Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4 | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #297

and then you hear rumors Theo was on PCP. on in Nashville he ran through a wall MH. right you're like what and so then like. you hear these stories I installed PVC. pipe in a wall that's actually what. happened so that's crazy that's just how. it. translates shine that on. me I sit and tell you my. stories. sh I know.

me and I will find a song I will sing it. [Applause]. just you don't all. right your attitude's weird I me he's. passive aggressive happy to have you. yeah I'm happy to have you too but it's. like sure you know I just ask for for. some earphones I'm I'm a podcast but. it's okay like that sounding believable. man you got a tan going or what dude I.

was at the beach yesterday man you go to. the beach huh yeah that's exciting do. you guys get out there much no man I've. been to the beach before in my in my. life bro I'm a beach guy dude I grew up. in San Diego bro yeah but that doesn't. mean you're a beach guy like do you go. to the beach a lot dude look at this. hang loose bro yeah but I never seen. pictures of you at the beach before I. know because um I don't have a beach. body bro yeah you do no no no I look. like baby whale [ __ ] yeah but that's. that's what my body shape like baby.

whale [ __ ] there's some dope urchins and. stuff out there you know pull up a. picture of an urchin if you don't mind. Nick cuz I don't know what it is and I. don't want to be offensive to you yeah. look at that Bobby yeah oh wow that's. definitely you one time I saw it I was. in the water in the ocean I saw I. thought I saw Eric Griffin yeah but it. was a blobfish o I see yeah and it was. complaining about something he was. complaining about something he had the. glasses and everything dude um what's.

going on we have started yet mhm yeah we. started I guess this is it this is how. you do it this is your Bob day party man. oh [ __ ] I didn't realize you even did. that bro oh [ __ ] I feel so [ __ ] uh. grateful I think I think that's the word. to use man thank you so much you put Bob. up here like this and then uh and some. happy birthday [ __ ] you got a van v we. got it somewhere yeah yeah yeah Safeway. or whatever you know it's definit it's. not homemade it's not homemade yeah yeah. I you know I'm used to home homemade. birthday stuff but you know dude are you.

feeling uh have you started to feel I've. been starting to feel older. man bro let me tell you something right. now dude yeah my penis that's how you. know my penis dude it don't work. correctly. really like how does it work like if it. like if when I pee I have to. concentrate martial art or something. isn't that no no no I had to what do you. mean you don't get like a white belt.

with it no but I feel like if you. concentrate hard enough you can. almost that's peeing yeah just pee know. but before you would just go I'm going. to pee and it was just like a natural. thing oh yeah right it's like breathing. you just naturally do it but sometimes. like last night I had to. go I know I have to pee but it's clogged. up maybe it's [ __ ] ooh maybe it's clouded. up with [ __ ] but it's like you already I. heard you the first time you said it I. know cuz I had jerked off you know how I.

jerked off before that and it didn't. come out but you still felt no the game. came out. oh thick pure Korean Comm. oh and that's a delicacy I think yeah. yeah yeah you know what it looks like. it's like that foam cappuccino foam wow. you know you got get a nice cappuccino. yeah that's what it looks like and so I. was coming real good yeah you I'm like. ah you know somebody told me black guys. come has music in it have you heard. that yeah yeah yeah Jazz some it's like.

jazz blues kind of a thing yeah it's. like um fonus monk yeah that's what it. it's got a little Leon bridges in the. back and it's thicker too I've tasted it. it's thicker but yeah yeah it's a thick. good good stuff I well it was a fat. black gu so maybe that's fat black guys. have thicker C oh I'm sure they do dude. even just by looking at them you know. they're not yeah yeah it's got diabetes. in it for sure well they're not they're. definitely throwing a Crim you know P. Brule you.

know anyway I murb last night in the. bathtub and um did you yeah yeah and was. uh your wife in there with you or no no. she's sleeping okay yeah yeah yeah and. she's not my wife um so I was. masturbating in the bathtub and um you. know um you know what sucks about. masturbating the bathtub it drives me. crazy you come right is this too blue. for the show I think it is but it's too. blue for me it ni fine Nick's over there. licking his lips yeah Nick just put an. apron on so then I had in my hand right. and so what I do is I clean it later you.

know I like I'll do it later you save it. in your hand no I don't save it let dry. no that's crazy that's crazy talk yeah. no on the side I just wipe it on the. side I clean it later on the side of the. tub yeah I clean it later right so put. on the side of the you've never cleaned. anything. later I've been to your house where you. know how people have that big water jug. they collect coins in you had one filled. with urine so I did I I I'm going to. save it later like that right cuz I I. like to like relax but what the worst. thing is is that then I looked at my PE.

PE right and there's still a couple you. know what I mean yeah just like you know. like sea monkeys yeah like people on the. roof during Hurricane Katrina they're on. the tip of my penis and they and they. they were doing this and I'm like this. car. yeah yeah so yeah yeah like one of those. things that's what it looks like one of. those you know things that you see at a. car dealership yeah yeah and so he was. doing this and then I just let it float. and I'm thinking to myself do they think. it's like the. ovary like we made it oh do they think.

you're the ovary no the water cuz you. imagine you're coming inside of water. right and the sperm must think right I. could see if I we made it we thought it. was going to be a long distance right we. heard the stories and here we are yeah. and here we are and then like no no this. is just this is a bathtub yeah yeah you. lost yeah so then after I do that and. then I try to pee I guess maybe it's. just not old age but it's just it's. clogged a little bit what I don't. like is uh told you like well first of.

all when I was young if we ejaculated my. dad made us bury it in the yard you know. as like a religious thing kind of cuz my. dad was really religious well you mean. so you would dig a hole and then you. would come into a hole or he caught us. that we'd ejaculated onto something or. uh you know e jacked onto a cloth or. something into a little right you know. you know something maybe my sister had a. little thing of Cups and cupboards or. some little game you know children's. game thing or something.

then he would make us if he busted us he. would make us take it out of the yard. and bury it in the backyard yeah what if. you buried it and all of a sudden a. little Theo you mean six months later. just a little Theo just came out of the. ground yeah look at start use cars yeah. yeah yeah and then my mom about to Dodge. Neon um she did she did eventually man. man I remember when she got that neon. bro we thought we had made it son really. come oh dude my mom got that neon dude. my brother and I slept in it she let us. sleep out in it the first night we got. it.

yeah it's a nice how many cars did you. have growing up let me see we had a. Volkswagen we had a station wagon and. somebody stole the back door off of it. and then uh so then we got a Volkswagen. Rabbit which is like a really small car. yeah it's nice very dangerous they. backfire L can you pull up a picture of. that dark. gray what year is this 19 any of those. look good on the top row I think yeah 87. oh that's it wow wow dude it's a box man.

it's cute and Mom would drive that thing. dude and it would be out of gas she. would drive it on sheer anger would. freaking Propel that car yeah and uh we. had a Corvette what my mom had a. Corvette and you know what my dad had he. had a pedophile white. van it's just a white van right and he. would go around you know and I don't. know why but you would always go past. schools what is it about I think there's. a lot of secrecy inside of Asian men.

older Asian men. where you know what I'm saying no I. don't please explain yourself I will a. lot of white men and blacks too I'll say. it and others Slims everybody else slams. people from the desert sand Christians. everybody um they are more of they're. more outspoken with what's going on I. feel like a lot of Asian people keep. things very close to the vest like. you'll see a guy with the the van but no.

particular reason you never know and. then years later you know on his. deathbed he tells you he was you know he. he's been running a baseball card shop. across town and anymore smuggling opium. yeah smuggling opium or doing well you. guys don't do a lot of um like you guys. do more sex offender indoor you don't do. like kidnapping that kind of stuff I. don't think huh Asians well no um let me. try to think about that um cuz Asian man. is not going to be able to catch a white. kid or a black kid no [ __ ] [ __ ] no way.

that I take that very offensive what. dude bro Asians are quick as [ __ ] bro. the reason why you don't even know is. because we do it so quick MH they don't. no one there's no Witnesses come. here that's how you mean you know what I. mean and and you know what I mean come. here and they do they we molest quick o. now that I can like that. right like you know what I mean and then. we bar Barry you know what I mean yeah. we're quick as [ __ ] yeah that's you see. it yeah um D but I don't I don't I've.

never really I've never seen in the news. especially in America right Asian man. you know what I mean molest or Asian man. goes Hog Wild you know like sometimes. younger right right right or sometimes. white people go Hog Wild in a mall yeah. you know what I mean with a machine gun. like you know whatever right you never. see Asian dudes doing older dudes doing. that you guys keep your crime I feel. like very close to the vest and then at. the last second on a death in a deathbed. whisper you you tell it you know like oh.

