BEST OF: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von 2024

oh do you see that thing with the mayor. do you see that thing with mayor with. the mayor of New York no. I'll it's a um oh yeah this is it right. here do you see this so Eric Adams he. teaches what was he saying they're. teaching kids how to they're teaching. parents how to search your kids' room to. find drugs and gun stuff get you see. this you can look at a jewelry box a. jewelry box of this nature maybe a. simple jewelry box but if you look. through it closely you don't know what. your child may be hiding for instance a. gun that's from the state of New York.

fuing government was like make it scary. as [ __ ] hold on hold on start it over. yeah that music is crazy scare the [ __ ]. out of these people it's like it almost. seems like a um like the story before. Castlevania starts like on a video game. jewelry box a jewelry box is opening. menu maybe a simp box but if you look. through it closely you don't know what. your child may be hiding for instance a. gun look at picture frames behind them. cameras try to determine what what's.

taking place behind a picture frame you. can find bullets you should always when. your child this is a video game that's. where you find bullets video games look. through it to see look through his naag. you might find a. grenade in addition to a book something. simple as a crack pipe something simple. as a as a baby doll great is K a baby. doll but also it could be a place where. you can secrete or hide. drugs secr bro this is the mayor that's. unusual like a pull like this with the.

button is a perfect invitation to hide. something and I've felt something bumpy. I will reach in see what it. is God Only Knows I'll tell you this. man those door Dash people see some [ __ ]. oh god dude you know in India they have. a cast of people called The Untouchables. do they really yes you just can't [ __ ]. with them you can't go near them you see. them and you look away uhuh that is kind. of and just to no no don't take offense.

to this but it is when I encounter a. food delivery person in the wild I I. don't I look away no I will look away. damn you don't feel like you're one of. them a food delivery. person no yeah I just there's so many. other. jobs I just feel like if you're. delivering door Dash I just inherently. here's the thing I I I love them as a. person they're a child of God yeah but.

they're in so much pain are they a lot. of times you can see they're in pain I. can't see it really they're just. listening to Scott sta usually I don't. feel like know they're I think some of. them are in pain they're just it's tough. It's A Hard I just it's hard for me to. see and look at it's just hard for me to. look at and we got a love fella in the. house today Riley Ma how are you. brother ah doing well have you uh. blasted that cornstalk yet you popped. that corn stalk or what's going on with.

you daddyy how's how's your love life. Bubba get us the latest man you uh well. I almost had something happen um. yesterday no yep it was doing the Super. Bowl um a friend of mine invited me okay. and we were hanging out and everything. was great MH and this this other guy. shows up no so you you met up with the. girl no yeah we were just at a bar okay. you're at a. bar and um and a dude showed up yeah no.

yeah I uh I saw him and I I knew. something was going to happen. uh-uh and what was he wearing was he. dressed pretty. well um he just had slacks on and nice. jacket [ __ ] him I mean that's did he. know that you were there with her yeah. oh so he rode in right and um okay so he. shows up now what do you do are you. posturing a little or what happened are. you um I'm just chilling you know I'm.

sitting next to her and everything's. going great um and I get up to use the. bathroom mhm and once I get back he. that's normal dude go make toilet that's. normal go on and uh he's in my seat next. to. [Music]. her what the f a white guy uh no. wow wow a mixed. guy yeah more darker okay a lot of the.

black girls in our town and stuff would. get Knocked Up by the black eyes at a. young age yeah so all of our black girls. disappeared at around 13 years old and. got pregnant yeah and they come back and. they and then they come back and they're. just different or they just like um yeah. they have a child now or they have like. baby milk on their shoulder or whatever. um like they were just more advanced. like the black kids in our school were. more sexually advanced Just Had Sex.

earlier and stuff so I think that was. intimidating the black girls were. intimidating because they had more. experience yeah it's funny sometimes you. talk to a black guy he's like I got head. when I was 10 you're like what like like. for. real yeah sorry dude it's okay this. place just went out of business we're. good we were 16 17 when we hooked up and. Y met at a carnival yeah she worked for. somebody and I was working out there and. she worked for a friend of mine another. family let me Dart that huh she was.

actually pregnant when we hooked up. already too and uh really yeah wow that. seems illegal that's crazy God but I. don't know we're still friends that I. still I mean rayquan her son is works. for me now oh yeah yeah really wow yeah. her son works for me like was there drug. use out there a little bit yeah yeah. just a little bit so most of the time. I'm the server you're on the line yeah. i' like to be on the line because I know. how fast I could go um even if I drop. stuff you know I just keep on going.

oh yeah you know just keep on going just. like your lunch lady Annie well she was. we had a couple of good lunch ladies we. had this one lady we had named Sarge. actually and she was I think a um she. loved ladies I'll say that oh yeah we. had this other. lady uh Miss mon creef she uh she'd. always be like make sure to get your. spaghetti that's what she called your. spaghetti get get your.

spagetti so she would yell at us that's. funny she be like get your spaghetti and. instead of saying cake she would say. like this is crazy but she would kind of. say like C like CAC so she'd be like and. get you a cut of coconut C over there. see I think we all have to be a little. nuts you know to be over there so long. around everybody you know most think I. am a little off but it's okay cuz I've. accepted that you know a long time ago. Dude show in bro I remember for $11 you.

could stay at the place right for $15. you could stay and eat right so was that. $4 up charge you got that Buffet shony. had an in and we would go bro and the. they had they also had this like Premier. buffet for like two more dollars you. could go they had like this kind of. roped off area of the buffet and down. there they had [ __ ] salmon or. whatever you know damn Pi you know. special pickles salmon uh honey Pi. honeydew like I never [ __ ] You' never.

