Drippy Mitts | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #226

I mean yes oh my god oh my god. sometimes Oh somebody's always saying. that you know oh my god oh my god people. say it so differently you know oh my god. a bomb hey this was grazed Oh am I going. oh my good a lot of different ways to.

say that oh my god. some people just it's all one word oh my. you know some people say oh my god. Nebraska you're like now that's not oh. we got the studio's looking retightened. and uh that's uh. producer Nick really I mean it's if you. get a chance to look on the youtubes and. and just really fill your face with the.

beautiful background that we got going. on here sweet taste of Americana right. here a lot of sweet things that people. have brought us and gifts that people. have brought us we got the strap right. there TF ATK guest of the year - a lot. of nice things dude I was just in the um. so it's Saturday I got to tell you that. because I have to leave today to go to. this to go out of town I'll talk about. that in a little while but um I'm in the.

bathroom here at the office building and. there's a man in there and he is and I. go to the I'm using the sink I do toilet. and sink I do a wall toilet you know for. yell only and I'm and then I go to um. and then I hear somebody in one of the. booths and one of the you know the. Dookie booth and I look over somebody.

okay a man I would say it was a man. because the shoe size was probably more. than it looked like at least nine and a. half or more or. somebody is facing the wrong way on the. toilet you know what I'm saying. somebody's just you know when cuz you. know a toilet most I think I thought. everybody sat one way on the toilet and. then I see this fella you know this.

little law this little Olympian and he's. in the hair facing the wrong way. okay just hugging tank you know and I'm. just like damn this guy I mean maybe he. has like poop dyslexia or something I. don't even know but this guy you know. when I said a quick prayer form inside. of myself you know drop the kewpie on. him and uh and God I mean just you just.

wonder how people end up like that and. this was an adult I mean my brother and. I you know when were children and stuff. like that and when water was scarce. sometimes if we couldn't you know mom. wouldn't want us flushing the toilet. that much and so we would go back to. back on the toilet and try to you know. empty our bodies out you know whoever. could do it faster and then just you. know do one flush but but to see a grown.

man and not see him but just to see the. legs of a grown man and know he's just. in there just hugging tank boy I just. you won't see me doing that you won't. see me just just gripping that tank that. booty aquarium brother back of a toilet. you won't see me I sit face forward on a. toilet but both my legs out fun to me. like God intended I'm out here doing the.

devil's work that's for sure eleska. [Music]. she's been known to bring a man to his. knees she'll take oh you have you never. see your comment he'll take all you have.

baby you never see her come as how I. know the devil has a warm arm. [Music]. will mr. Johnson news cuz it's not her. pulse in the Delta mm-hmm. the man if you don't mind would you tune. this gets off of me him him but you took.

it so and she broke his heart just for. fun just for fun I passed out though. [Music]. that's how I know the devil is a woman. and that is a bishop gun right there and.

just just shooting that devil as a woman. right in your ears isn't it crazy that. there's holes in your head and think. about all of them okay let's think about. them you got ear holes they collect. sound so what else collect sound sponges. hallways I guess or like a cave then you. got your nose you can smell it that.

crazy that you could smell stuff you. could in you can bring air into your. face and then and then you know that if. the air smells like something or doesn't. that's crazy isn't it. think about that a peach cobbler you. know yeah it could be anything. oh man somebody somebody didn't burn a. rubber out here while I was sleeping. somebody's been squealing the tires I.

look that's crazy that you can just make. air come into your face and then guess. and then unique and you know what's what. kind of smell is out there and that just. to me that's something we should talk. about more what's going on welcome to. this past weekend it is Saturday today. and uh and what was that thing in about. oh I'm thinking about this man I'm.

thinking about my body today and then we. have the mouth and the mouth can do a. lot of different stuff it's a real it's. really the airport of your head the. other you know the nose the eyes do a. good bit a lot of traffic coming in a. lot of color traffic coming in and out. of your eyes you know your eyes are. connected pretty much. your brain your eyes are like little. color brains that are kind of just.

loitering outside of the lobby of your. brain like they're outside doing a. cigarette while your brains and you know. still on the clock but your mouth is. really like the airport you know they. got there's a lot of there's not there's. like a lot of you know you got air. coming in words going out tastes you got. food you know you could be doing a. sentence or you could be doing a taco. you know your mouth has a lot of a lot.

of in and out a lot of you know. importing and out porting through your. mouth. so really unique that are that your head. has all of that going on that amazing I. mean your head is like a damn train. station and they got sound trains air. trains color tray you know it's just all. aboard we doing it we doing it what's. going on boy I was thinking um I was.

thinking yesterday about that my skin is. starting to look a little bit old that's. what I started thinking man I was like. damn [ __ ] my skin is getting old boy. in that weird when you see something. your body you're like damn this shit's. starting to fall apart like our if you. see like your leg and a picture. something you're like damn um.

my leg is [ __ ] up I'm always shocked. when you see like when you have one of. those moments you're like oh wow you. look at a picture yourself from a few. years earlier you're like damn I was. young I was fine as [ __ ] but then you. didn't think you were fine back then. remember that I always hate that you'll. see a picture yourself from like seven. years ago or even you know 19 years ago. and you'd be like damn I was attractive.

and I didn't and I didn't have it I just. had no confidence I'm like gosh. why didn't I know that I was you know a. handsome enough or or or you know we're. fine enough it's like damn look how nice. I looked I didn't realize that I didn't. have that confidence I hate that man it. boils my damn beef that boils my beef. and makes me upset man but but not as.

upset at that as that do with damn. freakin doot-doot in the toilet on the. wrong just hugging that tank but maybe. he's going through something I probably. should have checked on I'll check if if. this if this episode I'll check at the. end and if he's still in there what if. he's death so I don't want to think. about that but if he's deceased huh Here. I am making a podcast laughing about the. guy you know who's trying to you know.

who's trying to bat left-handed on a. toilet and in the guys Jesus I hope he's. all right. what's going on uh I got some new tour. dates to announce to you and I know. people were upset because of some of the. ones that happened and and I had to. change stuff for the doing this movie. I'm about to leave right now it's. actually it is Saturday I had to record. this and I'm leaving to go over to.

