Chirp Champ | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #264

all right check check check we are we. can hear it we can do it. we got the vibe baby we got that vibe. that attitude they used to call it. attitude and I'll take them drinks right. there got me a couple beautiful. beverages right here coming in right now. premature Nick showing up early with. these beds boy shut up Nick that Iggy.

Azalea huh Oh. oh my god this guy's lost his mind. this guy has lost his mind. yeah I got me sorry I got out of give me. a couple nights beverages right here and. I got that green machine or some. whatever they call it and I got the. brown went to with the protein in and. i'm bevvan so if you hear somebody. slither up and over here or somebody. catching a dram or somebody just adding. to their own human drip over here that's.

me that is me oh man I can't do when my. heaven now my heaven used to be. different my idea of heaven my idea of. heaven used to be different. and first let me just let you know where. we are this past weekend and thank you. guys for joining us here I'm Theo von. and I'm part of this past weekend and.

when I was young did my heaven now when. I was young heaven was different I. thought oh you go to heaven the first. thing I thought about honestly was the. food I thought about the food because. you know if I'm going all of that way. and I'm dying to even get into the joint. they better have some entrees you're.

fair man. they better have a couple soup du jour. z' and douche mine maybe we all better. be having soup. and that's the first thing I thought. about when I was a child when I thought. about heaven I thought oh man they gonna. have all the different you know you have. a breakfast item right here and you have. a little over there you got an extra. chocolate area if you want to run. through there and get some chocolate or.

do that or whatever you know I just. thought they have spare rib that kind of. stuff I've never even had spare rib but. I'd heard about it and sometime if you. met like a rich man or something like. that when you were young and you smelled. his breath you might catch that hit of. SR off that bad boy I'm talking my spare. rib and you get that just oh okay. I see what y'all doing at home you know. I got a little bit of cash at the house.

but that's what I thought about heaven. when I thought about heaven when I was a. child my heaven had all kind of they had. food they had a big table with food on. it and then what else sorry they had a. lot of clouds I remember my heaven it. was a cloudy heaven like and not like I. guess not like 70% chance of rain or. anything like that or it was overcast. but fluffy that was my idea of heaven it.

was overcast but fluffy and kind of warm. like probably clouds that were maybe you. know 400 count or 200 count or at least. 80 count. I got some pillows at home that these. bastards probably about four count you. can feel the the quills from the UM I. don't even know what animal it was it. said it was goose but I bet it's I bet.

it's a little bit more of a Warbler it. seemed like they plucked about two. thousand Warblers and threw these these. feathers into them pillow but every you. got a if you lay in one position then. that quill comes out and get you you got. a turn it's like oh man right then no no. no and finally you get in the right spot. and with no quills and that's when. you're like aw hell yeah hmmm well now. we living now we're living just laying.

in the Lord's lap baby when you get that. nice comfortable pillow I can't believe. people don't have pillows installed. around our head or neck people get. tattoos all the time oh that's that. ain't comfortable you just you see. somebody with a tattoo it's nice its. artistic its drawing but it isn't uh you. know it's not it's not comfortable if I. saw somebody got a pillow so sewn into.

the back of their head camera boy I'd be. right look I would understand it I say. oh yeah I see what you doing there that. wish you just got that big just that. that way anyway somebody even if you. fall down you had that nothing stay down. you trip over something stay down you. eat now you're napping there's. definitely a beauty I think of uh you. know I think there's just gonna be new. things we're gonna start doing in the.

future that we're not doing yet where. we're taking care you know you know so a. pillow to your head or you know add. maybe some piping or something on the. outside of our knees and legs to give us. a more sturdy because people aren't that. sturdy. run and push someone I bet you they fall. over nine out of ten times if you run. and push somebody that batch is going.

down but then change your game up change. your vibe up if the if they if they got. you know a couple of pieces of PVC pipe. hooked on each leg baby who knows what. could happen. it might take you a half hour to really. bring him down to the ground so anyway. just kind of but but what was your idea. of heaven when you were young you know. what was it and what is it now that's. what I think now my idea of heaven no.

emails no emails no smart phones just. dumb phones remember - dumb phone do you. remember the dumb phone you did go over. - it was making a loud noise you did. pick it up and somebody would ask they. got to ask for one person this is a. rendered er no and you can lie here lie. so easily you could even if you were.

Randi you could be like Randi ain't here. oh you got the wrong number we don't. even have a random right now let me see. if Randy is here Randy nope being here. I'm gonna happen man with the dumb phone. you could anything the dumb phone and. also if you if you answer you didn't. want to talk somebody you could wrap the. cord it had a cord you could wrap the. cord around your neck tyo al bruh take.

your own life right there do you like. damn man what happened to Burt. you know I well somebody called he. couldn't handle it and now he's in. heaven but yeah that's my heaven no. email dumb phones only and what else. still food and I'm thinking now more. nachos more Chicken Picatta. maybe um where else what else would I.

have definitely still the deserts but. more of like I would go with a coconut. when I was young it could be anything. just sugar it could be a table full of. sugar I don't even care just let me. stick my head in it for about 19 seconds. you know I don't even care I don't even. I don't care if they just put a bunch of. Laffy Taffy under my tongue and punched. me right in the mouth you know when. you're young you don't care but now when. I'm older I want my heaven to be a. little bit more I don't know I guess I.

