Ari Shaffir | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #418

I want to announce some new Return of. the Rat tour dates January 26th. Louisville Kentucky January 28. Indianapolis. February 2 Shreveport Louisiana. February 3rd and 4th Baton Rouge. Louisiana March 24th Corpus Christi. Texas March 25th and I believe 26th. Houston Texas. uh we just added a new show there in.

Houston April 26th and 27th Phoenix. Arizona May 13th New York City we just. added a show there. uh June 1st and 2nd Austin Texas and we. will be adding new shows as current. shows sell out so if it sells out just. check back you can use the code Rat King. if it's before Friday November 18th. um if it's on Friday November 18th or.

after then you can just buy the tickets. as you go go through theovan.com. t-o-u-r and uh to make sure you get. accurately priced and thank you so much. for all of your support. um I'm so grateful to have this. opportunity to get out there and see you. I love you guys gang today's guest has. been uh he's been on quite a ride as a. human as a um. as a content creator uh he's.

he's one of a kind there's no doubt. about that. um. he has a new special Jew out on YouTube. and uh and he's gonna tell us a little. bit about the Journey of creating that. and and I'm just grateful to get to. spend some time with him uh while he's. out here in Los Angeles uh he has tour. dates and everything you can check it. all out today's guest is Ari shafir. I don't want me.

[Music]. I sit and tell you my stories. [Music]. [Music]. he says she came to Nashville remember. yeah dude. that was cool man that's ruined a lot of.

me but not not all of it. um yeah I've been good man just still. slowly just getting over I mean my. burnout was so bad it's tough to say. that to people because people don't know. it but like I couldn't even sit through. a conversation well there's a. conversation I did with this guy Bryce. Mitchell where I could barely even talk. I was just my I mean just got burnt out. you know yeah so it's just been a slow. like you know every couple weeks I feel. a little bit better I got on like some. peptides and I got like uh a lot of.

different vitamins and. did that Ayahuasca thing to try to get. better man I tried I was trying. everything to kind of you know see what. was going on. I was telling Bobby it needs to take. time off I was telling them yesterday. and it was he was like yeah I gotta do. this in this mic dude you're saying the. same thing everyone's saying and I was. saying that like you and I were talking. about it yeah you and I appreciate you. hitting me up you hit me up and say hey. man you remind me to take some time off. to go do some things for myself. um but I said how like the comments were.

all like yeah Theo go we'll still be. here like go get right yeah comments. weren't like no you better not take off. the comments were like shocking the. other way like yeah why do you think we. get that feeling then that we can't uh. that we have to keep going. what do you think some of that comes. from some of us to drive within like. where it's like we had starvation. mentality for so long you know that. we're still like I gotta work I got a. job I got an offer for a gig and you're. like kid those are we have to be. comfortable. you know like like.

you know you raise poor if you're like. hey the [ __ ] free breakfast stops it. at 10. we gotta get down there and then. at some point you're like I'll just go. buy breakfast you know and you're like. all right yeah I guess I don't need the. Continental like like you got to just. convince yourself that you're you're. fine. that's a good point I think some of that. probably some of that realization too. some of that slowly coming into my own. head like everything's gonna be okay. yeah. um I yeah I remember we get the. Continental dude my mom sometimes we.

would go meet my grandparents and we'd. stay at like this Howard Johnson hojo's. bro oh they had it they were nice they. were nice they had a nice eating place. in there yeah you could eat there yeah. the waffle maker God cause then you. weren't just eating good you were you. were like contributing yeah yeah you. were there you were like go make it like. I can make a waffle. waffle oh never mind the concierge right. like a French chef now yeah. then you'd forget about it you have to. turn it over.

bro I wonder how many losses there have. been of people who like just like. thick [ __ ] that tore their Rotator it. was pretty lawsuits too they were like. this guy [ __ ] burned himself like. yeah you know how people are Hot Irons. will do that oh you let your. seven-year-old yeah I probably shouldn't. have done that before that one [ __ ] at. McDonald's who [ __ ] spilled coffee. and then she sued in one at that point. everybody had to be like hey no more. freedoms for you guys they've ruined it. all man I used to love the freedoms.

because yeah then Anything Could Happen. you mean you'd meet a guy who like uh. you meet a kid and his eye was like sewn. shut from a waffle from like a hot. waffle iron tell me your story I try to. restart remember no face at The Comedy. Store oh we had a comic name no face. because he had like [ __ ] Mack the. Knife face. because he tried to fix a [ __ ] one of. those like things in the back of a boat. those uh those Motors. yeah it's like I know I can fix this. he's Trucking on it and then he's like.

he just no faced him. he was not a great comic he's like in. his whole his cheeks got remixed huh he. just got [ __ ]. he was he had all the sympathy but he. was kind of a dick too and so you're. like Heckle oh but you knew he was him. heckling because you know it's like dark. in The Comedy Store you're like who's. that because every heck would be like. you suck. that's like air was escaping from his. lack of face.

oh my God tell a better joke. huh. sometimes the weirdest fans come out. there was a guy who came to his show and. he's like man you got to meet my cousin. he's the biggest fan of yours he lost 70. of his skull right. oh damn wow and you want to be like tell. me about the 30.

well he would take his hat off and then. he would go. and his head would literally go like. that dude I'd be like cartoon surprise. he would go and you see. oh how do you lose the skull I don't oh. they went into it man it was I thought. it was gonna be a little bit smoother of. a deal you know it was something. um. I want to say it like uh some some of. those like electronic double doors or. whatever you know oh like at a you know.

a you know like a Chase Bank bit him or. something on the way in or whatever and. it just didn't read a soul it was like. closed I think it's just like yeah and I. guess the argument in court was that his. soul wasn't showing up on those monitors. so it wasn't their fault yeah yeah I. should have gone to church more it. wouldn't have been an issue you go like. this in the elevator. hey buddy your soul ain't showing up on. here you know dude I got back from um I. don't know where I was France and I got.

that uh Global Entry so you don't have. to do a meeting if you're just like. Andre on your way back you can do it so. I'm sitting there waiting some lady was. like oh hey I'm a fan of yours I'm like. oh what are you getting your Global. interest because no I'm like. they're not registering my daughter's. face she went full goth and then the. machine is like this ain't her. damn I guess it can't tell so maybe goth. is the way out of all of this maybe. goth's way out maybe Marilyn Manson fans. because you don't see a lot of like. Asian Marilyn Manson fans or things like.

that you know or like uh. um who is that lady who sang happiness. uh it's a warm gun no no singer Florida. yeah you know she sang a song they'll. never play again it's like about getting. beat up really uh hit me what is it. kiss with a fist oh and they don't play. it much anymore with such a good [ __ ]. banger. it's like feel something over nothing. yeah and then she's now she's like yeah.

well that's interesting because some. people use violence as their form of. affection that's pretty wild. um Jew man let's talk about so let's. talk about you have you have a new. special Now new special so the Journey. of this special is interesting because I. remember. yeah because I remember when you were do. you did this like you had started this. kind of years ago right yeah five and a. half years ago wow yeah. yeah it was it was uh. canceled a couple times but you know you.

stopped me on first down a second down I. still got third yeah I picked it up you. know third and fourteen I picked it up. two more Chase over here dude you're. [ __ ] God yeah. um well congratulations man thanks yeah. I watched about the first 20 minutes so. that's as far as I've gotten nice that's. more than I can watch most Comics even. to put it on is to like is a is like a. is a nice compliment yeah like hey I. loaded up your thing yeah even if it's. like I loaded up I asked my mom called I. forgot to you know but like just to load.

it up it's like cool well you know every. comic is like we know them all so we. can't watch them all yeah I um yeah and. I love the candles I love the setup kind. of it felt a little scary kind of a. little bit it felt a little like uh we'd. gone down into a hole in the desert and. you were kind of telling me some stories. kind of a little bit yeah it's got that. campfire Vibe versus like religiously. kind of feel yeah Indiana had a little. bit of an Indiana Temple to do kind of. vibe a little bit for me yeah and you.

will waste your soul away I'm gonna. steal your [ __ ] heart if you watch it. too much efr all right if you watch it. three times yeah and then it's like what. does it really say when he was like a. resort. what is this what did he say he has some. words. in Indiana Jones yeah pull it up there. Charlie Mar something like that oh yeah. huh [ __ ] I know it it's close I'm close. um. so that must have felt great huh yeah. yeah I felt great and it was interesting. because if you'd have done it in the.

beginning yeah it would have been for. Netflix no oh it wouldn't have been yeah. okay sorry I thought that it was gonna. be for Netflix and then now I ended up. on YouTube and that would have seemed. like almost a better. Choice uh yeah it was always going to be. YouTube it was kind of like before. people were putting them on YouTube I. already thought of like no this is the. way it's like you can get it to. everybody you'll be like early on a. platform. um you still own it you still own it. sure they can't stick some [ __ ]. lady's name on the end of it as a.

producer I never met once in my life or. ever talked to like who the [ __ ] is this. lady you guys just stuck on the end of. my [ __ ] yeah I think credits are. important you can't just stick some. [ __ ] lady's name on there uh they'll. yeah they'll just. sticky texting bro yeah I'm like what. um. so yeah and and it honestly was bet I. got to like go back. to these jokes like with like a year and. a half off and go oh some of this is too. long these setups are too long I like. some of these like oh this is the same. joke twice I I can't see if you know.

forest for the trees kind of [ __ ] and. then I was able to like edit a lot. better it was a lot better because of. all that how much is it to shoot. something like that. this one cost me quite a bit. um they're expensive aren't they yeah. you can make them for for very little. and you'll still get the jokes across. you know. it'll still be good but the way I wanted. to make it it costs it costs it cost a. lot a couple hundred g 230. wow yeah the. song cost 20. yeah isn't that crazy. you're like oh this song would be great.

