Fortune Feimster | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #254

today's guest has a new special coming. up on Netflix she is she's multi-faceted. and she's a wonderful storyteller. she's very entertaining and and I'm. happy that she's here with me today the. wonderful fortune themed stir. [Music].

[Music]. amanda bynes got a face tactic we bring. that up nash fortune thanks for coming. in hey Theo thanks for having me yeah. yeah man that's cool nice to see you. yeah it's really sweet of you to come by. appreciate it um yeah wait can you bring. it up Nick sorry I just want to see this. I just saw this on the news.

Oh Amanda bond got that face hitter. right there hey it's not even a good. heart is that a heart it looks like it's. like a so I got drunk and yeah try to. make a heart but it's like kind of a. lopsided oh it's like a tattoo of Buddy. years would give you like in Syracuse or. something at a party you know or like. there's like a Flint Michigan basic. white person to kind of tattoo I think.

she doesn't like anything like she used. to look she um it's so common now with. face tattoos it's almost like you know I. have this idea sometimes that in the. future or the lair of like this layer of. skin will be will wear like an actual. protective layer of skin in the future. because maybe the sun will just be. murdering all of us oh that's a good. reason I think my thoughts were just. that it'll become like an old idea like.

oh my god you wore your natural skin. idiot you know like we'll eventually. have like a newer layer because it also. seemed like people are on the like. people are just like faced adding and. just totally like the old layer it's. like getting all up here it's like. people are just at the end of the road. with the old layer yeah the dry skin. yeah we're gonna be one of the last. people to like have one our natural skin. really just like yeah yeah and I think.

that was blow it on almost like with um. like a pressure wash it on or like uh. maybe a tanning bed if you ever go to. like one of the stand-up once I have it. up. once yeah and it's not great. well I would uh in my hometown no I. bought like I definitely been so you had. no tanning bed shame here yeah no. tanning bed shame but I this is. obviously not a body that tans easily.

really he's about it a burn oh yeah and. and this body has not seen the light of. day ever as much as you know I'd love to. rock it to peace oh yeah I'd see in the. two feet so I'm in college I bought like. a package of four sessions for eating. better whenever I went to one and I was. like all right is not bad and the second. time I went um I got undressed which you. know is a feet just getting undressed. takes a lot of time and thank you wear a.

belt or no yeah our belt yeah and I got. into the tanning bed and they hadn't. turned it on and I was like and I'm like. hello no one's light listen because it's. like part of it's a tanning bed and. other parts is so long tanning bed yeah. used to work at a place called frozen. options and we had awesome bootleg. tanning that people got pinkeye from the. bed no really. but anyway yeah like no one's turned it. and on and I'm just like sitting there.

it's getting cold and I got put my. clothes back on there's another good ten. minutes yeah it's misery and I like. people my head back hello like no one's. doing things so I just I had seen her. turn it on before so I just made I just. turned it on and you put you know the. ten minutes where I mean that's a good. amount so I turn it on and I get. entertainment I do my thing I get out. and they're all like looking at me like.

they had like looked in the I don't know. a video or something like I had tried to. get more time oh like you try to sneak a. minute I think a minute I'm all like no. I did the appropriate amount of time I. paid for it but I could never go back. after that because they were giving me. such a stink out like I had stolen candy. or something damn Oh. [ __ ] in here stealing I was like my.

body can't even take extra hot minute. I'm telling you I just y'all weren't. doing your job. [Applause]. that was my I got uh I got a tanning bed. shame did you feel them did you feel the. tan after was it real did you get too. much did you get yeah I mean I was like. red yeah I mean I was I mean my guys tan. is my body pigmentation will allow your. body only goes so tan yeah and then it. just turns to freckles yeah so for me. it's like straight to cancer go straight.

cancer and if we ever go out to like a. beach or something I'm that [ __ ] with. like a towel all over my body where you. like this much of my face cuz I just I'm. like no one expects me to be tan you're. begging kids to bury you in the sand. you're like alright I got three.

umbrellas cover me it's not sexy yeah I. think I used to love tanning my mom used. to open the windows in our apartment by. the she would move the dinner table over. and open the windows and put a lawn. chair right there oh yeah. it's you have a little bit of beer and. get catch some Sun right there yeah but. let me say that one more time Nick do. you mind mother um I guess she got it. huh. is it permanent I mean it looks like.

some of my nephew is it off your honor. yeah it looked like a large saw I think. it's a heart you remember when she our. remember she was a childhood star and. then she really I guess she's I don't. she struggled from addiction or admit. she had mental health issues but she. went might have been in calm calm but I. don't remember but I mean she was known. when she was growing up has been very a. girl next door you know she was in all. those movies where she played the cutesy.

yeah you know not yes girl. and then. yeah yeah she windy she was like. tweeting about one and rate murder black. crime in America okay I don't think that. we need and I think is the guy's gonna. murder the [ __ ] but maybe like he got. one that was he in tickly mi you know. Gila romantic with it but I think that.

was the cry for help where everyone's. like oh no she's in trouble yeah things. are going well thanks oh then she threw. a bong out of a window to I think I. remember really oh there's the Drake. right didn't he. what not the correct term murder my. vagina sorry I made it crass er sorry. lady mercy she was a lady about it and. she said murder my vagina. yeah that's right gangster actually well.

I think I'd read a story about her like. a year ago where she had gotten she's. gone to get some help. I don't know from the mental stuff for. any sort of addiction I'm not sure what. it was and she was taking classes at the. Fashion Institute a while in downtown so. she was trying to get it you know do. something new yeah pull it together and. man she felt like she didn't want to be. a celebrity oh yes she graduated college. she didn't get him. yeah just in June fit him you wanted to. fit him fit him.

you know what's interesting um there's a. when I was I was working on a dog show. one time or a pet shower song this years. ago and uh on the show it was Yahoo's. hosting was about pets or something. something about Animalia you know yeah. and so we went to a dog place where they. had where rich people had their dogs go. for the day if they were gonna be out of. town yeah and it's nice in there they.

got astroturf and they got [ __ ]. magical you know they got food from like. exotic you know like the dogs revving. turkey four chefs make yes crazy like. he's here for the pot and like stirring. CBD oil. the guy's got a white glove yeah one dog. was getting uh one duck was getting a. diamond put on one of his incisors in. his mouth I get was [ __ ] and I was.

Little John's dog actually dude they. said that this is true they said that. Little John's dog gave him there for a. month and that uh and he had gotten the. top-of-the-line stuff for it so all the. dogs had to play in one area and then. Little John's dog had his own [ __ ]. like a little but amanda bynes dog had.

been there for two months. oh and it was a like a hot it would look. like a slipper that was alive you know. one of those kind of dogs yeah big. slipper a big furry sir yes for you to. know where the eyes were you know the. ass was yeah you'd like to give it a. treat and it suddenly put the Treat in. it but you know you were like where's. the face on this thing oh my gosh and. but it loved me dude it was following me.

around like a [ __ ] hottie walk you. know man and um and they're like hey. we'll give it to you 4,000 bucks you. know it's been here for so long that we. you know we can't really board it. anymore we're gonna have to give it up. flex is pricy that's at the time it was. real pricey for me yeah you know now I. might go 800 on the [ __ ] Bichon all. right but that dog didn't sound like. $1,000 dog but it loved me though yep it. was almost like the parent I never had. like in the distance to it every time I.

turned around it was like about 30 feet. away [ __ ] just like kind of little. yeah kind of indirectly coming out of. the fur it could have been a poem but. yeah so uh and I and I and I and I said. no and I wish how to say yes I'm sure. they don't really like me up yeah you. have a dog now I don't I've never had a. dog yeah that was the closest I ever. came was havin Amanda bonds dog and so. uh I wonder what. that dog I don't know see if there's any. information about that we make a nick.

work today can you can you get its. tracking number a man asked her like. what did she probably realized she had a. dog yeah what had a dog I wonder reunite. oh wait does she accidentally drenched. with gasoline I didn't smell it I guess. oh wait was that the same dog there was. a picture right there let's see if we. can see actually that doesn't look like.

that's maybe a different dog Oh unless. that was the dog as a puppy they does. that look like it do that looks like it. if it that looks like it if it is going. ahead like Nicolas Cage's life like it. looks it had a lot more hair than that. when I'm at it well so then she tried to. set fire to it oh that's like a Dell. kinda this was 2013 that she she was. reunited with the pet dog that she. almost set fire to well it kind of.

sounds like a dog she's beautiful young. lady yeah I hope she's doing okay maybe. it could reach I don't even see she. would come on though being you should be. real interesting especially struggles. with addiction we have a lot of you know. I struggle with it and a lot of other. people do but yeah I think it could be. interesting for her to just share like. probably what it's been like cuz that's. the scary thing about Hollywood you only. know from like articles you only know. when like people were like you know the.

