Halfway to Heaven | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #267

ah okay I am here and you are here and. today's episode is brought to you by. gray block pizza in gray block pizza is. a special pizza establishment the kind. of place when you get there oh you're. gonna have a good time. it's at eighteen eleven Pico Boulevard.

in Los Angeles on the way to the beach. gray block pizza get that hitter was. getting real it's getting real out there. isn't it some lady at the market was. yelling if you keep your sunglasses on. it can't get it why can't it can't get. in through your eyes and people are like.

look [ __ ] chill out okay I'm trying to. get the last peach over here and she's. out if it can't get in through your ice. and I'm trying to maybe get I'm trying. to figure out how to make a dinner when. all they got left in the store is two. bottles of sparkling water you know some.

pear some Perrier and a cup and a box of. Juji fruits I'm trying to figure out. okay am i cannot you know finesse that. enough to trick the kids into thinking. this is some kind of gumdrop soup or. something and this [ __ ] is in the virus. can't get into your face. so we wanted it all and we we got it.

this is it and let's make the most of it. this is Spencer Jacob growl with. celebrate. [Music]. celebrate. celebrate mess.

[Music]. we're gonna die let's have some fun. while we all die. [Music].

let's have some fun while we all die. [Music]. that music huh nice to have a little. beat nice to have a little beat to get. you through something nice to have a. little beat to get you through something. hope I hope everyone is finds themself. well check-in check yourself check in.

with yourself feel your legs feel your. arm feel your cousin bro. check his neck hey he's what does he. does he have that pulse okay he's good. Henry is good you know little Cheryl is. good okay all right all right. everybody's fine everybody's fine. there's a lot of you know there's. there's definitely something happening. there's something going on there's a lot.

of reaction to it at the same time you. know there's definitely a there's a. fiddler on the roof you know you got. some you know you have some you got a. dirty bad boy with a frickin with a. sneaky violin you know strumming on some. people's DNA right now and that's corvid. 19 who you think if you heard any other. year you hear corvid 19 you're thinking.

that's somebody on um you know MaxPreps. or somebody that's gonna be a high. school all-american right there that's a. wide receiver. oh they got corvid 19 dude they're. probably gonna have to you know they're. gonna have to move the strong safety. over to help double-team but now it's a. disease now and it is it's getting some. people now I'm not look I'm not some. people are losing it and you start to.

see who people are when this happens you. start to see oh okay oh okay Ronald. buried himself in his yard alright I see. how he is when a disease comes around oh. okay. Oh Bernadette bought a hot-air balloon. and now she's just hanging out up over. Memphis talking [ __ ] and throwing down. um you know uh you know empty bags of.

bugles chips and talking [ __ ]. people have different ways of getting. away from it. if you cut off the news that definitely. helps you live I'll tell you that that. will help you live you know I've been in. Maui for the past week and I want to. thank everybody that came out to the. show over there man it's just Maui is. just amazing. it's a May it's just if you never you.

know Mexico I love you know I love. Mexican food I love Mexican people the. but the beaches are good there but they. got glass in the sand baby. they got glass in the sand would you go. down to Maui oh you don't even know what. happen do you put your feet in the ocean. and it feels like the water just feels. like somebody's just just kind of I.

don't want to say this but kind of just. kind of [ __ ] you're right between the. 20 or toes brah that's how it feels. honestly and that's how what I do I. think it's just they have that vibe baby. it feels like a big huge [ __ ] gorilla. is just giving you a [ __ ] massage. from the inside of your body and that is. that's the rapture baby right there that. feels good and that's what's going on. over there in Maui I mean even though.

the hitchhiker's have halos on you're. halfway to heaven you know you got some. dudes choking to death on something you. reach in his mouth and pull it out it's. a statue of baby Jesus right there some. dude got a bj in his throat because. you're halfway to heaven man. that kind of place if you haven't been. and that was uh that was really the last. show of the tour except for one more.

coming up in Nashville and I see a lot. of other comedians I'm not going to name. names Chris D'Elia Brenda Chou you know. Bobby Lee cancelling their shows dude. but I'm telling you this my show April. 17th in Nashville at the Ryman. Auditorium is still ago okay not like. these other B a and that means B a. chance. comedians my things that go.

yeah the virus though people's freaking. people are freaking out we had somebody. call from the Maui show I'm gonna check. in with them real quick this call came. in to the hotline here we go just saw. your show tonight at Maui. oh hello raah and thank you for calling. raw and I appreciate your call homeward.

and now we had special characters now he. has special characters I'll say that you. know everybody up there is they got. you'll see somebody they're growing on. half of their hair they'll have like. dreadlocks and then half of their hair. will have crops built into the side of. it they'll be growing wheat up half. their scalp just just really and the. other half the growing weed you know.

that you'll have a dude you'll crack. open a coconut and inside there'll be a. homeless dude in there smoking DMT just. right here like dang damn man with the. how many calories are in this you know. they just say it's it's just they got a. lot of missing if you ask anybody got a. bunch of dudes named Patrick over there. that are missing sleeping in hammocks. some dude some guy got wrapped up in a. hammock fell asleep out in the Sun and. you saw the tan on his body it looked.