I touch all the kiddos yeah yeah you. know Bobby I killed. 9,342 people in my life or something. like that and you're like what the [ __ ]. and then they just die yeah I think. that's the way to do it yeah keep your. [ __ ] to yourself well you guys are you. guys come from a long history of keeping. secrets and and um tradition honor uh an. Asian man will die an Asian man Asian. will kill thems can you see about that. Nick Asian man killed themselves Asian. kill thems if they have secret you know.

they can't handle. it sabuku right there oh. sabuku right Hari Kari an alternative. spelling for is a ritual suicide in. traditional Japan if someone kills. himself I know but Theo white people. kill themselves too they just don't do. it differently yeah but we're distressed. about something yeah that's why you you. think they're having a happy day we. don't have a forest yeah yeah we have a. Forest in Japan right true right that's.

true you guys have a more it's more of. like I'm going to go over here and take. my life quietly I'm not going to bother. anybody white guys like hey look at me. uh I'm shooting people at a. Claire you know I um I think because I'm. Asians especially my parents and the my. family you know are that we want to um. assimilate yeah and we want to just you. know don't be bothered we we're lucky to. be here is the mentality I think wow. yeah we worked hard to be here we're. going to just make our money and we.

don't want to cause any trouble you know. I think the new generations of um um oh. yeah yeah are like now vocal they're out. there protesting and and very vocal but. I'm in the midr like I kind of was. influenced kind of by the a Asians that. immigrated here right so it's like I. don't really I still have that old. school you know what I mean mentality. where I don't want to like last night I. ran into this [ __ ] happened man I I'm. you can say it Tim Robbins a Chad oh.

really you know I rarely go out bro. somebody from. Chad you mean a black one no no no you. know you've heard of Chad and Karen's. mhm right so people that get upset about. stuff yeah so I was at so last night I. look at my girl and I go cuz I'm I'm. down to one pack of cigarettes a week. are you really yeah so I smoke one pack. a week and I had run out of the week the.

pack so I'm like I think I need and I. started smoking like the butts it's just. gross oh I've been there yeah so I go. you know sweetie I'm going to go to the. 7-Eleven she goes I take Juliana with. you which is my niece or her niece and. how old Juliana she's in high school. she's a senior so Juliana's in the car. with me we go to. 7-Eleven and I go and I go and I wait in. the line 6 feet whatever I have the mask. on mhm and there's a full-blown fight in. the counter with this white dude you.

know full-blown is also a term used for. AIDS. only yeah I sorry to bring that up but I. it's a pet people mind when people do. that yeah yeah yeah people are like oh. man you know a full full you know yeah. but he had it full-blown white really. yeah and he was like the guy was e Mis. Mis I don't know why but immigrants love. to say that yeah Mis you yeah so Mis you. need to wear a mask we can't ser right. he goes [ __ ] you guys are all sheep you.

know he's like doing that in the store. right I'm sorry mister mister right and. then he goes what I'll buy a mask so he. bought a mask and he kind of put it on. his face oh I ha that right like he put. it like on an eye one of the straps. wasn't even around the ear yeah he's. like now give him my beer cuz he was. buying beer oh I'm just sitting there I. go don't we're go don't say nothing. Bobby you like got internal diog and so.

he kind of leaves I order and he stands. by the. door I don't know why he has his [ __ ]. yeah and now what do you feel like he. was waiting for cuz he was already angry. at what the guy who worked there yeah. and that that man was Asian no the Mis. Mister guy yeah no he was a Hispanic. what why do he sound like that then well. because I think that you know what's. [ __ ] up when you say they do that. though is no matter what accent I do. right hello they go why are you doing. Asian accent always do that oh yeah my.

face yeah yeah that's true yeah so it. doesn't matter what I do call yeah it. could be anybody that's you that's on. yeah so Mis Mister right so then anyway. he waits by the door and I go and I. order my [ __ ] the cigarette I put in my. pocket and I'm going to the door and the. dude opens the door for me and now his. mask is off cuz he bought his [ __ ]. already MH he's like here you go sir. right you now you feel like he was. welcoming or he was he was like no I. think he was trying to be nice okay but. then I'm like no dude go ahead no you go.

in front of me right I go dude no bro. you're not wearing a mask I said he goes. I don't have. it he goes I don't have it like that. right now I look at uh Juliana in the. car and she's just she has her mask on. but I could see her eyes she what the. [ __ ] is going on right and I go and then. and then what do I do he goes it's a. hoax I you know what I. do I li. you lied to him yeah I got my friend.

died from it oh damn right he goes. really why he goes I don't have it I and. then I made up a name I made up a name. and I said two first names my D friend. David Jose that's I swear to God my. friend I said two names first name my. friend David Jose died from it he's like. I don't have it I go go ahead and we're. now in a full-blown fight bro full-blown. fight Julian's in the car freaked out. right so he just he finally relents and. he just leaves right right and all the. Halloween candy just came out that's the.

worst time to fight it like the CVS dude. right okay so so then I I go outside and. I run the car open and then he comes to. the car so I remember Julian trying to. figure out how to lock the door it was a. whole thing he's like you [ __ ]. liberal piece of [ __ ] you yeah me right. you [ __ ] you know I mean you're a. [ __ ] sheep you know and he kind of. looks at my uh driver's license to see. like what my dri I like more of a silk I. wouldn't call you a w.

yeah yeah there he is right there David. Jose rest inace R. dude there is a David yeah there is dude. I didn't know man so that guy died yeah. that guy died from the co but umn yeah. so then I um I got a car and drove away. but my adrenaline was rushing you know. and I then I if whenever I lie I feel. guilty man you felt look bad about lying. to that man yeah why did I even have to. say that you know what I mean but I. wanted to prove a point but then it's.

like you know then you then you think to. yourself right listen like what's real. right and then you go back to that movie. The Social dilemma did you see it the. social dilemma yeah is it with uh Jason. baitman what Jason no no not Jason B uh. who am I thinking of Robert Kane you. know what I'm talking about no I don't. know what you're talking about social. dilemma yeah yeah I think you're. thinking about the social.

network. no no I'm trying to think of the movie. that I'm thinking yeah yeah yeah well I. didn't see it I'm going to tell you okay. that it's a Netflix documentary okay and. it's it's all you know how the other day. all the celebrities like we're not going. to be on Instagram and Twitter until you. know I mean Facebook changes there you. know but basically it's how social um. media right has done some good for our. our our country and our world right very.

little though people say that a lot and. it's like people have connected that. have never that haven't talked to each. other in years right it's like organ. donors have been found it's like dude if. you go outside with a decent organ bro. somebody will find you dog you know what. I'm saying but mostly it's it's it's. it's caused polarization in this country. and and a lot of lot of hate lot of hate. it's yeah and it's so you know people. say it's Trump it's Trump it's like it. has a lot to do with you know you know. social media but um so you watch that.

and you go holy [ __ ] I'm never going to. be on Twitter but I can't stop on. Twitter well yeah cuz all these guys. celebrities are like we they saw the. documentary and they're like we're no. longer going to be on Twitter Instagram. Facebook we're [ __ ] though what do. you mean they're ridiculous they just. they say whatever the next thing they. got to do whatever it's always the next. what do I have to do today to feel like. yeah it's not even there's just no. uniqueness in anymore you know yeah you. know I I have a problem with people when. they go um CU sometimes I'll read a.

comment and go Bobby's Hollywood or he's. a celebrity do do when people call you a. celebrity i' be real how you don't feel. like one right no I don't feel like one. yeah I don't either like I I feel like. when people feel troubled I feel a lot. of times. sad yeah I feel like like I maybe want. to become one you know what I mean but I. haven't got I I haven't gotten there yet. well what are you g to be you're Bobby. Lee man you're not going to be somebody. else yeah kind of want to be Bruce Lee. or something some like guy like that no.

dude you're way more Bruce Lee fought. you're like not a fighter you're truce. Le but I could fight dude you are I. could fight who's that here's a guy. right here a little white kid that'll. fight you. dude hey Bobby um I've seen F's been. doing BJJ lately what are the chances. that you join in whenever you're allowed. out the house again and um how long do. you think it's going to be until you do. comedy he said can you can fight can you. fight I didn't understand what he was.

saying though he has. uh this is what I. heard that's what I [ __ ] heard dude. that's Charles Dickens bro okay I don't. even know who that is that is that the. guy I think I've heard of him great. grandson that's Chuck dick the thir. literally didn't understand what the. [ __ ] he just said tell me said Nick can. translate uh Theo started doing.

