Cold Beach | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #413

we got new merch some new colorways uh. in the be good to yourself collection. we've got hoodies in Plum and Moss we've. also got t-shirts in lilac moss and Blue. Mist. I hope you enjoy those those are good. colors. get that hitter and more at. theovenstore.com. that's it. I mean summer is it's a wrap on summer. that's that's done that's done you can't.

you still see something I. was on the interstate the other day and. when that some family driving to the. beach and I just you know. in the back seat you could see the kid. with like a little sand pail and. you know and he had like a. little bucket or a little. you know you just tell us all the hope. and possibility in his eyes and then you. just realized damn man his family.

taking him to the cold Beach. and that's definitely you know when I. was young we. we had to do the cold Beach you know. because it's certainly. you know rich people don't realize when. they leave the beach. that there's that's you know that other. tier of humanity. that rolls into the beach maybe when. that [ __ ] is cold. because it's cheaper. you get your hotel room 19 in there.

31 dollars. all you can sleep. they get you in that bed yeah. everybody's in that [ __ ] you have 7 12. them 19 children in there. in a two-bed in a. Deluxe or something two-bed Deluxe or. something one sink I don't know how they. divide it up nowadays or whatever you. know free ice. and all of that you're at the beach.

and I remember man we go down to the. cold Beach and it you know when Mom. tries to act like it's like it's gonna. be it's fine it's warm. and nobody's out there except other poor. just people don't even know how to use. the beach you know. people only don't even know what's going. on people. some guy out there eating sunscreen with. a spoon just. people just you know. that shanby that shan't be even at the.

beach. and they out there. people just poor people just building. sand Apartments. you see that with they have the uh and. the kids will make like a sand cop car. and then a say they'll have a sand. father getting put into the cop car. he'll make like damn bro. so you see a lot of when you know when. poor people hit the beach it's a little.

bit different. you know a lot more people come out. there with attack dogs you'll see uh you. know somebody out there with a big. attack with a Rottweiler. and that he's out there you know. catching crabs and [ __ ] he's out there. you know. he'll run them Rottweilers are powerful. too. they'll run right it'll run half you. know into the waves and come out with a. just a damn sturgeon in their mouth.

you know you send a dang uh. what are those dogs uh Zach that kill. people every year. pitbulls yeah you'll see somebody out. there have a pit bull run out into the. water he'll come back with four Frisbees. and a damn mackerel. and a couple of and his hair cornrow you. see that [ __ ] you know. that's when poor people hit the beach. that's when it's cold. when people don't realize that there's.

no sun out there. it's mostly just crabs and uh. a lot of jellyfish. you know a lot of high fructose. jellyfish too. and they out there. but people forget that what it's like. yeah nothing like a um. a cold a trip to the cold Beach. my mother would take us over there to. Biloxi.

Mississippi. and then I don't even know if this beach. was incorporated it might have still. been barely a LLC if that. I mean it would they had like. a lot of this the Water by The Edge had. like this froth on it it looked like. um. it looked like uh. there'd been some like um I don't know. if like vomiting or if maybe like fish. have been vomiting over there.

it just like they had a. I can't even explain it man the edge of. the water where it hit the shore had. like um. a lot of foam it looked like a top of a. beer that's what it looked like. it looked like a lot of the water was. probably had beer in it. and if you if you grew up along the. coast especially the Gulf of Mexico and. I think even some. I think I think it happens in a lot of. places where the B it gets a little.

you know you're like damn this water. looks sick. the water looks like it's not doing well. like you should. you know put a blanket on her I mean I. don't know how you would even do that. but it's like the it just. so anyway we went to the damn poor Beach. and I you know and the vendors there. that they you know the warm weather was. over so you go to the hot dog stand or. whatever and they'd be selling just gum. and you're like gum. [ __ ]. you know you get you nine pieces of gum.

the guy would sometimes shape the gums. and you're like a wiener. and put three other gums on the side. make a little Frank you know a little. bread a little. like damn this [ __ ]. taking eight hours to eat that [ __ ]. because you know gum it kind of fights. back a little bit when you try to eat it. if you're just chewing gum it'll work. with you but if you. if you really try to eat it it'll it'll. wanna you know gum don't want all that. you know you know when you swallow gum.

that you are not supposed to. gum is you know. it's halfway to Plastic Man. um. but anyway yeah. it's fall time it's what you know this. is where we are this is what's going on. I want to thank everybody who came out. recently. uh we went and did some shows out there. Wichita. Omaha and Denver it was it was wonderful.

man Wichita. you know it's a real there's not a lot. going on in the city. so when you see people during the it. almost feels like during the day it's. like uh. it has a very kind of like war-torn Vibe. you know it's not a lot of people. running around. you know it's almost like if you see. someone you ask them you know. you know if everything's okay or if they. need water it's like you know it has. that kind of. you know you you don't and if you see.

somebody you almost hug them because you. don't know if you're going to see nobody. again. um but then the shows at night people. flock in. and so I think it's more. I don't know what it is I don't know if. maybe people were. just working out in the yard like in the. what's the yard of a city called. like the suburbs or whatever. like the surround whatever maybe people. are working out there and then they came. through.

um but that was great uh Omaha yeah the. Omaha the venue there was it was in like. a dang Orchestra place. and I didn't know that. and so that wasn't really the best. choice for a comedy venue. ah so that was real or real you know. that was a. felt a little ramshackle in that sense. like even right when we pulled up they. had people rolling out with like. Symphony instruments and. you know somebody with a big.

you know a big uh harp some dude with a. damn harp it was like damn this dude. he got a damn harp over here you know. and so you know he's probably [ __ ]. um. but uh. but yeah that was you know there was. just a lot of symphony play it was just. it was more built for a symphony so it. was it was just interesting to do comedy. in that room and then. moving over to Denver that was that was.