Atlanta because when Chris Pratt said. hey brother I need you to come help me. fight alien as I say okay i'ma come. fight I'm uh I'm gonna do that because. he's already been in the future and help. battle stuff and so he knows what's. going on you know he's already taking. care of some stuff and so he needs help. what else ma'am what else how what's. going on oh just been trying to rest. trying to relax and uh and I got a bunch. of great calls that came in I got some. new tour dates I do want to announce.

them. but first I want to I want to say this. Oh. people talking about the Jimmy John's. guy do Twitter hi [ __ ] in hate Twitter. man huh Twitter just gotten so lame. it's uh I just don't understand it I. don't understand why why I don't know I. don't know it's just gotten so lame I.

wish somebody would just make a Twitter. just for everybody I wish it's kind of. social media and everything or just for. everyone you know for everyone there's a. lot of fake outrage this is one of the. thing I saw in their fake outrage over a. resurfaced photo of Jimmy John's founder. pictured with a hunted down elephant has. caused some people to call for a boycott. of Jimmy John's look if you don't want. to eat Jimmy John's don't eat it but.

I'll tell you this I'm eating it okay as. long as they don't put elephant on the. arm on my turkey Tom baby I'll be out. there I'll be out there by the Jimmy. John's you know that dude I wear two. pairs of Underpants brother when I go to. Jimmy John's because I need something to. keep my dick down you feel me because. their sandwiches make me damn it wrecked. and yeah if you're upset that Jimmy John.

killed a [ __ ] lyin bruh then guess. what oh well all right now do I think he. should be allowed to shoot a line with a. gun. no I think if you want to fight an. animal you go fight an animal out there. mano a mano e an e ma no you know what. you know what off the same boy mano an e. mano you fight and you fight an ante. mano but you don't fight him with a gun.

you shooting something I've said this. before you shooting something from 200. yards away you and your buddies they're. you know snapping into a slim jim run. looking at each other's ass cheeks and. wanting them little you know cages or. whatever no no Jimmy John you want to. battle something get out there and. battle something. and also yeah I'd love to see you maybe. they should have more exotic meats at. the sandwich shop anybody ever thought. about that because yeah most of the. animals he's killing turkey tuna what do.

they have a Jimmy John chicken that [ __ ]. is easy to kill brah. dude I'll kill a chicken with a [ __ ]. piece of yarn bro. sneak up on that [ __ ] boy and get him. Italian style from the back but you're. saying you know I'm glad to see at least. he's challenged more hard-hitting. animals but and look dude if I'm fully. honest I'd have a little bit of fat. break throw a low elephant on him on a.

bread boy that had me a couple cuts of. fant Bronson [ __ ] him on a brioche roll. doctor called the doctor yes oh look I'm. uh I'm I don't think I don't think. anybody should kill a big animal like. that with a gun you want to get out.

there and fight them face-to-face then. do it you put to boxing gloves on on. Jimmy and you put one boxing glove on. that trunk of the arm of that elephant. and let them do it out you know best of. three or something so but I mean you. can't hate the guy forever I mean you. know these [ __ ] selling sandwiches. dude if you sold billions of sandwiches. and [ __ ] you probably lose your mind too. and do something crazy in Africa but I.

don't know I mean it's just they want. any anything if it's a white guy doing. something they're gonna shut him down. so that's Twitter basically for you. that's basically yeah I remember. dude this I think he should have to. fight a regular elephant now that's the. rule then you want to kill one okay. second one you got a you guys got to go. at it I like that I want to announce. these reschedule European tour dates.

please note that tickets will go on sale. this Tuesday August 27th at 10 a.m. local time so people are like what what. time is that here that's 10 a.m. wherever here is the ticket links for. the original shows will be the same for. the rescheduled dates tickets will. transfer over so if you had a ticket for. the original show you can just transfer. your ticket over to the new date if you.

have questions or concerns about. switching over your tickets or any other. questions please contact the venue box. office or the point of purchase and they. will be able to help facilitate ok. they are Saturday January 4th is. Manchester Sunday January 5th is also. Manchester Monday the 6th is Dublin. Ireland Wednesday the 8th will be.

