Dax Shepard | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #487

I've got some new tour dates to tell you. about I'll be in Halifax Nova Scotia on. August 11th at The Great Outdoors Comedy. Festival get your tickets early starting. Wednesday March 13th at 10: a.m. local. time with pre-sale code Rat King General. on sale starts Friday March 15th at. 10:00 a.m. local time uh we thank you so. much for the support we also have. tickets remaining in Atlanta Georgia and. St Louis Missouri uh those shows are in. April uh get all your tickets through.

theo. comom today's guest is an actor uh. comedian uh podcaster uh you may know. him from um from a lot of his films or. you may know him from his armchair. expert podcast uh this is my first time. meeting him today uh and I'm I'm excited. about it I'm looking forward to getting. to know him uh today's guest is Mr Dax. shepher shine that light on.

[Music]. me I'll sit and tell you my. story. shine on. me and I. will. [Applause]. sing I'm always amazed at those people. that they find that live in.

um like they find them and the kids have. been living in like a basement or an. Ohio base it's generally an Ohio. basement yeah I guess it's kind of like. an Ohio Pastime I don't want to say and. is this a bit well it says on the. license plate Ohio Buckeye state slash. basement captives State yeah dude what. if in years from now sincerely I've seen. 12 of those stories over the years on. the news and it's 100% of them have been. in Ohio like middle of Ohio oh. definitely it's like hey let's they.

should do like always like hey show your. basement you know yeah I think there. should be like mandatory basement sweeps. in Ohio like you got taxes you got the. census [ __ ] it task the census people. with it like just need to know how many. folks are here we're going to have to. peek in the. basement hey I want us I want those sell. doors open now buddy those wide open so. we can just sniff around a little bit. nothing personal just 12% of you have. people in the B.

and so it'd be irresponsible for us and. that take a little Gander down there I. wonder if the world devolves so much. that like things like that like the. basement like. basement uh people uh becomes like a. mascot for like the city like the city. football team or something you know like. the Cleveland basement people people um. does Louisiana. have something that they over index in.

like when you're watching shows and. they're like and you're like yeah that's. cuz Michigan has I'm from. Michigan I want to say 40% of date lines. I watch where the woman has married the. husband yeah that's going to be Michigan. yeah yeah and then also if some militia. members are going to try to capture. somebody that's generally going to be in. fact not to bring it down but the. Oklahoma City bombing was planned.

at the Amo truck stop like six miles. from my house oh wow it's amazing man. yeah and that was in Michigan yeah yeah. right off of us23 it was called The. Oasis Truck Stop and how' they get it to. Oklahoma City did they people didn't bid. on it right that's crazy um he Timothy. McVey was that his name yeah um he just. was regrouping in Michigan it's a great. place to brush up on your militia skills. I think he was in there with some some. of his militia guys and then they needed. a place to plan maybe some big tables to. lay out stuff and the Oasis gas station.

was was TurnKey for them well that's I'm. watching the news and I'm like I'm a kid. you know is and I'm like Oasis gas. station we're like he I'm afraid to go. in as a kid cuz there's men sleeping in. their semis I like want to run in for a. candy bar there's like a parking lot. full of men oh it's a a lot of those. places it's a real I like to call it. like a molesters Gauntlet kind of that. you run through you're like there's so. many like pitfalls here.

so many traps you know a lot of like. those truckers will leave like the candy. right in front of the truck like couple. dollar bills right by on steps of the. truck a little baggy with just some. remnants of some some speed well you. know I drive a bus I have a I have a. tour bus oh you do now yeah not cuz I. tour because my family and I go out in. it for a few weeks every summer oh yeah. and I go to the sand dunes a lot so. regardless you go to the sand dunes you. said yeah it's making sure what you said.

yeah yeah I never been to the sand dunes. but you know that you know of them here. in California glamas it's nuh oh my God. yeah it's such a uh an incredibly weird. and wonderful place you can't believe. it's in California the whole time you're. there it's 400 square miles of sand. dunes 20 by 20 and the folks that are. there are like the folks from The Oasis. gas station that I grew up with and. you're like wow but half of them are. from Arizona because it's very close to. Arizona but it's on the Mexican border. with the wall and it's enormous sand. dunes and so oh look at this oh wow you.

could potentially even see photos of me. yeah look at this and so like on New. Year's Eve there'll be 250 it's the. closest thing in real life to um the. original um Road Warrior oh Road Warrior. specifically Road Warrior and road. warrior was that movie was kind of like. Mad Max a little bit it was the second. one I think the first Mad Max was black. and white and very Australian and then. Road Warrior was just you're in the. desert with Mel yeah in the last of the. V8 interceptors thank you so much much I.

saw Mel Gibson. Colin thank you wow I'm so bad with. names I try to really you just did that. like a sniper I just did that to would. you want to make a phone call that's. that's all me yeah do you want to move. my truck or anything take it for a ride. does he need it this is a plunger for a. bomb I put in the. [Laughter]. lobby you know that's Baka that's breast. phras no I no it's nicker it's straight.

nicotine oh really yeah the no delivery. device just straight nicotine are you. into nicotine yeah I've been in you want. try I don't let me see I'll hold it for. a second because I um yeah I was doing. nicotine for a long time and then I've. had 14 days off and I'm on the oh well. then give me that back well now I've had. one day off oh then take it well just. let's leave it right here okay TBD this. is just there but one of uh my another. comedian on the tour bus had um a vape.

on him oh and I had a moment at night it. was just like I was falling apart I. don't know was just sometimes if I'm up. too late then I'll do something to. damage myself like I'll like do a watch. a uh do queue up some. porno or do you have a preferred. website you do but you don't want to. promote it I I mean I just don't know. yeah it doesn't matter it does it's not. an important question I mean a lot of. the we I just I'm not I don't do a lot. of porn but I'm I'm increas ly wanting.

to no and and um I'm wondering if I'm on. the right. website cuz I think you strike me as a. pro and I don't say that judgmentally. but it I feel like you've been to every. corner of the internet I've been through. some yeah I've been through some. probably I don't want to call them. wormholes but yeah I've been through. some yeah so I want you to Jedi me just. a tiny bit and be like save some time. this is where you want to be what. happens to me so would it be up late and. I'll be kind of [ __ ] ansy or whatever. and I'll probably have been doing some.

vaping and so then I'm like all right. well might as well watch a little bit of. porno pornography you know yeah just a. [ __ ] Captain the night off cuz I'm a. [ __ ] King bookend yeah cuz I do what. I want to do yeah so next thing you know. I'm CED up on there and I have this fear. now that. the they the porno sites are videoing. you back cuz that's how they get people. like down the line is like they're like. oh. yes for blackmail so it's like do you.

have tape over your camera or anything. that would be smart oh my God here's. what I'm doing dude I do something crazy. what do you do I put the screen at like. an angle where it can only kind of see. the ceiling or whatever and then I kind. of like oh my Lord I'll like lean off. and kind of masturbate at like an angle. kind. of yeah yeah sideways like I'm the guy. that does those uh remember that picture. they used to have on this on the school. on the wall of a staircases that. interchanged or whatever the MC yes mcer.

yeah I'll take like a real mcer angle. sure penis is off to your right hand. just making sure I'm out of the way okay. well let's drill down into because I. think I know exactly what you it started. with it started with you're too late or. you're up late yeah I'm up late cuz so I. so were late which is I I'm supposed to. go to bed at a certain time or I know I. feel the best if I go to bed at a. certain time right but then once I've. crossed that now it's kind of like well.

I'm just [ __ ] up yeah I'm [ __ ] up. so I already already feel bad so let's. go all the way so let's get the Vape off. our buddy let's get that porno let's get. our computer tilted at a weird angle. yeah let's rev up some porno yeah let's. fire it up let's make some [ __ ] and I'll. do sleepy time tea and vape so I'm just. living in this [ __ ] speed B Zone yeah. it's crazy like hey what's going to. happen with this guy you know he might. stay up he might watch him movie he. might go to sleep bro this dude does his.

own [ __ ] you know okay so back to the. bus so I have a bus and I have to and. it's a real bus it's an actual tour bus. it's a actual tour bus and you guys keep. it at home I think my neighbors think. Aerosmith spending the night a lot of. the time it's a proper tour bus a big. old Diesel Pusher biggest cat out there. they have sex oh there you go that's. that's me at a truck stop with my. daughter um watching sure it is okay we. just went over some of this that this is. the type of thing that looking out for.

oh yes yes yes you show us the first. image you show us um no that's awesome. man so I'm constantly now it used to be. I was a kid and I had to walk The. Gauntlet At The Oasis Truck Stop to get. my candies yeah and now I'm back. integrated because I can only pull the. bus into the truck you know the there it. is look at that sun isn't that a steed. yeah and um you guys are so good oh so. look I got my weightlifting kit up there. oh you do have it perfect in there I.

travel with my weights and I got my. grill pulled out and where will you guys. get like a stay in a more um upper at. like a is there like a fancy KOA. Campground or is there still just the I. I think there is I I think maybe. birkshire hathway bought some. conglomerate of really fancy ones that's. not what we do there is an app now hip. Camp I think it's called it's just like. Airbnb where someone might have like 8. Acres they don't know what to do with.

the 8 Acres they're not going to build. on it right so they just put a 50 amp. charger in like a sewer line and some. fresh water on that spot and then you. book it you never see anyone I just pull. the bus into a field on a river hook up. and then we're good to go or we'll have. we plan that we're going to be at. friend's house that have big driveways. like that was at my friend's house in. Jackson Hole who has a you know big old. driveway so you guys will just hit the. bus and just take the r just go all the. way up there. yes but but now I'm at the truck steps.

all the time and then I I step out of. the bus and I I walk the same way into. to go to the professional you know. cashier you know this whole routine and. the dudes I'm seeing are all the guys. that you know they're just waking up in. there and everything and then I I play. this game in my head where I'm like I'm. walking tough enough and I got my gloves. on do they think I'm a driver you know. that's kind of what I want them to think. yeah you want if they see me getting out. of the. I'm like I try but but I try to walk I.

the way I walk into the trucker entrance. of the Pilot gas station is the. performance of my. life it beats any work I've ever done in. film or television I believe it it. really does kind of in my mind because. I'm afraid of those guys I mean if you. really boil down to what it is it's like. I was afraid of them as a kid yeah I'm. still afraid of them so I [ __ ] walk. into that gas station like you're going. to have your hands full my. brother pick someone else yeah even.

though you're [ __ ] 6'2 and Jack but I. feel eight years old yeah dude it's so. funny sometimes you always feel eight. years old don't you oh I'm always always. I have to actively remind myself I'm not. it's like a mantra yeah I have to like I. have to go through a checklist like okay. you're 49 you got money you're not tiny. right you've been in a trillion fights. like what are you [ __ ] afraid of what. is did you have step dance what did we.

have yeah we had one guy Mr Charlie and. he was in um that says a lot that his. name is Mr Charlie he was in the war and. definitely so and I don't know if he was. called Mr Charlie before the war but I. think he loved the war so much that he. changed his name to Charlie you know. like which is confusing cuz was he in. Vietnam he might have been in Vietnam. they were calling the enemy Charlie yeah. I think he uh he took on the enemies. that's extra might cuz he would take my. mom always to like the Chinese. restaurant all the time and he would.

kind of like do like a lot of he would. like kind of pay homage in there he did. some kind of bizarre [ __ ] and uh. sometimes he would take us dude this is. one crazy thing he would do he owned a. car wash that had like all the co were. coin operated yeah coin operated dude so. he always I've heard those are cash C oh. bro he always had some [ __ ] money on. him my whole life the one thing I've. wanted to own was a coin operated car. yes you grew up hearing that it's just. like it just prints money it just sits. there no one works there you stop inas. gra a couple thousand in quarters yeah.

you stop in do CPR on somebody and then. [ __ ] pull a body out of the 55 gallon. drum trash can yeah my mom would always. take us to wash her car that was like a. big thing that we would do and so anyway. so she met Mr Charlie and then he would. take us to uh holiday and express. sometimes for the continental breakfast. but he would say he was taking us out to. eat right but it was just we just it was. just the free breakfast we would just go. in the door and eat right mhm but I. never new SW I always like asked the.

strangers to like if I could order like. a [ __ ] something like yeah I'll have. another waffle and the people were just. like what the [ __ ] are you talking about. I'm here for my son's soccer tournament. you thought everyone worked there yeah. um but he was good and then he he got he. lost his mind or something and he had. Alzheimer's and then he wore gloves a. lot and PE and it was kind of like. people were always asking if he played. the piano and he couldn't hear him and. it was just like a lot of just it got it. kind of just devolved you know what ages. was have died at '.