awesome. um so but yeah everybody that came out. man thank you guys so much and and we. actually have some new dates to announce. we're gonna come back to Colorado. um and that will be January 12th. 13th 14th and 15th those shows will be. in Grand Junction. Pueblo Pueblo Denver. and Fort Collins. um so you guys can come check all of.

those out uh we'll also have shows March. 2nd and March 3rd uh and those will be. in Medford Massachusetts and Boston. Massachusetts at the Chevalier. theater and the Wilbur Theater artist. pre-sale starts Wednesday October 19th. at 10 A.M with the code rat king and the. General on sale starts Friday October. 21st at 10 A.M local those times are. your local time get your tickets.

theophon.com. tour so excited to be rolling back to. some of those places man. um. we also did some shows in Lexington. and man we got to go out to we went out. to a horse farm we met a fella this. fella Dylan I think his name. seemed like a. he was kind of like a um. just a man. you know when you saw him you seemed. like him he seemed like a man you might. ask directions from looked like he had.

directions you know what I'm saying like. a reliable source. uh. well anyway so he took us out we met him. at a show and then he took us out to a. horse farm. and we got to ride on a horse and. if you've never been on a horse man them. [ __ ] is a real. it's a I mean. Pat it reminds me I have a when I first. had a power steering vehicle. you know my my dad used to let me drive.

his Cutlass he had a Cutlass. and I would drive that [ __ ] and uh. it probably weighed maybe I don't know. how much a car weighs 3 000 pounds or. something. how much does a car weigh Zach can you. pull that up. and uh I mean out in that thing it had. power steering I don't know it didn't. have that much power but. I mean it was hard to steer it was. almost like steering a boat it was I. mean in fact it was horrible and I. remember one time.

he went into the post office and I hit a. couple car I took it for a quick span. around the block because my dad was real. old so when he went into the post office. to take him you know 12 18 minutes to. get there and back. you know because he had that slow stride. on him. I mean my dad just walked so slow he had. that age in him. you know he had all the years inside of. him every year you could he was just a. damn [ __ ] stack of calendars with. lungs and heart. and he would get out the car to go walk.

somewhere dude you'd have all the time. you could do whatever you wanted. you had all the time in the world. I mean you had half a you know it took. forever for him to come back. so I remember he pulled up at the post. office he'd be like I'm gonna run inside. and I knew that he meant walk. and uh so he get up out the seat and. stuff and I get in the driver's seat and. take that [ __ ] for a lap. that brown Cutlass.

and I had some burn marks on the back. somebody tried to steal. my dad had a bunch of M M's and. different things and stuff. that he gave away because he he used to. sign people up for credit cards at. colleges and stuff and. and he was an alcoholic but he he had a. trunk full of M M's one time and. and they had a couple people tried to. get in there and steal them and try to. burn their way in.

which was. just dumb you know I think to you know. to try and. just use regular fire to get through a. trunk is just [ __ ] I think and no. offense if anybody's [ __ ] bro. um but anyway what was I talking about. Zach yeah I looked up the average weight. of a car it's around three thousand four. thousand pounds but a Cutlass was very. heavy so I bet it's more closer to four. thousand yeah that [ __ ] was heavy man. but my dad would get up and go walking. man dude he would walk it take a bird.

would land on him not even they thought. he was you know stationary he'd be that. just down I mean just barely going you. know you'd see him come he was just. it looked like he they come and build a. fountain around like a build a water. thing and people start throwing pennies. in he just then they'd be like oh damn. this guy's moving you know this is not. sorry my bad sir and uh but he was just. so slow man my dad was so slowing.

so anyway he'd go in the bank or the. post office wherever and I'd get in that. Cutlass that driver's seat and I'd take. that [ __ ] for a spin. and one time I took it around the block. and I hit a couple parked cars with that. bastard. why am I hitting them matches Doug and. I prayed for those people afterwards and. you know. so I did my part but uh so anyway back. to the horses so yeah this thing. man being on a horse is really it's not.

for. it's not for me I don't think you know. we went out it. it's just that thing you don't know. what's gonna happen. it's like it has a bunch of Gears but. you don't have you don't know them. that's a thing. it's like riding in a car it's like. there's no. like what you have to like. like that's one of the things it's a lot. of secret code. and that thing man it was hard and.

you're just bouncing up and down and. you're like dude the whole time like. after like the fifth or sixth bounce. you're like damn dude I think I'm gay. bro it's like. it it just I don't know what the. long-term goal is you know I bet if you. met jockeys when they first started a. male jockeyer and then you met him again. six seven years later bro. I bet he knows a few more men you know. what I'm saying bro. I'm saying animal induced homosexuality.

baby. it's happening. um but that was amazing we had a great. time we went out to Keeneland. in Keeneland if you hadn't been there I. thought it was a hospital you know they. said we're going to Keeneland and I was. like oh man you know. I'll get some flowers or whatever but uh. but it's a you know it's where all the. horses go to race or whatever and them. [ __ ] they're out there bro they. you know some of them roll up and.

and I'm gonna say this man I mean this. is happening in a lot of sports now like. we they're not even any white horses. left in the [ __ ]. I mean I don't when I don't know if a. white a white horse has even won. about uh. whatever it's called the Belmont or. whatever. I'm just saying like we gotta we gotta. if we're gonna do it we gotta do it you. know if people are doing like if you.

need equality in this sport you need. equality in this sport. you know we need a Title IX or Title 11. you know white horses. because they ain't even got a gray. [ __ ] out there winning has a. white horse ever won the uh I'm looking. up Kentucky Derby winners right now so. far last four all brown yeah. and I'm saying you get out there and you. can tell that it's a real you know it's. a brown boys game out there. so I'd love to see a little bit more.

diversity out there I'd like to see a. little uh. a little. um. Asian horse out there little. you know oh I'm a horse you know or so. whatever however they would do it. uh pull up Asian horse what do they got. we actually found a golden horse which. is from Turkmenistan yeah dude. that's black that sounds pretty. yeah that oh wow that thing.