Glasgow and that's January this is all. January Friday the 10th will be London. Saturday the 11th will be London two. shows Monday will be Amsterdam January. 13th Tuesday January 14th will be Oslo. and Wednesday January 15th will be. Stockholm and so those are the European. dates and again you can get all of those.

through Theo van comm slash tour and if. you had a ticket to a previous show that. will just transfer over to the new show. but you should check in with the box. office and see what's going on man my. hair looks like [ __ ] bro that's crazy. man oh that's another thing that's. coming out of your head hair and a. little. dude think of all the stuff your head is. doing think of it your head is doing. almost so much stuff to your bodies kind.

of I mean it's doing a lot but it's it's. definitely kind of backseat driver a. little bit I feel like but let's take. some calls speaking about European tour. dates let's take a call that came in. right here onward hey Theo its humanity. Oliva what's over here in Germany what's. up Tito onward brother in Germany huh. danke and I just wanted to call him in a. you know kind of give you some support. on a decision to take that movie with. Chris Pratt I have pretty rough year.

this last year job losses and changes. lost a dear friend of mine for example. and your show helped me tremendously. that perspective kind of got me through. that and if you month ago when the show. an afternoon coasted I didn't know if I. was even going to be over here. to go but I decided to go ahead and over. the dice buy that ticket and turns out I. found this job actually right down the. road for the show is going to be a so. it's really excited about that I got the. job. Oh Congrats man so you got a new job and. then it's right down the road from the.

from that Amsterdam hitter but then I. changed the date it turns out last week. I find out they're gonna send me out of. town for training during that time frame. of show so I watch the podcast on Monday. it turns out you have to postpone the. shells means I'm gonna be able to make. the postponed show after my adoption so. all things considered it worked out well. for me and it's working out well for you. I just wanted to kind of come in give. them some positive news hunters well. there you go guys. one person excited about the change ran.

so look if you want to blame it on. somebody we rescheduled them all for. that guy right there. now Congrats on the job man you got that. new job and you're gonna be able to do. different activities at work they're. gonna pay you you're gonna perform. that's beautiful bro that's beautiful. and thanks for the well-wishes about the. film. I mean I'll say film movie I don't. [ __ ] know bro I mean I don't know.

exactly how to how to discuss this thing. you know without sounding like a. straight d-bag honest. but here we go. he was going on big dog just cars over. there Charlotte cool. what's up Kaiser over there in Charlotte. gang brah homeward come up along because. you own that we baby. but on that all and that hitter but uh. [Music]. congratulations on the news about the.

about the role she died Chris Pratt. Smyrna top since Eisenhower right now. that's so that's an Avenger thanks man. yeah he I mean yeah it's crazy look if. Rosie O'Donnell hits me up to do. something suck at it RORO you know what. I'm saying if who else wanted he's. [ __ ] Muppets I mean it could literally.

99% of people asked me if I want to be a. part of something no but I mean this. thing just sliced through the water like. a [ __ ] shrimp with a sword baby and. uh and I was like man this man's asking. me point-blank to be a part of his. project and I didn't know what else to. do except you know he said look I need. somebody to help me fight aliens and the. future needs you and I was like well.

damn bro are you sure and and that was. how it kind of started and so now I'm. gonna go you know I guess I'm gonna help. out for the future as much as I can so. all work and um I was kind of thing. cause like what role you were gonna play. I could see you being a mechanic oh yeah. did I like mechanics thanks I'm with. some oil couple of spots on your shirt.

you know on your hands um I could see. you probably being a veterinarian. oh yeah boy with that heavy petting zoo. bruh now veterinarian I'm not cutting. into something for no reason. you know I mean I'm not cutting into. something for no reason dude if some of. you know if an animal swallows a marble. or swallows its house keys or something. I'll get in there but for some. miscellaneous you know they got. arrhythmia here and in [ __ ] Judy's.

rabbit that's Judy's problem bro I'll. send that thing over to Jimmy John and. let him pop it off you feel me. onward and taking care of dogs and other. animals but anxious and yet he's um also. I want to ask you or Jesus brother will. ask me because this guy might be just. really too high man all word are you.

gonna be filming during the diamonds. fight does this mean that you cannot go. to Abu Dhabi that exactly that is what. it means man it is what it means and uh. and that's a bummer too man I was. probably I mean it's just it's been a. lot man out to be honest dude it's like. the past couple months have just been. have been tough well for here first. first my brains all over the place yes I.

can't go to the fight so I'm bummed out. about that and what role am i playing in. this show they just need the guy said. they need help in in the future and they. you know that it's about like they have. aliens and that they need help and so. you know I don't think I'm gonna be I. don't think they have a lot of. veterinarians in the future because they. don't you don't see that you know you.

don't seem like a guy show up in a time. machine and he's got a couple animals. with him or something or like a um. stethoscope with like deer blood on it. or something. so I think it's gonna be a little bit. more uh you know just kind of like a. normal guy who goes to the future and. just tries his best basically they said. we want you that's what they said I said. well what is they said we want you we. want you too. help us in the future because we got.

problems and they're talking about. aliens and also look a black friend of. mine told me that black people and. aliens have beef with each other so I. mean and I told y'all about that a while. back but there's just obviously in the. future there's a lot of kind of [ __ ]. happening that people are concerned. about but what else man let's take. another call that came in here sorry I'm. all over the place a little bit man I'm. just my Energy's all jacked up because I.

have to fly out tonight so I'm a little. bit um you know just erratic I guess and. I'm nervous you know I don't know what. this experience is going to be like I. don't know what it's going to be like I. mean they're gonna have people that are. professional you know I'm gonna have to. be in a different type of environment. the things I am excited about you know. I'm have to but I don't know they made.

it seem like it's like I'm gonna be able. to be myself and so that was something. that was extremely appealing to me and. Chris Pratt is basically like you know. Jesus's little bucko so it's like you. know if the Lord calls dude you don't. just sit by the phone and finish off a. thing of planners peanuts you know I'm. saying you don't [ __ ] just polish off. some Nutter butters and listen to that. [ __ ] ring if the Lord calls Yello.