Britney Spears situation where she's got. an umbrella and shaved your head you. don't know like what what led up to it. was the thing yeah yeah you never know. the truth really yeah they're crazy and. I think it would be interesting to talk. to her I mean just to find out like you. know where things started go off the. rails and how she got it back on track. you know yet is she blaming or not. blamed but yeah like I bet it was tough. to forgive whatever that things were. that were really bugging her you know um. that's why I did not become a child star.

yeah you know you would have been a good. one I think I don't know I got you know. you look like you look like people watch. her like she looks like the kid from bed. I get that there was a video question. someone asked and I had to look at your. IMDB but they were like in Bad Santa did. you actually cut your thumb when you. think we're always like there are like.

the kid from the Sandlot or the Bad. Santa kid oh I think it's charming. people say that I look like if I were a. blue but not they say I look like who's. that woman who was in Sleepless in. Seattle. Oh Rosie O'Donnell meg Ryan meg Ryan meg. Ryan yeah I'll get a meg Ryan if I see.

look at that I can see it a little but. when I was 10. no you have a cuter nose in that guy and. it's just the hair I think and the eyes. maybe a little and we're just adorable I. mean both y'all would be I mean yeah you. guys I tried out for uh when I was like. ten. they had an open casting call and I'm. from North Carolina it was in Charlotte. you were not show wild crazy kids it was. like a bunch of kids doing like was the.

ones with the pyramid they were looking. for the pyramid trying to win a contest. it was like it was like a it's like a. field I almost like kids competing and. different like activities that yeah like. and you went out for that yeah I went. out for the open casting call at the. mall and uh you know I have like jelly. stains on my shirt from McDonald's. breakfast oh yeah. Isis sneak a couple of those packets and. I would slick my [ __ ] hair bow at.

times yeah cuz I thought chicks with. daikon jelly sideburn bury that [ __ ] up. and that stuff I held your ears so many. preservatives like yeah so the guy like. you know they have a producer like. asking all the kids question oh yeah. so fat and just like oh that's a slob. Slaven Lee as well yeah back then cuz. you know you're just like a little.

awkward fat kid you don't really know. any better and he just like looked at me. in your head no that's my first. Hollywood rejection and uh was there. anything else he tried out for it. uh oh god what was so funny you know. it's funny I I watched you on a road. yeah drop a real world ever I did I sort. of did I was in college and I think.

we're around the same age and uh alright. they had another open casting thing in. Raleigh where I was going to school and. I was working on a radio station and. they gave us like passes to go to the. front of the line oh yeah I could. imagine that and uh so people have been. waiting like you know all night to meet. everybody they're bonded and there and I. come in I like you know my Starbucks. like hate my goods.

oh yeah the line hey hey and the line. for those things is always like the most. obtuse people it's like people really. trying it's a lot of this there's always. a lot of like I don't know maybe. desperation I feel like I don't know. over-the-top it's like big person now. yes I gotta make them see me right and. at the front of the line yeah a lot of. times that's what's there yeah very. aggressive yeah and where you're like.

whoa and uh I just you know they pull us. all in in groups yeah oh yeah I remember. this yeah yeah I'll tell you know I'll. tell you I've never really talked about. it I'll talk about it know that but you. know I want to hear more about your. experience you go in and set a bar where. is it it's like yeah like a big bar and. and we they put us in groups in a big. table and you know of course they're. asking questions like where's the. craziest place you've had sex I'm like I. want to say like nineteen twenty and I'm.

just like. you know I don't know I'm gay at that. point I was it and so they were asking. all these questions everyone's like you. know well I [ __ ] once on a washing. machine and everyone's like trying to. outdo each other I'm just like in my. head like it was that [ __ ] on the back. of it senior citizen yeah that's a lot. and I'm just like well I can't wait for. this group part to be over so I get my. one-on-one interview and I didn't say. one word.

I didn't answer one question cuz it's. all so crazy yes people desperately like. yeah I'm dead yeah boy you're not dead. doing what goes and I had no good. stories because I was nerdy ass 20 year. old who hadn't really lived life right. and uh and they go alright thank you to. all of us. and I'm like what so I type in the. audition but I didn't answer one. question what hard to play though this.

silent card nothing to say did you still. leave there thinking hey they might. reach out to me yeah well they got my. contact information I have my email. address at that point hit up my hotmail. don't say dress big sweetie oh really.

but that was like I laughed so hard. later like knowing what I know now I'm. like what a dumbass yeah but I mean it. all worked out you know not to be for me. yeah wasn't to be for you isn't it I. know how like it's like sometimes you'll. want something you'll think oh this is. what I want and then later you realize. oh I'm so grateful that didn't work out. yeah it didn't happen that way because. this there was this other plan going on. for I'm supposed to fit really well. why would have been hard it wasn't hard. for someone like me who you know didn't. notice until he'd know so much about.

myself yet yeah I moved to LA and still. didn't know I was gay like I was just a. little bit of a late bloomer in that way. cuz I grew up you know in the South and. North Carolina where I just didn't know. I didn't have those examples so that I. would have been like. everybody else in like this girl's dumb. [ __ ] right we all know you know so it. wouldn't have been probably been oh yeah. you might have been forced thought to. have to like really figure it out before. you were ready to figure yeah or I'd.

have been that person that's like he's. cute yeah yeah you're banging dudes but. you're the one you're behind the dude. it's like you're moving too much so I. wanna hear how it happened for you how. you yeah yeah I'll tell you before just. you made me think so if you so I never. asked a gay person cuz you get you.

you're 100% gay so I appreciate you. assuming I could have some bisexual I'm. flattered [ __ ] whack-ass dudes. running around 200 hours to see you bang. out Tony she might kill Tony you know. what's crazy is one day someone's gonna.

walk up and actually it's gonna be the. greatest saddest most amazing [ __ ]. documentary ever did so if do you know. like cuz like I just wonder sometimes. like if you look when you're thinking. back in your life now so now you're. comfortable being yeah you know there's. no questions inside of you or anything. like that like do you can you look back. to like a seed where it's like you kind. of can wear it makes more sense yeah.

yeah I mean what you know what's that. light cloud is kind of lifted you look. back to your whole life and you're like. oh my god they're they're like so money. so many things but and and now with. everything being slate so gay like. people talk about gays of all Tom yeah. YouTube you know everyone out. everybody's yeah people aren't even gay. or yeah and like being gay to some. people like. cool and you're just like like that like.

you don't even know if they're genuinely. gay there's right what gays fun I want. to be on RuPaul say I want to open a. bakery someone come out of the closet. yeah there's nothing to do I'm gonna. have a fashion line so I have to be gay. yeah so it's just I think too part of it. is that people aren't like conforming to. labels and now everyone's right what. doing their thing and you know yeah I. can look back and just be like oh my god.

like this is so obvious from like early. on you know you just don't know it. because any you know anyone you kind of. any dude I assume might be gay like in. my hometown would be like hey girl this. is my wife Pam and then she try to hold. his hand. oh no reprimanding her yeah so I I just. didn't know you know I was like I didn't. see any out gay person.

