Chelcie Lynn | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #292

today's guest is uh hilarious uh she. makes me laugh she makes me feel good. you know she's an uplifting gal and um. and i'm just really just i mean i'm just. tickled. i am just tickled to have her it is. comedian chelsea lynne.

i'll sit and tell you my stories. [Applause]. can you imagine a skull it between your. legs i cannot and very few women get to. know what that's like and i do. um well.

air conditioning it's hot i'm sweating. are you yeah. well i'm large thank you yeah so i have. an extra layer. anyway so i get hot but yeah it's hot in. here is your. i know i've seen some of your family. members that are more kind of a. rubenesque vibe do you feel. do you is your family just kind of a. bigger family. no no not at all um. i've got two sisters and an aunt and. cousins and that's really about it. everybody else is dead really yeah.

or just don't have relationships with. them yeah you know. yeah yeah yeah and one or the other dang. yeah. um no my air conditioner went out. yesterday. so there's no air in here oh there's air. i. i just turned it uh off made it colder. oh you did. just now it'll be good we'll just sweat. the whole time. yeah no there's no but there's no rules. to this theo lost it in his apartment.

oh and it's been hotter than. yeah this is like texas heat yeah we're. not used to this out here. well it's bad and i just didn't know. what to do so i got one of those floor. fans and i put all took all the ice out. of the freezer and put it right on the. floor. in front of it did it work like on a. cookie sheet did it work. that's supposed to work i think it did. something. but you're used to luxury i'm you know. what you're so hungry but i'm used to. freaking having. air conditioning yeah which is luxury. and look it. you know what you really i'll tell you.

this the second went an hour after. it went out i was googling like native. american [ __ ]. you know what i'm saying i'm starting to. see yeah texting my mom i'm like aren't. we part cherokee or whatever i can't. even. handle you know just the lack of just. yeah man just the comfort for real and. damn. i just feel bad uh greg my husband. [ __ ] about the. uh electric bill cause i run the air 24. 7. yeah i keep it like 68 he freaks the. [ __ ] out yeah okay. my stepmom does that she's on pills.

though oh yeah that makes sense. yeah if you're on pills dude yeah. i can't even dude nothing goes with a. percocet like a little bit air. conditioner. yeah that makes sense for sure but i'm. sorry i interrupted you go on oh i don't. know what i was talking about. but he so he you have the air. conditioner going oh. so that's what i s that's what i spend. my money on yeah. is air conditioning yeah yeah definitely. i'm dead serious. comfort last summer one of our bills was. like 1200. for the yeah and i was like he threw a i.

was like i don't give a [ __ ]. yeah i'm comfortable yeah that's all. that matters. we're doing it yeah oh yeah yeah if this. is living large it's just living large. exactly i like that yeah and you guys. live. in um san diego. san diego yeah because i saw you down. there at the comedy store yeah. that's the first time yeah i ever knew. about you so here's what happened here's. how i discovered you. okay so i was like man i want to go see. some comedy i was like let's let's uh.

take a look. you know i looked up the comedy store. was going going through the schedule. didn't really see anybody that i knew. saw a picture of you and go oh he's cute. as [ __ ]. let me youtube see see if you know i'm. gonna go see him. first video i was like i'm buying. [ __ ] tickets oh that's sorry follow. on um instagram you had like. 17 000 followers maybe dang yeah. started following you almost a damn. shelter. went and saw you you were so [ __ ]. funny and afterwards were so.

[ __ ] nice to me and my sisters i was. like forever. fan forever forever [ __ ] fan man. that's sweet. and then yeah and then you blew up and. now i'm on your podcast i'm freaking out. i know it's so. for having me no i'm so happy to have. you and i'm glad. i mean i think we really lucked out even. by having you on this week because i. feel like you're kind of having like a. moment. a little bit is that crazy to say that i. know that sounds really no. that's really for a lot of people it's. kind of coming out of the closet or. whatever but this is like a. like uh yeah like i saw you on michael.

bisping's damn instagram and i'm just. like. how are all these worlds colliding damn. british. i went viral a couple days ago you know. he's a one-eyed british man dude i don't. know. it's just i'm just wrong i'm just. rolling with it yeah day to day. i have no idea what's happening i'm just. like all right let's do this. uh but you just hit a million on. instagram yeah. you know what instagram it's different. so i have a million on every on youtube. i know yeah sorry. everywhere else i have a million i just.

started tick tock and got a million on. tick tock. in like two months and i've posted like. four videos and i'm just kind of like. okay million whatever i don't really. care. something about instagram man i'm like i. hit a million on instagram. i think it's harder to grow on instagram. people are. stingy with that follow button yeah. people are a little stingy yeah. i think especially right like now i feel. like. people have been um you know i feel like. there's. it's instagram's been a while around for. a while now yeah so it's not you know.

people aren't just as like oh yeah i'm. get you know. i'm in i'm following anybody you know. i'll follow any. you know the time i follow anybody with. a damn tit yeah. yeah i follow anybody that's not in a. damn wheelchair you know what i'm saying. my requirements were very slim at a. certain point right yeah but now it's a. little bit more. you know yep exactly um but that had to. feel good when did that happen when did. you hit. two days ago wow two days ago and what. were y'all doing where were you i mean. this is your damn freaking electronic. jfk right here. oh gosh just sitting on my couch in a.

moo moo. just watching dateline oh and i was like. oh i had a friend text me. and he was like oh congratulations on me. i'm like oh i knew what happened that. day. but i was like oh i get on they're like. hey look at that. and that was pretty much it everybody's. like how you gonna celebrate and like. celebrate. like you know how people get balloons. and [ __ ] yeah i made fun of it a while. back and my sister was going to get me. balloons just to [ __ ] with me and i was. like you i'll pop them. do not [ __ ] get me congratulation. balloons. holy [ __ ] that's embarrassing do not.

i'll pop them dude there almost is. look i think if you're getting. congratulation balloons. you aren't doing enough with your life. i'm gonna go out on a damn limb and say. that. oh because anytime somebody needs to get. you damn. balloons to show that you have some kind. of damage. [ __ ] that's fine sometimes it's just god. i don't know. you see some [ __ ] walk over with a. pack of balloons in a damn. you know and then my aunt one time like.

they have the little thing that's filled. with a uh. it has a balloon another balloon that's. oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's filled. with something. confetti or yeah yeah candy yeah yeah. she would open that. and it's saying nobody was just saying. you know what i'm saying it was just. like saying. and she if you're buying a balloon in a. balloon yeah you got money. you got money that's not a regular. balloon you know yeah you definitely got. money there. but yeah that had to be so wild but. that's when i was just like. holy smokes like this is so crazy and.

it's so awesome that everybody starts to. know about you. yeah you know yeah it's super weird. because. you're so funny uh and. do you feel like like you're funny comes. from where like. because you weren't a stand-up to start. with no. no um so how did yeah let's do your. origin story damn it. yeah where do you want to start clark. kent start in the damn mail room. so you know i don't know where the funny. comes from i think i had such a. um i guess a shitty childhood.

that i kind of had to you know i was the. poor kid in school i was the large kid. in school you know so i had to have. something yeah so i think that just like. came out of me probably early junior. high. were you funny then yeah i think so oh i. wish we had those videos. yeah yeah i know i was saying about that. i was like man i wish we had i wish i. could vlog back then. oh my god to see that [ __ ] but um. so funny where were you funny at like. was there like an environment that you.

were kind of really shined in you know. was it. a particular place or a certain group. i've. always remembered this and this may be. cheesy as hell but i remember the first. time. i made a room laugh and i was in. seventh grade um basketball practice. and we after practice sex symbol. basketball yeah oh yeah. wow yeah and uh um. went back to the uh locker room. everybody's getting ready for class.

forever i don't even know what was said. i have no clue. but i had been to this school about a. month so i didn't really know. you know and um i don't know what i said. but the whole [ __ ] locker room was. piss in their pants and somebody goes. she's funny and that always just stuck. with me i'm like oh. you know kind of so that was like the. first time i remember like you know. wow yeah um yeah there's something. when you're saying that it makes me it. takes me back to those times yeah like. there's something magical when you don't.

feel like you have. something that people that people see. you know and then when they say that. you're funny you're like. oh yeah oh yeah it's almost like thank. god there's some i have some way. yeah for people to see me you know do. you ever say something do you ever say. something and then somebody dies. laughing and you didn't think it was. funny. but they thought it was the funniest. thing they've ever heard in their life. that happens to me all the time i'm like. i was i am not that funny and they're. like. dying well i think you start to become.

well some people start to become kind of. there's times where i know i'm doing. something funny and people don't know it. yet. um that's always kind of fun when like. and that's. it's not that i'm doing it on purpose. it's just i know my brain starts to see. a pattern of like oh. this is where they're at and this is. where my brain is over here right now. and so. in a second this is all you know this. corner is gonna turn or something. yeah um sometimes though people like. stuff.

like i'm one i watch when i watch your. videos i notice a lot there's a little. things that i like. like when your cousin jim when that. little fella just turns his head at a. certain angle. and i just see the cut of that boy just. damn. where his neck just runs right into his. damn forehead you know i just. i found that guy on instagram god flew. him out to do a vid i said you gotta. come do a video with me love that. just to look and then i love him and so. i think there's one thing that that. really for me about you.

