Bobby Lee | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #405

i want to let you know i'm upstairs. with the return of the rat tour and i'll. be coming to your city. october 11th and 12th. wichita kansas we added the 11th at the. orpheum theater. so get those tickets october 13th omaha. nebraska and october 14th denver. colorado the first show is sold out. we've added a second. we may even add another one let's see. how it goes go to theovonne.com.

t-o-u-r. to get tickets and make sure you go. through that link so you get accurately. priced tickets and don't get hit with. that upsell. thank you guys so much for your support. i look forward to seeing you soon i want. to let you know we have new be good to. yourself teas in new summertime. colorways like banana. salmon and other colors check those out. and more at theovonstore.com. thank you so much for your support. today's guest is a. uh a man that just.

i mean just makes me feel so much dang. joy. when he's around he just makes me sprout. this damn. just happy tits just. just lunge out of my chest when he's. around. he just brings that out of you. he's a special guy he's originally from. another continent. and um he's always welcome here. this is his fifth time on this past. weekend. you may know him from mad tv from his. countless film and television.

appearances or from his astounding. podcasts. tiger belly and bad friends. i'm grateful to spend time with him and. i'm grateful for him as a human today's. guest is mr bobby. [Music]. i'll lee and tell you my stories.

[Music]. [Applause]. well you know when i when i've dated. white girls before every time i date a. white girl it just feels a little extra. special. really yeah like i won in some way oh. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. do you um why do you date a lot of. whites or not i haven't had luck i.

haven't made love to a white in years. dog wow yeah. the first girl you ever made love to was. she fat no yeah yeah she was fat at. first. damn yeah yeah she was fat first dude i. got food poison one time hooking up with. a big girl. yeah vanilla no i think she just had so. much food in her and it it poisoned me. somehow. oh you ate that you ate the pop no no. she hit the box dude no i didn't did you. eat the box bro there was no she wasn't. leaving leftovers you know what i'm.

saying it was yeah yeah everything had. been had been kind of uh. she was she there was she kept it all in. you know yeah but i mean i've always. wanted to make love to a plus-size model. oh i could see one there yeah like. they're beautiful but there's more. oh yeah i think there's more beauty. oh yeah there's as much well there's a. lot of like you see those plus size. models with the um. like a lot of them on the beach and. stuff now i like it yeah yeah think. about all the decades when bigger women.

just had to stay inside and didn't want. to go outside. what do you mean. it just breaks my heart if you just like. now they can is what you're saying well. now it's more popular bigger women being. out and about and being in bathing suits. you know well back in the day if you see. like paintings at museums and [ __ ] right. there they used back in the day they. used that that was the sign of like. beauty oh yeah yeah i mean diabetes or. whatever reuben-esque yeah they were. yeah they liked it back then yeah the. lady would be laying by a stream with. like an apple or something or a little. ham what's all these grapes right yeah.

all that sugar. yeah. yeah. all that sugar dude yeah yeah dude i. remember we used to go to the library. when i was young and. we'd look at those art you know i'd look. at the art of the drawing. a library not a museum oh no not a. museum i i feel like you've never been. to a museum. you've never been one you've never paid. tickets to go to museum oh well i did go. see body world that thing where they cut. people in half you know and they have. their bodies in there that's not a. [ __ ] museum. it's like a thing it seems like yeah.

yeah it's like a one man you know those. people are chinese all the people that. they that are in there uh what. yeah well who's chinese the p you know. those people in the body world exhibits. where they cut the bodies you can see. inside the bodies and it's all like yeah. i don't know what that is you bring that. up. um. let me show you these people man looks. like a snuff film or no no it's a it's a. it's like an activity i guess. so this is body world you go you look at. the bottom right. you go so that dude what you're telling.

me right now is that dude's chinese yeah. he just doesn't have any skin bro. [Laughter]. just because they don't have no skin. doesn't make it look. do chinese people look like they have no. skin look at this guy because it's. yellow i'm not saying that man oh you. were leading to that. yeah but that is. i think that but these people they buy. them out of china apparently because. these are real bodies they just take. some of the skin off. oh that's a real human being that's not. like a clay thing no that's real oh [ __ ].

dude that's body world you can go see it. and some of them are like. on horseback there's all kind of stuff. they're doing jab look at that one right. there with a javelin look at that guy. he's telling me that guy that's chinese. yeah for sure. and that dude is chinese bro. look how chinese he's so [ __ ] chinese. right now dude. damn and they sold him they sold his. body to this ex i mean it's just kind of. crazy you know. yeah um like there were still slaves.

not that i'm a proponent of that or i. support it. but what like if you could get a slave. where would you get it from. that's a good question right oh yeah. yeah i mean i've thought about this a. lot. um my first instinct is mexico. really yeah. i just feel like they work hard. yeah they could be out in the sun you. know what i mean they can't do they do. the shingles and then the bushes. that's true right they just do all kinds. of stuff you know they know how to do. everything bro.

they can't be out in the sun okay they. have to be out there to survive yeah. yeah but they're also the latest. immigrants really is mexican is mexicans. are the latest like leg of immigrants in. american history so immigrants are. always the ones that are out there doing. whatever right you know yeah yeah like. you guys had your time who's the you. guys. uh. asians asian people in general yeah was. when was our time you guys were those. real babies though. weren't y'all. yeah but the irish did it too bro oh.

yeah yeah damn wonder was there beef. between the asians and the irish i. wonder no they got along i think wow you. have to be out in the sun like that yeah. do you think they drink lemonade oh dude. i always think if they drink a lemonade. and then they after they're done with. their ships the chinese give them opium. they party. dude don't you want to be. you and i dude back in the 1700s. oh we worked hard on the rails.

because when asians do it we make that. sound that's how they got the name you. know that. is that how they yeah that's yeah that. crazy yeah that's how they do it yeah. with the real team. um but um and then after our shift we'd. probably like go to the [ __ ] den. and smoke opium together. and our souls that's when you're so when. you're high on opium and somebody else. is that's when your souls come out and. mingle. you think so yeah oh yeah man and we.

would just look at each other huh or. would you close your eyes you think i'd. close them a little. to make it look like mine. [Laughter]. i didn't say that but i mean you know i. just want you to feel at home yeah but. back to the um. back to the the fa when the women were. fat back in the day oh i used to go to. the library i would get the book. and i would like um. it was whenever i like was first having. those times where you would like press. your wiener against something it would. feel so good you know what do you mean.

like when you first started getting like. a lot of feeling in your wiener like. just like when your wiener just felt. like it just um. [Music]. just just had so much tendency in it. and uh. and i would press i would get a book and. i would it would be like those drawings. of the pictures of the women like rodin. or whatever the man's name was the. artist and now. i know. he was the artist he was drew those. women oh i thought it was like the. [ __ ] a reuben no godzilla's buddy.

rodan oh rodan yeah yeah yeah whatever. that guy's name is lonnie rodan or. something who is it you bring him. and i would just put in rodan see what. comes up just rodan. that's what comes up with the rodan. oh no lonnie runner just put rodan in oh. lonnie rodan's a brother huh. this is a white guy. just put rodan in. that's that. that's rodan dude.

oh that is it. is that the guy no yeah. r-o-d-i-n bub oh. there we go. that fool look at those thick i mean. that's when [ __ ] had whiskers. so would you jerk off to the the book i. would close the book on my on my wiener. until i like. reached orgasm i would like in in the.

library yeah. wow can i say something i did dude this. is gonna i don't know if i get in. trouble for this but. um. so when i was in high school i used to. like do math. my freshman year yeah wow and what i. would do i get really horny. yeah now go to the library. and um there was these medical books oh. yeah yeah i mean like skeletons and. stuff you know or but sometimes they. would have a titty or whatever oh yeah. yeah yeah like a medical titty. yeah yeah and i would sit there and.

would ditch class and i would sit there. and i would move some of the books to. the side to see if because it was like a. dead end. my aisle was at the dead and where the. medical books were and i was leaning. against the wall and i was scooted to. see there was no cameras back then right. yeah and i would jerk off to these. medical books oh cause i couldn't afford. porn back then oh i didn't know where to. even get it like i didn't have a car you. know how when you're freshman you don't. know how to get it oh you have to drive. that's back when you had to drive to. porn people like children now don't. understand don't forget how hard it was. to see even.

a drawing or a sketch or even somebody. who'd make a little [ __ ] in the mud you. know or like a. mold of you know what i'm saying like. dude back then it was freaking. if you if you saw any hole it would feel. it would go you get hard oh dude i. remember i remember seeing like they. used to have these crawfish holes pull. that up crawfish uh. houses. crawfish houses there you go google in. on them zoom in on one of those mud. little. things.

right there dude so these are things. that crawfish live in right that looks. like a dick. well find a shorter one go scroll down a. little. [Laughter]. no uh yeah right there one no no right. there on the left up oh i see now right. there no no. oh no oh [ __ ] that's a. that's a dick dude that one's uh another. deck that time of the month no go back. to right there that's a good so they. have something like this would be. everywhere these are all over louisiana. and this is where crawfish live in by. the ditches they get little houses yeah.

and somebody wrote in good [ __ ] next to. it. in the dirt yeah yeah yeah. but dude it was i mean there was nothing. more exciting it was like it was such an. adventure once you were looking for i. used to buy cycle probably four to five. miles to get to my buddy's house his. family's house yeah and his dad would. keep porno under the sink oh yeah yeah. and i would go in there and tell him i. was doing a number two for like an hour. and a half really really yeah.

it would take you that long to jerk no. but i would have to i would just be. there was like 11 books it would take so. long to get through all the information. yeah my friend alan meadows right his. dad was like collected porn but he would. hide it right but the fun was in the. hunt like the beatster bunny right right. and then like one time we found like a. magazine behind the cereals. oh i mean like it was like you mean. i found it i found it right and then we. would take turns going to the bathroom. and jerk off it would only take like. five minutes because it was like you. know we're kids.

oh those are such good times now you. click on the [ __ ] computer. you see donkey [ __ ] and stuff oh man. yeah i've never seen that thank god but. um because there's other things you can. click on you know. there's nothing that's true that's true. right there's many options outside of. animalia. but the crazy thing was it used to feel. like if you had the porno. then you it was your thing now when. you're sitting with with pornography. video with porno video. it seems like there's 7 000 other dudes.

watching the same time that's the part. that seems kind of gay to me if i'm if. i'm looking at porno video that's why i. look at the views. really yeah if it's one view i'm okay. with it oh yeah yeah i mean but it's. like four or five hundred views i feel a. little weird i mean like i'm sharing oh. yeah yeah yeah yeah that's it see that. would make porn real if they made you. see all the people that were watching it. at the same time oh like a zoom meeting. yeah you know what i do now is um i'll. go through porn and i'll go like you. know. they'll be like 50 boxes right oh yeah.