89 wow he's much older than I was yeah. he's old but my mom so your mom has a. flare for older okay but back up how old. were you while Mr Charlie was taking you. to the holiday and express uh probably I. was probably a good 11 I bet and was he. he was too old to come in and be like I. I got a new program and I'm the dad or. did he do that no he didn't really he. was pretty chill he like wanted you to. reach for the remote for him and stuff. yeah he wore like a cool hat and he.

would just sometimes he would get his. dog in his lap and just he would tell us. how much he loved his dog and he would. make us kind of sit there and listen to. him tell us that but he was a pretty. handsome guy and what else I how old was. your mom while he was 89 she was. probably 70 I bet no she was I think he. was probably 20 years older than my mom. and your dad how much older cuz 38 years. old my parents were 38 different 38. years old why were you emancipated at.

14 um I just didn't like being at home. man I [ __ ] hated it you know I didn't. like my environment that much you know I. just didn't like it I didn't like my. environment I didn't like not having a. say in who where I was or who I was I. felt like I kind of just got in this. space in life that I was like this. doesn't make any sense this family. there's no connection my family felt. like a business bus that you had to work. at but you didn't know what the job was.

but you had to be there every day every. day you were just standing around. there's like a kitchen there's like a. [ __ ] but you have no idea what the. business is but you got to be there you. know so was Mom yeah so my mom was cool. my mom was CH my mom was just you know. she was just a different typ you know. she was. just what was my mom was just working. all the time you know what did she do. she sold things like if say if you go to. like a CVS or a gas station the things. that are like at the end of the aisles. the impulse buys yeah she would kind of.

go stock those a lot of times okay so. and one time she worked for this cookie. company and she would have these cookies. dude just these huge boxes of [ __ ]. cookies bro we were children dude. jackpot so we would go at night. sometimes and sneak out in her car and. just lay on top of them and [ __ ] the. whole thing it smelled so much like. cookies you could inhale and your. stomach was full oh my God you like I. can't take have you ever thought about. just [ __ ] filling your Cherokee to. the to the gills with cookies and.

reenacting that whole experience it. might be cathartic and therapeutic it. could be interesting man yeah no I never. thought about that I did go to my old if. we were better friends when we become. better friends I think I'm going to. surprise you by just filling your. Cherokee to the absolute brim with. cookies you're going to get in late for. something you're going to be grouchy and. I shouldn't have Vape last night I. should have went to bed two hours. earlier I got to stop checking off and. you get in your car and start you're. like oh my Lord God damn. [Laughter].

is there a flavor of cookie I should be. I love the Snicker doodle but these were. more can I guess were they an oatmeal. raisin they had some oatmeal raisin they. had it was very cuz you open the box and. they were in plastic inside of the box. and then there was they were all lined. up they fit exactly as many as they. could in that box and it was an. unbelievable amount of cookies to be. around as a child we couldn't even fa we. couldn't even fathom it but so that was. uh yeah that was that was the kind of.

work Mom did she was just always gone a. lot and then you two little sisters yeah. well I have two sisters and a brother. your but you the brother's way older. right like could have been your D no my. bro my dad had some children from her. first marriage that were like way older. like one of them was like 57 when I was. like probably eight right and he so you. guys didn't probably I think he's. somebody shot him but um but how old's. your older brother from your mom my. older brother from my mom is two years. older than me oh okay yeah he's awesome.

do you have a little brother syndrome. like I. do like what is. it well like a I thought I was terrible. at everything my brother's 5 years older. than me so I'm like I'm so weak I'm a. terrible. skateboarder. um I feel little brother syndrome oh I. wonder if I agree with what the. definition on Google the little brother. syndrome can manifest in one of two ways. a a sense of entitlement oh I deserve. what he has or two a means for. advancement he can do do it I can do it. too I didn't even know of this.

definition and I guess I agree with some. of the items in there but in general for. me I wanted to be cool and older and I. wanted him to let me hang out with him. and I was trying desperately to like. accomplish all these weird tasks I had. decided was the entrance into being his. best friend and probably a like an. inferiority complex and then I got when. I got around kids my age I was like oh. wait I'm kind of strong oh not as. terrible at that and then I was like.

high on that but yeah I just I guess. wanting to be around somebody non-stop. who was very ambivalent about me being. around your brother yeah yeah as he. should he was five years older than five. years is a long enough stretch where. it's like yeah if some kid is following. me around and that kid is he's going to. be weird no matter what because he's. younger and I was weird on top of it and. [ __ ] weird yeah yeah yeah um. left-handed dyslexic were you really.

yeah yeah still oh God huh okay yeah I. never had dyslexia I don't think I think. we both did did we both do Santa Monica. College yeah I did that yeah me too I. think I have an Associates from there. really yeah I actually have a an. associates degree from Santa Monica. College I can't remember if I have that. or not but I remember there was always a. rumor that Steve Smith went there did. you ever hear that rumor no Steve Smith. guitar player from Billy Idol or Steve. Steve Smith number 89 that played for. Carolina Panthers okay yeah I didn't.

hear about a single famous person going. Chad Johnson and Steve Smith played. together at Santa Monica College oh I. get I didn't even know they had a. football. team um. wow Chad Johnson that's at Santa Monica. your team by the way is so fast I feel. like we're on a CNN show or something. really yes [ __ ] is like coming up like. it's barely out of your mouth and we're. looking at a picture of it they're. excited Rice Krispy treats with. chocolate chips in them dude we've never.

even met before no it's kind of crazy. you know yeah I just like you a lot well. thanks man I DMD you to let you know. like I just like you so much I think. you're one of my favorite people to see. something pop up on Instagram every. single time I like it oh thanks bro when. it's sincere I like it when it's really. funny I like it when it's like over the. line there we go there are my rice. krispie treats I was thinking of oh. that's nice um yeah I don't know do you. have that with people where you don't. know them but I just feel like oh God. just think I really like that guy yeah.

you do yeah can you think of somebody. recently and do would you reach out to. that person H I'm so bad at answering. stuff uh I'll stop if you want I'm just. in the habit of asking it's good I. thought maybe Justin Bieber one time but. we' met each other through someone uh. and so then I just messaged him and did. he respond yeah he did I have a really. wild story of that variety yeah which is. I didn't know how DMS worked like I I.

knew I knew the people that I followed. or I you know I knew I saw theirs but. then I didn't know there was like. General you go there I didn't know you. could write you could do like whatever. it's called what's the one it'll bring. you no it'll bring you to all of. basically the verified people who have. messaged you oh interesting oh I know. what you're talking about topest topest. topest top request I didn't figure that. out until maybe two years ago and I've. been on in for at least a decade and I.

figured it out and then I'm looking and. I'm like oh my god look all these people. who have reached out to me that I didn't. see one of them being and of course his. was at the top my wife cuz he's. the. um Justin Bieber was at the top and it. was two years old and it was the nicest. most sincere DM about like hey either he. had just gotten married or he's about to. get married and he like thought maybe. Christen and I like H had some of the. things figured out and he just wanted to.

chat oh wow and then [ __ ] for two. years I just didn't respond and then I. was like oh my God this like I really. missed the vote on this I could I could. be like mentoring Bieber in his love. life and I I'm I'm there for that I. [ __ ] saw believe the movie the doc. Blind Side no the doc Blind Side is that. what you said yeah I'm trying to think. of like a love movie no no no is the doc. about him oh the doc. [ __ ] loved it like I'm not hiding.

from the fact that I think he's awesome. yeah he's been through yeah and somebody. that's been through a lot too I'm always. curious when people go through so much. like how do they end up still being able. to take care of themselves yeah not Dad. huh not Dad yeah yeah cuz I look at if. you had given me all the stuff he had at. his age I would have jumped a Ferrari. off a mohal and on accident you know. with too many people in the car we. didn't have any yeah I remember we had I. got a two L of diet 7 up dude and I. remember I [ __ ] Set uh a vehicle on.

fire in my neighbor's yard like yeah if. I had gotten any uppers at a young age. [ __ ] would have gotten bad bro yeah do. you want more from delivery well who. doesn't you can get it now with dash. pass from door Dash that's right dash. pass from door Dash is the most. affordable way to get everything in your. area delivered to your door. helping you save money and time with.

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code Theo at liquid. i.com yeah my I my addiction was only. curved by my me being broke right cuz. you're in recovery right yeah yeah okay. me too yeah yeah so well that's I think. I F I think that's what actually like. turbocharged me reaching out to you yeah. it's like I just liked you and then I. was talking to a friend of mine Charlie. about you and he's like oh I love him. yeah I listen to his podcast he goes you. know he's he's like sober I think he's. like 18 months sober and I was like oh.

wow now I really have a reason I could. reach out that's cool man but yeah I. quit it was nice of you I'm glad you did. yeah yeah we've already had a couple. really nice text exchanges yeah we have. man we had a nice one the other day and. um yeah it's been fun man um yeah I like. meeting people that are in recovery I. feel a lot easier around people that are. in recovery for some reason and I don't. know even what it is if there's a diff. an. immediate like level of like okay or. connection what do you think about it I.

think it's what's weird is looking back. on my life it parallels exactly who I. also hung out with as a kid which. is I only hung out with kids on welfare. who also had divorced parents who also. probably had violence in the. household I like being around people. that I don't think are going to judge. me and in the program everyone there is. a [ __ ] scumbag everyone's a piece of. [ __ ] that's why we're there and like the. great like experience you have if you go.

to AA and you work the steps is you're. like you've made this list of things. you've done wrong and you you're you're. you're required to tell somebody and. generally it's your sponsor or whatever. yeah and you're certain when you walk in. there and you let them have this list of. things you regret that they're going to. call the police on you or throw up in. disgust with you and they look at you. they're almost laughing like oh that's. it well you didn't [ __ ] any animals. that's like I'm impressed you haven't.

[ __ ] any animals and you're like well. read the back of that second page yeah. oh [ __ ] you're right um [ __ ] I love. something out yeah dude but that look of. like yeah me too is the most. comforting thing for me yeah there'll be. times when I'm in a meeting and like. you're sitting there and somebody says. something and you can feel this is crazy. it's it's almost like how volleyball. teams all get their period at the same. time right yeah yeah you can feel like.

everybody in the room at the same time. like yeah yeah yeah yeah you ever had. that happen oh yeah for sure and you're. like it's almost like a group of fish or. something like bir all change direction. yeah some of the steam leaves at the. same time out of every it's it's got. It's it's got to be some physiological. thing but it's unbelievable yeah well. weirdly I just interviewed this expert. in his book was called super. communication and he was talking about. them with on armchair yeah um when two.

people are having a conversation and. it's the same conversation oh yeah. Charles doig um [ __ ] they're fast it's. almost too much now it's too fast and I. feel like I'm having Deja Vu it's. triggering de no no keep it up keep it. up don't you guys have a winning recipe. but um there's basically like three. different. conversations convers all conversations. fall into three three categories there's. like there's logistical ones like what. are we supposed to do next and then.

there's emotional ones what are you. talking about for what so like a a. classic one would be you and your. girlfriend are talking and you think. you're having a conversation like um how. should we fix this problem and she and. she's having an emotional conversation. she's saying I'm overwhelmed by this. whole thing got it and then so and they. you can look at a brain in an fmri and. like the part of her brain that's active. is like the amydala and the part of your.

brain that's active is the neocortex so. literally you can't have the same. conversation it's like two different. parts of the brain that do two different. things so you're like well here's how. we're going to fix this hun you're never. going to do that again I'm going to tell. it right and she's like nothing is. comforting her fear in that moment so. you guys are just like and then the more. you talk having the two different. conversations the worse it gets for each. other so when you both are having the. exact the real same conversation and you. look at people's brains in fmri all of a.

sudden their brains become kind of. indistinguishable from one another or. another example is you can take a. musician playing by themselves and then. another musician playing by themselves. look at their brain in an fmri and they. have a unique pattern and once they. start playing together or or start doing. a duet their brain pattern become. indistinguishable so we we will match. our breathing when we're connected our. heart rate match all this crazy [ __ ]. start mirroring yeah this is like.

