Back on the Road: Brad Williams & Jeff Dye | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #278

today's episode is brought to you by. gray block pizza gray block get that. hitter baby today's guests are two. comedians who have just broken back into. performing live stand-up comedy that's. right this weekend they were in Oklahoma. City and Salt Lake City and and I'm just. really curious as to what their what. their experience was like we have. comedian Brad Williams and comedian Jeff. die. [Music].

[Music]. because you're definitely I remember the. first time I ever met you Brad it was. like I was at USC I don't know what I. was doing not learning I was there this. is like an outsider and uh yeah and you.

came up on a motorbike yeah like a small. motorbike yeah and I'd never seen. anything like this like you know where I. was growing up they had one man who was. kind of a smaller man that did mechanic. work you know exam and he uh yeah oh. yeah I remember they open the hood put. him under there little close the hood. and he fix it while people were driving. No so just oh he would be in there like. he would hide he would do a lot of. hiding I'm gonna hide you know which I. think you know I don't know Vantage yeah.

but um but yeah man I remember anything. you pulled up at a pretty good clip of. feet and I was like oh my god I'm in. another I like just gotten in Los. Angeles um I got another four well you. know that scare Texas show that you. mentioned like they basically every. prank involved a little person yeah. you're like oh she's afraid of teddy. bears what if we put Brad in this teddy. bear and we'll make him run around make. him act like a teddy bear at first but. then don't run around yeah that's good. and the next one's like some lab where. it's a giant rat oh yeah put Brad in a.

giant rat cause Trant monsters. everything is based around a little. person but yeah the guy not got no glory. yeah and I I totally remember that. because that rate a razor scooter. released these electric scooters back in. the day at but like they had one that. was look really cheesy and then they had. one that looked like a like a West Coast. chopper yeah. now I'm like all these other kids around. USC get the class on bike I'm riding my. West Coast Choppers or scooter that's.

insane I've never seen anything like it. I didn't know the laws yeah at school. because I was going there I went to us. alright yeah and I think yeah I booked. you for like a comedy show on campus or. something you must have been a legend. you were like how many thought you until. you have to see you us UFC I don't where. you went yeah I'm not good with schools. and letters yeah yeah it was a dwarf UFC. happen in a ball pit. don't start something no it was no it.

was mean then there was a teacher there. okay and everyone thought I was this kid. right like some people are about yeah so. they must be related yeah everyone. thought that like that's how I got in is. like it's that oh well your dad works at. USC so that's how you got it it's like. no I got in is because they needed. something they need someone for the. pamphlet also I have a regular brain and. I'm a regular person they think there. must be something yeah yeah yeah no yeah. yeah he got in cuz he cast a spell on.

the president I've always wondered like. do you like you know is it okay to talk. about being if somebody is a small. person or smaller different um but what. I'm thinking is like sometimes I'll see. like you know they have LGTBQ community. yeah but they don't factor in like but. little people don't get factored into. that well that's the LPA community oh. the people of America okay that's not. even a joke it's it's a it's yeah LP a. which was started by Billy Barty the.

actor and then actually when they. started they were called midgets of. America changed it and then they changed. it so that's why yeah there it is so. that so that went yeah when they started. it was called they just killed it man. this comes on everything yeah so we so. this guy started the LPA yep. and so yeah so there's a lot of dwarves. that have boned each other because of. this man nice guys he started LPA oh. because then it's a place to meet other. people other sources baby thank you for.

what you did there's without this guy we. wouldn't have all those shitty shows on. TLC which are some I really yeah we're. like we're a family of little people you. like I don't give a [ __ ] and they. literally like aren't we're just like. everyone else you're like then why am i. watching it just like everyone else then. why is this Whitewood but that won't. make you little man yeah little people. big world yeah I love them I mean the. sister was finebros why is the day i. mean when she was old it and in the tall.

dudes lap like in that photo it looks. like the death is sitting in the tall. guy hate me shows i hate these kind of. shows yeah well we're fascinated about. but the shower member specifically was. they've ran a pumpkin ranch yeah and the. fact it's in my mind yeah blew my mind. that you had small people growing the. largest vets remember I see I used to do. jokes about it's a big squash and. they're just lugging around like ants. that's some like think of it like yeah. that yeah I mean there you go it would.

what it would make way more sense that. they're like oh they have a strawberry. patch yeah yeah cherries makes that's. how I was gonna go um yeah there's no we. know we got pumpkins baby two marriages. with overachievers do use sometimes but. uh do you ever look at like a gay person. or a diverse person a black person maybe. a Vietnamese maybe fun question for me.

to answer let's go and does it ever but. you don't talking about I just love. you're searching for words to kill okay. Filipino uh you know people like you. know but do you know what I'm talking. about unique friends I'll call tread. lightly amen. we're only white guys what we don't got. a thing what is their camaraderie. they're like if you see like if you're. walking down the street like in like a. white neighborhood and there's a black. guy and he's walking on the street is. there camaraderie if you guys see each.

other kind of oh between like me and a. black guy yeah no but I will say this. there's not that instant there there. there isn't that instant camaraderie but. I do a bit about this and it's real like. I would loved how black people would. react to seeing dwarves like it. it was never different yeah it was never. just like there's a person and like it. was never that it was like oh [ __ ]. dab you up always like insanely friendly.

but yet kind of insulting you know it's. like oh what up big man it's like why. would you say a big man to me that is. like what do you see a guy in wheelchair. and just be like yo legs let's go but. also just look kind of good cuz like. this black guy's been really nice to me. but also yeah I should get mad at him. for. yeah yeah and then it's been like like. there was one time it was it was back.

when I was at USC at hurry man that they. do that I always found it funny I was uh. I was at USC and then I was on the. street where all the fraternities are. it's called it's called the ro it's. where all of turning Tory roads are and. I was with a few of my friends and like. a group black guys came up to me and my. buddies and just started like like. aggressively positively complimenting me. but then calling light word but like and. then like one of my friends got jealous.

he's like what I'm not a and and and and. and they look at him like no like hell. no you don't you don't say you get so. there's times where you get an inward. pass I like not to say it but I get. called it right and you get to be one. yeah you're really and yeah yeah so so. there's not like now if I walk down the. street and I see another person who has. some kind of disability either they're. in a chair or an or on another dwarf.

then then we give each other like a nod. like what's up okay you know the. struggle I love it so but it but that. kind of stops here it doesn't go into. like is he I always wanted like if you. see a black guy and there and like a. plate like because you know a lot of. black people feel like outliers kind of. you know in the in the US and so I was. wondering like but they don't do that. with each other that's not like black. people not like Puerto Ricans or. Vietnamese or like you know I'm saying. no I don't think that they do that that. doesn't cross borders like lesbians. aren't like what's up like this has been. three white guys discuss race just.

wondering I don't know you're the. closest thing we have to a black guy. right now you know I'm saying not enough. you know it'd be ass for ya wait so when. you're in Texas with guys that you went. to like high school with and stuff and. you guys are just it's just you guys. back home yeah do you guys give each. other n-word passes oh it's a good point. I mean people use it a lot more I don't. think anybody let's give it to each. other I think people definitely maybe. stole a pack. yeah look what I got these passes we can. use while we're at home tonight just.

does. I think people somebody definitely stole. a packet of passes from the principal's. oh man like I just remember Ralphie May. would always just say it and not care. like you would say it because he was at. a wait I feel like he was like a kind of. a weight you know like a like he had. that like he had a theater I never heard. how he got away with it if you get to a. certain level of something where it's. like you feel like maybe like you're an.

outcast or something they always go on. from Chattanooga so I can say it's AG. I've been to Chattanooga it's like the. most segregated place in the world dude. he used to say here black bear he did. yeah he say I'm the number-one chata. and finish it all yeah that's. Chattanooga's definitely a little racist. anyway it's so segregated and if he's a. big fat white guy he was probably in the. white side I think it's my name I don't. mean just by name you know well I give. your a like if your high schools like. the new girls like oh look this up.

there's got a sound there's a um it's a. high school or a college in Oklahoma. where like their mascot is like the. fightin midgets really yeah and like. everyone there so mice there was one in. Illinois actually I know what kid that I. think went to a school in the the [ __ ]. was a mascot of fighting they just. manage its mascot Dickinson high South. Dakota Oh South Dakota North Dakota. there it is dick is changeable in North.

Dakota. oh no they change it from the midgets to. the mustangs hmm I don't know if I like. that the little people of America have. more clout than all of the Native. Americans because like Redskins they're. just like we're not changing the man. yeah yeah yeah win fact on opening day. we're gonna bring out some Native. Americans will pay him some money put. them in Chiefs jerseys or whatever yeah. yeah and say no we're cool with it. before they even consider changing it. right we will have will have chief wahoo. yeah it was just a white guy who's like.

riding a horse out there I love chili. I'm a big fan of chief wahoo. you know the guy no I don't know the guy. but I'm saying like the Indians you know. why they're called the Indians I'm gonna. nerd out I love baseball. cuz it's from Indiana nope no they were. they were called the Cleveland spiders. and then they get they had like the. first ever Native American on the. baseball team oh wow and then one and. then they got an a they got like a. second Native American and they were. only they were the only team to have. like two Native Americans and so one of.

the guys on the Cleveland Indians on the. Cleveland spiders the time goes man we. should start calling ourselves the. Cleveland Indians he's like basically. razzing his teammates yeah and they were. like yeah it'd make us look super. progressive like it'll be good. so they so they literally started. calling them the Cleveland Indians they. changed the team name and the original. chief wahoo was actually he looked a. little less racist he could kind of look. like one of these Simpsons guys he was. like a yellow faced chief wahoo and. that's the things Judd Apatow is that. great joke they did on The Tonight Show. there's like any drawing of a Jewish. person is inherently anti-semitic.

yeah because like if I hand you papers. to draw Jewish person in you hand it. back to me it's gonna look pretty. offensive right because you're trying to. draw the attributes of the person same. thing up with this they said draw an. Indian and the cartoonist here screw it. all down you can see that you yeah their. original chief while he was kind of. yellow and then they had to like redo it. because Native Americans and people were. very upset but look at the new one the. new one that just gave them veneers made. him red yeah chief whoa and also chief. wahoo is supposed to mean like.

celebrating Indians like wahoo we're. celebrating so it's all well-intentioned. I say like all the Indian stuff is. pretty well intentioned it just amazes. me that they changed the name to the. Cleveland Indians after they had two. Indian players like you imagine is but. that's kind of nice though when you. think about it they thought they were. doing it like a funny cool thing yeah. but like just imagine if all teams did. that like when Jackie rock on the. Dodgers like well we're not the Dodgers. anymore were that then you say sometimes. Jackie. they used to be Atlanta crackers and.

that was a Negro Leagues team really in. the Atlantic crackers that's hilarious. oh they were called the Atlanta black. crackers or the black crackers we met. because they were kind of saying like. we're like our team of white boys I. don't know if that's how that worked but. they were the ago the Atlanta crackers. played first in the Southern Association. game baseball 1902 yeah and I don't know. if I. why they were called that but I think. the origins of team name is unknown but. there was a if you go to the Negro. League museum we actually rate as. awesome the Jazz museum not even have.

time for Jazz museum because I just was. patronizing we did we're in Cleveland no. the Negro League museum is in Kansas. City yeah it is awesome yeah and I. stayed over there so much because I just. love baseball so much and they were like. they thought I was mocking them they're. like nobody likes it this much like this. guy's been in there for like six hours. like watched avid I read everything yeah. all this crap but but yet they were. called the Atlanta the Atlantic crackers. and I think that they were doing that as. like a like a nephew to the white League. like alright well goes with the crackers. yeah when I saw that high school was.

called the fightin midgets I'm like I. want a t-shirt like I don't want you to. shut down what the intentions are good I. think that's how I measure it not. everyone imagines it that way that's. right that it's like you're naming your. school the fightin midgets that means. you think that the [ __ ] is. intimidating powerful yeah you don't. mean that means it's like oh you're a. tiger [ __ ] you. we're the midgets and when in real life. we would be a snack but they're like no. well what's worse being ignored and. acted like you're not a thing yes or.

being acknowledged and and dealing with. whatever kind of uncomfortability of. that difference is does that make sense. no totally and and cuz the worst thing. you could do to anyone who is. quote-unquote different is ignore that. right and ignore ignore difference yeah. it like if I see a guy it happened this. weekend uh-oh. okay this so I did shows in Oklahoma. City this weekend and right in the front. row a female dwarf set right in the.

front road she's right in it's just it. was like okay I have to mention this I. can't not talk about the fact there's a. dwarf right there in the front row and I. asked her what she did for a living and. no [ __ ] she goes I'm a psychologist. I go and I'd start laughing and. everyone's like why are you laughing. I go cuz she's a shrink and I'm like. come on like you've got a perfectly she. loved it she loved it and and that. moment would have never happened sure if.

