Certain Curtain | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #247

support for this past weekend comes from. manscaped who is the men's best in below. the belt grooming manscaped offers. precision engineered tools for your. family jewels you know your body is not. your own it's a rental your parents made. it and somebody made them so it's all. this is all second fifth ninth 70th. generation and so your junk at that area.

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don't use the same trim on your face as. you're using on your balls that is just. nasty tis the season to manscape so get. yourself your dad your bro. they're your friends even uh someone you. don't even know but someone you just. imagine has that real that harried yard. get them the manscaped perfect package. 2.0 get 20% off and free shipping with.

the code Theo. th EO at manscape comm that's right get. 20% off and free shipping with the code. theo at manscaped dot-com that's 20% off. and free shipping at manscape comm use. code theo clean up your nuts and make. Santa proud this year what's up you. little yard VARs we we we we we move in. have you washed your hands today I was.

just wondering that if everybody is. washing their hands that used to be a. real thing yet to wash your hands. because it was a lot more social. interaction was based on that shake you. know so you had to go hands first into. the future and if you washed your hands. I'm asking you just you know answer to. yourselves but or you what are you doing. you just ride and dirty. you got those phalanges of the Ganges.

huh you got dirt on your mitts you just. rolling dirty mitt first into the future. come home we're better than that unless. you go. [Laughter]. [Applause].

[Music]. another man's ocean.

wrote to a paper ecology. you know it's bishop gone here. [Music]. you can have.

[Music]. and that's the point right there when. they say anything you won't that I would. take my top off if I had a top and. that's one of the gifts of women they. have the different layers that they can. tempt you they got the scarf they got. the vest they got the blouse they got. the UM bra.

it's just wonder than em finally like. all right. you know here's my money and that's one. thing that women have that that layered. they they can really they have that the. different layers of temptation but when. they say anything you won't that's when.

I would take my bra off and look I'll. tell you this if I was front row at a. bishop gun show I might wear a damn bra. and I might unhook that little that. little titty cape and just throw it onto. the stage because that sounds freeing. that sounds very very freeing that is. anything you want by Bishop gun thank. you for being here today it is December.

2nd Monday December 2nd in the year 2019. in time that's where we are and I hope. you're doing at least decent or better. and then sometime I even hope that. you're doing great I just got back from. Louisiana and I ate it people say right.

when they you know right when you get. back out of Louisiana people want to. smell your breath. they wanna you know they want to check. you you know like certain places you go. people want to check you for different. food and different items you know you go. to New Mexico somebody will friskier for. a couple of uh geodes or you go to UM. you know you go to Wisconsin somebody. will run that cheese check on you you.

know they'll they'll uh they'll freaking. they'll diddle your chimichanga for a. little bit of cheddar you feel me people. want to they want to check you in. Louisiana you know you go down there and. the food is just now it's like you put. it in your mouth and it some of it is. still alive the crab the the oyster and. it'll just some of it I had a crab it. was so fresh the thing climb down my.

damn throat just speelunk right into my. own stomach it wasn't even a meal that's. a damn pet. I feel like an aquarium and they have. that there they have everything you know. I eat at all this always to dress and. stuffed you know stuff oyster grilled. oyster Grill crab you know Gator bites.

they had a urban gentleman selling Gator. bites on the side of the road out of the. back of a truck by the box it was just. in like a little cardboard kind of setup. and you get 20 Gator bites right there. from that man I said dad and it would. then look that Gator I don't know how. fresh it was or fresh it wasn't but it. could I mean that thing it bit back.

I had it probably about 11 of those. nuggets while I was driving across the. Atchafalaya Basin and about nine of. those [ __ ] they bit right back I'm. happy to be back here I'm happy to be. here with you I hope you're doing well. today what's going on um yeah had a nice. weekend went through the old. neighborhood I went for a jog and.

there's something up it's like you're. almost running through your past when. you do that you know I get out there and. and a lot of it's a little sad it's you. know I'm kind of a nostalgia jockey if. you cut my arms off you know I wouldn't. have any arms but I would love nostalgia. I love just time warping and just going.

back inside of myself and then you know. through the filing cabinets of my. insides and and pulling out old files. and and looking at old memories and when. you jog through the old neighborhood you. get that you know you get that I had a. squirrel. this one squirrel ran right alongside me. I mean he might have been maybe like a. grandchild of a squirrel that I grew up. with or something but I mean this thing.

ran probably about a mile and a quarter. with me and that's I don't know maybe he. was looking for help I don't know what. the hell he was doing but I've never. seen that in my life and I didn't have. any streets on me you know I didn't have. any little you know uh-oh. at corns or you know no squirrel treats. on me and this thing this little critter. just zipping and I mean damn like he had.

GPS or something like he had a damn my. iPhone I mean he was just making all the. turns with me it was really wild but it. made me feel a little bit at home just. uh just having that animal I guess kind. of just joined me on my job but yeah you. pass old house he's like oh man I you. know I really you know I used to go over. there and sometime that lady would give. me a you know a bowl of Doritos or. something an afternoon you know we had.

this lady boss Miss green and if I came. over there real sweaty she would give me. a bowl. and I don't know why and it didn't. matter you know but if I came over there. dry but I wouldn't get nothing and so I. started just knowing I had to go over. there sweat hell sometime I pour half a. glass of water on my face and just. [ __ ] my way over there to those. snacks but yeah just going through the. old neighborhood by all I remember I. know I got a little uh I got a little.

sex over there by that house you know oh. I remember. dude one house right down the street. from me. I don't almost lost my virginity in this. homestead and they had a the girl's. mother came in the room and I didn't. know what to do and so I walked right. over and introduced myself. dude I was I mean I was I was buried you.

know it's five-legged at that point if. you get me I was a five legged animal. when I met that woman and um man it was. just embarrassing and I also remember. her her daughter kind of smelled like. cigarettes I remember that a little bit. and uh but but yeah you go through the. neighborhood and you just all of that. happens like aw man my friend drove his. truck into that house right there on ha. you know when he was on high on liquor. and everything and like damn that's.

crazy you know you're like oh that house. burned down oh that person passed away. that guy died from a but you know he was. in a boating incident they call it when. you die in a boat but all of that. happens when you're in an old. neighborhood and so it was you know that. was pretty enjoyable um what else did I. get into. oh I was in New Orleans went to the. Saints game went to the Saints game. Saints and the Panthers took my nephew's.

