Beast Infection | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #245

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listeners get two months AM unlimited. access to over 25,000 classes for free. that's two months of unlimited access to. over 25,000 classes for free go to. Skillshare comm slash Theo von. again go to Skillshare comm slash Theo. von to start your two months now let's. see ya lay a fare that means that's that. fare if you see a carnival going on you.

say lazy fare that means that's that. fare put some sand on your hands about. time to grip that dolphin you won't have. to fetch that fish baby and we're gonna. do it here today I'll be doing well. [Music].

celebrate. [Music]. while we celebrate our danes celebrate. our we arranged.

I love your demons exercise let them go. [Music]. Oh. and once again can't really fade that. song out as well as I'd like to be you. know I'd love that song at the end to. really just go at a very slow lessening.

level so you get less sound in you like. ice like at a gradient they call it and. that's not to be confused with this boy. I used to know named gradient Harper who. used to play on the UH on the local. football team in junior high I remember. we had um a baseball field we played on.

and I was on a really rotgut team called. the the Cubs and a couple jerseys they'd. they accidentally wrote clubs on it and. it just so about six of the guys on our. team or on the Cubs that play ville Cubs. and we had about three or four guys on. the play Ville clubs and we would play.

on a field out there on the edge of town. off of highway 190 that had a slant it. had a gradient they just I don't know if. you know there had been like uh they. might have been having gravity issues or. something. or I'm not sure this might have been. during a sinkhole flare up I'm not sure. because that sinkholes those things do.

when the one that when Mother Earth has. had too much to eat and net [ __ ]. belches somebody's losing a [ __ ] half. a parking lot full of Honda Civics or. something you know they you know she. ain't afraid to digest anything it could. be somebody hitchhiking you know. somebody driving a Dodge Ram everybody. is going straight into the Earth's core. um but we played softball on a on this.

field not softball we it was regular. ball baseball and man I wouldn't go to. baseball man I I remember asking the. coach one time if we could put tape on. the ball like rook um you know like uh. duct tape so that thing wouldn't come in. it wouldn't hit you know it wouldn't be. as hard when it hit the glove so most of.

baseball was me hiding kind of whenever. the good batters would get up because. I'm a daydreamer I don't need a bed I. don't need a pillow. - you know to really create that. ambience I'm that sir I got that. Spielberg in me I got that cerebral. Spielberg you know I got this [ __ ] is. it's going in my head and so baseball. and a date you can't daydream and do.

baseball you cannot you cannot do it. because you're out there and next thing. you know you'll be [ __ ] that ball. comes zinging at you you'll lose an ox. it you know it'll you'll pop your. occipital it hit you and I you when he. got one of your eyeballs roll right out. your mouth like you're a Halloween game. show that [ __ ] can get tricky but we. played on a field when I was on the Cubs. clubs that was at a slant and dude you.

would hit a grounder towards first base. and by the time it got to like the. outfield it was oh it was on it was. along the third-base line it was just. every ball so the best player was out. there on third base or in the left field. and I didn't I wasn't good at it man. because I would forget we were playing I. forget I was playing you die Bri I'll be.

out there way out in right field picking. stuff and eating it or trying stuff I. mean I wouldn't need I would not eat. everything that I picked that wasn't I. wasn't that boy you know you always had. that one creepy boy just anything he. finally just slid it into his mouth and. it could be anything it's dude you put a. damn snake in his mouth you know some of. these guys they'll babysit a damn you.

finally get their jaws open and they're. in there you know they're having you. know a couple little oysters or and. they're doing conjugal visits and stuff. some people will put anything under. their tongue. oh but that field man it was so hard. because if a ball went into the outfield. and you got it you had to run you had to. run uphill it was very I mean it was. like a damn decathlon just trying to get.

the ball in and sometimes you would. throw it and it would come right back. down the hill at 2 you're like gee well. and then at the far left field it went. sloped that way it sloped out the one. guy hit it this one fella Mikey Donnell. war and he was my god this guy he was on. I mean he must have came out of the womb. with a uh you know he must have came out.

of the womb with a damn with capability. and capability is when you just when. you're not you know when you just when. you can do something have you ever done. anything. well that's capability right there and. this boy just had all the athletic. capability and he would hit that ball. and we went to get it it went over the. deep off the edge deep field and dude it.

took you sometimes I remember getting a. ball and coming up the hill off the deep. end and by the time I got up there the. game had been over for about 40 minutes. everybody just knuckle deep eating snow. cones and some of the parents are over. there. you know you know complaining about. their spouses or whatever some of this. one lady would cry every time we won. like [ __ ] you're not even gonna have a. kid on the team okay you just out here.

lurk and I said list lady would creep us. out dude she'd be crying somebody would. hit a damn double and she would start. crying I'm like jeepers and she had a. Don Mattingly tattoo on her [ __ ] on. her ribs but she was beautiful though I. will say that she had a certain beauty. about her you know there's something. there's something very American about it. when somebody hits a damn double you.

know and a lady starts crying just a few. feet away there's something hell I don't. even know it's almost like it's like. that movie uh it's the way I feel when. I'm when I watch that movie Cinderella. man my heaven nothing [ __ ] get me bro. Cinderella man what's going on good to. see you happy November 18 and it is the.

year 2019 to zero one nine and we are. living it we are living through time I. was thinking about that this weekend how. time is just such a it won't you can't. stop it I mean you just. it's on it's just uh it's kind of like.

the it's the LeBron James of mediums. this [ __ ] is going and sometimes I. realize I'm like hey time time time you. know I'm over here you know hold it up. but timing [ __ ] with you boy timing. [ __ ] with you you little [ __ ] out. here on that lopsided field get your. [ __ ] together I can't believe our town. would do all of that just really and.