I'm from especially women probably yeah. I mean both men and women I mean you. know any that was it a secret do that. worked at the bank that was gay you know. yeah and there was like any woman who. might I thought might be gay was like a. librarian yeah who like love mowing. grass yeah man she's doing a lot of yard. work and uh profusely gasoline spilt. soma legs you know it's a different Tom.

and so you didn't you knew what gay was. but do you think it could apply to you. and anyone interesting cuz I yeah I just. sometimes wonder like what does that. feel like what is the like tasak yeah. like how does it start to like feel. inside of you where you it gets it for. me it got some point where you just. couldn't deny it anymore. Wow so there's just so much evidence. yeah and it was like I had moved out to.

LA and moving out I was a big thing for. me because then I'll seen gay people. everywhere no one even batted an eye yes. like oh it's like oh thanks for me I. felt like so stupid I was like lose. like what am I like born in a barn it. really felt like I was an idiot or like. whoa. and then like you start to like the l. word came out you start seeing like. you're like two chicks hot chicks.

kissing and you're like wow I I'm. feeling things okay and then it just. sort of bubbles up to the point where. yours like yeah yeah yes I mean you came. out of the closet one of my shows one. time oh yeah he was the last word to God. he was laughing so hard does it so if.

your does it feel like do you feel like. if you feel like you get like an. erection in your vagina you're a gay no. I mean when I was watching the l word. early on yeah you're kind of just like. you you're more tingles I think than. anything yeah we don't get the the. boners to tell us like that we're. excited right more like the butterflies. and the tingles really so when that.

starts having could you think back to. other times you're like oh my god I got. that feeling some but I had no idea what. was going on like yeah well I was very. intense about certain friends growing up. you know like if I were I joked at one. of my very first jokes was like I talked. about how I would get so upset from my. friend Michelle would go out on a date. with a guy and my mom would be like I. don't understand how much she's my best. friend. it's like so intense you know Euler's in.

the distance looking going on her email. I mean. you just get so like angsty you know all. this stuff inside and you don't know. what it is and it used to baffle the. [ __ ] out of my mom she's like I don't. like who cares like she's on a date like.

Jabba like we were should go to Chili's. together and it's more of that [ __ ] just. that like oh that like teenage like that. like goes on for long yeah and yeah. you're just the direction you're like. yeah must seem so bizarre so why because. I would have like sort of these like. intense friendships where I almost felt. like you were dating at times like. writing each other notes oh yeah on your.

car something you would do with like a. boyfriend yeah I was doing that with. certain friends and so you get just so. emotionally invested in that person that. when their straightness continues and a. guy comes into the picture you're doing. yeah yeah you're like our r2d2 any. [ __ ] this you've created a non. reality right burst that bubble and it.

must be a little hard even though yeah. it must have been oddly heartbreaking. almost in some ways even though you. didn't know maybe exactly what was going. on man I would just feel so. heartbreaking I feel like I mean I think. you know when I talk to other gay people. who had those experiences I think where. the heartbreak comes in is that you're. getting told no like even if it's not a. verbal no from early on because there's. like something between a closeted gay. person like if you and I had met in high.

school like we'd be buddies right away. we'd be high-fiving I never had sexual. chemistry with a dude it was always like. we're homies right and uh and so even if. I do find men attractive so even if I. would find a guy attractive he would. never be reciprocated because I'm. putting my body. Who I am is putting out something I. can't control. oh interesting yeah totally. so you're just getting rejected from the.

the beginning right and so that. definitely affects I think a lot of gay. people and some people oh yeah what that. worked their way through that where. they're like they build up their. self-esteem in other ways right some. people will start drinking a lot when. they get to like college and stuff to. sort of mask that pain of rejection. everybody deals with it in different. ways but yeah it's like anime I never. really thought about that there must be. this into rejection from like the way.

that society is kind of built and yes. just young people too because young. people don't even know what they're. doing yeah and you know it yo it's just. like like I went to prom and stuff but. usually I ask the dude yeah what's up. mark in the back so hard so I just know. that that typical normal dating I never. had a boyfriend yeah I went on a couple. dates but oh yeah you just kind of like.

dating dating sort of became like a non. thing right I became sort of the. overachiever like oh I'm gonna be in all. the clubs and I'm gonna be president of. the student government and I'm gonna. make a Z right i'ma find other ways to. just to express myself yeah that and to. get validated oh yeah I had to I had to. find validation elsewhere cuz I wasn't. the girl getting flowers on Valentine's. Day yeah I'd be like Sheila so yeah yeah.

I was like getting flowers from my. brother. it's Wow cuz you really are like a you. you you also have this whole vibe of. like a real beautiful woman I feel like. oh thank you know like you really I. don't know I I don't know why I said. that even but I just yeah I don't know.

just felt that but I think I think where. I was able to sort of find connections. with people. all it was more of just like being. friends with people and been genuinely. interested in them yeah and having good. conversations and I had a lot of friends. you know and and then I was sort of. became a the class clown that sort of. made people laugh and stuffs Wow I did.

find laughter early on was sort of that. bridge that gap that disconnect with. people saying yeah I can do I can. totally relate to that yeah so then all. of a sudden people people are looking at. you with different a different set of. eyes you know they're not looking at you. as like oh there's that you know chubby. girl that's awkward they're like oh. she's funny she's funny she's cool. there's some yeah yeah you create. something about you and almost kind of.

what an eat so much of our like who we. are and our validation becomes based on. that like response we get from the. opposite sex right yeah or you know when. we're growing up so it's almost kind of. neat that if you were able to like kind. of take that out of your picture even. though it probably affected you some I'm. sure take that out of your picture and. find other way and just be able to build. friendships with people and not have. that element be part of it yeah it's.

almost kind of a weird blessing it seems. like yeah because I mean I did see early. on like people get really wrapped up. with men relationship yeah like what. readiness [ __ ] like you my mom you know. after my folks got divorced she was so. hurt by that am I am i and that. rejection from my dad that she spent. that next like ten years. oh just all that mattered was finding.

that man who loved her and I would see. her just get crushed you know like cuz. she put everything into that dude to the. point where she was neglecting stuff oh. yeah the rest of my life or find another. jewel way yeah and so every all of her. validation was completely there and then. when that thing didn't work out she just. was on the floor and I and that. definitely had an effect on me where I. was man. yeah I can't do that I can't be like. that so there was like a happy medium. you know yeah so yeah in a weird way it.

it allowed me to say focused I guess and. and put more value in friendships and. create a new way to to breach just to a. new worry it's almost like you didn't. get stuck into this same path because so. many of so many people it's like you get. into there and everything's based on it. [ __ ] you know Larry look for every us. life does Larry look at me but too after. science you know people make career. decisions that have changed the course.

of their life for a person yeah for love. that didn't work out sometimes it did. and so you just wanted to find like you. wanted to make those decisions when it. was the right person in the right time. right so I was glad at least didn't. spend my high school college early 20s. where that was dictating all my. decisions and thoughts oh yeah a. dictated all my nightmare day driving. across town just to masturbate I.

remember biking across town to find some. titty magazines to bike five miles to. masturbate did on the weekend it was. like the biggest thing I look forward to. well back then you could you know. important wasn't as accessible oh no you. know matters like these lazy people yeah. no one's getting their step soon the. healthiest arms are strong my legs I'm.

so strong from biking and masturbating. but now you date a lot of hot well. you're basically like the David Spade of. a lesbian community I feel like you get. a lot of hot chicks I've dated some very. very attractive women now I'm engaged. now you're engaged now I'm spoken for. but we have a question that came in. about that actual list yeah have you set. a date for your wedding yet you set a.

date for your wedding yet yeah her. mother. they only be allowing her a certain. amount of words woman you've got one. question make it short you got nine. words Rhonda oh right keep it short and. sweet uh we have not set a date for our. wedding yet we got engaged like two. years ago what's going on even the bride. and I'm like what's happening yeah uh no.