I was beautiful these little beautiful. bastards watching them just just take it. all in and the Superdome has changed. when I went there was you know there was. uh there wasn't as much you know hoopla. there weren't as many lights and laser. beams and you know it'll shoot every now. and then they'll shoot some [ __ ] out of. a cannon and she'll fly across the dome. now it's crazy you know they got when I.

was going when I first started going it. was it they didn't have as much you know. hoopla and so it was just more simple. and was just damn you know you see but. now they got people in the stands. peoples you know everybody's you know. everybody's got you know all kind of. face pain and a big whistle on their. head and somebody's wearing like. somebody had on like like a whole suit. made out of Flags like the yellow NFL. Flags pretty cool and watching it just.

watching those children just take it in. it was really you know it was special my. brother in our first game we went to the. you know my mother was dating a man and. this man was a was a Jewish gentleman. and urban gentleman too and so he was. doubled out and she and he gave us. tickets to a game and we went and as. we're walking up to the game it was I. don't know when it was man that was.

Saints versus the Bears somebody offered. to buy our tickets so we're like oh hell. yeah we'll sell we'll sell them they. said $35 for a ticket and my brother and. I were so excited about going to the. game the game we're going to the super. down we were excited man he was alright. he ripped one of my damn my eyebrows off. that's how excited he was you know and I.

wasn't even mad at him because I just I. love the Saints so much. and so we were going to the dome and mom. dropped us off for hell she might have. made us walk there I don't remember but. we got there and we had our ticket boy. and I'm I was so nervous and my hands. was just sweating and my ticket was I. had my ticket was wet that's how excited. I was I just had that excitement water. just climbing out of my pores and we got.

to the dome and it was huge man it. looked like like heaven had just put a. little nipple down here on the world and. we got over an air and writers were. walking up this man said I'll give you I. think it was a man it could have been at. the time a lesbian but this man or a. strong woman said I'll give you $35 for.

the ticket and we're lying $35 what do. we never seen the Saints but we never. seen $35 so we said we agreed you know. I'm saying do-don do-don three $5. anything I'll buy you know I'll buy the. Saints you know what I'm saying I'll. paint my brother black and gold and just. throw the ball at him in the street I'll. do it we'll figure something out cuz.

total that was gonna be $70 and we were. good at being poor and we were good at. math and and we agreed and then they. said that they were undercover police. and it's illegal to sell your tickets. and we said well we didn't want to sell. them you wanted a Buy and and I remember. we got into an argument with these. people or you know these officers or. whatever discussion I mean I'm sure we. weren't really arguing but then they. took us up to the cop suite or whatever.

and let us eat all everything they had. dude they had so many corn dogs gravy. soda. dude I probably had I had six corn dogs. man. dude I was mostly corn I don't even know. if I saw the game. but I saw all four quarters of my. stomach in that bit and that thing was. you know I was just I could feel. overtime just in my gut but I was really. god it was it was awesome man but we.

took that we took the nephews and that. was good what else we oh I met the best. crossdresser name ever I met a woman. named turducken and this young lady or. middle-aged or older woman she was a. crossdresser or transvestite I'm not. sure not trying to be offensive I don't. know and most people don't know you. don't know but her name was turducken.

and if you don't know that's a duck. stuffed in a turkey stuffed in a chicken. and if that ain't the most I mean if. that isn't the the pinnacle of Louisiana. transvestite names then I don't know. nothing she had huge earlobes also uh. you know we had a lot of amazing calls. this time a lot of really there's always.

great ones and but I really felt. connected to a lot of the calls that. have come in and thank you for anyone. that's hit the hotline let's get a call. right here as to who listens to this. show hey Theo. it's the Matt my other buddy Matt yo-yo. just calling to say you know we love the. show whoa - Matt's to Matt's that now. that's always I mean if you have a. friend that's the same name as you.

that's is that egotistical you know. imagine your name's Clarence and you got. seven other people named Clarence and. those are your buddies and at one point. I'd look as I'd look at a couple of. those Clarence's and be like dang bro. you guys are a little self-motivated. here double Matt we got double Matt's. right here let's hear more when got. stories of our past weekend here we're. driving his dog from chi-town all the. way to Seattle.

oh right on y'all run an animal bra. respect and I don't know if you heard. but there was a blizzard so we're trying. to drive through on the highway and. highway gets closed so we think you know. we're smarter than that we can drive up. the side roads and end up in the. Badlands which should have been a hint. but ended up getting stuck in a. snowdrift call around print get the car. out that nobody could come for help. Danis do this if you are feed this.

thing's starting to sound a little. romantic huh. let's go more we're talking about each. other like this maybe yet man this could. be the end the end of each other's. bodies huh. onward long story short the fire. department shows up the local rancher. shows up we show up a lot more men sound. like a lot more men just showed up on. work they just bailed us out man it was. free Street special we ended up getting. drunk with the rancher at his place.

thank all this whiskey with him couple. neighbors came by we played cards all. night oh man I gotta pull the plug dude. I'm trying to stay straight brother I. got to pull the plug on that but uh. double Matt's thank you guys for. listening man be careful out there if. you're running animals across state. lines first of all that could be a. legality issue and if it's not I can't. believe it's not because they'll pop you. for running an orange bra do you drive. an orange from New York to Hawaii.

you're [ __ ] bro nope I don't [ __ ]. tase you dude you know they'll tase you. right outside of Salinas bro people. aren't playing the national produce. Association or whatever those people. agriculture mmm boy they're not playing. they'll pop a young fella for running. fruits so whatever you guys are doing. over there. you know don't I mean don't get the dog. involved in it if you guys want to be a. couple men sneaking off and getting do.

that story well thank you for calling. man that's all I'm saying is thank you. for calling and whatever you guys choose. to do man I love you guys bro. and I won't be that third Matt but you. know I'll officiate the wedding dude and. uh gang bro. let's take another call on nine eight. five six six four nine five zero three. is the hotline onward hey Co this is a.

nurse from Salt Lake City a tenor thank. you for calling and Tanner is also a. goal of a lot of people onward um. I just got a problem but I was hoping. you could help me with um. so I'm on some antidepressants and. basically in my junk doesn't work like I. can get in bed and go but I mean I just. keep going like I never finished up and.