Jiu-Jitsu and he's wondering that's. hilarious he's that's hilarious I'm a. female straw weight right. now it's just funny that you do jitu. dude I am not that good at it okay yeah. I can tell and I'm not Al don't stop. it's ridiculous why because you know. because because you're in cahoots with. [ __ ] sha and Eddie [ __ ] the. Twister [ __ ] that guy's insane what's. his name Eddie bo uh bam rice uh. Mitchell yeah Mitchell Eddie Mitchell.

with the Twister oh Bryce Mitchell's a. killer dude he'll look at you that. you're you have a ghee and everything. bro dude you look ridiculous that that. is stinking up my car right now I know. dude bro stop doing it dude it's a fad I. had to stop for a week because some of. my ribs got really severely. bruised so I've been fighting two women. and I'm almost I'm almost beating one of. them what what have you learned to do. because I I wrestled in high school yeah. D you know how long high school was dude. it was different when you were in high.

school they didn't even have like I mean. they didn't have a lot the laws were. different I know but I still know how to. do like a double leg a single leg and a. fireman's oh dude fireman's is out now. you can't even it is yeah it's fire. persons now okay they changed it they. did uh what can I do now I'll tell you. this like say if somebody comes running. at me and they're going to hit me or. attack me it used to be I would be. scared and just run off now I will let. him hit me ah because you want to be. able to grab them just it's just like. now it's like okay I know I'm going to I.

know this is there's going to be some. confrontation here I'm ready for it. that's that's literally only that's as. far as I've gotten like okay I'm okay. right here is before I'd be in complete. fear I would lay on my back and kick at. them yeah but my question to you Theo is. when have you ever been attacked you. could easily get attacked now have you. seen have you seen BLM people attacking. people rather than having appetizers. attacking senior citizens trying to. finish a shrimp scampy outside of. Baltimore you seen this no man I don't. want is it going to upset me huh is it.

going to upset me no it's not it's just. like Angry white people with bullhorns. dude blm's got those rallies have gotten. so bad black people aren't even showing. up at him. anymore they are no black people like. this [ __ ] is lame as [ __ ] dude I yeah I. just I first of all my girlfriend went. to one of those no no the the protests. are I I totally get that that's a. different thing people attacking senior. citizens trying to polish off a [ __ ]. thing of grilled brussel sprouts outside.

of a [ __ ] Dave and Busters ni well. that's got to be a reason why they did. that though I I just those things where. they're chanting and going down the. street and then they get angry at people. that are eating Outdoors you know um. yeah it's it's getting you know it's. like on both sides it's getting out of. hand oh dude all those people that are. fighting in the park and throwing like. water balloons at each other and stuff. all this stuff is not yeah this this is. this isn't about anything it feels like. to me see this is where they're just. yelling at people that are trying to. finish their salad all.

right yeah it's you're you know first of. all you don't even know their backstory. yeah you mean it's like you know what I. mean with one of the white dude could. have just got out of [ __ ] the. hospital from cancer right they may have. black children at home right right and. then the woman right is has a week to. live because she has some sort of weird. like skin disease yeah right and they're. like let's have one meal together right. but it's Corona baby we don't no let's. go to [ __ ] luigianos like let's risk. it it's I have two t- cells left and. then all of sudden you know what I mean. that they just ruined their [ __ ] last.

days on Earth I got two t- cells left I. want to risk them for this calamari. Outdoors you know the shared plate yeah. people have to learn how to like realize. that like not every first of all you. know there's not two sides agreed okay. that every it's so. complex right it's crazy how what you. believe you know what I mean people's. personal lives it's so intricately. complex that there's no way to put. people categories and boxes right so.

it's like you can't just make. assumptions about things right and. that's where we are in life and I do the. same thing like when I see like you know. like hardcore right-wing you know Trump. supporters right say some [ __ ] crazy. things immediately my reaction is to. attack them but then it's like I have to. look back and go and I I'll go on their. like Twitter and then they they have. dogs yeah right and anyone anyone that. loves a dog right to me is like you know. has some empathy and and love in their.

heart you know I me it's just like you. just don't know it's like that's where. we are in the world so it's like well it. goes back to social media I think a lot. of that stuff is just fueling people to. be you know keyed up you know when I was. young you had to get coked up to go do. some. trouble now you just people are doing a. coule you know a couple hot tweets and. you're out there [ __ ] throwing an axe. at somebody outside of a [ __ ]. abandoned Applebees. like yeah yeah yeah and then it's like. people fighting for like these poit like. I just I don't know I never understood.

going that crazy for PO for politics. just go vote yeah yeah and that's all. you have to do yeah yeah yeah and also. there it's like go vote and it's like. you know you have to we have to. understand that like you know it's like. that you have no real the only things. you can control are the things that you. can do yeah right outcomes you can't. control right it's out of your hands and. we worry about these outcomes that we. powerless over right yeah like we have.

some of influence over it yeah I mean we. do have some I mean we have the right to. vote and that's going to help right and. then you can like if you have a little. bit of money you can like donate money. to somebody's campaign or whatever you. might do or you can also do service work. and be you know had you know pikm. deserve to live or whatever you know. some sort of like you know yeah I don't. know if that's a thing but that you know. but no something do something do. something give these boys something. water for the blind they used to yeah. but you you that's all you can do you. know I mean all this other [ __ ] you know.

what I mean wasting your time yeah yeah. yeah that's why I just been watching. Kingdom. man you know just the other day I. switched my cable uh turned it off. turned off my cable so now you know. sometimes as I'll go in the living room. and just kind of guess what could be. happening um and the TV's off but what. I'm saying is that there's ways you can. save money if you want to and one of. those ways is policy genius. policy genius saves their home and auto.

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$1,127 a year who knows what weirdly. specific amount they could save you. policygenius.com. Kingdom watch Kingdom I don't watch it. oh bro this guy's got a question about. something I think you guys have both. been watching can I talk about Kingdom. first yes. yeah Okay let's listen to this guy okay. play the guy. tiger Bley fan here um crossing the.

track wonder if you've seen the new. reboot Karate Kid reboot what you think. of it and if you would make a guest. appearance as Mr Miyagi gang gang. bu thank you for your question brother I. appreciate that man I appreciate you. being obviously this guy I'm going to go. out on a limb and say this guy is. Filipino or athletic. and relaxed.

[Laughter]. Dominican and he wants to know if you be. Mr Miyagi and the wildest thing is Bobby. I thought about that a minute ago I said. I wonder if Bobby's been approached. about being uh going yagi going full. yagi it's. funny first of. all people do this all the time they go. God he looks like him doesn't he sorry. go on.

first of all people do this all the time. when they go um they say stuff. like why why weren't you in that you. should why didn't you do that yeah right. and you go like some movie comes out. like crazy. reans people go hey why didn't you do. that they didn't ask. me right yeah I want to be in it yeah. people like get mad at me yeah why. didn't you do that you should have done. that and go I did want to do it yeah.

they don't want me in. it you know or like people go like that. you should be Katey Kid Miyagi yeah. first of all he was like 70 years old. when he did it he was. 51 was he really. yeah I could do it I'll do it I'll do it. I'll do it you would be too goofy man. why no God you guys very much much look. very similar and rip him he died yeah he.

died from um smoking huh well I I heard. different stories that he was an. alcoholic yeah yeah I you know I I have. a and that's back when it was heavy but. there's a funny story about him um he. used to go to Hawaii all the time right. cuz he was friends with you know who Don. Ho is yep the the musician yeah pet. Morita so he used to go to Don Ho shows. all the time mhm but he used to go there. to do one joke.

right and so Don Ho with if Don Ho knew. Pat Marita was in the audience Dano. would stop in the middle of the show and. goes ladies and gentlemen Tiny Bubbles. to you you know what I mean and people. go yay right and he goes my friend is. here in the audience you know he's a. good friend of mine he's a celebrity. he's one of my best friends in the world. uh pet marida please they should they sh. um a shine a light on them Pat Marita. and and Don Ho would go stand up Pat. Maro and Pat maro's joke would be I am.

standing and everyone would laugh and. but he would only go to go do that one. joke and you just get plastered get. blown by Hawaiian women oh God you got. to love that see that's awesome and. that's the good old days man when you. would drive you drive four hours to be. part of something you know yeah back see. I would have loved dude back in the day. if like you and I came up from the 70s. or ' 80s dude right and I knew you were. doing a show right yeah I would have. loved to just go with you because what. else is there to do yeah you know what I.

mean go to the movies yeah the movies. are going to be stuck in there yeah so I. would just drive and I think people like. hung out more back then yeah right well. things everything wasn't recorded so it. didn't so like everything like something. there was a value to the moment like now. there's not as much value to the moment. yeah it's CRA and I don't know if this. is good or bad but it's crazy to think. that like some of the people that have. been cancelled to wouldn't be cancelled. you know what I mean oh totally well. it's I I I I I don't know if that in my. head you know no it's okay to talk about.

yeah yeah yeah I mean say if you know. you take you know half of our friends or. anybody from our time who grew up on. that movie Almost Famous right that. movie is about 16-year-old girls I think. banging men yeah in a band and kind of. CH like the movie it doesn't Champion it. but it definitely like kind of carries. on like this is okay well I mean. obviously the Rolling Stones and these. 7s bands when they want to go on the.

road yeah dude they would like like I. they're half of our parents because they. I know I I was watching that um movie um. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and one of. the Manson girls was like 16 17 years. old I mean it's not that that I'm not. saying it's right or wrong I'm just. saying that back in the day you know. like you know they used to just rock. bands used to just do that they didn't. ask for their ID they just you know I. mean she's hot she has hair on her jamg. and let's do it you know what I mean. yeah and it's like I'm not saying it's.

right or it's probably wrong it's wrong. well it's wrong but they you did it. though it's all there's look there's. nuances to everything I remember they. had a handicapped guy in our. neighborhood who's mentally handicapped. and he used to kind of Kiss everybody a. little and nobody knew how old he was oh. really oh yeah yeah um did you do. it I don't remember if I did or not I. probably I think I hugged him or [ __ ]. wrote on his shoulders or something you. look like something you like to you like. like lit things on fire growing up huh.

uh I mean I would like lights light. stuff in the yard if we got half a you. know some we get a extra half gallon of. gas or kerosene or something we put. light the ditch up and run through. it do stuff like that my buddy's car one. time we [ __ ] put the tires and. kerosene coated them and lit them all. and he drove down the street real fast. yeah um should we even be talking about. this cuz I feel like it's going to get. flagged or something on on YouTube oh no. he he's he's still. alive no I mean talking about this in.

