Back From France | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #427

we now have be good to yourself. crewnecks available in light blue maroon. and cement that embankment gang color. you know it check these out along with. the new windbreaker at Theo. vonstore.com and thank you for your. support. I've got some new tour dates to announce. we will be going to Newark New Jersey. May 10th. um Westbury New York May 11th. um and you can get pre-sale tickets to.

those shows with code Rat King starting. Wednesday January 25th at 10 A.M eastern. time and the General on sale starts. Friday January 27th at 10 A.M Eastern. Time. I will be in Las Vegas on June 30th and. July 2nd at The Encore Theater we've. also added a seventh show in Austin on. June 9th and a fourth show in Houston on. March 23rd. um all other shows and dates uh.

theovan.com. t-o-u-r make sure to go there to get uh. the best pricing available and um and. follow those links and uh looking. forward to seeing you guys. oh man. I bought this button-up shirt. I got it on. I don't know if I like it I don't know. if I like being in this I don't like I. will say it I don't like being in this. sort of shirt I don't like.

you know this is the concept we're gonna. button you up boy. we're gonna button you up you little. nasty boy. I just feel like they're like getting. you ready for. I don't know. feel like somebody's just packaging you. up. in some like a formatted. I feel like I'm being formatted you ever. formatted a document or something on. Microsoft Word and. you got the document how you want it.

you did as much as you could you got a. couple extra commas in there. if you like me I.E dude I unlimited. commas bro. oh I do unlimited commas. Tiffany comma. Ben comma. [ __ ] the comma neighbor. all caps unlimited commas bro but then.

you do formatting and it puts it into. nor you know regular whatever so the. teacher can grade it. and you give it to the teacher and like. this is a history report what does this. have to do with anything and I'm like. well. that's that's history baby Tiffany been. [ __ ] a neighbor you know what I'm. saying because that's history boo that's. in the books. that's in God's library now son because.

she did it. she did it. so. anyway I'm in a button up and for me. that's a lot you know I you know and. also I never liked uh because when I was. young all the rich kids they wore. button-ups. they had the buttons and. and it was buttoned up and damn they. just you know. their lives look buttoned up.

and I didn't like them I just didn't. like it it resembled something I didn't. like. I think in some ways organization or so. I don't know. but something about it just always made. me feel uncomfortable. but that's old [ __ ]. and today I'm doing it I'm wearing it. I'm buttoned up for you. today and with you today. and I'm grateful uh.

I'm excited to be here you know. I'm excited to be here a lot of. interesting stuff uh just been going on. in my life and in your life and I want. to hear about some of it and and um and. talk about some of it and share you know. um. but I feel a little formatted I feel. like. you know this button up got me feeling. you know just damn caged up. I don't know what I'm talking about.

and I never have baby I'm happy to be. here with you today let's get into it. welcome to this past weekend. [Music]. whenever you're down. faithless and died your stories Untold. come take my hand and walk there with me.

I know play. where we can be free. there is a light shining for you. guiding your way. Shadows. [Music]. where we.

came from the mountains out under the. deepest. calling you. is the rising sun shining in the. Darkness. [Music]. so that's a slow tune that's it you know. that's something we went with and I you. know there's something about it I like.

there is a light. you know there is a. there is something to see that will keep. you warm there is a. there is a possibility. there's something about that that always. because it's hard to see a lot of times. man. it's hard to see. it's hard to see that possibility.

I struggle with it a bunch man it's not. I don't want to see it I don't I don't. want to see your possibility. I want to sit right here and boil. I want to boil in this dang. and just in this damn. in this anger broth. I just want to boil in this anger broth. I mean it's hard to sometimes see some. possibility.

[Music]. um. but it's always there and usually it. finds you. I notice when I'm fuming boy. when I'm damn just I mean just huffing. my own damn. I'm just huffing my own [ __ ] anger. Duster. I'm damn just huffing the damn keyboard. cleaner of my [ __ ] anger. some type of possibility breaks in. somebody makes me laugh something. happens I see a thing a bird will fly by.

and shat on somebody window God damn. and that's when God's breaking through. and saying hey. there's possibility out there for you. um. what's going on man it has been I just. got back from Paris baby. France son and. I've never liked the French I'll be. honest with you. if you put 70 French people in front of. me.

I don't like them. I don't I get they just the way they. they're like. [Music]. um. they just it sounded like um. you just want to just Pat them on the. [ __ ] back boy. I just want to spray paint my hand red. white and blue and Pat them [ __ ] on. the back. and get the [ __ ] truth out of them. what are you trying to say yeah.

it sounds like Japanese but they [ __ ]. got their but their uh nasaled out or. something. you sound like somebody hit a bunch of. cotton in a Japanese dude. [Music]. foreign. god dude.

you just can't get it sounds like. somebody's just e-jacking out into this. just somebody just got stuck ejaculating. you know. like. what the [ __ ] you talking about. so anyway I'm angry I guess I am I I'm. [ __ ] keyed up today man.

a lot of [ __ ] going on I'm trying to. quit that being that being vaping it's. vaping [ __ ]. so I'm still on that [ __ ] dude God damn. I'll [ __ ] put my tongue in a in a. damn birdhouse baby and lick the walls I. don't care. that's just where I'm at today dude. thank you. I'll eat a damn Bird's ass bro. no cat.

praise God man we're working through it. um but dude I went to France we went to. a lot has happened. um I want to thank everybody that came. out in Colorado uh. I just went into that Advertiser voice. like whenever some of the ads are like. if you're doing the um. date the tour date reads that's the. voice sometimes I just noticed that. um. foreign. yeah sorry I'm amped up I feel like. there's so much to tell you guys uh.