God. does that thing having only fans that. thing's fine bro. my God. damn oh my God bro. and if that thing came by. and look I've long said this about. animal sex if you have if you have sex. or intimate. with an ant with a house animal or with. a basic animal sheep.

um. wool or whatever you know what else is. there sheep cow. uh goat. if you have sex with one of those. animals dude that's. that's nothing anybody could do that and. that's probably a crime but if you mount. this this thing or one of these would if. you mount something Majestic or you know. a bear uh links. uh Minx.

um. then that that's a that's not the same. thing you're not going to jail. if I'm a cop or the officer or I'm the. mayor what if you're not going to jail. somebody comes in you're hanging out the. bottom of one of these [ __ ]. I mean you're hanging out the bottom of. a damn mountain lion bro. you're gonna get a high five from me. now if you try to knock it up dude. you're going to jail. you know what I'm saying that's dirty. science bro that's damn spanking Stein.

dog you trying to make something nasty. in your apartment. but yeah if you're just doing this man. you win bro if I think if you. if you bang something Majestic and you. caught it on natural terms. I don't see that's and that in my world. that's no crime man that's heroic. uh. but yeah we went out to Keeneland man. that was really great Lexington. unreal City. just a perfect small uh small small City.

large town. um but Denver is unreal uh Wichita Omaha. oh nice oh all nice places to be. mint mobile you want to know about mint. mobile. you know people look at their current. Wireless plan and they say well these. are the only options I have. wrong. mint mobile is here it's available they. have premium Wireless for just 15 a.

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month and no unexpected plot twists at. mintmobile.com. t-h-e-o that's mintmobile.com Theo. seriously you'll make your wallet very. happy at mintmobile.com. Theo UFC 280. it's here gosh I am. excited. um you and you should be too and you can. get closer to the octagon with. DraftKings sports book the official. sports betting partner of UFC.

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get two hundred dollars in free bets if. your fighter wins that's code Theo this. Saturday at DraftKings Sportsbook the. official sports betting partner of UFC. minimum age and eligibility restrictions. apply see show notes for details. dude I was thinking about this about. animals and and humans all right. I think humans. I got this theory that like animals.

because animals are on four legs right. they're on four legs so their Earth. they're like really connected with. nature you know humans are kind of the. only species that isn't super connected. with nature. you know we are but we're also kind of. not. and one of the things that I was. thinking about was. because animals they're on the Earth. right their hands touch the Earth and. their legs.

right and so the Earth kind of like it. makes a circuit through their body. so you know they're they're. they you know they have a completed. circuit with the Earth and so it's like. everything that the Earth is all the. nature that's inside of the earth and. the elements of nature that goes right. through the animal through its whatever. legs or feet or arms and comes out you. know it's just part of the circle part. of the cycle.

and then humans we're standing up. so we're kind of like this loose cable. where it's like you got the energy like. the connection from the earth comes in. but then it starts rattling because it's. not getting out. you know and I think that's one of like. I don't know if that's like if that made. us develop like some of the way that we. think because we have all this weird and. like this energy that doesn't have like. an outlet.

um. and I don't even know if this kind of. makes sense but I was part of me was. then thinking what if the energy that. doesn't. because usually if like your part in. nature then you know the energy just. comes up and goes out you right you're. you that connected loop with your. because you're four-legged. but if you're two-legged then the energy. is just going to come in. and not be able to get out. so then I wonder if maybe that's one of.

the reasons why we started thinking. about having like gods and stuff like. that because before if the energy went. right back into the Earth and if we just. knew we were part of the same source. you know we knew it was all connected. but if not if it just the energy just. kind of rattles in this cul-de-sac. then it I could see it start to manifest. ideas of like. like gods or higher powers or something. like that because it's not connected to.

the source like it's supposed to be. so I don't know if that makes any sense. but I feel like maybe we're supposed to. be on four. limbs. you know that's why I think when you do. yoga and stuff that stuff for you it. makes you feel so keyed in you know. um. yeah and the only uh like some other. animals that are on two legs you have. let me see. kangaroo look at that [ __ ] dog now that.

[ __ ] ain't doing well bruh. let's be honest bruh when you see a. kangaroo that [ __ ] ain't doing well. dude they making babies in their pocket. they're fighting each look they got yeah. they're fists fighting they're making. babies in their uh in their ah you know. they're they're uterus is like in a damn. you know they got like a fanny pack. front uterus I don't know what they're.

doing there yeah they fight yeah they. got children hiding out their wiener. hole or whatever I mean it doesn't. none of it makes yeah look at them. they're fighting they're beating people. they had a couple of them ran through a. fence somewhere the other day but they I. mean and nothing about the animal looks. like it's doing well either they look. like somebody was trying to do something. and then like the lab got busted. you know they look like some kind of. Frankenstein dude was trying to put some. [ __ ] together. and then the cops rolled up and he was.

like ah [ __ ] it I'm out of here and then. that thing just beat through the damn. drywall bro them [ __ ] are gang. bangers son. dude if you were I mean if I I'm sure in. the animal kingdom these are like the. MS-13 of animals these are the Bloods. and the crypts and the whatever you know. I mean these things will pop look at. this I mean here's one right here my God. I mean this one obviously.

