Europe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #255

that's it man that's it that's it as a. mmm the elevators boy we elevators we. are elevators some people stop some. people never make it off the ground. floor some people they don't really have. that they don't have that that rise and. I'm that lift you know everybody has a.

buddy who's just a he's an elevator but. he's just only in the parking garage you. know he ain't even making it to the. lobby at a building but where elevators. man and some people their elevator it's. out of service. sometime you meet someone and I mean. they should just have a sign on me you. know that ain't ain't going anywhere so.

but we on the rise baby you know that. [Music]. I'm just sitting on your front porch. wondering how could I be so far oh and I.

was far from my home but your rope and. my mind is somewhere else but when I. found it I'll patch up where it's been. grown now I'm just on the breeze and I. must be. [Music].

for me to set that parking brake. [Music].

[Music]. and way too fast on a runaway train with. a heavy level of mine. [Music]. okay okay okay.

oh yeah and no in the world sometimes. the world you just that globe you want. to slow that globe baby sometime you. want to slow that globe I'm back I'm. back from Europe Europe my up our up and. Europe if you don't know what Europe is. that's that original America if you go.

over there some places especially. Britain United Britain Kingdom I mean. they chant they got so many names for. that place is wild England brittle and. Scotland north Scotland Wales Celtics. Rangers it's dude Willie Wallace's over. there and he'd um he done closed down. his sherwin-williams buying all the baby. blue face paint and they I mean it's I'm.

good to be back and it was a it was a. give us quite a journey it was a great. time it was I'm gonna tell you about it. what happened man. yeah dude if you don't know about. Britain or it's basically it's kind of. like if say if America had like you went. over to your grandparents house and they. had a bunch of stuff in the attic and.

they got like a lot of like a glass like. a case with a lot of fancy [ __ ] in it. like a lot of fancy um silverwares and. special spoons you sometimes your. grandmother will have like a little. shiver robe with some glass doors on it. some just straight up lying the Witch. and the Wardrobe type of deal and inside. of it she'll have 30 spoons in there.

wouldn't the hell is this. she you know she freebasing and she you. know cooking up that smack it what's. going on grandma and that is a little. bit like britain it's kind of like your. grandparents house they got a lot of. fancy old stuff they have you just like. a lot of like you'll see a guy walking. by he'll have on chain mail. you know he'll have a scroll he'll have.

something from you don't even know how. long ago it's from you know you'll see. somebody they're eating food you know. they're 83 they're having like a 400. year old aged steak like damn an estate. what is that is that triceratop what is. that you know they it's just it's yeah. it's like going to your grandparents.

they got all the old they got a picture. of oh dude on the ball with a sword like. who was that you know Jerry sword who. was that [ __ ] Pocahontas bruh who is. it that dude's got that thigh needle bro. he have that foot that's so word right. there ready to take somebody's eye out. or whatever do a shish kebab do the. onion and the meat but man I had a great. time I'm gonna take you through a little.

bit of the journey of the journey yeah. let me start off we'll start off with. you know where it was London. Britain. [Music]. [Music].

and that's a little bit of British theme. music right there and as you can tell. from the music the theme is nap time. probably Britain okay we started off we. went over to Manchester and I don't know. who this Manchester is bruh but he he is.

pretty much a lot of the in Britain are. like more you you know you know. everybody the real kind of well first of. all man Britain England has some of and. I say this with love I really do cuz I. thought a lot about it. England obtained somehow some of the.

worst looking women I've ever seen in my. life. dude I look I love and man is hurt hurts. me to say it but some of the women. you're like dude no wonder they I if I. if those were the women I had to be. around visually I would go around and. enslave the rest of the world they need.

a couple of bad batches shipped in over. there it just uh yeah you I mean they. just think some of the women you like Oh. dying you a woman oh man I think that's. the real reason if it's if if we could. dig up a couple of these pilgrims and do. a seance on them you know put that Ouija.

on them bro throw a couple of magic. rocks on their back or whatever or smoke. a bowl out of their skull and get their. ideas we would know for a fact that the. real reason. that the pilgrims left England whenever. it was 1300 whatever a thousand whatever. was because they heard there was some. tan [ __ ] has over there in North.

America some of those land [ __ ] bro. you know what I'm saying. some of those outdoor [ __ ]. you know what I'm talking about Indians. dude Native Americans because the women. they just they God brah I would start a. war with somebody too if those were the. women I had I'd start a war I'd go warn.

for women I'd roll a cannon down at a. frickin straight over to the to the. females in a different country and I'd. fight anybody that wanted me to not have. those women because these ladies some of. them there Jamie Venegas. they look kind of I don't knows and then. in Britain the people a lot of them real. and look thank you guys thank you guys.

for coming out van Chester you guys. showed out and this was now this I. started in Manchester bro and so in. Manchester I don't even know how the. place got started probably this man you. know he just said hey I'm us chill right. here if you don't want to be here with. me and everybody was like all right. Chester bro we'll do it so but yeah the.

women brought a just little they're all. real kind of little and their legs they. don't have all their whole body seem to. look like a but their whole body seemed. like a little like a like a kind of us. like a strong little but like a little. uh like imagine if somebody had but all. their body you know they just covered up.

in that frickin cheek meat you know and. when they walk you but like even when. they wave at you to see that ass shake a. little bit on their forearm everywhere. they smile him like dang they got that. smile and asked me face kinda and that's. you know how it was they just that's. what it was like over there and and in. England a lot people are just kind of.

like me know Oh II and everybody I call. them the white Japanese man because the. British they're very traditional okay. you have ton of tradition you have a lot. of I think kind of inner turmoil and. like inner kind of pain and there's a.

lot of like family name honor and they. kind of keep things chill until they get. drunk and then they lose that absolutely. lose their [ __ ] and they turn red and. basically that's the jet that's the. white Japanese very to me they have that. they had that white Japanese II kind of. feel like I bet at night secretly a lot.

of British people put on karate suits. because they know in their heart and. deep down in their bone marrow where. they are really from and they are the. white Japan and everything is putting. that's what they have for I don't know. what it is you want to boring Britain. pudding man blood pudding pudding.