seen [ __ ] gay watermelon you know. what I'm saying they had all the special. [ __ ] when you a kid all that shit's nice. until you got old and you're like why am. I eating this [ __ ] I'm going to [ __ ]. die look at the people around me look. what they look like and here I am with. them about to die now Willie what would. it take to get you to cheer for another. team that is a question I would like to. know man what would what would it what. amount of money would it take couldn't. take no money I'mma die hard what amount.

of what amount of P would it do no uh no. puss or nothing I'm a die hard tide fan. now what if a woman came and I'm talking. a lady came over from uh uh Texas A&M. I'm talking a lady rides up in a. Corvette Willie what the tits look like. with some of that [ __ ] that real that. real she got some titties look like two. angry dogs trying to chew on your. [ __ ] oh the T and tell me this she got. that cooter on her that that yeah but I.

seen some of them at the at the airport. yeah baby and what do you now oh man did. some them had oneor God Mighty praise. God baby had one now that a choke of. mute that's what I'm talking about it. was a nice building they did have a pool. at the building that was pretty cool. okay and um I was learning to play. guitar at the time and so I would go in. there he'd have some every now and then. he'd have a chick stay over and I'd go. in there and play um uh te.

isn't the song about Eric Clapton's son. dying is that it's about yeah that's the. song you would play while the guy was. getting. me dude I he about his [ __ ] sun. falling out of a. window what yeah no way how was his. somebody in the military no he was like. a little ass kid dude it's a tragic. song oh dude sorry sorry Eric. is CL still alive he's alive yeah oh.

man so so your friend's dad who's giving. you shelter is getting py with one of. his eight. viagras and he has to battle that. viagra's up against that old man's LED. and the saddest song one of the saddest. songs of the. 90s a poor rendition by the way there's. no way you were good at it you're. butchering it and it's sad as [ __ ] I you. [ __ ] [ __ ] sorry.

sorry oh so my. badink would you know my. name dude but I would go in there and. one time after a they would requested me. to come back. in you were the [ __ ] you were the. music for them [ __ ] there used to be. a show it was like Amish something Amish. like yeah something Amish and they this. one yeah something on me this one dude.

kept like mowing his grass he had to use. that old school cutter this like the. spinning thing Spinning Wheel thing and. he's like this sucks I was adopted I'm. not even supposed to be Amish he said. I'm not even supposed to be J is [ __ ]. hilarious it's like a flight that never. takes off you're just sitting. there man I wish you could pick your. cases like I wish they had like a menu. like oh here's the cases they're doing. today cuz then I could see if I want to. pretend like I'm racist or not to try. and get out of it you oh yeah you got to.

yeah I roll right in there and tell them. I'm. racist what what t-shirt are you wearing. and last time they're like we have so. many racist here today we still have to. ask you guys a couple questions like we. got to we got to we got to filter. through that see how racist you are like. we just go and grab a random group of a. hundred of America's dumbest people and. be like hey sit in this room we're going. to use 10 of you to solve this murder it. blows my mind well it's the craziest. part of about it is this [ __ ] works at.

a Leslie's Pool Supply and now they're. [ __ ] in charge of a murder now. they're trying to figure out who killed. Kennedy right here like and some guy's. like I don't know the difference between. a cucumber and a pickle and you want me. to decide on this jury this is a fud. Rucker manager you ever been in a. pyramid game no I've been in a couple my. buddy won his family's um football pool.

it was like their NCA their college. football pool they did every year he won. it was like $600 dude he was so excited. he could have changed his life and. instead his mom convinced him to buy a. Christmas Village of like rare Christmas. village houses oh yeah they're back. they're back they're coming they're. happening right now my buddy to this day. is uh he's he's big in the Christmas. houses no rent rent in much the tenants. don't make much noise.

and the uh and the street lights are. always. on electric Bill's low oh yeah so yeah. running into a lot of issues but God. that just broke him man he never. recovered from. that dude I met a dude yesterday in. Tennessee he said he took out a $800. life insurance policy on his wife I'm. like. $800 that's pretty insulting well yeah. that's what I felt like when I say I. know them I was probably a kid and there. was people that worked around where I.

live with my and I think they did crack. that was a rumor wow but I don't really. I don't really know what crack does it's. a functional like the my pillow guy um. he did it his whole building the pillows. you know really yeah oh so good things. can come out of it still there are crack. success stories oh yeah you know what. I'm saying oh wow is that what the. secret is is like crack in there I don't. know what it is like they dust a pillow. with crack before they ship it people. like yo this is the best [ __ ] pillow.

I've ever had in my life this is my. pillow you can't have that [ __ ] it's. like crack Bay that guy like this you. know he just there's a guy on the. assembly line just like as as they pass. I was gonna say probably I wish matth. had like a birth control aspect to it oh. man but I would go white claw I think it. does I think when you smoke meth just. everything dries up yeah you know yeah. maybe that's true I never smoked I. always wanted to smoke crack I never got. to smoke crack damn um it's um did you.

ever smoke it oh yeah really oh [ __ ]. yeah no way dude damn dude you know my. buddy figured I was tweaking and like. you know and and and they showed me how. to they're like you got a light bulb and. I'm like yeah and so they showed me how. to take the little silver thing off the. bulb and you can take it out and then. you put some warm salt water in there. and swish it around you get all that. white [ __ ] off the bulb then you got a. nice clear bulb so then you kind of just. tap some [ __ ] down in there and you can. burn it and smoke it so whatever I I hit.

the [ __ ] woo all of a sudden where's my. guitar I want to play guitar so bad so. for two days I sat there and playing two. [ __ ] days I don't I didn't eat I. don't even think I pissed yeah it was. insane and then so two days later. somebody finally snaps me out of it by. knocking on my door it was my friend. Brendan Brendan laow and um I hear the. knock on the slider door and I'm like a. [ __ ] I put my guitar down I'm like. I'll be right back like don't like I I. hate to leave you like oh you know I.