like somebody liked his skin and just. Ben was made out of just latticework or. something just really. just insane just really baffling you got. a lot of people you know you have like a. lot of drum circles a lot of loose titty. meat flopping around you know and it's. just something special man and it's. beautiful it really is it's like going. halfway to heaven man. it's like going halfway to heaven if you. get a chance over there and they got. Birds over there - you'll see a bird you. never even seen nobody's seen him and.

you some of the birds they act like. they're listening to what you're doing. or looking at you like and then fly off. to tell somebody that's a freaking. red-billed tattletale right there but. it's a wonderful place and I was so. grateful to be there and thank you guys. and I recommend it they're not tripping. about the virus over there they're not.

tripping about the virus they're living. more in the regular world over there in. Maui's to the deep end of the earth baby. and and I love it. you know Mexico's great but they got. broken sand and aglaia they got glass in. the sand and they got glass in the sand. over there. so all right let's take this call right. here Apio is is Garrett from Nashville I. what's up Garrett and Garrett is also uh.

it's like a word that means something. else to Garrett have you you know what. I'm saying have you heard about this. Garrett and it's also a name on word I. just really wanted to get your take on. how we're gonna beat this coronavirus. because honestly it's techne ever the. the world and I just want to see I. actually want to hear what you have to. say about how we're gonna beat it and I.

want to hear your theories on it cuz. they're a bunch of them out there Gang. Gang love your podcast gets me through. the week really appreciate you brother. keep doing thing well thank you for the. question Garrett orga rot and. and look man can we beat it. Bob the Builder can't we beat it yes we. can brother yes we can beat this I mean.

there's a lot going on with it. first of all yes I believe that the. media has made it out of proportion okay. I think they've made it bigger I think. people you know some of the networks use. it as a tool there's a lot of fear. tactics I do think that I also think. that you got to be you got to play ahead. of the ball game. if this is that Grim Reaper if this is. that dirty daddy that's gonna freaking. hot a knife inside of your inside of.

your spleen then yeah you have to you. have to this is the only way to do it is. to warn people in advance and have them. prepare in advance you can't let things. like part of my brain says well you know. let's get a couple people to die you. know leather people you know people if. people die then we will see okay this. thing is for real you know right now it. just sounds like the flu and not even as. bad as the flu but if there's the.

propensity for it to get extremely dirty. then then they have to do it this way. they have to warrant they have to warn. everybody now they have because once it. gets too late it would be hysteria so. really the way that things are being. done I think is the only way to do it. now with that said some people are. losing their [ __ ] like I was in the. elevator in my apartment building and I.

could tell ahead and see my neighbor in. a while because I was in and you know. was out of the country I was in Maui and. I hadn't seen him and so he I could tell. he had his kid in his arms they just. came back from the park and he's a nice. guy we really get along well but I could. tell this time there was a little bit of. like okay let's see who's got it. you know let's show you know let's show.

our bless show our bumps let's see who's. got it. and. could just tell man that any that. anything could be something else that. was a little different he didn't really. stay and communicate as long I was a. little bit uncertain so some people are. doing it like that also went and got a. Vietnamese massage bra or thigh. I got a thigh massage and look I don't. care what's going on dude for $35 an. hour I'll let a thigh dude beat my ass. up in the back you know beat my you know.

beat the you know beat the gristle out. of my neck. and that's what I got I mean I got that. thing and he said it was slow in there. and I thought honestly I thought the. dude had been gay I've been going there. for about a year I thought he was uh you. know a little bit more on the boys boys. boys boys boys by Bowie's side but he. showed me a picture of his wife and. child and I was like oh wow you know he.

was showing me something on his phone. and uh and then I saw a picture of a kid. I said hey you got a child he said yeah. I got the child so you know I had to you. know I just I said all right man I gave. him a nice tip and just I think that's. one thing we can do is be supportive of. people that we know are working in like. industries where we just got it we got. to even things out this is a way to help. each other survive you know it's like. right now if you have a little bit of. extra of something it's a good time to. share it it's a good time for to look in.

people's eyes and and you know I think. finally humanity I think all of us in. some ways is a real opportunity for. Humanity right here but on the other. side man this [ __ ] is getting risky. shit's getting rescue man it could it's. like a you know it just could go either. way I'm gonna get Nick right here in the. studio we're gonna talk about it a. little bit more man so I'm not driving. alone because he'll people are so the. social distancing I mean it's hard.

enough mm-hmm it's hard enough to get a. couple [ __ ] to hang out with you and. now even if you do get a chick to hang. out with you y'all got to be six feet. apart so now you got to get one of those. little like. you know you got to get some of those. you know those cafeteria mittens with. the plastic ones if you want to touch a. breast or do a um a butt rub or body rub. so I think it's you know it's two things.

it's it's that yes it could be. overreaction at the same time the only. way to to be in front of a drastic. disease is to overreact you know you got. a plan ahead you have to there's no. other because if you plan behind damn it. sorry if you plan behind then that's not. that's no way to do it and that's no way. really to do anything you have to plan. ahead and with this many people alive it.

you know I'm just it made me think a lot. of things it was like it made me think. like wow we're we're we're it just. changed suddenly everything really got. real slow I felt like and everything got. a lot smaller it was like okay we're. just okay where people were unsure like. yeah whenever that that that thing with.

my neighbor it was just like okay we. usually would kind of shake hair or. communicate longer shake a hand or touch. each other's hand real fast even but we. this time there was a little bit of. little just you know it's like a kind of. square dancing but this [ __ ] what we. wouldn't square with each other it was a. little bit more dosey doe. but uh but dose II don't at the same.