in like it's 20 grand you're like it was. it was it was uh it was um what's his. name uh Louis Armstrong and it was it. was eight grand I was like okay wow. that's not crazy [ __ ] that's a lot of. money but I'll pay for it they go well. also there's like a chorus he uses on it. so you got to pay the chorus guy also. I'm like how much is he he's like he's. 10. I'm like what and they go yeah and. they have favor Nation so it's 10 and. 10. oh what we're from eight to eight. Nations they're both from Africa aren't. they. yeah that's the favorite Nation Oh I.

guess it is now huh yeah it is now it's. a favorite Nation I got a promo shirt. let's get it out. um there we go Ari shaffir Jew dude no. more hiding that's right these shoes are. out of the out of the attic into your. into your homes I'm coming out of the. attic dude I'll say this about Anne. Frank's Place I went there yeah it's two. bedroom two bath massive overlooking a. [ __ ] a river bro it's nice perfect.

location yeah there's coffee shops. everywhere what a wonderful spot I will. tell you this I did it on my last. special there's a there's like a brunch. place if you're ever in Amsterdam right. below Anne Frank's house so Anne Frank's. around the corner and then below it's. like two steps down it closes like 3 P.M. the best grilled cheese sandwich I've. ever had in my life I mean it is out. like use four cheeses out of this. [ __ ] world just stop it. [Laughter].

you made a joke last time that I missed. that I saw some comments I'm like [ __ ] I. felt so bad I missed it I forgot what it. was and it was like what a [ __ ] idiot. when a comic just like uh-huh. uh sometimes you get stuck and broadcast. you're listening you're trying to be. involved in it. um thank you thank you so much this is.

like I'm just I'm happy to be able to be. in a conversation and have a good time. yeah. [Music]. so some serious ones uh no just I just. haven't you know like it just like it. feels good to [ __ ] just be having fun. you know what else feels good the Great. Taste of Celsius because it feels good. going down it's delicious and low. calorie I assume uh it might be actually. only one serving per container you don't. get less servings than that.

yeah what is that. thanks Celsius all right dude it's funny. because I'll pass up my morning coffee. and I'll I'll just wait until I get here. to have this does it have caffeine in it. it has a little bit oh I need some it's. nice man. um so now because you now Jewish stuff. is like it's been like hot recently. right yeah yeah so it was higher now was. that a part of the reason was it were. you just happen to be putting it out. probably putting it up I was gonna do. Rogan's podcast we're gonna do a sober. October wrap up and I was like I had it. and none of these bits are like.

are like timely they're all five. thousand year old Source material yeah. you know so it's like there's no there's. no rush or not rush yeah you know I took. my time editing it I went to Paris for. like a couple weeks and people like. where's the edit notes I'm like yeah. yeah yeah sorry sorry like you're the. boss or you're waiting on you I'm like. [ __ ] yeah but then um I was gonna do. Rogan I was like that's a good time I'll. just do it the day after I do Rogan's so. as soon as it comes out I'll just have. it and then [ __ ] it blew up yeah well.

gold digger [ __ ] talking to the. [ __ ] backlogs and started promoting. it that's awesome yeah. um and does it feel kind of like because. you've had some moments of like kind of. like rock I don't know if it's Rocky. moments and you your world some hurdles. yeah I mean you like to be on the you. like to you like to play track and field. yeah so I just throw that pie yeah you. like to be out there baby people get I. swear the pot so much people around me. get enveloped in my potstick.

sorry dude I got soup on my feet from. you bro sorry about the soup. yeah. waiter there's a lawyer in my suit. I feel like yeah if you have my back on. your podcast there's a chance you're. gonna have to contact a lawyer at some. point. um but so that had to be wild then so. did you feel like oh my God this is like.

Kismet or whatever that I'm I'm putting. this thing out and now all there's all. this Jewish like uh anti or Semite stuff. and stuff happening no I thought it was. gonna be the end of it again I thought. it was gonna go fourth down. yeah because I saw a world. where they were the reaction to that was. going to be overly protective and they. go anything that's even remotely. anti-semitic where they wouldn't get a. joke they don't know what irony is you. know anything remotely we're just. killing it so that we don't have to. worry about being called anti-semitic I.

could see a world with that what. happened there's a chef you can pull it. up I don't know if you can this guy has. like a pancake mix company black guy and. and the logo of his company is is him. with one of those big Chef's hats and he. you know he like was promoting his stuff. and Instagram or Facebook doesn't matter. same same they they're like that's. racist take it down damn and he goes. what rate that's me it's my company. they're like nah it's racist he goes. what racist I'm him and I'm a chef. they're like nah dude come on that's.

racist. it might not be uncle peace it's someone. like that [ __ ] that's Masterpiece that's. Masterpiece it ain't that one. yeah and it's like and it just looks too. reminiscent so they went overboard and. they [ __ ] didn't let this guy promote. his own black owned business. and so I could see a world where that. would happen and I get it also from. their point of view they're like I don't. know damn bro yeah these all look so. racist though everything does damn black. people look racist well I think it's.

like if black people are in the kitchen. you can't be in that you can't be. cooking anymore blacks oh dude if a. black guy even brings my food out I. don't even know today he's like hey. you're doing this because you want to. right you're free of your own volition. to come and go. [Music]. just kind of signal in some way. oh yeah. so I was worried about that happening. really because that's funny because I. would think the other thing like people.

would be more there would probably be. more support for it you know sure but I. was like I wasn't looking for that when. I thought of putting it out so I was. like don't let it go away oh there is a. world you could see where that could. happen oh totally I mean it's hard to. have any type of um it's hard to have. any type of irony these days you know. um did you feel do you is your. especially is it anti-semitical no no no. no that's not the word but um uh no it's. not it's very reverential and whatever.

but also like yeah you make fun of. yourself yeah yeah remember Stevie Z he. died uh Davey Wester. oh yeah yeah he died nope nope sorry. dude oh damn he's still living still. with us. but you know he has cerebral palsy when. he fell since he's our friend people. would have cared more right there if he. said he died probably which is a sadder. products hey Davey if you're out there. and you want to help this podcast kill. yourself. kill yourself I didn't the views of the.

guests on this podcast are represented. by the podcast itself kill yourself do. it kill yourself. God I feel like I'm in the cheapest uh. Saw movie okay that's old. it's like did you have like a trap nah. we couldn't afford that well it's like. that girl that texted her boyfriend he's. like oh my car's broken now she's like I. bet you won't kill yourself I was like. damn maybe I should kill myself like. have some balls dude think it out yeah.

that's what you told him you don't have. any balls yeah I'll show you yeah do. something else dude damn dude eat some. [ __ ] Brother cakes don't [ __ ] get. out there or not yeah and take your own. life hey have you ever been on. Squidbillies no you should get on that. show people always ask me about. Squidbillies that's one of the best. shows in the world and I just I saw. something I thought was a squid and then. you it's that on that belt it looks like. squid legs oh yeah you should do squid. bellies man they would love you.

I would love to be on that but you. should be honest I think I've reached. out to him about trying to do a cartoon. or something at some point and they. didn't want to do it oh Adult Swim is. done now anyway yeah Adult Swim [ __ ]. somebody pulled the drain. um did um. did you because did you feel like was. there a lot of uh. because it's not anti-semitic but it is. making fun of Rome so I was gonna say. when Davey Wester would like [ __ ] me and. Renaissance saw debuts are trying to get. a straw in his mouth but you know those. double doors the saloon doors the store.

and we're looking he was trying to get. strong because like like missing it oh. yeah and man we were dying and then. eventually he like Seas were laughing. he's like [ __ ] you guys. and it was so [ __ ] fun because we. love him and we're like we know this is. your disability and you're trying to. overcome it and that is funny that. you're failing oh totally man I mean. it's I think some of that is interesting. because I'll have a friend who will like. go to therapy all the time and I know. and that I mean and even myself and. that's our disability and there's times.

where I laugh at it if a friend makes a. joke about it I laugh you know it's like. it's funny it's like a dark like I. thought about killing myself again. you're like I know you're serious yeah. it's funny yeah yeah yeah sometimes you. want to be dark yeah. um so yeah no it's not automatic but. there is like some making fun of Jews. there's a difference is there yeah. because I feel like sometimes you can't. even say Jew and then you everything is. anti-Semitic it's it's literal people. it's going like like um like you you can. make fun of the president you could be. like uh oh the president fell off his.

bike and you're like why do you hate. America you know right and it's like no. I'm just making fun of his [ __ ] his. shirt's untucked yeah like you can you. know oh totally there's this uh Bobcat. Goldthwait had this great story about. being on a on a plane and there's a. bunch of down syndrome kids on the plane. and they had to make a semi-emergency. landing I think they couldn't figure out. if the wheels could come out or not and. they didn't know so they're like hey we. have to burn off fuel we don't know if. it's gonna be a crash landing or not our. sensors aren't working. um we're gonna have fire trucks like on. the premises waiting for us you know and.

all these downstairs everyone's so. worried these downstairs because like. fire trucks fire trucks and now there's. a person that goes well airplane jokes. are hacky and you're like oh no dude you. don't understand this at all yeah. they're trying to weigh in yeah yeah. dude this is about perception yeah yeah. yeah. um interesting man I think uh yeah. because that's one thing is sometimes. it's like you can say almost anything. but if you say the word Jew then people. and it makes it oh is this right yeah is. that a no no it makes it not even fun it.

makes it like I can't even get scared to. joke around with some of my Jewish. friends or I feel like I need to ask. permission if I can joke sometimes like. I don't know yeah you know what this is. a weird world that we're now you listen. to these [ __ ] dorks too much and you. start feeling weird and you're like and. you realize mostly of us are just Comics. like we're cool you know there's all. every week somebody walks out angry from. The Comedy Store or from one of your. shows probably too you know you're doing. a thousand people in a night two people. are gonna leave angry yeah you can't be.

worried about them sometimes you see. them leave somebody see him leave yeah I. gotta complain in in um Chicago two. separate couples old couples left five. minutes apart their kids told them to go. see me and they both said the same thing. to the management it's not enough that. he's making fun of the death of children. it's in everyone else is laughing about. it they're racking them on and it's like. yeah get out of here you're not four. here you can't stop doing it because of. those two dorks their kids are probably. sitting home like we knew this [ __ ]. hate yeah.