scientifically proven time and time. again so yes that moment in a meeting. it's like it's chaotic someone fought. over a parking spot another guy just got. broken up with blah blah blah blah blah. this person like sledgehammers. through generally for me when I've. experienced it like with some moment of. vulnerability like I just failed at this. [ __ ] thing and we all go like wait oh. God I know exactly what it feels like to. fail in that specific way yeah and now.

all of us have joined like the same. brain pattern so I think it's not like. it's not imagined I think it's. physiologically observable huh and it's. so powerful yeah it's when you realize. like oh yeah we're social monkeys and. we're supposed to be in a group like. this and we're supposed to be dialed in. and it feels [ __ ] right yeah and then. I didn't go to church or I was drugged. at church that was never a part of my. life so don't have that kind. of right Nostalgia for that collective.

experience I know people in church have. I would go my grandparents would take me. and my brother and I would get in. trouble my papa Bob would you know flick. our ears and you know it was we we. missed it that's a great comparison like. when you said like with the birds like. how they all change at the same time. it's so crazy yeah I think there's a lot. of other things going on that we just. don't have the ability since we only. have five senses it's hard for us to I. think there's a ton of stuff and. information that's in the world but we. only have five ways of inputting it so.

we really are kind of limited as opposed. to maybe other things may have more you. know or in the future they may have like. creatures that have more or something. you know are you would you consider. yourself. hypervigilant I don't do you mean like. well invading the capital or something. like that like what are you talking. about like people that invaded the. capital no no no no um like I'm guessing. I don't know enough about you if you. leave if you leave the house at 14 mhm. my guess is it wasn't like the Cleavers.

yeah right oh yeah I just didn't feel. any connection at home so then at a. certain point I was like why am I going. to stay here and let this Define me. where did you go at 14 I don't went and. stay with a friend oh you did yep one of. my buddies and their parents were fine. yeah their parents were pretty cool and. we had a nice time and we're still I. still go over there when I go home yeah. so it's like and their kids their kids. left like a year later and I was still. out you stayed after they left forever. your buddy was a couple years older than. you he was the same age but he yeah.

something happened he drove into the. neighbor's house or something he was. drinking and then uh he had to leave and. so I was [ __ ] still there you still. there they now I'm in his room now. [ __ ] I'm just you were being. sponsored by him but then he split and. they kept you that's really funny but it. was like did you feel weird as hell like. that first dinner would you eat dinner. with the family yeah I would eat dinner. with them we had fun man and your buddy. was gone and you were there yeah it was. kind of do you remember that first. dinner oh yeah dude I was like well more. for us I was just in there but I.

remember the first night I closed the. door and to his bedroom this is now. yours this is when I had my they I had. my own bedroom there and I closed the. door and I was. like I was like [ __ ] I hadn't had my own. room I was like this is crazy dude and. then something I must have had drugs on. my mind at that point or something cuz I. remember I opened the window then and. lit up a little joint right and I didn't. realize like I guess how like stinky it. is just yeah I was just excited to.

[ __ ] have be a home you thought you. had your own home yeah you're like here. we go I'm finally on my own you're not. no no you have a room Theo yeah so in. it's still in a someone else's house and. his his room his window was next to mine. and uh I guess his room was open he. [ __ ] comes in there he's like dude. what the [ __ ] are you doing we just got. you in here bro right you're going to. get thrown. and then he [ __ ] bitched me out and. then took the rest of the joint and.

[ __ ] smoked it went in the yard but. that was that was fun when you start. doing drugs I think probably then you. know around then I was smoking weed and. stuff but I wasn't doing anything heavy. and I never like drinking or drugging. but then when I got. like I think I just had so much issues. like with dating and like um like you. couldn't date and you wanted to I don't. know I just had so many issues with it I. just um the girls like you not when I.

was young and then I switched to a new. high school and some of them did and. that was crazy it was so scary you're. like now what do we even do you know um. but then it was like uh everything was. kind of fine I just could never be. faithful in a relationship yeah me me. neither really did you have a problem. with it oh [ __ ] no yeah C it C it it's. like the when I the longer I'm sober. spray under my tongue yeah I go under. the tongue and then let it kind of uh. soak in like it you like you had dip in. all right I just quit dip on the first.

that's why that's the one of us that. quit [ __ ] we're spraying nicotine in our. face it's good it's good for you though. it's great this the tobacco that's an. issue um yeah elementary school for me. was um way too big way too big most. parents felt bad they thought I had. flunked a couple greates like could. youall yeah I was just a big kid and I. was dumb cuz I was dyslexic and I. couldn't read and really just electric. yeah and I went to special ed every day.

for two hours with you know oh they. would knock at the door in the middle of. class and they would go Dax and then. they would call someone else and we'd. like stand up and we'd leave and go to. special ed for a couple hours it was. rough and then you know the I'm trying. to tiptoe around the fact that most of. the kids in that classroom were like in. wheelchairs and everything else so I was. confused I'm like why am I what's going. on here and so I was here huge and dumb. and I don't know too many cxs oh wow.

there you are man wow I can't believe. you found a picture of that's first. grade D shepher yeah those big teeth I. haven't had brace my teeth were all. [ __ ] up I was in I was in braces for. like uh nine years really yeah my teeth. were bad too so anyways I I was in love. with so many girls in elementary school. like I I had huge crushes no girls like. me and then thank God my brother in. between fifth grade and sixth grade when. I went to Junior High he's like here's. the situation you're shaving your sides.

we going spiked on top you're going to. bangs now long and back you're a. skateboarder and your punk rock go and I. just went with it and I arrived at. Highland Junior High in the most popular. girl in that Junior High Sasha oh she. sounds beautiful dude she was so [ __ ]. beautiful it was insane god dude I'm. walking down the hallway in the sixth. grade. and Sasha Crossett walking down the. sixth grade hallway and I'm like oh my.

God what's she doing here oh that's. Sasha Crosset and she [ __ ] handed me. a note uhuh and I like went into my. science class and I opened it up and it. said will you go with me and I was like. dude that's the first drug that is the. first drug where I went I was like. what's happening is this a prank yeah. had her phone number uhuh went home. serious went home and was like. you know dialed the phone remember that.

yes and then I chatted on the phone with. her for like two hours and then we were. [ __ ] going together in your room you. chatted with her or on the did you have. a universal phone question sixth grade I. was living at my dad's for a few months. so yeah I had my own room there wasn't a. phone in there but it was easy to have. privacy there and it was a land my dad. was out he wasn't sober yet so really he. was partying yeah oh he was going. [ __ ] hard sold cars drove a Corvette. [ __ ] bang.

Coke at the bar seven days of a week. yeah yeah he was he was everything dude. that's so cool man yeah I remember walk. and that changed my life oh that changes. everything and I liked it so [ __ ]. much and I remember she like she was in. eighth grade and I was in sixth grade so. we would make out at the bus before she. got on the bus I would go to the. basketball games with her and she told. me to go up her shirt she's like go up. my shirt and I remember going up her. shirt and I was like her bra felt so. tight and I was like should I I'm. supposed to go under this bra I think.

but [ __ ] it's so tight it's going to. hurt if I and I was like monkeying. around in there and fumbling and she's. like just go under around like she. really made me do it I got up in there. and got it and it was euphoric and it. was such a high and I didn't have it and. maybe this little brother I just felt. like a I could never turn down that. attention if I got it I couldn't resist. it yeah and of course I'm like M and. they don't know no one know it's. everything's fine I'm still very nice to.

this person and that thing happened and. then yeah just a terrible pattern of. cheating yeah the bad pattern starts man. and yeah I was saying when I think back. now I've cleared up like dude I I quit. drinking in 2004 in September of 2004 I. had an opiate relapse but in general I. haven't had like [ __ ] wreckage in 19. years oh that's great and. so the stuff that really plagues me now. is like just really going back and being. like God yeah those girls didn't deserve.

like they deserved me to be faithful to. be like yeah Shivers their time use them. to prop up my own self-esteem and then. need someone on again to because it. doesn't last like oh yeah feeling great. I remember walking across a gym I was at. this new school I walk across the gym. and some girl this girl was hot dude she. was like I think she had like 30 tits oh. she was so hot and she was looking at me.

I and I thought I had like [ __ ] on [ __ ]. on my leg or something and I was. literally like so [ __ ] embarrassed I. was like and I was walking across the. gym I could feel every step and I was. like I've got to get across this gym and. I got to find a mirror ASAP and I got to. D [ __ ] myself because these [ __ ] are. catching on and uh and then after that. like a girl like came to the office one. time and kind of liked me but before. that I'd been so nervous like one girl I. liked in like uh Middle School I didn't.

know how to tell her this I saved up the. saliva in my mouth the whole class and. after class I ran up behind her and spit. right in the back of her hair that was. your. move it was like an animal it was like. feel like a chimpanzee when I think. about it now it's like dude you were an. an you had no gen. you didn't you were you [ __ ] and I say. you just [ __ ] in the hallway and stare.

at her as you. did but when I think of you yeah when I. think about the effect over here I love. you I love you so much I love you so. much I'm sitting in the hallway for you. [ __ ] in the hallway for you I'm. ruining myself for you I'm fully exposed. here I am yeah it was like it was just. such an effect that that that kind of. thing had such an just and that became. like. an addiction man it like just in the. sense of wanting attention from women it.

wasn't as much like a sexual addiction. for me like over the years it just was. like I needed to know if that there was. any chance that that girl cared about me. yeah yeah yeah I just needed you craved. it yeah I needed her to look at me I. just needed something I needed people to. I just needed her to see me yeah it's. and then it it's okay if it played out. how it wanted but I needed to at least. have her SE not be invisible yes yeah. yeah cuz you feel invisible I felt. invisible all of elementary school like.

why I'm friends with the guys that have. girlfriends my friend Trevor's with Amy. we're we're always together can you not. do you see that I'm here I know I'm too. big for everybody but you know. yeah I had I had a great relationship. with my mom but it it kept getting. punctuated by stepdads oh really so so. you had unlimited stepdads yeah I had un. like unlimited shrimp over. yeah yeah yeah yeah it was bottomless. stepdads The Sizzler of.

stepdads but so it be like. super connected and it just be the four. of us my little sister my brother and my. mom and that was always perfect but then. a new guy would roll in and then it was. like his program and we had to have. different manners at the table and she'd. be distracted understandably she's like. in her 20s raising three kids by herself. I have no like um resentment towards her. about it all but yeah there just there. was like and I just [ __ ] craved it I.

wanted to be loved at all times by a. woman I still want to be like my needs. are unrealistic oh that's interesting. yes like if I'm dead honest and I'm in. therapy my therapist will be like you. know it's not Kristen's job like she's. not your mom she's not going to dot on. you and being infatuated with your. existence and I'm like wait that's not. but I'm giving up so much I'm not. banging anyone shouldn't I be doed on. and celebrated every time I walk through. the door should be a parade should my.

daughter's like every day I've not left. shouldn't they be like God damn it Dad. we got one of the good ones I know your. dad was out at. 3 but no one's no no one's proud of me. no one cares oh I remember my first like. or my second girlfriend and we were like. really in love and what age I think this. was in college and she and I. she broke up with she'd had it yeah and. I remember saying you can't break up.

with me you're my mom that's what I. remember it came out of my [ __ ] face. really and that's which was just a. slight improvement over spitting in her. hair that's where you had matured to by. the time you were in. college you can't you're my mom yeah. what a Freudian slip is Freudian water. slide dude but it blew it came out it. like came out it just I was like you. can't break up with me you're my mom oh. my Lord I was like and I didn't know for. years what that even meant and then once. I got into recovery and started getting.

a look at my life I was able to be like. wow dude like I had no understanding of. like how to get affection or be fair. with affection or anything like that. yeah I mean I didn't have a template I. didn't have a [ __ ] idea I didn't know. what was her response do you remember. she I know she felt probably bad for me. you know oh good she loved me for sure. and she's a super loving girl but um but. I think she probably years later. probably saw like oh that dude was not.

yeah that guy was not ready ready for a. mat and he's still [ __ ] just trying. to get ready ready he's trying to get. ready but that stuff doesn't go away man. that's the crazy thing I thought it. certain like like at certain times of my. life I'd be like oh in a couple years. this will be gone but it doesn't go away. unless you do something about it yeah. you have I have the fantasy that to be. aware of it would solve it yeah like oh. I see what's happening I'm just trying. to get you know I'm trying to. heal oh God I could go super deep which.