so yeah let's just start I went over to. Colorado and man it was awesome. God it was fun it was good we went to. um. we went to Pueblo. and it used to be a native town I think. in Nate you know I don't know a lot of. the history but we went there. and it's beautiful we went and saw the. mountainsides in the distance monuments. national monuments beautiful place. I mean just damn. kind of place you want to just damn push.

your spouse off of you know just. beautiful Cliffs and dwellings and just. God. that's where God shows up in places like. that. that's where you get up on those. mountains and you look out and say you. can hear God saying this ain't an app. homie. Welcome to My Band with dog. look what the Lord's doing. um and that was good we've seen a lady. out there too I didn't know you know. it's a mining town.

if you're not familiar with that. and uh it used to be anywhere people. mine it's just people just damn digging. in the dirt looking for something. you know and people do I mean look. people dig far. you know I grew up a lot of wishing I. grew up on the wishing well circuit and. they had a lot of people. our town was. you know semi-famous for. the number of uh wishing wells it had in. it.

so you'd see people rolling through town. just down just just nickeling up the. [ __ ] Earth baby. just [ __ ] humming dimes into the. in the in the in the Mother Nature's. orifices you know just damn you just. if the wind blew right you could hear. damn 60 cents hitting a damn bottom of a. well somewhere. people just wishing their ass off. because we had about six whales in our. town wishing wells.

and if you're not familiar with a. wishing well. a wishing well it's basically it's like. a. it's a. it's like a. place you go to wish for something that. you want and I don't know how it started. I mean I think I guess a wishing well. somebody just. somebody dropped their money into a hole. in the ground. and just wish they hadn't.

I mean there's no other way for that to. have had you know. and then they probably felt so ashamed. they they just built a thing around it. and just said hey everybody come do this. [ __ ]. but um. yeah so we went to Colorado it was man. it was just great people came out uh so. we had a couple of devout lesbians over. there at uh got in a little uh violencia. after one of the shows outside uh in.

Denver that was interesting. because that's where you know. a lot of lesbians they're starting to. peek out. you know when some some lesbians they. got so much man in them that [ __ ] will. peek out every now and then. but they were just damn trying to beat. each other and it just. you know I think and it should be if if. enough lesbian beat each other and. whoever wins gets to be a man. I mean what are we doing you know if.

we're not giving goals and opportunities. if we're not you know. because if you you see two two you know. too hardcore [ __ ] you know. wallet wanters out there. you know they out there hunting that. slick wallet homie and you see them go. at it and one of them went what did they. get. but one of them should be able to hit. that final form and unlock just basic. dude at a library yeah you don't get top.

dude you got to start it you know. at you know at library dude. you got to start over there at Hogwarts. Henry babe you don't get to start just. at the top. you know you don't get to be like a uh. MacGyver or a um. who's a famous young man that's talented. Joe burrow. all right what else so anyway that was.

Colorado. um and now Pueblo yeah that was a mining. town and we saw they had a woman there. we passing down the street and the. ladies over there digging in a garden. mining. we've seen a woman over there just hand. minding just looking for items and she. had damn half of a Claire's Boutique in. her hand she had probably. this [ __ ] had a half a Zales in her. Palm. she I mean I'll you know there's. pictures right here in the YouTube if. you're watching it she had you know. it had half a Kohl's.

jewelry counter right there. and it was funny because it was like who. would look she was looking in like a in. a median of a walkway where a guard. you're like who knew who would ever. look for gold there. and this lady was just hands and knees. out there. and this lady um. she she oh she cut she had a kind of a. middle aged on it she was probably.

anywhere from like about 28 to maybe. [Music]. 55 56. and she looked like Greg Valentine. that's who I'm thinking of and he was a. famous wrestler and if you put them side. by side but she was out there digging in. this Garden. and he walked up and I figured maybe. she'd been on some tough times so we're. gonna you know drop her a little bit of. cash and just say hello and check in on. her and. um. she said I'm looking here I'm looking.

for Treasures. and uh and then you know I asked her why. are you looking here she goes because. nobody looks here. and I looked at the space and it was. just a guard it was like a place you. wouldn't nobody even walks through it. you have to like it was up in the air. and then a garden it was like like a. kind of somebody you'd see like a they'd. put a garden in like the middle of a. walking area in a nice part of town you. know. and then she showed me in her hand and. she had damn some gold bullion in there.

she had a couple. um. necklace pieces and different gold she. had real gold she'd found. and I was like damn. you know just I don't know just. interesting this lady's looking where. nobody looks. and if you just said in the beginning. hey look there. everybody said no that's crazy nobody. even walks up here you can't there's not. even a lot there's no way to get who. would walk up there. and here she was half a handful of gold.

but yeah she reminded me of Greg. Valentine who I used to love and adore. and he's probably dead. all right anyway but yeah I want to tell. you then we went skiing and um. what else I got a letter from Kai The. Hitchhiker. which is. blew my mind. um went to Paris France all those things. occurred. uh. uh but yeah we went skiing and.

it was magical man we went over to. Beavers Creek. and if you haven't been to Beavers Creek. it sounds like a um. it sounds like a bladder infection. really. you know it sounds like if somebody sits. down like a woman that sits down and she. can't stop her vagina maybe from making. a a sound or you know like. hey girl you know. um. wouldn't that be crazy if someone women.

if they sat down in their vagina made. like a uh. like you like you guessed the wrong. answer on a game show like. um. [Music]. um. that would be like oh dang. that woman's got a gay dude stuck in her. vagina bro. but uh yeah we went to Beavers Creek bro. and then uh. and it was magical man it we just went.

out and there was nobody out there it. was the day after Martin Luther King Jr. uh day. and uh and it was just I mean there's. nobody out there and it was oh man it. was so amazing. um. we went out there and uh oh we met this. one dude actually this was like every. dude but there was this one dude. he like worked on the slopes you know he. was like bro we caught Devil's femur bro. yeah right I mean it was fresh out of.

the gate man. we got out there it was just you. couldn't hear it you could hear your. [ __ ] dick whisper homie. we were out there man it was like I. think it was top of the morning I don't. know I've been on Molly and computer. duster for like. a while you know the doctor says I'm. going to be fine but that the residual. effects of the computer duster could. last for up to half a decade. so. but we were out there man. God it was sick Bro.