oh wow so you really you just out there. just oh you got a book just keep bumping. homeward I know that you talked about. how you're on the same kind of. medication sometimes so I was wondering. if you have the same problems and was. wondering what you do to combat that. well combat it sounds real aggressive. you know if I dress up in a damn Navy. SEAL uniform and sneak up on my wiener.

then that ain't gonna help anybody but. what I do think Brooke is yeah dude I've. taken in and oppressing so long I don't. even know what it's like to not take. them I don't know who you know I've. tried to not take them and it's hard but. how does it affect the the the body the. penis yeah I remember definitely a time. you know when I first started taking.

them that I couldn't you know ejack you. know and at the time I was I was upset. about because I wanted to freakin watch. that water you feel me as sinful as it. is brother I wanted to watch that water. and now bruh I think it's great bro if. you don't ejaculate good for you dude. go to the gym tight you know what I'm. saying you you're not gonna be all tired. out. so you still you still get to do sex and.

you don't get tired. go do something build a pyramid you know. I'm Sam freakin knit a hat brother live. your life do dice do something you can. be somebody if you're not you know cuz. once you bust out and you throw that Chi. you done once you spring Chi bruh that's. it. your Energy's zaft you don't know who. you are you couldn't pick yourself out. of a police lineup you its quavo bro you. done bruh.

so I think you got to just be grateful. that you can't eject homework anyways I. mean help would be great I appreciate. you man have a good one yeah brother I. think you're on the right path. busting busting you know busting that. sauce that's old-school that's it that's. 90's that's 2000s dude that's something. you your uncle did bro saving that. freaking saving that that potion so you.

could damn freaking you know you could. be that dude if you save up all of that. gumption bruh that's what you gotta have. you save up that gumption you'll be able. to [ __ ] tie a knot with your eyes bro. man the stuff you the power you have by. holding on to that frickin body sauce. and not just blasting that stuff out. another world man just otherwise you.

throwing all that you throw you spouting. otherwise you've given away that risk. water that's your Chi brother that's. your DNA and you just squirrel in and. out for some broad or some fellow you. met in the afternoon somewhere I think. you're you're better than that so I say. you just hold on do something go make a. [ __ ] tall sandwich boy go build a. pyramid you know what I'm saying you got. so much probably gumption in you if you.

hold on to it you probably rearrange. your damn toes bucko. but you can do something so you know. people wondering why you know their kid. is weak and her kid is this cuz you. busted two thousand before you made your. child. imagine if you'd hold it up I just held. on just held the line and just you had. that one just so there was at least. something left in it there was at least. some decent oils in the tank by the time.

a lot of us are making children these. kids but there's nothing there's nothing. in there you know there's not even any. there's probably hardly any of our DNA. in there it probably more tears and. stuff these days Helmont inves my nuts. are probably half filled with them tears. bruh but you know me but look I'm just. saying that just look at it as a. superpower and try not to just focus on.

it too much imagine that Dodie you don't. want to be all you know boxers don't. blow before they fight mountain climbers. that one boy who climbed the mountain. Hope Solo you see the documentary dude. he went he went he told his girlfriend. and she was beautiful too he said look. nobody's getting their rocks off till I. get off that rock and he held the line.

so I think you have a gift man I don't. think you have an affliction uh I'll. tell you this speaking of meat and how. to treat it. what's your favorite cut of meat you. like a brisket you like a back strap you. like a fillet you like something off a. fish that's just water cattle baby. that's all fish is how do you like to. prepare it you grill it you braise it up. you cook it in the Sun on the back of a.

Chevelle how do you cook your meat well. I just know that when it comes to meat. quality matters and there's more than. just texture and taste I'm talking about. quality meat and I'm talking about. butcher box support the podcast. your box every month butcher box ships a. curated selection of high quality meat. right to your house I'm not talking no. tane you know something like this or.

some dirty jerky I'm talking about real. high quality meat all their meat is free. of antibiotics and added hormones you're. not gonna find you know a bunch of you. know quaaludes in the meat or you know. your meat have lipstick on it none of. that bs patented straight meat it's. packed fresh and it's shipped frozen and. vacuum sealed so it stays that way. you can customize your box or go with. one of theirs it's the best meat shipped.

right to your door which means one less. trip to the grocery and look I've gotten. butcher box and it's great if I'm really. like I want to make myself something I. want to get a little bit of a little bit. of animal blood in me or something I. crack open the freezer and I got a stack. of meat meat fish salmon everything it's. the best [ __ ] meat it's the best meat. shipped right to your door and right now. you can get two pounds of ground beef. and two packs of bacon absolutely free.

plus $20 off your first box now that's a. deal just go to butcher box.com. Theo or use promo code Theo. at checkout that's butcher box.com slash. Theo or use promo code Theo at checkout. butcher box it's the way that meat. should be I'm gonna let you know about. this Ridge wallet and if you want to get. somebody meat that's a great gift get.

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and the ridge wallet it's right there in. the front boom it's nice looking I like. that I can set it next to my phone next. to my keys and I'm keen and I'm GIDA. I'm actually gonna send one of my friend. Corey Huff he just had a baby and they. um and he lives in Illinois and I'm. gonna send him one as a gift it's free. shipping so you can get it fast and free. returns case you don't like it you don't. like it take it back and there's a.

lifetime guarantee on it there's thirty. thousand five-star reviews so they've. got a lot to be confident about over at. Ridge see exactly how it works by going. to Ridge comm slash Theo. that's Ridge comm slash th EO and use. code th EO for 10% off that's right 10%. off. Ridge get that hitter get that hitter. baby a lot of great calls have come in I.

want to also let you know about some. dates. the Lafayette date has sold out that's. December 26 and I'm so excited. you know I'm so grateful man I've been. working really hard recently I'm just uh. just trying to go easier on myself and. just feel a little bit better and I can. just feel it I can just start to feel it. you know and it just makes my shows. better it just you know I'm you know I.

don't want to just you know I want to. feel good and so that's what so I'm. really excited I'm just it just makes me. so much more excited about how the dates. what else got Denver coming up comedy. works south and those tickets are on. sale and I don't know if that's going to. be dark arts or just kind of working on. new material Toronto will go on sale. this week. finally I promise it's going on sale.

this week outside of that we have every. date in Europe is sold out for January. and I can't believe it. I can't believe I'm going to Europe not. my up Europe I'm like a pilgrim I'm. going back we're doing it again. so just I mean you know just a lot to be. thankful for right now a lot to be.