I mean this this one probably owns a. yacht bro I mean these things are [ __ ]. up. they're in a crypto that's a [ __ ] that's. a kangaroo. I mean this thing is modeling you got to. see some of these videos and get the. picture down there with the Mexican kids. he's trying to fit in with the family to. get out of the country look at this [ __ ]. dude that thing is crazy bro and look at. that wiener and the Mexicans right there. I mean what's going on but yeah anything. that obviously so that's what we are.

we're almost like this kangaroo but. we're all it's just mostly in our head. we don't know what's going on because. we're stuck on two legs we're not. completing this this the uh circuit so I. think that's something that could have. happened to humans is at some point. you know whenever we got on two legs it. just. you know that energy gets stuck in our. brain at the end of us so of course it. would make our brain really advanced. and then.

since we don't have our life sources. we're not connected back to the Earth. then we would start to create a higher. power we'd have to start to create some. reason. because I think if you're connected to. the Earth you're a four-legged animal. then the reason just flows through you. and you know it. um. so I don't know I was thinking about. that uh. uh you know one thing I realized doing. on tour busing was. um. you gotta really.

know when to hold them and know when to. fold them. and I'm talking about defecation. doing number twos BMS. because it's like you know it's outlawed. on a tour bus people don't BM on there. you know if you got to do Duty or you. got to really. if you got something in your body that. ain't pissed that wants to come out then. you got to do that on your own time. um. and yeah it makes sense on there it.

makes sense it's a it's like a code it's. almost like a it's like a. what's like a code of conduct. like not Morse code yeah it's like an. etiquette it's like a coat of conduct. like we don't shoot we don't [ __ ] on. here. we don't do it you know it's just like. this thing it's like this Battle Cry. um. and yeah I get you know and some people. have you know a lot of people ride that.

you know they're they're really. you know I probably defecate probably. maybe three times a week right. and I've met friends that do it. often probably. you know that are. I think it's kind of taking the easy way. out if you. if you [ __ ] more than twice or three. times a week to me that's. you're not even doing anything. you're just [ __ ].

I mean I think there's a. it's sort of a thing like all right do. you know. how tough am I you know. um. and when I was young it was always like. that. you know my father didn't want to sit. there [ __ ] all the time. you know he'd make us you know just be. outside or say y'all have better things. to be doing. uh it's kind of a weak man's game. you know.

um my dad used to say that's when the. enemy gets you. and he's kind of right you know because. when you're in that when you're in a. fecy position that's easily when you can. get attacked. and we had this one fell in our area. this kid Bennett was his name Bennett. and I don't know what it stood for. or if it didn't might not have stood for. anything it could have just been it just. was Bennett. and he had uh. he had this deal where if he had to. you could tell if he had to defecate or.

do poop. he's he'd be start getting real quiet. he'd start getting real quiet and you. can almost tell. you know uh until he was almost silent. and you'd have to tell a man go go in. there go do it and a second he was empty. bro he just a chatterbox. it was almost like you couldn't fit. words and poop in him at the same time. you know like he had some sort of. this is yin and yang inside of his body.

where there wasn't room enough for all. of it. because you'd catch him after launch and. he'd be a little quieter and then after. dinner if he hadn't gone to the bathroom. if he'd just forgotten to go and he just. fell asleep in the morning he'd just be. almost damn deaf. he'd just be almost a damn mute bro. and you just want to just. I mean you almost just damn go boy go so. we can chat. but yeah Bennett he just man he wouldn't.

and people would get on them they'd be. like say something bro say something or. go [ __ ]. one or the other you know. oh Bennett huh. oh sh old silent Bennett. all full of [ __ ] people would say and. he'd like he'd you know give him thumbs. up like at least trying to. you know say yeah yeah I am you know. and he also was small in stature and you. got to think about that if you got to.

defecate and you have if 10 of your body. is occupied. by you know. uh Duty or whatever whatever I don't. know what you know what form it's in at. that point. or how many stages it goes through but. you got to think damn yeah that's. that's going to take up some time that's. going to take up some space it's you. know that takes up a little bit of hard. drive I think so if you don't have that. space free it makes sense kinda.

you know. I mean it's hard to think if you I mean. if somebody asked me a hard question. sometimes I have to go. defecate or something for I can't even. think about it. and I don't you know. I don't think that makes me dumb or. anything but I think. it kind of makes me. you know I just gotta hedge my bets. you know I just have to give myself the.

best case scenario. because it does make sense if your. body's using energy to do one thing it's. not going to have energy to do another. thing. you know that's why. I think you always got to go if you can. if there's something big coming up in. your life a wedding. uh. uh you know a birth driver's ed test. uh. uh you know gun safety or whatever.

you got to defecate before you. roll in there. you know you can't be saying I do to. somebody at a wedding. when you haven't. so. see what God wants baby what else we got. some great calls that came in I want to. thank everybody that's come out to. support the show the show man the live. the tour has been really getting good. and that's been nice. um.

you know tours are a little rocky when. they start out because you're out there. you're seeing what it's like in. different areas you know people want to. get out there you're trying to hedge. like what people saw last time and what. they saw so you see so it's a new show. for them so. um it's really been awesome man to get. this to get this new show really all all. tightened up and and cruising on its. legs the return of the Rat tour and. so many nice gifts one fellow brought me. this amulet. little uh religious amulet.

and um. yeah we had Corey sandhagen came out in. Denver that was cool. uh the UFC gentleman and he was on here. before really. oh man real rare guy you know he's a. real. kind of stoic mental fighter he loves. you know the brain games of all of it. and. um and that was great we got to go watch. some amateur fights. and dude that was they just take a big.

bar or whatever and they just turned. that they just you know there's people. damn couple bantamweights in the. bathroom just beating the. just beating the damn dry shampoo out of. each other's hair you know there's uh. it was just it was amazing it was. amazing to see some of the fights and. just the people getting out there and. doing it and I was out in Aurora. Colorado out there with uh Colorado. combat Club I think it's called. but I'm grateful to him and. um and he was out there just coaching. some guys and it was just it was awesome.

it was real awesome win or lose just to. see people out there going out and. giving it they're all. all right we've had some uh calls that. have come in and sometimes they're from. you know we had uh that rail baby. big Dalton. you know he called in a couple weeks. back and. he'd been trained out you know he had. that train hit him. and you know he didn't even get a damn. ticket and he got that freak you know. that Free Ride some people you know.