is that you're s the people you find. funny i find so funny. that it's like oh wow i can trust her on. different levels not only to. entertain me but also like uh. she sees like something that that. a lot of people maybe wouldn't see yeah. you know i mean some people see this. fella a little gem and they might even. you know somebody probably damn them you. know you get a couple of them you know. we've got to do those ball players yeah. yeah yeah for sure.

and they'll play down full back in a. [ __ ] haunted house with this dude you. know. but um but yeah i think that's one. that's one of the things i notice as i. see more your stuff that makes me laugh. more i think is like trusting that. you're going to lead me also to. something funny you know. oh thank you and just the cuteness of it. like the damn. ant and just the there's a whole. storyline to it. and it's all made up on the spot man and. i just roll with it i try to remember. the storyline for future [ __ ].

it's just it's just all [ __ ] crazy. it's so funny yeah it's just such a good. you do you do such a great job i think. of just bringing joy especially during. like the coronavirus time i feel like. i've had such a tough time during all. this. of trying to like figure out what's. funny or be. like just be in the funny yeah um. do you feel like it's been tougher. during this time or do you feel like. opposite. opposite for me i feel like my well my. shit's been thriving since.

you know um my creative's been thriving. my just everything for some reason just. the total opposite for me yeah i was. supposed to go. on tour oh yeah we're gonna and you. i don't know if you remember but like. two or three years ago we did um. josh wolfe joshua wilson do you remember. me telling you i was like man i don't. know. i don't know if i wanted to stand up i'm. kind of scared and you were like why. and i was like i don't know and you're. like just do it and i literally was like. i left i was like.

yeah he's right and so i've literally. started stand up because of that oh wow. yeah isn't that crazy yeah i can't. believe it you were like. huh no just do it and i was like he's. [ __ ] right. well i think some people it's like you. wanna you just want to listen to the. person you you want to be a part of. their world. you know they're bringing the joy you. know sometimes the people are selling. jokes sometimes people are selling. joy not really selling it but you know i. just feel like people want to be in your. world. yeah you know and once you create like a.

world people want to be in it yeah so. that's great then so you were playing on. tour that's the thing i was going to ask. you so. so with starting out you started out. where at like just being funny where'd. you grow up at. uh thackerville oklahoma okay it's about. a. 45 minutes north of dallas it's right on. the oklahoma texas border okay i. graduated high school with 12 people. oh damn yeah 12 people we did not have a. football team we did not have band we. did not have. art like nothing did y'all have like a. like a youth group or something or.

religious. oh yeah we had this thing called the. upper room and my. best friend's family ran it damn yeah. and that was that was all there was to. do play play softball and go to the. upper room and they just have like. pool tables and and christian rock. you know what i'm talking about yeah. yeah yeah dude and that was it. that was that was all i did that was fun. that was a social life oh yeah. and is thackerville a big place or no oh. no we've got. um oh when i was there we didn't even.

have a stoplight. now there's a stoplight because we have. the world's largest casino. yeah so it's random we have nothing but. dirt. roads uh one convenience store that's it. and then the world's largest casino. yeah well that's enough really i mean. it's a that's the thing you know that's. all you need. yeah you would think that's all you need. people want more. yeah yeah people and some people need. more man. yeah um that's true so dackerville so. you graduated from there and then you.

went. because i was kind of it was kind of. surprising when i saw you in san diego. because i'm like. this doesn't seem to fit everything but. everything works. yeah but it was surprising to me so no. well to me too. so i graduated college married greg. okay we moved to dallas so we were there. for like three years. um he's looking for he was looking for a. new job oh god. i was working at whole foods at the time. dude. i was working at whole foods at the time. in the bakery come home from work and.

he's like oh i've got a job interview. i'm like that's great we're at and he. was like it's this job in san diego and. i was literally like i thought he was. [ __ ] with me i'm like why did you. apply for a job in san diego. and he's like i didn't a recruiter. reached out and i'm like. we're not moving to san diego that's. called the military craig. for real he's like yeah it's just it's a. unique group you know that. they've been in business for a couple. hundred years they've reached out to me. yeah um there's battleship opportunities.

so we moved to san diego it's supposed. to be temporary wow and once i got out. once we got out here i was like. i don't want to live anywhere else. really yeah. yeah and then that's when [ __ ] started. to pop for me. because that's a big move i mean moving. from a place where you have. the comfort and you guys especially. going from like into dallas that's a big. move to go out west oh it was huge. and and then you get the shock of. everything being more expensive out here. which is so true i think i think our one. bedroom apartment was like 700 a month.

we come out here and it's like 2 200. you know i mean we were like um yeah it. was a big shock we're used to it now. um when we when we moved to san diego i. had just started the social media stuff. so i. didn't really have a lot of followers. and then it just slowly we've been. we've been in san diego seven years. almost eight maybe. yeah yeah it's flown by yeah yeah. and uh and so with the social media so. you do the characters kind of but a lot. of it all you always run into all of it.

it's always seems like a mix of you and. the characters and just like a. kind of a world kind of do you ever get. like scared to try something new. are there things that you get afraid to. try oh yeah. and not for me but because people get. pissed you know what i mean. so i've years ago i tried to do a couple. other characters besides trailer trash. tammy and people let's go to this we'll. go to this video right here just i don't. mean to interrupt you no you're good but. this. you know we're trying to have nick keep. his job and so this is where he. interjects good videos. i'm a big fan of you and all your videos.

i watch them every day. also your mum bangs my question is for. you. are you scared to see something really. outrageous or so outrageous that. people might take offense to it and you. might get. what we call cancel culture let me know. bye oh my god she's cute. um i'm not like in terms of comedy not. afraid to say anything. like i'll joke about whatever um so.

in that way i'm not i guess i'm not. scared to to. but the cancel culture thing holy [ __ ]. yeah you gotta i mean you you gotta. watch like it's ridiculous. i feel like you yeah that that's on. that's definitely always in the back of. my mind. is it yours i mean all my i didn't know. all my friends were damn sex offenders. you know until. you know holy [ __ ] until hollywood told. me that they were. you know surprised me with that.

i think it here's when it gets scary for. me so like i have a. netflix special that we're gonna do. sometime in. when the world opens back up so we have. like a deal over there and. trying to work on a cartoon right now. and um. so i get scared of i know that those are. the things that are at risk for me. yeah so it's like i can you know i can. say whatever i want to say. but i have to since those things are on. the other side of the teeter-totter. yeah if it were just my podcast and just.

uh social medias then. i wouldn't i think i wouldn't there. wouldn't be anything on that other side. of the teeter-totter to lose. yeah but right now those are things. where an article or something. and then people get scared. and in the podcasting world it's like. you know some of the guys that something. happens and then. people are like why don't they still do. their podcast. and well because the advertisers say we. don't want to be on this podcast right. now and so then. you know they just get they get really.

nervous i guess as well you know but um. right anyway so yeah where does it where. does it hit with you. oh gosh for me so anything. political i don't mess with yeah for. multiple reasons not really because i'm. scared of the cancel culture thing. but for me it's like you know i yeah i. have a large platform and i've and. very rarely will people message me and. say you need to use your platform for. this or that. 99.9 of people message me and say thank. you.

for not thank you for being a place. where i can go and get away from that. and laugh so that's the number one. reason. i love it why i i really you know try to. stick with. just comedy nothing too you know crazy. political and. and it's not that i'm afraid of like the. backlash or whatever. it's just you know literally dolly. parton is my. you know and i'm just following her. footsteps she. really keeps it like you know i'm just. here to bring entertainment. bring laughs bring smiles i'm not here.

to you can go to another page for that. [ __ ] yeah. you know here we're talking about. titties yeah saggy titties you know what. i mean like that's all i'm hearing. bags baby exactly amen yeah something to. hold a set of balloons down you know. there you go you need a big titties. something. to hold down a set of damn get well. balloons. you get these small titties dude you'll. never get well no. exactly dude i remember my mother had. the smallest breast god forbid and i. love her and she listens to this podcast. which. almost breaks my heart a lot of times.

but um and makes my heart. at the same time oh but damn she had. them small. i mean you had to beat a little milk out. of it damn. that's why i think i still got that. nervous energy you know you see a baby. trying to just. breastfeed off a small titty there's. nothing yeah. got to break your heart yeah you see a. baby. you got to work hard for that meal oh. you can't even shake a small tit. yeah but i'm hurting somebody's back. without hurting somebody's back.

it's just a different place man for sure. a different place so. sure but yeah you want one thing so then. then i start to feel like this. i start to feel like well as comedians. you're also supposed to. and this may be where maybe the line. gets a little different for. um me coming from a background more of. stand-up comedy. is that you're supposed to be able to. comment on things you're supposed to be. able to. at least to be able to take a swing at. things without.

um you know without being judged just. for taking a swing. yeah and so that's where it gets tricky. for me sometimes a stand-up because it's. like. you want to be able to kind of speak out. or push the boundaries or. and then it really starts to feel. real real limiting when your voice. starts to get limited you know. but but then maybe i'm like i just need. to start to be more creative i start to. you know i'm finally starting to land in. that place instead of the place of. oh this you know ah you know the yeah.