just want different things in it I want. you know I definitely want a live one a. lot of people there and but honestly. dude if somebody's real chatty you could. deh number I'll put them in a different. heaven because I when I go to heaven. noon I ain't doing a ton of listening. okay I want a quiet heaven so if you.

don't want to get a different heaven if. they got kind of a more urban heaven or. something y'all can do that but my I'm. staying in that low just kind of mild. maybe a breeze the loudest thing is a. breeze you know maybe a breeze that. could sing so it's just kind of lonely. teardrops you know a breeze that kind of. just had could also you know yeah you.

got that yeah yeah. the branches green beside me like I. don't want anything real loud in my. heaven but we'll see man and I want the. joy there too I want everything to be. Joy's I probably won't even be able to. judge when I'm in heaven now there won't. be as much judgement gosh that would be. nice to have less judgement imagine.

somebody's just imagined that that would. be really just the biggest piece in mind. and my whole heart and brain if there. was less judgement inside of me because. if you crack me open dude you got about. a thousand Judy's fall out bro cuz I'm. judge mint I'm judge mint bruh I'm dude. if you saw me at a flavor fry scream I'm. judgmental [ __ ] chip Papa I just it's.

hard not to judge sometime you know it's. hard but but also the judgment of me. allowed me to be able to do stand-up. comedy and do comedies so there's you. know it's as double swordman but but. yeah what was your heaven like now do. you have a different heaven and now I. think more there is when you're a kid a.

heaven is just they got animals there. but you could pet him more I think they. have alligators but they're not. dangerous you might see alligator and. he's you know if you ask him if he's. ever eaten like human he would he would. tell you but he would he wouldn't just. tell you in front of everybody he would. kind of whisper to you later or kind of. write it on a you know maybe you know on. a napkin or something or something give. it slip it to you say yeah I've had a. little bit of you know you know I'm.

saying I've had a couple vietze about a. river you feel me I've had a couple ah a. couple bad batches came down by the. water and I was on ground but I think. you know it's just different now because. what am I talking about I don't know um. but yeah if you have it what was your. head did you have a different heaven. when you were young as to what your. heaven idea is now you know now my.

heaven has more like loved ones in it. it's not just about what I want it's. more I think about a little bit of you. know there's other people I want to make. sure everybody you know gets in you know. it's like I don't know anyway if you. ever thought on what your heaven was. like as a child maybe if you had an idea. of heaven. and if what it's like now and some. people you don't believe in heaven. that's fine you got here working just. kind of milling around maybe that's it.

doesn't sound fun to me I like more of. like a you know that's all riiii-- I'm a. romantic you know I'm a romantic so but. what else just got off the road meant. tired and I am tired and I'm sometimes I. pretend I'm not tired dog I'm tired I'm. tired I could use somebody to just. stitch a real big a spillover to the. back of my head son that'd be nice.

wouldn't it but I think we'll see that. as the future goes along we'll see more. accoutrement that are built onto us to. help us live through the daily day. because it's amazing we still have to. wear like a SPF to fight the Sun you. would think that they would have some. sort of an enzyme or something we could. just put right into us an injectable or. even if like a spare layer of skin we. could just kind of roll on you know or. dip ourselves in once a year like what.

you get for Christmas all I got dipped. you know so okay so no sunblock for you. you could just do whatever you want yeah. you know you know but then all the. ladies will be like they only want to. date guys that have been dipped and they. don't want to see some poor goddess. rubbing. you know doing it the old way just. laying that just that human drywall. cream that SPF you know it would be. different I don't know what I'm talking.

about. but I never have boy gang thank. everybody that came out to this weekend. we had a great time traveling over there. on the eastern side and and where did we. go man oh we went to oxen Hill no we. went to Red Bank New Jersey and man we. had such a time yeah we had such a time. there in Red Bank in Jersey you got they.

got everything of it they got you see. you get the whole they got that mafioso. kind of vibe milling around you know you. could easily see I'm having some.

smoothie bro this is good huh damn man. I'm having a lot right now I think they. always gonna have it as much but I need. it I guess I needed it I wouldn't had it.

have some of this green drink yeah but. if you have maybe if you never notice if. you had a certain idea of heaven when. you were young. hit the hotline nine eight five six six. four nine five zero three and drop me. some verbal and let me know if you.

thought about yeah. see in my heaven no more of that we. won't be having all of that yeah we went. over there Red Bank New Jersey and that. show had originally been over for. Sayre's Ville where people say stuff and. and that you know and that's what they. do but this at Red Bank was it was good. man we came out with that hot hit right.

out the gate and we had we had a young. fella brought out a single mom Maria we. brought her out I'm gonna do some do. something nice for her so that was. really great widows well I had a friend. of mine Britney brought out her fiance. and her whole family and they came out. and she brought her mother out and um. you know just some good Jersey people a.

lot of you know a little bit of cheetah. print some perfume uh you know kind of. stuff make you really made me feel real. v rile you you know make you feel real. veeraiah but I make a lot of your blood. kind of crawl in here you know when your. extremities brah. you know what I'm saying so just really. nice it was nice a lot of just great. people I want to thank everybody that. came to that show that was that hard. hitter and and do it if in the winter if.