I mean well she moved out here we've. been together four and a half years and. the first year was long distance and. then I wanted us at least living. together a year to see if we still like. each other good idea so once we hit the. year mark I wanted she made so many. sacrifices she moved from Chicago she. was a kindergarten teacher left it all. and uh she was working in the inner city. of Chicago and just that was her passion.

and so she gave up all these things for. me. so I felt like I needed to show her. earlier because I probably would have. maybe waited like another year to get. engaged but I wanted to show her I was. serious about us and appreciated the. sacrifices she made so I proposed to her. but neither of us had an intention of. getting married right away I like to be. in any hurry. uh we are gonna get married sometime. this year I just only Twenties got a. planet yeah 2029 you about eight hours.

laughs yeah it's just uh I think. normally when people getting engaged. there's like usually it's the bride. whoever the we're both brides but. technically but that Brides usually like. very much like all right I've been. dreaming about this my whole life. right here's the thousand things I want. to do well she and I never dreamt of. getting married because you know we just.

again that wasn't my fantasy I think. that was never gonna happen for me. even if you think about the wedding cake. is just one woman saying up the bar so. yeah so we don't have these all these. things we've always wanted to do so for. us we're just like and we've lived. together from now for you know. over three years and it feels like we're. married we will get married but it's. just one of us has to frickin plan. something right so I think I just gotta. find like a wedding planner yeah or get.

one of those planner books that books. that say plan or on them yeah there you. go you know but yeah yeah Ahmadi did go. to Pinterest yeah we just kind of want. to have a party I think we'll probably. get married at the courthouse or. something yeah like that she kind of. like she don't like to be the center of. attention. mhm she's very like she does not want to. say vows in front of people she don't. want to be walking down an aisle she is. like so it's kind of funny so I'm like. well we gotta have a party I was get.

married yeah you gotta yeah you gotta. have some yeah a nice celebration it's. almost like when like people never. celebrate their birthday do some you got. to celebrate it well you just I just. want it's just there she is oh yeah. I met her before I met her yeah I think. where we ran into each other for like at. a strange place and I'm aware of what. she's awesome she's she's beautiful and. so smart and and lovely and she comes on. the road with me a lot but she's she's. kind of joined the circus that is being.

a stand-up comedians partner you know oh. yeah bad huh it's a different world and. always you know Chicago is an awesome. City yes I was fine in LA if you're not. in the business you're killing what is. this place yeah so it's been an. adjustment for her but I think she's. finally starting to feel at home. so now we're in a good place with LA and. making friends and then it feels like a. good time to get married. oh if you want to plan it but oh my god.

shrimp if you'd like to bike to our. wedding and masturbate and dude the. whole time I was bike and I would try to. look my main goal while biking was to. look like I wasn't gonna masturbate when. I got in the whole time that all [ __ ]. everybody knows that I'm biking across. town of jerk-off where were you going. like a new uh my basketball coach had a.

bunch of. nudie mags he kept into the bathroom. under the same your so you would go to. your basketball coach's house oh yeah. and be like yo can I borrow some of. those amazing oh I wouldn't tell me dude. I'm just going there might a know how to. do a bowel movement for about two hours. I got that and then I would be so. embarrassed to come out of the door I. would go through the window of this. house and leave the [ __ ] bathroom. door locked so I would lock myself in. and it was one of those locks like the.

locks you put the little latch in the. back oh my god why did he let you keep. coming over I think it had this bad GI. tract or something things are so. different back in the days but some like. wow I got with teachers too and like. they would come to my house like. nowadays is really gonna sue you yeah. you know they're like back in the day. you were just like yes my hanging out. with my teacher yeah everything's a.

lawsuit now that's what that's one thing. that's messed up a lot of things in. America is just everything you know. lawyers got so happy everybody found. there's easy ways to make money it's. almost like yeah everything's a lawsuit. you know so they have to make everything. safe they have to make everything I. can't do this that you know the school. bus driver can't say things to the kids. just like there's no living anymore. yeah well everyone's like walking on. eggshells you don't know what you're. gonna say that's gonna offend somebody. people you know it's ridiculous though.

what I don't understand how why it's so. it doesn't feel real though it feels. like it's real like if you look online. like if you're on like yahoo.com it. feels real the outrage and the [ __ ]. if you just read that right and you're. not alive as a human but it feels like. in the world things aren't exactly like. that as much I don't think so I mean. yeah I don't know I've never thought. nothing has ever happened to me I'm like. I'm gonna sue that person yeah like I. just think you just work things out like.

you just gotta work it out yeah and you. know you hit somebody's car call your. insurance yeah you know it's not like. I'm gonna sue you I don't know it's like. oh I think we're the only country that. really is so latisha. in that way yeah I think so too there's. so much money here too yeah you know. people's all's you know chasing money. yeah okay my story about yes so I went. to when I was I was going to university.

Arizona's and they had auditions there. you do these have auditions at like 6 or. 7 schools around the country or real. world and Road rules University. Arizona's a good one to go to yeah kind. of a party school right no that's. Arizona State okay if you want to. basically cut the top of your car off. with a [ __ ] welding torch and also. cut your sleeves off to match your. [ __ ] car okay and buy a little bit of. turquoise yeah. then University Arizona yeah so and they.

oh it was definitely it was uh it was. just hot what was it like it was fun a. lot of classic rock fans all four years. no I was actually there for one okay. semester gotcha so I went there for one. semester and they had auditions at a bar. called gentle bends I think it sounds. like a [ __ ] place that's definitely. gonna get sexual harassment so they had.

and I went in there and man I was having. I was depressed bruh I mean I'm half of. my life I'm depressed but so this was a. time when I was and I went in there and. they had auditions and yeah they sat us. in a group and and they just started. talking him yeah they started talking to. people yeah and uh and I was and I just. remember being like I bet half y'all. would be afraid to [ __ ] some twins. that's what I said right cuz.

[ __ ] was getting weird like one guy. yelling the first guy was like gay but. then wasn't gonna be gay. came back from the dark side he said and. then went back to like everybody had. like a crazy story one guy was doing. [ __ ] Renaissance Fairs and [ __ ] I'm. like [ __ ] dude yeah I'm down to nothing. right now you know crazy sounds like I.

bet neither one of y'all would would. [ __ ] twins you know you know what to say. and so then when I'm there leaving and. there was a girl in our group. she literally stood up she's on the. highest heels you could be on she stood. up in the belt and she got [ __ ] asked. to go to the next down right so then.

what happened was when I'm walking out. of there yeah the man like taps on the. shoulder and gives you this packet and. it was like a big packet yeah and it was. literally like 30 pages of stuff and he. said hey fill this out and mail it in. and you'll hear from us in likes within. six weeks yeah so for six weeks I was. excited you know it was like who knows. and then I never heard from and that was. it so then the next year mm-hmm I'm at.