the frustration. for see for stand up comedy i feel like. it's. i feel like that's fine for sure to push. that [ __ ]. i'm worried about like oh an old tweet. or. if i say something in a vlog i really. have and not that i go around saying. [ __ ] that would get me canceled anyway i. don't right i really don't but you you. have to like yeah you have to like watch. that [ __ ] if you're. if you're doing stuff not only on the. stage does that make sense like oh. totally you know like you if you put.

yourself out there everywhere stage. youtube vlogging snapchat like i mean. it just grows bigger the possibility. yeah yeah the possibility of more people. getting offended as well. yeah well it says i mean what if 10. years from now it's they have semen. lives matter you know. and anybody that ever swallowed after a. [ __ ] is going to jail you know what. i'm saying it starts to make me think. because we just don't know what the line. is going to be in the future. i know did you see my instagram store. yesterday i don't know if you did.

i uh i had a lady come to the house to. give me a massage that i found on the. internet oh god. she was a crackhead okay and so i made a. whole instagram story. making fun of her and telling them what. happened she passed out during my. massage but it's a whole thing. and when you know people don't make fun. of it right now. yeah let's watch it and i literally said. i'm gonna make fun of whatever the [ __ ]. i want to make fun of. it's long but yeah yeah yeah i decided. to splurge and find someone to come to. the house and. give a massage look i've been on this.

site and so is nick. to be honest back page yeah. rip back page as well and now you have. to do adult friend search. but thankfully i have blockers on my. phone now so i'm doing well. well that's not what i got let's see. what you got i got a [ __ ] crackhead. amen. photo was old she on crack now yes the. bait and switch i found that she got me. catfished me yeah she got me you. couldn't even hardly understand her when. she talked i'll see osbourne. oh man but then she said she comes in.

and i'm immediately weirded out i almost. tell her i'll pay her for her time. but she's got a bounce i've done that. before as well dude. i've been so scared i went and dropped. the 300. off the balcony down to the woman holy. [ __ ] i'm kind of freaking. just some kind of bootleg mardi gras. oh so i'm like [ __ ] it let's just see. what happens there we go that's what i. like that entrepreneurial spirit. um then she tells me that she left her.

phone and purse. in his car and she forgot to tell him. when to be back she. she her car broke down so somebody. dropped her off another crackhead. oh yeah she's got that muscular pimp if. she's out there getting massages. yeah as she can log into her facebook. somewhere and message him so you didn't. take any pictures of her though. no well see now then i think that that's. totally fine oh no oh yeah i didn't post. pic no no no you weren't blasting no. no no but the story is hilarious she she. fell asleep on me during my massage and. was still massaging me oh yeah.

she passed out on me and was still. massaging me and that's crack baby. yeah that's crack i said i said are you. good and she and she. still laying on me goes yeah i want i. say because you're you're laying on me. yeah and she goes oh yeah these are new. clothes. something a crackhead would say they. used to call it crack structure dude so. they said people that would do crack and. they would come and uh. build like in our area they had a group. of young men that would do crack and. you'd see them out there zombied out but. still. building i saw a guy speak in a building.

i saw a guy on crack one time at a uh. build-a-bear and he zoned out bro. zero eyes open you know zero out of two. eyes open and he's still in his bear and. he still made that better wow. damn that's funny and he still made that. bear dude got the bow right in the. middle. um he did it all even the little where. you put the one two three on the feet. yeah god he did it passed out the whole. time unconscious.

completely unconscious dude like if you. put that dude right now in a court of. law with that. one hand on the bible or or even just a. berenstain bears book you know whatever. meant more to him. and you asked him hey bugaboo you know. did you ever build a bear. unconscious i bet he would lie about it. and he would lie unknowingly oh man oh. that's good [ __ ]. um so. what else we got some questions that. came in yeah and i'm not giving up on my.

ability to conversate with you yet. oh you're good okay good hey i'm having. fun are you. yeah i'm so glad you're here this is so. oh thank you. uh yeah surprised people sent. questions in that's that's great yeah we. got a lot didn't we. yeah like 15. some are like kind of the. same old habit yeah we got a lot for you. okay. what's up tammy what's up theo quick. question what was your first experience. with tobacco was it that. cowboy killer or was it that smokeless.

lip filler gang gang nicotine buzz oh. yeah. and a fella with a nice body there too. bro. tank top beautiful young fella right. there two arms. yeah where i'm from that's a damn. highlight two arms one eyebrow oh you. show up with two arms dog. yeah he's cute oh somebody's getting. married. yes [ __ ] bro you know uh i've. never smoked have you smoked. no no i mean i've tried it but i've. never like been a smoker. oh yeah i'm six months off of cigarettes.

right okay okay. um my grandma and parent everyone around. me. growing up chained smokers no so i you. know as a little kid would like. try nah what did they smoke you what do. you remember what kind. well grandma had to get that jacket. mm-hmm. so marlboro. yeah yeah we were always decked out in. marlboro. everything head to toe that's how much. she smoked and you had to smoke like. twenty thousand dollars worth of.

cigarettes to get a jacket yeah and we. had closets full. wow you know yeah those jackets yeah. those are some prized pieces. yeah you saw that it was the adults did. the marlboros and the children did. those kool-aid points that were on the. back of the little kool-aid packages. and we'd save up and get a pitcher every. year we'd have a family meeting. and we'd do what we wanted to do with. the points you know man. and you could get a little pitcher you. could get a little uh one year we spent. all. of them got my little sister a damn vest. dude nothing was a piece of [ __ ]. oh it was it wasn't nice i mean it was.

you think a vest would be nice. you would think and damn. it was just i don't know it was almost. like a discontinued. uh um. life jacket you know that they were. marketing his clothing. no no they can't do that they can god. they got you. they got yeah they got you they got us. butt but yeah those marlboros and so. your family would just smoke them. oh yeah and what would you do just watch. them yeah. oh wow that was like we had no cable so.

what else were we gonna do you know. let's watch grandma's cheeks turn you. turn you know. we had channels 10 and 12. we got tired. of soap operas so we just sat there and. watched them smoke. what soap operas were y'all watching oh. my gosh. um we used to watch like the days of our. life just all that [ __ ]. oh yeah literally that's all there was. guiding light as we got yep yeah we. watched them all. santa barbara that was an old one my. sister still watches them. i haven't watched them since high school.

but she still watches them that's really. interesting dedicated. yeah that can really lead to loneliness. as well. yeah um here's a young lady right here. that has a question. [Music]. lauren virginia love you both if you. didn't like my last question. here's another question theo one time. you said that. you have like a nose power when you go. into a public bathroom you can tell if. someone just. took a dump or not um i think a lot of.

people have that power. but what's worse than that is if you go. into the female bathroom. after a girl who's currently. um going through the time of the month. ugh that smell is worse than poop. chelsea since you're a girl and you can. attest to that. tell theo what's up plus you know. because apparently your sisters got a. little funky. love you both thank you so much for. being so funny and awesome.

bye so yeah. um is that a real thing because i've. always had this superpower and it's uh. i mean i guess some people say it's not. a superpower but if i go into a bathroom. if someone has been doing poop in there. i can tell immediately when i walk oh i. can usually smell it in the hallway. oh my god really oh yeah god dude you. might be a damn. you might be from egypt or something. yeah. so the whole female thing it's it. it smells like you walked into a room.

that has. a pile of a million pennies oh my god. like a bank like a little bad bank like. a little like the back of the bank that. holds all the coins. oh yeah it's like a it's like a copper. smell. mixed in with some funk oh yeah so so. y'all just have [ __ ]. we have [ __ ] and blood oh so it's very. very. very kind of like vietnam like yeah. kinda if you think about it damn.

i never thought about that and so you. know you when you walk in there you know. if that's been going on. yeah well here's what here's the deal. like they'll well that's. that's why okay that's if she wore a pad. and it's soaked up in [ __ ] a gallon. of water. and then leaves it in the trash okay. relax. man at least drop it off at the fire. department. what is going on hey this is real life. you did not know about this i didn't. know about this.

man yeah women are disgusting i knew. that but i didn't know. that people are just abandoning yeah. potential families. yeah okay on that little family pinata i. didn't know people are just. abandoning those things oh god that's. just. curbside in the damn bathroom. now. [Laughter].

oh my god i'm sorry y'all are going. through that i didn't know that. yeah that's why i'm quick to use the. men's bathroom. i'll i'll just use the men's bathroom. like i have no problem and the men's. bathroom is usually. empty and the women's is always full if. there's a line i'll go to the men's i. don't give a [ __ ]. well it's really you know it's really a. strong move when you say that because. nowadays if i see a woman in there i. leave i don't want to be. sex crying i don't want to be me too i. don't want to be. i'm just afraid of everything so it's. like it's yours now you know yeah but.

i'll go out there and write a w-o on the. [ __ ] door no if it's like a big. men's bathroom with like urinals and. stalls and there's other like i won't. like but if it's like a single. you know what i'm talking about like a. gas station bathroom with one and. there's one. you know and the women's is full i'll go. the men's but i won't walk in there and. walk up beside a urinal and you know. take. no no no but you know what i'm talking. about if it's like a single i'll use the. men's i don't give a [ __ ] wow. yeah i like that yeah and do you uh have. you guys ever been to the bathrooms at. the dallas cowboys stadium or not i've. never been. how are they i've never been your.