they had regular fields I think they had. a couple parents out there like seeing. the children struggle and seeing you'd. have some kids do they play baseball so. much they'd have a dam they would grow. into genetic leave and one of their legs. almost had a little bit more reach on it. they'd be a little bit more right legged. or you'd see some of the coaches out. there would measure that right leg on. you during practices and stuff because. see who would be able to get the best. angles based on the field and that was.

it's weird when carpentry kind of comes. into a baseball you know when somebody. when you got a damn subcontractor out. there. playing on the you know as a third-base. coach it just gets a little kind of. obtuse oh it is it is November what's. going on with you I hope you're well. today I'm feeling okay I'm feeling okay.

man I'm feeling like I'm this past week. I've been really motivated to just get. to the gym and get that pump get that. body pump and the other day I even taped. off my legs but a tight tape and tape is. something that's basically for people. that's too lazy to get it rope and do. something they made tape so it's really. just kind of [ __ ] rope and boy I'll. tape these thighs closed and I keep my.

blood up top because when I needed one I. used to do that if I would do a test or. something or you know in school man I've. always had a hard test dude you know I'd. have my both my legs tied off bro ain't. letting my blood go down to my feet and. do what think about what slippers. I need my blood up top I need my. knowledge bubbling through my freakin. little brain tank cuz you got to keep.

the water warm up there you know all. these at your extremities a lot of times. they're wasting time you put you I want. that straight when I'm under pressure I. want heart to brain heart to brain I. don't want that you know your Bloods out. here hitchhiking and you're damn you. know that fourth finger the one you can. barely get straight even when if you try. to make it straight by itself you know. the one I don't care if that [ __ ] ever. gets any blood honestly I want the blood.

where I need it so you'd see me in a. test my arms and leg be turning purple. and some of the kids you like - you all. right man you can't even hold your. pencil black [ __ ] I'm doing social. studies okay and I'm trying to get a B. so I'm living what I'm try gotta do. something for myself here this. preservation and you guys out here doing. that full flow I'm going brain no hard. boy and I'm living like that what's.

going on I'll do a little bit of laundry. we have we still want some single. mothers for sure Lafayette and that. shows almost sold out down there. December 26th so we'd love that if you. want to call and recommend one or two we. have the show in December 10th at The. Wiltern in Los Angeles that's almost.

sold out we just put on Red Bank New. Jersey which is the makeup show for. sales Vil it's now at a bigger locale so. you can get in there and sit down and. and feel that feel your body in the. chair and there's something nice about. that when you when your body hits a. chair there's something I mean they. perfected that you know what chair they.

as such a perfectional piece say hey hey. come here stay right here with me. and you do it. time you see a chair you do it not. beautiful a chair is like hey I'll be. over here do what you do but you know. where I'll be at and you get over there. and you put your ass right on it. chairs a dirty man paints they're gonna.

get pinkeye they keep playing all these. games oh okay what's going on with with. you who's listening out there I wonder. who's listening sometimes and I wonder. who isn't I know we have a young lady. named Amanda who is a long time er. listener Thank You Amanda and I'm gonna. give her a call now and just see who. listens to this thing she's a.

correctional officer so I've been around. some seedy men around. hey Amanda what's up is he oh hi how are. you I'm doing well how are you today I'm. good thanks. and you you've listened now you've. listened to most of this past weekend. yes yeah. I've listened to all of them okay and. how are you doing I'm good yes nice I'm.

just making sure you're holding up okay. I think so yeah okay good and you're a. correctional officer right I am working. Corrections I do admin at jail and what. is it like over there are people is it. kind of like you see on Shawshank. Redemption where people are you know. kind of like dirty but also hopeful or. what's the vibe you think Oh sometimes.

yeah we get a lot of you know people. fresh off the street because we're a. County Jail so they haven't been. sentenced or anything they come to us. you know please pick them up straight. off the street. bring them to us so we see all kinds of. people you know mentally unstable you. know people who people who are currently. on drugs and you've brought in hi Wow um. duis people who are currently Bronx who.

have to you know stay and be hawks and. sleep it off and do they team up do they. put them on teams those are like a team. room where there's more than one man in. there or is it there it is everybody. gets their own room holding well know. when you first come in to be processed. pretty much everyone is in the same. little holding cells. yes that's almost like American Idol or. something I would hate that it's like. backstage at on at American Idol yeah.

and you know it's it's interesting to. say the least because you know you have. some that are aggressive and wanna you. know shadowbox with themselves other. people and then you have you know people. who are drunk and they just want to. sleep so you get a whole mix of. different people and does it get pretty. does it get kind of homoerotic at that. point or that's later in this system I'm. wonder if you're seeing any of that no. I'm holding but you know that does. happen when they get to their to their. housing oh yeah you hold it for long.

enough you want to put it in something. you know and that's but yeah you're just. in holding so one more question I have. or do you find that so you these people. so now so your job exactly so you're not. escorting them back there with a weapon. or anything like that you're not doing. any of that correct. no I I do an admin side like a Monday. through Friday hmm so after they come in. and they're processed and they go to. their tank I coordinate programs so if.

they want to go to church or a a GED. that sort of thing nice um yeah I do the. secure system which is our phone system. so selling phone cards that they had any. issues with their phone accounts things. like that their money their money system. if their family has an issue putting. money on to their commissary account you. know I'm the person that they would talk. to you to try to resolve their issues I.

see and are most of them do you find. like a lot of the inmates are pretty. friendly for you towards you does it. vary or at their. is there a general kind of vibe amongst. inmates well because I tried to because. you know innocent until proven guilty a. lot of them there hadn't been the court. so I try to treat people with respect as. long as they respect me and that seems. you know they're really receptive to. that so yeah being a female in. Corrections is tough whether you you.