I were to just ignore like oh I don't. see another. right in my audit it's a big Tiffany no. one's ever called me that big girl but I. want to live my life is like I I'm I'm. friends with lots of different people. walks of life I don't just blanketly. think I'm a good person and not knowing. how many people are like these we gotta. fight for these trans rights I'm like. named five of your trans friends and. I've never liked meta trans yeah exactly. shut the hell up. yeah cookie like that date it's all it's. hectic man it's hectic too like yeah I. think it met but naturally you feel a.

certain way like naturally you kind of. know how to behave yeah you know I feel. like and then you can tell if somebody. else is upset yeah you know oh okay that. was bad yeah that was too much and then. you apologize I think your honor him. like questions I mean you guys probably. friends for a long time but you asking. questions like hey is it okay if I just. ask you and that's why I think way more. respectful and having someone and just. completely like my buddies my buddy. Nico's his son has like like kind of a. birth defect in his hands so he's like. Spock yeah kind of turtle you know he's.

got like three and oh like Ryan eemiller. kinda what do you mean like iLike I just. asked what happened yeah and he was. happy to talk about and we'd have to be. this like weird like eight what you know. yeah yeah you I think that's how you. should address those things yeah it's. time so I do usually like if I'll see. somebody that's missing a limb or. something I'll just I ask him hey what. happened you know how do you lose your. leg what happened your leg I'm just. trying to get a Starbucks oh just tell. me whatever. yeah come what happened in that leg you. only sign it there like it's not a cast. it's a piece of titanium you know like.

well this is summer. he's like the over yeah get away from me. with that marks Allah never change I. want to talk I'm sitting with Brad. Williams and Jeff died both comedians. allegedly the road dogs and you guys I. feel like we're the both of the first. guys who have gone and performed yeah. live comedy since this whole thing yeah. we weren't wiseguys this weekend yeah. and I was and they're there next weekend.

right yeah and I was at not virtually we. flew there and flew there we did the. whole thing is so crazy how was that. Brickton comedy yeah Oklahoma City so. yeah explain to me I was at wise guys in. Salt Lake City. yeah just blaming me why it's crazy well. I guess me my first I guess like. I don't know I don't have any fear of. like people coming to the event I didn't. even need my thoughts anyway I never. thought about that I had thoughts about. like as a comedian being on stage since. there's gonna be less people in the. audience would I feel like bummed out.

what I feel like this isn't the same. like what I feel like and then I started. thinking from a business standpoint like. okay well is this business even gonna. make enough money like are these. waitresses gonna make enough money. tonight like I'll tell you who didn't. make enough money the comedian. yeah they've got a reason to go hey man. we have a limited audience yeah yeah so. you know it's only we have to cap them. out at a hundred I can't like work a. bonus deal or anything like that so that. was the waitress made great money they. did yeah yes because everyone's. audiences on and you guys will both know.

this and maybe any one that listens that. isn't a commune you might not know but. audiences are famously and more so than. ever now that podcasts blown up people. people didn't use to know comedians they. just went to the Improv and they did. maybe hope to be a famous person and all. the other communities maybe like this is. great I would say in the last eight. years I've witnessed with the success of. you and Segura and basically everyone. that's on this wall right is now people. if they haven't seen you before they're. like who's this guy I've never heard of.

him and then the vibe shifts to this. weird like make me laugh [ __ ] like. that's the vibe where I'm unfunny til. proven funny and then it kind of is like. oh he is funny and I have never even. heard of him cuz I listen to all the. podcasts I'm shocked that someone is. funny but I don't know right where is. that totally changed yeah this weekend. dude people were so generous like one. dude tipped our server like 200 bucks. all these people were gushing to me like. oh my god thank you sir it was they were. just so happy yeah I was crushing on. like throwaway lines like so is very. generous yeah did you feel um what were.

some of you guys as fears going into it. before we even talked about what the. weekend with the weekends were like like. did you have any like just our thoughts. even just thoughts yeah I wasn't worried. about the shows and in terms of like you. look out in the audience and sounds. different because it's at a third. capacity or a half capacity or whatever. it is my philosophy is okay or I could. stay home and there's no show there's no. one laughs there's nothing there's. nothing you know so and yeah you're not. going to just flip flip a switch and we. all come back and it's exactly the way. it was.

we gotta acclimate gradually get into it. and you know kind of test the waters a. little bit and then if it's good then. we'll move them up to the next level I. was more worried about the travel than. anything that and it was for me like the. worst part for me wasn't the shows I. love the shows that the audience's much. like you said were great they were so. starved for content they want to go out. they wanted to have fun but traveling. that was weird because you had to wear. the masks the whole time which when you.

go to the grocery store it's like okay. it's an hour but when you're flying when. I'm flying to Oklahoma City that's six. hours we don't realize how many actually. try to drinks yeah yeah that's six hours. of wearing a mask and then like my ears. are hurting you know you know yeah and. like they're not they're not serving. food on the plane so you got it like if. it's a long flight you're like okay I. got a snack up before I get on and we're. the seat spaced-out and your flights. more without that Southwest was American. Airlines and not give it you two you're. too famous to fly south this guy's.

flying South 198 bucks hey you got it so. I flew from LAX to Salt Lake City and so. excited to Seattle Seattle to LAX. because they cancel always like legs of. flight right right right on your trip. home there was nobody in the airports. nobody on my flight that was kind of. eerie but that's pretty safe I mean like. if I see no people I'm not afraid yeah. also I will say and I know this is gonna. annoy all the liberal New York comedians. that I'm gonna say this but I dealt with. the pretty like selfishly mm-hmm like I.

was like I'm not afraid I want to go. tell jokes I'm wearing the mask out of. respect for others if you want to come. hug me I don't give a [ __ ] like I'm so. well and also like okay like right like. for you personally you're in that group. that according to the science it's like. you should be fine like you're you don't. have an immune problem you're a healthy. guy you got a big dick like like you. like you I will say the people that come. to my shows yeah obviously seem to not. care either right and I don't so if they.

get me sicker I get them sick [ __ ] them. yeah they come out yeah that came out. yeah and so it's like I'm not hurting. Graham Graham she's at home right I'm. and I know that that's a selfish take. and I'm admitting that I'm selfish. because I just want to get back to. comedy so. bed yeah and I'm so tired of being at my. house with my dog I tried to do one of. those virtual shows had a great time but. it wasn't the same yeah and so I need to. I needed it I needed to like my I need. my hotel rooms I need to flirt with. girls I need to tell jokes I needed some. sort of semblance of what I'm used to.

whenever you got to the club like did. you feel like where did they seem really. really excited to like be back in. business like yeah they were stoked and. the waitstaff was stoked because they. had a job you know that's like people. were happy man yeah yeah it's I mean. I'll respect anyone's wishes if they. want to stay home if they want to go out. whatever but like I understand when you. say oh all the restaurants are closed. there's some people there that just okay. they can't they can't hunker down for.

3-4 months and then be fine like their. rent is dude they got the guy they gotta. buy food they got to do all these things. like so I respect that if they if. they're like no I have to go work so and. also we weren't out of the beach like. yeah like laying on each other and. sweating and stuff well I was at a. comedy club in and that literally like. everybody that came in had to keep the. temperature taken yeah okay. sanitized really had to wear masks to. come in they had to wear their masks on. the way out when they get sat at their. table the tables are six feet apart.

right there's no party larger than four. mm-hmm each comic had their own separate. microphone that were sanitized in. between the show so I mean there's a. safe way to do this do you bring your. mic from you didn't jokingly brought up. mic from home to do like gag that Isis. gag where there's gonna be breath. there's gonna be bad sorry if you see me. at the store and then you see me do it. again in the improv like I just saw does. it yeah so the joke is like I would come.

out I did this way before the quarantine. I would come out and I would like look. like I was like disgusted with like the. microphone and I would like take it out. and then put it on the table and then. I'd pull out like gold microphone out of. my back pocket and just act like and. then and then everyone like laugh cuz. they were like so confused by me doing. the first part right and then I'd like. yeah you know they don't clean those. things and it just makes me look like. this elitist kind of guy like that the. problem with that bit is it's hilarious. if I'm following like that you know drew. that stuttering guy. I'm following you know Theo or something. but if I'm following like Miss Pat and I.

just come out I'm like what the hell was. that man yeah just do like a racist like. so that's why yeah I stopped doing it I. bet Billy doesn't you're like you know. those people yeah you know those people. that aren't welcome at the VFW you know. what I'm talking about and I'm so dumb. that I didn't put that together I was. just like why did nobody laughs this. time it looks like an and so I stopped. doing it but then as Jamar neighbors. went on before you so I brought that.

same mic and did the same gag each show. for this oh that's fun yeah because. there was four mics we're all asked to. take one of those mics down and I'm. gonna pretend like they didn't leave me. a mic and I'm just gonna have to like do. the gag that I brought my own yeah and. that's the thing is like you said like. there's there's precautions that you. could take so it's definitely like it's. not yes the say the safest thing would. be to just stay in your homes and throw. a blanket over you and never leave your. house yeah that's the safest thing but.

there are there are ways to do these. shows that it's like okay yeah take take. temperatures stay spread apart and no no. one was sat at a table with someone they. didn't know so like wow it's so it's. like yeah if you came in the same car. together you sat at the same and I had a. virus I feel fine Hirono harris models. would be cool if they had like a group. of men or women that have it that are. fine for 10 yeah like some sores on us. they just like act like I don't know who. would be what comedians of you I've.

always Jeff's only like kind of you what. maybe D'Elia gets factored and I think. by his confidence Oh for like handsome. good-looking male commotion tones met. Kevin Hart John Mulaney Lachlan Peterson. Lachlan no one's better. what's that Lachlan Patterson Patterson. sorry I've named oh no one's better. looking than Lachlan Patterson that. generic like not generic but there's the. this there's that old ideology like he's. too good-looking to be a community or. something yeah if you look at like how. many like there's tons of good-looking.