husband's here and he didn't take you. there no he hates the cowboys. oh damn but at least take her to the. damn place that's true that's true you. know what i'm saying dude. i [ __ ] hate a claim jumper but i've. been to that [ __ ] three times. that's true yeah um no are they nice. they are the biggest bathrooms i've ever. seen. there's four rooms before you get to. anything that has water in it. wow i mean well that's good i mean.

there's. i'm sure the lines are non-existent yeah. oh there's i mean it's crazy it's just. anyway just when you started talking. about size of restrooms it really it. took me to another level. yeah brought you back yeah we gotta go. babe. y'all do no no i meant to the stadium oh. okay. i ain't leaving you got to kick my ass. out well we will in about 45 minutes. is that it look that's just one room. yeah. can you see any other rooms nick that is. pretty nice that's nice.

that is cool it's not a lot okay. maybe they won't let you tape it or they. want to keep that secret yeah yeah. it but it is just it's really cool it's. really high-end. it's like a magic castle of toiletry. what. uh what is so what's kind of like do you. do you see yourself now like obviously. you know you got a lot of people. interested do you feel any new pressure. do you feel. do you feel anything like that or do you.

feel pressure do you feel inspiration. like what do you kind of feel if. anything. um probably um. fear more than anything i don't feel. pressure. um uh it's just a little scary to me. and not in a bad way i'm not like you. know it's just i don't know how to. explain it like it's just um. it's weird you know what i mean like. it's weird. i never expected any of this um.

you know fame scares me money scares me. i'm i'm pretty. happy and content so those things change. people or. can change people so i'm scared of that. it's just all kind of like i'm trying to. just. does that make sense do you how do you. feel about that. yeah yeah i mean it's scary to me it's. scary. yeah money's scary popularity is scary. um money's kind of scary because i feel.

like i never had any money and i don't. and i just don't no i think i always. judged people with money as well and so. then when you start to make some money. you're like damn. those people were just you know i don't. want to be the same way that i felt like. those people were towards me maybe yeah. but also just realizing like those. people were just people. probably trying to do their best um. [Music]. yeah it's definitely kind of scary will.

people look at you differently yeah. you know it's like especially coming. from i feel like some of the. environments maybe you and i are from. where. you know it always the people with money. were always kind of the bad guy i felt. like. yeah maybe that's just my perception no. i can definitely see that. rich people dude you went over to. somebody's house and they had. you know curtains you know and you're. like these [ __ ]. yeah yeah no as i was like to say it's. not even like.

where we're from it's not even like rich. people it's like. people that lived in like a. three-bedroom two-bath brick house with. a trampoline in the backyard. was rich to me oh that was you had money. yeah okay if you have a minivan parked. out front. you have money dude if my this kid. brandon. broke his [ __ ] head open on a stack. of bricks that were next to their. trampoline and i was like you rich piece. of [ __ ]. because he had a stack of bricks and. yeah because he had cause that meant. they were building something.

and you had money yeah i was just like. oh must be. tough dude splitting your head open on. some [ __ ] high-end textiles you piece. of [ __ ]. you know yeah i do so yeah i think i had. so much. judgment sometimes against that whole. universe. that it makes me feel just way. uncomfortable. you know i still live in the same. apartment i've been in for the past. seven seven years and so. i'm just afraid sometimes to spend any. money.

yeah i get scared i get scared to give. nicker rays. no i feel the exact same way i honestly. do. greg drives a truck that has a half a. million miles on it he refuses to get a. new truck. although he just bought a brand new. [ __ ] 70 000. road runner but road runner what is that. oh like a mopar roadrunner like a 69. roadrunner. 68 let's get a picture of that yeah this. sounds like. but he i mean he's all going to split in.

the divorce yeah. um yeah same thing like we're afraid to. and you know i don't have a million. dollars in the bank but i'm making more. than i ever have. yeah that is beautiful and it's blue too. just like that. oh no that is nice dude yep that's it. that is something i'll freaking let you. hecky my butt. in that thing i thought you were talking. about that thing that brennan's shawb. used to drive that damn uh. looked like a big mosquito oh. yeah that's nice oh that's beautiful.

yeah we just splurged. wow and is it run yet did you guys have. it running yeah it's a race car. damn so he doesn't drive it yeah it's. been sitting in our. driveway for eight months so what is it. about um. being down there and saying oh wait you. don't drive it at all yet no not that. that's that's it's not street legal okay. yeah so what will make it street legal. he won't he's gonna take it to the he's. gonna take it to the uh strip. start racing it hell yeah yeah and. that'd be great for some tammy videos. dude i would like to go sit him on one.

of those yeah. i want to be there it'll be fun i want. to be just that. like uh i want to be medieval knievel. you know what i'm saying. i want to be on a dirt bike but with a. damn lamp oh. and with that mullet yeah oh yeah yeah. let the lord freaking work. yes yes um what is it you feel like. about being down there in san diego and. in that area. i really like it because it's still. california but it's not l.a. i don't know if i could live in l.a yeah. it's skeptical oh yeah yeah.

um oh just the weather. i know that's stupid to say but like you. know texas was miserable. and you're hardly ever miserable in san. diego. the taco shops it's just i just love it. i don't think. it would take a lot to get us to move i. think if we were to move anywhere else. it would be. austin yeah austin area um. which you know we're going back to the. heat but i love the austin area um. but i'm i think we're going to be here. for the rest of our lives hopefully. san diego wow i just love it and do you.

guys have offspring are y'all fertile or. anything like that no. we're fertile okay uh so that's a choice. yeah um. yeah no thanks no thanks for now maybe i. don't know. i keep saying oh in five years we've. been married oh my gosh. 11 years yeah and i'll say oh let's wait. three or four years and come back and. see and every three or four years we're. like. no no and let's wait through you know so. and then now my career's kind of taken. off so i'm like i don't know. i won't be like if we don't have kids i.

don't think. either of us are going to be like oh man. we missed we should have had. no i'll be good now which would you. freeze a batch of them eggs you think. no that freaking cause i think cold. easter you know. start that thing up for me i'm thinking. if it happens it was meant to be if it. doesn't it's not. so i'm not going to go out of my way you. know. i don't know yeah you know what i mean. like. i don't know i've never had so i've. never had like a strong. desire to have kids okay and i'll and.

i've always said. i won't until that happens. you know i used to work with this old. lady and she asked me if i had kids and. i said no and she said. well let me tell you this don't have. kids just because you feel like you. should. have because it'll make it harder have. kids if you want kids. i was like that's that's so true and so. i've i've never. felt the strong need to get that back. yeah. but hell in five years i might i don't. know so i'm gonna wait until that.

happens and if it never happens. all good i hate to interrupt the bonanza. but. sometimes you gotta get your brain. re-ignited. recalibrated really and something that. will help you. is a company called better help you know. i've suffered from mental health issues. mental disorder probably you know i wake. up in the morning and i don't want to do. it. and i don't even care what it is and. when i need help. sometimes i don't i don't you know.

there's not a place i can go there's not. a therapist i can drive to or there's. not. you know somebody there's not somebody. in my area you know i might live in a. rural area. well that is all changing thanks to. better help. betterhelp will assess your needs and. match you with your own. licensed professional therapist. i mean you can access them on your phone. you can access them over facetime. you can access them over text there's a. broad range of expertise in betterhelp's.

counselor network which nate which may. not be locally available in many areas. it's not a crisis line it's not. self-help it is professional counseling. done securely you'll get timely and. thoughtful responses plus you can. schedule weekly video or phone sessions. so you won't ever have to sit in an. uncomfortable waiting room. as with traditional therapy it's it's. time for a change in therapy it's time. that everyone should be able to get help.

and this is how. visit betterhelp.com. [Music]. t-h-e-o that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p. and join the over half a million people. taking charge of their mental health. with the help of an experienced. professional that's right. a special offer for this past week and. listeners get 10. off your first month at betterhelp.com. t-h-e-o if you need help don't be afraid. don't be ashamed.

and get it now back to the episode. it has been reported and i'm sadly to. share it with you. that americans are overpaying on car. insurance by over 21 billion dollars. what honk honk. hold up i got traffic in my brain. suddenly that's right americans are. overpaying. on car insurance by over 21 billion. dollars. but searching for a better deal for car.

insurance it can take hours. and typically results in a barrage of. unwanted spam calls oh who's this. ah i don't i just i was on the website. and now this uh. until now things have changed thanks to. the zebra.com. thezebra.com is the nation's. leading car insurance comparison. site it's long overdue.

and it's the only place you can compare. quotes side by side. from over 100 providers and choose the. best. for you in 90 seconds or less. plus they will never sell your. information to spammers. so you won't get the unwanted calls and. emails the harassment. tech crunch calls the zebra kayak. for auto insurance the best part is that. it's completely free. you can save up to 670 a year.

using the zebra.com with states. reopening and people back. on the road the zebra is committed to. making sure you're covered at the lowest. price possible. don't go from one site to the next so it. takes too long. your time is too valuable save on car. and home insurance as well if you need. it go today and start saving at. the zebra.com slash t-h-e-o. you're gonna get car insurance support.

