Christmas Possibilities | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #372

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that and more at theovonsstore.com. that's theovonstore.com. today's episode is brought to you also. by liquid death grateful for them. merry christmas to you. happy holidays uh. it's that time you know it's just that. time. it's that time to slow it down. it's that time to just really just. straighten out that snake. you know to to just.

to even things out. to close up all the. if you got a couple pandora's boxes open. it's time to. shut them down. it's a time for joy. you know a time to give joy and. and receive it as well as you can. you know get out there tickle somebody. tickle a damn neighbor. tickle a trash fella the guys get in the.

garbage sneak around the truck. tickle his ass you know be do something. bring some joy to. somebody you know hug a brother. get out there and hug a damn brother. you know. uh hug a white woman. email somebody email a filipino or a. dominican or somebody that you've never. met. a different specie a different uh. ethnicity.

broaden your horizons you know. be a stand for decency if you can be a. be somebody who's. who just you just you just got a love. gun and that [ __ ] is full. and you just pop pop pop. you drilling people with joy. you can do it. get a nice gift for someone. you know get somebody something they can. use if you have a. maybe you got a buddy who's never been.

to the beach. get him give him a little bucket of sand. or something give his wife a half bucket. maybe uh. maybe somebody don't have a legs or. something. you know. get them um. draw some draw a picture of them with. legs. and say hey man this how i see you. you know i see you complete. you know do something we had a. you know if somebody doesn't have a.

tongue we had a fellow didn't have a. tongue bust and somebody wrote down all. the flavors on a piece of. uh poster board. so he could point at him when he was. enjoying something. look it's tart look it's you know fruit. based or whatever. oh [ __ ] this has lead in it and he. pointed lead. you know help somebody out. you know just be a stand for decency if. you can this time of year. you have a buddy that that um. that's never been outdoors get him a.

tree get him a little tree bring it. inside. get him a little you know. get him a bird call or something hide. behind the tree. say hey this is what it's like. if you want even if you ever want to do. you want to be. brave you know we had a. a cousin that couldn't read. and um. and somebody got him a damn book and. that's not good. you know because that's really. get them a letter draw a big letter on.

the thing say hey this is it l. m. r. you know don't. you don't want to ruin somebody's day. either. you know somebody can't you know i. remember he couldn't read they gave him. a book and everybody's like. you know because he can't. you know you can't put a toddler on. mount everest. you got to put him on an ant hill first. you got to think. but you got to love baby and that's what. time of year it is and i'm happy to be. here with you and uh.

and merry christmas you know merry. christmas. you know damn just get out there and. just damn tell somebody. merry christmas damn it. damn. just if you got a damn ring somebody's. neck. if they don't get it. give it to them. merry christmas. you tell them it's that time of year. let's head in with a couple of beautiful. tunes right here.

[Music]. you got somebody that likes to fish get. them a fish get them a damn fish save. them some time you know get them a carp. bring that [ __ ] home for them. [Music].

you got somebody that likes uh. animalia. trap an eagle for him. trap a damn american eagle form and. bring it home for you know just for an. hour let it loose baby that's god's nft. baby. let it loose but bring it home. it's that time of year. [Music].

you got somebody that likes to swim. [Music]. get some water bring it up get you a. bucket of water get you a sponge. [Music]. and just. cut that corner they don't have to go to. the pool today say i got you ronnie. i'ma dampen your legs up i'ma. squeeze this sponge out on your back. squeeze this water on your back.

i'm gonna let you know i'll even blow a. whis i'll even have you know have your. cousin dress up as a lifeguard and blow. a whistle once. we got you bubby. you ain't got to go to the pool today. we're bringing the pool home. god bless. [Music].

love you. that is julian julian brynn. [Music]. with joy to the world. and wouldn't it be great. if that if you could do it like that.

if you could just snap a finger and. people. would just be joyed out. just women just smiling so big they get. lipstick on their earlobes. people just. just riddled with riddled with happiness. riddled with comfort. like they just swallowed a damn duvet. cover. just. just like they ingested them non-throw. pillows just.

just full of comfort wouldn't that be. wouldn't that be magnificent. i think that's what i got to hope for. this time of year is that. it's just a. you know i get caught up in that in the. peril. you know. i get caught up sometimes in the peril. and that. in that dirt and that dirt oyster. and i'm in there just. sifting around for peril.

but the joy is just out in the world. you know the joy is. is if i choose to. if i choose to be happy you know it's. it's a choice i have to make it's hard. sometimes but. this is the time of year to make it. you know this is the time of year damn. see a little child and just damn. you know. draw a damn mark on the beast on his on.