let's take another call here and this is. the number is nine eight five six six. four nine five zero three and I'll wait. another question that came in here. through patreon through Danny crook and. it's more about the film the ghost draft. that's the name of it what expectations. do you have as you approach the new. movie project what expectations for.

background and context I recently. realized how much on my own anxiety and. depression stems from not managing my. own expectations better. so what expectations do you have for the. film you know it's a good that's a good. that's a good question man I think well. I think um you know I realize this isn't. a film on the star of or anything like. that that I'm not even you know I'm. gonna be a part of it that's all I know.

you know it was kind of risky to me to. just to accept that but I have to go in. and I think it's going to be a nice. change of pace in the sense that it will. give me a chance to have a new. experience with something you know and. just have a little bit of a change of. pace you know we all need that in our. lives. you know variety is the spice of life. they say it.

it's that cinnamon bra that cardomom you. know I'm expecting that there will be a. lot of downtime which i think would be. good for me to get a chance to rest you. know I've been trying to take some time. off and really just rest my brain my. brain feels really tired and so I've. been just trying to rest it and relax it. and and so I think I'll have that. expectations I probably won't be able to. be you know I'm not going to be the. center of attention and so I think that. this could be just a nice lesson in in.

humility you know to be supporting. support somebody else what expectations. I'm gonna try to create some good. patterns for myself on a day to day. basis so that I don't just fall into bad. habits so I'm gonna really work hard to. do that. it's funny man it's crazy how much. expectations I'll have expectations run. crazy in my head forever you know.

thinking something's gonna be like this. or like this or like this and I'm not. even you know I can't even really be. present in my own life until whatever. that thing happens is and then if it and. it things rarely can live up to your. expectations because our imagination can. be so you know like I'll sit like if you. see like a pretty girl walk towards you. or a pretty man if you like a man's body. or man you like a man's brain and body.

you see them walk at you and you think. man they're gonna look at me they're. gonna buy me a flower or something or a. hat or something we'll split a little. bag of something you know cut a nerd. rope in half and share it but the truth. is they don't they just walk by and now. you're like [ __ ] now I'm all depressed. because that person thinks I'm nasty but. they never thought about me at all and. Here I am you know not taking care of. myself laying on the couch watching two.

seasons of Forensic Files and the. homeboy just out there just doing just. mostly death viewing on on investigative. discovery that's Bad News Bears so I. think I'm trying to keep my expectations. low and I'm trying to see if there's. lessons for me in this is the lamest. that sounds a little bit that's what I'm. trying to do so those are some of my. thoughts going into it Danny.

crook Gillian Neil had this question how. do you wind down after a show. you put so much energy and joy in your. stand-up I'm just curious how you relax. you know it takes me a while I realized. you know and it takes me usually I'll. drink coffee in between shows and to get. jacked out for the second one so I got. that [ __ ] you know I'm saying I got. that I got that baby brown vinegar boy. that cafe just trying to skeet right out.

of my veins and that gets me jacked out. for the second hit. so afterwards how do I wind down well I. used to do masturbation but I'm trying. not to do that so I usually get a little. sandwich I eat a bunch of turkey as like. a sedative I mean I'll do a pound of. Turkey to try and get to sleep because. turkey brah that's just valium with. wings dude if you have enough Turkey boy. gets lights out son.

Turkey has ter um what is it having a. tetra fat tetra fan yeah Turkey has. tetra fan so sometimes you'll see. somebody sleep at the Wii or whatever or. the cops pull you over they said damn. man you in and out of the lanes brah. and that's when I break out a bag of. butter boss oh hey look officer [ __ ]. I've had about thirty slices tonight you. hear me so who knows boy I'm [ __ ].

daddy's looped out on that honey roasted. so they don't know they hit you with. that breathalyzer and that [ __ ]. registers farmer John baby you feel me. that breathalyze our baby too gettin. that [ __ ] registers 14 ounces and that. Turkey Tom hit her boy I've had to Jimmy. John's son hold the elephant you feel me. I've had to Jimmy John frickin those.

little snack adapt those and hold the. elephant what else what else is going on. man I think I'm just excited you know I. was thinking this weekend about people. have been saying recently like oh man. I'm so proud of you and I was thinking. about like being proud and like and you. know what I was like you know ever. really tough time feeling proud of.

myself you know. if I've ever really felt proud of myself. you know. like I don't know exactly what that. feeling is you know I think I've felt. like achievement I felt some sense of. WoW but I wonder if like we have lost. the like I wonder how do we know if.

we're feeling proud of ourselves or if. we're just feeling like you know. egotistical or overconfident you know. it's tough to figure out but I think. - yeah just some time I just never could. feel I never I never felt proud of. myself and it could be from a series of. things maybe you know my pant like it.

could have been when I was young like I. didn't know like every congratulations. or anything there wasn't you know enough. of that or just could be that the way I. was made that that it you know molecular. level I wasn't gonna be I wasn't that. proud parrot you know I was more of just. like a little you know like a little. while like I just a just the little.

canary that couldn't you know or just. like I never I don't know I don't know. what I'm talking about man my brains. leaking let's take another call that has. come in here the hotline as always as. nine eight five six six four nine five. zero three if you're a young fella. that's been struggling with something or. a young man or lesbian or woman or.