comedians yeah there yeah they Richard. Pryor I guess was kind of handsome. oh good Eddie Murphy Oh like y'all okay. God well but it's like I'm an Avery. Seinfeld. not ugly Johnny Carson was handsome yeah. cuz you all cuz you also have to factor. in Letterman's but he's we're looking at. it from the scope of Los Angeles like oh. well I'm in LA six or seven but yeah but. then you go out to South Dakota to. perform for the fighting midgets and. you're like oh I'm a nine exactly this. is awesome good look at Kristen Lee is a. good like there's like think about as a.

handsome dude what's the guy I don't. know what he's talking about dude he. could be a comedian he could be working. for postman yeah good night good-looking. guy but nobody would ever go here too. good-looking to do a comedy cuz that's a. black guy so they're just gonna go you. know that's his thing's a black guy you. can't can't say that he's too handsome. yeah you spelled jack wrong Jack Jack. he's supposed to Jay but they found it. though. okay Google's like we know what you mean. white guy but that's the thing is like. like why isn't one Kevin Hartz hands and.

they're not like he's too good-looking. for comedy like well it's short and he's. a black guy let him it's like what he's. a really black sighs you get a black. pass handsome you had to grow a mullet. for God's sakes everyone's going that. guy's too good-looking oh you know I. felt hoorah. so I'm comfortable without long hair. really oh dude. once I grew my hair long mmm I never now. couldn't even imagine it being short. again I don't know I don't know I just. felt so exposed before if you never grow. it cuz yeah happened I saw pictures of.

myself I said man I never had long hair. I'm never gonna have it in my whole life. I guess yeah and so then I grew it out. and I was like oh wow dude I love this. is what I was supposed to have you look. like some [ __ ] kept taking me to get. my hair cut my mother miss Bobby dude. this lady named Miss Bobby I thought she. was a man forever because of her name. but she wasn't it was just she was like. an IMD and they used to call Bo be bie. and she used to cut my hair for [ __ ]. four dollars dude miss Bobby miss Bobby. shoutout to that dude and I miss Bobby. she had scissors that was her basically.

her her that's how she got the job he. cut one you figured like [ __ ] no mirrors. in the whole place where you cut it so. what else at the place I didn't think. about the mics so the microphones on. stage because I'm just trying to think. like yeah to me it did it feel like you. guys were. like you guys feel like holy [ __ ] like I. didn't think I was until I got back I. posted I thought you didn't post yours I.

post on Instagram I posted all mine on. all on all the stuff just say hey I'm. out comedy's back let's do this come to. the shows let's have a good time blah. blah yeah and I must have gotten and I'm. not exaggerating probably 40 people 40. comics either text or call to the next. day looking for work looking at the same. was that like oh yeah yeah every - oh. yeah I've never any Letterman's never. called my phone in my life yeah like. will do snotty text back and forth like. there I'm like stoned at a hotel and. Annie Letterman yeah she's great to sext.

with even though neither one y'all's. gonna hook up with each other no joke. and he's great for that know that she. just loves like conversation so you're. like sexy yeah I was bad on the phone. with her I was like kind of like I. didn't expect anyone to call I don't. know is I should have answered yeah I. got I got a few comics calling me too. and it's like it's like you guys know. that it's just like it's a comedy right. same like it was it was the same. it was the same yeah there's a few less. people I was more bummed that like in.

between shows or during the daytime I. couldn't walk around like do things in. the city I did do those bummed about. that I did that but it was just the same. as kind of California like where you I. walked like a coffee shop I was able to. have coffee there mm-hmm. I like set like this park there was a. bar that had like an open patio you. could sit on there you go so that was. kind of nice and I was giddy I wouldn't. shut up I was sitting with two friends. yeah and I just like was motormouth. because I was so excited to be back like. in the sunshine I've had it with like a. cold if you like food and I was like.

being able to just do yeah cuz I've been. in my house man yeah yeah and you were. so you were in Oklahoma City yeah and. and that and that was rough because that. that club it's a great club it's in the. middle of this downtown area called. brick town and like I got sad walking. around during the day because it's like. there's a minor-league baseball park. right there Oklahoma City Dodgers play. and then the the Thunder stadium is. right there too and there's a big movie.

theater there's a Riverwalk there's all. this stuff I'm like wow if this was all. open this with I could go to a baseball. during the day coming early see the. Thunder play see a movie like it would. have been a whole great weekend so that. so that club is gonna be fantastic once. once everything starts opening up again. it's gonna be great but that one's the. club the sanam Norwest. yeah that's that yeah yeah the same. people that do Tacoma it looked like. they packed them kind of in on yours I. saw a picture to show cuz I could say. I'm finding the stuff I was looking for.

yours yeah when he told me you does it I. didn't read it. cuz I mean we talked about you going to. wise guys yeah yeah and and so I was. looking for it and I only could find. like a dude tagged you in a photo from. like the back green room area yeah yeah. yeah where the seats were yeah are you. nervous about putting it on social media. I was I put it on Instagram because. that's people that follow you that like. they like you they love you I was I. didn't put it on Twitter because I was. nervous that someone would start. retweeting it I was hoping someone would. start calling me an [ __ ] for bein.

goddamn living go ahead yeah laser. talking about being you're such a hero. for staying home with your parents go. ahead come at me oh how heroic you. millionaire you have sex for two months. get a life you could don't you Nikki you. do gross your things all the time. bragging about anal sex if you're. worried about a virus like shut up yeah. wear a face mask on your behold it if. you want really take care there's some. sort of weird like here oh is it like oh.

we're such heroes there is well I. noticed too that there's this thing. where I think a lot of people want you. to stay home because it gives them and I. my sentence about Nikki but just it. gives them a sense of control control. and a sense of like okay I don't have to. do anything nobody can do anything. there's the photo it keeps him in a safe. space yeah that's the one I was. referring to yeah. so that's pretty close to each other wow. that's nice man yeah well they only look. close to each other compared to where I. play it I guess well that and it's like. okay. I mean I'll tell you that from this.

stage this is a weird angle because yes. it looks very close to each other but. it's like those photos of the beach were. there where they're like so-and-so's on. the beach you know all the all the. people and then if you really zoom in. you're like oh no people are separate. yeah like they're not like they're not. like throwing a towel like on top of. each other like in the NFL they always. air the game. from the side so it looks like those. linemen are right next to each other but. if there was a bird's-eye view or if. right north to south yeah there see that. there's a gap yeah yeah then guess so. yeah or like whenever you get it catch a.

fish memory if you caught a fish you put. in the back of a fake truck remember and. took that picture you're like look at. this big fish and it was just some. little fish yeah dude it was great and. they all grabbed obviously do that they. they all had a great time and yeah it. was just so like I got so many messages. afterwards yeah for everyone's want to. know yeah and all my scared friends gone. uh-huh yeah and you're doing that yeah. it's almost like you guys are almost. like the Neil Armstrong and whoever the. and buzz halter and I feel like I'm. comedy I'm not even joking man it was. like I was like oh my god because I've.

been taking a break from heaven guests. just having guests on the podcast it's. been really tired and so yeah but I was. like oh my god I said I just have to. know about this well and I think yeah. that's bread yeah there we go oh nice. it's a good shot I'm up there yeah. because I didn't do a meet-and-greet. afterward so I had a moment where I was. like all right everyone take take out. your phones and I'm gonna do some poses. on the stage so you can like have a. photo and post on your social media. because I don't want to do a mean greet. so I start like grabbing the mic saying.

like doing stuff that I would never do. actually during my act and I thought. social distancing I'll just wave a mic. stand around my face and let's be strong. man those mic stands are compact biceps. I also want to go in and uh with Brad. Williams Brad Williams comic add rev. Williams comic was amazing funnies help. for someone so little that's the comment. what is over so much so look what do you. think a tiny person telling jokes isn't. gonna be good laughs would be one third.

of they fit all the funny in that little. guy. he's tiny I didn't think I'm tiny a guy. would be funny. god I will admit my mean Greek got it. responsible that is yeah cuz you know. I'm talking a big game on stage acting. like I don't care I'm doing all these. jokes about how like I was like I didn't. get my coronavirus from some Millennials. sneezing on me new but when I heard. about it I ordered bats I ate a bat. that's what I did I want from the source. I got it right way so I'm doing all. these like and that's riling them up a. little you know and so it's riling them. up in the worst way we're like yeah [ __ ].

these masks what do we you know and. that's the worst I'm that's. irresponsible but I was just doing. County and then afterwards of the mean. grid they're like hey can we get photo. with you and I said yeah you want a mask. or no mask and they're like dude we. don't care about that and like all. touching like that it did get a little. yeah yeah you get nervous at that point. a little yeah then yeah then the guys. like starting to lick your face and. stuff they're obviously yeah yeah it's. interesting it's like it's definitely.

become I think a lot of people that are. it's like you know do I. am i risking getting sick or am I just. do I think that this thing is kind of. run its course do I feel like we've done. everything that we can is like about. flattening the curve it's always kind of. two weeks you know every time they say. like Oh two weeks for this two weeks to. that I think you just got to make your. decision yeah it's like yeah I would. never judge anyone for wearing gloves. out in public and doing the mask and. like keeping it I think that's great. yeah I just if you don't want to do that. that you know like what's that one guy.

God he gave us like free will yeah yeah. we love that about it we love that he. lets us do it. well like whatever this consequence is. all right yeah that's your yeah that. because that's the way that I feel a lot. of times I'm still gonna be smart and. wise I've always had I feel like decent. instincts so I'm gonna trust my. instincts yeah and and like like my. parents are both like 75 and my dad's my. dad's immune-compromised he should not. be right going out and if you're gonna. go hang out with them you shouldn't be I. should go get tested like it like if.

grandma's living with you at your house. then then you have a different. responsibility all right so we're not. saying like everyone just go out but if. you're young healthy 30 30 year old 20. year old you're like I want to go just. have a little bit of fun yeah and. there's a very fond sit was a very few. times. someone was in like my bubble right to. be honest like if I look over the entire. weekend there was very few times that it. was it was even that close to me yeah. there really is actually whenever you go. to a comedy club there's not there's. really aren't a lot of times is separate.

when you're in the green room with other. comics there's not a lot of times and if. you don't do meet and greet then there's. not a lot of times where you interact. like real to close with other people. really you come out on stage yeah I mean. you're almost really the safest person. in the room in a lot of ways as the. committee that was my that was my. thought and I even I even when I was. doing my show I even tried to be at the. back of the stage because I thought oh. if I talk and like I spit out and. because I've done that before where I've. been on stage and I've said something. and I and I watch the spill yeah oh yeah.

that's an advice and it's like oh that's. going right yeah that guy's getting I. had one guy walk on the Friday Early. Show because we had all the microphones. out there of all three of them I guess. but I told him to strike one of them and. then I use the thing and so the other. two microphones are just behind me with. the things in and I'm saying like right. guys are we really that scared even the. people that are the most scared who. claim that they're the most scared of. this they're they're all they're all at. home going would you watch Tiger Qing. and singing just sending each other like. big black guy dick names like nobody's.

really that afraid if this is the end of. the world like no one seems to really be. that scared and so the people are like. you know chairman and so I got right. we're not afraid and I just started. palming the other mics like oh love the. other comics like mics like with my bare. hands. well that's also because you're in Utah. and that basketball player Rudy a no now. Rigobert I thought it would be funny. like to do like a thing like that. also they sanitized those mics in. between and I'm the last guy so that we. on a sanitized the same artists so I.