pudding pudding mister mister pudding. and some of the ladies look like them. they had about seven thousand servings. of pudding dude and they just look like. a pudding in a boot I mean yeah oh man I. feel so ice cold and look I'll say this. I knew that the women were good-looking. when I was getting hit on I was probably.

one of the I would say 7000 best-looking. women in England when I was there bro. gang though yeah but with that set man. ah yeah we got to man chair and it just. was you know really glum there's a lot. of like like Eeyore is probably from. there from the Paddington Winnie the. Pooh you know where's Monty that guy you.

know probably that some older fling. Blaine Kaiser blade that do swing blade. probably would be the mayor over there. because it's got that real zombie knots. you know it don't have him much Tom be. honest it's got that um be nots like. ambiance is like and that was the start. we started off in Manchester but the. shows were good the show it was you know. it says starter when I'm starting.

something up is you know it's like you. know to go somewhere and you get off the. jet and the plane and the people and you. got to do it you're like damn I gotta do. it still but the crowd was real nice. supportive and and I didn't change much. material I would kind of try and talk. about the area little but since I just. got there Manchester there wasn't. anything to discuss yet because I was. fresh to the gate and I was fresh to the.

gate bruh like that freaking lettuce. though and then we went to hold on I. know where we went to Ireland. [Applause]. [Music]. [Applause].

and that's some Irish music right there. and that is from a group called rune. Dale Irene doll and Ireland's showed out. this was I think a Monday night in. Dublin we had two shows and they the. Irish I got this jacket I got this soft. jacket from they're from Trinity College. and we went into Trinity College in.

Dublin and they have the oldest library. this is like where Hogwarts keeps its. hogs you know this thing old I mean some. of the books you open it up doing your. great-grandfather's in there. you know washing his legs in a bucket. like damn this thing old do you open one. book in st. Peter's in there reading an. even older book dude opened up one book.

bro it had time in it you know timbre. from the beginning of time it's just if. I have fallen out Dewey Decimal was. there he was there man he had hurt his. leg but he was there and we went into. this library and it's the oldest library. I think in like in earth and playing on. earth they haven't found anything else. that's older and it's priceless they.

said the value of the books in there. priceless. Trinity College the library's at and you. can even go and check the books out I. mean if you were if something happens to. one of them you're you know you're gonna. work there for the rest of your life but. you could go check it out but what. happened yeah people came out in Ireland. brought oh do a guy brought me some. great art it's all it's like great and.

not great you know it's kind of this. young artist bro McCloskey this is the. boy's name and yeah and yeah I mean it. just once you go from England. Ireland you get a bit more the. traditions a little bit different the. tradition gets a little more I would say. alcoholic you know people's just you. know and they just feeling they just.

they I don't know there's a lot more. it's just more whimsical you know you'll. see a dude just walk you know washing. using a nice bar of soap over there like. in a puddle you're like all right and. they're tough people there to the real. you'll see a baby I saw a baby getting. pushed in a little carriage bro you know. and he and it was windy I mean they. probably had 30 mile-per-hour winds just. right on the street and this baby's.

whole head just just really chill he. could you could tell he was he was just. toughing it out though that's the Irish. bro they tough it out this baby had a. little rusted in his job bro you know he. had a [ __ ] half a kilo of PO Todd and. his cheek and he was just tatarin. against the cold just yeah and his mom. is just pushing him and you can tell.

this baby he was gonna you know and. nothing would stop him for the rest of. his life because he was he was dealing. with it alright now I mean when you 11. months old and you going straight face. to face against 30 mile-per-hour winds I. don't even think the baby had a damn hat. on or anything he had a diaper II had a. very strong diaper and and a baby. honestly might have had a tattoo man the. Irish are wild and they're real pale too.

so I mean I'm kind you know I'm racist. but I mean [ __ ] Irish races dude that. those do as soon as you see them you. liked him I'm white but this white bruh. dude they really they whitened it up. what else yeah but that baby you'll see. the mom will just if the baby gets too. he can't handle. the elements the mother you'll see him.

the mother lick his cheeks and wetting. them up you know were just lick his eyes. shut real quick but let the baby get. some rest. but in Dublin man the people were great. and it was just a lot of like kind of. stop and go was like you go you get to. the place you get some food you get and. then and then you get moving and then. you get going to the next place oh I saw.

Prince Harry and Megan they left and if. you don't know about it then you can. know about it right now Prince Harry and. Megan left and that's so wild I if I was. a prince would I just they gave up the. titles kind of and they moved to Canada. and America been even really roughing it. you want to rough it give up the titles.

move to Serbia and Montenegro dog you. know you want to rough it move to UM you. know st. Louis and Afghanistan you know. but giving up the titles would you give. up the titles the titles are kind of. old-fashioned I guess I mean I think.

that some of the thing is crazy I mean I. don't know I don't know man I got a lot. of schools sometimes I wish we had a. king you know I wish we just voted and. we just had this kind of strange dude. wandering around in a building somewhere. you know in practice and jousting is. [ __ ] like that and doing thumbs-up or. thumbs-down. every time I knew our bad boys movie. comes out so you know if you have to see. it or not and then they you know but.

yeah they're giving up the titles man if. I was a prince would I give that up. but Harry was the wild Harry was always. the wild one he was in the military he. seemed like the cool cat you know he had. his wiener out in Vegas dude that's a. regular guy I mean he'll he could be. President next you know in two terms it. makes you kind of the lady they got the.

baby yeah I'm saying if you're gonna. give up the title so they're gonna still. be I think they kind of just didn't want. to live at the house that's what it. sounds like they wanted to get out of. London they wanted to get into maybe. something just more of an adventure kind. of and plus his brother Charlie is the. yeah Harry's the Duke I think yeah the.

other boys that were gonna be the King. dude if my brother's gonna be the King. bro [ __ ] you guarantee I'll be out. fishing dude dang bro I ain't just gonna. hang out at the house and watch my. brother be king yeah boy. dude I'll grow my arms out and be out. there chase him huh you know or I would. arm dude my brother's a king I would be. up to no good I would get some neck.

tattoos and probably get a Dodge Charger. and drive past the middle score that you. are the scene or the high school even. though I'm too old to be there and floor. it and make the ladies hot bra let the. ladies get that damp canal bro let him. tighten up when they see daddy roll by. if I was like very young I'm gonna talk. about now I'm saying if I was a young I.

don't know what I'm talking about but. I'll tell you it is I'm happy to be home. and I'm happy to have been there thank. you very much England for the support. and for coming out dude it was crazy to. go to a place and have people come out. I'm gonna get right back into more but. first I got to tell you that if you sell. stuff. online you know if you sell things. you're probably still recovering from. the holiday shopping season well I have.