Yeah I broke both of my clavicles ah. yeah I can't even hug my stepmom anymore. but it's fine she smashed like three of. my friends anyway. so whatever. my dad's rich. dude my buddy Vixen was out there with. us and we haven't seen him yeah pretty. sad he just coasted off into the Pines. up there at crippled Memphis. I don't know what I mean we're probably. gonna hold a vigil for him later if you. want to pull up yeah it's all you can.

drink he'd want it that way but we're. gonna auction off his van I mean it's. not his van but his dad hated him. you're like what the [ __ ] are we to what. what are we talking about here. some of the people that worked up there. it was another level but the place was. beautiful and a lot of great folks and. um got to go with my tour manager Tim ah. and uh and a lot of his boys from.

Montana these you know a group of white. men. and it got uh everybody was chill man. everybody was chill but it was beautiful. so today's episode is brought to you by. betterhelp. we are grateful they are a sponsor. because when you're at your best you can. do great things that's true. you're open to possibility you're open. to things. but sometimes life gets you bogged down. and you may feel overwhelmed or like. you're not showing up in the way that. you want to.

well working with a therapist really can. help. it really can. having some place to go and someone to. reflect with. someone to kind of. uh groom the trail that you're gonna. walk along someone who must help you. machete some of the. the growth. because when you're feeling empowered. you're more prepared to take on. everything that life throws at you. better help is there if you need a. therapist if you're thinking of giving. therapy a try.

better help it's convenient flexible. affordable and entirely online. just fill out a brief questionnaire to. get matched with a licensed therapist. and switch therapist at any time. I needed better help I tried it and it. worked. I had to pull over on a roadside one day. and get some dang better help and right. there bam. therapies you can text with therapist. you can FaceTime with hell I FaceTime. with one woman so I want my damn phone. overheated shut down heat warning that's.

how much help I needed. if you want to live a more empowered. life. visit betterhelp.com t-h-e-o today to. get 10 off your first month that's. better. h-e-l-p.com slash t-h-e-o. all right we we have great calls from. you guys I want to let you know about. this this is wild so a while back uh. somebody made a face fake. of me and put it on to the.

uh internet and social media. and so I am in it you know it's well. it's my face put over uh Kai The. Hitchhiker. smash smash. he's the famous smash mask Master you. know he's that handyman that [ __ ]. couldn't find a nail cause you know who. that is. that's him baby. he's that hitchhiking nail Hunter boy. you know he's that DeWalt anyway there's. a documentary about him he's the famous. hitchhiker that hit a guy with a uh.

Hatchet and hatcheted a guy out. to save a um. this kind of thicker Little Biscuit lady. who was getting her you know getting. attacked or hugged out it's the whole. story is insane. but anyway what happened was so somebody. put my face onto a Kai The Hitchhiker on. his story right it went around on social. medias we put it up on social media. um so.

he filed a lawsuit he says or this. document says uh Kayla Bell mcgilvery a. jailhouse lawyer he's a apparently. according to this he's a lawyer now. um. says I've just filed a lawsuit. uh. uh because of your the video you made. um. if you want to settle outside of Court. the U.S Marshals will be coming to your. door.

to hand you a summons. you'll never. um if you want to settle outside of. Court now's your chance. I'll settle for what my costs are which. is approximately. so and so amount. um. and then he wants the videos down uh. so. and he will withdraw the lawsuit. and we can go our separate ways. um I don't know.

uh. I'm a jailhouse lawyer and he has nine. years of litigation experience and he. may look this is. I don't know how to handle this uh but. that's why I mean I literally. was just seeing the documentary about. him. and here is this and it's funny because. during the documentary I. I think you can relate some with this. fearile child this young man who.

something was uncomfortable or wrong in. his upbringing. you know something was off. um and he appears very like kind of. manic a lot and you know also there's a. lot of transient people that's some of. the energy that's out there uh. but a good-hearted dude you know. kind of dude that would just you know. give you the skirt off his back you know. or whatever. and. that's good and I you know you kind of.

love the guy. you know uh but just an amazing. interesting story and then got this this. court summons and this all appears very. real so I'm gonna have to talk with a. talk with an attorney I got a buddy over. there at Morgan and Morgan. I'll hit him up and see him maybe on the. next solo episode we can actually. address that and I can get some more. information so what else. I've been talking to a gal. and that was uh good it was cool.

and then. she didn't really want to I think she. I was in her thing kinda. so that was you know that's been. interesting uh I don't know if it's been. interesting if that's the word if you. know. it was like. I don't know it's interesting when. you're trying to date or whatever and. then you kind of put yourself out there. you'd say to someone hey I'm.

it's like the Hokey Pokey you put your. right foot in you know. and they then they and they put their. right foot in. so now y'all are a couple of right foot. y'all are a couple of just right foot. you know you guys are right right there. and then you're like. that left foot it wants to go in. you're like let's go let's get in let's. do it. and then you and somebody's got to put. that left foot in first usually.

and I put that [ __ ] in dog. and then it was just both of my feet and. just one of her feet was in there. and I'm like. [Music]. and. she didn't want that she don't want that. two-footed bad boy. she don't want that doses up potos. animal you know what I'm saying. and um.