but then they have ratings. and usually like i go to the site called. team skeet. you know what i mean and they have like. 95 that's a pretty good number and i'll. go through and i'll jerk off to the one. that has the lowest number because i. feel bad really yeah like i'll go why is. this girl 60. oh she looks fine in the little. thumbnail and i'll press it and i'll go. yeah i know why now why does she have. asthma or something. or like what is there a certain why. would somebody have six why would asthma.

be a thing i wouldn't. i feel like it would be hard for me to. ejaculate if somebody's having an asthma. attack so that's true that's true that's. true yeah i can't ejaculate if. somebody's having trouble breathing no i. think the numbers are based or the. rating is based on if the how the girl. performs. and usually if the rating if they're hot. and the rating is low. it means that they're like there's one. girl that was just literally not there. oh she's just going she was like doing. this like. oh man oh and just nothing on her face.

yeah man wow like on drugs you think or. just like she had like she's just not. like she does like nearsighted. what or like what do you mean like on. drugs you're like no no no drugs no it's. just it's probably like. either it's like she doesn't want to be. there she's doing it for the money. it's really sad. yeah maybe near-sighted. yeah i wonder how much. we'll be talking about i don't know you. and you brought it up but i don't know i. remember i remember donkey [ __ ] i.

regret saying that oh yeah and you. should yeah yeah i've never been around. anything like that i i we had a buddy. that used to he would you know come and. knock on the door if animals were. [ __ ] you know we had some animals not. far from us and if there was animal sex. going on he'd come knock on the door. and would you go check it out this guy. frankie uh i went the first time and. after that i knew something's wrong with. him you know. yeah yeah he would always try to he had. like a boomerang somebody got him like a. boomerang from another country for like. christmas or something one year and. australia do you think. i don't know i don't remember i don't.

remember australia man but he would. always try to hit the animals that were. you know he had like a oh. he was just out there that was that's. weird i didn't like that kind of stuff. man we had people around us that would. always kill chickens and do stuff like. that do i do anyone that like. tortures an animal or hurts an animal i. just i cannot. i'll hang out with them yeah but i can't. get real intimate yeah yeah man oh yeah. i'll go bowling yeah. i'll go bowling or like you mean. i would do like uh you know batman yeah.

you know i mean like a casual day on a. sunday right if they know they torture. animals but you ain't we're not gonna. have dinner. you know what i mean yeah we're not. gonna do it yeah three course of meal. yeah i'll do a spot with them or i'll. tour maybe would you tour with that guy. i mean you're kind of doing a lot of. them. yeah yeah i know but you i wouldn't hang. out after the tour. he's like hey you want to go look for. girls and i'll be i'm going to do my own. thing yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm not going. to be in a photo with them. yeah no photo yeah yeah would you like. if you were like um.

let's suppose like you offered a movie. co-lead with a guy that you just know. was an animal abuser would you do the. movie. like that guy armor uh who's that guy. arnold hammer armor him he was people. not animals abusing people. what's worse people are animals. i mean i've met a lot of people i say. probably. animals that's worse to me because they. have no like people have choices. like don't burn me yeah i mean but the. you know a dog can't go. yeah. is that what a dog.

yeah that's better right yeah yeah yeah. that's an owl. right that's a. racism crazy dude dude. if i walk by an owl and he did that i'd. probably get mad bro you would die. can we say that i can say it.

i'd be like oh that's. dude do that that's because that's not. what he does right he had to force that. [ __ ]. i mean what the [ __ ] racist owl bro yeah. yeah yeah. oh damn dude i wonder if animals do get. racist do you think. oh. probably man yeah i like pit bulls don't.

like me really yeah. wonder why. i think because they like black people. oh yeah is that a bad thing to say no. pitbulls love black people they love. black people yeah they love women and. kids. but asians i don't think they like. asians man wow yeah. every pit bull just growls up. like that damn yeah and has it always. been like.

the whole animal kingdom i think if. noah's ark went by your house it would. just be a bunch of glue. [Music]. imagine if i was noah right i was on my. arc and they were all doing that oh yeah. they were yeah every time you turn your. back. they think you don't know which one it. is but they're animals so it's easy to. tell even the elephants are going like. with their little. doing this. like he brings his trunk up in.

just one eye. that would be so funny you know what if. i was i'd probably just leave the boat. i would just be i can't handle this all. the [ __ ] animals are being racist. here i mean that'd be [ __ ] terrible. you know i mean i mean it would be. something maybe something dude yeah. you know it's silly to do things the. hard way. and i've learned that over the years man. doing things the hard way. i try to do a dang build a water.

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theo to get. three extra months free go to. expressvpn.com theo right now to learn. more. i've been having this dream um. i've been having this dream where i keep. spending time with dennis rodman which. is crazy oh that's crazy north korea or. i don't know where he is i can't really. tell it looks like huntington beach. but um yeah that's been kind of crazy to. me. because we're doing a movie today can we. talk about that or no no we did talk.

about um. that you and i wanted to do a tour in. north korea or what oh i think if we. toured north korea well how do we get. uh shin lim or. that's a magician it is yeah yeah shin. lim what's the guy's name young jock no. no no no give me the dictator's name in. north korea no just look at me don't. google it go okay you know what dude. little john. no i know what it is young john his. could i give you the first name yeah kim. oh kim yong john.

kim yong john kim jong-un yeah. kim jong-un. i know it has a yawn in it because every. time i hear it i get tired. kim jong-yan yeah yeah what is it kim. jong-un kim jong-un yeah yeah yeah yeah. we're on set you're like how do we get. this is a weird thing because we're. trying to like do scenes and theo. [ __ ] ask bizarre questions like how. do we go to north korea and get kim. jong-un to like us yeah yeah and i'm.

like dude can we do the scene bro but we. shouldn't do this thing because we need. to go to kim jong-un i know dude bro. what imagine if we rolled up there but. how do we get him here i'll make a plea. right now. mr oon arun. mr run. um. my name is theo this is my friend. bobby. and we want to say that we are proud of. you. ease up all right yeah yeah you're an. american bro sorry we want to say that.

we know a lot we know about you. and. you've got a lot of fans here. you have great hair love the hair a lot. it reminds me of like a strong haircut. yeah yeah and talk about militario. um oh and you got beautiful uh like a. like you had cheeks for days dawg yeah. man you got cheeks for days you got them. little uh yeah you got them [ __ ]. frisky jowls boy yeah yeah you know just. like a damn little damn panda that's. just had a couple sugar pieces yeah you. probably have a cute penis oh.

no well i don't want to end up seeing it. if we go but i'll take a peek yeah yeah. we'll take a p probably looks like a. minion yeah right right. here. yes that'd be cool dude right if you. pulled it out and it [ __ ] did that. with the little goggles bro he would put. we get him goggles and little [ __ ]. like overalls and put on his dick yeah. we want you to have a minion party and. we want to come to it. we would like to be ambassadors from. north korea to america and what we would. do is what what would we bring we would.

bring um. some of your dvd we'll bring a lot of. cool magazines and stuff that you guys. don't have dvds. ebony i bet you they don't have ebony. dude or jet yeah yeah dude we got ebony. jet they don't get it there we'll bring. pictures of black friends that we have. yeah yeah like who uh. [Music]. donna rollins yeah donna rowling ian. edwards ian edwards yeah and even uh. we'll bring. we'll bring whatever you want but you. invite us and we're your guys yeah and.

we'll will we work huh would we work i. think we're only going to stay for like. a week i think what would that be like. though i think it'd be sucky dude you. think yeah because it's like. first of all the food imagine the food. it can't be good he's an emperor. yeah he's not gonna be like oh come eat. my food yeah he will no he won't he's. not gonna come into my bed and eat my. food he's not going to do that you think. he's going to make us go somewhere else. no he'll probably go you stay hotel. we send you know food. right and then we're going to eat like.

hat meat what the [ __ ] do they have. they're wrong now you know what i found. out though don't check this out this is. a fact i think i bet they have like. marie calendars or something right what. do they have in north korea uh chain. wrestling there's no chain restaurant in. korea dude. what they love we love a chicken papaya. no they don't have [ __ ] murray. california they do that there's no way. they have it there dude you don't think. they have a mickey yeah yeah we like the. mecca. is that a mcdonald's in north korea i. think it's like their version but you're. right they don't have like fast food.

they don't have fast food there no. corporations go there what yeah dude i. finally imagine the home cooking. it's all home cooking bro i i i want to. say a couple of things about some things. i know about north korea no but check it. out dude number one meat is hard to come. by. right and sometimes they eat people it's. sad right. and then the second thing is did you. know. that they have factories there. they only make crystal meth.

jeez and you know what they you know. what they give the workers their. compensation what like boxing gloves. no. have you seen that meth boxing. they gave them more math oh as their. like work compensation. so that which is smart because it's like. they just keeps them working. and then what they do is they they take. all this crystal meth they put them on. these boats and then they go to the. philippines and then to these dogs and. they you know they and then you know.

it's shipped to black markets and you. know. countries black markets. like what do you mean. what do you mean like black one i mean. like. oh yeah i'm not oh no i'm not saying. this no. oh i see what you're saying. but you think that it's like at avons in. compton you mean like fam dollar. no no black market is the thing where. it's like you know what i mean um. i don't know how to explain it it's like. underground marketplace oh okay.

like a dark alley or something. maybe it could involve that you know i. mean but like you know human trafficking. is in the black market oh damn damn you. know man but i guess if yeah i guess if. i'm being if i'm human trafficking or do. being human trafficked i would probably. want to have meth. yeah if you were with kim jong-un though. and he said i do honestly he goes you. both are gonna die. unless you suck it. who would go first. well let me think for one second.

i would go first. bro i know i'm volunteering what because. i i dude i can't have the dude no. i can't have him anywhere around me i. heard him nuts early dude. they shoot those missiles at any hour. for no reason oh you think he would you. think i would go first and he would not. and and he'd look at you and go no need. i mean he did the job. you know how angry i'd be. i would just be like what the [ __ ] you.

know imagine. god damn i did too good i did ball work. or whatever you'd be like a little. squirrel dude. i'm just saying boy if you catching that. damn jaundice nut out there. out in no co bro yeah that's but bro if. you took that semen and saved it inside. you that would be our movie. what do you mean you get kim jong-un's. seed. and i have to hold it in my mouth yes. because we have to get it out of the. country bro how long it seems like a.

couple of days oh look bro bro it seems. like a couple of days we have to have a. plot dude you have to have at least like. yep i mean enough to have a good like. story arc all right how about this. i'll keep it in my mouth. but i'll give you three hours to out i. can only keep it in my mouth for three. hours i think oh come on do i have to. breathe huh well we can uh we could get. you one of those oxygen tanks yeah. oh you what do you mean huh yeah yeah.