general about P pedophilia dude pedop. there's a new TV show about pedophilia. where they're. dancing if Netflix can air it man we can. look I'm not saying here's what I say. I'm gonna say loud and clear right now I. vote no on pedophilia me too 100% I hate. it hate it yeah everybody and I don't. care if the person is Black or White. nobody should get molested. man what is this surge material yeah. cuties it's a show about 13-year-old.

kids like showing their you know booties. and everything they did they did they. cancel it I don't know no just uh a lot. of people are canceling their Netflix. subscriptions to protest oh my God. people are so crazy yeah but it's also. it's there does you know what with all. technology going back to what you're. saying there's a spot where you're like. okay does this stuff have any of my best. interest in it like even if you watch. the um I saw this documentary last night. for about about 20 minutes it's. about uh the.

people it's basically like five Jewish. guys that made tick tock and Facebook. like. button um it's like programmers or. something right yeah and and just about. the Dilemma that they're all facing in. dealing with is this ethical or not yeah. dude that I just before I was telling. you about that documentary so social. dilemma that's what you saw oh social. dilemma yeah my bad man so you [ __ ]. saw it I saw 20 minutes of it dude I.

didn't why didn't you just say. that I'm explaining to you what the [ __ ]. it is and then you're like and then you. were like before yes say it man or have. Nick bring up a picture what do you. think Nick's here for yeah but you. didn't know what it was called yeah no I. didn't and I did bring up oh my bad did. you so you did know oh this I'll tell. you this bro oh yeah yeah last time I. come to this [ __ ] birthday party yeah. well I get attacked bro so let me let me. just tell you about Kingdom I was.

[ __ ] bringing it up before right and. I just now remembered it okay don't get. angry but bro I've been watching a show. on Netflix it's a Korean show it's. called Kingdom bro and you got to watch. it dude okay it's about [ __ ] Korean. zombies back in the day bro no way yeah. dude and it's in its second season now. okay yeah and dude bro Korean zombies. they can run far bro Kos they call.

them oh Kos yeah Kos dude do you like. watching did you like watch Game of. Thrones or anything like that yeah I'm. on the fourth season right now yeah are. you really watching it yeah do you like. it it's good yeah I love this but the. why the [ __ ] did you wait so long to. watch that that's crazy I kind of hold. out with a lot of stuff I'm on the first. season in the office I just. finished dude just two years ago I. watched uh serpo no uh cocaine what's. that thing a blow no no no no no you. filar animal Scarface you just saw.

Scarface oh well I it must be exciting. for you that's the thing I don't. everbody sees it and then everybody's. seen it you can never re you can never. see it for the first time again [ __ ]. [ __ ] Scarface came out in the 70s yeah. you wait 30 40 years and it was good. baby oh wow God it was so now you now. you had never seen Game of Thrones and. you you were probably one of those like. I refuse to watch it yep it was like the. cell phone to me yeah right right so. tellone to n bro yeah yeah so now that. you watch it you're going you like it.

let's rock baby it's pretty I'll say. this it's good I think a lot of it is. not uh it's not historically. accurate that's the part that I have and. there's also no black people in it you. know what I'm saying if you want to up. the Annie throw a couple sisters in that. [ __ ] you feel me yeah they stayed. [ __ ] white heavy throughout that. thing no there are later I think there. are yeah there are well we need to get. to it the incel or whatever I think. they're yeah that's true it gets a.

little dark in the desert yeah in the. desert yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but. kingdom is like that so Kingdom has that. vibe to it but instead of like dragons. and [ __ ] they're zombies but it's got. like you know internal like Strife. within like you know the hierarchy of. the kingdom and and and sabotage and all. the stuff but dude it's like you what. would you just do me a favor it's on. Netflix just watch the first in the. beginning it's a little boring cuz it. sets things up but the end of the. episode there's some cool [ __ ] that goes. on if you like zombies and stuff but.

anyone watching this podcast right now I. really recommend it I saw the first. season it's pretty good I like Korean. [ __ ] you know what I mean yeah yeah and. there's another Korean um zombie movie. called hasht alive that I liked as well. what about life of Hai have you seen. that bring that up Hai what's the life. of Hai no it's just called Hai it's a. Korean movie about a little. animal there you go. wait yeah that's okay first of all first.

okay wait. wait okay okay hold on all right you. just said that it was a Korean movie. about an animal right I look on the. [ __ ] poster it's [ __ ] Richard Gear. bro yeah he ain't. Korean and two other white ladies is. yeah but still I bet he's banged a lot. of Korean chicks in his day you feel me. I know but you think the dogs Korean cuz. his name is Hai yes it is.

haiko in Japanese yeah yeah Japanese. that's not okay chicken. H dude but you have to understand man. coming from a look I know that we are. evolving I know that diversity is the. new mustard right I get all that but. what I'm telling you. is I would say seven out of nine people. if they meet an Asian. person think that they are. Chinese or.

Japanese and the other ones it's just. y'all gotta get stronger reps out there. I think before you start to take some of. that freaking name share. yeah well I think but can I just defend. that yeah um please do yeah I will. because what you just said was cray cray. yeah okay we live now in a because of. the internet I think people are just. more prone to know about that like other. sects or denominations of.

Asians right it's like you know what a. Mong is how do you know it I know the M. because um you saw the movie Gran. Turismo whatever that movie was no I met. somebody that was Hong it's Hong Hong. yeah I met them too and then I didn't. even know what the [ __ ] they were I had. to Google that [ __ ] but I only know. you're Korean because you reminded me. the first 20 times that I thought you. weren't Korean yeah because you kept. saying like Chinese and what you just. said that Hai it's like the [ __ ] you. just did just now you like you you know.

you've seen this Korean movie Hai and I. look at the dog and it's obviously a. Japanese dog and so you you were like. one of those white dudes when I first. met you right you would go what's up. China CH my Chinese friend out loud. right or you go hey boy what's up chop. boy hey man get you know let's why don't. you I have a Rick Shaw let me get back. there I like I don't we don't do that. come and touch my wet Market yeah yeah. so I had to keep reminding you for like. the first 5 years I KN knew you that I.

was Korean but it's like there is you. know a very big difference between all. of them don't you think yes I do but. imagine this imagine you're in uh let's. say uh you're. in New Jersey right and you keep yelling. at somebody uh or say you go to New. Jersey right and you tell somebody there. oh you're from New York and they're like. no I'm from New Jersey and they're like. well what but what about me I'm from New.

York and like that's fine but I just. people from New York and New Jersey they. speak the same language yeah but it's. still they speak the [ __ ] same. language dude what are you [ __ ]. talking about it's like saying this you. know what a. better it's like it's like saying um um. someone from um Denmark and someone from. Belgium maybe that's a better thing okay. if you look at someone from Denmark and. Belgium I probably wouldn't be able to. say that you know the difference right. cuz they're similar white people right. but they have different languages and.

different culture like one makes. chocolate the other one like likes you. know what I mean free marijuana or. whatever you know what I mean so my. point is is that you're right that's it. but for someone from New Jersey and for. someone from New York isn't a good. [ __ ] analogy okay God my bad man they. speak the same language but I'm just. saying imagine being like so upset at a. mall because one guy's from Tennessee. and one guy's from North Carolina I know. but but I I think what you don't realize. is that when you get that [ __ ] every day. though you know I mean every day you.

wake up black guy called me the N word. the other day I I know but I know but as. since I was a kid every single day you. either have to go someone will come up. to you and go what are you you go what. mean I'm a human being no I mean like. you know what I mean that right or the. next day like hey chiny man Chinese man. you know what I mean make me a [ __ ]. Hello Kitty doll yeah yeah make I don't. know how to make that right make me a. railroad or whatever and then the next. day you know something else happens you.

know I mean someone just. go and then it's like every day you get. that right yeah how'd you get into town. the river you know right right right or. then you see and then you know the worst. videos is when I see you know on YouTube. I saw this one this guy was interviewing. um these girls in vegas these little. girl like you know 20 some and like. would you ever did an Asian man and they. they were all oh gross no no way that's. the last [ __ ] person we would we.

would make out with right and then. you're watching that as you know you're. watching that you know you click you. click on it and you watch it and you go. oh man you know what I mean it just. feels bad bro you know I mean or yeah I. could see that being poor kind of but. it's. like I've had girls look at me right and. go you know after we had make out or. whatever and then they say stuff like I. have to be honest you're like what. I just never ever ever ever thought that.

i' ever ever ever hook up with an Asian. guy wow and then you just kind of go you. there's a part of you that win when. you're Asian that's a that's like yeah. yeah you know what I mean like I broke. that whatever that was oh yeah right but. then there's a part of me that goes it. feels bad you know why bad I always feel. like the. Conqueror you know you know it feels. like like you. know that I like feel like five will.

goes whap you know yeah but it reminds. me of just how difficult it was yeah. growing up in this country and just like. you know like sadus Hawkins I was never. asked M you know what I mean me neither. man I never got any girls in high school. I had to and I I have to say this out. loud this is the. truth that I had to find some sort of. fame or confidence you I mean to get out. in the market yeah and to get the get. the women you know yeah like you never.