you know don't they're like oh look at. this bastard gets to you know don't even. have to get a ticket you know just. people want to [ __ ] about everything. but you and I know we got hit by a train. and um just powerful it was a powerful. message coming from him just hearing his. words. hearing him say hey man. I'd be willing to get hit by a train. again. because it made me have some respect for. my own life.

you know a lot of with a lot of hell I'm. wandering around in life I don't even. have any respect for Life a lot of times. and I'm just wandering around in this. [ __ ]. you know that's like going to Walmart or. whatever you don't even ask what hours. they're open or closed or whatever. I don't even know that they close at 9. 00 pm and it's already 5 for me. and I'm just wandering around in this. [ __ ] trying to steal some damn whatever. taffies or whatever. but that's life man it's like.

you know you got to know that sometimes. it's gonna shut down. and what are you doing in the shop right. now. are you over there feeling avocados like. some damn pervert. are you learning how to do a you know do. a damn you know bake a lamb or whatever. learning something new. I don't know if I'm making any sense or. not does that make any sense Zach. that makes sense to me I get what you're. saying you're just like Dalton he's got. a new lease on life and makes you have.

to slow down and think about it. I don't know if that's what I'm saying. but thank you oh sorry. um all right let's see what happened. here we had a guy some people have. called in who have also been a part of. Miracles or who've had God kind of you. know. you know touch their lip you know just. whisper into their lips. because that's really that's something. that's really honestly pretty gay dude. if I got Whispers into your mouth and.

not into your ear bruh that is. you uh. you are see at that point you and that. man are probably dating each other it's. you gotta know what's going on if you're. listening to another man with your mouth. bro you already know what's good son you. got you a new little husband. um but anyway a lot of people have. experienced Miracles and so that's what. we want to get to here we want to we got. some uh a call we got a call that came.

in about a man who was miracled up right. here and uh we want to see what you guys. think. what's going on the Rat King Hey Big Dog. uh my name is Julian Torres Julian. Taurus. and I'm gonna go out on a uh L. um. what is it called. LM yeah thank you I'm gonna go out on. the LM and say this guy is uh mekano.

um. let's hear more. asking if. anybody has like a survival like a. Survivor story and. dude back in 2010 dude I stepped on a a. bomb lost both my legs in Afghanistan. and uh since then dude I've like kind of. Kilimanjaro dude I. um I don't know Mandy I like to think. that I'm getting after it you know. um wow.

I can't. yeah I mean I can't even imagine like. you lost both of your legs. you stepped on a bomb. I mean I used to always remember when I. was a kid that thing like step on a. crack break your mother's back you know. they should have one of those for the. like step on a you know. step on or whatever lose your leg it's.

kind of dumb that they teach like they. you know. but anyway man I'm talking about butt. um man unreal dude I cannot believe that. man that you don't uh. that you don't have legs anymore. and. [ __ ]. first of all bro thank you. um I'm assuming that you were in service. so thank you for your service and uh. yeah I mean.

I wonder what your attitude is let's. let's hear more let's hear more. but yeah man like I see some crazy [ __ ]. uh. when I got blown up and stuff like that. man um. that seemed like um. I don't know man I'd love to tell you. the story man if you're willing to hear. I'm a huge fan and uh. I don't man I really appreciate what. you're doing for everybody man you're a. good dude and uh I look forward to. speaking to you soon. thanks bro I appreciate you I appreciate.

the call man and um yeah I think I would. love to chat about it I think it's. I can't imagine what things have been. like and even if you hear certain songs. you hear that song. what is um. like a bar like uh Bombs over a bat like. if you hear that kind of [ __ ] is that. like. actually I bet you could if you're at. like a marine baller or whatever you. know you [ __ ]. you just get out there and just look you.

know lose your you know. just [ __ ] pull your sword out and. just I mean you should be able to hit. some I mean if you lost your leg I'm. sure they allow you to hit somebody else. or whatever if they if you need to but. um. unreal man. or that song boom shake shake shake. I'm trying to think if there's something. that would like if something had. happened to me like that if I would get. set off you know.

I should have asked even Dalton if that. song Runaway Train comes on if he you. know. wrong way on the one it's just you know. because for me a lot of things will set. me off man. um. but dude I think I would love to hear. about it man and and thanks for your. service and I can't imagine you're. sitting there your legs go like. right past you. so I'm sure your first instinct would be. to try to grab your legs. and you know.

oh man I can't even imagine so I got. that means I gotta learn. um I'd love to chat about it bro. so we'll hit you up and um. and see if we can't have you on to for. the next solo episode to uh to tell us. more about that experience man and and. thank you for being brave enough just to. call and share it you know uh you know. one thing I think a lot of us have done. over the years on this podcast is share. things about us that make us feel. uncomfortable and. you know our shortcomings.

um and um. and not even our shortcomings but just. our experiences that maybe sometimes. haven't been the normal experiences for. others or in some cases are but they. haven't heard other people talk about it. so they don't feel okay thinking about. it. um. but. man. I'd love to hear more. all right let's get into another call. here. what's up my name is Hector I'd love to.

show just wanted to tell you a quick. story and get your opinion on it. let's hear more uh I went to family. reunion recently. and there's this email that I've never. met I wasn't aware she was Keen until. later on. we ended up talking or hit it off and. everything and then we went out in a. couple dates.

ended up hitting it. and then come to find out my mom told me. she's one of my second cousins. I'm just kind of. I don't know what to think about myself. kind of. I don't feel bad because I didn't know. her but. I also don't want to enjoy it because. she's yeah let me know what you think. about that man. well brother I think this is actually a. great call that some listeners can give. feedback to you know.