one of those like this little and we'll. uh with the on the little stroller you. stick the things in the the accent tubes. and then you uh you take electrical tape. and just zip my mouth together well we. can make sure you have to we also have. to kind of pinch your throat so you. don't swallow because dude if we get. that bro oh. oh imagine dude we're on the trunk. accidentally oh my god you hit a bump. i'd be so [ __ ] mad at you then we'd. have to get it out of your stomach dude. that's this whole thing is the movie. because if we get that dna. then we can create another one of him.

why would we want to do that let's. create a daniel day cam or jimmy oyang i. mean. i don't know because i think then you. send that one there oh. make him. we have his son and it's like this is. your son and he wants peace. wow. we would have to grow that one fast. though we could do it. you see what you're saying to me is okay. let's just do the scenario take it over. to elon bust he'll grow it right we go. to his palace okay we do the. introductions right now first the first.

two days when we get there we're gonna. have to party our balls off dude so. we're gonna lose our sobriety we have to. wear like robes and stuff probably. all the way i would lose my soprani for. that i would are there like yeah there's. so many different scenarios there's like. ten scenarios where i would lose it and. that's one of them that's one yeah yeah. it would be sucky though i would feel so. sad partying with you in north korea but. we'd bring a big book with us and do a. meeting every now and then. but we're drunk. yeah but we tried you know. okay so we're there we're partying for. two days oh yeah we're wearing robes.

dude and everybody's and look dude none. we don't know what anybody's talking. about right look they keep talking to me. and i pointed you to translating you. don't know what they're talking about. yeah yeah yeah yeah then we go to the. now do we volunteer blowing him or does. he we wait for him to i'm not gonna. bring it up. yeah i'm gonna either i'm not gonna. bring it up but uh what do i do it's. part of the movie i think you gotta know. it's coming no i'll do this. just keep your mouth open a lot a little. bit i would like we're having like a. coffee with them.

not full on but just you're just subtly. you know i mean you look i love your. palace and i go. yeah right. what is that yeah but i feel. something down below yeah. and i keep going. right yeah and sometimes i'll do this. i bet he's got that little pickled corn. thing bring up one of those. pickled corns. you know what i'm talking about oh man. that little thing that they put some.

time in a damn drink or something at a. fancy place. right there. third row sixth pitcher. sets fifth. oh baby pickled corn oh wow that's six. that's what it is. yeah dude. do you think that's what it looks like i. think he's got that dirty little amber. jack on him. yeah yeah oh yeah dude so then he would. go after dinner coffee he'd go like okay. you both blow who go first i i would. volunteer well i think we'd have to draw.

we have to do something to make it so. then that's part of the movie where it's. like how is it gonna happen oh we have. that like competition yeah something. we'll do a montage of competitions okay. you know i mean we're picking straws or. sticks or you know the thing like a. decathlon yeah yeah and then we cut two. we're on a track and we're running yeah. you know cut two we're like you know i. mean. doing hurdle just one you're doing one. hurdle yeah yeah and then i lose. obviously and we cut to. i'm blowing him i pep talk you but. you're in the corner i can't do it with. you in the room.

what if i hide behind him. i'll be able to see you. dude imagine dude it's like enough. pressure. it's humiliating for me i'm sorry man uh. what if i'm trying to think where i. could i'll give you i'll tell you where. you're going but if i'm not in the room. i can't believe it that it happened oh. that's true okay. i'll let you be in the corner of the. room on a chair. yeah and i'll wear something different. you don't even know it's me yeah yeah. how about this you put a sheet over and. you're like we'll cut out the hole oh. come on no because i want a whole kkk. vibe. uh that'd be weird but if it helps you.

man you'll help me it'll help me then. i'll do it right right so then i do it i. hold it in my mouth right. and i go then you have to talk from now. on oh yeah i cannot talk from now on yes. yeah yeah it's like see no evil here no. evil bring that up. give me the gene wilder uh richard pryor. movie yeah yeah yeah yeah. yeah. bring it up right here just click on it. yeah click on it dude i love that movie. dude yeah one of them is blind and one.

of the deaf rights click on there we go. yeah yeah there we go it's a weird movie. yeah one of them's blind and one of them. is deaf right. so um god it was a good movie i love. that movie so um. i'm holding in my mouth you're doing all. the talking right and now i gotta get us. out of there right and he goes it's. bedtime it's bedtime boys so now we have. to go and he wants us to sleep in his. bed right. no. because we gotta sneak out of there ah. okay okay. so we gotta sneeze how about this how. about this all right.

i get a bill cosby pill okay you know. because i know a guy all right that has. a [ __ ] it's about i can get into his. medicine cabinet okay he has these. purple pills right yeah you put one of. these cosby pills in his drink okay. because i need i can't have him like. yeah but i can't have him like i'm not. tired i'm going to watch. movies on my ipad yeah he probably will. too i bet he wears a diaper too yeah. yeah you're just sitting there just. hoarding morning right oh so we got to.

get that guy out. right right so you have to if you don't. do that i'll be so mad i'll sing them. i'll be like hush little baby don't say. a word. in korean. [Music]. you have a plane ready huh why can't i. just dude let me just can i just have a. plane ready yeah let me ask you. something yeah go on why can't i just go. put it in my mouth. go i gotta go to the bathroom and spit. it into a jar oh no or like a little.

receptacle why do i have to keep it in. my mouth because you have to keep it in. a condition where it would actually be. able to live. i know but what if i have like i could. probably go to elon musk or somebody and. go can you make me a [ __ ] [ __ ]. receptacle for kim jong-un. that's going to keep the [ __ ] alive. i guess i still understand why i have to. keep it in my mouth the whole time. i don't know why i had to blow the dude. that's true that's a good point. that's a good point that's a good point. that's a good point but since you did i. did i should keep it in my mind we gotta.

make a movie about it all right all. right so then we gotta get you out of. the country oh here's how you do it. don't they not eat pork or something can. you google that up no they eat pork dude. what animal don't they eat we can. disgust every animal. there's not an animal they don't eat. because we could disguise you as that. animal right. oh i see. well you could disguise me as like. oh panda's half hacky how about a red. panda. ooh because they were extinct right no. there's a couple around so yeah so you. would be like an endangered species yeah.

yeah a red panda yeah right. and so i'm wearing the outfit i still. have it on my cheeks right right. and i'm like i can't communicate and. you're gonna be losing weight too. because you're not gonna be eating. for how long do i have it in my mouth i. mean it's gonna take at least probably. 72 hours to get to the border. well yeah we're gonna have to do a lot. you can't make me laugh oh that's true. you can't make me laugh you can't no. emotion okay it's just focus.

yeah yeah i get in the thing locked in. like john peterson just like yeah jordan. peter yeah we'll listen to jordan. peterson on tape that'll motivate me. yeah and rom das ooh i like rom das. more spiritual just keep expanding. yeah i like ron dodson yeah he's good. right and then we get to the border then. i can spit it out we have scientists on. the other side oh they're waiting oh. they're waiting i spit it out. and i need listerine. i don't know if they have that in south. korea they have listerine they have they.

have some some form of the thing. 100. okay yeah they they [ __ ] clear their. mouths there okay cool all right yeah so. you got listerine now you're cleaned out. and you're back right and now we come. back to america and we are heroes dude. and now we have to raise him in the. sequel i know in the sequel we raise. them but we have to raise them fast. because you're saying that we have to. replace a grown. we got to grow ours. to replace him we can't have a kid go up. there and replace him. right so we have to have some we have to. put fertilizer i don't know how they do. it we got to grow them faster yeah way.

to go how do we grow them fast i don't. know rice balls i don't know. i don't know i don't know what you mean. maybe a lot of rice balls i don't know. i've seen people that eat a lot of rice. krispie treats dude. and they're i mean. they're just fat i think i think the. movie needs work yeah yeah yeah you're. right. liam neeson. we're so close with a [ __ ] great. movie oh yeah we just need a little you. know yeah dude [ __ ] that's alright we. got time to think about how do you think. this movie is doing that you and i are. doing i think it's interesting man i. mean first of all it's been interesting.

to do a movie for me and i wasn't going. to do it unless you did it which is kind. of you know under the wire huh i know we. were calling each other like every five. minutes going are you gonna do it are. you gonna do it are you gonna do it i. don't know i don't know i don't know and. we're doing it i just feel like it's i. feel like it's right the cast is right. and i just feel you know what i'm proud. of you because you're killing it oh. thanks you really are. thanks and i um. obviously because you haven't done a lot. of movies right yeah so there was like. kind of like what is he going to do but. you're like being real being very funny.

and um. i think this will be good man you do oh. yeah if it sucks i saw that [ __ ] last. take what johnny did and i watched the. camera. it looks so cinematic really oh my god. it looks so good. dude your character's so. crazy yours is too. why is mine kind of crazy i i mean he. just like. he's just here though yeah yeah he's. been through so much though i know. but yeah dude i think um.

that scene with the. chicken wings is hilarious so ridiculous. i watched from that uh editor thing or. whatever yeah yeah where like you're. chasing the guy and stuff yeah. we'll see what happens man but yeah man. i think. yeah it was so funny because on friday. we'd be like let's talk a money and see. if we want to do it and then on monday. one monday we're like oh we're not doing. it dude and then yeah yeah it's monday. we're in yeah yeah yeah yeah it's weird. i just feel like it was like kind of. meant to be i don't know i like the guy. live yep and it's about a sober living.

large is the director and he wrote it. it's fun man look it's fun and i'm glad. i get to try and just learn it around. you because it's like you know you. wouldn't let me mess up if i was really. doing bad no and. johnny knoxville is in it mo amer. it's interesting yeah well aim or who. else. um oh gabe. gate is cool yeah. jade is crazy is it like dumbfounded. yeah yeah who's better looking me or.

dumbfounded. oh i don't know. probably him i think. it hurts. does it really a little bit but you know. what in a different way you're better. looking more in like a historical way. old. i wouldn't say old i would say. you're very like. i feel like you have that look that has. been through time. yeah that just because i'll tell you why.

we went to club last night after the. store did y'all he goes let's go to this. korean club. you guys went yeah i went and do y'all. always do that what is it like what's it. like when you see another korean dude. they would have loved you there but if. you see another korean do you know. immediately that they're korean. what do you mean like do you know. well he has a friend that looks filipino. so sometimes you don't know i mean his. he had like you know i mean. monkey eyes oh he had all of it yeah. yeah you know he had the filipino round.

