Door to Door | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #452

I have some new tour dates to announce. and some of these are coming up soon and. these are new. August 3rd Chattanooga Tennessee. Soldiers and Sailors Memorial auditoring. Auditorium. August 4th Memphis Tennessee the Canon. Center for the Performing Arts. September 7th Milwaukee. [Music]. September 13th San Jose. California the San Jose Civic Center. September 16th Oakland California the.

Paramount Theater. October 5th Cleveland Ohio at Temple. live at Cleveland Masonic. and then October 7th Akron Ohio at E.J. Thomas Hall and October 19th Washington. D.C DAR Constitution Hall artist presale. begins Wednesday July 12th at 10 A.M. local time with code Rat King General on. sale begins Friday July 14th at 10 A.M.

local time we've also added an eighth. show in Toronto on August 30th at the. Elgin Theater tickets for that are. available now get your tickets only at. theovan.com. t-o-u-r any other site is a secondary. site. man craziest thing um. you know I was eating dinner. you know because I. I eat at night. I'm not gonna lie to anybody I eat it I.

eat it you know I eat in the evening I. eat at night. I I eat dinner you know I'm a. it's just kind of one of the people I am. I'm somebody that eats dinner. and. yeah I guess there's a new I don't know. if this is everywhere but this was um. they're going uh blood donor. they're looking for blood. um they came to the door the blood donor.

people come to the door and ask if. anybody is willing to donate blood. and I'm like. you know I'm eating dinner. that was the thing I'm having dinner I. don't wanna. I guess I don't want to stop having. dinner to give to give I mean I want to. give blood I want to be supportive I. just think it's weird. if they're going door to door. trying to get it.

I understand you go to door-to-door you. need a glass of milk. right. I understand you go door to door you. need. um. CPR you know hey Ernie can't breathe we. can't you know we need help. um. but door to door for blood that's a. I can even handle the insect guy hey. buddy we're here you know. you know that guy always shows up he's. like hey man we're just you know.

we're doing we're Exterminating the. neighbors want to extend the option to. you. you know we'll give you forty dollars. off. and then he's always like what's that. behind you is that a wasp you know you. always they always try to scare you them. guys. like oh damn he'll just do like that. with his head and like oh. was that a what you know. and they're doing fake wasps. and some of these companies now these. insect companies they'll have a guy.

sitting in the truck with a little drone. little. drone wasp. and he'll have that [ __ ] going. and they set you up and then he's like. damn your house is infected. you know. you got bed bugs you got benchworms. foreign. you got damn you could have you know. there's probably bumblebees in your. flout and the you know. in your uh bread box and you're like. what you know but before you know it.

that's eighty dollars and you got some. guy spraying gas all right you know. doing that gas all around the house or. the you know they come through and. they're just spraying. I mean those insect people they'll spray. damn. I saw a dude one time he was on his. phone he just had the gun the spray gun. just going. he left about probably seven or eight. ounces of uh. you know it's probably just repellent. he left seven or eight ounces in a.

children's playroom I saw him just he. was only just setting on the gas he was. on his phone ordering something. getting him a Jimmy John or getting them. a. fat Sal's. you know or something. or a vet you know. getting him a little bit of Butch's. Pizza he was ordering something on the. phone. but um. yeah so those are people I can. understand doing door to door. those are people I can understand. foreign.

but when they're door-to-door. like Hey we're here with the blood you. know. so and you know State blood bank or. something and we're here. we're just seeing if anybody in the. house in the home today is willing to. give blood and then the guy kind of. looks in my house like. like. he's gonna see somebody in a distance. who just happened and be like oh you. know I gotta I got extra blood on me or. whatever all right yeah you know I.

wouldn't. I was just going to play some Call of. Duty but I'll drop off a pint I'll give. you half a pint. I um. I don't know if I can legally give blood. or not they said I couldn't one time. because I had done uh steroid use. and they won't let you give blood. so. it kind of hurt my feelings a little bit. but you know it shouldn't hurt my. feeling but when somebody's like hey we.

don't want your blood that's a really. because you got a lot of blood. somebody's like damn we don't want your. blood. yeah door-to-door sale and that would be. going door to door. they don't have as much of it. you know when I was young the egg man. would come and he'd come and he'd bring. you know he'd show you a thing of eggs. you want some eggs you know.

and my mom would be like get our get off. our porch you [ __ ] pervert. because sometimes he'd be looking in the. windows sometimes he'd just be looking. at he wouldn't even have any eggs. he's like dude are you selling eggs or. are you just. a Peeping Tom you know like are you you. don't have any eggs. so what are you doing here. you know it's 10 P.M. and who what other Drive what other. people. they had door-to-door.

um. oh the people would do the magazines and. it was like a scam you know. they come they'd be like dancing on your. porch like hey don't you want a copy of. this magazine you know. and it would be a scam they'd have like. a menu. of magazines even like Time Magazine you. know Newsweek Cosmopolitan. um [ __ ] getting rowdy you're like. that's. and that was a cookbook they also had. like a little cookbook area.

um. but I remember and it was always a scam. you'd pay the guy you would never see. the magazines. and then a year later they'd come back. by. the yeah some of the titles had on there. it was just they were like is this are. these really magazines you know. gays and guns and it was like is that a. that was a I remember they had.

um all types of stuff in there Sports. Illustrated. um different stuff. grateful to be here with you guys today. um I know it's been a while since we had. a solo and I'm sorry about that. but uh it won't be any longer. let's get into it baby it's Bishop gun. [Music].