his back while he's sleeping. you know put his shirt back on surprises. folks. you know i remember one time we do it we. had this fella named scotty on our bus. little scotty. and i think he was. i don't know if he was. he was uh. not deranged or whatever but he wasn't. you know they had decided he wasn't. gonna do well. you know he wasn't gonna end up top. shelf but he was. milling around he was a middle liquor at. the time.

and um. and we you know. i don't know who did it i couldn't you. know i who knows who did it but people. drew swa stick on his back. and nobody knew what it meant nobody. knew that it was anti-semitic or. you know uh. they just seen it on pamphlets or. whatever you find in the woods. but um. but anyway i don't even know what that. story is about but anyway merry. christmas to you ah. and it's that time of year you know it's.

that time of year where. you could really just hear you know you. could. you could hear santa just tightening up. them boots. just squeeze. just putting his fat just damn. just gristle hoofs just. you could hear them boots just. just squeak. just squealing like damn can we hold.

santa again. and you could hear you know you could. hear him just tightening that belt up. just. just. that's the sound that buckle makes baby. [Music]. that buckle can't hold him. and as cookie crumbs fall across that. buckle because he's having one more. little cut.

one more little dose. one more little upper. before he hits that ride baby you can. hear that belt just like. and you just hear him and he just. shoo he just puts his. feet into the sleigh. and he's in there. and his wife comes over and it could be. his second wife now.

we haven't got a lot of intel. you know from that far north i think. the only person even up there anymore is. damn dexter. in his new season. and that's it. science light science. and i think the titanic is still crashed. up there. but there's not a lot of there's not a. lot of intel coming out of the north. pole. so he could be on his second wife you. know. some big you know breasted out latina. rolls up.

with them f you know. them big funtleroys and milky funtleroys. on her. and she you know whispers something. naughty in his ear you know there is. at least navy daddy. something you know. and she might be dating one of the. reindeer on the side who knows i mean. things have changed and times are. different. and the reindeers out there don or. dancer. little daddy is you know they got. another they got a brother and then you.

know little daddies out there. you know they got uh. uh. probably uh vato. they got a spanish one. it's a different ball you know it's. changed up. they got uh. on dancer on cupid cupid's a little you. know. cupid likes men and women that's his bag. whatever. all aboard. you know transistor is one of them. probably and he's double jointed down in.

the freaking route. you know he's crotched out that. crotchety bad boy. but hey that's it. and that's the squad you play with who. you got. ben simmons is you know i'm saying you. got all types. you got everybody out there. maybe a little bit maybe a german out. there maybe an israeli out there. you got some you know all types of you. know. uh duster you got one of the reindeers. just damn addicted to huffing uh.

keyboard cleanser. and you can't blame him. but that's the time of year it is man. and you can just you know. you got to believe that something. more unique is happening than what is. just occurring. in front of us that's what i have to do. you don't have to i'm not telling you to. but i have to believe if i want things. to be different or seem different or. i got to.

believe that there's magic in the air. and this is a wonderful time of year. to do that so merry christmas to you i. love you. gang. what's happening what's happening. uh. oh i went to ufc 269. and dude it was. my god. i got there. and it was i mean it was so i went with.

david spades you know him. and he's faint you know he's pretty. fancy you know he's. uh. tommy boy joe dirt. you know that you know he's that rascal. you know he's that rascal man. you cut on a damn rascal fountain and. he'll fly you know. he's the first. he's the first flow out that [ __ ]. and um. and man we were geeked up we went we. made some bets at the betting window. at the wynn.

uh. motel we were staying at the wind motel. and. we made some bets over there at the. bedding window which was pretty cool. kind of old-fashioned. there's not a lot of part there's not a. lot of different par layout you just. walk up and you say okay i want this guy. or this horse. or. you know or this um. [Music]. woman you know there's just a couple. options. so we did that we put we laid some bets. down and then we went over to the fight.

so why we get there. dude we're sitting right. behind dana white like i mean. like if he got covered we got covered. you know if he still even had a even a. vid or a co or a ov we got you know we. were right there we was breathing the. same. we was just volleyballing air and uh. and. and that was amazing and then david. sitting next to me then next to him.

halle berry. from damn movies from damn you know. uh. wherever she's from. you know i don't even know. gorgeous town. you know uh finest fuckington i don't. know where she's from. but she just looked down vibrant. she looked like a shooting star it just. landed right in her damn heart. and it was just coming out of her eyes. when she talked to you.

and i mean it just damn i mean. every time you know when you're just uh. and she loved fighting so she was we're. sitting there just chatting about the. fights. and um. yeah that wasn't that was. you know that was really interesting. um. then who else oh tommy lee the draw the. famous musician. was uh there. jared leto was there beautiful guy.