anyone Native American anyone please. call and let us know if something's. troubling you nine eight five six six. five ninety five six six four nine five. zero three here we go here from Leesburg. Georgia again what up dusty I appreciate. you calling in baby. dusty you know what I'm saying son put. some water on the ground you feel me. let's hear it dust um I just had to stop.

your latest podcast immediately and give. you a call and tell you this that I I. called the authorities in your area to. come check on you you know just with the. be honest with you man just live you. know what everything is going on with. you just say in on the internet that you. eat pop-tarts with no frosting on us I.

mean clearly you're a [ __ ] psychopath. so oh man I appreciate the call uh dude. pop-tarts without frosting that's how. you do it that's that man that's how you. show the ladies you're a man when you're. young you know I'm sayin I ain't sure if. I'm a child I'm not showing up with this. sugary [ __ ] little [ __ ] rectangle. you know he's showing up with this. little sucrose this little glue kajin. shape bruh I show up with that it looks. [ __ ] patented brother looks like.

leather almost like a crispy kind of. edible leather I show up with that you. can see the little you know the the. little the base the the cherry or. whatever the strawberry trying to get. out of the little holes as little they. got the little peep holes over there. it's not slop down with this big fake. hard-ass frosting I like that Brown that. little baby and sometimes even I'll take. some peanut butter and put it on the. back of that [ __ ]. but I don't put it on the front cover.

the holes where that with uh those. little lava pockets where the little. where that filling is they got that. filling in them and filling is something. that's hiding inside of something mills. you know filling a lot sake it can be. good or bad I mean they'll fill you. they'll fill your pop-tart with. strawberry they'll fill your your teeth. with a metal they put metal in your damn. teeth so who is that the government but. yeah man you could tell the cops to hold. off but I got it I'm holding it down.

here oh I'm holding it down here man. with frosting you're an adult. if you eat pop-tarts with frosting and. you're an adult who do you think you are. huh. Stephanie um that lady's name Park I. don't remember Stephanie something well. it's football you know it and it's a new. season Antonio Browns on the Raiders.

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bonus oh man you know sometimes I feel. like episodes are fun and sometimes I. feel like I don't know what they are man. sometimes I feel like I am just [ __ ]. wandering around iPhones I feel like I. got damn lesbians trapped inside of my. body man you know. I mean sometimes I feel like if you just. beat me open with a hatchet or something. they'd had probably damn 60 lesbians. climb out you know so and dude I'll tell.

you this they had a girl that had a. crush on me dude this girl kitty when I. was young and man I had a crush on her. too and she was beautiful dude and they. called her kitty because she would lick. her arms a lot and something about it I. mean I was just sexy to me. you know when you see a girl just put. rubbing her own tongue just just damn.

down near her elbows for no real reason. I mean yes Jesus brought it's like it's. like almost like going to Florida it's. beautiful. and uh and I remember at recess I was so. nervous. remember that being young at recess. you're so nervous. especially if there was a girl you're. gonna see I'd be like and then every.

time you saw each other when you were in. like elementary school or whatever you. just be in a fight like we you never. talk to me and then you'd write them a. letter it says you never talk to me on. it real big and then it'd be like yes or. no and it's like I don't even know. what's going on anymore and then have. halfway through the year they hire an. attorney her family hires an attorney. and they want money and so that's what. I'm saying is going on with a lot of. these matches these days you know you.

pass them a love note they pass you back. a affidavit or whatever you know what. that thing whatever they we don't when. they want half your money they want. affidavits money hey we're gonna give. you this right here so we gonna show up. to court and she gets half dude and you. get some of what you previously had and. that's called that affidavit but but. damn Kitty was fine Brian and uh and I.

knew she liked milk and I know it's. crazy but that's why they called her. that as a nickname and I knew she liked. milk full. milk not some of that weak-ass [ __ ] do. you see some of that myth that some of. that weak-ass milk bruh this [ __ ] comes. up a little bit soft dude like a brother. from Seattle you know when you see that. week that week milk come homeboy. I want that thick thick you know I want. that thick thick that kind of milked it.

just mmm tastes like it's got some real. [ __ ] in it why are you drinking it. that's what I like. let's take another call that came in. here all word HBO this is Skylar from. Myrtle Beach South Carolina. what's up Skylar over there Myrtle Beach. and have a lot of exotic animals over. there in a Myrtle Beach that's the truth. homeward your apprehension about having. too much on your plate man I feel like. I'm in the same boat I'm in a band I'm a. musician I play in a band and solo going.

back to school here in a week's time. and one in my first a a meeting tonight. actually first time ever dang man. Congrats baby boy Congrats boys stand on. the stoop son stand I'll stay on the. stoop they got the steps baby good for. you man. that's a lot long word yeah the culture. of alcohol really derailed something I. had going for me I was in school to be a. music teacher kind of just let that dark.

art consuming and I also work a a 10th. job that's usually 40 hours a week in. the daytime so that's a lot it's a lot. of work you got going on let's share. more a lot on my plate as far as that's. concerned. looking forward but very nervous about. my first meeting tonight and and I'm. just real nervous about all those things. coming together at the same time and.

it's really got me uneasy it just gives. me a lot of comfort whenever you talk. about these feelings and these things. and wondering how I'm going to push. through with my craft when I'm sober and. completed the treatment man I just want. to say you're awesome dude well. thanks man I appreciate it man I didn't. mean to cut you off there I just man I. just don't like sometimes at this. I mean I'm grateful but sometimes it's. hard to hear here I'll listen to the.