thankful for and those are some of those. things what else any other dates that. might be it for now unless if you see. one online and it's and it's selling. then it's a date that I'm doing so we do. have Oxon Hill Maryland and Red Bank New. Jersey those dates are also those are in. February so thank you guys tickets. available at Theo von comm slash tour. and also at Theo von store.com a lot of.

new merch we got the gang gang hit her. from with the cartoon boy on it and then. we got to get that hitter sweatshirt and. in the Rat King t-shirt and a man that. rack King t-shirts dope I wore it. yesterday just around the house so a lot. of good calls have come in and and I. feel bad I can't use them all. on here I think we probably have about. 10,000 calls that have come in but but.

thank you so much for anyone who's ever. submitted one and uh and for sharing. your life with uh with me and with all. of us let's take a couple calls here hey. Theo wassup this is Heather and I'm. calling to ask you how I can get my. husband to quit farting around me oh you. got that farty man you got that farty.

man. Thank You Heather let's hear more from. young lady most mostly in the bed. because I'm trying to sleep the most. sleep Haven and uh crop-dusting me under. the cover so how can I get him to stop. farting everywhere I go oh man well look. I mean there's two ways you can look at. it differently if you want. yeah he's farting you know that man's. got air coming out of his butt but if.

you want that could be a little sound of. love you know some animals pass gas on. each other the Japanese do it you go to. Japan do you fart somewhere I'll have to. people will come over and they'll you. know I'm saying to hug you it's all so. different places it's a different thing. so every time he does it maybe you give. him a little big wet kiss you know maybe. you tickle him when he does it you need.

to have a little cute thing of your own. because some cultures yeah you pass gas. on somebody that's that's like two. months of dating in one little and one. fell poof so if he's throwing that body. smoke on you I think you just you got to. come back at him but yeah I think don't. look at it as maybe something dirty look. at it as something real beautiful. because he could fart on anybody think.

about that he could pass gas on anyone. he wants but he chooses he chooses to. pass gas on you and there's you know. we're really evolved now in today's. times where everybody's got you know you. know DVD players and [ __ ] lasers and. everything but one strong storm and.

people will be farting on each other for. warmth I'm saying one big flood and the. most gaseous dude in the world's gonna. have all the [ __ ] cuz that I mean. look that's it that's free heat you know. when I was growing up about a bus stop. my brother sometime a fart on my hands. sometimes if I did if I didn't have an. admittance with me so but now you could.

feed him cleaner stuff and so he don't. have any scent and you're just getting. the warmth let's hear more he farted on. me in the shower the other night can you. oh you believe it anyway how do I get. him to stop farting I mean you could ask. him that's one way to get to get him to. do it you could leave him a little note. or you could just embrace him or you. could punch his ass every time he does. it you know what I'm saying you know.

what you could also do lick your. freaking fingers and slap him in the. neck and I know that's violent of me to. say but dude if somebody when I was. young somebody would lick two of their. fingers and hit you in the neck as hard. as they could and whatever you were. doing you didn't do it anymore. hmm I wouldn't do anything after that. I mean I'd do nothing but good luck out. there with your man thank you for. calling.

all right let's get a patreon question. that came in here. Melissa Henry wants to know do you have. a favorite Christmas show movie or. cartoon I'm curious I want to see that. new Klauss movie that I saw a billboard. for and also I like to watch home alone. the first one and I like to watch elf so.

that's kind of where I'm at right now. and I'll also watch um. Little House on the Prairie Christmas. Spectacular they have like a Christmas. episode at least one that's pretty good. so I'll tune into some stuff like that I. think that's about it oh here's one. Dalton Windham asked what do you think. about comedians censoring the opinions. of fans on social media Pete Davidson. reportedly now requires a person to sign.

a nondisclosure agreement to attend a. stand-up show you have to agree not to. give interviews opinions or critiques. about the show if you violate the. agreement you owe a million dollars well. first part of the question what do you. think about comedians censoring the. opinions of fans on social media I think. social media censors people all the time. if you go on you know Twitter a lot of.

things are not allowed to be said on. there or if they if there's certain. things trending they'll make them not. trend so I think that's our biggest. that's the biggest censorship I'm. worried about is censoring by companies. that own the platforms we communicate on. I mean imagine if 2,000 people if we. didn't have you know social media then. we would have our voice that was our. original social media and imagine if.

2,000 people are talking would you only. like to hear what 1300 of them have to. say or what 700 of them have to say then. you could mute those other ones. then that's that's Twitter and Facebook. a lot of these companies they can do. that they can say oh this we don't like. this we don't like these points of view. we can mute that that's very scary. specifically repeat Davison I saw this I.

saw this that he was having people sign. an NDA and I had a couple thoughts one. part what part of me thought it was a. good idea at first I was like oh well it. makes it a safe space to speak in. because people would be afraid to talk. or people would be afraid to like. condemn you and you could get back to. just trying to be humorous so that was.

my first thought it was like oh this is. interesting because if everybody signed. an NDA and you didn't have to worry. about somebody calling you out if you. tried a joke then you you be at peace to. really feel the energy that I think. people used to feel to be able to be. creative you know I don't know if. creativity has the legs that it used to. have because it's just been cut off at.

the knees by so many just by so many. opinions you know. creativity has to filter through. opinions and you have to filter it. through opinions before you can even. share before you can even be creative so.

that's kind of spooky and my second. thought was just wondering if uh if. Peters having a tough time at his shows. you know is he just you know I know. there's been articles about you know. issues he was having it was at least two. articles that I saw where he was having. issues now who knows if those articles. are you know how factual they are are. people being thrown out of his shows you.

know I don't know sometimes I worry. about him but that could just be you. know should I worry about everything so. but that's really my thoughts on it. because these days a lot of people also. who are throwing out critiques and stuff. like that are just doing it for their. own clout so you'll have somebody to go. see somebody show this show will be fine. and then somebody will write a scathing. article just because that's gonna get.

more play you know if you write. something like great about Dave. Chappelle special that's great. Dave will be happy a lot of people will. agree with you you write something. that's scathing or accused one of his. statements of being a certain anti this. or something that or then that becomes a. thing online and now your cloud is. building as a interviewer as a you know.