know are an officer bad man. doesn't matter yeah oh I can totally. imagine and do a lot of the men come. over there and kind of perv out by you. do you have anybody you know doing you. know sending you little handfuls of. dirty stuff from their body or anything. or what is it what do you get do you get. any gift definitely why no I get notes I. get lots of no and what are you looking. for a date or is it are they thinking is. it what are they looking for a date a. couple yeah when I get out I'm gonna.

find you okay find me first of all. find me ain't the best way to pick a. woman up you know what I'm saying mr. criminal you hear a criminal. that ain't my pickup line especially if. I'm a criminal we'll find you no one. knows who I am or where I live but. they're gonna come find me do they get. have you ever engaged with an inmate um.

no just in no just one-on-one you know. they have a question about something. answer it but other than that I try not. to learn too much their lives why. they're there yeah because it doesn't. matter to me why you're there hmm you. know just be respectful to me I'll be. respectful to you I see I love it. and is it it you feel like it's a tough. job for a woman do you feel like is it a. man's world. is it a man's world in the end the.

prison system I think that men they get. more respect they get a lot more respect. whereas a female a lot of them see you. as weak or you know or maybe that they. can that they can try to talk you into. doing something for all so I think it. takes a special part. do a lot of them try to get druid a see. the woman at the low hung fruit do they. do they try to get drugs in do they try. to get bait you know playing cards or.

you know like whistle or anything like. anything unique that they're trying to. get in there you're asking you oh not me. personally I've never encountered that. but I've heard of instances yes where. they try to make friends and they say. hey you know we're friends bring in the. pack cigarette there you know but me. personally I don't wanna get involved yo. and that I don't have to Constance erect. contact with them like like an actual. corrections officer would ya I don't see.

them every second of my shift. I see so I think that's where I have an. advantage because my contact is brief. yeah so it's brief and if you are is. there a lot of handsome men going into. prison or what style of man is it. visually no no it may be maybe it's be. drugs maybe you know maybe at one time. they were handsome but you know where I. work I haven't seen anyone in particular.

that was too handsome. a lot of four and five a lot of four and. five doing crime huh it may be even. threes there's a lot of threes and you. got to earn a three man because that. lower gives you five man you got to earn. a three well you know when you have two. teeth yeah that's hard but when you got. to man you got this year you got to take. care of those babies at that point. that's not even a smile that's just pets. those are just pets in your mouth you. know you got to take care of them all.

right well thank you so much for. listening I really appreciate it and uh. and I just wanted to say thank you yeah. no problem. I enjoy it and if I go to jail I hope I. see you definitely yep definitely whoa. okay well I just want a deck of cards. that's what all I want with some. pictures on the best nudie pics you know. well regular cards I can give some Ofcom. theory but I don't know about the nudie. one well maybe I'll just draw those on.

my own there myself to make them yeah. you have to make. find someone who's really good oh okay. you know prison art is prison arts the. best they can they really have figured. out how to you know draw a really good. nipple oh really now do you see a lot of. that do they confiscate a lot of that. people drawn titty and drawn all of that. you can draw it um you know you can send. it out I've seen it I've seen it a lot. of it hey now. amen oh thank you so much Amanda and I.

hope you have a great hope you have a. great week of it air I appreciate it. thank you so much all right said I'll. talk to you soon. all right okay bye bye right and that's. Amanda right there and thank you very. much Amanda for listening and she made a. list this is how I found her number she. made a list of all the people that I've. ever talked about from my hometown and. sent it to us as like a glossary and a.

glossary is you know it's a list and you. know that don't you you should we all. should I gotta pay the bills real quick. today's episode is brought to you by. candid you know it's that time of year. it's that time of year when a reindeer. might just fly right past your house. looking for a hot gram it's that time of. year to share smiles and good times with. friends and family this is time to. tickle your damn uncle boy and hide your.

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slash Theo code Theo and look snitches. get breeches so I got to tell you about. me undies look it's the holidays and if. you've never had them which I don't know. how you couldn't have but if you've. never had them I mean you want to talk. about a stocking stuffer stuff yourself. into a pair of me undies and you will. just feel stocked up to the gills with. Joey me undies is anything but ordinary.

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satisfaction. go to me undies dot-com slash weekend I. love them and you will thank you guys. good to see you good to hear you what's. going on being alive you know making it. through the year I'm kind of amazed how. time goes so fast you know I was. brushing on it a little earlier I mean. time time just it's like the fastest.

friend you have it and you're always. like come here buddy and times life. and sometimes I find I even get angry at. time in my brain I'm like time shut it. down guy you're not trying to tighten up. over here and you keep just making me. feel loose because you keep just time is. that guy like when you go on rappelling.

and he just keeps throwing rope out. there you know like your boy Larry time. he just roping you out but that's life. man that's life it says that limited. time offer you know life is that limited. time offer where it's just it's so it's. the only show in town that's the thing. for as much as we know it's the only.

show in town and so we got to grab this. bastard because this is it when we're. doing it we're doing it man we're doing. it I'm back on that Hope bus. all aboard this bus is short but it's. hopeful Sun gang yeah we had some great. calls that came in what I do this.

weekend oh I did this breathing work. thing it's called Breath of Fire you. could look it up online and it's where. you it's where you inhale like a bunch. through your nose and then you hold your. breath and you got a saw.

eating up that little dirt dimple that. kind of TA int I don't want to say it. out loud but you know that ta int area. of your body you know that little. isthmus between your nuts and your. little back jaw you know down there in a. stink Ganis tan brother area right. between your nuts and your little bee. holy oh well you tighten that up and you. hold your breath after you do all that. breathing and you're supposed to catch a.

little bit of a free buzz and it's. called. fire Bri [ __ ] on what's called but you. do it in the morning and it really helps. you out and you can look it up and I met. a man this man had like a this man his. name is um Casey no Henry no Herman no. um his name was Randy no breathing let. me see what his name is real quick to. him nice man - I wish I wouldn't forget.