[Laughter]. um what do you think about this all. right we got some news that popped up. here man they speaking about what's up. we're talking about the fishing Scandal. people oh yeah did you see that they're. going to jail those people go to jail. over some [ __ ] trout are they going. to jail I think so yeah wasn't it so. crazy the guy's just standing there can. you bring up that that fishing skin. [ __ ] Lance Armstrong skated on it and. these fishermen are going to jail those. days I'll take it seriously Swamp People. don't [ __ ] around. the French are like you learn your.

lesson but they swamp people like nah. dude you gotta be punished two minute. cues of cheating in an Ohio fishing. tournament Scandal have been indicted. indicted is high level arrest is it well. apparently these guys actually like they. they like five different guys they took. away their like yearly income because. like this the amount that they want for. this is not a small amount yeah what do. you win what if you're the top level. [ __ ] let's guess what do you think. this tournament oh oh this tournament. alone I think top prize 28 000 oh that.

might be too high. no I think I was gonna go 35 000. let's. see it's uh 29 000. damn. and I don't want to say the J word right. there. cut to the organizer I think yeah. Larry David Silver's gotta get his cut. yeah. oh my fish Burn Fish steam yeah trout. Bert trout steam.

um uh this was a wasn't this crazy. though they put weights in it but they. they were just too it's like those guys. taking roids like take a little bit of. roids don't get the [ __ ] Barry Bonds. bionic head yeah you take too much just. put a little bit of weight in there put. a [ __ ] one gold coin in there. don't you don't want to pick up this I'm. like it feels [ __ ] like 80 pounds. what the [ __ ]. yeah every one of the fish it was crazy. because they'd have like a huge fish and. then a little fish and the little fish.

was weighing the same guys. what the [ __ ] crazy yeah like. something's up like I don't know what. you're talking about apparently like a. bigger fish ate one of the little fish. and just sunk to the bottom of the uh of. the pond and they ripped these dudes. they ripped them apart and the one guy. stood there like he didn't know I would. have jetted yeah go go get on your. [ __ ] speed boat and go your lips go. live you know how to you you've taught a. man to fish you can do it you know not.

as well as the other guys but you can. earn yourself a [ __ ] meal yeah yeah. oh I would have been out of there man. beats Amanda cheating fishing and I'll. fish it did God just pull I mean he. pulled a kettlebell I love that they. were like it's like a man got caught. cheating he was like wow that's crazy. fish must have been eating lead weights. yeah yeah. oh my God damn these fish must have been. hot.

wow pieces of other fish you should have. just done that oh it's very Dom or ask. when you get to that part. he's just standing right there he's like. watching it. you guys. wow refund all that [ __ ] so what did. he get it and then we got home with it. and they came back for another time. we'll go on Zach.

I think they win money throughout the. season so they're like this is just now. you got to give back everything it's. like why Barry Bond's not in the Hall. they're like we don't know when this. started oh it's true he was you could. see a guy being caught he's in the most. in the midst of freezing. flight or fright or freeze you know and. he's just like he's just hoping it ends. he doesn't know what to do yes he should. get the [ __ ] out of there yeah you guys. should just run yeah no they'll chase. him down that now that's a good point if. he starts running he'd have been.

probably a dead man yeah it's like if a. dog's barking out if you start running. that dog is gonna get you oh it's true. huh yeah yeah there's something about. that once you run it makes something. else want to chase you don't stop don't. let him run yeah you have to be calm and. calm them around you yeah cheating and. fishing we found that money it's just. it's part it's sad it's just kind of the. world we in a lot of cheating out there. you know a lot of people were just cut. in Corners I guess but I don't know. everybody else here seemed pretty pissed. and seemed like maybe maybe it's just. these guys.

sucks you're [ __ ] playing a game you. were cheating the whole time. so I was like what the [ __ ] come on. that's why I love a Tour de France when. they took it away from uh. Lenny Armstrong oh yeah and they were. like we gotta give it to the guy who. came in second place and like nah he was. roiding too and they're like [ __ ] third. like Royden you know how far that 17. they had to give to the number 17 guy. and I'm like he didn't even finish the. same day he [ __ ] finished on Tuesday. he all came in the [ __ ] you know. through the palace on Sunday you think I. rolled up took a break stop for the.

night he goes man I've lost I don't know. and then he's like tortoise in the hair. you know as long as you finish who knows. because he's not even a cycle it's just. a black guy in a chef's hat. he's an Uber Eats guy and he's like oh I. just came to the [ __ ] play Royale. um did you see this he saw Trump's back. up Trump's back up what let's play hard. on. no if he got a heart I mean he's oh. Trump in order. my candidacy for president of the United.

States. I love the breaking news at the bottom. Trump expected to announce presidential. but at any moment like yeah he just did. it [ __ ] ticker there with it ticker. you're [ __ ] behind the times. yeah ticker's almost like that autistic. buddy you have a ticker and that was. always a name they had for somebody that. had autism or whatever ticker because. he's a tick ticker button hey Button. where is this tell them button. Mar-A-Lago. it's Mar-A-Lago what do you think about.

this he's gonna win right. what do you think I don't know I don't. follow politics at all so I'll follow. him much either it does it is. interesting because I like the tears of. the of the righteous and man this guy. makes him flow. fun for me to walk their tears were you. even when you saw Dave Chappelle saying. that did you see that bit that he talked. about Trump he goes I'm not I remember. him before he goes but when he was. running he goes I'm not going to vote. for him. I'll vote for Hillary but I don't like. it yeah you know yeah do you see that.

can you find that Zach where he said the. other day during his SNL thing. about what thing why people liked Trump. which is the original trumping out damn. so he's eight years past where he was. before he was already old then. you think he's still [ __ ]. yeah you think Trump's still [ __ ] I. think one of his top goals I think he's. getting probably ex-homes and stem cells. into that it's probably smart to take. the four years off because then you. extend you know your time being at the. top you're on four all four but that all.

four you're still former president he. still is yeah and then on four again and. then the next four you were just the. president so you really get 16 years out. of that if you run it right and you get. to bounce back and kind of like see. whatever didn't work maybe the first. time I don't know if in Trump's case. he's able to do that you know what Trump. you should change the Constitution to to. eight consecutive years so that way you. can you can do it eight full years this. time. that's what Hitler did that's what Halo. did rewrite that Constitution did he. yeah you breathe out that Constitution.

anything goes did it in Ecuador too. rewrite the Constitution damn yeah. ecuadora yeah I knew a real liberal. comic and she couldn't understand she. was like what the [ __ ] when Trump won. and uh and I was like well you've never. gotten under your limo you've never gone. to Dayton these people are depressed and. they're looking for answers you you've. never talked to them you live in your. [ __ ] gated apartment building. you know when no one's allowed in you. have your [ __ ] doorman wearing an SS. outfit yeah like you have no idea what a. human is like so you're like what like. right right you've sheltered yourself.

yeah the media went so far overboard and. tried to discredit them that they. eventually got caught like just. misleading the truth yeah remember that. Russia thing never was anything not. always never anything was invented by. Hillary Clinton's side so let's just say. she didn't know but it was invented by a. democratic side and pushed so that and. they never go oh [ __ ] maybe we got to. look at these Liars over here they just. go move past it so it was like if you're. not going to apologize it's like if you. tell me you're gonna pick me up from the. airport and then you don't and you never. apologize. I don't think you're gonna pick me up.

from the airport next time I can't trust. you're gonna do it if you said dude I'm. so sorry my alarm didn't go off it's. like I can tell you're sorry yeah but. these people never owned up to anything. I did and so it's like I heard I was. randomly in my car and I was listening. to Trump on like NPR during the State of. the Union Address or something and he. goes uh this MS-13 this [ __ ] group. from Mexico that's like the drug dealers. and [ __ ] Smugglers and those are. terrible people they're they're they're. gang members. um and they're rapists and you know. they're terrible people and then the.

headline I was like oh I wonder how. they're gonna play it the headline the. next day is Trump calls Mexicans rapists. yeah and I'm like damn it's not a lie. but it sure ain't the truth and. eventually I did it so many times we're. like we don't believe you guys. yeah I think well that's one thing I. think people don't believe the news. anymore some people still do believe the. news and I'm not saying believe the news. in favor of any person yeah I haven't. seen that Chappelle monologue but. they're like oh it's anti-semitic I'm. like I guarantee it's not yeah I've seen. enough of these every time you see a. comic run too far I'm just like without. watching it no he didn't yeah but I.

think that's one thing that's what. that's the thing that I originally. thought was fascinating about Trump I'm. like he's not a politician he's not a. politician so he has the chance at least. if it's possible just speak real to get. in there and and do at least put shine. of some sort of a light on whatever we. don't know yeah because he's not one of. the two sides he's not part of the. [ __ ] Garden yeah everybody's looking. out for himself and business interests. too much it's too bad you get sort of an. evil one in there for that doing that if. it would have been somebody else it. could have been interesting Bernie maybe. or somebody who's like hey come on we.

gotta help you let's get these guys out. of prison he's talking normal not like. and we're gonna take it and we're gonna. go to the Washington and we're gonna. turn into a little over there it's like. [ __ ] you you ain't one of us yeah. yeah I think he got then I think his I. think at that point something they just. wanted to change I think people like. [ __ ] the system that's what they want. they wanted [ __ ] that that's what how. come all these billionaires got more. billions during covet when we're all. suffering I know who's doing that and. rich people making Rich laws for rich. people yeah I can't afford a lawyer when.