um. I think there's like a rule of thumb. when it comes to incest you know and uh. I don't know what it is though what's. the rule of thumb. can you Google that please that what's. the rule of thumb with incest. uh yeah I can Google that. are you talking about like what's legal. because I know some State's second. cousin is legal well I I'm pretty sure. that first. I believe First.

cousin is legal. no no. second cousin. I mean. I think it depends on what browser. you're using then because they. 24 States prohibit marriages between. first cousins so I'm gonna go out on a. limb you know. or is uh. yeah I'm gonna go out on a limb here. okay here we go.

cousin marriage legal I'll tell you. where it's legal. Texas. California huh. Colorado. New Mexico Alaska Hawaii. Alabama Tennessee Georgia Florida New. York wow that's a really cross I mean. that cross is like political lines and. everything. my my thing is this man. here's how you know if you shouldn't. have sex with a sibling or not a sibling.

but a. someone who's at well first of all. you're at a family reunion bro. maybe not a good place to. even consider sex. you know I don't know if you just you. need to wear a sign or something a. family reunion or what do you I mean. like. if you walk into a family reunion. you shouldn't walk out of there with. some chick's number bro that's crazy bro. you are I mean you're a good guy but you.

also seem like you could have some. sexual predator issues. you know and I'm not judging you but I'm. just saying. every everybody else is gonna. and if you man you can't if you like. what am I what what are we saying here. Zach. I mean that was my point is if you're. going to a family reunion like what are. you was it a mistake yeah.

I mean how many people are at the I. didn't have a family it's a Mexican. family reunion dude there could be it's. at a park I'm sure there could be. upwards of two to six thousand people. there I mean there's anybody getting off. a bus in La will probably stop I mean. it's. I'm sure that some of the. I'm sure there's a lot of vague. paperwork at the reunion. is all I'm saying. which is fine Felice Navidad baby you. know what I'm saying but I'm sure I.

understand I think how it could happen. maybe a little bit more. if if there's a lot of people at the. reunion and Mexican people like to hang. out at the park man that [ __ ] is no joke. everybody knows it that's. they're like a part of their culture so. what does he want to know here you think. I think he's just wondering if he should. feel bad about it or not okay. um look I think it's good you're. reaching out to people because you don't. know you know what some of the laws or. bylaws are regarding you know familial.

sexual contact. and uh. look I've seen people have sex that. should not be having sex. and I've seen the children of that and. that's where God really throws his two. cents in when that baby rolls out and. you're like damn you know. this thing's got you know a little extra. spine on it or something you know things. got you know. things got an extra you know it's got an. extra thumb near his ass or whatever you. know what I'm saying like that's when.

you know. like damn it's but you know it's a. little buckaroo's got four rows of teeth. you know and two of them's on his. butthole you know what I'm saying that's. when you're like oh damn. shouldn't have done that. so I think you know there's a general. rule of thumb where I'm from you got to. walk at least 300 feet before you pull. your dick out. and I think that's a good rule to keep. anybody off incest or anything like that. you know.

so. um. yeah and they used to say also whenever. you're about to pull your wiener out say. get away from me and then name everybody. in your family. and so that way you would make sure you. didn't have sex with somebody you. shouldn't be. so the second you break it out get away. from me Timothy get away from me Mom. Rhonda Papa. oh Christy you know Emmanuel or whatever.

whoever is. then that way you're setting yourself up. for the best. but good luck out there man I would yeah. don't yeah. you know not to have sex at a family. reunion man you know it. you know what I'm saying I'm kind of. p-footing around it here you know it. you know it man. I mean I don't know what's going on in. the world where you have to call in that. people are doing sex with family.

I mean how many years we have to learn. this rule. how many times do we have to learn this. rule as a society that you can't have. sex with a member of your family. because it isn't safe genetically bub. you're going to give birth to a [ __ ]. hot air balloon with legs dog. you're going to give birth to something. that's going to live in a lava lamp bub. and God don't want that and you don't.

want that. you don't want to babysit a lava lamp. you don't want somebody Wheeling your. kid across and he's you know. you know and he just got a little lava. in him and he can't even he can barely. make the lava to say the words dad maybe. once a year. you don't want that. your thought. what language is that do you know. that's nothing. but it could be something.

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set up before the biggest shipping. season of the year that's two months. free visit shipstation.com Click the. microphone at the top and type in code. t-h-e-o. we got a little bit of news here let's. get into some news what um. what is this deal with the K-pop yeah. BTS they're gonna have to they're. getting drafted in South Korea because. South Korea is activating their draft. which means that the band's gonna have.

to break up and these guys are gonna. have to enlist and uh. fight North Korea or whatever they're. doing. look. I believe that. I like this man. I like this because this is a real. chance for these men to become Heroes. there used to be a thing where you had. everybody had some skin in the game. you had to get if everybody was up for. potential draft. you know let me see can you look that up.

Zach what the drafting was in Vietnam. that was the last draft but yeah. but before that everybody was at the you. know everybody had a chance every it was. the Hokey Pokey and everybody had one. foot in you know. that's what it was you had one foot in. the possibility to go out there and uh. support your country and put actual skin. in the game. like our boy Julian Torres did.