rest of it I'm getting you the man gang. brah appreciate that no it's another. just you know uh some of this hard to. hear people it's hard to you know like. it's hard eh. sometimes it's. I don't know you know you know let's.

talk about what you were talking about. then you know you were yeah it's a lot. on your plate do recently man I hadn't. really been 100% clean with you guys. about you know I've been I had so much. on my plate and uh you know I remember. when I was in Arizona and I had to get. fluids I wasn't feeling good and just. been exhausted when I was in Phoenix and. that was a couple months ago and uh and. I kept thinking like oh I can't like.

complain or anything about being. stressed or overworked because everybody. deals with that kind of stuff you know. and I wasn't trying to complain I just I. don't know sometimes it's like we create. this there's a culture sometimes where. if we are working too much then we feel. like we can't say it we can't you know. no matter what's going on it's like we. can't say it and I probably should have. said more often like man I I know I kept.

saying I feel stressed and this and that. but I just didn't realize how exhausted. I've been I mean just exhausted it was. just starting to hurt me at like a level. of I mean even a creative level I just. feel you know I just I don't want to. burn myself completely out I want to. just you know I need to spend some time. making sure that I'm okay so that I can. continue to do what I love to do and do. it for everyone at a high level you know. so when I do come to do the show it's. going to be it's going to be great and. it's going to be something that it's a.

fair trade for the price of your ticket. or the ticket that you're buying that. I'm giving you I want to give you more. than your value and that's what I want. to do and so yeah for me I had I think I. had too much on my plate and I wasn't. doing enough to take care of myself I. wouldn't put enough good stuff into my. holes you know in my face in my head or. anywhere really and I'm not putting. anything really in my butt or anything. like that but you know what I'm talking. about so dude what if your butt was just.

like a purse and it was a little easier. to get into wouldn't it be crazy. wouldn't that be crazy boy you're like. damn. and I got oh shoot I gotta carry this. out and I gotta carry these whistles and. I gotta carry this little bitty you know. this small mattress and huh what am I. gonna do oh gosh you know where am I. gonna what are gonna know I'm gonna. carry my coffee and then just throw. those whistles in your bud.

wouldn't that be great and I mean. wouldn't it just be cuz really a. kangaroo head that has just like a big. open but like that pouch is really just. a big open you know kind of a really a. big long kind of big front but you know. behold son you feel me. that front behold that pouch so they. could they could put stuff in there and. we're out here and [ __ ] you know you. could barely get anything really in your.

butt so I think if we you know if. something we could ask God for us to. loosen up our butts a little not to do. anything crazy but just to help us kind. of care you know get stuff out to the. car that's all I'm saying. but you know I think the probe the the. benefits of 12-step for 12-step programs. and recovery programs can be. astronomical for people and even just. that you know I was thinking sometimes. I'm too hard on myself and sometimes I.

just want to I want I want to know what. I'm capable of and you know and it's you. have to learn the balance you got to. calibrate that but yeah if you have a. lot on your plate man then just eat one. thing at once it's okay sometimes now. that's two things if you put a lot on. your plate but just eat one thing at a. time you know don't leave you know half. of a bite here and half of a bite here.

and you but you know half your mouth is. they got this and that and everything. and I say yes to too many things I want. to do too much and that's part of one of. my character defects is my character. wants to do everything so it'll say yes. a lot and then who I my everything I am. as a person I can't keep up but I'm. learning you know I looked up stress and. a lot of things like that and I'm you.

know trying to see a you know about. getting more fitness going and things. that are just gonna help me take care of. myself better so just you know be. careful out there man and. and I appreciate the warm words I think. I have a tough time here in compliments. sometimes and so that's you know that's. tough for me when I'm feeling a little. bit better I'll go into that more let's. take this right here for you you know. that this past weekend has brought to. you--by Skillshare Skillshare is an. online learning community for creators.

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core principles for visual design join. the millions of students already. learning on Skillshare today with a. special offer get two months of. Skillshare for free that's right. Skillshare is offering this past weekend. listeners two months of unlimited access. to over 25,000 classes for free to sign. up go to Skillshare comm slash Theo von. again go to Skillshare comm slash Theo. von to start your two months now that. Skillshare comm slash Theo von I'm going.

to be going to Biloxi next weekend that. show is on and again I'm sorry about the. Brea shows I know I keep saying it but. I'm really I'm bummed out but you know I. just I have to be smart enough to take. care of myself. you know one thing I was afraid to tell. people how bad I was really struggling. was you know the way. I was feeling and stuff because when. you're doing well nobody wants to hear. that you're not doing well you know.

nobody wants to hear that the guy that's. you know doing great on the outside that. he's feeling trouble on the inside or. that he's burnt out nobody wants to hear. that and so you just keep going and you. keep going and you keep going and and. you know I'm like I've to remember that. I'm uh I'm uh you know I'm gonna perform. I'm an entertainer I'm an artist I like. to you know I like to be creative but uh. and so I don't want to you know it's.

just been a whirlwind year and I have to. be careful and I got to manage my. capabilities and what I'm capable of so. you know out of the blue when this film. came up I was like oh this is exciting. this is something that you know this is. you know this an amazing opportunity in. some regard it's also real scary another. regard you know I don't want people. looking at me like some kind of movie. guy you know this is my joy this is what.