thought it's funny everyone's like I'm. gonna laugh and this dude was [ __ ]. furious he like stood up he like went to. the front what is he doing it I mean. this is the whole thing is that we were. doing this responsibly and he's doing I. was like kind of in the middle then that. guy's like yeah well and you also watch. the whole show with his mask on he had. like like the entire most people took. the mask off for the show and then they. put the mask back on yeah the whole. thing brave is that guy though think. about that like if in your head that's. where you are fear why I wanted to go to. a place yeah and you're. yeah I'm gonna rough it out yeah I'll.

make myself do this yeah it's my wife's. birthday yeah and like I said if you. want if you want to stay home I'm not. gonna make fun of anyone for wanting to. stay home like to stay home it's fun but. then if someone wants to go out and be. responsible and you know it's like yeah. if you're if you're walking up to people. and strangers and spitting on them or. licking their faces okay you're kind of. a dick but yeah but if everyone's kind. of like playing their part and doing. their thing okay we can start we start.

coming back to what we do what we had. before what if I'm making it sound like. just by leaving your home at any time to. do anything you're a part of the problem. like you must be some Republican crazy. person yeah thinks this virus isn't real. it's like no there's ways to go about. your life and try to earn some money and. try to like a job or try to maintain. groceries there's ways that you can go. do your life yeah oh no is a flea right. and responsibly not as what it was but. yeah I think our being responsible yeah. yeah I had someone yell at me in my.

neighborhood for taking my dog for a. walk because I didn't my mask on it's. like no one no one walks toward no one. walks towards us no one does anything. I'm taking my dog for a walk like that. and and I got an I have an 80 pound. pitbull I need to be able to breathe and. have some oxygen to watch you one time I. just sell tickets and just me walking my. dog it's a [ __ ] walking a pitbull yeah. no it's just so cool on and only fans. I'd watch that I watch it and what I.

would I want an image of that like just. of like bread jizz - business go I got. probably up some photos on my Instagram. about you can all my fans I feel like if. you really wanted to do if I wanted to. like like do you want to really push. that oh sudden so this is something that. my wife and I did do because we have a. four month old child and my wife sold. her breast milk too so hell yeah. bought to some bodybuilders is that. legal maybe California no you can but.

like did she make good money it was like. the same as like a gallon of homogenized. matter how much money no no I don't. think you ask what come on II I think. it's what you just accept that they. I needed the money and they did charge. more if someone says hey man I'm a big. fan of the--of on how much for your used. underwear you like get out of here gross. yeah gross man. and then they like how about 500 grand. you like yeah I get you couple pair and. that's all I'm thinking about like. breast milk it's like here I am being on. judgy. yeah then when I hear the amount I'm.

gonna go alright it was it was more than. a gallon of milk Wow and so people what. they a device was and what you weren't. sending more than a gallon of oh no no. that would take a while know the price. the other prize was your wife yeah yeah. hydrated now how do you are when they. get that what do you put it in like a. little bag or sit yeah there's a there's. a bag there because my wife would also. donate breast milk to do some hospitals. to wear it like so like Mad Max yeah.

sure pulling that milk out the lady. right there yeah I've never had it. actually I had a little I think a girl. put some on my lawn. but this is at a restaurant dude this is. like clothes this is after the. restaurant a club okay was still in. there okay what did you like did you. like get it from the source that you. like squirt across the room or from the. source Tucson a lady was in May or an.

acquittal put a little person in the ng. Miss bobbye's got no mirrors she's. cutting hair you got worse hair at a. restaurant a family dining establishment. gave you breast milk from the sores put. a little on her finger but what are. these men doing with that bread when. they got they were bodybuilders. and so breast milk allegedly has like a. higher protein like some BOTS so like.

some bought some bodybuilders really. like to have breast milk so I've got. some friends that are in that community. and and once they found out the less you. but we get no ahead I'm like sure but. pay for yeah I'm gonna give you my baby. I think I'm squeezing my wife out over. here yeah. exactly look at this here it says right. here body mothers are making thousands. of dollars selling their pumped breast. milk online to bodybuilders some body. builders claim breast milk helps build. muscle mass more than any other food I.

could see that you know did you about. making money that you feel weird about. uh breast milk is actually much lower in. protein than cow's milk and bodybuilders. pacifically large men need much more. protein oh so they're wrong is a chart. actually that shows like the protein in. breast milk. compared to other milk yeah but it was a. nice little it was a nice little side. hustle oh yeah so I got I got a. goldendoodle right I just got him he's. like Oh beautiful now yeah great dog and.

every time there's been times people go. you're gonna get him neutered and I say. yeah I'm not yet he's only six much not. to haven't even dropped and then one. lady she goes oh you're not gonna neuter. him are you and how's it going one of. these people right mhm. and so I was like well I mean I don't. know probably haven't thought about it. she's like well you know it's good money. has it one and she goes oh well like. what you can do is you can there's like. a stud fee we're basically like if you. want your dog to have sex you'll like. Adele someone will take your dog for a. few hours. bring them back your dog is you just get.

to have sex and then they come back and. hand you a check for a pretty good. amount Wow yeah okay what happens yeah. that's great watching my dog need sex. anyways I'm not gonna watch but like. they want to take him off my hands full. in a while he can go do that they said. give me a thousand bucks and then my dog. comes back all happy and tired I think. that's a pretty good deal and you got a. fat G yeah it's not like a goldendoodle. girl is gonna show up on our doorstep. like you know my father lives here right. yeah we need some child support like it. seems like a totally avoiding it. scratching at the bottom of the door.

here it says right here in one cup of. breast milk yeah. you have 20 you have 2.5 grams 2.5 grams. if that's not much protein that's not. yeah cuz it cow's milk has 12 grams is. that comparing it eight and you see the. other there eight grams in cow's milk. whole eight grams and one percent eight. grams and skim yeah so it's less so it. has the same amount as like almond milk. virtually all right well there you go. just not even milk it's just nut water.

yeah. they go bodybuilding yeah all my kids. just nut water I know he's getting milk. they should call it nut water they. really should cuz they they soak the. almonds in water nut juice or nut milk. I mean nut water I mean that they should. have like a rogue god. almond milk company and that's they. would do to like separate themselves. yeah ed milk out there and where do you. drop that off in person do you leave. that at the door how do they go for the. breast milk bodybuilders yeah we dropped.

it off in person Wow Wow. I love that dude I like making it yeah. he's in there pumping now buy my urine. I'd be like sure I'll get you as much as. you want you just keeping her hider do. you keep buying her Gatorades every. other 7-eleven yes that's like hair man. hairs free man yeah it was great because. yeah there's never a good time to go. through a pandemic but like we got the. baby at home so it's like and thankfully. my wife you know the baby breastfeed so. it's like that's a renewable food source. it's like I didn't have to go out and. buy baby food or anything like that we.

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right get 20% off and free shipping with. the code Theo at manscaped comm that's. 20% off with Free Shipping at manscape. calm and use code th e Oh what um so. what what else was there like from the. shows I'm trying to think like after the. show like did the energy did the energy. feel the same like in the room during. the show yeah but more I thought more. just Liz everyone was just so excited to.

be out like and there were lines that I. would say that I would thought like. alright it's kind of a throwaway line. and just something casual and then it. would get a little reaction I'm like oh. yeah it felt like a full room for ya. really yeah like that's awesome. I wrote a real basic joke about how like. like every when the virus happen every. company had had to put out their. coronavirus commercial where they're. just like every commercial right now. it's stuff it starts off we're gonna get. through this yeah like we did we get.

that in trying times and all I said was. like this every we don't need every. company's response to coronavirus and. there was a cheer in the room I'm like. oh that's true okay. people feel that way yeah it's like I. it's like I get it AT&T insurance let. let me know what you're doing to lower. my rates or whatever but there's. literally a commercial from Oreo [ __ ]. cookie yeah I was getting emails from. like Wells Fargo like don't worry yeah. I'm not worried about you your bank. you'll be fine. you're Greenglass we're fine yeah can we.

our ATMs are clean yes so like it's like. yeah it's like Coca Cola's like here's. what we're doing it's like yeah no. you're making sugar water that's what. you're doing no it's fine no I would say. the thing I was most most nervous about. and again this is selfish I just thought. I might be rusty this is the longest oh. god yeah - fifteen years so I was like I. was afraid I'd be rusty but then being. so generous and then also I realized I. wasn't. that rusty like I was I felt rusty on.

that virtual show did it feel weird did. it feel weird going back into like like. cuz like if I were to get back on stage. I'm like I have some new stuff I would. kind of do but otherwise it's like you. got to change all the bits and I was. like just in the verbage so I could you. know I usually get up there I go just. got back from Mexico so I go to all my. Mexico stuff right I can't say okay or. like if I want to make a joke about. something that happen between me and a. girl I'll usually lie and be like I took. this girl on a date like you know the. other day or like last week yeah now I.

can say that yes I I had to be like I. remember I think it was last year I took. this girl on a date yeah but even that. little adjustment was hard to do like. anything so dishonest and like so but. yeah I know I haven't been doing. anything right yeah there there there's. a bit I do about how like I'm it's. something that my neighbor said to me. because I'm never home I'm always. traveling yeah so then my neighbor saw. me in front of my house and then said. something to me like I didn't live in my. house right it's like I can't do that no.

it's cuz it's like no no I've been home. for three months they know me now I. would start jokes like I would start. talking the guy I got to change this. like yeah you know that quick math you. do in your head right that's like it oh. yeah. yeah only a comic would notice or only. like I you know yeah I would I was. liking it too where if you've ever done. those shows to the Laugh Factory on like. Christmas and Thanksgiving where they. feed the homeless and then they have you. didn't have the comics go onstage and. perform for the homeless there's some. bits you don't want to do right for.

homeless people like you know and your. car braked oh yeah here yeah this dinner. is pretty good where's all the huge. delay what I remember watching Joe Cole. in one of these shows and this is years. ago and he was doing his bit about like. orange chicken and Panda Express keys. he's like you guys know what he's like. you guys know that's pretty like they're. like of course we take a [ __ ] in there. but like know all the business I like no.

one knew about it in that room you're. like yeah if you felt bad you felt. condescending you felt like I but that's. a does is really just and then Paul. Mooney just went on stage and. stroyed the room oh really wasn't he. homeless now in other words I'm not oh. he had a special out a couple years ago. he did yeah I mean he could also be. homeless now he's just a psycho yeah so. I thought he's like you know a lot of. homeless people or psychos oh yeah what.

they're easily able to talk to him. dude the homeless people in my sauce jog. in the other day and there's a homeless. like I live right by a park over in. Westwood and so there's a lot of. homeless now but living in the park but. they got campers the city got campers. and put them up since the virus got the. campers and putting me in different. campers so a lot of times at night yes. really it's really pretty nice they're. nice they're nice campers I'll jog by at. night and the other night I'm jogging by. and there's a guy out there smoking out.

on the he's like sitting like on the. step of the open door of his camper and. he's got music going and and it's like. James Brown or something something. pretty fun pretty loud and then behind. him there's a truck a sewage truck. backing up there's a guy with a hose in. a full hazmat suit and PPP like the. shield and everything walking up to it. with a to drain the sewage out of a. camper and I'm just like this is so. bizarre I'm like here you have a. homeless guy yeah who's you know just.