eyes. they were bulging out you got the you. guys got those crescents baby yeah we. have crescents right so him i was like. you're korean i am and i go wow that was. shocking but it looked good i'm not. saying i'm not making fun of him i look. handsome you know i mean yeah but i went. to the club and there was this um. guy who that day had performed in front. of 60 000 people. and his name is jay park he's like this. huge korean. rapper singer wow right so i was there. at his table right he's a huge fan i. don't know why.

he's back in when he was everybody loves. you when he was a kid he watched mad tv. or whatever it might be but so i sung. out with the table but i realized that. night i'm never going to get laid again. really yeah cause the women they don't. look at me. they think that i'm like their. accountant. really do i'm being real dude an. accountant where dude on like a shipping. dock or something. like a wooden. wooden shipping dock no i'm like a i'm a. accountant for like you know uh bungie. the you know gaming company for what.

like a kind of i feel like it would be. like hey kind of like. you would be accountant for like sex. trafficking or something. yeah but still an accountant nonetheless. but they look at me like like not in in. a viable way oh yeah they look like you. know oh no not you you know what i mean. i just kind of feel it so it's like i. might be alone for a while bro. i'm happy about it i don't i don't give. a [ __ ] but do you show up because here's. sometimes this can happen to you show up. to a thing it's like a night it's like a.

festival not festive night people are. excited and you show up with kind of. like this i get scared in those type of. environments kind of and i show up with. a lower energy and so then i i seem like. the weird guy you know i think yeah i do. have a weird because i can't do by bobby. my bobby leeiisms in a club environment. you know i mean because it's loud people. are walking around so i'm just kind of. like. you know like biting my nails and i'm in. the corner i'm in the table i'm like. where i'm at the table where everyone. wants to be right finally i get to the. table but now i'm like the dad yeah i.

mean so i'm just sitting there and you. know all these girls wanted to take. photos with jay park right and. dumbfounded right. and everyone saw a dude it's always a. dude some older korean dude i'm a big. fan oh right to me and i'm like oh god. you have a dick dude oh my god this is. so sad you know what i mean yeah yeah. but it's like when they're older and. what are they wearing usually. khakis oh golf shirt. khaki's golf shirt right oh. god. perm.

you know koreans perm there yeah korean. dudes perm their errands pull it up. rodney yeah korean perm yeah korean guys. perm their hair oh all my uncles did it. they all got their perms yeah because. they didn't want to they didn't like the. straight a's. korean guys korean male perm do male. wow like that dude down there. and korean a lot of korean women look. deceased don't they in the. skin tone.

they have a very deceased looking tone. on them like that guy right down there. in the third row. who is he yeah the red headed kid like. right there six oh to the left one more. anyway that guy right there he had that. wow like old korean dudes do that too. like jack hollow yeah they want to like. you know what i mean yeah they want to. look different you know i mean but they. do huh yeah when it's like if you ever. go to korean spa. we have straight pubes. really yeah it's like your dick isn't.

shock oh my god it's always like ah you. know what i mean and the hairs come out. yeah yeah they don't really like if i. plucked one out right now you wouldn't. think that that was from my [ __ ]. genitalia area oh my god yours curl. yeah mind curl mine kind of seem. i mean they seem anxious i feel like but. they're curled yeah yeah most of mine. are curled probably from sheer anxiety. probably. but um you don't shave yours huh i trim. mine down can i just show you huh. yeah.

oh wow. look at the bumper dude it's acne. damn brother that's pure acne. damn oh i thought that was the penis. no dude i rock harder than that dude oh. thank god dude if i would kill myself. that was my fault. would you kill yourself i mean it's a. pretty big zit. yeah. yeah dude if i had like that little red. bump as my penis i'll forget it i'd be a.

monk what's the smallest a penis can be. can you bring that up for me brother. bear. what's a small they can be pretty small. bro. you do adult male 2 adult male yeah yeah. go to images smallest opinion is in. study about 1.6 one but images yeah. that's good images i'll see if they give. us anything. okay nothing. nothing. you know what's better put in micro. penis. really yeah i've just googled it before.

why oh my god look at that dude what. look at that little one right there yeah. that that. wow bro. would you kill yourself. zoom in on that huh would you kill. yourself. okay wow. oh poor guy. right can you zoom a little more. wow look at that wow it looked like a. it's like a boiler it looks like it has. a little two eyes and a little face on. top it looks like a boiled peanut.

doesn't it looks like a boiled peanut. dude oh my god oh my god imagine that. would be nice though you could probably. play with yourself and nobody would even. know yeah well you would you would just. rub it like a clue. you know i mean like you could that's. how you jerk out you just rub it like. that yeah. dude you have to have you to get a woman. with that penis you would have to be. jeff bezos. yeah that's what you would have to offer. i'll give you a mansion and a yacht.

because this is nothing. you'd have to be elon bezos. [Laughter]. right what do you think about that zach. that weiner. uh it's a tough life for sure it's a. pretty tough life yeah yeah yeah i'm. sorry for the other image that was an. accident it's okay man it's dangerous. you understand it's dangerous ground. that google search so yeah yeah yeah. you know what i would do you know what i. would do with that. i would. i'll transition you would oh yeah i. would forget it i would just turn that. into a vag oh that's a great idea and.

then you'd have the nicest little vagina. like. yeah it would be nice i would. all you would have to do is because. usually what they do when they do the. transition right is they take a penis. they cut it in half and they tuck all. the penis and everything inside the body. right but with that i wouldn't do that i. would just keep it as is yeah and just. build the vagina around it and that. would be my [ __ ] oh. [Music]. wow. you're i mean yeah yeah and just. imagining it's almost sounds like a very.

it sounds like a delicacy. you know. yeah yeah. dude new man. so how about this you meet a great guy. right he's a cool guy who huh i'm not. telling you who he is because i don't. know who he is because it's just a magic. it's a magic person or made up fictional. so you meet a great guy he's really. really cool. um. you love him you end up falling in love. with him gay love yeah.

and then he says delante. galente i want him to be delante jackson. delante jackson here yeah okay. so you're going yeah so lotto i know. what you're doing yeah yeah yeah he's a. mixed boy he's a mixed boy yeah and he. gets a. sex change do you still continue to see. him. wait i don't get the [ __ ] scenario so. what you're saying is i'm dating delonte. jackson. i'm not gay though. all right. that was a test.

that whole thing was attacked i know. what you're saying to me is this. if i was dating a black girl by the name. of the lotto girl name um. delisha okay delisha jackson and she. goes i'm gonna be delante and i'm gonna. get the operation do you stay i would. leave you would. which. first of all. making a penis out of vagina is probably. so difficult really. because how unless they have a unless. you have unlit like a a lot of vagina. yeah i guess you cause what do you do.

you borrow and put fat from your leg or. something yeah well you have to get a. lot you have to have a lot of vagina wow. yummy a lot of vagina meat because they. gotta really jangle that thing up yeah. they gotta jangle it up damn yeah yeah. and um i don't know what that's gonna. look like. also she's probably gonna take hormones. and her deep voices can get deeper yeah. or testosterone is that just. testosterone yeah and she's gonna grow. facial hair at that point it's gonna be. nah. right. i it's just tough because i don't know. what the future holds it's gonna like. chris spencer i don't know what the.

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i'm sorry ma'am. um i just didn't know if it's tough. because you said you went to that the. party with the guy yeah i didn't go. there to meet women. you know i'm trying to like i know it's. hard when you get out in the world. because i'm sober so it's like usually. what i do is i'll do the clubs go. straight home and watch tv right. and now i'm going i'm 50 do i. go out and try to mingle. right so i went to the club you know i. mean also it's like you know with. dumbfounded. in a korean club you don't wait in line.

right yeah i went into an elevator. zipped up right to the booth i mean it. was like. you know i mean the treatment oh yeah. right so i went up there and stuff and. it's all koreans in there. some happies too but mostly you you see. one white dude always alone at the bar. and what's he doing he's. really yeah and no one's talking to him. like a wook. yeah he's a wook dude. wow yeah dude that's the f that's what. the term is. i never knew what that term is and we. just created it we did yeah and a white.

dude that wants to be an asian oh yeah. he's a wook yeah yeah yeah so there's a. wook at the bar these wings yeah yeah. these wings right. that's insane. safe but we're gonna go to chat no we're. not going to jail dude we're not okay no. no because we're just creating. terminology for the folklore yeah you're. right yeah for people you know we're. creating words oh there's nothing yet. some wink hanging around yeah well if. you're wearing a jeremy lin jersey yeah. it's just. right it's gotta stop yeah yeah and he's.

got like a dragon ball z tattoo on his. arm you know i mean like weird right and. he's just like there right and he's got. like for some reason just extra boba in. his pockets. right just a loose mobile you know like. tater tots but he just uses boba and. eats it in his pockets right and he's. sitting there and like he you obviously. he likes asian women yeah he wants to be. asian yeah yeah it's like that one white. influencer who got his eyes operated on. to look asian no yeah you know i mean so. it's like who was that i don't know who. it was but a guy did that like he wants.

to he's going for a white man he's a. white dude that wants to be asian and we. were a wook and we just created the. [ __ ] word man he's [ __ ]. yeah that dude. ollie london ali. london look at him. and is that is that frown is that or do. you guys accept these types of people in. the do asian people easily accept folks. like this into their culture or is this. considered a taboo move kind of what do. you mean except like he's not going to. be like.

you know i mean if we have a ping-pong. tournament he's not invited i'm just. saying you got [ __ ] ramen dolazal. over here. and is that. accepted or not that's what i'm. wondering yeah um. i don't know like if i saw that dude. you know i mean roll up in the club i. would just be like i would be scared. yeah because he looks like [ __ ]. nicholas cage he looks like ms. he looks like emma uh msg mgk. [Laughter].

yeah yeah. yeah he doesn't look uh. he doesn't look asian. he doesn't look you know he looks like a. 50 year old woman who just got botox. that's what she looks like right like. any 50 or 60 year old woman that gets. botox yeah go to that other pitcher. wearing the purple shirt down one yeah. down two down three. down more right there purple shirt. yeah yeah this honestly looks like this. beautiful girl named sarah that i dated. one time. yeah yeah yeah but that dude it's like i.

think his parents are very disappointed. i should have been a better guy to her. but yeah i think her i think i don't. know what leads someone to want to be so. asian are they are they do you think. they're obsessed with the culture do you. think they're obsessed with the look. yeah people are really obsessed now like. of the culture because of. you know because you know korea has a. really cool musical scene you know what. i mean the k-pop song oh yeah it's huge. it's huge global you know i did a movie. with this guy henry lau. in thailand.

and he would one time he goes hey come. to my hotel because he stayed at a. different hotel. and i walked over there and i saw. 300 tents. of girls. sleeping outside this hotel wow and then. when i walked toward them people would. give me rice cakes right keep just the. henry right and i go i don't think he. likes rice cakes i think he likes [ __ ]. cakes. it's like if you have a [ __ ] cake.