you go through like when you're driving. along through like New Jersey and all of. that a lot of the woods and stuff. there's a lot of factories and woods. so you could see a factory like Oh what. are they making and the guys like all. that we make socks over there that's a. sock plant. I think Danielle and their makers socks. it's crazy. cuz you see these guys they're all tough. and sweaty and this and then like I'm. what's going on you know not that my.

what are you doing nothing but but then. you find out they're making socks that. kind of like damn what y'all doing in. you know dear but you know much respect. meant a lot of sock makers out there. that's it's you know it's it not anybody. could do it I guess but yeah you see you. know different they got smoke coming out.

and all they got a lot of plants they. got petroleum over there they got guys. making salve and making them you know. what else what other plant did we find. somebody that worked at a jam factory. making jams and jellies I say huh and. this dude was so skinny to the guy I met. he working over there for Schmucker or. whatever or some bootleg jam company you. know some off-brand jam you know shinies.

jam you know or SPARC is jelly you know. or robear's sweet spread you know some. guy working over there some halfway. house jam outfit where they probably got. you know 12-step meetings in the evening. but yeah you know that it's had. different factories and people came out. so a lot of beautiful good people came. over Derrida to Red Bank and next we had.

a call that came in about it let me hear. that here we go gang hey Theo this is. Otto guys from Minneapolis. what's up Bora guess and that's our that. is a very special name or gasps it. sounds like something out of the the. Greek. you know or a gas you know we've had we. used have to go he lived on the mountain. and we had to go up there to get a bag.

of lightning from him or something or. get a couple grams of our olives or. whatever you know what I'm talking about. fables fable REE let's hear more or gasp. thank you for calling in Minneapolis. there have been a Minneapolis man but. it's a good place a lot of fish out. there a lot of lakes and it used to be a. big lake but it dried up so now they. have a bunch of tons of little lakes so. you have a lot of fish that got. displaced from their families because. they were swimming over here looking for.

something and then the late things dried. up and now you know I'm saying they'll. never see their grandfather so if you. put your ear up to the water of it you. can really hear a lot of the it's almost. like a swan you know you can hear a. little bit of the sadness of uh just. kind of what's occurred there amongst. those oh those water critters let's hear. more brother homeward I saw your. February 27th show in Red Bank New.

Jersey with my best friend he and I made. an agreement a long time ago that we. would see our favorite comedian together. one of the member has shown you're one. of us okay. so that's a unique agreement to a lot of. men don't make an agreement like that I. don't think if we're gonna see a we. would see a show if he was near us and. we would see a show if he came near us. let's hear it after a lot of grinding we. were finally financially stable enough.

to do that but flew I have to meet him. in the flesh for the second time and to. see the show I loved every second of. that [ __ ]. wait hold me here one part again you met. him getting the flesh for the second. time so you met him in the flesh for the. second time it's your best friend you. said buddy so dang what do so I'm. thinking how do you if you don't I mean.

I guess you can have a best friend you. don't know you know you could have a. best friend you don't know that's a. unique way to do it that's a special. you know that's like almost like I guess. it's like believing in ghosts or. something hey you got to meet my friend. Todd I haven't met him but that'll mean. [ __ ] you feel me as you could do that. hey you gotta meet Gary bruh I don't. know him but no man I'm glad you guys.

were able to piece this together and I'm. glad I could be that glue I'm glad I. could be that secret sauce that brings a. couple of mystery bad boys together the. flesh for the second time and see your. show I loved every second of that [ __ ]. we sat third row and last the whole time. and we definitely enjoyed that kick-ass. booty who's sick loved it but uh thank. you for an amazing night out with a. friend and thank you for all the dark.

holes here soft voice and magical night. whoa daddy thank you brother thank you. thank you for calling and this sounds. like a um you know this sounds real. homoerotic brother to be honest with you. at the end and I'm not really I'm not. judging you but I'm definitely saying. that it's super obvious if you're not a. gay man then you're surprised you're.

probably surprising a lot of people. because people a lot of people probably. think you are that you love men and you. are a man which is fine man you know I. don't even think I mean a lot of women. are making it you know it's damn this. your best friend did it sound like y'all. are lovers but uh buddy it sounds like.

you guys are sexual men and that's you. know that's something it's a way it hey. look there's more than two ways to. frickin feel a a falcon you feel me. so if you had to get if you get out. there within another man especially in. Minneapolis it's cold out there. sometimes it get so cold. eyes freeze you don't know who you who. you [ __ ] might be [ __ ] somebody. for a couple months and then your eyes. stall out you're like damn what's going.

on Christopher. so but um I'm glad you guys were able to. make it buddy. I'm glad you're able to make it boy. that's important and I'm gonna look. honestly dude if two men want to meet up. and [ __ ] after my show dude they can do. it they can do it you know you don't. want to do that you don't want to be. wild and stuff like that and cut the.

lamps off or maybe leave one lamp on so. you could still see some of that ass. meat brother and do what you got to do. but do what you got to do Bradley do. what you got to do Ernesto. you know I don't care do what you got to. do you don't want to do that do it do we. do we do it. so have fun man I'm glad you guys had a. good time I'm glad you guys had a good. time man amen brother praise God all.