and she took her foot out. and then you're just standing there by. yourself. you know you're on your own two feet so. that's good but and you're in a new. place you're in like a little bit of a. braver place because you went there a. little. um. but yeah I think that [ __ ] you know I. think it's always been tough for me to. tell somebody if I tell somebody I like. them that's always been tough for me. you know I don't want to tell you that I.

don't want to it just man there's a part. inside of me it's not even me it's. something deep inside of me and it feels. very scared to say uh. very scared to say I like you. I think it's but to a woman. you know very scared to say okay I'm. I'm gonna do this uh.

so I don't have a lot of self-pity but. I'm not trying to whine about it I'm. just trying to share uh what's going on. in my life and things that are. um. just. things that are just normal. you know but yeah there's something I I. talked about it a little bit on the. Louie episode and um. if you didn't get to listen to that. um it was awesome man. it was really awesome and I talked a. little bit about it on there they got a.

voicemail comment about it let me see if. I can find this voicemail. Theo man it's cam down here in North. Carolina what's up cam uh thank you for. calling brother I appreciate you calling. um. cam that's a good name baby cam. could be short for uh camera. um. uh chamomile. you know this is our son chamomile yeah.

soak him in hot water oh. see what happens. um. or Cam the past tense of came I guess. you know somebody. oh damn somebody ran up and just cammed. on him. you know and took off. you know or last week he got he he came. he. somebody camed on him at the house and. just. just ruined supper you know anyway. onward I just got done listening to you. and Louis C.K and I just want to.

congratulate you man for the compliment. he gave you on your comedy uh. I can just imagine how good that felt. from your point of view and I was so. happy for you hearing him. speak the truth on your talent but also. I know I know he's got to be a hero for. you and that must have been a magical. moment for you I was so happy it kind of. brought a tear to my eye. well thank you man I appreciate you all. uh yeah thank you for the consideration. and for calling about that.

um. you know it's interesting I texted him a. few days after. oh. because there was one thing he said in a. video there was a lot of stuff he said. in in a weird way. um. I wish I'd tried to. you know he said some things like he. said one thing. he said you can't be a pedophile if. you're a child.

um. which was interesting like and I'd never. realized that I in my life I needed to I. uh when I was young there's funny you. know I don't want to say funny but. there's things that happen with kids. where you. you know people see each other's wieners. or booties or whatever you're you know. you uh people you know you're humping. your pillows and. you know like Louie was talking about. telling juicers to him and his buddy at. like summer camp and there's things that.

happen you know where oh. you know I had some moments when I was a. kid when I would just hug my sister so. hard like she was a doll. and I I think I felt a lot of Shame. about that. um. and I'd never had a man. I'd never had a man say hey you're not. this is not none of this makes you a bad. person or I'd never had any that that. ever happened in my life so it was. interesting that even just sitting there.

talking with him when he said that. it kind of it's. I needed that. I needed in my life to hear. a man who you know who's older than me I. don't know how old Louis is but I think. he's he could be my dad if he were had. had me at a young age. and uh. and I needed or I just needed to hear. and someone I had looked up to. in certain aspects you know I don't know. all the aspects of his life but if.

someone that I had some admiration for I. needed to hear them say something like. that. and I just didn't realize it and. sometimes you don't know where those. pieces of Life hit you at you don't know. who has anybody could be could say. something that. you needed your father to say or you. needed your mother to say. um. so that was interesting and and I texted. him and I said hey you know I just. wanted to say thanks there was this. thing you said that I had needed to hear.

in most of my life and I had never heard. it because I'd had a lot of Shame about. things even just about you know I think. is you have Shame about masturbating and. you know spraying out and everything and. you know. no and my dad had just had we you know. he. he didn't engage with me about any of. that or talk about it you know. he had me bury damn half of a Smurfs bed. sheet in the yard and. um.

and it was just always very. uncomfortable so to even have little. moments like that uh. but I think I just found some Connection. in that call with him. um. just hearing a a voice that's. knowledgeable but not he wasn't. judgmental. um obviously he's been through all the. nooks and crannies of of you know uh. sexual discussion and thought probably. in his own head and so yeah just to have.

like an adult say that. don't you know that you can't be. you're not bad for it was I don't know. it was kind of blanket but it just hit. me and I needed to hear that and I never. knew I did. um. so anyway there were moments like that. anyway sorry to interrupt your call so. much let's go onward and uh the reason. for that is just because you put. yourself out here and you make yourself. vulnerable and there's a lot of us out.

here that really benefit from me and uh. I know when I'm going through some [ __ ]. I can tune in to listen to you and yeah. you know I feel better. I appreciate you. and uh just keep doing this thing here. gang baby thanks cam I appreciate that. call man. um. yeah there was some moments with Louis. where I just felt yeah uh. yeah you know I don't know what else to.

do except. be myself sometimes. I know it might sound crazy but I don't. know there's so much inside of myself. that wants to get out of me. [Music]. um. and there's things I want to say that I. don't I don't know what they are. there's things out that are inside of my. name I think there's conversations I. never got to [ __ ] have as a kid I. think there's a lot of [ __ ] just inside.

of me. that it's like. you know and I noticed people say hey. don't you know don't think about the. past and I'm not thinking about it. but if that [ __ ] lives in me dog. you know and I think there's a lot of. like I don't know. you know I'm a late bloomer man I know I. am and that's okay. you know. if you go through a total childhood of. not getting to have interaction or to. talk or have any idea what your feelings.

are or help somebody mold what feeling. even is. and you're just surviving in the [ __ ]. world. and then at some point you start to quit. trying to survive. then you uh you still have a whole I. still have a whole. I still have a whole Rolodex of [ __ ]. that I didn't get to get right or I.

never got to even get wrong. um. yeah I don't know man some of that [ __ ]. makes me [ __ ] you know and some of it. still makes me angry sometimes there's a. lot of I mean I got so much I got a lot. of anger in me sometimes. and people say forgive and forget I I. get that. I'm in a program doing all that [ __ ]. but that you just because you say you. forgive doesn't mean that something just. disappears.

you know. um. because some of this [ __ ] man it [ __ ]. lives in me. you know. sometimes there's still a kid inside of. me that's so [ __ ] angry bro. you know and it's my job as an adult. just to not not to let him drive the. boat you know. um anyway I'm not trying to get into. self-pity but there was just a lot. during that that conversation you know. it's like.