an opinion astoria list whatever that. word means these days so I think if. there's a way for performers to limit. that then maybe that's maybe that's. maybe there's value there. maybe it'll gifts get everybody back to. a place where it's like you know I came. here to have fun and not to. just try to get something out of this.

performance for myself I don't think a. lot of audience members are doing that. I've never felt like that from an. audience person or from anybody that. I've ever met at my shows but you know I. don't know I run in different circles. than mr. Pete Davidson all right let's. take a call right here on word hey. what's up deal this is Pedro I'm calling. you from probably one of the top ten. dark guard cities of the world. Chicago Oh what's up Pedro thanks for.

calling man Chicago yet as Illinois and. my mother was born in Illinois and I. love that state man and I'm grateful. that it gave me her and um and thank you. for calling home word I just wanted to. call you and say that uh thank you for. uh for all that you do for other. positivity that you put out in the world. you know. you really uh you helped steer my. negativity into a more positive light.

thanks man. that's nice you to say that I appreciate. uh I appreciate you saying that that's a. very sweet of you. onward especially recently I just had a. little bad breakup with a girl that has. known for quite a while and uh the. reason for the break-up was a all that. negativity that uh that I better carry. with me you know and I kind of pushed me. you know and a more a more positive path.

to be in a more positive path you know I. it's it's something that I really need. to work on myself you know for this this. upcoming uh that's a coming week I'll be. taking the trip up to a New Orleans you. know because what better way to better. the dark arts and to go to a city known. for dark arts amen brother yes yeah have. fun down there in New Orleans man I hope. you have a good time and I'm sorry to. hear about that breakup and.

yeah man at negativity man I feel you. yeah you know I can I can relate to that. you know I was in a relationship one. time and I was negative man you know. what a lot of the relationships I've. been in extra and I think about it I was. negative you know I didn't want to have. fun sometimes I didn't I didn't want to.

have fun with someone else especially. not with somebody else who loved me I. didn't want to I couldn't. or I didn't want to somewhere in there. you know because if I had. with that person you know if I stay. positive then then it's put it's really.

putting yourself out there it's making. yourself real vulnerable you know. letting somebody see me have a good time. just hard for me you know just hard for. me to do there's something about it I. just I think I was afraid to let myself. be seen having a good time because if.

you. fun if you know that I care about you. then that opens that opens up a lot of. risk that opens up a lot of risk and. it's easier to be negative that way ever.

it shuts every. it shuts down all possibility it shuts. down all joy that could that could. happen but man just you know in. hindsight I wish I had lifted up more. than women than I that I you know I've. had relationships with you know the good. part of me does my heart definitely does. you knowing just be brave enough to you.

know to let him see you have fun yet for. me I think people seeing me have a good. time or something maybe it was a sign of. weakness for me at times in my life or I. don't know and I'm not saying you know. I'm not having pity on myself or. anything I'm just trying to think about. why I didn't want why I would be. negative.

and the saddest thing about it is when I. think back is I've got I've had the. blessing of being able to date some. really some women that were very. beautiful on the inside. first and foremost and I really shut. that down with a lot of my negativity. sometimes you know I just and uh and. that's not what I want to be about so I.

think there's ways to figure it out man. I don't have it all figured out myself. so I can't really I can just relate to. kind of maybe somewhat of what you're. talking about but but yeah I don't know. exactly the solution man it's you know. one of the reasons that I know I. struggle in relationships you know and. it's okay I'm determined to you know to. get better and to get into a better.

place with them and um and I do believe. that we can I do believe that and I. think we want it you know you sound like. a nice guy man you sound like somebody. that that I'd vote for it bro vote for. Pedro you know so just don't be too hard. on yourself man and we just we can learn. from our mistakes but we should we got. to figure out why we do it you know for. me a lot of it is I just uh if I let her. what if I'm in a relationship and a.

woman sees me feeling good about myself. or sees me having fun or it's just scary. you know maybe it goes back to who knows. I don't know when I was young I just I. don't know I don't know man but keep. your head up and thanks for calling and. and helping me kind of think about it a. little bit you know I've been struggling. recently to really get in touch with any. of my feelings at all especially the.

past six months so having this moment to. really to think about this even some. it's been nice for you it's been nice. for me so thank you bro. be good to yourself man I'll talk to you. soon all right let's take a call here. here we go yo CEO Dan Smith from. Minneapolis you wanted to call in for. comments questions concerns issues yep. thank you for calling Anthony. oh we're well this is an issue see at.

the one hour and 22 minute mark of your. podcast and mr. Neal Brennan you've. decided out of all 30 teams of NBA you. compared your less than sex life to my. indiana pacers and that's when you made. it personal I can't I can't listen the. rest of podcast and to be honest I don't. know if I can even continue. ganghwa I respected thank you for thank. you for the call Anthony yeah if I think.

about my sex life dude or my sexual. ability i'm the indiana pacers. and it's not sex life it's sex ability. man you know I'll keep shooting I'll. take some chances you know I'd do a few. more layups than I do dunks I steal um. you know I'll call a lot of timeouts and. I'm not like a real champion but but you.

know but uh but I always you know I keep. playing and and I think yeah I think. that's where I am and I really do think. I'm the Indiana Pacers of when it comes. to sexual so thank you for the call man. and thank you for thinking about it all. right let's take another call here here. we go. hey Theo this is Brady from June 18.

hunting in the great state of Ohio as a. big boy Buckeye State I just got a. question for you about hairstyles that. you are the king of hairstyle well um I. have a hairstyle I just for sure man you. know I got this hairstyle boy and I got. that splash baby go gang always had. short. I'm a senior in college and I'm really. debating on growing up my hair and. getting that juicy big board Paulette. that mullet huh you thinking about.

mullet that mullet. Oh weird you know with that last. semester coming in you know in the. professional world I don't know if it's. a little bit too risque to have that big. wood mullet rolling around dude let me. tell you this about risque brother you. know what's risque to go through your. whole life looking like a dang head. chump you got to grow that splash baby. drop that back splash I'm talking about.

that baby drape I'm talking about that. fricking magic carpet ride on the back. of your neck you ain't got the balls to. grow the falls brother you talk about. the professional world professional. playoffs do you write in your mind man. you're fresh out of college do you still. smell like LSD and liquor nobody's. giving you a decent job for a while. buddy bear okay so I think you need to.