I get arrested they just have my. retainer so of course they're gonna get. off easy well it does start to feel in. the world like we gotta go to where. they're doing it we gotta climb some. walls we're gonna take care of business. yeah but it's not the guy I feel like it. used to feel like the government was the. best I don't know if I I feel the. government's bought out right but by. that businesses they're one step down. yeah the businesses put the government. in charge to like keep us all going. that's what it seems like right yeah. yeah it's like an owner and then the.

government is like the government's like. managerial they're like supervisors. that's what it feels like yeah yeah like. they'll get theirs too you know they'll. make sure to get theirs but they're not. the real ones right they're just kind of. a liaison now between big business and. human regular regular folks yeah yeah. that's what it feels like anyway not to. be a downer but that's that right there. is what I thought was fascinating about. Trump from the beginning was like [ __ ]. maybe there's a chance yeah where she. goes she goes uh you're cheating on a. taxi goes I know I'd be a fool not to.

yeah what do you mean yeah I have great. [ __ ] taxes attorneys the rest of that. clip there might be it might be on there. that was basically the end of that club. okay. well okay. see and that could be we don't know if. it is or not but that could be it's not. out of context book no just big digital. telling us that's the end of the class. enough I got a call it's actually the. end of the clip yeah oh okay. please use Crest when you're brushing. your teeth everyone yeah it's white. Smiles of crust you could do no wrong.

yeah sorry about. sorry about something. um does that feel like what it's getting. to sometimes do you feel like overlords. it can't say certain things do you feel. like we're getting there. dude I had Milo yiannopoulos on my. podcast you did yeah a long time ago. um and he's like kind of like a gay. flavor flavor right in what way like. he's like a height man or something he's. a hype man he's a troll oh he is he says. stuff just to piss people off oh and. then it does piss people off and they go. you're so [ __ ] it and they hear these. gay he said he's married to a black dude.

oh he's murdered a black dude yeah oh. wow he's so liberal but he's. conservative and so he's like the the. tears of the Liberals get me hard oh. yeah yeah so I had him on my pocket just. talk about how he's a troll and not this. like evil whatever and he keeps trying. to go into him like Hey you're not. fooling me you know that that this thing. the white power sign so he goes him on. on 4chan which I think is not a [ __ ]. it's it not this evil it's it's a troll. group right I think what's the best way. to troll people is go conservative that.

people hate that so it's like then do. that you know right I always say online. yeah online so I go let's invent a fake. a fake sign that means nothing and they. go let's do this we'll call it white. power. so then he's like all right how do we. get it out there and they're all like I. don't know let's just let's go slowly. we'll see whatever and then Milo's just. with the president randomly you know on. a on a platform and they're all taking. pictures and he goes oh [ __ ] they're. taking pictures and he just goes like. that yeah and people like what's that. sign and then they showed those [ __ ].

kids the one that was the Indian was. yelling at oh yeah and they see them in. their basketball look they're going like. this yeah they're like no that's a. three-point the Curry's doing that yeah. it's like they don't even understand it. and he got them all upset and now. there's a fight it was even better yeah. now there's a fight between the left and. the right you can't take away our this. sign weird [ __ ] you it's racist and it. means nothing he trolled them both I had. in my podcast all right I was just. talking about trolling and the origins. of it and how he does it and I got. demonetized on YouTube no yeah I had to.

start a new account you can no longer. make any money on YouTube for just. hearing that we're wrong about him. hmm it's wild so yeah a few times you. gotta like consider it but at the same. time it's like ah I make money on the. road. you know yeah you've always been brave. you've always had that you know like. you've always not really mattered where. the spoon is coming from as much or. that's what it seemed like yeah yeah. it's like yeah Patrice would talk about. it if you owe them they're gonna call in.

that favor you know it's like ah just. like guys we got to be true to ourselves. and at some point it's like well we need. to do this like I don't wanna. all right that's not funny I don't want. to do that oh yeah you know well that. great that that that's definitely I. think happened over the years especially. with like Holly with like you know like. Comedy Central sent me some offer the. other day it was like six episodes of. something and it was like 1500 an. episode or something you know and it was. just it was very nice yeah but it was. like. I post three shows to you guys that you.

guys [ __ ] passed on and then now you. should just like don't you have any. [ __ ] couth even as a as a you know. it's almost like you walk past me a. million times in the dog kennel and then. finally now when I have a king's dog. yeah exactly like come on I've got an. owner you come by and ask me if I want. to [ __ ] come and I got some great. advice from Eddie Griffin once. he told me uh I booked my first. commercial it was like a big commercial.

back then that was like some level of. success you know and all the I remember. this chick it was a doubling this you. never give me the time I just literally. wouldn't say hi back to me when I said. hello hmm then I'm on a commercial and. she was like oh hi I saw your commercial. I was like you treat me well now. I tell Eddie Griffin about it goes so. what's your question like he was already. made it a little bit he's like so like. you don't know how to like treat him. because they were like such dicks to you. and now you know they're only being nice. because you're doing well I was like. yeah he goes here's what you do. have sex with them wow because that's.

your revenge have sex with them oh. really huh yeah if you're good at sex if. not it's just [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah. yeah it is it is shitty Robbie from uh. from when he was still at uh uh Montreal. he would do this great thing where he'd. call people like Whitney and he'd be. like just to call not to do anything to. get them going just go hey sorry I. missed the boat on you I know you. showcased your new faces a bunch and we. didn't take you and clearly looking back. we were wrong anyway don't offer.

anything I just want you to know that. and if Comedy Central called you with no. offer just say hey Theo and it wasn't me. I wasn't in this position before but. someone else here was so I know you. blame the whole company just so you know. we're happy for your success clearly we. missed the boat so that [ __ ] us over. yeah and we're sorry about that I hope. you're having a good day yeah there's oh. it would have been nice there's nothing. like nothing but then if they come to. you six months later like hey you want. to do this I did like maybe you guys. seem cool. that apology I didn't pick you up from. the airport I should have I'm sorry you. can't just skate by it yeah you gotta.

own up to it that's fascinating man. that's a good point. it's a real good point man I think a lot. of that is just like yeah making some of. Man's having some uh I didn't do that. right and I'm sorry it's just like I've. had I mean I've had people turn on me. left and right so you know how few of. them ever said hey man I I shouldn't. have done that okay forgiven but most of. them just go I hope it goes away yeah. and then when you become successful like. my friends have they go how you doing. I'm like you don't think I remember.

uh they don't they don't. that's the worst man I've had it you got. another Celsius back there uh Zachary. can you have Colin grab one. thank you that's the worst one I've had. friends that have gotten successful that. had done me wrong and I still had to be. like not like subservient to them but I. I knew I was never gonna get. any like apology or something you know I. guess that's just life though huh yeah. I've had people um thank you.

that's five cents. I've had people apologize to Rogan about. what they said to me and it's like uh oh. what a weird Hollywood thing you'll say. you're sorry to the famous guy. because you're afraid he might turn on. you. but never to the guy you actually. wronged hmm or your way to the famous. guy called you out and go okay I. shouldn't have done that and it's like. be a [ __ ] man man or woman but be an. adult it's hard and most of the women. are trying to be men let's be honest so. it's like be a man be a man yeah be a.

[ __ ] man be a man Ladies sorry I got. us off on a not funny chat yeah yeah. yeah. um what about dating what's up in the. day in the love life I don't know yeah. yeah yeah welcome dude it's butts man. they're so hungry for my [ __ ] are they. really yeah have you been doing even you. don't do gay stuff huh sometimes yeah. get in there mix it up I've never done. it man I uh I think if I was in like the. mill. or a war or something maybe yeah how.

long in the zombie apocalypse would it. take for you to [ __ ] a [ __ ] a butt. no women man or woman. have you ever [ __ ] a woman but. I've probably been all right yeah. I've done what I could anyway it's a. real it's. it looks easier on in a draw you know. it's still good to still do hugging. conventions it looks easier and Oh you. mean the orgasmic meditation conventions. the huggings you go over and like cuddle. with people no I never did that what I. did was the orgasm meditation what is.

that they just had a documentary on it. actually I just watched a little bit of. it I know all that was just meditation. it was called One Taste. this was a program. I thought you had to go over and keep. keep women good company yeah. so this was the program man it's so. funny you mentioned that dude you have. such a good memory sometimes yeah short. term gone long term is still there yeah. I talked about it 10 years ago that's. what this one uh they had us they had. this orgasm Incorporated she's cute she.

can get it that she can get it she is. the creator of it I think her name was. Audra something she can call yourself. whatever she wants so she um this was. orgasm meditation I got invited by. the lady that does Tommy Pickle's voice. on Rugrats right so she invited me I met. her on a podcast. and she invites me down to this. meditation thing her brother I think had. been in prison and he was there. so next thing I know I walk in it's like. this kind of nice Ambiance it's in a.

warehouse downtown and there's people. like having like uh. little you know cantaloupe and. everything like that little tray of this. and that little meat select meats and. stuff like that and so I'm having a nice. time and then we all sit in the chairs. they start telling us what it's about. and and then it's a it's called orgasmic. meditation then they get a woman up. front on this table and they take her. underwear off and then she like. has her legs open yeah this is it kind. of she has her legs open on these.

pillows and then the man puts on gloves. and they just pick two people out of. this I mean it was like Red Rover Red. Rover what. so this dude is like oh man it's so. embarrassing too like uh you might oh. it's like in class when they're like who. knows the answer and you're like don't. call me don't call me yeah and this is. like raising your hand but with your. [ __ ] and so you gotta go in there and. just [ __ ] well they teach you how to. do it they teach you how to use you just. use one finger and you do a certain. amount of lotion and stuff like that and. first you have to describe the woman's.

uh vulva maybe or something I don't know. what it's called uvula. [ __ ] yeah yeah you got to describe that. and it's kind of crazy because sometimes. you're like man it looked like you know. it looked like it looks disgusting it. looks like somebody made it with a. shotgun you know but then somebody. you're like especially in serious. medical help yeah sometimes you're like. man this thing looked like a damn paper. cut but a [ __ ] positive attitude on. it you know like so sometimes it's it.

was but anyway you had to do that and. then you had to sit there and they had. like a certain way you had to kind of. uh pleasure the woman uh. uh clitoral stimulation and the the boss. would walk around and tell you how to do. it. so you would um like a yoga instructor. is like no no get your back yeah oh wow. and it would be 15 minutes of pure doing. that and you do that you reached in a. [ __ ] you have gloves on.