Cornerstone. oh but when I reach that ground I'll. share this piece of mine I found I can. feel it come on. little town. for me to sell that parking break and. let myself go mine.

I'll sit and tell you my story. [Music]. [Music]. and there they are right there that's. Bishop Gunn with shine gotta love them. so grateful for that song. that song has really giving us an Anthem. and a a piece of material over the years.

to to have together. um. what's going on just staying alive. brother that's it. um uh it's been a bit I'm trying to. think of where to start. um I feel a little bit nervous actually. I think I don't know if I just haven't. done this in a while or. uh. yeah I don't know I feel a little. nervous I feel kind of nervous today.

um. so that's okay I'm just going to say. that. you know and that's okay. um. yeah I want to just fill you in what's. going on with with with me recently just. tell you what I've been up to and uh. yeah see I feel like I'm just forgetting. how to do this but that's okay. I'm not it's just like a new it's just. been a little bit. um of doing a solo episode haven't done. it in a while and so I'm really grateful.

I was really excited to be able to sit. here and I want to get into some calls. in a little bit. um. I just got back I went to UFC that was. really cool but one thing I did really. recently that was. that was just Divine and I mean you. could just God it was just dang divine. I mean you could feel the Lord just just. touching you while you were watching it. and it was the rodeo.

I went to the rodeo recently I went to. the Franklin Rodeo and it was in. Franklin Tennessee and. um man the rodeo you think it's going to. be a p you know. a lot of people spit and dip and. and even women doing it you'll have a. woman she'll have it you know. she'll ever hit a Copenhagen tucked up. you know somebody's they're tough. they'll tuck they'll tuck a hitter Hagen. right up in their labia you know what. I'm saying they don't.

you're like damn which where's she. spitting from you know and stuff so it. can be a unique lot out there but. or a unique lot of people that go to. watch Rodeo but it was unbelievably. entertaining. I had just. I've forgotten how good it was you know. I think I'd only been once and um. and I had pink eye so I couldn't even. see that good I remember I think my mom. took us once and um.

and yeah so I was you know. only had you know my I was. I was infected at the time so I couldn't. see good but it was unbelievable I went. to the Franklin Rodeo and. at one point there's this event where. they bring out all of these they bring. children out of the stands and they they. tie like ribbons to. the the tale of. or they put like a ribbon onto the end.

of a sheep and they let the sheep run. and all these kids just Chase these. sheep trying to get the ribbon off of. the tail it's just. it was insane and then you have also. bull riding. um. and then you have. there's some calf like roping and stuff. some of that's kind of intense if you. were kind of like very you know pretty. sensitive it can be maybe a little bit. intense but. yeah I mean you'll see they'll be lasso.

and sometimes they'll. you'll see milk fly to something you. know you're like damn was that milk. and your dad's like cover your eyes. you're not supposed to be on this. website. um but they had a horse there's one. point where they TR some this man had. trained a horse. and the horse stands up on his legs. brother and I'd never seen this. and this horse I don't know if he was. like a business or like a business horse. or if he's one of the.

you know if he. I don't know how he got his skill set. really. but he stood upon his legs like in the. middle of the arena and then he walked. out of the Arena. on his legs a horse. and I'd never seen it. but it blew my mind anyway if you get a. chance to go see a rodeo. um I totally recommend it I just I'd. forgotten how great it was how. interesting it was.

um the different amounts of talent you. get to cheer for people. they got some hardcores out there too. I mean they got some women out they got. some. strong you know men and women. they got some people that are. real. they got some people that'll [ __ ]. they'll shake your [ __ ] hand. you know. they will shake your hand.

so they have some people like that out. there um. but yeah it was amazing I just want to. recommend the rodeo if you haven't been. going and doing things that are. interesting or you're thinking oh. there's nothing in my area or if you. just haven't been to a rodeo in a long. time I want to recommend the rodeo. um. what else we had the uh we had the. Roseanne uh our Roseanne episode got. taken down do a little bit of business. with you guys here.

um our Roseanne episode got taken down. uh and we got strikes on YouTube uh a. strike. on YouTube. and we couldn't post for a week those. were the rules. um and at first I was really shocked you. know I believe that I believe that what. Roseanne said was satire. right I believe that wholeheartedly I. believe that she is a comedian I know. she's a comedian we're having a. saturation we're having a conversation.

she was being satirical to me very. evident. um. now YouTube has their own policies they. have hate speech policies and that's. what we got uh our strike for was hate. speech. um and I think I was I was kind of. offended by that. you know I thought I didn't think that. that was. um. I didn't think that it was fair. and I think the toughest part was. there's no communication you don't get.

to communicate with YouTube really about. it. right they kind of this ruling comes. from like a place you can't or people. you can't communicate with or access and. then. um that's how they do it right. and now I understand they have their. policies and they have to do their best. to uphold their policies right and I'm. thankful to YouTube I'm very grateful. that it exists. right because I have a place to speak. from.