right man let's hit one more call that. came in what's up Derek over there out. of Richmond and Richmond is a lot of. presidents buried there more presidents. buried in Richmond than anywhere else in. America over there at the Hollywood. cemetery I believe and I went there one. time actually probably seven years ago. or something with a comedian and he was.

an herb urban fella and he got a bit by. a dog there on the property so let's. hear more I'm leaving DC right now just. saw at the MGM last night and man whoo. okay let's hear more it was such a great. show so much fun my girlfriend got me. two tickets for Christmas and I've just. been looking forward to it all weekend. and he killed it it was so much so much. fun I laughed the whole entire time my. girlfriend was laughing the whole time.

even afterwards went in there to take a. piss and me and all these random. or just your holding our dicks and. pissing them some porcelain and just. talking about how great the show is and. how much we love you to just keep it up. man everything you're doing. it's great dang man what is going on man. I think our audience is changing I got. uh uh yeah yes yes yes yes yes man thank.

you so much for coming out dude. and look I to be honest man that the MGM. show was tough you know the security at. the venue was lackluster I felt like one. of the security guard people were. hitting me messages later said that he. was asleep by the stage so you know it. was a big just a you know there was just. a lot of them I mean this guy was just a. lot of running backs you know a lot of.

skill position players and this guy. that's just bad security man so that was. a and it was are easily savers show the. opener Ari manis he said of all the. places we've ever been that was his. least favorite or not least favorite. show but least favorite experience but. um but yeah I just felt back as if the. people at the front were so loud there. was some guy who is a complete alcoholic. that really wrecked a lot of the show.

this real selfish dude about a front. honestly and I know I'm gonna you know. but [ __ ] that dude also you know like. kind of like mono maybe I should but. also [ __ ] the guy because he just. yelling [ __ ] the whole time you know it. wasn't about me he was making it about. him and and that was just a tough one. for me man but and it was just the venue. it was so like if and it was some some.

guy in the front dressed like a wolf of. wallstreet like though no like american. like christian bale's. in what is it it's not Tuck Everlasting. what does that move he was in where he. throws a liquor on the lady in the. bathtub and he's a murderer. American new Erica gangster no what is. that American something but yeah this I.

just they had two extremely drunk women. in the fridge it was what it was look. man it was what it was that's what it. was but what's important is I I felt. like everybody in the back had a blast. and the people right in the front it was. really hard for them to stay involved. but yeah man look we I gave it my all on. that show I broke out everything I had I. gave him all I was fighting to keep it. up but it's just tough sometime at the. venue when you got a police the crowd so.

much and you then you can't focus on. your on doing that being entertaining. and but I'm glad you had fun man I'm. glad you and them fellas was in there. holding y'all's meet em I'm just talking. about me I guess man this had this. episode we really maybe everybody's gay. bruh you know maybe everybody's gay dude. I don't know man but and look I think.

it's. like Minneapolis it gets cold enough man. that's not gay really that's how cold is. it if it's two degrees and Steven and. Wallace suddenly are having sex are they. gay men or are they doing their best. because it's cold you know I'm saying.

you have to everything comes into. account but that was very sweet of your. girl to get you this tickets and I'm. glad that you had a great time man I had. a great time I just always I want it to. be the best and and it just the staff at. the venue that just wasn't honestly I. thought they did a shitty job I didn't. think they did their job so gang [ __ ].

bruh oh right we got a patreon question. came in right here but first let me tell. you about better help this episode is. brought to you by better help better. help will assess your needs and match. you with your own licensed professional. therapist you can start communicating in. under 24 hours it's not a crisis line. it's not self-help. it is professional counseling done. securely online and sometimes we all. need help you know we all need help.

sometimes you know it's funny my mother. texted me the other day and she said. that's what she just kind of said we'd. been having a conversation about stuff. and she said we you know we all need. help sometimes and man it just really. that really resonated with me we really. do and better help is an opportunity if. you don't have therapy or counseling in. your area or you afraid to go see one. you think it's lame you think is gay bro.

you think it's this or that then this is. an option it's online it's on the phone. it's over FaceTime it's not a crisis. line it's professional counseling you. can log into your account anytime and. send a message to your counselor it's. available worldwide it's committed to. facilitating great therapeutic matches. so they make it easy and free to change. counselors if needed. better help wants you to start living a. happier life today visit better help.

calm slash Theo that's better. h LP and join the over half a million. people taking charge of their mental. health with the help of an experienced. professional special offer for this past. weekend listeners get 10% off your first. month at better help calm slash Theo and. this episode is brought to you by better. help oh yeah yeah we all need help.

sometimes yeah. I think it's easier to get help but it's. hard to like it to say to say it almost. sometimes it's hard to say I need help. you know there's a story about they had. this man Ronald auktioner I think was. his name and there's a hospital down in. New Orleans called ochsner and they. spell it some way that that's impossible. that you would ever know how to. pronounce it unless somebody told you.