is like and this is recent and this is. probably too much for your show or the. dudes who listen to this but no we' dude. I if I Crown here one more time I'm. literally turning into the G Brooks yeah. me me too I've been crying all the time. [ __ ] getting bad every I didn't cry. for 30 years and now I can't make it. through a day without crying bro it's. like it's for [ __ ] being sober yeah. it's like you got the medic you don't. have anything to numb it and here it is. but but I also think that there was a. sexual component which is like okay so.

my mom adores me that's obvious um I was. The Golden Child I did not lack for a. mom who believed in me or supported me. or thought I was wonderful she. definitely did but something would take. her away from me and I was smart enough. to. realize oh we can't fulfill this. romantic desire of hers like that's. something we can't fulfill she's gonna. have to go get boyfriends right AKA. she's gonna have to have a sexual. relationship with people right so I.

think in some weird way and I I think. I'm just starting to understand this. aspect which is like I have to give that. to any woman if I want her to stay. around in a way that is world class and. you can't go you don't want to go. shopping for more like the priority I. put on that part the sexual part I think. was very outsized for what a woman would. even give a [ __ ] about. as a little kid I was like oh the only. thing I don't have that my mom needs is.

seual part so I need I want her to stay. at all times and I don't want any of. these guys to come around so if I now if. I'm having this experience that also. feels loving and nurturing and with a. female my thought is like I have to give. her that thing in a way that she'll. never go need it and leave me for it God. that sounds that sounds kind of. exhausting in a way I mean kudos to you. dude yeah I don't that was the rout I. took I was just like I was always so. nervous with sex it' be like oh [ __ ] you.

know and it would be like yeah oh dude. so like unbelievable and I would just. yell things out like that's that was. great sex you know this [ __ ] hoping. that oh dude you can rewrite history for. her yeah and it's just oh God bro nobody. has had nobody has given out more bad. sex I don't think me hands down there. should be a game show I think and they.

just put like a whooop bracelet on you. and it's just like people were like no. [ __ ] way oh my goodness wow we. haven't seen one this low this is. unbelievable this is an under do you. remember when they asked George. Zimmerman's personal trainer on the. witness stand when he would R rank his. his physical fitness level out of 10 and. George J was the guy that shot the. Trayvon Martin Trayvon Martin and his. his he had a physical trainer which is. comical in itself self but they asked. the trainer like what would you rank. what would you give Zimmerman's physical.

fitness out of 10 and he said with a. straight face. point8 or some point point something and. I was like oh my Lord that is the last. thing you want to hear your [ __ ]. trainer get into the decimals when. trying to assess your F why don't I just. say zero I guess he thought if he said. zero it would be oh do we have it oh. oh five out of 10 oh my God is.

that I what he really said was Zero that. was him like he's like I got to throw a. half point in to just not be so cruel. yeah we got to you know he's sitting. there presumably he's like in in that. behind that desk waiting hoping here. hope he gives me a four maybe had a high. end and a low end of expectation that'. be more shocking and the verdict guy's. like yes I'm going he could take away. one of the two.

things dude yeah and you don't want to. be that little Flubber in prison I don't. think cuz those are the guys I hear that. get like kind of banged a lot around. like the holidays and. [Music]. stuff holidays why the holidays cuz. people are sentimental yeah just like. the little chubby guys in prison and get. [ __ ] around the. holidays that's what I've heard what. holiday I would bet is the worst. it's got Christmas Christmas probably. now if it's Hanukkah is [ __ ] eight.

days. long yeah very sad Jewish inmate hey. somebody hide fat Josh we gotta [ __ ]. make sure he doesn't get banged. up but get him into uh what do they call. it when you're by yourself solary put. him in solitary. confinement yeah man Easter's got to be. a big one too yeah there's a little bit. cuz there's a resurrection and you're. feeling extra bad about you somebody's. like yeah I'm going to get hard again. cuz Jesus did you know it has it has.

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create an account and redeem code. weekend for $20 off download game time. today last minute tickets lowest price. guaranteed wow man so did you how much. times have you been married before no no. just for was your first marriage yeah I. was with I've had three really longterm. relationships I had like a. fiveyear in that started in high school. and then lasted to me living in LA and.

then I was with um an incredible woman. Brie for nine years but that one I. thought I had kind of outsmarted which. was I had already felt so [ __ ]. terrible about cheating on girls I. always got caught inevitably I got. caught and those were the I I can. remember those phone calls trying to. explain why it didn't you didn't. care is there anything worse than that. oh my god well it's tied with driving to.

someone's apartment to tell them that. you're breaking up I mean those those. two for me are like I've had a lot of. motorcycle injuries i' take all them a. million times before I'd ever drive to. someone's apartment and just say like I. think we're in different places yeah and. they're like no. [ __ ] oh dude the craziest is when you go. over there and you knock on the door and. they open it but they kind of walk away. from the door after they open right. fully up for you to walk in and talk to.

you know it's like when the gig is up. dude oh [ __ ] I hate it so much and then. you know you've been feeling that way. for months in my case before you have. the balls to drive over and and [ __ ]. be honest yeah and then so that drive is. is is insufferable and then sitting in. there is so terrible but there is that. feeling when you walk out the door and. you've made it and you're walking to. your car you just going oh oh thank God. okay oh you you get that blast of like.

relief yeah and then a day later you're. like I think I'm in love with her I. think I love her so much and I [ __ ] up. yeah I think I really [ __ ] up then. you're insanely in love with her for a. few days and then you got to like White. Knuckle that just like it's booze or. Coke to not re-engage anywh who what. were we oh so when Bri and I met we met. um chief on two people oh okay right and. I knew immediately I'm like I [ __ ].

love this girl like oh my god do I love. this girl like I want to have kids with. this girl at some point wow and you had. you ever felt like that before or. no I guess I did a the girl I was. cheating on with that I'd been with for. five years certainly but that had run. its course in that like I had moved to. LA to pursue this she was she hadn't. joined me it was kind of obvious we we. also got kind of we got realistic about. the fact that we only see each other. four times a year and like that got a.

little it approached an open. relationship or maybe even became one it. kind of was just like look you're a. human I'm a human I'm. 21 children so we were kind of grown up. about that so then when I met Bri and we. met cheating I just had this moment of. honesty with her where I said like I. would like to have kids with you and. make it to 30 and have kids and I don't. think you and I will make it if if one. of the requirements is monogamy I just.

think we're fooling ourselves like if. that be if that's one of the deal. breakers we're not going to make it to. the part I want to make it to where we. have a kid and she was like I don't so. what are you suggesting I'm like. basically like I don't want to lose you. over that um I'm liable to do it and I. feel like you're probably liable to do. it we just met cheating on each other. you know on two people and um there was. this kind of weird inary uh inter. inter whatever period where she like.

ended up chatting with her mom about it. and all this stuff and then at some. point she just came to me and said like. yeah I guess if I don't know anything I. don't really care and I was like Yeah. and I don't I have no desire to know. about anything but um I I'm not going to. require that from you we both were just. like I'm not going to require that from. you so I was in an open relationship for. nine years wow and. we slept in the same bed every single. night we lived together there was no. like craziness mind you I was also a.

[ __ ] full-blown attic during this. period um but if she was at home I don't. know what happened when I was at home. she didn't know what happened and that. to some degree work I mean definitely. work we stayed together for nine years. in our 20s which is almost impossible. and I love her like crazy still do we're. still really good friends and both of. our lives have worked out great and I. wouldn't say that that was the reason. and ultimately we broke up but all that. to. say going back to like getting older.

Being Sober. longer I you know I would have lik to. have been someone that could have just. been monogamous with her I think she. deserved that I also think oh yeah I. think even within the. the with even within those rules I was. scumbagged like I definitely hit on her. friends sometimes like I did terrible. [ __ ] under the guys of like well I'm not. lying about this I'm I'm I'm honest and.

that can be true and also you can. recognize that people are hurt that. you're leaving a wake of people that are. bummed and hurt by you and so it's like. great I didn't lie and I'm above board. but people around me are kind of hurt by. their experience with me I don't like. how that feels yeah yeah like bringing. like around your friends and they know. what you're do just like all that sh. they all feel awkward yeah it's like. what's going on here yeah that also I. think more more like how many cuz. everyone we were very open about it like. dude I remember it was New Year's.

Eve and I W was out of the like in the. mountains with some girl and all of her. friends and then her friend and I ended. up hooking up like in the closet. upstairs and then a couple hours later. she's like did you hook up with my. friend in the closet and I was like. that's the dumbest [ __ ] thing I've. ever heard of right that's cor lit the. [ __ ] out yeah well and we're at this so. stuff like that I think I feel like and. some of those things I've had to like. make amends for you know and like I.

didn't do a ton of stuff like that but. there were certainly moments where it. was like I'd be in an instance where I. had somebody I really liked and cared. about and there was a still a part of me. that that needed to get more validation. or needed to be seen you know and it. wasn't always even about sex but. sometimes it was just I I needed to know. if I could flirt or if that girl would. give me some response you know well. that's when you connect the doubts that. like oh cuz I connect these dots in sbti. which is. like oh this is the exact same thing.

like whether I want to acknowledge it or. not this sex thing and this approval. thing is identical to cocaine yeah um I. had like the. most visceral experience of my. life that pointed that out to me well I. had two um one was and I was a few years. sober and I was single and I was on. Myspace m. yeah and I was on TV oh my gosh yeah. just take that in for a second so you.

were just damn Prince Charles or. whatever I was enjoying the [ __ ] out of. my space and also I had not I hadn't. looked at the sex component as. potentially harmful to me yet yeah but I. remember a gal came over and you were. good at sex you said I mean what could. be more nausey than a guy saying they're. good at sex out loud so that's just a. lose lose for me we'll just pretend that. you're okay okay I certainly some people. aren't good some people you know also.

let's be honest the more you [ __ ] the. the better you are like you're not. coming as fast you're like right sure. you've had periods where you've [ __ ]. seven days in a row no I never I was. always too lazy to do something like. that I think oh really yeah you were. saved by your leth lethargy if if they. had sex twice in a week or in yeah I was. always very like. it was like it took a while yeah just. like yeah well okay so I need to preface. this by I'm ashamed of this what I'm.

about to tell you like I am ashamed of. this but this is very true I was a few. years sober I was single someone had. come over that I had met on MySpace MH. and I was giving them a tour of the. house and I was in the first room of the. tour and I had this thought that was. like oh this tour is so long you had a. big house no I didn't have a big house.

there was and I was like but then I. thought what is this I have a very. familiar feeling like it's it's it's. unmissable this feeling I have right now. and I like took a second to try to. figure out like what I know this feeling. I know this feeling what is this what is. this and I was like oh my God I know. exactly what this is this is sitting in. my old drug dealer Tom's Li room while. he measured out [ __ ] and told me about. his [ __ ] day and got distracted by.

telling me about his day and I wanted to. scream just like [ __ ] give me a bump. and I'll listen to you forever but. [ __ ] focus and give me the thing like. that that impatience oh yeah teamwork. you want teamwork yes just like knock. off the [ __ ] give me the thing and. then let's talk [ __ ] be all ears for. eternity yeah but that feeling was is so. specific to me that in that moment in. the room I realized oh my God it's the.

same thing I'm like I need this woman to. give me the thing I need and I hate that. I hate that about myself I hate that for. her I hate all of it it's just I don't. want to be insatiably needing something. from somebody and dependent on them. giving me the thing and I was. like whoa so that was one moment where I. was like oh God they're kind of the same. thing. right and once I recognize that I'm like.

I probably have to think about it in. those terms like do I feel worse about. myself are people you know are they. benefiting from you know whatever then. the other crazy thing that happened that. really sealed it for me was I was. monogamous it was for the first time in. like a decade and so and then I was. talking to my then girlfriend who was in. Boston doing something and she told this. story about bumping into somebody I knew. she cheated on her ex-boyfriend with and. they're all at the same hotel and I'm. thinking like well I'm sure they [ __ ].

right so I'm like I'm mad driving I'm. driving in a in the car on the 405 and I. had been monogamous at that point for. like three months we get in a kind of. fight over that and we hang. up and I just had this like. swell like a swell of horniness MH the. way you do when it's like I got to get. Coke or I got whatever that really big. swell and all of a sudden I was so horny. and I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna text.