the podcast. that's the zebra.com slash t-h-e-o. t-h-e-z-e-b-r-a dot com slash. theo thank you. do you do you get up like do you have. like a daily routine kind of you kind of. go by the wayside like. just whatever you know kind of i do have. a daily routine and. i have to or i won't do [ __ ]. i won't do [ __ ] if i don't have like my. week planned out. my yeah day-to-day so just i'm gonna.

film this day i'm gonna post this day i. have you know. phone calls this day i have everything. and then my nieces live with us so now. i'm homeschooling them. no how old are they three days a week. eight and ten oh my god are they smart. yeah they are they start uh they start. this week. so um i'm doing that three days a week. no and you're given lessons and. everything yeah. what kind of stuff are they learning. about well it's a lot of like. just math and [ __ ] i'm going to teach. them i'm kind of going to go out of the. box i'm going to teach them how to cook.

at a grocery shop stuff like that you. know what i mean because so many damn. adults. don't know how to cook like their mom my. sister who lives with us. holy [ __ ] can't even make spaghetti dude. really yeah. that's heartbreaking yeah and i you know. i cook and so i'm like y'all are gonna. learn how to cook. yeah even if they were boys i would. teach them how to cook oh it's such a. skill man. dude yeah even if we all you make every. night is macaroni and cheese you're. going to learn how to do it. you know we're split up an apple or. something exactly you know exactly.

i remember we used to do like my mom. would. work and so we would make whatever you. know we had at the house. so we'd always come up with some real. bad ideas and [ __ ] and make it like more. uh we used to do macaroni with. marshmallows i think we went through a. little phase of that [ __ ] and it was. and you ate that yeah yeah we ate it. well here's the thing once you made it. you gotta eat yeah oh yeah yeah you. can't throw it away no there wasn't a. lot of wiggle room. but the thing is did you make it a. second time and a third well here's what.

happened somebody would make it one of. the kids would make it we had four. children one of them would make it. then the other three would try to up out. do them you know with their [ __ ]. idea. and my one of my sisters at the time was. five so she would just [ __ ] burn all. kinds of [ __ ]. and then we would fight you know yeah oh. you got to throw in a fight there. oh yeah you can't not fight but i really. enjoyed that yeah. um when you see so you have a lot of. interaction with like a lot of different. celebrities and stuff it seems like that. have reached out to you. um is all that been organic i know you.

had the. uh the uh the fan attack video with uh. luke bryan with luke bryan that was. really really crazy and his mother. was one of the best moments ever. did so i have never ever. reached out to a celebrity that's all. been them coming to me. and winona judd follows me that's why i. throw that out there. yep so anyway um yeah. so a little back story on this so they.

contact me. luke and his wife they call me like. because i supposed to go to this charity. event they call me like a week before. he's like hey i want to try to prank my. mom like. i'm thinking about if you attack me and. i'm like yeah that's that's great that's. hilarious let's do it. he reached out yeah out of the blue yeah. so he messaged you as if his somebody. who works with a message. his wife had his uh his wife follows me. on instagram okay. so we follow each other and they caught. yeah they invited me to their charity. event and then. him and his wife facetimed me like a. week before i was supposed to go out.

there he's like i have this idea. damn it's romantic yeah um. so i get there and i'm thinking it's. just gonna be just a simple oh yeah. he goes so security's out front and i've. been telling my mom. my mom all morning that there's a crazy. fan out there. and that she's threatening to kill us. and i go. hold on so this is like is she gonna. make sure she doesn't have a gun. yeah like because i didn't know he was. gonna like tell her that i was. threatening to kill that so his mom was.

scared right she's on alert before yeah. yeah because this is her son this is the. dang meal ticket. yeah yeah yeah i'm saying kill my other. son yeah kill randy brian. you know what i'm saying y'all could. damn yeah. set a bear trap on the third hole for. randy but we need luke you know. but i thought she was set up to to be. scared of me okay so i'm like oh my god. are you sure. he's like no it's going to be great i. was like make sure because you know. she's from the south. i don't know if she's you know make sure. she's not packing he goes we've we've.

made sure. so apparently she does i don't know yeah. he goes we've made sure i said okay. and that's something nice about an older. person you could free like it's it. you can feel easy if they got a gun on. yeah because there's not as much. body there's not as much body on them. yeah and she was super skinny too so you. can you know yeah. quickly you can give her a big hug and. double over like that the next thing you. know you've done a full body search. um but we did the prank and i thought. she was gonna i mean i felt. i instantly thought i shouldn't have. done this yeah i shouldn't have done.

this at what point let's go through a. little bit of it. um okay and is it is it hot in here. isn't it a little bit i'm feeling a. little better you are okay yeah. i put it down to 70. you did it yeah you. have a little sweat right here. thank you thank you thank you yeah yeah. you look very nice. thank you okay so you sneak in uh. rolling on top she throws her cigarette. hey i got her i got her i got her i got. her i got her i got her. hey you know it wasn't until i got up.

as soon as i stand up i'm like oh my god. give me five minutes. oh and there's mom holding her back yeah. come on. right there i go oh no.

i thought she's going to pass out. and look at that wow it all comes to a. head right there mom. saves the day oh yeah shows that she's. still got that mother wolf. in her you know oh yeah afterwards she. was like i was gonna whoop your ass. and she was gonna too she was dressed. she was yesterday did you see her throw. the sticks she had she go. through it she was ready she throw that. [ __ ] like she was warming up oh my. god like she was swollen ryan dude like.

she was about to pitch some [ __ ]. haters. right into your face that was fun that. was fun that's awesome. yeah um so do you feel like that world. kind of embraces you the. the like kind of the country music world. do you feel because. i feel like every you're just so i feel. like you're for everybody do you feel. like it's specific. no i feel like i'm for everybody um i. have a. from everywhere from all i mean every. ethnicity. i think people assume that only you know.

white southern people um follow me and. no no no no that's not true i feel like. i'm for everybody. because everybody loves redneck humor. you don't have to be a redneck to. enjoy that you know it's [ __ ] funny. well a lot of it's just relatable stuff. like even if you're looking at your. youtubes and it's going through the. drive through. and just you know um you know the. people snacking on different stuff and. experiencing it and just. uh to be in that moment also going. through the drive-thru with somebody a.

lot of times yeah you get to call. you're behind a couple cars dude this. [ __ ] gets you. it's some damn intimacy because you're. just chilling there that's the biggest. commitment i've ever made sometimes is. being three cars deep in a drive-through. with somebody i don't know very well. sitting there waiting. together god you know those. drive-through videos are my most popular. and most requested videos. which blows my mind yeah because i'm. just sitting there. eating dude yeah have you watched it. have you seen the mukbangs on. on youtube i've seen some of them i like.

the donut one that you and jim did when. y'all stacked those different types of. meals. so here's how that started like a couple. years ago. mukbang it's called mukbang or something. i don't say that word. because it's stupid it's a muck bank. right okay um. they started getting like people were. getting millions and millions of views. and making money and i'm like. and i said this is the dumbest thing. i've ever seen you sat there and watched. someone eat i thought it was ridiculous. i go let me do one as tammy to basically.

make fun of it. and so i only planned on doing one so i. did one it's my. most viewed on youtube people would not. let me not do another one. and it's it's my mo if i go a week or. two without doing one. my dms are like when's the next month. i'm like you just it's it's so funny. it's so easy. it's easy content i just go through the. drive through yeah it's all improv. i talk about whatever i make [ __ ] up and. eat yeah and that's it. it's beautiful man you gave me that. poster i love that. um i also love it's just like.

i think it just feels. it obviously like it's produced your. [ __ ] you know it's like you guys are. doing it but it just feels. i don't know it just feels fun i'm. trying to think of what really makes me. get into it you know i'm trying to think. of what makes me because it's ridiculous. it's almost. it's almost like watching a car wreck i. think it's no because for me. sorry like for me it is. because i just have been in that. situation so many times and never.

like just been in a moment like that and. you're like yeah this is actually. kind of close to what [ __ ] is like when. you're just kind of with somebody. yeah you know and you have to decide on. food and you display your best chance to. display your manners on a damn. date sometimes is it the you know when. the drive-thru lady says what can i get. you. you know and you get to see if the. person's nice or not if they say yeah. thank you yeah um yeah so i think some. of that just seeing it just feels real. human. yeah relatable yeah i feel real. relatable people love them.

so i keep doing them do you think about. doing. like uh something that's more in the. acting world i know you've had some. stuff go on but do you think about that. kind of are you kind of happy with the. space that you're in i. i'm happy with the space i'm in um. but and if i don't go beyond that i'll. be so. happy and content but yeah i'm i'm. trying to write a tammy movie right now. so we'll see if that ever gets made or. happy you know. you know how [ __ ] goes like you know but. i'm trying to write a tanya movie.

um got some stuff kind of going on the. work so hopefully. that'd be great but if it doesn't i'm. good you know what i mean. yeah but i'm just taking it a day at a. time and i'm you know opportunities i'm. like let's let's try it let's do it. yeah yeah it's great yeah. i i would i'm trying to think if i. have a opportunity in something i'm. doing i would i would certainly include. you. you know thank you yeah i think it would. just be fun. that'd be great what kind of thing could.