doing whatever he wants yeah and then. you have like how much is this costing. about this huge guy yes I mean in. literally walking up like he was what. like he was an Armageddon or something. yeah like so scared full bodysuit want. and a hand a mic and this dude's job is. to deal with the piss and [ __ ] of. homeless people that's true I better I'd. be sleeping in a head I need a cup of. breath yeah telling jokes to some. middle-class people in Utah yeah I mean. this dude is yeah that's the job did it.

feel like it was just saw the audience's. that came out that I feel like it was. just rich people or anything I had that. vibe I just felt like just regular P. it's all walks alive because there was. there was definitely people that do you. ever have someone come to your show and. tell and tell you all the struggles that. they're going through and you're like. bro maybe you shouldn't be spending. money on the comedy show right now like. because there. there was some people that I got some. messages afterward it's like yeah the. whole family like lost our jobs and no.

no and we haven't had anything yeah and. we're all drinking each other's breasts. yeah and our lights went out but man the. fact that your show we bought tickets to. your show and like 450 450 dollars a. ticket was worth every penny. yeah fifteen dollars ticket scalper but. like but like there there there are some. people where you're like whoa don't. don't like save your money like save. your money for but then there was some. other guy that because I wasn't doing. the meet-and-greet I wasn't selling.

merch and I got this message from a guy. that was like hey you didn't sell merch. this week oh no he goes so you probably. lost out and some money I go yeah he. goes what's your venmo and he then mode. me a little bit of money and I'm like. okay Wow and so thank you that guy yeah. Wow were you were you guys allowed were. you allowed to sell merch there I could. my feature XL merch. so I could if I wanted to which now they. think about it the fact that my feature. X Sol merch and that and then we were in. the green room together probably. defeated that whole purpose of me not. selling merch but skipping me angry.

didn't help any yeah yeah yeah yeah. nobody wanted it yeah I think that old. my old album that like most of the been. out for years yeah and also its CD oh. yeah I just sell CDs ooh brother. craziest part was I used to bring the. chart the CD duplicator on the road I. had one of those yeah you're working. anyway saying read on it it would say. read on it whenever it like started to. get the disc and then you would lust.

you'd hear it heating up I had like one. of us pretty cheap so it would heat. really hot like I'm the cran would start. going. who knows if some of those even work oh. that's a roll the dice God what are your. zis is blank like that happens man yeah. I'm doing three at a time. yeah sorry lucky lucky lucky city is. humiliated when people tell me they got. that like just take this new one for. free yeah that's fine I have your first.

album no you do not forgot about that. and I would go by this to the clear. cases and put it in and then see rocks. and cut the frickin thing and put it. here and sell them yeah now it's like. you just have a now they already have. your album or they can stream it for. free like it's hot like that's what. sucks is because merch is a big way for. comics to make money oh yeah and they. get a few hundred bucks it's huge it's. tough to like not have something to sell. to them yeah yeah so yeah you had to. leave a lot of money on the table if you. didn't sell merch but you know it's just.

I'll get to that point and if you want. to buy some bread ones merch and Jessica. just go to Brad Williams comedy calm the. commercial I'll send it to you the good. thing is you probably know like okay I'm. just gonna bring 30 or 40 shirt you know. it's like I'm only gonna bring this many. things because it's because so it and. where you were at Salt Lake City it was. a hundred people yeah I think is a. hundred people per show yeah me it was. like huh between hundred and twenty-five. Wow per show yeah I tell you what saved. my life during the damn pandemic was a.

beam on cameo that's a really that saved. my ass cuz st. Patrick's Day happened. and I said and I said on my social media. that oh nice I was that i will send i. will dress up as a leprechaun and send a. message personalized message god I made. so much money. the best ones thank God sort of like.

stick you know like Scott Steiner that. old wrestler he's like oh his arm where. Jamie and I'll Punk your wife I'll do. whatever you want I like yeah I'll run a. what does that call its train no that's. a Knick was thinking more than a spider. but yeah cut a pro just think oh he and. his brother always did everything to go. second Haman was a hilarious cuz that. and so he just talk [ __ ] to these people. yeah good yeah and why is he dressed. like that's how I was WCW kind of like.

gimmick when he would come out we're in. that closet. yeah I missed the open be the old man he. had the odd the things on is the. wrestling that's Rick his brother yeah. yeah University of maybe we should just. like a strong weird collegiate wrestler. like big there and then Rick would come. out like a dog and like a pee on the. turn but yeah Rick was crazy there they. go but then then that seemed to go to. the next one the steroids got that's. like the Maggie that yeah and he and. he's like 50 look at this biceps you. can't build a bicep like that guy will.

buy your breast milk right there man. right now. that is got if you're listening stop. you've got so he's like Arnold what is. it like were you duh we're drug dealers. like steal drugs but then they used him. sometimes he no I love how every sports. league shut down and Pro Wrestling was.

like [ __ ] y'all dude killed a wrestler. on accident and then sued his wife for. breach of contract. that's how evil does not care at all the. only reason he didn't do WrestleMania in. Tampa as scheduled is get the city of. Tampa had to be like hey man you can't. right he's like they had to interfere. you can't do it yeah how much money this. makes me damn it dude a lot of places. are um there's like a lot of push back.

now it seems like because cities are. saying you can do certain things then we. have an article maybe something about. that Nick there's cities saying you can. do certain things but then people are. now like filing lawsuits that they just. can't take it anymore. well something doesn't make sense to me. is like they've said all right the. lockdown is gonna be three more months. but also we're opening businesses you. look right yet truly confused it's very. confusing to me yeah you see some. articles go to the article man doesn't. it okay. and it reducing the spread of Isis we're. now facing legal challenges from. residents and state officials alike one.

of these is pretty wild. you can't be student government right. now they're already giving all their. money to people and I'm stuck at home. that's tough but it but I get the. frustration like your risk you you want. to make money you really go out make. money and then the government says no. stay home and don't make money and. you're like oh so you're gonna pay me. well no we're gonna give you like what. Ricki the government isn't making the. virus like the government so we're. trying to kind of save your ass like. it's tricky it's like the wrong person.

absolutely like look at Tech in Texas as. the Attorney General warned that he. could take action against the cities of. Austin San Antonio and Dallas if they do. not scale back orders that are more. restrictive and that's the Attorney. General then the governor is moving. towards reopening the state and said. that while business have the freedom to. reopen or remain closed local. governments do not have the option to. keep them closed. California faces dozen lawsuits that. claim the state has unjustly closed down. gun shops and religious services and. fringe down freedoms of speech and.

assembly what do you think about that. about a religious services yeah I think. it's kind of like stand up man you got. to go to that responsibly Yeah right. that's what I said like if you want to. go to it big go to it but just like you. got like you got to understand that's. one of my biggest things and this is it. might make you some of the listeners. annoyed people don't take like their own. responsibility so like right they'll. smoke for 40 years and then go isn't it. sad I have cancer it's like no dude yeah. yes we love your mom but like you don't. get to smoke for 40.

oh well I need disability because I'm a. big fat lardo and I ate McDonald's 75. times in one day for the last 30 hours. no response and so it's like do they all. want healthcare but like a lot of the. health care like you don't even take. precautions like that's the beauty of. freedom is that we get to do what we. want you don't get to do what you want. and then be a victim yeah I'll get to go. like well I should be able to jog. through the park naked and no but yes. but that's not the reality we live in. right yeah can't you drive the bartnik.

it stuffs gonna happen yeah you don't. like things if you're a lion tamer for. the circus and the lion bites your arm. up yes you can't sue this third part of. it yeah and also I love that your lion. tamer but don't cry to me when your. honor. yeah and if you want to eat McDonald's. 75 times I love that but don't cry too. about your diabetes that's how that. works yeah I wonder if there's a way. though cause like it's me actually let's. do this sorry that's another one. if I get coronavirus tomorrow that's my. fault. cuz I had cuz we waited yet who's doing. comedy shows because we went it's the.

same thing of like person responsibility. like that's on me yeah it's like it'd be. way safer if no one played professional. football right but these guys yeah yeah. argument oh I was like man these fall. players keep getting hurt but it's like. but they're playing football right they. signed up to play football there was a. doctor a weaker a week ago I think who. put a pitcher he's on up airplane he's. flying from New York to San Francisco. and it's a full plane and he's like I. can't believe they said that this that. this plane is full you know this is so. dangerous it's like him in 25 doctors.

but it's like but you're on the plane. right like if you don't want to be like. it's just it's like we want our creature. comforts but once they start to like I. don't know yeah I know I'm saying hi. that's the toll road I was going down. it's like week everyone is so victim II. and soft about that kind of stuff it's. so frustrating yeah here you go dr. Ethan Weiss I guess unites relaxing. social system policy these days every. seat full on this 737 yeah and I but at.

that point you have the opportunity if. you want to get off the plane yeah it's. you you have the freedom to make those. kind of decisions I know that when I. flew on on American Airlines there was a. couple in front of me that had their. that had their infant child like and. there and I just kept thinking myself. why does that why does that baby have to. fly right right like but okay oh yes. that's your [ __ ] why not even go step. further this might like so I would say.

like oh maybe they should have drove you. know like don't be on a crowded plane. where we share air with other people. yeah maybe they should have drove rent a. car drive to wherever this emergency. destination is that you're taking his. infant right and then people will say Oh. Jeff what if they can't afford it well. they should have get a better job they. should have worked hard like I'd like. even those things to say well some. people can't well then work hard just. take your burden and bear it if you're. broke get rich if you're fat you don't. like it lose weight if you've got your. happy great flaunt it what you just. do whatever is working for you hey I.

mean like do better yeah there has to be. some social ricourt the other there's no. responsive like there's we keep making. it so like we always just keep helping. the lowest common denominator which in. America you can be like I mean I. remember up in India before and like. they'll have handicapped people like. dragging themselves on the ground. because they don't have a wheelchair. they don't or like if they're lucky to. get like a skateboard or something or. make something like that you know where. it's like in the US it's like everything. we really get catered to I'm not really. comfortable but they keep like catering.

to like okay somebody can you know not. do anything their whole life live in a. bubble you know the worst yeah file come. out once a gun down both their parents. you know who aren't without thumbs so. you know we better send him a check. every month and he's like well I can't. work I got no thumbs like dude and I. learned all this like my ideologies from. traveling the world and I see things. that I got man if they can do it I was. poor lived in a car and I started doing. I found a job where I didn't need a high. school diploma or I didn't like I found. a giant works no I'm a [ __ ] so I need.

to find a job where morons can figure it. out do what you gotta do and righties. morons with like make millions at least. they found a scam to get money like that. the great I find something you know do. what you gotta do it's like I can't be a. professional basketball player cuz you. know you define another way cuz I'm. white right yeah but like so I found a. job where I could I could be.

professional figure it out do it did you. ever did you ever think cuz you were a. smaller person bred and that um in. stature only that you are think that you. should have got like a extra something. from the government or any show so every. dwarf gets a TLC show it's gonna be like. they just have the dwarf Network we got. out we got it we got the WWE Network you. got like DIY Network's just have the. dwarf Network because now all dwarf.

shows all the time serious yeah the only. problem shows is they're always trying. to convince that there's nothing. unordinary right the entire time we're. just like everyone else. no no we're not you're not like everyone. I'm not like these. super boring yeah they got runs and. jumps up into bed we want to see how you. how you're navigating your life because. it's inspirational to know that you're. reg that you're just like all of us yeah. except you're dealing with something. that makes you different than us but. like hell yeah I'm not like everybody. else because I have to put my bag up at.