um. you know I have a platform uh from which. to talk and and a place to host a show. like I'm very grateful for that. truly am. but yeah I think the tough part was just. that it felt like there was no. communication about it it was just like. this is what it is. and. and I understand that's their policies. but. I think there was. um there should be I feel like you.

should have some conversation about it. because they call. for YouTube they call you like Partners. right you're like we're partners. you know. because I'm not an employee of YouTube. but I'm a partner that's what they they. call it you know that you're a partner. YouTube Partner. and so. yeah I just felt like if I'm a partner. then let's at least have a discussion. with me about what's going on.

um. so you can hear what I'm you can hear. what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. you know so I think that was the. toughest part I just felt like it was. kind of uh. uh I felt like there was no chance for. me to. speak. or share what I was thinking or feeling. and maybe that's just how it is you know. that's business. um so I don't know I had some different. feelings about it. um um. you know I also have to take into. account that I want to be able to have a.

show I want to be able to connect with. people. and um. and just times are different. you know people could say well you can. still have your voice even if you lose a. Channel or you're. social media gets taken down you still. have your own voice. which is true. but times have changed you know it's. like. um it's not just a soap box in your. neighborhood anymore in your tribe you. know your people are communicating with.

a lot more people at once. and on bigger levels. um or different levels. but when you communicate something out. in social media on YouTube it's. accessible to more people so it's not. like you're just standing on your. soapbox. you know in a town hall or something. um. so it's really like YouTube has kind of. become like paper like they're the paper. you know all these social media.

platforms they're the paper now. and it's almost sometimes it feels like. well the paper. gets to determine what's written on it. whereas it used to feel more like hey. you can write what you want on this. paper. and deal with. people's and deal with consequences or. interpretations of it. but now as soon as it feels like well if. you. put something on this paper. the paper. is now determining what you're even.

allowed to it's like as if a piece of. paper you're writing stuff on it and the. paper was able to. edit as you're writing. so I don't know if that makes any sense. but. it's just it you know it's just an. interesting time. now what was really crazy was that. when the episode got taken down I. believe that uh it should be able to. live somewhere right I believe that it. was a great episode I was really. grateful to.

um be be able to talk with. you know a real Matrix matriarch yeah a. real matriarch of Comedy. you know she is. I mean. she there's nobody like Roseanne. you know and I know she's had a lot of. like things that have come at her over. the years a lot of. um you know she always makes controversy. she always does.

um sometimes it seems like it's too much. for sure. uh other times it seems like. what you would expect out of a comedian. out of a. an instigator. you know it's kind of what you would. expect. um because that's what that's what. challenges comedians in the first place. like oh I can say this I can't say this. how do I. you know how do I Mill around this area.

of taboo. right whatever the taboo is. um. but then so then I put the episode on to. Twitter. because they allow longer form episodes. now or longer video on there and then. Elon Musk. the freaking alien. liaison you know. he. he shared it.

and so that went. I mean that was unbelievable that you. know just the fact that he did it you. know. um now and whatever you think about Elon. you know or whatever you you know that's. not it that that isn't that's not what. I'm thinking about I'm just thinking how. fat he was like a man who's like an. influential man. and he's sharing. you know me and Roseanne and I having a. conversation so. it was just pretty fascinating uh the.

whole experience is kind of fascinating. you know I think I was bummed out. because I feel like I've done a lot of. like neat work on YouTube and I'll try. and show up every week for the channel. and. um. yeah so I think that's what that's what. it was like if we're Partners have a. discussion at least someone speak to me. um. but that's uh. that's there it's their it's their. platform. and those are that's how that's their.

rules. and you know a lot of times we have to. play Within. um. the rules you know if I walk onto a. basketball court I I know. the rules you know and. that's the rules so. today's episode is brought to you by. betterhelp we're grateful for them we're. grateful for facilities that offer help. to people. if you are struggling feeling like. yourself shoot I am today.

um then better help can be there for you. one thing that I love about betterhelp. is that you can FaceTime you can call. you can text with a therapist you can. um kind of like level it the way that it. works best for you. um if you're working with a therapist. and you don't feel comfortable with them. get a new therapist. you're not going to hurt anybody's. feelings. um but you want to try different ones. until you get one that you feel like is.

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I had a good time I got to go to Utah. and they they have a water shortage over. there. so if you got a bucket of water or. something you tell you man you get you. two buckets of water it'll get you'll. you'll get a date with a with the prom. queen over there. you know if you're appropriately aged. two buckets of water homie they'll do. you know if you're in southern Utah they. got a there's a drought. if you start crying somebody come up and. hold a plant right under you like hey.

buddy I know you're depressed but. I got this Bougainvillea that needs some. help. um. yeah there's a drought and I thought it. was interesting like in this town uh we. did a show in Springdale Utah and it was. beautiful. I'd never done this it was like outdoors. and there was. um. you know just nature big chunks of. um. oh.

what is it like a big. um. how do I do. a big chunk of nature. it's like where nature raises their hand. kind of mountains. they have huge mountains. and what is that mountain range. Southern Utah. and that mountain range is the Wasatch. Range I think. and it goes over there to um Mount Zion.