but then that's vintage Louisiana and. I'm saying that's why Louisiana is so. special because if you want to know. something about it some of the words and. this and that are so confusing you got. to hear it firsthand from somebody and. that's what makes it a community effort. that's what gives it that vibe is. there's so much mystery hidden in the. way that they put the wording together. that um you have to have somebody. explain it to you or somebody to be. there to help you experience it and.

that's what gives it its core really of. connection and tourism and stuff like. that that you find there Louisiana but. this man Ron Ochsner he was a doctor. famous doctor like if you saw somebody. that was doing well they're like wow man. how are you doing so well say well I. went to see him ron Ochsner and he. started a hospital and he was like the. smartest doctor he was like the smartest. doctor around and one day he was at a.

convention and they. servin aam they had on London broil as. the premier meet at the I thought at the. function luncheon functional unction the. luncheon and he was choking he started. choking on it he started choking on a. piece of that broil you know just had. hot just a hot tri-tip was just really.

really trying him and and he went in the. bathroom and choked to death at a. convention of doctors because he was too. embarrassed to check in and see what was. up he was too embarrassed to just say to. somebody else I so he died in the. bathroom he choked to death but just a. reminder that yeah sometime we need help. and sometimes the hardest part is to ask.

for it like if somebody would have. walked in on him and seen him struggling. he just said yeah I need help but to go. out and present yourself as something. that is not part that's imperfect or. that isn't perfect you know that's the. that's really the that's one of the real. toughest points it's just that just. surrendering you saying yes help me you.

know I can't I need air I need this I. need love I need peace I need vision I. can't see from us I can't. whatever I'm seeing isn't clear. something's wrong I need help but anyway. that's what's going on we got a patron. question from Joey Piemonte and I know.

he does hangover candle company and. they've supplied us with so many candles. and I want to say thank you Joey for. those beautiful. and he said Theo you stay so busy and. give us so much content when is there a. bit of extra time just for yourself do. you have any hobbies well honestly I. wasn't even going to do this episode. today I was going to just chill and we. came in because we didn't we didn't we. didn't need it for ads because we have a.

guest episode this week with the Krista. Stefano tomorrow and TJ Miller coming up. so if you have any questions for those. guys hit the hotline or send us a video. through the website a video question or. you can hit up real Nick Davis on. Instagram and ask him how to send a. video question for either one of those. guys you know what I just started doing. I started reading more I'm gonna try to. focus more on my AAA program now that I.

have now that a lot of the big touring. is over. I started playing chess the other day on. my computer actually not the other day. maybe about two weeks ago and I liked it. it's just me against the computer and. it's just regular level but I like it. you know I like just I want my brain to. think about other stuff then then work.

and so those are things that I'm doing. you know I'm going to Maui this weekend. to do a show and then I'm gonna relax. and work on meditation and go to some. AAA meetings and uh yeah I just. sometimes it's like you you and I don't. think of it as giving myself but you. yeah there's so much output that I don't. even know what's going on inside of. myself sometimes um so I want to do some.

kind of just human accounting and. balance the books inside of myself a. little and I hope to focus on a little. bit of that more as the future comes. along soon now. another question we have here. Michelle Mildred from patreon said do. you have bougie requests for snacks or. decor in your green room if not if you. could have a dream green room setup what. would be in there like if you were an.

insanely big rock band like the stones. are like Chris D'Elia. what would you require to be in there. before you go to your green room money. is no object well I don't know if I. would you here well crystal Lea that. probably it's easy for him to have. whatever he wants in his green room. because he was born in a green room you.

don't know that about him when he was. born there was everything there snacks. Oh little pictures of milk and different. types of milk you know oh you want some. cut of cheeses I'll use a newborn who. cares here's half a handful of brie cuz. that's how Chris is oh oh yeah hey when. he came into the world somebody said he. came out of a couple of vaginas that's. how you know cuz them fancy boys that's.

how they present them to the world they. come out of one vagina and then another. one another when it's just big and then. another vagina says a trumpet in it it's. just playing a trumpet but you know me. boy I had a freaking elbow crawl dude I. had elbow crawl and that was it bright. they had half a Winston on the way out. of my mother son that's how I came out. the wasn't in the white nobody there. weren't even a doctor out there my mom. was at work when I was born she said. well go on home I'll meet you home I'll.

meet y'all then what she said pick up. something if you want stop by the. Popeyes getting a fight with a big. sister if you know if you need whatever. you need get a two-piece and getting a. fight with somebody get your arm stuck. on somebody's weave do what you got to. do fam I said so I learned to walk out. of necessity. but yeah in different green rooms.

different things I have simple stuff in. mine I having something a little bit of. berries in there raspberry or blueberry. or blackberry and I have some sliced. turkey on a plate and that's what I'll. light and coffee but I think I might be. allergic to coffee so I mean I'm gonna. back off of that but that's it that's. that those are the things that I have oh. yeah I wasn't even do this episode but. honest I'm not even joking the reason I. did was because I this is what we do you.

know sometime we don't want to show up. and we show up you know Stu knows we. don't want to show up but we show up and. I honestly I feel better now than when I. was uncertain if I wanted to or not to. do the episode let's take a call off of. this one here we go the hotline is. always nine eight five six six four nine. five zero three yeah what else do. support bubbler from Orange County. bubbler from The OC huh hmm and we used.