I'm still collecting. I'm still collecting. conversations that should have happened. when I was a kid. and I'm out here you know. trying to collect them as an adult. um. and not even collect them I'm trying to. I just don't know where they're gonna. happen. and sometimes I don't know that they are.

going to happen it just one thing you. know you could do you know so I'm just. grateful that God lets me be alive and. that gives me an opportunity to have. some experiences but thank you for the. call dude I was excited. um I felt like we had a good connection. I didn't know I was scared. I'd seen Louis one time in the hall at. The Comedy Store when he was very uh. famous in mainstream media and. um. you know I I he seemed very standoff as. she seemed like a fancy guy.

and uh but I also didn't know him but um. he didn't seem like approachable or. anything. but uh. but I I I was I felt I felt excited to. get invited to his show I hadn't gone to. a comedy show and. uh uh I'd been like the first comedy. show I'd ever been to. and then. I'd been to I went to see Bob Newhart.

one time in Chicago and then I saw Louie. of actual show where I went and went and. just sat in the audience and watched. I've seen a ton of sets at The Comedy. Store in that but anyway this is getting. a little bit long here so. all right let's get into a little bit of. news here and then we'll go on to the uh. I'll tell you about the fashion show. what happened here uh in the news. we got. um Alabama woman who joined Isis once.

back in the U.S. nope. bye [ __ ] that's what I'm saying. a woman who left Alabama joined the. Islamic State in 2014 now says she. regrets her actions and is hoping to. return to the United States. if I need to sit in prison and do my. time I will do it I won't fight against. it oh now that's interesting. that could be fair. but I don't know you know I I get to it.

gets to a point where as a country you. make so many. bins of whatever your original rules are. that you're not a country anymore. you know if you have like at the pool. rules say you have the pool rules and. these are the rules you can't swim. during this hours. you can't uh. no swimming 30 minutes after. sandwiches or dining. no diarrheas. no uh.

pissing in the pool or whatever duking. so you have those rules but then you. start Breaking All the Rules I'll change. this for we'll change this rule change. this Rule and then you have somebody. that comes up. and this lady whatever just sprayed tit. milk on the rules. and went off to another country to join. a group that was against your original. country. I say bye.

I say bombing because you changed it. then there's no more rules then this. pool doesn't exist. now you got people eating out of the. pool making soup you got one dude. diarrhea and down here by the ladder the. ducks have fecal Alcohol Syndrome from. The. uh duties at the other end and then. somebody's selling duck you got a. Chinese dude selling duck meat on the. side of the pool. you know you got some fella over there. just huffing down duck empanadas and he. gets infected because of the god about a.

ladder just the whole thing but it's all. because the rules keep getting adjusted. so I say. no. you left you said [ __ ] this place. then that you made your go pick another. place then. if Isis didn't work out you didn't cut. it in Isis. all right go play back play Hoops in. Russia boo. and some of my reasoning behind with the. rules is because at a certain point that. people that care about that like going.

to the pool in the beginning they're not. going to want to be at the pool anymore. they're gonna they're not Nobody's Gonna. Wanna be at the pool. so now you've made all these adjustments. about the pool. and you don't have a pool anymore. now you got a Duck Soup diarrhea Farm. that's what you got. and the people that originally cared. about the pool that made it the pool.

they're not going to care anymore. they're gonna find some other place. they're gonna get into private areas and. have their own pool they're going to. figure it out. so I don't know. I just liked it better when and maybe. it's just me and this is just my. perspective. but when it felt like we all. we all had the same pool in mind.

um what else parents in shock as. gorillas mate in front of kids at Zoo. a pair of gorillas at a zoo. left parents shocked as they decided to. start doing it like they do on the. Discovery Channel right in front of the. kids. when you take the kids to the zoo to see. all the wonders of the animal kingdom. you've always got to understand there's. a risk that all creatures great and. small will be up to some naughty antics.

I love this. hell I think the zoo could charge more. for animal sex hours honestly. if you come at 2 pm that's when. everybody's [ __ ] you know what I'm. saying bruh. because you go to some of these cages. now you go to the lion cage he's in. there he's always sleeping or he's laid. out or he's on looks like he's on a. couple zannies you know. they always got a kick ball next to him. you who's ever seen a lion play kickball.

what [ __ ] lion gets up and he's like. then you see another lion run up and. just. and the other lions are like Roar kick. it kick it it's there's no [ __ ] that's. what do they do they're not doing. anything. and then and there's always like a tight. rope in the cage going from like one. tree to another. like the line like the Lion's just gonna. like oh just like walk on the road like. Oh I'm a rope lion I'm a tightrope lion.

[ __ ] what the [ __ ]. they don't do [ __ ] man. I'm sick of paying entry fees to see. animals not do [ __ ] they don't do [ __ ]. these animals don't do [ __ ] they just. lay there like Rich animals that's all. they are. because we took him out of the Wild. the wild is where God is out there.

setting it off. and Mother Nature's out there [ __ ]. twerking. and people are eating BBQ and getting. gunned down. but we take them out of the natural. environment we put them in this Rich ass. [ __ ] Maxim or minimum security prison. and they're living large they're. kickballing they're eating lamb. they're I saw one video they're feeding. lamb to Lambs.