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stress free shipping just visit ship. station calm click on the microphone at. the top of the page and type in Theo. that's ship station comm inter offer. code Theo make ship happen we got a call. that came in and I want to drop it on. you right here gang oh hey Theo it's. Rebecca. from London in England yesterday thank.

you for calling Rebecca it very nice to. hear you call cheese me she is miss mom. alright sorry I've been practicing my. english on wood me my boyfriend came to. see your day time that are they say at. the chef is this empire and we loved it. what thank you very much that's really. that's nice to hear you saying you got a. beautiful accent to that accent out is.

now on the women it sounds a nice and. you sound really really you sound. beautiful home word amazing. really good time we wanted to check. something out with you though since you. were walking offstage. out of sight we thought we saw you shake. your head and now this could have been. out of triumph or perhaps there was. somebody waiting in the sidelines that. you were happy to see but maybe you're. disappointed in something we don't know.

but um we wanted to find out what you. thought about the show about your. reflections where I was general how you. sell the London firm is different from. your US funds anything really we also. had have taken a couple of 15 milligram. hitters just before so we could have got. this totally wrong another serious there. we did look we were sitting at the back. of level one and everyone around us is. having a good time we were having a good. time. please keep doing what you're doing we.

love you same game Gang Gang madam wow. what a sweet call and even just hearing. your voice just reminds me suddenly it. takes me right back to being in England. and I'm sorry I'm sure you are a. beautiful lady in and now I feel. horrible about saying that about some of. the women but um you know you're right. actually the afternoon show in London. and I hadn't talked about London yet. London was a different experience than. Manchester London is very bustling it's.

it's very diverse you have a lot of. different it just feels more worldly. it's huge. also every building I'm like is that. Buckingham Palace and people like nah. dude you know that's a Wendy's like dang. bro well Wendy's living Laura gay out.

here papa. you know what I'm saying dude obviously. she moved on from that little law you. know she was being a probably a call. girl for old Dave Thomas and she moved. on and got herself a nice spot out here. no you're right though I was in London. and the afternoon show was tough. he's just like I feel like it started. off good and then I felt like it just I. don't know got a little tough and so at.

the end I just I wasn't happy I was not. happy with myself on the way offstage. and it's so funny I do remember looking. at Ari because he's always standing. offstage when I get off and and just. shaking my head like dang so you're. right you're right about that. but I'm glad that you liked it I'm glad. to hear that that feedback you know. that's my brain you know I have the. brain that doesn't let me it always.

finds something to not be you know it. chooses not to be proud of me instead. instead it chooses to give me these. other options first but I'm also a. perfectionist I want it to be great you. know I appreciate everybody who came out. even though I canceled on you guys or. adjusted chris d'elia cancels Bironas. can I believe that whether remember when. he canceled because of weather day wind.

broke wind the wind is not anybody dude. you could cut a fan on right now and. cancel the show but that being said um. yeah it was just that was a tough one. that afternoon I think it's just the. afternoon dude nobody want it's hard to. do it in the afternoon it's hard to. pretend like 3:45 in the afternoon is. 8:30 at night and that show I even did.

more material than usual and just tried. to give you guys all I had but that. venue was hectic they weren't they. weren't allowing me to do. meet-and-greets there so that was a. tough thing it was what was the issue Oh. two of the show's we couldn't because of. the time and so I don't I guess I felt. like it would have been unfair but it.

but London was cool man we went down I. had a friend one of my friends Kevin. came and visited me over in London. just friends nothing wild or nothing. like that not that there's anything. wrong with being wild if you're a gay. man that's great dude. good for you you know you did it. you know cuz anyway a lot of these. [ __ ] are driving a lot of us crazy so. I'm glad you got you know you found. something you like and and it look it's.

kid scary sometimes you wonder you go to. another continent are you gonna be a gay. man there because I don't know the. exchange rate on sexuality who does you. know you can [ __ ] you can fly to. Nigeria and you know you wake up you a. damn you know you a 5/3 redhead in a. gangbang it just you don't we don't know. sometimes how it's going to shape out. but but I would be shocked if I was gay.

man I would be I would be extremely. surprised bro if I was gay bro I would. be like are you sure because I would. just say would really I would be. extremely surprised but that's so. perceptive of you especially after you. was on them 15 milli hitters you and. your man out there and I hope y'all was. touching each other's bodies a little. because one thing I miss about getting.

high is just touching my body or. touching somebody else's body female. body tit God bra makes you feel excited. huh but yeah that was a show I had a. tough time with that one and there was. one other one was it in Oslo I felt like. was kind of tough but we'll get there. we're still making our way we're making. our way across but yeah London was the.

other one London is just here you go out. at night it's very posh and that means. fancy you know you'll see a guy some guy. dressed up like Ichabod Crane and then. you'll see somebody else [ __ ] you. know dressed up. like um like JCPenney or somebody you. know just it's really you know like. Donnie Nordstrom or something or [ __ ]. Sandra Marshalls they got everybody just.

fancy you'll see a dude wearing a damn. train track or something you'll see a. guy wearing uh he's got a jacket made. out of [ __ ] worms you know 14-karat. gold. actual worms you're like Dana what's. going on you know I'll go fishing with. that jacket I'll catch a big I'll catch. Moby Dick on a 6,000 pound test line bro.

I'm going in I'm going in um what else. happening in London that's it that's it. that I really remember you know it does. you you also start to remember where. time started and everything and where. you know or basically where white time. started you like you know you're in the. UK and you see people from you know.