his name right now breathe breathing. Troy Casey that's his man that's his. name and uh which is crazy I knew if a. kid growing up this boy Troy Casey. Walter and he had three first names no. last names and um man you're [ __ ]. really if that happens but this man only. has two his name's Troy Casey and he was. really cool and and when you do that and. you do this fire-breathing technique you.

activate the DMT that's in your body and. it's that free you know it's just like. the Lord put that lollipop right into. you and you're like you know you first. year was Lalli him but now you pop in. I'm a sucker for a sucker and I'll put a. link to one of his videos and it was. really it got me feeling just I just. started to feel a little bit more gifted. and it made me feel a little more.

motivated so I'm happy that I've just. been running a lot this past week and. I'm hopeful that I'll keep doing that. yeah just you know it's just it's time. to just this whole year for me and I. know I said all the time has just been. very I don't maybe I shared all the time. and it's all I share but it's been. really tough this year has been very. tough for me which it's hard to complain. because I've had such a progressive year.

with work and it's hard to complain but. and I don't want to I don't want to. complain I just want to stay focused on. feeling good and and I can do it I can. do it I've done a lot and I can do this. so that's what I'm telling myself today. we have some calls that came in as. always on the hotline nine eight five.

six six four nine five zero three also. Oh what did I do this past the past two. weeks we did a campaign for Sam Adams. and that'll be you'll get to see it it's. a video and I don't drink but the. campaign is really amazing and you don't. have to drink to do the campaign which. was which I thought was pretty cool but. and which is also the only way that I. would do it but they it was about.

toasting somebody you know like toasting. you know where you really say hey you. know you're my buddy or you know cheers. to you and it was uh you'll see it. there's gonna be some other of your. favorite podcast people in there or not. favorite I mean you may listen to this. and can't stand me but there's going to. be out just a tribe of of podcast people. that are doing these um toast.

someone campaigns and that happy hitter. oh and Toronto is is gonna finally go on. sale this week so and the Braille we're. gonna make those dates up I don't know. when but it's going to happen probably. March so onward here we go yo see oh. it's mornin out here. and st. Louis man mornin and that's a. great name and that's an I mean that's.

obviously a name you got to use before. noon and uh and that's got to be great. because it's got to be just peaceful. after that nobody bothering you. onward brother I would just pin you up. cuz are you talking about that ice cream. machine in McDonald's man I used to work. up there they canned me and I'll say the. truth about that thing man it's always. working it's just nobody wants to clean.

it so they just tell you it's broken all. the time if you want some ice cream. you want to get that sundae you just. tell them straight up look imma talk to. your district manager I know that thing. works. and I guarantee you man don't fire that. boy up for you but then you got to be. careful because they probably going to. spit in it mmm so remember that the next. time you hit a late night McDonald's.

don't let them pull that [ __ ] on you. gang okay they always do it and how much. spit that's the question it really pops. into your brain like a like a damn. vulture with a handful of you know warm. marbles I mean that's the thing this you. know how much you know if they drop one. little you know about a 19th of an ounce. or something over to the edge I can.

handle it boy but if they do all you. know if they clear the throat I'm out. well yeah that's the thing McDonald's I. mean here's the thing this is a great. time for McDonald's to finally fire up. the the ice cream machines all these. [ __ ] can't be off all of them can't. be off McDonald's are getting lazy they. fighting at Popeye's Chicken they got. peace but every now and then somebody. gets choked out over there angry about.

the Lord. Roche I'm telling you it's all turning. into the WWE and it's beautiful it's. beautiful. [Music]. you can have everybody next thing you. know it's gonna be you know Krusty the. crab is gonna be running for office. you're gonna have a someone's gonna give. birth to a damn watermelon it's all. merging This Is It this is the time this.

is the time for somebody to just pull. the damn reach in here reach into your. do you can this is a Tommy you could do. all kind of stuff anything do what. somebody do a backflip off a damn. Wendy's kids are learning baseball on. slanted fields okay it's a new era where. anything is possible.

and we got it and I'm happy to be here. with you doing it all right let's take. another call good luck out there man. yeah I'm gonna tell them I'm a. threatened that district manager imma. hit him with that slide in the DM okay. cuz I know they they got that Sunday. superintendent and he's he knows that I. scream switch and I roll up every time I. said damn which an hour is broke oh we. can't get it to uh turn it on jack.

okay I'm sorry sorry we out on our arm. turn it on. I want the Sunday and I want the little. second nutty nuts with it okay then. little freakin little bitty damn look. like you could barely get them stuck in. your teeth them little nut nuggets I. want though I want to packs it in. [ __ ] and I want it all or nothing at.

all. turn on the sundae maker y'all in there. laughs and thinking you just all you. gonna make all night is little. cheeseburgers and this and that I want. six happy meals boy I wanna [ __ ] I. know what y'all doing in there. y'all back there hiding [ __ ] eating. them nighttime it griddles being risky. well look here grimace the Menace turn. it on turn on the sundae maker people.

driving across town to get a damn sweet. cold frozen icy nighttime cupped snack. and you've got the audacity to just but. I don't oh it's all I'm sorry to tell. you but no I'm sorry to tell you but. I'll draw it Popeyes Chicken sandwich on. the wallet is fraggin McDaniels and rays.

straight h-e-l-l-o aang bruh turn it on. I'm sorry man it's just makes me mad boy. it makes me mad so that's that first. call right there and that's the truth if. you want the facts you threaten that. district manager I'm about to slide in.

here DM all right gang let's go right. here we got another call as always nine. eight five six six four nine five zero. three yo Co is Gary from Pennsylvania. what's up Gary oh hey Gary hey Gary. hey hey Gary hey Gary you know I thought. when I was young I thought my name was. Gary for a little while because somebody. lied to me but I told myself I forgot.

that it was me that it told myself that. and that crazy let's hear more okay you. know just I'm listening to you're one of. the latest podcast and I'm some dudes. call about El Chapo being down in the. Sinaloa you know no there was a Sinaloa. cartel oh yeah that's down there with. that animal sanctuary I was trying to. get in with and I haven't heard from. that guy I mean that's the only thing. I'm not gonna invest if I can't even get. a text back from the guy hope he's all. right homework and.