I love doing and doing stand-up I mean. doing I'm a comedian I mean I've been. doing stopping on the road for 15 years. doing stand-up comedy you know I don't. even know how many weekends a year 30 40. there. I would say 30 not 40 that would be. lying let's take another call here and. I'm not complaining I'm just I don't.

know it's. just. you know otters don't have that thing. inside of me that will tell me when it. and when it's okay man you you know. you've done enough right now you you. know you're doing enough there's just. that crazy person inside of me that's. just like you know you know that's just. always kind of saying oh you got to do. more you got to do more you're not doing. enough all right let's take one more.

call here here we go hey Theo this is. William Bell human one United States. know what you know uh Billy Bell from. the US Naval thank you very much brother. and we love you guys thanks for being in. the Navy brother gang fish everything to. do me and a bunch of the guys listen to. the podcast on the planet man and. sometimes it felt like that was only. thing that's got us through some hot.

nights out there and it go oh definitely. boy that's when you got to find a man. what cool skin bar a woman now the good. thing about the Navy in the Air Force. they got some beautiful babies in there. these days dude. hell if you've been on if you've been. deployed long enough you might even find. a man with just long hair and just. having to look the other way and just. but you know and just you know right. right vagina next to his little bee hole. or something or be wild or something but. but anyway man enough of the gay jokes I. know people always do that about the. Navy and everything but I hope you also.

I will say this bruh to the Armed Forces. if we fight somebody next I hope you. guys beat their ass bruh how about that. gang long word but uh appreciate. everything you do and I Love You Man. gang gang gang man and thanks for your. service and thanks for your service man. you know I don't know what the future is. gonna hold but if [ __ ] gets out of hand. let's all meet in Colorado or Texas or. something and [ __ ] hold it down.

let's take this one last call here nine. eight five six six four nine five zero. three thank you guys for being with us. for being here today. [Music]. yeah just don't feel like myself I don't. feel like myself you know what I'm just. tired of not feeling like myself and so. I'm trying to figure out what is going. on with me a little bit. so yeah just it's just been a lot going. on this past month man but I'm excited.

we got this new year updates you know. that's amazing it's gonna be January you. don't think I was so excited by coming. over to another - you know another part. of the world and being being good and. doing that you know man I was so excited. I was going to go to Dubai see my boys. fight cruise out of there stop an. Istanbul for four days and then go to. the tour that was my plan and and so now. I gotta fight aliens I just don't know. if ever in my life will I have the. opportunity to go fight aliens like this.

now being friends with Eddie Bravo you. got a chance to fight aliens probably a. couple times in your life but this. should be interesting. you know and we did it our way you know. I did it just by being myself and I. don't have to do with some character or. be somebody else's you know pigeon or. [ __ ] work under some you know we you. know do some [ __ ] character this. character was like oh you can be you and.

I said damn and that's gonna be. something fun for everybody and not just. for me oh okay let's take this call here. we go man and thank everybody for the. calls and thank you guys so much for. your support. a lot of nice calls that came in this. week to just being supportive so thank. you so much don't word idea cam was up. cam from Charlotte and that's uh. Charlotte is a woman's name - it's also. a city so you know what I'm saying.

sometimes if you see a dude just humping. the air in the middle of town you say. dang what's going on boy say I'm just. getting a little bit of Charlotte you. feel me going good twenty years old. young buck trying to figure out my way. in life 20 years old right there double. decades right here onward brother I got. problem with these sweaty hands. like that I problems with it doesn't. have to worry about it but comes a. problem date oh you got them sweaty.

hands huh. you got them leaky mitts baby tell me. more just wondering some advice that. maybe you give a young guy sweaty hands. oh you got that drip shake huh hmm I can. only imagine me you try to shake. somebody's hand you and your daddy. probably can't even handshake because. it's just like uh just like to like two. fists trying to uh just like two fists. trying to hook and they can't it's like. hmm.

damn home word thank you if you give me. a little advice on what to do with these. headers thanks man. you got them leaky hitters Romney and. the only thing you can do marry a. plumber you notice the old joke if you. got sweaty hands you marry a plumber but. damn boy you got them sweaty hands. that's trouble hmm yeah that's a tough. one man because I mean you could keep. like I don't know if you ever been in. the gymnasium but they have this little. thing of chalk sometimes I guess people.

die there a lot or whatever and they'll. put it on their hands or something or um. you know if they're doing uh you know I. guess I don't know I don't know what. it's for really but people put it on. their hands there and you can do it too. so you can put one of those in the. vehicle or something um what else you. got to hold the hain't hold your hands. out of the window when you drive so you. know you could hold your hands right out. of the car window when you drive like a. little love like a little bee Shawn and.

they do that sometimes and hang your. tongue out or something - kind of cool. them back then bad boys off because. those are that's those [ __ ] front. grippers baby them hands you got a pair. of them and I mean yeah I don't know. what else you could do do get some. gloves or something get some cinnamon. put it you know or do something like. seasonal samaa Oregon not Oregon. a little bit of ganger you feel me that. ganger get you some of those gang you.

know or crumble up some gang of snaps or. whatever and put them on the front get. you right but yeah you need some type of. a dust to cover it now that there's a. surgery you can get you got to get the. gland saw it out of your hands so I. don't know where you want to do that at. but but I would say I think it's a lot. of girls will think it's cute too. you know just tell them they make you. nervous or something I think now that's. a good way in the beginning say oh yeah. you know ho hey violet you know you're.