Ireland and you're like oh okay the name. Megan you know you hear the name. somebody's like oh this is Megan you're. like oh I know now I see where Megan. started where the name came from or. you'll hear um you know Cara you're like. oh okay. Cara we said Cara but I see this is. where or maybe that's just the accent I. don't know but there were things you're. like oh okay. I see how this we're doing this in.

America but it started here you know. it's just like going to your. grandparents house and seeing the. pictures on the wall you're like oh okay. that's where I'm came from oh yeah I. remember uncle Ronnie yeah I remember. him yeah oh yeah yeah he had two wooden. arms bro and he used to [ __ ] play the. drums dude of course he did but you're. like yeah yeah I remember and everything. is like a artifact everything is.

historical. and they got beef - United Kingdom it. should be like yeah yeah cuz they got a. beef in man. Britain's Briggs it in the other. Scotland is divvied up and they got. north Scotland or North I somebody got. [ __ ] they're trying to get their own. [ __ ] the Scottish you know Ireland.

they're partying bro dude Ireland man. those people are some happy people. there's some happy people man and the. band played on brother and we moved on. and I didn't know what to talk to people. about over there so you know me I'm. talking about [ __ ] the only things I. know Revolutionary War Titanic so that.

was the toughest part about being in the. United Kingdom was just some of the. conversation and Charles Dickens or. Chuck dick a lot of people called him. when I was growing up Chuck dick was. also a PDF file about two towns over. over from Slidell Louisiana and I never. met him but I heard about him one of the. more popular PDF files when I was young.

but all right let's move on we got into. some other places and some other music. and the next place we went to was. Scotland Glasgow. [Music]. [Music].

[Music]. and that is some Scottish music right. there. by a band Trabant 33 Travon 33 with that. hit right there. okay you get to Glasgow and it's uh it's. a lot of hills and it's raining and it's. about 55 degrees Fahrenheit and it's.

raining even when it's not ready if it's. not raining a lot people call that. sunshine like it would just be raining a. little and people like all man it's. beautiful we're having a wedding today. I'm like whoa ha your no wedding out. here you're gonna have a half inch of. rain you know a half inch of rain at the. nuptials brother god it's beautiful the.

food and the accident got if in Britain. it was like oh you want you don't and. then in Ireland it was like. [Music]. and then you got to Glasgow and people. wasn't even one guy just talked in all. just all Elle's encagement.

you're the mayor. but the people of Glasgow man right when. you're look in their eyes they're. beautiful. they're good people man they're good. people in there they have cigarettes. even for breakfast you see a. six-year-old over there banging out a. you know a door I'll you know are you'll. [ __ ] you'll slip but you know you'll. reach up the sleeve of a nine year old.

girl and she'll have two Winston's in. there and a thing of cinnamon gum like. name all right they staying warm out. here and in Glasgow you would a lot of. the men if you were out and about at. night the men get real close you think. at all the men are gay but it's just. because they're friendly. you see 9 dudes hugging each other. around the neck and you're like dang. everybody's loves men here's me you know.

the women they never gonna have any you. know little chickadees because the men. are just you know just loving each other. but it's just friendship it is just. friendship but you can't tell because. they're just such mates they call it. mates and checkmate that's when you. either playing chess or you actually are. fully on you know you full-on homosexual. and that's beautiful man isn't it. everything is great about that if you're.

homosexual bro then you did it you know. so that's great but yeah the Scottish. man it was great we went out in Glasgow. I put a video of it on my Instagram and. it was just electric. it was electric and then hung out in. Glasgow for two days. oh and yeah just kind of dreary rainy.

stated a nice place there though is a. nice so nicest hotel we stayed in and. the people of Glasgow man just walking. up and down hill just you know just. getting it done eating haggis and I. think that's basically - I don't want to. say it's I think haggis is like this. stomach or em it's like the damn. whatever connects your stomach to your. nuts bro that's what it is. and it's Scottish and they they eat it.

so no wonder they drink I drink too if I. eat that if I had a [ __ ] half you know. if I had to painful to somebody else's. nuts I'm having a Michelob light bro no. doubt about it and yeah I heard they had. a lot of cocaine in Scotland I didn't. have any but that was like a popular. export that I heard about I think it. protects specific I mean that was just.

that was the UK it was a lot of I mean. it was just great it was just a lot of. go go go people think oh did you travel. did you get on a camel did you do. anything man I didn't by the time you. get off stage at night there's no place. is open to eat you got to find a spot to. eat and next thing you know it's 1:00. a.m. and you got to get up early and. cruise and so that was just a vibe it. was a lot of go go go but thank you guys.

so much over there for coming out in the. UK and man I'll say this everybody Oh. big dis dude ginger monkey came out the. biggest dude I ever seen and his buddies. I have him he could eat a banana without. even using his own hands he could peel. it right out of there with his teeth and. everything and his buddies kept having. him do it the two probably had [ __ ]. nine bananas after the show and I was. like yeah I put him in the zoo bro do.

whatever you got to do I think the guy. could be homoerotic. you know this guy could be the mayor of. West Hollywood in probably 45 minutes. all he need is one good YouTube video. but that was that man oh yeah well a lot. of for the breakfast they had a lot of. like meat like you somebody give you a. cutter you know nine little cuts of beef. for breakfast I wouldn't he'll you know.

every meal seemed like you read like you. were in the military like a little pot. of beans and a little some hard piece of. bread and uh like what is this like like. oh it's it's it's the UK mate and that. was more in Britain but but the people. were great man across the board over. there and I love you guys and thank you.

so much for coming out and just making. me feel welcome even after I couldn't. make it in the first time is September. yeah and here let's take a call we'll. take a call that came in and we'll get. to some other things but yeah you were. right about that young lady I was I was. shaking my head after that show and for. some reason the afternoon was tough I. never did a show in there I never did it. even in that evening or the afternoon. deal I never did it and now I did it so.

let's take this hitter right here again. I was just calling because I knew you. were gonna be in Europe this week and I. just wanted to see if you tried those. cheddar and onion chips and Dublin me. and my wife one time we got to go there. and the bartender suggested these things. and they're so good and I don't even. remember a base but cheddar and onion. potato chips vo you got a trial dude and.