I have to agree with him and I don't. think this is a good investment just I. the last two weeks though Chapel son was. kidnapped and his whole cartel so try to. sit the whole city on fire you know. obviously you're not an investment or. anything but I would recommend against. your honest opinion well look man I feel. you thank you I want to say that thank. you very much. the only thing I'm thinking look if. they're burning if they're burning. property you know what's running out of. the fire any malice okay penguins.

Yaffe's burrows parrots Falcons perros. Gatos pescado um I don't matter deals so. I'm talking about getting free uh I'm. taking off getting you know stocking at. my warehouse for free if they're down on.

it burning it down so you got to think. reverse psychology so now I'm gonna come. to an investment but but I appreciate it. man let's hear a little bit more I mean. to shut you off there brother but I just. don't want to see you this world over. and that [ __ ] is on fire yeah but fine I. mean here's the thing dude after fire. comes a lot of beauty think about the. Big Bang Theory think about that think.

about that song fire on the mountain you. get a mountain think about let's hear. more from your amount of ideas on it I. think you do better and it doesn't look. really good like good well I'm not even. trying to they're not even trying to go. outside recently so just be careful what. you do then gang bruh muchas gracias. Senora and I do appreciate that it's.

very sweet of you to call especially you. know probably having a little bit more. of an Intel to the to the deal. yeah it's $4,500 to get in on a zoo down. there. and here's the tempting thing I've. always wanted to own a zoo though I. don't think there's a man out there that. doesn't want to have a that have a. little bit of Tarzan in their nuts. you know you lift up my arm meet us here.

oh you know I got everybody's got that. thing that that beast in them I got that. Beast infection and I you know just. thinking about just being at night and. just having a unicorn outside or not a. unicorn us but having a you know a um. you know an exotic horse with nice hair. think about that imagine a horse that's. just [ __ ] been cornrowed its whole. body nobody's doing that that's what we.

do with the Mexicans ooh la zoológico. they may go. so I'm saying forty five hundred to get. in on a you know on a Sinaloa and zoo. that's it sounds it doesn't sound like. much I'm saying you're talking about. some real serious animals you're talking. about a South American Eagle think about. that [ __ ] boy you know what I'm saying.

dude he's gonna be bald he's gonna had. that deuce bro he's gonna have [ __ ]. one of his claws real sharp that I'm. just saying man you're gonna have some. really exotic animals at that zoo you. gonna have a giraffe dude maybe in a arm. but he gots all kind of neck tats think. about that ms-13 ms 14 ms 15 ms 16 and. all the way on through you know till he.

graduated high school so there's just. the possibilities are endless on the. type of animals you could have in a. Mexican Zoo you have to think about it. all I appreciate you though brother and. thank you man thanks for calling in it's. nice of you. alright let's take a call a question. actually patreon Matt Nichols. where is raising cane's on the Popeyes. chick-fil-a continuum you ever flirted.

with a Zach's piece and I have I've had. a little bit of Zaxby's over there. that's how I think I don't know if it's. out of Nashville but it's their version. of a Popeye's or it's chicken fingers. and I when I was young you had to go get. the [ __ ] was on the bone. these you know these youngsters they got. it so easy with the chicken fingers well. you know safe chicken that's really what. that is then when I was young you had to.

take a risk on you don't know what that. was you could be having a femur you. could be having a damn scapula you. didn't know what was under the breading. but you got chicken and you got bone. guaranteed and you had to get through. that [ __ ] you still have to get a little. freaking off you had to get [ __ ]. immortal with that [ __ ] and it meant now. you know you can just look now you know. you could fall asleep with two chicken. fingers in your mouth you wake up fine. week back in the day you had to take a.

chance every time you got the chicken. here to take a damn a chicken chance and. they got these easy ass buckets make it. through a [ __ ] five piece you got it. you drinking a 40 right there maybe you. got a freaking couple you know you doing. half a gram with your cousin y'all. [ __ ] trying to get through a. five-piece with bones now we talking. teamwork son now we talking real men.

what are we talking about here let's. take this call here we go yo Chuck big. Chuck oh wait sorry I forgot this. question I'll say this about raising. cane's and I believe it's want to say. it's a Louisiana company raising cane's. I like their chicken fingers if you go. I like the toast they got the toast boy.

dude when I die bury me in sighs another. toast they got that toast. sometime the toast tastes better than a. damn chicken I'm like what's in the. what's in the toast better chicken it's. good so here's the thing if you get a. mass order this is when they failed they. all fail I find when you get a mass. order you get 200 of those fingers and.

then [ __ ] show up drooping the. [ __ ] looking like they got arthritis. in there. my buddy found a [ __ ] middle for a. real middle finger and a whole thing of. fingers and damn it and that's [ __ ]. just good luck that's almost Irish. that's almost Scottish but yeah you got. a really uh you got a really want to. order that 200 piece and they get that. as don't do them as well and that's.

everything it gets to be a lot it's the. the consistency isn't as valuable to the. creator you know the first piece you get. that's that work art and after that is. that work of effort and that's where uh. where things fall apart sometimes is. when you get away from the work of art. and you went and things become a work of. effort and that's what I find but I go.

honestly if I had to really rank them. out and Poppi's the biscuits are so good. I wouldn't get I mean just regular. biscuits I don't care if they got. chicken in them or not I like a sausage. biscuit from McDaniels over there and. they got them it dude in the morning I. take the sausage off put it on the side. I jelly. each side of the biscuit then I had that. sausage on the sonic a little steak like.

a little baby morning State. and I'll cut into that first biscuit and. have that [ __ ] you know because that's. almost like a little freaking pie when. you look at it and especially if you you. know kind of crimp the edges of it with. your fingers like a pie is and then I'll. have a little bit of that steak that. frickin morning State and then I. finished off with that [ __ ] baby. dessert the second half of that biscuit. but that's you know for me that happens. in the airport a lot I'll get that. hitter but yeah I'll do a Zacks because.