I mean he puts he got skin in the game. and then what does it say about it Zach. yeah just that Vietnam was the last uh. draft that American men were you know. had to go in there and they did a. lottery system every day on the news. where you got if your ball was picked. and you went you know wow. so I would like to say I commend these. guys I don't know how they feel about it. I don't know how BTS feels about it.

we should put BTK in there with them. whatever that guy's name was uh. Dennis reader Dennis reader Dennis. Raider Raider sent him over we should. put people you know. like that look I if I I think it would. be crazy you get a pager you're at home. I gotta go honey and you're off to war. and even the women too. a lot of women want the chance to go you. know.

a lot of extreme there's a lot of. extreme women out there who want to want. equality you know exact equality and I. think that then it so then it would be. everybody has a chance to go. um. because a lot of these [ __ ] want to. wrestle bro. if I'm real honest. a lot of these [ __ ] want to wrestle. until they get in the ring. until they get over there. and there's no Balenciaga okay there's.

no Activa yogurt. all right there's no uh. um. an app to get your nails done or go puff. or something like that there's no I mean. they probably have vaping. but there's none of that [ __ ] there's no. place to get your skirt hemmed you're. out there. you're hiding under a [ __ ] cactus.

trying to keep you know. trying to keep your own [ __ ] legs. lady. sorry but what I'm saying is that there. is. I don't know what I'm saying dude I. [ __ ] I need got to get some help I. think. what were they asking about Zach. who. I don't know man sorry what is this. about this never mind. K-pop Superstars join white uh.

look send them all in. K-pop. uh. uh a pop whoever Africa. send them in everybody. put your pop five send them [ __ ] over. there dude I think ever if they should. have all these bands fight it out to see. who's the best. that's what it's coming to anyway. you got YouTube Stars fighting it out.

three years away from now. you'll have JoJo siwa fighting Leonardo. DiCaprio. for a sex change. the last sex change is going to be a new. show called The Last sex change. and they and that's how they'll do it. and the winner gets this exchanged the. loser. doesn't get their garbage picked up. anymore. it's gonna get in a [ __ ] like that. if you don't that's where it's heading.

we're comp it's all going to be. competitions online DraftKings is gonna. sponsor it. you're going to be able to buy you know. you'll be you know. you'll be able to sell your legs online. if you want. what else we got Zach. um. you know this guy in New York who. releases sex tape has to be.

the top of my list okay and who is he. um I'm pulling it up for you. this is a New York City Congressional. candidate Mike itkus. oh yeah he and he look right out the. gate you can tell this guy. came over to [ __ ] yes so uh he didn't. even bring his hair this guy's bringing. uh he's releasing his own sex tape to. promote a sex positive approach I guess. for political candidates I love to see. we got the first frame here.

but um. I don't know do you think it'll work out. for him oh I think I mean we're talking. about it might get guess I'd vote for. this guy. uh. uh I love this I love him cutting. obviously the guy has some serious he. must have serious concerns that there's. some video about uh out there of him. having sex well apparently it says he's. focused his campaign on legalizing sex. work and ending adultery laws and. defining consent so he's just running a.

sex positive campaign okay and look I. think I like this I think sometimes we. are still abiding by old rules. that don't happen anymore pull up old. laws that are outdated in some areas. you know and it you in the image here. the guy is bald-headed uh he has a suit. on he looks like the guy that gave the. Gobstopper to. um Charlie Wonka. uh uh he looks.

um and he's with a sex worker and look. I've we had a sex worker on here. I think people if that's where we're at. that's where we're at. at a certain point you can't fight where. we're at. if people are you know like the guy who. Parks the cars here he does BMS 11 times. a day right I can't I I in fact he has a. his side hustle is parking the jobs his.

main job is bming in here in the. bathroom. the guy is just a real. [ __ ] man. he's sitting there last time I was in. yeah and he was in there earlier when I. was in there yeah and I'll tell you what. I did. so I'm in there. and I saw he he went in behind me and I. saw him he slinks in he slinks through. quick. you know and he he's the same stall he's. one of those little same stall babies. and I respect that anybody who just goes. into a bathroom will just [ __ ] in any. stall.

what. you are the serial killer of B of of. number two people. doing number twos. you'll just go in there and use any. toilet then your mother teach anything. you just say hey huh you're like that. gold the little goldilock you're just. sleeping in any bed huh you little [ __ ]. boy. but here's what I'm saying is what is. this about.

um well we were you know talking about. this guy all he does is [ __ ] he doesn't. work oh yeah the valet. slash security. uh security. I'm not even getting into that oh but. here's what I noticed so I'm in there. thank you Zach I'm in there. and I see him slink past right he goes. in there and I can tell he's sitting on. the toilet. and he's waiting till he thinks I'm like. I've washed my hands he's what he thinks.

I'm leaving before he does that initial. burst you know. because there's something when you go in. the bathroom and you do a BM or you do a. number two you don't want somebody here. and you make that first big pop you know. that you know when that kind of surprise. party comes out your ass when you don't. know what's gonna happen. so while I'm in there and you know what. I say I say you know what. I'm gonna [ __ ] pretend I leave so I. can hear it. and that's what I did dude.

I like made like a sound like this with. my hands did the water made that open. the door let it close. [Music]. guy just drafts himself right into the. war with his own [ __ ]. right I mean just running a 50 cal bro. just parking cars all over the side of. that toilet. and then the second he did it I [ __ ]. was like. and turned on all the faucets.

[ __ ]. you don't [ __ ] with me dude. you don't [ __ ] with me Whitey. or whatever that guy I think he's. actually Mexican he is. so. I'm just saying we're out here dude. and we're doing what we can what does. this lady need. what I'm saying is don't have sex with. your cousin bub.

all right. what else we got what was that all about. oh it's news never mind sorry. um. Tennessee player vomits on the field. against Alabama let's see that. see how this happened in the Tennessee. Alabama game uh this guy barfed on the. field and I guess used it as an. intimidation tactic you can see him nod. oh yeah. yeah they used to do that in a lot of. the slot uh Slavic Wars a lot of uh.

where is that where are the Vikings from. uh Norway. yeah cold areas a lot of that vomit it. was a ah look what I'm gonna do to you. I'm gonna digest you. also this is Tennessee somebody could. have just ordered a beer up in the. stands and that dude was trying to I. mean that's a draft. I mean that is Bush light for sure. but hey baby go big orange bro I will. say that.

and there was a game a lot filled with a. lot of calls but at the end nobody was. really playing defense and um. and they won and they won. what else do we have any other good news. that came in. um we got a billion snow crabs missing. in Alaska. we got and this is what I want to talk. about the supply chain. everybody thinks that we don't have. certain things because China's not. making it.