time you know it yet I will say this. though in Maui they did have one. haircutting guy who works on the hair he. works on the main strip in this town. called pie-pie a pea. um paia look if you are missing or. someone you know is missing or is. missing yeah that's where they are. okay Paia they got a lot you'll see a. dude wearing snow gear you know what I'm. saying with uh you know going by honest.

gate ward at 200 miles an hour and. you'll see somebody else riding doing. piggyback you know riding piggyback on a. zombie over there and eating half of an. orange bro and splitting him with an owl. they got some real they got some people. up on that dust baby they got a lot of. dust bears out there but they had a man. over there and he was cutting hair so I. walked in because I have hair so I. walked in and he's a and he was giving.

me oh he didn't I went to shake his hand. introduce myself and he gave me the UH. elbow like kind of put his elbow out you. know as if I gave her shaking somebody's. hand that doesn't have a hand or on or. bottom half of their arm and they just. give you their elbow and you just kind. of hold it for a second he did like that. he's like oh we got to be careful with. the virus and then he told me to come. back later that day he wanted to cut my. hair I'm like [ __ ] you ain't cutting my. hair did if you won't shake my hand you.

think I'm gonna let you put your thick. grizzly mitts brother this was a thick. dude this was a thick dude he seemed. like kind of guy who would honestly even. have a little bite of my hair he seemed. like that kind of creepy dude while he's. back there cutting and he was cut a. little bit off and have it for himself. you know a little bit of head jerk you. just have a you know half a gram of a. sideburn or something but but yeah so. there's fear of the virus there's a lot. of things going on there's fear there's.

reality the reality the numbers don't. stack up for me in the reality. Department you know it's like it's. killing less people then then something. normally would kill and then this is. what I don't like the news does the news. does this [ __ ] they say Oh a lot of. elderly people are dying from it and a. baby has it that's what they always do. Oh a baby has it Oh a baby has it and.

then in the newsroom they'll somebody. will press a button and you'll hear like. a baby cry in the back just like the way. they add in sound effects you know and a. lot of elderly people have been dying. from it and also outside of Minnesota. a baby has it you're like what because. that's where they hook you every time. that's the fishhook a baby has it that's. how the news always get you when they. say a baby have the virus and then.

you're like but what do we know about. this baby cuz they never show the baby. what do we know about this baby does. this but is this baby a legit baby you. know what I'm saying is he small and. incapable or is this a [ __ ] baby. that's you know he was with the Union. for a few want a few years and then he. jumped over to picket lines and he's. been smoking he doesn't give a [ __ ]. about himself he's got two other little.

babies of his own who is this baby. because don't just hook me with the baby. line you know I'm just so sick of the. bait-and-switch of the of the oh you. know hooked me with this you know use. whatever they can to get me to believe. it Oh a baby has it what kind of baby is. this a baby who shaves and stuff is this. a baby who wearing turtlenecks and doing. have gold wristlets well who is this.

baby who is he is this some little. Italian baby huh it's just maybe even. punching and beating his wife at night I. just want to know what's going on here. you know what I'm saying I just I just I. want more I want real information and. you can't get real information now the. news no that's a it's just such a crazy. time for something like this because who. believes the news and people are like.

the world the world health order the. Center for Disease Control but then. other [ __ ] starts coming in you know. tremaine's a virus hut dot-com slash. data and people sharing that link well. what the [ __ ] is that. who's Tremaine you know it just it's. cysts there's a lot of false information. man there's a lot of false information. so I think we just have to trust our. instinct.

you know I think it goes back to that. and we're getting to definitely put you. back more in like a vital place you know. I'm a little bit more concerned with who. what's going on with me am i healthy am. i taking care of myself it because look. we've been sucking we've been sucking on. the sweet salami of comfort for a long. time here in America we've been just. riding on the sugar sleigh of softness.

we're soft man people have shirts people. have shirts and jackets people have. shirts jackets hoodies and earmuffs oh. you okay. okay we've been living a soft existence. and there's two you know halves to every. coin baby and that's why you know. something the other side of the hammer. is gonna hit you in the head and that's.

what some of this is it could be Mother. Nature saying alright Oh are y'all gonna. y'all want to do all the juice boxes. and fantasy football then I'm about to. show up I'm not to show up with my big. tits and show y'all who is boss that. could be what's going on see if I can. get Nick in here I want to just get a. group thought on it we're also going to. get into the calls about heaven we had.

um response as to what different. people's heaven is we had responses to. the dating cousin dating and how that. looks and how that plays out if you get. involved in it so we want to get into. some of that and also want to let you. know that today's episode brought to you. by blue chu but before that also one. lets you know happy st. Patrick's Day. this week and uh I knew [ __ ] was getting. real because on the Irish Times dot-com. which I believe is a reliable Irish.