we what kind of even thing what kind of. characters could we be you think and i'm. not playing tammy. you can do whatever you if we if i make. a team you just be alive. if i if i make a tiny movie you got to. make a cameo in the tammy movie. oh i'm not doing uh oh a cameo yeah i'm. just not paying somebody. i'm not doing a damn birthday party for. somebody for nine dollars. no no you just gotta be you just gotta. be in the movie oh i'm stopping that. [ __ ] man. yeah you know but i want a real role i.

wanna be a damn. you know somebody that runs and works at. a gift shop or somebody that. you know somebody that fixes something i. want to be somebody that knocks on a. door and shows up yeah. you want to play an important part and. you should yeah i'll do it dude. yes god that's what i want yes. well it's a great time and we're happy. and on the website if you go to. theovonne.com. it's been refurbished and rehashed. reimagined and. creative eyes and who's helped us.

well they're called modify. modify is a web design. and development group that offers game. changing. service providing subscription-based. professional web design for the cost of. your old cable bill. why would you want to do it yourself or. pay top dollar. for less value modify. will design your site its unbeatable.

plan. is fast affordable and high quality with. 20 years in the website design game. modify's last website ever plan. is the best option out there heck we. just got it. i mean we just got it for just 249. a month you will enjoy the relief of an. easy process quick turnaround. and an evergreen website and the. convenience of having a personal. web design team assigned to your account.

to handle all your ongoing website needs. that's right they. build your site they put it together. and they service it it's 249 a month. modify's plan includes unlimited updates. unlimited support. easy editing tools and future. redesigns no cost to build no contract. and they do it all for you only 249 a. month. i'm using them check out our site.

theovonn.com. get yours today with a 249 dollar a. month at. modify.com theo. that's m-o-d-i-p-h-y dot. c o m t h e o. that's modify with a p h. m o d i p h y dot com slash t h e o. these guys don't f around gang. what else is going on um.

not much dude i freaking left some stuff. out on the counter at home. what'd you leave out hmm i left some. blueberries and i left a damn london. broil. the blueberries will be okay what's a. london broil it's a meat it's like a. kind of a high-end kind of meat i guess. a medium end. and it's raw yeah oh it's that may be. done for just cause the heat and the no. air. yeah oh you're gonna take a loss on that. one yeah it just hurts a little yeah. at least you got the blueberries london. broil i've never heard of that. it's good man it's the best thing.

brittany ever did for us it looks like a. skirt steak. uh some no yeah. you know it's a little more i feel like. it's a little more. bold like there's not a lot of taste to. it it looks kind of great but there's. not a lot of taste to it kind of like. it's very brit it's as british as you. could get wait but it says grilled steak. served cut diagonally so it's just the. cut. oh really so it's just a regular steak. it's just how it's cut right but they.

cut it out of a place that definitely. is english as [ __ ] i feel like it like. when i'm eating it as compared to like a. brisket or something. it doesn't stand out okay no no that. makes sense that makes sense because if. you're eating a brisket you're not. thinking about. paris france no you're thinking about. texas. okay that okay makes sense if i'm having. a brisket i'm thinking about wherever i. am at that moment. um what was that what's in the news nick. we'll get into a couple of news topics. what have we got. ex-navy seal uh credited with killing.

osama bin laden he was. uh people got angry with him on twitter. because he was bragging about not. wearing a mask he took a selfie. with a uh a marine behind him or a guy. in a marine cap who had a mascot and he. goes i'm not a [ __ ] like this guy. and people. and then risky to tweet about it yeah. that's brave to tweet about it i almost. wonder if he was tweeting out of. like trying to get back at the guy uh i. think it's the rivalry between seals and.

marines. oh i could see a little bit of that yeah. okay okay well this goes really and. recently i had i i saw a dang man in the. um. in a marine's hat and i thought it said. mariners on it seattle mariners. and so i'm asking him about ichiro and. you know all of these different guys and. ken griffey jr and all this [ __ ] and the. guy is looking at him like i. am a damn and it said marines and not. mariners. he looks at me like i'm a damn still in. school adult you know.

it was it was the most awkward thing. ever. um but dude i think if you kill bin. laden dude i don't think you got to wear. it i don't think you have to wear a mask. i don't think that dude needs to wear a. damn. shirt if he doesn't want it yeah i don't. care if he wears damn two dicks to a. urinal. this dude killed osama bin laden oh. that's him. that's him oh i see okay okay and also. this guy seems semi ginger you know how. hard it is for a ginger to sneak. through the dam through you know where.

it get i mean it gets pretty. you know it's more of a tan environment. over there in the desert oh yeah. everybody's got a tan oh yeah so you're. just gonna lollygag through with a damn. you know with that damn torch skin. torch skin i mean i just don't know if. this guy needs. i mean he should wear a shirt that said. hey i'm not wearing a mask because i. killed osama bin laden. yeah oh i think but for me i feel like. he gets out of jail free.

yeah and i don't i mean. i wear a mask just to i guess respect. other people but. oh totally if someone comes if i'm in. the grocery and someone's not i'm not i. don't say anything or freak out. no no i'm not a man yeah i'm not some. kind of mask warrior no no. yeah we're not the mask police no i'm. not the mass police i'm not even a man. i don't want to be i'm not even a damn. masked parole officer. you know yeah like i have certain. feelings about the whole. uh pandemic and everything but i wear a.

mask it's like somebody. it's like shaking somebody's hand when. you meet them and if you feel. comfortable after that. if people choose not to then that's. between them yeah i think it's between. consenting adults almost kind of. agree um but i think it's for me. this guy killed bin laden i think this. dude doesn't have to wear damn shoes and. a freaking 7-eleven if he doesn't want. to you know i'm saying i think he can go. high on the hog as he wants. i agree nick what do you think yeah uh. yeah i i i agree he should be able to do.

whatever he wants. not wear the mask i'm really worried. about this though uber and lyft might. shut down. in uh california on friday because uh. they're trying to make. all the drivers be employees instead of. independent contractors so they're just. gonna withdraw. they're threatening to just withdraw. from california and just shut down and. there won't be uber and lyft in. california. on friday i wonder why just in. california. uh because it's california state that is. trying to. protect the employees or independent.

contractors and make employees but. if they shut down then it's hurting. everybody wow and that's the only place. i. nick frequents right yeah yeah yeah he. had a car and then he. well it's your story nick i don't want. to throw you under your own car uh. tree a tree fell on it uh during a. windstorm it was like uh. first nice car i ever bought and a tree. fell on it and. totaled it and then the only wind storm. and the only tree in los angeles too. i was gonna ask was that here in l.a. like. what it was the night of the super bowl.

they actually said 2. 000 trees were cleared from los angeles. that night there was. oh yeah i slept right through it wow. what's what's taking so long with. insurance uh nothing i i got. paid i got paid out for yeah i got paid. for it and then the pandemic happens oh. okay yeah yeah but then. i don't know ubering's actually i like. it. yeah it's so convenient like it that. sucks. i like it but i just sometimes i get.

damn judgmental when i'm in there and i. just. i will in my head i'll have like a stack. of dimes that i'm giving as a tip you. know hypothetical dimes. and each time they do something a little. that doesn't really meet my. fancy i guess like what i will okay. smacking their gum okay yeah. a lady gave me a rod from here to home. and smacked her gum. so much that i had to go see my. therapist that week and that is 100. true and that still i can still hear her.

smacking. and it was just irrational how much she. did it yeah and. um another thing uh. talking to me about a lot of different. stuff no you're right. you're right i don't want to talk at all. yeah i'd like and if they talk. but i'll make it yeah no you're right on. that one and it's hard to curtail that. conversation you know. yeah yeah do you ever do you ever have. people. ask you that don't know who you are oh. what do you do. yes do you hate it or do you like it.

because i hate it. i i hate it now. okay i think there was a time when i. liked it what do you tell them. i say i work in i work in entertainment. you know. i do uh we do outreach i've said i'll do. animal outreach i have some basic kind. of lies i'll tell. you know i work for the city you know. you know or i'll do unemployment i'll do. you know i'll say that a lot of times or. i'll. uh if it's somebody that i feel like is.

if it's somebody that's not gonna talk. much that's how i gauge what answer i. get. same if i can feel that they're gonna. because. when you say comedian or you say. youtuber or whatever you say. if i if if i know that they're gonna be. like oh let me put you know what i mean. i'll make something up yeah um but if. it's someone that. i usually say like social media. marketing which i don't even know what. that is. yeah but i tell people that i like and. they're always like oh like what i'm. like just like. facebook and instagram i just make.

something up. but i hate it when people ask me what i. do and i don't know why. i think it's because they do like once. you tell them they like. want to look you up you know what i mean. they make a big you know. so one guy's playing me a thing of mine. one time while he's driving i'm like. this is insane you know. so that really you know that's. unfortunate do you have this instance. where if you are with somebody. um and they don't it's kind of. uncomfortable sometimes if people are. giving you attention and they're not.

giving it to. somebody else that you're with which. they wouldn't probably because they. don't know that person or they're not a. fan of them. i always feel so uncomfortable because. i'm like man i don't want my friend to. not feel good or not feel like. or feel like i'm more important than. them you know like when you get. recognized. yeah that makes me feel yeah if i'm with. like my you know family like my sisters. or like my close close friends that are. like used to it i'm fine. but if i'm with someone that's like you. know never. like for instance i was in nashville.