really making me nervous you know my. hands are really just leaking for you or. get you some special gloves some gloves. that match like your pants like Brendan. Schaub is like a guy that will wear some. [ __ ] weird gloves so do some [ __ ]. like that and do something but I think. if a girl said man your hands are real. wet I would say look well look hey I'll. get wet if you get one you feel me now.

that's kind of perverse but that's you. know that's not a real Christian way to. go about it but that's something you. could do and what else. mmm man the truth is somebody's gonna. love your damn wet hands they probably. got a lady out there sitting around with. dry ashy hands you know some lady she. just just leaving just real intense. fingerprints everywhere she goes. and people say damn I mean you probably.

can't play solitaire cuz the cards get. all kind of law water logged up you know. they get off you know they swallow a. little but but they got some dry dry. lady out there I mean look at this you. mutt your father made you eat you know. he got them dripping mitts so it's all. we've all got something bro you know I. feel like I've been losing my hair dude. that's scary you know I got a big nose.

right on the front of my face dude you. know how much easier would be if my nose. was on the back of my face way easier. but you know we've all got some kind of. thing you know I got those [ __ ]. people don't want to talk about them a. lot those claves I got those up top. hitters baby them high ribs and them. [ __ ] are beautiful but you don't see. those a lot you know so we all have. things about ourselves that we don't. really enjoy so I think if you got some.

you know just tell them you've been. doing laundry or something you could do. that but the unique thing about it is. there's somebody else out there that's. got it just like you your father and you. have somebody to talk about it with and. if anything it's a gift man what if you. and your father had nothing in common. you know I'd give anything for to have. something you know to be able to talk to. my father and not only talk to him but. about something we had in common blame.

him. you also have somebody to blame these. day you could take your daddy to court. sue em boy the state versus drip-drop. you feel me but I think it's something. you have in common with your father and. he cares about you you know he's damp. with affection for his son he's damp. with sentiment for his boy and that. could be anything coming out of your. hands dude who could you know who knows. man. damn that could be that body skeet but.

it could be the Lord trying to just just. really blossom right out of your palms. so there's a lot going on with you man. and I think they're supposed to be you. know you don't want to have a dry. existence so I would put some you know. do maybe there's like a powder that's. real fine people wouldn't notice you. could put in your pockets you could wear. gloves really cool chill gloves or. something. fashions gotten so weird you could. almost do whatever you want he could do.

some blue jean gloves or something like. that something that's really kind of. unique or like rocky rocky remember you. wore that and he just had a lisp so he. didn't even he wasn't even if. fashionable he has speech impediment he. [ __ ] you know wore mittens so Jesus. Christ Brian he had a great career. I think there's a lot of possibility for. you man and I love you Brian I hope when. I see you dude you [ __ ] shake me you. shake my hand with one of those wet.

[ __ ] baby cuz I'm gonna grip that. thing and I'm gonna pull you me and. daddy and give you that one-handed. [ __ ] that [ __ ] lava lock baby that. love that [ __ ] one-handed [ __ ]. love hustle real fast boy that half a. hug you feel me I'm in and out huh okay. I gotta go to Atlanta man they say they. say look man we got to fly you out here. we got to do all of that so we got a. week of training and and that just means.

like going over rehearsals and looking. at things and stuff like that and you. know I think the scariest thing for me. is that I've been doing things you know. podcasting is stand-up it's your own. thing and I have to work with others. here and I'm definitely excited it's. going to be cool but it's just you know. I have to remember that so I got a you. know it's not about me it's about a. project everybody's trying to do you. know I'm hoping to learn and I'm hoping.

to have an experience that I could share. with others and I mean you guys so Gang. Gang yeah we'll see you guys next time. and yeah be good to yourselves I am. having a tough time like connecting with. myself so that's been really really. tough for me so I feel like sometimes. you know I don't know what's going on.

but everything's gonna be okay. do you know that I believe that and just. got a stay in the pocket you know stay. in the pocket in one moment at a time. and don't get its own future trip and. stay in gratitude you know I mean how we. all have a lot to be grateful for you. know we all do and and we're all.

listening right we're right here right. now and thank you guys for being a part. of my life man and be good to yourself. and and I hope you deserve it I'm so. grateful that I have you know I have. something. [Music]. you know when they say you want to come. do this thing I didn't just think oh. yeah years ago I thought oh yeah my. first thought was man what I'm gonna. have to do my podcast you know how am I. gonna do it you know what am I gonna do.

and so that and so we you know know some. of the episodes will stop then we'll. stop at all room no Monday episodes but. I'm gonna cut back on some guest. episodes because I need to for my own. well-being and that's as far as I know. right now and that could you know I. don't think that would change but that's. the goal right now you know and so I'm.

gonna be good to myself because I know I. deserve it you guys tell me that all the. time when I see you in person so thank. you very much and you do the same for. yourself she's got the vibe that burlock. shot of whiskey she's been known to. bring a man to his knees she'll take all. you have you never see a common that's.

how I know. the devil has Obama. [Music]. [Music].

me. [Music]. [Music]. [Music].

you'll save you walls in anything. Matthew wants you to. [Music]. [Music]. never thing. [Music].

and enjoy your first meeting brother. hope you enjoy your first meeting man. I'm about to go 2-1 to myself right now. so. [Music].

[Music]. that he saw somewhere that bound in. Georgia he says she plays a pretty mean. fiddle it's true who believe oh you got.

that feeling of gold she will never have. missed out you want and that's how no. ever has a woman. [Music]. that's how no terrorism. [Applause]. [Music].

[Music].

[Music]. [Laughter].