Kelly I'm gonna text Kelly right now and. um I can stop by her I'm not supposed to. because I'm now I'm monogamous blah blah. and then I just had a moment where I was. like that's interesting you're you're in. a fight you feel emasculated by whatever. just happened and your body's smart. enough to go well let's get horny you. won't have to feel any of this if you're. horny and we're at Kelly's house and. you're getting validated and you come. all this stuff I was like [ __ ] this is.

like a defense cuz it just like any. other thing I'm so afraid of my feelings. or feeling uncomfortable or your body. created some defense my body was ahead. of me it's like I hung up I didn't even. register what had just happened and all. of a sudden I'm like I am physically. horny it's not like I made it up yeah. and those two things for me I was like. yeah this is a this is a whole thing we. got to figure out yeah. wow man yeah that's the that's the. craziest part is that a lot of times.

it's not even you making a choice it. could be you choosing once you get the. input but your like. physiological is making the it's dealing. you the cards and you're like and again. back to the brain the area of your brain. that's now sucking up all the blood and. running the show isn't the part of your. brain your neocortex where you would. think through all the things that are. going to happen happen after this yeah. it's like you're not even you're these. two areas can't be doing the thinking at. the same time so once that swell of like.

craving comes about this is offline yeah. you're like I don't I'm never going to. see tomorrow or that's tomorrow dax's. problem you're right I feel bad for him. but today's Dax is about to get [ __ ]. up and feel good yes yes like it. everything the ability to have any. comprehension really or any Forward. Thinking completely disappears that's. crazy bro I mean it disappears yeah it's.

gone it's access it no I mean my biggest. thing was just that that one of the. things I ran into was just commitment a. lot of times I would get into a. relationship and then I just could not. be committed like I couldn't be. committed I just couldn't do it you know. what's your explanation of that was it. because you you wanted to hook up with. other girls or is it because you thought. ultimately they would see that you're a. piece of [ __ ] and be out I wanted to. have the option to do what I wanted to. do yeah I wanted to be I wanted you.

wanted it all you want to go to Sizzler. yeah I don't I'm in the mood for wings. and I'm in the mood for sale and I'm in. the mood for [ __ ] I just didn't I just. didn't want I didn't want to have. somebody else like Define me there's a. part of me that really doesn't. trust having somebody else Define me in. a way does that make any sense or no. yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like even I. remembered like when I had a girlfriend.

I would a lot of times I wouldn't even. say this is my girlfriend I would say. this my friend and then their name and. some of that a lot of that stuff I feel. bad about man it was you know because. it's not fair to them you know like um. so it was that sort of thing it was like. I just I just there's something I just. had the toughest time with letting. somebody else Define me but do you think. and I don't want to speak poorly of your. mother but do you think it's okay to. suggest that since Mom didn't have your. best interest in. mind that it was going to be pretty hard.

for you to imagine that anyone was going. to have your best interest in mind I I. think there could be some truth to that. I just don't. [Music]. know I I it's hard for me to get there. in my head yeah like um or like. intellectually you could maybe see the. thread but it doesn't feel like anything. real right yeah and for a lot of times. for me I got to get that feeling space. you know for it to activate inside of. you you know so I just think my mom was. just super bit you know there just.

wasn't a connection there and I really. wanted it how old were you when your dad. died I was 16 so and he was very old you. know but he was cool I mean he was old. but my mom would come to the baseball. games dude my mom was kind of a [ __ ]. gangster in a lot of ways like she would. come to the baseball games and she would. [ __ ] scream hit it or we leav from. her [ __ ]. Astan in left. field and bro I was already horrible at.

baseball that was horrible hit it or. we're leaving she would yell she didn't. have any patience for fourth inning. every time we were gone really dude she. would pull you br was yeah she would. pull all right he had five chances let's. go she would pull me from the game yeah. yeah it sounds like she had your best. interest in mine totally just she was. just surviving you know yes well again. you can be sympathetic and not. judgmental to it but also acknowledge.

what happened right and I think that's. still where I'm at like it's still like. there's still a part of me that has like. a lot of resentment I think you'll have. kids one day and it'll change it all it. will because you'll start just you you. know um subconsciously or you'll just be. evaluating like wait where was I when I. was three like where was like I remember. my daughter came in our oldest daughter. this was probably a year and a half ago. she came came in and she was like she. had had a nightmare that me and Kristen. got divorced that Mom and Dad got. divorced and I said uh okay well you.

know what happened um someone cheated I. think Mom cheated on dad and I said okay. well couple things I would never divorce. your mom if she cheated on me we would. work through that like we're that's not. going to happen but let's say it. happened what would then what would go. on what would happen next he's like well. we went live together and I'm like yeah. but I'd buy the house next. door and I will be with you non-stop.

like I'm not going anywhere no matter. what happens that's not going to happen. but if it if if that happened I'm living. next door to you and you come and see me. whenever you want and maybe your mom. will date someone that's really cool. maybe there'll be another cool person in. your life like that's we don't know what. it would be um but while I was saying. all this to her I was looking at her and. all of a sudden I was just like. oh she's. nine by nine I'm on my third stepdad and.

I've already been molested yeah. like and I'm looking at her I'm like no. no she's way too little to have be on. her third dad and to have been molested. right like Jers you have like a. compassion for yourself because I think. in my mind I'm always older than I. really was or I felt with it or I knew. the score he felt responsible yes and. and in many ways I was and then again. I'm paning around with my brother who's.

5 years older than me so it was always a. little bit five years ahead but I look. at this little girl and I think oh yeah. that's way that's way too many things to. have happened to a 9-year-old wow. right yeah that's kind of interesting I. think I I probably need to get to that. place in my life I would like to yeah. I'm I'm definitely. like yeah I'm tired of kind of living in. the same place sometimes you know so I'm. just working on some of that stuff with. my sponsor what's the longest you've. been with a girl a girl probably 3 years. maybe uhhuh so pretty long I feel like.

and. so yeah it'll happen and then also I. fell in love with my work you know. that's one thing I really fell in love. with like I love to work you know I love. to work it's like a safe thing that I. know like how many days a year are you. touring doing standup I don't know maybe. aund and maybe 100 shows a year 100 and. then you're where in Nashville the rest. of the time yeah Nashville or on um you. know I'm building the house in Nashville. hey told me that yeah we going to be.

like best friends in. Tennessee this is so exciting maybe we. should meet up in our tour buses like at. uh WAFF house or something yeah dude. that' be cool um what made you guys. choose. Nashville well it started with like I. grew up around a bazillion Lakes where. I'm from in Michigan it's just Lakes. everywhere oh it's rural Michigan yeah. so I'm Charo I was charoy is so. beautiful no not that far out oh my God. have you been there Kid Rock always.

talks about it all the time no it's. preposterously beautiful yeah in fact. you go there and you're like this is in. the USA like the that area of Michigan. the water's turquoise blue like the. Caribbean like Torch Lake is like yeah. it's it's so beautiful up there and they. have these py Stones which are all. tortoise they like turtle they're. impossibly beautiful flat Stones forc. it's incredible but initially we were. going to I found a house I wanted to get. there I kind of wanted to live out my. fantasy of grown up broke driving by the.

houses on a certain Lake and I was home. visiting my best friend Aaron and I was. driving by that Lake and I was like oh. [ __ ] son you could [ __ ] have a house. on that Lake now like that happened and. I was like I it was weird I was like. that happened was it scary though to. like fall like like lean into like a. newer you that like has like money and. all of that and pop opportunity and. stuff like that sometimes I think I feel. a little bit like.

uh yeah like it's just like um it. doesn't fit well or yeah I think. sometimes I feel like it doesn't fit. well sometimes I feel like yeah I've. talked about this before but it's like I. don't want to put it's like uh I kind of. like where I am yeah but is it that or. is it that you're afraid I'm afraid what. people will think of me yes so I have. that too like I'm from a very blue. collar half the time was on welfare. there's a fight in school three or four. times a day you. know violent drunk Blue Collar place.

it's the last suburb out of Detroit. what's that like a union yes yes. everyone's parents were in the UAW where. I grow but it's the last suburb out of. Detroit before it turns to just. cornfields so it's like if you went uh. East it got like more and more built up. but if you went west of where I was from. it was just pastur the kids got on my. bus with horeshit all over their boots. from shovel and [ __ ] so it was like Hill. it was m is that I went to M Junior High.

no you didn't yes mu what mu R yeah why. do you know mure Billy strings was just. on here and he's he grew up in mure he's. a no oh he's an amazing uh guitarist I. just watched you posted a clip like a. few days ago of it yeah yeah and he was. talking about [ __ ] on a heated seat. at the sunset Tower yeah so same so I. have the same thing which is like I. hated rich people yeah I grew up I hated. rich people they were the enemy I still. hate them yeah I know and I'm that's.

hard to come to peace with for me which. is like at what point are you just a. fraud because you're a rich dude now and. I can't identify with that because I. hated rich people they were the enemy. they were the people that made you feel. shitty and that look down on you yeah. well we had a veteranarian dude and he. like our street like was like people. would go from like town and they would. cut through our neighborhood to go to. like kind of like the nicer area where. people lived at yeah and he was like a. veterinarian and he would throw out like.

the dead animal stuff in our ditch all. the time oh wow and like yeah he would. literally stop a [ __ ] black Mercedes. six or seven cats oh he's just dropping. off a bunch of [ __ ] ban carcasses and. just hitting the road up there to. Richville and we would all get out there. and yell and call him queer or whatever. fry up the food totally then thank him. and thank Jesus the. meal no we would throw like the bones at. each other we would make like dinosaurs. out of the bones and hide them and [ __ ].

and [ __ ] but I think something like. that yeah there was well the rich were. always an enemy you know you always had. to have an enemy you know so I think. there's still good enemies to find out. there and maybe they're not all rich. maybe it's just more about like greed or. like well the the. thing that I'm entertaining is like yeah. that's going to happen. people who are my people are going to. hate me cuz I'm. rich I don't what can I do about that.

like that's that's their thing just like. it was my thing and to to pretend I'm. something other than I'm not feels like. an even. bigger contradiction or or or or. hypocrisy yeah right like I got to be. realistic I'm still I still feel very. comfortable in the [ __ ]. though most comfortable yeah and so I. think if. you met me i' whatever you thought or.

you were mad about I don't think you. would feel that way because I'm not. above anyone I just I got some paper and. I [ __ ] love it and I want to keep it. and that's all I wanted I've [ __ ]. been working so hard to get that [ __ ]. paper I didn't want to be a rich guy but. I wanted the paper more than anyone else. I ever. metting so yeah and I think also being. rich can be like a attitude too I think. that's a lot of it it's like there was. something about the attitude of it. nepotism [ __ ] like that I don't like I.

didn't like that's some of the [ __ ] I. just I don't know I still have a chip on. my shoulder about like the kind of East. Coast blue bloody these schools the the. dress but dude I went to vacation this. year with my kids in Martha's Vineyard. right so yeah and I'm like well what are. we going to do here. how are we going to play this we're. going to act like you can't be there and. act like you don't go there I I and my. wife was like why do you want to go to. Martha Vineyard and I'm like those.

kennedies could go anywhere like the. kennedies were the gangsters of all. gangsters they could go anywhere if they. went there and set up shop there has to. be something there oh I see you're. saying like I got to see about the. people that could have done anything. landed there oh that's interesting I was. like curious and I went there I was like. oh yeah no [ __ ] people here is [ __ ]. incredible is yes and again this is what. I tell myself what's nice about it is. like hey it's just [ __ ] gorgeous have.

you been to Daytona Beach a million. times that's where we go for our you. know winter break my mom would drive us. in a van and we would sleep in the van. down at Daytona yeah I hadn't been there. before it blew my mind um but a. different vibe than Martha's Vineyard. yeah yeah I can imagine that you go to. Ron John down in Coco Beach um Ron Surf. Shop yeah I've been over there dude yeah. yeah yeah about getting the Run shirt. when I was a kid yeah that was the best. the and the and the sand is so hard. packed in Daytona that my brother and I.

remember going there this is what always. happened we would drive down in a van. the four of us um we'd sleep in the van. and it would always be the shittiest. weather that Florida had the whole year. we'd be leaving Michigan in the in the. snow and then we would get there all. excited and then it would be like 49 so. one day we were there it was raining it. was cold as hell but the sand was so. hard packed that my brother and I were. on our skateboards and we had like. windbreakers and it the the the wind. just pushed us down the beach on our. skateboards like flying one of my. greatest memories of my whole life.