imagine me giving [ __ ] henry lau rice. cake. what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] you know what. i mean so anyway i would bring rice. cakes to him and i'd be like people just. live there wow right and the kind of. power and i made the very big mistake. of so it was a movie i did with this guy. right and so i get a call going we're. doing a press conference in l.a. so it was like i'm not kidding you a. thousand kids mostly white. right. and. i i kept saying backstage i go can you.

just bring me out first. no no no no no henry go up first oh. right and i bet i got on my hands and. knees. yeah i go please. just put me out first is that a cultural. thing or what is it you know because i. just knew what was gonna happen oh yeah. i mean yeah i knew what's gonna happen. if they said. bobby lee. i would get cheers yeah not a lot but. some right and then henry right but. that's not what happened. it went. henry.

and when they said bobby lee you. couldn't hear it because of the [ __ ]. noise oh so i walked out and i got the. residual of his collapse. it was [ __ ] embarrassing dude. damn yeah it was terrible dude they're. like who's that accountant with him yeah. yeah yeah that's what i look like like. like his publicist yeah yeah oh it's. [ __ ] terrible but those people. have [ __ ] weight man. they're powerful dude why do koreans why. are they so uh why do they get so. do they do korean.

get more obsessed with pop icons than. americans do. yeah but they're only obsessed with pop. right. like billy eilish you know um. harry styles like clint eastwood they. don't care they don't know who the [ __ ]. he is okay i mean they can't even say it. wow couldn't they would go couldn't. what god and i go eastward. right they wouldn't know wow like if you. told them like who's robert mitchum they. would not know.

who's stephen robert mitchum he was a. deodorant guy no yeah he was an actor. for the 50th or any like any like like a. friend says i've been to korea right. they. no one knows who i am really dude it was. like being invisible like it reminded me. of what it was like in high school. just like oh no one knows me like when i. walk around in la i mean i get. recognized maybe it's not i don't live. for it but you were 10 15 20 times you. know what i mean you people go. love tiger belly this and that right i.

don't feel as invisible right right in. korea dude they don't give a [ __ ] about. me. except for the artists. um like there's this guy named jyp who's. like the puff daddy of korea he he flew. me out there last time to do a music. video for him you know i mean i was in a. music video for a band called the wonder. girls dang yeah yeah so i flew off for. that so they requested me but all the. civilians they. i had to wait in line no one said hi it. was like.

yeah no they don't give a [ __ ] that's. interesting it feels like what it was. like in high school that's such an. interesting uh comparison because the. whole reason i i don't want to get like. but the whole reason it's like. i don't know about you but. growing up and even in my early 20s i. felt. invisible. you mean like i remember i i i lived. with this guy named kalisto he was a. handsome mexican dude oh wow he sounds. like it yeah yeah and we would walk into. a bar. and i one time a woman just walked up to.

him and started making owl on them oh he. didn't even say hi my name is do nothing. right and i walk in so invisible. you know i just felt like. i don't know like i didn't exist almost. right and then you just kind of pursue. this thing to like express yourself you. know yeah this comedy thing you know i. mean and it's like i finally got to the. point you know i mean where you know i. don't feel as invisible i feel like i'm. a part of the world i guess you know. it's so sad to even think that i even. need to do all this to feel that way you. know what i mean.

it is but it makes sense though man. especially what you're saying it's like. i can really relate to that it's like. you feel invisible. oh man i realized that like like my mom. never like looked at me very much or she. just worked all she was gone um and my. dad wasn't around so yeah i think. i felt like nobody ever saw me like man. nobody even knows nobody that i care. about or anything even knows who i am. you know yeah like i would give anything. i think as a like a child give anything.

for somebody to just look at me. you know. like man if somebody would have just sat. and looked at me yeah it's like would i. even have done this job sometimes i. think about that no i honestly if i had. like um. like i feel like normal parents that. like listened and. goes how do you feel today or i mean i. adore you i adore you or give me a hug. or any of that right i don't know i'd. probably be different. yeah i'd probably be like you and i. would probably be working for.

you i mean. amazon. in the warehouse delivery guys delivery. guys or something yeah but we would have. a woman we would have kids. paying mortgage. that sounds horrible though huh i don't. know if it sounds horrible it sounds. hard though. it sounds really hard especially given. the way that you go like it sounds so. hard for me to like get in it's like. it's been so hard for me to trust like. the affections of anything in the world. like really you know it's like. so i i've always had that issue of like.

i used to say sometimes that i would if. i if i jumped off a cliff if i heard a. woman's high heels like. i would find a way to get back up just. to see her like. wait no no no doesn't make any sense so. you're. you're on the golden gate bit bridge. right and you're about to jump off. because you kill yourself and i do jump. you do jump in mid air you see you hear. high heels. you do what princess leia did in that. one movie and just go back to the ship. i would find a way to find i would find. a way to get back up just to see if that.

woman would give me attention yeah. like i would find it's like there's. something inside of me that would give. anything to have and it doesn't even. have to be like sex it just has to be. some sort of. attention like a a look or just to see. if they see me yeah i see a girl that's. saying i see you. you matter and um i care about you. yeah even if she says look i don't like. it but i see you yeah that i see i would. even accept that yeah i would accept. that too yeah like hey you're not my.

fave but yeah i see you bucko you know. that i can almost live with yeah. do you really you don't feel like you. had that as a kid huh. no i mean i tell this story sometimes. where um. and this this really kind of um. sums up. my childhood um. when i was eight years old we lived in. minnesota really yeah edina minnesota. really. because you know what else happened up. in there. yeah highway to heaven bro i get it dude.

and i lived in edina minnesota dover. drive was my street. and i remember i didn't have a lot of. friends. so one day i went i was like eight years. old and i go. mommy daddy. could i have a pet. and they go oh what kind you know i go a. cat. so they get my cat a kitten. and i remember that summer um i get. emotional even thinking about it. i named him tom because it's like i.

didn't know anything else tom and jerry. was a thing back then so it was good. yeah so i named tom and i remember being. in the garage. because that he wouldn't be led in the. house we got had like a little pen. in the garage and i would play with him. all day long for weeks. and then one day i. left. i came home and tom was gone i was. freaking out. where's god what's up and my dad looks. at me goes. he's no longer here. i go what happened i put a pound.

no and i go why mommy allergic. and then i started crying and they go. stop crying. and then they left the garage and i. remember sitting there. tears. there's no voice like you know no. compromise no how do you feel you know i. mean nobody can reason why no reason why. there's no there's i there's no voice. right and i just had to take it. i was powerless.

right. and i just um. that sucked my upbringing in a nutshell. like i just felt like no one heard me. and so that's why i learned to act out i. learned to like you know be funny and um. do [ __ ] but it's like that's why i have. seven animals now wow you know i mean. because it's like i. i love you know i love animals so much. and it's like i don't know i just i'm. just compensating for that you know i. mean i don't know what happened to that. kid.

that that cat but it's just like. it just sums up like why i am the way i. am i think you know. i get so angry even thinking about it oh. dude you know man yeah. and when he died two years ago. [ __ ] how long did he live for until he. was 80. and i loved the man i do i love. your father my dad oh you mean you were. thinking about the cat i thought tom. i'm sorry. that's really funny dude i'm sorry yeah.

my dad jeremy. when he died i remember like. just looking at my brother and my mom. they're just. bawling you know i mean. they're just on the ground rolling. around you know in tears you know i mean. and i literally was just looking at not. a tear in my eye. i was numb i was like. this is [ __ ] weird what do i do. so i put sunglasses on because i knew my. uncles and aunts were coming in right. because i wanted to pretend like i was.

like emotional about it but it's like i. didn't feel anything and it's like i. love him and i miss him but it's like i. know i just have all these unresolved. like feelings toward him you know. and that's you know it's like i i would. never do that. to my own child you know i mean. never he also beat us and all that stuff. but it's just like i don't know man. it's weird i haven't really fully worked. it out but i mean there's reasons why. i'm so [ __ ] up i think you know man. yeah man i'm sorry that that happened to.

you. i really am no yeah it's like that kind. of shit's heartbreaking man that like. stuff like that happens to kids. um. do you think because i have things like. that too man sometimes there's like so. much anger built up inside some days i'm. a lot of times i'm okay and then. sometimes i'm so angry. you know what i got i finally realized. the other day while i was angry i. realized. because i've always had like a lot of. like. anger against i think against my mother. i didn't really know my dad that good so.

my mother's the only parent left. and uh. i get angry and honest because she. missed out on me that's what i feel like. yeah like she missed out on like. whoever i was or whatever. was unique about me or not unique or. whatever my feelings were like she. missed out on all of it you know oh yeah. it just she's still alive right yeah. she's like i've seen photos with her. yeah um. do you help her like if she needs help. and stuff yeah yeah i help her out you.

know like with i help support and stuff. like that you know i'm grateful that my. mom i think she did the best she could. and i think it's like it makes me sad. also that. my mom probably got treated that you. know she only knew what she needed it's. a cyclical thing it's so funny it's a. cyclical thing because my parent my. parents had it worse when they grew up. oh way [ __ ] worse. you know i mean i mean i could tell you. [ __ ] crazy stories that they told me. but it's like. you know but here's the thing theo. i literally still wouldn't change it for. the world.

because without all those past. experiences right i wouldn't be who i am. now. and i think i'm pretty cool you know i. mean i mean i'm a [ __ ] up guy but it's. like you know i honestly look in the. mirror and i go you know what dude you. i'm so proud of myself. for some of the things that i persevered. through you know i mean this business is. hard. you know i mean there's a lot of. rejection and a lot of like am i gonna. make it and this is years. you know now you know you have the. internet and you know people do tick. tock videos and they do different ways.

to make money but when i was coming up. right you had one way you do the clubs. you become a opener feature headliner. you get tv spots hopefully you get a. sitcom and that's pretty much it yeah. right and it's like i. just so proud that i was like i came to. la with no money i didn't know i didn't. know anybody from show business and i. crawled my way to where i am now and. there's you know there's a resilience to. that i think you know i mean i always. downplay it and i have low self-esteem. but it's like um but at the today i i'm.

a [ __ ] warrior yeah in a weird way. right yeah yeah it's like i did. something because. a lot of you know people that have had. my kind of upbringing they turn to drugs. they don't get sober. they they perpetuate their behavior and. they become shitty dads themselves or. whatever it might be you know i mean but. it's like i chose. to you know. get sober frequently during my life and. um try to read books to help better. myself to be a good guy you know what i. mean you haven't given up.

i'm not going to give up you never give. up on yourself yeah no no and um the. resilience of it but it's like it's a. tough business and um. so i wouldn't change anything for the. world would you. um let's be real because you're theovan. yeah i think it's well i just think it. just goes back to that one thing that. it's like. uh. if i didn't need. attention if i didn't need like i. remember a lot of my high school. girlfriends and stuff i kept i'm still. keep in touch with their mothers you. know what do you mean like i'm still.

friends with their mothers oh yeah yeah. like friends with them yeah like even. more than i talk to the girls it's like. there was just such a pattern you know. it's like i just wonder like if i would. have been yeah i would have been. different but so sometimes i think that. makes me sad but uh. no i don't think so man i think it's. probably the same for you it's like. i chose like. if something in the world isn't gonna. see me then i'm gonna take the hardest. thing the world has supposedly which is. stand-up comedy and i'm gonna [ __ ].

