Chris Distefano 2 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #265

today's guest is uh a friend of mine. from our time on the opium anthony show. and uh opium jim norton as well sorry um. he is a comedian he's one of the hosts. of the history hyenas podcast. it's uh my friend and what is not an. ally called oh. and nemesis mr chris de. [Music]. i'll stefano and tell you my stories.

i'll sit and tell you my stories. yeah and then uh that guy died and then. i called yeah. god so sad huh yeah he was a beautiful. guy. what's his great guy is it drugs you. think. i think drugs didn't help him sure.

but i think it was just eating you know. i personally think that. just my opinion that that he was really. [ __ ] sad and. devastated when his wife divorced him oh. his wife left him that blonde wife left. me and she cheated on him. with a busboy yeah and he found out and. then he moved to a cabinet in the woods. and was like hey i cut her a check for. whatever 200k she's out of my life. [ __ ] it i'm the happiest i've ever been. i live in the woods now every day was. like a shot of whiskey. and you know [ __ ] up no no not even.

that like he would be like oh i eat. mcdonald's all day every day in the. woods. yeah he would just and he would always. post ruizing r-u-i-z-i-n-g ruizing. and so but the food was cr like the. worst [ __ ]. you know big mac with a devil dog would. syrup on it and would eat it and he was. like bruising and people started. tweeting at him ruizing. and then he just didn't wake up one day. but i think you know when you're. in your mid-40s you start doing stuff. like that anybody is. is apt to have a heart attack yeah it's. dangerous because.

it's like you know that's and he's a. chef too we're talking about carl ruiz. yeah carl ruiz or ruiz yeah. and there's [ __ ] yeah r-u-i-z. everybody's seen that type of name but. and also yeah you never kind of know how. it is rue is ruiz. i'm from i say ruiz ruiz the mad cuban. yeah the mad cuban and he. dude that's gotta be your worst. nightmare you are a. chef right and your wife leaves you with. a bus boy. that's that's the rumor i don't know if.

that. is actually how it happened that's what. we were told. that's what he said on you know when we. used to do opie and all that. but it's the story of the it's just it's. such a greek tragedy almost you're in. the back of the kitchen. right you're doing it you're doing a. lamb chop you're doing a scallion. right you know right you're doing the. work right then you got this little. milly freaking vanilli guy out here. right filling waters and freaking. offering extra butter. and he might have been another ruiz too. most chances are. a busboy working at a restaurant in new.

jersey's last name is also ruiz. so it's all in the family it's kind of. whack because he raised her kids. like they were his own wow because those. weren't his biological children but they. called him dad and everything like that. and he just left man and then he had. just opened up this beautiful. brand spanking ass new restaurant i. believe in midtown. and then he [ __ ] died like a month. into it and was the restaurant still. going. hell yeah i think the restaurant is. closed now because he's gone. or maybe it or maybe a change something. changed about the restaurant now. but yeah he was um it was such a.

shocking thing when he died. carl ruiz his breath always stunk though. so i always wondered if there was. something rotting. in inside him oh rotting he always had. stinky breath and that's no disrespect. i'm not disrespecting the dead you know. i would i wouldn't do that. but i'm saying i used to say like his. breath always smelled like hot ass. and i'm just wondering if that if there. was something always going on like a. hole or something. it seemed like he kind of took like did. one of those um zen. dip packs yeah and never took it out. never took it out.

yeah like he got uh what is that thing. that women get if they leave a tampon in. for too long. um like a toxic toxic shock syndrome it. seemed like you had toxic socks syndrome. from a zen. dip it smelled like one of his tonsils. was dead and the other one was alive. yeah like just it wasn't all the way. hard but something there was some part. of him if his. of his mouth like a dead tooth or a dead. tonsil something or. food stuck but something was always. stanked and the living one. had hid the dead one and was telling the. cops he didn't know what happened to him. exactly. the living one killed the dead one yeah.

that's true yeah it's true but. you know r.i.p to carl beca i love him. and i always will yeah. rrp carl ruiz yeah or ruiz ruiz. yeah call i just we call him the mad. cuban yeah yeah. the mad cuban and and that and that's. when you and i met. i was gonna say he's connected he's. connected to us. man he had such a big heart man he has. such a well yeah i guess. yeah or he didn't i don't know what. happened to him they said well because. if he died that early probably a little. heart. yeah but he had a big soul small-hearted.

small-hearted yeah small-hearted and we. got. uh we got nick davis and uh dom de pedes. here too. yeah don de peta everybody then we have. enough time to get him on camera. yeah he's fine as [ __ ] too he's on. camera we can see him go. go pro or anything but nick you're cute. too thanks buddy you really are you're. one of those. rare guys that can pull off bangs. dang he is kind of hot he's got nice. bangs man dude you guys were just uh. you and i were just in um cleveland.

right right cleveland at hilarity's. comedy club. thank you the last time i went through. there i sold like 500 seats. which for me that was good but this time. the whole weekend 1500 out of 1600 so. for me. that's like a new ball field and i was. telling them telling you before the show. it all started when i came on your. podcast last january. got the ball rolling but you and bert. when i did you guys back to back in the. same week. i will never forget i had i was just. telling dom this i had 99. 000 followers on monday like when i came.

back. you know as it came through the weekend. then you and bert released in the same. week. by friday of that week i had 139 000. wow. so now followers who cares about the. followers it's not about the vanity of. it it's about. that gate you guys gave me a real. opportunity to gain your fans. and give me the opportunity for me to. perform for them and then they stuck. around. and they're still buying and now they're. fans of my podcast the history hyenas. and because we get it all the time. because like where'd we find you we all. sent out little services and it's always.

like. this past weekend or birch show or. there's a big pockets in new york girl's. got to eat. andrew schultz and then recently the. fighter and the kid that i did a couple. of months ago. all that stuff it's all the podcasts. like it's got nothing to do with. television at all anymore it's just a. podcast on what you can how you can. maximize that on the internet. so appreciate it yeah no man look i i. i'm glad. you came and i'm glad you came back man. you got nice fingers too i know i know. if that's one of those things i've never. said to you but i've been. i've been watching your ig for a long. time and i've been friends with you i.

think since 2000. and you got some of the nicest fingers. in the game and toes i didn't realize. that you're because you're wearing. thong toe sandals right now so you got. toes yeah i'd like to put mustard on. your toes and ketchup on your fingers. and take a bite out of your hot dog is. thong toad sandals is that too much for. is that like a woman kind of wearing a. thong or what is that like. you came out if you i'll be honest with. you if you came to my part of brooklyn. right with the thong toe sandals like. that there's a chant not when you're. with me but there's a chance like you. know one of my boys names pat finnegan. patty fly balls.

he would hit you with a taped up wiffle. ball bat just because he would think. like why is this dude coming out with. his nose socks on yeah so you got a guy. an adult doing freaking the wor. lamest crime ever you gonna do he bro. yeah he's gonna rob a bank with a. slingshot. he used to tape quarters and nickels to. the end of a tape a wiffle bat and then. put tape around and just hit people in. the back of the head with it. and you say you just get lit up by patty. fly balls. you when i was young people used if. people if if somebody was really upset.

you would go up to him and you'd be like. you're mad. yeah you would hit your throat and say. you're mad and it would. make them so much madder bro of course. there's something about that when people. you mad. yeah and then you get hit or what about. this you go like that and then they look. see i've caught you you get punched in. the stomach for that yeah. that's like an embarrassing thing but. they don't do that stuff anymore. dangerous youth why it's like white. crime it's like white. childhood right homoerotic crime i gotta. be honest with you though man the. neighborhood i grew up in.

that we did that white home erotic [ __ ]. but if you [ __ ] with the albanians. the albanians and sand christians they. call them sand christians. uh in ridgewood queens ridgewood. bushwick area queens brooklyn area. bro one time we were playing ball right. somebody elbowed. one of the albanians by accident kid got. pissed off. came back 20 minutes later 10 deep okay. two of the albanians had chainsaws. active chainsaws. running on the court with the chainsaws.

trying to take off [ __ ] limbs. damn yeah so nobody ever messed with the. albanians in my neighborhood. they had a gang out there but imagine. coming somebody coming at you with a. chainsaw for realsies oh yeah yeah. yeah dude i used to work i used to do um. not logging but i did yard work. for a man and uh. [Laughter]. and um yeah. you guys obviously never done any actual. work but. and i had to work with this mentally. challenged dude they called him.

what was that guy's name hold on they. called him tiger cat but i don't. remember what his name was. right um ronnie yeah his name was ronnie. and they also called him go head ronnie. go ahead ronnie yeah and he. was mentally disabled right or yeah he. was mentally disabled and so one. so they we get one chainsaw between the. two of us right and he took. it you know and so i'm supposed to be. kind of the foreman and he's literally. lining up the thing and about to start. it and instead of having it on a branch. has it lined up on my. leg bruh not even like not like just.

zoned out like or this is where we start. you got thick [ __ ] tree trunk legs. too. the top not the bottom no i know because. your leg i've always noticed that i mean. you i was always like really. thick legs dude absolutely man and you. never really. were shaking at me you got a thick ass. yeah yeah you do. i got a thick ass i got the ass of a d. at like a kind of like a young black. girl with down are you in shape are you. staying in shape you look in shape and. how do you feel. yeah i don't feel i feel tired but i do. i did go i did go to the gym this. morning and i'm gonna go again on. thursday.

yeah and i'm going to yoga today going. to yoga today dude what's it like. different now that if when people are. selling tickets like what's that. experience like. um i would say that now it's. it actually to be honest with you the. last three shows. i've done three weeks i've done at least. one of those four or five shows i felt. like i was going to pass out and almost. actively passed out. at least one time a weekend because it's. this new thing donnie was with me in. hilarity's last weekend i was calling. for him. about 20 minutes into the set i was like. you need to be near me because i may.