Park and it's just stunning. but we had a show over there and my. brother lives in that area and they only. have so much water. and so. yeah I mean you gotta. you know you gotta you gotta ask for. help. um if you need water you you they don't. people don't have it. you know people just don't I mean you. sometimes I would find myself licking my. hands and then rubbing it in my eyes.

so I could still blink like you get. dehydrated there pretty easily so. um they have like water shares it's. called in the area where. if you. move you can't build a new home there. unless you have water shares. and. um and that's like your allotment of. water. and my brother in the morning they go. and they turn they like Go in different. parts of their town and they have to. turn these different valves and then.

they get their share of water. so it's pretty. like we went for a ride and we turned a. valve then we went to another part and. turned another one. and then went to another place and. turned another one. and at that time you're like on. unleashing the water and then you get. back home and the water is just coming. down the street like in this little. um. like cement ravine. and you're getting like your allotment.

of water for. the week or month I thought that was. pretty cool I've never seen it before. but the people are damn dehydrated there. you know you gotta you know they're. sharing water every ounce is accounted. for in that area you'll tell some of you. tell a neighbor hey can you flush your. toilet. because. we. we want to make some soup you know it's. just they don't have uh. they don't have a lot to go around so.

what else do I want to talk to you guys. about. oh I went and did Kill Tony that was. amazing if you haven't seen kill Tony. it's unbelievable. I think it's unbelievable what they put. together there. it's uh. it's like the realest. I mean they have people that get up to. get up and do one minute of Comedy have. your name pulled out of a hat it's so.

hard to do one minute is hard to do. because it's like. you can't really go into a story. so you kind of have to just tell a. couple jokes. um. but it's just so much pressure and then. it's crazy because the the performer. gets one minute and they know that's. what they get but then Tony gets 2 000. minutes if he wants to rip them to. shreds. um and they just have a beautiful band.

there somebody is um blind. so that's on you know anytime you got a. blind guy that's a [ __ ] crystal ball. right there. that's the original crystal ball do you. rub on a blind guy until he says. something. and if that you know. I mean that's that's dark magic baby. if you rub on a blind until they just. whatever they say and then that's.

the original crystal ball right there. um but if you haven't seen kill Tony I. was just it just blew my mind how great. it was and what I just forget kind of. and it's just if you never watched it. you just have to watch it sometime. um. so. what else did I want to say went to. Tampa. had a couple good shows in Tampa one. night was a little tough I thought. same for Vegas one night was a little. tough. you know I think I've been feeling all I.

feel I think what I'm realizing what I. feel I feel just feel a lot of pressure. today uh. and I know there's no pressure by you. guys it's just pressure by from my own. self I guess you know I just feel. um. as the podcast has gotten busier. uh I feel more. I guess I feel more. like a. um. like how do I do it that like that I.

have to do it that I have to do it. perfectly. you know that's what I feel like. um. yeah I think I feel like since there's. more people that have been tuning in. that I have to do it perfectly. so and that's okay it's a normal. probably thing that people feel that way. um. yeah so I'm just taking you guys through.

I guess some of my thoughts right now. but I you know I can't I I I I I can't. do it perfectly. you know I can't do it perfectly so I. can't I have to be careful not to leave. myself in that space where I'm. putting that much pressure on myself. um. yeah uh. so I'm just gonna do it you know to the. best of my ability that's what I'm gonna. do and I know it's easy for me to say. that but yeah for some reason I just.

have a lot of that feeling like. I just have but I think that's that's. some of the nervousness. that that does have feel like this. feeling of just that I have to do this. perfectly. and that's. um. I don't know what that is but. it's uh it feels like a pressure. and I know nobody's putting that. pressure on me it's just in my own head. and some of that was probably natural. but I just wanted to speak that out loud. so um.

just conscious of what. I'm feeling instead of just feeling. something and not trying to know what it. is. but let's get into some calls man we had. some that came in as always the hotline. is. [Music]. 985-664-9503 the Baja. I've been working on that just even. turned down in the bar in the Baja soda. bajas in the Baja soda Minnesota yeah.

and you want to know why. and you wanna know why. foreign. got this pug shirt on them keyed up boy. damn son. I'll I'll pee behind your cousin's house. dog with this shirt on. that's who I am bro.

I'll run up and just start humping your. leg baby that's what happens homie. with this shirt on anything's possible. you can identify whatever you want. that's the thing. bro you could you know. you could Chase uh somebody's [ __ ] uh. you could chase a squirrel. and nobody say nothing to you. that's the power of the Pug shirt. that's the power of the Pug shirt baby.

um let's get into a couple calls here. this is golden Drake I'd like to talk to. you. because you're one of my favorite. comedians. thank you Garland Drac. um appreciate the call brother and thank. you for the nice words man let's hear. more my phone number is 270. 893. -55.

[ __ ] I remember my number man. 270-89-893. [Music]. -270. [ __ ]. five. eight nine three. eight nine three. two seven oh. [ __ ]. ing well and then and uh hold on man. yeah that's and that's. there you go well.

we tried our best Garland we tried our. best there brother. and thank you uh again for the nice. words and that's where that look that's. the age we live in now people don't. remember their phone number. um. what else we got here. [Music]. hey Theo uh recently I was at the. OB GYN the ladies doctor.

um I recently miscarried and you know. you have to go for a couple appointments. afterward and I happen to have been. listening to your and stavros's uh. podcast. and the doctor overheard where you. prefer to call the ladies Parts uh. Cooter oh yeah.