[Music]. make you see me you know yeah i'm gonna. make you see me it's almost sometimes i. think i needed everybody in the world to. love me just because i wanted to get my. mother to love me it's like i just. figured eventually wow it will get back. to her yeah and then i'll. feel some type of way you know and i'm. not trying to get into self-pity either. i got to be aware of that because i get. in a self-pity no yeah yeah no yeah but. i think man you're a dude there are. times people come up take a picture like. can i get a picture with you and then. like can you try and look more like.

bobby lee in the picture they will. literally want me to be like they're. like can you squint a little can you. uh. can you not really yeah you look more. fat can you. can you dress like you sell timeshares. at a carnival. they're like can you help me yeah yeah. yeah. do i get girls going you are the most. beloved. i have girls on my dms going you're all. right but can you introduce me to theo. oh yeah. and it's like everywhere i go it's like.

i don't know a single bobby lee fan that. isn't a huge theofon fan yeah it's like. i feel like you and i. kind of cross. we're very similar in many ways don't. you think or no. well i think especially in this way like. even we're just talking about you know. yeah it's like that's one thing i s that. i know in you is that you know we both. have this similar. a lot of issues with women. yeah and. um. yeah wanting to be seen and people that. love us like you have so many friends.

man it's like you too and it's like you. know um. listen. i don't want to. talk about the past. i i just want to say that. i believe i i honestly i think my life. would be not as cool without you in it i. i. you know watching you rise. becoming friends with you and um. i don't know just watching you have such. a unique voice and to see it blossom. i just saying that i just feel like. everything happens for a reason and. you're around this people certain people.

for a reason and it's like um. i know i just wouldn't change any of. this you know i mean even your best. friend brendan schaub you know me people. online are like you know i mean do you. hate brendan what's going on there or. there's like people attacking me because. of that little thing that i had on with. brendan and then they you know i mean at. the end of the day it's like i love. brendan i love you i love everyone you. know i mean we just had a little. conflict you know i mean but at the end. of the day i wouldn't change. any of it for the world you know even my. breakup with kalila it's like you know.

it's just a part of life. and you know we broke up in the most. loving way possible because i love her. and she's in many ways the love of my. life you know she really is i love her. um. more than i've ever loved anyone else. you know i mean um she's a part of my. life and you know if i. if i was sick kaleido would be the first. person to be by my bedside you know and. vice versa you know so um. i know i just wouldn't change it you. know i i was a little depressed earlier.

today but you know um. yeah we still wouldn't change anything. really how about you. honestly man every time i hang out with. you i feel. like. i feel lucky let's don't be this that's. what i feel like dick sucking fast uh. you already blew a [ __ ] emperor dude. for no reason. if all we're doing now is. if we're if we've notched down a verbal. blow job at least we're doing better. yeah but no man every time around y'all. feel lucky to be around yeah yeah it's.

cool and i think the world and we i. think this we should get this is a good. opportunity to force fox. yeah [ __ ] fox. okay so i want to let people know yeah. theo and i and just let's just talk. about this real quick okay all right so. we get a call. what a year ago yeah. we if you and i separately get a call a. year ago. from fox the network fox the network. right and they're like the president of. fox yeah our huge bobby lee theovon fan. and he would like to see both of us. together.

on a tv show and we're like whatever we. don't you know i mean we don't even know. if it's real or not but one day. we have to zoom with him yeah one day we. got to zoom with the man with the man. and the other women too. great women nice people everybody very. nice people yeah yeah the best but. i remember 10 minutes before the pitch. we called each other and we're like. what are we gonna what's our idea what's. our idea and we came up with it yeah we. came up with two. in 10 minutes yeah you remember that. yeah.

and then we think. oh this is not gonna work but we went. into zoom. and we pitched it. and they like really liked one of them. yeah and they gave us. they gave us a deal yeah they gave us a. deal to be detectives detectives and we. um but the deal hasn't closed we don't. know what the [ __ ] is going on it's been. eight months it's been eight months we. want to get going on it yeah right or we. will oh we'll take it somewhere else. yeah so fox either get it or not get it. or not get it yeah yeah and i'm serious.

[ __ ] seal this [ __ ] thing yeah. because we don't want to do it because. it's some place we want to do it because. we want to do something together yeah. you know yeah we want to do something. together you know man and if a place. supports us then that's awesome and. we'll support them i think i do feel a. little unsupported that it's taking this. long it's not this is the way these. things work. that's why i don't do that kind of [ __ ]. but i would with you though. well i mean. the whole reason why we're doing it. because we want to go to hawaii yeah. that's true so our whole thing was this.

we're like whatever it is. we just make it hawaii. [Laughter]. right because i just imagine like even. if it's shitty right we're in [ __ ]. hawaii you know what i mean and then you. and i could pod there or whatever. but like you know hawaii definitely you. know i mean yeah two single guys in. hawaii with a tv show oh oh my god. crying at night in a meeting yeah yeah. eating catsu all night and [ __ ] you. know what i mean whoa no cat for me. yeah yeah okay we're not yeah yeah yeah. it's different because it's different.

yeah sure it is. doesn't sound sick. it doesn't sound super different man. yeah yeah dude that [ __ ] with brendan. though was [ __ ] crazy that was like. the worst game of clue i'd ever seen in. the world when you guys did that thing. it's like he had like these fought the. files and the full and you guys had like. missing people in the [ __ ]. there was some guy beating kids on. reddit yeah yeah yeah how do you i can't. even get into my reddit how do you beat. kids yeah like the that was the [ __ ]. the whole thing was unbelievable the. whole thing was unbelievable and i was.

just like you know i don't. i don't want this [ __ ] to be [ __ ]. happening. but it was [ __ ]. i don't know it was pretty [ __ ] yeah. the whole it was i mean the things they. were saying was like i had i wouldn't. even i didn't even know what the [ __ ]. they were talking about i was like. what reddit and what's going on you know. and they got you're the one. i'm the one what. i mean i don't have a computer. and then it's like i remember like. here's the funny thing brendan doesn't.

own a computer. i know i know he doesn't own a computer. he doesn't and then i remember dalia. calling me and going delia goes you. don't own a computer and i go. i know. right he doesn't know that yeah he. thinks i'm i don't even know how to log. into anything you know anyway you know i. mean and i saw him i've seen it a couple. times and i've been very cordial you. know i mean hopefully you know we can do. this you know i mean and and get back. but oh you don't take a while i think oh. i think you guys are i mean it's i've. never heard him have any animosity i. don't think he ever does yeah yeah.

vernon never really does have any. animosity towards anybody yeah yeah um. which is crazy to think that he came. from a fighting world where they had. that so much animosity that's something. that's always interesting about him but. um. he's one of the hardest workers that i. know but that whole thing was just. [ __ ] absolutely [ __ ] i'm like is. everybody [ __ ] and now it's like it's. like it was like the game of clue though. it was like somebody did it in the. [ __ ] yeah yeah in a mop closet a bad. server yeah yeah yeah i i didn't even. know you know yeah it was also like i.

was at the time when they made the calls. i was on set shooting something and. although it was like it really just the. timing was really weird and it's like. whenever somebody's like you know accuse. me of something i didn't do right it. feels like. traumatic almost like because it's like. the way they were talking you know i. mean it's like you know they were like. no. bully is the wrong word but they were. just really adamant about it and they. had a lot of feelings behind it well. they believed it i don't think people i. think these kind of maybe still do i. don't know well i don't think they was.

making it up. you think they still believe it. i don't know. i don't know i feel like they still. believe it vernon and i haven't really. spoken about it much yeah i try not to. talk about it either but i don't know. but i thought the whole thing was just. holi i mean it was but it was. interesting too it's all it's all like. the world is just it's all this. it's all this crazy. just drama this play and we're just. taking. different paths through it it was. [ __ ] pretty you know but you know.

what i kind of i would not change that. either because it's like you know. no we've been really lucky so lucky yeah. we're really lucky to [ __ ] and it's. funny because sometimes i used to think. man it's sometimes it's like i was like. man if i laughed more as a human. then i would be out in the crowd. enjoying the show sometimes i want to be. the guy in the crowd just having a good. time but i felt like i never even could. be that guy yeah so i had to be the. other guy. yeah yeah you're right like when i'm in. a show. are you having a good time i'm sometimes.

i am. i look at the people in the crowd and be. like oh man i wish i had like the. patience and the. the just ability to sit and be. just. like enjoy something from someone like. sometimes i don't i struggle with that i. think or i don't know sometimes i'm. envious of the people in the audience. having a good time yeah i i definitely. have to force myself into doing things. because i'm trying to like. because i really want to change that. about myself you know because generally.

i don't even show up to anything i see. you working on it man you've been doing. a lot of podcasts you're staying busy. you did the movie you're staying a lot. but not only that like i've been going. to like. like premieres it's like you know i mean. like i've like i've been invited to. premieres i've not gone to a single. [ __ ] wand bro. i just i i don't want to sit there i. don't know what to say around the people. yeah you get nervous but you get anxious. i get so anxious and then it's like but. what i've been doing to do this has been. working for me dude the last two years. what i've been doing is. because usually like when i'm like on.

a set i go. in my head i go they know. they know i'm not talented or i go i. don't want to talk to the producers of. the director because i don't want to. burn any bridges you know i mean or if i. feel uncomfortable am i going to say but. i've done the reverse now i've gone up. to them i go what do you think of this. this is my ideas i become friends with. them i treat them like anyone else like. a [ __ ] comic or whatever right it's. gotten so much better for me wow yeah. yeah now i feel way more relaxed i feel.

a part of the process dude when i did. [ __ ] harold and kumar mm-hmm. this is 20 years ago dude i had never. taken an acting class bro right and all. of a sudden i'm being flown to toronto. and i'm on set and there's i've never. seen cameras like that before and i had. some lines you know me some chunky. things i had to say. and i remember i spent three days in my. hotel room. writing every single word down. backwards and forwards so i wouldn't. forget and then when i was on the set i.