if you do tell me what you thought about. oh man I love you Gang Gang Gang brother. yeah thank you for calling I didn't I. didn't I just got the message today from. you but the I didn't I don't know if I. had the chips or not I don't remember. what I had I had some eggs I remember. and they got some birds over there yeah. they you know they're taking. eggs off of old school birds out of a. ostrich out of a damn stork you're like. [ __ ]. you know they got eggs out the Bible.

over there they got old school food over. there and they give you a little pot of. beans with everything oh you can't read. here's a pot of beans all your cousin. lost his limb out there in a fire here's. a pot of beans for you oh you never seen. Breaking Bad here's a pot of beans mine. was you know doing uni yeah the British. it's like everybody's keeping a secret. but nobody will tell you it's almost. like you're at a Funeral but nobody will.

tell you who died that's the vibe I got. like this kind of sullen sort of like. everybody was playing a game a clue but. no one ever even opened the board the. box so you're like where who's Colonel. Mustard everybody it's just I don't know. but you know I think everything's cool. between us in them I think overall. everything's cool nobody nobody one girl.

at a bar got offended that were from. America and I don't know what she was. upset about but this honestly bruh if. she got upset because we're from America. she got she got she was upset before. that her parents were probably both. upset whenever they were making love to. make her so young man um and then the. next place we went to was Amsterdam and.

before I tell you about it I have to. tell you that I have been taking care of. my crotch and if you listen real close. you can't hear a lot of wind going past. my crotch because there's not a lot of. hair around it at the moment and support. for this past weekend comes from. manscaped who is the best and men's.

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use code th e Oh onward to Amsterdam. [Music].

and that is a hit from Amsterdam high. six is the name of that band hy SICS. with that regional hit called made in. Amsterdam and that's a strong you can. feel the beat in there you can feel the. undertones and the the different. overtones as well Amsterdam the Dutch. baby the Dutch by far some of the most.

aerodynamic people you'll ever see I. mean they're the Dutch are downhill. they're downhill individuals they will. they are in motion IMD baby the in. motion does you don't see a lot of still. Dutch name 70 still Dutch. nobody can brother okay they're in. motion doesn't matter they're on a tram.

they're on rollerskates they're sewing a. magic carpet and riding on it at the. same time the Dutch are doing things if. you don't have any missiles Phil you. freaking Dutch buddy's mouth up with. gunpowder and send him on his way bruh. he'll get the job done they are movers. tell someone in Amsterdam to keep a. secret no problem there they will never. stop long enough to even share what you.

told them I mean everywhere you go in. Amsterdam they're just get on a train on. a bike on a boat on a bird on a rumor on. a breeze just. [Music]. the Dutch are coming and going I saw a. dude pass by on a falcon putting on skis.

and worried he was gonna be late for a. regional avalanche they are on the move. where are you going brother. others a ship you know there's a. unicycle there's a bycicle doxycycline. Rocky Johnson I'm catching him he's. headed to heaven um yeah. gotta catch the 5:00 train man to a. canoe to a goober pool that actually. drains into a real pool and it's a.

whirlpool and then I'm meeting Joran van. der Sloot and hopefully the Bermuda. Triangle will still be open because we. got to be there I can't believe they let. people get high there okay there's way. too many moving parts it's almost like. trying to smoke a blunt in the middle of. a game of Tetris on difficult I mean I. can't being high they're just everywhere. they're just it'd be like being high in.

a like a in a conveyor belt Factory bruh. I found nah maybe you know catch me I'll. be in the hammock area but Amsterdam. they the Dutchman I'm saying I'm telling. you their aerodynamic for a reason. because they're on the move. and look if you see if you see a Dutch. person this is how you see them that's a.

Dutch Oh what's oh what's that oh that's. a Dutch oh dang oh man. what was it Oh a Dutch you what was that. oh dang Oh. [Music]. what say Allah is that hail naw that's a.

batch of Dutch son the Dutch are coming. and going they're in motion whoa. somebody just pulled the floor out from. under me. nah that's the shifts on this plate. tectonic Dutch beautiful city beautiful. people but you got to be ready to move. to move everything's in you know even. the cows there they run and bra they not.

graze and they'll do too. you'll see a cow jump over the moon dude. and do it a couple times that day yeah. everything they're on the go you get a. steak at night there's no meat on it. this cow damn who's just Kyra Lewis this. thing ran right out of his own meat and. the steak be like a damn nugget bro like. a beef nugget you could throw it up in. the air and that's nothing bro you know.

you got a mouthful of a hamster steak. stay Dutch baby stay Dutch all right. let's take another call that came into. the hotline Oh Sofia. quick question for you what do you were. your thoughts on the candle that a. Gwyneth Paltrow brought out there. supposedly smells like her vagine whoo.

yeah look here's the thing if we can. sell the candle then at a certain point. you're gonna you I think you're gonna. have to legalize prostitution because. here's the thing you put that in your. window some guy stops by you know some. guy climbs in your window with an. erection yeah he's not in the right but.

you know we're creatures. and we have senses you know we have up. to five senses and um you can't you know. you can't say you selling whale meat and. I get there and they got no [ __ ]. blubber and the cupboard you feel me if.

you put two titties on the side and I. show up for uh let me think some titty. you can't get all pissed so that's the. thing you throw a couple of vag Andals. out there and somebody shows up wanting. a little bit of serving of uh you know. cooter cat you can't don't be shocked.

yeah you know don't be shocked don't be. shocked if an OB GYN shows up at your. door with some you know tongs or. whatever I don't know what they even use. probably not I mean something just don't. be shocked you know you got a vag Andale. are you light of a Jan turn in your yard. don't be shocked when a couple of.