I'm sick of these rich ass animals. that's all this is man have you ever. lived in a shitty neighborhood and then. moved to a better neighborhood. have you ever moved from Memphis to. Nashville. okay that's what's happening with these. animals. and people are like we got to set the. animals free. no we what. if we set the animals free every penguin. will be at in at Albertsons in the.

frozen food section. you'll have every penguin in there. [ __ ] just just beating open a thing. of fish sticks. every leopard will kill every missing. pet in your area. there will be zero missing animals. you can't free you can't free these. animals man. because they'll be right back in nature. they'll be right back in the wild. and the wild the wildest gangster.

that's the UFC for Animals man. these animals they have a good in the. zoo they got it really really good. so why say we either put them to work or. tell them to take a four-legged hike. I want to go to the zoo and they got I. want to go during they should have. animal sex hours in the afternoon two to. three p.m everybody [ __ ]. all right forty dollars to get in.

you that Zoo would be packed. that Zoo would be even the French would. be there like. but we got to get these animals to work. these Zoo they're not making any money. nobody's going to see you could watch a. nationally fight immediately. The Dana White should do the nature. Channel. these [ __ ] fight immediately on the. nature Channel.

so these animals I think they either. need to step it up or get the hey. that's what I'm saying I want to go to. the zoo I want to see you know I want to. see uh I want to see the end I want to. see these Apes fists fighting I want to. see the rats making soup like they do in. the movie I want to see. um Penguins miming why aren't Penguins. miming. you got the colors do the [ __ ] work. boys.

but zoos could easily Step It Up 2 p.m. all the animals [ __ ]. that's easy. 2 p.m all the animals [ __ ] 40 dollars to. get in bring a rain Slicker boom. now we're talking business baby. but I think if you go to the zoo and see. some animals [ __ ] lucky you all right. just make sure that you have a. conversation with your son or daughter.

afterwards to explain what happened and. that they shouldn't feel ashamed for. watching it. thank you. four NFL teams two Conference. Championship games and only a few more. shots to win big on the NFL playoffs. with DraftKings sports book an official. sports betting partner of the NFL. counting down to Super Bowl 57 new. customers can bet just five dollars and. get 200 in free bets instantly. if you're not a new customer you can. feel the conference Championship thrills.

with stepped up same game parlays take. your shot at an even bigger NFL payout. and boost your winnings with each leg. you add up to 100 percent that's right. download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. and use code Theo new customers can put. five dollars on the conference. championships and get 200 and free bets. instantly only at draftking Sportsbook. with code Theo minimum age and. eligibility restrictions apply see show. notes for details and make sure that you.

are okay to gamble if you have a. gambling problem this might not be for. you. let's move on what else do we have a. couple calls that came in this episode's. getting long that's okay went to France. let me have a sip of my Celsius man. I went to France. so this thing came out of nowhere right. get invited to go to France. um and you know I don't like the French.

you know it. if you had to pick six things I don't. like the French would be four of them. and uh so I got invited they were doing. a comedy fashion show this fellow kids. super. and at first they said kid super I. thought it was one of you know like a. Make-a-Wish fellas you know you simply. get those. you know they got that 40 year old in a. cape or something and he's. you know he wants to jump out of a wind. or whatever and they won't let him.

because he's. you know does he never. because he's. you know he's mentally he's really you. know because the devil tickled him. whenever he was being made or whatever. and he's not well. um but it wasn't it was a uh it was a. fashion. show. put on by this um fella comb Delane make. sure I get his name correctly comb. Delane yes any real beautiful fella.

Manor really kind smart neat guy. um and I'd had a friend Aaron Levy that. was uh part of the John Elliott clothing. brand so I'd been around some clothing. fashion High fashion. and I don't know much about fashion you. know that I mean look at me. there you go and you know I don't and uh. you know I got three pairs of pants I. wear one of them all the time this is it.

these little camo deals it's paper thin. but they're nice from North Face and I. like them. um. but anyway we get invited to this thing. and it they said it's gonna be I mean. you're wearing I mean some of the linen. it's just damn fresh silk I mean this. you could smell a spider's [ __ ] on it. you know this [ __ ] is hot. hot off the eight arms baby you know. what I'm saying this [ __ ] is fresh and. um. and so yeah we we we go we first of all. we get to the airport and they're taking.

us on a jet I mean this thing Puma put. us on a jet. and it's uh I mean this thing was long. this thing had two bathrooms in it. and I pissed in both of them cuz you. know that boy. if there's I'm piss in it you know what. I'm saying I'm pissing at each end of. the yard baby. and I'll let the devil do the laundry. baby you know what I'm saying I'm. pissing when I get in something. that's always who I've been. you know as a child at night before I go.

to bed I'd piss off each side of my bed. and I'd piss around it fraud stand on my. bed and urinate around it. just uh to keep. you know whatever bad stuff could come. get me to keep it away. um. but anyway uh so we went there uh who. was there Andrew Santino. um. uh Mateo Lane other comedians uh Stavros. halkias.

um fari. and he's a French comedian. um. who else Jeff Ross couple of the. comedians. um yeah anyway so we went out on the. stage and we had to walk in a fashion. and we had to uh do the you know and do. some material on stage so that was part. of it. and it was just while you know like. there I mean if you know I I. this was the most nervous that I'd been.

to do comedy in a long time because for. one. people are coming to ju they judge. clothing I mean this is like fancy. people this is like the fanciest people. everybody has a Blog everybody has a web. page everybody has a lawyer it's people. like that. you know uh. and so you get it's like I knew these. people were going to be are judgmental. about clothes anyway they're gonna. they're they're here to judge clothing.