faint. i may go down i don't know what it is i. think it's like this pressure. that they know who you are now and you. better do well but the thing that saves. me. is because of the podcast the history. hyena podcast i'm so. honest and open about it is i was. talking to the crowd being like yo i'm. going to go down. because my podcast partner janice pappas. would call him yanni nets. because he did pass out on stage in. providence so he was always got to have. nets. behind him we're like oh this is safety. so we'll call him yanni natsuko helmet. on that dude. i know man i was like i so i'm gonna be.

chrissy nets i was like i'm christy nets. right now i may go down so they were. like laughing along with it but if they. didn't know who i would have fully. passed out at hilarity's. i would have fully passed out so there's. a little bit of a. anxiety-inducing thing to it but then. it's also like. sometimes too good to be true because. that's what i'm happy that. i'm nowhere near my goal yet not even. close but i'm happy to be climbing. at the pace i'm climbing because i've. you know started out as a. of course open micro then would feature. on the mc on the road then feature on.

the road and then headline you know the. low d. rooms even if i got into a rooms it. would be july 4th weekend or some. half full weekend not really getting. paid what i deserved at the time. but not you know i wasn't making any. real money. and now to start climbing and sell out. shows before i get there or sell a lot. of tickets. but it's a new thing like what do you. mean pressure like the pressure. well it's easy to perform for people i. think that don't know who you are. there's. no st you're not letting anybody down. they're going to be let that they. feel like they're going to be let down. anyway they're like got barked in or.

they got a free flyer to go to a show. where as opposed to somebody now paid uh. whatever 20 30 sometimes 40. ticket price you know depending on. whatever venue you're at. you know you know how it is sometimes i. don't know if you need new shoes or not. yeah bro. dude listen man no my daughter eats a. lot of [ __ ] applesauce yeah. so it depends on you know whatever it is. and it's like. there's pressure on that there's. pressure to be like i need to these. people. they have paid money they got. babysitters i need to do what well for. them. yeah you know it's funny i was thinking.

recently that i felt like a more of a. pressure. um i liked having the element of. surprise. a lot and it's hard it's a little. tougher to have it when people are. coming out they know. they coming to see you right you know. there's when people don't know how. you're going to be. yeah there's an element of you can. there's an element of surprise there's. an l there's like a. there's a mystery you can kind of play. with you know they don't know you right. you know there's like um i don't know. it's like it's a real thing if i don't. know who this guy. is then i can be.

you know i i could be pleasantly. surprised i could be. um unaware of how you know how he's. entertaining me sometimes you know i. could be you know his humor could be. very unique. right whereas then if people know you. then it's different you know since. you've been at the successful have you. been out with the theaters and all that. have you taken a hot. fat [ __ ] bomb yet like a hot like a. real. fat one like just a nice cirro in front. of. you know 1500 plus just a real stinker.

because it happens man well you just. take a full see it. all somebody goes that's a no-no. and it's just you're just eating it and. you start going where you from. or you stop going yo you know what's. weird. there's nothing funnier there's nothing. the only things that can make comedians. belly belly belly laugh is watching. another good comedian. bomb and a fart joke or a fart or just. not even a fart joke just an. actual just a wet nasty [ __ ] rip your.

[ __ ] third gear fart like that guy in. barstool you see that guy on barstool. with the third gear fart uh-uh yeah. something to look up. what fo do you think the farts are get. nastier in certain countries or not. i think yeah well i think that's why i. think we need a wall. is because i think you know outside the. united states. those farts man that's the reason every. time trump's like we need a wall i'm. like yeah mexican [ __ ] are dirty. we get that there and canadian assets. too man don't sleep on canadian. don't sleep on how disgusting canadian. fart could be.

poutine you know what that's like that's. cheese curd yeah i want to wall around. all that because. there's a wall around us man well why. don't everybody should just get a little. wall that they can bring with them. and put wherever they want canada and. mexico because the truth of the. situation here we got a man right here. doing something there's a bourbon guy. right here this is the. ain't never hear a fart hit third gear. as the couch okay take a look.

and they're going to blame it somehow on. white people i'm sure dude that's insane. right wow drift huh. dude i was watching that thing for an. hour yesterday. crying my beautiful four-year-old. daughter was doing ballet. and doing some of the finest moves she's. ever done and get her to new heights in. her life. and i was head buried in the phone. crying laughing because of this dude's. third gear fart. and her mom was like this is why we.

can't be together her mom was just she. was like this is why. i'm just always going to be called. parents because. i was just like yo crying she thought i. was crying. first of my kids mom thought i was. crying because how beautiful my daughter. nailed the pirouette. i was listening to that my headphones on. you know. miracle crying at the ballet look at are. they husband and wife. yes they are yeah he just blasted his. wife with that oh could you imagine what. those undies must look like. his draws must be wild i can't even.

so like that would make me cry laughing. and watching a good good good comedian. or. a video of myself bombing hard yeah. where like you just can't get like. you're just eating it like i just did. the impractical jokers cruise. um and i was supposed to be on there. yeah it was it was fun man it was fun. to see a lot of fat ass people but um it. was fun well whatever you know i'm fat i. got. i'm not i'm not i'm in better shape but. i still got fat puffy nipples i'm still. a size. now i used to be 38 weights now i'm at. 36. yeah so i've slimmed down but i'm.

still. like i wouldn't if you were co-workers i. probably wouldn't hit on you i wouldn't. right if you were a female. well the thing is like this is i always. feel like it's. you know people have said this to me and. they're right uh i got lead a man face. best friend body that's what it is it's. a letdown it's a letdown with women with. me. usually i think it's going to be. something else i think i'm you know this. tough guys guy whatever that i got that. look some people tell me i look like ben. affleck some people tell me i look like. ben stiller. yeah big difference you look like ben. better i know that yeah.

yeah yeah dude so i'm sorry. yeah yeah that matter yeah. you look like somebody who's [ __ ]. using performance enhancing drugs. to swim dude you look like ria pearlman. do i really you got real pearlman hair. she's talented. she is bro cheers was a good show. sometimes i feel like cvs is my cheers. because i'm always getting stds. yeah i'm just always in there like yo. y'all got me.

oh real pearl wow extremely jewish. yeah she's got the yeah no but we said. you look like you have the same hair as. eileen wuernos oh yeah. that was an old clip with carl r.i.p. call we said that you look like eileen. wuernos the first female serial killer. ever killed. he had that kind of hair going uh but. that's all right. but um what are you talking about oh we. were saying i was saying that like yeah. like. laughing at so so you have it so since. you've been things that make me laugh. when i. think they make me oh i have not bought. no i haven't i had a this this actually. this weekend. in uh this la actually about two weeks.

ago in maryland i had a tough show. right maryland yeah it was a big place. man it was 2500 so it was like one of. the biggest places that i've been in to. perform. maybe in the state's the biggest place. right you move tickets brother but it. was crazy man. and it was amazing you know everybody. that came out and stuff but. oh wow that was a quality i called that. a top of the cracker that came out right. out of the top of my ass back. sometimes it's interesting sometimes a. fart is really right on deck and then. sometimes it's.

very lost and it's kind of like almost. like they have to call it to the front. of the line. like its mom just got there to pick it. up at carpool and it's like hey where's. ronnie. yeah that came out of top my ass so i. didn't even mean to time it that way but. it was one of those things where i can't. hold it anymore it's going to find a way. out and it leaked out at the top. then there was a man very similar to. that which is exactly what made the show. so tough in maryland. just a guy in the front just being just. crazy yeah right just too much sometimes. you know but um. and that stage was really big and the. acoustics were like different and so it. was like. just it was it was tougher to manage it.

was like okay i'm having to manage. something that's different here like. you know the stage is bigger so how much. do i move on the stage so i try to move. up and down the whole stage. instead of just i probably should have. just took the middle third and just. moved up and down that. how how have you had some since you know. obviously with these bigger venues had a. time where you felt like you were going. to pass out even if it's going great 20. minutes into the set 30 minutes into set. overwhelming energy is that happening or. you always feel in control. when you're on stage like it's like your. safe zone i felt a lot i feel in control.

i just feel like. um i think i just feel tired i think. it's just like okay. we're getting through it you know i want. everybody to see the show i want. everybody to see the tour so it's like. you know places keep popping up that we. haven't been and so do you bring the. same dudes with you. yeah yeah bring the same guy most of the. time this guy ari mantis oh great that's. nice. it's so important right to have somebody. on the road with you to keep your mental. health oh he helps me so much because if. you sit there alone i don't care how. successful you are you start to really. think about. everything and then it starts to real so.

that's why i like having don and i got. my other boy sergio chico and they come. out with me. yeah he's like our event is like a. service animal man he's great dude you. like. he's always level-headed he's always the. same like if i'm losing my mind or. something yeah because you're sober too. right he's always the same. yeah that's why i got don don's a piece. of [ __ ] he's doing drinks and he's oh. yeah. yes i am yeah but don is good because. don's always down for a good time. sergio is one ten years sober wow. boxing instructor so when you you know. when we go on the road you come back. that monday and you're like oh man i.

gotta hit the gym. i i [ __ ] up with sergio you come back. like yo i could take monday off. wow cause he's got you up at 7am doing. drills working. so it's good to have him i like having. both guys that's that's unfair a little. bit. donnie and i do work in a workout donnie. does work out that's right. i mean donald johnson's a sex addict i. believe all of that i believe that dom. works out he doesn't i don't believe. that he works that he seems like a guy. that works out. right wow yeah i have i don't know you. know. some men have like a v i have an h it. just goes straight yeah no you look good.

with no shirt on. thanks okay nice i believe it man look a. lot of men look good i think. um i'm one of those guys like i just no. matter what but not. sexual good that's what i'm drawing like. there's a lady right here with a. question for me. yeah hey theo and chris i hope you're. both doing well. um so my question is for both of you i. know chris. has mentioned he's played high school. and college basketball so if you had a. pickup game of just stamp comedians. who would be your starting five and why. thanks for everything great questions.

you want me to go first um. well i lose by letting you go first go. ahead you go first then. okay i'm gonna go first so this is a. great question by the way. it is a great way we gotta do like the. playground theo gets a pick then. uh on the snake chris gets two chris. gets two and then theo gets to all right. we'll do it like that go ahead you go. first theo. [ __ ] um years ago they tried. is this uh was your first pick.