freaking get that honey drip off the. back let me tell you this man you walk. into an office with that mullet and. they'll love you they'll respect you. you're not just a man. you're a mascot you come in with that. mullet baby and people want to see it. you'll have ladies hanging off of it. where's the secretary we're having fun. we're uh and she you can't even find her. because every time you turn your head. she swings to the other side of you.

because she's hanging off that curtain. you got to get that curtain baby that. certain curtain dog and some places it's. a mullet and in Europe okay which is a. lot of the world it is a hawk soccer. haircut you go up to Canada this is a. hockey haircut so it look but I'm saying. this if you want to live your whole life. never knowing what it feels like to be a.

be stuck. then go on go get you a job dog but I'd. rather show up looking like the Lord's. boy. with that frickin waterfall. good luck out out in the world man. whatever you choose to do but you keep. that favor gang I'm going to tell you.

this right now you got to know that. hiring can be a slow process especially. if everybody has the same haircut but. you see one person come in with that oh. you know straight up you got to drop. them trout lines on that neck baby you. got to come full you got to get that. lettuce baby you got to serve that. cabbage grow grow it out brother and get.

a job man. you get a job dude doing whatever you. want wrestling body slamming the. neighbor making love dude once you get. that hair boy speaking of hair and. hiring hiring can be a slow process. Caffe alturas co o dillon Miska wits. needed to hire a director of coffee for. his organic coffee company but he was.

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slash tpw that's zip recruiter comm. slash tpw zip recruiter comm slash tpw. zip recruiter the smartest way to hire a. couple more calls man and I love these. and I'm and and and uh and I'm happy to. be here and I'm how you know and I'm. doing my best man I'm doing my best.

you know sometimes I'm afraid I get. afraid to talk about stuff on here. sometimes I think I don't know what. happened I think I just got afraid. sometimes this year man I just got. afraid of everything oh but that's the. past man. and um and that's okay and everything is.

gonna be okay. let's take another couple of calls man. here we go hey what's up Theo von this. is Luke from Tampa Florida what's up. Luke. thank you for hitting the hotline. brother and I'm real happy right now. uh I just asked out my crush no she's uh. crush at work you know we were friends I. was talking to her and I started to like.

her and stuff and uh you know decided. today to ask her out and you know I just. came up to her and said you know do you. want to grab coffee or something. sometime a nice nice casual move and you. know she started to get weird and I just. said you know you can I know this is. weird you can say no if you want to and. she was just like I mean yeah we can get. get coffee as friends and that kind of. broke my heart a little bit. but now I you know now I know I can move.

on and I don't have to catch feelings. for this girl anymore. and I did a good thing for my. self-esteem you know it hurts a little. bit but I know. long term this is good for me and this. was a this was a brave thing for me to. do I don't do stuff like that often so. I'm just real happy. so hey Thank You Man peace peace brother. thank you man that's awesome. hell yeah bro Luke out there getting it.

in dude there's no getting rejected by a. woman fine lady you miss the bus if you. don't like being on the bus then bye. you missed it there that's brave man I. love it I love it because there ain't a. man out there who doesn't wish if they. could go back in time so many times that.

they'd asked the girl out and that's not. you today it does wonders for your. self-esteem here and that inspired my. self-esteem man dude that's awesome yeah. do you and it what a great statement. that it hurts a little now but you know. now you're not going to have these. aimless wandering thoughts about her and. all of this and that you're gonna have. yeah you're it's clean in your book your. communication was real real clean man.

that's awesome and that's communication. you had a feeling you communicated it. she communicated you recognized when she. felt a little uncomfortable which is. real nice you you didn't put this you. know you didn't put that hot iron on her. back man I commend you bro gang boy. that's what we do around here that's. what we we ask girls out we get rejected.

Gang Gang boy self-esteem gang bra love. that dude thank you for calling man this. man that made me feel so good thank you. so much brother dang that's powerful. right there get out of your head get. into action he did it. did it let's take another call. hey Co I'm like I'm like you manic I got.

that got that monkey on my back and I'm. just don't know what to do anymore thank. you for calling man let's hear more but.

listen man I've been sober a handful of. times and I've had a few years under my. belt thing I was always going back to. the dark side you know and uh man I'm 42. years old and got these beautiful kids. and I got three of them and they're.

amazing and I'm just starting to run out. of running out of gas man like I can't. hold up like I used to and I and the. drinking is just it scared me down I. feel ashamed to call on this line and in. Christ but I'm tired man it's wearing me. out I'm so tired and I don't feel.

hopeless about getting back in the. program I think that's the main reason. I'm calling because I don't know how to. get that that help get that hope going. again and believe that that I can do. this one more time I just don't know how. to live sober scares the hell out of me. right these kids depend on me and that's. a lot of pressure and I'm I didn't grow. up like a lot of people I think I grew. up kind of like you and I don't really.

know how to handle [ __ ] man. I'm just trying real hard but it's. getting harder and I'm starting to [ __ ]. things up and you know I was talking to. my buddy she's in my sponsor a bunch of. times but anyway he said you know he was. talking to me about the gambler about. how the gambler just keeps playing until. they lose that they're actually playing.

to lose and I mean I and I think that. might be the case for me for some reason. like I don't know how to stop this thing. anyway man I don't know what I'm trying. to say to you and I don't even know why. I'm calling you about it you know like. it seems like the right thing to do. would be like light if you're asked to. the meeting you dummy and I and I hear. that but where I live man sometimes.

meetings they don't they don't really. provide what you need not a lot of great. meetings around here but man I here's. the deal man I just want to stop this. [ __ ] man and I just want to be a good. dad I just want my kids I just want to. be something that my kids can look up to. and I have pride in and want to be like.

but but that's not what they're seeing. right now. and now it's killing me man thanks for. calling man I appreciate it. I'm sorry you're having a tough time you. know as.

you to call you know it shows that her. to me it shows that you care about. yourself yeah I can relate a lot man I. can relate a lot I think we are a lot. the same you know I just keep trying but. I was just not finding solution not. finding comfort man it gets tiring it.

gets so tiring this the energy we spend. just to just just spinning our wheels. man. and the gambler there's a good reference. by your friend yeah sometimes just keep. playing just to lose you know so no when.

I would smoke cigarettes I would smoke. them and I would be burned half when I'd. start smoking the next one before I even. finish the one I was on I put it out and. start smoking the next one because I. wasn't smoking to enjoy smoking I was. smoking just to burn myself down I. wanted to cook my heart like a damn. little chicken because I had control. over that yeah just play in the lose man.