all week. so if you throw in an outlier like a. comedian. who's coming in who's not even part of. their world. we're the easiest thing for them to hate. on oh I can hate on this guy oh easy. done comedian done. so I feel I was like oh these are my. first man and it was rich people bro. and I don't like the rich man. I've said it and you know it. and people say well man you make money. and I yeah I do.

but I'll never be rich. I'll never be [ __ ] infected with that. [ __ ]. that [ __ ] starts in your heart son. so I'll never I won't be like that. and I know because when I get around. rich people I don't like them. and I just felt that in there it's that. age-old energy man. you know because they had a rich doctor. when I was young they had a rich. veterinarian right.

and he would uh he would drive through. our neighborhood sometimes people would. cut through. from the highway there and then they had. another Highway and in between the two. highways was our neighborhood and. off of that people would cut through our. neighborhood and drive off to one of the. down one of the highways and be nice. neighborhoods and they had this uh. veterinarian and he would throw. animals dead animals out in our ditch. and [ __ ] when they drove by. you know.

and so that [ __ ] always stuck with me. man. you know like oh this is just the place. where they. that's what they think of of this that's. what they think of us. this is just a place where we put dead. animals. um. and you could damn use Clorox you would. never get that [ __ ] out of my system. but anyway and I know this is a. judgmental play people are judging. fashion people are here to be judged.

so I know the easiest thing for some. blogger. which is basically just a job where you. are afraid to [ __ ] fight. uh the easiest job for a blogger is to. say to point fingers at the outlier that. comes in to say this is bad. right. um. instead of you know saying this is good. from all the you know. bribes or whatever they get I don't know. or whatever their end goal is.

but anyways say this bad so I just knew. going up against it was going to be. tough and it turned out uh it was okay. and we did well and and um. yeah the kids super clothing you know. it's nice neat stuff and calm the guy. who runs it was very neat Andrew Schultz. was there that was fun to get to spend. time with him. um it was great man that was exciting. um I went for a walk. oh.

I didn't try to do too much in France. because I wasn't there long. and you get out in the streets and this. you know it's French. people are French and you know just. [ __ ] Frenching around dog. but we got to go out at night we went. and they had nice music at night and. just the whole experience was fancy and. it actually ended up being a good. experience. um sometimes I carry old ideas into. things uh. and so I gotta kind of monitor that.

um. but my nerves are warnings for me and. they say hey this is what's up. beware of this. and uh and I'm glad that they're there. those are instincts too sometimes it's. not nerves it's instincts. and you got to really ask them are you a. nerve are you an instinct tell me. you got to figure it out okay let's get. into a caller too. um. here we go something that came from you. guys here we go.

hi Theo uh this is Faye from Salt Lake. City. hello Faye from Salt Lake baby. and I like salt. onward. um I just wanted to say that I love this. show. um and it's had more of an impact than. you would probably think. um because if it is oddly enough the. only thing that calms down my 78 year. old grandma with dementia.

um if you don't know dementia is when. the Lord starts deleting all the files. in your brain yeah I'm like her main. caregiver oh yeah. that's a spyware baby the devil's. spyware baby onward yeah I'm like her. main caregiver uh. outside of my grandpa so three days a. week she's over here and she gets real. Restless without him. uh one day my fiance had the idea to. just throw on this past weekend put it. on the TV cast it from YouTube to the TV.

and it was like magic and now like the. whole family knows to do it when she's. getting nervous. oh. well that's sweet. that's really sweet I think it's sweet. that you spend time with your. grandmother I'm sorry that. that. that parts of her just kind of eroding. back into the universe you know. that's a lot. you know I'm amazed how much care you.

have in you that's pretty fascinating. um. and I'm grateful that. somehow maybe I'm able to be a part of. uh. of spending time with her. you know my dad was 76 when he passed. and it's nice now I get to spend time. with a 78 year old. that's nice. you know that's nice it's uh. there's all these little ways that we.

get. our Loose Ends kind of tied you know. so many unexpected ways let me hear more. just that first order of business is. throwing Theo give her some ice cream. and throw on Theo now I see what now I. think she might have y'all I think a lot. of this is about the ice cream and. that's how I look so a lot of people. will fake dementia to get ice cream. and who can blame him homie. to be honest I go live in a senior.

center right now. I think of the age you got to be is 55. or 59 write a lot of them in Arkansas. they I I think it's I want to say 54. but I in a heartbeat I would go live in. you get games every day with other. people right you can play board games at. four 4 45 bro y'all [ __ ] eating [ __ ]. I go live in a senior center right now. you know how much work and enjoyable.

things you would get done play the piano. talk to somebody about a war. I mean God you know. put up a wanted poster of Bobby Lee. outside of your door. VFW meeting tonight. in the game room you know what I'm. talking about. and it's crazy she thinks that you're. here in the living room with her talking. to her and she just she thinks she's.

talking to you basically she thinks. she's a guest. um but yeah I'm I'm a fan Grandma's a. fan whole family really. well man I'm honored to have her on. every single week. maybe it'd be interesting to have her on. I don't know I'm having my producer. reach out this is I mean I you know it. may be a lot to put somebody with that. on but there could be some Fascination. to it uh but I'm happy to have her I'm. happy that she is a guest every week and. uh I'm happy to be a little part of.

y'all's lives and for sharing that she's. a part of mine that's awesome dude. that's so cool. thank you and give her a hug for me if. you're allowed to touch her I don't know. if people like being touched or not if. they are. demented or whatever. all right let's get one more call here. that came in. uh let's go. hey Theo this is John from Minneapolis.