Louisiana State okay and they had. auditions there and every year they had. like six campus where they would have. audition so it just happened to be the. next year that they had it at this. campus okay so I'm like okay so I went. again and then and I kind of knew okay. the first run you say something wild you. know my twins line again yeah and then. and then watch somebody fall over so I.

don't remember what I did the second. time but I did something always good. that's good. and I remember actually I remember so. then they had you they had you fit you. know you fill out the packet and this. time I didn't try to be wild on the. packet I just tried to be like just talk. about my life and so then they called. one time and then they made you set up a. camera and they would call you and. interview you and you had to mail them a. tape okay and then they did that three.

more times and it was with therapists. and different types of people that work. at their company okay then they get to. talk to a therapist yes I still know. where this lady Laura Kerkorian that's. her name real sweet lady but yeah and. then they had you drive to a regional. like they had like 20 or 30 people drive. to a regional place and so I drove and I. went in the hotel yeah and it's and in.

the hall in the hotel it smelled kind of. it was like kind of it was in a urban. area and it smelled like a lot of like. urban kind of haircare products and. stuff you know kind of like because I. grew up you know with Rhydon let's cool. with a lot of black kids a lot of black. kids at school and I was like oh it. smells kind of like black people in here. you know and I remember the saying that. right when I sat down and I could just. see their eyes just like they're like we. got a race we got a ringer and I didn't.

mean it like oh man [ __ ] it smells like. black yeah you were trying to say that I. was like oh it smells like exactly what. I say that's it that smells like a black. woman in here I think maybe that's you. kind of specific you know yeah and they. did that's what it's you know and I was. right no joke two seconds later a black. woman comes in and asked everybody a. question in the room and I was like oh. is that maybe it's that lady but um yeah. and then so then I remember after that.

they yeah they would ask me more. questions about race or and because I. wanted people that sort of like push. buttons and stuff right yeah they wanted. people that would say stuff that was. outrageous something right or just I. don't know if I was just too naive to. even know you know filter maybe. yeah there's no filter yeah but also I. think people knew I wasn't you know I've. never come from a place of like I'm I. have any anger or yeah maybe had more. curiosity than it right you just seem.

kind of misunderstood by the rest of the. cast at least what was oh yeah aired I. think I was and then cast members at a. certain point they start to become cast. member right so they're like oh okay I'm. this personally. yeah one who's gonna you know like if. anybody says anything gets out of line. I'm gonna be that you know yeah some. ladies like oh I'm gonna come out of the. closet you know even though I don't even. know if I'm gay you know some guys like. a woman that guy was gonna [ __ ]. everybody you know some guys like I'm. gonna boss steroids you know everybody's. got different role right but yeah anyway.

so that was that and then one day they. called and said hey do you want to go on. road rules do you want to go on this. trip yeah and it was crazy because at. the time so many people watch the show. right TV really yeah MTV was huge and I. remember thinking man this is gonna be. just a life change ya know I'm going to. a basketball game that day and walking. into this the stadia the basketball. place mm-hmm and thinking man next year. if I do that show next year half these.

kids would know who I was. yeah when I came in here mm-hmm and uh. and that was kind of it that was a just. a wild feeling kind of and then when I. then I went into the channel went back. to LSU and it was a nightmare oh really. people were so mean he would throw [ __ ]. at me all the time make fun of me call. me all kind of names yeah I'm her one. time I was at a bar I was waiting to go. into a bar and some kid threw a bottle. and it whizzed right by my head and. shattered on the UH on this bar right. next to me oh my god nuts and I was like.

man I gotta get out of here yeah this is. not safe for me to be around here right. one night some people I forgot about. this I was at a bar about Tulane. University and some kids started [ __ ]. with me and then started chasing me and. I ran up to a house I banged on the door. this late it was a girl as a group of. girls lived there yeah someone more. asleep this one girl was awake and she. let me in and then these people ran. around their house and we're throwing.

things through their windows oh my just. drunk kids like 3:30. they broke like three windows in these. people's house and I was just like Jesus. dude I'm yeah it was just just a couple. of weird you know [ __ ] that was real. scary yeah you know I was like I. probably need to get out of here was it. that they thought you had like like they. wanted to take you down a couple pegs. yeah I think so and I don't know if I. had ego about it I can't remember. don't really think I did I mean I was. sick that you were on TV yeah this guy. thinks he's cool this guy's different.

I don't think it was a matter of how you. were acting just like oh he's on TV [ __ ]. that guy yeah yeah it was just a lot of. like really [ __ ] that made me. uncomfortable yeah I was like I'm not. doing this yeah I'm crazy I didn't I was. scared yes that would have been I. wouldn't have either. yeah and that [ __ ] was scary the. basketball game oh yeah they're all. their own bottles that yeah yeah there. was just some scary moment everybody.

right right but that was just a couple. of things it was like oh I'm not gonna. you know I'm not gonna die down here. because somebody wants to be a prick you. know right and that's when you moved to. LA I think that's gonna move to LA yeah. but anyway that's kind of a [ __ ]. downer stories I mean that sucks but it. is it's interesting yeah that was the. journey of it it kind of illuminates. we're talking like a man to buy and. choose child star and stuff once. authorial it's just never as good as.

right perceive it's gonna be in your. head you were young oh yeah I was young. I was 19 yeah one cool thing was one. time they had flu middles back to Los. Angeles for something and they sent a. limousine to pick me up yeah which was. so bizarre dude I'm sleeping on my. friend's floor we shared a floor and he. would always bring him he's crazy if I. could and I would happened to hide and. [ __ ] kind of sleep by the closet you. know under a bunch of sheets oh look. nobody was in there oh my god and uh.

anyway so I had to I had the limousine. stop at the bus stop because I use these. way to this one bus stop and pick up. everybody and got in and drop them all. at school and that was a [ __ ] a. pretty cool day hey we're going directly. to campus it's like 7:30 in the morning. people are freezing oh my god that's. that's like that comedy club up in. where's it saying Sunnyvale or something. they always would send a rooster yeah I.

guess stretch limo for does you you're. like it's white this is a tease. yeah you guys I hear one book bag and. like a satchel of merch okay I was. embarrassed the only place this would be.

okay in Vegas yeah we're in Sunnyvale. yeah Twitter. oh here's looking down on me that's. crazy. what's one of the weirdest clubs you. played over the years you feel like. there's something weird when you were. starting you know they're the one that. tripped me out was in Peoria the jukebox. lucky Ori but I never played the club.

the comedy club is right beside a strip. joint there's a strip club on one side. of it and then right across the street. is a racecar track but like we're dudes. just like it's like the race car tracks. like mud mm-hmm like demolition derby. yeah kind of but they're racing where so. it's crazy loud and weird dude you know. it's kind of more of a passion thing. than like anybody can be raised there. like buddy can race these cars in their. backyard like racist people show up like.

I'm ready like nah man it's not that as. cars yeah that was a trip my everyone. was so nice but like so dudes would. wander over from like the strip club. drunk me like or Emma and I'm like so it. was so fun but you like if the door. would open it was insane so you couldn't.

like not talk you had to talk the whole. time. oh yeah it would drown out the agents. yeah that was probably one of the most. memorable ones the jukebox. something like that comedy jukebox or. something I need to go there that. yeah I performed once back when I did. Last Comic Standing. oh yeah I forgot you did that you do too.

right yeah I made it's like the final 40. or something yeah I was saying it was. like that kind of thing they uh I. started touring pretty much right after. that but you know nobody only people who. knew who I was right a couple people. yeah watch the show but they like hired. me for a charity event in Virginia Beach. they're like oh it's gonna be like. sit-down dinner it's gonna be really. nice it's supposed to be like sort of. through a gay organization and I guess.

like a week before the guy in charge. quit and some other guy was just like. handed the project and he was like uh it. was like ended up being like a biker bar. like a Harley you know the dinner was. like a Chinese buffet with like eight. options and there was no gay people in. sight and I had my mom meet me up there. from North Carolina cuz you know I was. new to touring instead yeah Anna [ __ ].

man. the stage was like a crate like a [ __ ]. you know coca-cola crate and the light. was the light was a clamp when I was. clamping and the mic was like sounding. like a karaoke like a kid's karaoke. machine I was like oh comedy and they. hired an opener who you said came over. the Comedy Store Steve Moore he was he. was an old comic and he was supposed to.

do 20 and I was supposed to do 40 and uh. he lasted two minutes he because it was. bite your was like biker dudes that was. like what the [ __ ] is and uh and there. was maybe only like 20 people there he. lasted to two minutes he got hit they. still painted me he got his jacket he. left and I was like dude you can at. least be make it 21 in here come on.

and I got 20 bikers looking at me like. I'm insane. and my mom's just looking at me like. what profession have you chosen and III. don't by the grace of God I just like. somehow figured out what to talk about. for 40 minutes and got it done got it. done but you know that's early on when. you're just like I don't really have 40. minutes so I think I was like asking. what's hey sir like where are you from. you know that [ __ ] like crowd working I. mean I've never been scared in my life.

to be on a crate yeah so hard you think. every step is [ __ ] no you move is. like are you know you I remember we me. and a friend of mine went to a school.