wanted that guitar so bad still after. two days straight of playing it and I. all go open the door and my friend. bren's there he's like what the [ __ ]. all over your face and I'm like what and. I go in the bathroom and I look in the. mirror and my face is all green and I'm. like oh [ __ ] like I thought it was like. from the meth or something it was like. oh no my Skin's turning green and it was. from like the I was playing my guitar. for so long that the bronze on my. strings had like gone to my fingers and. I had touched my face wow and so I had. green [ __ ] on my face from my guitar.

strings and I was I was so twacked out. you know I didn't know what the [ __ ] was. going on I took this girl home from the. bar the other. night I just something caught me you. know it was just different something. different about her you know she was. kind of shy but I liked. her but I got her home and when we. pulled her pants off she had nipples on. her butt cheeks man it was so strange I. didn't know how to feel about it. nipples on her butt cheeks wow how to.

feel about it feel about it with them. hands baby what are you talking about. those are extra tits bro now I wouldn't. motorboat them or you you you're you're. going to end up in some dirty oil you. feel me but those are extra tits brother. it's great to challenge yourself and to. push new limits and go to different. heights you know what I'm saying and be. tough on yourself but you also got to. give yourself some some Grace like. that's where that that's where that. balance come in yeah. so if you down to you all the time how.

does how's that goingon to make you feel. down depressed oh my goodness now I got. to do this now I got to do that now I. got to revert to this versus like man. like if I'm like okay I didn't fail okay. I'm not the only person to fail you know. what I'm saying okay how how I get up. out of this you know what I'm saying who. I need to talk to to get up out of this. you know what I'm saying like a lawyer. usually but you're never supposed to say. you're competitive but I want you know. there's been a lot of music biopics yeah. and I wanted to do a great [ __ ] job.

man I love Bob Dylan I love this artist. none of this is for granted this a. little misconception about actors too. and acting you can have a cushy job on a. TV show if you don't give a [ __ ] about. your work it could be a great lifestyle. right you're making like high six. figures maybe low seven figures and. you're just showing up when you want if. you give a [ __ ] about what you're doing. these are these are long ass days you. know what I mean these are 14 hour days. six days a week sometimes you know 3. months look I know I know people got it. way harder but I want to feel that grd. you know I want to feel it you know I.

hope people don't laugh at it I [ __ ]. really I feel like I'm the hardest. working man um anyway maybe I shouldn't. say that but uh but you respect what you. do yeah because you got to what else is. the point I talk about this with friends. a lot like this is too weird a lifestyle. to be nonchalant about yeah why do this. yeah if you're not going to go as hard. as possible what do you guys see on the. cameras and did you guys ever catch. anybody having sex or anything like that. we've seen a lot on camera I I've seen. people getting head uh I've seen I I've. seen it all oh yeah that's one vote for.

Trump right there you feel me but we had. a direct incident with one of our guards. okay so and what rank was he uh he was a. no striper no stripe he was a no stripe. he he he was a baggy pant Dicky wearing. guy like me um good guy though but he. was messing around with the girl from. Cinnabon he was yeah so the girl from. Cinnabon we were watching her go from. Cinnabon to the parking lot to her car. okay but she was walking with a guy oh.

she's walking with a guy to her car and. he I think he was I think he was the. employee one of the employees from the. movie theater goes in there we could. clearly tell they're doing some. [ __ ] he leaves within five minutes. somebody else comes walking up into our. guard he gets in the car no they start. doing their thing uh-uh was that a Honda. Accord uh it was uh Nissan Ultima yeah. yeah Ultima for sure so the company. starts growing right and in addition to.

people helping each other get jobs. people were helping each other people. were starting relationships on there I. went on dates off of um Craigslist. before you know good I mean I would use. casual encounters too you know it's like. that was sometimes um I met a girl one. time and we watched a Nets game and made. love honestly and she let me sign her. cast right and I was like you know and. it was we had a great time I think we I. think we dated for there's there's no. accounting for Taste yeah but I'm glad.

I'm glad I know who wants to be a net. fan I need Caleb Presley biblically and. that's your best friend just texted with. him today special guy I have a I have a. crush on him that's like really it's bad. cuz he's another sec boy right Tennessee. um he went to um North Carolina yeah he. went to you're kidding why is he he's. like a volunte he is a volunteers fan he. says played at North Carolina he.

didn't but he's a liar to cheat true but. he's handsome it is true and he is. extremely uh unique he's you guys are. similar I think you guys would have a. nice time you think we look a little. related oh I think maybe it's he but. guys with that blue eyes yeah you blonde. hair yeah yeah I have the same facial. hair as. him well have you been married before or. no no this first it was your first. marriage yeah I was with I've had three. really longterm relationships I had.

already felt so [ __ ] terrible about. cheating on girls I always got caught. inevitably I got caught and those were. the I I can remember those phone calls. and trying to explain why it didn't you. didn't. care there anything worse than that oh. my god well it's tied with driving to. someone's apartment to tell them that. you're breaking up I mean those those. two for me are like I've had a lot of. motorcycle injuries I'd take of them a.

million times before I'd ever drive to. someone's apartment and just say like I. think we're in different places yeah and. they're like no [ __ ] sometimes I have a. tough time feeling proud of myself do. you know what that you know and I think. I've had other people call in our our. show that have talked about that you. know what do you think it is I don't. know I feel like um I almost feel like. it's just there's a disconnect like it. doesn't even land on me or I feel like. maybe if I feel like I'm proud of myself.

like if I actually feel proud of myself. it'll go against some script that I've. always had written or some thing that. was always written inside of me you know. it's like it it's almost like it. wouldn't if I wrote on the wall of. myself I'm proud of you it wouldn't even. [ __ ] show up on the wall what emotion. would you feel if you saw that um like. what emotion would I feel if I saw what. I'm proud of myself would you go. [ __ ] would you say be pissed off by. it would you be annoyed would you just I. think I feel ashamed of myself for even. thinking it that's interesting and It.