Dobermans and heat show up you know or a. couple of um you know maybe a local. soccer team they're running doing doing. laps around the block and they beeline. over and bring a couple of fricken. everybody's got their own goalposts you. know what I'm saying you know what's. next they're gonna have probably vagina. might people aren't sure you know. somebody lights that and throws it. somewhere and everybody thinks that some.

local lady ruined everything you know. and then next thing is sofa Gesell's bra. you know the militaries they shootin for. Gesell's over there into the Middle East. and then things land and they already. hate women but now their noses are going. make them think they have reason to you. know their you know the verge essence. that's going to be left in the air is. going to tell them that they are.

justified and that's enough words I. think but yeah I don't know when does it. stop. III think Gwyneth didn't think of this. through so but thank you for the call. brother I appreciate that all right let. me tell you one more thing that I need. to tell you right now and that is about. Skillshare it's the time of year where. you need to look real hard into the. mirror are you happy with where you are.

I don't know if I am I don't think I am. did you make the right choices with your. life are you the person you want to be I. mean dang these are some real hard. questions but the answer really is. simple and that is Skillshare make 2020. year where you explore new skills deep. in existing passions and get lost in. creativity with skill shares online.

classes would you find might just. surprise and inspire you personally I'm. taking Simon cynics how to share ideas. that inspire action because it's. important if you're trying to. communicate with somebody you want to do. it well you don't want to be talking to. somebody about architecture and then. they you know next thing you know they. don't know how to you know they trying. to make a pizza you're like what. you know they trying to order a pizza or. something from hot wings or whatever.

anyway Skillshare offers classes. designed for real life so you can move. your creative journey forward without. putting life on hold you can learn and. grow with short classes that fit your. busy routine film and video music and. video production productivity and. finance and more skills share is also. incredibly affordable especially when. compared to pricey in-person classes and. workshops an annual subscription is less. than $10 a month unlimited unlimited.

capabilities at the touch of your. fingertips. or that can be at the touch of the. fingertips of someone who has fingertips. that need skills explore your creativity. at Skillshare comm / Theo von and get. two free months of premium membership. that's two months free at Skillshare. comm / Theo von get skills and thank you. for supporting this past weekend thank. you guys all for your support it's just.

uh it's nice I'm a lucky man and just. that's one thing I noticed after the. show's going over there in Europe was. just the same it's the same people that. come out to the shows the value of just. just loving good people. now we're podcast listeners you know the. stand-up is a different thing I love.

stand-up is my job I mean but you know. podcasting has become a universe for me. it's become for us you know it's just. the amount of people that I meet that. are just so supportive of me man thank. you you know it means a lot to have. somebody care it means a lot and and. just the fact that you know that my. higher power has given me people that.

care on such a level where I get to meet. so many of them it really just inspires. me a lot you know it inspires me a lot. not to give up on things when I want to. so yeah I just feel pretty blessed and. and I hope that you can feel that too. sometimes and I hope to be able to do.

whatever I can to be a part of making. your life feel good and most of the time. it does a lot of times you know I think. we we're thinking too much and you guys. remind me of that a lot of people say me. just being too hard on yourself. and this and that but just also does so. many fun people then we came out we. showed out man thinking of somebody that. came to one of the shows this gentleman.

came to the show down there in Lafayette. let's take a peek what oh boy Jeb and. brought off the Georgia actually came up. what's up Jeff over there in Valdosta. and Valdosta I mean that's a place that. Valdosta Georgia something could get a. damn biscuit there this better make you. freakin bile and locally that's how good.

it is I bet gang homework saw your sewin. last year and I showed you a picture of. the little camper 1964 model camper I. would say and then over there and my. girlfriend wasn't having it but oh yes. look we got a um I'm gonna get this and. I'm gonna put it in here yes dude. onward she had to stay there because we. had to go through you and now you told. me to send it to Instagram softer guys. stand the video I uploaded a video for. premature and Nick to get to you as a.

nice little video of it to the cool. little place right he stayed in at two. nights and I think she she enjoyed it. more she said she did but okay he's. sucking mouth sex right there. homeward yeah she enjoyed the show she's. always giving me afeard about watching. his podcast all the time but funny thing. is she posted on the ride home she. posted a video or a picture saying that. she had become a fan at the Obon and she.

thoroughly enjoyed the show so you got a. new fan out of that and she got me to. coffee mode that this past weekend. coffee mug oh no Christmas book a. gravelly good New Year and having fun. over in Europe brothers love you love. you too man thanks bro man it's so nice. of you dude that's nice of you to come. out yeah I'm gonna um we're gonna edit. that video in I'm gonna peek at it in a. second but thank you man thank you and. thank you for bringing out your lady she. sounds like a nice lady and I'm glad you.

guys went. have fun let's look at this picture this. joint yes bro if you guys are on YouTube. you can see what's going on here and. this is a very limited style cubic I'll. right here they got this that pink and. white that two-tone he got her a picture. of eyes on the back and the eyes are. like the eyes that every kid draws when. they're like in kindergarten who's not. going to be a good artist or like second.

grade there's always kids who were gonna. be a good artist and they draw like a. damn you know Mona and Lisa and then the. rest of us draw a damn [ __ ] shotgun. Sally out there with two eyes and it's. all it's all we could do in the eyebrows. and then we kind of give up a little bit. in the nose and mouth look bad but yeah. this man look at this pictures right. here let's see oh there we are right. there with Dustin the diamond Poirier. right there man what a great night that. was man we raised some money for a good.

fight foundation and we did all that. together man that was cool you know it. was part of me sometimes even when I was. the one doing the fundraisers and then. uh that doesn't want to be sharing that. doesn't want to be caring man you know. that wants to be just I don't know. that's the dark arts bro but then I see. this picture man it makes me feel good. look you and your girls smiling.

beautiful lady. both y'all looking [ __ ] finest [ __ ]. really bruh oh damn there's me right. there kissing your lady on the cheek uh. hold on we got Oki text to that came in. this is a camper guy he's sending in. what's up Nick here are the pictures and. videos in 1964 camper I didn't ever pick. up the tarp on top in the Airbnb listing. damn Airbnb and here's a pic of Theo. kissing my lady and staring me in the.

eye bro you know what I'm saying that's. how we do it. the chickens weren't in the listing. either but they were a nice addition the. dude that owned it also had cocktail. hour every night bet he did and played. his homemade. on the front porch and Knicks that we. have a video of that here let's see that. action Jackson okay here's the cottage. right here we go front of Maryland. monitor unit oh yeah yes how they got.

indoors and outdoors huh that's. beautiful the tires are flat yet you. can't being on a roll anywhere I do the. Dutch would hate it the Dutch would hate. it let's see if we get them music here's. a hit of the music that the man did yeah. this might have to be one of the best.