so it's almost just like dying here it's. almost like dying your sideburns or your. beard I mean it just you know it just. takes a little while in a way I'm sure. it is in another way yeah it's really. different than that. but it was crazy man and then at the end. you all hug they do a big team hug and. you never [ __ ] no but there's people. that want to I mean like you're must so. then you get on the message boards and. now you're driving over to people's. houses during the day and stopping over. and one lady over on Laurel Canyon up. there her dog [ __ ] that's when I quit.

her dog bit me while I was doing the. thing you know and she wouldn't lock the. dog up and saw him fighting with this. lady or you know her pants or just the. whole it was like this is too much I. don't want to get a charge or nothing. and I'm not doing anything bad you know. but it was sometimes you go over and. then they want set you get them all. wrapped up yeah they're like hey yeah. you're like I'm just trying to do the. program dude because it'd be matched up. you get matched up with a 70 year old. you get matched up with like a 21 year.

old yeah and then you turn on I heard a. story about red fox. he would ask somebody to go to The. Comedy Store The Waitresses his office. was like down the street from the store. and he said go ask those hot waitresses. you know guys whatever to come over to. my place. it's a red fox wants you to go over. there it'll give you 500 dollars he just. wants to go down on you hmm that's it. and like what do you mean because he. wants to go down on you they give you. 500 bucks and goes I don't have to sex.

like nope 500 bucks wow he'll go down on. you I'm like well okay celebrity wants. to go down I made 500 bucks not bad I. don't have to do anything once you're in. there he's going down you know goes hey. 500 more let's [ __ ] and you're already. in the mindset you're already like have. this guy licking your box and you're. like all right [ __ ] it yeah let's go wow. you wouldn't have gone for a thousand. for sex. incrementally so what is that is that. like uh you're already [ __ ] rubbing a. chick's [ __ ] monkey yeah and then. it's like oh well don't leave so soon.

and then he leaves and he's like now you. know why they call me red fox. maybe he's like the menstrual starter. and he just like starts it's like yeah. the menstrual show yeah you're worried. you're pregnant. dude and he's just wearing a chef's hat. [Applause]. so racist oh those are your kids uh. those are my nieces and nephews they're. good kids they're pretty the one's bad.

you can see the one it's bad which one. is he. that one he's got problems oh he does. actually he used to hide on the shelves. and you come in a room and he [ __ ]. like a damn really gargoyle yeah he was. real wild uh have you had the chance to. be an uncle or an aunt all right I have. an uncle a ton are you yeah I'm the cool. Uncle my brother thought he was the cool. uncle and I was like why would you be. the cool Uncle he's like what do you. mean I'm like cool I'm like. Michael I I like I [ __ ] hookers dude. yeah what are you talking about yeah I.

I've traveled the world that yeah you. might be a cool uncle in another family. right I'm a stand-up comedian dude right. what do you get casual Fridays yeah. bro I'm the cool Uncle yeah I'm the cool. Uncle they're all when they want to. experiment with drugs who are they going. to call you you or me yeah me yeah yeah. that's true huh there is something fun. about being the cool Uncle also there's. something that gets weird for me about. being the still single the still not. married uncle right do you start to feel.

that at all like you're at an event and. you realize oh my God everybody here. has a spouse or a significant other yeah. your friends from high school too where. they're like what or they'll live. through you you go to the beach weekend. with them like you're gonna try to [ __ ]. I'm like no I'm here with you guys we're. playing can jam yeah. he's trying to [ __ ] and I'm like guys. relax yeah yeah and the only person. around here is your wife yeah so I don't. think you need to be making this stuff. on and besides he hates you she's gonna. leave in about six months exactly I can.

see it I've seen breakups you haven't it. ain't going well. yeah it is weird because you also start. to be like people are like I don't know. guys are like I don't know if I'm with. that guy around some single guy and and. then also the wives start to hate you. yeah the wives and then the kids will. get into college and then my dude I had. a buddy of mine's kid was flirting with. me and I'm like Jeepers Creepers man you. know really an adult you know yeah but. 22 years old yeah yeah but I'm like shut. this down you know you gotta [ __ ] her no.

you gotta no I'm sorry dude the ruling's. been made uh it's out of my hands now. and then it's a black dude in a chef's. hand it's like [ __ ] buddy dude I'm. always telling my buddy's kid to like. she's like kind of not shiftless but. directionless she's like she went to a. year college and now she's trying to. figure it out and I'm like tell I'm like. hey you should go travel same as I tell. you but I'm like especially a 20 21 year. old I'm like it's the perfect time take. that Gap year find out what you're. interested in go to South America and I.

don't tell my buddy that I keep telling. her that you know because I can't. believe are you telling my [ __ ] kid. to leave the country you know and I'm. like I realize your kid's friend yeah. I'm telling her like real advice it's up. to you to let her not go but yeah that's. true huh do you um she saw my special. sorry if you're Jew on YouTube yeah. yeah she loved it people are liking it. have you noticed that uh there's been a. good uh well I guess you'll probably. start going out and touring more now or. what's kind of some of the plan after it. it is a plan and you want people to see.

you people want to see you people will. um you know I'm gonna get lost a little. bit you know take a little vacay go to. South America so where where is a place. that actually what's a place because if. I'm not doing drugs and stuff what's a. good place for me to go oh my God so. many um. okay what interests you Maui I like. usually okay let's go deeper than that. okay we were further away that's another. country all right what do you got what's. what Clause at your head you know you. gotta you got some weeds in there what.

you've always been interested in I like. Spanish. okay what about Spain. what about all of Latin America and any. any countries like kind of pop into your. head of like let me just throw some. names out Belize Guatemala Nicaragua. Nicaragua that'd be cool. Argentina would be cool have you been. there no I would love to. yeah go to um what's the main city in. Argentina uh. no no Saint Paul's Brazil.

um. Zach doesn't know it. I thought I'd need it off the top of my. head. yeah I should know it I know we all. should Buenos Aires Buenos Aires start. there take some Tango classes. Tim Ferris went there a long time ago. yeah and then fella Nova Tango lived. there for six months taking Tango. lessons wow. do you think yeah go there there's. grapes and then go away from the city. you can get an Airbnb to have a home. base there.

and then like go on little trips and. come back to that Airbnb take my podcast. stuff do a couple episodes down there if. I need to a thousand percent you could. do that especially you do a solo a lot. right yeah sometimes next week is solo. guys well dude then yeah. and the devil's experience has come back. whip out a few I just did this crazy. trip doing this so I took my first. Hangout to an hour on that. and then like the next day like I had. another crazy experience weighing. against space them out you know release. them every week oh if you could take. your podcast [ __ ] there for sure find an.

Argentinian comic oh who speaks English. or does any Argentinian a hundred. percent interview them regular people. [ __ ] where is the place yes you could do. that that is a good idea I wonder if. right after Christmas I have some time. here's what I told Bobby because he's he. said you might guys might be doing. something and he goes uh he goes well so. I gotta finish whatever he's finishing. and whenever it is. and then he goes then I might have this. thing I'm like put it in your contracts.

ahead of time you you can't you're done. no matter what it's the whatever deal is. finalized you're done June July you're. not available we can start in August and. they go well we want she's like it's. already my deal start in August yeah. talk to Theo ahead of time have your. same take the same [ __ ] time. two point of stairs you know how jealous. I am just hearing that the thought of. that is a possibility is that fun oh my. God take your pockets look at me to take. some Spanish classes go there and just. take enroll in a Spanish class. you know it'll give you some like. Direction every day you'll meet some. other people in the class plus you'll be.

a nobody which will be cool yeah you. know walk the streets no one will look. at you no one will say anything to you. yeah and you can do your podcast from. there God damn it you've made a [ __ ]. perfect life. [ __ ] I'm legitimately jealous at the. thought of that I'm jealous yeah I'm. jealous of the thought of it too and it. could be a reality it could easily be a. reality. grab this [ __ ] mic and just take it. unscrew this thing. um what's a place where you've gone if. you're doing so just so our audience. knows if people want to meet uh great.

food where do they go because you've. been so many places Thailand is great. food uh um Mexico is like the star of. Latin America yeah food but but I mean. there's also great food everywhere but. like. trying to think Europe is not as great. for food finding a wife where do they go. Vietnam Cambodia yeah you can [ __ ] him. get yourself a nice one dude I went to. it I mean an actual wife not a sex oh.

people like Costa Rica oh yeah I learned. to Surf yeah down in the Florida Keys. yeah it's a different place but yeah. where else dude uh uh uh dude I went to. look for some live music I was in I. think Cambodia and I was like it was my. day my psycho geography the death I'm. gonna find some live music I'm gonna sit. with my notebook and do some writing. couldn't find it eventually he was like. oh I think there's some in this bar like. only on Monday he's like [ __ ] and then I. kept all night like look found some and. it was just an 80s cover band and it was.

a sex bar wow that was all these old 62. year old men you know with their young. women and young men really yeah and they. were all they had a community and so it. was cheesy [ __ ] beach rock you know. uh playing cranberries and [ __ ] like. that and all these dude yeah. so you guys gave me a [ __ ] yeah and. they're not in a rush because these. girls are hanging out with them you know. and they're all talking about they're. all smiling ah because they're not. worried about some chick bringing them.

down. they're just like you have eight dollars. wow you can change my life yeah it was. so cool dude I would love to see you. host a show like a 90 Day Fiance or. something like that because I feel like. you'd have such a good. take on where these people are from and. some of the Ambiance of these countries. and the reality of them staying together. and the [ __ ] you know yeah if you. did a recap of that I think talk to him. like what's it like no judgment yeah no. judgment that's the key no judgment.

because people go over there and they. you know somebody gots a little calf. with them or something there's a lot of. Dowry going on and it's like you kind of. don't know what's going on 702 they'll. be your tour guide sex person for like a. week or two and then they're just like I. love you but it's like a girlfriend. experience and then they go hey I'm. having trouble paying my rent do you. mind sending me like here's 500 bucks. and every year they're like hey my son's. having surgery he's like he's 500 bucks. they get six or seven of those guys on. the hook they're making their living. [ __ ] 500 bucks every two months with a. different guy. they used to have a guy with a lot of.