Cooter baby I know what you're saying. and that's. yeah cause cooter. you know you people know what it is but. you could also pretend hey it could be. something else you know oh man we were. we just saw a cooter run by here you. know. well look what is that a cooter you know. you can almost pretend oh damn. my cousin. you just got. attacked by a cooter.

um yeah just there's I think you know. it's still enough of the masking where. you don't have to. you know say uh. you know what I'm talking about. so onward. instead of the other word that starts. with a P yeah and I just said it too I'm. gonna say it again real quick I'm gonna. pretend like I'm not saying it but. okay onward and. and she thought that it was.

absolutely one of the funniest things. she had ever heard. and then she asked what you would prefer. to call the male equivalent and I. realized I didn't know. what you would prefer to call it that. deaf leopard homie that's what I call it. that Def Leppard baby. that skeet Pony you know what I'm saying.

that bust knuckle. I think these are good terms for it. that sperm Randall they'll call us. sometimes. Daddy got that sperm Randall on him. um what else people call it the uh. that batter twig. somebody say let me break you off a. little something let me break you off. half a tablespoon out this batter twig. I would say wiener as well.

you know. um. I think people say wiener. and I think weiner is good you can say. it near children. if you yell at somebody too suck my. weiner. it almost seems like oh this guy kind of. means it because everybody says SMD. right say hey man hey but if you say. hook my will. I think people are more into it what. else I watched that uh Joey Chestnut.

that guy. that Frank that that [ __ ] that dude. is a damn Frank pony huh. gosh and that dude just he's that real. boner homie. he'll throw them uh he'll just guzzle. them Franks God how many gay dudes. watch the. Nathan's. hot dog eating contest I mean it must be.

it must be like the when people do those. Game of Thrones viewing parties there's. no way that in gay culture that isn't a. huge thing. that should be on Pay-per-view. at every gay club I feel like there's no. it would it should be the biggest. night at the gay club it's like the. Super Bowl it feels like. some dude right.

yammering down 67 francs bro. that'll. I mean I don't if you I think if you are. gay and. around I think that will excite you. I would think so. um. so anyway just thinking out loud I don't. even know what I'm talking about but. yeah that's what I think I would call it. probably. and I think uh. I would call it probably uh wiener.

that Cooter bridge too. because a lot of times if you're making. love to somebody and you look down your. your wiener just looks like a bridge. between you. and. cooter. you know you could if you if you even. had like little characters you could put. them on it. a hunting where you will go a hunting we.

or you know I don't know what you could. do different music I guess but. but yeah Joey Chestnut damn he rumbled. down in French boy and then he's wet. he's just like his all it's all in his. shirt and chest there's how is that not. the gay Super Bowl. you have to prepare for your financial. future there's no doubt about it you. have to prepare for what you want your. future to look like if you want to save.

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this past weekend or dial pound law. pound 529 from your cell phone that's. for the people.com. this past weekend or dial pound law. pound 529 from your cell this is a paid. advertisement. all right let's get to another call. um. this episode's a little all over the. place guys uh I want to thank everybody. that's come out recently and seen me.

um dude it's just been unreal. you know and it feels I think. it feels tough to repay people for the. support. that's I think sometimes what feels a. little bit tough it's like man. how will I be able to be as supportive. to this person. you know. how how can I be as supportive to you.

who has been who's being supportive to. me. um. so it's okay it's just in my heart I. think some of it'll get figured out over. time. [Music]. uh but yeah I think about that though. and I'm just yeah I'm just thankful that. you guys have been coming out. all types of people damn Chicanos. americanos uh. Black Folk we've had uh Chinese.

um. um we've had. you know kind of uh. you know what I'm talking about. um. Filipinos. we've had everybody. all types have come out and we're just. grateful for everyone so thank you guys. so much and women too. and this has been beautiful a lot of. beautiful ladies come out too and Men. let's see what else we got here.

hey Theo this is Jacob price from South. Bend Indiana uh I know on your podcast. you talk a lot about you know what you. like about certain girls you know South. Bend and I've been over there to. Mishawaka as well. and I got uh. stuck in a. uh I got stuck in a townhouse with a man. who was. um chain smoking cigars. and I got stuck in there for a couple. days with him let's hear more.

they talk about what we like in girls. but I was just curious uh what some of. your turn offs are uh you know something. oh yeah turn offs brother I feel it and. I would say probably chatty. if somebody's. just being too chatty why are they doing. it. don't do it. um orange perfume if somebody's wearing. orange perfume. I don't like it I don't like it I don't.

like it that much senior citizen perfume. a lot of some of those have younger. women wearing senior citizen perfume I. don't understand that you can wear it. when you get there you know. um. I prefer if a woman doesn't work or know. the value will work I'm out I like a. hard-working woman. um. now she don't have to have three jobs. but I like a woman who just knows the. value of work.

um. what else. oh turn off for me can't swim. if you can't swim honey. I mean the Earth is 80 water. so. if there's you know if there's a tsunami. and you trying to get on my back bye. [ __ ] I'm doing me. you know what I'm saying I you know. I ain't your floaty.