the up in the overhead storage bin and I. got to get [ __ ] creative guys don't. come up to me like that never is. different okay yeah we just. but yeah it's like we don't make people. we don't make people like have to be. better than cells really you know it's. like we'll just keep making it more. comfortable we don't challenge it. doesn't seem like we challenge look at. food people just eat for taste yeah all. they care about is their mouths and let.

food is to feel you it's supposed to. like make your body operate at a high. level of it but we just all we care. about is the taste part it be like. filling your car up with like Mountain. Dew just everyday and then the engine. seizes in the mechanic a doctor is like. dude have you been putting soda pop in. this car he loves me no this runs on. fuel and you're like dude loves you. enough to keep coming here yeah and. she's gonna have to be stripped and. figure every single time you put. Mountain doing this thing what do you.

know we do with our own bodies we get. one body in our entire life and we just. put [ __ ] in it and then once we get like. 240 we realize we've got you know. problems and we need pills and we get. them that's the thing in the u.s. we get. him I feel like I wonder if we didn't. have those things like to help us you. know like if we didn't know that like. there's a there's a some bailout program. that's gonna be there there's a way like. if we all went completely broke we know. there's probably a way where we're gonna.

get housing somehow and we're gonna get. probably able to be able to get medicine. or parents like yeah yeah it doesn't. make us challenge ourselves any but I. don't know how you do that I don't know. how you will know that like worst-case. scenario you can go stay with your. parents until you get back on your feet. right I like worst-case scenario flike. you're a clean person like if you don't. drink and drugs nothing you'll probably. have a thousand couches you can write. like you'll never be home right if you. can keep up like what you're doing but. people that don't have that that's why. rich kids. statistically famously don't do much. because they did like the comfy they've.

never had to write they always know that. backups there there that's what people. might be doing subconsciously with their. health it's gonna take oh yeah I'm sure. I think I I'm sure I've done in my own. life you know I smoked not a ton but I. smoked semi decently probably till about. maybe two months ago now cigarettes yeah. really over two months off cigarettes. yeah but it's like I can't blame it I. definitely feel better God it was the. way you have to yeah that's that's the. correct like whenever I actually eat. like a kale salad with very little salad.

dressing on it I go damn it I feel like. a lot better well even the [ __ ] bow of. that if like I'm doing the right thing I. made a good deal good like I have I can. still go walk yeah walk around you know. I never smoked cigarettes because I'm. pretty susceptible to peer pressure I. just want to be part of the gang you. know I want to be mint so like when. everyone is smoking weed they're always. like man this is the best let's get like. a marijuana sweatshirt I'll wear to. school and like weeds the best oh yeah. yeah and like dr. Dre we're to go to. Janine's house we're gonna drink you. guys we want to drink alcohol but even.

like so everything looks really good you. can get it anybody who would smoke. cigarettes around me and be like man. don't do this I hate this like wow. there's two wow it's so like I just saw. that commercial was like I'm never gonna. do that I've never seen anyone enjoy a. cigarette that's really care just. sitting there going I can't believe I do. this expensive it stinks I hate it don't. don't ever do this this is bad it's so. true peeler like don't ever do this wow. they're doing it yeah that was me oh I'd. be miserable and [ __ ] smoking yeah. cuz no one ever does that with like good. sex like don't do that yeah yet no one's.

ever [ __ ] like a hot person be like. this is horrible. I hate what do you sandwich you like one. of these later it's like what brownies. you're doing it yeah and that comes the. placebo of self-loathing and stuff so. like when you're doing that you're kind. of feeling close like man I shouldn't be. doing this I said I was gonna quit so. there's the opposite effect of that kill. salad psychologically but then so but. then there's so like you know we could. like they have cigarettes people can. have them if they want to right they're. available but do you blame like the. government for allowing though like.

there to be cigarettes that people can. have even though they're addictive or. he's free will man you can do whatever. you want. but just don't cry to me when you get. lung cancer yeah yeah. you chose that but good for you I love. that you want to do that yeah it's like. it's like it's like why do we watch the. dude walk across the volcano on the. tightrope cuz in the back your head. you're like wow. I'd never could fall I'd never do that. never a yes and then if that dude fell. in the volcano and died we feel bad for.

him no we don't be like well right he. walked across the football I always. think about that with a football analogy. of like they wouldn't have posters of. these guys on my walls as a kid and. think they're like these hero Titans if. it was safe yeah that's what makes me. cooler than my dad is like they can get. those crushed skulls in my head like. literally like throwing footballs 50. it's not like I have a poster of my. stepdad wheelie on my wall here's how he. got his graduate degree from fbw or. whatever he returns he filed a lot last.

year's oh yeah what a legend already. caught they had like heroic posters for. this regular dude yeah yeah after. sensenbach he's taught physical. education in school for 40 years what do. we got in the news Nick anything. exciting going on this is kind of funny. chucky cheese because people didn't seem. to be wanting to order them on some of. the food delivery apps they changed.

their branding nobody wanted crappy. pizza they changed their branding to. Pasquale's pizza and try and do we. handle urban market ahora that Latino. what does Pasquale's mean Pasquale is. actually a number another member of. chuck-e-cheeses rap band oh no one knows. I hate that I knew that rana crap I love. that you you ever Ollie there's a purple. one and then the Ramos nonnamous though. and then there's the no his name is.

munch munch when little people are if. I'm right people when you guys see like. better be munch characters do you guys. feel like there's like a like a sense of. like you it doesn't seem like you like. do you know what I'm talking about. Connor. what like cuz you guys get like a lot of. the same attention I feel like as like. maybe Snow White at Disneyland or like. oh yeah. oh dude like cuz alright when you see. characters like like Pasquale ER like. Chucky's yeah do you feel like I said a. Simba a symbiosis with them like you. feel like kinda so well they all get.

stared at but no it was funny because. like my job before I was a comic as I. worked at Disneyland cuz I grew up in. Southern California then that's a great. way for eyes great job yeah it's great. oh yeah great place to be I mean you're. not wrong really a homoerotic hotbed. down I don't know oh yeah Disneyland all. the time with my guy friends. yeah no idea they'd probably graduates.

yeah no it was fun cuz I got a lot I got. a lot of attention from the girls that. work there because I was like one of the. only straight dudes what'd you do work. there alright I I was not one of the. seven that's now okay I was a bodyguard. for the characters it's called being a. character host yeah you walk around with. them yeah and just like make sure no the. Seven Dwarfs are actually gigantic when. they in the costume yeah come out. they're huge they're not they should. actually hired Orff's and then make the. costume smaller yeah I should do yes mr.

münch I got it right yes ah the car I'm. a loser current incarnation of the. character is called munches make-believe. and it's his band Chucky. bandleader Helen Hanny mr. münch jasper. gels and Pasquale 'i think if you're. gonna open a restaurant right a. restaurant arcade for children why pick. a rodent to be like them at like that's. the number-one thing you don't want in a. kitchen oh yeah I think like Chucky. Cheese yeah it's a mouse okay TMZ has a.

thing out for Chuckie Cheese would you. admit that Nick is out for y'all but TMZ. hate Chucky Cheese everybody waits Chuck. and cheese who is it. my body does Oh your buddy man Jionni. Gianna. Chucky Cheese - I he tweeted something. about it was actually kind of funny he. posted something how he hated people who. were getting takeout from Chuckie Cheese. before this actually happened one of his. friends the next day dropped some off at. his house and a couple hours later. Jionni tweeted Chuckie Cheese is better. than in and out fighting yeah well he.

drove cheese he like filmed it with this. phone you know how like oh I skipped. through most leader [ __ ]. but you know how all young people like. that so that's what the new leg youtuber. and chick talk is like them ranting in. their car yeah like that with like quick. edits for some reason we're like just. jumps from like random like that's the. whole video and it's like them just like. taking a hard take on like pineapple he. did like a hard take on how he like it. chuck-e-cheese they should all be closed. they're all creepy the food is shitty. and he did like the whole thing but he.

did definitely did it before all this. yeah they go after chucky cheese all the. time there's always I remember they. found a piece of scalp and one of the. ball pits or something and that's what. said it all we used to go on dates I. remember people would do like a mate. like that I remember like if your mom. and somebody else's mom that had like a. cute child or something they would set. you up on a little date at Chucky and. I'll get the other table you'd sit at. one table two parents and the kids would. sit at another chair like a little. double date kind of I always liked their. pizza I might get Pasquale's takeout. really I always thought it was good I.

mean it's hard to screw up pizza in my. opinion maybe because I was eight I have. my 34th birthday at chuck-e-cheeses in. Baton Rouge Louisiana and I can only. invite five people why I that's the rule. that was like the amount we paid for in. the package and were they a little. alarmed that it was thirty four-year-old. well the funny part was it would be like. if they had two birthday tables it was. like Hannah six Jonathan for Thea Hook. 34 yeah and then the gig ban would come.

by I loved it man you know uh so this is. a bit I do on stage so I'm gonna try to. not do it as it's a bit true story I. went to Legoland on my day off in Kansas. City mm-hmm and just me as I got I could. spend a day at Legoland I'll just check. it out it like I do Disneyland or. something I was gonna convince one of my. guy friends to come down and so I get. that parking line I felt too weird being. alone. Legoland psychology yeah darica sake. I'll just wait in the car till you get. here he gets there I'm 30 I think I was. 35 at the time my buddy Derek's like 37.

or something so we meet we go to the. front gate and they wouldn't sell us. tickets to come to Chuckie to go to. Legoland really and I said what's why. and they go cuz you have to have like a. kid with you we don't have kids. and like yeah but we don't just let. random men walk around respect and I was. according me they're like we have adult. night twice a month. and if you want to come to adult nights. like I'm not here for adult night I'd. I'm only in town this week I want to go. to Legoland Wow and they were like well. and Isaac why are you doing this and. like well because we don't want you know. kidnappings we'd you know we're trying. to prevent I was like well you're gonna.

cause a kidnapping somebody go steal a. kid to get into Legoland well also like. would I be the best kidnapper in the. world like that he would be so happy if. I got it great that never takes me the. leg interesting now drop me back up at. home no sex just fine yeah now with a. less green now would they let two women. go go into Legoland with without k we. should test it I don't know because they. were already late weird it's a good. point cuz like alright because I've kind. of a similar story I was at a mall and I. they got those I think they're called.

busy bees it's like it's like a Chuckie. Cheese there's tubes and ball pits and. [ __ ]. and I was in the middle of the Midwest. doing shows and I'm by myself I'm like. you know what [ __ ] it I guess don't fit. in those tubes let's go let's go to busy. bees so I so I start walking in there. and they got like a an employee stops me. and it goes like hey do you have a you. have a kid in there and I go now I just. want to go in there and like I'm small. enough to run around the tubes ago yeah. we can't we can't let you do that I'm. like you know what in this case probably.

a good idea just some single white hand. just walks and just like yeah I want to. go run around the kids does it feel like. a lodge way to the bathroom shaved. everything I'm a kid and I'm late for. school you seen people yeah you mr. Thomas has grandpa's favorite on it does. it feel a lot of times like you because. of your size and something you get to. relive your childhood in some instances.

that look yes wow that's pretty cool. think about that that [ __ ] oh there's a. their mouth like a good one. my favorite ride is a Knott's Berry Farm. Camp Snoopy. it's called huff and puff hmm and I. could still ride that ride my friends. can't oh we can't we're too big too big. look up huff and puff you'll see why. it's a train that you sit on oh cool and. then you like you can like move the. thing back and forth and then that. controls your speeding train oh yeah. they're gonna pay you to like be the guy.