dear god. i mean you look at the guy and you're. like damn. you like damn i don't know if this dude. is i mean is this dude fine as [ __ ] like. you just. you're like and you're not you're a. straight man you're like is this is this. dude fine as [ __ ]. this dude's hotter than uh probably some. of the girlfriends i've ever had. certainly mormon and my my first. girlfriend were really.

really strong girl. probably six. six. six foot at the time and we were small. and i remember she would. and i've told this story before she. would uh. picked me up at the bus stop and she'd. put me around her waist and kiss me like. that. just just straight on kiss me like a. damn. god just like and she i think she shaved. dude. i think she shaved a little bit around.

her mouth and. she would just. because i remember in the winter when. she would kiss me it would burn my face. a little. i just remember my face just feeling. like damn like i just done a damn. business meeting or something. and it was just a lot you know and she. played. i think she played softball i don't know. if we had a softball team she played. somewhere. but she said she did anyway she she wore.

the uniform and. she was always punching the mitt and. damn i don't know but. she definitely. she really uh. she really had her way with me that. beautiful girl. what else. uh but yeah the fights were amazing dude. i got to see dominic cruz. so dominic cruz is a fighter he's an. american fighter.

um and he looked like tom cruise he's. wearing. he uh. he had already had his fight and we got. there after that. so i knew he'd won because. i've been following him online but i. didn't get to be there and see it. uh. but he's dressed down now he's in street. clothes and so. you know he's just being right you know. he has sunglasses on he comes up and i'm. we're talking. and i'm thinking like i don't and then i.

realized oh my god this is freaking. dominick cruz. uh so that was crazy justin gaichy was. there he literally just had just. backstage just like who gonna fight who. gonna fight who can i fight who can i. fight. so that was really magnificent. uh. thug rose. i mean it was just crazy just getting to. see all the fighters john anak was there. um dc. you know just getting to be in that. world for a little while.

um al jamaine sterlings. uh. there's just every i mean and plus all. the fighters that were doing the. fighting. so it was just man. i felt like i was in a damn. i was just every i just felt so so much. possibility like i was in a damn. fallopian tube. you know just damn any just the word. just. god i just felt like anything was. possible.

um. yeah so that was great obviously i was. really you know just i was bummed out. not disappointed. that dustin didn't get the victory but. uh. but he's a champ you know he's a champ. and um and he knows it and it is what it. is and. there will be many more battles and. uh. yeah and so that was my. i'm trying to think of anything else. that happened.

while i was there oh. no oh they had one point where they got. spayed on the um tv where they like said. you know said he's there and i was. sitting right next to him and. some. a. a woman. came over with her kid to get a photo. and she's like will you get a photo with. my son. and. i got up to get the photo right when. they were like in a video spade sitting. there so.

i kind of missed some of my. audio visual time on the. um. show but. uh. but whatever man it was just dude it was. and then you look there's just so many. fans and people are just amped up people. are beating each other in the crowd just. [ __ ]. there's somebody somebody brought a. scale and people were they were weighing. each other in the crowd like you weigh. 130 you weigh 130 and people just. fighting. women against men senior citizens. against damn [ __ ] uh just cement.

toddlers just everybody just. just. [ __ ] annihilating each other. and um and that was it man. that was it. uh. what else. all right let's get into a little bit of. news here. um. oh man i like water don't you. i like it.

i'm glad they have it imagine if they. didn't have water. and you just always had to drink. something. what would i have. died dr pepper would kill uh. if you had a soda it would kill you if. you had just so much of it but. anyway. uh jake paul right here knocks out tyron. woodley in the sixth round to win the. rematch. um. good.

good. uh what else. louis ck criticized for releasing the. new stand-up special sorry. his last special was great if you didn't. see it i know it's on his website. i'm excited to watch this one so i'll. um. i'll just tune in and watch it. you know that's what i'll do i'll tune. in and watch it he was nominated for a. grammy this year. for his other special sincerely. so. he's back. you know um.