had a problem I I've seen photos of you. as a young man dude all my girlfriend. you were cute as [ __ ] bro but I but dude. I had severe mental health issues I had. dyslexia I had something they called. inner dyslexia which came and you know. kind of came through our area um I had. they had a [ __ ] I lived with a buddy. who had a [ __ ] uh gas leak in his. house for 2. years really yeah dude you know hardest.

to freaking finish a test when you're. asleep yeah okay yeah like dude and. people would call us people would call. like I used to hang out with the black. kids people would call me dark heart in. heart they would call me the nword and. then say heart after it yeah um they. would people would call me uh cuz my. eyes are kind of slanted in you know all. right you have like a you do have look. caveman like yep like from the nose up. very caveman likee they're in right. there balling out with a couple of guys.

where are you bottom left that's you bro. yeah it's me player oh [ __ ] they used to. call me sugar arms dog yeah our team had. four kids. dude right dude I used to drive I used. to ride my bike to school about five. miles I'd drive through this town and. number 19 would get would get on my bike. right and make me drive him he was 7 fo7. I got to look at that photo I don't. think that's. you oh that's me player that is you yeah. look at those beautiful [ __ ] soft.

hands dude oh [ __ ] and look at the way. my arms be just kind of rest on my leg. like yeah so you grew up with like a lot. of diversity and stuff I mean I grew up. with at least these six guys dud yeah. yeah yeah yeah that's a lot bro these. guys were men these guys were grown menw. up number 14 ran an auto body shop. dude how old is that guy that guy looks. 42 there that's Don Gadis bro do you. know him you know him yeah. BR I knew him for years and he never. said one word to me he was probably 31.

years old yeah yeah and then he started. Family Matters yeah crazy yeah he always. dressed up like Uncle Carl D like Carl. wins you probably didn't know the guy in. back of you the white dude that look. look that guy looks crazy oh I know that. guy but he couldn't see very well he had. to wear those really thick Shades you. know yeah I've never seen eyebrows like. that before in my life oh that guy. definitely he would do it all man yeah. did you really know him or no yeah. Matthew Shin a very beautiful fell. you're a skinny dude he's a man of. Christ yeah. I can't be you I don't think that's you. bro dog I don't think that's not you bro.

I don't think it is either but anyway. number 19 bro would get onto my bicycle. right and when he would see me coming he. would say here comes the he would say. the nword bus he would say here comes. the NW bus oh really and as many. blackheads as they wanted to would get. onto my bike and make me bike them to. school like The Little Engine That Could. wow yeah and I would roll up with like. six black eyes on my bicycle and all I. was trying try to do is get to school. literally it would be an extra seven. probably 800 lb of young man going going.

into fifth to sixth grade wow and my. legs got jacked bro I could dunk at one. point well you could dunk yep at one. point you know you know I've never made. a. basket I knew that I bet yeah yeah I've. never made a basket damn no I I've never. that's that's the truth I but hold on. and what kind of basket are we talking. about because there's no way our Asian. audience is believing that you never. made a basket i' no I've made baskets.

like for the river and stuff to put fish. on you right but I've never taken a. basketball and thrown it I don't know. what that feels like to stick that ball. into the the hoop yeah I've thrown. probably 10,000 in my life I've never. made one damn yeah I can't reach it I I. tried to get a ladder once to do it and. cheat you know what I mean but like yeah. yeah but I've never made a basket I've. made um. yeah I've never done it damn yeah I.

could. see I couldn't see you doing it actually. yeah yeah yeah you have some like Jeremy. Lynn that could yeah Yao Ming obviously. could do it you know what I mean but I. just never did it's just not my sport. I've never even I can barely I've only. bounced it twice yeah like I can go one. two and then I'll just lose traction. right it'll just it'll pop up in the sky. yeah it's not I mean I feel like it's uh. it's more of a learned environment now. here's a guy right here got banned for. life from Chinese Basketball Association.

he put out uh oh here they. are he put out on his IG story uh. Chinese women got cakes on the low might. switch up my stance soon LOL YOLO I. guess and here he is uh bending some. woman over. some some professional lady whoa whoa. whoa whoa so he would he's in China play. basketball there right can't make the. NBA anymore what used to be in the NBA.

but now he's older so he's playing in. China so he's now he's playing in China. and now he's getting some you know. Chinese pom tang and he's bragging about. it and he got banned from it yeah I. guess what now what did they think that. he was being disrespectful to Chinese. women see that's what I'm talking about. you disrespectful to women pot out son. yeah imagine if they did that in America. oh everyone would be banned right I mean. every was like that right it's what's. [ __ ] about that is is that like dude.

hey Chinese government whoever [ __ ]. did that right it's a cultural thing. dude it's not like he's like it's either. he paid for her right or that's his. woman on the slide who knows right yeah. but it's like he can [ __ ] do that I'm. not saying he can't but in China he. can't yeah the Chinese are weird man. China don't play any games don't play. games dude when I went to Shanghai man. they they're not playing any game oh. yeah you did go to Asia yeah I went. there and did some shows man I did show. I performed for the Asians man wa wait.

no you did a show in for the military. bases not Asian people no this was a. this was people regular no be real yeah. you did how was that there was a lot of. xats but there was also some Asians I. remember a couple at one of the shows. some women came out trying to be wives. wanted to be wife yeah oh dude I want to. say this so I was on Instagram maybe a. month ago and this pretty hot chick. right kept text like not direct message. cuz I'm not I don't follow her but it's. like she was messaging me hey does Theo.

respond to his um messages direct. messages and I didn't respond but she's. pretty hot I looked at her [ __ ] thing. and she keeps asking me like how do I. get a hold of the I really need to get a. hold of them with fans look at your eyes. what are you doing with your eyes. nothing this is how I look dude oh. that's what I'm saying this is how I. look I'm just saying dud like you know. what I mean now I see like you mean very. attractive women trying to claw into.

your [ __ ] really well how does she not. just look me up and find me then and say. Hey you know no but but do you get a lot. of like those messages are you getting. you don't want to talk about this no no. no I'm fine talking about it man what do. I get I get you just not respond to them. or no some I respond to some I don't you. know it's definitely riskier these days. after it's like you know you just get. really scared about somebody sharing. like personal communication you know. somebody recording your screen even if. it's just like hey what's up or anything. you know like can I get your number this.

or that you get scared of uh I get. scared of people like sharing that or. like screen grabbing it and like um I. don't know it just feels like. uh you know people are going to use it. to mess with you I mean even after what. happened with theah like a lot of the. stuff that got shared about him what a. lot of the stuff that got shared about. him none of it was illegal stuff yeah. yeah you know and they people they're. like oh what about this 22-year-old. woman that he was communicating with.

you're like well that's there's nothing. you know it might be a that's you know. there's a difference between being a dog. of a man and being a a pervert or a. criminal perv what I have to say about. him because I didn't and I I I I don't. want to get in trouble you know that's. the thing I I've been pretty silent. about you know talking about this yeah. me too but I um want to say one thing. I'm trying to gather the words is that I.

do the allegations are shocking but I do. have to say that he's just just. personally one of the nicest. generous good guys that I've ever met in. in the business you know he he's him and. his family have only been even you know. when I was struggling stuff the sweetest. people and he's he's only been the. sweetest guy you know.

um and um I've not said that out loud. and because you know we live in a world. where you know you know you get this. fear that like am I going to get. canceled too or and whatnot but I I I've. been also thinking about why can't I say. that yeah yeah why can't I say you know. that you know crystalia is just one of. the nicest guys I've ever met personally. in my life you know I've never seen him.

do all the things that you know he's. been accused of doing um I don't and I. also I'm also you know I'm on the side. of always victims you know I feel you. know if people have been victimized but. that's not what I'm saying right now all. I'm saying is is that you. know that's the thing that I've been. scared to say because I don't want. people to think that I'm defending him. I'm not I'm just saying that you know.

that's what I know of him that he's just. being a a good guy do you have the same. experience I mean Chris has been super. nice to me I mean you know helpful with. work I don't you and I you and him are. closer yeah because y'all have more of a. history together you know uh but it's. just so uncomfortable to say that. because it's like you know um yeah and. it shouldn't be but it all like yeah it. shouldn't mean just because we talk. about someone that it means like we. don't like support somebody that if.

somebody was taking advantage of it yeah. I I I don't support the behavior. right that's a the behav if someone's. victimized you know I mean I'm not I I. I'm on their [ __ ] side that's not. what I'm talking about I'm just saying. that why can't I say too you know I mean. that he is just my opinion about him you. know it's like yeah totally yeah well. people are more than one thing you know. like people are more like I said before.

like people are complex creatures. totally it's like when people like who's. that guy huh he's not here live but he. is a human and and know I just I want to. say add one last thing it's. like the same thing as I feel about. Carlos Mania right and what what what he. went through it's like you know I was. his opening act when all that [ __ ] went. down wow really yeah I was what you do. did you speak up or did you not say. anything no I [ __ ] cut ties and I.