there it is there it is look at that. I can still do that durable oh yeah it's. awesome it's Bobby Lee and his girl that. it's like it's all it's always funny. when I would do it because out cuz I cuz. I would go to Knott's Berry Farm and. just be you know I'd be with my friends. be like hold on I go ride huff and puff. real quick that's great and like I take. photos there must be a photo yes so. there's like a video somewhere of like. the train going by and it's like yeah I.

bet the people love that to the amidgett. Ryan huff and puff won't get off for 25. it's awesome I go yeah well if I can't. write some of the rollercoasters then. the payoff of that is I can still ride. the kid that's great you can ride yeah. and then I was watching them I was. watching the Chicago Bulls documentary. and I said when I was hearing about how. like a Air Jordans are costing people.

like $175 and I'm like oh wow they've. only cost like 50 bucks for me really oh. that's a guy think about three years. it cost me 50 bucks I always think about. I wonder what I wonder what the cost of. savings is if you're a little person. overall life well for there you get. savings but then you buy like a pair of. pants and then you got to get them. altered and [ __ ] like that or or god. forbid you buy a suit I got a couple of. suits that cost me a little extra money. oh really yeah because I had a tailor.

suit anyway so it's weird that they that. must've gotten easier as you got older. yeah with like the Internet in modern. times right yeah cuz now there's like. services I'm sure some of them even. sponsor your podcast where like you like. measure your [ __ ] and you send it off to. them as a kid must be nightmare yeah. that's horrible now it's like yeah now. there's like great places that do that. do that. did you always not to ask questions I. don't know any other little people. except for you or different types of. people that aren't I'll be your dwarf. Google's super tall yeah but do you did.

you always know that you were at a. certain point did your parents sit you. down and say hey man we have something. to tell you. oh so they told me I was a dwarf but. they told me before I went off to school. because. dad my family is all tall so my dad told. me he's like no when you go to school. there's gonna be some kids and make fun. of you because you're a dwarf so lets. you and I write some comebacks for them. nice oh my god yeah so my dad and I.

wrote jokes. my dad was like just stop being a [ __ ]. why are you crying yeah kids pick on. kids grow up yeah yeah so like so like. we wrote jokes so then when I went to. school and kids made fun of me I had. comebacks like written nice and I and I. would say it to them and then they get. all sad and I get I got sent to the. principal's office you feel bad stealing. your dad's material did you do you think. that they'd help make you into a. comedian that's all yeah exactly oh you. know I would become a comedian yeah what. also just being different it's probably.

why you're yeah that too that well but. like but that attitude with being. different right that's why that's. probably why I'm well makes you funny. yeah so then when like when I go to some. city and some guy like yells out. leprechaun I'm like really you think I. haven't heard that [ __ ] before let's go. okay like like it and then I fire back. at him well he's never been funny that. guy if he's still yelling at epic on if. this airs like that guy how sad is it. how sad is it as we get older when you. have your friends that still tell like.

jokes that are just like from Gras or. just like the worse like little. comebacks or whatever Vegas pepper you. know the worst one is is when people. especially grown men mm-hmm and grown. women anyone I'd say over the age of 11. if you think you're funny cuz you're. saying like a line from a happy gilmore. movie yeah more like you're quoting. Michael Scott from life you stole a. quote from a thing and now you're put in. your own life and you think you're very. funny like you suck you're not funny. okay you're my boy blue somebody yeah.

except this one guy who did a quick. video he had a friend that had drowned. or something he's like you're my boy. blue and he kept [ __ ] turning the. camera to the [ __ ] body how crazy is. that. see that's what that guy said so. humorous I know that was your blue my. boy. different that's good and a fish that.

that's like I don't fear anything about. like being a dad in terms of stuff that. I'm gonna do with my daughter the thing. the thing that I fear is like once I. have to start interacting with other. parents who just aren't funny and you. know you have to put up with it then. they find another comic no you can be. polite but like you don't have to like. you don't know I mean ya know when they. find out you're a comic that has to be. the worst when you have a child think. about that you have a child you have a. disconnection piece somebody else said. as a child so you have to mill around. where your children do whatever they're.

doing liquids are brands yeah oh my god. now I have to like you're friends with. Sally so we doesn't deal with it he can. just go jump in the ball pit try running. around the tubes dude I can't wait for. that day when me and my daughter are. both running around the tubes of Chucky. Cheese oh I'm I'm gonna go back to that. busy busy listen you're making here dad. tell bad jokes I'm gonna jump around. playing the to the kids do that's. hilarious is your daughter. Dorf yes right yeah yeah got the asian.

dwarf baby or or as I like to call da DB. wait were you hoping for a dwarf yeah. okay yeah well cuz like I want I don't. want my kid to grow older and get bigger. than me and I got like discipline er go. to your room well now she's kind of on. your team it comes down to like you and. you know you and your wife or have you. know now it's kind of like team door fit. in the house oh yeah now it's like my. wife can't complain if she like trips. over a stepstool or something because I.

like this is the world you're living in. now this is you you signed up for this. she was like she was an average height. person now you're out yeah look at that. smile is so cute ah yeah is there. another one that's the picture behind it. that's my baby yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. my wife is Chinese so we made an agent. Wharf baby and what are the odds that. she was gonna be a door 50/50 Wow. yeah so we were you know we were just. kind of uh that's that that might be my.

favorite one she cute someone gave her a. robe with her. with her initials on it some pesto I. knew it was probably somebody who tries. to get into a Lego Lane by themself. that's it. don't put that on me also that person. has no idea how newborn babies or Dwarfs. work that's a giant robe that's like for. like a wonder like two year old that's. the best part is like because like we. know all when all the pandemic stuff. started happening or some people started. talking me like oh wow that's gonna. that's gonna suck when like your kid out.

grows her clothes like no we got clothes. for like what you guys yeah we're. hunkered down we're good I'm at the. worst of it when I buy clothes for like. my nieces and nephews or something like. I was like like I don't know he's like. fours just fit like I'm like holding up. like I'm like at Target like oh and it. looks pretty little to me but like if. you're calling over another. four-year-olds ride is Chuckie Cheese. after town oh four year old like hey try. this on try this on come out do ill turn.

for me let's see how it fits. do they sell lingerie for a little be no. dude and no not for lottery I think even. for children is there that's my point it. would be the same no it's not it's not. because we got big asses and my type of. dwarfism the girls have some big old. titties wow she's gonna have to oh wow. it's be like you'd have to have. customized lingerie yeah sometimes it's. customized always right but I think for. the most part stuff just fits because. like not as much stuff fits but there's.

stuff that fits oh there is yeah yeah. it's out there I don't say that we'll. get a real dark world Oh Bronx fan huh. yeah there you go. she is look she's not a bra I could put. me in this second one I got all of the. line la baby is she getting to the part. where she can you said four months yeah. wow yeah I love like five six months. they start to really kind of get. interactive and stuff yeah like dude. like and not not to get like too cheesy. or whatever but like when it it crushes.

me in the best way when I when she's. when I wake her up in the morning and I. walk in she's kind of crying then she. looks up and sees me and then just gets. a big smile on her face best like that I. like it sounds stupid and cheesy and. that's human literally the best feeling. I've ever had in the world I love that. is is just my daughter like look at me. and smiling it's the best feeling I've. ever had. better than Saturday Late Show when. they're like you hit all your bonuses.

[Laughter]. that's a damn good yeah yeah you know. it's certain certain things like that. and I got friends that don't have kids. and they're like how do you like you. change diapers and stuff you're like. yeah yeah you do. like Wow will you like wipe and [ __ ]. yeah yeah is that Adam Rea said that. sounded just like him a thousand no it. might like what yeah it's like he sound.

like you can like a marriage diver. oh yeah you like your daughter she's. like yeah kind of it because if you. don't they're just in their own [ __ ] and. you don't think about it also I'm not a. monster. yeah let my wife do it numb of like yeah. I mean like look life is 1950s Mad Men. dad where I'm just in the other room. with the martini like how that [ __ ]. honey yeah okay that might be the bad. part of having a dwarf daughter like you. rooted for because now she can about you.

if you guys get in a fight oh you're the. Dorf. you change her now it's teen Dorf I'm. some big on this there's like an average. person war going on in their house well. if something has if something shits near. me I'm gonna help it out that's where. I'm at I don't care why I got old. parents right yeah that's true I like I. feel like I feel like you should play. the more you know theme write it right. after you say that if something shits. near me I'm gonna help it out which is.

crazy let's sometimes she'd only be. running like who's that where's that my. idea yeah what else we got Nick any. other news Brad did have a heart out at. 12. oh yeah yeah. I gotta go cuz my wife hasn't boy yeah. and uh and then I need to go watch the. baby because honey guys cuz you can't. just put the baby in the crib he'll say. deuces it's not like my puppy that's. sitting in the kennel right now oh yeah. you you you guys continue but uh you. might do mind pop plugs I'm sure no. let's plug it man where can people check. you out uh Brad Williams comedy comm on.

Instagram at Browns comic Twitter at. funny Brad please check out my tour. schedule because it changes almost by. the week as like cuz like things get. cancelled but then other states open up. so they get added like so things are. changing constantly so yeah just go just. go to the website and book me on cameo. yeah good cameo dot-com slash Brad. Williams comic the best one I've had so. far is one woman told me to tell her. ex-girlfriend that her [ __ ] was stanky.

oh my god thankee not think she paid for. some I guess thanks good yeah it was on. a medical term on that it's a stanky. [ __ ] guys medical I think you nailed it. yeah so you know there's some real. outliers out there yeah so you know what. go and book me on cameo I'll do it like. yeah I'm not gonna say it I'm not gonna. say a racial slur or anything like that. but if you want me to call someone's. [ __ ] stanky man yeah yeah look for 500. oz you want to dress up like a Duane. Chapman the Bounty Hunter rest up is a.

small Scott Steiner oh you'll just do. the smaller gimmick probably would be. funny for say like for $300. yeah $300 you're like I will do a small. version of whatever your favorite so. I'll do a small dog to bunny hunter I'll. do a smaller vaginitis it's called or. trichomoniasis Wow that's what the women. can have and it is ladies out you put. whatever word you want on a get it fixed.

yeah tomato potato yeah baby yeah thank. you so much man congratulations on the. you guys make one month old thank you. for having me yeah man you bet love you. brother. this will go up tonight okay yeah this. is a tough wall to have to change um you. know likes not like at the Comedy Store. but they just put your name and cursive. on the wall yeah for this you got it you. want to add someone you want to take. someone away that's quite a thing yeah.

well we had a but we have a guy makes it. who does animation that helps us out and. we don't have a guy like I'm but we have. a guy who does some awesome animation. that we know that's got Papio tuned and. so he drew this one time kind of based. on the Simpsons characters kind of and. very much so I have no idea I'm not a. big fence in Seattle but okay cool. so then yeah then then we just blew it. up and put it on here it's so good yeah. it's pretty cool man then it's. definitely been something that people. like to see um yeah man just so crazy.