[Music]. and. yeah on that fight i guess just. on that woodley paul fight. woodley doesn't throw enough punches. you know and the fight is just a lot of. like punch inner you know clutch or you. know. hug. punch hug punch hug. they should lose a point if they hug. they should lose a point if they hug. or.

see who's willing to take it to second. base if you're hugging whoever you know. who's willing to you know. go even further a little you know what. i'm saying no my bruh but. you know cause y'all fighting or y'all. loving. nose boy because it's just those fights. it's a lot of just punch hook punch hug. a lot of the um. kind of like uh. these triller fights are select you know. the select this whole new. uh.

zydeco of fighting this new. realm. it's a lot of punch hugging. and damn woodley got knocked out god. it was painful and at the same time i'm. just damn jealous. you know i'm like god i just. i'd love to be able to just sleep like. that. the rest he the immediate. it takes me so long to get to bed at. night. and the rest he got. i mean it was just immediate.

you know no counting sheep no. uh. somebody sitting there reading you a. book. and you're an adult and you're like why. enough who is this. who's reading to me. um. none of that no meloton and none of it. just good and hot. good night.

hello good night. and so that was just man that's the part. i'm envious it should be a hampton inn. commercial. want to get some rest. bam. try the jake paul suite. i want to say that if you had high. interest loan i've had them. i've had damn 17.70 or something. one of my loans i think was 40.58.

i said well dad why don't you know. i don't want this it's a blender. i don't want this blender. the thing was damn twenty dollars and i. just got screwed into it at the. uh. mercantile when they said you want the. card too you want the option it's free. today. damn 18 or something i said all right. i'll take it. you know. later. you know i you know. every time i turn the [ __ ] on i just. hear myself losing money.

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that's what i got on that any more news. not much. um i want to let you know though i got. some new tour dates that you can check. out. and i'm grateful for them uh february. 2nd i'll be in jacksonville florida. the third. saint petersburg. the fifth i'll be in orlando the 24th. i'll be in. lafayette indiana the 25th rockford. illinois home of the rockford peaches.

and that's america's team right there. female ball. february 26 chicago illinois. uh. may 6th in tulsa may 7th in los angeles. um. yeah i just want to wish you a merry. christmas and a happy holidays and. happy kwanzaa if you do that happy. ramadan. if you do that happy damn. leap year whatever you celebrate.

whatever you celebrate i'm going to wish. you it. you know happy uh. happy birthday if your birthday's on. christmas man you're [ __ ]. but happy birthday to you nobody cares. but. you do. and that's got to be hectic but. oh well you [ __ ]. um. yeah can you imagine having a birthday. on christmas you walk out with a.

birthday cake. and everybody's like. we don't [ __ ] care. could you imagine that people you're. like hey come over here while i blow out. the candles. and people were like blow out my nuts. son. santa's here. santa's here. you know when i was a kid i could. remember you would. somebody in our town one time when i was. a child. um.

they would fly a pl like a. a small plane a crop duster or something. they would. i swear to god they. hooked like a. a trail of reindeer or something behind. like not real ones but you know. just i don't know if it was thin sheep. or it could have been cardboard. i don't know it could have been damn. emaciated uh.

ponies i don't know it could have been. stuff you know i don't remember but they. flew a plane around town. and they would blast. uh. christmas music out of it. and it was just so amazing. you know it was just so amazing uh. because i remember my mom took us out on. the porch. and i got to look up at the sky and. there was it was like a sleigh it felt.

like a sleigh like as a kid when you're. a kid it's like that's that's santa's. sleigh. going by and you could hear the music. and you just like oh my god. it's it's real. um. and i don't know if that was a city. thing they did i don't know what that. was i don't know if that was uh. you know if that was privately funded i. mean it could have been. you know it could have said pfizer on. the back of that i don't remember as a.

kid i don't remember. but. i think it was just somebody around town. [Music]. had said i'm going to make today. i'm going to make this. better. somehow. uh. for not just myself. i'm gonna do something to make this. better for. for others you know. um. and it was magical.

it was magical and i i even asked my. mother about this. not long ago and she remembers it. she remembers it. she remembers. that somebody went behind a damn crop. duster and was blaring music. that's how she remembers it kind of but. but i just remember it as just being. magic. all right as we get to these calls um. let's listen to one more little. christmas deal here.

see what says this is from 1960s pop. christmas. the shake abouts. [Music]. okay that's a bit much that made me. want to damn eat my cousin's cat son not. doing that. let's listen to this one the eggnog. boogie. by chimney givers.

okay. that's a little bit much. trying to relax over here we'll try one. more. um. [Music]. the first knoll. and this is by the shake abouts. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].

oh yeah. [Music]. and that makes you want to reach for. another cookie doesn't it. damn it makes you want to reach for. another cookie.