years ago is this live uh. hold on my first pick uh i need a. basketball player i need somebody. you know i'm honestly i am thinking. urban out of the gate. i'm trying to see who's out there that's. a good player. that maybe used to play you're already. taken. i'm going to go with um right i'm going. to go with my boy. i'll go with brendan schaub i'll put him. down in the past yep i was thinking too. i want to only pick black guys so i'm.

going to start off with andrew schultz. my first one and then so i got blood. [Music]. do more than three seconds of fashion in. the paint you're out so i'm gonna take. andrew schultz as my as my first black. eye. and then um second i'm gonna take um. second i'm gonna take uh i'll take uh. dave chappelle wow yeah does he hoop i. don't know but. it's just nice to have two black legends.

on your squad respect respect. i'm gonna go with um. uh this is so tough even though i have. this wall right here to help. i'm gonna go with. get me. you get two you take two okay then i'm. going to go with. i'll go with andrew santino hmm nice. he's gonna go one more right yep. and i'm gonna go with um i'll probably.

roll with leslie jones. nice that's a nice pick that's defense. that's defense andrew. so now i've picked my final two okay so. my final two. um i'll say i will go with. my second pick um i'd like to go with. eric griffin nice yeah. he's tall he can coach when he yeah yeah. well no i gotta i gotta pick for who my. coach is gonna be okay um. and then for the fifth my final i'd like. to round it out. i'll round it out with bill burr wow.

i'll round it up with bill bird just a. tough boston guy that you know. will miss one shot and start punching. people in the face cause a fight i like. that okay i want to like a scrappy white. dude. that's gilbert respect man i'm gonna. roll then. i need a little bit of outside i'm gonna. need a shooter from the outside. so i'm going to go with. i'm going to go with.

give me uh give me sebastian i'll take. sebastian. he stays in shape yep and i could see. him. it might be really hilarious to watch. but i could see him someone shooting a. three-pointer yeah yeah yeah. yeah and those pants and i can see him. jumping when he does it he needs to jump. yeah. you got one more pick all right i got. one more pick then i need. i'm gonna need a little bit more help. down in the paint i'm gonna go with. somebody long i'm gonna go with chris. porter. nice chris porter that's a nice squad. and now.

coach coaching my team would like to be. coached by r shafir. okay i think he's got i think he would. have some words. that would piss people up okay. all right uh my team i think is gonna be. coached by eric griffin actually so he's. gonna have to come out of the game. sometimes. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah rip him with. just riff and rest yeah yeah. so i would go coached by eric griffin. all right that's i think that's a nice. squad hopefully that answers on the. young lady's question why are y'all. going to leave kirk fox. on the bench does he yes he's super tall.

and he was that he plays tennis he's. athletic. yeah i don't know if i see him doing. basketball while he was also in the. patriot which is one of my favorite. movies interesting shout out mel gibson. um i could also give yeah bobby lee. would be nice on the team. is it so oh you said now's the. basketball yeah. yeah just use him as like this. like a complaining little basketball. yeah i love bobby lee man here's another. guy's podcast the tiger belly podcast i. did oh man that was fantastic so shout.

out bobby lee thank you it's so much fun. yeah what i mean obviously. what is it about the podcast i mean that. everybody i mean it definitely allows. you to know people kind of better. you know yeah well i think because i. think it's because. like when i did also andrew santino. whiskey ginger another one that helped. me it's like. you just talk for an hour or two about. anything sometimes it's funny sometimes. it's personal sometimes it's a mix of. both. divulge information people feel like. they really know you they're investing. in you it's not like a five-minute. little. tonight show set which is fine or even.

an hour-long stand-up set which is still. disconnected. a podcast is like hey i'm you know me. now. right so it's like i'm listening to you. you're in my ear for an hour it almost. feels like a family member i think to. some people i know even me. when i listen to podcasts sometimes to. catch up with you guys i'll listen to. your guys podcast because i'm like. they're i'm can find out about their. life this way yeah so and i think that. easily makes an audience member buy a. ticket what i need to do personally. is stop divulging so much personal. information because i'm pissing members. of my family. and friends off because i'm making jokes.

about them using their real names. cause i just get so in the moment. because right now we're just a little. sad i feel that with my whole town. yeah because right now we're just like. in a little beautiful studio but like. this could be heard by a million plus. and i'm just yelling pat finnegan that's. his actual birth name. that's his government name and he's an. active duty firefighter and i just said. he used to beat people with a bat. and he could lose his job well look or. he could gain work somewhere as a. bouncer. you know hey you got to think of the. other side of the coin you could be. doing something for. yeah uh for that because half this [ __ ].

is like you know. i'm having a good time i'm telling the. truth but i'm making it up or i'm. embellishing the details for performance. and people get pissed like. even people in my personality yo why the. [ __ ] you say that about me i'm like yo. when the mics turn off i don't even. remember what i said yeah like i. genuinely. we're talking for an hour an hour and a. half i don't know what the [ __ ] i said. i'm just in the moment having fun that's. what i see i i use some people i'm just. trying to be alive like i'm not trying. to. i'm trying to stay alive yeah while i'm. on a microphone or not. i'm trying to i'm not trying to hurt. anybody what do you use uh.

because it looks like because you have. very very healthy healthy healthy hair. yeah really. absolutely man wow thanks not a lot of. people could pull off a mullet and bang. so so this this podcast crew mullen and. bangs that's our new nickname dude. forever cops. speaking of uh people um i'm not sure. what you just said a second ago but. i do want to say we got i want to call. brad williams because he remember you. know this quaid and bales thing that. happened yeah i do. yeah the young gunner this australian. young buck right. and uh and people really lighting into. them yeah but.

right and brad did a fundraiser for him. and it was supposed to be to raise 10. grand and i think they raised about. a lot more i want to say a couple. hundred thousand but then unfortunately. hold on. okay sorry don't hold on you say. whatever you want yeah i'll say what you. i was gonna say i'm sorry pictures. pictures of that kid came out with him. with strippers and stuff like that did. they really so i don't think he's eight. year i don't. they say he's not eight or nine years. old but i don't care he's still small. enough. he still can't get on all the rides so. we should still just send him out there. well i mean if you want i don't know.

what happened. so what i'm wondering is do we know what. happened and you guys are going to have. to put on the headphones. uh to hear brad when we call them i mean. 300 thousand 000. is a lot of [ __ ] money i don't have. brad's number. all right. because this thing really captivated the. nation last week and put the phone in. the middle of the table hey brother. what's up man it's theo. hey buddy how are you doing fantastic. hey man thanks for answering the call.

i'm uh we got chris de stefano here um. in the podcast right now and what's up. brad hey buddy hey uh chris i'm seeing. you on thursday yes on thursday man. we're going to do. kimmel together oh yeah a little stand. up yeah. we'll figure out duet we should we could. do that i'm down to do that. yeah we're yeah we're going to do a uh. jeff dunham. yeah hold on. but brad only if chris sits on your lap. yeah we're doing a reverse jeff dunham.

yeah yeah. it's going to be great well that's your. hand up my ass it's one of my favorite. sex moves. reverse jeff dunham yeah you can you you. can get a. a reverse jeff dunham at the uh at the. uh cat house in vegas. let's do it dude that's why i'll stay an. extra night then. you don't need an extra night bro you. just stop by during the day all right. i'll do that don't be that creeper that. hangs out. brad daylight cat house. you're gonna be living in the apartment.

oh god. brad we had uh we talked about the queen. bales thing on the podcast last week and. um and everybody's been talking about it. i know that you did a fundraiser for him. um can you kind of take us through a. little bit of that and where you're at. now with it. yeah no problem uh first of all uh. first of all he's nine years old. everybody okay. so stop with your damn conspiracy. theories uh. he's nine years old anyway uh i got. i got one of the video because uh i've. got some australian fans.

that kept sending me the video and i. don't know. like why they kept sending it to me just. like hey you're a dwarf he's a dwarf. you can help them like i like i don't. know. i don't know what they were thinking. like cousins. yeah like i've got some hotline or. something but yeah. but i saw but i saw the video and like. anyone who saw the video who's got a. pulse i was. uh really moved by it of course of. course i. i'm a fellow little person he's got the.

same kind of. dwarfism that i do and i was bullied. growing up so. it really it it really spoke to me so i. thought i got to do something but i. can't. you know i'm out in los angeles what can. i do he's in australia. so i thought well i'll throw together a. gofundme page and. send the kid to disneyland i grew up. going to disneyland kids love disneyland. so uh i did that set the goal at ten. thousand dollars because with ten. thousand dollars you can buy. them flights tickets and maybe two.

churros. uh those things are expensive yeah um. and i figured you know that that'd be. that'd be a good time so i set it at ten. thousand dollars. tweeted it out and then i went to bed. and uh the next day it was at eighteen. thousand dollars damn and and then uh. hugh jackman talked about it. william shatner talked about it it. started getting passed around all these. celebrities. uh and then currently we're at 460.

thousand dollars. damn that's what theo gets for a weekend. homeboy is gonna buy disneyland. and i'm thrilled about that i hope a. dwarf owns disneyland because then. probably no more height requirements. yeah space mountain all day and so. whenever the whenever the. the the conspiracy theories came out i. mean just because you know people are. skeptical of everything. um what did you do then oh man. i just kind of let it go like if.

if if i chase down every person that was. talking about it or saying that he's 18. years old or that he's. he's not really 18 he's a 45 year old. actor. yeah just weird stuff yeah people saying. he's in dunkirk. he was in dunkirk yeah that's what. people were saying what were they. dropping him out of the. i have no idea he played one of the. bombs. dropping them on to the germans yeah. people were there were all kinds of. conspiracy theories people were saying.

that he worked for the city i remember. somewhere else out of akron there was. all kind of wild stuff. but did you did you check with him did. you do any other recon to make sure that. you were. like did you have any question yeah i. mean i just wanted to make sure. that uh he's a good kid and that you. know he's a kid but. i got the face time with him and uh face. time with both hands. and his mom and that's back when the. fundraiser was at twenty thousand. dollars and it really hadn't picked up. yet. uh new uh news organizations weren't.