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promo code Theo to try it for free blue. chu is the better cheaper faster choice. and we thank you for sponsoring the. podcast oh yo remember the guy that I. hitchhiked with I picked up last time. that hitchhiker I saw him again my boy. just sigh out there and Maui. I met a beekeeper out there man that. runs a apiary they made me that. beautiful bread somebody got me a nice. hat what else.

half the staff over there by the Four. Seasons you know a lot of beautiful. fellows and young men out there. ukulele bad boys they showed up um just. a lot of people out of just I met just. so many nice people it was just it was. special. let's get Nick in here ain't it can you. hear me yeah I got it man thanks for. coming in bro oh yeah yeah we're just. talking just talking about the. coronavirus and what's goin on and let's.

get into some of the the calls that came. in man and then I want to get in I'm. gonna get into the heaven responses and. stuff about coven people Dayton family. dating within the family cool all right. let's get into a couple of these calls. hey Co this is Dan from Lancaster. Pennsylvania love the show I'm putting. on years old I've been with my my. current wife for about three years now. we met in college. been together for almost nine years um. things have been going really great so.

we had a norm really normal life. couple months ago we started trying for. a family and the thing that's kind of. really went this [ __ ] around that she. kind of really started getting distant. she eventually told me that she never. wanted a family she went back on birth. control behind my back and long story. short she ended up cheating on me with. one of her co-workers Jesus Christ sorry. brother sorry to interrupt your life. there with the Lord but it sounded like.

you could use a little of it uh she's. about to burn his house down yeah yeah. I'm afraid to listen anyway anymore this. call man I hope you're staying safe out. there from the virus overt and then he. recently moved out of our house and. we're currently has been separated for. about a couple months now so I thought a. few months a couple weeks now think. about everything and I'm just really. really confused on probably where to go. next. in my life I don't know if I want to. give her a second chance.

or if I just kind of want to move on. with my life since we have such. fundamental differences oh yeah man I'm. an even just gonna I think you just have. to move on do not give that woman a. second yes dude a second chance for you. is a last chance a second chance for her. is a last chance this is could be where. you could be calling from an ICU next. time you could be Coleman from a burn. bvu burn victim unit you could be. calling from a fire I mean you could be. calling yam and I don't think that lady.

I don't think that lady wants to be. around you dude not in a bad way you. sound like a good guy but it seemed like. she if she's seeing somebody else she. doesn't want a family and what else did. she do those were the big two but I mean. it sound like she lied to him for years. about wanting to have a family yeah even. even if she didn't cheat which is like a. pretty horrible thing to do someone you. care about the fact that he wants kids. and she doesn't I feel like as an.

initial deal-breaker yeah that's it man. that's a deal-breaker because otherwise. and you're gonna have to be pretending. that kids are yours when you're at the. park you're gonna have to be you're. gonna have to get a dog and name it like. a kid named you know here's mark our dog. you know so that kind of [ __ ] is gonna. be a way buzzkill you know you can have. a kids room and nobody you're not gonna. have anybody in there you're gonna go. sleep in there sometimes at night that's. just gonna be it's a downhill life. you're looking for you're looking into. so I think your best move is to move on. man let's take this next one here we go.

see ya this is the kratom K callin just. quit my job kratom King Coleman and. kratom is that thing it's kind of a. bootleg drug Hana. is this chin to chin quick king in the. state but because it caught he's the. first person I ever heard doing critten. doing a lot of crater was he really he's. still on it. Wow he looks the same I guess he looks. yeah he looks he looks I mean he could. be on it I guess you can't tell him.

people are on it again [ __ ] trying to. get into like other things the only. thing I was wondering what are some. moments that you have had so just sort. of like push it to your ass and you have. to do something different when did you. know that it was time for a change yeah. man thanks for the call brother uh I. think he well you gotta be working you.

know you always have to be working I. think you know I used to live with a. fella for the a friend of mine for a. while and his dad used to eat Tostitos. and stuff at night and he wouldn't you. know ever really talk to us and stuff. and he played tennis a lot but he always. say he said you yeah you have to have a. job you got to be working so the rest of. your stuff you can kind of figure that. out you know you can you can decide. within that within that world of of. having some sort of occupation what you. want to do but first I would go get a.

job and then I would make a decision on. what you want to do because that's. really the only way that it works you. can't really do it the other way because. then you're just not doing [ __ ] you're. just kind of thinking about doing stuff. and you'll feel better too once you have. a job when she starts showing up for a. little bit of time a little bit of. commitment to work and having to do. stuff you're gonna feel a little bit. more in like you'll just feel a little. more inspired so I feel like that's what. I'll do you think that's what he's.

talking about yeah I just kind of grew. it was a bad probably a bad move too. impulsively quit your job without. something else lined up although. ironically I did that when I moved out. here he did yeah I just kind of quit and. moved out here where were you working it. it was called Meister MMA it was a guy. he like imported sporting goods from. like overseas and they branded him as. his own mixed martial arts equipment. that's actually when I got into mixing. shark's cousin Zelda gyms and stuff and. it was cool but it was just like low.

ceiling I was like this guy's first. employee started a business he's killing. it like if you go on Amazon you search. hand wraps at Meister MMA is the number. one thing that comes up there he crushes. and so I did a lot of shipping and then. also like cold calling to gyms because. we had wholesale so it was cool I really. liked it but it was just like I don't. know I I went to college for four years. and it just didn't seem like a future I. would always be like this guy's number. two. whereas I don't think he was like he was. more motivated have like a lifestyle. brand like where he had something just.

going he could kind of live his life he. was gonna grow some huge conglomerate so. yeah just it was a ceiling for you yeah. hmm yeah I think man you got to get into. a place where at least you have a. ceiling first and then find a different. Avenue I mean or if you want to chase a. dream I think that's fine but you just. have to be doing it mhm so I think when. do you get to a place where you kind of. met your edge well I mean I think I.