Nigerians dude and uh or nigerias. whatever they call them but whenever. they um were doing that thing where they. were scamming people on the internet. scamming people's grandparents oh yeah. there's a comedian whose his. grandparents got scammed right so he. started do his grandmother got scammed I. wish I could remember his name. was it Bob Saget he works at Bob second. it was Bob oh what happened about second. well there was another guy that happened. new yeah and it uh I'd like to replace.

instead of like saying people's names. I'll just replace them with Dead comics. you know so this did happen to Bob Saget. oh no I think it was Louie Anderson this. afternoon okay all right okay so his uh. his mother got scammed so then what he. started doing was he started saying that. he started contacting these people and. saying all right I'll give you this. money he didn't they didn't know it was. the grandson. um I'll give you this money uh if you do. a reenactment of like the intro to. um. uh are this scene from Seinfeld or any.

Cinema link to the scene and then he'd. have like four Nigerians send back like. a spoof like uh and he just kept putting. these together oh he played a couple of. them for me it was so ridiculous so. Tebow does that Jason Tebow does that. with like with like sex like hey I'm. horny and he's like what are you up to. now yeah he goes back and forth with him. on like DM. and he's like I don't know if they could. have killed myself what you up to like. uh I need a man and goes yeah it's cool.

um I read any good books he just refuses. he just keeps them on the line it's so. great oh it's so fun to [ __ ] with him. back like you're not gonna get me. yeah that's sick man getting the yeah I. think getting that sex getting into that. sex work I wonder if that's how bobby. gets that got his Twitter hacked oh is. that what happened I bet he he was like. he was like somebody was like you're so. hot he was like well let me send you my. passwords I bet it must have been who. gets scammed if you're not a grandma did. his Twitter get hacked I didn't see that.

what'd they do send out nudes or. something. no they're just like give me money hey. I'm I need to can you wire me 200 bucks. I I gotta make bail I got a buddy like. that. we knew a guy who got the Nigerian scam. these guys used to hang out the store. these tweets are protectors this counts. locked now we can help Bobby get his. Twitter back let him know if they're. protected by Stevie he's [ __ ]. um uh yeah and he said it all his. brother was like he's acting like a dick. tall of us what's going on like we're. acting like a Dick's like I'm about to.

come to some [ __ ] money you guys will. all be sorry and they're like what like. yeah dude instead of just being a. complete [ __ ] to everybody and like. where are you getting this money he's. like I know a guy royalty is getting out. and I got off and they're like what like. he fell for a 22 year old no and they're. like that's a scam it goes no it's not. and they're like where's he from Nigeria. and like he was like. it's not a scare just realize like. that's your natural state is to be a. dick. and yeah money will make you it'll make. you see some things about yourself man.

we gave Eddie Bravo a a red banded we. were on the road I think was in Boston. with Rogan he got one of those fake. scratch off tickets. uh handed out a couple like losers and. one winner they always sell them in like. three so everybody's like here I got. everybody scratch-offs he gave Eddie. Bravo the fake one. it gets two like cash cash he goes whoa. and we're all like I was like I lost you. know it means I got [ __ ] lost too and. he's like I need one more cash sign. and he [ __ ] hits it we let him play. he's like oh my God I want ten thousand. dollars this is crazy and we're like.

wait and he goes rabbit I'm giving you. five thousand dollars I'm giving you. five that would circle of the whole. drinks are on me and he was so nice. we're like oh [ __ ] oh we were like. hoping he'd be a dick you're so nice. like I gotta break the news to him. we felt so bad oh I'm dying I'm glad you. brought him I gotta text Eddie back. actually even saying that makes you feel. like dang I need a message I. um what else do we have some more news. that came up.

yeah we got some stories here okay um. well Elon Musk apparently fired a. Twitter employee who disagreed with him. you must love this Ari huh I love it you. must love this world because Elon is now. this sort of Geppetto of this world that. was really that we we don't need Twitter. we don't I deleted mine a year and a. half ago it's such a toxic place it's. such a you can't say anything like oh I. like this Cactus like well there's a lot. of other [ __ ] vegetable fruits and. trees that need help too and you're like. oh it's just it's only there for.

apologies and. wow actually spoke out in Twitter and. even the company's private slug yeah I. guess a developer like was kind of Elon. tweeted something about like the. infrastructure of Twitter and a. developer was like he's wrong and then. yeah oh guess what these people lost. their way this gen Z and even some. Millennials they think they're powerful. you can't publicly talk [ __ ] about your. boss. it's like what world did you grow up in. well you could just [ __ ] on your boss. and think that's okay and they all do on. slack they go over people's heads that's.

why New York Times can't write a real. story because you go over your boss's. head to your boss's boss and they go hey. are you not uh printing the stories of. the young black people and like no I'm. putting the stories of [ __ ] college. kids that's why I'm not printing it's. like what and then I will be holding to. the [ __ ] employees instead of the. employers and Elon Musk like nah I built. a billion dollar company you know nah. yeah no you're fired get out of here but. that lady who walked out on Chappelle. got uh uh uh made as a guest on SNL for. the [ __ ] eighth time you know it's.

like oh I'm walking out it's like or you. can just write a pro-trans [ __ ]. sketch and make him be in it yeah you. know you actually have a voice you're. gonna walk out if I was that boss like. don't come back it's okay that's fair no. your voice your opinion don't don't come. back. we we booked a guest and you're an. employee here you're not allowed to walk. out do you think Hollywood has narrowed. itself into a hole I mean I think a lot. of like you can't even make fun the only. people you can make fun of any more. Russians I feel like or even then look. Top Gun they just go the enemy they.

can't even make fun of Russia yeah or. poor white people they still make fun of. it poor whites yeah most of your family. they're like Theo's family string them. up I think that's why you get a lot of. people that are so like Aunt again. Christians yeah yeah. um yeah you can't make fun of Jews you. can't make fun of blacks you can't I. can't gays my new special artistry for. you on YouTube right now guys I'm. [ __ ] broke please go in there watch. it donate I need some [ __ ] money that. can't afford Pizza I do one thing I love. doing Special was the special is free.

right yeah and then one of the first. comments was it was like uh who says. Jews never give anything away for free. now go donate exactly yeah I'm like. here's this free thing but give me some. money yeah but it was I thought that was. really really cute though but that's. cool yeah guys check it out and make a. donation there to uh to support the. freedom of Comedy also too you know I. always wondered if guys like Rogan would. uh create a platform that people. subscribe to you know that would be cool. I could see Segura doing it too like a.

five dollar a month app right on your on. your Apple TV and you get a special a. month special a month just content just. content's coming out and don't worry. it's going to be funny because a guy in. charge is like we want funny right will. you have black people yeah sure we're. booking funny people how everybody yeah. but we're not going to behold we're not. going to be like [ __ ] we haven't had a. I don't know Arab comic in too long just. but get some open micro they're not. gonna do that you know. so yeah that would be great and that's I. guess a lot of things get put on Rogan's.

shoulders I guess hypothetically since. he's such a force you know but yeah guys. like said girl or even if like a group. of comedians partnered up and said okay. let's create this platform we'll each. put a special on it once every two years. so you know what they say like you make. money on YouTube right they said look if. you see the so if you're making money on. YouTube and they're selling ads YouTube. is making money most of them right. probably 80 90 of it. um which is fine whatever that kicks. them down so it incentivizes you to put. stuff up.

but what if we just made our own. platform and we put stuff up on YouTube. and there this other platform where we. get all of it minus some operating costs. we just get all of it that'd be a lot of. money yeah you know if we're making 10. of it and you can make I I so far three. and a half million hits on that I think. I've made like 25 Grand in ad revenue. and that's 10 of what they're making so. what if I made 250 well my specialty. paid off. you know.

it's true who's gonna make maybe a few. Comics the dreams out there I don't have. the wherewithal someone needs to put it. in and I've I've mentioned it I've. mentioned it to some other comedians I. think it's. it's hard to make a platform that. actually works well doesn't lag and [ __ ]. like that but right I think you would. get together because say if you got you. know if you get a million people to. subscribe at five dollars a month they. know they're gonna get one ads even free. just come here and then the ads come in. just like here but we get it all. right I guess I was thinking of. something that just had specials on it.

that too that would also even if you. started with that you just had specials. yeah a special a month for five bucks a. special a month for five bucks you would. need a lot of subscribers because if you. had 50 people wouldn't pay for it right. you'd have to have a say if you get a. million right yeah which I think say if. you had enough certain comedians you. could get them all to say split it up. right you could go buy views you could. decide after the interview a year 50. million a month. oh my God yeah so no no no five million. a month oh if you got a million people. five dollars good call yeah damn it was.

like what it's gonna be true and that's. why you got swamp math I need an. accountant that's why you need it that's. why you needed that's why you need a Ari. shaffir Jew on YouTube you gotta have a. partner in crime yeah. um but five million a month so that's 60. million a year. so now we're working on it so then if. you paid the comedian say you gave each. comedian whoever's gonna put their. special on you give them two million. dollars. right yeah further special and then you. said also in three years you get the.

special back it's returned back to you. you're always on this just here sitting. here right it'll sit here for a certain. number of years and then at a certain. number of years it'll go back to you. yeah and then every month you did that. split up by downloads whatever and it's. also hey if people are coming here to. watch specials keep it up there right. you know yeah you can keep it on YouTube. as well sure but you're getting less. percentage on YouTube than here put it. up on both. but I think then you would have a. platform that kind of sets comedy free. in a way so it's a free I mean it would. only be free I mean making two million. dollars would be a lot more than losing.