really talking about it. uh so i was facetiming with him he seems. like a fun. normal kid and then once it started. going. above like fifty thousand dollars twenty. five thousand dollars. uh i started reaching out to a bunch of. different people. that run charities and do these kind of. thing. things all things all the time gofundme. is an incredible website uh because once. a fundraiser hits a certain point they.

assign a team. to that fundraiser so i had a team from. gofundme and constant. cost communication and they vetted. everything they they looked into. everything they did. amazing work so and where does the money. go. well and uh we we posted an update on. the page. uh so kaden and his family actually. released a statement that said. that they are turning down the trip to. disneyland.

and they want all the money to just go. to charity wow. so that's dope and he's ridiculous are. you gonna pick the charities is he. picked a charity how does it work. uh i did another facetime call with him. and his mom and we kind of went through. all. all the charities that we wanted to go. through because if you look at the. original wording on my gofundme i said. any excess money would be donated to. charity. uh so we we picked some great charities. and uh they're actually posted right now.

on the gofundme page we picked uh six. different charities. uh some some charities right. yeah it's not a stomp out bullying uh. born this way those are two charities in. the. united states there's uh four charities. in in. australia we're giving about sixty six. thousand dollars to. each of those charities and then. whatever money is left over. uh i i decided to give it to kaden and. his family. and said uh you guys can spend that.

money however you want i know you're. turning down money but. many people donated to this fund with. the thought of their money going. directly to the family right. and is it honored and is it 400 000 u.s. or australian. what's the currency yeah it's a 460 000. us which is over 700 000. australians yo they could buy one of. those [ __ ] they could buy the. aborigine people. with that right not all of them you. could buy probably a couple a couple of. them.

yeah oh and. this is a good time to add that some of. the charities are anti-racism charities. that stand up for the rights of the. aborigine people absolutely as do i. i'm not an aboriginal person have you. yeah. i would love to i would i would love to. meet one i. know because i have a i don't think i. have any aborigine uh fans but i'm. looking for that that's one of the. things i'm trying to get from my podcast. there you go you got to get something. and yeah and and. i brad too because you know because i'm.

only i'm just a victim of the internet. as well. it's like all these pictures are like oh. he's 19 years old he's with strippers. he's got guns. i mean how do they do all that like what. like. what is it listen photoshop the internet. is an amazing place. uh both good and bad i mean there were. there were people that were spreading. rumors. that like oh uh like there was some. like i looked at oh yeah a lot of this. stuff because i wanted to make sure that. the. that that the money was going to a good.

spot there was. one person who had a facebook talk show. that said like that kaden was like this. nine-year-old. running around uh the school like. sexually assaulting girls and i mean. they they said that their proof was that. they read one facebook comment. that's and they posted the facebook. comment and it said oh. a friend of mine his his kid. goes to the same school and knows some.

girls. this happen i'm like really you're going. through all this off of facebook. yeah that's ridiculous man yeah do you. we're going nuts. is there i mean yeah there's all kind of. stuff so many people said he opened up. for gucci mane there was all kind of. i mean well that that is the problem is. when uta signs him and he starts taking. dates away from everybody we'll get back. [ __ ] you brad. that's a great point man they signed. bagel boy. bagel boss yeah they had this kid named. lightning rod. uh lightning rod i don't want to say. lightning rod.

lightning rodney maybe when i was. growing up some guy they got hit by. lightning and they tried to tour him. around locally. really yeah he was probably moving major. tickets oh he wasn't doing anything. maybe 40 tickets. not katie will sell out now what about. this brad are there higher costs. associated with being like a. a little person growing up like are. there costs that are there extra costs. yeah well like just in terms of i mean. at your most basic cost. uh most clothes that uh. i would like to buy uh don't fit me so.

you gotta. get stuff that's uh tailored unless you. just wanna be. walking around with like a shirt that. has bob the builder on it but uh. i doubt you want that so yeah you have. extra tailoring and then plus a lot of. little people. have uh medical problems. whether it be neck or leg surgeries i've. had one. dwarf related surgery on my legs so. yeah they they can they they can get. problems that way as well so.

that's why i wanted to give the family a. little bit of money just because. if those kind of things are coming up. with caden i want to make sure that. they're taken care of and that's what. the people. who gave money to the campaign wanted as. well so yeah that's dope. yeah yeah that's dope and and it's. really great and really. and and people stepped up and we ended. up donating a ton of money to charity. that's going to anti-bullying and. anti-abuse uh anti-racism charities so. a lot of people are a lot of people are.

going to be helped in a very positive. way because of this. yeah not be more thankful yeah man and i. know you know because you're i'm a i'm a. dad i know you're a new dad congrats. it's like. when i see stuff like that and i'm sure. it's the same with you it's like. you can't help but think like what if. that was my child being abused that way. like you know so it's great that you can. that you made an effort and did it. because i. there's thing there's times when i see. videos like that and i'm like i can't. what if that was my daughter and then i. have a chance to donate and. i just watch pornhub or do something. different but you. actually went out there and made a.

difference which is why you're happily. married and i'm you know single living. with don de peda on his couch. there's still time i still yeah that's. why i got visitation rights but you. you know but you have a full happy. family there's still time. brad uh thanks so much man and uh yeah. at least. chris will be warmed up for your podcast. later this week man hey. sounds great thank you guys gang gang. everybody uh before he hangs up can you. hear me yeah. what's the quickest way to uh get to. your gofundme because when you just. search on gofundme we can't find it.

so how can we get to the actual gofundme. oh uh if you guys still want to donate. to the gofundme because it is still open. uh you can uh probably quickest way is. just to go to my twitter. and then scroll down the tweets and. you'll find you'll find links i'm on. twitter at funnybrad. and uh if not i'm sure you can just. google uh gofundme for. a bullied australian boy and something's. gonna pop up there will be news articles.

there will be links. uh you can and there'll be 460 000. in there already so yeah it oh man and i. had so and i had so many friends that. were like. it really makes you realize who your. friends are because i had so many. friends. that were like uh sending me messages. like dude. embezzle it take it go to sweden and i'm. like. go to sweden yeah what the [ __ ] what if. you disguised yourself as quaiden and. went to disneyland.

oh shave get shave get a tan. oh yeah oh yeah it could happen man dude. uh dude thanks so much it's such a it's. such a cool story to hear man. and um yeah just thanks for jumping on. the line with us and sharing that. no problem love you guys love the. podcast see you on thursday chris see. you thursday brad. love you man peace it's that time. that's right this winter you should. start a new routine and upgrade your. everyday life with a monthly box of.

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for 20 percent off your first box. support this past weekend get that box. of awesome and now. back to chris what a great guy yeah. about last night that's their podcast. right yeah yeah well actually uh that's. just adam ray now brad's not on anymore. oh right he's not in the pod yeah so he. um yeah brad's going to get rewarded in. the afterlife for that. you know because i don't know like. there's certain rules and regulations. with little people in the afterlife they. have to do certain tasks absolutely they. have to do certain tasks to get into. no that's that movie you're talking.

about i think that's the first pride. oh that's right that's right yeah cause. i um. because yeah i wasn't trying i wanted to. ask brad but i kind of chickened out is. because. the thing is like they all kind of look. alike to me little people. so i was kind of one to be like brad. like you know brad looks different he's. you know famous and doing well but like. all the other ones like all these little. pictures it's like i don't know. it's all the same to me well dude i. respect them all but i just you know. what i don't respect them. i do i respect them all i keep my. distance safely and i respect them all.

wow. i'll tell you this i saw two cats attack. uh attack a little person in hermosa. beach. and this is about seven years ago. probably about 11 years ago now i saw. two cats attack a. little person in hermosa dude and it was. insane bro it was like rome it was like. watching ancient rome go really yeah. i kissed a little woman on the lips. yeah like a couple years ago made out. after the show beautiful beautiful. spirit beautiful soul. and uh was that in where baltimore that. was not in baltimore that was actually. outside bananas comedy club.

oh over there yep i made out with a. little little girl not a little girl. a little woman i made out with a little. person who was a legally aged. woman in her 20s damn what an ironic. name for the city hasbro heights. yeah there you go nikki bangs. bang hitting him hard yo dude brad was. talking about disney world too i just. came from or disneyland. which i think is a great thing that he's. doing disney world i just took my. daughter to disney world in orlando oh.

wow. me my mother and my daughter and now has. it been a lifelong dream or something. has this been like one of those things. or have you taken your kid before. i wanted to take i wanted to take my. daughter from last time. delilah she's on the wall i wanted to. take my daughter delilah. to germany for christmas. this year yeah i wanted to go that's. about as christmas as you can get let's. go to germany i wanted to show her i. wanted to show her um. where christmas started yeah and where. the white race started oh yeah.

where where the humble beginnings of the. like. i don't know i'm kidding. i'm just [ __ ] around you got to know. i'm just [ __ ] around i know you're. [ __ ] wrong with the dwarf jokes i'm. just kidding around well. i said i want to buy aboriginal people. and it's like they're slaves over there. [ __ ]. i'm being an idiot but don't go i said. you could buy a few i know i'd like to. buy the race yeah that's a discount man. on gofundme and also it's like. you know all those surgeries doesn't. have universal health care. yeah what are you gonna do for where in. australia yeah for the leg surgeries.

that he'll he'll need. well they could yeah i just don't i. don't know if they do or not the. universe is just kidding around. they do have yeah but i'm just kidding i. just hope people know i'm just joking. around yeah because you feel like you. have to be. you have to say that now in these parts. am i not helping you with my vibes. sometimes i'll say something you'll just. look at me and just what the bottom of. you you'll just start curling the bottom. of your mullet. with your finger i'll just see what i'll. just see your [ __ ] hair it's a sign. for help. yeah you'll just be like yo i'm like. you're just looking at me you're. unbuttoning a button nicky bangs will. [ __ ]. you know don's texting women.