I haven't had enough Zach's piece but. I'm willing to do more and but Popeyes. man that's the one if you're gonna get. murdered Brooke go to pawpaws that's the. one you want to die yet ain't [ __ ]. dying outside of a Burger King bro you. can miss me with that [ __ ] oh man here. we go we had another call that came in. Oh weird oh wait uh here we go yo truck.

Mississippi taxidermy buddy listen I was. just thinking about you Lulu project. What's Up Chuck do ya Chuck man what's. going on oh you're calling about the zoo. too Chuck sent me a whole bunch of. beautiful thing a meat elk and. everything elk um [ __ ] I don't know what. all's in there dude I've had a couple. pieces of it it is tangy let's hear more. thanks Chuck I think it's a winner dude. get that zoo. I'll come out under the taxidermy get.

here on those animals you want me not to. feed them no more man people just calm. have them nice all opposed uh listen I. think it's a winner I'm gonna go ahead. and order some materials you get after. you got my novel brother Oh deal we. don't have the funds from material yet. man we still dealing with the. preliminary ordeals we're still. gentlement the first you know potential. war deals brother and you got to make it. through potential ordeals Bay before you.

get into the secondary level which is. what you're trying to be it. but I don't that's not a bad idea maybe. taxidermy zoo and Matco like almost like. a Ripley's Believe It or Not but for. animals and dude some of the animals. could even have a gunshot or something. mental you know you see a [ __ ]. largemouth bass out there with two. [ __ ] slugs under its fan you're like. damn there's more than one way to cook a.

fish gang brother thanks for calling. Chuck man I miss you dog I'll text you. thanks for the beautiful amount of meat. you sent me shear God if it was you I. think it was you that sent it man thank. you very much. so me and Chuck what did we do one day. we went and did something where was in. Louisiana and I feel bad man my brain. just it's not holding as much water as. it did might take next week off might.

take next week off so if there's not an. episode just know that it's nothing. personal just trying to relax man trying. to relax uh let's take another call here. we go actually I got to tell you about. this right here and you got to know it. and that is that hiring hiring can be a. slow process Cafe alturas CEO Oh Dylan.

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to where figs dot-com WEA are f IG s. calm and enter my code Theo at checkout. my sister will be getting those Rolanda. that's my sister's name and she's going. to get those for Christmas course she's. getting a couple of free passes to that. sinaloa zoo dog you know what I'm saying. somebody needs you to teach an antelope. how to use an ay k boys shits popping. off down there let's get into let's take.

one more call and then maybe we'll get. Nick in and go over some news here we go. hey Theo my name is L I live in the Los. Angeles area. hey L thank you for calling and that's. what these day people have a simple name. l or you know em home word so I've been. doing improv the last two years and.

there was this guy that I noticed in. another class night I needed me to loved. him and if I was attractive and. eventually I started my own sketch group. and I did invite this person you know. he's funny but I also you know loved him. yeah you got sex on the head you got it. you got a sex head a little lady more I.

found out later that he does have a. girlfriend. and it's every week and each week it. gets a little bit harder to be around. them because you know I really. um I really like him and so if you think. the advice please let me know buddy. thank you. well it's beautiful that you uh that you. care about somebody that's good it's. nice that you do that some people never. care about anybody they walk somebody be.

on fire they walk right past I'm having. a soda and just keep drinking a soda. [ __ ] put them out that's a day do to. half a dr. pepper will save somebody. probably from the waist down but so what. I'm saying is that yeah I mean that kind. of sucker you invited a man and now you. got him there you know what I'm saying. if you bring the cat to the cradle you. can't you're gonna have to hear him meow. whether you guys are [ __ ] or not or.

doing sex or not hmm I think you just. got to be because at this point if he. was interested in being not you know. getting you know if he was interested in. really playing two-hand touch without. any hands and just with penis and. everything but then he would he would be. on it you know and I've been a dirt ball. so I don't really you know I know if he.

were really interested he would probably. have been on it and if you got him in. there every week you throwing it at him. you know The Improv and you telling him. oh why don't you come over here and you. know you know pretend my uh you know. pretend my butt's on fire and you're a. jouster. and he's like well how does that make. any sense it's like oh you just come on. you'll see run in run in with your jowl. stir yeah I don't know I really can't.

help that situation that's you know is. just your it just kind of sucks kind of. sucks there because [ __ ] dude so many. times you invite people to do something. you want to have sex with them they. don't and you just can't have sex with. them it's illegal to continue to try to. do it. I mean you can try but did you know you. can't there's no way to make it happen. you know without magic or doing. something real I mean here's the thing.

man my stepdad and it's not my real. stepdad but there's a this family I got. a you know emancipated when I was young. and I went live with a family in high. school and the man is kind of like my. stepdad and I call him that anyway. because it just is more comfortable but. he told me when he was in just I don't. know when he wasn't something alive when. he was alive and younger that he went to. he had a girlfriend and she got they.

broke up and then she got engaged like a. couple months like maybe six eight. months a year later and one night he was. drinking and he just thought he was. still in love with her he went over to. her house and proposed he said hey look. I still love you and this I'm the right. guy for you and she said she said no and. he said he was happy because the next. day he realized that he was just drunk. but so anyway what I'm saying is it's. okay to take your chances it's okay to. put the feelers out there but if they're.