produced an emotion in you just now even. when you just thought about it I saw. that flash in your eyes just a little. bit of water a little bit of fluid oh. yeah dude [ __ ] we cry on here every week. sorry dude that's beautiful no it's okay. but yeah we don't have any we don't have. any Shame about that no you shouldn't. but I'm say liquid Le leaving your body. in a public place as long as Through. Your Eyes is not a problem that's what. I'm talking about huh yeah yeah don't. ask don't ask that's right all this. Diddy stuff going on man what do you I'm. sure glad that I didn't hang out with. him you never got in you never were in. his met him right but never went out.

right is it scary when people get to a. level of wealth that they can kind of. have anything like what is some of that. like I'll get invited to these um. parties right that a really nice house. and stuff right but there'll be like 50. servants right five people to answer the. door six people that just specialize in. toast right just ridiculous here right. and all over I'm like how do you live. like this you know because it's bad. enough like I have too big a house. um and so you have to have people there.

to clean it and stuff like that and. there's no privacy just with that and. there's people that'll have like 10. people in the house at all times and I I. I I don't see how they live right dude I. remember when I first got a clean lady. for to come once a week I helped her. like the first. month I felt horrible yeah dude Trump. yeah man insane took it took the hit. though oh it was crazy dude yeah that. image him yelling fight yeah fight my. god dude what I didn't know it's put.

that on the American flag yeah you know. put that right where the stars are this. [ __ ] dude now this could be easily an. actor that's me that's that is me me. with one of those MA silicone masks on. from it's like the guy Fier hat that you. buy at the store that comes with the. hair what he's his face is going I well. he was he was up there we was yelling. they didn't know but we could hear.

him so we walked up probably five to. seven minutes of trump speaking I'm. estimating here I have no idea he's got. Chew in too big he got chew stuck in his. neck we noticed the guy. crawling Army you know bear crawling up. the roof of the building beside us 50 50. ft away from us so we're standing there. you know we're pointing we're pointing. at the guy crawling up the roof and he. had a gun right I'm going to call this. dude out go do something dude yeah what. are you doing you're poting at for twoth.

minut what you [ __ ] just finishing a. beer [ __ ] 50 feet away you have God. gives you one chance to be a [ __ ]. hero and instead you pop open another. [ __ ] Bush light dude both of these. gentlemen uh don't are just interesting. creatures these are actors dude dude. this is a [ __ ] the backup dude they. got this dude off of Teemu this. announcer look what he's even using to. interview him yeah that's not even a. that's a mop it's not even a microphone.

that's a. Swiffer what is the current immigration. policy is that a fair question as you so. it depends on so again it's so vast like. are you coming over here as a tourist. then you get a visa for. six if come here to you come here to. work you got to get a work you got to. have a passport and a worker visa now. there are so many types of visas from. you know from entertainment to family to. work and it really just depends on what. it is you're after if you're coming here.

and you have a a valid passport and you. have a you want to be a a tourist for 6. months you get a tourist visa um and you. you get it stamped and you fly in or. drive in you come to the Port of Entry. and and you're free to move about the. country for six months if you overstay. then you could be deported so why do. people not want to use the pathways uh. the legal Pathways to immigration like. takes too much time it's it's the the. line's so long ah you're my mother's. absolute favorite dude just because this. is why she's probably never heard any of. your music but because you say what you.

want to say I came out with little. fingers on my CDs like running my mouth. it's like I I always say and I sound. redundant probably but I haven't changed. the times have changed yeah I've been. doing the same thing since day one dude. you know what I think that's really true. about you cuz sometimes I think some. things you say I'm like it seems like. the sometimes I'll be like that seems. kind of outdated but the truth is just. that times have changed I was talking. Cash Money [ __ ] since I was broke when I. was young yeah I've talked Cash Money.

[ __ ] I probably came out of the womb. talking Cash Money [ __ ] yeah and they're. like it's a boy it's a girl it's it's. somebody talking [ __ ] that's all we know. crazy dude just because like I mean. obviously like so many people tell you. all the time just you know Dr Feel Good. Just so much of just like I mean my. brother would beat me beat me to You. guys' music that's crazy yeah I was the. drum dude I was a snare for my brother. and it was awesome though but it was. loving you know like how bad was it like.

when addiction hit you guys' band and. stuff was that pretty crazy when. you're you're looking around and you're. seeing the guys in your band everybody's. this close from not not waking up again. you know um you know that kind of [ __ ]. um and you know and you've you've. reached a level of. like um. doing crazy [ __ ] like. when you're shooting [ __ ] Jack.

Daniels in your arm because you ran out. of heroin when you could just drink the. [ __ ] Jack and be like oh just [ __ ]. drink we're out of heroin but I if we we. shoot it it'll be [ __ ] better it's. just alcohol like when you're doing dumb. [ __ ] like that we're like I think it's. someone's going to die here soon like we. should all and we did it as a band we. were like you know we'd take handfuls of. [ __ ] houseon they were called and and.

then we'd [ __ ] and go that and go out. for the night but those are all these. are all [ __ ] like downers and. sleeping pills so like who does that you. we're doing such dumb dangerous [ __ ]. that everybody was like all right that's. it we're all going to do this together. and we just was like ' 89 we all went to. [ __ ] rehab together to different. rehabs but um but yeah for me I was.

mixing so much stuff so much this kid go. all over the [ __ ] place and down but. you could hear it in the music now. sometimes we go back for for laughs and. we'll listen to some of the [ __ ] I made. when I was like in psychosis what would. you say is the most [ __ ] up you ever. wor for an album uh I want to die in New. Orleans I think mine is I was literally. in psychosis from doing so much speed. and and and downers bro um I thought. Southwest Airlines was trying to kill me. I thought you told me that story once I.