think getting to that place and when. you're working and staying busy is a. better place to be there then then. trying to find that place right now when. you're not working one thing I did when. I was working at the job and I was like. just searching for something I was. really passionate about I got a job at. Acme comedy club in Minneapolis on. nights I mean it paid like minimum wage. you were just doorman but like I didn't. meet people kind of in the industry that. I still now will cross paths with and. like that was an immediate future like I.

wasn't girl with acne but I went towards. my passion kinda and then I didn't. notice at the time it didn't lead to. something directly but now because I did. that back in the day it has helped going. forward hmm so just I think just always. trying to be around things you care. about even it's not exactly what you're. trying to do yeah that's a great point. man yeah fine if there's something that. you're really passionate about if you. know what that is then yeah maybe start. somewhere small within that world you. can definitely get somewhere big within. that world you know sometimes it just uh.

yeah getting close to the world he could. he could work at a head shop that sells. kratom yeah there you go man yeah start. your the [ __ ] kratom King dude what do. you mean. you know get a lawnmower and go cut a. crop but I was slang a few sacks all. right let's take another call here in. Oklahoma man I was going to ask you I'm. also sober I've been sober for years on. March 22nd but uh where do you go to.

meet women now in sobriety like you know. I don't go out to the bar anymore and I. don't know man it's kind of hard hard to. be in your mid-thirties single and. trying to stay sober so well look. brother Congrats on the sobriety and. congrats on working that path I think. the the I think options are as you know. options are places where there's other.

people you know you know you got a try. like church is good you know if you like. or some sort of religious environment. yoga gym you know a gym is sometimes. like just like a bar but with no liquor. really you know I know and some of them. have TVs but you know maybe through a. friend or meet a sober woman go to some. mixed meetings I know it's not as easy.

but I think the value of the person that. you'll meet the actual connection could. really be there because then you. otherwise you meet somebody at a bar. it's just I mean the truth I think is is. you know. iin dedup meeting who I was brave enough. to meet that's what it was if like like. I feel like you end up with the girl. you're brave enough to talk to that's. what I feel like a lot of times um so. you could be brave enough anywhere you. can prepare a van I thought a barbecue. brave enough on a street you know go up.

to a girl and say hey what's going on. you know are you you know do you know. somebody you know a guy named Patrick. and she's like yeah think so and then. they start talking to her the first part. is that hardest part how to break that. ice so Nick yeah I mean that's that's. great advice like just use is it I think. so okay I what you liked what you said. about like. the girl that like you meet that pushes. you to like go out on a limb I think. that it'll happen because you're that.

motivated also I'll say the apps oh yeah. I think it's easier for a guy on those. dating apps to find a relationship. rather than just a hook-up than it is a. girl to find a real relationship like a. gut cuz like most guys on their just. going for the easy hookup so if you are. the guy that's looking for the. relationship girls who are looking for a. relationship will gravitate towards you. where you point where's the opposite. girls just completely they're just. constantly accosted by just dudes who. want to hook up so they probably give up.

but the ones that are there are and go. on like more hinge than tinder okay yeah. tinder seems dangerous a lot of hookers. on there and robots and everything they. said um what else man let me get into. one more call here what we got Nick here. hey Thea its Jason from Southern. California what's up Jason thank you for. hitting the sub brother and I just got. back from Maui so if I sound like a. little beachy that's why I'm 22 I'm.

story short the past couple months said. then noticing I've been losing a lot of. hair you know I'm not started to freak. me out I went to the doctor I said. everything's normal. you know but um I can tell that you know. I only got a few more years with my hair. that's not that better now but you know. I just it's been kind of hurting my.

self-confidence part of me just wants to. be like you know who cares but then I. getting these you know weak moments. where it just feels like that's. everything I don't know just feel like. can't beat it you know so I just want to. hear your thoughts on you know how to. approach changes that are going on that. you don't want you know they don't look. good but on and how to you know stay out.

of those weak moments. yeah man I feel you dude you know it's. hard for me to talk cuz I kind of you. know I've had hair taken out of the back. and put in the front you know I saw have. some extra hair twice yeah twice good. call. so but I do notice that when I focus on. my hair and then I start to really think. oh I'm losing my hair I'm losing my hair. whereas when I just when I'm having fun. and enjoying life then I don't think. about my hair at all and I'm just having.

fun I think a lot of times it's worse in. our perception and the more we dote on. it then the reality of it also one of. the most attractive women I've ever seen. in my life. was married to the baldest looking dude. I ever seen and he was not really. wealthy and [ __ ] just blew my mind bro. so you know I think that you know I. think there's there's still you know.

this took me a lot of options for women. you know they got a hat. I think toupees are gonna come back I. know that sounds crazy but things kind. of go in cycles and they've been out of. like style for about 70 years so it's. definitely time and then also there's a. lot of there's a there's a you can look. good and be bald these days I think you. have to kind of go to the gym or get. some glasses like you have to go with. like kind of a nerdy bald look or the. like you know the Joe Rogan bald look.

you have to go with one or the other but. I think you can you could really work. bald it just takes reading or going to. the gym so I think it's just like. anything you're gonna have to find some. ways to maybe make up for it but I think. just working on the confidence is really. the biggest key finding ways to just. stay confident and I would just look at. bald dudes that have wives you know a. lot of times if women is kind of the. thing that you're worried about but yes. having hair all that great I don't know.