really in love and they got a happy deal. going on you know you don't want to you. know you don't want to you know piss. loudly into a baby's crib so but good. luck out there and and thanks for. helping I wish I could help I can't help. I cannot help. let's get Nick in here real quick man I. got to hit a meeting but thank you guys. so much for being here. we're gonna do some news with Nick and.

then we will and then we'll get to the. end and and that's it that's it all. right we got the news here Nick what's. up man what's going on man how you doing. I'm doing all right bro thank you for. asking you um you had a good weekend I. heard you say earlier when I came in. what was up yeah it was fun Friday just. met up with some friends and played.

tennis for a couple hours and then we. went out to the bars after. hmm and Saturday just watch the UFC and. then I went to the concert or went to a. concert with the girl that I went to. Logan Paul fight with oh yeah. 2nd round huh yep yep I saw Lee fields. sold soul singer he's like kind of James. Brown s cat museum Museum of. Contemporary Art and yes I'll weekend. all around. dang dude get gambled gambling went. really well. yeah that's really you said you hit a.

four cut for hit for hit uh thing parlay. yeah for hit parlay it was yeah fifty to. win five hundred not bad ten times to. return I'll take it damn he'll take it. he'll take it man what do we got for the. news dude that second date though how. was that it was good it was chill it's. very easy she's fun. Wow yeah yeah let me try and guess her. name can I guess her first name I doubt. it but okay that's kind of a hint um. that is true huh I'm gonna say um talk.

man I can't think of a good one uh I'm. not gonna worry about it let's get into. the news man sounds good sounds good. first news topic Thursday night from the. fallout miles Garrett the Cleveland. Browns linebacker is suspended for the. rest of the season and indefinitely. after that after ripping off Mason. Rudolph's helmet and then hitting him.

with it you know at during a skirmish at. the end of the game did you see this yep. I saw it man I it was you know I just. thought it was guys being guys out there. I really thought it was like oh it. definitely was out of hand like you. can't it's not fair that he gets a. weapon and he doesn't get a weapon it's. true I think they should you know have. them do it you know you have the guy. have a chance to have a shield or you. know some other let's play a fifth. quarter these didn't think what they.

want is a fifth quarter note have been. nice I'd have been nice for four guys. from each team out there with a helmet. and a shield and see who wins it I was. also amazed that not that many people. came to everybody's rescue it seemed. like yeah except marques Pouncy he the. Center for the Pittsburgh he was the one. he liked when. straight hood he was punching and. kicking miles Garrett in the head once. they had him subdued to the ground it. was pretty wild he got suspended three. games and did Rudolph get suspended or. no no he didn't in Rudolph was kind of.

tickling him by the neck and stuff did. you see that yeah. Oh Jay Simpson also saw and he really. thought Mason's story you want to hear. Oh Jesu yes minute Mason went after the. man's helmet with his foot in his groin. it's on I'm hearing all these announcers. in the garret should be suspended maybe. you should but one of the guys trying to. get your mind off your head and that's. when it started.

white with his foot in your groin it's. on I'm just saying take care well yeah I. mean look Oh Jay also will kill somebody. yeah. so for him it doesn't take much for it. to be on you know what I'm saying dude. if you were married to me it's on you. know uh Wow like you know what I'd. there's something to that I thought it. would have been fair if he got three. games that's what I thought it would.

even fair it seemed like the heat of the. heat of of you know the heat of battle. mm-hmm would you think I thought he was. like a complete maniac and I seem like. my guess when it right when it happened. was it was gonna be the rest of the. season suspension. I mean vantes perfect perfect he already. got suspended for the season for the. Raiders earlier just for like helmet. helmet hits and like I don't know he. swung that with kind of ill intent. usually I'm like let him play let him.

fight everybody soft but he really. seemed like he just completely lost. control and he needs to be punished I'm. surprised though like a couple weeks ago. he tweeted about he was in his car and a. fan walked up to him and like acted like. they wanted an autograph but then just. hauled off and punched him in the face. mm-hm and he didn't do it he didn't. react at all in that moment so I just. feel like that fan really caught him on. a good day because otherwise he would. have been murdered essentially yeah I. mean it's just like maybe.

yeah maybe Rudolph I don't know I mean. that the tough thing too is for Rudolph. is like I don't know if that fueled him. or didn't fuel him you know I guess. we'll see when he plays his next game if. it like fired him up or if it's gonna. like make him more scared I wonder if. that would have any effect and they play. each other in two weeks Oh that'll be a. super interesting yeah oh yeah man it. was nice it was almost like the old days. it was almost like Bill Laimbeer was bad. yeah yeah I love I love the old late 80s.

Early 90s basketball fights there were. there were some classics oh yeah I love. that too man yeah I want that fifth. quarter bro yeah let it you know what. I'm saying let's let it all be out there. leave it where it is like you said. everything's turning WWE could get a. Royal Rumble fifth quarter what else we. got so Colin Kaepernick he finally got. his wish and was able to work out in. front of NFL scouts his work out on. Saturday ended up taking place at a high.

school in Atlanta the NFL initially. scheduled it for the Atlanta Falcons. practice facility but there was some. back-and-forth with some statements made. from the NFL and Colin Kaepernick side. and Kaepernick side said they and if I. was going to deny all media access at. the Falcons practice facility so they. wanted it to be completely transparent. so everybody could see theoretically how. good he did and yeah there's a lot of. posturing on both sides yeah it felt. like that felt like a lot of posturing.

on both sides you know it feels like you. know he'd probably I don't know if he. really feels scorned sometimes with him. it's hard to know if he really feels. scorned or if he you know he's kind of. going out of the limelight now and if. you know they're trying to find a way to. get him back in it and it might not even. be him at this point it could be the his. PR people it's interesting whenever you. get caught up in you become something. that's very public you have a lot of. people chirping in your ear about how. you should behave which you should do.