to have a fellow boss growing up named. Bubba Jenkins and his brother drove a. bush light truck and bubby was real he. had a real he was real edgy he was real. edgy as a child we're all edgy in our in. our neighborhood I mean I'm surprised if. you two tested our neighborhood for a. cliff or a steep embankment or drop-off. nearby we de tested positive because we.

was on edge baby we was edgy and Moby. had a low basketball goal buys house. when we go there and dunk on it mm-hmm. and we would dunk on each other and then. everybody would just end up beating the. [ __ ] out of each other just because you. know fouls and everything and just being. poor but anyway what you got playboy. Bubba I'm just wondering what your. thoughts on this virus probe you think. it's coming for you you got you doing it.

precautions take care of yourself I just. want to know what you got that. coronavirus a bit kovin. 19 wonder if you guys know or not but. the primate center that I grew up around. and Covington Lousiana. and why you know they had us out there. wrangling chimps and when I was probably. I don't even know just I don't even know. how tall or what maybe titty high on a. middle-aged woman you know top of the.

titty but you know uh they gave that. same Center where monkeys escaped in my. hometown growing up they gave them forty. million dollars to fight this virus or. to try and cure it dude I'm telling you. this man in my town bar they ain't. curing [ __ ] man you know what I'm saying.

no doubt I'm not saying but look they. got a Popeye's four blocks from the. freaking primate Center they nobody's. curing [ __ ] around there am i saying. they're not doing a decent job or this. or that or they're not going to test and. do the tests and stuff but look if you. come down by the Tchefuncte River and. you expect us to solve it all save the. world we're not doing that we don't do. that we want the monkeys to have a.

little fun we want everybody to flare up. a little we doing Mardi Gras we doing. recipes we saw ween doing all of the. [ __ ] saving everybody that's not us. somebody has to go somebody has to go to. heaven somebody has to go to hell we the. would we I grew up in us in the stray. animal belt I grew up in this and in a. area where the number one currency is is.

anecdotes and stories and memories you. know that's that's the vibe of Louisiana. it's about the it's about the fun and. about the the mystery it's. that's what you get around us so you. come down and you can pump 200 billion. you could put a villian dollars in 200. billion baby or 1 billion and look I'm.

telling you being better all just buying. you a a dozen a fresh oyster with a. little bit of bread pudding dessert and. calling it a wrap Sun and save you money. and save you money too but what do I. think about the coronavirus here's what. I think I think I think we'll never know. right now how real things are how real.

things aren't I don't believe you could. trust I do not believe you could trust. news out of China I do not believe that. you could trust mainstream media to to. tell you anything that doesn't have some. other side of it for them or you know. they want they want to scare us because. they can sell ads they keep us glued to. their television you know I think it's. always a good idea to take care of. yourself you know it seems like it.

sounds like the cold it sounds like the. flu and it doesn't seem like. statistically compared to bigger does. compared to other diseases to that it's. really doing anything you know you could. die of anything now and you could just. say it's Quran emits it sound like the. Vegas [ __ ] I've ever heard but it just. sounds real popularized you know it's. like there's always been you know swine. flu there was SARS remember all of this. nobody nothing nobody ever none of that.

[ __ ] did anything nobody knows anybody. died from SARS what no some people. thought it was a test one guy took it. now he's an attorney out there I was how. to Folsom over there in Livingston. Parish Louisiana so it's hit or miss but. this is a Miss I think for me I just. don't now do I think that. I think it's a perfect I think this is a.

perfect example for us to see the power. of the media and how much they can scare. people and we're just at a time now. where people don't believe the news. anymore rightfully so and they shouldn't. and it's a great time to take care of. yourself and take care of your own and. trust your instincts you know the number. one news source that most of us have I. think is our instincts I mean sometimes. it's hard to read them but but that's.

okay if something bad if you get them. wrong you get the instincts wrong you. read them wrong and you mess up then. that's why you got to be a good person. because then you go to heaven baby and. then they got what you want up there. they got the snack table baby they got. unlimited videos they got it all okay. let's take another call that came in. right here nine eight five six six four.

nine five zero three okay see oh this is. the Johnny from Rhode Island I had a. quick question for you. feel a little weird about this one but. whatever so I'm 26 years old my cousin's. 21 years old in college and I'm not. gonna lie she's pretty good-looking girl. she's been posting pictures on Instagram. you know I haven't really seen her that. much since she's gotten older and oh if. you've never even seen her then she.

could be your best friend according our. previous caller homework she looks. pretty good. her family's got a beach house right. near my father's and you know she she. invited me to come with her friends out. to the beach this summer and hang out. with them is it weird if I go should I. bring some of my friends I mean I don't. want to be staring at her I don't want. to do something stupid if we get you.

know a little drunk or whatever so now. tell me what what I should do so I. hooked my friends up I don't know you. know but. oh I could tell since it was the last. thing you offered it the last suggestion. you have is to hook your friends up so I. know you're taking that off the table. look I think you love your cousin I. think you're attracted to her I think. yeah I don't even know if it if it's.

illegal anymore to be in love with your. cousin is it illegal hold on hold on. Johnny sexual relations between first. cousins are illegal in Mississippi I. know Johnny right now I start was your. name Johnny the mixer Johnny near Casey. oh this is uh Johnny from Rhode Island.