I mean I think it's cool but I think. that sometimes it's kind of bothersome. to you always have to fix it whereas if. you could be bald and look decent you. could do whatever you want you know you. could get a job doing anything really. could work outdoors you could work. indoors. yeah what you got Nick the gym was like. my first thought initially like you're. you have something you think is making. you look worse that you can't control so. do something in your control that you. can make yourself look better and yeah.

then it just kind of evens out if you. get a little Jack but lose your hair I'm. going through I'm pretty hair annoyed. right now I think are you I think it's. like going up I don't know like you said. I'm just trying not to think about it. but yeah maybe one day I'll be be. pulling out of the back I don't know but. it scares me I just try to think about. it like like the buck coronavirus yeah. yeah to give is don't think about it and. stay alive right now I think chicks are. gonna [ __ ] anybody that's alive so. that's the number one thing you got. going for you right now hey got some. rations yeah hey I'm living I got.

something at the house you know so there. we go man that's all I got for you bro. thanks Nick for helping us out no. problem. good times hope I'm here next week ya. know in the podcast life okay a lot yeah. yeah man that's true dude I hope you're. here too man it's been uh. if this is the end man it's been a. [ __ ] run bro it's been good times. good times. I know be crazy huh dude I noticed. though like say I look like this morning.

I was kind of like just touching my eye. for a minute and I wouldn't do anything. that I normally wasn't doing but my. brains like holy [ __ ] man are you you. bout to die or like I went and you press. the elevator button and I was like how. many people other people have touch this. it's it's just crazy how the paranoia. starts to become like a thing you know. yeah I walked up the stairs I was. breathing a little heavy house like oh. no I'm always out of shape awesome man. all right take care brother.

and if you can't take care of yourself I. know who can and that's better help this. episode is brought to you by better help. better help will assess your needs and. match you with your own licensed. professional therapist you know it's a. way especially now with the virus and. people you know dying and people not. dying people staying indoors there's a. lot going on and so one thing you may. need is mental health help and one place.

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counselors if needed better help wants. you to start living a happier life today. visit better help.com slash Theo that's. better. heelp and join the over 500,000 people. taking charge of their mental health. with the help of an experienced. professional and a special offer for. this past weekend listeners get 10% off. your first month at better help.com. slash Theo oh yeah.

the virus is amongst us man what happens. what happens if this is where we go this. is where we stay what happens if this is. if we start having to just really. seclude ourselves what happens you know. there's a part of me that's revert that. is very exciting too you know part of me. is very like oh it makes me feel alive. as a being it makes whoever I am inside. kind of like yawn and wake up like oh.

okay. we're not just cattle being herded. there's an you know we're gonna we're. about to see who's smart enough we're. about to play a real game here there's a. little bit of that in this there's a. little bit of that survival technique. there's a little bit of that what do I. do here what do I do now there's a. little bit of that in there there's also. a little bit of a chance to help other.

people you know you know somebody's. going to be struggling you know you have. more you know it's a chance to give it's. a chance to share and those are things. that make us feel good you know those. are things that build bridges with. people and build connection you know. it's really a beautiful time to be able. to do that and to recognize the value of. that so that's pretty interesting what. else am I thinking about this virus you.

know I don't know I've been in the store. yet so I'm just probably gonna pop by on. my way home and see if there's some. stuff in there. it may be miserable I may have to make a. soup you know I did hear that at the. toilet paper section it was all gone and. then somebody put cotton balls there. which I thought was kind of a kind of a. sweet idea I thought they're pretty. sweet bra if you just want to you know. if you just really want to wipe small. just aim small miss small you know we.

had a couple calls that came in you know. the last solo episode I was talking. about the corona know about Jesus about. heaven and what's going on and and what. people thought of heaven when they were. young and what do they think of it now. is they're older and we had some calls. that came in so I wanted to uh to check. some of those out here we go crystal. from Virginia my idea of heaven when I. was little was living a shopping mall. those miss with Toys R Us was towards. miss but like a petting zoo oh damn okay.

crystal so and you talk you talking fast. you might you something might be on a. little bit of crystal but uh hopefully. not hopefully you're doing great um so. yeah little toys are us on a petting zoo. I could see a child really loving that. there's just toys and animals and fun. things everywhere oh yeah right but now. that I'm older I feel like it's more. into class circle I think I mother. screwed up that word but you know what I.

mean like I feel like we'll get. permission to explore the universe like. we just be out here flipping our souls. just be able to go to whatever whatever. planet they want maybe each plan it's a. little bit different a little bit of. visible a little bit of fifth. dimensional you know mm-hmm maybe. different like it's not earthly but it's. it might have like this plan it'd be. like this and this plan would be kind of. like I'm using the parts different than. using a cart so now I just feel like. it's just like. maybe there are aliens but they are not.

visible to our human bodies maybe we had. to be a spirit to see them Wow. yeah I like that it's still kind of a. petting zoo it's just you're like. petting the universe with your spirit. you just kind of just cruising around. it's like this open-hearted kind of like. just being and you just kind of bump or. just bumping off the the walls of other. s Ilan's I think that sounds pretty. magical really yeah it's funny how when.