Airbnb listings ever and that's not a. KTN that's that that's that a bootleg. zydeco that's that cement zydeco right. there because it's got a little bit of. Spanish moss in the pipes but he's also. it sounds a little bitter band right. there but when we're head of that when. it has a very Scottish vibe to man the. SCOTUS are basically like Louisiana in.

England that's what it's like just a lot. of good people man in the Irish. everybody's good but I'm just saying you. get over to Scotland you have somebody. who have a cigarette for breakfast bro. you know what'd you have for breakfast. oh I had nine derails baby you know what. I'm saying in the Easter Egg people you. know they real religious around there. you'll have somebody dude they grilling. up they got peanut butter sandwich but. both ends its body of Christ bro and PB. in the middle do and you never put jelly.

on the Lord so back that sweeten around. it air bro gang let me see how we get. your lady sent in a video to thank you. for this I'm Jeff helps me all the way. here in Lafayette Louisiana and a. goddang trailer. like camper damn bruh yeah she sounds. real pleased brother I will say that if. you guys get a chance to check out the. YouTube you got to see this place that. Marilyn Monroe Airbnb listing there out.

there very rare very rare in Lafayette. let's get into the last places we went. on the tour and the next place we went. to was Oslo Norway and that's that.

banger right there called national. anthem Warks wor X and in Norway it was. it was bright outside for maybe 50. minutes a day Norway and Sweden you.

hadn't there was literally you could be. eating cereal at breakfast and if you. took a long time to eat it it was. bedtime that's what there was. I think people went to work for maybe 40. minutes it was just it's if you like -. there's not a lot it's a good place if. you like to read if you want to read go. to Norway great place to just you.

haven't read some you need to catch up. on maybe I don't know 600 books maybe. you didn't do the you know 5th through. eleventh grade Norway you got time to. read it's easier to read it away if you. can't even read go to Norway cuz you can. it is oh it's just a good place to read.

and a lot of like Viking type of people. too you see a lot of men with long hair. beautiful women. Amsterdam had beautiful women but yeah. you see like a lot of a lot of people. you know English is definitely more. secondary language there so you have. they use a lot of F's and J's and their.

words like I did I was in a conversation. I didn't know what I couldn't tell if I. was friends with somebody or or if I. just like bought car insurance I had no. idea what was going on. deeply for the DDT. liebelei all they would do somehow it. would be like I didn't I thought I you. know you thought you you just met. somebody and next thing you know they. you know they give you $40 or something.

and they take your necklace off your. neck like why what just happened here. yeah there were just some of the. exchanges you didn't know what was going. on and dude you could hurt your neck. saying a word one guy he got stuck. singing something he was like foolishly. 4G for you for you and I I had to. [ __ ] pat him on the back real hard. and two boiled eggs [ __ ] came out of. his mouth bruh it just does a lot at you. do you put you throw your back out.

finishing a long sentence dude they got. and everybody in Norway has a backpack. on they got these people I don't know. what's going on I mean I guess they just. you never know when you might end up on. a mountain you never know they got a. backpack they got ice pick fresh water. salt water cold water they got all kind. of water new water old water water water.

they got waters daughter dude just wet. [ __ ] rolling by like dying this lady I. don't even know what's going on dude and. they had also. and a lot of these countries they got. the same type of dude I grew up with. Daniel brah you'll see him in different. countries he's got on a Dutch hat over. there and he's got a windmill over there. and he's using it to just you know to. help him [ __ ] get harder hits off of. a vape you know you'll see him over.

there in Amsterdam and they call him. Amsterdam yo brah and he's out there. throwing mushroom do give him mushrooms. - uh you know - just throwing him into. the mouths at a passing Dutch you know. when he's training goldfish do with a. small wand so it just you know the dark. art store brought out the dark hearts. themselves in the last place we ended up. in was a stockholm stockholm and oh I.

had reindeer I have reindeer do what you. have him for dinner. Oh Prancer dude let me get a couple of. them [ __ ] Prancer medallions bro you. know throw me 40 kilograms of Cupid over. there and um you know throw it in a soup. we'll do a bouillabaisse boy damn he.

throw [ __ ] - jingle bells in this. flank steak son and we doing it and. that's brave as hell Stockholm y'all. eaten rain dear watch out what else. y'all having over there hey let me get a. couple of them are ya Care Bears yeah. let me get a couple of them Oh mother. Goose yeah I'll take two of her eggs for.

breakfast yeah let me get that um let me. get a little bit of Care Bear jerky oh. yeah I'll take some let me get seven. pounds of it you know how many Care. Bears have to take a perma L so you can. have seven pounds of CBJ bruh yeah but. they had reindeer and I ordered it. and you get a small like that's the. saddest part you get a leg it's about a. foot long you're like damn this thing I.

mean they killed it a lower lebra you. could have at least let that thing. mustache the size or whatever you could. at least let it heighten out at least. let it play JV I mean this thing they. took its life early the whole leg you. can see right from hoof to uh to but. probably about eleven inches like day. this little reindeer this thing hadn't. even played this thing hadn't worked for. Santa this thing hadn't even worked for. Delta probably you know this thing was.

in the prelims if anything this thing. was probably helping out a local crop. duster I mean this was a small Rd bra. and it came and looked I hate to say it. but I had it and reindeer look at me man. look at me over here to and back over. here it's good it's good.

if you don't think reindeers good then. you shouldn't think reindeer is good it. tastes like beef went to college bro. that's what it tastes like it's a very. organized meat of course it is dude you. know it's built to shuffle gifts across. the universe so you can't come into that. all haphazardly you know wag you ain't. got [ __ ] on this little [ __ ] you know.

on one of the Lord's you know seven. favorite gift horses so I don't know. what it was you know I don't know if you. want a couple you know you want a couple. of Prancer medallions or you want to you. know you want the burnt ends of Blitzen. whatever you want they got it so the. Swedes man Oh.