180 000 yeah please donate guys I'm. [ __ ] so broke. uh we're gonna make a nice donation to. it man just and to thank you for coming. too oh nice and for your time. um I got some 50s people don't need 50. bucks some people don't eat one and I'm. like that's great I get it you don't. have any money but you want to be like. that was good here's something I like. those is there a strong support from the. Jewish Community being Jewish do you. feel dude I thought it might go negative. and it's not in that it's been really. like people like this is awesome this is. clearly reverential to our society.

making fun in a fun way. you know yeah what are the what are the. rules of that you can make fun of Jews. or not like or joke about it because. it's it's Tone If I'm like I'm like uh. if if you like I don't know if I say. like shut up Redneck you know you know. I'm joking there's a tone behind it. where some some other guy's like shut up. Redneck you'd be like hey hey right no. you know there's there's like you can. tell like friendliness it's tough to. tell. and even I guess and if a joke is good.

too that helps to about if a joke. doesn't go over it seems more hateful. than if it does go over. like me Brian Dorfman and I always tell. jokes to each other right and uh he what. is one of my favorite ones it's like oh. what did the one Jewish guy say to you. it goes hey man I'm sorry to hear about. the fire and he goes it's Tuesday. that's what happened that's what Diaz. called Jewish lightning. the insurance he talked about some strip. club burning down on Sunset he goes dude.

it caught fire it burns so much that the. bus stop outside on this on the sidewalk. melted that ain't no [ __ ] fire that's. where they went too hard on it it burned. harder than 911 dude which we also. planned. um yeah it's a good one that's one of my. favorite that's a good one remember the. lady from crackers uh yeah she well I. Tom Segura took me there he goes he goes. hey it's a break even week but it'll get. you in you know if you want to come. future for me uh it'll just pay for your.

you know flights but she puts you in a. hotel so it's fine okay and she may. start running with Jew jokes and this is. I was on stage. should we throw Quarters at him. you give people the power to like Echo. nuts yeah that's true huh that's. interesting did um. did they. did you feel like a lot of the Kanye. stuff like did they did you have people. asking you about it oh yeah I think it.

was probably miss Mis labeled what do. you think is going on with Kanye I don't. think he's happy with his agents he's. saying legitimately he's saying the same. [ __ ] that I've said for years you call. agents you're Jews I'm just call them. your Jews there's a lot of Jews in there. so it's a colloquial you know right my. literal agent is not Jewish but he's one. of my Jews. and when he goes I'm going Defcon on the. Jews he means he's going to fire his. agents he's just saying it he's an. artist he said he's not just going to. say I'm going to fire my agents that's.

not fun I wish he'd do it through song. that's where he excels oh you know but. but like they're like these anti-semitic. statements like guys he doesn't they. write a narrative and then they go like. that narrative can't be wrong so let's. jump off from there I'm like I think. you're jumping off ground might be wrong. you know. it's oh he's Theo's wearing a purple. shirt so he's gay. um so as a gay man sitting here he has. to do this and I'm like wait you know I. not be right about the Gay Part can we.

re-examine like it's a narrative it's. already set right and so I just don't. think he's that and then you're pushing. him deeper and deeper into like. defending himself you're pushing him to. be anti-semitic he might have had one. thought here that's a little off and now. you're making who's coming on who's. coming down on him the [ __ ] Jews are. coming down on them so now you're the. oppressor. uh I don't I just don't think it's all. that I think Kyrie Irving too is like I. saw a [ __ ] documentary yeah we've all. been there yeah he saw a flat Earth. documentary too and he liked that one. dude I'll tell you this the flat I'll.

tell you how I even learn about Flat. Earth I'm at a pizza spot Palm Springs. two black dudes roll up on me they say. do you think that that pizza is round or. flat that's what they said interesting. it's both right and next thing you know. for one hour I'm sitting in an Italian. spot listening to Two Brothers tell me. about Flat Earth I'd love to hear that. here's my advice to everybody when you. meet a crazy person do not argue with. them yeah you've gained nothing you will.

not change their opinion and you will. have lost the chance to hear their whole. crazy argument you meet a q Anon person. you go you're making some good points. what else you got just do your research. you won't get access like that that's a. good point you know if you get [ __ ]. Mike Shanahan going like uh can tell you. about some place like oh no those plays. don't work no just go okay I'm you're. listening just listen yeah so yeah by. the way literally every person I know.

maybe outside Joe Rogan. cannot prove to you that the Earth is. round. I think it's round but I I can't tell. you what I would not be shocked if it. wasn't yeah I'd be like. I would not be shocked dude yeah who the. [ __ ] was Galileo. I don't even have [ __ ] Spotify that. was one thing that I thought was. interesting that Kanye said was about. like history like the people like. whoever owns the world or controls the. world history writes the history yeah. that's true fascinating dude because I.

went to Cuba uh as a student I went to. Cuba and the bookstore is there they. start with when Fidel and Che uh had. control wow and you can't get a book you. can't get it that's like 1984 to rewrite. the history the um in the in Shanghai Ho. Chi Minh excuse me that's what they call. it. um. they have they they call it the American. war not the Vietnam War because it's. like this is just the Americans. attacking us are just one of the we just. drove out the French and then we had a. few years and the Americans came in.

um they call it the war. reverence Museum. something like that and it's just about. the American incursion and it's like oh. yeah I guess you have a different angle. on it than we do hmm you were just. living your life and suddenly some. [ __ ] round eyes showed up start. pushing you around oh yeah weird yeah. it's interesting isn't it it's. interesting that like even in Rome. probably the Romans probably had the the. ability to write history yeah that's. what they're doing now when Rolling.

Stones rewrites a list of like top. albums they're like well it's all white. albums with a few but it's like they. actually make really good music we. should re-examine that based on like you. know if I had to write top albums it'd. all be alt Rock. you know it wouldn't even be metal yeah. so I shouldn't be able to write it right. but if I was in charge it'd be all. Arcade Fire one through four yeah you. know I mean then the killers four. through eight you know. yeah so you need some other ideas in. there. yeah that's that's sometimes what I. think about Hollywood like that I.

thought about Hollywood is like. I would go into a lot of meetings a lot. of pitches and stuff and it kind of felt. like the people had to say it was like. the same people yeah over a while you. know or the same mind like not even same. mindset yeah it's like it's like you. don't want a diversity of of experience. you know like we need some black people. it's like we'll go get Miss Pat and like. yeah that's not the kind of black we're. looking for. and like we'll go find them. it's not just like this it was like. whenever we did this not happening and. it's like we knew that this one is it.

was the same list of minorities and I'm. like guys these these aren't good yeah. you gotta go look you gotta go to. Houston and find Ali I need a guy who. has n-word in his name you know yeah you. know what I'm saying like I need. somebody who's like you know what I'm. saying or I need somebody who Brother. Ali yeah or somebody who's TR like yeah. just I think that's one of the been one. of the the things about Hollywood that I. think puts us in a place like Quentin. Tarantino what did he just say if you're. able to find that up Zach. yeah he he just did an interview where.

he said we're in the worst age of movies. of all time I agree if you wanted to do. a cop drama right now. from the 70s set in the 70s you couldn't. show the reality of that. so you're showing a fake version of it. or you're just like then do a cop drama. set now because you can't show the. reality so then it's like you ever. watched like a show when you were. growing up and all the cops like shut. the freak up and you're like all right. but you definitely didn't say freak a. lot yeah you know but it's like all.

right there's sensors now there's like. sensors are even bigger. you can't just I mean when they did The. Comedy Store show uh whatever that was. that magical was on. oh is that when Adam. he could die no he didn't die who died. um it was about Mitzi and all that it. was like so I'm dying up here that's it. and then they in the middle of that they. had the metoo movement and they go well. let's show the women in the 70s being. strong and it's like well that's not. that's not what the [ __ ] show was. yeah and just in the middle of it they. were like oh this just got lame because.

they're worried about [ __ ] presenting. a a case instead of just like presenting. the truth and something fun that's what. gets concerning to me is is is Hollywood. like are we starting to get to a point. where we're not even presenting the. truth what's really happening but also. because we don't it's the same type of. people in there that we don't know. what's they don't have a a firm just. like but they don't understand them so. they don't even know what they're taking. down right Sophie Buttle just had this. she she made a [ __ ] a joke in her. special and calling attention to the.

[ __ ] rapes of indigenous people in in. Canada and somebody's like well you. should these are troubling things yeah I. know yeah so I'm bringing it up I've. been raped and I'm [ __ ] saying the. similarities between what they've been. going through are they [ __ ] crave TV. [ __ ] cave TV just [ __ ] took it. down she's getting all these death. threats and she goes I'm I'm on the. front lines of your [ __ ] cause and. you're coming after me are you [ __ ]. nuts they're so worried about they never. understand their issue and they just go. like ah get rid of it and you're like.

it's your [ __ ] guy with the black guy. with the chef hat yeah who wants a. muffin yeah like you're racist like I'm. me it's crazy I know and then that's. when you start to fume up I think other. people who are like well quit [ __ ]. picking on me like uh yes I'm from the. south I like I'm not that guy but I'm. not that guy let's if we want to know. who did slavery you've got a black in. this chair yeah I know that hurt you and. you did it anyway. you had to disinfect this whole thing.

but you're doing that because you're. looking to change Theo. be the change they call me Harvey. chocolate milk son we out here dog. um did you see that Dahmer thing. no you didn't watch it not yet oh God. no I heard a story about a friend of. mine. grew up in the midwest a long time ago. when I was in Yeshiva I was in seminary. but he went over to somebody's house and. uh he made a Dahmer joke you know.

everybody got quiet you know where this. is going. what our cousin was one of the victims. and he goes oh I gotta like no it's okay. he goes no I gotta go I can't be here. anymore I'm so sorry and he left. Seminary no he told he was in seminary. told me the story. um it was just so uncomfortable. um. but you know wrong audience for sure but. it's probably still a good joke yeah. maybe yeah damn yeah that guy really did.

it man yeah he really went for it he. believed in something. he didn't like gays man he loved him. he loved them. yeah but it was interesting he didn't. want people to leave him that's why he. did it so they'd stay forever wow. wow you know outside the box thinking. that's we need more of in this country. Jeffrey Dahmer hero spelled his name. with an H you know who would have. thought H in the middle of that who. would have thought eat. that guy [ __ ] outside the bombers.