don's in a full sex hole. so have you ever been texting somebody. like about sex you're having like a. business conversation or something with. somebody else. at the same time yeah well today on the. plane i fell asleep. i was flying jeff bloody and i fell. asleep but my phone was open and some. girl. and my snapchat was open some girls sent. her titties on snapchat while the flight. attendant i was just having my eyes. closed and the flight attendant gave me. my breakfast. but yeah those titties were open on my. tray. dude i had a woman on a plane once wake.

me up from being asleep and tell me my. penis. was erect bro no bothering her yeah. really. what'd you do yeah she said your body. sir your body didn't she used to go and. manipulate. women's vaginas though for health. reasons wasn't that used to be an old. job we used to talk about it on opie yep. we used to do orgasmic meditation. right you still [ __ ] with that or no i. don't i've been there's been people. trying to get me back into it but. i think they're just kind of looking for. you know i don't know. i just it's too much time it's just i. don't have the time right now right.

dude i went to disney i went to disney. world right and they were pride in. themselves. because like i said i want to take her. to germany i want to take my daughter to. germany and i said to my mom. and she's latina isn't it she's latina. she's puerto rican puerto rican she. have puerto rican half you know german. irish italian. just white yeah clock maker she's white. yeah she's just [ __ ] clock maker. just white european and then i've seen. i've seen the nutcracker dude yeah yeah. so that's just me west side story it's. just me. so so i tell her i tell.

my mom i'm like hey do you want to come. with us to germany um. i want to take my daughter to germany. and you could come through i'll buy you. a plane ticket you know get babysitter. or whatever when i go out and get these. german guys you know brothels or. whatever. late night and um and my mom goes no. we're not going to go to germany. let's go to disney world and if you want. to go to germany we could just go to. epcot and go to the german country and. we can have some beers because. she's four years old why are you taking. her to germany i'm like. this is my idea i just want to show her. christmas she was like she's too young. she's not gonna have a good time. so my mother convinced me to go to.

disney so we go to disney here's the. thing so first of all that the trip. starts off. disney world starts off poorly because i. had. i i um i just come off great runner. shows at gotham comedy club. beautiful new york city great my. hometown chris mozillia chris. silly legend great shows and every time. i pee it's burning. it's burning i got a little sting so i'm. like ah [ __ ] what have you been having. sex with random women i've been having. unprotected sex yep. so i'm just like for months before that. you know i probably had unprotected sex. about 40 plus women.

wow yeah yeah so that's they don't call. me chrissy dripdrop for nothing. so i've since improved but you know. again bro no i like you. out there and you ain't afraid to get. you know just to be a human crissy drip. drop baby taking chances bro. yeah so so anyway so the. trip is going good first of all you know. you're in about ten thousand dollars to. have you know your mother and your. daughter. go you're in about it's about 10 g's so. first day we get there we go to the. magic kingdom and you get there.

and all they do is pride themselves all. disney world does is pride themselves. on how it how friendly they are to the. uh. nature economy how do you say that how. they're um what. they're uh eco-friendly they're. eco-friendly so they're saying. they use paper straws all we do is use. paper straws you love us paper straws. then i take my daughter to get her hair. done at the bippity boppity boutique. which is the boutique in the magic. kingdom 600 [ __ ] dollars no way to. get her hair done. and extra did you get it done into dude.

a hot air balloon. i could have done it to nick's banks it. was about six hundo. yeah so 600 to get her done with the. prince she got a cinderella dress. she got her hair done by cinderella so. it's a whole experience and then. and then an extra 50 bucks for tea i saw. them making the tea at a [ __ ] keurig. oh yeah in the back so [ __ ]. so it's like okay paper straws using. paper straws you'll save the turtles but. you'll rape. you'll rape the [ __ ] parents right so.

all [ __ ] up so i was pissed off. because my mother had my credit card. because i was taking i was on my phone a. lot responding to emails you know. sexting i was in a full sex hole. and work hole while my daughter and. mother are experiencing these beautiful. things at disneyland. so i'm just sorry you're like i'm just. fully out of my mind right. oh yeah yeah so i'm being an idiot so my. mother's like listen why don't you i. will meet you back here in two hours. give me your credit card. and then my see my amex just getting. [ __ ] hit up. what are they doing getting tathy. caricature yeah my mom.

my mom got shirts you know that wild. western drawing where. his fake gun y'all was gone for two. hours she hit my corner for twenty three. hundred dollars kiss ash. and i just was like [ __ ] so then i'm. like because then i got stressed out. when you get stressed out you have. chlamydia on deck when you have. std brewing when you get stressed out it. really starts to flow. so i was like [ __ ] i know i have it so i. called my boy who's an er. doctor and i explained to him the signs. incentives he was like [ __ ] hey drop off. a bag of salt over here. yo yo he was like that's an std man how.

quick can you get back to new york new. york i said. this is day one of my disney trip we're. at the magic kingdom he goes all right. send me your location so i sent him the. location he sent gets a pharmacy. like whatever 10 miles away but in. orlando still still kind of like on the. outskirts of disney. like a oh not in disney no no but like. on the not. on the disney property but like where. disney people who work for disney. like their local cvs okay so goes out. there calls in the std [ __ ]. medication for me. so i go there swaying this everyone's.

got little kids you know sore throat. medicine people buying binky everyone's. got little kims too. and i'm over there and i go i go over. there and i pick up. std medication i had a goofy shirt on i. swear i had a goofy shirt on and. i left disney hat on and i forgot. because i was dressed you know my. daughter was like you gotta dress. wear your disney [ __ ] so i picked up std. men i. took them my daughter and mother back to. the hotel i said hey listen i'm just. gonna go for a jog. and i got an uber and i went and picked. up those std meds with my goofy shirt on.

and i popped those and then i started to. feel better started to feel a little bit. better. and now i'm proud to say that i've been. chrissy condoms i was christy celibacy. for a month after that now i've been. exclusively chrissy condoms. but even now that i've been wearing. condoms exclusively still sometimes when. i pee it burns a little i'm like do i. did i get one bat did one sneak through. the condom. or do you think that that's just me. being hyperactive and anxious if i'm. using the condoms you wouldn't worry. about the std. i think what do you say i think you. could have muscle memory probably in. your penis or something that and it re. it has that recall a little bit of.

having the. symptom have you ever got sniped you've. got burnt with an std yep i got. something one time i was living with a. guy this guy named ken actually had a. couple cats dude and he used to get. stoned and make him do tricks in the. living room. right jump in these boxes yeah and uh. and when i was leaving when i was moving. out he said hey. so people are going to come look at the. uh the place you know okay. and so some lady came by and checked it. out and she was attractive and so i. started hitting on her right. and um and then that night.

she and i went out right and he just. said to me he's like dude do not hook up. with this young lady. who is potentially going to live here. you know right like i need somebody to. live here. right i will not do that right and then. i hooked up with her that night. in the room right next to his room and. you went raw daddy. i i i don't believe i had any condoms at. the time. and uh would you catch the clap. gonorrhea no she caught something from. me. but she told me she said hey you have.

something. and i don't know if i did have something. because i didn't have something before i. think she was lying. but then one of us had something and uh. and you had to go get rid of it yeah i. got chlamydia but it was good though but. you. never had any symptoms of the chlamydia. it wasn't bad no but you just go get. something you get rid of it and that's. the only scare that right it's like it's. kind of like a sore throat but for your. dick. your way it's like your dick is almost. going through a tough time after a war. or something it feels like yeah. it's a little beat up it's like your. dick yes just on the injured reserve. list but it's it's gonna make a full. comeback.

yeah yeah it's almost exciting a little. it's like a little bit of a badge of. you know i hear from older men who used. to be a badge of honor back in the day. but how do you come back. he has chlamydia you know how do you. combat being single pain you know let's. do a champagne. and getting all the attention that you. do from females how do you how do you. not. fall into a sex addict hold do you just. not respond to people because sometimes. i text you and you don't text back. and i want to know if there's ladies out. there that feel that way as well oh i. don't know man i mean i think. uh how do i not i mean i'll do some. flirting here and there you know like.

but you don't respond to all these. ladies on the dm no because i'm. constantly responding and i have to i've. been. i've made a very recent effort like the. last 72 hours i actually posted a video. on my stories and i said hey i know i. give you guys a lot of energy i love you. thank you so much for your support but. if i leave you on scene or if i just. double tap the message don't. don't take it disrespectfully i just i. gotta i gotta take care of me first. because i'm gonna live a life yeah i was. fully. too much invested in that phone and in. those dm's and i just have. you know and there was a point where i. was having sex no condoms and then i.

even having sex with the condoms i'm. like. even though you're protecting yourself. which is good you're still the act is. still. you're still delving into all this. energy and all this oh yeah it's a ton. of extra energy. i haven't recently haven't really had as. much energy to really just be out. milling around you know. jerking off a lot trying not to jerk off. that much i did masturbate yesterday i. didn't want to. so that was really a kind of a wild. event but um. do you watch porn no try not to watch. porn i don't jerk it like this either i. don't know i've. i lay my penis on my stomach and i put.

my hands like this and i rub the base of. my penis and i come into my belly button. oh wow what yeah that's always the way. i've mastered it sounds so french i feel. like it's always the way i masturbate. man i make like a little [ __ ] a [ __ ]. with my thumbs and i rub the bass hit it. nick. yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] doesn't make you there. you're rapping but. um yeah and i blow it alone into my. belly button yeah i used to let it glay. glaze over too and just my. shirts or shorts were always stuck to my. belly but i used to rip it off when i. was a kid and i was. i would always have a cut in my belly. button people thought it used to have my. belly button pierced but it wasn't it.

was. from the [ __ ] dried up on my stomach that. would rip off god brother. yeah dude are we doing all right on this. podcast is this all right i think we're. good all right. this is fantastic i know that if i. ejaculate i would use it now. when i was young i wouldn't do anything. with it i would deposit it or ejaculate. into like a bowl or into a um. you know into a toilet or something all. right now i will actually use some of it. on my body as like a. you know legitimately as an ointment or. a sav i've never been in a voluntary. gay sex act but when i was a kid i was.