right who's the original China. Mother Nature baby. m f n mother F in. nature. the original China. the crabs are missing what do they say. huh. so uh they're estimating about a billion. snow crabs are missing from Alaska and. that's a big deal for their economy. obviously I know that people think of. like Deadliest Catch show.

um but they can't find the snow crabs in. the first time in history they got to. cancel the season so the question is you. know they're potentially blaming us on. climate change they say the ice is. melting they need the ice but. I'm wondering if someone stole it yeah. you can get ice anywhere first of all. I'm gonna go put that on record. second of all I'm gonna say this. Mother Nature will change the menu guys. that's one thing people don't think you. don't you think dude two million years. ago people were having dinosaur meat a.

little bit of dactyl huh a little bit of. uh of uh bronta you know oh yeah I'll. have a little bit of uh give me that. Sarah tops. um. remoulade. Mother Nature is going to change the. menu and maybe crab's gone huh. maybe [ __ ] crabs going what are you. gonna do then huh. just put you shrimp only. what about when shrimp's gone what about. when ham is gone up [ __ ].

then you're gonna [ __ ] get out of. your seat aren't you. let me tell you this mother nature will. lead us into battle with one another. when she's tired of the [ __ ]. when she's tired of the back and forth. and the [ __ ] Nicki Minaj [ __ ] or. whatever. and a lot of these fake gays people. being gay for money. and not even really being gay.

people saying they're bias to sell. albums or sell calendars. I'll tell you what. you know who's bisexual [ __ ]. nature [ __ ]. and she will eat your ass with her. freaking wiener [ __ ]. because she can do whatever she wants. first she takes the crabs then she takes. the Lions then she takes the bacon.

the ice is gone. what else maybe the salt. and then what are you doing huh. standing around about to [ __ ] your. family member. whatever that guy's name was Wilson. I'm just saying guys there's bigger. forces at play than we know. and you gotta you gotta you have to. recognize that at some point the gig is. up. with you just wandering around vaping.

doing nothing. at some point we have to contribute to. our own Wellness. because the buffet is shutting down guys. and it's going to get sick out there. what else we got anything. uh that's a lot of the big news stories. um. yeah well there you go. sex tape advertising. accidental family sex.

and uh. and that God that thing was fine oh my. God. that thing was the Halle Berry of damn. animals bro. um. if somebody. if somebody rolls up to a party with. that. I'm jealous man. um. yeah I think we covered a lot. yeah they threw Vaseline or whatever on. the van Gogh painting I saw that.

and I'll tell you this is all just a big. push to get the nft business going. that's all it is. you know it's just a it's I'm sure you. got an ad the next moment for nfts. for you know Van Gogh or whatever. Lombardi. denuma whatever all you know Mona Lisa. they're all. they're all moving to nft so they're. trying to they're trying to [ __ ] you.

this with the. doing that all right. that's enough. I'm tired man. there's crabs though. watch them show up somewhere and be like. now what. a billion of them is a lot. we'll see all right guys uh thank you so.

much uh we'll see you guys on the next. one. um we are evolving as humans do not. forget it uh. we are not alone we have each other. um it was it was awesome to see a lot of. you guys out on the road I look forward. to seeing you uh again down the line. um. and I love you. and I hope you take care of yourselves. and uh and keep some joy in your in your.

in your head space. um. you know if get some anger out of your. life you know what actually we had a. call that came in I forgot the guy had. asked about anger and we never got an. answer to him and then this call came in. and I just wanted to hear uh this. because I needed to hear this as well. when I listened to this. yo Theo this is Travis from Portland. Oregon. um what's up Travis.

I mean that's something that I really. resonate with or you know have dealt. with. in my lifetime. um. and. I think one thing that's important like. everything that you said I totally. totally agree with like uh a lot of it's. just like you want to control outcomes. and when things aren't going your way. you get angry just like a little child. but I think sometimes that that little. child inside of you just needs more love.

and like. you know and so something that's really. helped me. is like when when I've been angry and. upset and frustrated or whatever just. like learning to talk to myself. differently. because if you're angry with being angry. it really doesn't really get you. anywhere. um. and so. yeah just learning how to like kind of. just you know talk talk to my the part. of me that's angry like like it is my.

child you know the loving Manner and. just like you know just be that. be that much mature adult you know. um for myself in those situations and. scenarios because. you know it's kind of hard to have that. that uh curve you at that. kind of in the in the Heat or whatever. yeah man that's a great that's a great. suggestion because I find that I find. when I'm angry that's what I feel like a. child.

it's like a child you know. and those are the you know I still have. it even as an adult I still have those. behaviors as a child and it's hard. you know but that's a great that's a. great suggestion to really take yourself. aside and almost talk to yourself I. guess you would a child you know say hey. what's going on here you know why are. you what's happening what's really. happening. because you're not that upset about this. what's really going on. um. yeah I love that man and that just helps.

you build a better relationship with. yourself and. uh and that was a great suggestion so. thank you. um and if the young man that called in. about the anger issues got to hear that. then that's uh that's perfect that's. what we're here for if you have an issue. something that's uh straining you. something you're struggling with hit the. hotline. [Music]. 985-664-9503 we're gonna head out the. way that we came in. um I'm hoping to go see some Zach Bryan. uh music tomorrow night uh looking.

forward to that and then I'm hoping to. be at the LSU Ole Miss game. um this weekend. oh that's gonna be a big one that's. going to be a big one uh this is Eddie. nine volt with little black. flies I love this Jam uh you guys be. good to yourself and uh. you deserve it gang. [Music].

[Applause]. [Music]. you will see the cigarette bottles on. the wall. and all the empty bottles in the hall. [Music]. don't you baby.

[Music]. and I can see the way it looks in your. eyes.