[Music]. there you go and that is the first knoll. uh. and i look i like my mute i want my my. christmas i don't care if the house. burns down i want to be settled. somewhere. the fireplace going or somebody drew a.

fireplace and uh pinned it up. and i want uh. i want that music. i want the mute i don't care if the. house burns down. as long as i can hear a peaceful tune. [Music]. i don't care if we never see the cat. again i don't care. i just want to relax. and hear a peaceful christmas tune.

and have me a little cookie. the cookies i like the ones that moms. make. with just the sugar on them or the ones. that have the star in them. uh and they're star-shaped you know mom. gets the cutter from. puts it in there and the stocking when. moms make the stocking one that those. burn for some reason. the back of those always burn up. but then mitch is good you know i like.

them. i like cookies that are burnt. i like a burnt cookie because you got. somebody to complain at. i like a cookie that comes with a reason. for me to [ __ ] at the end of it you. know hey. the [ __ ]. the [ __ ]. and you still. oh i'll have four more. i'll have four more of them burnt. [ __ ] but. you're gonna hear about it.

you're gonna hear about it. amen. let's get into some calls man you guys. have had some good ones and i'm happy to. uh to address some of them thank you as. always for hitting the hotline. 985-664-9503. all right. brother man this is joey donuts calling. from manhattan. joey don his baby from manhattan. them sugar circles baby.

blessing us baby. with them glucose o's baby donuts dog. from the big s from the big city baby up. there in big apple country. big apple baby gang dominicans. so i've got a big date lined up in a few. days. we've got a couple mutual friends. we went to the same school but you know. i barely know this chica. i just wanted some advice you know what. do you talk about what should i say.

first date i'm a little nervous. let me know what's going on brother man. gang baby i appreciate the question. there. and sorry to cut you off man but. i can and uh. and. here's the first date move here's the. first date move. you take the lady. to a uh. maternity ward. take her to the local hospital. i used to do this move when i was a.

child pre-teen or teen you know. as soon as i was uh. you know viral or whatever sexually. mature. as they called it in science or. pre-science i don't know what we took. but i gotta be. but um. as soon as you're sexually mature and. you have a date. you should take her to the infirmary or. uh. maternity ward. here's what i would do i would take the.

because we didn't have a lot of. attractions in our area. you know you could see maybe there had. been a fire you could go over there. you could park by the water. you know which is fun but. it just. it. it leaves all the other people coming. apart by the water usually deviant. you know somebody out there smoking a. pill or. uh people that want to have sex outdoors. and when you're still a youngster. you want to take her somewhere. that's at least.

decently lit. you know so her parents don't get upset. so what i found was the maternity ward. you take her in there because you see. that the babies are in there. and you show a girl the baby you sh. that tells her right there a. you're a family man. you're about that life. okay you're about life you're about i. mean you're looking at actual because. the windows there the babies are in. there they got them in there you know in. the little uh.

you know vestibules or whatever. so you get to see each one in the little. carton and um. beer so you're about actual life. you're about. life so you're showing her that. and she knows you're about sex because a. baby. you didn't get a baby without sex. you know that happened one time in the. desert. and that's that that's a that's a wrap.

but since then it's taken a couple of. people. you know. touching. doing touch. so. so you let her know you about sex you. taking her dinner there's no sex and. nobody's. nobody's [ __ ] in the back so you can. eat at the applebee. you know there's not you know. there's not two people back there. fornicating. over there at the captain d seafood or. whatever so you guys can have a you know.

can do a um. a shrimp shrimp you know basket. so but if you show her that baby it puts. it there's a thing that happens. where it just shows hey i know about sex. i'm sexually mature that's what it does. it lets a woman know you know about sex. you take her to dinner that doesn't mean. you know about sex that means you know. about recipes you know about silverware. you know about uh. you know.

being indoors or whatever but you take. her to the. s to the maternity bam. she sees that and some of the babies it. still smelled like sex in there. you know the one in our town the window. was. was uh busted between the. babies and the um visitor. so you're sitting there you know what. i'm saying i think they even had a. little broken glass around there but um. yes you could still smell i mean you. still get that hit.

and some of the babies they really they. definitely smell like uh. some of them smell like doggy style some. one of them you'll see still have a. panty wrapped around his wrist there's. some real. you know them italian ones there's some. real. it gets a little hype. so. that's your first day to answer brother. what you gonna take her to wear dave and. buster's take her to bust and busters. you know what i'm saying.

gang baby onward. all right we got a call right here that. came in. see yo man you have the most. this has been from st you got the mo. what's up ben a. and st louis i don't know who is saint. louis actually. all right. saint louis. or louis the. nine. commonly known as saint louis.

or louis the saint was king of france. from 1226 to 1270 and the most. illustrious. of the direct captions he was crowned in. the reams at age 12. there you go. people i guess that's who he was baby. louie the nine. that's it. from posse france damn. well.

yeah. there you go baby that's it dog if you. from posse. you must be. you a real you a real g in my book. that's for sure so i'm not shocked he. was a saint. um. what else do we have oh it was a call. that came in my bad let's hear more. this is ben from st though she's got the. most acute. baby syndrome in a man i've ever seen. you were talking to bryce in that. interview and you compared winning a. fight and the will to win a fight.