thought Kyle took a life insurance. policy out only for 70 grand this. [ __ ] bro that's the most new. Orest [ __ ] ever somebody takes a life. insurance policy out for $700 bro just. for one to make it their truck payment. that's the [ __ ] most new wall of [ __ ]. bro I remember that we were we were in. New Zealand when you told me that you. thought that they were putting a hit out. on us yeah he thought like what do you. say when he sits you bro I'll put them. through H look at one point I was. starting to get really impatient with it. because like I was tired. explaining I was tired of explaining.

that like this insane Theory wasn't. actually happening I would one time I. thought he had my phone tag this was one. time he quit suicide Boys on Twitter I. don't know if you remember that oh I. remember and he remember where I at the. time he had just bought a condo in uh. Bradenton Florida outside of Sarasota. and I can't get in touch with them Kyle. can't get in touch with them and we. decide let's let's go out there let's. just press him let's be in person so. long story short we fly down there rent. a car drive to his apartment and he. doesn't expect us he doesn't know we're. coming we go upstairs and I knock on the.

door and he's like one second I think to. myself like man I just flew out here and. [ __ ] that I'm not waiting a second I was. like bro I'm here what's up like what's. the problem and he was like uh give me a. second he had to go to the bathroom do. his little thing he catch my drift and. then we came outside he was ready to. talk and this long story to say I was. trying to like see I was like is he. [ __ ] with me is he lying to me is he. thinking I'm does he think I'm stupid or. does he actually believe this [ __ ] is. and is he is he [ __ ] crazy yeah so I.

had to sit him down and I was like bro. this southwest thing do you think that. the board like of like the people on the. board of Southwest sit in a boardroom. Southwest Airlines Southwest Airlines. and they they discuss how we're going to. assassinate scrim from suicide boys and. he looked at me dead in the eyes the. most serious look on his face and he. goes yes and I lost my mind bro I took. my phone and I threw it on the I was. trying to hit the grass but I hit the. side walk the [ __ ] sparked and uh that.

pissed you off even more yeah yeah I. thought they were trying to kill me. because my brother had bootlegged one of. our tracks and and cuz he was bad off on. dope and sold it to this person for like. 800 bucks but actually didn't give him. the song and just scammed him and I. thought the person he scammed was the. son of somebody on the board of. Southwest and they were going to take me. out to speak on the othero to speak on. the other side of things I'm think. thinking what is coming out of his mouth. is it real or not come to find out the.

story of his brother stealing a song and. selling it is true so it's and I'm. sitting there and I feel bad cuz I'm. like been calling him a liar in my head. and all this [ __ ] and then I find out. it's true so then I'm like all right so. is all of this true I I still refuse to. believe that the board of Southwest is. meeting to discuss his assassination but. I had my my brother and my family. believe crazy [ __ ] time bro I was. very convincing there's a guy living at. our at our house at the moment and and. uh he was like trying to get off work to.

just come down and just say hi Oh and. just Mill around like a loitering they. call it yeah yeah I think you guys. loitering must be a British thing huh. cuz we wouldn't say that lering what. would you say we be like oh yeah. stalking well stalking is more like once. you've loitered and you see something in. the window you know you see something. you see a bit of tits in the distance or. something but yeah that's stalking yeah. yeah and then it's breaking and entering. you know and then it's marriage usually. yeah if you have a way with words I.

think here's a couple of vet right here. bring them. up and this is Yan. May damn this [ __ ] kid is ripping bro. full allowance this. week he through a break God Dam. he look at his face his how does he even. know how to feel all. [Music].

this I got a game on tour right now this. kid could also be 40 years old dude we. don't know what's going on bro unreal if. that's a real person and not Ai No one's. going to know the kids aren't going to. remember this [ __ ] guy dude most. people can't even see that far how how. far can people see usually what do you. mean I'm just saying like. uh how far can somebody. see what is what do that the average.

sight distance for a person with normal. vision is about 3 miles get [ __ ] dude. when standing on a flat surface with. their eyes about 5et above the ground. that is. [ __ ] I thought it was like 70 feet. or. something why are you asking this. question uh I'm not sure exactly I guess. what were you we were just talking about. David Spade average read I just got a. cyber truck too oh you were telling me. that yeah you got it yeah how is it yeah. it's wild bro I mean for one you feel.

like you kind of work at lows kind of a. little because it feels like you're. supposed to be like delivering something. to somebody but you never drop it off. what do you put back there I don't it. well no it's just the whole car feels a. little bit like a appliance yeah so it. that it feels like um it feels like some. sometimes somebody's just going to open. up the back and just put a TV dinner in. it you know it just has this like kind. of or just put a load of laundry in. there just press a button you know it. has an appliance kind of feel but then. it makes this sound when you go fast and.

it literally feels like you're going. into the. future nice and some people don't know. what it is like there was a guy who like. I don't know if he was homeless or not. but he just he just seemed really. homeless and he he was like what is. it what is it you know and then he just. kind of started yelling at it and just. cracked a beer open and I was like God. being married to a gay man would be fun. because there's a feminine energy to him.

that would be like almost like having a. girlfriend it's the largest Pomeranian. you can have if you're a woman is a gay. husband yeah I like that's what I said I. feel like um that would be your type if. you dated black girls I'm willing to. date a nice black girl yeah yeah yeah. what is I mean a black girl that's nice. what does she look like like describ. just tall kind of yeah had some booty on. her bro yeah I knew that I knew that and. the T some of the titty went into the.

booty I was like damn this a whole I'm. trying to imagine that it was just. um God damn like Coke bottle shape I. mean she looked like the letter s bro. yeah yeah and she was uh really pretty. eyes yeah. nice soft. spoken looked at me twice yeah yeah one. time I hung around for a long time for. the second look yeah but still counts. getting weird at that point it still.