like the runt of my friend group i was. like 10 and my friends were 13 14. i. could see that and the mckenzie brothers. one time i was taking his [ __ ] were were. they red-headed. uh no but they were twins and they had. shaved heads they were crazy irish kids. from queens. one of them sat on my legs when i was. taking a [ __ ] and the other one jumped. on my mom's sink and skull [ __ ] me two. pumps. and my head hit off the back of the. backs i swear to god. the back ceramic tile and knocked down. one of my mom's ceramic tiles and. and i told it i was horsing around. playing ball but really i got skull. [ __ ] by. by one of these dudes and i remember.

tasting a little bit of his pre-comment. yeah it was weird man i took one right. off the uvula and i did it. and i and i did in uh that's a hot i. didn't like it. no the problem is i didn't like it i did. not like it but i also didn't hate it so. that's why i'll say. i can confidently tell you that i'm a. hundred i'm 100. sure i am not gay but i'm also 100 sure. i'm not straight. so you tell me what that means well i. think there's a there's a thing called. where. element of surprise gay where somebody. surprises you with a gay act. like a pearl harbor gay yeah like pearl.

harbor but yeah suddenly you're just. resting and then a bunch of wieners fall. in your house. a sneak attack yeah yeah like that kind. of thing is like because there's been. times where. you knew when i've been walking you know. when we've been in new york when we were. very close. i was definitely falling in love with. the conversations we were having i was. about to hold your hand or something. like that really. yes you always used to remember there. was one time you went here wearing. pinstripe pants like locomotive pants. yeah i used to love those pants and i. bought them very cheap yeah man those. locomotive pants i remember yeah you. know all aboard.

you know because you kind of have a. little bit of a [ __ ] cake ass i got. that keister bruh you could do got a. keystone got that german keister. here's a white guy right here from lord. of the rings let's see what he has. literally does chris know. there's literally a two percent chance. that you'll die if you get the. coronavirus. two it's just the flu.

gang gang gang bro i didn't say anything. about the corona virus though i. we use to solicit questions for you the. video of you having anxiety tuesday. right so i think he thinks you're going. a little bit. well the whole thing about anxiety. tuesday you know hopefully get some new. fans come over to me the anxiety tuesday. i never do it on a tuesday. um i don't do it every two every i do it. and once every other week and it's. always playing it's always. sarcasm and satire about something so. that coronavirus video. although i'm appearing to be saying i'm.

anxious about it the point of anxiety is. to be satire because i agree with him. that. it's not something to really worry about. yeah i think it's not something to worry. about i feel like i mean. but also and then in two weeks you and i. could be deceased you know it could be. i wouldn't be shocked if something a. disease gets created that. that we can't solve um i think the. chinese created it in the lab. i don't think i think people like eminem. kind of i think exactly. happy black history month well oh thank. you and also i want to also happy. women's month thank you oh yeah it is.

women's month. yes 5g now there's a theory out there. that 5g. created have you seen this who's 5g you. see wrapper as well no 5g the wireless. oh okay yeah 5g wireless which was. created over there in wuhan. right the wuhan clone yeah that that is. where. that that's the thing that created it i. don't think for a second that it wasn't. created. in a lab it feels like it feels like it. was created in a lab. to cause hysteria as just something else.

you can blame donald trump for. i i wouldn't be surprised if the. democrat i wouldn't be surprised if. ocasio-cortez. and the wuhan lab created yeah straight. out of wuhan. if and some and elizabeth warren and joe. biden and all those liberals. cucks created the the the. the coronavirus put that [ __ ]. made the masks with the master made in. china which everyone wears they dip. those in coronavirus sell the mass to us. and we spread it. and it crashes the economy gets trump.

out of office but here's the truth. you can't get trump out office he'll. always be here to stay yeah yeah. yeah i mean he could be here for a long. time social media conspiracies blame. chronovirus on 5g internet. this is what i'm talking about right. here and this is um she'll get kissed on. this lady will get cracked open and. cleaned out. uh i like her lips yeah this lady is uh. by the way i just wanted to say i was. joking about the trump democrat i was. just kidding i have no political. affiliation. oh dude look i think that i don't hate. trump i don't love him. anytime somebody starts winning they.

definitely release a lot of. information to like try and cannibalize. remember they said a few weeks ago that. the russians were. russian bots were supporting bernie. remember that like what like it's just. like it just never ends i don't believe. the news anymore i'm not a news behavior. but i will say this though now that's. interesting theory that 5gy. that 5g created it that that that's. what's causing it. because wouldn't it be interesting if. they had a a technological advancement. that we don't know the side effects of. which is probably most of them.

right that we don't know the side. effects like what if we created like a. wireless or some sort of a. you know a thing that's flowing through. our body sometimes through the air. and it causes a disease in us that could. it sounds like pretty feasible. pretty feasible but it's so far have. there been people that have beaten the. coronavirus and 100. cleared it already and it's gone most. people most people. yeah that's a thing it's one of those. things yeah you got to show me a dead. bro. yeah smad bruh show me a dead before i. go full well some people are dying but. it seems like it's more elderly.

where yeah but that's just a dead an old. person dies and they should do a snap of. them oh here's. granny left you want to see somebody at. the top of their [ __ ] game yeah. drop dead of the coronavirus yeah dude i. want to see tyson fury frickin take you. know. yeah take it yeah. [Laughter]. 92 000 cases 48 000 have recovered 3. 000 have died that's worldwide yeah. and then so the flu i bet those 3 000. are babies and. old people so the seasonal flu kills way.

more than that. okay okay i mean it's listen you can. worry about everything. here's a guy right huh there's a guy. from obviously or. was it from the 1920s a good guy yeah. he's got a nice mustache. one of those strong men with the oh yeah. with the 200-pound dumbbells he votes. for trump. what's going on y'all your boy shane dog. here what's up helensburg washington. wanted to let you both know i love both. you guys you guys are both. two of my favorite comedians you guys. give me something to look forward to.

every week and you guys. make me laugh non-stop you guys are. killing it and please keep doing what. y'all are doing. now this question here is a little bit. more directed towards. crystal clear chrissy a little chlamydia. chrissy over here i need to ask him a. real serious question. i'm going to new york for the first time. i got nominated for an award for my. college radio show and so did my station. so i'm going out there i'm going to be. put up in. manhattan pretty close to madison square. garden and there's a lot of things you.

can do in new york but i want to know. what your authentic. new york experience is for some west. coast kid. trying to go out and be an east coast. cutie with a smoothie. out here in these streets okay and theo. i'd like to know. where what's your favorite spot in new. york what do you like about new york i. want your opinion on new york. okay gang gang and ladder 14. yeah that's nice that's nice um i like. yeah i like uh i like uh. two out of the three your fan so far i'd. have lisps you got a heavy lisp fan. yeah got lit yeah we got a lot of damage.

uh damaged dudes. yeah so i like that kid a lot he's got. an endearing voice i think anyone with a. little bit. of a lisp like that it's endearing to me. i would like to list down the radio do. you think he has a lisp though i think. he has a list i. kept wiping my cheeks i thought he was. spitting on me through the camera. but i might just have a you you could. have unique shape you have a very unique. shaped head what if the sound's not. coming in right. that's true my head is [ __ ] up no but. i like that kid i liked his mustache i. like he seemed like a real nice kid so. what i'm going to tell him to do. is when he's come to come to.

i'm going to say you could come through. them come through to my crib yep that's. what i'm going to say is that unique. experience. just for him he could come to and he. could come tickle me with that mustache. just like the mackenzie brothers yeah no. um. i think i think what he should do is go. get a slice of pizza from. joe's in the west village by the comedy. seller i think he should go see a. stand-up show. at the comedy cellar or if one of his. comedians that he knows. he's a fan of his performing in new york. city go see him or her. headline at gotham or caroline's comedy. club if not go.

see go down to the comedy cellar or the. stan comedy club or new york comedy club. these are great venues. um to see a show go get a slice of pizza. from joe's. i would say if he's never been there. it's just an experience to walk over the. brooklyn bridge. because it's scary as [ __ ] when you get. into the middle because it's only wooden. planks so you can see down. hundreds of feet below you and you'll. fall to your death definitely see. brooklyn i would go to bay ridge. brooklyn. along with williamsburg and some of the. trendy you know quinoa flea market. places also go to deep brooklyn like go.

to bay ridge because it's like a. different experience because. in williamsburg you know it'll be like i. said quinoa and flea markets and. scooters but then in bay ridge. like the day after trump won the. election in 2016. there was a cafe out there giving out. free black and white cookies. so you want to see both extremes of you. know. they gave they were giving cups of. marinara sauce into my daughter's. halloween trick-or-treat bag at nino's. pizza on third avenue that's beautiful. and they're calling it bats blood. so it's different different types of. experiences in brooklyn so i would go. see that. um and then you could come you could.

come with me uh if you're there on a. tuesday afternoon we go take my father. to dialysis. at college of staten island hospital if. you'd like to come there you can come. see um him get his blood. filter how many bags is he doing. i want to say two bags two three bags. easy work. yeah yeah you want to talk about farts. this guy. he doesn't my father doesn't wear. underwear anymore yeah cause he. constantly shits his pants well dude if. you're running on somebody else's blood. who knows what kind of gas is in it. that's true. you know that's true you got to think.

about that i really like your fan i like. this part of the podcast where fans come. in. dude the best fans man the best. listeners the best group we got such a. yeah the whole it's just it's constantly. amazes me man. and that young fella said he's going to. new york for the first time and what did. he ask me. uh what do you like about new york. what's your new york experience you got. to go down to alphabet city man. that's what you got to say it's the last. place to get still get mugged anywhere. in manhattan i feel like kind of in that. area you got to go down there. or down up maybe second and b or. something or it goes even further go to.