I don't care if I lose at leak but at. least I'll lose you know I'm in control. if I lose that's this thing that that's. this story that there is that's the. feeling you know watch me wreck my life. don't don't you care that was this thing. always inside of me watch me you know. watch me you know when it came to my.

addiction and stuff or when it comes to. it that's the story that's inside of me. sometimes or that can be inside of me. watch me ruin everything because I'm in. control of that it's so hard to let go. of control that's the thing is so hard. to I mean you're doing it right there.

when used to mean you're saying he tired. man. this brother. I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired of feeling. alone. I'm tired of not I'm tired also not even.

being there for myself I mean that's the. loneliest bro when you don't even have. yourself because you've done set up so. many little goals for yourself and not. achieve them every time and time again. that you don't even trust yourself.

in my experience cuz I mean I've had you. know I've had a recent experience with. this of just being sick of myself man I. got sick of myself this year you know. one of the best years of my life in some. circles and I didn't feel good you know.

I didn't and it's not a and so what I. was doing was I wasn't doing anything to. take care of myself really I had to. start doing things different I had to. take action you know and I'm not telling. you what to do. but what has worked for me is taking. action and the meetings sometimes I go. to the meetings and the program works I. don't deny that 12-step that recovery. works and it's contrary action that's.

the action I have to take a lot of times. you know when I don't want to go to the. meeting when I don't want to pray when I. don't want to ask for help. hard ask for help because we're you know. we you know we feel like we're the only. person that cares about us so and we've. always been the only person that cares. about us so to ask for help is like a.

weakness you know that's what I found. for myself but but it's not man there's. so many gifts on the other side of that. there's so many gifts on in that book. it's not even about the meetings it's. about that book it's about the process. you know you could be in any meeting you. could be in the worst meeting and it's. about really it's it's about the meeting.

that you have with yourself. meeting yourself in your heart and. saying hey I got to do things different. you know I really do want something. different for me I want to have some. self-esteem I want to feel good I want.

to I want my kids to look at me and know. I'm gonna do whatever I say I'm gonna do. or are them to trust me and be reliable. all the things that I always hated. because I felt like they weren't there. for me are the things that my alcoholism. wants. to become you know drugs and.

a side effect those are just I don't. know if I have addiction of those things. but I have addiction too but I have. addiction man I have a you know just not. feeling good about yourself. I can relate man I'm sorry that you're. dealing with it man I'm sorry I really. am brother man. and it's hard to go to those meetings.

it's hard to say yeah I'm gonna do this. for myself it's hard to go back it's. hard to sit in a meeting that's not even. fun or good sometimes I'll go to. meetings it's not even good and I stay. it's just a test so then that's just a. test of patience but doing the work. doing the 12 steps man there is a. brighter side to it. and I'm sorry that you feel I'm assuming.

you probably just feel so alone but uh. but that's just a feeling man that's not. true. the truth is there's probably a lot of. people that care about you and I'm one. of them and count me in you know when. you said that we're a lot of like man I. knew right then when you said that that. we are and I didn't know it in my ears. and in my brain I just knew it in my.

heart there was nothing. there's nobody could you could cut a. million cables Brian you couldn't. disconnect that fact from me we are a. lot alike man and this isn't a self-pity. thing this ain't a pity party it's the. strongest thing to do to say I want to. have a bigger experience inside of my. heart you know it's. that's where the joy that's where the.

circus is I want to be a billionaire in. my aortas brother that's what I want and. I believe you have to believe or I have. to believe that there is a way I have to. believe that but man I tell you that. that that those 12 steps do work and if. you're having trouble man maybe you know. ask your God or ask your ask God or ask.

your higher power for some willingness. you know God just make me willing God. please today just help me have some. willingness to try something different. to try some contrary action I mean I do. stuff last night some friends invited me. to a hockey game first hockey game I had. a chance to go to I didn't want to go. because something inside of me wants to. isolate it wants to be by myself it. wants to you know let my feelings of you.

know less than they wants to let him out. like squirrels and let him run around. all over my body but I say yes I will go. yes I will be there at this time and I. went and dude I had a great time I had a. great time and that's contrary action I. learned that from you know the program.

because I. contrary action a lot of times I want to. do it my way because that's the way I. always did it I felt like I did things. my way nobody cared I'm doing it my way. and that works for a long time that. worked for me for a long time until it. didn't work anymore you know until it. just didn't work anymore and that's okay. I recognize that that pattern doesn't.

work and I need to develop a new pattern. but I believe you I believe in you man. I believe that you can do it and you got. three beautiful kids dude that's awesome. man you got those gifts man you got. gifts you got gifts flying out of your. dick brother honestly you know I hate to. be profane like that but I wasn't gonna. say that and then I just said it but but.

man you got a big heart bro and. you can do it man if you really want it. you can do it I believe in you man and I. and I bet you believe in you too but. we're strong willed bro when we want to. do something we can do it and uh I love. you bro gang man thank you for thank you. for the call all right let's take a man.

sorry I was just I was man it takes. power scary it's you know it takes power. it's brave bro that's brave man we're. brave we be in focus so just today gang. let's take a call hey Co this is Ryan. from Idaho just calling I know you get a. lot of problems in whatever but I just.

want to call and thank you from the. bottom of my heart for your podcast it's. got me through some really rough days. trying to clean up and and get my life. back together I'm now celebrating five. months of sobriety today and you know. your podcast has been a really awesome. anchor for me throughout the day so I. don't burn down my place of employment. you know but yeah man I just wanna say I. appreciate you love you and keep doing.

what you're doing man Jane Jane gang. brah Thank You Man thank you for the. call thank you for the warm words you. did that you know it's nice you too to. say thank you to me and uh you know I. love where your hearts at with that but. you did that you know you chose to do. something for yourself and you did it. you know that's your father wants a. sobriety that's the thing about that. program man. it is not a they don't have this mean.

they don't have these people this it is. a program it is you it's you against the. devil's inside of you and you chose to. challenge a man in five months dude. that's amazing. you know in the past year I lost three. friends who overdosed and and it's scary. out there you know I don't like to think. I don't like to I notice is you know. this episode has gotten kind of real and.