counts but yeah it was a little weird. getting weird and I waved and I walked. off bro and the wave was what [ __ ]. [ __ ] me guess what type of [ __ ] guy. waves see that's gonna turn black women. off I know you don't do that [ __ ] you. got to be a little bit gangster you. gotta be straight up they want straight. forward especially coming from you you. know what I'm saying one one of our. White Brothers in the community I think. more black women want you to be you got. to be more assertive not too much cuz. you know how y'all get but none of that.

y'all got to meet up none of that turn. back the clock [ __ ] we a't doing none of. that I'm a modernday soldier brother you. get what I'm saying oh yeah like um yeah. 100% buddy none of that going back to. the 1800s [ __ ] I'm saying like like. be assertive as if like 2012 and up bro. yeah 2012 an up assertive right you're. fine as hell you are beautiful yeah and. I would like to see you. soon that works but you got to be you.

got to give them a little get they they. want to they want to feel the UMP you. know what I'm saying yeah. [Music]. yeah I'm a colel of this [ __ ] T. y'all left the you get what I'm. saying yeah what's your kiddo like I. don't know if I she's a stud oh it's a. baby it's a girl were you there when she. was born I pulled her out of the coochie. no you didn't yeah I did they let me. bring my Katana in kind shoes did you. wear Clos toad obviously.

I know anybody clo toad shoes I think. that's God one yeah you have to anybody. that wears open toe. shoes to their child's birth is. obviously first of all a Jimmy Buffett. fan well [ __ ] yeah well that's the one. exception I think Jimmy Buffett could. wear thongs to is the child's birth I. think well what are you supposed to wear. like oh I was saying I pulled her right. out right out no way you didn't head I. did I got gloved up and they let you do.

it there's not somebody there is there a. lifeguard or something well I don't know. my doctor was such a baller and is the. Mom awake during this yes sir okay she's. full awake did she's not on her phone or. anything is she D she's on uh Clash of. Clans um a that's amazing the child has. filed emancipation papers you can see. him right there begging for a sip look. at that he he's in that's Deep Roy isn't. it that's not that's Deep Roy that's not. a. Deep Roy and Roy's getting look at her.

she's just. beyond this is the new headshot this new. head shot by the way Deep Roy has. pretended to be an infant they G there. going to be a newspaper. article Wy cumings baby was actually de. ro I wouldn't be surprised there's a lot. of look things are getting so tough out. there Tim little people are going. undercover they just had the Russian. girl who f with the family to to be able.

to eat and and and survive so they're. just going to have to you know and. Whitney because Winnie is is know busy. she's busy that's the thing with Winnie. a great mom and everything but she's. busy she's got a lot going on so she. might not notice if her son is. depro she might not. notice she's got Dey oh you got a. [ __ ] young baby who's just in a Elvis. outfit she might like how quickly he's.

growing and like she might be like my. baby so impressive he's speaking he's. speaking hand do he's speaking Ando he's. dressed like elv yeah he's doing great. like I've done done a great job I mean. how would you approach that I was a kid. your your your wife is allergic to the. [ __ ] you know I mean cat and I'm your. kid be real I would don't do comedy. don't do comedy right now I would. probably get a sh I'm I'm your dad I'm. your son okay hey Dan. BBY no no you.

don't do it sorry just do it like me I. don't know wa you don't have to have an. Asian accent okay I don't know what I. don't know what country we in no no no. you're you okay got it I didn't know out. of nowhere you going to have an Asian. accent I don't know what country we're. in no we in America who gives a [ __ ]. well give me a setting then all yeah. yeah yeah well you I have to be that. specific yeah you're just okay you live. in Nashville okay your wife is white. you're my son yeah I'm so I'm not Asian. all right make believe that I'm your. biological son okay right yeah hey Daddy.

hey Chucky what's. up I don't know the people don't even. get thought of anymore it feels like a. lot of times and here's the toughest. part I think Bernie is as a person who. you know has felt like in their life. maybe their father died in a war their. grandfather died in a war and they've. been tried to pay their taxes and be a. you know considerate person in their. town or their country um after a while. those good people start it starts to. erode a little because they don't feel.

like and they lose their sense of. purpose man when you're you lose the. fabric of your Society a lot of people. that's how they they didn't even realize. it a lot of us don't realize that's we. identify as an American and when you. realize well America it's nothing but. it's a it's a shell LLC for [ __ ] big. corporations then what am I I'm just a. I'm just a idiot you know and you almost. feel ashamed of yourself you know or you. can you know anyway just I don't know a. lot of that stuff just I just don't see.

how people think that that's good or how. you're going to still be able to get. people to buy in Theo I think you said. it better than I did I mean I agree with. you I think a lot of people are ashamed. they're giving up they're. hurting yeah many of these people have. fought and died or their families have. fought and died in wars and they're good. people and maybe they're you know nurses. and they you know business people yeah. anything crossing guard mailman exactly. they believe in their Community yeah and. meanwhile they're getting ripped off by. people on top politically and.

economically well even the radio like. you're saying it's like you used to have. like a newspaper and you you read it. meant something your community meant. something it used to be that your. grandpa worked at the factory and they. made the table that you have in your. home and so everything had a story to it. there's some connection and now it's. like we're buying stuff from countries. that they're making it they don't care. we're using it we don't care there's no. story nobody has any like uh there's. no uh there's no thread you know the. thread just gets thin that's a very.

profound point you just made and so how. do we get it back you know ain't easy. yeah but I think but I think you hit the. nail on the head and you don't drink or. smoke right I don't drink or smoke you. never have no I never have I've uh I had. a great uh brother who taught me a. lesson don't drink what was his name. Donald his name was Fred Fred Trump so I. never had a cigarette and I've never had. a glass of alcohol and my brother was. incredible he would tell me because he. knew he had a problem and it'd say don't.

ever drink don't ever smoke he'd always. add smoking because he did smoke a lot. did you guys ever do anything fun. together like one nice memory that you. have with him he had a great talent for. flying he was a pilot oh sweet and he. loved it and did you ever fly with him. uh I did I flow with him he was a great. pilot and very talented other Pilots. would come to his house to study with. him watch him and he was really talented. that but ultimately he had to give that. because of the alcohol he had to give.