University of Arkansas Little Rock yeah. or some are maybe even been a smaller. one right and like we had to be on a. freight that was outside yes it was. outside we had to be on a crate yeah. people brought sofas and everything they. were kind of fired up yeah and we didn't. know what to do we had no plans yeah and. another comedian we chat about eight. minutes right yeah I fell an hour we. stopped before it like a store that had. a bunch like a dollar store got a bunch. of [ __ ] weird prizes yeah and we had.

two girls take pregnancy tests at the. school there to go ahead and take them. and bring them back to the crate back. we're standing on her [ __ ] crate. outside and the audio was good though. and then both of them came back negative. man and won something if it came back. positive you get a baby wonder was wet.

when guy started pacing in the distance. really holy [ __ ] like your prizes. condoms I had a crazy show it it was. also in Arkansas at college and I was. one of my first college gigs and at the. time I had this. character cuz I came from I did. growlings first and then oh. transitioning to stand up so I have like. I tested for uh Sanel twice I had this. whole past comedy thing of characters.

and improv and all that stuff and I I. had a character that was a Hooters. waitress named Darlene Witherspoon and. so I filmed myself like in an alley. pretending to be a Hooters waitress and. it it I think a vial of viral viral but. it like a lot of people watched it and. so I was sort of known at that time as. like Darlene Witherspoon and so I got. hard to do this College and they.

mentioned that they were fans of Darlene. Witherspoon so I just assumed well then. that's probably why they're higher than. me all the students must be famous. darling Witherspoon so I again didn't. have a ton of material you gotta build. it up and uh so I at those colleges you. have to do an hour and so I did like 40. minutes I found my way through that and. then my big idea was that I was gonna.

take my clothes off and under my clothes. would be my hodor's outfit where I'd be. in this tight Hooters shirt and these. tiny orange shorts mm-hmm so I I take it. all thinking like here comes the big. finale I'm in my time this tiny outfit. I'm going through the rows of kids they. all are horrified none of them ever. heard of [ __ ] character it was the. people that hired me who were fans like.

you know advisor these students were. just like the other 18 like why is this. fat girl in a hooters outfit and she's. why is she like everybody was like oh my. closer up on stage in a pile okay well I. misread that situation and you note. immediately to that it wasn't going well. no and there it is.

oh damn my fat asses and this hooters. outfit fine and I just these kids were. just you know when you're 18. they're like uncomfortable for they're. like yes they're not in on the joke. consider going to those events are. [ __ ] [ __ ] they this thing they. are they feel sorry for you they're like. yeah oh man like what it you know yeah. it happened to this poor woman they're. like I'm part of the Native American.

initiative here at [ __ ] Fayetteville. Arkansas it was like a good 15 minutes. left you have to commit to that [ __ ] but. you're just like I'm gonna prance around. in my owners outfit just acting like. this is normal. zoom out my worst show was I mean. there's so many of them but right one of. them for sure. University of either North Florida or. Central Florida their battle of the.

bands oh man and so they hired I got to. be the host the emcee okay so I go out. in the beginning I'm thinking I'll do a. couple minutes warm them up and then and. you know it'll get the crowd going and. start to bring up a band well I go out. there and they don't give a [ __ ] about. me to some dude honestly through the. American flag at me I remember it was a. big one it was on a thing and it just. came and hit the stage and I couldn't. tell that was like a good thing so they.

literally boo me off stage and it was. about 800 kids in a small venue and they. were all excited because I think it was. a Greek thing and it was their battle of. the bands so each one had a band that. was gonna play yeah so I go backstage. and I burned through all my material. yeah they couldn't even hear it they. were so pissed I go backstage I bring. out a band and like okay you just need. to do you know about four or five. minutes between each man now feels like.

an hour when your spine literally crawl. out of my ass hide in my sock dude. so I just came and literally I kept. coming out to the point about the fourth. time and it became funny that I was. coming back out again yeah but man I. remember crying internally like tears.

forming but not coming out of my face. and only going backwards into my throat. and it was just painful man oh my god it. was dark we got a question right here. came in all right. fortune two questions do you wear a bra. and would you or have you ever shot a. porno oh my god I got I get sort of I. didn't have the thing did she say do I. wear a bra she said yeah what did she. said yet do you wear a bra and have you. ever or would you shoot a porno do I.

wear a bra. I do wear like a like it kind of like a. shout out North Carolina right here is a. hootenanny hootenanny nice. I do wear a bra I just I don't wear the. ones with the wires and the things so my. my boobs should be like here if I did do. that a little bit like midsection.

they're kind of like man boobs a little. bit but they say women oftentimes. they're not wearing the appropriate size. bra really I got to go to one of those. bra specialists and get like a better. one probably and would I shoot a porno. that's a big no yeah I mean I'm sure. that comes as a shock to people watching. or listening oh no this is not a porn.

body this is a turn the lights off. you know no no candles even know about. darkness. I'm or one lamp in the distance oh. speaking of no lamps here's a guy who. definitely just woke up says dick fuel. hey what's up Theo what's that fortune. my question for both of you is when. Netflix calls is it a call do you have.

to go in for meeting well how does that. go down when they go hey you're getting. the special how does that work also if. you could turn into a motorcycle. would you thanks brother and he said. it's his shirts a dick fuel and the. motorcycle man I think and then dig dig.

fuel in the motorcycle er motor I don't. know cycles maybe he likes motorcycles. um yeah how does it work cuz you have a. new special coming I do on Netflix. yeah January 21st it's called sweet and. salty it's my first hour it is so yeah. I've done 2 half hours I did one for. Comedy Central and then one for Netflix. so I'm excited it's so exciting super. pumped for that and uh yeah for me why. did the half-hour first as part of the.

stand-ups it was like Nate forgot yeah. Nikki Glaser and that happened they call. your agents I don't know what how it. went with you but for that they called. my agents and then just sort of offer it. and so that helped me sort of get in the. door with Netflix and then they I think. we went to them like a year and a half. later to do an hour and they're like no. because it's gotten very competitive.

very competitors saying no to a lot more. people nowadays cuz there's so well they. make so many special make so many. specials they said no why they just in. fells like that it was time you know. it's all about timing and stuff so yeah. I mean it's just it's and it's their. opinion yeah and and and so I just sort. of and and I got the same sort of answer. from other people which I was kind of. surprised by was like I think I'm ready. but I just was like alright it sort of. forced me to kind of put my head down.

and just hit the road even harder so I. spent a year and a half just I mean I've. been torn since two. ten pretty much since last comic so I. hadn't stopped that process but I just. like cranked it up even more where I was. just like gone like every weekend just. like beat beating this set as hard as I. could. trying to make it better trying to get. it to a place where it they couldn't. deny it or who be it Netflix or whoever.

yeah and uh so but you don't really. think about that as the end goal you're. just like this is what I'm doing I'm a. comic do you hope for that yeah I. thought of like what's gonna happen yeah. bigger picture you can't control you. can't control someone's gonna buy it or. not and I and so I got it to a really. great place and uh and then they sort of. came at the same time I'm doing a. morning radio show for them now on.