you're young and then as you get older. the way that you could really envision. heaven and what it could seem like to. you I love that petting zoo though I. love a pony I love a small animal and. I've always really loved a small a small. animal homeward let's hear another call. hey Theo. my name's Spencer I'm from Georgia hey. Spencer thank you for calling man and I. hope you're saying healthy out there. gang and you're talking about what. heaven was like when we were children.

versus works like now and I was thinking. about heaven when I was a child and how. my dad told me that when you die you go. to heaven you get to live forever and. ever and ever and it gave me like a. weird sinking feeling the side of me. like you never die it just goes on. forever and ever and ever in this place. and there's never gonna be a stop to it. yeah it seems like a lot it does seem. like a loan it does seem like a long. haul especially as a child I can imagine.

it seemed like a long haul. onward so when I was a child I used to. think about that too easy to scare me. but then when I got older I thought. about it and thought like well maybe. heaven is a place where we can exist. forever and at some point we choose to. come down here into this dimension and. feel like that we're living but we can. die so we can learn something with each. trip that we take down here we get to.

learn things about ourselves and reality. and stuff man that's really interesting. yeah like like heaven is kind of the. it's like the. car place and then our bodies are like. you know earth or you know existence is. sort of each time you get rented and you. get to take out you go out and you have. an experience and you go back and they. either return you with a full tank or. they return you on empty you know they.

might return you a couple of dents and. the doors anything but yeah you have an. experience and then you go back and like. kind of park back into the shop that's. pretty yeah I really like that man. that's beautiful. that's real beautiful let's take another. heaven call here we go hey Kenny some. courtesy faces what's up Kenny from. cutting shoot gagging brother homework I. was calling about that heaven man when. all the kids in church they called us. there you know heaven was confident.

worshipped and oh no they're always. thought that sounded boring as hell when. I was a kid I thought having sounded. boring is for us but they say because it. was constant worship you know just like. we were already in church worship there. why we got to worship when we died - oh. yeah that's double worship man I feel. you there but now that I'm older I kind. of feel like heaven is a little more. specific to every person you know like. every person is having a different just. like every person held could be.

different so that's it gonna go and feel. thank you bro yeah you know it would be. nice to think that it's set that it's. different then we only that we all get. our own that we all have one that's very. unique to us it would really make sense. almost because the world feels very. unique to us you know we said could we. we're only able to really get our own. perception of of life here on earth so. it'd be interesting it'd be probably.

similar to really get that the same in. heaven you get the same you know that. your understanding of your environment. is specific to you yeah I don't know man. and I hope they have a hell - Brian I. hope there's a chance where you could. get you know if you don't you know Mon. your your taters and toss that they. could drag you back down the other end. of the hallway. it would just be exciting you know. that's one of the another thing that. maybe really keeps me believing in in in.

another leg of our existence is just the. choice to have excitement for there to. be something else when people are like. oh man you die and and that's it and. like that's buddy could write that book. you know anybody could do that you know. I'd like to think that I'm built for. something more you know it may be a.

selfish but I don't think there's. anything real selfish and thinking that. you would like to be able to exist more. to be able to have new experiences and. hopefully ones that are even better than. the ones that were already having here. what else do we have going on man I'm a. little you know I'm well as always I'm a. little tired that's just my mo we got a. patreon question came in Alaskan Rock. vodka are you planning on upping your.

podcast frequency if we're gonna be shut. in with all this virus business we need. to get more online entertainment Thank. You Alaskan Rock vodka and thank you for. being a longtime patreon supporter. really from the beginning and and and I. really want to thank you very much real. kind of you yeah I think I'm gonna do. some stuff I'm gonna try my best you. know I don't want to just put out. whatever I want to be feeling good and. put out cool stuff we got Glen big baby.

Davis coming in tomorrow and he went to. school at LSU and and I went to school. down there at LSU and and so I'm really. excited to see to have a conversation. with him who else we have some really. cool guests coming up and depending on. you know how the viral thing plays out. what we're gonna do what its going to be. like but you know we may have more we. may we're supposed to do a live this. past weekend in I want to say it's in.

April or May out here in Los Angeles so. I think there's some options what else. that came in thank you for that question. though yeah we're gonna try to do some. stuff some extra King in the sting we're. also going to try to do some stuff for. the single moms that we have we know. this is a tough time for them having to. deal with you know probably just changes. you know maybe they're still working but. they need to find help for their. children so we're gonna reach out and do. something special for them try to help.

out a little bit what else man that's it. dude a handle I will say this and now. you see a lot of lot of hair on the. ground people they cut in people's hair. and just leaving it people you know. somebody just drop a damn pigtail and. just it'll be right there another. question that came in how's it feel this. from action Jackson how does it feel to. be done with your dark arts tour is. there anything in particular you're. looking forward to doing now that you.

have more free time yeah I'm looking to. take care of myself a little bit better. I'm looking to get some more rest you. know I'm working on a pilot project. right now with with Mike judge actually. and Greg Daniels who made beavis and. butt-head and some other stuff so I'm. excited about you know they really love.

the animation that we've been putting up. on Instagram and thank you guys so much. for your support on that so we're. working on trying to take a project out. you know we'll pile it out so it's kind. of it's a little scary to talk about but. it's really I guess it's okay to talk. about you know I'm just really excited I. guess about it I'm hopeful I'm not like. overly excited I just want it to be you. know I love the little cartoon guy and I.