I ain't nobody floaty. so yeah if she can't swim I'm out. and what else. oh if she has way too many dietary. restrictions. I'm out. I'd love to discuss it more but no I. wouldn't I'm out I'm upstairs. so I think those are some of the things. that I really like and um.

that. that are some of my things about women. you know and if women if a woman hate. butterscotches if you hate. butterscotch's baby. then I'm out. cause I love them I love a damn Beast. gosh for Daddy. let's take another call here. hey man my name is Angel bro and I. wanted to ask you something what do you. think about Colombians.

oh yeah. well they're beautiful I mean most of. them are beautiful when um and all of. them are. you know. um. I couldn't you know I I believe in. Colombians. you know I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it so when I see him I see. you know I couldn't do it brother. Colombia. um.

boy I'd be upstairs in a one-story house. homie that's how geeked up on that. hey you've been doing cooking. God damn. dude I'd snort everything in that damn. Country Boy. they call me baby Dyson I'll be out. there [ __ ]. dude I'll do one 70th of an eight ball.

out of somebody's out of a big girl's. belly button homie. that's who I am. I'm upstairs. yeah that's the thing I couldn't have. survived there so when I see a Colombian. you know. I re respectado. respectado. because I couldn't have done it man. for my I would have got an eight ball. for my 12th birthday. yes I wouldn't even have blown out the.

can I would have just done blow I. wouldn't I would not have blown out the. candles oh but it just they Delight all. the candles I'd be doing you know. I'll be off doing gramming out I'm like. damn the Cake's burning. I'd be like my brain is burning. so there's a lot of me that's you know. that I would that that that that. so I commend them when I see them it's. just like damn how'd you do it I mean.

I'd have been so coked up I'd have. turned 13 in a week. you give me eight ball for my 12th. birthday homie I'll be 13 in a week. so I just know that I would not have. been able to stay alive. you know I grew up running a lot of. sugar cane. and I I did enough of that. so if I was by that. that snow came baby. I'll be a sharecropper son.

well we can do something called kind of. I will do it uh. so yeah I just couldn't have done it but. I believe in Colombians and I command. them and they should if they even make. it to 18 I think they should be they. should get a free house or free truck. small truck. but that's just what I think thank you. for calling and asking me and caring. about what I think is very sweet of you. let's see what else we got here.

listening to your podcast with Adam. yeah thank you that was an episode with. Adam DeVine who was just in and man I I. uh I started the movie Outlaws and it's. good it's funny it's. um I'm looking forward to watching the. rest of it he is really funny. man I didn't I knew Adam was funny he's. always been very entertaining I I just I. I'm glad I I'm getting to see him again.

um. yeah he is just he's really uh he's uh. he's extremely unique onward. y'all brought up the topic. similar story to that. uh this lady you know when we're 13 she. used to buy a beer and [ __ ] you know she. was she was behind like 28 30 years old. and we all thought it was cool but uh. she also worked at a cafe in town and. they sold really good chicken strips but.

uh oh yeah. yeah man and meeting an older woman is. very easy there's something very erotic. about it when you're a child. or when you're a teenager or something. or something. if you haven't you know once you start. getting. sexual interest. once you start looking through your. wiener as that third eye. you know you start seeing the world. differently. and you really do so yeah I could. imagine if there was a woman who you.

felt a connection to. and that she also had. um chicken strips or another good. appetizer that that would be very. uh temptational let's hear more. when we she said get us food and. and you know she'd take us to her house. or something and we'd bang her out or oh. okay whoa surprise right there I didn't. he really. that took a turn in the thing onward.

you know get nasty. anyway uh I lost my virginity to her for. some free chicken strips in the cafe. bathroom. and uh oh yeah. oh yeah buddy well there's something. beautiful about making love at work. there's something dangerous too about it. risque. you know especially if they had uh. uh chicken strips man there's something. very.

avant-garde. uh about making love near a deep fryer. an active deep fryer. you know because you know if you're. doing sex things can get. you know there can be level changes. there's you know so. if you're in a if you're near an active. deep fryer that [ __ ] you get one one. you have one paw that slips off into. that thing. you know you you're playing catch for.

the dang uh. apple fritter after that you know you're. gonna be living with the damn bear claw. on you. so I think there's different ways to do. it then you know you're going to be. doing the pledge of allegiance with the. damn funnel cake over your for a for a. for a hand. so that's a thing you could end up real. damaged now I'd say this if you fried. your hand this would be the craziest. thing I bet. if you flash fried your hand you're.

doing you're in the kitchen. your hand slips in there. how hard would it not be the first thing. to just bite into it. thank you for the call Brother. appreciate you and I hope we could offer. you a little bit of thought there. but. um. [Music]. dude I got to see Mel Gibson at the UFC. man I was so excited. I feel bad sometimes sharing about stuff. like that because I feel like it makes. me like. seem like I'm like a fancy guy you know.

um. or like that I'm name dropping but it. was just fun like it just. yeah dude I can't believe that I got to. go again. and yeah it was just. I mean it was wild dude Mark Maguire was. there. um. and I love him.

um no Mark Wahlberg. sorry uh. uh yeah and then. Mel Gibson dude Mel Gibson. from the Patriot brother aim small Miss. small. God he was there. and I want to see that new documentary. that came out. um. that everybody's been talking about so. we'll see if I can get to view that uh.