to whether or not a man is going to have. children. you need a baby theo but your life is. too busy you might be a homosexual i. don't know. and you don't have a wife yet. well look man i would like to have a. baby. okay. but i can't have a baby with just a. penis brother. so that's first part. if i was homosexual dog. i would know. you know what i'm saying i've never.

looked at the back of a man. i've never looked at the back of a man. like that if a man. even if i see a man who's painting or. doing something. and you see part of his butt a little i. don't even. you know i got a buddy. and he would uh. he told me one time and this is he told. me a secrecy but he's dead. uh. he said when he would see a man's butt.

crack he would imagine nipples on his. butt. you know like titty nipples and i don't. even do that man so. if i'm ever thinking about something. naked it's so it's it's female. but. you never know. if i get hit by lightning or something. you never know or if i. i might. you never know you might fall in love.

with you could somebody could come. across you that changes you you changes. your game. somebody could come across and you just. say you know what. sayonara [ __ ]. and you go for it so. uh as of now. i have no inkling to believe that but. you know if god wants it god wants it. baby let's hear more. well i do. i propose to you.

that you impregnate my wife will raise. the child. will agree upon a price and you can see. him when you want to see him st louis is. pretty close to you five six hours uh a. price. so now basically you you trapping me in. the [ __ ]. so it's my kid i'm pregnant with the. wife. and then. but who pays who that'd be my question. because i'm you know what i'm saying i'm.

running this high dollar root sauce over. here. i'm running this high dollar freaking uh. this wand uh chowder. so if you out you know. i got that real uh stick venom baby you. know what i'm saying i could sell dude i. could sell this. i could and my stuff's thick too i got. that preserves. so i could i'm sure. i could get a little dollar for this. so i'm just saying who's paying who.

you know we need a passive source of. passive income. you need a son bud. okay so i'm paying you're saying you. need a source of passive income i need a. son but i'm not keeping my son you know. i don't want to have that you know this. song where you go see him like he's in a. stable or whatever. so. i appreciate it man you know i guess. could i impregnate that guy as a wife. i don't think i could man i mean i could. try but that's the crazy part if she and. i meet up at a damn days in or whatever.

and you let me try and then it doesn't. happen. [ __ ] maybe. maybe i'll do that dude. dude i'll just meet up and try with her. for a couple hours dude or even four. even 50 even 17 minutes. so anyway man uh i love you guys and. thank you for the opportunity man thank. you for the opportunity and i'll let you. know if i need some of that. but yeah i've been thinking about maybe. it would be nice to have a wife you know. i need i'm definitely get because my.

friends are all settling down. you know andrew schultz just got married. chris deleah is married bernie shaw's. married. i mean even just the. the dumbest people i know are married. so i'm like if they can do it i can do. it. so. oh people usually wait till after the. holidays to get healthy. i i do it i say you know what i. i was gonna start that diet but i'm. gonna start this batch of cookies. instead.

i was gonna start to you know i was. gonna go for that jog but instead i'm. gonna jaw you know i'ma jog my tongue. across these damn uh. uh ginger snaps. you know i'm gonna hide a ginger. snapping somebody's ass i'm gonna have. it. i'm gonna treat myself. well. now you can kind of kill two birds with. one stone. you don't need to wait until the new. year to start achieving your fitness. goals peloton. makes working out simple convenient and.

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theo. what else man let's take another call. that came in. um. what do we got here. do you believe. in. like. do you believe. in ghosts you know what i mean because. i saw a ghost man i think i saw the.

ghost. yeah i know what you mean but. do you know what i mean yes i know what. you mean by ghosts. people don't say hey go you know hey i. was at the racetrack i saw those ghosts. going in a circle i know what you mean. you know we went fishing my buddy reeled. in a seven pound ghost i know what you. mean guy okay. thank you for the call also. and do i believe in ghosts.

well. yes. because i you know i go uh i've i've. forgot something in another room before. you know you got to go get something you. leave something at home. or you have to call a diner in maine and. tell them to mail your air pod. um. i believe stuff all the time. so i can imagine a soul just kind of. leaves something but then you got to. come back and get it. you know. and i think it's easy for a soul to get.

out of a body's pretty. you know a body is it's just a dirty. bird cage baby this thing is. it's not that strong really it's great. because it makes our all our organs just. be like a team but. it's not that go stab yourself. stab yourself four times man. don't call anybody for eight minutes see. how you do. you know what i'm saying. bodies only can only handle so much.