c. or d yeah a and b is a little hipster a. hunka doc now but once you get to c. it starts to fade and then d you're in. the full hood yes avenue d you. you will get stabbed right now there you. go and that it's the last place you can. still do it anywhere else is just more. it's just changed a lot the bronx you. could still get stabbed a little bit but. the bronx is going too far away but if. you want to be on the island of. manhattan i agree with theo go to avenue. d to get yourself shanked. yeah get shanks see somebody sell a gram. learn a little bit of spanish or. something. do it all you know they just have a. different vibe down there it's still a. little.

risque and that's what i like you could. do you know you do. you know there's a lot of the dark arts. basically brother i just also want to. send a quick shout out r.i.p. to the neighborhood crackhead that i. grew up with which is also. see i would where i grew up in ridgewood. bushwick it used to be a place where you. could get stabbed but unfortunately now. it's all like vegan. cupcake stuff but there still was the. neighborhood crackhead homeless guy who. was i mean we thought he was gonna die. in 1997 he just uh recently scottie. karate. just passed away and he was the. neighborhood guy used to he would sing a. billy joel song and then he would do. whatever thing.

anything you wanted him to do he would. do for a dollar remember one time he. backflipped. into this shards of glass knocked. himself unconscious and then we just put. a dollar on his chest. or he would do you know roofing work he. would fix. anything you give him a dollar he'd call. him scotty karate and he would have no. shirt on and sweatpants. uh almost 12 months a year damn so and. he survived for a long time just wanted. to say shout out scotty karate. yeah rip scotty and also yeah they had a. guy bus and he was mentally challenged. or something happened to him and he was. um. he used to ride a bike a woman's bike.

that had like a little baby seat in the. back. and the baby seat was always empty you. know and he said he had a little husband. that used to. and people were always like damn where's. your little husband at and so he would. always just. tell us he had a little bit of a he had. like a little husband that used to he. was looking for him or something. yeah i don't know what happened to that. guy but i just i it's funny to grow up. the way we grew up like how you grew up. in the. like it's very relatable like you grew. up in the deep south. and i grew up in kind of the deep. brooklyn. deep brooklyn where it's like you had.

your they were just different names but. but like like for example like we both. have neighborhood crackheads or we both. have like crazy uncles like i have an. uncle. who somebody robbed my mother um and. and then at the local baldega he used to. hang out the local bodega. and i guess they had this robbery ring. going down his bodega they would steal. women's purses and steal their credit. cards and their money or whatever. whatever. and they stole my mom's purse one day on. the corner and then a couple of days. later my uncle was in the bode because. he was just chilling drink beers there.

and they were talking about how they. just ripped off this lady and he was. like what's she look like and. and my uncle's like oh that's my. sister-in-law you know he didn't know or. he said it in his head that's my. sister-in-law. and so whatever they kept drinking. continuing drinking drinking and then. later on that night. my uncle i didn't know this i was a. little kid i only found this out a. couple years ago the guy. nah what he did was he took they got. drunk they went back into my uncle's. garage which is in the back. back door out of my house and my uncle. beat him up and then tied him up. and uh melted the skin off his knees. with a blowtorch.

jesus for stealing my mom's bag and then. he got my mom's couldn't get the credit. cards back but he got the cat he got. cash the amount of cash that he thought. she would have he got it back. so it's like that's a crazy uncle you. i'm sure you have maybe not that exact. story but a crazy uncle. yeah no we don't i mean it's it's a i. think it was just growing up in a. different time too and people could do. more stuff without everybody constantly. ratting everybody. out and no twitter's just a big snitch. fest on there man it's just so many. snitches we got a question that came in. from a guy right here. oh yeah yeah we run it we good on time. uh theo's got about.

five yeah we're good yeah and this guy's. in a free conch. this is crystalline supporter right here. this guy looks a little dirty but like a. nice guy yeah he looks like he's. what he's done i bet he's done chef work. or just some ufc but i like it hey. what's up theo what's up chrissy d. baby gorgeous hope you guys are doing. great um. i'm my name's nick i am from aurora. illinois. and my question for uh chris actually. for both of you if you both. could answer this would be great um but. for chris i know that you.

had started a career in physical therapy. and. i was wondering what was the moment and. what made you decide to. pursue stand up full-time and what like. what was going on i'm always curious to. know like. what it was that made you transition. into uh different career paths like it. was stand-up maybe just a hobby. was it always a passion um and how was. that for you. how did that go and for you as well theo. like what were you doing when you. decided. that you were gonna do stand up and. become a comedian full-time and how was.

that like for you as well. uh it's something i'm always interested. in to know with uh. with anyone that pursues something as. crazy as stand up so uh thanks guys. thank you so much i appreciate it have a. great rest of the day. gang gang gang bro gang thank you for. very articulate i did not expect him to. be as articulate and well-spoken and. well-mannered. uh and soft like in a positive way yeah. as he was i thought it was going to come. out. because last time i did your podcast. your fans were just coming out swinging. saying i want to fight you. [ __ ] you but now yeah because because. they were only going off.

what they had seen of me and what they. had seen in me was you and i are ripping. each other. from opie but now again positive because. i came on your show. and some of your fans start listening to. my stuff i could see they're using. calling me baby gorgeous and. chrissy chlamydia they listen so it's a. different thing i appreciate all this. yeah look man i appreciate i'm glad that. you're here dude the good. the good thing about my hands all right. i haven't held a guy's hands like this. hold on. bro huh you got those [ __ ] perfect.

ass fingers they're not perfect dude. very very like kind of the hands of the. you could barely [ __ ] choke somebody. if they have somebody else just come and. help you. nah dude they're [ __ ] good in there. and you don't bite your nails either. um i do my thumbs are good you got sexy. ass cuticles. really i think so look at this finger. kind of oh that that finger is. disgusting. that looks like e.t yeah yeah that's. gross yeah you actually fingers are a. little long. yeah i mean they're fingers though they. shouldn't be real not long. you could just rock your toes man with. no i'm just my feet are disgusting they.

grow over each other i could easily see. that it's disgusting yeah you almost. you look like somebody who would have. webbed feet almost i don't have web feet. but i believe. i was born with broken feet and they. never fixed it yes i just. my feet are broken take care of yourself. dude okay that's what i'm saying you. look like a guy that definitely was in. the band in the school band even though. he wasn't really in it. yeah you look like you're like the. marching thing with the flag. yeah yeah dude you look like my my third. grade gym teacher mrs klein. but yeah she was like this lesbian we.

used to call a liu kang you kind of look. like luke. from street fighter if he was a white. dude it had money. thanks man yeah um that's awesome but. but. ominous questions now let's answer his. question. you want to start yeah so uh yeah what. was i doing i mean i was always doing. something else on the side. um until comedy was just enough of a job. you know. i think at a certain point it just kind. of chooses you i always. i think even until about like 10 years. in i was like am i going to keep doing.

this am i going to keep doing this. at some point i have to grow up it feels. like comedy for me always felt like a. place where i could. i could just be i never had to grow up. you get to travel all the time you get. to escape whatever was going on in your. regular life you had to you always got. to get out of town if you were. about to be in a relationship i got to. go i got to get out of you know there. was always. you're always on the go you never to be. in one space you never had to really. kind of deal with your. with yourself i guess and like so comedy. always gave me that the ability to. escape i felt like. and then at a certain point i was like.

oh i'm getting older i need to figure. out. um am i gonna have uh you know what am i. gonna do here how am i gonna have a real. future. and then yeah i think at some point it. just kind of chose me it was like okay. there's enough here where i can survive. you know so i'm gonna stay. what i always liked about you is you. were a guy that you had to really. pro not that it mattered but there was a. lot of proving that you had to do to. your peers because when you started out. it was real world and then you start. doing stand-up and already people like. nah.

he's a real world guy he's not a real. stand-up and then your career like you. said was like just maintaining. maintaining maintaining did the netflix. special and it's just maintaining. and then you start to prove yourself in. the podcast game and then they say. oh well he's just starting to podcast. you know he's still the real world. guy but then you start to explode with. the podcast and then it got to the point. was like. now i've shed that real world thing i. don't think anybody. i know for a fact no one even thinks. about that with you anyway like that was. something he did. 15 years ago and now it's just like. great podcaster great.

stand-up it's matt so i don't sometimes. as a peer of yours in the comedy world. we i know this i'm like that. was pretty insane i was able to do all. that the random fan may not know that. they just like oh. i've always [ __ ] with theo but it's. like where you had to come from. because you could have easily quit it's. my point because you say in 10 years. it's like. aft i'm sure you heard it because if i. heard it in new york then you heard it. was like oh it's the real world dude. but that's you know we don't want to be. known as that like just now. am i starting to shed oh you that guy. from guy code where it's like that's a. part of me. that's i'm proud of it but now it's like.

they know my name a little bit they know. my podcast they know me for stand up not. for. being a talking head and you are not. known for being on a reality show yeah. you know. so it takes a lot of work to do that so. i'm i'm always noticing about you and i. think it's dope. thanks man but i will say that you're a. [ __ ] no i'm kidding. dude if i'm a [ __ ] bro hey no offense. if anybody is a [ __ ] or and. and still refers to themselves as that. that's why i don't say that word i. apologize. i didn't say that i i said it so if you.

want to edit it out yeah and just put. quotes on their mind and just refer to. him. yeah um because i was just i didn't have. anything to say. the problem is i because i said that. nice thing about you and i was thinking. of a joke and it slipped. so i just went to a very uh a prima. immature thing and i just called it i. just said that and i just. i have two gay friends and they're. saying they say look i am a [ __ ]. right and i'll be like dude you don't. don't say that i'll be like no i. am that's what i am so everybody does. different something different some. people want. but i'll be there i'll tell you this.

dude if i'm gay bro i would be shocked. see if i'm gay i'd be if i'm gay i'd be. relieved. yeah that's the thing with me is because. i can't even really take a good look. because my father's still alive so my i. got an old school father. 75 year old brooklyn you know tony balls. is his nickname so i can't. even look inside to see if there's a. little gay in there because it feels. like there's a little game there. like like i'm plant-based i'm on a. plant-based diet right now and you're. building like a strong gay you're built. like a strong. and i'm a strong gay and people tell me.