a lot of them have been my life's it's. been [ __ ] it's been hard for me to be. funny this year which is crazy because. it's been the year of you know most. comedy success for me am I am I work but. on my human side it's you know the. battle is different and man thank you so. much for calling the saying that you got. five months do that makes me feel so. good bro. it makes me feel so good to know just to. hear that when you share that dude.

that's you sharin hope let's hope let's. hope you're sharing man we're getting. this bro. everybody everybody dude we're getting. shot down by our crushes bro you feel me. and that's how we do it we get rejected. boy. [Music]. nobody gets rejected like us rejection. gang bruh. that's who we are man y'all got me fired.

up I love this dude thank you guys so. thanks for being a part of my day today. let's take this one last call um let's. take this one last call here oh this is. Tim Dimmick from San Antonio Texas. what's up timmy thank you for calling. baby I've been going to recovery for the. past nine months trying to get my life. better the last three years amen brother. which you got for us Tim it really got.

serious about it the last five months so. I went to my church moved away from my. town in Austin Texas San Antonio Texas. when with my church got connected the. we started serving in my church like my. higher power shirt for me you got. connected you started doing service I. like it bro and what it happened was. this this Christmas they're giving out. five big gifts now the cool thing about. the big gift is that our church fashion.

on a bucket at KFC bucket Dan your. church pass around a real KFC bucket. brother the Angels have wings over there. Brian and breasts and thighs boy look at. the Nuggets on them and Helios onward. Papa and we all put money in the bucket. and then it passed around again says he. got bills take out of the bucket the. money left over from fire services in. Community Bible Church with 75 grand and.

me going through my struggles and being. service to the church but him what you. want a walkie-talkie baby but I love it. bro that's communication dude I'll. communicate with it damn slingshot brah. whisper into the frickin into that. little into that little holster own a. slingshot and fire that secret across. the universe gang onward they had. noticed that my vehicle wasn't the best. shape and it was 99 Ford Ranger I got.

into a wreck in April and broke the back. windshield with my face long story but. you drive like a professional wrestler. in the eighties boy yes gangsta son. homework short the church said I was the. first qualified participant to receive a. brand-new 2011 Ford f-150. god bless me all I can say is that if.

this helps one person come to recovery. then it'll all be it'll all be worth it. I did have a huge blessing to my life. and I just wanted to share that with. your audience and you as well man gangs. you know said you know what I'm [ __ ]. all right gang bro that's awesome man. thanks for sharing that dude wow you got. to. truck there that's amazing bro there.

that's so great well you can hear the. gratitude right there you can hear the. gratitude in that man thank you for. sharing bro man I just to hear somebody. be so grateful bro that's awesome man. just reminds me of the things I'm. grateful for dude and how I just man I. lost that this year I lost feeling a. gratitude. you know I wake up in a world man I wake.

up in a world I'm a human being that's. amazing man I'm a spirit that gets to be. in this thing that's a gift man you know. what I'm not trying to sound preachy or. anything and I didn't make this episode. to be all about you know people that are. struggling with recovery or anything. like that I mean held a one lady is. struggling with farts in her bed but you. know I was listening to the calls today. and man uh it just hit me in the heart.

man you know there's a special group of. people that are that are part of this. podcast man and uh I think part of me. man I feel I don't feel bad I just I. forgot that this year you know I did I. struggled this year feeling gratitude so. much and I had so much to be grateful. for and one of the things that I didn't.

realize how grateful I was was just uh. for the dish that there's an amazing. group of people that that tune in here. and then and when I listen to the voice. mails I feel like just a listener you. know I'm just somebody just it's like. we're just like it's like an echo. chamber we're just throwing it back and. forth. oh but yeah I really struggle with. gratitude this year and it was so it was. hard because all I wanted to be was.

grateful and I couldn't feel it I could. say it but I just couldn't feel it man. that's okay you know I learned it and I. figure it out and and it's getting. better and uh but man that's beautiful. do you got a truck man and you need to. get places and you trying to do. something and you know action creates. action this guy showed up who his. program whatever it is you know he. showed up he showed up he showed up and.

next thing you know he got wheels under. him now he's got a way to show up easily. and that's dude that's awesome that's. awesome man. anything you want that was the song. about Bishop gun you can have anything. you want and it does take work man but. never in my life have I worked for. something and not had it equal something.

I don't know if any of us have you have. you ever worked real hard for something. and not gotten it not gotten something. not gotten something out of it. you always get a gift on the inside or. on the outside you know God. 150 in EUR in your driveway or in your. driveway brother in your heart and uh.

yeah I don't know what I'm talking about. rambling but man I'm just everything's. gonna be okay it is baby it is I mean. those two men are stuck in that Blizzard. dude with that dog. jeepers so you know and I mean if.

anything prey for that animal and I. think it didn't one all of that it. didn't one all of that but we got this. we're making it man thank you to. everybody that called in think yet. everybody that paid attention thank you. to everybody that's coming out to one of. these future shows thank you for being. my friend through this you know I don't. know what I'm doing when I started this.

podcast and I don't know what I'm doing. ever but you know I'm just grateful I. can whew. the other side of like the tough stuff. I've been feeling this year and uh and. I'm just grateful man I just got scared.

this year I had so much ego I couldn't. just everything inside of me just all. this fear just flared up and I just had. a tough time and I know some of you. might not notice something you don't. care that's fine that's fine they're. saying about I guess it's just about. it's about me right now but man I just. just when I was listening to those calls. today was the best part of my day you.

know you know why cuz I just didn't feel. alone man I didn't feel alone and that's. it man. we can get our dreams I was gonna play. making it but that's too slow man we. live we lift her than it we lift her. than that we didn't do we got a crush. ask her out even if she's married go ask.

her out she tells you to go [ __ ]. yourself you say [ __ ] yeah just got. rejected checkmate. cuz that's what we do we do what we want. bro that's safe for others but we do. what we want and we get rejected and we. take our chances and this brave man is. contrary action everything and your body. says no when you say yes and you move. your feet we move our feet and our brain.

will follow you can't think your way in. a positive action which you can act your. way in a positive thinking that's the. oldest say we can do it. I'm getting preachy we can do it man you. guys be good to yourselves man you can. have anything you want I believe that. and thank you for uh for being a great. part of my day gang. [Music]. [Laughter].

[Music]. Oh. [Music].

to assist with another man's ocean. wrote to a papery on the team.

[Music]. [Music]. [Music]. you guys be good to your sales man you.

deserve it okay.