let's take a couple more calls thank you. guys as always. 985-664-9503 I'm gonna try to do another. solo episode soon I'm feeling a little. bit more settled I feel very uh. like I don't know frenetic today or. frenetic. um so I'm not trying to complain I'm. just trying to share with how I'm. feeling and sometimes it's like I can't. even I don't know I'm having trouble. even knowing how I'm feeling today this. just feels uh. well [ __ ] it's [ __ ] Monday so what.

are you gonna do even. um. hey the uh uh I have a question for you. I didn't know what you would do uh me. and my wife tried out a threesome with. another girl and turns out she likes. girls now. and then we tried a threesome with. another dude and it turns out I kind of. like dudes so we're thinking about going. our separate ways. what would you do. well.

y'all gay bro. you know and that's. that's great man you know that you're. gay. that's because the craziest thing is. when people don't know. when people don't know they gay. they they find themselves doing stuff. and wondering why they're doing it. they'll go lay on top of a man or. something for a few minutes and like. what the [ __ ] are they and they but they.

don't know it. you know sometimes people don't know. they're gay. and so at least you guys have figured. out I believe there's a lot of. um. kind of uh. I don't know if I want to say incoherent. gays out there but people that are gay. that do not know. they are gay. they're almost like ghosts.

like ghost gays or whatever but I think. more incoherent gays because they are. gay but they do not know it. you know. you have a man you put you'll put him in. a wiener shed or whatever he'll sit in. there for four [ __ ] hours. but then he'll come out talking about. his uh wife but he didn't he didn't he. ain't thinking hey why I've been in. there for four hours. in that wiener said boy that's gay and. boy. so congrats you uh gations.

congratulations brother I'm happy for. you guys. um. what else my buddy Ernest fell off the. stage I don't know if you saw this it's. a great Tick Tock uh it was Morgan. Wallen Nelly Ernest there was a show. and Ernest tried to throw this Rose they. have a beautiful song called flower. shops. um. and he tried to throw a rose like as I. guess as far as anybody's ever thrown a.

rose before. and uh. and he just you know he put hey he put. it all into it he used to pitch at. Lipscomb. he used to pitch at Lipscomb and uh. this one was a little outside. uh what else do we got let's let's take. one or two more calls from you guys man. um you can always hit the hotline. 985-664-9503 let me know what's going on. with you.

um. some exciting guests that we have coming. up. uh a lot of excitement in the air so. hello folks Larry in Upstate New York. um what's up Larry. just listening to the most recent. broadcast. [Music]. and you guys are talking about Guinness. book records and did Tom ever want to.

have like a thing where he could do the. set of Records and it's funny you're. talking about this because I happen to. have thought about that and my thing I. would like to do is the longest P the. the longest urine taken steadily. straight constant stream longest time. they may already have somebody in there. well yeah look I think that's a. beautiful suggestion doing the longest. pee is beautiful.

for Tom Segura and. um. and Bert Kreischer what would be a good. Guinness record for them. maybe longest sandwich. you know seeing both of them started the. opposite end of a different sandwich and. eat their way as far as they could. and try to meet in the middle. or just eat a long sandwich together the. other sorry the first way it sounds a. little bit yeah. but uh just eat it yeah just eat a eat.

eat the world's longest sandwich the. longest two men have ever stood bare. chested pressing their chests against. each other. I could see them doing that. um what else could I see Tom and Bert. doing for a Guinness record. um. maybe the longest sentence. you know Bert can get into some long. sentences so maybe if he started a sense. and just tried to go as far as anybody's. ever gone. but also making sure that the sentence. makes sense so that would be.

really really interesting. um what else. that's a good one I'd love to throw that. out to you guys what would be some. really neat Guinness Records to try and. set some rare ones I think the longest. maybe if you filled uh. if you fill your mouth with lump crab. meat. and ran. like ran like did you know. whoever could run the farthest with a. mouthful of. um LCM baby lump crab meat.

I think that would be quite a work of. art. um yeah but those are some nice thoughts. man good to think out loud and be having. my brain work that makes me feel good. when my brain is. um active. made me feel warm. let's take this call right here here we. go. what's up here this is Zach bro. um right here at work right now brother. just uh I'm a Superman that's what I do. with y'all I clean the sewers they oh.

yeah brother you're a Ninja Turtle baby. you down there and then pipes homie. so uh thank you very much for the call. let's hear more. get in there get in there and clean up. baby. but uh. we just um. tomorrow's uh the anniversary of my. father he uh you know he recently passed. away about two years ago. and uh. accomplished a lot you know in the time. that he's gone and.

it's been a little rough because uh you. know he hasn't really uh I didn't really. get a chance to show him. um everything you know that I've been. able to accomplish you know. um but. just put a little down about Bill and uh. you know I uh I know you've been through. similar struggles with I didn't really. know my father I knew him I knew him. well but not well enough you know. um so. I just want to know if you have any. advice about that deal.

just feeling a little down about my. props that's all but uh appreciate you. man gang baby thank you for the call. um. yeah man he. he's so proud of you. man he's so proud of you. and I'm sorry that he's not here with. you anymore. um.

you know there's. I think about this a lot I think about. that your heartbeat like if you want to. feel your father you can put your heart. you can put your hand on your heartbeat. because he made that beat he and your. mother. they remixed a human that's how that. that's how it works. they they cut a track and that was you.