wouldn't that be crazy that would be. great oh zombies and it'd be like. burgers shaped like fingers and stuff. like you know a lot of chicken fingers a. lot of chicken fingers yeah chicken is. just wink the chicken's winking. come and get it we're going to Hades. um what else man what else is on your. mind are you anything else I am I don't. know let me think I'm just uh I'm gonna. look at some new Studios today oh really. I gotta get one I think so I'm excited. about that do you yeah I'm starting to. travel podcast and it's like I'm doing.

it on my home I'll catch you on there. eventually when you have more time but. yeah I owe you are coming on so I'm. gonna come on there but I hate when. people like ah [ __ ] I'm busy I'm always. like then let's not do it like I'm not. looking at anybody get rushed but yeah I. think I want to get like a studio like. this I can go and like have some more. space would that be in New Yorker yeah. yeah and then I'll just get like a. backdrop I can put up in like a studio. like this I can just tape it up to the. wall or even like a thing a man told me. the other day I was at a breakfast place. and he goes you know what you you could. use maybe a certain piece of signage. where wherever you are you take that so.

that just right like this and now it's. like theobon's world right you know so. it just insignifies there we are there. we are yeah I want to do some of these. I'm going to do this travel podcast and. uh it's called you be tripping you can. subscribe now but it's not coming out. yet but what I want to do is some of. them in a studio and some of them out. there in the world so if I meet some. traveler in [ __ ] Brazil and we're in. the rainforest I'm like dude let's shoot. right here this will be cool we're in. front of a waterfall yeah you know I did. one in a hostel in Paris with this guy. who's like traveling for [ __ ] a year. in just some hostile and I'm like this.

is cool let's do it here this is a cool. setting it's not quite as good looking. as you know a studio like this but it. has some uniqueness and there's the the. there's the original element of of the. rogueness of it yeah there's that. podcast that's not a pie if you've seen. that podcast but outside have you seen. that Zach yeah they do they shoot it out. here on the street in L.A that's. interesting so each one is like who's. walking by I like shooting them outside. if I think if they they don't really go. it like I feel like they they're pretty. safe they keep things pretty safe on.

there. uh I've seen them they were out on sale. oh damn they set up a chair and tables. podcasts but outside that's great I got. Don Draper one time that's great me and. me and Bobby Kelly we do this cigar. podcast two Comics two cigars and it's. just like me and Bobby Kelly are me and. Liz and we're just two Comics record a. [ __ ] podcast just with an iPhone and. [ __ ] clap it and just like smoke a. cigar and talk about it and then talk so. we did one at a cigar Plantation. um the foundation cigars and we just.

went in the tobacco fields and we set. them up and did it and it just looks. cool in front of a field of tobacco yeah. it's on it's online yeah that one's up. there I think. two Comics two cigars yeah from. Foundation cigars Tabernacle I think. Kelly's so funny huh he's so funny he's. a nice guy that has a piece of [ __ ] but. he is very funny yeah that's him yeah. bad dog beats his dog too it's. uncomfortable but that's like part of. their culture you know Adam eager really. pulls his dog around the city I've seen. Yeah Austin it's almost like a yeah it's.

like a it's almost like he like he. didn't make the reindeer thing or. something and he's like like his dog. like was gonna be a reindeer but he. didn't make it oh right right treat him. like that so then he's like your. disappointment to me yeah I was joking. about the Eagan is a piece of [ __ ] I. mean it's ever since Norm died he's kind. of died yeah he kind of killed him too. yeah Norma's like I shouldn't smoke he's. like just smoke what's the worst that. could happen you know yeah and then it's. like he found out I guess oh damn it's. sad it's sad oh my God all right if you.

started your customer too who did. Holocaust on her are you good is he real. storm said it and look what happened to. him so actually can you cut that out I. don't want any trouble. yeah [ __ ] I don't want any trouble with. that guys you don't want any trouble if. your next special isn't called I don't. want to be in trouble. that's a good one I don't want any. trouble I think the name of a tour too. hey photoshoppers get on that yeah I. don't want any trouble to her you can. put me in all sorts of no dude Photoshop. for your photoshopper I think needs to.

be sentenced your photoshopper makes me. [ __ ]. squishy and all these guys comedy. push-ups yeah I'm glad there's an outlet. man you know you provide I mean those. photoshops I put I'm just like hey go if. it makes me laugh or cringe I'm Bound by. the gods of Comedy to put it. who did that one uh that was start that. was short salad oh yeah start salad it's. just me yeah he's great it's just me.

underneath if you're listening it's just. me underneath [ __ ] Nazi with a. [ __ ] German Shepherd on top and I'm. just hanging out into the [ __ ] in a. [ __ ] basement just go and watch my. special art Church what creativity what. [ __ ] creativity Ari shafir Jew is. there something about being Jewish that. other people don't understand because. I've always feel I can't understand I. heard there's a there's a theory that if. if you're more than 60 IQ points away. from someone else you actually can't. communicate oh really yeah so you people. like you will never understand damn you.

know the boys yeah yeah. damn dude but you know is it is it by. example do people look at being Jewish. like is it. because there's also a thing where like. there's like Jewish hate like Jewish. like self-loathing or whatever yeah. self-hating Jews that's that yeah what. is that it's like. you're just like I hate that in this. thing but ugh is a Jewish thing right. you know we invented. um dude when we were starting comedy we. had a self-hating gay and that was his. act no he's like I know I'm getting it's.

disgusting oh wait I think I know him. was it um he's a seancer Now isn't he is. he really yeah I think uh it was the. most interesting unique take of. literally any comic in my entire career. he was so good I think he hated himself. it was and he was presented that to the. stage of a self-hating guy didn't deny. being gay. but thought he was evil for having these. thoughts. it was so honest well is it so is that. something about because I'm just trying.

to think if there's stuff about you. about Judaism that I don't understand. I'm sure there's a lot of things right. yeah but is there something about it. that like. well like racially no just like. that is their. because I had two as friends that always. they just like it they seem like you. know like. overwhelmed sometimes maybe like is it. that's not the word oh yeah it's the. inbreeding I talk about this in a. special like oh there's inbreeding it's. all inbreeding so we're failing like.

bodily we're like falling apart you know. oh wow yeah we have specific diseases. that are made just for Jews and they did. it from inbreeding yeah too much. inbreeding we've been [ __ ] ourselves. for too long you need outside jeans or. kids not one outside jeans is that look. down upon yeah it's just like you only. [ __ ] Jews but then it's like well that's. a limited gene base you know I mean. Iceland is even more limited and they. have an app that shows if you're. somebody's cousin no yeah you have to go. to the app. so it's like it's a bigger scale of that.

but if you can [ __ ] anybody well now. we've got all sorts of genes it's like. the Ian Edwards bid the hottest people. are like halfs you know yeah yeah get. two ugly parents from different races. the kid is [ __ ] gorgeous so you get. two parents of exactly the same thing. the kid is [ __ ] you know disease. ridden oh yeah uh big noses [ __ ]. balding. so do you have to marry a Jewish person. or you don't have to I'm out you know. but yeah you're supposed to you're. supposed to also not eat bacon but damn. it's good.

yeah bacon you guys got that one right. the L to you who wants to just an LT who. wants an LT yeah what the [ __ ] with that. lettuce and tomato on bread what what. save your life. what's an LT. um will people learn about being Jewish. from your special yeah they will they'll. learn a lot mostly it's just there to. laugh you're just there to laugh it's. kind of like I compared to like Brian. Regan or Nate bargatzi where they're. clean comics but that's got nothing to. do with it you're just there laughing. the whole time and they're like oh did.

you not curse I guess he didn't it's. like you're just gonna laugh it's just a. special you will learn a bunch. um a bunch. but it's it's every one of these bits I. say like you gotta these bits have to be. good enough to follow Norman at the. stand yeah you know God he's good he's. so good he's so good. um Ari shaffir Jew you can check it out. on YouTube you can donate there after. you watch it. um yeah dude I'm excited everyone's. really liking it pass it around [ __ ]. play a Thanksgiving for your family and.

Christmas you know bring people together. it's it's something that you can talk. about it and like I'm loving people I've. never had this in my career people like. I I play this for my dad or I sent my. dad and we talked about it wow it's. generally like [ __ ] my dad walked in the. room I had to turn it off. now is that enlarging your heart a. little bit because you've always had a. little bit of this kind of uh a little. bit of not Grinch but this Grinch I like. that yeah and that's the wrong word pull. up Grinch was it Theodore diesel was a. Jew yeah oh really yeah yeah.

that's what I was named after really. yeah that tell me that's not a [ __ ]. one of mine actually he's got a really. tiny nose I might be wrong on that um. but the back hair the back area. [Laughter]. [Laughter].

then you have you are there. um orange if you're man thank you so. much for uh continuing to make comedy. man for being a part of uh for just not. even giving up on yourself when things. were tough I'm sure bro the comedy start. training she beat us down too much she. can't beat us down anymore I I had an. old lady made me cry so many times and. now it's just like [ __ ] get how much. you've been through yeah she made me. that's what I saw in Ayahuasca I talked.

to Mitzi for real really talk to her in. the fire and she was like I prepared you. for all of this I wasn't just a [ __ ] for. no reason I was getting you ready it was. basic training yeah it's orgasm. meditation baby. um thank you so much man all right. tank you can check them out you can. check them out with uh Robert Kelly. um on the two cigars two Comics two. cigars and uh you're tripping road. tripping you'll be tripping just. subscribe now it's not out yet it'll. probably on January February you'll be. tripping subscribe now and go see him. whenever he goes to tour he's back.

Dallas. uh Vancouver Seattle's coming uh. Pittsburgh Salt Lake uh San Jose are. they on your website they're on my. website we'll put it up right here wait. yeah thank you bro. I feel I'm falling like these leaves I. must be. Cornerstone. oh but when I reach that ground I'll.

share this piece of my life I found I. can feel. it in my bones. but it's gonna take.