that up which was a hard thing for him. to do but he had to give that up I saw. where you had your mom was out and you. congratulated her on she almost has 10. years of sobriety you said that's right. yeah she's uh in January January of 2025. she will be 10 years clean and sober. what was it like growing up like with an. alcoholic mother like and no judgment. against your mother this is just to look. at it right yeah sure I appreciate that. yeah what um what is that like like is. it hard to make a connection with your. mom like what are some of the side. effects of that uh on a child even as a.

young kid I sort of very neatly divided. the world into like three categories of. people right they were the helpless. people the victims the people who needed. to be helped there were the bad guys who. were praying on the victims and then. there were the the strong people who. sort of stood up uh for for everybody. else and stood up to the bad guys that's. like you know that's overly. simplistic um but definitely you know I. I saw my mom. growing up very much as this person who.

was who was kind of a victim and was. being prayed on by by bad people right. and then the person who was sort of. looking up for us and standing up for me. especially was my grandmother and uh I. think that that that attitude of you. know some people are just not as strong. as we wish them to be and I probably. went into the Marine Corp I was pretty. whiny pretty resentful kid was pissed. off at my mom was pissed off at all. these other people cuz I didn't have the. things that I thought I should have and. then eventually yeah there's me when I.

was much much skinnier much better. looking oh yeah the Marines dude that. was the original o that's that's. right there's a lot of Asians for Trump. out there do you know. that or how do Asians feel about Trump. well let's say it man can I say. something to you yeah I'm not the. president of. Asians I I seem to think you seem to. think that I'm their leader like every.

month there's a gathering right and I. get all this information from people. yeah right and then I go out to the. world I'm their spokesperson or. something I don't know what the [ __ ]. you're talking about you're like Kim. Jong-un no I'm not Kim Jong-un you're. like a smaller like scam. Jong yeah yeah there was there was one. lady that covered the Trump thing it was. think this was an Asian lady do you see. the. thing uh covered the that time that we. interviewed Trump this is kind of self. aggrandizing or whatever oh here we go. but that's not even all Trump has woed.

this hyper masculine online culture. deeply during a recent podcast with the. comedian thean instead of talking about. economy or immigration or health care or. the global conflicts they discussed. cocaine. addiction no did did you really cocaine. Addiction in some people are just food. just real per creeps when it comes to. eating you know I've had owl my and you.

know I don't know if we can say it or. not but no you can't well I didn't you. just did I didn't have it you ate an owl. you just said you did though huh you. just said you had owl did he not just. say he had owl I didn't do it wait a. minute I think I think he said Eagle. yeah no I didn't say eagle dude and if I. did it wasn't it was a wigged eagle I. don't need bald eagle no but I did have. we had owl my my. sister grilled up two.

owls you just said you didn't I thought. we could you. you can Ronnie did it. no I eat. anything you're freaking leader a ballad. I didn't have a lot you didn't have a. lot there's not a lot to him that's the. trick you didn't. swallow I didn't inhale. oh you know Thanksgiving it's it's.

interesting that even. time says hey hold on I need you to give. some thanks I need you to you have to. have some gratitude. here you know and I think that that to. me that's pretty fascinating that that. is a speed bump that's been put. into uh our calendar it's just built in. there you know it's a. comma that says hey care right. care about the things that have happened. to. you you know find things to have.

gratitude for. um and so I want to think about those. today and just things that I'm thankful. for um I'm. thankful. um yeah being able to whisper that's a. big. one I'm so thankful for that because. otherwise everybody in your family would. just wouldn't know how you felt about. them uh asking me what I've been up to I. I've been visiting schools I now I have.

to like look at real schools cuz my my. you know my my oldest daughter's like. going to turn five so that's like. kindergarten so she she has to get to. like the real school system MH and uh we. were looking at this one place and they. have plain clothes just like guards now. with guns so it's kind of sick I I was. like dude I really want to retire and. become a plane clo just walk around a. school just grow like a ponytail and. just be a teacher that's all you do all. day you carry a gun you just wait for. like some nerd to pop off and you just. blast him dude that' be that would be.

honorable man like what if you. [ __ ] what if you start tripping in. your head and thinking that somebody's. like some kid is like plotting and [ __ ]. like I'm like the True Detective I'm. Russ Cole of school school. security I i' I'd have to wait till they. pop they'd have to pull out first you. think you would set a kid up. [Laughter]. is you say that I'm no I'm saying you're. saying like get like all tripped out out. like damn is this kid getting paranoid. like I know these [ __ ] daman's up. to some [ __ ] I know he's packing no I.

would just wait I would chill i' do my. thing in the moment one of those. [ __ ] pulled out the steel I. would just be. there ready to die and just walk them. down god dude that's your job so Beast. games that's the show yeah so before. this we were I was showing them episode. one of a show coming out December 19th. yeah you said there's a lot of uh world. records that were broken in the in the. shooting of the of this uh Series yeah. 40 Guinness World Records wow yeah we.

have like so many plaques now that we. have up on our wall I basically making a. wall out of uh Guinness plaqu just from. the show what are what are some of the. records you guys broke uh most. contestants ever in a show largest cash. prize in a show most cameras recording. at once in a show uh most people which. you saw yeah and a show like most money. given away in the first episode of a. show just like stuff like that yeah oh. that's the most people probably since. 911 I would. oh my gosh we might have to take that.

out yeah and that should I shouldn't. have said that I'll say something else. um yeah I haven't seen that many people. uh at the same time wait why was there a. cut before you say what you're saying. right now huh oh there's just we needed. something to had to use the bathroom. yeah yeah just had to use the yeah I had. already I'd already soiled the. conversation uh oh that's the most. people at once that I'd seen since um oh. since I was in the parking lot of a. Widespread Panic concert you know but. that was. LSD um that kind of works a little yeah.