it's I can't believe y'all are doing it. but yes that is that is the darkest of. arts when you take something out of a. children's you know what's next which. what else what else is on the menu. Clifford the Big Red Dog nuggets what. else is on the menu Sweden Peppa the pig. pate uh-huh which what else y'all servin. uh just uh just uh a kielbasa of. children's dreams.

and that's Sweden man and that's Sweden. and that's showing Stockholm was that. was fire that was fire and look some of. it look you know everything was great. man I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. they were all great I'm just trying to. be honest with you about how I feel. about those shows about how I feel but. you know my brain I have that terminal. thing that always wants to kick me in. the in the D you know my brain my ego. puts on big boots every morning just to.

kick me right in the frickin D bro gang. man let's take another call here here we. go Oh Thomas man yeah oh man I used to. know somebody named Thomas do hell I. used to know probably six people named. Thomas man so so that's awesome and more. over podcast again I thought about how. interesting it was they trying to get a. perspective you know not from a big-name. person but from everyday man I just.

thought it'd be kind of interesting I'm. kind of biased but I'm a. firefighter/paramedic and I just thought. it'd be cool if you have oh that's dope. man my friend is a paraplegic and he um. what else does he do he does he does a. lot of different [ __ ] but sorry homeward. had any buddies that were like maybe. like doctors or nurses or you know farm. and EMTs or something - oh yeah we're. gonna get some different people in man I. appreciate that suggestion man to get.

kind of maybe get one of them you guys. on the ship because I know I've got some. pretty interesting stories and I love. hearing other people's stories I think. you know like our first responder type. of dude or even like a Subway sandwich. artist would be. oh I love that idea that Subway sandwich. artists broke because most of those. shops get a be that food B yeah first. responder what about that last responder. that's what I'm talking about they don't. talk about that guy that shows up about. 30 minutes late to a cardiac arrest you.

know and he's oh they're huffing down a. Winston bra and complaining about his. stepmother damn bra that's what I'm. talking about that last responder I'm. talking about lassie Drake you know what. I'm saying who shows up over there two. hours late you know and he [ __ ] he. and he forgot his work shirt so he's. dressed just in personal clothing you. know he's dressed just in a cincinnati. bengals jersey and he's trying to do CPR.

on you you're like damn man I bet look. I've been fine I healed up I healed up. 45 minutes ago you know that's what I'm. talking about I'm talking about old. Deborah you know who's a little much on. the outside of the age range to be a. first responder you know when she gets. caught up over there she forgets to keep. the walkie-talkie volume up because it. hurts her it makes her shingles flare up. so she shows up you know maybe 45 or 60.

minutes late to um you know to a house. fire and she's over there trying to tell. you you know tell y'all shouldn't be. smoking cigarettes you know like what. are you talking about this was from a. space heater seven people died and she's. like all right you know well I'm gonna. read my Reader's Digest over there about. a truck you don't say I'm talking about. these last responders that's what I'm. talking about where does where they at.

the real people bro I'm talking about. the bootleg ambulance dude who shows up. because he keeps that scanner and he. rolls up you know eight for $40 brah. gets you to the UH. you feel me for $40 I get you to Urgent. Care brah you know you could bring two. people with you that's a fight I'll up. charge right there yeah so that's what. I'm talking about. that's what I'm talking about you know. I'm talking about Big Willie I'm talking.

about Big Willie in the church van he's. like well I take you over there man. God wants you well brother I'll take. care of it. you know he'll we'll stop at my cousin's. house you know make me up make up uh. mirliton casserole grill up uh grill up. a pumpkin you ever had a hamburger. stuffed pumpkins and I what son what are. you talking about that I broke both of. my legs and I fell off a building he's.

like all this free man it's free you. know I'm working with the church some of. some of these last responders that's who. I want to know about that's who I wanted. to know about what else we got man. everything came in cool I'll see you. guys this weekend I'm going to be in. Denver Colorado. I think that's sold out we got Las Vegas. coming up January 31st and February 1st. those are that's in Las Vegas yeah Gold.

Country Casino Oroville Casino February. 15th and then the Queen Elizabeth. Theatre in Toronto for February 20th. that's kind of what's going on right now. oh that's the I think we got through. that's Europe I mean there's so much. more to it but we did it and I just and. I tried man we tried our best man we got. out I was taking cold showers before the. shows just to make sure my energy was up.

you know when we did it we got through. it you know we got through it and and. just yeah getting to meet people were so. nice people you know brought out some. gifts I got if somebody brought me a. little pair of shoes for a child. somebody got me um a couple things a. candy art my boy McCloskey dude one of. the best and worst artists in in Ireland. hit me up with that home stretch piece I.

got this from Trinity College I got this. adult fitness band that I have on my. head. and this is for kind of snow fitness and. that kind of thing and yeah I would come. back I would come back in a heartbeat. and just the vibe that everybody had of. like hey thank you for coming here man. it was cool you know I'm just grateful.

man and I tried my best to make the. stories fun and and and just to be a. part of y'all's lives and thank you very. much for welcoming me over there uh all. right let's get out of here today man. you guys be good to yourselves we'll be. back this week we got Bobby Lee coming. in um we got some other great guests. coming up really excited about it it's.

gonna be a big year King and the sting. is back this week and everything is okay. you know and thank you guys for making. me feel okay and don't give up on. yourselves you know we got this we'll be. okay. you know everything is gonna be cool. and I love you you know and I do love.

you and you know thanks for staying as. shitty Airbnb ease or not shitty ones. but just unique Airbnb ease to come out. and be a part of my dream and and to be. part of stuff that that this past. weekend is a part of it means a lot and. and I sit man be good to yourselves you. deserve it and good to be back in. America you know people want to curse a. lot of people want to curse America. right now and stuff because of different.

things and to me that is crazy man you. know it's just I don't know how some. people I don't know it just doesn't help. us I don't know what I want to say some. people but it doesn't help us to live. somewhere and to be. I'm grateful for it you know the news. wants us to be so angry man but our. hearts don't I believe that man our. hearts do not are you guys be good to.

your sales man we'll uh we'll head out. of here on that some of that old. Scottish town gang. [Music].

you.