yeah Johnny. yeah Johnny I know right now you are. hoping that your state doesn't come on. this list sexual relations between first. cousins are illegal in Mississippi thank. God. Kentucky mm-hmm Texas Wisconsin North. Dakota South Dakota and Nevada. they're unregulated but generally. frowned upon in all other states. generally frowned upon so that could be.

anything. Washington DC and territories those are. other places where they're unregulated. but generally frowned upon look man you. know love is love man you know the guy. called from after oxen Hill show DC and. he's holding his weiner in there with. other men and they enjoyed the show. that's less some cup that's some type of. love dude it's not you know it's the.

other guy never even met the dude they. came up together and you know and they. met for the second time or whatever. they're best friends or whatever and. they are obviously lovers and gay men. but that's love so if you wanna I. here's the thing you don't he what you. don't want to do is seem like a pervert. you don't want to go out there and be. perving out on your cousin if she's not. returning the vibe bro that's a no cuz.

that's your cousin that's your real. cousin you can have to see here at. future events and [ __ ] you can't pop a. couple Molly and roll over there to the. UM family reunion is [ __ ] man you can't. or do you want to be that dope ass. cousin years from now that tried to hook. up with the hot cousin in the family I. would just say I would I would look at. the future five years from now say. you're at a family reunion what does.

this look like if I do it now and take. the vibe from her to spend the bottle. with her and her friends see if they. make it so there's no chant like okay. you know Larissa can't spin if John here. or something. if she does that you know you got a you. know got to think outside the box dude. because if you think inside the box too. much you could have a baby that has you. know too much legs so you got to stay.

classy brother but at the same time if. somebody gets divorced y'all might not. even be cousins anymore so you also need. you know love is love brother. love is love but but so I would go to. the beach I would bring a friend but. there's nothing wrong with lusting after. a cousin there's nothing wrong with that. it's just how you proceed through it.

that's where it thinks he'd get unique I. used to date a girl and her cousin was. in newer now that I think about it her. male cousin she had a cousin a male. cousin who loved her who was into her. and who we try hitting on her and she. thought it was so [ __ ] up she just. always thought it was kind of weird. they're still friends are still good. buddies and cousins but she always. thought it was a little strange so.

anyway that's just like a little view. from the other side of the tracks. what else we got here that came through. Oh we'll get we get last week we talked. about was there anything in your life. that you let go of that you wish you. hadn't. and people hit the hotline with a couple. of thoughts on that and uh let's get to. those right now. Yvonne what is that my brother this is. that coming from the other coast all the.

way on the side of the country. in North Carolina what's up Jack from. the NC in North Carolina is a it's quite. a real secretive and unique area and. people love it there you know people. always talk about the Outer Banks and. the inner banks and uh you know Wells. Fargo all of the [ __ ] over there people. love it gang. just like in practice said hit the. hotline if you had something good and.

you just gave it away like dude I. remember back in high school I did like. I was able to really it seemed like get. any girlfriend I want yeah. and imagine what that's like but you. know everybody has a time in their life. where they're a champ you need to get. that champ earlier you get that champ. late but everybody has that time to be. that to that chirpin champ we all get it.

there's some there's some moment in the. war because and here's the thing if you. chirp early you don't chirp late. sometimes you know but everybody has. that everybody has that chance to be a. chirp and champ let's hear more had a. lot of good girls and dude I would. always just give them up I'd always. break up with them because I always just. wanted another one like I wanted a a. better looking winner I wanted a funnier. one and like you know I've really. struggled to even like get in a. relationship nowadays I'm 26 years old.

been a while since I have like an actual. girlfriend and I don't know man I just. think it's kind of funny it's like I. don't know what part of me is always. just like doesn't want to accept this. ding and like always think there's. something better you know strict maybe. there is maybe there is a reason you. know I'll let them go and and maybe. something good is going to come down the. line but nonetheless it is just kind of.

a interesting part of my ego as well. anyways appreciate you dude. I'll see you later Ganga and thank you. for the call man yeah it's you know we. always can be kind of hedging our bets. saying or not head or unhedged in them. you know we're always saying okay well. this situation is good but I'm willing.

to put I'm willing to set it to the side. and see if another one comes you know. and then I think sometimes another one. might not come I mean you sound young. enough and I mean you are you're gonna. you're 26 you said but you sound wise. enough and aware enough where at least. you kind of see what's going on and you. you know uh at least you you're. self-aware you know so you're gonna it's. gonna fit it's gonna work out fine for.

you brother because you know now you've. you're calibrated and you'll know okay. you'll know when what's right is right. comes next. but yeah it's interesting how there's a. part of us that's always like okay maybe. there's something better maybe there's. something different you know there's. always something different maybe there's. something better while we're not happy. while we're or maybe while we are happy. but we just we want to roll the dice.

there's a great value in being able to. say I am happy and and to not have that. let temptation get you that's one of the. worst things about social media is just. this is always temptation there's always. advertising can reach us there's always. something telling us that we could be.

different or better there's always some. chick running by in a bikini with you. know size eleven titties over there it's. a bit in a small feat you're like damn. but you don't see the aftermath when she. goes and sits out on her brother's truck. or whatever and she's shooting up or. she's you know vomiting out the back of. a van or something so she could take. fiducia. you know uh because she's all you know.