and i don't i don't blame ghosts for. leaving somebodies. i don't blame ghosts for. some bodies if i'm a ghost i'm a spirit. i'm out some guy doesn't brush his teeth. for a month dude i'm ghosted i'm out. okay. some guy's in a domestic dispute dude. and him he's in a standoff with the. police. i'm out. i think you're going to see a lot more. ghosts because i think ghosts are tired.

of being. we're just you know people screwing. around. just drinking damn mountain dews all day. if i'm a ghost and i want to do more. running if i'm that david goskins i'm. out. that that's probably who a lot of. spirits are a lot of spirits are just. a lot of ghosts are just uh spirits that. left home because [ __ ] was getting bad. in the body. you know you you realize you know. your owner or whatever can't read.

and he's 30. oh mood. i'm leaving. goes by. i'm not staying around inside of. somebody at a certain point that's not. toeing there into the line. you know. you you dudes out there playing dice and. he's 41. [Music]. i'm out.

so i'm not shocked that a lot of ghosts. are really. i think you'll see more ghosts. because i think a lot of these spirits. are getting tired of they thought we. were going to do something with this. whole deal and we're just [ __ ] people. are just masturbating and looking you. know doing binoculars and [ __ ]. if that's all and i'm a spirit. sayonara i'm out. ever moved out of a bad neighborhood. that's that's a ghost. that's a ghost these days.

the bodies they're in. they're not cutting it. and they just say hey. i'm done here. i'm gonna go look for something else so. yeah. i believe in ghostbub i do believe in. them uh. what else do we have let's see if we. can't get to one more call um. wait here's one that came in. well about theo vine this boy jeremy. from baton rouge. what's up brother jeremy thank you for.

calling mate. i was going to let you know that i took. a trip over to. australia and i came back and i had some. cuts all over me and. my mom said yo where did those cuts come. from i said rise up live rise up lights. rise up lights. and she laughed and we cried and it was. a special moment but hey. i wanted to let you know that in your. episode you were talk about turquoise.

hens or turkish skins i think you might. have meant a cornish head dog you know. the little the little chickadee that you. oh yeah the stuffing in or you get it. from the store. yeah brother thank you yeah turkish hen. baby oh no cornish hen sorry i could eat. about two and a half of the yeah cornish. hen it's you're right and thank you for. that man yeah i remember when my mother. dated a man. he had cornish he made us the first time.

he ever had us come over he made us. cornish hens. and we're poor as [ __ ] i never seen a. real hen you know i'd never i didn't. know what. but i knew that this man it was real. weird he was feeding us these little. bitty ass chew you know. these are little children hens this is. this is uh. what a lot of uh. you know this is some epstein. appetizers baby this is. something uh.

gilain maxwell would consider a delicacy. so. yeah and i just remember trying to eat. that [ __ ] and just. hated that man. you know because it just. it's already hard you're being a kid you. have to go to someone's house and eat. you don't know them. and they're dating your mom and then. they give you this little. and it just looks so more human you see. its little arms and its little muscles. god. it just felt like being in science class.

like during like 11th grade but suddenly. they gave you a fork. instead of a scalpel and you're like. this is gonna be dicey. um. so anyway. yeah i remember those hands baby gang um. what else. let's take one more call man. hey yo it's alan from west la. i'm in the car right now it's a little.

rainy so i hope you can hear me all. right. thank you for calling alan from west l.a. baby gang onward. i'm i'm calling it i'm trying not to be. emotional. um. these are these are happy here so. i'm i'm calling cause i just want to say. thank you so much man um. you know if you're ever wondering if. you're doing something good.

theo i want to let you know that you. you've helped me so much in my life um. a few years ago i was i was in a really. bad spot. i was in. several toxic relationships with bad. people i was. stuck in a in a job or. i mean it was more of like a cult to be. honest i was brainwashed. damn brainwashed damn brother. my god brother damn. i'm sorry to hear it man.

i can't i've never been brainwashed. really i mean we all have but i never. have been directly brainwashed man and. i'm sorry to hear that onward. i was dead broke. um. i had i had negative money actually. my account would get overdrafted all the. time. my savings and checking so i mean if you. gave me money i would still have zero. money. [Laughter]. oh dude that's wild if you gave me money.

i would still have zero money that's. crazy onward brother i'm not laughing at. you man it made me laugh gang that's how. bad it was. when i was in that condition then i was. living right next to the great white. pizza i'm. going 17th so i turned on your podcast. and. i heard that your response by then so i. gave you a chance and. about you know a year and a half ago. i was listening and if you were. just talking about making changes in. life man and uh.