you know I really I wonder I wish I knew. him because you would have a much better. idea of what's really kind of going on. like did he move it so that he could. have every reporter be there so he could. get more press or because he's probably. thinking oh if it's closed then nobody. will know how good I did they can say. whatever I don't know what do you think. yeah I'm just not a huge fan of him say.

what you will about the cause but I feel. like if you set him down and really. asked like what are you trying to. accomplish with this like you just get. this long drawn-out answer and the heat. he can't really answer it like what he's. doing this for I think it's kind of like. you like people have gotten in his ear. and he's kind of an empty vessel being. just steered in whichever way is gonna. make the quickest book yeah and I also. heard this is complete hearsay but from. someone who says they know of the. situation that like he didn't really. give a [ __ ] about social justice issue.

issues at all and then he started dating. some girl who was really active in that. type of thing and that's when he got all. about it I heard that as well I think I. told you that even was it you that told. me I told you I source clothes with. knowledge course this situation bro. that's what I heard or we just both. heard the same thing um yeah it makes. you wonder because they got paid out. from the NFL it just makes you wonder I. don't know I think the NFL gives a lot. of opportunity to African Americans so I. didn't you know it's mostly African.

Americans so I didn't see what they I've. never ever seen what the issue is and. you can't tell me if Mark Jackson was it. was taking a knee teams would get rid of. him he'd he'd have he'd still be a. starting quarterback in this league like. dude they should make him take a knee so. good yeah you know for one quarter I'm. saying bro we need to add more quarters. that's the problem this games too short. we're up to six yeah what else we got. let's see a Seattle police captain was. arrested in an undercover prostitution.

sting from his own department the 50 to. 53 year old Seattle veteran police. captain Randall Woolery offered $40 to. an undercover officer who was posing as. a prostitute and he was arrested on the. spot. Randall dude if you're Randall bro you. going down that's the truth name seven. [ __ ] Randall's that haven't done. something troublesome. yeah nobody can bro yeah that's crazy. his own sting mm-hmm his own department.

staying there trying to strut down some. sex trafficking well I think he should. have been suspicious when there was only. $40.00 I don't know what he's trying to. get but yeah you have more I think. experience with prostitutes in myself. what's $40 gonna get you nowadays. $40 isn't man you're not gonna get much. at all for $40 my toes give that to your. buddy dude and just tell him something. you did it you know $40 you should have. saved the money you parlay that you get.

500 and then I can get myself there you. go we might have to talk about gambling. more um let's get one more all right. the gloveless combat sports organization. bare-knuckle fighting championship has. signed social media sensation Iranian. Hulk. his name is Sajjad Gary B hmm. he's a 370 pound bodybuilder and he's 27. years old you know and he's been. expressing an interest in combat sports. for a while and the announcement finally.

came during bare-knuckles ninth event. this past Saturday hmm. and he really he has what I've often. referred to as desert fat you know you. get the Kardashians have it Kim. Kardashian has that it's almost like. very organized kind of fat it looks like. like to me this gentleman doesn't look. like as much muscle as it is more of a. gristle more of a you know more of a. hard fat and you can there's you know I.

remember I dated a girl for a while that. had that hard fat in her and it's more. of a it feels a little more outdoorsy. then more you get that soft you know. soft fat it just feels a little bit more. like a you know I've said this before. but like a [ __ ] diaper if you feel. somebody [ __ ] diaper out from the. outside of it like a baby's after it's. full and if you kind of squeeze it a. little it feels like that but um but. yeah this looks like that hard fat to me.

uh who would this guy fight you to. furniture yeah they're looking for other. super heavyweights. whatever it's not going to be very. high-level boxing once he does get in. there his muscles to me look like that. stuff like you'd see guys they inject it. with something then it it I guess I. guess it's hard hard fat is what you're. calling it but yeah it looks they inject. it and it's not real muscle and it's. like dangerous for you but they get this. look that I guess it's desirable to some.

that grow toques man is something yeah. there's something there's a new that's. gonna be the next thing it's just. organized fat you know people are gonna. get tired of doing all this muscle and. at some point it's gonna become more of. a you know there's gonna be more of a. sculpted fat in people like oh look how. cool my fat is you know whereas not just. like look a lot watch my fat be wherever. it wants to be look how I control my fat. look what I did. you know I have a Mount Rushmore on my. back you know like you're gonna be able. to really do whatever you want with a. lot of botoxing and and stuff like that.

future is exciting yeah I mean it's. gonna be Wow and especially if this guy. I mean who knows this guy could be. President uh or this guy and and now. some of these camera angles look kind of. snaky here though yeah it definitely. looks like there's some Photoshop often. with a lot of stuff he puts out he looks. like Bluto from the aforementioned. Popeyes yeah yeah he really does that's. good call wow man I couldn't imagine me.

in that big now I also wouldn't be. shocked if you walked in and this dude. was [ __ ] a recliner you know he. seemed I kind of dude that he would see. a furniture and get turned out so but. that's beautiful man that desert fat and. it really there's something romantic. about it that's what's going on thanks. Nick good luck on the third date if you. go home one thanks thanks appreciate it. oh right uh I got to go to a meeting. guys and I love you and this is gonna be.

y'all today it's gonna be all. what's going on it's November might not. have an episode next week I'm not sure. yet and you can do it and that's it. that's it yeah and everything's gonna be. fine. and and that's it there's not a ton to.

think about really but there's a lot to. do so and you can do it so there we go. gang man yeah let's leave out on let's. look about the same we came in with. Spencer Jacob growl and this is. celebrate you guys be good to yourselves. because you deserve it and thank you.

[Music]. cellophane is. [Music]. let's have some fun while we all die.