Sirius XM. mm-hmm just uh it's me and Tom papa oh. my god called water joke and so it sort. of came like you're gonna do this radio. show with them and also we want your. special oh wow so it was I think a phone. call and then you meet with them later. but you know I just I I don't know for. me it was like I I've gotten plenty of. those in my career but I'm very. motivated by those knows it makes me. like you know I got I was on a pilot the.

Tina Fey produced I was so excited about. and it didn't go and it just like. something was like alright you got a no. but you have Tina Fey's e're for like. five more minutes what are you gonna do. with that so I pitched her show you know. saw my own show and we've shot that. pilot they didn't go but that led to me. being on the Mindy project so I just try. to use those nose as a big motivator. yeah and now I shot my special I said I.

shot it in Charlotte sweet North. Carolina was it called sweet and salty. sweet and salty yeah and I love sweet. and salty right you know and uh you shot. at North Carolina Charlotte in North. Carolina. Wow came out yeah right. I meant a lot to me because I've been in. LA 17 years and they don't really get to. see my world and yeah what I do much and. so to get to share that with them was a. special for me and it's a very. autobiographical set where I go through.

like birth elementary school I take. everybody on this sort of timeline. journey mm-hmm and then I'm bring it. back sort of full circle and I talk a. lot about being from the south you know. and because I think the South gets a bad. rap in a lot of ways a bad there's. [ __ ] everywhere or ignorant people. but I [ __ ] love a southern people. have been so good to me and I'm proud to. be from the south and I wanted to have. it filmed in the south because I think.

people associate the south with certain. people I might want I'm from the south. yeah I feel like I'm a good person. yeah the South has so many good people. yeah I wonder sometimes why they why. it's almost like the people that make a. lot of the news stories have never even. they're not from there yeah they have no. idea most of the people I know are good. people. yeah have manners they're kind they. loving do something our neighbors would. help anybody would help a neighborhood. no matter the color of their skin. there's no % it's just a man it just. makes me so mad sometimes yeah so I just.

wanted to like I'm not ashamed of that. part of myself and my past at all I'm. when I'm southern but I'm also gay and. I'm also a daughter I'm also a sister. yeah so I tell a lot of stories that I. think a lot of men in particular kind of. assumed they wouldn't be able to relate. to my story mm-hmm and a lot of dudes. come to my shows like with their. girlfriend or their wife's and you can. kind of see them be like alright what do.

you got and then by the end they're the. ones they're like oh my god I like that. was I had such a good time yeah and that. means so much to me cuz I'm like I'm. trying to just make people feel good I'm. telling stories that everybody can. relate to yeah so I'm really proud of. the special I just want you to watch it. cuz I don't know just I feel like I'm. I'm presenting a different look outlook. on that world yeah when they also. haven't uh I was talking about this. yesterday I think we had Tommy Tommy via.

Tommy Larry yesterday the newscast she's. like oh she's and she's very. conservative you know but um I was. talking about they haven't had anyone. from the south and comedy since the Blue. Collar Comedy Tour right really yeah. there was a big Reba I mean they've had. they had word that Reba show which was. great yeah Reba shows great yeah never. watch that yeah I love the shows great.

yeah there was a big gap you'd get and. so it's like you tell me in a place. where there's so much history so much. good storytelling so much creativity. right and that's a thing like. southerners are such storytellers okay. and that's a lot of my stand-up is I'm. just telling stories you know not I'm. not doing the light setup punchline. setup punchline that's never gonna be my. style I'm like here's a funny story and. it's gonna make me laugh you know on the.

way to telling you what happened and I. think that's a big southern thing I. think like you know we tell stories. because we grew up with like people that. you would think like that that's not a. real person yeah but no I grew up with. that and that was like my entire. childhood and I grew up watching. everybody tell these crazy stories and. they're like full of life and full and I.

mean of course you know that influence. me influence you and a lot of southern. comics you know but yeah I just I feel I. felt like being gay you're sort of just. like thought okay well you're a gay. comic right I go no I'm I'm still. southern yeah that's still a huge part. of my upbringing I still have my accent. like it's I go I want a house in North. Carolina yeah it's a big part of me. that's amazing no I love hearing you say.

that yeah you know southern women to. like what you're telling me there's not. I can't imagine how many great. personalities have been missed out on. yeah better southern women you know that. are just and I think. us other women also don't think of. getting into comedy right probably. because I think in some of the in some. of those spaces they're still like more. of a you know men kind of do comedy. right a lot of times yeah I mean like. when I started a store like Sarah Sarah. Tiana was there so that was nice to see.

like she's from George oh yeah she's. great like another stand of it you know. there's like a handful of his neighbor. guys she's done so well yeah and there's. a girl on Instagram - Chelsea Lynn do. you follow her uh-huh yeah trailer trash. - yeah yeah they can ever look brown. cells oh did you yeah their video of her. Brian's mom I was there that day you. were I was there that day yeah they had. a big charity of it there how can we.

watch it I don't know if we can watch it. on here right now oh my god it was so. fun his mom's a blue Browns mom she's. out there she was driving around with a. golf cart smoke away yeah okay Luke. Bryan and his wife Caroline asked me to. help rank Luke's mom this is Chelsea. so. [Music]. stop.

this town of moms moms having a. cigarette they're staying about golf. course. [Applause].

so Lou's wife Caroline is a big pranker. oh really. so every year she does 12 days of. pranksmen so this is like they said.

she's this was months before Christmas. she set this up because they had a big. charity event at their house and a golf. tournament it was it was like a bunch of. stuff it was like a gun-range it was. putting fish in it was like a day. outside and they played like music and. stuff and raise money for the Brett. Boyer Foundation which helps kids with. like heart defects oh wow Down syndrome. stuff like that that's beautiful yeah. that sounds like fun. oh it was awesome cuz that you talk.

about getting back to my roots like I. don't get to do something like that very. often you live in LA I'm on tour all the. time yeah like just to go to some nice. farm and like fish. you know shooting targets and stuff and. uh that's skeet shooting oh really. yeah it was awesome and then I had like. the all the like Jason Aldean all these. guys were playing music with him that. night and uh I think you rock came out. he did yeah with Nashville it was yet in.

Nashville at there they have like a. house and it's like a form its in. leapers fork out there no I honestly. don't know they like shuttle you. somewhere just you know they don't. people know where they live yeah that's. all what's so funny is like my my. fiance's like you know living in Chicago. twelve years and this from Michigan and. they go do you guys want to shoot a. rifle right yeah we'll try it and so. they're like five targets and I I try.

shoot I hit like the target maybe once. she gets the rifle she's like she nailed. all five targets without even like. flinching I'm just like kindergarten. surprised okay very security right yeah. protect me I'm the alarm went off one. time and she and I was like we gotta.

wait for the cops she's like no I'm. going in and I stood in the doorway I. was like I have the hand on the panic. button of the alarm system should. anything happen to you I'm of no use. don't let this big body for you oh yeah. I'm like that's what I'm weak um very. straight get your manboobs.

[Laughter]. and it's hilarious yeah I'm so excited. for your special yeah that's how it. worked. yeah yeah did you call they call you.

yeah I had one yeah let me see 2015 I. think and they came out and saw me and. then they said yep we'll do a special. they gave us like a certain budget yeah. and that was it shot mine in New Orleans. you know we're sure I really wish I. hadn't just because yeah oh I am glad my. mom got to be there got to be there my. family a lot of family and friends got. to come so that was the best part was. just them getting to be part of the. experience yeah. the tough part was just people there had.

not there hadn't been a lot of comedy. they're the same same with me so a lot. of people didn't know what to do they. didn't know when you were joking. sometimes they didn't know one person. was yelling defense for half the thing. they thought I was like a sporting thing. oh my god ladies yelling defense had to. throw her out oh my god he's out of her. [ __ ] mind dude. yeah I had a similar thing where the. show started like an hour late cuz you. know you're filming they're setting up. the stage and everything so people are. like piss about that and you're just. kind of wolf at tapings it's different. than a regular show at tapings they do.

kind of start late because they're. trying to get all the stuff to fake. cameras and lights and so everybody got. hammered in the like Oh an hour just. people pounding it so people but people. were so excited for me and I appreciate. that out I love that they were like you. know they were yelling at me my whole. set oh wow some some gay guys are even. yelling less me like as a term of. endearment but I might do.