you know i'm a power i'm a i'm a power. bottom. um i got a big fat ass um i love whitney. houston. my favorite movies little women or. pretty woman um. you know i [ __ ] jerk off to guys like. all those things. all those things are gay so sometimes i. feel like i can say that. f word which is derogatory and i don't. mean any harm but i can say because i. know deep down i. am one i know that there's one just. pouncing around in there. um oh yeah i can see a little tigger. inside of you man yeah because the thing. is even though i did get two pumps.

i got skull [ __ ] by the mckenzie. brothers two pumps i did give it a lick. as it was coming off. so that's so that changes everything. you know bro that's an alarm if things. get too yeah. really and i think we just yeah man my. fault guys. can i tell you a quick comment why i. like the mckinsey brother's fault. yes what do you guys think well no lou. kang um. real quick um i started stint just to. answer the family question thank you for. that question. i was a pediatric physical therapist i.

have a doctorate degree in physical. therapy. it's crazy dude it really is crazy man. when you get skull [ __ ] you your paths. change. you know so so i went and i became a. physical therapist. i was working with children pediatric. mentally physically handicapped children. was a beautiful job. but then simultaneously i got on guy. code and guy code really started to pop. off on mtv2 and then they created girl. code. and that really started to pop off so. what happened was see the thing is this. is you know there's a lot of a lot of. the people who are watching the shows.

were younger people. 18 19 20 21 22 was a college younger. people show on mtv and mtv2. and it's very well known that older. women sometimes will give birth. to a child with a disability you know. there's a lot of testing that women as. they get older have to do it's less and. less now but it's still. a thing that's what people say on my. biological clock but what's also not as. known but is very true. is younger women 17 16. pre they don't have the proper prenatal. care and they don't know that they're. pregnant so their children are born with. high disability rates as well. definitely in high sugar too they always.

at sonic always at sonic. yeah oh um so so they so they. uh a lot of the moms and dads of the. children i was treating. were young people that were watching guy. code and girl code. and the principal of the school i was. working i was like look we found out. you're doing comedy you're doing these. tv shows and they're like it's not. you can't be treating handicapped. children and also doing a show about the. guide code to hiding your boner so. you're going to have to choose. and so it was really this little kid my.

little man aaron. great kid he was in a wheelchair had. cerebral palsy so cognitively he was. fine. no problems with speech or his mind. worked like. our minds but his legs didn't work from. cerebral palsy so he was sitting in his. wheelchair one day we were throwing the. ball at him you know he would throw it. at me i would you know rifle it off his. legs he couldn't feel it anyway. so i would just rifle it up you know. light him with you know burn him with. cigarettes. whatever it you know he is feel [ __ ] i. would tell him to close his eyes i would. just yeah. whatever no light his pants on fire. joke around have a pet bat bite him yeah.

no i'm kidding obviously i'm kidding but. what he's your agent now. yeah he's my agent no so aaron so um. so aaron um told me i was when i was. flirting with this idea of leaving. uh physical therapy he's six years old. but the thing is when you're. six-year-old kid that's got a disability. you're. you're so wise beyond your years so the. reason because the you know man asked me. what why what made me change i was. always flirting with the idea of leaving. for a year i was like.

i should leave i need to jump two feet. in if i really want to do stand up and. then. it got to the point where aaron told me. we were talking throwing the ball back. and forth and i was like i kind of want. to leave stand up. i kind of want to leave physical therapy. to do stand-up but i'll miss you guys so. much so i don't know if i could do it. and he was like well it isn't stand-up. isn't being a comedian your dream. and i said yeah it is and he goes so why. wouldn't you go. why would you go do it if that's what. you always want to do and i was like um. i was like i don't know i'm going to. miss you guys and he was like.

he and he said to me he was like i'm not. going anywhere i can't walk. i'm always gonna be sitting in this. chair waiting for you he's like but i. wanna. aaron said this to me he goes i wanna i. think it's pretty cool if i could see. one of my thera. my teachers he called you call his. teacher one of my teachers on tv. he said i would think that was pretty. cool he said and if i had that. opportunity i would go and i would hope. you would want to watch me and be proud. of me. and he said we're all proud of you i. think you should go do it and go live. your dream damn and i was like damn. and then because i would say because. because he said because i and then i.

said to him. i said to him i was like how are you so. smart how are you so smart like this and. how are you so brave. and then he said like i'll never forget. he was like well. he was like you see mr chris it was like. a [ __ ] movie he's like you see mr. chris. he said when you can't walk or use your. legs and you're in a wheelchair. he said you have all day to sit and. think he said so i'm thinking about you. and i think you should go do it and then. i swear to god i [ __ ] relieve myself. hysterical crying like three hours later. i told the principal i was like i'm. gonna leave is this patch adams i think.

no dude it was legit it was [ __ ]. legit man it's uh yeah no it's wild. i mean it's uh [ __ ] and then i talked. about it i put chinese finger traps and. [ __ ] on his toes i took those off. because he couldn't feel it anyway yeah. did he really say that man i swear he. was. remarkable yeah to think about how much. time you have to think just how still. probably your world gets when you can't. even. because it was that that pushed me and. also i this is true too i had sex with. four of the teachers at different times. and the heat was starting to get turned. up because they all found out about it. so they were starting to get a little. heated in that physical therapy. petri dish with that drip drop so.

between aaron telling me to go live my. dream. and and these girls you know about to. press charges it was it was time to. leave. damn. god man you can check them out on. history of hyenas man check me out on. historyhyenas.com. uh and you can see him and don this. weekend where are you guys going to be. at no well i don't. donny where are you going to be i'm. going to be in jacksonville this weekend. you can see him at the jacksonville uh. comedy zone when does this episode come. out theo. thursday thursday this thursday okay so. go to my website christiecomedy.com i.

got a bunch of dates up there. march 19th uh gramercy theater live. history hyenas first show sold out. second show available and then april. 29th. wall street theater norwalk connecticut. i also in april i have. vancouver boston raleigh north carolina. i got philadelphia i just put seattle. and portland up. in october uh aladdin theater in neptune. theater so come check me out i got a. bunch of dates chrisdcomedy.com and. check out the podcast history of hyenas. with giannis pappas. amen man and thank you so much for.

coming dude and sorry if i'm a little. bit tired it's just been hard it just. feel tired. i hope it was a good episode man i think. it was a lot of fun i wish i could be. more fun. like just more engaging sometimes i'm. just a little bit exhausted i like your. energy i like. i like your energy this way because i. like it because it's really you. it's really just like you and then i. like in the beginning. like when you get like a little catty. [ __ ] energy i kind of like that about. you. thanks when i was like talking to you. like hey save for the podcast i kind of. like that. and then and then i like that you go in. waves and zones. with this thing yeah i have to pee too.

that's why i [ __ ] been in that zone. but i love the story about the kid in. the wheelchair i loved. the fact that he inspired you man that. [ __ ] is pretty powerful. you got you got real good [ __ ]. positive energy and i wish that we hung. out more but i text you you don't text. back anymore. what's the problem well i will so i'm. gonna start going through. i want to start facetiming you more too. when you pee is it clear or is it darker. okay i'll tell you this bro i bet it's a. lot clearer than some of the patches. you've had right. yeah dude that is for sure yeah man but.

uh but i've been but i'm just waiting. for these last. std results and then i'm gonna be. celibate man i'm gonna try to take two. months off no [ __ ] i'm not saying i. won't [ __ ] guys. but definitely no girls yeah right yeah. but if you're only banging guys because. you're. taking a break from women that's not. okay bro you have to actually. be a gay man man i know i feel like guys. can't go back you can't be a bisexual. guy you could be a bisexual girl but. guys i feel like once you. hook up with a guy you're gay yeah which. is fine dunkin donuts remember that. dunkin donuts no what's that from uh jim. norton over there on the opi show i love.

jim norton. dunkin donuts dude. it got weird though towards him because. opie and jim were always arguing they. were arguing a lot there was a lot of. tension in there. and to be honest man people would hit me. up because at the end i was on. at the end literally every time jim was. out opi would call me in to be the. villain because i was you know. hungry i live right there hungry for. this for the opportunity. um and uh and so a lot of fans would ask. me questions. hey what's going on with opie and jim. and and the truth is i didn't know. because. they i only saw them argue once and that.

was live on the air when everybody else. saw it. yeah when it was before after i had no. idea i would see jim at the comedy. seller wouldn't talk about it i. when i would speak to opie privately he. wouldn't talk about it so anything that. the fans. i don't know yeah you know yeah saying. people would ask me about it i just felt. like. i think it's hard to work with anybody. for a long time to start that early in. the morning. you know opie been there for a while i. think it's just tough to make that it's. tough to make things fit you know a lot. of things but. anyway i shouldn't have brought that up. i didn't mean to get it up i just dinner. tonight. uh you can't do it i probably can't.

actually you want to do it me you and. donny yeah scotty bangs i just have to. go. i have to go to yoga right now no but i. mean after yoga yeah. we're going to do it man i want to buy. what do you want to eat i don't know. something italian. you want to do something italian yeah. scotty bangs are you you need are you. getting a trim. oh yeah i actually i got podcasts. tonight oh sorry guys. he has a podcast too i'd be honored too. another bachelor podcast no i know his. name's nick but aren't we calling him. scotty bangs or do we call them nikki. banks. oh my fault yep karate nikki banks. it's so good i don't even know where i.

am right dude you want to piss in my. hood. i want to go dude all right bro i'm. gonna [ __ ] kiss you on the lips right. now. what get it on camera what do we do can. i do it no. come on man stop being anti-gay just go. let's go get him dude if i'm gay i will. tell you bro. i'm not just being gay for no reason man. yeah thank god these are these are uh. wow it's too much wow it's too much guys.

be good no get that away yes. that's what i'm saying. [Music]. oh but when i reach that ground. [Music].

for me to set that parking brake and let. myself. on my heart shine. that light on me. [Music]. i'll sit and tell you my story. [Music].

and now i've been moving way too fast.