used to do Coke in Miami they don't. [ __ ] know nobody knows Coco Diaz man. I love you dude I love you with all my. heart brother this is the best part of. this trip good to see when you hit me. last week week and said what time. tomorrow I was pissed oh yeah cuz I had. the wrong weed you had the wrong. Wednesday I'm like what [ __ ] no you. better be doing it next week I love you.

brother thank you very much for having. me I love you too man I'm order the book. I want to read it man and um uh thank. you man and um yeah I just appreciate. the fact that I get to know you it's. been one of the gifts of this show. you're my favorite guy at La me Lee how. Le how [ __ ] happy was he to see you. when I told that [ __ ] you were. down here he lit up oh yeah he lit up he. was like he like [ __ ] just like a. warm mcfish when I got do an edible with. him or anything nothing N I just [ __ ]. smelled his breath for a couple minutes.

dude he has no more flies on his neck he. looks great yeah he looks great oh he. looks lean he look he was excited about. things not more energetic than I heard. him be in the past more vocal confident. he needed all that yeah we all needed. that break to realize what just you just. need a break sometimes to realize what. just [ __ ] happened. yeah and now we're ready for the next. one I love you brother let's go get it. love you. [Music]. too on the breeze and I feel I'm falling.

like these leaves I must be. Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of my life. found I can feel it in my. bones but it's going to take. h.