[ __ ] ran like a guy wow do you feel. bad about that now or no you know there. is parts of me that feel bad but at the. time right I wasn't you know I was a guy. trying to make a name for myself yeah. it's so hard and it's like I was just. trying to you you know there's a parts. of me that are God I hate talking about. [ __ ] like this but there's parts of me. that's you. know opportunistic I guess you know I. you know I had spent you know how hard. it is in the the beginning so I spent so. much time like working on this thing and.

I had just had this fear that I was. going to lose everything so a ctia from. him and and I read on the internet all. these things about him and it is true. did he steal jokes yeah you know but. does that make him. evil no agreed there's he's a good dad. you know he he's a lot of things I would. have I would have never made it without. him he's done so many generous things. for me and it's like would I say that. [ __ ].

around you know Rogan or no I don't I. keep you know I we that [ __ ] doesn't. even come up because I know how certain. people feel about them you know what I. mean but you know um people are complex. creatures you know and it's like yeah. and we and and somehow like it seems a. lot of times like the media just can say. that this person is only one thing and. then we they're labeled as that and. then and then that's the only thing that. they are and it's like it's just so. tacky like I think one thing scary it's.

scary it's [ __ ] scary dude it's scary. true but it's also tacky it's like in a. time when we're supposed to be like. recognizing that you know people have. depth and that people are not just one. thing they're not just the uh the color. of their skin or just their behavior or. just this c one thing you know that. everybody has a Redemption you know like. it's just yeah also it's like movies. that I like are Redemption movies right. people that made mistakes right and then.

they're able to at the end of the movie. right you know make amends and and to. change and to learn that's what life is. about is to grow make mistakes fall. Learn right and adjust or whatever yeah. right but in we live in a society now is. you make one mistake or a series of. mistakes you're out forever you're done. [ __ ] you and it's crazy because we all. make we've all we are all in oh my God I. made so many mistakes so many made you.

know I know this is a comedy podcast. make them right but this is like we I. think just there's certain times where. we have to be real sometimes we are yeah. you know sometimes you have to be real. and it's like you know especially I'm so. tired of this pandemic [ __ ] like I'm not. living a. life look there's never a time to uh. disregard your body or your. nuts manscaped is on a mission to take. care of your little baby twins right. there with their below the- waist.

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not living a life I'm not out doing [ __ ]. you know you got to go to Nashville man. it's totally there's no pandemic. there really really yeah I mean so you. go out and just go to the gym you can go. do whatever you want man do you wear a. mask it's awesome I wear a mask like. when I like walk into a gas station you. know so that lady doesn't get mad but. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but I. don't so I thought I noticed about a. month ago I started feeling like are we. all just pret I started getting this.

weird feeling like oh we're pretending. like there's definitely really something. out there but it's just not as dangerous. as we thought um yeah I mean I cuz you. know how I'm mindful right about it. right but then I found I discovered. somebody that was even more crazy you. know not crazy but you know I invited. somebody it's not crazy but I invited. somebody to do my podcast you know I. have in guest like this oh yeah yeah but. I have a plexiglass up you know what I. mean I was the first guest back in the. garage right right and you wear you have. to wear a mask when you walk in but then.

when we shoot we're 10t apart we take. your mask off we give you water. sanitizer whole thing right somebody I. asked to do my podcast and and this. person goes nah Zoom or nothing damn. right and I'm like you know Michael. kryon said that to us. dude really yeah we told him to take a. walk yes Zoom or nothing it's like no I. wanted to tell this person like no dude. we're just as [ __ ] paranoid as you. are but they're like now that extreme so.

you just don't know where people stand. with this [ __ ] man but it's getting to. the point where you know like have you. done standup yeah I just got back up. where in Nashville you did Z I did three. sets yeah you did zy yeah just 10 minute. sets dude the first one was so hard oh. oh it was I literally got out tell me. tell me tell me and I got up there and. uh and backstage would be like oh you're. going to be fine find in my head I'm.

like no I'm not yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. and I always listen to my head. unfortunately and so so I'm up there and. man it was scary man I like did a little. it was almost like I just did little. reenactments of whoever I like whatever. my act used to be right right right cuz. nothing has been super funny to me. really so it's like sound like I've been. practicing new materials like people are. you've been working on new [ __ ] and it's. like where you know like yeah only thing. that happened was a black guy called me. the freaking nword yeah yeah yeah did. you now when you did it did you do old.

all the jokes you used to do yeah yeah I. threw in one new joke uh or one thing. that I thought was funny I mentioned and. and it did well but otherwise I'm just. kind of working on the old stuff cuz. it's almost like I just SE to pick back. up where I left off yeah I was thinking. about doing like like thinking what it. would be like to do stand up and I. panicked because number one I couldn't. remember fully how to say any joke right. like because you you it's all about. before I used to do it in repetition. like there but I haven't done it in so.

long and. also how would I even I was like. practicing in the mirror like hey what's. up you know what I mean good to be here. you know what's going on and then. nothing else came out yeah was that like. that oh it was definitely scary and at. at about three and a half minutes I said. hey this is too nerve-wracking for me. I'm going to get. down no really Y and what did the. audience laugh yeah they were just like. no but did you get out down yeah yeah oh. you just bailed in the middle of the set. yeah yeah well there was no time limit. on the set the guy was waiting right by.

the door yeah so uh and oh my God that. must have been so I it was uncomfortable. was it like now the audience was it. capacity or no it was 150 people there. at half capacity half capacity so the I. have my own show actually this Wednesday. night in 48 hours and so um where in in. Nashville oh you're going back yep so. I'm going to practice over the next two. days and watch mold said and and you're. going to do 45 minutes yeah. oh my it's scary though but now I went. back two more time and did other and did.

uh a couple stories and so it got better. oh it did it got better but there's. still a lot of freaking rust uh for this. first show yeah cuz I keep getting. invited to do like hey you want to do. Huntington Beach right and I just like. hey want to come perform in this. abandoned Craton. Barrel yeah yeah [ __ ] yeah or like even. like I've had friends go you know I'm. doing a show at my house yeah in front. of who your uncle no I'm not doing it. right have you been invited to those. weird shows oh Ari Manis invites me all.

the time he's like hey you want to come. over to my apartment and Sue uh files a. molestation charge against you the next. day and it's like no and he changes the. name every time it's like his burrito. bass he's like we're having free. burritos somebody stole my snake last. time yeah I I just needed I just need it. oh God you need the Real Environment. Bobby and that was one thing I was nice. was going to a club it was like I'm not. doing this in the back of a Toyota. Tundra you know what I'm saying like I'm. not doing this in an abandoned washing. machine about it makes me [ __ ] sweat.

man bro it was. nerve-racking yeah cuz we're. storytellers yeah I'm not a topical I'm. not like a guy who every week gets up. and has like oh here's seven new jokes. we do Evergreen jokes right right we do. Evergreen jokes that like you can tell. you know five years from now that's what. I do yeah yeah right now I'm going to. when I go off with a new tour I'll have. mostly new stuff but right now now I got. I just got to keep I got to you know but. like you have to you know call the.

elephant in the room right you have to. you can't just go up there and go anyway. man I had a rough childhood man my dad. was crazy had a funny accent you know. you you have to talk about the pandemic. and what's going on in the world right I. don't know yeah you can't just go up on. stage and go like what's up everybody. man it's crazy man my. relationship right man you know don't. you hate it when women do this and men. do that you know what I mean black. people's butts are higher up than white. people's butts you know what I mean when.

they do that kind of joke you know what. I mean yeah I guess that's true yeah you. have to go man at least one line. referring to you have to say one line. referring to what's going on where where. yeah I think you could say yeah happy. pandemic or like uh or maybe do a cough. and go oh sorry that I'm just Cofe I I. don't know or Peter pandemic is that a. new cartoon yet I feel like yeah. um man I'm just like sweating now just. even thinking about it but dude yeah we.

shouldn't not be able we shouldn't be. afraid to speak about our friends or. people or even like people that have. struggled or suffered or like or you. know like anybody we shouldn't be afraid. to think to be able to speak out loud. about things you know yeah it's I I. don't know what I don't know you know I. don't know totally you know what what's. offensive about it is that you know. people thinking that I do know. like you know first of all you here's I. want to say this is the truth all right.