but your heartbeat is it's their heart. beats. so that's the that's your that's the. drum of your father. he's it's he's in you. you know I can put my the I can put my. hand on my heart and I can feel. a beat that my father started that his. father started it's such.

that's why when I think we have those. feelings of pile of being feeling like. you know that our parents are proud of. us or. um. that feeling of Pride goes so you can. feel how deep it is. I mean it'll bring tears to your eyes. sometimes. you know as a young man if you you know. sometimes especially you ask yourself. like is my is my father proud of me man. that's the that is the.

there's nothing sharper than that edge. in a man. even the craziest thing is even if you. didn't even know your father. you know I can relate I didn't have. enough moments with my father that would. help us know each other well enough as. humans and as men I had some experiences. but I didn't have as many conversations. and like um.

intimate connections you know or. sentimental connections because he was. passing away as I was just coming into. my teenagers years and stuff so I can. just relate I can just relate in that. sense. um. and it's crazy that you just want your. dad to be proud of you. there's nothing else a guy wants. it's like yeah I bear I you know I know. my father some but not a lot.

but all I just that question will hit me. sometimes man I just hope he was proud. of me. so I just want to tell you that your. dad's real proud of you bro and uh. yeah and he put that beat in you man. that's his heartbeat. so if you want to feel your dad you want. to feel his that's his sound that sound. started with him. I mean you just a sample track homie.

we all are. but I know he's proud of you man. um. and I'm sorry that he's gone but he's. living he's through you. when you smile he smiles. that's his smiles. when you see something beautiful he sees. Something Beautiful. and when you do good.

and probably even when you don't man. he's he's proud of you. um. so just keep your head up on me and know. that you're not alone you know and other. way you can get uh you can live. vicariously and we like. you know when you interact with a mentor. a male mentor of yours. um and you let them know hey I really. appreciate this I appreciate uh your.

outlooks and your thoughts you know if. you do. um that's a way to get a little bit of. fatherhood from someone else. um it's interesting it's like. you know maybe if you see a young man. and he's trying to do something for his. father but he can't do it or he can't. afford it or he can't help if you step. in there and help that's you doing. something for a father. and it may not be your father but you. are doing something for that position of. of a father.

you are being of assistance to a father. and I notice that sometimes it helps me. some. you know it helps me uh. you know my father was real old so if I. do something nice for an old man an. older man it. it's. um or if I do something nice for a. friend's father it's it's in a way it's. me doing something nice for my own. father. you know I'm just it's like a um. I want to say example but there's a.

better term for it. um so you can have your relationship. vicariously you can have that those. needs fulfilled somewhat a little bit. vicariously through other uh people's. relationships and father-son. relationships I find anyway. you know I have moments where I'll tell. some of my friends fathers who've had. importance in my life I'll say to them. hey I want to thank you you know like um. you know some of what I needed I was. missing but you showed up there. and um and that's not a knock to my.

father. because my father I'm just I'm really. saying it's kind of like I'm using. someone else as a um. as like a template or as a mannequin for. my own father. [Music]. um. foreign. [Music]. but yeah isn't it so deep how it's so in. it's like all a man all the young man. wants is for his father to be proud of. him. you know it's unbelievable.

it's unbelievable what a want that is. maybe if we taught more in schools from. that perspective. instead of from a knowledge perspective. what if we taught more from like an. emotional need perspective. like what if that you know how many of. your like what if a class for a young.

men was how many of you want your father. to be proud of you you know. and then you taught from there. these are ways in the world where you. can create. um. where you can uh fulfill that need. um. anyway. uh thank you for calling brother and I. love you man and I appreciate you and. I'm proud of you too dude I really am.

I really am man. um. uh yeah what else we got some great new. tour dates that we mentioned in the. beginning a lot of new cities so if you. get a chance. um looking forward to seeing you guys. there. uh I'm trying to think of anything else. that's been going on I don't know. I'm just trying my best today it's one. of those days you know I uh I prepared. some today to be prepared and it's just.

um. you know you do the best you can and so. that's what we're doing. um I want to thank so many people for. being a part of my journey and being a. part of this uh podcast. um. yeah. man I'm trying just I'm just I'm having. a tough time today a little bit it's. okay I'm fine I just wanna you know it. is what it is. um I love you guys. um. will go in the way that we came out.

uh I hope to do another solo episode. soon. I'll do a better job of not making it so. long between them. and um. yeah. I appreciate you and thank you guys met. so many nice people that have come out. over the to the over the past few months. to the shows. um. it's just it's hard to process uh at all. sometimes. and feel like you're showing enough.

gratitude at the same time so. um that's some of the journey that I'm. in right now and um. yeah. that's what's going on over here. um I'll see you guys in Edmonton this. week and then up through the Northeast. we have shows next week and. um. yes thank you thank you guys for. supporting me uh sometimes when you. agree with me or sometimes when you. don't. um. you know that's something I'm learning. to do better in my life is uh be there.

for people whether sometimes I agree. with some of their things or don't. you know. um so. I'm just grateful and I hope that I can. um. be as supportive to you in my life as. you are to me. you guys be good to yourselves baby you. deserve it. gang baby. foreign. [Music].

[Music]. [Music].

for me to sell that parking break and. let myself unwind. come on baby. swim and tell you my stories. [Music].

[Music]. [Applause]. [Music].