remember i didn't talk to anybody and i. was petrified. i couldn't breathe and they would go. action and i would just do it you know. what i mean and then like i wouldn't ask. you know is that right should i do it. again you know what i mean i just was. not even there i wasn't even present. that's like meter and sex i feel like. they say action and i just do it real. fast. how long do you last oh man don't be. real oh. would say probably.

four minutes. wow is that enough that's not enough. four minutes. maybe five maybe. what time of year is it. oh it depends if it's colder out i'll. stay in there. yeah. what you do is this my move. you go i'm about to come up about to. come and you pull out. yeah right and you know what they call. that. they call it. edging.

oh yeah yeah yeah when you're about to. come and you don't do it you're on the. edge oh and then what do you do then you. you scare your neighbors. you pull out right and you go to the. bathroom you wash your face you let it. go down a little bit and you come back. for the second round and what are they. doing the whole time there do you put. the tv on or something no but let me. have the kindle maybe reading something. i don't know you know but like i i don't. i don't think i have a kendall. no but you what you do is you say you be. honest and this is yours i'm about to. come i don't want to come yet you pull.

out i wouldn't you just go to the edge. of the bed and just give me a second and. you go back in and then you you know i. mean go to round two my point is is that. you don't have you have the you have the. opportunity to stop yeah or is it when. you're in there you just have to keep. going i feel like i'm like those thai. minors or whatever they couldn't get out. you know. it'll be the soccer team yeah yeah yeah. the chilean chilean miners who yeah yeah. yeah i mean them boys you gotta respect. them dude i know you know. they stayed in there i would have died.

you think. dude. if i was that thai soccer team. and i was in amount like in the [ __ ]. caverns with water and stuff and imagine. you're claustrophobic okay. it's dark and now what i would probably. take you'd be the leader you tell me and. i'm gonna everybody else is kind of. sleeping or they're sick from the gas. all right there's no gap you tap me on. the show there's no gas huh why is there. gas there's methane gas in the bottom oh. there it is let's see it look at that. look at them pick out which ones. all right dude let's zoom in on these. boys all right yeah oh that's you on the.

right. zoom in on that one on the far right. yeah that's me down. oh. but you know what i would be like i. wouldn't even be like that do you ever. see rambo two. rainbow two. yes rambo two and remember he hid in the. cliff mm-hmm right the soldier walked by. and his eyes popped out you thought it. was a part of the i would be like a part. of the cliff. okay but we to go we got to get out of. the cliff right and that would probably.

undo myself okay okay. with you undo me right and you would. like scratch off the sand oh it's the. sand and dirt okay so you're hiding even. though it's just us down there. now i'm number 20 down over here the guy. that looks a little bit scared but he's. going to come through in the end right. there right there you're that guy yeah. let me see him zoom in on him a little. bit. let's let these boys live a little gang. no. no no that's us too in the back okay. let's see. no so i'm back at that those two right. there we're holding each other dude okay.

right i'm the guy in the front you're. holding me in the back okay right and. then we're like. we're asian so what do we desire and. what pervert took this picture and. probably sold it online immediately. what if there's a pedophile that went. down there. oh sure dude i used to work at a summer. camp this man would take pictures of us. every day right i got a new job as a. security advisor or whatever counselor. yeah and so i'm out there with my crew. of kids five and six years old we swim. every day this man's taking pictures.

this guy mr bill i'm talking to him and. stuff. so i go get paid on friday and i said. man when what is mr bill when do we get. to see any of those pictures and like. who the [ __ ] mr bill and i'm like the. guy that's taking pictures of us at the. pool every day and they're like we don't. have anybody mr bill really hundred. percent oh wow wow wow. do you think he was jerking off to your. phone we're all down there posing with. the pictures and do it all are you being. real yeah we had no idea yeah okay so. that's you and me we're in the cage yeah. why don't we get out.

well you wake me up i'm sleeping. yeah yeah hey. tongo. is that your name in it um yes yeah. what's my name huh. uh ramrok. tango and ramrok yeah yeah. tango get up yes yeah. what are we gonna do oh ramrok. i don't know um i was sleeping. okay go back. right and then what i would do is i. would i would test the water.

okay. every hour i would go. i dunk my head in to the because what. happened was they swam right right and. then the and then like what a swell came. in and filled all that up and they. couldn't get back right so i would test. don't tell what happens i don't know. what happens. what do you mean don't tell me what. happens with them i i know there's a doc. there's like i want to read it or. whatever when we get out of here but. keep going. i don't know what the [ __ ] happened to. them okay good yeah yeah yeah i don't. know the conclusion i know they lived oh. [ __ ]. you. you didn't think they lived oh you're.

just like my ex-girlfriend you just. can't not tell you yeah. yeah they live bro. dude obviously they lived who took the. [ __ ] photo some it wasn't a pedophile. it was the people that rescued them. oh you think pedophiles are only above. ground dude you're out of your mind oh. there's a ground pedophile i think so. bro they do groundwork i'm sure they do. here's something about doing group work. oh wow uh no that was the rescue team. they took the photo.

and then they're like what's up what's. up. this guy's gonna see him just like why. is he so mad this is asthma i think but. he seems like you know he's in a bad. mood or i just said he is this is how. when i came in here he didn't say he. didn't smile at me or nothing maybe. something's at something well i'm not a. big enough guest is that what it is i. was just checking the camera i know but. when i came in here in the first place. you weren't smiling or nothing i i'm. trying to focus on the thing i got. cameras got focused make sure the audio. is good i just you know. i'm excited personally. it's focused.

um zach's been working here probably for. two months one year but yeah close oh. damn oh no my bad. he got bad. but as full time. yeah two three months okay there we go. so he wasn't that's what i meant that's. what he meant did he go to nashville. with you grateful to have him no he does. not um him and colin work here and i. would you know what i want to do is i. want to go to nashville oh you're not. coming back out here right yeah yeah i. am you're gonna move back out here oh i.

don't know i'm gonna go test out austin. for one month in january when joe's club. opens up oh that's right. should i test it out too that would be. fun there's three stages there four. once his opens up do you want me to get. it. get it everybody for a month dude what. if you lived there for one month but can. we live together yeah. nobody tim dillon has a house. i'm i'm being real. aaron how do you say aubry. and airbnb. i think if you if it's from a black guy. it's airbnb. yeah you know like airbnb it's our b and.

b yeah yeah so if we got a so we went to. austin for a month. airbnb right we would do spots around. town do shows do shows and. do you think that would be fun i think. that would be fun be cool. i i want to do a workout material do you. really yeah i really do i think another. month maybe two weeks okay else but get. out get up get an airbnb with two rooms. or whatever yeah or more than two rooms. yeah and one month i'll just get it for. a month. we'll get hit up 10 dinner and see he. has a house there yeah i know he does. that's something i'm sure it's nice he.

has a cat he's like a k he's like um. somebody said he bought a limousine. yeah he's got money dude yeah yeah yeah. um let's look at a couple news stories. before bobby gets out of here man. yeah well big one is uh we had the kids. mullet championships happened this. weekend we had a lot of people posting. about this with you theo all right i. kind of want to look through some of. these guys if you want since bobby stole. my style a while back. um so we'll scan through some i know who. won but we'll scan through something. well can we judge or who won yeah yeah. all right.

so i'll go start here hell yeah dude all. right this one's good dude. you know what i like about this one huh. doesn't bobby look like ron jeremy. though i gotta bring that up right now. if you don't play him in a biopic okay. dude you said that as an improv line in. the movie. and everyone laughed and it hurt my. feelings did it really. yeah because he's like an old fat. shriveled up man now he is but let's see. i'm gonna do ron jeremy 28 years old. he's still not that he's still he looks.

like a machete. yep. okay can you find a decent looking. picture on now there we go there we go. get that [ __ ] so you think i look. like that right now god yeah all right. good well i can take that god yeah all. right dude i can imagine that stanger. you got in your pants boy yeah yeah i. mean you got something the cop asked for. your id just break that thing out god. he's in so much trouble right now though. bro every picture he's in he's like just.

no but have you seen those prison shots. how sad it is look at the prison shots. really like the court shots. ron jeremy in court. oh where is he doing court at hannibal. lecter's house. i know dude bro that's his life. in prison. oh. man. that's what you get for ten thousand. [ __ ] oh that's the price of ten. thousand pesos that is huh yeah yeah the. price of ten thousand [ __ ] what a. great documentary yeah yeah the price of. ten thousand [ __ ] and that's what you. get you can't have that much.

i feel like when a man gets too much. the universe just goes. you get them you know monkey pops you. know they do something we'll see you. yeah we'll see you yeah that's true. that's good you got to be moderated dude. you know what i mean i take what i need. i don't take more yeah right so that's. all right go ahead i agree last time i. gave a guy back some of the money he. paid me to do a set. yeah i said do you like this one or what. i think brock is coming in hot here i. think it's kind of a basic kind of. thicker one look at the side dude three.

lines that fisherman's son look look at. the four lines on the side what does. that mean. i don't know but it's like if he did. that himself he's talented. i'm sure his mother did it oh here we go. oh callan uh he's got some accusations. against him but bro great guy though. also his hair's receding at that age. dude i don't know bro look. which makes it even more likely that. this is brian cowan. um yeah no i think that he's a beautiful. kid though oh here we go dude. i would dude that's my son i would love.

that would you want that oh. dude that'd be great i would lift this. kid up i'd throw him so [ __ ] high in. the air he'd never come down or i just. give him tasks like go get the squirrels. yeah i mean okay tapa yeah right and. you'll go bring like three or four. squirrels. we'll boil them yeah yeah yeah dude. i love. oh catching now this dude definitely you. could tell he'll [ __ ] he's got something. in him yeah he's got something in him. dude you know he's young but i bet hold. on hold on man yeah let's go back to. [ __ ] jesus christ he's like you could. see in his eyes look at him yeah.

he [ __ ] means business and then when. he gets older straight teeth oh he looks. like he took some of his teeth out. because he wanted to. he is a gangster boy let's see somebody. else he's out of lawton. oh [ __ ] okay jewish guy showing up out. of hogansburg in new york you think he's. jewish dude oh 100 italian i would say. actually i think he you know who he. looks like is the guy. man my brain's been so bad no you know i. know what you know to me you know what. she he looks like. uh what's that woman that was like oh.

like she did them she was a madam for. the prostitutes uh. elaine maxwell no flies no heidi flight. heidi flies wow heidi fights that looks. like a young heidi flies ooh i like that. i like that yeah yeah yeah um. wait wait look it up heidi fl see. heidi flies yeah he doesn't fight he. flies five yeah heidi flies five as well. um and also he looks like uh who is the. famous podcaster that we've all been on. his show. adam. corolla on the left it looks like adam. crawford corolla dude yeah why can't.