I think that's honestly you should keep. the first one there we go dude but if. I've done one thing well it's what I. call failure and that is I ran for. sophomore Junior and senior class. presidents I lost three times and based. on my track record I decided to run for. student body president where I went on. to wait for it lose I've started nine. businesses seven have failed I can't. tell you how many women in Whole Foods. and other places and other retail. establishments I've been rejected by.

yeah but the reason I get to live the. life I lead the reason I'm with a very. high character attractive person is. because I have always been able to. endure endure rejection and that is the. key that is the skill because one of the. great things about America is we don't. Embrace failure that's [ __ ] but we. tolerate it if your business fails but. you're a good person usually your. investors will back you again and if you. approach a woman and express interest. and she's not interested you're both. going to be fine yeah and show me a guy.

show me a guy you know we all know that. guy you think okay he's a nice guy he's. modestly successful he's not that. attractive and he's with just such a. high quality woman that guy is not. afraid of rejection that guy cycled. through nine women who said get the [ __ ]. away from me yeah before he found that. one woman who gave him a chance to be. funny kind She was drawn to a was smell. she liked the way he treated his parents. the key to success in America is what.

Wiston Churchill said and that is the. willingness to fail or your ability to. fail and not lose your sense of. enthusiasm there was a study done in. Australia least the I used to work in. paliative care as a doctor looking after. dying people you know what the top. regret of dying people was that they. didn't have the courage to be themselves. M and and and and the third top regret. was that they didn't have the courage to. express their emotions they pretended to. be happy when they were not and so on so.

the question for the rest of us is do we. want to wait till some terminant illness. wakes us up or should we just confront. the fact that in so many ways we're. afraid to be authentic cuz we're so. afraid of being rejected you've really. taken over America dude You' kind of. become like a like a stitch in the. American flag I feel like you're like. this thing that everybody feels like. they can believe you know there was a. time last year and I just like had a.

prayer where I was like I want to be. happy I want to travel and I want to. meet people and God answered me like. crazy like really yeah wow and you. really were PR praying that yeah no he. humbled me for sure wow. man that's powerful huh yeah know power. in prayer you couldn't pay me to go. [ __ ] relive my life like you said hey. Sean you want to go hit the restart. button like [ __ ] you really [ __ ] no the. school system's like oh Sean like he's. just a bad kid they don't realize I'm up. till 3:00 in the morning like you know.

late I mean [ __ ] dude I remember it's. hard to stay up late and learn dude I. remember like laying in bed like I. remember when I stopped believing in God. man like [ __ ] like I had [ __ ] um. yeah it's crazy [ __ ]. dude crazy [ __ ] man yeah it's okay man. it's a lot of that sad dude I used to be. scared at night like uh I used to stand. up like I heard when I was a kid that. like if you peed around your like. animals could pee somewhere that other. animals wouldn't come you know what I'm. talking about you know what I'm talking. about huh yeah have you ever heard.

that yeah I'm sorry. bud so a. man I'm sorry buddy that's all good. [Music]. dude we don't have talk man I could just. sit here with you for a. minute oh.

[ __ ] [ __ ] take. second I can just sit here we can just. sit here it's all good 6 second I just. process. it I think. it's one hard things that people don't. understand like trauma you know.

yeah as it just comes out oh no dude. like I remember. uh I have a hole in my. [Music]. gum yeah when I was a kid I used to. scratch my gum and I a hole in my gum. you know just from being nervous and. stuff n just anxiety you.

know yeah even to this day yeah I mean. the day dude like I'm a grown ass man I. don't give a [ __ ] I mean you could post. this I don't care oh dude I don't have. any no it's all good dude I mean it's is. what it is dude like it is what it is. like people understand like when I talk. about like oh I kill a man it's like you. don't understand you're like when you go. through that level of trauma like you. just view the world differ. anything new in the Dayton.

world uh kind of yeah what you got you. little squirrel buddy what happened well. back in March I uh had a little little. incident with a with a girl you had an. incident I met her at a bar mhm and then. went home with her that night and now. Riley at this point you've NE you still. in in your ejaculatory. uh promisory note with the Lord is still. intact right correct okay um so what.

happened did you end up I mean like how. did it end dude you know what I'm saying. like did you end up you know creaming. that little nugget or what. happened I did. no. what Riley. M God baby congratulations dude I don't. see a lot of that come over here and. shake my hand real. quick I just want to shake the hand of a. man man.

that's come recently this year. congratulations man thank you good to. see you brother good to see you all. right go. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music]. back well sniffing that cocaine all Town. honey don't let my deal go down hey hey. buy let the cocaine be it was meant for.

horses not for men doctor said he kill. you but he didn't know when hey hey. buddy let cocaine. be yeah tell it to me tell it to me. drink corn liquor let the cocaine be hey. hey buddy let the cocaine. be yeah tell it to me tell it to me. drink corn liquor let the cocaine be hey. hey buddy let the cocaine be. [Music].

wow I'm walking up the fields going down. man trying to find a Nickles for to buy. cocaine he but let cocaine be it'll burn. out your nails turn R the goddamn. cocaine will kill you dead hey hey but. let's cocaine. be yeah tell it to me tell it me R corn. liquor let the cocaine be hey hey let. the cocaine.

be yeah tell it to me tell it to me your. Ain corn liquor let the cocaine be hey. hey but let cocaine. [Music]. be come. on well I don't know what I'm going to. do killed my friends is going to kill me. too hey hey buy let cocaine.

be some of you people you think you're. tough sniffing that cocaine just like. snu hey hey but let cocaine be well tell. it to me tell it to me during corn. liquor let the cocaine be hey hey buddy. let the cocaine. be yeah tell it to me tell it to me. drink corn liquor let the cocaine be hey. hey buy let's cocaine be. [Music].

wow hell yeah man.