you just you said this thing which. sounds almost silly but you said. it nothing changes if nothing changes. and. that gave me the strength to. to to do something and change my. situation and now i'm. i'm doing better than i ever have man i. have a. i have a partner who loves me and we're. doing great and. i have a job that's that's fantastic and. and i'm i'm saving a lot of money up. more money than i ever had in my entire. life and things are just going up enough. and.

i just i just want to thank you so much. to you i i love you i love your podcast. and. i i'm just thank you so much for. everything you do man i appreciate you. okay. gang brother uh. thank you man thanks for the message oh. great block pizza baby yeah. 1811 pico boulevard on the way to the. beach son gray block baby get that.

hitter. man i'm happy for you you know i'm happy. that you're feeling better uh. i appreciate you calling and just. sharing that um. and that's all you man it's all you you. know choosing to do something different. in your life. um. you know that nothing changes if nothing. changes it's it's a great statement i. heard that somewhere. in an a.a meeting. and i shared it you know because it just. resonated with me so much and i remember.

it all the time. you know that if something is going to. be different i have to do something. different. you know i can't. think my way in a positive action. but i can act my way into uh positive. thinking. you know and um. yeah i just said i could sit there and. think all day but it's not going to do. anything for me i got to move my legs i. have to move my heart.

or if i move my legs it can it can move. my heart it can move my brain. but i gotta do something. nothing changes if nothing changes man. yeah thank you for reminding me of that. i need to hear that. so it's a statement that we share you. know and you hear it and. and and then i hear it and. somebody else hears it. and you know i'm trying to do something. i'm just trying to be loving this. holiday season i'm just trying to. remember that there's new possibilities. i'm just trying to remember that. um.

that things could be. better always. even if they're already great there's. always room for things to be better. different or more unique uh. um. and that all things are really are. possible. and that may sound crazy to some people. but. i just think it all just ends in that. space that yeah if if i want things to. be different i have to do something. different. uh.

you know it's it's just it's all just. memes at this point but. anyway man i love you brother and uh. and thank you for calling dude i'm so. happy that you're doing better. you know i'm so happy that you got that. fever you got that fire. that you decided to change something. and it sounds like once you did that a. lot of things have changed. so. uh. what else we've been offered to. impregnate a wife we talked about ghosts.

um. let's take one more we'll take one more. here. hey yo what's up brother gang gang. brother. um it's cliff calling you from mr mask. what's up cliff from out there in. worcester mass baby onward i called you. before talking about my uh. alcoholic. ways bro i went to treatment i'm back. my son's second birthday tonight me. um i just love everything you do man. you're a great inspiration.

um. i don't know what to say except for i'm. upstairs. all right brother. keep it 50. later. gang baby keep it 50. i'll do what i can i'll meet you halfway. i'll meet you halfway it takes two to. tango it takes we can't do it alone. you know we got this. i'm so happy for you man happy birthday. your son's second birthday. and you sitting there.

with a clear head and clear heart you. can handle it. and you dare and you you you're capable. of uh of being there for him today um. man that's cool. that's really cool man. oh. just happy for you. you know happy that you're living that's. living man. seeing a kid have fun and you put him to. bed and then you and you sit in there. with memories of it you sitting there. just caught up in the joy still of it.

high on the joy. of other humans. and of love oh. it's good [ __ ] man that's beautiful [ __ ]. so. congratulations man merry christmas to. you. and to your little fella and. merry christmas to everybody i want to. thank everybody for being a part of this. podcast this year uh. i want to thank everybody that's um. helped produce this podcast this year. and just been a part of my life.

um colin reiner raleigh mao. uh nick davis. um. [Music]. uh sean dugan jimmy rector. we've had a whole crew this year that. has uh chipped in and helped out it's. been a unique time. with moving around. and trying different things. and you guys thank you. and uh thank you for being a part of my. life. and if you need me.

i'm gonna probably take a break coming. up in january here we'll have some guest. episodes that you'll be able to enjoy. um and those are all new guest episodes. uh those won't be repeats or anything. um but i'm just trying to focus on just. making myself feel pretty pretty well. and uh. and um. you know i haven't figured out exactly. how i'm gonna do that i'm looking at. some different options um and i'm gonna. choose what's just most comfortable for. me and um.

and that's always evolving kind of. [Music]. but i'm grateful to you guys and if you. need me baby you know where i'm gonna be. son i'm upstairs. gang baby let's leave out in this uh. holiday tune right here. there we go. [Music].

oh. [Music]. dude they say come a lot in this deal on. jeepers. um.

[Music]. um. [Music].

that is if you want to grab that you can. it's oh come all ye faithful by gregory. david. thank you guys for being a part of my. year man uh you guys be good to yourself. gang.