you guys went out there and got into it. I loved it I was excited I wanted to get. out there man like they could have said. that like I said the money is the tricky. part yeah but I think if you did it or. if like I think Joe Rogan is gonna go to. the gonna go to wiseguys that's what the. the rumor is around there. Keith Stubbs the owner was like yeah. Joe's gonna go and I'm already gonna do. just make it like $100 a ticket but. there's still limited to like the. hundred people right and he's like yeah. something like that will probably make. the tickets 40 bucks or something like. that and put a hundred people in I was. like wow oh yeah yeah I guess there's. certainly ways to do it like um it's.

also it should be noted like it wasn't. like I sought it out like I didn't go. like hey if someone booked me the offer. came through and I was like really. what does Utah not have news like how. does this work yeah and then I just like. sure I guess I'll just say yes the way I. always do well I was in Utah few weeks. ago we went camping in southern Utah. nice or cou a lot of people call it so. you but they had on we went to. restaurants and stuff so we went in a. tin restaurant I went to a gay bar after. the show it was like the closest bar. that was open the old distance you know.

so I got to go to the gay one we went. into the bar and was just like a. restaurant like feel like oh you have to. sit at a table you can't go anywhere you. have to stay with your people and if you. need to go the bathroom something get up. but you got to put your mask on I said. well this isn't a bar yeah what I like. about bars you can walk around talk to. people and stuff I guess. kick someone you don't know it's fun. yeah I miss the old bars you don't drink.

anymore right uh-uh right but you still. will go to a bar oh yeah good socialize. yeah it's fun I mean I think it's fun. sometimes but I don't like I noticed. that I start to not like is when people. especially women but if somebody's. really wasted oh yeah just like that. gets a request if you're not drinking. that [ __ ] is a such a curveball what's. this guy's name. trying to think of this name of this guy. is a comedian and I should know his name. I'm just blanking on it he's like uh gay. Jimmy is that that guy doesn't matter.

was anyways he don't drink and he's like. oh I think you're going the other way. drinks a lot hey Jimmy he's a real. sipper now there's a guy who doesn't. drink any open for me and he was outside. do you still wanna come out of his. effort because yeah I just I just won't. drink so we go and he left because he. was so annoyed with how hammered the. girl was that I was talking about he was. like I could even be around her like I. was just so embarrassed for her and so. annoyed and I was like if Jeff can put. up with us he can put up with it but I'm. on it. and I was like man I've never even.

thought about that it's kind of like one. of the perks of being the being drunk. too it's one of the perks of being don't. even notice that everyone else is yet. makes you judge male that's one thing I. don't like a little bit of definitely. adds a level of like kind of like what I. think comes off to other people as. judgement so now I'm like if people are. drunk somewhere you know and you're not. you're like oh man this girl's weight. like I just can't communicate with this. person you know yeah if you had two. drinks you'd probably be fine talking to. him you know that's when I already. stopped drinking I was like I considered. it I actually considered for the first.

time in my life not drinking really yeah. because Jordan Peters always talks about. that all the time yeah he's like a big. on all that stuff and but then I just. like I don't think I can which might. mean I have a problem no I'm gonna I. don't know it'll I mean we don't cross. paths a ton so I don't know if I've ever. seen you so I don't know this guy guys. are it's like you're like oh this dude. problem yeah this yes I'm always having. fun you know the guy and I don't have a. wife or girlfriend or kids or anything. so like it doesn't affect me that it's. never negatively affected that you're.

probably fine yeah yeah yeah I'm I go to. yoga every day after like the next day. sweat it all out and you know. I don't know that you having a [ __ ]. blast this great life but also like that. does make me win when guys I had my I'm. like oh man they stopped maybe I don't. know maybe I should stop yeah thinks. sometimes it's like yeah you start to. think is there like insider trade like. am i it would it help me like maybe. start working more am I gonna like start. like organizing things like a I'll knock. out seven podcasts in a day because I. had so much I didn't sleep in until. 10:30 I don't know yeah do you feel more.

productive I think I have over the past. few years I think of that I have but. then sometimes I start to think that I. get to like that you get a little bit. disconnected from the fun sometimes used. to feel that way yeah I think there is a. level of that like you get a little. disconnected from like the everyman like. but you don't waste as much time like. you wouldn't spend time with sit like. some drunk chick like yeah like like. just little things like that I think you.

save time in okay like if someone's like. hey let's go do this and if you were. drunk you would go do it and it's just a. [ __ ] worst idea right it's when. you're sober like oh I can see that's. horrible idea yeah you know well I feel. like the the idea that the fear of not. fear of missing out but like the fear of. like it's not a fear you feel like. you're missing out on some of the fun I. feel like every comic goes to that and. maybe it's because of social media maybe. because whatever like I kept like I've. had conversation with Eric Griffin I. mean the people on this wall who when. they look through the scope of what.

they're looking through their scroll to. go nom and you know look at Theo and and. it's the fighter guy you know Dustin. Poirier Oh Brendan yeah Brendan let's. you see that you go out man I've never. you know they're late they look like. they're having a good time look at them. laughing and I mean I've never been on. that like you do feel kind of like these. like left out like everyone feels that. and I think they're like that no one's. left out but everyone is feeling that. about each other and I think that's like. a stand-up comedy thing yeah I could see. that can't work together. you're a headline I'm a headliner what.

are we gonna do some weird double our. show with no openers like so because I'm. watching you go have fun doing something. I'm thinking ah man I've never played. that that'd be yeah so we're forced to. kind of be like separate in these things. and then occasionally you'll see like. all of these guys together in Montreal. like why didn't go to Montreal this year. man look I'm missing out on you know. that's and then you feel it on a smaller. scale too you'll be like at Montreal you. see like - you know Chad Daniels will. walk away with you know some other comic. and you'll be like where he's gone oh we. got tickets go see Chappelle and you're.

like well I didn't so this is a human. thing I think I've just feeling left out. yeah it's such a comedian thing you're. not missing anything. yeah especially with social media now. it's like there's always an. advertisement for what somebody else is. doing yeah no matter what it is so yeah. easily you could scroll scroll through. and see 70 things I'm feeling bad you. can't be at any of them yeah how could. that hotdog yeah all of that things. can't be at the you know they're out. there rotten dune cards or whatever oh I. should have been out in the mountains -. right now anyway they're doing lucky. [ __ ] you know I saw a girl I haven't. talked to in years and we never like we.

just worked together on TV show it. wasn't like we weren't like together she. had a boyfriend now they're married they. have a kid I haven't talked to that girl. in easily two years we haven't worked. together waiting texts nothing I saw her. her husband they're like baby and then. another family and they like gping up in. like Joshua Tree and I felt left out on. that yeah oh they should have included. me a to cute families that are like out. night of course they didn't include why. would this but my initial brain went oh. man that I'm left out a mom that should.

have been there yeah there is this whole. I think yeah I think it's just I wonder. what the long-term psychological effects. of that are of that FOMO you know that. thing where you constantly see things. that you could be doing you know that. people you know are doing and they. always appear to be joyful yeah I can. only imagine the long-term psychological. effects that aren't really good because. what are we supposed to do you can't. beat all those things yeah it's. impossible man like I'd like coach my. brain all the time like you don't have. to be jealous of these people they're. your friends you should be happy for him. relax oh yeah you know like that whole. comic thing we see someone yeah like.

some like why should have that why did I. think about me why couldn't I just set a. good for that comic you know what about. this is the last thing I wanna think. about real quick is do you see I see a. lot of these commercials and it's like. let's go thank you to our first. responders thank you to our you know our. frontline workers and stuff like that. but then sometimes at a certain point. I'm seeing like even friends mom put up. videos like we took all this food to the. hospital and literally on the video you. could see the hospital is inundated with.

like and they're like everyday we get. this every day and it's like and I'm not. saying it's not good I'm not saying we. shouldn't always do nice things for. other people but sometimes it just. starts to feel like whoo. what is all this it's not like it's the. military you know there's like tons of. people out on the street and you have to. half the hospitals are empty I'm like. what are they I understand if you're. buying lunch and doing something nice. for these people but most of the. frontline workers it seems like are like. post mates or people that are you know.

and we thought oh that's thing this u.s. mail I agree with that pizza pizza. delivery people like maybe not now as. much as when this first started when we. went in like real scary low-level like. people are just a mystery of not know. pizza people were like pizza delivery. guys were like saving people's life oh. yeah like the postman like that movie. the postman there's lots me with it Mike. are you Kevin Costner and the guy was. like nah dude think about actor and. they're risking their lives coming to. people's houses I mean at that time we. didn't know and they're just giving. people that have no groceries or. anything like it like that's I don't. know I think that's I think it's heroic.

yeah but not now. yeah well it's sometimes it just seems. like I guess sometimes you just see. people it just seems like a a Bertot. like a thing like look at me being kind. oh I guess that's okay I guess you're. just creating kindness so I don't think. no I don't think I don't think you're. wrong it does feel weird to boast about. it like look we made a hundred of these. masks and we're gonna go dark drop them. off today it's like kind of this. braggadocious kind of look how good we. are but it's them just staying busy yeah. and also I think there's a lot of. positive but I see what you're saying.

when town law is with the group and we. were in do a nice thing anymore they got. to get the credit for yeah it's tough. it's just a human thing I think that. were like that I was in Barbados one. time we had a group and we're taking. they're like let's take a day and take. toothbrushes over to this youth facility. with it were they don't have them you. know tonight so we took them over there. and the kids didn't give a [ __ ] they all. had I phones and [ __ ] we do won't give a. [ __ ] crap that's really really good then.

I just felt like I guess we should have. brought iPads or something I don't know. what that's really funny. guys literally putting on a snapchat. like look at these [ __ ] dude. thinking we don't brush our tvs Buster. Posey's brought his brick. roses bra sonic cares yeah that's what I. said it on those are real piece of [ __ ]. Jeff - I thanks so much for being here. where can people check you out at man. all things at Jeff duh just the big. whirly a you know at and then Jeff duh.

je FF dy yeah. were you performing next you have a spot. yet I'm doing lol comedy club in San. Antonio next nice I think next weekend I. love San Antonio yeah I'm excited it's. gonna be fun hopefully by then some of. the bars will be a little bit more open. and stuff like that that's what I'm. hoping that this is I don't know. loosening things up that's what I'm. hoping but I mean maybe not maybe we'll. go back I'm also gonna do some virtual. shows in between there just to make some. money just so I can do start working on. some stuff yeah I also have a podcast. called Jeff dies friendship podcast yeah. that's right Sean all is on all the tape.

tonight Monday night don't you yeah well. usually I have a bunch back logged oh. yes which are great it's a good field um. yeah that's been really fun cuz I get to. do stuff like this like I was watching. some clear yesterday of it it's fun I'm. trying to think I can't remember what. interview it was cuz there's some people. that I could have just come hang out. with you but like if you have him for an. hour they'll sit down and say yeah like. Brian Kyle's got like a wife and kids. he's like a grown man he can't tell his. wife I'm gonna go have a beer with Jeff. died yeah she met once. but if he's like no we're gonna record a. podcast like he's a guy then now I have.

an hour with Brian Kylie it really is. kind of a unique way that guys get out. of the house yeah or make friends with. people that's why I call the friendship. podcast because like you literally get. to like just say hey I admire what. you're doing. I read your book that's great you want. to come be on my pot so it's like a. productive way of having a hang yeah I. love it I love it. and I love that you had me on so thank. you all gang man thanks for coming. through Jeff da ladies and gentlemen. [Music]. but when I reach that round I'll share.

this piece of my mouth I can feel it in. my bones but it's gonna take. little time for me to set that parking. brake. Oh. [Music]. [Music].