that's such a good feeling dude yeah. yeah D do you skateboarding on the beach. I don't even know how you would do it oh. on the boardwalk no on the sand oh wow I. know people listening would probably not. believe this but like a everyone drives. on it so it's just like really packed. down and then if it rains it was just. like being on concrete damn yeah oh what. a moment yeah what's Martha's vineard. like like I think of it as like there's. ducks kind of there are ducks you're. going to find all all variety of waterf. there yeah and there's a lot of but I'll.

tell you the thing that I'll say they do. have a restriction on how big of a house. you can build there mhm so like this. place versus um The Hamptons right so. the Hamptons attracts. billionaires Martha's vineyard's. millionaires I know that's a stupid. distinction to make but for me still. with this weird class Warfare thing I. was like okay well there's no Yachts out. here there's no people with like 40,000. foot houses and everyone's no one's.

flashy everyone drives around in like. vintage cars there's no like Bentley and. [ __ ] it's like everyone's in Old. Cherokee and stuff you got Michelle and. uh in in Barry they got a spot their. house looks to be bigger than the uh. square footage allotment a lot yeah that. definitely looks like it's 11 look like. there was at least a kick back of a. bedroom. yeah that might be some kind of. presidential Clause um yeah Bobby. Kennedy's always up there he always. talks about it um and just growing up.

there and um yeah they have the um uh. what is it Kenny Kenny bunkport there it. is is that their whole thing yeah so. they the you cross uh a little bridge. out of Martha's Vineyard into a tinier. Island that's called wow hyport oh the. high that's where Ted Kennedy crashed no. yeah um oh man they all there's not a. single stop light on the whole island. yeah it's just all stop signs you'd. think they'd put one in after what. happened to Ted Kennedy you would think. they would have yeah put cameras.

everywhere and yeah dude oh I can't. believe that yeah I can't even imagine. you pull up and somebody. just just making just salmon or whatever. on the porch fresh salmon they just. hosted in but yeah I think maybe your. money thing is a little bit like you'd. be betraying it's just interesting to. see what it's like okay well never had. any money now I have some money yeah. what's this like you know I mean the. nicest part is being able to eat. whatever you want oh yeah yeah that's.

the best dude and you go to a restaurant. and you know that you can pay the tab if. your friends want to eat yeah the two. there's three things that make me will. make me feel rich um CU I was in LA for. 10 years trying to get a job acting and. con it so I was living on eight grand a. year for like a decade in Santa Monica. so like I could never order pizza I. wanted Pizza is so [ __ ] bad I could. just barely stay drunk on my budget and. then I had to really be entertaining to. the dudes who had Coke but uh where was.

I going with that. 8,000 oh so now when I order pizza I'm. like yeah um four my wife we know we. need one I'm like get four we'll get. four and I feel so rich that I can go. any [ __ ] amount of pizzas I want the. other thing is I go to the gas station. and I'm not I'm not not even sure what. it is a gallon and I love that feeling I. used to fill up my [ __ ] Honda Civic. like halfway yeah and if and if it was. 10 cents more I was stressed so just.

getting gas I feel like a bazillionaire. and then the other thing is a second. fridge with beverages in it that's what. like kids I grew up with that were Rich. they had another fridge in their garage. with all kinds of beverages so like. those three things have me feeling like. a Rockefeller dude we had this cereal. closet we ate cereal probably I would. say. 400 nights a year. okay and I remember we had this cereal.

closet and sometimes if you were hungry. my mom would literally put you in there. was no light in there there was 26 boxes. of cereal in there and she' like don't. come out until you are full and just go. in there in the dark and [ __ ] eat. cereal and when you eat it with milk in. a bowl or you no you just [ __ ] get. your hand in there and enjoy yourself. like a [ __ ] man boy right right but. that kind of that kind of [ __ ] I loved. man they just had I just saw something. the other day about the endless shrimp. they were having people ruined it oh how. they were losing money oh yeah Red.

Lobster oh yeah here it is endless. shrimp is financially ruining Red. Lobster I lived for a [ __ ] endless. anything when I was broke yeah endless. tits dude my [ __ ] Buddy's mom had I. remember that. sure oh she had those yeah you had to. get up early and feed those tits those. things. had milk in you know uh Lobster in an. earnings. report um in early November Ludovic.

Regus oh my God they lost1 million sking. shrimp out uh let me see I think like. every company in the world is now. operating like a startup it's like. they're they they think it's a good idea. to just be hemorrhaging money the whole. time and just grow grow grow they're. like [ __ ] it we'll worry about this. later we need more Red Lobsters on every. corner uh the the the Thai Union Group. which owns Red Lobster announced that. its ultimate endless shrimp deal which. is normally a limited time offer but was. added to the daily menu in June wow was.

it exceedingly popular that so popular. caused a restaurant to post an operating. loss of more than 11 million how would. you not after a week look at the books. and be like hey the shrimp has to end. yeah I don't know how it took them to. the end of the year we want to keep it. on the menu the guy says uh and of. course we need to be much more careful. regarding what are the entry points and. what is the price point we're offering. now for $25 guests can choose two shrimp.

Centric options when they are ready for. more they can order additional shrimp. selections we had a place called the big. shrimp over there and people would go. there and [ __ ] they had a um Cheddar. Bay Biscuits though oh those things. those are incredible you remember the. first time you ate at uh Red Lobster. mine's Crystal Clear we had a place. called the big shrimp oh okay and it was. not a Red Lobster and they had a huge um. they had like a a stuffed shrimp like.

mascot or whatever outside on Friday. night uhuh and uh people would always. just drive by and just like talk [ __ ]. call him a homosexual or whatever pretty. sad you know and they shouldn't but but. we did it so it was like it was just. that kind of [ __ ] I try to explain to. people like like when I grew up. littering Not only was littering it. wasn't a thing littering littering like. my f my mom's a good person and we would. stop if we like sometimes we drive to. Toronto as soon as we got over the. bridge in Windsor we would stop at.

McDonald's because they had special. Canadian bacon and we'd get everything. right and we'd be driving in the car and. we'd like all eat and then we packed the. bag back up my mom would roll the window. just shove the whole thing out and no. one ever it like it was a non thing it's. like if she spit out the window yes it. was in 1982 every every car was shoving. an enormous bag of [ __ ] trash out. their window and no one thought about it. like my mom's not a heathen yeah I know.

she look she would never do that now I. would never do that now but yeah you. just every time you were done with. something in your car you'd be like. right out the window didn't care. cigarettes the whole nine it was so. liberating it I miss it yeah oh there. was definitely something there was. definitely something nice about back. then oh yeah it was so it was natural. resources and Environmental Protection. act um causing. they made it illegal in Michigan in 1994. wow well there you go 94 I'm talking. about 82 going to Toronto I'm sure the. Canadians were ahead of us a little bit.

but probably not till ' 89 this when. Nature was looking for a sip of of. orange soda yeah maybe we told ourselves. like the the deer eat that bag and. everything they'll eat it all right. up yeah that was fun man I remember um. yeah I remember my buddy William's dad. would take us to McDonald's sometimes. and getting that orange soda. about good at tasting when you're a kid. it's never tasted as good it's still. good but it's not there's nothing like. when you're a kid and you're drinking. orange soda and having a a hamburger do.

you remember the enormous they had like. these um Barrel coolers like a kid might. have a birthday party and they'd get the. McDonald's Barrel cooler with the orange. soda in it no I never saw that oh yeah I. went to a couple birthday parties that. had that just like a keg of orange soda. oh is it even soda it's an orange drink. it's orange something yeah yeah oh there. it is you don't recognize that I never. saw that by the way that' be a cool. retro thing to have at the house that'd. be so sick man I'm might to add that to.

the list of a extra fridge with drinks. and then a McDonald's Barrel I remember. getting um my mom would always be like. you guys should study the menu and make. sure you get like the best thing or. whatever we're like what the [ __ ] are. you talking about like we're [ __ ]. McDonald's that would have been a MC DLT. when I was a kid she always tried to. make it so fancy or whatever and. afterwards sometimes we would go uh we. would go to get a dessert somewhere else. at this Cookie Shop and they had like C.

regular cookies that were kind of for. kids and they had a couple of cookies. that were like for adults like um e not. maybe like e clar but just like uh fancy. looking cani yeah just [ __ ] like that. was not for kids right right right and. every now and then you would get one and. you would just oh uh biscet or whatever. that's biscotti biscotti the perfect. track it looks like it's good you get it. and it's [ __ ] horrible and you hate. yourself for the rest of the day oh yeah. that is terrible I got I I I was.

thinking of something else for a second. every time I got a biscotti I just. wanted to [ __ ] climb inside of my own. dick man I hated biscotti yeah second. you put it in your mouth you're compl. parched just it's just like a sponge and. you have to pretend it's good your. siblings and they're enjoying their. right they're fancy yes they're enjoying. their legitimate cookie back to the. money though yeah did you covet it or. was it something you never were that. obsessed with no I think I I mean. obviously I think everybody you want to.

have some success you there's varying. levels though like I've met kids that. are grew up in the same way I did and. they're not obsessed with it I don't. know how my wife is zero interest in. money yeah none she doesn't think about. it could care less I can't relate to. that at all but it's not like she grew. up rich she's from Michigan too I don't. like being taken advantage of so I do. like to do business I guess as well as I. can right you know um so that kind of. thing you know but I guess my thing is.

just like well if I have so money then. what am I supposed to do with it well. you're supposed to save it so you're. safe right so that when you can't do. this anymore and they knock on the door. and go this was a big mistake we should. have never been letting you do this. which they probably will soon do you. live with that fear I do like I I record. in the Attic of my house and I'm just. always you do yeah yeah wow that's cool. there's a garage that's like separate. and then above it is a little attic it's. like 105 years old and I'm always.

waiting to hear like Hey we're so sorry. but this you didn't really think you. could have something this good in. successful right there's like you know. you don't deserve this right and I'd be. like yeah I guess you're right I think. that sounds right yeah the there was. some bad paperwork or whatever I had. this the first house oh yeah that's a. picture of the ad like why am I so clo. oh that's that's like the maybe first. episode yeah I'm sitting way too close. to Ashton I don't even have a lazy boy.

up there yet but that's the atct oh that. was Ashton came on y's podcast or. there's Pete went see now I've got but. also from the music Fallout Boy yeah um. but now we got lazy boys and we're. pretty separated do you uh do you still. want to do acting and stuff do you like. um you've been in some cool movies with. Josh J he's a buddy of mine oh he is. that makes sense yeah he's a neat guy. yeah I love him he's a very for real. person yeah yeah he's a special dude.

he's almost Afflicted with being so. handsome it's it's maddening I I did a. movie I met him because we all did a. movie. together when in Rome yes playing my my. wife love interest and I was playing an. underwear. model and yeah I was like look at this. guy he just like he's probably never. thought about how his hair looks yeah. he's never even thought about it he's. never thought about if he was in good. shape he's just in great shape yeah it.

looks so effortless I'm always you know. a lot of people look like it looks very. self-conscious when they look good yeah. or they put some effort into it it's. like this guy's trying to not look great. and it's not possible yeah yeah he's a. he's the real deal yeah and he's a he's. a big boy look at him he's big guy what. is he what is he 6'4 maybe 670 or. something 675 he um look at those. streaks are gray my God bro he yeah it. just he yeah he's almost a I have some. friends that are good-look and they're. like no but Josh is almost Afflicted.

with he's like almost afraid to show his. face he's trying to downplay it yeah he. so modest about it I would all I would. do is walk up and down the street and. then see if girls turned and looked at. me that's all I would do I would I I. couldn't be trusted with that level of. handsomeness for sure I had I did enough. wreckage not looking like that um but. then you wonder cuz I have a couple. friends that are so [ __ ] goodlook and. they've always been so good-look and. girls have always liked them and they're.

not they seem a little. disinterested in being in women yeah not. not like day just they're like it's a. kind of a given like for you and I we. see someone we're like Oh that girl. would never like me I'm gonna make her. laugh and I'm gonna put on a show and. I'm going to do this and I'm might go. dance and I'm going to do all this and. like there's maybe I could maybe I could. get in there yeah it's like a huge. challenge yeah I'm G learn French I. remember all that [ __ ] yeah and then an. enormous reward if you get it but I. think they look in there like yeah that.

girl would like me of course she would. every girl girl so far has liked me so. there's no challenge being undefeated. with women that'd be crazy um the. craziest also if you're so good-look you. if you want to see something good. looking just look in the mirror like yes. why get a whole another person why. involve yes totally why inconvenient. yourself just hold up a [ __ ] mirror. in. bed dude that's exactly you remember. being a kid in you're like your hair.

would look good like I had all these. yeah me too I hated how I look we looked. at that picture of me the CICS are. everywhere right so once in a blue moon. my hair would feather correctly yeah and. I would just look at I'd be like [ __ ]. give anything of my hair would stay like. this forever like I remember trying to. make deals with God like this is F like. if this is the hair I have to just keep. it like this forever I don't never need. to change it we got this we finally got. the feather looks right and it.

was it was a I was so ashamed I think I. was so I just had no self-confidence if. a girl looked at me I literally couldn't. [ __ ] handle it you couldn't I had to. be like I must look [ __ ] horrible I. spent as much time as I could like run. going into the bathroom making sure I. looked at least decent and I had the. worst acne and the acne the kind where. if you smiled some would pop yeah. [Music]. like so then you're just sitting there. like this you like you sneeze and.