I don't want lesbian being yelled out. during my entire Netflix yeah they're. gonna like some editors gonna have to be. like uh-oh through this whole thing yeah. it's funny people don't realize the key. don't just cheer the whole time yeah. like just listen to the show right some. people like and we're gonna cheer more. [ __ ] let them know it's like they're. gonna know yeah I wouldn't I will woman. whoo. when I would say the punch line or. whatever she got that's right and I. might not or like yep that happened.

me this was my first show I had to be. like ma'am I love you but can light you. not do that and she kept doing it like. yep. that violent shut the [ __ ] up it was. bonkers and then the second show started. late too they had been drinking all. night. so it was rowdy it was rowdy yeah yeah. so I I'm glad I the same I'm glad I did. it there because I got to share that.

with friends and family but yeah you. know it's risky it is yeah because. people think it's just a party we're. coming out to party which a live show is. yeah any live show you're just like yeah. I want you to have the most fun ever. let's fund you and have the best hour. and a half ever yell what you want we'll. do it. yeah but a taping you're like yeah yeah. it's tough to be up there and be a. comedian and also trying to feel like. you have to kind of like produce you.

know like you know yeah. via the you know a controller as well. that part was the most interesting. because you it's harder to like stay in. the moment you know why cause a lot of. show it's just like so natural and. they're just like I'm connecting with. you you're connecting with me but like. when you're taping the producer part of. you is like oh I messed that line up. you're kind of like or you're like. thinking about where you're standing. there's oh it's something a little more. unnatural about it but then by the. second show that night it was like okay.

let's just let's just do this yeah yeah. guess it gets to be uh yeah let's just. do this yeah the second time yet you're. like yeah you you just start to realize. okay there's things I can control things. I can let me just best well you know. like I said I just want people to watch. it January 21st January 21st on this. sweet and salty I love it that's so. exciting where are you gonna watch it. I'll be in New York doing press so I.

guess somewhere in New York and then I. leave like two days later to film a. movie oh really. yeah I'm gonna Puerto Rico oh wow. I never filmed there before but it. should be fun San Juan do you know Oh. same one yeah it's a crime-fighting San. Juan to shoot for two days on that movie. then find a Pittsburgh to shoot a day on. another movie flying out on the red-eye. that night to go back to San Juan and I. stood in the land I go back to filming. and it's crazy but it's good I mean I've.

always been trying to balance the stand. up acting life I'm just happy that. anybody wants to hire me so yeah if. that's what it takes I'll do it. yeah you've always done what it takes it. sounds like yeah I mean I come from you. know I come from very nice working folks. my mom was a special ed teacher for 30. years. Wow my dad was uh worked at a trucking. company and then the last ten years he's. basically been a janitor at an.

elementary school. oh wow tart like in charge he's a. janitor but also he's in charge of the. janitors there so I'm very like. working-class like we didn't have much. growing up and you just learned from an. early age you gotta work yeah nothing's. handed to you and uh you know I started. working at recreation apartment I was. like 15 did you really mm-hmm. live in softball fields and picking up. trash and I were correct the protocol.

Belmont Recreation Department er D they. called it uh-huh and uh and I loved it. and you know but we just I got when I. moved to LA I had $25 in my pocket yeah. you know figure it out you know yeah. you're just like I have a goal I want to. keep a roof over my head and for me it. was never about trying to be famous or. anything I didn't think someone like me. could be on TV I was like I just want to. pay my bills and uh and you know there. were times where before I got like.

Chelsea Lately I like had no I was done. with money and nothing and I but I was. in it like scared me because I thought. why can't like call my parents. they can't bail bail me out of a rent or. something but there was something in me. that knew like even if. you have nothing I'll go work in a. Starbucks yeah I'll go yes I don't give. a [ __ ] I'll do whatever it takes to pay.

the bills and I'll figure it out yeah. yeah there is something nice when you. have a family member you grow up having. like just an understanding of how to. figure things out. you know I feel like that's one thing I. learned as I get older I see sometimes. there's people that depend on other. people to figure things out for them and. there's people they're able to figure. things out for themselves you know and. there's there's really a it's beautiful. it's a beautiful thing if you've had to. figure things out for yourself yeah. because it's such us I mean that's the. it's just such a skill you know it's.

such a skill that some people even. realize they don't have they're right oh. I need the government to do this or I. need you know like it's like yeah to. have that skill to be able to survive. you gotta be able to pull yourself up by. your own bootstraps you know like I find. the people that I know who've been. handed things their whole life they. don't know how functions yeah come on. dude no yeah and it's just like uh as. hard as it was growing up was like you. know we had I'm not saying I had it. worst anyway else no you know but yeah.

there were times the lights were cut out. those nervous you know the pot the water. bill hadn't been paid and you just her. like all right yeah we you know we had a. young age of pool our money together and. be like all right let's pay the water. you know you just figure it out and so. I'm um my mom is a teacher like in the. summers she had to go get a job. waitressing at like a sizzler time I. used to like sizzler yeah it was called. Quincy's Oh was it really yeah good it.

was there's no ego in it like he was. embarrassing for her she had to wait on. like friends family families and stuff. but that there's no ego when it comes to. taking care of yourself and your family. yeah just got to do what you got to do. so I think it helped prepare me for LA. for this business because you know it's. like I'm lucky that I'm working but I. don't know what's gonna happen. yeah you can't yeah you have to there's. no city that'll make you survive I don't. feel like like here yeah and I was here.

you know eight years for me to DOM. at this so I did do other jobs you know. you just figure out other ways to make. money yeah yeah so I'm just always like. hustling as a result I never stop. yeah well and that's a nice thing. something that never stops you know I. think that thing never stops like the. desire to achieve or to figure it out. well the flip side of it is that you're. so consumed with this being secure and.

making sure you're never in that. position again is that you almost work. too much much yeah. where I spread myself pretty thin but. I'm doing what I love so at least I got. that part you know I don't think my dad. loved being a janitor yeah but you gotta. do what you gotta do so at least I love. my job and I get to do really cool. things. yeah its drawl of sweeping now I [ __ ]. love ya my mommy's no it's sweet man I'd. seen everything I'd sweep stuff that.

wasn't ours cars I sweep the damn. sidewalks I go sweeping halfway down the. dam blah yeah come games like that's not. always come back oh yeah my dad's a big. thing was doing floors oh he was good. with that bumper yeah he's stripped. floors and wax on is big thing nice to. ride on it but madness. they had this one man Jerry it was a. Janet even let me ride on that [ __ ]. buffer for a half a minute if you mean a.

machine you are walking in the hall I. just told the story yesterday and one of. them said to the other one he goes hey. did you set the chairs up in the gym mr. Ford's gonna be speaking in there this. afternoon and the guy goes president.

forward he goes [ __ ] no mister for the. the zionists. that's right get those good chairs out. just so baffling to me and also beautify. all this. since working in this school everyday. I'm thinking hey man the president might. show it could have fortune beamster. thank you so much of course the other.

being here and always lovely talking to. you. it's such a good time this one my. favorite uh chats we've had in here. January 21st on Netflix and um yes sweet. and salty and we're all shared on social. media I'm excited for you thank you yeah. yeah you bet thanks for coming in yeah. [Music].

[Music]. a little time for me to set that parking. brake and let myself. [Music]. [Music].

[Music].