you know twerked out on bang energy. drink and hasn't eaten in a month we. don't see the full role it's that. temptation but yet I recognize when. we're really happy inside of ourselves. there's a real value in that but you. have so you have you of other good. opportunities come along me sound like a. wise young felon and thank you for. sharing that experience yeah because.

it's interesting it's like yeah you know. I've asked God for things in my life and. then he gives them to me. or the powers in the world give them to. me and I have them and then as soon as I. kind of have my say well maybe I'll go. back to the poker table one more time. you know and whatever that little battle. is right there that's man there's. something that's real strong it's. powerful to be able to say man I'm.

grateful for what is this is and I'm. gonna take care of this gift that I have. and I know what dating and stuff I'm. kind of generalizing it you know but and. dating is just kind of specific thing. but yes you know it's the gambler man. that's the gambler okay Hideo my name is. Jennifer and I just heard your podcast. about how sometimes it's difficult to. figure out you have something really.

good and how are you can sometimes get. in the way and I wanted to share my. story and especially because I'm older. and in my early 50s and this happened. when I was in my early 20s thank you for. calling Jennifer and you know let's hear. about it so I wanted it to be a little. customary tale for the young folks that. listened to your podcast. I was dating a really wonderful man he.

was my first love but he didn't make a. lot of money he was a lifeguard I met a. guy who oh yeah and you really named one. of the jobs probably the lowest. money-making job that there really is. almost besides somebody just walking. around looking for money and the second. one is just probably lifeguard let's. hear more thank you for the call who was. an investment banker and made a lot of. money spend a lot of money on me and so.

long story short I dumped the lifeguard. thinking oh I've got it made with this. guy the new guy and he turned out to be. a major douche bag and I surprised and. when I went crawling back to the. lifeguard. he was already dating a professional. volleyball player and his attitude. toward me was pretty much talk to the. hand and to this day I regret having.

done that so just FYI if you have. somebody good don't be so sure that. you've got a million more chances to. meet better and better people because. that doesn't happen too often and for in. my case I never found anyone I liked as. much as the lifeguard guide them thank. you love you I love your podcast mwah. big hugs gang thank you I love you too. and I appreciate that arm.

appreciate you sharing that anecdote. from your life yes yeah I mean you know. they say you don't know how something. good something is till it's gone and but. yeah it's just so like we get gifts you. know sometimes and sometimes they're. people and sometimes they're things and. sometimes their experiences and but I.

think the people one is most important. you know when you get that gift of being. able to know someone or or have that. time have someone's time have someone. care about you and it's nice you get to. care about somebody that's one thing. that I've really started to learn in the. past years in my life is just how much I. really enjoy caring about someone else. it's nice I mean it's really nice to.

just have somebody to care about you. know make sure that somebody is taking. care of make sure that somebody is warm. and comfortable and make sure that. somebody is not scared you know make. sure that somebody is you just make sure. that somebody's loved you know make sure. that it's nice because when you when you. have somebody and and you get to do. those things for somebody and they. accept them and they and and and they.

give them back to you that's a real that. they they don't advertise that but you. know that's something that comes from. the inside of us that the only advertise. only it's time you know when that's. really right is when you get that int. that that inner vert izing when your. heart tells you yeah this is something. there's something real over here but. thank you for sharing your tales and you. think you for sharing your thoughts and.

thank you guys just for thank you guys. for everybody that came out this weekend. and we and we finished it up in Virginia. Beach and over know in Newport news or. bad news they call it. and uh but it was good news on that. night and somebody just I met so many. people wonderful people for the show. after the show I tried to meet as many. people as I could and if I didn't get to. meet you then I'll meet you next time.

and those were the makeup shows so those. were the last of the makeup shows except. for Brea which I'll get to sometime this. year that uh I'm just gonna go over. there and work on new material a little. later in the year or in the summer or. something but but thanks for sticking. with me thanks for being a part of the. dark arts tour for checking it out and. and yeah it was just this this weekend. was so much fun it was so much fun and.

I'm and I know a good thing you know and. that's why I showed up today because I. just I know a good thing and a good. thing that we have that I feel it and. have felt from everybody across this. entire country and really across the. whole world. in Australia and in the UK in Norway and. Sweden and somewhere else but it's just. that there's some there's a good energy. in here and and I hope to focus more on.

that and work more on that and figure. out how we can start to do more good. things together and for others and gang. ruff all day thank you so much for the. love and support thank you.

and we'll finish out a little bit of gun. right here. and we'll keep it a little bit you let's. do something fun with missile gun here. uh anything you want because I think. together man we figure it out together. we can have anything you want if you're. struggling out there keep your head up.

you know if you're unmotivated just just. put the next foot in front of the other. you could do it you know if your brain. doesn't want to do something just move. your feet and your brain will follow I. know that it really will just get going. you know you can do it if you're. struggling with something you can do it. I know you can and don't be too hard on. yourself. I learned that from you guys alright man. let's get through it. be good to yourself gang.

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with a bright night. [Applause]. [Music]. twenty-one years by the Black Hills. getting ready for the next thing. [Music].

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