love you know I just don't want to spoil. kind of what without what we already. have going on with it and so but I think. that you know those guys are obviously. legends and and it really makes me feel. amazing that they're excited and so. we'll see what happens. you know I'm just trying to stay. creative so I think those are things I'm. gonna do I'm just gonna try to stay. workers just try and make take care of. myself suck and be a little more. creative and stay creative what else try.

and do some yoga and get some extra naps. you know I think it's I'm pretty lucky. that the tour some people's tours were. just starting and they're having a real. impact now but those are things that I'm. looking forward to doing so thanks for. asking that question man um here's a. question from Riley Mora and it says. gang why is Hawaii so comforting I've. never been but you make it seem like the. best get away take care of yourself I.

think there's not like it's just. relaxing I can't here's why because. everything there's no real nightlife. there everything shuts down early so you. sometimes you'll feel a pressure like I. got to go out I got it people are doing. at 8 o'clock in Hawaii everybody's. eating dinner and it is bedtime and it. doesn't matter if you're 22 or if you're. 51 so I think that's what it is just the.

fact that it's okay to be at peace there. you know it's one thing it's almost a. similar like with this virus it's like. you know with this roan of people are. wondering you know or I'm feeling like. okay at least now we have an excuse to. just relax you know it's like okay we. can just chill you know oh you can look. across the table and see who someone is.

see who who is that you know I'll get to. know my kid a little bit better I'll. break out a board game there is. something really comfortable man we've. been on this fast fast train in America. and it's nice to have just something. kind of apply this weird break I'm not. saying that this is a good break but I'm. just saying that it is there's something. really comforting in it I feel like in a. weird way to kind of know that people.

are hopefully taking care of themselves. so that's one thing that's kind of neat. about this and that's one thing that's. neat about Hawaii is that there's just. that energy there there's that energy of. just self-care taking care of yourself. the ocean you know the more I would go. get in the ocean every day when I was. over there and I just kept feeling like. the world kept falling off my shoulders. like just the troubles that I had or the.

problems or whatever you know the stress. kind of fell off my shoulder so that was. really nice to feel what else I think we. got into a lot of stuff you know we got. big baby Glen Davis coming in tomorrow. we got King and the sting on Tuesday a. lot of fun stuff going on and let's get. into one more call right here before we. cruise out okay yes I do she said you.

said you liked the movie family man yes. ma'am I do. thank you with Nicholas Cage and I was. just wondering if if you were given a. glimpse of your life if you hadn't. become a comedian what would what would. you think that glimpse would would look. like yeah all right thank you. hmm if I hadn't become a comedian and.

had to go have a glimpse of my life wow. that's a good question um well thanks. for the call uh you know I I feel like. maybe I would have been maybe done arts. and crafts maybe somebody did arts and. crafts instructor or you know maybe a.

attorney maybe but just attorney because. you get to speak in front of people like. you got to like kind of prove a case or. talk discuss a point or something that's. one thing I think I remember wanting to. be when I was younger. mmm or you know what honestly I think I. really might have got into being a. writer you know I really like to write. you know when people used to write I. used to love it and now it's more typing. and stuff it's different but man I.

really liked writing when it was popular. but yeah I think I don't know how I. wonder what a glimpse of my life would. be like I'd probably be and I don't know. I'd probably be you know my brother's a. pretty good role model so I probably. learned from some stuff from him so I. bet I would have probably ended up being. maybe an attorney or a writer maybe both.

and I bet I would have had a marriage. but I would have probably gotten a. divorce because I've never really been. ready for it yet you know just kind of. part of you know never really hard to. keep my you know my mind out of out of. the cookie jar or whatever and yeah I. think that that would be it. maybe no kids yet or maybe a child but.

yeah that's a good question. oh it's a good question um what else did. we get into a lot of stuff this week I. don't even know I don't even know I'm. glad to be back though but man I miss it. at the same time you know I just there's. something I they they you know there was. fear people are worried that they're.

they might shut down air travel. everywhere so I said I got to get back. home and I got to get back to the. podcast and I'm been in here so I was. just said we need to do it and. we did it and this is it I want to thank. everybody for communicating I want to. thank everybody for being a part of the. of the podcast and just of what's going. on and yeah we're get into some extra. stuff this week we'll keep putting out. some good content and and doing our best.

as always hit the hotline nine eight. five six six four nine five zero three. if something is going on in your. universe and what will take us out. tonight oh I know what we'll do we'll do. some North Mississippi Allstars with. drunk outdoors. yeah stay aware you know we'll stay. aware we do what we can you know this is. a unique time in existence where we get.

to see who we are inside of ourselves. you know I think it's neat we can learn. a lot about ourselves and and and really. find ways to try and just be decent to. one another but it's a wild time you. know there's a lot of shockers rockin. out there and and thank you guys for for. showing up this week and I'll see you. guys again next week and I'll see you. this week with a Glen big baby Davis be.

good to yourselves and I'm gonna try to. do the same gang. [Music]. [Music]. well then I gotta try. [Music]. Gogi drunk out.

[Music]. it's wrong. go get drunk outdoors.

[Music]. got money. get that hitter. [Music]. [Music].

[Music]. you guys can go check that soon out if. you want. that's drunk outdoors by the North. Mississippi Allstars and take care of.

your sails get some rest and and I'll. see you guys next week okay.