I don't hang out with you you yeah like. I don't in my mind you do no no no but. we don't we I have two pictures of you. on the wall of my house I know I know. now I have fond feelings for you my. ex-girlfriend has a picture of you and. me on her wall no really yeah yeah I. have fond feelings for you and if you. died bro it would be devastating yeah. but like I don't see you right we we. talk every other week right and they're.

really quick like did you get that yeah. no send it that's pretty much something. right yeah what you do you'll text I go. what yeah how is it how is it are you. alive yeah right that's the interaction. we if we talk on the phone which is rare. like even for this you going to do it. Monday yeah bye yeah you know it's like. I don't so you know for people to think. SP it's almost like spies yeah yeah yeah.

for people to think that I know what's. going on in people's personal life I. don't know who you're seeing I don't. know where you're going I don't know. where you've been you know I don't know. who you're talking to I don't know. nothing about you yeah so people if. tomorrow the [ __ ] CNN or somebody. said Theo Von's collecting rats again. for [ __ ]. puppets You' be like oh wow yeah I'd be. like like I didn't know that about him. yeah right yeah there yeah there's like. yeah like I've never been over to like.

deia's house you know I love Chris I. think that he's one of the best. comedians I think he's one of the. funniest guys of our time yeah yeah but. i' never been he's lived in three houses. inally funny I had been to been to his. latest house yeah to I went to one of. his H houses and I had a pool he had a. pool party yeah and I waited in his pool. and like I didn't get invited to that so. that's kind of he and I like yeah yeah. yeah yeah I was only invited one time. yeah and then I like left and he goes.

why'd you leave I go I don't like. Cheetos or whatever and he's like that's. all we have you know what I mean and. then I like he never invited me again. yeah I went to Dane Cook's house one. time me too and he bought me a sandwich. you did he did yeah he had some weird. like party where it was like me him Mark. Maron by swimming pool just y'all three. yeah yeah I was like I don't like. this it's this is not fun at all imagine. being a [ __ ] poor party with Mark Mar. and Dan Cook yeah yeah it's just like I. love that you see shil Bo the other.

night on this thing yeah so. funny Dane was in that what did didn't. danne do it Dane mced it yeah he did do. it but was it was is he the one that. like facilitated it all no it couldn't. be I don't know did he was this his idea. he it was Shawn Penn's charity I know. that much but oh it was Shawn per Penn. the one that came up with it yeah it was. for his charity wow that's cool oh oh so. he probably needed a.

comedian and the only comedian fine yeah. what Julie Roberts is fine oh dude I. would right oh oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah dude I would freaking lick Skittles. okay let me look at let me look at the. whole B Bunch let me look at just scroll. down all right so I all right dudes. every here's are the people I would hook. up with. mhm okay and even the dudes I would hook. up with. who's the top one Jennifer Aniston. yeah maybe I'd go Morgan Freeman over.

her yeah no I would Good Morgan they. said it would take a they said it would. take a man 600 years to get an erection. I would right I also would count all his. like freckles oh yeah you me his. chocolate spots mhm above like you know. you know that he has the stuff that on. on his face like above his pubes so I. would dig through his pubes just to. count him oh you are dark and then I. would look up and go 82 yeah you know. what I mean I got them all and then um. is fine what wrong with me you would do.

Brad you would do Brad Pit huh would you. hook up with Brad no I would not dude I. would hook up with Julia freaking. Roberts dude and if she ever dies I will. buy one of her bones off of. [ __ ] okay cuz she's stunning bro not. hooking up with any of these freaking. bottom feers John LED and Ray leoto are. smoking cigarettes anymore are those. freckles on Morgan's face what are they. huh he got him installed somebody said. at a certain point it became like a. thing right right and he got those uh.

yeah he got more spots you know what I. would do I would get you know if I was. black and I could make my face he's a. speckled trout I I would get his bumps. right but I also I would get seal scar. oo right just to be so I can tell the. story I like that right and then I would. like I'd probably have an eye patch oh. yeah. yeah and if I was black I would have a. small penis if I could make it just so. that it would surprise girls yeah they. go Oh I thought that you know what I. mean I'm like nah not this.

one dude I yeah you got to get that big. Lincoln Log you got to get that dark. wiener next time is that Morgan Fe what. is that a statue of. him he has. dermatosis papulosa Negra. DPN I don't say Negra ever again man I. KN don't ever say NRA again man yeah. dude we' that's crazy we don't say that. kind of stuff on here yeah yeah yeah. papalas [ __ ] dude I just got six months.

man. congratulations thanks cuz I worry about. you you do yeah no you don't I do do you. really yeah like the last. time I just here's the deal dude there's. not a lot of. us I mean I'm going to give you a. compliment all right can I give you a. compliment. be real yeah um I honestly think that. you are.

um either at my level or even higher up. in terms of. artistry I would agree with part of that. and in comedy like that's how I I look. up to you I think that you have such an. interesting voice you and I might be. doing this project together it's pretty. big we're not going to talk about it now. but it's a very big deal right and I. found out from these two big people they. called me and they go it's you and Theo.

I was just like there's not in my mind. I'm like of course it is right so that. being said you know I also worry about. you too you know because I want you here. with us yeah right and it's like you. know you and I slipped around the same. time right yeah I didn't really I had. even talked about it really cuz I wanted. to get 6 months before I really talked. about it yeah yeah and so you know and. then there was a time where I I heard.

and then you hear rumors MH the was on. PCP on in Nashville he ran through a. wall mhm right you're like what he he. peed on a [ __ ] [ __ ] or whatever you. know I mean and so then like you hear. these stories I installed PVC pipe in a. wall that's actually what happened yeah. so that's crazy that's just how it. translates so then um and then it's just. happy to cuz I don't also you know want. to try into your business yeah right. because I I know that I don't know I. don't even know who you're seeing right.

now yeah as a significant other because. I just you know that's your business but. you if you want to tell me you will tell. me but um yeah I'm happy to hear that. dude you know that you have how do you. feel thanks man it was hard man it was. hard to get it it was hard to get it I. mean I you know like and I just never. talk about it that much on the like I. you know I've always been in the program. so I've never like the most I've ever. gone without a meeting is probably a. week um.

but uh but yeah just I was in in Hawaii. and they I met this dude at a smoothie. shop this Shaman and next thing you know. I'm using DMT you know at his house dude. no is that a real and they had they ran. a child care out of there too dude no oh. you really you did DMT yeah how was it I. mean I'll tell you this man I haven't. smoked a cigarette since then which is. crazy. really so it did work I mean there I. would like to say yeah there's no I have.

no doubt that it that it that it worked. man so then DMT you did the DMT and then. that after that you got sober yeah so. then I was just like well uh yeah so. then whenever I got back home I just got. back into um the rhythm of it yeah well. I I had known I felt like a little bit. before that I was going to drink you. know I just felt I wasn't really doing. my program as much as I should I was. going to meetings but not doing it but. who and then I went to Maui and just had. me. uh a couple cocktails man nothing crazy.

really I didn't do anything crazy I. never liked drinking yeah yeah so I had. a just some tequila and water and you. know over a couple days and then I ran. into that man at the smoothie shop his. buddy had vitamins vitamin D3 and he. hooked me up with a couple of Free. bottles of vitamins and then he he's. like hey you got to meet my buddy and. then that dude just did DMT come in a. capsule how do you smoke it what is it. yeah he had like this kind of um little. piece it was kind of a. like a peace Piper kind of thing ah and. yeah you did it dude it was crazy man.

and then what does it do with the. feeling here's what. happened. so basically the whole way I interact. with the world is from Through My Eyes. Ears okay suddenly. like there was no difference between. like me and like a sound or like a color. like everything was is all just the same. thing and a tree I died and then a tree. grew straight out of my mouth up.

straight up into the air as high as as. high as and it wasn't the air anymore it. was just like this traveling just portal. into. like I don't even know there was no Maps. it was all a. map it was all a map dude it was all a. sound it was like there's no [ __ ] what. the [ __ ] you there's no Maps there's no. like all your senses. are just one thing like. um like right now I experience the world. from me I see I touch I have a sense of.

things. but suddenly I wasn't the main I could. experience everything but as everything. suddenly I'm no longer rooted to myself. I was. just part of it all man a [ __ ] I was. part of it all I was a piece of sunshine. and I was. a so you had a like a bucket of sand and. I was a. Awakening it was it was mindboggling man. it definitely was way relaxing in a. sense like it took a little bit of.

pressure off of me yeah I want to do. that thing where they do mexic what's it. called akapo what's it called haasa. haasa I want to do the akapo dude I like. I want to do it I was watching a. documentary it's called unwell it's like. a series and people like and people are. like getting spiritual Awakenings from. what's it called awas awas and um so. then I turn to kalila and I go. is that a relapse is that a relapse I. mean it counts as a relapse just because. but I think it's for me I think it's how.

people count their own time like I know. anybody in the most people in the. program would say it's a relapse cuz I. know a dude that has a lot of time and. and he he said to me once I did iasa. like a year ago but I don't count it as. a. relapse right so I'm like oh [ __ ] is. that allowed I don't know you know and I. look I think all of it comes down to how. people have their own program you know. um yeah cuz I want to I want to be able. to like do what you just said like.

through see through my eyes and be a. part of the tree well I didn't feel like. I was using a drug I felt like I was. having a experience yeah I want to be a. part of the cosmos yeah like I felt like. I was using drugs for hey I want to get. high I want to change how I feel because. you didn't want to probably do it again. like oh how do I get more DMT baby you. know what I mean right it was just like. one experience you weren't hooked on it. right no it wasn't hooked right so it's. like I want to take Iasi and and and one. time and just you know experience it and.

find but then I'm I'm paranoid that I'm. going to be like a [ __ ] iasa junkie. yeah oh yeah you'll be out living in the. living at the zoo eating [ __ ] leaves. when people come by they'll be taking. pictures of you you'll hold on to them. and they'll take a picture of you you. know yeah or I'll have like peacock. hairs on my head and I'll be like a. shaman be completely naked in the fls. with peacock feathers I'll have like red. like mascara on right and I'll be. like and just speaking some weird.

language and then like you're going to. be like hey you want a podcast like p no. I'm you know I'm I'm a bird or whatever. I'm your pituitary. glad you're going to trip out yeah so I. don't so I don't know what it's going to. do to me you know but if you're saying. that you took DMT and then it was just. like chill after that and you it helped. you get sober then maybe you know those. help me get off the cigarettes yeah they. are it helped me get off I didn't expect. it to help me get off cigarettes it just. did man can I open them and I'll talk.