Minnesota what's up John from. Minneapolis and sorry about what. happened to your Vikings but. y'all beat the Saints a while back on. that Minnesota Miracle so that's life. bruh. I've been listening to your podcast now. for about a year and over the course of. this year I've just been uplifted by its. so much. I worked for my dad and I I. listen to your podcast almost every.

single day uh he owns a window cleaning. business and was recently diagnosed with. stage four brain cancer so me and my. brother have been having to kind of take. over for him. and it's just been a really tough time. for my family through this uh. anyways I know you lost your father. Tandy young and young myself not as. young as you were but I'm only 21. and I'm just hoping you might have some.

advice for me on how to move forward. through this time of life. uh just finding it real hard. you know I uh I talked about this a. little bit on the Louis episode where. you know uh my dad had a girlfriend in. his later years and. we went over to her I was over at her. house one night and. she had a nice house man and this the. it looked like a. it was like a big apart like a condo and.

I'd never been in a condo before and it. had like big windows and. she made these roast beef sandwiches and. the roast beef was like in a pot and it. had like sauce with it and. I'd never seen anything like it. you know I just felt like uh. I just felt like the meat itself had. and just drowned itself and. done it on purpose for me it just it was. that good you know.

and uh. and. I remember being over there one night. and. my dad had gotten uh I didn't know that. my dad was sick right and. and in the middle of the night we would. sleep out on the couch at her place. because they didn't have. um. because my dad was sleeping in the extra. she had an extra room my dad would sleep. in there and then we slept on the couch. but the couch was a nice boy and. [Music]. um. and and my daddy got up in the middle of.

the night he was going down the hall. towards her room and. um. and I was I was awake and I was like. what is he doing is he. you know was my dad sexually active I. didn't know you know I didn't know what. they were doing you know I knew it could. have I just didn't know. and so I kind of went over there you. know because I'm uh. pervert. and I went and I saw that my dad had.

like uh. he had like diarrhea himself. and. um. and he was going to ask her he was. asking her for help you know and uh. uh and yeah it just. [Music]. um. and like six weeks after that he he. passed away I mean that was when I first.

found out that he was sick. um. and. yeah I think it was just such a moment. of like okay here's is this guy's. what is is there sex going here or what. and then it is scary it was just a lot. of stuff. you know uh. so yeah I can't you know I don't know.

what's going on in your world and so I. didn't mean to make that about me it. just that made me think about that and I. just talked about it on that Louis. episode a little bit. um. but just that it was this scary. you know and I remember being scared. um and you know it I it's so neat that. your dad has a business that you and. your brother are working in that's so. cool that's a piece of him. you know. that's a PCM that's things that we miss.

in the world is when our dads would do. something and then the sons would carry. it on and it wasn't like. you know before everything got all. globalized and. we sold out a lot of our values for. uh. per. the benefit of few you know and. um. sorry that was a little political there. but uh it was when they you know. more mom and pop operations because with. Mom and Pop come children and then the.

children become the mom and pop and then. there's something you created that. carries on through you you know uh. but um. but it's beautiful you guys have that. you know and sometimes if I want to. think about my dad or feel what he feels. like you know I uh. I'll. I'll put my hand like on my heart. um. because my heartbeat came from my dad.

you know and my mom and so I'm a remix. of my parents. um. and when I miss my dad uh. you know this is the sound that he made. it's a sound that he made. that was in him part of the sound that's. inside of me the beat that comes in me. that stays alive was in my father. and the only place it is now is in me. you know it's in my siblings too but. part of it is in me.

and that's his sound that is his sound. um. and that gives me some Solace sometimes. it gives me uh. some Solace sometimes. um. but I'm sorry you guys are doing that. I'm blessed it's it's a blessing you. have a brother there to go through it. with you. um. and you're able you're you have a. relationship with your father it sounds.

like you're going to be able to deal. with some of this and process it and. and I would get some recordings with. your dad if he if he is still alive I. couldn't tell from the call and spend. some time with him as much as you can. and get some of that video and audio. recorded too always have that. um you know I don't I have a few. pictures from my dad uh. and. you know they're his other family took. everything else and uh yes I'm kind of. resentful about that [ __ ].

um. but anyway I'm sorry you're going. through that man thanks for sharing. um and keep sharing it with people. because other people are gonna have. little things that will help you. and. um. that's what I got man. what else. yeah I didn't mean to finish up on a. downer there I love watching Brianna. Brandon Moreno fight uh I'm so happy for. him baby that was amazing. um I can't believe I got to go to France.

what the heck man uh. I'm excited this week we'll be in. Louisville and Indianapolis. um some new shows are on sale and. um. yeah just thank you guys for being a. part of my life. uh. and. you know just try and be good to. yourselves you know that's the same. thing I'm gonna do I haven't had. anything to eat today except for this. caffeine and some antidepressants so.

I'm gonna go meet my friend Tim and eat. and. um. yeah. you know you we just don't know where. the possibility is going to come from. you know and if I shut myself all the. way off then I might not I might miss it. and there's still a part of me that. wants to shut myself all the way off. isn't that crazy I want to I want to.

just close it down I'm not talking about. take my life or anything I'm just saying. you know I want to make myself. unavailable. but. but uh but then we might miss out. you know. and so you step back in you put the. right foot in. you put the left foot in. and some somebody great something. whatever.

something's going to come and meet you. there. you know. and actually you know what I'm going to. change it up we're going to go out. like we sometimes do man I love you guys. thank you for being a part of my life. this week uh if you're struggling with. something. um you just gotta make it through today. you don't have to make it through a. million years you don't have to make it. through 40 years you don't have to make. it through 10 years you have to make it. through today. you know and uh.

you got this [ __ ] baby gang baby. we got this [ __ ] baby gang. [Music]. yeah. foreign. [Music]. porch wondering how could I be so far. from my.

home. and my mind is somewhere else but when I. find it I'll patch up where it's been. Brown. now I'm just.