before the pandemic and i was. visiting some um college friends we went. out and i had people recognize me and it. it. it's awkward when they're just kind of. standing there like you know. and you you know what i'm saying like. it's it's it can be very awkward you're. right like when. they're not giving anybody else. attention and they're kind of making a. big deal about you but. yeah you feel some type of way a little. bit you start to develop this sixth. sense though i know when i walk in the. room i can tell like who knows who. doesn't. how this is all gonna play out like you. start to get and it's not an ego thing.

it's just. it's like you've done you've been. through this little drill so many times. you start to just. you develop a sixth sense you develop. you develop okay. this person know i can feel them they're. telling this person. this guy's not going to say anything but. he i feel like he knows. um i wish this [ __ ] knew you know. yeah because i always get some real. mukbangs that know. a lot of yeah men are always hollering. at me really.

god yes. it's crazy like guys wanting to go on a. damn walk or something. go on a walk just go away just you need. to get some fresh air. yeah but unless one of us is a murderer. you know. what else we got in the news nick see. what else. do you really keep up with the news like. you know not a ton i stay off these days. it's. yeah i don't trust it that much anymore.

yeah. it wants me to not have fun yeah. exactly i'm kind of the same way. one thing that gets me though i feel. like we need a damn centralized. mask like i mean people are wearing. yeah you know somebody cut out part of a. hat and taped it over their face you. know. you got another guy some guy shows up. and you think he's a surgeon and he. [ __ ] works at. best buy you know what i'm saying. there's so many you have a guy in a damn. uh scream three mask like there's like. how there's no protocol for.

unleash a mask that everyone needs yeah. did you see that viral meme going around. just a few days ago there's a guy with a. long beard. he had it tucked up up and under his. sunglasses and he was using his beard as. a mask. now that's pretty cool i would do that. that was pretty cool. yeah this one guy had his hand amputated. and he saved it. and he got it put in front of his and it. hung it on two damn little door hooks. it's just beautiful to see a lot of.

stuff that's going on um. i saw it on instagram. but it's like you put a centralized mask. out you got people. just goddamn half a panty in front of. their head you know what i'm saying. and are they serious i don't know they. can't be you can't be oh my. but it qualifies that's the thing that's. funny it's like oh as long as you walk. in. you know as long as you have something. yeah. right there it could be [ __ ] anything.

you're good come on in yeah that's. what's so crazy. to me i'm not a doctor [ __ ] i'm not even. an exterminator. but i'll tell you this dude. just anything in front of your mouth. that that's not a real. that's not a plan it doesn't even have. to be clocked yeah it doesn't. as long as it's connected behind your. ears [ __ ] anything dude. oh dude that one guy had a strong enough. overbite and they're like that qualifies.

you'll have a fella just just uh comb. his bangs. straight down across his face oh bang. face yeah he's healthy. get him in here and then you got some 60. year old man in a damn raggedy andy mask. over there [ __ ] drinking purell out. there it's just. it's like how is it there's no protocol. no no i've never thought about that. until you brought it up that you're. right. like gosh nick bring up the anti-masters.

league. um if you can uh i didn't know about. this. well this is something let's take us. here nick what is this. do you want the anti-mass league we'll. go right here uh marijuana. vending machines are now available in. colorado with uh colorado with. more to follow uh yeah. and do you guys uh do marijuana in that. um. i feel like i i was like 28 the first. time i ever smoked weed. oh yeah um i used to on occasion and it.

started giving me panic attacks. where were you at when you smoked it. first were you with your man or what. oh my gosh i think yeah we we live in. san diego. i moved san diego when i was 26 so yeah. yeah um. at the house and who introduced you to. it was it you was it him was it. i've always been around people that. smoke so i think we had a roommate i. can't. i don't even know man um but smoked it. loved it. laughed my ass it was one of those great. laughing you know so i do it like once.

or twice a month. great had a great time for maybe two. three years and then boom. panic attacks no matter what so i smoke. cbd now because i still like the smell. so i'm just a cbd here okay and does it. feel like it calms you a little yeah. oh yeah it works and i don't feel like. somebody's going to murder me yeah yeah. honest to god i remember the worst the. worst time i ever got paranoid during it. um smoked weed i went to bed. and i was positive that greg was going.

to kill me like oh i hate that no. like i thought he's going to murder me. tonight it was so real. and he came in that he came in the. bedroom oh which is the first sign that. somebody's gonna murder you they come. into the room. in a dark room he comes in i'm like oh. my god. how's he gonna do it does he have a gun. is he gonna strangle me yeah what's he. gonna do. and he walks over my side of the batman. and i'm literally my heart i'm literally. like oh god. oh god i'm gonna i'm gonna die i mean. and this was real dude yeah in your head. yeah. it's real and he leans over and goes.

goodnight baby and gives me a kiss and i. go. he's [ __ ] faking it he's gonna wait. till i fall asleep. and he's gonna do it and i did not sleep. that night. into the morning and i woke up i was. like i need to. not smoke weed anymore yeah and i. yeah i don't smoke anymore isn't that. crazy yeah but. also some of his behaviors. you know yeah some of that [ __ ] is a. dead giveaway dude when you're high. you're like oh this motherfucker's gonna. kill me. and then next thing you know they go and. uh take a sip of water and you're like.

oh yeah. yep just hydrating up this damn murderer. you know. i feel you bro we don't do that yeah um. what about do you ever i feel like. i remember one time getting so high and. going to a damn funeral. and i thought i just. oh and i was laughing it gave me the. damn giggles dude. and it was just like can you believe. everybody's tripping out dude. just because mr polito is dead dude.

nobody even liked this guy people were. just there. i'm like half these people are. pretending i'm [ __ ] laughing. and then i'm starting to think yeah i. started getting paranoid and thinking. that people somebody was a murderer. because it looks like a damn crime scene. where you're at a funeral. yeah a movie scene yeah somebody yeah. it's like a whodunit. yeah i can see that when you're high at. a funeral it is a straight up who. doesn't do you think it would be a good. experience uh there was just weed going. through the area okay and you happen to. and i happen to have a funeral in the. docket. but it was uh yeah i would never do it.

again man. that's the crazy thing about weed dude. it's just. it can be either [ __ ] amazing. and the best or can. bring so much [ __ ] fear like oh my. gosh it's one or the other and i don't. get it. yeah it's like back page for your dna. it's like meeting somebody off the. internet. that's what weed is man yeah you never. know what you're gonna get. yeah you might get murdered you might. get not murdered yeah. you know it's one or the other yeah um.

this was something that happened this is. in uh take us through a little bit of. this nick. the anti-mass league of san francisco. was an organization. formed to protest the requirement for. people in san francisco to wear masks. during the 1918. pandemic yes so they had a mat yeah they. had a group of people and actually. there's a new york times article if you. if you. try and look that up real quick um so. basically they had something very much. like what we have now. where people didn't want a lot of people. didn't want to wear masks a lot of. people did want to wear masks. there was people getting ill um and.

there's people on the street the police. would even give you. fines like if you didn't have a mask on. you could get a fine for like five. dollars up to 25. that was a lot back then oh yeah it was. a it was a just damn. damn half of a butt load dude if you're. doing a damn gender reveal and. it's your friend paige it was half a. damn bl. the first infection go down a little bit. there they are. was identified in march at uh army base.

in kansas. by the fall of 1918 seven cities had put. in effect mandatory face mask. laws and um. [Music]. the masked city san francisco became. known as the mast. city because of this pandemic damn. and people didn't know how to wear them. oh and somebody yeah somebody shot. somebody eventually. because they weren't wearing a mask yep. on october 28 a blacksmith named.

james whisser stood on powell and market. streets. using a crowd to urging a crowd to. dispose of their masks. um and somebody hit him with a sack of. silver. damn that'll get you yeah. shitty way to go you always want to make. money and then bam son. that [ __ ] gets you right in the chat no. um. but anyway yeah i mean this somebody. died nobody's killed anybody yet for not. wearing a mask or wearing one i don't. think. uh i don't think so so we're still in. good space there.

yeah you know compared to how it had. been i mean people really were losing it. wow. um do we have any other questions that. came in nick uh that was pretty much it. for the questions okay all right. well damn cool um. what are y'all gonna do what do you feel. about this coming up like the holidays. in halloween have you started thinking. about that at all well. every year we have a big halloween party. you do. oh yeah and um and there's.

nobody there that i know it's all like. because i don't really know anybody in. san diego i really don't like all my. friends are up here in l.a and stuff. um so it's like my friend it's like my. sister's like. employed like work employee like work uh. what do you call them. co-workers did you get a bank or. something no. no she works they work at a plumbing. like a plumbing office oh yeah whatever. so it's just plumbers. um but anyway there's always like a ton. of peop like. it's one of those things where people. invite people to where i don't know.

who's there. but anyway it's always a big fun time we. look forward to it every year we'll. start decorating like a month before. and we're probably not gonna have it. this year yeah but we'll still have fun. you know what i mean um but it seems. like such a time when mass. you need masks it's almost. you know everybody has a mask on it's. the one party you can have. i didn't think about that you're right. kind of i mean i'm not calling you out. for not having it yeah i just want you. to damn have it. yeah i know you know even though i stay.