he's mexicans in that [ __ ] photo does. he i don't think adam likes mexicans. all right really yeah. i want to be mexican go on. please brother. oh emmett oh oliver tree. oh yeah yeah a young oliver tree dude he. took that straight out of that oak tree. yeah yeah dude. what's up ollie dude oh town or oh tree. pick one. what oh town oh town bro i don't know. what that [ __ ] means the band oh town.

i never heard of it. all right bring up the next one m is. good though emmett's good. out of carthage huh. tim dillon dude oh yeah a baby tim. dillon oh this dude will suck start a. skateboard right here this little buddy. yeah adam minani wisconsin boy he's. gonna turn out to be a promoter. yeah like a brian monarch oh he's gonna. promote a damn honey bun into his pocket. i bet if he's smart i like it good luck. emmett.

epic epic dude. what a cool name too. out of la joya texas yeah now this. almost seems i worry epic might be one. of those kids because it's that he goes. on to really live this lifestyle he gets. a motorbike next year right it gets. intense and he just you know it's a lot. of pressure and he could end up on drugs. yeah good luck bud good luck epic all. right let's see two more and then we'll. pick a winner here yeah. oh look at the tongue dude jack is cute. i don't like don't look at the tongue.

dude that's weird yeah yeah yeah yeah i. look like i wasn't the photographer i. was like can you do one without tongue. i mean you're a kid why did the. photographer go we'll choose another one. you know what i mean. yeah okay yeah let's move on let's move. on dude just to stay legit over here. oh wow. and he almost looks honestly like he. doesn't want to be doing this yeah like. he was forced to get the haircut yep. yeah so i'm gonna vote no one jameson is. because they did this to him. yeah he won't even look at the you can. tell.

or maybe it's like the second photo. could be like why'd you take the. sunglasses off me oh. a little bit but look at the mouth on. the first one and i'm not looking don't. look at the mouth never mind move along. that [ __ ] is bad dude oh this guy's like. [ __ ] 40. [Laughter]. you can't have a 40 year old in there. dude yeah yeah yeah. yeah and let's still dude we all we all. know this guy's scottish and not. american yeah yeah this dude is. definitely looks like one that's william. wallace bro.

this guy that's [ __ ] straight up. braveheart dude. this guy looks like one of the. characters in the newsies let's keep it. moving yeah yeah let's keep it moving. oh. yeah. this dude will sell you some [ __ ]. land in his bedroom bro. yeah yeah yeah. i'm out on lincoln yeah he seems like he. took it in the sun too this almost seems. like he's not so things aren't going to. work out well. latino huh you think it's latino my son. i don't know dude really fremont yeah.

this dude definitely is hugging i want. to just tug the back of that he knows. somebody that's picked the damn. strawberry i'll tell you that bro. beautiful guy mess on actually looks. like my mother a little bit beautiful. onward. how many are there he's getting so many. there's more i can tell. there's more i could tell you the winner. if you want you wanna know the winner uh. bring up my favorite one. emmett the other emmett.

oh no the other what was the other one. parkinson's or whatever his name is. what's his name we have ruston emmett. and bailey rustin. bring up the little guy i like the first. one i told you if you don't mind. right there in the middle on the bottom. rusting nope right there bam that's a. good one dude. this little we never even saw that one. this tater hunter right here little. rusting yeah that that's a good one from. pocahontas arkansas yeah look at him.

doing work right there he's already. working dude i love it changing a tire. dude on his house that looks like a meth. lab yeah. yeah all right who do you think won. i dude i i mean um. i'm gonna go with the oliver tree hair. wow with the [ __ ] cut mm-hmm bowl cut. i like that that is a very country cut. too you can tell that his mother did. that cut go in on that's emmett on the. second row in the middle zoom in on him. it's clean. yeah it's clean and dirty at the same. time you can tell somebody did that at.

his house with scissors i've had that. cut yeah yeah that's a good cut that. bangs the bangs you can tell i'm gonna. go go back out. i'm gonna go with my boy uh. uh. i'm gonna roll with. i kind of like. little jack. oh that's cute yeah he's cute dude why. do you pick the phone with the with the. tongue bro i just wanted to make it up. to him by being nice i just feel like i. don't know what's going on all right. okay what happened brother so is the. champion this year.

champion was. emmett. damn dude johnson. emmitt that's his daddy right there. uh nope that's just a guy. okay so some random guy bro this guy's. up to no good let's. let's see that guy's video real quick. yeah. yeah. little man. mullet boy emmy bailey wins the. competition 2500 check.

hopefully he gets a lot of endorsements. that little [ __ ]. his hair give me one of them swirls with. that mullet whoa yeah buddy tearing it. up in the usa. oh this guy's gonna jerk off in his own. gas tank i bet. that's that kind of pervert son i've. been around that dude. they used to tell your truck will run. better if you come in. um. all right i got one more news story what. was that last thing that came up and.

then we'll get bobby on his way man. uh we got a couple things we had the uh. what was the uh one more thing okay we. do one more thing we have the island and. the strippers. the story i like the island. yeah so uh let me pull this up here did. you read about this no i don't know. anything about islands bro miami is. experimenting with a plan to move all. their homeless people onto an island. dude that's a great idea man i guess. it's virginia island which is like off. the key somewhere um it hasn't started. yet but they're they're putting it in. motion they're going to put them all. there i guess.

[Laughter]. [Music]. first of all miami has become it is so. there's so much wealth down there that. this is the kind of thing you're gonna. start seeing man yeah yeah and then. people tourists are gonna they're gonna. be tourist boats going out there to see. them i would i would go to that [ __ ]. island yeah like i [ __ ] miami i don't. feel good about all the glitz gucci all. that [ __ ] man yeah let's go to the. [ __ ] homeless island yeah right and. get malaria or whatever you know what. did they get there's probably diseases. there oh yellow fever everything they. have yeah yeah but then there's going to. be probably like a gift shop or.

something on the island you're going to. be able to like get like those like a. picture taken with a homeless guy right. or like like a ewok statue made out of. meth scabs. like they could make art you know what i. mean like folk folksy art yeah. like you know a tooth necklace. right yeah yeah yeah yeah dude that'd be. cool that gift shop dude a f if we got. to run a gift shop on a homeless island. yeah but dude you're going to have you.

know those crack if there's not dry if. they don't also ship drugs out there. they are going to swim back. oh dude you would have to you're right. what would you need to do to keep them. happy i think you'd have to put up. barricades and hide drugs in the middle. of the island. but would you helico i would drop them. in yeah right wouldn't you do that i. think you'd have to yeah just helicopter. what like you know weed for sure yeah. yeah i mean alcohol for sure opiums but. how much is this going to. sounds expensive and especially they're.

gonna stay alive for so long out there. in the summer which they should they. don't want them to stay alive yeah but. yeah if you don't have proper programs. stuff like that they're just out there. on the island they're gonna be [ __ ]. killing each other dude it's gonna be. like zelda breath of the wild. yeah or that movie um. um escape from new york uh you ever see. that movie. what you've never seen escape from new. york i haven't seen that and i just. couldn't watch the boys i tried i didn't. like it yeah but escaping oh god you you. have to watch it okay can i tell you the.

premise real quick it's much like yes. it's basically in the future right and. kurt russell plays snake eyes. okay and basically in the future new. york city. is now. one large prison so they just built a. wall around new york city and all. everyone that's a convict and gang. member they just live there. and that's it they just you know so like. when you're there you have to survive oh. wow right but i think it's going to be a. lot like that where you. you build a gigantic wall around the. island you have to ship you know [ __ ].

food or whatever and it's just like. anything goes. anything goes man. you think it's going to be scary for. those people that live there. i mean if there's no clinics or [ __ ]. police or you know i mean if they just. let them run wild. they're going to open 50 to 100 tiny. homes uh and then they're going to have. services there they say but they don't. go into a lot of specifics but there are. going to be like 50 to 100 tiny homes.

they were experimenting with this in. venice too if you're familiar tiny homes. yeah it's a tiny hole man like the. little bad williams over there yeah. they're supposed to be hide and go seek. or something yeah yeah. i would put something like a creation. juice place yeah. right did they get acai bowls like you. got to do something healthy like you. know like ginger shots. right i would have one right if they. want to get healthy. right ginger shots yeah yeah yeah you. know what i mean some homelessness yeah. wheat grass we grasp. i think you've got to have crops for.

them to work you need to have some sort. of farming system sustainable food yeah. um they're gonna have severe sunburn and. skin i don't know i but also i could see. them filming it and putting it on some. kind of closed circuit television and we. all pay for it it's an extra live feed. type of thing yeah yeah i'm saying. that's where we're headed it's getting. weird i mean we're literally reading an. article they're gonna put homeless. people on an island wow that's how. australia got started man. they put criminal people on an island. yeah that's what they did right and it's. great now so maybe it is for the best.

wow you think they'll have children out. there and stuff oh dude yeah if you. don't there's you don't see them grow up. but they have them you know. yeah yeah. all right so we could have but maybe. this is a good idea and in california. what do we do catalina yeah or the. desert catalina is a [ __ ] dump let's. put them out there yeah they make it. cool with that carousel or whatever but. yeah yeah. it doesn't feel like you're even on an. island i know it's so weak this is like. [ __ ] irvine but like surrounded by. water. right like there's no like tropical.

trees it's just like irvine a hill it's. terrible yeah it's like a [ __ ] it's like. it's a [ __ ] hole it's it's a [ __ ] one. shitty section of a zoo there's bison. there there's no real native americans. they charge you to get out there i hate. there's couples breaking up on the way. there that when that are going for their. honeymoon it's [ __ ] unbelievable. [ __ ] catalina that's what's going on. yeah. well. so i'll see you tomorrow morning oh yeah. huh yeah [ __ ] we gotta be there early.

7 45 man. really. and that's. every day monday to friday. no i'm i'm only there three days this. week. yeah what happens you know you're not i. my guy leaves. my guy doesn't leave i have to be every. day. but you get to really do you shine. yesterday on that baseball field i. didn't do nothing bro i had no line but. all the shots were all the shots were. hilarious no no no oh my god anyway with. this one.

oh yeah maybe. dude there were so many good ones. but thank you theo i love you. um and everyone forced fox to pressure. the show and then um i'm proud of you. man i love you i love you too we're. gonna go to [ __ ] austin in january. all right let's try it out bro how great. what if we opened up joe's club maybe he. would let us be the opener for the first. week yeah i'll be great i'll see if he. will all right bye all right love you. bobby now i'm just floating on the. breeze and i feel i'm falling like these.

leaves i must be. cornerstone. oh but when i reach that ground i'll. share this piece of mind i can feel it. [Music].