[ __ ] oh this is. hilarious oh man [ __ ] bro so such a. bummer I didn't I had pimples I had a. good amount but I didn't have you I. don't think you call it like acne oh I. had the kind that were like so yeah they. were like in your bones or something the. Insurgent what the [ __ ] metastasis into. your bones oh and they gave you all they. had was your back hurt so. severe all they had was Oxy pads right.

and they burned your face they made your. whole face [ __ ] burn yes and you'd. scrub oh you would scrub and you like. tomorrow you feel so guilt it's got to. be your fault you got to like pain. yourself yeah that was it I never. thought about it I thought it was my. fault or something yes and you would. just scrub and you would be like. tomorrow this is going to be so much. better and it just made it way Oiler and. way more worse it was [ __ ] then they. took you to get this [ __ ] there was this. yellow uhoh like stuff you would put on. it had this blot and you put from the.

doctor yes we went to the doctor and it. made all your. skin peel all your face it was like an. acid wash or so then people were like. this guy doesn't have acne this guy was. in a fire yeah this guy's a zombie yeah. this guy his Skin's peeling off. oh man it's rough being a kid isn't it. it was so rough and then sometimes one. of your you'd wake up and one of your. arms was a little longer you're like.

what the. [Laughter]. [ __ ] oh you'd see your buddy in his. [ __ ] chin would be like seven in. longer like what the f last week having. an Ian that was me between eighth grade. and Ninth Grade so again I had this mure. junior high I have my basketball. physical it take to to do eighth grade. basketball and then I have the ninth. grade one I did not make the team in. ninth grade but in in eighth grade I was. 511 and.

159 tall and then in ninth grade I was. 63 149 o so I lost 10 lbs grew 4 in I. had a terrible I was still following my. brother's directions and he he had he. was in a perm phase so he convinced me. to get a perm on top and it was super. long in back. yeah I had a perm on. top it was crazy long and the back. wasn't perm right so it was just [ __ ]. straight but up top had a lot of body.

and then my nose just got huge and my. chin retracted and I got super tall and. skinny and I was just like and I went to. a new high school oh [ __ ] from like what. a. creature I you were a creature I was I. crawled out of a swamp and I had bit I. had life so good at mure like girls like. me had a ton of friends and then I just. showed up at this other high school and. I looked [ __ ] nuts John you're junior. high is it based on the John M Trail or.

no is that's the Redwoods guy isn't the. the no mine is Margaret E mure I think. we're confusing Ms my school is Margaret. e mure in Milford Michigan which I heard. sadly they just closed down you know. I've never wanted to go to a high school. reunion but I wanted uh I got the idea. last year I'm like I want to host a. junior high reunion cuz that was The. Sweet Spot Junior yeah junior high was. dude it was so fun I had a. spree do you remember spree the candies. no this is might be me being five years.

older it was a moped a Honda Spree and I. lived like I lived miles away from my. friends so it's like all of a sudden I. had a spree my dad bought it for me in a. drunken stuper he felt bad about. something and bought it for me yeah and. so there's a spree I my dad used to get. us hot dogs all the time that was his. I'm sorry yeah sometimes you come home. and there' be like six hot dogs for you. cuz he would get he would drink too he. would drink and he would park his he had.

like a Thunderbird or something he would. park it in the ditch a lot of times. outside of our house and I think our mom. actually dug the ditch so he would land. in it they were kind of at odds but I. had that black spree you saw with a very. sexy purple writing so I was like I was. Mobile in seventh grade I could go. anywhere that one with upper corner look. how sexy that thing. so I was by the way that that vanilla. colored one's really good looking now. that I'm older and more mature I would I. would like that vanilla one but I could. ride everywhere I had girlfriends I.

could go to their houses while their. parents were out at you know at work it. was such a perfect time dude I remember. they had a girl that lived close enough. to me and I remember walking down there. one time cuz she would kind of sometimes. let people like touch her breast or. whatever and I love I think this is. rural rural [ __ ] that people don't. really relate to yeah it was yeah she. was all she'd like be like hey come over. and touch my breath there were a lot of. girls like that in my town and this girl. was big like big bone like built like a.

tree almost and so like you could run. and hide behind her like that with a. buddy you know like on different sides. of her you know and she just had the. hardest chest and tits and everything I. remember got B be like I can't even wait. hard just help me out with that. adjective oh they were [ __ ] rock hard. yeah she was just she was a lot lot. mostly bone probably in her you know in. her breast maybe oh she was [ __ ] a. real she was mostly sternum she was. tusks oh yeah Tusk um yeah new Michigan.

and Milford are about a 100 miles from. each other but that is where Billy. strings is from M Michigan population. 660 oh so that's a city so my M's a. Junior High in Milford that I went to. okay got it Margaret Ur but anyways so I. had this fantasy and I'm I'm still best. friends with my best friend who I met at. meor Junior High in sixth grade Aaron. Weekley and so we both of us that's the. highlight of our life he's a recovering. addict too you know yeah we went hard. together [ __ ] you he made he stretched.

it out another 14 years I don't know how. he did. it but we wanted to throw this thing but. we had to consider like certainly a lot. of guys are going to want to kick our. ass at this thing oh the junior high. thing yeah from my town yeah there's. certainly some dudes who are not. thrilled that I grew up married married. Kristen Bell maybe I already they wanted. to kick my ass in junior high but and a. lot of dudes got enormous a lot of guys. went prison yeah some people would.

really be upset you think yeah yeah I'm. pretty certain of it so then we were. like how are we going to have this thing. and not have to fight we don't want to. do that but it seems highly likely have. you been to a a high school reunion and. any guy yeah stuff like that we did a. nice dinner recently yeah there is. something you just don't want people to. feel that you're different than them you. know that's one of like my biggest. things is just like trying to make sure. that like my buddies and stuff as much. as I can don't feel like I that I think. I'm different than them and also try.

yeah and to try to check my thoughts too. and see what's going on with me so that. I'm cognizant of that my ego is like one. of my biggest fears you know cuz it. grows you don't even know it's growing. and next thing you know you're just a. complete [ __ ] like I will be stressed. out and be angry sometimes but I don't. know if I get into the ego space as much. but I get into the overwhelmed space a. lot but um but yeah I think a lot of my. friends from where I'm from have been. pretty stoked about just podcasting the.

people we get to talk to and stuff like. that like oh dude I was thinking of you. on Friday cuz I watched the Ric Flair. doc oh yeah the 30 for30 on Ric Flair. and I was like oh right I remember you. had a on that was unbelievable unreal. just being able to yeah spend time with. a piece of your own life like that uhhuh. like Michael Landon I would love to. spend time with but he's dead and uh. that's your dude Michael Landon yeah. that's an interesting choice I love.

Michael Landon dude we loved him he was. supposed to come to our town he was. supposed to come to the rodeo once but. he didn't show up or whatever my mom was. all pissed because she even went down. there to see him she. did and okay this is kind of yeah she. went pschological and you want to well I. think he to come what project did you. fall in love with Michael Landon from. Highway to Heaven both at the same time. Highway to Heaven with Victor French and. then also at Victor French when he was.

on Little House in the prairie I met. Nelly ome one time at Chase what a. [ __ ] head of hair my goodness main. yeah you kind of um do you think you're. subconsciously trying to have the same. hair uh maybe today I am a little bit. the hair is [ __ ] my Lord what I would. have done with that hair oh dude I'm not. even gay and I would have definitely. kissed this dude that guy's beautiful. bro that I done whatever he wanted to do. if he'll let me just do this through the.

top of the air like what's the what's. the price that dude's better looking. than 80% of the girls I've ever day. today which is. crazy um do you enjoy podcasting more. now like what do you feel like for. yourself I answer your question how free. did you get when that started like were. you because you you started podcast and. a lot of people weren't doing it. yeah but I also felt late to it like. there were like Marin was already there. Chris Hardwick was already huge like I. definitely felt like I'm a poser that.

I'm starting a podcast we just had our. six year anniversary last week yeah I. think that's where we're about at you're. beyond that I looked you you've you've. been podcasting for like eight years oh. wow minimally eight Jesus Christ yeah so. you were already doing it I felt. self-conscious like oh this is this is. so embarrassing I'm about to was it. embarrassing in your acting world like. or in that Hollywood world did it feel. like kind of a weird thing to do kind of. cuz sometimes you know people are always. a little weary sometimes I think they're. less weary now but people at the I think.

five or six years ago felt like it was. below yeah just like what am I do you. know I didn't have that fear I had more. the fear of like what does Maron think. what does Chris Hardwick think like the. people who have already done it. improving what what what does Rogan. think like this is embarrassing that I'm. now trying to hop into this thing that. they've all been doing for years yeah um. but weirdly yeah now people will act. like I was somehow early cuz then of. course there was a much bigger wave. after we started but um I love it so.

much I don't have any desire to act I. haven't acted in a couple years I guess. now I'm so fulfilled I I I am on four. shows a week and I produce six shows a. week oh wow I didn't know you guys were. doing all of that yeah so it's very like. well thank you so much for taking the. time today dude my God I like I I wanted. to be on so bad that's awesome man but. it's I love it do you love it like yeah. I love it I just love it I love wanting. to learn more I love the scary part I.

think I've evolved as a human because of. it which is like I was kind of happy. where I was you know it was working just. fine yeah I think I was enjoying myself. and it's like I don't know if I've. gotten like I mean I've just learned you. can't help but learning more from. listening to people you know well I do. so Mondays on our show is celebrities. and then Thursdays is experts so like. scientists and [ __ ] you know startup. people you name it uh Bill Gates has.

been on wow. um who was last you just saw I had that. um you know pullit surprise winning. author who's written this book on. communication um so Thursdays is. constantly someone really challenging. that's super duper smart and yeah I feel. like I'm still at college but I don't. ever have to go to class I don't have to. write an exam paper I just the smartest. people in the world come Bill Gates has. sat down and chatted with me you know. what was he like dud cuz he gets such a.

rap like everybody thinks he's a like. know he's like this lizard uh just like. he thinks that people think he has. children in his basement and he's of. adrenal Chrome to stay young right which. is so comical cuz I've both interviewed. him a couple times and if just look at. him not working he's aging very. expectedly like if Bill Gates looked 36. I could see where you would have that. conspiracy theory but he looks [ __ ].

his age wow yeah right God bless him he. looks exactly what does he seem like I. think I get worried when people have so. much control that's the one thing that I. think about like wealth and stuff it's. like I feel like they should put a cap. on how much wealth and control somebody. could have because here's here's what I. wondered is if if if say if one person. makes so much money does that mean other. people don't have that money to make no. so that's I think a lot of people have. this zero some thought of how the. economy works but that's not the case.

people invent [ __ ] and grow the economy. so like my favorite biography I've ever. read in my life uh everyone should read. it it's called Titan it's about John D. Rockefeller and it's about him building. Standard Oil and so this dude John D. Rockefeller when he when he became a 100. millionaire that had never existed wow. that the economy was so it was so small. at that point that I think they say that. out of every dollar that existed in.