home all the time i [ __ ] love knowing. yeah that somebody's having a halloween. party that people are having a good time. yeah that's true that's true i think we. were going to try to still have. something but not just. just invite like us and the immediate. friends not. not all the people but we'll still have. something but yeah that kind of sucks. but. and you also get the judgment from. social media. if you know if i were to have that big. halloween party. oh gosh yeah you know you got the people. on your ass but.

i think we're just gonna have something. small and then we're going home for. thanksgiving which is the first time in. like. eight years we've gone home back to. thackerville or no. yeah well durant which is close so. spectacular um but yeah. so we're doing that um my sister's 30th. is after thanksgiving so we're renting a. cabin in oklahoma oh. fun i love oklahoma yeah well certain. parts. we went to tulsa we went to the ball. ball room or something yeah. man it was i like it up there it was a.

great show yeah. i like it up there when you do your live. show what is it. like what do you do actually um so what. i did. before the pandemic was i would come out. as me. and do like like 10 minutes or so and. um i would thank everybody for coming. and they think that was it. and it got so awkward that people were. pissed they'd be like. i'll be walking to the crowd and they're. like like i paid you know. like pissed and then i would come back. out as tammy yeah. and that's when it really really took.

off oh yeah. i'm thinking though for the future shows. like i'm just gonna do tammy. and i almost only did the chelsea stuff. just to see if i could do it as me and i. can. but it's more comfortable doing it as. tammy is it oh yeah. oh yeah it's more comfortable i feel. like the material is funnier. although everything i i say. is true and happened to me but i tell it. as tammy oh yeah yeah and what about. that little. little gem that little sugar calamari.

why don't you bring him out. oh god he lives god i would love to see. him at something well he's. uh busy he works at he's an assistant. manager of the dollar general. no he isn't in what city oh gosh where's. he i know he's in georgia. some old town outside of macon gosh i. can't remember it but uh. i love dollar general oh yeah he's he's. he's running the place. well a lot of people don't realize. dollar general if you live in a small. area rural area. dollar general is it it will be like the. walmart. yeah for three towns or four towns you.

go to wherever the cl. the dollar general will be the quote the. place that everybody goes kind of for. everything yeah. people realize that god that [ __ ]. pisses me off dude. dollar general is like popping in in. small. towns yeah they know what they're doing. yeah they're making money and they're. good yeah. look at dollar general stock pull it up. nick oh and i know it probably hadn't. done well in this during this pandemic. but prior to that. i feel like that that's this is a hot. time for really well no i guess if. they're shut down. well if they're still open let me see.

them over the past two years let me look. at. yeah give me a two year five year nick. they're open there's one year. see i mean that's a money maker yeah. they're making money dear god look at. that nothing but rising. where else can you judge your [ __ ]. neighbors. and get a damn broom yeah. and some and some dollar general uh hot. pockets. yeah not the hot pocket brand no dollar. and it feels like military-esque since. it has general in it you know i think a.

lot of men don't mind going. yeah it's got that kind of vibe. yeah i just had a vision that one day. dolly parton comes on and you come on. and guest host that episode. because i'm going to be getting a studio. in nashville starting on september 1st. really. if you do that can you let me know i'm. letting you know oh if she's going to do. it yes yeah that's going to be a goal. i'm gonna set. or if you're doing it and i can come and. walk dude that doesn't matter it doesn't.

matter and i see her doing this. i really do let's put it out to the. universe now make this happen. are you moving in asheville um i'm. getting a place there. okay so i'm gonna be there a lot but. i'm also we're not we're keeping this. and we're keeping. you know everything keeping my place. here and stuff so. i'm just kind of testing it out yeah but. yeah maybe that'd be fun maybe we will. come maybe we do some a couple of. episodes morgan wallin's going to come. on one. which i'm so excited about even though i.

didn't ask him yet. he'll do it uh but i think he will do it. yeah. um that is awesome yeah i'm just kind of. excited just to be able to like i think. just have different types of people yeah. but i would but it's so funny because i. was. listening to dolly parton sings that i. will always love you. a lot of people don't know she did that. oh yeah people think it's whitney. houston she did was great but. no she you know what she wrote that she. wrote that after she. she quit that show that she was on no. way really. oh it's a haul for porter wagner she.

wrote it for porter wagner who is her. boss. she was on that show with him and she. quit and he got pissed. because um she she made the show. shane porter she's what's that song. somebody's. were you wayne woman enough to take my. man no it's like. you ain't so and so and you ain't porter. i think it was her oh yeah yeah i know. what you're talking about yeah yeah. that's a newer song. oh it is i think so wayne johnny or. something like that yeah. yeah that's a newer song i don't know. who sings that um.

um oh yeah oh you ain't dolly. [Applause]. yeah i was listening to her the other. day man i like her me too. her voice her voice is different than. anything else i've ever heard she's got. like a. yeah almost like a dolly voice i could. see that like dolly's voice is like you. know dolly's singing odd. it's like father time just damn busting. in your ear. you know she's singing it feels good i. just love her. but i will always love you put this on a. little bit nick we'll listen to a few. seconds and then we'll get out of here.

[Applause]. [Music]. yeah my god. [Music]. you could give me a reach around he. wouldn't get jealous okay yeah.

[Music]. this is a bucket list i never knew i had. this. this. yeah yes.

[Music]. what a moment. you know what i'm pretty confident i. wish i looked like 1970s. oh i think you got a lot of dolly thank. you. i think you just remind everybody you. know that. you know that just you just i don't know. you're just so confident. i wish i was as confident as you.

sometimes thank you. you should be i know i don't know what. happened no. you you you are it's in there you should. be you got that mullet you got. majestic as [ __ ] i got a penis shaped. like a damn candy corn though oh wow. yeah hey that's different you know. you're different. you're right you're right you're right. it's amazing yeah it just feels weird or. something like that. yeah nobody wants to you know you don't. you know somebody orders a jug of milk. and you break out milk but it's in a. damn. you know it's in a cornucopia shape if.

you don't want to drink it you know well. you just gotta find people that. you just gotta find a chick that's gonna. not be scared of that yeah. yeah and they're out there yeah i've. been dating too many shallow wings yeah. that don't like that candy corn. yeah you know find you a candy corn. lover yeah that's what i'm gonna do. come to our halloween party i will have. a big o it'll be on. zoom yeah as long as your husband brings. that damn haircut and i've been looking. at him in the distance guys i don't. maybe you guys i don't even know if he.

said that he was in here. but and he has an announcement to make. actually as well right now oh i do. i'm oh god. don't give him a mic holy crap we're. having dinner with theo tonight. oh are we really or no yes we are he's. gonna actually be laying on the table. we're gonna eat sushi off of him. we're gonna actually get to have dinner. and dessert that's great. some candy corn for dessert exactly. oh i'm laying on my stomach for the.

first course and on my back for the. second baby. yes sir but you guys have a new studio. that you guys are going to put together. right you want to talk about that or no. yeah we're working on it uh it should be. finished uh. first week of september it's in our home. our house was built in the 70s and the. the room is underneath the staircase but. it's a big room. and it was not finished when we moved in. like it was like a safe room. you know back in the day people had like. safe rooms so the walls weren't finished. when we bought the house we found an old. phone in there from the 70s. we found old porn magazines in the walls.

yeah. so um i haven't seen the room yet it's. for my podcast that i'll be starting. greg hasn't let me see in the room but. he's been working on it for months so. it's gonna be. real nice yeah oh huh yeah. you can tell he's excited about it too. it's cool right when he came in i could. just see he was so excited. yeah and it just it hit me it just made. me feel excited. yeah he's sweet bless his heart he seems. he's very sweet. he seems just damn decent it's as good. as you can get these days for a man.

we'll have to have you out there for our. podcast dude i would love to come down. that would be really cool we'll take you. to some dinner too. okay make you a brisket okay dude i'll. do it all. yeah we'll do it all i would love to. come down um and. and i'm going to put it out in the world. i want to get dolly and and we'll have. you come to nashville and we'll do. a just a dang episode let's do it. it's got to happen right it has to it's. going to happen it's going to happen it. will happen. it could happen it was used to be a. little boost it was the goal and. announced solid part. i wonder if she'll need a pound of weed.

yeah we had we had we had a surplus busy. um and you know the podcast starts when. you said you don't know yet i don't know. yet. we're you know no rush on it hopefully. in the next couple months. i love it yeah if you haven't seen. chelsea which i don't know how you. haven't because she's all over. everything now um you got to check her. out uh. and we'll share all of her socials and. everything and just thanks so much over. the years you've just been so. encouraging even at times you've just. said something nice or.

just mentioned me on instagram or. anything um i just appreciate it thank. you well you know i'm a huge [ __ ] fan. of yours so thank you for having me. well same because oh my god thank you. now i'm just floating. on the breeze and i feel i'm falling. like these leaves i must be. cornerstone. oh but when i reach that ground i'll. share this piece of mind i. found i can feel it in my.

bones but it's gonna take. a little time. for me to set that parking brake and let. myself. on my heart shine. that light on me. i'll sit and tell you my stories.

and now i've been moving way too fast on. the runaway train with a heavy load of. my. hands. [Music]. [Music]. built.