more about it on a regular episode I. didn't even really mean to bring it up. but no you you brought it up whenever. got it I was on your podcast yeah yeah. yeah you bought me gifts yes or did you. who bought did you bought them check. open it I will thank you man I you know. no one's gotten me a gift you're lying. Kila obviously my niece and um you know. what is her I love her mom but you know. what she got me I'm not complaining. every gift is good blanket no she made.

me Rice Krispy Treats ooh but come on. yeah yeah you don't a little do you say. thank you I mean 10 years ago that was. funny yeah yeah and then Gilbert the. guys I work with on pocket they gave me. a video game chair oh that's pretty cool. those are dope. man oh. dude d y. bro this says it's cool huh.

dude this is dude I love the is this a. medium yep let me see I don't know thank. you so much it'll fit you yeah yeah. thank dude this C Wonder one of these. remember I told you uh-uh. yeah this is from what from the uh what. you said from Bobby anyway I messed it. up yeah but it's from. me but yeah man I figured you would like. that and I knew you wanted something to. sleep in at. night so of something to keep you warm.

all this available at theovon this is. cool what is. this R king the Rat King oh my God thank. you so much you show the camera can you. show the camer so I just got dud I'm. going be wearing this [ __ ] dude oh yeah. I am going to be wearing this [ __ ] this. say [ __ ] sexy in that and again. that's theovon store.com theovon. store.com the Rat King dope as [ __ ] make. that a dress if you want to put it as a. belt too this is dope as [ __ ] dude oh. that's a holiday piece thank you so much. man appreciate it you're welcome man.

thanks for coming on dude yeah I'm. excited about our project man that'd be. crazy talk can we talk about I don't. know if we can can we I mean we have to. be creative. and because I'm want to be honest with. you can you cut you cut things out maybe. we'll talk about it and then feel feel. like cutting out I'll be honest with you. when they contact me I thought was a. prank you did I don't even know you. don't even know what it is no oh [ __ ].

Nick doesn't what Nick does not know oh. he doesn't I mean I didn't keep it from. him for any reason I just I don't uh. just never well let's just talk about it. and then if you want to cut it out cut. it out okay how long have we done gone. so far hour and a half it's good yeah. it's is that is that how it goes I was. I'll just be honest with I was a little. low energy I'm so sorry is that was I. had a blast that was fun yeah I thought. it was a lot of fun man I'm just so you. because in my head I'm getting paranoid. in my head like that you know because. I'm trying not to repeat stories yeah oh. yeah all of us do man it's hard it's so. hard that like so I'm like you can't say.

that because you already said that this. date so it's like it's a very difficult. thing that's where I'm at right now with. podcasting it's like it gets tough man. it gets so hard I talk so much that I. don't even know what to say anymore yeah. so coming here I felt bad because I was. like I don't want to let my friend Theo. down but I just was like you know I want. to be able to deliver you what sucks. about it too is whenever him and I do it. together people on the online think. we're the best together so it's like I. feel the pressure of it too mhm right so.

it's not it's now not fun I'm a fan and. I enjoyed this one so yeah yeah okay but. so anyway we get a call I got a call. from J and Mark dupas you know who they. are M uh puffy chair or whatever yeah. yeah they did uh the the league. documentary of the Indian people out in. Mexico no but they also did um that one. with the um they've done a lot of shows. yeah yeah yeah they're. huge yeah so they reached out about us.

doing a and so they they have a deal at. Spotify and they want to. um and their first comedy they want to. put out is a um a podcast with me and. Theo but it's um. scripted and. um Family yeah we're F we're brothers in. it yeah and I'm the the Asian yeah yeah. and and when they picted me the idea I. was like okay I'm I'm in it wasn't just.

them but because I'm a huge fan of them. but it's like I think that you know um. it's new territory dude yeah it would be. fun I mean it would be interesting it. would be fun. um yeah I'm liking it working on some of. the script stuff now and yeah it's cool. maybe I should get more involved when. are you going to move I just got back. from naville yesterday I've been there. for three weeks so you already moved no. not I mean I'm just there kind of. there's nothing to do here I mean you.

know there's time to spend with you. there's time to spend with Brenan. there's time to do. podcasting you know I can't go to the. gym at least I can go there and women. will beat me you know yeah yeah as I. just came back to celebrate your. birthday and spend time with you. [Music]. man that's uncomfortable but are you. going to physically move there uh I. don't know you know I defitely would. like to have work be based out of there. I think um you know we're managing it. right now and trying to figure it out.

but how are we going to get guests and. stuff there's a lot of interesting. people there uh one interesting thing is. uh David Arquette came here for the. podcast he lives in Nashville oh he does. yeah which is crazy so it's like we. could have done it there wow I know. Steve Burns moving out there um Johnny. gki lives there yeah a lot of people. about that kid rock uh um Dave Ramsey. Dave Ramsey wow um but there's probably. tons of people that live there you know.

yeah and and also just regular people. like we're getting a female trucker to. come on next week oh that's cool um we. got a young fell right now an Asian guy. sidekicking in there with us really on. the new episode you want to show him a. little clip of old boy yeah let me see. this you go out there Nick came uh I. have yes I helped him set up the studio. it was. awesome it and like he said it's uh. pretty normal col can you text me that. video oh I found it me you might. recognize him Young.

fella and he's Polynesian he's full. poly you have a lot of body hair rally I. don't I would have guessed that man. honestly really yeah do you have any. birth defects or anything like that um I. mean I'm a musician like I said but no. when you were born were you missing. anything do you give any birth defects. Indiana it's uh Spanish for. in in in Indiana are you good at Shades.

no not at all you know I always wanted. to smoke CRA add information have you. had a high drug experience Ry I've not I. mean you know I'm a Christian Eagle. Scout so I'm like the most innocent guy. that you will probably ever meet you. know in Bali they have so many monkeys. that a lot of them have gone at the bad. ones they put them into detention. centers you support that kind of thing. yeah I support all monkeys whether. they're b or not cuz Asians you can't I. mean you take a raid to an Asian you'll. barely end up with a damn Sideburn on. the ground they're not they're not hairy. people are they are the yunas hairy I.

don't think. so yeah they don't he doesn't add. information he's just a guas look that. up man he's a sidekick man he's your. Sidekick yep why do you need an Asian. sidekick I'm employing you guys man you. know what I'm saying yeah yeah he's ply. bro yeah yeah he's ply man he's from the. islands you know come I mean maybe I'll. go out there you know well do you ever. go to Z or not I heard one time I went. there once and three people showed up my.

show what bro yeah when was all this. every time you referen a show nobody was. there it was so bad where if you went. anywhere in America a million people. would come out to see I would asked them. in fact they called me like cuz Santino. was there before the pandemic and. Santino's like dude they want you here. I'm with the owner or whatever and I go. dude I sold three tickets last time and. then she got on the phone and she goes. oh that was our bad um you know but I. think it'd be different now bab this is.

before I went podcasting okay so if I. went now I would I think when does it. end. man what do you think the next step. is really thank you so much for having. me on man I'm I'm a I was a little low. energy today but I did the best I could. I you know I'm a friend to you yeah yeah. dude we're friends bro yeah I friends. you and we together dude what if we were.

brothers dude Brothers I almost wish. that this thing that we're working on. could be you know what I mean a live. action ooh like real you know what I. mean like live action yeah yeah yeah. dude and let's yeah we could be brothers. we could own a bakery huh yeah so I want. to go to um let's say I want to go to. Let's when like up a little bit I want. to go to Nashville and visit you I. really do do you yeah I'll you would. love it I don't want to stay at your. house I'll get a hotel yeah yeah yeah.

yeah I don't want to stay at your house. they have nice hotels there man they're. building a Soho House there oh really. yeah yeah so I'll go to a um so when we. know when it like when do you think. we're going to have a um vaccine or. something whatever I don't know I don't. even know who's dying from it I think. it's just mostly killing like older. people and. then I mean nobody wants to say it but. it's killing mostly la and blacks you. know yeah that's sad so you guys are. doing fine oh Tuesday November 3rd oh oh.

yeah Tuesday November 3rd yeah November. 4th I'll come to Nashville okay I'll get. the vaccine right away okay but thanks. for having me on dude thanks for coming. happy birth than for happy birthday. honestly dude cuz Kal one of these. remember I I I called somebody yeah yeah. yeah we got that message man and I just. want to let you know that you were. always loved here dude we're going to do. these forever dude and if had a box of. love man half of it would be.

yours here with that little baby. [Music]. sheep there you go son now I'm just. floting on the breeze and I feel I'm. falling like these leaves I must be. Cornerstone oh but when I reach that. ground I'll share this piece of my I. found I can feel it in my. bones but it's going to.

take a little. time for me to set that parking break. and let myself on. wi shine that light on. me I'll sit and tell you my. story sh. on. me and I will find a song I will sing it.

just for. you and now I've been moving way too. fast on the runway train with a heavy. load of M. pass and these whs that I've been riding. on they want so thin that they damn they. gone I guess now they just.