America he had like 50 cents of it wow. so all these inventions all these. products they all just swell it so it's. it's kind of has an infinite ceiling but. I think people think of it as like we're. at a ceiling and they got this and but. that's not actually our GDP swells and. swells and swells and everyone has but. John D Rockefeller took all that money. and he started he midcareer like in his. 40s he was like I want to solve.

everything now the South what's going on. in the South oh people think Southerners. are lazy why do they think they're lazy. he deploys a team of scientists they. figure out oh like 40% of the people in. the South have hookworm from walking. barefoot when hookworm gets in your body. it overtakes your intestines it saps all. your have no energy cuz they're not. taking in the nutrients from their food. he's like we got to eradicate hookworm. Fromm were stealing the vitamins just. this growth inside your intestines. prevented the nutrients from absorbing.

so he sends out a team of people to. educate everyone in the South to a wear. shoes and then there's a very simple. cure for it which is like I think an. iodine regiment so he also sets up free. iodine regiment to get rid of he. eradicates hookworm there was no such. thing as research science before John D. Rock Feller he's like all we have is. these doctors they graduate from all. these different schools no one knows. what degree is what there's no standard. he and then he said well what's the best.

medical uh facility in the world it's. John's Hopkins hospital he paid them to. come up with the curriculum and then he. went to every medical school in America. and said I will pay you if you adopt. this curriculum so that our doctors all. have a standard level attitude W so he. created that and then he created medical. research that didn't exist where. scientists are in a lab actually. studying pathogens and coming up with so. he spent his whole life he he at the. point that he died he had probably saved.

more Americans than any other human. being Bill Gates is Rockefeller you. should watch the doc Bill's brain on. Netflix does he seem he might have. autism or something does it seem like it. maybe I that seems like he probably has. some Divergent my prince said he has it. yeah but um I'm not qualified to. diagnose it but my guess is he's. probably on some spectrum of some neurod. Divergence yeah now what is that I don't. know well and a lot of people are now. some of the greatest it's almost like. where we're heading as a species it's.

people that have some form of autism are. now able to capitulate or something or. conceptualize the the next thing that we. need as a society or something that we. the rest of us can't do it's almost. crazy how something that 20 years ago. was considered probably more of a. deficit is now considered like if just. got and have a little bit of autism. we're not letting him near the counter. you know well I just my guest I. interviewed last Friday hasn't aired yet. but she is a neurode Divergent expert. she herself is neurod Divergent which.

was a really interesting interview. because I've never really interviewed. someone that was just uh very open about. that what does it mean neurode Divergent. so that could be dyslexia ADHD autism. hyperlexia you know there's a bunch of. things that would it just means that. you're not quote the the normal but one. in five people in America is neuro. neurod Divergent So 20% of us are um I. am because I'm dyslexic so I qualify for.

that but yes she was saying the things. that a lot of neurod Divergent people. add to a company is like they don't fall. for group thinking like no no I see. what's going on and they're like they. don't mind pointing out that no no. that's actually not right there's like. some helpful disagreeability that they. just they don't get along they don't. they've been so on the outside growing. up they're so used to that Dynamic of. feeling awkward and people not you know. embracing them that like for them to.

point out the clear obvious thing in the. room is no problem for them it's easy. for them yeah because they've been. sitting there watching the whole time. anyway top five most valuable companies. in the world right. now um autism well Microsoft Bill Gates. I don't know he's probably neurod. diverent probably 20% Elon Musk is ad. admittedly um autistic um Google Sergey. and the other gentleman I don't know but. you know these are all bezos's. definitely he's coming up a little bit. tism out and then that other guy uh.

what's the last one it's not Basin. Robinson what's like another huge. company oh Burkshire hathway yeah maybe. Warren Buffett Warren Buffett now he. seems just like kind of oldfashioned. although if you there's a great dock on. him too Buffet yes some more of these. man and talk about a do is kind of. living the way you he's the he was. forever the richest man in the world he. drives the same. 1987 Cherokee that he's always had he. lives in the same 5,000 foot brick home.

he bought in Omaha Nebraska when he and. his wife got married you're like why. does he even have what's the point of. having all this money but he again I'm. not a [ __ ] doctor I'm I'm not going. to label him something but in the dock. he can sit at his kitchen table and just. go through a pile of dock dou like this. and he's fascinating reading these. spreadsheets and and doing this analysis. and when his wife left at some point she. wanted to spend time on the west coast. she told her neighbor. friend will you check in and make sure.

he eats cuz he'll forget to eat he won't. eat yeah so that woman started coming. over and making him dinner and then she. moved in no way and now they they're and. then the original wife everyone was. happy the original wife died of cancer. he was with her a lot and then he's. still with this woman you're like this. is. that's cool doc I mean who knows what. wow that's interesting I didn't know. that about him I got to do some more. learning man well you're gonna you have. more time than you've probably ever had. the last 18 months yeah we want to get.

her on you had her on beray Brown oh. yeah yeah I want to talk to more people. that are good about thinking about like. navigating like different things like. grief shame stuff like that like I want. to have some other aspects of that you. know well brenee Brown her like knockout. punch punch sentence that stuck with me. is um guilt is I did something bad shame. is I am something bad and like that's a.

great thing to run through my head when. I'm spiraling like what am I actually. feeling right now are you afraid you'll. like potentially lose some of your. Audience by going down that road no not. at all I think I think people are. curious about stuff you know and I'm. curious yeah you know I think one of the. reasons I was so late I got on anti. depress when I was 20 and so I didn't. realize that that kept so many of my. feelings in a [ __ ] cage that cuz one. of the re a few years ago I was like. dude why am I having feel like so much.

more feelings than some other people. sometimes and then I was like oh because. you've regularly been on that medicine. for 17 years uhuh you know and so you. got well also [ __ ] up right yeah and. in part yeah at least like yeah not in. recovery not getting to be able to get a. little bit of a glimpse of myself but um. what was your um PR preferred substance. cocaine yeah oh yeah what a drug I just. had baitman on last week Jason I love. him he's fascinating to look at he has. one of those faces you can tell why he's.

an actor because it's just the most. everything about it is so engaging and. interesting yes yes you can just stare. at it yeah it's interesting when he's. you're just like he just yeah do some. thinking for me bitman I'll watch take. your time too yeah yeah but he was a. Hoover admittedly uh loved yeah yeah and. so we were talking and I said do you. ever do you ever I said I'm not going to. do this but I was directing chips and I. was talking to an actor on the uh movie. and she said that she and her boyfriend. had gone and stayed at cocaine hotel in.

in Columbia I was like cocaine Hotel. what's cocaine hotel and she's like it's. a it's co do you know about the cocaine. Hotel it's everywhere it's on the tables. everywhere you go in the rooms uh at the. thing it's a it's a hotel to do cocaine. and I said Do you ever baitman do you. ever think about just spending a few. days down at cocaine Co he's like well I. don't know I mean there's so much [ __ ]. in Coke now and I said no no I think. this is Farm to Table Coke I think the. guys are stomping on it in the backyard.

and then bringing it in in a dustan then. dropping it off I think this is as. medicinal and pure as it well that's. what we need in this country dude make. Coke great again table we need Farm to. Table cocaine we do you got your. vegetables we did that you got your farm. table vegetables now let's it's sad that. kid can't get some tee and cocaine in. this country it really is yeah you knew. you were going to be huffing some some. baby laxative and some acetylene or. whatever you you knew that but but now.

it's different um Dax we have to we'll. have to catch up again sometime man yeah. yeah I would love it I'd love to have. you on ours as well yeah man I'd love to. come on dude I appreciate that we'll. take a little break we'll recharge we'll. get curious about each other again think. about some things that we could but Nash. I got I don't want to have too high. hopes about Nashville you know what they. say in in our program uh expectations. are resentments under construction you. know that one yeah that's a good one do. you like it yeah I like that. expectations or resentments under. construction yeah but with that said I'm.

still going to allow myself to have. really huge expectations we got to get. out on a [ __ ] boat on the lake dude. now that's some fun stuff you can some. barbecuing on a [ __ ] pontoon boat. good fishing out there what else is. there cannonballs people are so nice to. it's very nice it's a small City doesn't. feel like super big um what side of town. do you live do you live by Franklin no I. live like just like right on the out. like right on the edge of town of. Nashville there probably nine minutes.

from downtown you don't want to tell. anyone I don't live in BME no I just. live in like um it's called uh what is. my neighor called Oak Hill or something. okay there's not a real Hill there but I. think there used to be but somebody. stole it or something but it's um it's. good I got nice neighbors and I got. you know but the zoning there is getting. a little bit weird they're just uh but. you know it's a city in progress um I. love it I love it yeah I'm excited go. down there and I'm like oh yeah people. are still happy to be in this country.

and they're having fun and I miss that. do you miss um was there a reason that. you wanted to not act or take a break. from acting or not act was there like a. were things not as funny as they used to. be or was there yeah I was on the verge. of telling you this thing I would have. not put all this together but I had this. guest on Adam Grant he's a behavioral. psychologist at Wharton he writes a. bunch of [ __ ] he's like a thinker we've. had him on a few times and I was we were. talking about my story was okay I spent. two and a half years making chips it.

came out it didn't open well and I was. like [ __ ] what are we doing now I. thought for sure I'd be writing. directing for the next 10 years that was. my identity I'm a writer director blah. blah blah blah blah and I'm like what. are we doing now and then I was. depressed and then I started the podcast. in the midst of all that right and I was. the my story was like yeah be. flexible don't get too set on something. if something shows up like just run at. it and see what happens and he said well. do you think these things are so. different and I go yeah a podcast and.

acting and [ __ ] yeah I think that's a. lot different he said well what's your. favorite part of acting I was. like I was like up hanging out at video. Village and shooting the [ __ ] with the. other actors and the directors and the. writers like that's my favorite part of. Hollywood is like all these people have. mooved from some town they were on fire. and I get to hang with them shooting the. [ __ ] at video village where they watch. playback and everything vide where after. you do a shot you'll go there and just. like look at the shot with the director.

sometimes and they'll say you did this. and blocked him there she'll say don't. walk over there whatever it is I said. that's what I love about acting and he. said well don't you think you've just. made video Village in your attic like. don't you just sit here and now actress. come over and you do your favorite part. of acting which is like shooting the. [ __ ] at video Village and I was like oh. damn I guess that is what happened I. kind of weeded out all the stuff I. didn't want to do wardrobe fittings and. auditions and all this stuff and now I.

just get my favorite part which is like. hanging with other creative people and. chatting yeah dude that's cool yeah. that's interesting because yeah. sometimes I get people talk about you. want to do this you want to do that and. sometimes there may be like a you know a. friend or two you want to do something. cool with but the best thing about it. would be that you get to hang out with. that friend yes yes the other [ __ ] would. just get in the way of the Hang yeah it. feels like a nightmare some of it like. well I just want to you know yeah I. don't want to talk to a second ad about. a wardrobe fitting across town for two. hours yeah I just want to hang with. David Spade and [ __ ] cut up you know.

um dude I'd love to come on sometime man. let's do it I appreciate you uh making. time for us today dude and um I know. we're kind of all over the place but. we're just getting to know each other. yeah yeah yeah well um we'll do another. one that's more cohesive maybe I doubt. maybe not though I bet we won't be able. to make that happen I'm already in my. head think in about 26 stories I started. that I never finished like why I didn't. buy the house in Michigan I was going to. buy a lake house [ __ ] that yeah I can. think of a bunch of stuff I'm sure when. I listen back I'll be like dude you. should have figured some stuff out man.

um all right well um this is off to a. rockus start yeah I can only imagine. what's going to happen in Nashville I. mean my lord well you have a family I. don't so yeah I'll probably just be. Milling around in y'all's yard yeah yeah. but we'll get out on the ponon with some. shotguns and start slinging ski I shot. my first shotgun out there in in. Nashville yeah Kid Rock House in the. backyard he like he'll have a bunch of. people over sometimes and they had a. [ __ ] ski thing kep shoot off the. cliff and uh and we were just popping.

them off it was cool but yeah it's a fun. place man a lot of uh just a lot of nice. people there so um Dak Shepard thanks so. much man oh my god um thanks for having. me yeah I appreciate it bro nice to meet. you you too now I'm just floating on the. breeze and I feel I'm falling like these. leaves I must be. Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of my life. found I can feel it in my.

bones. but.